WEBVTT 00:00:00.400 --> 00:00:01.679 Hey, what's up, everybody? 00:00:01.760 --> 00:00:04.879 I am here today with Amanda Wilson, who dressed up. 00:00:04.959 --> 00:00:05.759 You look classy. 00:00:05.919 --> 00:00:06.160 Thanks. 00:00:06.320 --> 00:00:06.959 Like super classy. 00:00:07.040 --> 00:00:10.000 You said when I walked in, you're like, I was dressed like that, and then I changed. 00:00:10.160 --> 00:00:14.880 So I didn't know whether to feel self-conscious or like, you know, because I didn't want to really look like a boy. 00:00:14.960 --> 00:00:17.760 And then I I needed like a whole outfit together. 00:00:17.839 --> 00:00:20.559 And once I took the jacket off, it wasn't gonna be good anymore. 00:00:20.640 --> 00:00:31.600 So we're gonna make everyone feel comfortable in their own skin because you know, some of these people, you know, probably look like me and some look like you, and some are classy and some are we'll say less classy. 00:00:33.119 --> 00:00:34.240 And we love all of them. 00:00:34.479 --> 00:00:37.119 But I just want to thank you for doing this. 00:00:37.280 --> 00:00:44.640 You know, kind of what we're doing here is we're taking the stories that we're sharing with our church in these three-minute increments, right? 00:00:44.719 --> 00:00:46.240 They're they're fairly quick. 00:00:46.719 --> 00:00:52.479 Um, you know, you've lived a uh a lifetime of stories, and yet you shared a snapshot, right? 00:00:52.799 --> 00:00:59.520 And so I'm like, hey, let's take some time, let's do a little more long form, some conversation uh to give people a little bit of backstory. 00:00:59.600 --> 00:01:02.479 So, first of all, thank you uh for sharing your story. 00:01:02.560 --> 00:01:07.519 I know some of the stuff you shared were uh some of the hardest things you've ever walked through. 00:01:07.920 --> 00:01:13.840 And uh to be that vulnerable is part of your generosity of sharing what you've been through. 00:01:14.079 --> 00:01:14.239 Sure. 00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:22.879 And it of course it connects with people because a lot of times someone going through the type of things you want you've been through feels a very alone and sometimes hopeless. 00:01:23.280 --> 00:01:25.920 So um why don't you do this? 00:01:26.000 --> 00:01:31.920 Why don't you give us like a little bit more of the backstory and whatever you'd want to share along those lines and just go from there? 00:01:32.799 --> 00:01:38.959 Yeah, so I grew up um small town Mount Vernon, had a great family, great support system. 00:01:39.120 --> 00:01:42.319 Um, my grandma made us go to church every every Sunday. 00:01:42.480 --> 00:01:46.239 You didn't go to church, you didn't get to go to lunch, so we were going to church, you know. 00:01:46.400 --> 00:01:53.920 Um, had a had a great support system, like I said, and um kind of went to college, and then that's when it all just kind of started. 00:01:54.000 --> 00:01:57.920 I had that freedom to get to it, however you want to look at that. 00:01:58.000 --> 00:02:00.719 I joined a sorority, played softball. 00:02:00.959 --> 00:02:07.280 Um, so it and I was finally away, got my first tattoo, um, just did all that. 00:02:07.359 --> 00:02:08.719 And what's your tattoo of them? 00:02:09.520 --> 00:02:10.319 A cross. 00:02:10.639 --> 00:02:11.840 Okay, all right. 00:02:12.080 --> 00:02:13.439 Well, that's fine. 00:02:13.680 --> 00:02:14.800 Yeah, that's fine. 00:02:15.039 --> 00:02:19.599 But you know, they weren't going for that back then, so I had to hide that. 00:02:19.840 --> 00:02:24.560 But um I don't know, it just kind of all started to snowball from there. 00:02:24.639 --> 00:02:30.319 And just kind of having to pick that apart of like, where did this go wrong? 00:02:30.560 --> 00:02:36.000 Like, how did this go wrong is kind of you know something I've had to spend a lot of time on. 00:02:36.159 --> 00:02:44.560 Um, went into the education field, did that for a while, and then it just got it uh decisions were not good. 00:02:44.960 --> 00:02:53.039 And I got pregnant with my daughter, um, didn't want to really make any any good decisions before that, I guess. 00:02:53.120 --> 00:02:56.479 And then once I got pregnant with her, obviously that changed my life. 00:02:56.639 --> 00:02:58.879 Um completely changed my life. 00:02:59.039 --> 00:03:00.319 It uh yeah. 00:03:01.120 --> 00:03:02.159 She's a life changer, man. 00:03:02.240 --> 00:03:02.719 Ariella. 00:03:04.479 --> 00:03:09.360 I tell everybody, I'm like, if I didn't get pregnant with her, I'm either in prison or dead. 00:03:09.439 --> 00:03:10.400 There's nowhere else I'm at. 00:03:10.719 --> 00:03:11.039 Wow. 00:03:11.360 --> 00:03:12.080 Flat out. 00:03:12.159 --> 00:03:13.680 So wow, yeah. 00:03:13.919 --> 00:03:23.919 So you um you were pregnant with her and you you you kind of got to that place where um yeah, I'm trying to remember, I think it was Dr. 00:03:24.000 --> 00:03:32.800 Dobbins, like he's a famous psychologist who was like, you know, people don't change until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change, right? 00:03:33.039 --> 00:03:33.360 Right. 00:03:33.599 --> 00:03:40.000 So at some point you came to that it was more painful to stay the way you were than to make the change. 00:03:40.319 --> 00:03:41.199 Do you talk about that? 00:03:41.280 --> 00:03:48.719 Like how you got to that moment, like when what what what that, you know, was it just, oh, I'm having a child, I need to get my act together. 00:03:48.960 --> 00:03:50.719 Was it, you know, talk about that? 00:03:50.960 --> 00:03:51.199 Yeah. 00:03:51.360 --> 00:04:01.840 I think honestly having that, thank God I had the foundation of God growing up and the prayers of my grandma, I always kind of say now, like, man, those were coming through at that point. 00:04:02.000 --> 00:04:11.280 Um, I think I always knew as I'm making these decisions, um, I don't want to be making these decisions, but I am. 00:04:11.520 --> 00:04:18.399 And I think finally, kind of, you know, like I talked about, getting getting locked up, going away for a little while. 00:04:18.639 --> 00:04:26.240 Um, you know, there's sounds, there's smells you will never forget, um, ever for the rest of my life. 00:04:26.399 --> 00:04:32.639 Um, the first thing that a girl tells me was, your face isn't pregnant when I got into the the cell. 00:04:32.800 --> 00:04:34.720 Pretty much so I can punch you in the face. 00:04:35.120 --> 00:04:35.279 Yeah. 00:04:35.519 --> 00:04:35.839 Yeah. 00:04:36.000 --> 00:04:39.199 Um, you know, I'm naive at that time still, honestly. 00:04:39.279 --> 00:04:42.000 I don't really, I should, this stuff is new to me. 00:04:42.079 --> 00:04:43.360 I shouldn't be doing this. 00:04:43.519 --> 00:04:49.680 Um, and I just remember, you know, getting out that it was like a Sunday night. 00:04:49.920 --> 00:04:55.360 My mom came and picked me up, and I just looked at her and I'm like, it's time. 00:04:55.519 --> 00:04:56.079 This is it. 00:04:56.240 --> 00:04:57.519 Like, God's got a hold of me. 00:04:57.600 --> 00:05:02.160 I mean, they're doing, you know, they're reading their Bibles in there, they're doing all this stuff in in jail. 00:05:02.240 --> 00:05:09.519 And it really just, I mean, that kind of sat me down to be like, yeah, I don't ever want to be back here. 00:05:09.680 --> 00:05:12.560 I don't ever want my daughter to not be with me. 00:05:12.720 --> 00:05:14.560 I don't ever want this stuff. 00:05:14.639 --> 00:05:19.279 And I mean, I'm, you know, crying out to God and actually come across God. 00:05:19.519 --> 00:05:23.600 We went to um to a little church in New Albany, that's where we were living at the time. 00:05:23.759 --> 00:05:27.839 Obviously, we're not a cookie cutter family, however, you want to look at that. 00:05:28.000 --> 00:05:35.839 Um, and I came across a website, your guys' website, and it was like 2017. 00:05:35.920 --> 00:05:38.560 How it said a single mom's group was on there. 00:05:38.800 --> 00:05:40.079 So that drew me. 00:05:40.240 --> 00:05:43.040 I plugged into like YouTube or something. 00:05:43.199 --> 00:05:43.920 I don't even know. 00:05:44.160 --> 00:05:46.480 Tracy Patton's The Legend. 00:05:46.800 --> 00:05:50.160 Yeah, like her story about sweeping everything under the rug. 00:05:50.240 --> 00:05:53.199 And I'm like, holy crap, dude. 00:05:53.279 --> 00:06:03.519 I mean, this is like my family to a T, you know, like we had a great from the outside, everything looks great, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you know, and but we gotta just you don't let anybody know. 00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:05.759 And basically that was that kind of hit me. 00:06:05.839 --> 00:06:11.279 I'm like, I'm like, You're standing on this uh rug with all this stuff under it in stilettos, right? 00:06:11.360 --> 00:06:14.480 You know, she's like falling over, like, you know, here's this is what my life looks like. 00:06:14.879 --> 00:06:16.560 That was an unforgettable message. 00:06:16.800 --> 00:06:17.040 Yeah. 00:06:17.199 --> 00:06:25.360 So that and I mean that kind of just I listened to that, and then I think the next Sunday we came and uh Ariella, yeah. 00:06:25.439 --> 00:06:28.480 I mean, she went into one kids immediately. 00:06:28.639 --> 00:06:30.079 That was like my break, right? 00:06:30.160 --> 00:06:33.680 At the time, being a single mom, like, oh, we get an hour break. 00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:37.839 We'll serve all of them too, so we can get like three hours of break here. 00:06:40.319 --> 00:06:41.519 No, yeah. 00:06:42.639 --> 00:06:47.360 So, you know, there's the famous story of um where the Jesus makes up, right? 00:06:47.439 --> 00:06:49.439 It's a fictional story, but it's the prodigal son, right? 00:06:49.519 --> 00:06:53.360 And so he goes off and wants to do it his way and dah-da-da, right? 00:06:53.439 --> 00:07:00.720 And so he has that moment where he um he's lost everything and he's down with the pigs and the and he's so hungry. 00:07:01.279 --> 00:07:12.160 He's so depleted that like pig slop looks appetizing, yeah, and it says in the text uh and then he came to his senses, is it? 00:07:12.879 --> 00:07:23.199 And you think about how sometimes call it sin, call it choices that we make that it's like one thing leads to another. 00:07:23.839 --> 00:07:28.639 And it made sense at the time, or the I gave him the impulse at the time, or whatever. 00:07:28.720 --> 00:07:31.920 But next thing I know, I look up and I'm like, where in the world am I at? 00:07:32.160 --> 00:07:35.199 And there is a certain almost like insanity to it, right? 00:07:35.279 --> 00:07:47.600 You're like, you're you're glossing over reality, you're making uh excuses, or you're justifying, or you're whatever, and you just wake up and it, and then there's that moment that you come to your senses, like you said. 00:07:47.680 --> 00:08:00.879 And there was something about you know being pregnant, there was something about um the the the time in in jail, there was all of that that got you to a place that was like, okay, like I'm I've come to my senses. 00:08:01.439 --> 00:08:09.839 And uh, you know, I think people take all different paths, but often we end up in some spot where like, how did I get here and why am I here? 00:08:10.000 --> 00:08:27.439 And yeah, I can retrace my steps, but I don't want to be here, I want to get out, and that can be tough because you've got to humble yourself and you've got to go get help, and you've got to go make changes, and you've got to disappoint people, and you've you you've got to do there's just a lot there. 00:08:27.600 --> 00:08:28.639 So talk about that. 00:08:28.720 --> 00:08:33.039 Like you you came to that spot, you came to your senses, I gotta get help. 00:08:33.279 --> 00:08:37.200 You got on this website, you heard a message that you went, you know what? 00:08:37.279 --> 00:08:39.120 There's I'm gonna start walking down this way. 00:08:39.279 --> 00:08:43.200 I don't exactly know what this path looks like, but I'm gonna head in this direction. 00:08:43.440 --> 00:08:48.399 Then you got in uh with a single mom's group, you got into celebrate recovery, right? 00:08:48.559 --> 00:08:50.480 And all that the step study and all that. 00:08:50.799 --> 00:08:56.639 Yeah, talk about that, like talk about the path home, talk about the path like of getting out of where you were. 00:08:57.120 --> 00:08:58.159 Goodness, yeah. 00:08:58.399 --> 00:09:06.320 Um, I think I was at that rock bottom where I'm either gonna choose to like basically live or die like this. 00:09:06.399 --> 00:09:07.200 What are we doing here? 00:09:07.279 --> 00:09:15.759 You know, we're I'm at that, and I find that, and I go in and I find out it's not just like celebrate recovery, isn't it for just like addiction stuff, right? 00:09:15.840 --> 00:09:26.559 It's anything that grief yeah, grief, yeah, hurts habits, hangups, anything that like my reaction to like things when they're not going my way are horrible. 00:09:26.720 --> 00:09:31.759 Um, I had to deal with things with you know, my dad, with just Ariella's dad, all of those things. 00:09:31.840 --> 00:09:39.519 And I see this posted to again the group website, and I'm like, man, that sounds kind of good, and not knowing kind of what it really was. 00:09:39.679 --> 00:09:43.120 And then joining that, I mean, I have my best friends now. 00:09:43.279 --> 00:09:49.600 I mean, I you get in there, you got to get raw, you got to get kind of dirty with it, really, if you want to be honest. 00:09:49.759 --> 00:09:52.080 I mean, people go through a lot of stuff. 00:09:52.240 --> 00:10:05.360 And um, so when I got to really start examining myself and, you know, I wanted to make that change, and I got to um see the effects that it had of those people around me from taking that class, that was cool. 00:10:05.519 --> 00:10:24.080 Um, it got me to really continue to grow and to actually heal with myself instead of, you know, on it, I'll be honest, early on, once I kind of got out and I'm, you know, coming to church and whatnot, it's genuine, but it's like, am I really going to go all in? 00:10:24.159 --> 00:10:27.039 I'm still doing some of the things I shouldn't be doing. 00:10:27.279 --> 00:10:42.639 Um, and then, you know, you I joined that that celebrate recovery class and find people that are going through the same things that you are, you know, just I think like you said this past week, and you have no idea, like from the outside of what people are are going through. 00:10:42.799 --> 00:10:44.559 I mean, it's it's really crazy. 00:10:44.799 --> 00:10:57.759 I appreciate you sharing that because I do think like a lot of times in church, we kind of glorify the story of like, hey, I was all out, and then boom, I had this moment and I never smoked again. 00:10:57.840 --> 00:11:01.840 Yeah, I never cussed again, I never drank again, I never got mad again. 00:11:01.919 --> 00:11:04.080 You know, it's like this like fairy tale. 00:11:04.240 --> 00:11:10.240 And yeah, man, maybe like, man, if that's someone's story, like to God be the glory, like that's wonderful. 00:11:10.399 --> 00:11:15.919 But I think most people, you know, it's like this, you know, it's it's not just up and to the right. 00:11:16.000 --> 00:11:18.879 Yeah, it's it's a little bit of a jagged like path. 00:11:18.960 --> 00:11:19.120 Sure. 00:11:19.360 --> 00:11:28.799 And like you said, at some point, um, you know, you're you're you're making changes and you're making progress, but you have this sort of feeling like, well, am I a hypocrite? 00:11:28.960 --> 00:11:36.879 Because I kind of, you know, I don't know if I if everybody knows everything I'm doing or, you know, I'm kind of grappling toward the future. 00:11:37.039 --> 00:11:37.200 Yeah. 00:11:37.440 --> 00:11:39.840 And I think uh I appreciate you saying that. 00:11:39.919 --> 00:11:52.480 And and I think like sometimes people get really discouraged in church because they don't maybe have the strength in the moment to like go cold turkey on everything. 00:11:52.559 --> 00:11:52.879 Yeah. 00:11:53.200 --> 00:11:55.120 And so then they feel like a hypocrite. 00:11:55.759 --> 00:11:59.360 And that shame causes them to go, then I'm all out. 00:12:00.159 --> 00:12:22.480 And I think the true discipleship journey, most of the time, in my observation and my personal experience, is you are uh you you're sort of iterating, like this is a new iteration, and it's not perfect, and you need to, while continuing to take these things seriously and working to towards progress, to be gracious with yourself. 00:12:22.960 --> 00:12:34.000 You know, I've seen like people be really gracious with other people and not so gracious with themselves and that and that and not give way to that voice of condemnation in your head that's like, oh see, you're you're a hypocrite. 00:12:34.159 --> 00:12:34.320 Yeah. 00:12:34.639 --> 00:12:36.159 How did you how did you work through that? 00:12:36.320 --> 00:12:39.840 Like you mentioned, like you had that kind of some of those thoughts and feelings. 00:12:39.919 --> 00:12:41.600 Did was is that how you felt? 00:12:41.679 --> 00:12:46.080 Did you feel like maybe I should just leave because I'm I'm not everything everybody thinks I am? 00:12:46.320 --> 00:12:50.320 Or or did you were you able to give yourself grace in that process? 00:12:50.639 --> 00:12:51.919 I think a little bit of both. 00:12:52.080 --> 00:12:57.600 I don't think I've ever, after that point, I don't think I ever wanted to, I'm like, I'm done with this. 00:12:57.840 --> 00:13:07.120 I don't even things that have happened, you know, since then, um, hardships, it's like, all right, God, like, what's the solution now? 00:13:07.279 --> 00:13:11.600 We got to live in a solution-based thinking instead of oh, another problem. 00:13:11.759 --> 00:13:14.000 I mean, that's how I used to think, like, oh, it's something else. 00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:15.440 Oh, it's something else. 00:13:15.600 --> 00:13:25.840 Um, and I think, I mean, it's hard, it is hard because you have people when you do mess up that are they're the they're there to let you know about that. 00:13:26.000 --> 00:13:29.600 Um, and I think that's hard because I don't want to let other people down. 00:13:29.759 --> 00:13:35.519 But I've gotten to the point now in my healing that like really your opinion doesn't really matter. 00:13:35.759 --> 00:13:43.279 Um, you know, I'm God is who I'm trying to serve and and my daughter and my family, and that's kind of where I'm at. 00:13:43.440 --> 00:13:49.840 I mean, I want to help others and may be the best person I can, but you, you know, it's not. 00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:53.200 I think every so often you got to step back and really look at your progress. 00:13:53.279 --> 00:13:53.519 Yeah. 00:13:53.679 --> 00:13:55.519 Because you can become very short-sighted. 00:13:55.600 --> 00:14:04.480 Like you, you you don't win the day, or you you have a tough day or a tough season or whatever, to step back and go, whoa, I actually have really, I've really come a long way, you know. 00:14:04.559 --> 00:14:11.279 I'm I'm I'm changing, you know, and and uh and to give yourself credit for that, you know, to integrate that win. 00:14:11.600 --> 00:14:13.039 Let me let me ask you a question here. 00:14:13.120 --> 00:14:15.200 So talk about your daughter a little bit, right? 00:14:15.440 --> 00:14:28.240 As parents, we want our kids to be healthy, we want them to see us as strong, uh, as like my, you know, confident my parent, you know, I got a great mom. 00:14:28.960 --> 00:14:41.759 And so sometimes like struggling and struggling in front of them becomes this thing where we feel guilty about it, or um again, it's it it it kind of hits you in a a tough spot. 00:14:42.320 --> 00:14:53.519 Talk about the journey that you've been walking through personally and then being a mom in the middle of trying to get your bearings on your own life, yeah, and then also trying to to lead her too. 00:14:53.919 --> 00:15:08.720 Yeah, I think that's really been the hardest uh uh uh task that I've had now, I think, is just making sure I don't want to do certain things or say certain things because that was done to me when I was younger. 00:15:08.879 --> 00:15:16.799 And so I think just leading her, having the right people around her has been huge. 00:15:17.200 --> 00:15:25.120 Um, unfortunately, I mean her dad is in jail right now because he chooses not to pay child support. 00:15:25.200 --> 00:15:29.840 I mean, that's kind of a silly reason, but you know, he doesn't help do anything and it never has. 00:15:30.000 --> 00:15:39.039 And so um I've always tried to like I I feel guilty because I want to make I want to be mom and dad, essentially, right? 00:15:39.120 --> 00:15:40.159 And you can't be. 00:15:40.399 --> 00:15:52.879 And so just finding people even like at the church, it's men that are just good role models that are in my community of friends, having her be a part of that has been, I mean, that's been pretty cool. 00:15:53.039 --> 00:15:55.120 I obviously didn't answer your question at all. 00:15:55.360 --> 00:15:56.159 No, that's all right. 00:15:56.480 --> 00:15:59.840 Well, here's here's here's my one of my thoughts on it, right? 00:15:59.919 --> 00:16:10.240 Is like in a sense, as parents, we kind of default to wanting to be great parents and thinking that being a great parent is having all your stuff together. 00:16:10.399 --> 00:16:10.720 Yeah. 00:16:10.960 --> 00:16:14.879 And the reality is as a human being, you're gonna struggle. 00:16:14.960 --> 00:16:15.120 Yeah. 00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:32.720 So if let's say I was able to show my kid nothing but success as a dad, and like, wow, my dad can leap tall buildings in a single bound, and my dad never has a tough day, and my dad always has a stiff upper lip, like that, their reality is they're gonna struggle. 00:16:32.799 --> 00:16:45.279 So, in a sense, like part of being a great mom, part of being a great dad is showing your kids how to struggle and and them seeing you struggle at the same time, obviously bringing some kind of stability and confidence. 00:16:45.360 --> 00:16:47.519 Like, you know what, I'm I'm I'm gonna get there. 00:16:47.759 --> 00:16:49.360 You know, I'm not there yet, right? 00:16:49.600 --> 00:16:53.039 So, like imagine, for example, let's take like money, right? 00:16:53.120 --> 00:16:57.279 Like, if I'm not good with money, maybe my parents weren't good with money and I'm not good with money. 00:16:57.519 --> 00:17:01.279 And so, with because of that, yeah, would I want to struggle in front of my kid? 00:17:01.440 --> 00:17:05.039 No, I might, I might not even talk to them about money because I'm embarrassed about it. 00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:06.240 Or let's say conflict. 00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:06.480 Yeah. 00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:20.240 If if you know, come from a bunch of hotheads, I'm a hothead, then I'm gonna try to hide that from my kid versus like going, look, this is an area, whether it's my money, my finances, my my conflict skills, my whatever it is, right? 00:17:20.319 --> 00:17:28.319 My my uh insecurities, yeah, to go, this is an area that I'm struggling, and I am going to get to a better place. 00:17:28.400 --> 00:17:28.720 Yeah. 00:17:28.880 --> 00:17:34.000 And to kind of allow them to see in an appropriate way what that looks like, right? 00:17:34.160 --> 00:17:34.400 Yeah. 00:17:34.640 --> 00:17:40.480 Because at some point, you know, Ariel is gonna come to a spot where she is struggling. 00:17:40.640 --> 00:17:40.799 Yeah. 00:17:40.960 --> 00:17:47.440 And she's struggling interpersonally, she's struggling intra-personally, like in her own head, yeah, or in her faith. 00:17:47.680 --> 00:17:56.319 And it's like if she doesn't know how to struggle, yeah, and what to do when you have that, what kind of attitude and what kind of plan, then what's she gonna do? 00:17:56.400 --> 00:18:01.119 She's gonna fall apart, versus seeing, well, like, oh yeah, I saw my mom struggle. 00:18:01.200 --> 00:18:01.519 Yeah. 00:18:01.680 --> 00:18:14.640 And so, like, you have to almost like redefine greatness, yeah, like a being a great mom from being the mom, you know, who who's always armored up and has no weaknesses, yeah, to the one that knows how to struggle. 00:18:15.200 --> 00:18:35.440 And so, like, I think in many ways, like what you've done is you've taught your daughter, you know, how to not get stuck in the valley of despair, yeah, how to focus on on you know, struggling in the right direction, how to get be humble enough to admit and to get support and then to be consistent in moving forward. 00:18:35.599 --> 00:18:35.839 Sure. 00:18:36.000 --> 00:18:36.720 So good job. 00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:38.960 Like you you need to kind of integrate that victory. 00:18:39.039 --> 00:18:49.839 Like, I'm not trying to embarrass you, but like you honestly, like that's a that's a that's a greatness that most people don't necessarily think of because we think, no, it's the one that's got it all together all the time. 00:18:50.000 --> 00:18:50.240 Yeah. 00:18:50.480 --> 00:18:54.799 Um, you you you went into you you joined Celebrate Recovery, you were a part of that. 00:18:55.039 --> 00:19:07.680 I don't want to obviously I know some of those things are confidential, and I don't want to ask you to share anything you wouldn't want to, but for someone who's sitting there going, like kind of in your spot where you were at, going like, hey, I know that there's some things I don't know. 00:19:07.920 --> 00:19:11.680 I need to get some help, I need some support, and thinking of this as an option. 00:19:11.839 --> 00:19:17.359 Talk about what that was like, you know, what is celebrate recovery and how does it, you know, it's her tablets hang-ups. 00:19:17.440 --> 00:19:19.599 What would that journey look like? 00:19:19.839 --> 00:19:20.160 Yeah. 00:19:20.319 --> 00:19:26.799 Um, so essentially it's a biblical 12-step program, just like, you know, Alcoholics Novice or whatever it does. 00:19:26.960 --> 00:19:37.119 Um I at the time wasn't struggling with it like an addiction, but uh, I mean, you pick a couple words that you're really struggling with. 00:19:37.279 --> 00:19:47.680 Some of like my reactions, I'm still not as mature as you with the staying and you know, I gotta vacate, I gotta vacate the area because I'm not trying to hurt anybody. 00:19:48.319 --> 00:19:52.480 Um, but I think it you're picking three words. 00:19:52.559 --> 00:19:56.000 So like mine would be self-worth was one of them, right? 00:19:56.079 --> 00:19:57.920 I didn't have good self-worth at all. 00:19:58.079 --> 00:20:03.119 At the time, actually, I was like 300 pounds, not feeling good about myself at all. 00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:04.960 I'd went through just a lot of things. 00:20:05.200 --> 00:20:13.200 And um man, just working through those words and you're constantly, okay, how am I gonna look view myself? 00:20:13.440 --> 00:20:14.640 How am I going to react? 00:20:14.799 --> 00:20:24.640 How, you know, when you're dealing with that all the time, you make those connections because I mean you're you're giving the rawness of your life of man, yeah, I was in jail. 00:20:24.720 --> 00:20:27.599 I that was the first time I'd shared that I was in jail with anybody. 00:20:27.680 --> 00:20:34.480 And that was a breakthrough of like, look, like, I mean, I'll be honest with you, this I'm just not working at the time. 00:20:34.559 --> 00:20:39.519 I'm going through the store and I'm just in the bag to at Kroger. 00:20:40.240 --> 00:20:40.720 It's food. 00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:44.160 It's not even, you know, and I got caught. 00:20:44.319 --> 00:20:45.440 I mean, thank God I did. 00:20:45.599 --> 00:20:47.680 Had I did it, who knows? 00:20:47.920 --> 00:21:00.160 Um, and I think celebrate recovery just it it brought those friendships, those real raw friendships that I mean, we're talking five years later. 00:21:00.319 --> 00:21:02.799 These women are still, they're the ones I call. 00:21:02.880 --> 00:21:06.559 They're the ones for the good and for um the bad. 00:21:06.640 --> 00:21:11.759 You know, they showed up an hour in Mount Vernon for my grandpa's funeral, didn't know the man. 00:21:11.839 --> 00:21:13.039 I mean, they showed up. 00:21:13.279 --> 00:21:14.799 Um, I got sick. 00:21:14.880 --> 00:21:19.279 I was selling my house in New Albany, got sick that day, had to go to the hospital. 00:21:19.440 --> 00:21:22.400 23 people from one church showed up to move my entire house. 00:21:22.480 --> 00:21:23.200 I wasn't even there. 00:21:23.440 --> 00:21:24.640 Move my entire house. 00:21:25.119 --> 00:21:33.279 Um, you know, same people, I'm throwing out a single mom, she's has no help or anything like that with the baby from either parent. 00:21:33.359 --> 00:21:38.640 And I'd put something up on our website, hey, thinking, you know, get a couple little outfits or what. 00:21:38.880 --> 00:21:50.160 No, the the girl had the entire, I mean, everything she needed for the child, a crib, a swing, all of these things that are coming from these communities that are being made from these groups. 00:21:50.319 --> 00:21:54.960 Again, from people that are willing, though, to like, you got you got to get raw. 00:21:55.119 --> 00:21:57.519 Like, I want to heal, I want to be better, I want to help others. 00:21:57.680 --> 00:21:59.759 And so that's really what that did. 00:22:00.960 --> 00:22:02.400 That's what the church is all about, right? 00:22:02.559 --> 00:22:07.519 I think we look at like you know, you look at the church, the American church, right? 00:22:07.599 --> 00:22:12.720 The modern day American church, and like you could see there's things that are maybe disturbing, right? 00:22:12.799 --> 00:22:17.839 You look and you're like, man, are these deep places or shallow places, right? 00:22:17.920 --> 00:22:18.960 Because it could be shallow. 00:22:19.279 --> 00:22:29.680 Like our experience, like you come in, um, if it's just singing, if it's just listening to a speech, if it's just uh an event, you come in and out, okay. 00:22:29.759 --> 00:22:38.960 Yeah, it could just be you're getting you're coming to a show, or you're um, you know, it could be a very shallow experience, or it could be a really deep experience. 00:22:39.119 --> 00:22:48.799 It could be a place where God is speaking right to you, where you are again entering into actual community where you're supporting others and being supported. 00:22:48.960 --> 00:22:57.039 Like, you know, you you just mentioned the way others have supported you, but I know enough to know that you've supported them too, right? 00:22:57.119 --> 00:23:00.480 You've other people that you've showed up for them, like you help them, right? 00:23:00.640 --> 00:23:18.400 So I just uh it's a big passion of mine for our church that you know, as we grow numerically, even as we're building these buildings that we're doing and expanding the footprint and creating more seats and more space, which is is awesome, but it's just absolutely critical. 00:23:18.559 --> 00:23:25.359 It's it's uh mission critical that we uh continue to deepen our relationships. 00:23:25.680 --> 00:23:33.279 And part of that is the will of the individual to say, you know, I'm gonna come off of the seat and I'm gonna share my life. 00:23:33.440 --> 00:23:55.759 Like if you had decided to keep walls up or you didn't make time in your schedule to come in and sit with people and and listen and share, then yeah, I mean, it's not only would you not have had people help you move your house or grieve your family members, but also like you wouldn't have had the depth of relationship and giving that support. 00:23:55.839 --> 00:23:57.440 So that's really what the church is. 00:23:57.759 --> 00:23:59.599 And it's kind of up to all of us to go. 00:23:59.759 --> 00:24:05.200 I'm gonna enter in and I'm gonna enter in with the expectation that it's not all happy, go lucky. 00:24:05.279 --> 00:24:06.160 It's not all perfect. 00:24:06.319 --> 00:24:08.240 I mean, people are going to let you down. 00:24:08.319 --> 00:24:08.480 Yeah. 00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:12.480 Now I talk to a lot of people who have church hurt, and I think that's very legitimate. 00:24:12.720 --> 00:24:21.920 But like I've talked to people who have been hurt by pastors, and I've talked to pastors who have been hurt by people, and I've I've seen leaders hurt by people who are following, and followers hurt by leaders. 00:24:22.000 --> 00:24:25.920 It's like at some point, like we need to have our hearts in the right place. 00:24:26.000 --> 00:24:34.000 We need to be humble, yeah, but also we need to expect that we are human beings and we're all trying to grapple to a better place. 00:24:34.240 --> 00:24:49.680 And so I I just uh I salute you for your willingness to come in to give when you need to give, to take when you need to take, and to allow, you know, people to be people and to give grace in in those places. 00:24:49.759 --> 00:24:59.680 You know, you you've you've been a great uh a great person in this church, a great leader, and and uh, you know, I see you all the time out serving and doing stuff, and uh, I'm just thankful for you. 00:24:59.759 --> 00:25:01.680 And thanks for being willing to share your story. 00:25:01.759 --> 00:25:04.720 And I just want I want to encourage those of you that are are listening. 00:25:04.880 --> 00:25:10.079 If you're if you've not yet found community within the church, I mean there's a lot of ways to do it. 00:25:10.160 --> 00:25:14.000 If you go to our website, uh you can join a group like like what you mentioned. 00:25:14.079 --> 00:25:16.880 Like we have some of them that are uh specific. 00:25:16.960 --> 00:25:21.279 So, like whether it's like single mom's group, like you mentioned, or celebrate recovery. 00:25:21.359 --> 00:25:23.519 And so some of them kind of have a niche. 00:25:23.680 --> 00:25:27.039 Uh, but then other groups are just kind of wide open for different different things. 00:25:27.119 --> 00:25:35.599 And then also, even again, serving or or something as organic as sticking around the lobby for a little bit and like just initiating a conversation. 00:25:35.759 --> 00:25:39.440 Yeah, you know, that's another thing with the church, the larger it gets, you get large groups of people. 00:25:39.519 --> 00:25:42.240 Sometimes people feel a little funny, like in a big space. 00:25:42.319 --> 00:25:42.720 Yeah. 00:25:42.960 --> 00:25:46.000 And you're like, okay, where else would I be in a space like this? 00:25:46.160 --> 00:25:49.359 Well, you go to the Buckeye game, the horseshoe, you're in the thing. 00:25:49.440 --> 00:25:51.440 You don't walk around just like walk and play, hey, what's up? 00:25:51.519 --> 00:25:52.000 What's your name? 00:25:52.079 --> 00:25:57.200 You know, um, and so sometimes some people are waiting on people to come up to them. 00:25:57.359 --> 00:26:00.799 Um, but then sometimes people don't go up to people because they don't want to be weird. 00:26:01.039 --> 00:26:09.839 At some point, you got to go, hey, let's, you know, we're here, we're part of this community, let's make friends, let's sit with one another, let's, you know, let's connect. 00:26:10.079 --> 00:26:14.480 And so uh, I just want to continue to invite people into the community of the church. 00:26:14.640 --> 00:26:16.160 It's really what we're all about. 00:26:16.319 --> 00:26:22.240 And uh, Amanda, thank you for being uh so generous with your story and for taking time to give a little more of the backstory. 00:26:22.559 --> 00:26:26.640 Uh, before we're done, is there anything else you want to say, or you say it all? 00:26:27.039 --> 00:26:31.440 I think the only thing I want to say, Peggy backing off of you, just it's been on my heart. 00:26:31.519 --> 00:26:41.440 Like, so my biggest thing when I first came to one church was that it was so big, and that was something that I don't I don't want to go to a big church because I don't want to just be a number. 00:26:41.599 --> 00:26:49.599 And I just want to encourage you that like if you are looking for that community, join a group, like join to serve. 00:26:49.680 --> 00:26:51.279 Like that changed my entire life. 00:26:51.440 --> 00:26:53.279 What I put into it is what I'm getting out. 00:26:53.519 --> 00:26:55.519 So I just want to encourage someone to do that. 00:26:55.680 --> 00:26:56.799 So thank you so much. 00:26:57.200 --> 00:26:58.480 God bless you guys.