District B13 - I'm Gonna Call It ScareBnB

In the name of international relations, the boys have a look at District B13, the only movie that dares to ask what if the Fast and the Furious franchise was about parkour instead of cars and was about saving the Eiffel Tower from nukes and also Vin Diesel is French and so is everyone else. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Okay, give me a second to think of a banter though. What no, I got it. I got it.

SPEAKER_03 0:05

Yeah, the Ayatollah?

SPEAKER_02 0:07

I am not bantering about the Ayatollah. My god, we don't make any money at this. We don't make any fucking money at this, and you're asking me to take a job pounding nails into my dick. Oh, bro. I am not bantering about the Ayatollah.

unknown 0:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Alright, look, here we go. Sorry. As you know, you're good, you're good. The traditional sippy poo. The ritual sippy poo. And then to battle. Can a society parkour itself into class consciousness? And if so, how sick would that be? Welcome to Slop Culture. Today we're talking about District B13. Yes, welcome to Slop Culture, the Happy Hour podcast, where we strive to see the beauty and stupidity. I am your host, Sam Sykes, and with me, as always, a man you might have seen on Fox News arguing in Congress that men named Joel should have to live a certain distance away from other men named Joel.

SPEAKER_03 1:19

It's Will Palmer. Look, I mean, think about it, folks. This is uh we're hitting you early with the uh Will Palmer real shit minute.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

That's Time America.

SPEAKER_03 1:29

Today we're gonna talk about the uh nefarious opportunities that uh arise when multiple men named Joel live in the same area. It's in the Bible, folks.

SPEAKER_02 1:38

You said you said you said you didn't want them within collaborating distance.

SPEAKER_03 1:43

Precisely. And you know, modern technology has actually made that uh pretty difficult.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

I yeah, yeah, like the the Joel Joels can find other Joels pretty easily now.

SPEAKER_03 1:52

Yeah, they got like uh some sort of extrasensory organ in their forehead that lets them like seek each other out almost to send out echo locating waves.

SPEAKER_02 2:01

They call that the sigil. Some say some say that's an evolutionary leftover from when uh ancient joels roamed the world. Crypt they yes, yes, like uh because as you know, uh Joels were subterranean for a lot of history, so they probably needed something to like locate through the uh through the dark. Sure. The mole people. In fact, that's like you know, you can see you can see how it went. Like mole people, mole Joel people, Joel, yeah, like you know a linguistic drift. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, like uh I I do I you know I at the time at the time I I was trying to be sympathetic, but I I gotta be real, like I just I I can't get on board with your plan. I think the Joel people have the right to explore their sus their their subterranean society. I believe the Joels should be allowed to reclaim their subterranean kingdom.

SPEAKER_03 3:07

I mean, if you like take that in like a broader sense, like it would probably wreak havoc on our politics if it was discovered that there is like a mirror society of mole persons living beneath us. Like, how do we apportion electoral votes to the mole people?

SPEAKER_02 3:20

So, like in in in this in this uh situation, is there like a mole America and a mole Europe? Yes.

SPEAKER_03 3:31

Yes, I wanna go I want to go to mole Europe. But they're like bizarro world versions of our own. Of our own Europeans? Yes. Well what if like the uh we had European moles and Europe had American moles?

SPEAKER_02 3:47

I feel I feel like Americans with European moles is a comedy. And the other one is the other one is a horror, it's like a fucking nightmarish action movie where like in in oh dude, I will I will pitch it to you right now.

SPEAKER_03 4:07

Alright, shoot.

SPEAKER_02 4:08

Uh all it's it's fuck it's like Metro in that it's it's fought in like railroad tunnels and subway tunnels, subterranean. All these yeah, all these all these fucking Europeans are always lording their public transport over us. They are they are always talking shit about our trains, and to be fair, like I I am very pro-train.

SPEAKER_03 4:34

I wish we had more trains in the one of the most like fun and whimsical forms of transport.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

Oh, you can do so much on a train. You could have a murder mystery, you can have a uh a robbery. Um that's it.

SPEAKER_03 4:48

Yeah, I'm on the uh the official like mailing list for the luxury train car owners of America. I don't own a luxury train car, but well, yeah, but you want to know what they they're up to. Yeah, sure. You actually do have like pretty well I wouldn't say good deals, but they have deals.

SPEAKER_02 5:03

So um the the so the now, but now the public transport of Europe is totally run by American mole people. American moles and like fucking enormous hulking moles with like fucking ARs.

SPEAKER_03 5:20

Yeah. These are like combat trained moles.

SPEAKER_02 5:23

These are like combat trained moles like been raised on a steady propaganda diet of like mole fox news. Yeah, yeah, and like mole fox news is just like a naked mole rat like in a suit just shrieking into a microphone and then the moles go marching in, and then the moles go marching in. President Mole authorizes a strike on Paris or something on Paris. Yeah, that's it. And in the end, they have to they have to collapse the channel to finish.

SPEAKER_03 6:01

In order to trap the to destroy the moles. Yeah. Damn. Okay, I I like that. Yeah, that channel idea is that's not bad, right?

SPEAKER_02 6:11

Not bad. I I like I I feel like you could get some sympathy in Congress over that. You have no idea. I I don't. I don't. Um I would love to talk to you today about District B 13. Um, but you know, I've I've become rather fond of of our little banters. Oh yeah. So I I I was wondering if you might like to banter with me. You know what? This week I don't think so. Yes, of course. You know what? This week no. No fuck you. Um you sack of shit.

SPEAKER_00 6:52

You sack of shit.

SPEAKER_02 6:55

So how long do you think you could bear an owl hanging out outside your window before you w would call it a problem? Like how many how many nights of seeing an owl hang outside of your window could you go before you're like, you know what, this this is something. This I'm starting to get worried about how long this owl is here. Like, does he hoot?

SPEAKER_03 7:22

Is he like a loud owl, or does he just kind of chill and look at me?

SPEAKER_02 7:25

No, he just he stares at you in deathly silence. Like he knows something you don't. Does he like ever tap on the window or is he just sitting there? No, he's just sitting there, but the same spot night after night, and you never see him come and you never see him leave.

SPEAKER_03 7:40

Honestly, I wouldn't even see that as a problem. It's kind of like a conversation starter, if anything, right? I'd probably buy some owl food and leave it out for him, see if he can.

SPEAKER_02 7:49

Well, he's not gonna bring you stuff, he's a fucking supernatural omen.

SPEAKER_03 7:53

Oh, well, he I he might not be. He might just be friendly.

SPEAKER_02 7:57

He's just he just got a really owl with bad social skills, and all he does is bear.

SPEAKER_03 8:03

Yeah, he's trying to start a conversation, he just doesn't know how. But I mean, just honestly, I would probably involve a Ouija board at like, I don't know, day twelve or thirteen. I'd probably start seeing if the owl wanted to communicate via like day 13 for sure, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:17

Like yeah, that's like uh by day thirteen, that that's auspicious.

SPEAKER_03 8:23

Yeah. Um I might also try like a like I might try like stay a night at a hotel or something, see if the owl shows up there too.

SPEAKER_02 8:31

Oh, that's a that's a good call.

SPEAKER_03 8:32

That's a good call.

SPEAKER_02 8:36

That feels like it should be pretty standard protocol if you suspect something spooky is happening in your house. Like you should go to you should go to a motel for one night. Like, you know, go cheap, go cheap. You don't have to cheap. Some place something bad happened. Yeah, and then yeah, and then like go to that. Yeah, yeah. Go to that hotel. Boy, wouldn't that be difficult though? Like, if you No, it's not, it's really easy to find those. Well, but like all right. I had a thought, but now I'm gonna I'm I'm going to pivot to something I think is more interesting that I feel like you've just inadvertently pointed out.

SPEAKER_05 9:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

You ever notice like because you've heard of like haunted hotels, right? Yeah. And you know, like the the appeal is always like, oh, in one of these rooms of this stately, like of this stately Colorado manor, uh, or this stately Colorado estate or this Victorian home or whatever, you know, like in in this very fancy hotel, someone died and their spirit still lurks here. And it's like it's like, ooh, that's a haunting. But like you go to any motel, and surely more people surely more people have died at like your average like motel six. Yeah. But they never get to it. Like, isn't that interesting? Like, in if you're if you have an upscale hotel, ah, dude, I I think we're about to expose capitalism here, so fucking buckle up.

SPEAKER_03 10:03

Oh shit. Get ready to get swapped capitalism.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

If you have a nice looking hotel and someone dies there, you get to say your hotel is haunted and you get to charge more.

SPEAKER_03 10:14

Well, how long is it like before you're allowed to say that, right? Before like, right? It's kind of like the JFK joke thing where like you have to wait a certain amount of time before you can say the jokes, unless they're like, Oh, you're right.

SPEAKER_02 10:24

You're right, you're right. Like you have to you have to wait until it's no longer a tragedy.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

Yeah. What do you think like the general line for that is, though? It doesn't have to be specific.

SPEAKER_02 10:35

I'd say, I'd say, and I'm not saying I agree with it. I'm just saying I think six months. Damn. Oh shit. Wow. I'm not saying that's right. I'm not saying that's right.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

I'm just saying 15 years. All right, word.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

I I well see, I think like it ages, you know?

SPEAKER_03 10:54

Like kind of like wine.

SPEAKER_02 10:55

Well, yeah, but like I'm thinking of the uh, you know, rest her soul, uh Eliza Lamb from the Cecil Hotel.

SPEAKER_03 11:01

Dude, I was thinking yeah, with the elevator. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:04

Like that was that was fairly recent, and people spin spin yarns about that place and call it haunted.

SPEAKER_03 11:10

I guess I was thinking of it in terms of like, can they like actively use it in their advertising?

SPEAKER_02 11:15

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_03 11:16

Well yeah, right. Six months I was thinking like, ooh, probably not on that one, you know.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

Well, it's it's it's really interesting. Um what is like like I think I think you're right, like after 15 years, you could probably use it in your advertising. Uh, but I think like ghost stories would begin like almost immediately, especially if you had like a peculiar uh demise.

SPEAKER_03 11:40

That's true, but I guess the motels don't really have that.

SPEAKER_02 11:43

Yeah, see that's what I'm saying, is like well, you don't have like Hilton having that either.

SPEAKER_03 11:47

It's usually like one-off hotels, right? Like not chains.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

Yeah, yeah, like the Cecil Hotel, you know, that's a one-off hotel. It's in a it's you know, it's kind of a historical place. It gets to say it's haunted and it gets to reap the benefits. But like the Motel 6, like three blocks away, like eight people get gunned down there every every other week. They all died in horror and agony, but like you gotta cover that up. You gotta be like, no, nobody died here.

SPEAKER_03 12:14

Yeah, well, I mean, it's kind of like just everybody knows, but it's just not as like you just don't talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 12:19

There's nothing to brag about, like, right, yeah. I'm just saying it's a double standard.

unknown 12:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 12:25

Motels are like fun though, you know? Like, you ever like stayed in a motel where like the beds were so like disgusting looking that you like willingly just slept in a sleeping bag instead?

SPEAKER_02 12:34

Yes. Yes. Umce in the bathtub.

SPEAKER_03 12:40

Oh, in the bathtub.

SPEAKER_02 12:41

Once that once in the bathtub, like got the spare bedding out, checked it over, checked it over. I'm like, alright, this will do. And like just put it down there. Normally at a at a motel, I'm more worried about like stuff happening in the parking lot.

SPEAKER_03 12:57

Like that's a good point.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

Like places getting broken into or like gunfights taking place out there, or whatever. I've never it's never happened.

SPEAKER_03 13:07

There is that element of danger, though.

SPEAKER_02 13:09

That element of danger that is it's yes, it's that rush. Um, speaking of dangerous rushes.

SPEAKER_03 13:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

Shall we talk about today's movie?

SPEAKER_03 13:20

We should. District B13, also known as Bali 13. I'm gonna throw in some French on this one.

SPEAKER_02 13:27

Absolutely. And why are you gonna throw in some French? Um, well, I ate at a French restaurant recently, but also I fucking love that. Like a fucking video game logic. You ate French food, and now you can speak French for the next 10 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 13:42

Yeah, I got the French buff.

SPEAKER_02 13:45

But this is a French film.

SPEAKER_03 13:46

It is written by uh Luc Besson, Luke by Pierre Morel, starring Cyril Raphaeli and David Bell. Uh released in uh 2004.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

2004?

SPEAKER_03 14:02

I believe so.

SPEAKER_02 14:03

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_03 14:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

Wow, okay. Alright, that explains some things.

SPEAKER_03 14:08

But yes, uh District 13.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

Um, which is it's it's a it's a French movie, it's about parkour. It's about parkour drugs and family. If you pictured Fast and the Furious, but it was French, and it had parkour instead of cars, or but it still had some cars, just not as many.

SPEAKER_03 14:33

And there was parkour involved with the cars.

SPEAKER_02 14:36

And there was no I s yeah, if there was like some car carcour, carcour, yeah, parkour. Um that would be this movie. Uh but if you want to I think we should get into it.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

Yeah, let's uh let's knock it out and let me get a stopwatch started.

SPEAKER_02 14:52

You get your stopwatch out because as normal, we're not in the business of explicit summaries and recaps, but we love a little artistic baseline to go off of. So in two minutes, I'm going to try to describe what happens in the movie B-13. District B thirteen. Sorry, everybody.

SPEAKER_03 15:11

Here we go. Three, two, one.

SPEAKER_02 15:14

In the Paris suburbs of 2015, a local slum has been walled off and being strategically denied government resources. Crime rules inside as apartment buildings are converted to fortresses for drug lords, uh, and guns are everywhere. It's close to open warfare, and the only way to survive is to do parkour and sell heroin. Uh Leto is our criminal with a heart of gold who is at odds with the local crime boss Taha, and then Taha kidnaps his his his sister, and he goes to the cops and he says, You gotta save my sister. Uh and the cops say, We can't. The government is shutting down our police station. We're gonna die if we But then uh they say, so the bad guys get to keep your sister and you're going to jail for the crime of being a good-looking criminal with a heart of gold. And then Leto feels bad about this, but he decapitates a guy with his knee as a result, and he goes to prison, and then later uh the the detective Damien, who is part of the elite parkour division of the French police, uh gets assigned to find a nuke that has been taken by drug lords in B-13 accidentally, and he's gotta disarm it, and to do that he needs Leto, and so they work together after some like distrust, and they parkour their way into the bad guy's lair. And the bad guy, who is literally like a zany goofy madman, has handcuffed Leto's sister to a rocket, and he says, I'm gonna put this out unless the government pays me 20 million euros, and they're like, Government, you gotta pay 20 million euros like no, we can't afford that. Oh, you nuts. And so uh they discover that the bomb was actually put there on purpose to nuke the poor people because France doesn't like poor people. I don't feel I feel like I left some stuff out, but like I this movie's got a lot of nuance. You know what? This movie about parkour is pretty complex.

SPEAKER_03 17:29

Well, I mean, there's a lot of stuff so kind of East of Eden vibes with the two brothers fighting.

SPEAKER_02 17:34

I was there a lot of the there was I was about to say, like, I want to hear like Werner Herzog talking about this.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

Like two brothers fighting as one, two brothers in opposition, united only by the phenomenon of free running with bonds that go no deeper than the souls of their converse.

SPEAKER_03 18:08

Now, speaking of free running, this movie very much involved free running. My first uh this movie was seeing one of the free running scenes on YouTube and being like, This is fucking sick. Like, what's this from? And then looking it up and how old the whole movie is.

SPEAKER_02 18:21

How old were you? Because this is a rare scene. This is a rare opportunity for us because um normally we're on the same page about a lot of stuff, yeah. But on some, and I'm always fascinated when this happens, on some key parts of culture and life, we've had different experiences. I never got into parkour. Like I saw the parkour sketch on The Office, and I feel like that's when parkour died. Like, sure. I think that's I think I think fucking Steve Carell executed parkour as a concept, just took it out behind the shed and put two in his fucking skull. But two in his fucking skull and then made love to the carcass.

SPEAKER_03 19:02

Oh, Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 19:03

I hope. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I to the best of my knowledge, Steve Carell has never done that. Mehakopa. Mehakulpa. Um, but why what about parkour appeals to you?

SPEAKER_03 19:14

Because I was like 15. I was never like in shape enough or like confident enough that I wouldn't crack my skull open that I that would ever do it. Like those guys are never wearing helmets, dude.

SPEAKER_02 19:23

No, no.

SPEAKER_03 19:24

There's always concrete around, a lot of sharp edges.

SPEAKER_02 19:26

That just seems like there are there are some very badass parkour stunts in this movie. Like there's a bit where you know there's a bit where a guy like falls down some stairs and like bounces off the railings as he goes down the center of the switchbacks. Like, ah, that's that was great.

SPEAKER_03 19:41

But I'm just gonna see where uh Damien's getting like shot at, and then he dives through the side door of a van and then out the back.

SPEAKER_02 19:50

Yeah, yeah, that was great. Like there is some I'm not saying it doesn't look cool.

SPEAKER_03 19:54

I'm saying like I don't know, maybe that's just like when it's executed very well, and David Bell is like one of the like founders basically of like modern parkour. Right? That guy's nasty at it. So like you just getting to see him, it's well, it's like seeing anybody who's like really good at a sport like doing their sport. It's like this sport happens to be like doing six stunts.

SPEAKER_02 20:15

It's like watching Kenneth Branag doing Shakespeare.

SPEAKER_03 20:19

Well, I'm glad you see it that way. He's the Kenneth Branagh of Parkour. I mean, you have to admit, he was fucking nasty at those stunts.

SPEAKER_02 20:28

He was great. I'm like at no well, all right. I do have stuff to say about the parkour, but um yeah, because I I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 20:34

Uh for me, I've always just enjoyed it in the same sense that you enjoy seeing like uh cool like car stunts in a fast.

SPEAKER_02 20:40

Yeah, yeah, it's act it's stunts, it's acrobatics, it's it's agility, it's very cool. Like, you know, like they fucking like I've I'm I'm hip. I've played an Assassin's Creed game. I've seen what it can do.

SPEAKER_03 20:54

Uh but it's a combination of athleticism and the environment that I think is like particularly interesting.

SPEAKER_02 21:03

Yeah, because it it it does feel a little like video game in real life, you know?

SPEAKER_03 21:08

Yeah, exactly. Like deliberate use of like particular hand holds and windows.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it does feel very conscious. You can see it's a skill, a practice. Um I do think it is a little silly. I don't I don't think that's a knock against it. I think a lot of things are silly. Like they fucking they fucking let you compete in the Olympics for dressage, and that's just horse dancing, you know?

SPEAKER_03 21:30

Yeah, that's true. Uh but I imagine if like the horses had to break dance or like fucking do traditional folk dancing, like line dancing, claw dancing.

SPEAKER_02 21:44

What if it would yeah, what if it was the Olympic uh controversy with that uh one Australian break dancer, but she had been a horse.

SPEAKER_03 21:51

Oh wow, like still a horse, or had she been like transmographied?

SPEAKER_02 21:58

I can do it. She got bit by. A horse.

SPEAKER_03 22:00

Well, that is how it works.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

By a radioactive horse. No, no, it's it's a it's a cursed horse, and then she turns into a were horse.

SPEAKER_03 22:09

A ware horse who has like except for breakdancing.

SPEAKER_02 22:12

Except you it's the difference. Yeah, the difference is that a ware horse turns into a horse for most of the day and then turns into a human at night. A breakdancing human. A breakdancing human. You they still want to break dance, even when they're and then it turns into horror because the horse is not meant to break dance, so she's doing the hopping, breakdancing, and then breaks her leg and like collapses to the ground, and like a an Olympic judge has to come out with a shotgun.

SPEAKER_03 22:38

The sun gone. Yep.

SPEAKER_02 22:39

Yep. Never forget.

SPEAKER_03 22:41

Dressage has some pretty hefty consequences if you trust us.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

This is the plot of the dressage action movie. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:49

Starring Vin Diesel. Yeah. Alright, sell it to me. Like, what's the dressage action movie?

SPEAKER_02 22:55

Uh Vin Diesel is a former dressage prodigy. Okay. And he's training. This is one of those. This is one of those uh movies where we're acting like the like the sport actually has like a legitimate place in society. You know, like oh yeah. Like this movie makes you think that parkour is very feasible in present in society. This movie would be like, oh yeah, I'm Vin Diesel, I'm training the next core of dressage. Yeah, yeah, like he's got medals for dressage. He taught dr he trained dressage in Afghanistan for combat.

SPEAKER_03 23:35

Combat dressage.

SPEAKER_02 23:37

But then he he he trained a breakdancing dressage horse. Okay. And she broke her leg, and he had to be the one to put a shotgun to her.

SPEAKER_03 23:48

Kind of a million-dollar baby scenario.

SPEAKER_02 23:50

Yeah, yeah. So but it takes place after that, and he's got trauma. He's got PTSD from that. And he's like, I'll never teach dressage again. Right. But then the Chinese. Okay. I'm I'm interested. A rebel faction of the Chinese army. Oh shit. Alright.

SPEAKER_03 24:13

Has unleashed dressage aggression in uh Chinese army being like pretty nasty at dressage.

SPEAKER_02 24:23

Yeah, like they're they're fucking like training. Yeah, yeah, like they train all day, all night. Like that's fucking they're they it's like one of those like mass uh mass like uh synchronized uh choreographs, but with horses. It's fucking terrifying. It's fucking terrifying, and the UN is powerless to help. Right.

SPEAKER_03 24:43

The UN would have shitty dressage, like it's up to the US government to get involved. So they hire they bring on Vin Diesel out of retirement.

SPEAKER_02 24:53

But he won't do it. He won't do it. He's like, never again. I said it. I made a promise. I made a promise, but then um uh Sydney Sweeney is a young dressage prodigy. I see what you're doing, and I I like it all right from a long line of dressage uh experts. Okay, yeah, yeah. Like her great grandfather trained Vin Diesel. Oh fuck, okay. And she's like, I've gotta save um I've gotta save America from the Chinese dressage core. She's very because we can't alienate the Chinese market, so we have to be very careful.

SPEAKER_03 25:39

Like, I'm gonna just use CGI to make it Japanese horses.

SPEAKER_02 25:44

Do a very complicated uh situation where every country gets a different version.

SPEAKER_03 25:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:50

Um button.

SPEAKER_03 25:53

Does she have to seem like a rag tag team?

SPEAKER_02 25:55

She's got to put together a ragtag team, and Vin Diesel is like, you're gonna need a crew. Yeah, but it's all people who are like weird horse people, you know. So it's like a stable hand and a a girl who posts on on internet forums. Yeah, some bronies. Yeah, some bronies are like support. Bronies are tech support, yeah. Like there's this whole like I'm in.

SPEAKER_03 26:18

Like yeah, instead of being in like a uh garage, it's a guy like whole throwing shit with a pitchfork and like son of a bitch.

SPEAKER_02 26:26

So there's a tournament arc, and she finally makes it to the finals. Yeah, yeah, and she makes it to the finals, uh, and she breaks her leg, her horse's leg. And normally that's when you shoot the horse.

SPEAKER_03 26:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 26:43

But she's like, No, I can dance through it, and she does. And it's like a Rocky moment where where like she powers through the pain. Okay. And then Vin Diesel is like Vin Diesel has a rivalry going on with a with a with with one of the with one of the uh of the villainous villainous horse trainers, and they make love at the end. Wow, shit. And that's that's that's what averts war.

SPEAKER_03 27:13

Is the two of them fucking yeah, fucking. It's not the dressage. The dressage is not a good thing.

SPEAKER_02 27:19

The dressage this it's a shamalanian twist. You see, it was it was making love. That was the answer. Not not horse dancing, not dressage. All right, that was that was kind of a stupid side rail, even for us.

SPEAKER_03 27:37

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do want to be 13. We want to do that.

SPEAKER_02 27:40

So, like, like, like this is this is this is kind of what I wanted to touch on. I wasn't sure how to approach this movie because within like what we try to do within this uh podcast, because we are a podcast about stupid action movies, but we also do kind of celebrate their role in like the masculine mindset.

SPEAKER_03 28:01

Yeah, we like to explore the uh we see the beauty mindset, we findity, and yeah. Should I say ouvre? I'm trying to be French.

SPEAKER_02 28:11

Yeah, yeah. Because like sports movies are clearly um part of that, you know. Like sports sports movies are part of the masculine experience. Like I saw Money. Did you see Moneyball with Jonah Hill?

SPEAKER_03 28:24

It was fucking boring as shit.

SPEAKER_02 28:26

It was boring as shit. I did see Moneyball with uh Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill. Yeah, and I don't remember anything. They stopped to do like math in the middle of the fucking spreadsheets. And like, I did want to see Jonah Hill doing math, but like in a different situation.

SPEAKER_03 28:43

It would have been funny to see him like doing baseball. I would have loved that. If there'd been like a twist like Jonah, like we're down a guy, we should get out there.

SPEAKER_02 28:53

Yeah, yeah, like a fucking feel-good family movie.

SPEAKER_03 28:56

Well, I was thinking you would just like fuck up horribly.

SPEAKER_02 28:58

Like Oh, I can we go can we go one further and make it like a league of their own? Where like we're like there's a strike and like all the baseball players are like, no, you we're not playing. Like, well, we gotta put on a fucking we gotta put on something. Yeah. Alright, and then like Jonah Hill's like the coach. He's like, I'm putting I I've gotta No, he's he's the he's he's a player, he's not the coach.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:25

But you know what? We're just that that Jonah Hill is gone. I'm sorry to say. Like, yeah, like he d I don't think he really does the those movies anymore. But sports this movie kind of dips a toe into the world of sports into the world of sports while still being very goofy because this is basically I I meant what I said. This is the fast and the furious, but with parkour instead of cars. There's still cars, but there's more parkour.

SPEAKER_03 29:52

Yeah, more than the cars are used as like part of the parkour.

SPEAKER_02 29:55

Yes, yes. The the the cars are an integral part of the parkour.

SPEAKER_03 29:59

Well, sometimes, you know, like sometimes it's staircases or like conveniently placed ropes. So you remember when he like jumped out a window and grabbed a rope and then wall ran around a corner and kicked a guy in the face?

SPEAKER_02 30:07

Yes. I also remember the Looney Tunes ass thing where he jumps out and grabs the rope and then swings out, and like a bad guy who's chasing him leaps out after him and misses the rope and goes.

SPEAKER_03 30:17

Just whiffs it, and then he falls like through a car's roof, and they just bounce off the roof. That guy went through it.

SPEAKER_02 30:23

Yeah. And like I th I'm I'm just gonna come out with this. Um I really liked this movie. I feel like this movie is very spiritually American. It has a lot of gunfights, it has a lot of fast cars, it has a lot of glamorous crime and colorful crime lords with badass dialogue and like zany schemes like handcuffing a woman to a fucking rocket. Yeah, we'll get into that, we'll get into that, but um that's all American, bro. Like, that's fucking you would find and then the whole thing is a plot from the government to destroy to kill the poor with a nuke.

SPEAKER_03 31:09

Yeah, because people don't want to pay taxes about it.

SPEAKER_02 31:12

Because you don't want to pay taxes to help them, like that's fucking American. Come on. Like, you tell you look me dead in the eye and say, like, if I didn't tell you that happened in France, you would think that was a Michael Bay movie.

SPEAKER_03 31:25

Sure, yeah. And it is I guess Luc Besson kind of is like well, maybe Michael Bay is the American Luc Besson, right? Because Luc Besson has been like an institution for a minute, right?

SPEAKER_02 31:35

The transporters he's done he's done some things on the professional.

SPEAKER_03 31:38

That's true.

SPEAKER_02 31:39

He's he's been around. Um Fifth Element Brick Mansions. Brick Mansions, starring Paul Walker.

SPEAKER_03 31:45

Yep. Which it's a remake of this fucking movie.

SPEAKER_02 31:49

Oh fuck. I I like this. I'm I'm not watching another parkour movie.

SPEAKER_03 31:54

You don't want to watch the sequel, direct sequel to this or the remake?

SPEAKER_02 31:58

No, my god, like well, like I just there's I like I said, I'm just gonna come out and say it. I loved everything in this movie except the parkour. I know that fucking makes I'm not saying the movie should not have had parkour. I'm saying that there will be this these really tense, riveting action sequences full of amazing gunfights and like atmosphere and tension, and then they'll pause for like 15 minutes to show parkour stunts. Yeah. Where like the protagonist is running away from a bunch of guys who are also doing parkour stunts.

SPEAKER_03 32:36

Yeah, they're just not quite as good at it.

SPEAKER_02 32:38

And they're not quite as good at it, so they just get taken out one by one.

SPEAKER_03 32:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:41

And it's just like 15 minutes of the shittiest techno.

SPEAKER_03 32:46

The soundtrack didn't help.

SPEAKER_02 32:48

The shittiest techno playing, and then like after 15 minutes are done, it becomes an action movie again.

SPEAKER_03 32:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:55

But like that, I I'm sorry, like it it like parkour the parkour was very loony tunes for me. Like, okay.

SPEAKER_03 33:04

But keep in mind, I mean, the parkour also got involved in the action scenes. They're doing a lot of acrobatics during the action scenes. So you like that part of it. You would have preferred more of like a mixture, I guess, than the pure.

SPEAKER_02 33:14

Well, yeah, like like I guess that's the I guess that's what I'm trying to say is like Fast and the Furious is about cars, right? But they're constantly doing shit with the cars. Yeah, the cars are a central conflict. Like during those 15 minutes parkour scenes, it's literally just parkour. Like, yeah, it's not mixed things up, it's not parkour fighting, it's not parkour dodging gunfire. It is literally just running and jumping while other guys are also following you running and jumping.

SPEAKER_03 33:42

Well, it looks really sick though, dude. It looks great, it looks great, it's so good at it.

SPEAKER_02 33:47

But then, like, it's it's it's I'm just saying, it's kind of jarring to like go from this amazing fucking car chase where this guy's like is where he's like handcuffed to a steering wheel and he has to fight he has to fight his way out of close quarters with a steering wheel on him, yeah, with a steering wheel on him, and then escape a fucking car chasing him while the guy leaning out trying to gat him down. Yeah, and then we pause, and then it's like 15 minutes of parkour, and then we unpause, and we get more gunfights and more fucking cool ass like fist fights and shit. Like I found the parkour kind of jarring because the I don't think the parkour flowed as nicely into it, you know. Okay, like um the stunts in John Wick, you know, like peerless, peerless, those just those feel appropriate, right? Yeah. Like um, you know, in John Wick too, one of my favorite scenes is where he's fighting the different assassins. Yeah. Uh like the big dude and the violinist and all that shit. Like, and he's at he's like doing some different stunts to attack them, but they all make sense based off the foe he's doing, you know? Okay, whereas this one, it was very visible, it's like, alright, now we stop, and now we see them do parkour. Parkour. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, like I there's no getting around this. It feels like Jim Kotta. It feels like that scene in Jim Cotta where this guy has this this gymnast is fucking his gym abilities. Has to use his gym abilities, and oh look, there just happens to be a sawhorse right here that I can use to you know it's like we are going to point out that this character does this.

SPEAKER_03 35:27

I'm gonna call you out here on not meeting the not meeting the film where it is.

SPEAKER_02 35:32

Listen, okay, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 35:34

I mean, because yeah, obviously.

SPEAKER_02 35:36

We're getting a little limbaugh in here.

SPEAKER_03 35:40

Oh because uh, you know, like obviously, like during uh Leto's like all his fucking crazy like getaways and and shit, like yeah, there's like super overly convenient props around for him to like do cool tricks off of. But you know, we can just take it and the way I look at it is I appreciate an artist at the top of his craft.

SPEAKER_02 35:57

I got you. You're you're like, like and I I to be clear, I don't think that's unfair. Like, I think what you're saying is very fair. Yes, the stunts are amazing, and yes, this is kind of the price of admission, you know, like this is what makes this this, you know, this is what makes this movie what it is. And I, you know, like I wrote that in my notes. Like, oh well put, yeah. You gotta you gotta take you take it as the whole. Like the thing I loved the most about this movie was the fucking vibe, and the parkour is part of that vibe. You gotta take the whole thing. Okay, I get it. Well put I get it.

SPEAKER_03 36:34

So we can agree on that for sure. Oh well.

SPEAKER_02 36:36

I'm just I'm just saying it kind of stands out to me. It stands out like and pause.

SPEAKER_03 36:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:42

And like, you know, there's no dialogue, there's no tension or stakes during the parkour. In fact, the stakes get progressively less, like, because because they're uh he's outrunning guys. And like it's kind of like um a failure of the Jackie Chan principle, right? Because like Jackie Chan, uh every time he's in a conflict where he's trying to escape, the stakes escalate, the stunts get more dangerous.

SPEAKER_03 37:11

Whereas in this one, it gets less and less dangerous.

SPEAKER_02 37:14

Yeah, you see what I'm saying? And that's jarring because it succeeds at the action parts. Like the gun fights do this great, and the gunfights have some wonderful action.

SPEAKER_03 37:24

That's a specific one I wanted to ask you about. Um, yeah, go ahead. Uh the casino fight where they it's revealed that there is that is I guess if I had to choose a whole favorite scene in the whole movie now, like having matured a bit, I would say, yeah, it's the scene where Damien infiltrates the casino dressed up as like Frank Zappa. Yeah. And uh then fucking you know uh dispatches an entire casino full of goons in increasingly ludicrous ways.

SPEAKER_02 37:51

Oh yeah, no, that was so much fun. Um so like in this movie, in the opening, uh, we see Leto, one of our protagonists, uh in the squalor of District B 13, and then corrupt cops throw him away and give his sister over to the drug lord, who keeps her dru as like a drugged up pet for like six months and is fucked up. Uh and then we get a scene of like these was it clear what nationality they were? They were speaking Spanish.

SPEAKER_03 38:25

They were but one of them is named Carlos and the other one was Benito. Benito, yeah, like they want to say maybe Cuban, but not 100%.

SPEAKER_02 38:31

But anyway, some some uh uh Latin criminals are like there's this great scene where they're where like it's uh they're escorting uh a Latin crime boss to his underground casino in Paris, and he's just complaining about the cars, and that leads into this dialogue where he's saying, like, I only want uh college educated goons now. And and like his henchmen are like, I boss, be reasonable.

SPEAKER_03 39:00

Like he's asking his extremely competent accountant, just like what did you major? The guy's like, Yeah, economics, like I have a master's. See?

SPEAKER_02 39:09

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, like he talked, he meets one of his goons who's like pinged that the police are about to invade, and they're like, How did you know how to do this? Like, well, uh, you know, you gotta stay smart to be alive. Like, and were you college educated? Yeah, I've got a bachelor's in economics. Like, there you go, like masters is a master. That was wonderful. That was wonderful, yeah. Masters, sorry, yeah, but like that was wonderful. That was character building for a crime boss who shows like that character got so fleshed out and likable in so three minutes brief a time. Like, artistic, so good. Like the crime thriller parts of this are great.

SPEAKER_03 39:43

And that bit segued, I think, pretty effectively into the uh the action scene right after, which uh I guess that kind of dovetails with your point earlier about the kind of uh the tonal whiplash, I guess, with the parkour scenes, whereas this one kind of led more naturally into like, oh shit, what are the cops doing? Like, oh my god, they just drop like a giant spiked weight through the ceiling.

SPEAKER_02 40:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:01

So they can like lift the guy up by like a crane.

SPEAKER_02 40:03

Yeah, like they they extract the crime boss, like our other protagonist, uh uh Damien Damien is undercover as this guy's goon.

SPEAKER_03 40:12

And he's wearing the most ludicrous multi-party.

SPEAKER_02 40:15

Oh, it's so wonderful. He just keeps taking parts of his of his disguise off, like as he's drawn a gun on this guy. He's got the thick mustache, at the bottom. You know what's great is all those criminals are just like quietly waiting for him to they all have guns, they're just like they all have guns, and they're like, No, I I like let's see where this goes. Let's see if it's I'm curious.

SPEAKER_03 40:35

Is he gonna be?

SPEAKER_02 40:35

I am curious. Is he hot? Is he hot? Yeah, is he hot?

SPEAKER_03 40:39

Wow, I didn't think he'd be Asian. How did he pull that off?

SPEAKER_02 40:43

Um but then uh they they literally do like break in through the ceiling and zip line this this crime boss out of the fucking roof, yep, and it is fucking badass.

SPEAKER_03 40:56

Uh and then the bad guys break in and the police drop down like two pistol magazines, it's fucking badass. Even though it's like also like tactically, like that's a terrible. Why wouldn't you just drop one down, right? Like two means like your guy and at least one other person are gonna get have like live rounds back.

SPEAKER_02 41:13

Isn't that funny though? It's like air we drop I'm gonna drop down a magazine so he's armed. Okay, good. Actually, make it two, like so that way if there's another guy in there, it can it can be like a struggle, you know. There can be some stakes, like yeah, and then he goes about the chief of police with like a a dramatic sense of timing. It's just like it's just like sir, I've got the sniper in my sights. Like, uh he's like, I've no, he's like, I've got the hostage taker in my sights, sir. I can take the shot. Like, no, no, no. We've only been here for like what have we been here for? Like, what 10 minutes? Yes, sir. No, no, no. We we you got has he made any demands yet? No, uh guys, come on, come on, amateurs.

SPEAKER_03 41:53

Yeah, this is not this is not how we do this.

SPEAKER_02 41:55

There's do we settle in, settle in, wait until the sun is like really fucking overhead and we get like that Mexican sepia filter.

SPEAKER_03 42:02

Like breaking bad. Have you guys seen Breaking Bad?

SPEAKER_02 42:05

Did you guys see Breaking Bad? Oh, and then he's like, I auditioned for Breaking Bad. I almost got the part of Hank.

SPEAKER_00 42:12

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 42:14

But the bastard Dean Norris. And then like there's fucking the hostages are getting executed.

SPEAKER_03 42:21

Yeah, one by one, and the stars like, please.

SPEAKER_02 42:25

Sure, please let me take the shot. Like, no, no, no, no. Just just hear me out. Hear me out here. I I would have made Hank a little more sensitive. But yeah, like this is this is I'm gonna try to get back on track. Um what I'm saying is like I don't even mind that the parkour is part of this. I'm saying it becomes a different movie when you do the parkour shit. Like John Wick does some different shit, but it's always John Wick, you know? This is a Fast and the Furious movie that pauses and then is briefly a parkour documentary. Yeah, it's like during the parkour scenes, there's no dialogue, there's no motivation, it's just get away from these bad guys by parkouring. And there are there are occasionally some cool stunts involving parkour. Like, I gotta say, after he steals the Cuban crime boss or kidnaps the Cuban crime boss, kidnaps the Cuban crime boss.

SPEAKER_03 43:25

Yeah, when he's fighting his way through the secret casino.

SPEAKER_02 43:27

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he fights his way out, he immediately gets put on a new assignment where he has to infiltrate District B 13 uh because the crime lord the government lost a nuke, and the crime boss Taha, who has been our big bad this whole time, yeah, picked it up. And they've got to get they've got it's set to go off in 24 hours, and they've got to disarm it. And so they send in one guy and they send him in undercover as a prisoner to befriend Leto. He put In mind, like you know, like they're saying, like, we need you to go under deep cover and befriend this criminal and convince him to show you around B13 and find the nuke and disarm it by the way. 24 hours. Normally, this is like a week long a week's long thing, but you know, like budgetary cuts. We got we get and like when he's champ, get out this. Yeah, and like when he's escaping uh the when he's escaping police custody, he does some parkour where he like flips up on top of the truck of the van and then he flips through the window and like takes some guys out, and that's fucking cool. That's fucking cool. That's using parkour in the fucking story instead of just running. Instead of just running. I don't mind the running scenes, but like couldn't he be chased by a helicopter that's shooting at him or something? Oh, okay, yeah. Couldn't other guys it doesn't even have to be a helicopter. Couldn't there be dudes on the roof shooting at him? Couldn't like, you know.

SPEAKER_03 44:54

There were a lot of instances where it's just like, oh, they said not to shoot him, so we gotta chase him.

SPEAKER_02 44:58

Yeah, like that, those parts are that's why I say it's kind of loony tunes, you know. It's like we have all these guns, but we're gonna we'll show him.

SPEAKER_03 45:06

It could be fun to like dub over the parkour scenes with looney tune sounds or like Mario noises.

SPEAKER_02 45:10

Wahoo! Well, there's a proud tradition. Well, is it is Ed, Ed, and Eddie part of your generation? Yeah. Yeah, like there's a proud tradition of doing uh Ed, Ed, and Eddie sound effects over action movies. In fact, they do do yourself a favor, go on to YouTube, look up the raid ed, ed, and eddy sounds. Oh, Jesus. That'll be so good. Speaking of, I do want to get like I think I've bagged enough on the parkour. I do want to gas up this movie.

SPEAKER_03 45:41

Yeah, gas it.

SPEAKER_02 45:42

For what it does. I loved I gotta say, dude, like, and I I don't care. I don't care if I offend the cultural French elite by saying this.

SPEAKER_03 45:55

Damn, go off.

SPEAKER_02 45:56

All right. This go off, Queen. Um This movie is spiritually American. This movie has American values, this movie has American aesthetics, this movie has American vibes, this is an American action movie. If you made this movie and made it with Vin Diesel and The Rock, you would not bat an eye. They would both fit into this so fucking well. Or Jason Statham.

SPEAKER_03 46:25

What if you made it with Paul Walker and the RISA?

SPEAKER_02 46:28

The RIZA?

SPEAKER_03 46:29

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he was in Brick Mansions.

SPEAKER_02 46:32

Oh, I I'm I'm sorry, I'm unaware. I let your I let your fucking joke just fall. No, you're I'm sorry. I was hoping you said the Rizzler, that little, that little chubby kid. Because I would love I would love to see the Rizzler do parkour.

SPEAKER_03 46:45

Yeah, have him as K2.

SPEAKER_02 46:47

I would love, yeah. I want to give a shout out to K2. There's a goon in this, and like I want to give a shout out to goons. This this uh podcast loves their goons, you know?

SPEAKER_03 47:03

Oh sure.

SPEAKER_02 47:03

And this movie had everything I loved in a good goon situation. For one, diversity, yep, a multi-ethnic gang of goons, you had Arab goons, you had white goons, you had black goons, uh, all working together. All work Russian goons, Russian goons were there.

SPEAKER_03 47:22

Oh god, they all had the unique uh well not unique, they all had uh the same uniform, they all had the black tank top, black tank they all had blank black tank tops, most of them were shaven-headed, uh and like they had a gym and some barracks, some bunks. Yeah, they all like yeah, they seemed like they had a group, like well organized.

SPEAKER_02 47:41

They seemed like they were having a good time together. You know, in Equalizer 3, there's that brief scene where the mafia goons are all cooking spaghetti together. Yeah, it gave me that vibe. Like, I love I I do like I I I'm just saying, I do like seeing the villains doing shit together.

SPEAKER_03 47:58

Yeah, it's kind of mundane domestic task.

SPEAKER_02 48:00

Yeah, like I love seeing these like I love imagining that these goons are like co-workers.

SPEAKER_03 48:05

Because I guess they are technically.

SPEAKER_02 48:06

It's just uh But the chief goon is a guy named K2, and he's this enormous fucking French dude, and he has K2, and you know, he's named after the mountain, K2, and he has K2 shoved shaved sh shoved, shoved he has K2 shaved in the back of his head, yeah, and he fucking rules. I loved K2. Every scene he's in, he's great. Like he has there's a scene where he's like, Oh, you know, my boss is going over the line here, he's got this girl drugged up and leashed to his throne, that's fucking creepy. He's like, Oh, the my my boss keeps gunning down my guys. Ah, god, like he's conflicted, he grows as a character. He does. You might say that K2 is like the most developed character in this fucking movie.

SPEAKER_03 48:53

I think he's the most memorable.

SPEAKER_02 48:55

Absolutely, but like like I'm saying K2 makes this movie worthwhile. I fucking loved K2. I would watch anything with K2 in it. Uh but like the these were fucking goons armed to the teeth. It was a private army. That's American as shit, dude.

SPEAKER_03 49:13

It is, yeah, all of this is not really kitted out guns, really clear scopes and everything.

SPEAKER_02 49:18

And at at the end, the French government gets access to uh Taha, the bad guy. They get access to his accounts.

SPEAKER_03 49:26

Yeah, because he tells them the number, because he tells them the routing number.

SPEAKER_02 49:31

Like, wow, and they clear out his bank accounts, yeah. And so he can't pay his goons anymore, and he's just shot one of those goons for defiance.

SPEAKER_03 49:41

He just like there's a few scenes where he just kind of casually shoots a goon.

SPEAKER_02 49:44

Yeah, yeah. He's I want to give a shout out to Taha. He's the big boss, he's the kingpin. Yep, and most of the time he's this gruesome, brutal crime lord.

SPEAKER_03 49:55

He's a snorting heroine and wearing a kimono.

SPEAKER_02 49:57

Snorting heroin, wearing kimonos, but sometimes he is a zany comic book villain. Yes. He kidnaps uh Lito's sister, and he keeps her drugged up and chained to his throne. Which is a fucking throne. Yeah. And then when they get the nuke, this guy has a he has he has a missile launcher. Yeah. He has a missile launcher just lying around that he turns the nuke into a missile, aims it at the Eiffel Tower, and then chains up the chains the sister to the rocket. That's fucking that's ridiculous.

SPEAKER_03 50:38

Yeah, and he's just increasingly high on heroin the whole time.

SPEAKER_02 50:41

Yeah, like that is so fucking goofy, and I loved it. It's like I love that like he goes like the whole point is to show that Taha is becoming increasingly unhinged, but like he goes unhinge, he gets unhinged in such a specific comic book villain way that it's it's almost charming. He's like, and then I'll tie this damsel to my rocket.

SPEAKER_03 51:04

And K2 kind of is an almost an audience stand-in at times there. He's just like, dude, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_02 51:09

Yeah, where K2 is literally like, this is fucking ridiculous. This is so goofy.

SPEAKER_03 51:16

Yeah, and then finally it gets to the point where Taha like um he gets all his accounts yoinked, and then everybody kind of simultaneously decides to shoot him. And so he stands up and does the gun fingers, and then they light him the fuck up.

SPEAKER_02 51:28

I loved that. I loved that, where he drains his accounts and all his goons realize, well, fuck, you've been shooting us and you can't pay us. So, and then K2 like gives the order to gun him down, and Tama basically just does the finger guns and just fucking goes out like that. Yeah. Like, oh, I loved that. So that but that's American. That fucking dramatic that's true.

SPEAKER_03 51:52

Very scarface vibes with him dying of his massive pile of drugs on his desk.

SPEAKER_02 51:57

Yes. Like, I gotta say, even tying a damsel to a rocket.

SPEAKER_03 52:03

That's yeah, that's American.

SPEAKER_02 52:09

Only in America are our villains that weird. That's zany. Zany. We love we love our zany villains who are like, yes, we'll construct a bomb that will go off under precise conditions.

SPEAKER_03 52:24

And then we'll send a man undercover in order to set it off. Because somehow they couldn't they have just like activated it. I mean, there's a lot of holes we can poke in a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 52:32

At the end, at the end, they disarm the bomb. Except they don't disarm the bomb. They find out that the bomb was intentionally given to the bad guys by the French government because at this point, uh District DB 13 is uh walled off, barbed wire. They've pulled out the schools, they pulled out the post office.

SPEAKER_03 52:55

It's like a bad spot, dude.

SPEAKER_02 52:57

It is a segregated dude. You know how much we love hanging out at the post office. Yeah, go look at the third it's that third space everyone's been talking about.

SPEAKER_03 53:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:12

What are you doing tonight?

SPEAKER_03 53:14

Shits going by the post office, man.

SPEAKER_02 53:16

Shit, son. You know I'm going to the post office.

SPEAKER_03 53:18

Yeah, it's popping off.

SPEAKER_02 53:21

I saw Alicia down there. I licked her stamp. No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's wrong of me to impugn the United States Postal Office by suggesting it is a den. They work hard. They work here on Slop Culture. We salute the American postal worker. You're goddamn right. Hardest motherfuckers on the planet. Yeah, I mean, they you know. That is their official motto.

SPEAKER_03 53:49

United fuckers on the planet.

SPEAKER_02 53:51

United States Postal Service, hardest motherfuckers on the planet.

SPEAKER_03 53:55

They should honestly rebrand.

SPEAKER_02 53:57

They should. They should all be required to get tattoos.

SPEAKER_03 54:02

Tramp stamps.

SPEAKER_02 54:03

Tramp stamps, saying that.

SPEAKER_03 54:05

Hardest motherfucker on the planet.

SPEAKER_02 54:07

And like they need to like make that eagle look like pissed off. You know, they got like razor wings and like fucking strap like guns to its firing like a laser from its eyeball. Yeah, there's like a knight. There's like a there's like a it's got a cyber eye. Yeah. There's but also there's a knight on its back, and he's got like a lance. He's got like a lance, and the lance is tipped with like a whirling chainsaw.

SPEAKER_03 54:31

Beautiful, beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 54:33

And then like um the ghost until we bring back the postal service. The ghost of Dwayne Johnson is looking on from heaven.

SPEAKER_03 54:41

We made it so far without bringing in ghosts.

SPEAKER_02 54:43

No, the oh shit. All right, for those of you listening at home, reset your ghost counters. Yeah. Uh well, no, we talked about ghosts in the beginning, right? We talked about haunted hotels. No, I'm sorry, guys.

SPEAKER_03 54:56

Yeah, we did. We did.

SPEAKER_02 54:57

We get we we gotta be real. We gotta be real. We I'm I'm sorry to our audience. We do dip into the ghost hotel. There's a lot of ghost talk on this. I'm sorry, I think ghosts are cool. Like I know I know they probably don't exist, but I love hearing about them. I love everyone.

SPEAKER_03 55:15

It's interesting.

SPEAKER_02 55:16

I have been on the ghost tour on the Queen Mary, so I have gone out in search.

SPEAKER_03 55:21

So, like a boat or that's a boat.

SPEAKER_02 55:23

That's a boat. It's it's in um LA and it's haunted. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:29

The legend.

SPEAKER_02 55:32

No, by like ghost staff. Oh, that's gotta suck, dude. Imagine being like a bellboy ghost who dies. Yeah, a bell boy ghost. That would suck, dude, because you already got a shit job.

SPEAKER_03 55:44

Yeah, and then you die in a preventable elevator.

SPEAKER_02 55:47

But to be cle but to be fair, like I don't wanna sound like I'm ghost blaming here, but you kind of do that to yourself, right? Like, if the most you ever had going on was that you were a bell boy, and that is enough to tether you to this mortal coil, even as your bot, even as your earthly remains have moved on.

SPEAKER_03 56:08

At that point, you're just kind of fucked no matter what.

SPEAKER_02 56:09

That's just you're you're kind of a loser. You're kind of a loser. Like you you need it, you needed to. I'm not gonna look look no no no listen, listen, listen. Yeah, and this is this is when this is when the shit gets real here on sloth culture. Yeah, I am not shaming bellboys. That's an all work is noble work, and working in the hospitality industry is work. Most work is noble work. Bellboying is certainly noble work. Yeah, working in the hospitality industry, that is noble work, that is difficult work. We salute our hospitality workers, and I'm not shaming ghosts either. I'm not acting like you chose to be there. I'm saying that if I encountered a ghostly bellboy, I would imagine why the f like what unfinished business does the bellboy have that he's still here? Like, and why a bell boy? Like, why not go why not go? I'm sorry, my dog. He's like, yeah, you fucking tell him. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 57:09

No, yeah. I mean, like, what what's so pressing that you gotta keep lurking?

SPEAKER_02 57:13

What is so pressing? What could be so important?

SPEAKER_03 57:16

Yeah, what kind of luggage are we working with?

SPEAKER_02 57:18

Yeah, like like you know, like fucking a soldier coming back as a ghost. I get that. I get that. I get that. Am I saying that being a bellboy is not as difficult as being a soldier? Yes, I think I think I you're saying that I feel like that's fair to say. I feel like those are two very different uh job skill sets. I'm not shaming either of them. I noble work, noble work, all around.

SPEAKER_03 57:43

I'm just saying the bell boy just looks at you and is like, I died in a parkour accident.

SPEAKER_02 57:48

Could I do parkour? No, I could never. I could do that. That's how dude, that's what it that's his cursed bro, is the ghost bell boy convinces you to do parkour, and thus he passes on his fate because he leads you to the same parkour place that took his life, and then you perish there trying to also try to win.

SPEAKER_03 58:09

And then you take his place, and he moves on to the afterlife, and you have to trick the next guy into yeah, and then you do a sick like triple back flip off a fucking like parking structure, and the last thing you see is like a huge pile of bones at the bottom, and you're like, oh fuck.

SPEAKER_02 58:23

There's an inexplicable spike pit. Yeah, why does the hotel have a spike pit? Dude, a fucking a fucking hotel that wants a ghost, so they're like laying death traps around devious traps, H.H.

SPEAKER_03 58:38

Holmes style.

SPEAKER_02 58:40

But it like H.H. Holmes wanted to torture people. These guys are specifically after the fucking like novelty of having a haunted hotel. Dude, all right, let me pitch you this movie. All right, shooting um John Lithgow is the owner of a generational Airbnb.

unknown 59:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 59:03

Um Scarlett Johansson is his daughter.

SPEAKER_01 59:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 59:09

Jenna Ortega. No, not Jenna Ortega. Who else? Um Anya Taylor Joy is Scarlett Johansson's daughter.

SPEAKER_05 59:19

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 59:20

So there's three generations under this roof. Okay. Business is not so good. Airbnb is pricing everyone out. They are getting fucked.

unknown 59:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 59:30

But they can't leave this behind. This is their family.

SPEAKER_03 59:35

So they kind of start.

SPEAKER_02 59:36

So they come up, they come up with a wild idea. Let's get a ghost. And so let's uh and let's do a human sacrifice. Oh, that is to bind a to bind a ghost. Yeah, but it's it's still a comedy. It's still a comedy. Okay. So they so they use the dark arts to like bind someone's spirit to like a like a visitor or just like a passerby? Yeah, like a visitor, and it's kind of like a Mr. Magoo thing where like the visitor is completely unaware that they're trying to sacrifice him. Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:06

And they they like try to poison him and they like release an adder into his bed at night. But like, but like he's like, he's like a sleepwalker.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:15

Stumbling through it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:16

Yeah, like he's a sleepwalker, so he gets up and like in his sleep he kills the snake because he's a one of those kung fu sleepwalkers.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:23

Is that a it's a subgenre, sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:26

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But but you see what I'm saying. And then like at the end, they're like, but they find like some zany way. They find some way to like to save the Airbnb.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:37

Is it does it involve a ghost or do they like do it? It doesn't. Just go on Kickstarter.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:44

I think they accidentally summon the wrong thing. And like that's the sequel. That's the sequel. We end on like a kooky cliffhanger.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:51

It's like ghost Airbnb redemption.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:53

Yeah, ghost Airbnb. And like the second the second movie is they have the haunted Airbnb, but now it's going crazy.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:01

So like Bale Foth, the devourer of all souls is like in the basement, like hungering.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:08

So they're gonna get on in on the live streaming craze and exercise it. Probably on kick.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:14

I don't know if Discord, I don't know if Twitch would take that one.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:17

On Twitch.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:18

They'd probably get banned pretty quickly, but yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:21

That's true. But so, anyways, and we'll just we'll just keep going like this until the money runs out. What do you think?

SPEAKER_03 1:01:30

I mean, fuck, I'd watch it.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:31

I'm gonna call it scare B.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:35

Fuck, that's clean.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:36

That's pretty good, right? That's pretty good.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:38

The corporation or what have you might have some issues with with what we're doing, but I mean parody law is pretty generous.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:44

So parody law is generous. The only thing we need to do is come up with literally any fucking money. Um uh fuck. I I've shouted out K2, I've shouted out the goons, and like I like I said, I fucking I love that this movie was spiritually American. Like, I am very, very pro-artistic influence being shared, you know, across globes. So like it it it soothes me to see that, you know? I like that. I like that. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I've gone, I've gone on for a bit. What tell me your thoughts? Share me share with me some ideas.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:26

Oh, there's a few things that I specifically wanted to shout out. One of them is Yeti.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:30

Um there is like that's what I that's another point in the this is an American movie thing. At the end, there is a huge fucking tough troll of a man, bro, and he's guarding the missile, and they have to beat him to get by it.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:44

And Taha like keeps him in like a locked cell that's just labeled Yeti. Yeah, and then earlier on you see Taha like open the door and be like, Hey, I got a job for you, and you just see like the shoulder of the guy. Yeah, you don't actually see Yeti himself until later in the movie when uh like it's a fucking dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:01

That is that is a classic tradition in American cinema. That's the bald that's that's the bald Nazi tradition, bro.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:09

Like is that a tradition?

SPEAKER_02 1:03:11

I think so. You know, like well, fucking like you know, you know what I'm talking about, Raiders of the Lost Ark. When he fights the big bald that I'm not saying like the bald Nazis specifically have this tradition.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:22

Like big beefy fucking heavy entry.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:25

A big dude fighting a smaller hero. Like, that is that's fucking cool. We love seeing that.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:32

And then they beat him by slam dunking a fucking cinder block across his face.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:35

They fucking Michael Jordan a fucking cinder block on his face.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:39

They straight dump man that shit.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:40

Like they foot, yeah, they fucking from that fucking was that ruled. That ruled. And then they fucking find out that the bomb was sent to blow up the poor people of Paris.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:53

Like a really obvious detonation code. Like Leto's pointing it out, it's like, okay, so that's the zip code of this place, and that's today's date. And you're saying the last digits are just B13? Like really? And Damien's like, it's a coincidence, and then they fight.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:07

Yeah, and I'm not quite clear on like so like the the government intentionally dropped or intentionally gave the bomb to the bad guys.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:17

Yes. With the intention of later sending someone in to activate.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:23

Yeah, because because yeah, because it doesn't just it it says it's ticking down and going off. But when it actually ticks down to zero, it doesn't go off. It can only be detonated when someone puts in the code. Just turning on a light. But like what was like what was the uh like there was no guarantee that he was going to get like so what I I'm not sure, like if you wanted to detonate it, surely there's a more surefire way. Like this plot relied on him getting down there and being able to get to the bomb.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:57

It was just like one guy.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:59

Yeah, like I'm not quite sure what was going on there. Like, I feel like that plan had a very high chance of not succeeding.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:05

Right, and then that just ends with like a drug lord who just has a bomb.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:08

And if you had and like, I'm sorry, I really hate be I really hate doing this because I think it's so fucking nerdy to be like, well, actually, this illogicality, but it's a pretty big one. It's a pretty big one, I get it. But you know, price of admission, you like if you can accept that the bad guy has a missile launcher lying around that he can hand handcuff maidens to.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:28

Yeah, and that was another thing I wanted to ask about was uh she wakes up and uh sees like a big gas canister and then starts like spilling it everywhere and trying to load it, and like yeah, I'm just always unclear, even after like three viewings of this movie. I'm still unclear on like why she's doing that. Is it like is heroin withdrawal like bad enough that she wants to like self immolate, or like what's what's the deal there?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:51

I really liked Lola as a character. I feel like she kind of got a raw deal.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:56

She did.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:57

She gets kidded to a rocket, she gets chained to A throne, she gets strung out on heroin, and then she gets chained to a rocket. That fucking sucks.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:08

Um, but yeah, when she when she is chained to the rocket, she gets a gas canister between her knees and spills it at the base of the rocket and then lights a match. And I think the intent is that she means to burn it down. I'm not c I'm not sure that would work.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:26

Like I'm not sure you can melt a missile with gas and generally like trying to stop a bomb with fire is like not something I would do.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:35

Yeah, I I mean like I'm I'm I I would say that like because I mean you know I'm I'm gonna get even more nerdy here, but it's that fucking like it's it's that fucking like ludo narrative shit, like you can because the whole point of that scene is to give Lola something to do, right? Sure, yeah, besides to make her seem more active in her own escape, which is great. That's great. Like we love seeing that, but it's not quite clear what her logic is, and you can make the excuse the reason, like, well, she's strung out on heroin, she's trying everything she can. I get it, but like it doesn't like we know the all as the audience that does uh isn't going to make sense and probably won't work, so it's harder for us to feel stakes about it, you know? Yeah, and like I guess that's the fine line is like because I I sincerely don't want this to be a podcast where we're just like oh I this oh inconsistency. Oh, why did they do this? Like fucking you know, I there's plenty of other shows that do that. Uh but we ain't one of them. Um I would I guess I just would have liked her to do something else, you know. Like I'm I'm I'm very happy, like um I don't know, like have her try to pick her own locks or have her or have her like try to get a message out to the people.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:56

Oh like she's gonna like there's like a cell phone lying nearby that she's gotta like use some sort of like a chain to like pull it close to her and then she's on she's on top, she's on a rooftop when this happens.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:05

Like, could she see someone in a fucking like window and like could she try to get a message out? Because she seems to know that it's a bomb that's going to fucking blow up a lot of people, and she cares about the community she's in, so like wouldn't she try to like you know?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:22

But yeah, okay. Now here's a question. What do you do if you wake up like in a Lola type situation?

SPEAKER_02 1:08:28

Well, for one, like if someone's if someone's handcuffed me to a rocket, yes, I'm going to assume I'm going to assume I saw this coming. Like I I I feel like nobody just like wakes up and then like accidentally gets handcuffed to a rocket, you know. Like you gotta be hanging out with people for whom that is a possibility.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:52

Right. So you and I are hanging out, we're in France somewhere, and then boom.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:55

And then we get roofied, and then I we wake up handcuffed to a rocket.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:00

Are we both handcuffed to the same rocket?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:03

Yeah, yeah, because we're in the Yeah, okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:06

Um What the fuck do we do then?

SPEAKER_02 1:09:09

You know, we we clearly know it is a rocket.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:11

Yes, like a big old Acme style rocket.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:14

It says I would say let's try to fuck let's try to fuck this up. Like let's jerk on the rocket and try to get it to fire somewhere else. Like let's yeah, and then if the villain is like, hey stop, I I pointed that at the Eiffel Tower, like Yeah, then we point it at him. Yeah, then we point at him, and like presumably if someone comes out to correct it, we will try to make our stand there.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:36

Well bludgeon them with the rocket.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:38

Yeah, and then either the either we'll succeed and escape or they'll shoot us, and then I mean either way, we won't have to worry about the rocket anymore.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:46

Okay, yeah, you solved that quandary a lot faster than I thought you would.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:49

Well, but also like you know, it's a nuke. We're not gonna we're come on, like even Yeah. That's that's I mean, but I mean, of course, like we're doing more illogical inconsistencies, but it's like, you know, like because the whole point is to nuke the fucking slums. Right. But it's not like that's going to like stop at the slums, you know, like that radiation.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:13

They have like a throwaway line about like it's a clean bomb that doesn't have any radiation.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:17

No, okay, yeah, sure. Like, alright, alright. Yeah, no, I'll I'll accept that. That's fine. Yeah, like if you have uh price of admission, I'll pay it. Word. But like, but like, yeah, I mean ultimately that's just such a a a a nerd point dexter little rig, like, ooh, you know, ooh. Yeah I and I don't I don't I don't feel that strongly about it. Like, yes, okay. She tried to burn down the rocket. All right, Lola. You know what? Props for trying. Props for trying.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:47

I'm gonna also give Taha a shout out for being like a shall we say, a flexible businessman. Like he went from drug kingpin to like international ballistic threat. Uh he rolled quite smoothly.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:58

He rolled with it. He knew exactly what he had. He's like, Hey, by the way, this is my missile launcher. Yeah, I had it just lying around.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:05

Just lying around, just in case, you know, just in case.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:08

And then he's like, and this is what I want. Blah blah blah. And like I love it when Damien calls up and he says, Hey, he wants 20 million euros. And they're like, That's outside the budget. He's like, That's outside the budget. My bad. Like, I'm I'm just gonna choose to make peace with like so the the French guy who authorized all this, he knows something I don't because this is why no one has ever put me in charge of France, of dispensing a bomb in a French slum to be to be taken up by drug lords. No one has ever asked me to do that.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:42

Like they're k I guess they don't have kings, probably. Emperor? They had that in France.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:46

They did at one point.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:47

Yeah, they didn't even cut his head off, right? I think they just sent him to an island.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:51

That's right. Napoleon, he got sent to an island, and then he came back.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:54

Did they send him to the same island afterward? I would I would have sent him to a different one.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:59

I actually don't know what happened to him afterwards. Um that would be funny, though. It's like, alright, we're putting you on a new island.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:08

But this And for real, you got a pinky promise you're not gonna try to escape.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:14

We've left you a very stimulating environment.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:18

Yeah, there's a villa, you got all sorts of books. There's enrichment, yeah. Enrichment activities, here's a Kong.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:26

Here's a Kong toy, it's got peanut butter in it. See if you can figure out how to get it out.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:32

It's tricky.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:33

It's tricky. You're not gonna get it right away. Napoleon Bonaparte going fucking crazy on a Kong toy trying to get the peanut butter out.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:42

Well, they didn't know what peanut butter was back then, probably. I don't well maybe they did. I don't know when that shit got involved.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:47

Well he's he's he's French, so like I guess they put like like duck a l orange in the con. Yeah, it's like duck pate inside the foie gras in the oh no in the fucking cong toy like he goes nuts trying to get it out of the slurping it out like a big anteater tongue. He's so proud when he gets it out.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:11

And then like once he gets it out, he looks at the British guard and goes, Oh, sorry, I gotta take him out.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:17

Yeah, I gotta gotta feel.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:18

He always wants to go out after he gets it out of the toy.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:20

After he gets done with his con.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:22

After he gets, and then it's nappies. Then it's nappies.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:25

Napoleon just curling up on a dog bed.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:28

Sometimes it's sometimes it's zoomies, but then it's nappies.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:35

When did Napoleon become a dog? I guess after Waterloo, probably.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:38

After Waterloo, he's just like fucking that we figured out like, no, you just put him on an island, he just comes back. You gotta give him enrichment. Yeah, you gotta give him we learned that lesson after We learned that lesson after World War I. The Germans, they fucking fought us, and at the Treaty of Versailles, we're like, you gotta pay back everyone, thus bankrupting your nation. And we're taking your enrichment. Oh we're taking your enrichment, assholes. And they're like, ah, this will not stand. And then we had World War II. And after World War II, we're like, Alright, we're gonna help you rebuild this time.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:14

And we're gonna give you half of them enrichment. The other half just got, you know, wrecked.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:19

Yeah, yeah. Like, like if you're in West Berlin, you get a scratching post.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:25

Yeah, you get a scratching post. You get like a little ball.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:28

The people of East Berlin looking enviously at like this giant cat tree full of like lazy West Berliners. Like every now and then, every now and then a NATO guard comes by and gives them belly rubs, and they're like, oh, who's a big man? Who's a big oh I am I am a Pikmin? And then in East Berlin, they're like, we must escape. Yeah, we must we must reach the West.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:55

Fancy feast in the West.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:57

My grandfather dreamed of eating fancy feast. I will not let it be in vain. Papa For you for you, be with me.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:12

The cat cold war would be real interesting.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:14

The fucking cards have spray bottles. People try to cross, they're like, nine, nine! All right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I have got we've gone so fucking off topic. What please hit me with another thought.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:33

All right. Um well fuck, you said already mentioned that this movie is just you know American as fuck.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:38

It's it's Fast and the Furious. It's Fast and the Furious. I say that as a compliment. I say that's a wonderful thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:45

Um Fast and Furious is a is a is a subgenre now.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:49

It is. And I think in line with that with that subgenre, I think we should celebrate how fucking efficient this movie was. Almost all now. Arguably too efficient. Yeah, it's an uh like 84 minutes long, I think.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:03

84 minutes long, almost nonstop action. Uh see, I guess I just would have loved if there was like five minutes trimmed off each parkour sequence. And just with that extra 10 minutes, like have someone talk about a little because there's a few moments where the characters actually talk.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:21

And it's wonderful. Like they they argue about the law, they talk about justice and how your own personal finances play into that justice. Like it's it's compelling, it's fucking compelling. Like, like this movie can afford to trust itself and take its time a little more, but you gotta you gotta get them parkour minutes in.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:41

Yeah, okay, yeah. Um, and I guess my second um question would be if you had to keep the parkour in, how would you improve it? Besides like having them talk during it, but how would you improve like like gun foo, you know? So more guns in the parkour.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:59

More guns in the parkour. Like fucking can you imagine like a picture like a gunfight like extraction, but with but like on the rooftops, like bolting from cover to cover. I would have loved like a helicopter chase scene.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:13

Uh-huh. Yeah, like getting shot at by the machine gun and they gotta run through the game. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:17

Like, I fucking love a good helicopter chase scene. Like, that fucking rules. That's always ruled. That's always a weird.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:26

Oh, like in Uncharted 2 where you're getting chased by the tank.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:32

Oh, that is so fucking good. And like you can have like fucking like I mean that that's fucking perfect for for like what parkour is. And like or like have some have a building collapse and crumble or something.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:45

Yeah, you gotta run through it as it's collapsing.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:47

Yeah, yeah. Like, like just add some stuff, add a fucking, I don't know, alligator pit.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:52

Like alligator pit's an interesting twist.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:55

I would fucking love it if there's just yeah, no, we get we get those out here sometimes. Like that's that's like you know how Louisiana used to be French.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:07

Like actually, we brought alligators from France to Louisiana. That's why they're everywhere now. No, but like, I'm I'm saying like make the parkour part of the fucking action. Like, I just I just felt it was kind of jarring, and only because the rest of the movie stands out so much and is so strong. Like, you can afford to you could you could afford to be a little like go one way or the other, you know? Like either go very more parkour ish and have like fucking guns involved, or go less parkour ish and have some more character development. But like it's it's it it's a little it's a it's it's cons it's a conspicuous amount of parkour right now.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:49

Oh, okay. Um I think we both did enjoy the scenes where the parkour was involved in the action. The CL fight was doing all clips and shit.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:57

Yeah, yeah. No, in the martial arts section, the fist fight sections, it comes off great. It's just specifically the two 15-minute parkour scenes that are just him running away from guys, like that's just not so fun. Well, but like in you know, in fucking Transporter 2, you had uh Jason Statham like dodging cars and shit. Like, come on. That was come on, like love a good car dodge.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:19

We had a little bit of that in this one, though, to be fair.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:22

Yeah, we got a little bit, but not enough, is what I'm saying. Like, we want more cars. The chops were there, more car dodges, let the parkour do something. You had an entire fucking armory, like a warehouse full of weapons. How badass would it have been to like do parkour in the fucking warehouse and like breaking open crates trying to find a weapon to fight back with?

SPEAKER_03 1:19:42

Yeah, like throwing guns at people, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:44

Yeah, you're just like throwing guns at people, like trying to put distance between them, and there's like guys with guns on the bottom floor shooting at you. Like, come on, come on, come on.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:55

Alright, I I feel you. You've convinced me that it could, in fact, be better.

SPEAKER_02 1:19:58

It could have been better. I'm not saying it was bad. I still liked the parkour. I still think the parkour was very well accomplished. I'm just saying we could you know you could have done more. It was that kind of movie where you could have done more.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:10

Yeah. Last thing, sell me a spin-off for uh K2.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:14

Oh, dude, you know what? Like K2, the great part about K2 is that like he is the blue collar criminal.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:22

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:22

Like when he shows up uh first, he's like busting chops, he's being very chill, he's very efficient, organized, off the grilling sausages, throwing sausages away. What an asshole.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:34

Yeah, he threw the sausage into his own car. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:36

But like, but like at the end, I love like I'm sorry, this is a trope that always gets me is a uh is a polite villain.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:43

Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:44

Like at the end, K2 lets the guys go and disarm the bomb, and then they uncover the conspiracy and like they take the bomb, and K2's just like, alright. K2 is like, alright, you have five minutes to get out of town, and he's and they look at the bomb and like, alright, but we're taking a souvenir. And he goes, like, yeah, be my guest.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:03

Like just let's go.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:05

Like I love that, like showing a spin-off of K2 being the manager of a dude, like fucking picture this. Picture something like the Sopranos. Okay, but in the first episode, Tony Soprano dies. Oh shit. And the rest of the series is about Christopher trying to hold the hold the crew together.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:25

But Christopher weighs like 200 pounds more and has K2. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:29

Like, like, like fucking. I think this is cool. Like, K2 is clearly has the will of the people, of the soldiers, the will of the people. The goon the goons are on K2's side, you know. K2 has looked out for his goons, and the goons look out for K2.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:44

To be fair, it's like a pretty low bar he's gotta clear. It's like, oh, he doesn't randomly shoot us after blowing down like 14 grams of fucking heroin at once.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:53

See, I I gotta push back on you for that because like in all the scenes with K2, he looks like he's a damn delight to work with.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:01

He always not always, but he's always having fun. He's having fun for like when there's a nuclear bomb involved, in which case he's serious.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:08

He's also like cracking wise all the time, like he's fucking making these little remarks, and like he he never seems like to just throw away people's lives. He's always saying, like, you know, fucking like I'm just here for your boss. Don't make this difficult. Like, he seems very fucking level-headed. Like, I I wrote in my notes, like, I it would be a delight to show up to work and fucking K2. Like, like, oh, here's my day. I'm a goon, I'm a fucking goon. Ah, geez, like some days the gooning isn't so easy. Like, some days I it's a stressful position. It's a stressful position. I'm I'm in a private army for a crime movie. This is this is rough. No one said be no one said gooning was easy. Uh and then K2 shows up and he's like, boys! It's like out of my boys, like, hey, K2. K2's here, and your day brightens a little bit. Dave Bright's manager, and like you're ho like K2's got a job to do. He's like, Hey, you're coming with me today. Like, ah, fuck yeah, like God, I love right. I'm driving for K2 today.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:11

It's gonna be a little zany, probably not gonna get shot.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:14

He's gonna want he's gonna want drive-thru and he always pays. He always pays.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:18

He does kind of have that vibe.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:19

He has that vibe. He's like, he's like, he's like, yeah, he like puts in a big order. He's like, Yeah, give me like uh two number threes and uh and an apple pie, and then like hey, get whatever you want. Oh, yeah. That okay. And he's like he's like fucking chill enough that you would you would feel you get a reasonable amount of food because you don't want to take advantage. You're just like, I'm just gonna have a number one, I'm gonna get it a medium. Yeah, I'm gonna keep it, I'm keeping it chill. Yeah, and like K2 appreciates that, and like there's that mutual respect. So, like, that's what I want to see. The K2 spin-off. It's a it's a crime lord running a new kind of organization based off mutual respect. Seeing how that goes.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:01

Yeah, I'd watch it. Probably a pretty short show, but I'd watch it.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:04

Probably, but like fucking K2 could carry it. I fucking love that guy. Like K2, and I I mean it. He's like he has the most growth out of any character. He's not even the main guy, and he's like he's the only one with a fucking character arc, it rules.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:17

Yeah, played by Tony Del Mario.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:20

Tony Del Mario, you are a friend of this podcast.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:23

He passed away in 2005.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:26

Right after this movie?

SPEAKER_03 1:24:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:29

Oh rest in peace. Rest in peace, brother.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:33

Yeah. But uh yeah, keep an eye out when you watch this movie for uh for K2.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:40

Because he's a guy that's a treat. He's wonderful. Well, fuck. Is that all we have to talk about? I think so. I so like just to wrap up, I loved this movie. I really loved this movie. My like I only bust the parkour's balls because I that's like the only thing I can think that like really stands out is like what took me out of the fucking movie, you know?

SPEAKER_03 1:25:03

And that's interesting, right? Because like the parkour in a lot of ways kind of the selling point, but then it's the other stuff that ends up being the real Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:10

No, but but in a way, that's what makes the movie so nice. It's like you come for the parkour, and then you get to enjoy the French interpretation of American cinema.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:22

Like, and that that rules a little. That rules, that's NATO at work, brother.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:29

Oh fuck. I'm very happy you liked it though.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:32

I am very happy you recommended it. I'm happy we got to do our first sports movie. Uh we did talk about ghosts more than I thought we would. Like, I gotta be real. Like, I we always do, but like we we talked quite a bit about ghosts.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:48

Yeah, uh we can do something besides ghost hotels next time. We've touched on that a couple times.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:52

What is what is the other thing? What is the other uh what is uh because you could have ghost hotel like the the hierarchy of haunted places, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:26:01

Hospital mental hospital, probably.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:03

I think at number one it's gotta be haunted house. Because that's you, that's that's your home. That's your home. That's where that's where you don't want to be haunted. Yeah number two, yes, probably haunted hospital. Yeah, prisons too are pretty prison prisons slash hospital. They fight for the number two spot. Number three, hotels.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:23

Yeah, for sure. Number number four, uh ships. Ships is good amusement parks could be amusement parks.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:30

Amusement parks, rest rest rest restaurants is down in the top ten somewhere.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:35

I was gonna say rest stops. Rest stops could be pretty spooky too.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:38

I would hate, I would hate, hate, hate to beat a ghost at a rest stop. I can think of nothing fucking worse than like having to piss my brains out. Yep wanting like having been on the road for hours, fucking legs are tired, fucking, I'm trying to get in and piss and get out so I can just get on the road again and fucking not leave my car somewhere, and there's a fucking ghost at the at the fucking at the urinal, right? At the ural at the urinal, oh god, yeah, and the only way to piss is you have to piss through through the ghost. And the ghost is aware, and he's just like, ah, hey, hey, hey!

SPEAKER_03 1:27:15

Sorry, man.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:15

I really gotta go and you can't stop. You can't stop because he won't stop pissing, he's never going to be done.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:23

Yeah, that's his curse, really.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:25

That's his curse. And he's like, hey, don't be like to get pissed on.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:28

Yeah. Well, because he never can stop, and he's always like pissing in that urinal. It's the only urinal stuff.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:34

So I will point out we did talk about something other than haunted hotels.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:40

That's true.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:43

And this is the second time we've talked about urinals, so fuck weird. We're in a rut.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:50

Apologies to the audience.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:51

Apologies to the audience. Thank you for sticking with us this far. Please watch District B thirte. It fucking owns it's National unity, it's international unity. We it is justice, it is parkour justice. Oh, parkour justice starring uh Tarant Egerton and Samuel L. Jackson.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:16

And Samuel L. Jackson is training.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:21

Terence L. Egerton in the fucking arts of parkour.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:24

It's a dystopia where the legal system has been abolished and your innocence and your guilt is decided based on running obstacle courses in parkour.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:33

Honestly, that sounds kind of sick. This is ninja warrior justice.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:39

Alright, fucking. That's it. That's it. That's it. We gotta die. Would you like to do some housekeeping?

SPEAKER_03 1:28:44

Yeah, yeah. Uh Slop Culture is a podcast hosted by Sam Sykes. That's him. And Will Palmer, that's me. Please give us a five-star review on whatever platform you heard us on. Our cover artists are Apple.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:55

Spotify and app Spotify. Apple. Spotify and Apple. Sorry. Sorry. Go ahead. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:00

Our cover art is by Andrew Sides, and our intro music is by Joe Roy. If you'd like to, you can get in touch by email at slopculturepodcast at gmail.com. And you can find me on social media at Palmskis or Will underscore Palmskis pretty much everywhere.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:13

And you can find me at Sam Psycheswear. Before we sign off, I've I've said this before. I live for when you do housekeeping because you bust out your NPR voice, and I can't I can't get enough of it. No, can't get enough of it. I feel like you're about to ask me to donate my car. And you're kind of you considerate. And I'm like, I will, I'm not gonna do it, but I will act like I'm going to do it.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:38

That's all we ask for.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:39

I will I will write down the number and I will say that's enough. That's a stab. That's enough. Then I'll donate to your parkour charity. All right, thank you for for listening. This has been Slop Culture, the happy hour podcast, where we strive to see beauty and stupidity. And until next time, stay sloppy.