WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.160 We're in a series right now, we're calling the pivot. 00:00:02.240 --> 00:00:05.280 We're talking about how throughout life we have to pivot. 00:00:05.679 --> 00:00:09.279 You have a place you're trying to go, you have some things you're trying to accomplish. 00:00:09.439 --> 00:00:20.719 And so whenever you have a vision for life, you have a dream for your life, we start going in that direction after we come up with a plan, and almost never does it end up playing out exact exactly how we thought. 00:00:20.879 --> 00:00:23.440 It just doesn't follow that linear path. 00:00:23.679 --> 00:00:29.440 Usually we have to pivot, whether it's our personal lives, whether it's our professional lives in some way. 00:00:29.600 --> 00:00:34.799 There's a way you thought it was gonna happen, and often that just doesn't happen. 00:00:34.880 --> 00:00:36.399 And so then you've got to pivot. 00:00:36.479 --> 00:00:43.359 And when you're pivoting, okay, we there's a certain way to do that as we're pivoting away from something into something new. 00:00:43.600 --> 00:00:48.240 Often we can lose tremendous amounts of steam because we're sort of disillusioned. 00:00:48.320 --> 00:00:56.399 And sometimes there's a grieving process of what we thought it was gonna be, and and yet we got to get good at this because it's part of life. 00:00:56.479 --> 00:01:00.159 And so we're taking a look at some scriptures about how to pivot well. 00:01:00.320 --> 00:01:02.240 Today, what I'm gonna do is talk to you. 00:01:02.399 --> 00:01:05.200 The title of the message is real simple, it's just letting go. 00:01:05.519 --> 00:01:06.719 How do I let go? 00:01:06.879 --> 00:01:09.840 How do I let go of something I've been holding on to? 00:01:10.000 --> 00:01:19.840 And certainly this could be letting go of the business you thought you were gonna have, the career you thought you were gonna have, the family you thought you were gonna have, uh, letting go of something like that. 00:01:19.920 --> 00:01:24.799 But really, I want to talk even deeper about what I think are the hardest things to let go. 00:01:24.959 --> 00:01:35.040 And these are the interpersonal things, these are the intrapersonal things, these are the things uh in terms of situations and actions and things that can't be unsaid and can't be undone. 00:01:35.280 --> 00:01:38.079 How do I let these things go? 00:01:38.959 --> 00:01:41.439 Um I'm gonna just start out. 00:01:41.519 --> 00:01:48.079 Uh, I feel like I need to in the front end of this message to tell you that this content was sort of born out of pain for me. 00:01:48.159 --> 00:01:50.879 I I'm uh I'm not good at letting go, frankly. 00:01:51.040 --> 00:01:52.719 It's not something I'm strong at. 00:01:52.799 --> 00:01:56.480 I have a tendency to want to keep revisiting the crime scene. 00:01:56.560 --> 00:02:04.480 I want to go back, whether it's my personal mistakes, to go back to my own failures and just kind of stay there and reimagine it and rethink it. 00:02:04.560 --> 00:02:09.759 And if somebody hurt me or if something happened, I have a hard time uh with disappointment. 00:02:09.840 --> 00:02:13.439 I tend to just keep wanting to go back and think and fixate on it. 00:02:13.520 --> 00:02:25.919 And so this whole thing that I'm sharing with you, I if there, if any of it sounds judgmental, okay, if it comes off at all like I'm wagging my finger or I'm talking down, that is a misread because I'm not. 00:02:26.080 --> 00:02:33.199 Uh this is something that uh is kind of the pain of holding on to stuff has led me into trying to dig deep into how to let go. 00:02:33.280 --> 00:02:41.759 Because here's the thing sometimes we live in self-deception around whether I actually let the thing go or not, even if we think we did. 00:02:42.400 --> 00:02:47.120 There's a difference between letting it go and pushing it down. 00:02:47.840 --> 00:02:50.719 You push it down, it goes subterranean. 00:02:50.879 --> 00:02:55.840 Just because I stopped thinking about it or I stopped talking about it doesn't mean that I've let it go. 00:02:55.919 --> 00:02:57.520 It doesn't mean I've actually moved on. 00:02:57.680 --> 00:03:03.759 And often the thing that we maybe have told ourselves or we've stated, yeah, I let that go a long time ago. 00:03:04.000 --> 00:03:05.520 No, it's still alive and well. 00:03:05.680 --> 00:03:08.800 It's just beneath the surface and it's becoming volcanic. 00:03:08.879 --> 00:03:09.840 It's like molten. 00:03:10.159 --> 00:03:16.960 And so you can feel it because at some point, sometimes it spills out into like hot lava, uh like Mount St. 00:03:17.120 --> 00:03:22.000 Helens, or the you and the people around you can feel the earth rumbling because it's still there. 00:03:22.319 --> 00:03:24.400 And I've made that mistake before too. 00:03:24.479 --> 00:03:31.599 So what I've tried to do is learn about how do we actually get to where we can let go of it and we can move on. 00:03:31.759 --> 00:03:32.240 All right? 00:03:32.400 --> 00:03:34.159 That's what we're gonna work on today. 00:03:34.400 --> 00:03:37.680 Uh, I want to revisit a story we've been in. 00:03:37.759 --> 00:03:44.960 Um, and what I'm gonna do today is I'm gonna start with the statement if you're taking notes, that you know, context matters. 00:03:45.759 --> 00:03:47.280 Context matters. 00:03:47.439 --> 00:03:50.080 When I say context matters, I'm gonna start talking about the Bible. 00:03:50.159 --> 00:03:51.919 So we know that about the Bible, right? 00:03:52.159 --> 00:03:55.439 The Bible is a book that's written in context. 00:03:55.599 --> 00:04:02.400 It's written by many, many authors in different eras, it's different genres, and so you need to understand the context of what you're reading. 00:04:02.479 --> 00:04:06.560 You don't want to be a soundbite Christian that just grabs the soundbite, okay? 00:04:06.639 --> 00:04:10.879 Sometimes the soundbite means more than what it seems to say. 00:04:11.280 --> 00:04:12.960 What's the intent of this book? 00:04:13.120 --> 00:04:14.639 What's happening all around it? 00:04:14.719 --> 00:04:20.480 And that's what's kind of challenging about interpreting certain parts of scripture or like even narrative stories. 00:04:20.639 --> 00:04:23.040 Sometimes we have really limited context. 00:04:23.120 --> 00:04:24.079 We don't know a ton. 00:04:24.240 --> 00:04:30.959 And so we're trying to learn as much as we we can so we can, you know, get what's meant to be gotten from it, right? 00:04:31.360 --> 00:04:35.920 But um this particular story, we actually it's rich in in context. 00:04:36.000 --> 00:04:39.519 Uh I'm looking at the story of, we'll call it the Jacobson family. 00:04:39.600 --> 00:04:50.560 Okay, this guy, Jacob, has a bunch of kids, and they have this family, and um, if you kind of airdrop into the story, so I'll start with this verse, Genesis 37, 18. 00:04:50.800 --> 00:04:53.600 Okay, one of Jacob's sons is named Joseph. 00:04:53.759 --> 00:05:01.680 Joseph's brothers saw him coming and they recognized him in the distance, and as he approached, they made plans to kill him. 00:05:02.480 --> 00:05:03.600 That's like, whoa. 00:05:03.759 --> 00:05:07.040 I mean, that's a powerful thing to just open up and start reading. 00:05:07.279 --> 00:05:19.759 That you have a guy where a family had so much boiling, so much hatred that they would be willing to not just discard or disown their brother, but they were hungry for his blood, they wanted to kill him. 00:05:19.920 --> 00:05:21.600 And so you go, how does that happen? 00:05:21.680 --> 00:05:23.920 Because that's a reprehensible behavior. 00:05:24.000 --> 00:05:26.639 Uh, it's monstrous, that's that's monster behavior. 00:05:26.720 --> 00:05:27.839 How do you become a monster? 00:05:28.079 --> 00:05:34.399 How do you get to a place where you you're so angry you'd want to kill somebody who you love? 00:05:34.480 --> 00:05:37.759 Okay, and so with this story, we start with context. 00:05:37.920 --> 00:05:43.600 Context matters, and by the way, context matters when you're reading the Bible, but context matters in your life. 00:05:43.759 --> 00:05:45.680 It matters in the people around you. 00:05:45.839 --> 00:05:47.279 Why are they acting like that? 00:05:47.439 --> 00:05:48.480 Why did they say that? 00:05:48.639 --> 00:05:49.839 Why did they do that? 00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:55.439 And and and often, if we can know more about the context, it doesn't condone the behavior. 00:05:55.600 --> 00:06:00.959 It doesn't make what they did or said okay, the way they treated you, it doesn't make it good. 00:06:01.199 --> 00:06:05.680 But at the end of the day, it helps us to understand it better, and the context does matter. 00:06:05.839 --> 00:06:09.600 So I'm gonna give you context of the Jacobson family, the best of my ability. 00:06:09.680 --> 00:06:10.879 I'm gonna use a little visual here. 00:06:10.959 --> 00:06:11.360 Go ahead. 00:06:11.439 --> 00:06:12.560 Well, so this is Jacob. 00:06:12.639 --> 00:06:15.759 What we know about Jacob, he was born a fraternal twin. 00:06:16.079 --> 00:06:17.439 We mentioned this last week. 00:06:17.519 --> 00:06:20.720 It was like he was born on trial for his value. 00:06:20.879 --> 00:06:27.360 He was born right behind his brother Esau, and as fraternal twins, they didn't look alike at all. 00:06:27.519 --> 00:06:29.199 In fact, they looked like opposites. 00:06:29.439 --> 00:06:37.680 Everything about him was opposite of his brother, and his dad preferred every difference that his brother had. 00:06:37.839 --> 00:06:38.879 That was his preference. 00:06:39.120 --> 00:06:42.639 So Jacob's born with this deep-seated insecurity. 00:06:42.800 --> 00:06:48.240 It's like I have to stack evidence of my value, otherwise, the verdict is in and I'm not valuable. 00:06:48.319 --> 00:06:49.279 I have no value. 00:06:49.360 --> 00:06:54.319 So he just, I mean, this guy uses everything: his wits, his talent, every opportunity. 00:06:54.480 --> 00:06:57.040 He's opportunistic and he seizes it. 00:06:57.120 --> 00:06:57.839 And guess what? 00:06:58.000 --> 00:06:59.040 He gets a bunch of stuff. 00:06:59.199 --> 00:07:09.439 This guy's highly successful because when you have a hole in your soul that really I'm not sure of my value, and I've got to live my life trying to prove stuff. 00:07:09.600 --> 00:07:11.839 Often you really accumulate a lot. 00:07:12.000 --> 00:07:14.959 And so he ends up with a ton, he's highly successful. 00:07:15.120 --> 00:07:16.720 Let's talk about his love life. 00:07:16.959 --> 00:07:19.519 He falls in love with this woman named Rachel. 00:07:19.680 --> 00:07:25.279 The Bible says she's super attractive, she's beautiful, she's a younger sister to Leah. 00:07:25.519 --> 00:07:28.480 Leah uh says she had no sparkle in her eye. 00:07:28.639 --> 00:07:31.759 Leah he didn't find her attractive, he didn't really want her. 00:07:32.000 --> 00:07:37.680 So he goes to Rachel's dad, okay, both of their dads, and he says, Hey, I want to marry your daughter. 00:07:37.759 --> 00:07:38.800 What do I have to do? 00:07:39.040 --> 00:07:44.560 In our day, if you go and ask for somebody's daughter's hand in marriage, okay, you're just hoping for this. 00:07:44.720 --> 00:07:46.319 Okay, okay, thumbs up, dude. 00:07:46.399 --> 00:07:47.040 You can do it. 00:07:47.199 --> 00:07:50.399 Maybe a handshake, hug would be nice, but I don't even need all that. 00:07:50.480 --> 00:07:51.600 Just that'll be fine. 00:07:51.920 --> 00:07:58.639 And so in that day, though, no, you had a dowry or you had to do something sacrificial to earn. 00:07:58.879 --> 00:08:04.720 So her dad says, Yeah, you can have Rachel, but you need to come work in my business for seven years. 00:08:04.959 --> 00:08:10.399 So he works for seven years, and at the end of the seven years, he's like, Okay, cool, I fulfilled my obligation. 00:08:10.560 --> 00:08:13.360 I want the love of my life, give me Rachel. 00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:29.040 And her dad pulls the wool over his eyes because in their culture, we don't give away the older before the younger, and so he he deceives him, and and by the time Jacob figures out what's going on, he's married Leah, who he didn't want. 00:08:29.279 --> 00:08:31.360 And so he comes to him, he's like, What in the world, man? 00:08:31.439 --> 00:08:32.559 Like you you deceived me. 00:08:32.720 --> 00:08:33.759 Now I'm married to Leah. 00:08:34.080 --> 00:08:35.279 I don't want to be married to Leah. 00:08:35.360 --> 00:08:38.559 And he's like, Well, I'll tell you what, let's let's true up. 00:08:38.720 --> 00:08:42.799 If you work another seven years, I'll give you Rachel. 00:08:43.039 --> 00:08:46.000 And he said, But I'll tell you what, I'm not gonna make you wait seven years. 00:08:46.080 --> 00:08:47.519 I'll give you Rachel now. 00:08:47.759 --> 00:08:49.360 But you gotta work seven years. 00:08:49.600 --> 00:08:52.320 So they make a contract, a covenant, and he does it. 00:08:52.639 --> 00:08:58.879 So one week after Leah marries Jacob, he marries her sister. 00:09:01.919 --> 00:09:05.039 You can imagine the dynamic going on here. 00:09:06.399 --> 00:09:09.360 You have Rachel who is the pretty sister. 00:09:09.600 --> 00:09:12.000 You have Leah who knows she's not wanted. 00:09:12.159 --> 00:09:21.120 You have their dad who's treating them as property, you have her dad who gave you in marriage to a man who doesn't love you, doesn't, isn't attractive, doesn't want you. 00:09:21.200 --> 00:09:21.919 But there you are. 00:09:22.080 --> 00:09:26.480 Now, one week later, you don't even get the wedding pictures, aren't even back yet. 00:09:26.960 --> 00:09:30.639 And now your sister is now, okay, in the family. 00:09:30.799 --> 00:09:32.399 And so so there's a rivalry. 00:09:32.480 --> 00:09:34.879 If you read into the text, there's so much there. 00:09:35.039 --> 00:09:38.000 These sisters now have become very antagonistic. 00:09:38.080 --> 00:09:39.440 There's a lot of hurt. 00:09:39.679 --> 00:09:43.360 When we talk about moving on, by the way, we talk about letting go. 00:09:43.519 --> 00:09:45.759 We're talking about letting go of three things. 00:09:46.000 --> 00:09:52.879 Letting go of what I did, letting go of what they did, and letting go of what just happened. 00:09:53.200 --> 00:09:56.559 When I say just happened, I don't mean like it happened a minute ago. 00:09:56.639 --> 00:09:59.039 I mean it's no one's fault. 00:09:59.360 --> 00:10:00.799 It just happened. 00:10:01.120 --> 00:10:02.960 How do we let go of these three things? 00:10:03.120 --> 00:10:06.879 And so if you're Leah, you've already starting to accumulate baggage. 00:10:07.039 --> 00:10:26.720 You feel some kind of way about your sister that you know she was born with all getting all the attention, and you feel some kind of way about your dad and what he did that he put me here, and then you feel some kind of way about Jacob, and yet we see that Leah still holds on to hope that maybe if I'm good enough, maybe if I'm successful enough, then Jacob will want me. 00:10:26.879 --> 00:10:30.159 So she starts trying to earn their love now, or starts to try to earn his love. 00:10:30.960 --> 00:10:39.440 In this culture, a woman's value and identity was largely determined on her ability to continue the family line, basically to have kids. 00:10:39.679 --> 00:10:42.960 So barrenness was a huge burden for someone to bear. 00:10:43.039 --> 00:10:46.320 It was full of shame and humility, it was hardship. 00:10:46.480 --> 00:10:50.799 Um, often it was construed as you're unrighteous. 00:10:51.039 --> 00:10:53.840 God's not cool with you, God has closed up your womb. 00:10:54.000 --> 00:10:57.440 The reason you can't have babies is because you have displeased God in some way. 00:10:57.519 --> 00:11:00.960 So it's sort of this big existential issue. 00:11:01.039 --> 00:11:06.480 And then, of course, you know, to have babies, it's like the the fruit of from God. 00:11:06.559 --> 00:11:10.799 It's like you're able to also make the family great and continue the lineage. 00:11:10.879 --> 00:11:16.639 So here's what happens Rachel has Jacob's eye and his heart. 00:11:16.799 --> 00:11:20.639 Leah doesn't, but Leah starts pumping out babies. 00:11:20.879 --> 00:11:22.159 She's fruitful. 00:11:22.320 --> 00:11:23.759 And so look at this. 00:11:24.080 --> 00:11:31.440 In uh Genesis 29, 31 says, When the Lord saw Leah was unloved, he enabled her to have children, but Rachel could not conceive. 00:11:31.519 --> 00:11:32.639 So Rachel's barren. 00:11:32.720 --> 00:11:35.279 She has his eye and his heart, but she can't have babies. 00:11:35.360 --> 00:11:38.000 And so now here the leverage kind of swings to Leah. 00:11:38.080 --> 00:11:42.879 She became pregnant, she gave birth to a son, she named him Reuben, for she said, Look at this. 00:11:43.200 --> 00:11:51.200 The Lord has noticed my misery, and now my husband will love me. 00:11:52.000 --> 00:11:54.720 He didn't want me, he didn't pick me. 00:11:54.879 --> 00:11:59.440 The only reason I'm with him is because my dad tricked him. 00:12:00.480 --> 00:12:06.480 He's in love with my sister, but I'm here, and and and now, now I have a baby. 00:12:06.639 --> 00:12:09.440 Now, now he'll love me. 00:12:09.679 --> 00:12:10.720 Well, he doesn't. 00:12:10.960 --> 00:12:12.559 So she has another baby. 00:12:12.799 --> 00:12:13.440 Look at this. 00:12:13.600 --> 00:12:22.320 Soon she became pregnant again, gave birth to another son, named him Simeon, for she said, The Lord heard that I was unloved and has given me another son. 00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:26.960 So she thinks, maybe if I have two babies, but her situation remains the same. 00:12:27.120 --> 00:12:28.320 Go ahead and go to the next one. 00:12:28.480 --> 00:12:40.320 It says, Then she became pregnant a third time and gave birth to another son, and his name was Levi, for she said, Surely this time, surely third time will be a charm. 00:12:40.559 --> 00:12:45.200 My husband will feel affection for me since I've given him three sons. 00:12:47.200 --> 00:12:47.519 No. 00:12:48.240 --> 00:13:00.000 She keeps trying to get this man to love her, and no matter what she does, even at her best, even when she's able to give him what he really wants. 00:13:00.480 --> 00:13:02.559 I can't give him enough sons. 00:13:03.600 --> 00:13:05.200 So then goes the fourth one. 00:13:05.440 --> 00:13:06.000 Watch this. 00:13:06.159 --> 00:13:07.279 Watch this shift. 00:13:07.519 --> 00:13:11.679 Once again, Leah became pregnant and gave birth to another son, son number four. 00:13:11.840 --> 00:13:13.440 And she named him Judah. 00:13:13.759 --> 00:13:17.840 For she said, Now I will praise the Lord. 00:13:18.159 --> 00:13:20.320 And then she stopped having children. 00:13:20.879 --> 00:13:32.559 She finally got to the place where she decided to not put her peace, her joy, her identity, her fulfillment, her value in the hands of Jacob. 00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:35.759 I don't know what Jacob and Rachel have going on. 00:13:35.919 --> 00:13:37.360 I have no control over that. 00:13:37.519 --> 00:13:39.600 I can't make myself as beautiful as her. 00:13:39.679 --> 00:13:40.320 I can't do that. 00:13:40.399 --> 00:13:42.720 I'm doing the best I can, I'm giving the best of myself. 00:13:42.879 --> 00:13:46.000 Every time this woman gave birth, she put her life on the line. 00:13:46.159 --> 00:13:51.440 The mortality rate of mothers and giving birth in that day was high. 00:13:51.679 --> 00:13:56.639 So she puts these children in the world, and now these children are brought into this environment. 00:13:56.799 --> 00:14:02.960 And every time she's thinking, maybe this time, and maybe, and I know somebody in this room knows what I'm talking about. 00:14:03.200 --> 00:14:06.159 You started at a deficiency, you started behind. 00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:16.399 You weren't the one who was picked, and yet you thought, but maybe if I can just do better, and maybe if I can get one more, and maybe if it's, and it just has never been enough. 00:14:16.480 --> 00:14:20.639 And at some point, you got to be able to let go of what they did. 00:14:21.039 --> 00:14:24.080 Look what she lets go of, and look what she lays hold of. 00:14:24.240 --> 00:14:41.679 She lets go of the idea that if I have a good enough boy, if I have enough, if there's a quantitative or qualitative threshold that I could cross that somehow would give me this craving of my soul, she let go of that, took it out of the hands of Jacob and put it in the hands of God. 00:14:42.000 --> 00:14:46.080 Said, I can't control Rachel and Jacob. 00:14:46.399 --> 00:14:51.679 But now, on the fourth, I realize I will bless the Lord now. 00:14:52.960 --> 00:14:58.399 So now it doesn't just automatically get better, it keeps getting more complicated. 00:14:58.559 --> 00:15:00.240 So let's keep going in the story. 00:15:00.320 --> 00:15:02.000 So you have Rachel and Leah. 00:15:02.240 --> 00:15:05.840 Leah is unable to have kids, and she's shamed for that. 00:15:05.919 --> 00:15:07.039 She's embarrassed about that. 00:15:07.200 --> 00:15:10.399 In fact, at one point she gets in a fight with Jacob about it. 00:15:10.480 --> 00:15:12.159 She's like, you know, when are you gonna give me a son? 00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:13.360 He's like, What am I got? 00:15:13.440 --> 00:15:14.799 It's God that closed your womb. 00:15:14.879 --> 00:15:31.200 So now it's them at one another, and she, you know, doesn't know how to feel about God and doesn't know how to feel about her husband, doesn't know how to feel about herself, and so she decides, you know what, I'm gonna, you see these uh ladies on the perimeter here, these are their set servants or their surrogates ultimately. 00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:38.159 So now in the in the family math, if your surrogate gives a child to your husband, it's counted to you. 00:15:38.320 --> 00:15:41.279 And so so they kind of now start using other people. 00:15:41.440 --> 00:15:44.639 So Rachel goes, Well, I'm barren for whatever reason. 00:15:44.799 --> 00:15:46.480 Now I'm gonna go to my surrogate. 00:15:46.559 --> 00:15:51.440 So now she she has two that are counted toward her, and so now the score is six to two. 00:15:51.840 --> 00:15:53.360 It's six to two. 00:15:54.240 --> 00:16:00.159 And the only leverage Leah has is that she's able to give him children. 00:16:00.320 --> 00:16:04.799 But what he really wants deep down is a child with Rachel. 00:16:07.360 --> 00:16:12.480 And finally, Joseph's born to Rachel. 00:16:14.080 --> 00:16:17.039 And imagine being Reuben. 00:16:18.720 --> 00:16:23.519 Imagine being Reuben and Jacob's other sons. 00:16:23.919 --> 00:16:33.519 And you watch your mom be not loved by your dad, and you watch your mom give her best and put her life on the line. 00:16:35.039 --> 00:16:39.200 No one has to train a boy to want to defend his mom. 00:16:40.399 --> 00:16:41.519 That's just there. 00:16:42.879 --> 00:16:45.440 You want to upset a young boy? 00:16:45.759 --> 00:16:47.120 Talk about his mom. 00:16:47.840 --> 00:16:49.679 You want to upset a grown man? 00:16:50.320 --> 00:16:51.679 Talk about his mom. 00:16:51.919 --> 00:16:53.039 It's in there. 00:16:53.919 --> 00:16:55.919 Even if it's your own dad. 00:16:57.679 --> 00:17:03.919 So he watched his mom pitifully try to please his dad. 00:17:04.000 --> 00:17:06.720 He gave her everything she had. 00:17:07.039 --> 00:17:08.480 It was never enough. 00:17:08.720 --> 00:17:12.480 And so you feel some kind of way about him, and you feel some kind of way about yourself. 00:17:12.640 --> 00:17:15.759 If you're Reuben, at some point you're like, maybe if I was better. 00:17:16.160 --> 00:17:23.920 Maybe if I was maybe if I was a better son, maybe if I was more talented, maybe if I fit the profile. 00:17:24.079 --> 00:17:29.519 And so it's just, this is really complicated, it's really convoluted, but context matters. 00:17:29.839 --> 00:17:47.920 Because you have Jacob in his self-absorption, is now handing down behaviors and handing down burdens to his children that in many ways reflect his own backstory. 00:17:48.480 --> 00:18:09.599 And so you can understand from Reuben's perspective, his mom wasn't good enough, and he wasn't good enough, and Simeon wasn't good enough, and Levi wasn't good enough, and Judah wasn't good enough, and nothing was good enough, and then Joseph, the crown jewel, the apple of his dad's eye. 00:18:09.839 --> 00:18:13.680 All of a sudden, now, here comes a code of many colors. 00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:17.279 All of a sudden, now the crown prince. 00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:22.319 The dynamics make sense. 00:18:25.279 --> 00:18:30.559 If you keep reading in the story, you'll see that after Joseph and every, you know, this they hate him. 00:18:30.880 --> 00:18:33.839 But after Joseph is a is Benjamin. 00:18:34.079 --> 00:18:35.680 So he's the last one born. 00:18:35.920 --> 00:18:39.680 And Benjamin, when he's born, his mom dies in childbirth. 00:18:39.759 --> 00:18:44.480 So Rachel, the one he had always wanted, dies giving birth to Benjamin. 00:18:44.559 --> 00:18:47.200 She names him son of my sorrow, Ben Oni. 00:18:47.599 --> 00:18:50.640 And Jacob's like, no, we're gonna call him son of my right hand. 00:18:50.880 --> 00:18:52.880 And so now he's Benjamin. 00:18:53.200 --> 00:18:54.160 And she dies. 00:18:54.319 --> 00:19:00.960 And what often happens, man, when you have something like this, and by the way, it doesn't matter about the Jacobsons, take them out of it and put you into it. 00:19:01.119 --> 00:19:12.799 You can start going and looking at Benjamin and Joseph and Rachel and Leah, and like we can kind of go in the backstory and we can the context matters, and all of a sudden the story starts making more sense. 00:19:13.039 --> 00:19:25.440 But but often what happens is something when you have this thing that's kind of boiling, when it boils over, often it's when there's a tragic event, something that just happened, or something happens painful. 00:19:25.599 --> 00:19:33.680 It can serve to either drive the stuff deeper and more volcanic, or it can be a moment of healing and transformation. 00:19:33.920 --> 00:19:35.680 It really can go either way. 00:19:35.920 --> 00:19:37.440 And so Rachel dies. 00:19:37.599 --> 00:19:47.440 And Rachel dying could have been this thing where the whole family steps back and takes a long look and looks at things through each other's eyes. 00:19:47.599 --> 00:19:51.200 And then in that moment, they go, What kind of family do we want to be? 00:19:51.440 --> 00:19:53.039 What kind of people do we want to be? 00:19:53.200 --> 00:19:56.079 Because right now we're bringing the worst out of each other. 00:19:56.319 --> 00:19:59.759 Right now, we're we're becoming the worst version of ourselves. 00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:05.519 Right now we're so caught up in what they did and what they but you're not perfect either. 00:20:05.680 --> 00:20:13.039 But look at you, and there's so much finger pointing, and there's lots of pain, and there's lots of stuff that shouldn't have been done and said, but it's it is what it is. 00:20:13.119 --> 00:20:14.079 It's there. 00:20:14.960 --> 00:20:23.119 And the the death of Rachel could have been a moment that brought the family together, but what it did was actually it made it matters even worse. 00:20:23.599 --> 00:20:29.599 So so, in a sense, you've got, and this isn't written explicitly in the text, but we you know it doesn't need to be. 00:20:29.839 --> 00:20:36.720 You you have instead of these boys mourning with their brother and drawing near to their brother who's lost his mom, in a sense they're kind of, whatever. 00:20:36.799 --> 00:20:38.160 I didn't like Rachel anyway. 00:20:38.319 --> 00:20:40.799 Rachel was Rachel was a bane of our existence. 00:20:40.960 --> 00:20:44.400 Rachel is what represents our insecurity, and so I'm glad she's gone. 00:20:44.720 --> 00:20:57.599 So there's there is this pain that just now swells into the verse that we read earlier that when they saw him and how preferred he was by their father, they they they hated him and they're ready to kill him. 00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:02.960 How do we let stuff go? 00:21:04.400 --> 00:21:05.599 How do we let stuff go? 00:21:05.759 --> 00:21:07.440 We know what the stakes are. 00:21:09.039 --> 00:21:12.160 We see it, we see it in the story. 00:21:12.880 --> 00:21:21.039 And and once you, if you sit and think about this, you could look at some of the stakes of what's playing out in your life in terms of decisions and who you're becoming. 00:21:21.119 --> 00:21:27.440 At some point, Reuben and Simeon and all these guys, they they they hated him. 00:21:29.039 --> 00:21:35.200 And and you hating people is not the best version of you, even if you don't murder someone, right? 00:21:35.359 --> 00:21:42.400 Don't you think that's probably why Jesus is like, hey, don't just hold yourself to the standard of murder, although that's like you shouldn't do that. 00:21:42.720 --> 00:21:44.240 But he's like, it's more than that. 00:21:44.400 --> 00:21:50.240 He's like, if you hate someone in your heart, it's like it's a killing. 00:21:50.720 --> 00:21:57.200 Because it's not just killing them, it's killing you, it's killing the best version of you. 00:21:57.920 --> 00:21:59.200 And so you have them. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:03.680 Holding on to this, how do we let this stuff go? 00:22:05.759 --> 00:22:07.039 Context matters. 00:22:07.680 --> 00:22:09.200 Why does context matter? 00:22:09.759 --> 00:22:17.920 Because the more I understand about how people got to where they are, the more I humanize them. 00:22:19.119 --> 00:22:23.599 And when I humanize someone, and we're all humans, that's all humans are humans. 00:22:24.319 --> 00:22:33.359 And so when I humanize you, then it creates a common ground, and it actually gives me the ability to offer grace. 00:22:34.400 --> 00:22:39.519 It's a huge mistake to keep people as one-dimensional characters. 00:22:40.240 --> 00:22:40.960 Villains. 00:22:42.240 --> 00:22:48.880 To see them by one trait or one situation, or one characteristic. 00:22:49.039 --> 00:22:50.319 They're good or evil. 00:22:50.960 --> 00:22:51.680 Let's be honest. 00:22:51.839 --> 00:22:57.039 We're all everybody on this board and everybody in this room are complicated characters. 00:22:57.200 --> 00:22:58.640 Are you honest or dishonest? 00:22:58.799 --> 00:23:00.240 It depends on the day. 00:23:01.519 --> 00:23:02.880 Are you nice or mean? 00:23:02.960 --> 00:23:04.720 Oh, you've been real nice and you've been mean. 00:23:04.880 --> 00:23:07.920 Am I stingy or am I generous? 00:23:08.160 --> 00:23:08.799 Both. 00:23:10.559 --> 00:23:13.279 Sometimes the situations draw things out of me. 00:23:13.359 --> 00:23:14.720 Sometimes I'm tired. 00:23:14.880 --> 00:23:16.640 Sometimes a bunch of stuff happened. 00:23:16.720 --> 00:23:17.519 This came out. 00:23:17.680 --> 00:23:24.160 Like to step back and even to bring somebody off of a pedestal like Jacob. 00:23:24.319 --> 00:23:25.279 This is my dad. 00:23:25.440 --> 00:23:27.839 He when I was born in the world, he was big. 00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:29.680 When I was born in the world, he was powerful. 00:23:29.839 --> 00:23:30.960 He had all the stuff. 00:23:31.119 --> 00:23:32.480 He had all the leverage. 00:23:32.640 --> 00:23:34.079 Okay, he was successful. 00:23:34.240 --> 00:23:37.279 I expect he should be bigger than this. 00:23:38.079 --> 00:23:40.480 He should be more secure in himself. 00:23:40.799 --> 00:23:42.480 He should treat me with value. 00:23:42.720 --> 00:23:43.759 He knows better. 00:23:43.920 --> 00:23:45.039 He grew up in that. 00:23:45.119 --> 00:23:46.880 And now he put that on me. 00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:48.319 He grew up in abuse. 00:23:48.480 --> 00:23:49.519 Now he's abusing. 00:23:49.680 --> 00:23:50.799 He grew up in neglect. 00:23:50.960 --> 00:23:52.000 Now he's neglecting. 00:23:52.160 --> 00:23:53.519 He grew up in abandonment. 00:23:53.599 --> 00:23:55.039 Now he's abandoning. 00:23:57.519 --> 00:23:59.440 We look at people as one-dimensional. 00:23:59.599 --> 00:24:03.440 We look at them connected as one to one trait or one situation. 00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:10.559 But to step back and to look at the totality and to and to realize this person needs to come off this pedestal. 00:24:10.640 --> 00:24:11.680 They're a human being. 00:24:12.480 --> 00:24:13.440 They're a human being. 00:24:13.680 --> 00:24:15.359 Doesn't condone what they did. 00:24:15.599 --> 00:24:18.559 When I say letting go, I don't mean dismissing. 00:24:18.799 --> 00:24:22.480 I don't mean it didn't matter or it didn't hurt. 00:24:23.039 --> 00:24:28.079 Or whatever Reuben is feeling about his dad and his mom and his aunt. 00:24:29.920 --> 00:24:30.720 That's not valid. 00:24:30.799 --> 00:24:31.839 It's totally valid. 00:24:31.920 --> 00:24:32.960 It makes sense. 00:24:33.200 --> 00:24:37.359 But if you're going to be able to let go of it, you've got to be able to look at the full context. 00:24:37.519 --> 00:24:43.920 The more you know, the more you're willing to know, the more grace you're able to put on the human beings in the story. 00:24:44.400 --> 00:24:47.759 So you kind of got to start with the question, do you even want to know it? 00:24:47.920 --> 00:24:48.880 It's that kind of thing. 00:24:49.039 --> 00:24:52.000 Do you want to give grace or are you hanging on to? 00:24:52.559 --> 00:24:56.640 Are you hanging on to your one-dimensional character for one reason or another? 00:24:56.720 --> 00:24:58.799 It's a false positive. 00:24:59.119 --> 00:25:04.559 This message kind of rhymes with a message I did last year on Jesus when he was going to the cross. 00:25:04.720 --> 00:25:08.400 Remember this when Jesus kept saying, Father, forgive them, they don't know what they do. 00:25:08.640 --> 00:25:10.400 Father, forgive them, they don't know what they do. 00:25:10.559 --> 00:25:11.440 Well, who's they? 00:25:11.680 --> 00:25:12.640 Father, forgive them. 00:25:12.799 --> 00:25:13.359 Who's them? 00:25:13.599 --> 00:25:22.960 Them is the Roman soldiers that are ripping his beard out, that are beating him up, that are beating him with whips, that have him bleeding out. 00:25:24.079 --> 00:25:30.240 They've destroyed his body to the place he can't even, he's in so much pain, he can't even walk. 00:25:30.400 --> 00:25:31.839 He can't carry his cross. 00:25:31.920 --> 00:25:33.519 He's feeble, he's falling apart. 00:25:33.680 --> 00:25:34.559 Father, forgive them. 00:25:34.640 --> 00:25:35.440 They don't know what they do. 00:25:35.519 --> 00:25:36.799 What do you mean they don't know what they do? 00:25:36.880 --> 00:25:38.079 They're beating you down. 00:25:38.240 --> 00:25:39.839 What do you mean they don't know what they do? 00:25:39.920 --> 00:25:41.519 They're ripping your beard out. 00:25:42.000 --> 00:25:42.799 But they don't know. 00:25:42.960 --> 00:25:43.680 They think. 00:25:43.920 --> 00:25:46.480 They think I'm a narcissist. 00:25:46.640 --> 00:25:48.720 They think I'm crazy man. 00:25:48.880 --> 00:25:50.319 They think I'm a threat. 00:25:50.480 --> 00:25:53.200 They're being citizens of Rome. 00:25:53.279 --> 00:25:54.960 They're being nationalists. 00:25:55.039 --> 00:25:55.759 They're being whatever. 00:25:55.920 --> 00:25:57.039 They think they're doing the right thing. 00:25:57.200 --> 00:26:00.240 They think they're protecting the world from me, but I came to lay my life down. 00:26:00.400 --> 00:26:03.680 They couldn't be more wrong, but they're deceived. 00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:08.799 Forgive these Pharisees because they think I'm a threat, but I'm not. 00:26:09.119 --> 00:26:13.839 Forgive my friend Peter, who stabbed me in the back when I really needed a friend. 00:26:14.319 --> 00:26:16.160 I really needed a friend. 00:26:16.480 --> 00:26:18.640 And he said he didn't even know me. 00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:20.880 Forgive him. 00:26:21.119 --> 00:26:22.480 He didn't know what he did. 00:26:22.640 --> 00:26:24.000 Well, he knew he was denying you. 00:26:24.160 --> 00:26:24.720 No, he didn't. 00:26:24.880 --> 00:26:25.680 He didn't know. 00:26:25.839 --> 00:26:28.240 He didn't know how that landed. 00:26:28.400 --> 00:26:30.720 He didn't know that what forgive him. 00:26:30.960 --> 00:26:36.079 So to forgive something you've never been able to forgive, you've got to see something you've not been able to see. 00:26:36.240 --> 00:26:45.920 To let go of what I did, what they did, or what just happened, to let go of it, something I've not been able to let go of. 00:26:46.079 --> 00:26:47.119 I keep holding on to. 00:26:47.359 --> 00:26:49.680 I've got to see something I've not been able to see. 00:26:49.920 --> 00:27:02.000 So when we look at this whole picture of all of the backstory and the sisters and the culture and what's happening in the family, at some point I've got to see it in its totality. 00:27:02.160 --> 00:27:04.640 When I look at the context, context matters. 00:27:04.880 --> 00:27:05.920 Backstory matters. 00:27:06.079 --> 00:27:13.759 It doesn't just make it all kumbaya, but at the same time, it gives me a level of understanding that will enable me to do something that's had me stuck. 00:27:14.640 --> 00:27:16.319