BUILT ON CHRIST - Parent Series Ep. 4

In this series, you will hear from staff and leaders for our student ministry on parenting that is built on Christ. Each week, we explore a passage from the book of Colossians and discuss practical, biblical principles for navigating the challenges of parenting in today's world. Through honest conversations, each episode offers encouragement and practical insight into what God calls us to be as parents.

In this episode, you will here from Caleb Waid (student pastor), Clint Head (leader) and Tammy Erbrick (leader).

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Welcome to OffScript, a conversation with no fakes, no filters, just real conversations about how faith and flesh meet in the everyday life, where we experience a God who made us on purpose for his purpose. This is Off Script. Let's talk.

SPEAKER_03 0:28

And I I think I want to start off with uh probably a question if you're riding your car, maybe you're just walking and listening to this. This question, if if you are someone who has dove into the world, and when I say the world, like you might love the Lord, you might be far away from him, but your job has just took you in a route you just didn't think you were gonna go. Maybe you have found yourself completely surrounded by the things of this world. And that can go, and that could be things that uh sports-related, kids-related, school-related, you've just work-related, money-related, you have just found yourself in love with the things of this world, and you have moved around job-wise, you've moved around emotionally over maybe the last few years. I would just say if you've spent all your energy trying to understand this world or trying to give what this world will give you, how has that been working out for you? How has it been working out for you as a parent? If you just gave yourself to money, work, sports, your kids, how has that worked out for you so far? I mean, if you've done that for the last five years, I would just assume you're feeling like, man, I'm I'm still missing something. I have not arrived. I'm still, what's wrong with me? I mean, I would assume that's probably where you are. And that's how most people start this conversation is I I'm just not who I thought I was going to end up being. I mean, I thought when I was this old, this is what I would be doing, and this is not me right now. And and I this passage in chapter three, and really I was kind of looking at one through four. It was just talking about how to put Christ above all and and and how to live a life where he is above all. I would say this passage, really chapter three talks about things that you put on, things that you need to take off, things that you need to surrender to him. And I I would the scripture talks about setting your minds on things above. And like I said, we're in a room full of parents, and we got two of them that are on here today joining us. But how how do you how do you do that? How do you set your mind above? How do you put Christ above all things? And especially if somebody says, Man, I do I do love the Lord and I I love the church, but I'm just not there. You know, how how where do you where do you where do you where do you lead that person?

SPEAKER_01 2:54

I don't think in your day-to-day that there's a way to, at least for me, to compartmentalize my faith. So it, and this is something that I've really struggled in conveying to my kids, is how do you, as an employee, conduct yourselves at work when I'm trying to do a task or a job? Do I do that with my intention of I want to get recognized from my boss? Or is it that I want to honor Christ? It how do how do I set my kids, how do I point them to Christ in a way, how do I live as a parent in a way that shows them who Christ is to me? If I can't so let's say I can't I can't get up and make breakfast my kids, you know, get up early when Andrew goes to work, it's something that actually Ashley and I, she fusses at me for getting up so early, but you know, when he's I worry about him because I don't want him to miss work. You know, and it's not that I'm trying to still coddle him or you know, squeeze him through life, but I want him to the see the servitude that I have only because of the work that Christ has done for me. It's the same way that I want to to love my wife. Is the only way I'm able to do that is is if I'm able to see the work that Christ has done in me. And it, you know, I agree with what's already been said is if I'm not in the Word, I won't even know who Christ is.

SPEAKER_03 4:36

Yeah, I think you gotta have that layer of one, do you do you know what Jesus said? Like you you're not gonna know unless you read what he said and or you know, you've you've listened to what he said, and you someone has explained to you this is what Jesus has said. Like you you need to know the the word.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Because if you're only listening to the world every day, it can get very confusing. And so being in the word draws you to the truth and it's consistent.

SPEAKER_03 5:04

Yeah. I I think too your spouse, your kids, people at work, if you create a standard that is not set because it feels right, you create a standard because this is what the Lord has commanded you to do. It will it will set you apart pretty quick. I mean, for instance, I mean you just take, I mean, you take language cussing. I mean, if you go through this world and you don't cuss, you will be set apart really quick. You know, like I mean, in any kind of work field, anything like if you're gonna say, hey, I'm going to have a standard that I'm not going to, you know, I mean, just, hey, I'm going to go 30 days and not lie. I mean, that you realize, my gosh, I think I lie a lot. You know, like I I think it's a standard that it's not because something feels right. I mean, for instance, when we have to discipline a child, we have to get on to someone, and they realize I don't want, I mean, I don't want, I don't want to get you in trouble. I don't want, I really don't want to have to discipline you because I know you're sorry, but you do have to have discipline. Like there is a repercussion. I've got to give that to you. It's not because I wanted to, it's because the Lord has commanded me to raise you up a certain way. And, you know, I think too, it's when it comes to like for our family, when it comes to phones and when it comes to how we handle social media or how we handle the TV or our do we have barriers? Yes. You know, how wide they are and how narrow they are. I think that's just between my wife and I, what, you know, of what we can do. But there's certain things that we do not allow and we cannot do because the Lord has commanded this is what we don't do. So there's some part of that that's wisdom over 20 years of student ministry. We can be like, hey, this is not healthy, okay, because we've seen it. There's other things that are we don't do this, period, because it is very clear this is what we don't do. And I think you can't have a marriage or parenting based off of what feels right. Well, this just feels right. We should probably do this because some things do feel right. Like there's some things like, hey, that doesn't feel right. We probably shouldn't do that. And there's, you know, and it's probably because you have some spiritual pooling in your life that says, hey, this is not right or it's immoral. But every decision can't be based off of, well, this feels right, because it will take you down a path that, you know, if your heart says, hey, go do this, or man, I just listen to my heart, all things evil flow from it. And if you're leading with your heart, you're gonna step into some areas that just feel right, but are completely contradictory to what the L the Lord has already commanded us to do.

SPEAKER_00 7:52

Yeah, and that's where salvation is truly a gift. You receive the Holy Spirit, so you turn away from those wicked ways, you truly repent and turn away. And then just like when you're, you know, our marriage should be a picture of Christ. And so when you make those vows, you stand before people, your marriage looks different. You do not live like you were unmarried. You live as a married couple, you're unified, you're together. And as parents, and our discussions all around this is so important because as parents, your marriage should be even above your children under Christ. And that way it you will look different. There's no way to look different if you're not receiving salvation, and then your life is not looking, is not changing day to day.

SPEAKER_03 8:43

Yeah, that passage says to to here's things that I need you to put on, and here's things that need you to take off, you know, and it gives multiple things. The list starts with sexual immorality, you know, which that's one of the things where like if you're responding to everything in your life off of what feels right, sexual immorality will overtake you very quickly. Well, this just feels right. I mean, there's nothing wrong with this, you know, and I would say that's where he starts the list. I mean, if you continue going down the list, it's all things that if you respond to your life off of what feels right at the time, that entire list will take over your life. And you'll realize, man, you know, I've been, you know, follower of Jesus for a while, and I've just been lukewarm and look where it's taken me in my life. It's I'm not at all where I thought I would be. And I think that has come from most of the time you responded with what feels right and what I should do. And so how do you what how do you encourage somebody, here's what you should put on, and here's what you need to take off. Yeah, where do you encourage somebody with that?

SPEAKER_00 9:48

Well, and when I when I really studied and pondered those scriptures, it comes down to a choice. He says, clothe yourself. And just to think about that day to day, as we clothe ourselves, we choose what we're gonna wear for the day, whether we're going to work, whether we're hanging out, whatever we're doing. And for women, we may change our clothes five or six times because we just don't know what we want to wear. We we want to put on different things. And I would say emotionally, that's where we can go into the day. And so spiritually, you've got to put those feelings aside because you're just not gonna be able to give compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. So it is a choice that we have to make every day. And he's telling us, you know, Paul here is commanding us basically to clothe ourselves with those things. So if we're in our feelings, if we're starting out the day, you know, most of us as parents, as moms, dads, you start out the day feeling behind. But if you choose to clothe yourself, you can get love from other people. You don't walk around being offended and just, you know, you can be grateful and thankful, and then you can give away those things. And and it starts at home because your your kids see it. They see what your attributes are for that day and those characteristics.

SPEAKER_03 11:18

If you're listening right now, just know so I'm about six foot and my shirt size right now says double XL. Okay. So, and I've I've have taught this scripture before. And the last time I taught it, I brought a size small shirt up onto a stage and I put myself into a size small shirt. And I was explaining to people if you're a follower of Christ and you're just doing things that just feel right, this is what you look like right here. People will obviously look at you and be like, Well, that that's wrong. Like that's not that's not your shirt size. Like you look ridiculous to somebody on the outside, but you might be like, hey, everybody's got one of these shirts on. Everybody look that now. I was at a camp where everybody, there's 400 people with the same shirt. All right. So everybody has this shirt on, you know, everybody's doing this, but mine was a small and it just did not fit. And it was talking about you put things on, this does not fit you. This is not what I've called you to go do. And it's, you know, and what was crazy is I did not think about this, but I had to take it off. I had to take that shirt off. And I really should have thought through this moment instead, but I could not get the shirt off. And it was embarrassing. And then I had to call somebody up there to help me get the shirt off. I and some of you were there when y'all were watching this happen. I so I had to get somebody to get off, and it was a little embarrassing. And then I just kind of thought, this is a great point. And I thought, you know what? This is what happens when somebody calls you out. It's embarrassing, and it's uncomfortable when all of a sudden it has to come off. It's because you don't fit in it and it is now on you, and you've got to take, and it's uncover, it's highly uncomfortable. And I would say that's a little bit of the process of taking things off, you know. And then when it talks about putting things on, you know, some kindness, gentleness, you know, when it talks about doing these things, these are things that probably are not going to be natural, you know, to put on to put on the new self. These are things that involve patience and kindness and gentleness. These are things that involve you uh pausing, taking some time, yes, loving people. And something that maybe you've taken, and you know, I mean, think about it. Your family probably has seen you at the worst. I mean, your kids have seen you at the worst. Your spouse has seen you at the worst than nobody else has, you know? And yet you're you're trying to teach them to be godly. And they saw you at your worst, you know, they saw you at the worst part. And so how do you put on the new self if that's all they've seen for five years is the worst? And you're still trying to teach them to be godly. How how do you put on the new self?

SPEAKER_01 14:08

That one's pretty easy. I think it's pretty clear scripture says that that's the reason Christ came. It's not to forgive us sins. You know, and I if and this is really where the one of some of my favorite stories in the Bible stories, I call them stories. You take a look at individuals who seem to have everything together, right? They have the right answer, their their occupation is right, everything about them is right. When Jesus comes to Peter, his first response is right, it's a rejection of Jesus because of the condemnation he feels. Every morning I wake up, just like Tammy said, I already feel behind. I feel a conviction from this from the enemy that says, You're not good enough today. And, you know, then then it's well, where do I let that lead me? Do I do I fall into I'm not good enough as a parent to convey this to my kids? Or is it I have been forgiven and therefore I want to love my kids in that way to forgive them. My aim and intention, my heart is for my kids to love them. Everybody in this room, parent, you know, I never knew a love that I could have for anybody until I had kids. Yeah. You know, that's something my mom said about it, you know. So I think in that, you know, it's again, that's just we said this before, but if you're not in this word, if you're not living and you're not breathing it, if it's not part of your daily intake, then you're gonna starve.

SPEAKER_03 15:47

Yeah, I think a lot of people's process is I don't know how to read the word. Like I don't, I don't know how to read it. Like, do I just pick it up and read it? Like, what do I do? And there's so many different methods out there that you can use to help read scripture, but you know, one I use is called soap scripture, observe, apply, then pray. And so, and it's not like, well, we'll like right now we're going over chapter three of Colossians verses one through fourteen. I can read that pretty quick. Okay, it's not like I just read that and then I just say, Okay, well, how do I apply this? It took me a month and a half to go through that because I just slowly read it and I slowly began to observe it, and then I slowly began to apply it. And it just taught me how to pray. The passage taught me how to pray. And and it the prayer was more than just it the prayer taught me how to be more patient than I am. It taught me how to be more loving and more kind than I am, you know, and it opened up things that I just did not see, and it wasn't like I just one afternoon I just read verses one through 14. I took my time with one and I just stayed there for a little bit and be like, what does this have to do with anything? And I just sat there for a while, for a day or two, for just verse one. And then I just slowly begin to move from that. And so I would encourage you, if you're listening to this and you're thinking, I I do love the Lord, I'm far away from him right now. And I literally just respond by how I feel. I would just say the enemy is gonna use that, the enemy is gonna use that and make you feel however it needs to make you feel so that you stay right where you're at. So you don't go anywhere else.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

Yeah, the enemy wants to make you feel like the quantity, like it's never enough. You need to read three chapters or you're not a good enough Christian. And as you mature in Christ, it's it's just about getting started. So even if you chew on one verse for a week, post that scripture, you know, on your bathroom mirror, on the fridge. That way your whole family seeing it. And then even discuss at the dinner table what does that scripture mean to you in your season? So it's just starting very small. Don't let the enemy take take that from you. And I just feel like there's so many rewards of being in his presence. And the rest of this scripture talk about peace. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts. That's where it comes from. Being in his word, chewing on his scripture, praying, getting your mind right, getting it focused. And then verse 17: whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus through him. That's how we're able to do it. So if you put these things together, then whatever you do, you're going to do it in the Lord, whatever you say. And your children are gonna be able to benefit from that, your friends, the people around you, and you'll keep running towards Christ every day.

SPEAKER_03 19:02

A recent thing that just happened, and we kind of you know close with this, is I just had a young man some point recent that came down to talk to me at the end of a church service. And I've talked to this guy multiple times, and he was just broken. He he his life has completely changed in the last two years, been seeking after the Lord, you know, a lot of things have changed in his life. And he was so emotional because he realized I don't make a lot of money, I r hardly make any money, and I work very hard. I work very hard, and I'm you know, we just found out we're pregnant, and I cannot provide for my family. I cannot. I just cannot do it. Like I'm I'm working so hard, I don't make any money, I'm doing you know, he just broke down, and he was just and it was one of those where you could just see, I mean, he's young, he's newly married, you know, within the last two years. And he works very hard. He does. He's not lazy, he works very hard, and his the weight of I cannot provide for my child who I've not even met yet, and just the anxiety that was pouring over him, and you could just tell everything that he has dealt with, he has responded by how he feels, not what the Lord has promised him, you know, and what the Lord says. Like, and you just he really for a good two minutes, all I did was just remind him what the Lord has promised him, you know. And you know, I didn't go into this, but I'm thinking, uh I mean, I remember, I mean, I remember like when my wife and I got married and I was making $175 every two weeks. And I was about, and for some reason we got approved for a house, but anyway, that's probably when we had a crisis in 2008. But anyway, yeah, didn't have it zero down, zero, zero, zero. Hey man, what kind of house you want anyway? And I remember thinking, I can't provide for my wife. You know, like I what am I gonna do? You know, and I'll probably I remember I will say this. Um this is the last story if you're I mean I have stories, but uh I remember when we found out we were pregnant, I'm now full-time at a church. But when I say full-time, I was I my salary never got above $25,000. Okay. So so I I remember serving, working very hard, and my wife, she told me we were pregnant and we were getting close to having the baby. She's a nurse, she was the breadwinner for our family, okay? And she likes to tell people that. But anyway, she we were the breadwinner. She was a breadwinner, okay? And so I remember I went and got a personal loan. I wasn't obviously listening to Dave Ramsey, but anyway, I I went and got a personal loan for uh however much money she was getting. to be making okay for uh three months or something I can't remember what it was four months three months and because she was gonna go maternity leave and then she was going to she's she didn't want to go right back to work she wanted to be at home for so many months and so I went and to the bank and I worked this whole thing out and I got a loan right and it was going to be the exact amount that she was going to make over this month so I could come to her and tell her hey you don't have to go back to work you know this soon and I can't remember some lifestyle loan I can't remember what it was I don't really know I didn't know how they worked okay we're I don't remember all the details and I remember thinking this is going to be the best gift ever and I remember we were sitting in bed and I said uh I said hey I need to tell you something which probably was very frightening anyway but I said hey I need to tell you something I just want to tell you you do not have to go back to work after this many months she was like yeah I know I'm not going to and I was like oh yeah yeah of course yeah I I know all right well talk to you later that's how that went and then I remember thinking oh my gosh like what and I remember it would it was eight years later I did not tell her until eight years later about hey do you know what happened then because I remember we were had to we were paying something off or whatever and I was like we got to pay the lifestyle loan off and she's like what what is that and I was like uh so I explained to her well this is what this is and she was like what we did what you know and I just remember thinking to I'm not telling you hey if you can't provide your family go go get this lifestyle loan it will change your world but I just remember the the thought of I can't provide for my family like and I handled everything internally the way I wanted to I didn't ask the Lord I didn't go you know like I just tried to handle everything and it was a financial burden on us for a while because I I didn't ask I didn't see I just wouldn't try to handle something on my own and I think that was one of those moments where if I probably would have just trusted the Lord he would have provided if I would have just leaned more on him instead of this idea and thought of like I have to provide I have to do I've got to go then I I probably would have lived the last you know few years of that loan probably a little easier. I wouldn't have had to have four jobs at one time you know like I probably wouldn't have had to do that. And I hope my wife's sitting over here I hope she feels so guilty for that conversation but so anyway but no but the Lord has has has blessed. And I I so the bottom line I would just say this if you're someone who's responding by just how you feel there's multiple times that the Holy Spirit will put a conviction on your life and you will feel a certain way and you responded with a great reason and a great things in a great way and you responded the right way because you did feel something. Okay so don't hold that to this is how I handle everything. The word of the Lord says to handle it all through the lens of scripture. And so not that you didn't guess right sometimes and you're like well I just feel like I should help this person and you just did it because you felt that way well that that's great. And but filter it through the lens of scripture. And so I would say every decision filter through the lens of what does Jesus say not how you feel just because you're a Christian or not because of of the fact that you love your family how does the Lord tell you to respond to everything and in the midst of that you'll find things that you need to remove from your life and you'll find things that you need to add to your life and to help transform your life