WEBVTT 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:07.679 My dad uh was the one who did communion a moment ago, and he actually referenced a book called Please Sorry Thanks by Mark Batterson. 00:00:07.759 --> 00:00:16.800 Um and it's funny that he did that because we didn't collaborate on this, and it was actually that book that inspired some of these messages that I'm gonna share with you. 00:00:16.879 --> 00:00:22.079 So um I would encourage you if you're looking for a good read, uh I don't get any cut of the book. 00:00:22.239 --> 00:00:25.440 So just being clear about that, there is no sponsoring or anything like that. 00:00:25.600 --> 00:00:32.479 It's just a good book, and it talking about those three words and those three concepts, and um it inspired some of the things I'm gonna share with you. 00:00:32.640 --> 00:00:44.159 But he said something in the introduction of that book that I'm gonna use as the title for this message, and and um the the sentence, the phrase was words create worlds. 00:00:44.719 --> 00:00:46.399 Words create worlds. 00:00:46.640 --> 00:00:53.600 If you think about the book of John, chapter one, it says, In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God. 00:00:53.840 --> 00:00:57.439 Speaking of Jesus, um, but refers to him as the word. 00:00:57.759 --> 00:01:07.359 Uh in Hebrews 11, it tells us that by faith we know that God spoke the world into existence, uh, that it was by the word of God that the world was created. 00:01:07.519 --> 00:01:23.280 And of course, we know we're we're made in the image of God, and uh we know that our words matter, that words create worlds, they create a world inside of our own heads, they create a world uh in the people around us, the things you say, the way you say them, uh absolutely affects the world around you. 00:01:23.439 --> 00:01:48.480 Um and I want to I want us to do some thinking about this, and the the the even point, I'll just come right out and tell you my intention with this message, is that we as the body of Christ, we as a community of believers, as sons and daughters of God, as followers of Jesus, that we would have a community, a community, a culture within a culture, a community within our the overall world. 00:01:48.560 --> 00:01:53.519 I'm not just talking about the city limits, I'm not just talking about the country, I'm talking about our community of people. 00:01:53.760 --> 00:02:06.719 That we would relate to one another, that we would communicate with each other at a level that's higher than the status quo, that we would function better than the world around us. 00:02:07.040 --> 00:02:12.560 In John 13, 34-35, Jesus says, This command I give to you, love one another. 00:02:12.719 --> 00:02:13.759 He says it's a new command. 00:02:13.919 --> 00:02:21.680 And he says, By this, all people will know that you're my disciples, that you love one another. 00:02:21.840 --> 00:02:22.800 Well, what does that mean? 00:02:22.960 --> 00:02:25.039 Love one another, and how would we do that? 00:02:25.280 --> 00:02:29.039 So much of that has to do with how we communicate, how we relate to one another. 00:02:29.120 --> 00:02:58.080 So I'm gonna kind of dig deep in this concept, but I think it's important that we don't reflect necessarily, we don't reflect the culture around us, that we actually lead the culture around us, and that in a church with a lot of people that are different, come from different places, different cultures, different backgrounds, different generations, different ways of looking at the world, that we rise above the the current ways of communicating, and we're able to do this in a whole different way. 00:02:58.159 --> 00:03:00.639 So that's what I'm hoping this will do. 00:03:00.960 --> 00:03:20.719 What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give you three um sets of three, and this is going to, if I do this right, and hopefully I do it well, that you have something that this sermon, I'm just gonna start it, and then you keep it going in your car, you keep it going on date night, you keep it going in your home, in your conversations, in your in your connect groups, okay? 00:03:20.800 --> 00:03:26.000 Um, but what I want, I want to give you a grid of common understanding that we can work off of. 00:03:26.159 --> 00:03:26.479 All right. 00:03:26.639 --> 00:03:27.840 I I've referenced this before. 00:03:27.919 --> 00:03:31.680 If you've been around, uh you'll you may remember me saying it. 00:03:31.919 --> 00:03:33.439 Talking about integrity. 00:03:33.759 --> 00:03:40.879 Integrity is what I think, what I say, and what I do are all aligned. 00:03:41.120 --> 00:03:45.919 Okay, so if I think one thing, but I say and do something else, I'm not integrated. 00:03:46.080 --> 00:03:49.520 It's not, I'm not a person of integrity, and that's often how we lose trust. 00:03:49.759 --> 00:03:53.039 Um, if it's like math, okay, it's pretty simple. 00:03:53.120 --> 00:04:01.360 Like, if I think I owe you, I know I owe you$100, but I say I only owe you$50, and then I only give you$50, right? 00:04:01.599 --> 00:04:02.719 Not integral. 00:04:03.520 --> 00:04:05.280 We're gonna talk about words, right? 00:04:05.439 --> 00:04:08.159 Words create worlds, but I want to start with thinking. 00:04:08.719 --> 00:04:13.039 When I say thinking, it's like what's going on up here and what's going on inside. 00:04:14.240 --> 00:04:16.079 So here's another set of three. 00:04:16.399 --> 00:04:23.839 You have your head, you have your heart, and you have your gut. 00:04:25.040 --> 00:04:27.759 Um, I've talked about this brain science before. 00:04:27.839 --> 00:04:30.959 There's a book called Embraining, there's a book called Head Heart Guts. 00:04:31.199 --> 00:04:37.279 Basically, it talks about how your literal brain, your literal heart, and your literal stomach have clusters of neurons. 00:04:37.439 --> 00:04:48.240 You have about a hundred billion neurons in your brain, you have about 40,000 neurons in your actual heart, and you have about a hundred million in your stomach. 00:04:48.480 --> 00:04:58.240 And so there it's a network of intelligence that when you're processing through information or decision-making situations, these three things are going. 00:04:58.399 --> 00:04:58.959 What's my head? 00:04:59.120 --> 00:05:01.920 My head is my intellect, it's my logic. 00:05:02.079 --> 00:05:08.639 There's my heart, my heart are is my feelings, it's my values, it's my passions, my gut. 00:05:08.800 --> 00:05:11.519 My gut is a sense, it's a sense of a situation. 00:05:11.600 --> 00:05:13.199 I got a feeling, I got a gut feeling. 00:05:13.279 --> 00:05:15.360 I sense I'm supposed to do this and that. 00:05:15.519 --> 00:05:23.600 And these are the areas, you know, when we're communicating with God, things going on inside, God will speak to our head, He'll speak to our hearts, and He'll speak to our guts. 00:05:23.680 --> 00:05:28.079 And of course, the best decisions we make in life is when these things are aligned. 00:05:28.319 --> 00:05:40.480 Often, if I'm conflicted about a decision, it might be that issues, numbers don't add up, or maybe it's just something doesn't feel right in my heart, I don't feel connected to it, or there's a sense in my gut this isn't right or wrong. 00:05:40.800 --> 00:05:45.360 So when we talk about thinking, saying, and doing, let's just stick with this for a second. 00:05:45.439 --> 00:05:57.600 I got one more group of three, but let's pause here and let's think about if I if I think thinking is more than just math, the hundred dollars and the fifty dollars, it's it's um what's going on in my heart. 00:05:57.920 --> 00:05:59.120 It's my feelings. 00:05:59.839 --> 00:06:06.000 My feelings affect what's going on in my head, how I feel about a situation. 00:06:06.399 --> 00:06:12.639 And often it's like my thinking, saying, and doing, have you ever been in a place where you felt something? 00:06:12.720 --> 00:06:37.360 If you were being emotionally honest, you felt a certain kind of way, but sometimes if I'm when my heart is out of whack or my heart is broken, or I'm frustrated, or whatever, I'm dealing with a lot of emotions and feelings, if that becomes the thing I'm always saying and talking about, if I'm not careful, my feelings lead the way, and then that's all that's coming out of my mouth is how I feel. 00:06:37.439 --> 00:06:40.879 And sometimes I can get stuck in a feeling. 00:06:41.199 --> 00:06:49.519 And maturity over time is to realize that my heart and my gut are part of what's going on inside my feelings in my head. 00:06:49.680 --> 00:06:59.439 I've got to work my way through those so I can get clear-headed enough, otherwise, my emotions and my feelings just dominate my reality, and then that's what I say, and I get stuck right there. 00:06:59.759 --> 00:07:01.360 Uh, I'll tell you a quick story. 00:07:01.519 --> 00:07:13.680 I we had a we were hiring at one point, we had a guy that applied for a job at the church, and he was from another state, and he had worked in church before, and he was applying for a job that were reported directly to me. 00:07:13.839 --> 00:07:20.000 I'm not in all of our interviews and all that kind of thing, but this one I was gonna be in because this was gonna be a direct report to me. 00:07:20.079 --> 00:07:21.680 So I get his resume. 00:07:21.920 --> 00:07:24.160 Resume was really beautiful and whatever. 00:07:24.319 --> 00:07:32.000 I'm reading it, and and so then I get and I decide I'm gonna go look him up on social media because social media doesn't tell you everything, but it does tell you something. 00:07:32.160 --> 00:07:36.959 I'm curious over the last several years, what were you doing before you applied for a job at OneChurch? 00:07:37.120 --> 00:07:56.319 So I go back and I'm looking at his posts, you know, and I go back to like 2017, and he's got a post, and he's he's upshooting his face on a Sunday morning, and his eyes are super heavy, and he looks like he's about to fall asleep, and he posts the caption, sleepy Sunday. 00:07:57.040 --> 00:07:58.879 Sleepy Sunday. 00:07:59.759 --> 00:08:30.639 I'm thinking, that's odd, because Sunday's when we have church, and so I'd be putting this guy in charge of people, and uh words create worlds, and so uh I screenshotted it, and then he came in for an interview, and he's telling me about how great he is, and then I said, Hey, I was looking at your social in 2017 in October, you had a sleepy Sunday. 00:08:30.879 --> 00:08:32.320 Tell me about that. 00:08:34.159 --> 00:08:37.759 See, y'all want me to be this kind, gentle, sweet pastor, right? 00:08:38.559 --> 00:08:46.559 We got we gotta run an organiz run an organization, and I need you to be self-controlled enough to not have a sleepy Sunday just because you're tired. 00:08:46.879 --> 00:08:49.519 So I show the picture, I say, tell me about Sleepy Sunday. 00:08:49.600 --> 00:08:55.679 He's like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:09:01.759 --> 00:09:02.720 Sleepy Sunday. 00:09:02.799 --> 00:09:04.480 Oh yeah, yeah, that day I was I was tired. 00:09:04.559 --> 00:09:07.600 You know, I was just I was just being honest about my feelings. 00:09:07.840 --> 00:09:11.679 I was like, yeah, man, that's a big problem, man, because words create worlds. 00:09:12.000 --> 00:09:14.000 And yawns are contagious. 00:09:15.919 --> 00:09:18.559 You ever been around somebody who's yawning, talk about how tired they are? 00:09:18.720 --> 00:09:20.639 You're like, dang, I am kind of tired. 00:09:22.480 --> 00:09:24.159 Words create worlds. 00:09:24.480 --> 00:09:40.799 Maturity is your ability to work through your feeling, and self-control gets you to a place where, yeah, it might, it's not lacking integrity to work my way to a place where I don't just allow myself to uh to for my attitude to cascade into just sleepy Sunday. 00:09:40.879 --> 00:09:46.480 So I told them, I was like, my man, I don't know if you're gonna want this job because around here we never have a sleepy Sunday. 00:09:46.720 --> 00:09:47.200 Ever. 00:09:47.519 --> 00:09:50.559 I've never had a sleepy Sunday, ever, not one. 00:09:51.039 --> 00:09:52.639 Have I ever been sleepy on a Sunday? 00:09:52.799 --> 00:09:56.720 Oh, you better believe I've been sleepy on a Sunday, but I've never had a sleepy Sunday. 00:09:57.039 --> 00:09:58.879 Because I know how I know what to do about that. 00:09:59.039 --> 00:10:05.360 I get a double shot of caffeine, and then I go to late 90s, early 2000s, Fred Hammond. 00:10:08.559 --> 00:10:12.720 I crank it up in the car, I sing myself happy. 00:10:13.039 --> 00:10:15.519 By the time I get to church, I'm locked and loaded. 00:10:15.600 --> 00:10:16.960 There is no sleepy Sunday. 00:10:17.039 --> 00:10:19.360 I'm not gonna come home, I'm kind of sleepy today. 00:10:19.679 --> 00:10:21.679 No, absolutely not. 00:10:21.919 --> 00:10:24.480 Now, does that mean I lack integrity? 00:10:24.799 --> 00:10:31.600 No, because my heart feels a certain way, my head, I'm gonna work my way to a place, right? 00:10:31.759 --> 00:10:36.799 I'm gonna I'm gonna speak these things uh into I'm gonna speak it into reality. 00:10:36.960 --> 00:10:43.679 And often the chicken and egg is that my attitude and my feelings are gonna follow what comes out of my mouth. 00:10:43.759 --> 00:10:45.519 I'm gonna speak about a preferred future. 00:10:45.679 --> 00:11:03.200 Now I know there's some some of this stuff is a little weird because you know, people are into all the manifestation, I'm manifesting, you know, the secret, whatever, and it's like I'm gonna imagine my dream car, I'm gonna imagine my dream car, and I'm gonna declare my dream car, and I'm gonna just declare it, and one day the universe is gonna drive it into my parking lot for me. 00:11:03.360 --> 00:11:05.519 All right, that's not what I'm talking about here, okay? 00:11:05.600 --> 00:11:06.720 We're not talking about that. 00:11:06.879 --> 00:11:10.080 We're also not just talking about just saying stuff, right? 00:11:10.159 --> 00:11:11.519 It's like uh the office. 00:11:11.759 --> 00:11:15.600 Remember the you can admit it, you can admit you watch office, it's fine. 00:11:15.919 --> 00:11:18.320 Remember when Michael declares bankruptcy? 00:11:19.759 --> 00:11:20.080 Right? 00:11:20.399 --> 00:11:22.240 You realize all the advantages of bankruptcy? 00:11:22.320 --> 00:11:24.080 He's like, I declare bankruptcy. 00:11:24.320 --> 00:11:26.879 And Oscar's like, you can't just declare bankruptcy. 00:11:26.960 --> 00:11:28.159 You can't just say bankruptcy. 00:11:28.240 --> 00:11:30.480 He goes, I didn't just say it, I declared it. 00:11:32.159 --> 00:11:47.840 So this isn't about just manifesting or something weird, it's about the relationship between what I think, what's going on in my heart, what's going on in my head, working my way through these things so that the things I'm saying, my my language, words matter, words create worlds. 00:11:48.000 --> 00:11:58.320 They create worlds in my mind, they create worlds in my relationships, and and words are valuable to define reality, but to also define future reality. 00:11:58.720 --> 00:11:59.039 Okay? 00:11:59.440 --> 00:12:02.000 It's good to define reality with your words. 00:12:02.080 --> 00:12:03.600 Here's the reality of where we are. 00:12:03.759 --> 00:12:08.960 So I'm not talking about, hear me, I gotta kind of talk about what I'm not talking about so you know what I am talking about. 00:12:09.039 --> 00:12:14.639 I'm not talking about toxic positivity where we stick our head in the sand about conflicts. 00:12:14.879 --> 00:12:20.480 I'm not saying that we kumbaya, oh, everything's great when there's you know stuff's burning around us. 00:12:20.559 --> 00:12:23.039 We can smell smoke, and we're like, no, no, everything's good. 00:12:23.279 --> 00:12:27.600 At some point, we have to use our words to define reality. 00:12:27.840 --> 00:12:32.960 We have to define reality, but what happens is our words also define a future reality. 00:12:33.120 --> 00:12:36.080 This is where I am, but this is where I'm going. 00:12:36.480 --> 00:12:42.559 I want to encourage you in in these areas where you can step back and look at your heart health. 00:12:42.799 --> 00:12:46.399 You can look at where you're at in terms of your feelings, your emotions. 00:12:46.639 --> 00:12:56.240 If you if you do have a broken heart, if you do find yourself highly frustrated, you know, there's a we we we live in this day and age now, this world, the last few years were a time warp. 00:12:56.559 --> 00:12:57.679 It was a time warp. 00:12:57.840 --> 00:13:03.440 There was a lot of exhaustion, there were there was a lot of confusion, there's so much change happening at the same time. 00:13:03.519 --> 00:13:05.679 We're trying to adapt to the information age. 00:13:05.840 --> 00:13:11.919 We're trying to adapt to a world of communication where people use symbols and emojis to communicate stuff, right? 00:13:12.080 --> 00:13:16.320 You ever get an emoji like, what are you even like, is are you being sarcastic? 00:13:16.480 --> 00:13:17.840 Are you blowing me off? 00:13:18.159 --> 00:13:19.519 Did you really mean that? 00:13:19.679 --> 00:13:23.440 Is it what what tears which I can't remember which crying emoji is it? 00:13:23.519 --> 00:13:26.799 Are you sad or are you laughing, crying, or laughing so hard you're crying? 00:13:26.960 --> 00:13:34.480 You know, we we live in a world where communication, people are communicating in a way that's kind of confusing sometimes. 00:13:34.720 --> 00:13:43.759 And in the middle of that world, trying to keep our head above water, trying to keep our hearts right, you've got to work through your feelings. 00:13:44.240 --> 00:13:54.480 The Bible says, um, uh, from the abundance of the heart, Jesus says this in the book of Luke, chapter 6, from the the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. 00:13:54.639 --> 00:13:57.360 From the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. 00:13:57.600 --> 00:13:58.639 So think about that. 00:13:58.799 --> 00:14:03.840 Think of the chicken and egg of my heart, my feelings, and my mouth. 00:14:04.080 --> 00:14:20.320 It could be that the chicken and egg could be that my heart is in one condition that then causes the uh something to come out of my mouth, or what's coming out of my mouth is setting the tone and helping to shape my attitude and my heart. 00:14:20.559 --> 00:14:22.320 But we got to work through these things. 00:14:22.559 --> 00:14:47.200 Um, often you'll find, especially if you're in a place where you say, I'm kind of conflicted about what I think, because I feel a certain way and I'm starting to come to conclusions about certain things, to really look and take seriously going through the process of working through your feelings, your emotions so that you can become clear-headed. 00:14:47.440 --> 00:14:57.200 I I can tell you as in my marriage, my relationship with Shaylin, over the years, right, my mouth, my mouth personally is a pressure release valve. 00:14:57.440 --> 00:15:01.519 My mouth, I'm a verbal human being, and I'm an emotional human being. 00:15:01.679 --> 00:15:06.080 And so with my mouth, right, one of my love languages, you guys know love languages, right? 00:15:06.240 --> 00:15:12.960 Quality, time, gifts, okay, uh uh physical touch, okay, you you have uh acts of service. 00:15:13.120 --> 00:15:14.879 Well, there's words of affirmation. 00:15:15.120 --> 00:15:19.200 And so for me, I'm a words that's part of my love language. 00:15:19.440 --> 00:15:22.159 So words create worlds. 00:15:22.399 --> 00:15:32.399 Words for me are how I give love, but when I'm upset, angry, and frustrated, and my heart's broken and I'm wounded, words are how I want to inflict pain. 00:15:33.600 --> 00:15:38.879 Or withhold my words because you don't even deserve my words. 00:15:39.200 --> 00:15:40.799 So I'm going dead silent. 00:15:40.879 --> 00:15:42.399 I'm going radio silent. 00:15:42.559 --> 00:15:47.200 I'm not saying anything to you because I don't want anything to come out of my mouth to be interpreted as love. 00:15:53.120 --> 00:15:56.559 You can judge me if you want, I'm just telling you my journey. 00:15:59.120 --> 00:16:00.720 So what happens? 00:16:01.360 --> 00:16:08.960 My heart's out of whack, which means my head often is out of whack, because I'm coming to conclusions, you know, I'm being done dirty here. 00:16:09.279 --> 00:16:11.919 Shaylin's treating me wrong, you know. 00:16:12.000 --> 00:16:13.440 I can't believe why would she do that? 00:16:13.679 --> 00:16:14.720 You know, how come she's like that? 00:16:14.799 --> 00:16:18.399 Why does she wake up every morning, take mean pills, and try to make my life worse? 00:16:18.639 --> 00:16:22.080 You know, this just is unjust, it's unfair, you know. 00:16:22.159 --> 00:16:45.039 And so what have I done in my in my upset, my my the fact that my heart is hurting, my thoughts are jumbled, and often I draw conclusions, and what I've had to learn is I don't just go in and and and unload on her because I'm confused and my feelings are overtaking, my heart's overtaking my head. 00:16:45.200 --> 00:16:53.120 I've got to find healthy, whether it's a counselor, whether it's a wise mentor, the healthy environment for me to be able to work through those feelings. 00:16:53.279 --> 00:17:00.799 Because often, as I'm able to let that those things out, once they come out, I go, that's not even true, actually. 00:17:01.039 --> 00:17:02.080 That's not even true. 00:17:02.240 --> 00:17:03.679 She doesn't take mean pills. 00:17:03.759 --> 00:17:06.240 She wakes up, she wakes up, wanting to make my life better. 00:17:06.319 --> 00:17:06.880 It's not this. 00:17:06.960 --> 00:17:07.839 We're miscommunicating. 00:17:07.920 --> 00:17:10.559 All of a sudden I can start seeing through her lens. 00:17:10.799 --> 00:17:19.599 But what I don't want to do is just, you know, say whatever is going on in my mind and inflict pain on her in my confusion. 00:17:19.920 --> 00:17:44.160 So throughout your life, you're good, you have a heart, no matter how emotionally composed you are, or you may not be uh as verbal or emotional as I am, but yet you're gonna have those feelings and you gotta be able to work those through in a way so that your your thinking can be clear, and then what you say, what you say, you're you're communicating in an appropriate way. 00:17:44.400 --> 00:17:46.640 So now let's go to let's go to saying. 00:17:47.200 --> 00:17:52.160 Okay, this is a very pragmatic breakdown of human communication. 00:17:52.480 --> 00:17:54.559 You have three things. 00:17:55.119 --> 00:18:06.319 You have what's called locution, illocution, and perlocution. 00:18:10.000 --> 00:18:13.839 Locution is just words and what they mean. 00:18:14.240 --> 00:18:15.839 Words have definitions. 00:18:16.400 --> 00:18:19.680 Illocution is what I mean by the words. 00:18:20.000 --> 00:18:22.000 What is the intent of the speaker? 00:18:22.240 --> 00:18:26.000 And then perlocution is how it's received. 00:18:26.640 --> 00:18:40.720 The greatest impact of words, words create worlds, the most powerfully impacted words are powerful words with powerful intent that are received at full impact. 00:18:41.519 --> 00:18:43.119 Let's let's use an example. 00:18:43.279 --> 00:18:48.880 Next week I'm gonna talk about apologies and forgiveness, apologizing. 00:18:50.000 --> 00:18:51.119 Locution. 00:18:51.599 --> 00:18:52.559 I'm sorry. 00:18:52.799 --> 00:18:54.000 I'm sorry means something. 00:18:54.160 --> 00:18:57.039 I'm sorry means I feel remorse about a decision. 00:18:57.279 --> 00:19:00.720 Uh I'm sorry means I wish I hadn't done that, I wish I hadn't said that. 00:19:01.200 --> 00:19:02.160 Will you forgive me? 00:19:02.240 --> 00:19:05.920 It's it's it's um yeah, it's feeling remorse. 00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:08.799 That's locution. 00:19:08.960 --> 00:19:10.400 Illocution is what's my intent. 00:19:10.559 --> 00:19:14.000 So I could say a word that means something, but I could mean something different. 00:19:14.160 --> 00:19:17.119 Like I said, I'm sorry. 00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:20.960 I said I'm sorry. 00:19:21.599 --> 00:19:22.799 What does that mean? 00:19:23.359 --> 00:19:24.960 It means get out of my face. 00:19:25.599 --> 00:19:27.839 That means why do you keep bringing it up? 00:19:28.400 --> 00:19:30.160 I want you to drop it. 00:19:31.759 --> 00:19:47.519 Sorry! Locution means I'm experienced remorse, but ilocution, if I go, sorry, means not that it doesn't mean I feel remorse, it means why are you overreacting? 00:19:48.079 --> 00:19:49.599 That's what it means. 00:19:50.559 --> 00:19:59.039 Perlocution is my perception of what you mean by that word, not just what the word said. 00:19:59.279 --> 00:20:17.839 So you see, in communities, I say communities, I don't just mean cities, I mean families, extended families, neighbors, neighborhoods, jobs, workplaces, and churches often function at a low level because of this. 00:20:19.119 --> 00:20:22.799 We use words, what's the intent behind the word? 00:20:23.119 --> 00:20:31.039 By the way, as the receiver, what is my what is my desire about your intent? 00:20:31.759 --> 00:20:35.519 Do I want to believe the best about you? 00:20:35.759 --> 00:20:41.200 How much grace am I willing to give you behind your intent as you're working to become a better human being? 00:20:42.960 --> 00:20:45.039 Am I willing to receive it? 00:20:46.480 --> 00:20:53.680 I I my first boss that I work for right out of college, super great guy. 00:20:53.920 --> 00:20:58.799 And I remember going to him one time, I was super upset about something somebody said to me. 00:20:58.960 --> 00:21:02.720 And I was totally fixated on locution. 00:21:03.119 --> 00:21:05.920 I was fixated on the words they picked. 00:21:06.640 --> 00:21:09.759 And my I couldn't let go of it. 00:21:09.839 --> 00:21:14.319 And I went in and I was about 22 years old, and I was just kind of going on and on. 00:21:14.400 --> 00:21:31.359 And he said, Hey Greg, listen, man, if you're gonna be like the best person you can be, and you wanna be a good leader, and you wanna be a good husband, and you wanna be a good father, and you wanna be a good son, and you wanna be a good citizen, you're gonna have to learn go beyond locution. 00:21:31.440 --> 00:21:32.880 He didn't use this language, but you get the idea. 00:21:33.039 --> 00:21:39.359 You're gonna have to go beyond their words and not just fixate on, but you said this word, and you're gonna have to listen to their heart. 00:21:40.079 --> 00:21:43.200 You're gonna lit, you're gonna have to listen to what they were trying to say. 00:21:43.440 --> 00:21:59.440 You're gonna have to see who they're trying to become, what they're grappling for, becoming a better listener, because not everybody picks the best words, and some people are a work in progress, but they but but I believe what I believe about our community is you're here because you're trying to grow closer to God. 00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:02.640 Want to be a better person, you're trying to figure out what that means. 00:22:02.799 --> 00:22:04.079 And how do I do better? 00:22:04.160 --> 00:22:13.279 So if we're gonna be a community of grace, we have to believe the best about one another, give grace to one another in this process as we work our way through it. 00:22:13.599 --> 00:22:21.599 And with this, we pick our words matter, our words create worlds, they create them in our own heads, they create them in our own environment. 00:22:21.839 --> 00:22:39.680 And I believe as we as a church are growing in number, we're expanding our facility, we're facilitating community, we need to be intentional, and we need to be committed and vigilant to growing as a healthy community. 00:22:39.920 --> 00:22:44.799 One of the beauties of this church is the diversity of our church. 00:22:45.119 --> 00:22:50.079 Cultural, generational, there's the stuff you can see, but there's a whole lot more you can't see. 00:22:50.240 --> 00:22:58.720 There are some that are very creative, there are some that are engineers, there are some that are designers, there are some that are, you know, show their emotions, some that aren't. 00:22:58.799 --> 00:23:08.400 We have introvert, extrovert, all of this coming together, and we see what it looks like in the world, we need to function at an even higher level. 00:23:08.640 --> 00:23:10.079 So here's what I want you to do. 00:23:10.160 --> 00:23:13.920 Number one, I hope you'll take this and I hope you'll think about the application. 00:23:14.079 --> 00:23:17.039 Is there anywhere you're thinking, saying, and doing are out of alignment? 00:23:17.279 --> 00:23:28.640 Maybe there's in here you've been saying what you feel and what you think because you're trying to grapple to clarity when your feelings are out of whack, when your heart's broken, when you're frustrated, when you're feeling something you don't want to feel. 00:23:28.720 --> 00:23:32.880 I feel weak, I feel hopeless, I feel whatever you feel, and a lot of that's coming out of your mouth. 00:23:32.960 --> 00:23:36.400 Maybe you're getting stuck in your feelings because I just keep saying this. 00:23:36.480 --> 00:23:38.640 I'm gonna give you something to get out of that. 00:23:38.799 --> 00:23:46.880 But maybe maybe that's where you're at, or maybe it's here, and then we're gonna talk more about this next week about conversation and how we can get better at this. 00:23:47.119 --> 00:23:50.960 But but I want you to think about words serving two purposes. 00:23:51.599 --> 00:23:53.279 Serving two purposes. 00:23:53.519 --> 00:24:04.400 One, they can define reality, but if I don't use it for the second purpose, which is to define a new future reality, I'll stay stuck in my current reality. 00:24:05.279 --> 00:24:14.480 So I'm gonna give you a sentence for you to pray about, talk with your friends about, talk with your family about, and fill in the blank. 00:24:14.559 --> 00:24:15.440 Alright, here it is. 00:24:15.599 --> 00:24:21.200 Currently I am blank, but I will blank. 00:24:22.400 --> 00:24:23.599 Currently I am. 00:24:23.759 --> 00:24:35.519 There may be something about your current reality in your feelings, in your head, in your thinking, and because you're you're stopping there, currently I am, you're getting stuck in that. 00:24:35.599 --> 00:24:37.359 You need to add the future. 00:24:37.680 --> 00:24:38.960 Where am I going? 00:24:39.279 --> 00:24:41.119 So I wrote a few down. 00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:46.720 Currently, I am in a season of grief, but I will heal. 00:24:47.680 --> 00:24:54.400 Currently, I am in bondage to something, but I will do whatever it takes to find freedom. 00:24:54.799 --> 00:25:04.160 Currently, I am not able to trust people, but I will dig deep and refuse to block everyone out. 00:25:04.480 --> 00:25:13.839 Currently, I am not able to be trusted, but I will develop character and become a person of consistency and integrity. 00:25:14.079 --> 00:25:21.359 Currently, I am confused about what's going on in my head, but I will figure out what's going on. 00:25:21.839 --> 00:25:29.519 Currently, I am holding bitterness towards somebody, but I will find a way to forgive and find peace. 00:25:30.160 --> 00:25:35.839 Currently, we have a broken marriage, but we will. 00:25:37.359 --> 00:25:40.880 We will do whatever it takes to get healthy. 00:25:41.920 --> 00:25:44.400 So use your words to define reality. 00:25:44.640 --> 00:25:47.119 Use your words to define a future reality. 00:25:47.599 --> 00:26:03.119 Um we talk about words creating worlds, and you think about positive thinking, and sometimes positive words lead to positive feelings, lead to positive outcomes. 00:26:03.440 --> 00:26:09.119 But have you ever been in a position where it's like every time you start talking positive, it's like bad stuff happens? 00:26:11.119 --> 00:26:13.440 So I've shared with you guys a little bit about our family. 00:26:13.519 --> 00:26:16.319 You know, we have three kids, and our two boys are on the spectrum. 00:26:16.480 --> 00:26:25.599 Our middle son, our older son, he's 12 now, his name's Hudson, and um Hudson is he's more volatile than Miles, so he'll have higher highs, lower lows. 00:26:25.759 --> 00:26:30.240 Miles is um Miles goes to uh a school with like neurotypical kids. 00:26:30.319 --> 00:26:31.839 He's in this sort of integrated classroom. 00:26:32.000 --> 00:26:41.039 Hudson uh has a special school that he goes to, and um he melt down and he has more sensory issues, and he's got all this stuff, and so it's been a real challenge. 00:26:41.200 --> 00:27:04.319 Like it's been a totally different playbook, and I've been uh I've tried to be generous with the story, not that I want to make every Sunday about our family, whatever, but I try to think about what God's teaching me, what God's showing me, and it's not about autism, it's about that thing, and I want to share it with you, and hopefully, it's just been wild to see the way God's used that in people who don't have the same situation we do, but it's useful. 00:27:04.480 --> 00:27:09.039 And so um there was Shayla and I started to notice a correlation. 00:27:09.200 --> 00:27:17.039 Like every time I would share a story about a victory, you know, with Hudson, it was like the next week he would be a regression, you know. 00:27:17.200 --> 00:27:30.720 I I remember doing this message on like I was always punishing him, trying to punish him out of bad behavior, and I'm reading first John, and it's like, you know, if you're basically afraid of God, fear of consequences, you've not had yet had a view of his perfect love. 00:27:30.799 --> 00:27:36.640 So I just decided to totally switch my plan, and I would go to Hudson, and I'm just like, Hudson, you are good. 00:27:36.880 --> 00:27:38.400 You are a good boy with a good heart. 00:27:38.480 --> 00:27:39.279 Repeat after me. 00:27:39.440 --> 00:27:40.640 You're a good boy with a good heart. 00:27:40.799 --> 00:27:43.759 To this day, if you walk up and say, Hey Hudson, you're a good boy with what? 00:27:43.920 --> 00:27:45.039 He'll go, good heart. 00:27:45.200 --> 00:27:46.559 Like I just made him repeat it. 00:27:46.640 --> 00:27:49.039 And then he started being good, you know. 00:27:49.119 --> 00:27:51.680 And so I came to the church, you know, here with you guys. 00:27:51.759 --> 00:27:56.160 I'm like, guys, this Bible stuff works, you know, it like totally worked. 00:27:56.640 --> 00:27:59.279 And so, like, Hudson, yo, we broke through, you know. 00:27:59.519 --> 00:28:03.200 And then, like, two days later, you know, it's just like this huge regression. 00:28:03.359 --> 00:28:10.160 And he goes backwards, and um Shaylin's like, hey man, maybe you shouldn't declare victory anymore, you know? 00:28:10.559 --> 00:28:14.319 Maybe not, you know, it's like every time some of you know what I'm talking about. 00:28:14.480 --> 00:28:17.759 It's like every time I say, Oh, it's going so good, and then it's like boom. 00:28:17.920 --> 00:28:20.559 Oh, I'm really trying, I'm starting to heal, boom. 00:28:20.720 --> 00:28:22.799 Oh, our marriage is better than it's ever been. 00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:23.759 Huge fight. 00:28:23.920 --> 00:28:26.720 And so you're like, man, what do I even do with words? 00:28:27.200 --> 00:28:28.960 Because they create worlds. 00:28:29.200 --> 00:28:39.839 And sometimes positive words lead to positive feelings, lead to positive outcomes, and sometimes it feels like my words, you know, don't match my reality, or what do I do? 00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:42.640 And I think what I just gave you is helpful. 00:28:42.720 --> 00:28:46.000 It's this I can use my words to define reality. 00:28:46.160 --> 00:28:49.279 We don't do anybody any good by sticking our head in the sand. 00:28:49.599 --> 00:28:54.400 We do define where we are, but we make a choice to say, I will not stay here. 00:28:54.480 --> 00:29:04.559 And so Shayla and I have had to come to that place where in our marriage with our son, I'm I'd just be frank with you to tell you sometimes it has felt hopeless. 00:29:04.720 --> 00:29:06.480 That's my feeling. 00:29:06.799 --> 00:29:08.480 That's what my heart feels. 00:29:08.640 --> 00:29:13.359 I'm tired of throwing spaghetti against the wall, one piece sticks, and then it falls down. 00:29:13.599 --> 00:29:16.799 I'm tired of that, I feel like it's it just always goes backwards. 00:29:16.880 --> 00:29:20.559 I've I've had the same type of attack in my mind and the feelings around that. 00:29:20.720 --> 00:29:23.519 And so we've had to go, look, this is where we are, but this is where we're going. 00:29:23.920 --> 00:29:31.200 It it right now, right now, currently, currently, we're stuck in this problem, but I will, we will get to a better place. 00:29:31.440 --> 00:29:33.279 I don't know exactly what it's gonna look like. 00:29:33.359 --> 00:29:34.720 I know it's gonna be better than this. 00:29:34.880 --> 00:29:42.559 We're gonna keep trying stuff, we're gonna keep pulling levers, we're gonna keep being patient, we're gonna keep working together, we're gonna keep fighting the problem, not the person. 00:29:42.720 --> 00:30:00.880 We're gonna keep doing the right thing, and we're gonna keep our attitude right, and we're gonna encourage each other, and we're gonna speak positively and we're gonna speak about where we're going because our words create a world that our son is a part of, that our marriage is a part of, that helps me in the moments where I go, it's just all this other shoe always drops. 00:30:01.039 --> 00:30:02.799 No, I'm not going to think like that. 00:30:02.960 --> 00:30:04.400 I'm not going to get stuck in that. 00:30:04.559 --> 00:30:10.480 People that live in their feelings and only articulate their current reality get stuck in that reality. 00:30:10.720 --> 00:30:12.079 We're going to a better place. 00:30:12.160 --> 00:30:13.440 We're going to a different place. 00:30:13.680 --> 00:30:16.319 Currently I am, but I will. 00:30:16.480 --> 00:30:17.759 I end with this. 00:30:18.799 --> 00:30:20.960 John 13, 34, 35. 00:30:21.039 --> 00:30:23.759 I referenced it before, but I want to come back to it. 00:30:24.319 --> 00:30:27.759 Jesus says, Now I'm giving you a new commandment. 00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:29.759 Love each other. 00:30:30.720 --> 00:30:33.599 Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. 00:30:33.839 --> 00:30:38.880 For your love for one another will prove to the world you are my disciples. 00:30:39.119 --> 00:30:42.559 Your greatest witness, your greatest testimony, hear me. 00:30:42.720 --> 00:30:44.640 There's a time to stand up for truth. 00:30:44.880 --> 00:30:46.640 Speak out with what you believe in. 00:30:46.799 --> 00:30:47.759 Take your stand. 00:30:48.160 --> 00:30:48.960 Do your thing. 00:30:49.119 --> 00:30:50.000 That's fine. 00:30:50.319 --> 00:30:59.039 But what Jesus says is, by this, you'll have your greatest witness will be the way you love one another. 00:30:59.359 --> 00:31:00.799 The way you love one another. 00:31:01.039 --> 00:31:02.559 What does that even mean? 00:31:02.720 --> 00:31:04.400 Does it mean we never have conflict? 00:31:04.640 --> 00:31:05.440 Absolutely not. 00:31:05.599 --> 00:31:07.279 Does it mean that we always have harmony? 00:31:07.440 --> 00:31:08.240 Absolutely not. 00:31:08.400 --> 00:31:12.240 Does it mean that we all uh in our unity, we all see everything the same way? 00:31:12.400 --> 00:31:13.440 Of course it doesn't. 00:31:13.599 --> 00:31:16.480 By this, all men will know you're my disciples, you love one another. 00:31:16.559 --> 00:31:17.440 What does it look like? 00:31:17.599 --> 00:31:28.799 It means that our thinking, our saying, and our doing, how we think about one another, what we say to one another, and how we treat one another is in love. 00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:43.759 Which means sometimes the things we talk about, we debate about, we wrestle with, we share our perspectives, somebody's gonna screw up locution and and even maybe even illocution in a moment because their heart is hurting. 00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:48.960 Because their maybe their perspective is limited, they're still learning. 00:31:49.119 --> 00:31:55.359 But if we have a community where we go, look, Jesus is at the center. 00:31:55.599 --> 00:32:02.079 We want to be a part of something healthy where we're growing together, we will give grace when people don't pick the right words. 00:32:02.160 --> 00:32:05.359 We'll give some grace as people are trying to figure out. 00:32:06.480 --> 00:32:11.279 They're even there, they're working through their motive, their intention, and we're gonna grow together. 00:32:11.519 --> 00:32:27.279 How do we become that community that's a witness, a great testimony of being disciples of Jesus that we love one another, that we think, we speak, and we treat one another with love and grace.