BUILT ON CHRIST - Parent Series Ep. 1

In this series, you will hear from staff and leaders for our student ministry on parenting that is built on Christ. Each week, we explore a passage from the book of Colossians and discuss practical, biblical principles for navigating the challenges of parenting in today's world. Through honest conversations, each episode offers encouragement and practical insight into what God calls us to be as parents.

In this episode, you will here from Caleb Waid (student pastor), Sydney Yarbrough (student team/leader) and Brent Cooper (leader).

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

Welcome to Off Script, a conversation with no fakes, no filters, just real conversations about how faith and flesh meet in the everyday life, where we experience a God who made us on purpose for his purpose. This is Off Script. Let's talk.

SPEAKER_03 0:20

All right, hey, welcome if you're joining in with us. Uh really, we thought let's have a conversation with parents, from parents, for parents, and let's walk through a book of the Bible. And so we picked Colossians to walk through. And really, one of the big reasons is I kind of was there personally because I'm doing a beach camp and I'm going through Colossians 3. And so I've just really enjoyed my time in Colossians. So why don't, as parents, why don't we just walk through that together and just how do you connect Colossians to just parenting and how to be a better parent or how to be a better spouse? What does that look like? And so we want to jump in this conversation start. So I know you guys are just listening from the car or maybe your headphones or whatever, but you have a room of about 20 parents that are in this room that are going to be listening, especially this first one. After this, you're going to hear more and more from them, but be listening and maybe jumping into conversations or ways to apply what we're talking about here. So I would encourage you, one, if you're listening to this, to not just hear it and be like, oh man, that was good. I really like that. But when you get finished, then go read what we just did. Go read Colossians chapter 1, verse 1 through 14. Go read that passage and then take out your own stuff and and and walk with the Lord on your own for a little bit. So don't just listen to us and say, hey, I'm good here. I got my Bible in today. Go read it for yourself. So today, the people that are going to kind of mainly be on here is you got Coop and you got Sidney. They're going to jump in with us today. And hopefully this other fourth mic will have somebody on it at some point as everybody is looking at us. So uh no, so Colossians, let me give you a little background and then we'll just kind of jump into the text. Colossians is uh it's a a letter from really two guys, and the Paul and Timothy are kind of encouraging a pastor. And what happens and kind of how this starts is a church was formed and uh probably 50 AD, and then after a few years, there was a massive storm in the area, and really a lot of things were destroyed, a lot of people were dispersed, and nothing was really a lot of things just weren't rebuilt. And so it kind of reminds me of a little bit of of New Orleans. You have a group of people, and in in this case, it was a center of commerce, there was a lot of great things happening, and it's a great place to live, and then an earthquake, something big, something massive happens and it destroys a lot of areas, it displaces a lot of people, and is taking a really long time to get built back up, and most things are not getting built back up. So can you imagine being a pastor at this time where you're trying to have a congregation, but your congregation's not there or they've left. And imagine what it looks like when you're trying to, you know, supply things for some, but you don't you don't have anything. I mean, there's nobody's tithing, nobody's giving. I mean, there's you're it's just a tough place, but yet there's some people there that are faithful, just like when uh Katrina hit, you had people that are super faithful in New Orleans that never left, that stayed there, that are that were just pillars in the community, restaurants that stayed there, that just set up food trucks, that had grills, that just cooked for people because people were still there. And so that's kind of what's happening here. So it's a it's a letter from two guys, and they're just encouraging the pastor there to say, hey, man, you just keep going, keep going. But it's not without warning. He's also saying, Hey, you're doing such a good job, keep going, but make sure you don't do this and make sure you don't go here, make sure you don't do these things. And so they're really kind of warning about false prophets. And so, you know, Coop, chapter one, man, what hits you?

SPEAKER_01 4:02

Well, first of all, like when we're speaking to parents, whether you you have kids, you don't have kids yet. One thing for me is like um after we had our first child, I remember looking at April saying, like, we jokingly say, you don't get an instruction book at all. Like there was nothing I was like, all right, we kind of jokingly said when we got home, like, what do we do now? We know to you know, to feed and burp and all these things. There's not really an instruction book they give you, but when we start thinking about parenting and all the questions that come with parenting, like I know for me is like, I mean, how do you raise godly children? How do you continue just to pour into them and to speak life of them? And what's what's fun about right out of the gate with this passage is when Paul he starts reminding these believers of who they are before he ever even tells them about anything to do. And that's something that I have to continue to ask myself, like right out of the gate. So he's he says, Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus, by the will of God and Timothy, our brother, to the saints and faithful brothers in Christ and Colossae. Grace to you and peace to you from God our Father. So he is telling like there's obviously there is some people group that are following Jesus. He goes in on into the chapter about the fruit that's coming from them. But speaking life into our kids is one, is telling them who they are in Christ versus telling them like what they do is like right out of the gate. That's how he's addressed in the church. And something that I've had to uh wrestle with is asking this question for myself is if I was to take a moment and if if my kids would were to replicate my walk with Christ, would I be concerned or would I be encouraged by it? And man, that's a challenge for me. Like you want to talk about something that's a very quick self-reflection. And so ask ourselves this question if Levi Knox and Rhett and Kenna was to replicate exactly what I'm doing, would I be encouraged, would I be absolutely nervous about it? And that puts a lot on me. She's cooped. Yeah, like coming out of the country.

SPEAKER_00 5:51

Caleb, I was looking at you and I was like, he's got a joke forming on his face right now. I knew it. I knew it.

SPEAKER_03 5:57

Well, you know, Ken Knox acts a lot like you know, like Brent's.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

You keep going.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

No, it's it's it's fun. Because so, like a couple of things. If I was to ask all the parents in here, like, hey, like, what do we want for our kids? I promise you, if we look at verse 9 and 10 and 11, we would want all of our kids to know God in some capacity. We want them to walk worthy with him. We would want them to bear fruit, and we would want them to have strength in him. We'd want them to be centered in Christ. And so Colossians is really a good blueprint, a good model. And I think about putting together a puzzle. We always start with the outside first. Maybe we can't see the full picture yet, but when we start laying a foundation for our kids and we can use the borders. Yeah, start being able to give them, you know, boundaries and limits and the things that like the other thing is parents that I have to be reminded about. It's not about me displaying perfection because most of my learning and my teaching comes from my imperfections, from my failures or the things that God's allowed me to walk through. But it's reminding them that even those moments I'm gonna remind them, just as Paul did, is something like I just want to tell you who you are in Christ, not by what you've done. Because a lot of times we could be speaking on things they've done that may, maybe it's great, maybe it's good moments. And then we can kind of you know keep navigating. I know there's some things you want to talk about.

SPEAKER_03 7:08

So what about okay, when you're talking about the borders? I so does your kid know the borders? Like this is we do not do this. I mean, there's some things you're like, you know, you're you're like, I don't know if we do this or not, you know, like and there's some things like, hey, this is absolutely a no. One, does does everybody know what the borders are? Right. Is that very clear? You know, like, and how how do they know that? Do they knew that because they've messed up? Do they know that because you told them? Do they knew that because it's trial and error? Like, how do how is the border defined? Of like, this is what you should do, this is what you can't do. And I would say the majority of parents in here, it's because somebody messed something up and now a border has started, you know, like, and because you have this idea that your your your kids are never going to do X, Y, and Z. And then you find out, wow, that happened a whole lot younger than I thought it was going to happen, you know, or this, I can't believe we're here now. And so what one, what are the borders? And when you're trying to define those borders, it's most of the time it's because you messed, you messed up. You know, you messed up as the parent. You're you you you're thinking about your own time. And it when they're trying to set this whole Colossians, when he's trying to set up, hey, I want to encourage you, make sure you, and then he kind of lays out a border of, hey, here's false prophets over here. When people say this, this is not true. Like, who who is Jesus? Like who who who what it what is the supremacy of the Lord? Like when he's laying a border, it's some of that is things that he had to learn. And so I one of the things that stuck out to me a whole lot, I would say the very the uh verse three. We always thank God, our Father, the Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you. That's just verse three. It's crazy how scripture as a parent will move and it will just take shape as you live life. It doesn't just stay the same, it breathes. And a personal place in my life, two uh about two weeks ago from the time we're recording this, there was a a former student that many people in this room had taught or had been part of their life, and he's got two brothers that their brothers have come through our ministry as well, and the family's active here at our church, and on Mother's Day they lost their son. All right, and so it so Aiden passed away on Mother's Day in a terrible car wreck, and really it was an awkward Mother's Day when you walked into the building just because you know the word travels so fast, and you're trying to think, you know, what do I do? What do I say? And there's people that are very close to them, and your your your heart breaks for a family. And every our whole, you know, everybody that's in this room hurt that day. Everybody hurt. And I remember it was that was Sunday. On Monday, Sydney was in our staff meeting for our team, and we were talking about how do we love on this family? Like what do we do for them? And we were also trying to figure out, I mean, this is real, we were trying to figure out how do we do that, and also what songs do we sing at Beach Week for you know what can be played and what can't be played. You know, like we're it was just we were walking through so many things at one time.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

And we were from like crying and then talking about camp, talking about it was like back and forth.

SPEAKER_03 10:28

It was, it was, it was rough. And uh I remember, I'll never forget, I was sitting there at my desk and we were talking about Tim and how do we love on Tim, how we love on Kim. That's the parents' names. And because this tragedy they walked through, and Tim sent me a text, and uh it said, Hey, I'm praying for you. This this guy just lost his son, and he put these words, hey, when I think of the Lord, I I I thank God for you. No, no, no. I'm thinking, no, man, you don't don't don't not me. Don't don't you're not praying for me, brother. Yeah, I'm praying for you. Like, no, no, no, don't don't waste your prayer for me. I am not worthy. I'm not worthy to do this. Like, I I don't please don't do that. And it was, I I remember getting the text. I couldn't even talk. I just looked at it and I just said, hey, let's keep going with the meeting. I I'm not talking right now. And I remember part of the text just said, Hey, weeks ago in our our deacon's meeting, we passed out names of pastors that we're gonna be praying for, and I I drew your name. And I just didn't know at the time I was gonna be praying for the person who's gonna be doing my son's funeral. And so when this passage it starts out, it says, Hey, we always thank God, our Father, Lord Jesus, when we pray for you, you know, how I felt so unworthy for that text. So unworthy. How do you walk in a way that is worthy? And I think that might be probably the one of the biggest troubles as a parent is like, how do how do I parent in a way that's worthy? Like, how how do I do this? I I that whole text, that whole conversation that I jumped into was I wasn't ready for. It wasn't it it wasn't no no no I wanted to pause it, reverse it, and say, no, no, no, let me send you a text first. Let me let me can I start this conversation? Um please don't do this right now. Like, why would you, why would, why would I come to your mind? Like the whole like think just it's okay to be selfish and think about yourself right now. And it was a complete sense of being unworthy. And I would assume at some point as a parent you feel the same thing. Why, why, why, why am I parenting? Why why do I get to tell you yes and no? Like I I'm asking you to read your word. I hadn't read mine in two weeks. I'm asking you how's your, you know, I I'm I'm afraid to ask you how your time is with the Lord because my time hasn't been good. So I'm definitely not asking you about yours. And so when this passage talks about walking in a way that is worthy and pleasing to the Lord, I think we probably stop and want to know how do I do that as a parent? How do I walk and confidently into the throne room worthy? Like how do how do I how do I start? Where do I go?

SPEAKER_01 13:35

Well, one of the things that I'm reminded in 1 Samuel when they were getting ready to pick pick the sons, and David was the the the son that was not even in the room. And so the dad, when he was getting ready to try to figure out who was going to be the next king, he was kind of focused more on the outward things, you know, the appearance. And and so it came down to asking, like, and there's an isn't there another son? Yeah, but he's he's too small and all these things. So it's really easy for us a lot of times as we're parenting to be able to focus on the outside things, the things that like, hey, I don't think anybody wakes up one day and says, Hey, I only want to focus on how you look on the outside. Like, let's just fake it till we make it, let's just make sure that you're doing everything perfect on the outside and let's just forget the heart behind it. And so God that day was wanting to choose David because he was, he knew that that was the man that was supposed to be the next king. And and it even says in scripture that that man may look on the outside, but God looks on the inside. And so when we see in verse 10 here, well, I'll start with nine, it says, for this reason, since the day we have heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will, though all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every good way, bearing fruit in every good work. So we'll stop there. And so, like, how much are we trying to focus on like the heart of our children, the heart behind that when we teach them about these non-negotiables? Like there has to be a why to it. And so, like, when we think about the fruit of the spirit, so love and joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, self-control. Like, are those are the things that like when I'm trying to instill stuff in my kids, is like, hey, maybe this is the areas that I did not have self-control. This is the areas that I have not practiced love or patience. And like when we're talking to other parents and stuff, like it's what's so wild is like even parents in this room are all experiencing different age groups and different seasons to where you may tell me one day, like, hey, you're gonna need a lot of patience when your kid starts dropping. And I experienced that last night about a conversation that I have about some non-negotiables we're gonna have. And then someone else that may be getting ready to have kids in the future, you're gonna say, Man, you're gonna need a lot of patience when your kids keep you up all night and life keeps happening in these different moments. So the fruits of the spirits is something that I think that one, that we can not only pray for ourselves, but also trying to teach the why behind the what and the why behind the non-negotiables as we just continue and like figuring out this this whole parenting thing.

SPEAKER_03 15:58

Yeah, it says, He has delivered us from the domain of darkness. That might be some of the big hurdles, too, is like do you really think the Lord has delivered you from the domain of darkness? Like, do you feel like I mean he's delivered them and that couple and that family and that mom and that dad, but I don't think the Lord's has covered my sin yet. You know, I have a hard time believing that he can cover what I've done wrong. And so sometimes that blocks your thought of I can't walk worthy because the blood of the Lamb's not good enough for me. You know, it's good for everybody else, but it's not for me. And so you don't know what I've done, or you, you know, there's secrets in my life. And that I would say this passage says he has delivered you from those things. Like you can walk in a worthy manner, so much so I would say a a way that you could apply how how do I make the guardrails, how do I make the bumpers, how do I make uh uh an area where like, hey, I I'm not perfect, but I am gonna set this border right here. I'm not perfect, but hey, I'm gonna I'm gonna tell you this is what we're gonna do, is is with discipline and it's not just in love, but it's with a purpose. Okay, so how do you discipline someone in love and with purpose? You know, you know people that have they they just tell you know, everybody, we're gonna actually, hey, how many people in here spank their kitten? I'm just kidding. We're not yes uh Stan has both hands up anyway. He's taking his belt off right now. Yeah, five people are coming to the mic right now. Like, oh I gotta Yeah, so but it's not just discipline them because you you love them, and the Bible teaches us like you train the your child in the way they should go. When they're older, they will not depart from it. Like, you know, spare the rod, spoil the child, you know. Like there's so many passages about okay, about discipline. But it's not just because you love them, but why do you discipline them? Like why? Like i is there some kind of purpose. For instance, take a phone, for example. Like at our house, we have a house phone. We don't have like an individual phone, like Holland doesn't have a phone, Rhett doesn't have a phone, and Finn, even though he thinks it is, it's not his phone. I it's a house phone, and it's a cell phone, but it's a house phone. Nobody take can take that phone and just put keep it in their room. Well the discipline doesn't just come out of like love, uh, because if it just was love, I'd be like, yeah, hey man, a patient's kindness, gentle, yeah, go ahead, bud. Hey, you know, like I trust you, go ahead, you're fine. You know, like a purpose of that is well, I don't want you to take the whole world into your room with you. Like, there's a purpose from that. Like, I don't want you to just learn to lay next to your phone and fall asleep, pass out from scrolling. I don't want you to do that. Not because like and you might be scrolling a Bible verse. Okay. Like you might be scrolling this podcast and be listening to it. Fantastic. Uh but it just teaches you to be on your phone before you go to sleep, which is gonna affect your marriage one day. So the discipline I gave you is has a purpose to it. It's not because well, everybody gets to do this. I mean, how many times do you hear everybody, everybody gets this? Does anybody like have a testimony that they like share of, hey, everybody's doing this? And tell me one place in the Bible where everybody, where the majority was right about something. There's not anywhere in the Bible where the majority was right about anything. And so who cares what the majority says? We live by the Bible, and nowhere in here was the majority right. And then you have all the what are some cliche sayings you say when everybody's doing? Has anybody got one? I feel like Jeremy would always have something, you know. Uh anybody got something? It's like, hey man, you know, what you got?

unknown 19:55

We're not everybody.

SPEAKER_03 19:56

Oh, we're not everybody. Oh, that's how many times have you said that?

SPEAKER_04 19:58

We're somebody.

SPEAKER_03 19:59

We're somebody. We're not everybody, we're somebody. Yeah. Nobody said, like, well, go live with them. All right. Anybody said that? Oh, yeah, well, at their house, okay, we'll go live with them. All right, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:10

Or or if, well, if they were gonna go jump off a cliff, then would you go, would you do that too, or whatever?

SPEAKER_03 20:19

Well, this is this is for uh, you know what, I'll just share this. Yeah, I guess I can. You know what? It's fine. This is for parents, it's not for kids. So if you know what, I'm already here. It's a podcast. You know, it's just called off script. There's not a script for this. Yeah, so I remember one time a kid came in and he just told me he was vaping. He's like, Hey man, I just want to tell you I vaped. And I said, Okay, why are you telling me that? You know, I'm not your parent. You know, why are you telling me? He's like, Man, I just thought you should know. And this is a great kid, like great kid. He said, Man, I just I tried it for the first time. I just did it. And I was like, Well, why are you telling me? I just feel like I need to tell you. Well, why do you why are you telling me it's like, well, I mean, everybody was doing this, and like I just want to know what I am saying no to? And I'm already here, but anyway, I said, You just want to know why am I why what am I saying no to? I just need to know what I am saying no to, because everybody's doing this. I need to know what I'm saying no to. And I was like, I got you, man. Well, you might want to walk out here and go have sex with a guy then. And he said, What? And I said, Yeah, you mean make sure you're not gay. You need to, you know, like I mean, and he said, he said, what? And so I said, yeah. And after you get finished that, you might want to go try some cocaine, you know, because you need to know what you're saying no to. Like, you know, like, and I just gave him a list of highly inappropriate topics after that. That's our past. Let's try. And I forgot.

SPEAKER_00 21:43

What's up, faster? Like, that's our pastor.

SPEAKER_03 21:49

That's it. This is off script. But anyway, yeah. So anyway, and he realized quickly, like, maybe my thought process was not the best one, you know, like, and who cares that everybody was doing something. And really what I was trying to teach him was like discipline with a per I mean there's a purpose behind this. Like there's a purpose behind all these things. And you know I don't even know how we got to why don't you go try to have sex with a man? I would how did we get there?

SPEAKER_00 22:17

Discipline with a purpose.

SPEAKER_03 22:18

Oh discipline with a purpose.

SPEAKER_00 22:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 22:20

Yeah or setting the borders setting the borders and I think everybody every kid has like they've already worked the conversation in their head by the time they get to you. I would push into this passage a little bit. Paul's never been to this church. You know he had never been to this church that he's writing to he's never been to this church and he's encouraging someone one who Paul's in prison when he writes this. He's in prison and he's encouraging a pastor and he's in prison. And it's not like three meals in a cot prison. You know he's in prison and he is writing to this pastor to try to encourage them. And I think sometimes how do you walk worthy sometimes you can encourage those around you encourage other parents and how do you encourage you know how do you encourage other parents hey man I've been there too you know me too. Hey we're walking through this being honest about what happens under your roof and being honest what happens and so do you have that I mean I think as a parent do you do you have that? You know I don't know Sydney you might be able to talk more in this there might be somebody who's listening to this that I that they don't have kids like and that's probably like the part of like we cannot bring a kid into this world with our you know like where we are like and here's all the worries that I have and I think everybody in this room probably had that at some point. It's like you know there's no way we can make this work.

SPEAKER_00 23:38

Yeah my brain is spinning as y'all are talking yeah I think that's like a question you know Luke and I talk about that a lot like why bring a kid into the world but I just always like think about you know the Lord knows like for such a time as this like he knows like our child will be born for such a time as this for what they're going to walk through for what they're going to go through. I think a lot about when Caleb always says like the Lord loves my children and my wife like more than I do. And I think that's such a hard place to get to but honestly I'm just taking in all the advice for for one day.

SPEAKER_03 24:10

You're not writing anything down.

SPEAKER_00 24:12

I got notes on my phone.

SPEAKER_03 24:13

She's going to go back and listen to it. She's going to go back and listen to it. That's what she was going to say. Yeah. Coop anything else kind of in closing man you know I I like the way this ends with just the redemption of the forgiveness of sins. Like I know you're not perfect, you know, but you still got to set borders. You still got to learn how to walk worthy you know how how do you how do you do that?

SPEAKER_01 24:33

Well I think our kids they absorb way more than we think. It doesn't matter their their age or stage and so I know that they may not remember every every sermon that they go to I don't get a chance to I can bring them to church as much as I can but um I can't save them. So hopefully that any kind of reflection of my life I don't think us as parents like we don't get off we don't get off easy. We have to be able to say like hey it's not like you got to do this you got to this too like well we have our own accountability to be able to to stay in the word to continue to point them to Jesus. I think about the prodigal son is that the kid that squandered everything and went off like that parent he was out there looking every day for him he could not bring him to Jesus like he was looking he was praying that son had to come back on his own but hopefully he knew what he was coming back home to and so the other son on the backside was like oh my gosh I can't believe this is all happening. He knew what the his home life was about he knew what the father was experiencing and he was kind of shocked that you know when the kid that was squandered everything came back that there was a party but he also knew exactly the home that he was coming to