The Comparison Trap

We're all guilty of doom scrolling and comparison... well, except Caleb! Join us as we talk about social media and how we can embrace the blessings of social media while guarding our hearts and minds from unhealthy comparison.

Transcript

Setting The Table: Social Media

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Off Script, a conversation with no fakes, no filters, just real conversations about how faith and flesh meet in the everyday life, where we experience a God who made us on purpose for his purpose. This is Off Script. Let's talk.

SPEAKER_04 0:20

All right, guys, welcome back to Off Script. Um, today we're gonna be talking about social media comparison, all of that. But we first want to hear from Caleb on the one who doesn't have any social media. We want you to describe what you think all of our social medias look like. Let's do Instagram specific.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

Instagram, okay. Like each one of you, what I think your Instagram's full of. Garbage, I think. But anyway, let's see. Individually, Cam probably posts Bible verse and pictures of his old car that used to make a lot of noise. You know, that's probably not wrong. It's probably true. Morgan's is pictures of Annie. If you don't know who Annie is, that's her dog that about choked this morning, anyway. She was late. Avery's is always four weeks late on something, you know, like posting a picture of, you know, soccer three years ago.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

Yeah, no, I made my Beach Week post like a month later.

SPEAKER_00 1:18

Sydney's is, you know, probably He can't even think of nothing. Hey guys, check out my new living room, you know, like that. That's kind of thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:31

Or she'll like make a post when Mississippi State happens to win a game and they're just like, no, that'll be next year.

SPEAKER_04 1:37

I have all these pictures from this year's season and I want to post them. I just feel like I'm gonna get a lot of crap for it.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

Avery just reposts Ella because she quit soccer, so that's fine.

SPEAKER_04 1:49

That was mean too. I'm trying to be a good sister again.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

No, you're right. Sorry.

SPEAKER_04 1:53

All right, so we're talking about social media today. This could end up being one, two, three, four parts. Who knows? Because this is six, seven. Because this is just such a big topic. But the biggest thing I wanted to talk about and touch on, you know, we hear a lot about like, oh, well, Instagram, it's just your highlight reel, just someone's highlight reel. Don't compare yourself to them. But like naturally, I think we all do it to some degree, except for Caleb, because he doesn't look at it.

SPEAKER_01 2:19

He's too good.

Life Without Social Media

SPEAKER_04 2:20

So yeah. I remember I used to always like tag us in posts and stuff. And then it just eventually, I think because you did not get on it for so long, it just shut your account off.

SPEAKER_00 2:30

It did. It shut all my accounts off like I have. I've not had social media in four years, and it's been the most freeing thing. I mean, I don't miss anything. I don't, I don't miss anything. Like, I'm not if I want to know the score of something, I'll just turn the TV on. Like, if something major happened, I'll find out shortly.

SPEAKER_04 2:49

Do you have any apps? Like, like, do you have like the ESPN app?

SPEAKER_00 2:54

I'm not a barbarian. I mean, yes.

SPEAKER_04 2:56

Do you have like the ESPN app?

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Do you have like No, I don't, you know, I don't really watch a whole lot of sports either. So yeah. I'm a little weird. I don't hunt. I don't watch a lot of sports.

SPEAKER_04 3:06

What do you do?

SPEAKER_00 3:07

You know, I think I raise my family. I I think I'm just a man that gets after it, raises my family. I think that's what I do. I think I'll just spend my time being a husband, okay?

SPEAKER_01 3:18

So did it just did it log you out? Because you hadn't been on so long and you just forgot like your password.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

Like, how does that I didn't forget my password? It just says due to inactivity, your account has been frozen.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

Oh, nice.

SPEAKER_04 3:29

Yeah, if you try to look them up, there's nothing.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

It's crazy. Nice. That's right.

SPEAKER_02 3:34

But I'm gonna store an account and like pretend to be Caleb for the next like it'll be two years.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

It'll be a few years. All the posts will be late. That's moved on.

SPEAKER_04 3:45

Okay, so how do we obviously Instagram is a good for a lot of things, it's good for like keeping up with your friends or family. Like I have a lot of friends that from college I don't see all the time, and I'm able to like keep up with them. A lot of family that I don't live near. I think also social media is a good way to share the gospel in our posts. We can talk about like what the Lord's done in our life, also just like encouraging one another. So obviously, there's like blessings that we can embrace with social media, but there's also this part of like guarding our hearts, like Proverbs 4, 23 talks about guarding your heart. And I think like, how do we how do you do both of those things and then also recognize that there's this like sometimes there's unhelpful comparison with the other person on the other end of the screen?

Blessings And Boundaries Of Platforms

SPEAKER_00 4:31

Well, y'all, y'all, y'all make fun of me because I don't have it, but I I got off of it really because I was spending too much time. Okay, well, that's where usually people are, okay. But you you can't just delete an app and think that disciplined you. You can't think, okay, well, I'm just gonna delete social media app or not get on there, and now I have discipline. No, that's not how that happens. You just you just deleted something and you'll fill your time with something else. And so what I realized after I got rid of it was I know people are gonna say this a lot, but you're all all social media does is open up the comparison game. That's all it does. That's all it opens up is that game is comparison. Okay, well, look what they have, look what they're doing, look what they've accomplished. I mean, nobody posts terrible stuff that is things that you hope nobody finds out. Nobody posts that. Everybody posts things they want to brag about. And so it comparison steals your joy faster than anything else. Like if you want to know what what why why am I walking through a season with no joy, why am I walking through a season that's dead, I would probably push back on to you about how much do you spend on social media? How much time, how much energy, how much effort, because that literally just opens up a comparison, and comparison is one of the first things. It's gonna steal your joy. Okay, well, I don't have or I'm not them, and you're just getting, you know, the greatest things about somebody else, and you're not getting the worst things about things they hope you don't ever find out.

SPEAKER_04 5:54

Yeah. Do you guys struggle? Well, all of us that have it, do y'all struggle with the comparison thing? Do you feel like?

SPEAKER_03 6:01

I feel like yes. I I feel like my struggle with social media more though, I don't know, this may be for part two, but I feel like I I struggle being still. And I have noticed lately, like every time I go to the grocery store, I'm not like looking around me. I'm not looking at the cashier talking to her, I'm looking at my phone. And I don't even realize I'm doing it. I think there is something now ingrained because social media, you know, there's like it's interesting if you look into the science of social media, like it can alter your brain chemistry and it also can drop your attention span. And I think there's something about constantly looking and scrolling and scrolling, scrolling. You're you're training your mind to not be able to deal with stillness and quietness anymore and boredom. And I've noticed that about myself. So every time on the grocery line, I'm trying to put my phone down and just be present where I'm at. Like, how can I serve the cashier or the lady that's taking my order or whatever? You know, like I feel like that's an that's an issue that I have right now. It's probably not comparison. It's just it's becoming like something that I don't even realize I'm doing. And I think that's kind of scary.

SPEAKER_04 7:06

Yeah, I feel like my biggest issue is I'm like such an overthinker that I want to stop thinking, and scrolling on social media does that for me. Like I can just numb my mind, which then is not very healthy for your mind.

SPEAKER_01 7:20

Well, I saw I saw a a picture one time of they had it was these pictures of people on their phone and it like it edited the phone out, and like it was showing these pictures of people like so focused on something, but then they took the phone away, and it's almost like they were doing like drugs or something, and it's like they were just so addicted to what that commercial where everybody's got an ice cream comb.

SPEAKER_02 7:44

What?

SPEAKER_01 7:47

I know what you're talking about, but no, it's not what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

It's a vanilla pro.

SPEAKER_01 7:51

Morgan and I are highly confused. That's what it is. Um sorry, good going. My bad. No, you're good. But it was crazy to think like, because when you think about a phone, it's like there's it's there's so many tools to use for good. But when you when you have this thing and it's literally just a rectangle in your hand, it's like you hold it and it's like like Morgan was just talking about, it's something that becomes just so natural. And it's like you do it all the time, but you don't realize it. But then when that thing gets taken away and people look at you like without that, it's like you're just staring into an abyss, and it's like you're just so focused on this, and the entire world is around you. And it's like you just forget every single moment that every single opportunity that's around you, you're just so focused on on what you need to do and what and what you have in front of you. So I just think that's pretty crazy. And it looks weird. Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_04 8:36

It ends up looking really weird.

SPEAKER_02 8:38

I think with comparison for me, like in social media and all that, at some point along the line, like you forgot who you were, and you replaced the truth of God's word with the lie. And so I think for me, when it comes to comparison, that's kind of what I have to go back to God's word. Like, no, like I don't have to be like this person, like this is who God says I am. And so I think that when it comes to comparison, like at some point, you replaced the word of God and the truth that he says about you with a lie, and you believe that. And so I think for me, that's where I find myself, like guarding my heart and my mind against the lies of the enemy.

Comparison, Joy, And Identity

SPEAKER_00 9:09

Yeah, you're like you're like you're damaged. Like, hey, the more that I look out at what everybody else out, like I'm living a life that's I know more about being broken than being whole. And so you take that into this idea of like I'm damaged, and you read where the Lord has knitted us together, you think he's more stitched you together, like all these pieces are shredded up, and I gotta have somebody come put me. Like, it's not that is that he he's carefully knitted you together, and it's not uh this damage control idea of like, hey, you're a complete mess, and hey, he's you know, he's gonna he's has to put you back together, which yes, the Lord can do that, but I think social media gets you there a whole lot faster. It gets you there to the point of like, hey, I'm a failure, hey, I I'm I'm damaged, hey, I don't have, you know, like and you just get comfortable putting on this filter that will eventually fade. Okay, like this filter of everything's fine with me, I'm okay, and it's a smile, but you know, off camera, it's it's not that way at all. It's it's miserable, it's brokenness, and it probably leads you down a path of of loneliness faster. Uh and I I think it it I just think comparison is always going to go back to that same route of it's stealing your joy. Every time you compare yourself to what you have and somebody else, it just steals the joy over and over again, and it becomes something that it it almost feeds you. It it feeds you and it drives you to even more loneliness.

SPEAKER_04 10:50

Well, there's that quote, comparison is the thief of joy. And I was just thinking, well, well, one, where is your joy? Like, I think it all goes back to like, well, one do you know Jesus and do you have a relationship with him? Because if you don't, then you're not gonna have the Holy Spirit to convict you of like, hey, I'm spending too much time on social media. But also, like, there is a a thief out there, and he, if if your joy is not in Jesus, like I mean, even if it is, he's still trying to like steal that from you too. But I was reading James 3, 16 says, wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there is disorder in everything that is evil. And so I think comparison just fuels that envy and that jealousy, which le ends up leading to just more chaos in our heart and in our relationships and just every day.

SPEAKER_00 11:37

Yeah. What's the what's the worst thing you ever posted on social media?

SPEAKER_02 11:44

Every single one of my exes.

SPEAKER_00 11:47

Wait, can you go back and delete stuff?

SPEAKER_04 11:50

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:50

You can.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

You can archive it too.

SPEAKER_04 11:53

Where does it go? Like, is it really deleted?

SPEAKER_01 11:56

I'm sure they can find it. I'm sure somebody can find it. I'm sure it's out there somewhere. I'm sure it is.

unknown 12:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

I I don't know. I don't I never really post anything. And in the moment I don't have social media right now.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

So Wow, what's wrong?

SPEAKER_01 12:07

I I haven't had it for months now. Yeah. You struggling with something? No, I just well I and I was gonna I was actually gonna hit on the topic. I mean, if if we're done talking about what's the worst thing we posted. But y'all if y'all have something else y'all can say before I move in.

SPEAKER_00 12:22

I would actually love to hear what Gabe Nades is saying right now. Shared his heart. Do you need Kleenexes?

SPEAKER_01 12:29

There are tissues around here. But yeah, so I was like, and I was never really big on social media. I kind of just got it because everybody else comparison game. Sorry, go ahead. Because you know, I mean it was just kinda kind of thing where you know everybody had it and and at the time, and I've I had gotten it and deleted it multiple times just because you know, I just felt like this moments where I was kind of drifting. And uh I think there was I was back in back in November I was talking about a thing in Revelation where the church in Sardis on the inside you're dead, but on the outside you're alive. And I think it comes to the point where you're posting so much things on social media, so you get this like you get everybody this idea of who you are and what you do. And it's like, you know, you're putting and I asked people that I was talking to, the students I was talking to, and you know, I asked them about a Bible verse if anybody had a Bible verse in their bio. And like made the point of like, how many people don't even know like what that says? They just have it there so nobody asked any questions. Like, why do people have that there if it's just their, you know, somebody everybody's like, oh that guy's yeah, he believes in God, or you know, that girl, you know, she has fearfully and wonderfully made. It's like, does she really even know what that means? Or is she is just there?

SPEAKER_02 13:47

Or do they even believe it? Right. Like the verse it's in the book.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

And I think what I where I found myself is like I don't I don't have to have I would much rather miss out on the opportunities like the opportunities that I have in I would much rather have the opportunities that I have in front of me in real life than miss out on any opportunity. Kind of like what Caleb was saying, is like all these fake opportunities that you're feeling like you're gonna miss out on. Like eventually all these things that you feel like you need to know, you're gonna know. Like if your friends are doing something that you feel like you need to see or miss it, like that you're missing out on, you're gonna know that eventually. Yeah. So like I think it's just you have a patient's problem and you just don't want to feel left out. It's like in the day, like why do you need all these people to you know fulfill your like why do you need people to fulfill that? And I think that's where I kind of was, it's like I don't need social media like I would much rather be where I'm at, where my feet are. Like I'd rather be in a restaurant or a store, like opening my eyes to see the opportunities the Lord has given me, rather than be glued to some phone that gives me no worth. And it literally talks about in Psalms, it's like, you know, I will not get put my eyes on anything that's worthless. So it's like I I think that's where I got. So it's like social media, it doesn't mean anything to me. It's like you can you can make up so many excuses of like, well, social media is like there's a group chat on Snapchat, or there's all these things, and it's like, okay, and what? It's like if people really care about you and they want like they'll let you know that, I promise.

SPEAKER_04 15:10

Yeah, I've heard a set of parents say that they don't let their daughter have Snapchat and she was kind of complaining about it, saying that no one invites her to do anything. And I just thought that was so crazy. Because I'm like, well, if they're your friend, they're gonna invite you to go and do it. Well, okay, I'm gonna push back on a little bit just because their social media is so different now because people are now getting paid to do social media and it's like some people's livelihoods. So what do you say to those people who like I mean go maybe go get a job?

SPEAKER_00 15:40

You get paid to be a prostitute. But look. That doesn't mean it's right.

unknown 15:43

Right.

Addiction, Attention, And Presence

SPEAKER_04 15:44

Okay, but they're okay.

SPEAKER_00 15:47

It's my stance on social media.

SPEAKER_04 15:48

I don't even know what to say now. Okay, but what if they're like a stay-at-home mom and they're making money like creating content and posting it?

SPEAKER_03 15:57

You know, I think this is like the illustration when I was thinking about this past couple weeks that the Lord kept giving me, you know, let's say I'm all of a sudden, I don't know why I would want to do this, but I'd go home like I'm gonna go make myself a garden.

SPEAKER_00 16:09

Well, I'm gonna go ahead and shock if Morgan doesn't already have a garden.

SPEAKER_03 16:14

You know, I'm like, I want to make some blueberries and grow some peppers and grow some, you know, but the thing if you think about it with a garden, you're not gonna use only one tool, you're gonna use multiple tools to have a garden. I think about this, you know, I think what Camden said at the beginning is so wise, social media is a tool, but it's not our only tool. And I think if you think about it of making a garden, well, if I only have a shovel, I'm not gonna get very far. You know, it's not gonna be a garden. And I think that's kind of my policy, not my policy, but my thoughts on social media is hey, it is it's a good tool, but it has its own place. It's not supposed to be the only thing in my life that I look forward to. And it's definitely not something I build my life on. Is it evil in its essence? No. Is there evil on it? Absolutely. Absolutely. I think you have to be wise. We talked about this a little bit a couple of years ago when we went through Proverbs 27 of just be wise with your time, be wise with the things that you look at, be wise on where you go and what you do, be wise with the minutes and the hours. I mean, like I said earlier in the podcast, like what I think is two minutes on social media ends up being 45. And I'm all I'm doing is watching dang videos and chiropractors, you know, like I can never get that time back. So I think just that's helped me is, you know, if I think about it like, you know, tending to a garden, I'm not gonna use just one tool. I'm gonna use multiple. If I only use one tool, then that's not a garden. I'm gonna be if I only have one shovel, well, goodness gracious, how am I gonna sow the seed? How am I gonna water the seed? You know, so I guess in my mind it's just it it is a good tool that the Lord can use, but through the Holy Spirit's wisdom and guidance, give it the place that it has, you know, don't let it encompass your life.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

Yeah, but okay, I think back to the amount of people that have had to text me, call me, or sit in my office. And the gateway into looking at pornography was always through that. It was always through social media. I don't and I I mean, if you look at the percentages of how many times that the gateway is always like, hey man, I wasn't doing anything wrong. I was, you know, my mind wasn't going anywhere it shouldn't have been, and all of a sudden, like through social media, you know, this happens. And I would and I and I and so I I get that it is just another app, it's just another tool. Okay, if one of the tools is making you stumble, then get away, like get away from it. Like you can't say, okay, well, let me just try to just delete the app for a little bit. Because that all that does is teach it doesn't teach you any discipline. Right. It doesn't. You're just deleting something, you're just fleeing evil, but you're not drawing near to the Lord. And because you do that, uh all that's gonna happen is you're going to find yourself in the same cycle over and over, the same sin, over and over again. And you're your your body is the I mean, what first Corinthians, it says, I mean, we we are we are we are a holy temple. Like we're the holy hangout. Okay, that's what our body is, and we don't treat it that way. And it's like, well, I'm gonna push, you know, a spiritual side of me off to the side, and then I'm gonna live the fleshly way because something feels good or looks good. Uh and you don't ever create discipline because you still have the social media.

SPEAKER_03 19:36

Yeah, I mean, I think Caleb's so wise in saying that, you know, if it's something that is causing you to stumble, what is that passage, Caleb, where the Lord is talking about if your eye causes you to stumble, you know, or your hand, like cut it off. And he doesn't mean that physically, but you know, please don't go cut your hand off. But like please don't do that. But I mean, but the the the truth is still there. If this is causing you to stumble, not just in pornography, but in maybe, you know, Sydney quoted that verse. I think it's in James where it talks about jealousy is is evil and demonic. You know, get rid of it. Get rid of it. Like he's he's so right. Don't just delete it, just be like, you know, I'm gonna delete my account. You know, I've I've even known people. Um, I have a good friend, he went to a flip phone for a a short season of his life because it was just too much of a struggle for him with social media, and he felt like it was not just it was comparison, all these kind of things. So he just went to a flip phone for a couple years and it really helped him spiritually.

Scripture Against Envy And Chaos

SPEAKER_04 20:29

Caleb, you had talked last Wednesday, I think it was in James, about like only doing half what verse was it?

SPEAKER_00 20:36

Four. James Four, and it's just where the people are constantly arguing, and they could be arguing with each other, they could be arguing with their own selves, like they're just constantly in argument, and he's he's pushing saying, Hey, most of this is an internal problem. Okay, yes, flee from evil, flee from these thoughts, flee from what is wrong and what is what is condemning, flee from these things. And then there's a period, and then it says, Okay, now I need you to draw near to the Lord. Draw near to him. And so you can't just do half of this statement. You gotta do the entire thing, and you can't say, Well, I'm going to I'm gonna flee from sin because this person and I are constantly in sin. You flee from them, but you never pursue peace. You know that you're just doing half the verse. You can't say, Okay, well, I'm gonna get rid of apse and never teach myself discipline. You you that that's not gonna work. You're fleeing from something. And I think it comes to maybe it the when you first hear this verse, it comes through guilt. What do I feel guilty about that I need to change? And some of that comes from the fact that you treat your body like it's a dumpster. Like you just keep putting garbage inside of it and thinking, okay, well, how much of this can I take before I feel guilty? How much can I take of this before I feel like something's gotta change, or I don't feel godly enough, or I don't feel like I'm on my how much can I take before all of a sudden my guilt and embarrassment starts having this battle within my mind of like, I feel more guilty than I feel like embarrassed. So it's now it's time to repent. And if you walk that line, it's just gonna get more and more, like more and more you're gonna put more garbage and stuff it in there more and do garbage control, or what it was, it's when the dumpsters coming, you know, when you miss trash day, you miss trash day. So what do you do? You just take your foot and you push down the trash more and more, and you put more in the more and more, and you just push it down. And then at some point, it's it's not gonna fit. But if you if you live a life where you constantly put something in the garbage, you'll learn techniques to smash it down. And you're just putting more and more in there until all of a sudden you get to a place where you realize, like, I think all that's coming out of my body is garbage because that's what all I keep putting into it. That's all I hear, that's all I speak, that's all I say.