BUILT ON CHRIST - Parent Series Ep. 2

In this series, you will hear from staff and leaders for our student ministry on parenting that is built on Christ. Each week, we explore a passage from the book of Colossians and discuss practical, biblical principles for navigating the challenges of parenting in today's world. Through honest conversations, each episode offers encouragement and practical insight into what God calls us to be as parents.

In this episode, you will here from Caleb Waid (student pastor), Kimberly Henderson (leader), Brittney Waid (leader) and Jeremy Moore (leader).

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:01

Welcome to Off Script, a conversation with no fakes, no filters, just real conversations about how faith and flesh meet in the everyday life, where we experience a God who made us on purpose for his purpose. This is Off Script. Let's talk.

SPEAKER_04 0:21

Hey, welcome if you're a parent joining in with us. Uh, this is a conversation for parents, from parents. Uh, and this is maybe you we got a room full of life group leaders that pour into students every single week. And so we just kind of want to hear from them and hear a little bit of their stories. We're gonna walk through Colossians 1, 15 through 29. We got Kimberly's in here, Jeremy's in here, and my wife Brittany is on here with us, and we got an empty chair for any of the you know 15 people that are in the room if they want to come jump up here as well. And so Kimberly's gonna start out, she's gonna read a little bit of the passage so you kind of know where we're gonna be. Don't just listen to us talk about it, but we want you to go read it as well. But Kimberly would jump in uh to the passage.

SPEAKER_01 0:57

All right, verse 15. He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation, for by him all things were created in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities, all things were created through him and for him, and he is before all things, and in him all things hold together, and he is the head of the body the church, he is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in everything he might be preeminent. For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. And you who were once alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he is now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister. Now I rejoice in my sufferings for your sake, and in my flesh I am filling up what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for the sake of his body, that is the church, of which I became a minister according to the stewardship from God that was given to me for you to make the word of God fully known, the mystery hidden for ages and generations, but now revealed to his saints. To them God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ, for this I told, struggling with all his energy, that he powerfully works within me.

SPEAKER_04 2:39

Amen. I would say that is a passage that if you've never read it before, uh, if you read it, and the slower you read it and the more you read it, every time you will find something new that you missed every single time with this passage. It goes back to I mean, answer this question. When your family thinks about the Lord, what's the first thing that comes to your mind? That is the most important thing about your family right there. What comes to your mind? And so when we open up this passage and it talks about that Christ is supreme, he's supreme in your life. Uh, we just got finished with a good conversation about as a parent, you know, how do how do we, what are the things that we struggle with to make to have this idea that the Lord is supreme over everything in my life? He is not just a fortune cookie that all of a sudden you just go to and you just read in Proverbs or you read something in Psalms, like, oh well, this is a good advice right here. He is supreme over every aspect of your life, he over everything, and how that funnels down to your kids. I and so maybe this could open up the conversation of how do we allow and how do we, you know, get into a kid's mind or a teenager's mind that the Lord is supreme. He is supreme. And I that's probably first of all how we act first, but more importantly, like I mean, uh you see anxiousness uh skyrocket with teenagers now. You see this anxiety that it's a constant flow of I mean, think about it's it's I mean, even in our student ministry, uh the majority of kids are on some kind of an anxiety medicine. You know, and twenty years ago that wasn't the case. And so how how do you put instill into a generation like that that the Lord is supreme? You know, it all things come down to him and what he allows to happen.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

I think some of that just begins with us. Like we have to model that for our kids. And so I think when we're walking through a situation that might seem like it should, you know, stress us out or cause us to have anxiety, they're looking to us just to kind of see how, you know, how did mom and dad, how do we handle this? And I think we even talk about this with our, you know, my seventh grade girls life group, but you know, especially as a female, like we are just we're so emotional and our emotions are up and down and everywhere. And just a reminder that like how we feel, like that's not always what truth is, and that the only thing that's true is what God's word says. And so I just have to have guardrails on myself of like as a parent, of you know, what does God's word say? And always go back to Philippians 4.8 when it talks about, you know, whatever is true, whatever is pure, whatever is kind. And I and I really just have to say each of those things and and what I'm thinking, is that this? Like, and what I'm thinking, is it true? Is it noble? Is it pure? Is it lovely? Is it commendable? And I just have to think like if if it's not, and if it if my thoughts aren't lining up to what God's word says, then that's not what truth is.

SPEAKER_04 5:37

And yeah, I would I wonder if if okay, well then in the passage it says, in in him all things hold together. You know, Kimberly, why how it in him all things hold together? How how does that instill into a a 14-year-old?

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Well, when I was thinking about this verse in particular, I had been thinking about it for several days, just about that that Christ in him, he was before creation, he was the agent of creation, and now he sustains and holds everything together. And so I had focused a lot of my attention on that. But this morning, just in talking with the Lord, I kind of did the flip on that, and it's like it's not Kimberly that holds all things together.

SPEAKER_04 6:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

And so to me, that's very freeing because with so many things going on, we've had a very busy season.

SPEAKER_04 6:25

Wait, when you okay, when you say that, do you is that like a a weekly thing that you have to do, or is that something like just seasonal? Like, hey, you know, in this season I need to know this, or is this like a is that like a daily grind for you?

SPEAKER_01 6:34

I mean, it's probably different for everybody, but well, I mean, this is something that daily that you would need to focus on because I think as parents, I know especially I, you know, we have I have issues with control and I want to control things and it has been a daily exercise. Our kids range range in age from 22 to 16, and so as they're getting older and leaving the house, it's daily learning that it's not up to me to hold my family together, that it's him. And so for me, I having to let go of that and having to let go of the control of all the of the small things and trust him in that. And I was reminded this week of a verse because to me that helps me rest because I think as parents, we get burned out. Yeah, we get exhausted, and I think a lot of people Brittany gets burned out.

SPEAKER_04 7:20

I don't, I feel like I'm at plenty of energy all the time.

SPEAKER_01 7:22

Yeah. So I mean, you can really you just get tired, and I get tired, and sometimes I talk to people about taking to the bed, like I'm just gonna take to the bed on this. And I have done that once in the past month. I just actually took to the bed. Um, but if we if we let Christ hold that burden for us, it reminds me of Matthew 11, 28, come to me who all who are weary and heavy laden, and I'm gonna give you rest.

SPEAKER_04 7:43

Yeah, he he said the Lord says he is he is he is the head of the body, you know. And it Jeremy, if you if we're if we're going to he's the head of the body, okay, and we're applying that to what Kimberly just talked about. Like when you're you're trying to figure out the order and you know, like it doesn't rely, everything's not relying on me. You know, like the Lord isn't like where does that apply to somebody? That's verse 18.

SPEAKER_02 8:05

Yeah, so what really stuck out in verse 18 for me where it says, you know, he's the head of the body of the church, okay? And a lot of times as a parent, I know I've struggled with you feel like an immense pressure, like everything's on you to, you know, make sure your kids are, you know, hey, look, are they reading their Bible enough? Are they, you know, it's like it is our responsibility to start that, like Jeff said earlier, you know, it's our responsibility to kind of like plant that, so that, you know, till the garden or whatever. So but what it what stood out to me in this is that he's the head of the church, right? So that, you know, I feel like it's important as parents that we're not, you know, we've got to realize we're not raising our kids alone. You know, that's what I like so much about the baby dedication, you know, stuff that we do here, because you're saying, hey, look, I need your help. I need you to come along beside me. You know, it's good to have friends and mentors, youth ministers, children's ministers, and all that to come along beside you. So you feel like the pressure isn't all on you.

SPEAKER_04 9:04

Well, you got those milestones that you walk through, like, okay, when a kid goes from elementary school to middle school, that's a milestone for them. But for you as the parent, it's also a milestone for you. Right, right. When your kids learning how to drive or going to drive, like it's a milestone, but hey, when they pull out of that driveway, tell me it ain't a milestone for you. You know, like I mean, it's one of those two where I mean, there's small milestones you get, like when a kid can buckle their own self up, you know, when they can, I don't know, when they can pick the spoon up and feed themselves. That's huge, you know. Like when they can go potty on their own, you know, like when they can do their own laundry. When they can wipe their own tail. You know what I'm saying? Like that, all these things are these are all great milestones that you you need to walk around people that have walked through that before. You can't just think, well, you know, I don't I don't know how to do this. Well, can they what time should curfew be?

SPEAKER_02 9:57

Right. It truly does take a village because you know, we're all doing this for the first time. And I it took me a long time to realize when I actually when I had kids that my parents had no idea what they were doing. They were just doing the best they could, you know what I mean? So I kind of feel like we're in the same situation. We're uh they're looking at me for answers and I don't have them. You know what I mean? But what I try to do is, you know, Deuteronomy 6, 6 and 7 says where parents are called to teach about God, you know, as you're going through day-to-day life. When you get up in the morning, when you go to bed at night, as you're walking along through the day. And, you know, the we do that faithfully, and we just kind of lean on God, count on him to do the heart-changing work.

SPEAKER_04 10:33

You know, we can I 19 through 23 in this passage that Kimberly read is uh so I think some people would have the thought of maybe generational sin would come up in this, or maybe my family's apart from the Lord. You know, like we we have the Lord is not supreme in our life, like a sport is supreme, you know, or money is supreme, or our house is supreme, or our status is supreme. And you've really said, you know, that's really not got us anywhere except for anxiety. You know, the fact that I tried to make this, you know, my job supreme in our family has caught a lot of anxiety between my wife and I. Okay, well, if that's how you're gonna feel, that's that's gonna carry down to your kids, you know, like, but then you might have some groups or some families that come and say, Hey, my whole family, all the way to my grandparents, have been a just a failure. Like marriages are apart. Everybody's striving for something, everybody's falling apart, everybody struggles with this sin. This is uh this is a sin that cannot be reconciled. You know, this is just my future of family that struggles with fill in the blank. You know, babe. So what do you for 19 through 23, where where do where do you where do you give guidance?

SPEAKER_00 11:54

Well, I think just important for us, for our kids to know that we're not perfect and that, I mean, we were it says, you know, we were all once alienated enemies in our own minds because of our behavior. And so apart from Christ, like we're we're just we're not perfect. Like it's his blood, it's the cross that redeems us. And I think it's just important for our kids to know that and just for sometimes we need to be the ones to apologize and to say, like, hey, I don't, I don't have it all together. Like, we're not perfect parents and in preparing for this. A couple of nights ago at dinner, I was asking our kids, just knowing I was gonna get like the nicest answer ever. And I was like, Hey, you know, y'all, Holland Fan Rack, can y'all remember a time where like I said that I was sorry, like I did something wrong, and I said I was sorry, and they all busted out laughing. They were like, No, mom, you were never wrong. Like you say you're never wrong. Like I had never been.

SPEAKER_04 12:46

I wish I would have recorded this conversation so bad when it was happening.

SPEAKER_00 12:50

I don't think, well, again, like at least. No, guys, there's a time.

SPEAKER_04 12:53

Think about it when I have been wrong. Think about it. Think real hard, guys. There's been a time. Everyone's like, no, there has not, mom. You've never been a there has been a time. You you don't understand there has been a time. And then she was looking at me, and I just thought, you didn't ask me. So I guess I need a word. Then I said, Oh, has there been a time that dad has said he was sorry? Everybody's like, Yeah, all the time, Dad. Anyway, I don't even know where that was just funny. You know, we but we all uh parenting-wise, we're all we're all different. Uh even uh Brittany and I, we we are we are different parents. I mean, we're we're just wired differently as well. It doesn't mean that a better parent or she's a better parent. I mean, take for instance today, we just got out of a service. It's not in part of my notes, I'm just thinking about this, but it wouldn't the guy that was preaching, Draper, or one of our pastors was preaching, and he gave a visual of a whiteboard. And there was just two formulas on the whiteboard. And as soon as he put it up there, my wife just started writing down what he had put on there. The first thing that went through my mind is there's not white chalk on that board. Like there's yellow chalk, blue chalk, red chalk. There's not white chalk on that board. That's not a real picture. Like, there's it's a chalk board with white writing, and there's no white chalk. You know, like that's the first thing that went through my mind. Right. And Brittany's over there writing, Life without the Lord equals the wrong answer. You know, like she's writing down the book what you're supposed to write, and I'm thinking, well, get some white chalk on there, man. Come on. Like, dude, you can't write that without, you know, like, and we're just it that's that's just a small scenario, a step of like, we're we're different, we're gonna see things different. Doesn't mean she's better or I'm better. And I think that kind of goes to a little bit of a conversation we had a little bit earlier. I think Kimberly, you mentioned it, uh when I'm not ever going to look at my kid and say, hey man, we're just not gonna tell your mom. Okay, or hey, we're not gonna tell your mom, or she's not gonna say, hey, we're not gonna tell your dad. And this idea that you can, you know, you you can live a secret life. We can live this secret life because I'm gonna tell my wife everything. I'm gonna tell her everything. I'm I mean, I'll find the right time, but I'll I'm gonna tell her everything because our authority is my authority, is not her and her authority is not me. It's the Lord. That's what it is. And so because he reigns supreme, it's not what I want to do, it's what the Lord has commanded us to do. It's not just what I feel like this is gonna be the right thing, it's what I what what what I know the Lord has commanded us to do. And and I don't know if you guys want to jump into a little bit of that conversation of you're different, but you both have the same authority. You know, you might discipline differently. It you're the tone of your voice might be different, you know. It doesn't mean somebody cares less or somebody cares more. I'm gonna say this, I'll I'll be quiet. This was a big conversation when Brittany and I first had Finn, our oldest, who's 13 now. She carried him for nine months. You know, like they had a bond that I did not have. Okay. And when she had him, she was very protective of him, you know, like and not to a point that was unhealthy, but it would you could just tell there was a special connection there that I did not have yet, you know. And I had to remind her, I don't know, the first six months we had Finn. You know how he's he's my son, and I I love him and I want to protect him and I care for him just as much as you do. I'm just gonna be different. And that was a learning experience of like, I I do like I'm gonna do things with him that you think that's not safe. I I care about him. I'm gonna protect him, I'm gonna be around him. We're very different. And you know, where you thought, oh, we're gonna parent just alike and we're gonna be all that like we we do have there's some standards that we don't cross, but there are some things that we are different on. And they're not unhealthy, but it was just a reminder of like, I I love them too. And that that took a season of learning, you know, I care for them too, you know, and I I want to be with them and I want to walk with them. And, you know, there'd probably be a healthy balance there.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Well, I've learned over the years, Tracy and I, we definitely parent differently, but I have learned from his wisdom, I'm the person who I want things to be addressed yesterday. Like if there's a problem, I want it handled immediately. And I'm a lot of words. So when I talk to when I talk to my kids, there's lots of words. And then at some point I realize, Kimberly, you've said that three times now and they're glazing over. And so that's how I tend to be. But over the years, I have tried to learn from Tracy's example. And so it might seem that I care more or that things are more important to me because I have more to say about it, or maybe I'm louder about it, or I want to handle it right now. But there's wisdom with what Tracy does is he measures his words carefully. And I've learned that over the years. And he said something to me a few years ago, and I've really tried to take that to heart because he said, when I talk, when he talks to our daughter, he says, I measure my words with her because I know that she values what I say and puts importance on it. And so we're not going to carelessly speak to our children. And so that really helps me guard myself because I say too much and I talk too much and I give my opinion and I need to step back from that a little bit. And so, you know, we care in different ways. I more step in immediately, he more observes. And then in his time when he has the opportunity, he addresses things with them. So he addresses usually when I address things with the children, everybody knows that I have. But, you know, Tracy, he takes them out, like they go eat and and has and he has those difficult conversations with them. So I think that it it's a good, it's a blend of both because, like you said, we both love our kids, um, but we approach it in different ways. I'm more, let's talk things through. I mean, we're gonna pray over it. We're gonna, you know, I'm probably gonna give you a Bible verse about it. And it's more of an immediate thing when I see a problem. But over the years I've come to appreciate very much Tracy's role in that he takes his time, he measures his word, he prays before he speaks, and that's really important.

SPEAKER_04 18:59

So, okay, maybe Jeremy, Brittany, maybe you guys jump into this part of okay, so then you're not just trying to raise just a good kid. You know, I mean, they one kid might go say, Well, I'm I I need some shoes, I'm gonna go talk to dad. You know what I'm saying? Like, or I, you know, like I got a girl issue, you know, I'm I'm talking to mom, I'm not talking to dad. You know, he's gonna think it's a joke. You know, like what, you know, like you you people might choose to go talk to somebody else than the other, or you might discipline differently. These are all okay, but when it comes to like this thought of, well, I'm I'm just trying to raise a good kid. You know, I just want them to win the character award. I just you know, I'm I just want to raise a good kid. Is that is that showing the Lord's supremacy in your life? Is man, I just want to raise a kid that's got good character, you know? I just want to raise somebody good.

SPEAKER_02 19:51

Well, I you know, I don't think so. I think that our our job is to raise, you know, Ray, hey, listen, raising a spectacular student or a uh a great talented athlete, that's awesome, but that shouldn't be the end goal. Our end goal is to raise people that they they put Christ at the center of everything, and that's what their focus is on. Because all the things we just had this conversation a couple of weeks ago at our house that listen, we've been blessed, okay? I've I've been blessed with a good job. I can provide for my family and everything. But all that can be taken away. Like the world could take all that away. We could lose the house, we could lose everything, but what can't be taken away is my name's written in the Lamb's book of life, right? So my salvation is eternal, and that's what we need to focus on. Not the things like, yeah, if you're a great athlete, you might, you know, go to the NFL and make a bunch of money. But at the end of the day, that's not, you know, hey, that all that's temporary. All of it's temporary. So we need to be trying to not just good kids, because I want my kids to be good, I want them to do well in school. Yeah. But more importantly, I want them to see Christ in the center of everything. Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_04 20:59

It's almost like the thought of you your kid can hit a curveball because you taught him that, but he doesn't know how to hit a curveball in life. Doesn't it? Yeah. Like he can tell you the lineup for this year's Alabama football team, but they can't tell you five scriptures. Right. You know, like you, you, you are pouring into them. You are pouring great things. I mean, it's great to know who all's playing. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with those things. But if that if your kid doesn't know how to pick up the sword and use it, I would say that's your training. You you you've got to train it. You can't be like, well, I'm just gonna drop them off a student ministry, hope they figure this out. Right. Like you we we gotta be the ones to say, hey, this is how I use this book, and this is what I do, and this is and you know, obviously the the older they get, it looks a little different, you know. But what okay, what's some realistic ways of how someone can say, well, I want to put this into practice now? Like how how does that look? What you think, man?

SPEAKER_00 21:55

Well, I think kind of what we talked about earlier, just like frequent forgiveness, like asking clearly I need to work on that, but just like letting them know that we're not perfect and that's what do you want me to say when you need to work on it?

SPEAKER_04 22:07

This isn't one of those times that a code word, you know.

SPEAKER_00 22:13

And just asking your kids questions like weekly, like where did you see Jesus work in your life this week? Asking them questions like that. And I like what Jeremy said earlier, that verse in Deuteronomy, just it's not just like a time of day that you are picking to talk about these things about the Lord, but it's like a constant reminder on your tongue. Like when you wake up, you're just like talking about his goodness. When you're walking throughout your day, you're talking about his goodness, when you lay down at night, and it's just always a constant conversation that you're having in your house, just a conf conversation about how good the Lord is and what he's doing. And but it's not just like a set, like, oh, it's Sunday, we better talk about this, but it's just a constant flow of your home.

SPEAKER_04 22:52

Yeah, yeah. It should be a natural conversation. If it's not, it's just because you're not doing it enough. You know, the more you do it, it just becomes natural. So if it's not natural, then then make it natural. I would leave with this thought, verse 29. I hope it lets you or reminds you of this that everybody that is on this conversation and the people that are in this room will tell you that I'm weak and I'm not perfect. And there's multiple things in this room that we all struggle with. There's multiple things that we're not proud of, and there's multiple things that are secret that we hope people don't find out. You know, like there's multiple of those things that are in this room, but it reminds us that as just as a parent, that where I am weak, like his his who he is, his strength can be made perfect in our weakness. We don't have to be perfect. We have to be available. We have to be a listener, a doer of his word, not someone that's just saying, Well, here's the promises. I hope they come my way, but it's to be one that responds to his commands and does what he asks, not just to raise a good kid, but to raise a godly kid, not just to have a good family, but a godly family. And some of that is understanding it's his righteousness that we put on not our own. It's not our own. And so, because of that, his strength can be made perfect in our weakness.