Secret Lives of Mormon Wives S4 Recap PART TWO w/ Kathryn

ROLL THAT BEAUTIFUL BEAN FOOTAGE. It wouldn't feel right to finish off our Secret Lives of Mormon Wives Season 4 recap without friend of the show, and voice of the Midwest, Kathryn! In this episode we breakdown the current Chase & Jessi scandal rocking MomTok, the Mormon manosphere, Layla trying to become America's Next Top Model, the downfall of Taylor Frankie Paul and what the future could possibly hold for The Bachelorette and SLOMW. 

So grab your favorite dirty soda and join us for our unhinged reality tv takes and hilarious side quests {any Shen Yun fans in the house??} as we wrap up this season's dramatic journey.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Hello, Mallory. Hello, Jackie. And hello, Clatherin. Welcome, Dan Favorite Special Correspondent. We couldn't wrap up recapping Secret Lives and Mormon Wives without Catherine. Our tallest of ton most beautiful friend. Yes. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 0:24

Yeah. At least I have some Mormon blood in me.

SPEAKER_01 0:26

The chat. Your eyes are too normal. Your eyes are pretty normally spaced. That's true. But the women, I mean, they often are, you know. It's true. You never know what doctor made these eyes symmetrical. We'll never know. I'll never tell my secret. Just don't use the one that Jesse used, you know.

SPEAKER_02 0:45

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 0:45

I look at old photos of her and I'm like, oh, you were beautiful. Beautiful. I know. She said she rewatched this season and was like, what did I do? I was so pretty. I like I looked so good this season. Why did I go for I think she took a picture of Demi into the doctor and was like, literally, do this. Yeah. Like, female me.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

Give me this face. You know, those are the trade-offs for actually having a personality, is you cannot always look like Demi. That's true. Welcome back to the pot, Catherine.

SPEAKER_01 1:19

Thanks so much. And I love you.

SPEAKER_02 1:21

My preparatory work for this episode was to listen to your guys' first episode. So I'm going to try not to rerun on any tracks that have already been played, but there you had a lot of hot topics. You had a lot of good.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

I know what? Speaking of that, I like how you literally just dropped your guises. You did. You brought it. You're like, I'm live from Lincoln, Nebraska. Your guises are not going to believe this. And I but I didn't say that I didn't bring any yins. I was very Midwest magical. No, you stayed true to your Midwest roots. I love it. I love it. You can bring insight that we don't have to this. Like, I mean, the early adopter of Chase, my God, you told us we weren't ready to hear it. Our hits were ready. Yeah. Chase and Whitney, y'all. Chase and Whitney.

SPEAKER_02 2:11

I was just saying.

SPEAKER_01 2:14

I'm taking you to the track this weekend. We're going to bet off some ponies. Catherine's also throwing back a dye Mountain Dew, just for those listening to know. Speaking of the Midwest, she's confident in who she is and she she slots the Mountain Dew hard. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:29

We are not in we are not ashamed of the fact that my insides might look like a nuclear reactor. It's very good.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

I love and you know what though? I love how you, for your children, you home bake them breakfast that's like, you know, gluten-free, muffins, aren't it, everything is clean. Exactly. Yeah. They can only have vegetables from the garden, you know. But for yourself, you're like, I'm gonna pour this green jizz down my throat and see what happens. Oh my god. I love it.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

The do. Do and do. They still have time for redemption.

SPEAKER_01 3:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:09

They they still have their they still have their lives ahead of them.

SPEAKER_01 3:13

Uh I don't know if I've told you this, Catherine, but my husband does the do. And a couple mornings ago, he makes himself a smoothie every morning. And a couple mornings ago, I was like, are you putting the do in your smoothie? He's like diabolical. It's diabolical. It has a nice flavor. It has a nice flavor. He said, No. I know he's behind you. No. He's gone, actually. But yes. I know. I was like, oh my God. And this the smoothie that he makes every morning is like the same thing. Everything's organic. It's nothing but like plant-based protein that's been sourced from the the Himalayas, you know, but then it's like and a splash of DMD. Wouldn't that carbonation when he when he does he put the dew in before he blends it or he just tops it? No, before he blends it. How does it not explode? I don't understand. Well, it's just a little bit of just a little, and it's a big thing, you know. Is it for the flavor? Is it for the the caffeine? It's for the flavor and the caffeine. Yeah, I believe so.

SPEAKER_03 4:09

It's outstanding.

SPEAKER_02 4:10

So what I will say is that this does have concentrated orange juice. And if we are okay with a brief aside, that makes it a breakfast beverage. Yeah. I will also say, do you guys remember the John Travolta movie, Look Who's Talking? And Kirsty Alley? Yes. Love it. Yes. Yeah. So that was the first time that I had seen a pregnant woman, like watching that when I was very, very young. So I think we were in the under five range. And I distinctly remember asking my mom, like, how did she get pregnant? And at the time, Christy Alley was going into the freezer and pulling out concentrated orange juice. Do you remember? Because they used to come in cans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Pulling it out of the freezer and dumping it into a pitcher. And my mom was like, Well, look what she's drinking. You know, because for a four-year-old, you deflect. And I remember thinking that concentrated orange juice made you pregnant for a very long time. Up until like last year.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

And that's how I had three folks. There you go. That is amazing. I love it. You know, uh, my entire childhood, people told me I looked like Kirsti Allie.

SPEAKER_02 5:19

I do not see it.

SPEAKER_01 5:20

Young Kirsti Alley. Young Kirsti Alley. Yeah, yeah. Pre. This was pre. This is like Cheers time. Okay. All right. Okay. This is two Wave Watchers. This is like it wasn't offensive. Right, right. Before it was offensive. Right. I was thinking like Wave Watchers. Yeah, like uh look who's talking, Kirsty Alley. You know? All right. Like whatever's happening now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

All right.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

I just like how Jackie and I went silent. We were like, well, then we were like, huh. How about that?

unknown 5:49

Huh.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

How do you respond? How do we respond to this? Are you trying to catch me?

SPEAKER_01 5:56

Trying to catch you slipping. You're like, yes, you look exactly like her, particularly in the face and the body.

SPEAKER_03 6:05

She died, didn't she?

SPEAKER_01 6:07

Did she? I think she did. Oh. I know she was a Scientologist. I know she's a Scientologist. Hold on. Oh my god. I think she died. Girl? Dang. Yeah, she died in 2022. Wow, warning her pretty late. Oh my goodness. Colon cancer. Dude, everybody gets a colon cancer, man. I want to go get a I'm gonna go get a colonoscopy right now. Do it. Yes. Yes. I got one a couple years ago. It's the best nap ever. Oh yeah. They think it's a really clean your soap. The microjactology drugs. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:41

Probably, yes. I have some some girlfriends of mine. We just had our basketball reunion and they were talking about how they had gotten colonoscopies, and they were like, you wake up and you feel like you've slept for a year. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 6:54

Yeah. I got one like 10 years ago. Yeah. But you get you do feel clean as a whistle, you know. I got one about 10 years ago, and my gastroenterologist, as he's putting me out, goes, I'm gonna keep you just this side of Michael Jackson. Good night. I was like, What? You mean like that side? I was like, which side? Which side? Okay, we digress. We digress. We digress. We have something too exciting. There is some every day. It's every day. There is news. It's every day. You can't keep real housewives and morally wise breaking. They bring the heat. Catherine, we're here to tell you because we hopefully you remember yet to Catherine. I haven't got to be able to do that. She's been traveling to Nebraska or wherever the hell you are. Yes. You know that you know that Jesse and Jordan he filed for divorce last Friday. Yes. Yes. She went on call her daddy on, or the episode came out on Wednesday.

SPEAKER_02 7:51

I yes, and I did. I am a call her daddy stand, so I I have her clips. Excellent. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

Okay. So late last night, early this morning, it comes out that she is has been seen canoodling, kissing, hooking up with Chase. Yeah. Yeah. And Miranda is pissed. Jesse sent her a bouquet of flowers with a card that's like, I'm really, really sorry. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 8:22

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 8:22

Yeah. I mean, can I blame the woman? No. Right. Who amongst us? Right. She's a Utah 9.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

Really is.

SPEAKER_01 8:32

But Miranda came out and said that Chase told her directly, and it wasn't until she found out from Chase that Jesse then sent her the I'm sorry flowers. And then TMZ broke the whole thing. Yep. Yep. Yep. And all the girls are commenting, like, wow, Bethany, why. Yeah. Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:52

I just didn't, I didn't see the two of them getting along. Um, I don't they're doing much talking.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Yeah. What's weird is the last I noticed in the last week or so that her and Jesse and Chase have been posting like TikToks together. Yeah. Just her and him, like funny ones. And I was like scared. I didn't really know they were like close at all. That's such a strange. And he was like repping her hair brand and stuff. And I was like, I didn't know they were buds cut to a few days later, and they're macking it in the club, apparently. Right. And of course, you know, Jordy's dumbass is weighed in, which the only funny part of this is everybody's like, shut up. Nobody wants to hear from you.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

We still hate you.

SPEAKER_02 9:32

Your hairline is just slowly growing forward until it overtakes your base wolf, man. Right. Exactly. Exactly. Um just this is probably the best news though, because I love Jesse. I truly think outside of her body issues, she is such a strong businesswoman. Again, not to rewalk the path that you guys have already talked about, but I really enjoy her.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

And but that's why it is a surprise thing, is because she is like a good friend. She seems like a girl's girl, a good friend. And this to me feels like I don't know, just clout chasing. And it's unnecessary. She's already got all the press. This is just gonna turn people against her. I just don't understand, and you know, Chase is just clout chasing, though I love him. Chase is clout chasing. I think Jesse's just falling back into her, insecure. She needed validity and attention. Chase is the hottest guy in Utah, and he gave it to her, and she's just vulnerable. He's an LA six, he's an LA six, a Utah 9, and I mean, I don't want to excuse her. She made this decision, but like ah LA face with a Compton booty.

SPEAKER_02 10:40

I I will also say I so to me, I'm like two things. One, Jesse, get your man. You are single. You guess it's your friend's ex-husband, but he's also been ridden by half this group. Okay, let's let's just say it for what it is. Maybe he's trying to just check the boxes. Miranda. I think her being mad about it is actually probably also per press. Yeah. What do we do? I don't know. Because she's not a friend of a teacher then.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

She said, like, I don't think, like, I'm not upset with him. He's my co-parent. We don't like I don't have any feelings for him, but like that is my friend. But she did TikTok of the flowers and the card, and she posted something. I mean, she's not I think you know, it's it's yeah, that's the normals among us when we're upset with our friends, they're not posting, you know, TikToks about it. You know, we're not evoking to it. I saw someone comment that Chase is collecting Mormon wives like Infinity Stones.

SPEAKER_00 11:38

So good. That's like genius.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

Have you seen um again back to one of my favorite movies that I've mentioned before on this podcast, Secret, or not Secret, Secret Lives? So Ghost of Girlfriends Past, Matthew McConaughey says at one point, he's like, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna close out my hat trick of bridesmaids. And that's what this feels like. He's closing out his hat trick of Mormon Lives. Good lord. Yeah, because it's been Layla, Taylor, Jesse, and then Miranda. Miranda. So he just needs one more, like you said, just one more to complete exactly the collection. Yeah, Macy's. We don't know what's up with Macy right now. Or Michaela. Oh yeah. Michaela Callie, though.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

Yeah, California.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

So Macy and her husband, are they okay? They seemed okay. It seemed like she was able to be like, hello.

SPEAKER_01 12:28

And his eyes are like she they're good. Oh yeah. He's a relationship. No, because he he had a couple of moments where he's like, you know, he tried to get dad talkie, and then she was like, No, no, no, we're not doing it. And then we never heard him say it the rest of the season. Yeah, I don't know. There was one point where he was like saying that, you know, he didn't want to like the man, the man was the prophet and not the woman, but like he didn't want to be an asshole, and like, I don't love that.

SPEAKER_02 12:55

Yeah, but I will say the worst. I love the juxtaposition that people are doing of Connor being a supportive husband, beast with his all of the other husbands, hundred percent. Yeah, and he's just like, Well, her career is a magnet right now, and this is the smart decision, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:14

Right. As he's wearing my love and support my wife, yeah, right.

SPEAKER_02 13:19

Like, I mean, my god. I will say, do not get me wrong, I think childcare full-time is a very tough job. I think it is super, super tough. But what I do think is that as opposed to these guys recognizing that and saying, my wife is a rock star for being able to do this, they're almost excusing it as a moment of women are really good at this, so it isn't hard for them, but it's really hard for me. I think comedy is kind of flipping that script and saying, no, it's hard for everybody. You just kind of have to suck it up and say it's hard for everybody.

SPEAKER_01 13:52

But also, let's not pretend that any of these people don't have fucking nannies. I'm stupid. You live in the Mormon community where there are 900 children at any time, but also think about their families. Like, that's this is the way Mormon families work. They have 500 of them so that at any given point there's a babysitting age girl around who can handle your kids for you, you know? Like that is very true. That's very true. I I don't think any of these guys are doing it alone, not one of them.

SPEAKER_02 14:17

Also true. I would agree. I do think there are nannies around, and that's why you see the shots sometimes switched because you'll see a kid like walk through the background while the two parents are sitting on the couch, and I'm like, don't see no one watching that baby. Because that's a very young child. And I'm like, ooh, shot man. Okay, we got a nanny who chased them.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:37

They want to keep it approachable, though. They want to keep it approachable. They're like, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're slugging through.

SPEAKER_01 14:42

Yeah, oh, we're just working so hard. Yeah. I want the sacred place to start because we are going to be recapping the back half now of season four of Secret Lives of Mormon Wives. The last hype half. The just the dark half? The darker shaft. They're dark. Last episode. Okay. I have not Okay. You have to lead. You have to lead. You have to leave. You guys have happy nine. We have not. All right, when we get there. We'll have to freak it to us. But I feel like this is a good place to start with Zach and Connor, but mainly Zach in the beginning of this back half, you know, really showing us the inside of living in California, him adjusting to being the stay-at-home parent and supporting Jen the best he can, and taking her out to dinner to talk about his feelings, and you know, sitting on the bathroom floor after he wrangles all three kids. And I already see Mallory's eyes rolling in the back of her head. And this is where I I've pre-warned Catherine and Mallory via a text that I'm going to have a hot take for them. Yes. Yes. Ready to hear it. Watching these two scenes and watching Zach. While he is not, he's no Connor. But not only did I empathize with Zach. Oh yeah. Hear me out. I identified with Zach a wee bit as a military spouse, as a military spouse. Hear me out. Hear me out. I have felt those feels before. I've had those conversations before of like, I I thought we were going to have more time together. I thought at this duty station we were going to have more time to travel and more time for our family. And it's harder than I thought. And I'm just trying to process it all. I still support you, but I'm also struggling and I'm telling you how I'm struggling. And I the dinner that he took her out to was explaining it to her. I understood. He was not saying, I want you to stop doing what you're doing. It's it's like I support you. I'm struggling. I'm I'm trying to find the balance of like telling you how I feel and also like telling you that I support you. And when he was just like, I don't want to give him too much credit, but from the Zach of season one that we started with, who wouldn't even let Jen go out to the Chippendales, who was so controlling and I think just so brainwashed of like, I have to be the man and gender norms, and I have to be the provider, and she needs to be home tending to the children. And now to see where Zach is in a place he never thought he would be, and I don't think he's really prepared for or has male support to be there, except for maybe Connor. And I think he's doing the best he can. And I want to I I will agree with that. I agree that he's doing the best he can, but the best he can is still bullshit. And what I'm gonna say to you is that you you have a a loving, committed relationship with your husband that is built on mutual respect. They do not have that. So you of course can go to your husband and say, I thought this or I thought that or let me tell you how I'm feeling. But also, would you have sat him down the night after he got denied a big promotion he was looking forward to and said, Hmm, that sucks, but listen to all of my complaints, right? No, you wouldn't have. And this this dinner was like right after she got kicked off dancing with the stars. Like she's still she had just started. She had just started. Okay, yeah, well, same difference. Would you have done it at the beginning when he just got his new promotion? Right? Like it's not that long. Dancing with the stars is not that long, it's a few weeks. Suck it the fuck up. I know what I mean. I think from last season we saw Connor and him on the patio in LA being like, we're gonna be Disney dads, bro. This is gonna be amazing. LA, here we come. And I think they got there, and it was like, oh fuck, that's not what this is. This is really hard. You're gone all the time, and when you are home, you're exhausted. And I think Connor is just we can't compare Connor and Zach, they're two different people. And I also think that Zach is very jealous. He's established that he's too convincing to be very controlling and jealous, but like his relationship Connor and and Whitney. Whitney, thank you. Connor and Whitney have what we might allege is a colorful relationship of a surgeon. Lavender purple. They're best friends, they're definitely best friends. Whereas I think Zach and Jen are actually, you know, like in a straight heterosexual marriage where he's gonna pull different things than than than wherever the other guy's. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I I I I guess we're talking about that conversation because there was a later conversation that happened that really pissed me off with him. Okay. So real quick, just Connor there.

SPEAKER_02 19:37

Level set. I will also say, to your point, I think Zach is 24 and Connor is 34.

unknown 19:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:43

And I forgot I always forget about that. I always forget about that. Oh, I need to double check it. And so I think Zach is because remember, he was going into med school, right, when this started. So I guess if you look at the time spans too, the maturity levels with which he he is comparison being compared to to your point, Jackie, completely unfair. There's gotta be a decade between the two.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

No, he's 29. Oh, as of early 2026. Oh, do you born as of early 2026? So he was probably 27 when this filmed. Okay, so is Connor. Connor's 31. Okay, so they're a little kids. He looks 12. That's the problem, though. I can see why you would think that because he looks 14. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:30

You know, just trying to give this man a bit of a doubt. But I will agree with you. I think if I is home all day with our children, I may have a similar breakdown.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

100%, I would, but I also don't think he is. I don't think that he's doing it alone. I don't. No, I don't. I don't think there's not nannies there. Yeah, or their family or something, you know? Yeah. And this is a different, so I'm confusing the conversations now. This is is this the same conversation where he was upset with her dancing with her partner at Disney World? Yes. But he wasn't, he wasn't, he kind of just was like, you know, I see you. He's jealous. He's a jealous type. He's a genius. He is a lot of jealous type. He's a jealous type. I see you promoting the show that you are on with the partner you are on it with. And that upsets me. Like that's come on. He's expressing his jealousy. Keep it to yourself, though. Keep it to yourself. I'm sorry. There's some stuff that you need to just you don't have to tell your partner everything. Go talk to a therapist. But saying in that aspect, I don't think Connor has those issues, allegedly. Like, I don't so that's like a whole full alleged that I think allegedly he has. Love him. Right, right.

unknown 21:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

I think Zach's dealing with a lot of feelings, insecurity, jealousy. And I appreciated the conversation between Zach and Connor at the Play Place, where he was like, I just need to find a purpose. Like I'm completely honored. For me, it's magic. It's fucking. Magic. Magic. He and Michael. Love it more. What do a little sweetheart? What a little sweetheart. Love a little close. I know. He is so good.

SPEAKER_02 22:15

And then I had this moment where I thought to myself, I was like, so what about my husband turns me on? Not magic. But I mean I just had this moment of like, huh, what an interesting concept. Because it's just what my husband would do with his time. You know what I mean? I was just like, oh, but like, you go, you go, dude. Like you do love that as obsession. Yeah. My husband is exact hunting somebody. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:39

Yeah. Same. So there is a scene. I think it must be in the last episode, since it appears that neither of you see have seen it. But this is the conversation that was right after she got kicked off of dancing with the stars where he was basically like, I'm not trying to mom shame you, but the kids do miss you. And that was the one. That was the one. This is all the same one.

unknown 22:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:59

Well, then I don't understand how you could be on his side. That was so gross to me. Shame you. Yes, he did. He was like, I can't give the kids the maternal like right thing. That was a gross thing to say.

SPEAKER_02 23:14

That was the that was the only part, Jackie. I because I think this is where I see a little bit more of both sides because I thought for the for the Zakus scene, this is a step forward. Also, he is doing child care, which to me, I was like, this would 100% I hear you. But when he started to play that game of I can't be the provider that you are, that's where I was like, oh, now I'm getting a little bit of a flag that you are saying that you are not inherently able to do the same thing as a woman. And it's like the reality is that's not true. It's just yeah, I'm sure.

SPEAKER_01 23:48

Although I also bear six moment, a six-week old, probably that one. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean he might have been like, I'm not trying to be a Zach apologist. I know. Baron and Jackie's like men's rights right now. Jeez. I I actually like the I like the sparring. I like the conflict. I think they should be. Jackie's going on Joe Rogan after this. I gotta, I got 30 more minutes and I gotta hit Joe Rogan. I'm sorry, I'm out of here. I just I felt I I I felt for him. I felt for him. And especially I understand that, but like I get it. I get it. But to me, everything you said in the conversation. In a vacuum, yes. In a vacuum, what he said was valid. And like in a vacuum of like not knowing the history of him treating her the way that he has and expecting the things that he has, he never in that conversation, a part of it should have been I didn't realize how hard this was when you were doing it. And I'm sorry for that. And that is the piece that's missing because he's only focused on himself. He cannot at all get to the point of like you did this for years for me. Right. And I appreciate that you did so much. Yes. And now I'm just exactly there is no right. Totally. If he had just been the only one doing it the whole time, sure, like let's hear it, you know. I also just don't think it was appropriate to do while she's on Dancing with the Stars. And also she is, like we've talked about however many weeks postpartum. I swear to God, when I was like a postpartum, if if my husband looked at me the wrong way, I'd be like, get the fuck out of here. I wouldn't want to see your face. Like, I can't even imagine if he had tried to sit me down and be like, you've been hurting my feelings lately because of your absence. I would have been like, I'll light you on fire and then we'll see. That hurts your feeling. I mean, truly, think about when you were postpartum. But I was just I'm just trying to throw him a bone in that moment. There was a moment I don't throw men bones. They're good. They start out with a big old pile of bones. They don't need anymore. Start life as a white male with a pile of bones. They don't need all right. Well, that was my hot take. I like that. I like the title. Not received.

SPEAKER_02 25:48

Denied.

SPEAKER_00 25:50

Denied.

SPEAKER_02 25:53

Oh well, Jenny and I are both blonde. We're just siding with the blonde community. That's what it is. That's what it is.

SPEAKER_01 25:59

You better side with the uh yeah, with the flesh stash. What did they used to call what is his name? Spencer Pratt Fleshbeard. Fleshbeard.

unknown 26:12

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 26:13

Oh have you guys seen? I know this is a side quest, but have you guys seen that Laguna Beach is gonna have a reunion, but it's on like Roku or something? And I'm like, no way am I downloading streaming service.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

Can you guys just be on Hulu? But they just rebooted the hills, and that was like the most epic disaster.

SPEAKER_02 26:32

Well, not a reboot, they're they're doing a reunion. So it's all a bootburn enough from all of them. Valid. I'm I'm interested. Well, I think the I will watch it.

SPEAKER_01 26:41

I won't watch it, don't get me around. I have Roku, Katherine.

SPEAKER_02 26:44

Oh, you do? Okay, then I'm coming over. Or should we save it for when Jackie gets back? Because it's soon. The countdown is the countdown is still. I know.

SPEAKER_01 26:52

I'm breaking down those paper chains every month. You know what? There are still seats on my flight to Milan. Catherine.

SPEAKER_02 26:59

Oh, you are so sweet.

SPEAKER_01 27:00

I mean, it's no Nebraska, but it's no Nebraska. No Nebraska. I may know it's red if you change your mind. Yeah, we will.

SPEAKER_02 27:11

I love that so much. Oh, yes, but Laguna Beach. My favorite part about those women, and and even Steven is that they try to make themselves approachable. They're like, yeah, we lived in Laguna Beach, but like we were like the poor people in Laguna Beach. And I'm like, okay, so only a couple mil a year?

SPEAKER_01 27:29

Yeah, yeah. Well, it's you, I don't think you watched traitors, did you, Catherine? No, I have not. I but I Steven was on it, and he once voted for a woman named Portia, and he spelled it P-O-R-S-C-H-E, like the car. I'm like, tell me you're from Laguna Beach without telling me you're from Laguna Beach. Rich white dude from Laguna Beach. Exactly. It was classic.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

Classic Steven.

unknown 27:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:52

I do. I love it so much. They try to make these themselves approachable and say like that they're self-made. And I'm like, none of this is self-made. No. But yeah. You know what? We'll talk about generational wealth later. We'll educate you.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

We'll get into that of America. Exactly. We can hear Jackie's tell us how she pulled herself up from her bootstraps. All right. So we're in California. We get back to Salt Lake City. At this point, Whitney Leavitt's basically quit the show. I mean, we don't see her until the finale where they're basically taking pictures for the show itself. It's just like, I'm done. She's not going to Macy's event. She has a full breakdown with Connor, which I agree with. She was to fly back for two-hour event and fly back to LA when you're in the little dance with the stars. That's insane. That's insane. But was it also a well-timed breakdown? True. Yes. Was she acting? Possible. She's like an unseen malady. Did you get that? Okay, great. Yeah, except how many more takes do we have to do with this? Oh, she does do a very sad soliloquy about you know mom shaming herself and not being there. Yeah, looking at it. I thought that was sad. Yeah. For sure. Yeah, for sure. Which I felt for her. Not as much as I felt for Zach's, but I'm just getting right, right. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. It's much having a much harder time.

SPEAKER_00 29:16

Like, first of all, what is Billy? What is Billy? Jesus. He's just a little baby. Human Billy. Oh god. Oh belly. Oh, belly.

SPEAKER_03 29:26

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 29:28

So bad. Terrible. Awful.

SPEAKER_01 29:30

So yeah, we'll be done. And then we're back to Salt Lake Macy's book event. Which was a big vent.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:37

Okay, tell me about that. Because that's what I didn't watch. I want to know. Give the give the listeners a recap.

SPEAKER_01 29:42

Myself being one of them. I don't know that there was anything that interesting. I did like that Jesse canceled her call her daddy appearance or whatever that event was. What was what are they called? She was hot mess or something. I don't know what the heck. She was supposed to be on some podcast. It's a call, it's a call her daddy. Uh it was a call her daddy offshoot, but it's called like something. What is her, what is the do you know Catherine like what her event. Yes, thank you. I was like hot mess. Yeah, yeah. Same thing. Yeah, Jesse was the host the yeah, the interview for Macy for our book event, and then got booked on Unwell and was like, deuces. And then Macy was like, the fuck. And then yeah, like brought it up to her in California when they did the truth box. It was like, I'm really upset that you like blew my event off. And then yeah, Jesse, like we think, she's a girl's girl, was like, Oh my god, I had no idea. I will absolutely cancel the Unwell thing. Like, your event comes first. You're my friend. And then hosted this, like, she did a big in an auditorium where she sat on the stage and Jesse interviewed her and asked her questions about the book, and there was a huge audience, and she signed books, and it was like a big deal. So and I wish that most people in Salt Lake went. Jen and Whitney did not fly back. Yeah. I I wish that it were they were a little bit more honest about things though, because everybody's like, doesn't it hurt your feelings that she's like not your friend? It's like, no, she's upset that you're not there because you're another big name to draw people in. Like, and that's a reasonable thing to say too. Like, yes, you are my friend, but like you committed to this, and I thought we were gonna have more people coming because there would be another big name there, you know. Like, just call spade a spade. That's what it is. It's not like, oh, I'm so upset that you weren't at my book thing. It's like I need you there to bring in numbers, right? Yeah, it's about the show and yeah, who's there, yeah. And yeah, exactly. It's about Tom. It's about Tom.

SPEAKER_02 31:29

But I did love when they were around the bonfire because I did see that part where Layla was like, Oh yeah, no, I'm going to her event. And Jesse was like, Oh, I didn't know you were even invited. And she was like, Because I didn't accept. Layla is to me, Layla is a very big girl's girl. And her voice continues great.

SPEAKER_01 31:49

I know. Well, so did you guys the last episode was she got into her eating disorder stuff, and it was really sad. It was really sad. Yeah. So she basically is like, you know, I'm 98 pounds, 5'10. And then they're like, she's like, I always feel like I'm not skinny enough, I'm not pretty enough. I felt like I didn't get the forward modeling contract because I wasn't skinny enough. And they were like, you know, you surely you see how beautiful you are and all this stuff. And and Jesse's like, sweetie, are you still on like the GLP ones? And she's like, Yeah, I mean, my I had a shot last week. What Doster is prescribing her GLP ones. 100%. It's general. It's general. You look at someone who's 5'10, 98 pounds, she's on TV. It's not like you don't know how big she is, you know. Right. It's IP. I could only imagine a virus and she has to be a she's like, I uh I am tired all the time because I don't eat like my I'm in pain when I go to sleep because my knees touch because I don't have enough fat. I'm like, well, all of a sudden our knees touch when we sleep. You can totally be tweeting there, girl. Yeah, it's called a tweener. Welcome to adulthood, you know. But it was really sad. Like it was really, I felt awful for her. So I don't know. I know. And that's another thing where I'm kind of like, what is Hulu's duty to these women, right? Like, yeah, they should get her something, some counseling, some therapy, maybe in between seasons. Maybe that's the problem, is there is no in-between seasons. If there were in-between seasons, she could be like inpatient somewhere, you know.

SPEAKER_02 33:21

If there were in-between seasons, we all know TFP would be at a retreat.

unknown 33:26

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 33:27

Okay. 100%. But not to go too deep there. But I I will say what the Layla thing, transparently, and I don't know how you guys feel. I I do not know many models. Jackie, you probably have more experience with them having lived in New York for a while, but I would say the Ford modeling contract component is actually probably more driven by surgeries that she has had to augment, for example, her breasts, as opposed to how thin she is, because the like the unnatural isn't necessarily what they look for.

SPEAKER_01 33:55

Yeah. Well, and also after watching the documentary about America's next top model, I think it's also like it's bad press. They don't want a reality TV star. Like none of those girls who are on top model could get modeling contracts afterwards because they're like, it's kind of embarrassing. Like you're a reality TV star, you're not like a serious model, you know? Right. Oh, exactly. I agree with you, Catherine. Her proportions are off. If you want someone that's that skinny, you want them completely flat-chested, like androgynous, very, very skinny. You're not going to get face. Yeah, it's not going to get clothing. Like the runway clothing that is made for that size is not going to have room for that bust.

SPEAKER_03 34:36

Unfortunately.

SPEAKER_02 34:37

It's very, they they it's like hangers. Like the women looking like hangers. If you when you guys go to Milan, I I've only been to Milan once, but it you walk through that train station, you can tell who's a model very quickly because their bodies are built like a clothing hanger. And it's gorgeous. Do not tell me wrong. Like they look stunning and they look like they're on a runway, but it's a very different style. And I don't know if she understood that.

SPEAKER_01 35:04

Oh, Mallory, we're gonna have to figure out before we go how to say I am not a supermodel. And I was just thinking that. Like, we're gonna blend in seamlessly. They're gonna be like, Are you going on the ghosties? We're gonna be like, no, we're just here to sightsee. Like, we're not you, the little one. Are you here to model capri pants? And I'll be like, sadly, I'm not. I'm not. I know I can't put all that away. I put all that away.

SPEAKER_02 35:31

I just clocked my calves though. They're beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 35:34

Yes, these calves were made for. I always appreciate being noticed, but not today. No autography. Thank you. Yeah, it's always nice to be photographed.

SPEAKER_02 35:43

But show me where the gelato is, if you're Grazie, Grazie.

SPEAKER_01 35:50

Yeah, I think unfortunately she looks too much like a reality star and does you not have I mean, it's about how you look. It's a business on how you look, and she does not have that kind of look right now. Yeah. So the other, the other big news from the finale is that the night before she's getting ready to fly the next day to the Bachelorette TFP. Look, her mom comes to get her in the morning and she's like, I'm not going, I'm too tired. And her mom's like, No, like we're leaving. Her mom and her sister are like, No, we're leaving to the airport right now. And she's like, No, I'll have to take a later flight, like I can't, I'm too tired. And so then the girls are all at the airport waiting for her. Macy, Michaela, Layla, all of them are at the airport with signs like, you know, bring home a bachelor, da da da. And they see her mom and sister, and they're like, Where is she? And like, kind of as all this is happening, Jesse gets a text from Jordan that he had heard from Dakota that they had hooked out the night before. So they all find out at the same time, like the women and her mom and sister, like she missed her flight and all this shit because she like fucked Dakota. I I know it was so disappointing. It was so I know. Oh god, yeah, I know. He is such a master manipulator. I mean, he really is a sounding, but he's like a he's a Utah manipulator. I feel like a normal, intelligent person could see that bullshit from a mile away. Well, no, no, no, not Shinya, Shin Shinia, Shinia wants to be on TV.

SPEAKER_02 37:30

Sh Shinia speaking of shits, she is great. Shine, she definitely sadly, I felt I felt for her because they got her on camera wasted.

SPEAKER_01 37:42

That girl, yeah, you got you you could tell she was new to this game. Yeah, yeah. She well, so then also, so after all this happens, she's going to the airport, she's late, she's taking a later flight, and the car. I don't know if it's in the car to the airport on the way to the hotel from the airport. I don't know if she was in Utah or California. She's FaceTiming with him, and he's like, Save a rose for me. And she's all like, then he goes to some event that night where Shinaia is there and back flirting and hugging and all the thing. Like it was a cohesive shit. He knows exactly what he's doing. And every one of the girls in the group, the mom talk girls, clocked him with the Shin Yaya, Shenwen, whatever her name is.

SPEAKER_03 38:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:30

Is that the Chinese like show that they always are trying to sell you to see? What's the one where it's like Chinese acrobatics? Shenwen? Shen Shenwen? This is not familiar to me. No. If you've never gotten hustled for tickets to Shen Shen Wen?

SPEAKER_02 38:47

Shen is that a version of Oh gosh, what is it you go to see, and it's like the people climbing up poles and it's really big way down.

SPEAKER_01 39:00

Yes. Shenu. Shen Yes. Shen cirque? It's like Chinese. It's this. Chinese cirque de Soleil. Have you ever gotten ads for Shen Shen Win? I have never watched. Oh my god. But you know what? Catherine and I don't follow, we do not follow mediums. So maybe this is part of it. My mom has gone to a Shen Win show. That's why you get it. Of course. Maybe it's a New York thing that they hustle out. Yeah, you go sometimes. Maybe it's the weird rabbit holes in the internet that you go down. Maybe it's you're an outspiracy. When you're our listener, has been to a Shen Win show. Please let me know. I forgot they're like, but Sheniah is like, what's going on with you and Taylor? And he's like, Oh, I mean, you know, she loves like.

SPEAKER_02 39:52

Oh god. And she apparently closed out the season. She she executed the season. Right? She filmed it all.

SPEAKER_01 40:00

Yep. She filmed a ton. And then when the girls were like, So do you see like a future with Dakota? And she just had a like pregnant pause and was like, Well, I mean, as a person, and they all of them were like, The fuck are you talking? Have you not watched his show? Do you know who this man is? Like, right now. Oh, that's the other part. Oh my god, this is the other part that you guys didn't see. He like tells everybody, At this, use your guys did not see the these guys did not see this. He gets to the party where Shin Shin Win is, and he um tells the dads there, oh, like, oh my god, you're not gonna believe it. Like, oh Taylor, I think she might be pregnant. You know, she said her period's late. It's oh it's so crazy. I'm like, get out of here. I cannot.

SPEAKER_02 40:45

That's her control. That's she that's you're trying to take control. Yeah, right. And control people. And it didn't, we've it didn't work. Yeah, yeah. I hope her ex-husband gets full test reading.

SPEAKER_01 41:00

100%. I don't know anything about him, but he needs the those children.

SPEAKER_02 41:05

The fact that he doesn't let them on camera speaks wonders, though. Right, right. That tells you he's a good dude. Yeah. Yeah. But poor children. I don't follow her on Instagram, so I don't know how far that goes, but they the the fact that they are the only child of hers that is ever true. And so the fact that the other two are protected makes me feel like he at least can make some educated decisions.

SPEAKER_01 41:31

Well, after I mean, if I were if I saw that video and that was my child sitting there, I'd be like, you're never getting you will never see her again. Like that's it. Yeah, it's same, same. I mean, that's just unbelievable. Same. Yeah. That whole, I mean, I appreciated that the the mom talk girls during the whole Shen Wen and Dakota. And then there was another random girl, Jenna, the one he cheated on before, who was somehow in the mix that he hooked up with. And them being like, oh god, do we tell Taylor, do we not? The bachelorette's in four days, like we have to get her there. And Layla was just like, what are we fucking doing? Like, why do we always have to manage her emotions and her feelings? Like, he's a grown-ass woman. Like, tell her the information, and then she is responsible for how she responds. We we can't do this anymore. Yeah, like I'd be sick of her shit too. She needs she needs help. She should not be on TV. And I really think Hulu should not bring her back, but they should air the bachelorette. They really should. I think they will. They're already starting to whisper like, yeah, maybe Anita will do it here, maybe we'll do it on Hulu. Maybe I think it's maybe somewhere. I mean, or we're gonna just pull the NFL and golf and uh literally every other fucking male sports that's full of abusers, you know? I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 42:47

Valid. Well, did you guys watch or have you seen any of the recaps of the guys who are on the show? No. What do you mean? Which contestants are there's some there's some really fun recaps of the contestants. I'm trying to think what content, but essentially they're one of the contestants is Lana Del Rey's ex-fiance. I saw that.

SPEAKER_01 43:10

One of them is the driver, was the driver of a politician who was like in a car accident or something. Yes. Oh, yes, yes, yes. Madison Cawthorn, that little head from Texas.

SPEAKER_02 43:22

Yeah, it was it was one of his best friends, yeah. Yeah, and he apparently walked away from the car. I mean, he was intoxicated, but that seems like exactly her style though.

SPEAKER_01 43:32

The guy who drunk drove a MAGA person into a ditch, like yes, on brand.

SPEAKER_02 43:41

But there were there were a couple of others where I was like, this is just this would be a rock star cast. This feels oh yeah, like something I want to see.

SPEAKER_01 43:48

Appropriately insane. Yeah. We need to see it. Release the footage, Hulu. We're calling for it. Roll that beautiful beam footage. Roll that beautiful beam footage. Bushes baked beans. Bushes baked beans.

SPEAKER_02 44:03

We do a lot of babies commercial work on here, Catherine, in case you don't. No, I love it. I knew exactly what you were going for.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

Roll that beautiful pean footage. Bushes, if you're out there, I'd love your sponsorship. We love beans. We love beans. It's like half my life.

SPEAKER_02 44:23

You don't need a colidoscope. You got the beans.

SPEAKER_00 44:26

Oh, I got the beans.

SPEAKER_01 44:28

Why are we helping out your ears? Oh no. Oh, there she goes. She's back.

SPEAKER_02 44:31

Okay. I was gonna say you guys are frozen. So you were frozen for us a second ago. Oh, okay. My wifi's probably bad. Mormon wives wouldn't be the same without you. So thank you for joining us. Far more fun to discuss, and it gave me something to look forward to. Same, same. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:48

All right. You both Nebraska too. Yes. Okay. Nebraska. All right. Okay. Don't you know? Bye. Bye, Catherine. All right. Now that she's gone, we're gonna talk shit about her. Yeah. God, she's so beautiful and tall. She's so freaking pretty and tall. I know. I bet everybody in the line thought she was a model. I say she only has that can you because I know it's so weird. Everyone just like assumes that you're just like a model in Moran. Like, I guess everyone here is just a supermodel. Everybody here is a supermodel because I am six foot two. Skinny and blonde and beautiful. So yeah, just assumed. That's fine. You know what? Oliver strikes. She's like a Nebraska 12. Oh my god, she's off the charts. She had to get the hell out of the Midwest. They couldn't handle her. Couldn't take her. It comes straight to the East Coobs. Alright, so TFP's a hot mess. I think we rats just, yeah, I see. I'm sick of her shit. I want to see the bastard, but I don't run, I don't need to see her on Mormon Wives. No, I I'm ready for them to pick back up filming, and I'm perfectly happy for us to not include her. Do we know? Like, I know on the podcast, Jesse said, like, they're all ready to pick up filming again. Like, you're ready to go. God, I hope they are freaking filming all this right now. Well, I don't know because Miranda said in one of her stories, like, I'm focused on my family since like we're not filming or anything. What are you doing? Get Andy and a camera. Stat. I know. Just somebody. Kitcha GoPro. Somebody do a self-tape. Somebody. Yes. Truly. Get back out there. You don't need TFP. You don't need Taylor Frankie Paul. No. You don't. They can refer to it. Like the Miranda said, we can raw dog it without her. Without a leader. Absolutely raw dog. Raw dog it. Just raw dog it. But then who do they have left now? If Jen is on a spin-off, so Jen's gone. Whitney's done. Yep. If McGay has now in California, I mean, who do we have? So they we've got Macy, Layla, Jesse. I mean, I bet they'll bring in. I think they were sort of testing those two trashy friends, Shania and the other one. They were just too trashy. Yeah, they were they were too trashy for me, both of them. No. Yeah. God, I don't know. I don't know. Um, they'll bring in some new bloods. Yeah. Maybe they'll pull in Whitney from Real Live, Real Housewives of what is it? Salt Lake. Now I'm like mixing them off. Real Housewives of Mormon lives. Utah. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, don't know what they're gonna do, but I really need them to start either showing us footage or rolling footage or I know. We're I wonder if this is something Demi's like hostile takeover, you know. Oh, I wonder if Demi will come back. Yeah, maybe interesting. Have we anyone else besides Demi? Just her and Whitney going on and off, right? Yeah. There was no one else in the first season that like left. I don't think so. I don't think not that I remember. They weren't that memorable. Yeah, they all all their faces melted together for me on the first one. So I don't think have a great grip on who was on the first one. I do remember the first season. We were like, wait, which face? Well, and Jesse's face that season was the same exact face. Oh, it's the same. They were the same person. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't know. We'll see. They need new blood. They need new blood. Well, it was an amazing season nonetheless. And it was a status error. Yeah, but we'll be here for more breaking news when it comes out. We'll be the first to report it. Maybe not, probably not because we don't get it that fast. We'll get a time difference and we gotta record. Then I look at lives. You know, we got kids, so we're like Zach over here, just all along with child care. You know, everyone pray for Zach. Pray for Zach. Pray for Zach. Pray for Zach. Yeah. Hashtag men's rights.

SPEAKER_00 48:43

And on that note, Mal.

SPEAKER_01 48:45

I love you. I love you. Follow us on Instagram at a Kiki Ketchup. Like our podcast. Give us a good review. Tell your friends. Spread the good word, like the Book of Mormon itself. Exactly. Tell everyone. Evangel, everyone. Eat your beans. Think of Zach. Exactly. Bushes, we're here when you are. We're here when you're ready to are, baby. Yep. Optim of it. All right, Mal. Bye next time. Bye-bye. It's a kicky cat up.