The Magnificent Seven (2016) - Gaze Into Infinity, Brother

The boys talk about Antoine Fuqua's take on a classic western action flick starring Denzel Washington, Chris Pratt and more in a sprawling study of what it means to be a man who can't move beyond his past and the best he can do with the curse of violence he's been burdened with--also would you accept infinite power from an eldritch Matthew McConaughey if it meant you had to watch Sahara again?

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

I always gotta ambush you with it. I'm like uh Yeah, yeah. I was about to say like the Viet Cong and the trees, but uh, you know, we actually have like a lot of uh listeners from that area, like more than you would think. More than you would think. Uh and you know, like well, uh I mean the Viet Cong were famously good ambushers. Like you're gonna say podcasters, but the Viet Cong might have been great podcasts. Well, you know, um I actually don't know. Like there was you know, because in World War II we had uh we had Tokyo Rose, yeah, arguably one of the earliest podcasters. Oh boy, yeah. I mean, you're not wrong. Well, yeah, like she got on her radio and then. I really want to do the voice and like ranted about how how fucking awful these other people were. That's that's a podcaster. Like, yeah, the only the only difference is she wasn't like trying to sell you uh fucking subscriptions to Rocket Money. She was that'd be pretty GI and get some over your GI Find your hidden subscription costs. And by the way, GI act now to get NordVPN. Use code Axis to get 25% off your first year. Use code Manchuria to get some. Oh, we're gonna get some mail about this. We're gonna get some mail. Alright, fucking. Are you good? Are you good? Yes, sir. Alright. Little customary sippy poo. Alright. If renowned film director Antoine Fuqua burst into your house and started chasing you down, and you leapt out the window onto an open field, but he still came after you, how far do you think you could get before he tackled you and held you down and beat you about the face and neck with his script? Welcome to Slop Culture. Today we're talking about the Magnificent Seven directed by Antoine Fuqua, starring Denzel Washington, Chris Pratt, and more. It's Slop Culture, everybody. Yes, welcome to Slop Culture, the happy hour podcast where we strive to see the beauty and stupidity. I am your host, Sam Sykes, and with me, as always, a man who lost his job as a zookeeper, an NBA coach, and a Supreme Court justice, all for the same reason, handing a loaded firearm to an underling and telling them to do what must be done. It's Will Palmer, everybody. And you know, I learned a pretty valuable lesson that day, uh, which that was well, when you're giving underlings instructions, one, you want to make sure that they speak English before you give them, you want to make sure they speak a language in general. Um really good, really good, really good idea. Really, really good point, really good point. And look, uh, to be fair, I thought that the chimpanzee had learned our language, but he hadn't. So when I gave him the Glock and told him to get wet, you know, it's got a little weird. This is this reboot of murders in the room orgue. That is going off the going off the fucking rails here. Murders modern reboot of murders of the room morgue, but it's Adam Sandler giving a giving a clock to a chance. Andy circus. Uh well, fucking as we speak, Animal Farm, his newest uh film has just come out, and it's it's it's not being regarded well. Uh so he might need the money by this point. Damn, what did they do to what did they do to Animal Farm? Oh it's kind of hard to fuck that one up, right? Well, I don't know. I think it's actually kind of easy to fuck up, right? Like it's a nuanced take. It's uh it's an acknowledgement. They send the proletariat to the glue factory. It's like it's not that nuanced. Well, but I'm saying like spoiler alert, guys. The horse gets to the glue factory. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert, the word the worker still gets fucked over. Even when he's a horse. Even when he's a horse, even even when your comrades were in charge. Uh well, no, like Animal Farm acknowledges uh, because you know it's a it's a satire of the Soviet Union, uh, it acknowledges that the corruptions in power in the Soviet Union were brought about as like a result of external forces crushing the workers and requiring that revolt, you know? Like the war, the war of uh animal, or I guess Jones's farm is what it was called before it became Animal Farm. But you know, like it's not just broadly saying like oh communism bad, capitalism bad. Like it's acknowledging like actually this kind of sucks, like all around. What did they uh do with the more uh with the recent remake? Uh well it's CGI, it's uh it's a little I don't know if it's I think it might be Dreamworks. Uh interesting. I don't really like that. It has a really big like big name voice cast.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

Uh Andy Circus seems to be doing uh lead for it, like he's doing he's like doing lead promo for it. He's the face of it. Yeah. Uh it's not being reviewed well. It is apparently quite modern, and I I'm gonna guess they don't really talk about the glue factory in it. Yeah. They say Woody Harrelson plays boxer. Is that the name of the fucking horse? That's if they send Woody Harrelson to the glue factory, I'm gonna have to watch this movie. Uh geez, guys, I can't believe it. But they do send him to the glue factory, at least according to Wikipedia. We we might have to watch this fucking movie. We have to watch. Would you rather send Woody Harrelson or Matthew McConaughey to the to the glue factory? Oh, you're gonna put that on me? Damn, dude. Okay. Um Matthew, because he'd be okay with it. He'd be like, I forgive you. It's all right. Exactly. One shoulder as he's going into like the glue making machine, but like he's going down the he's going down the fucking uh the conveyor belt toward like the kill hammer, and uh he's like, I forgive you. He's like, I forgive you. It's all alright, all right, all right. Watch the hero one more time for me, brother. Hey, just do me this one favor. Watch the hero, it's really not as bad as everybody's days. He just drops, it's like twitching as it goes down the conveyor belt. Oh my god, Matthew. I'm sorry, I I wish no ill upon Matthew McConaughey, but the idea of him asking you to watch of asking you to watch Sahara one more time before he before he's he's euthanized. I don't know, something about the idea of like approaching such a severe situation, so fucking like just just watch it, just watch Sahara. It's it's not as bad as it just got Steve Zahn's in it. He's a good guy, he's a good guy, and he does a real good job. Yeah, right. And and then Woody Harrelson's standing to the side, like weeping silent tears. He's like, oh no. It's just mouthing like, I'll remember you, brother. I can't I can't believe I'm about to send a second actor to the glue factory. Who's in charge of the glue factory? That's the real question. Ted dancing. That was a fast answer. I just I just he's just like, okay, like standing on a big gantry over top of all the caros. We're turning actors into glue. Come on, guys. That'd be a fun little uh conspiracy theory to start. Is that glue is made out of dead actors and Ted Danson's running a conspiracy to turn all your favorites are gonna be turned into glue. Stan Lees tried to warn us. Yeah. Your act your favorite glue is made out of actors. They don't use horses. You've been lied to. The same thing with Jello. It's made out of Matthew McConaughey. It's made, it's all Matthew McConaughey. He regenerates. They have him locked in a facility. He's in a facility. When you see what you know as the actor is just a tumor from the same mass. It withers and turns into dust. He landed at Roswell in 1946. He's how we won World War II. McConaughey and technology revolutionized America, and the world must never know. How do you think we got to space? How do you think we got to space? What do you think we rode in? They're right. The moon, the moon landing was faked. Because the truth would be far more horrifying. And when we got up there, it was only Matthew McConaughey was waiting for us. He's like slowly turning into like an eldritch deity. Yeah. Like, hey, hey, just feast to my flesh, brother. Come on. Take my take my consciousness into you, okay? A third eye opens on his forehead. He's like, gazing to infinity, my friend. Gazing to infinity, brother. Taste the endless. Witness what mankind was never meant to know. You get me?

unknown 9:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:45

Did you see Dallas Byers Club? Looks like giant shadowy wings unfurling from his back as he's talking about his filmography. It's him talking about his filmography that just gets back to it's like, hey, taste infinity, pal. By the way, did you see Wolf of Wall Street? You remember that scene where I'm doing that. Yeah, that I you know I came up with that. They wanted me to do something different, but I'm like, what if I do this? And we rolled with it. It was cool. How are you doing down there? And you're just like, like light of an uncle pouring out of your eyes. There's like you're levitating above the ground. You're levitating. There's like ghosts swirling around you. You alright there, brother? You alright there? You want to do a quick round of hacky sack? Yeah.

unknown 10:42

Okay. Fuck.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

Oh, can I say though, like, I I do want to get off this, but um can I say the idea of an Eldritch deity wanting to be a movie star is actually kind of cool. Like, like that that sounds funny to me. Yeah, I would watch that. I don't know if I'd watch multiple seasons, but I'd watch a season. Like he he can see everything. He exists in all times, except he doesn't know. Like he's still got that desperate, like, oh geez. What if they don't like me? What if they don't like me? Yeah, and like on social media, like that's like what empowers him instead of like eldritch rituals. Yeah, he just spends the rest of the time like fucking picking fights on Twitter. Yeah, just getting like disgusting fan art done of him, and like that's how he empowers himself. That's fun. That's funny. An Eldritch deity who soaks his his cultists for money so that he can buy more OC art. This one's name is Stacy. I'm just thinking she uses fire magic and ice magic. I'm just imagining like uh fucking a Cthulhu, like big, like huge size Cthulhu, but he's sitting at like a normal size laptop and like tapping at it with like his giant claws, like index fingers, and he's just on Google typing in Fudinari. The in all right, I'm sorry, we just we just keep mining gold here, but like an eldritch deity comes down and like his mind gets broken upon interacting with the internet. Yeah, oh Jesus. Oh no, I'm gonna go back to this the dreaming city. Yeah, no, no, guys. I'm back to relay. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. If I had known, if I I like you guys got a lot on your plate. I'm sorry. I'll I'll see you later. You got enough Lovecrafty and horrors beyond imagining already. Yeah, why didn't you guys tell me about this? But yeah, um, we watched uh last week, um, or for this week, we watched the Magnificent Seven star. We did, we did a whole bunch of motherfuckers. Well, yeah, yeah. Like just a just a quick rundown. Uh well, no, I because I can't remember all their names. But Denzel Washington and Chris Pratt headline. Uh but everyone was great in it. Well, there's also fucking Ethan Hawk, who you might know as uh as Denzel Washington's protege in training day. Indeed. Which was also directed by Antoine Foucault. Yes. Uh I was wondering though, uh, you know, it it it it it has always been tradition on this show, not always, but recent tradition to just just have a little bit of banter, you know, a little bit a little something to eat something to ease into the show, just uh grease the slides a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just wondering. Um and I know I've I've mentioned something like this before, but I was I was out of the bars again. Okay. And I saw something a little kooky. Uh I saw I I I saw one of those pedal bars. They're very common. Oh godal bars again. I remember what happened last time. Yeah, well, I would reenactors. You know what? I I I I remembered that. I'm like, I'm not getting on it. I am not getting on it. I we we don't have the time to do another episode about pedal bars. Right, sure, yeah. However, as this pedal bar, which was full of it looked like a bachelorette party, like they seem to be having a wonderful time, uh suddenly I hear sirens in the distance and they look panicked, and I'm like, oh fuck, I know that look. And suddenly they're all like, oh god, cheese it, cheese it, and they fucking like start pedaling even harder, like you know, these these these girls in their like, you know, in their trashy bride bridesmaid costumes, you know, and they're going like whoa, and then I hear like echoing over a loudspeaker like police stop pull over. Yeah, and I'm like, oh shit, this could get ugly. Yeah. And I look over, I look up, and they're and I'm looking for the police cars. I don't see them. Right. What I do see is a black and white pedal bar. Oh shit. With light with sirens and lights on top flashing, yeah, and it's all piloted by cops. There's just a bunch of them on it. They're all pedaling, and they all have beers, which is weird, but I guess that I've but you're on a pedal bar, right? Like and they're chasing this bachelorette party. Sure. And like with the sirens, and they're like, slow down. The batch, the bachelorette party's like, fuck you, pigs, you'll never catch us, and like yeah. Were they carrying like a big cartoon sack full of money or I I don't think so. I'm actually not quite sure what the charge was. I imagine it must have been bad because at that point they opened fire. That was my next question. Yeah, yeah. No, um, if it was the Bachelorette party that shot first. I can attest to that. I did see that. Uh they drew down on the on the lawmen. Oh, weirdly enough, like they had like a fucking minigun back there. Like wow, just like strapped on the pedal bar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, like I I imagine this had happened before, you know. It was it was like one of these Mad Max type pedal bars where I'm very interested. Where there's weapons attached to it, and like, you know, the the the pedals are shooting barbed wire. Like, I should have mentioned that. I should have mentioned that. I'm sorry. Uh the dude in a gimp suit playing a guitar in the front. Yeah, he's at he's actually like managing the whole thing. Like, it's very cool. It's very cool. He's steering, he's steering the thing and playing the guitar at the same time. Yeah, his name's like Flumbo the Lummocks or something. He's got like a really deep backstory that never gets explained. Yeah, yeah. Like I admit, I admit that was my thought as I watched him go by. Like he was like dressed in a very interesting way, like with fucking spikes and straps everywhere, and he's like all leather except for his ass. Yeah, yeah. And he's like jamming on this fucking guitar, and it's like sh it it. There's like an AK built into the guitar, so every time he strums it, it's like shooting into the air. Yeah. And like I was like, that looks really fucking cool. I would love to get to know more about him, but like I already said, like, uh, you know what? We've already done a pedal bar bit on the podcast, so we can't do that. Pedal bars, ghosts, the killing fields of Cambodia, uh, and the Kennedy assassination. What do they all have in common? What I've I was just saying, these things, these seem to be things we revisit a lot. Yeah, they're like uh kind of touchstones, I guess. Yeah, we we we just we just keep going back to these wells, and I'm just I'm you know, everyone does that. Every every every place has their usual jokes, but like I'm just saying, like that's it, that's an interesting collection that we have that we've accrued there. Let's not forget chilies and Jason Statham managing chilies. That's a pretty regular uh you know in my defense. Okay, just just chilies is an inherently it is it's it's resting funny, you know, like just the the concept of chilies is funny. It's like inherently amusing, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's like it's like the it's like a very tame restaurant trying to convince you it's like kind of tough. Like it's like fucking it's like do you want our boneless buffalo wild wings? It's like no no wait, that's uh that's fucking buffalo wild wings. I'm sorry, but that's same concept. It's like do you want our boneless buffalo wild? They're fucking wild. I don't think buffalo have wings. This one is Asian Zing. You can't say that. You can't say that. Stacy, we talked about this. You're supposed to call it sweet tie heat. Oh I'm sorry, Mr. I'm sorry, Mr. Statham. I just we've always called it Asian Zing. Don't be sorry, be better. Stacy. Let me show you something. What's the uh that's a map of the world? What's what's this? Well, that's the that's the a that's the Indian subcontinent. Uh the Indian subcontinent. That's part of Asia, yeah. I I guess, yeah, South Asian. Like, so would you offer an Indian man the Asian zing? Would you say that tastes Indian? Well, well, no, sir. It's like, so you see what I'm saying here? Like sweating profusely. He's leaning in uncomfortably close. He's like, yeah, he's like, he's like grilling, grilling this waiter. So you see what I'm saying here. There's far too many Asian countries to just be Asian zing. Are you saying all Asian countries zing? Because if you do say that, we might have a problem. We might have a problem. Me and my mates who do not zing. Yeah. All right. And also in my defense, the idea of Jason Statham managing a Chili's is like literally the plot of any Jason Statham movie. Like that. I have I have said nothing far out when I said uh little fucking visor on and everything. Yeah, like just Jason Statham in any blue-collar job, but chilies is fucking hysterical. Like him working at an Applebee's, that's also good. Like, if he worked at a very high-end restaurant, no, that would suck because you would expect to find Jason Statham. But like, I bought this failing quiz nose. Shout out to Quiznos, dude. R.I.P. R.I. with the crossroads. Purgatory is a quiz nose. Quiznos with Dick Cheney waiting there, like an old friend. He's forced to manage it. The music from The Shining is playing at the end, like you've always been there. Don't you remember you've always been here? Yeah. Then his ghost fucking blasts you. Sorry, sorry, just what you said made me really angry. Have a panini. Have a panini. Yeah, man, that was Quiznos was a fucking trip. There was uh they were one of the earliest uh companies to try to use memes in marketing. And the rest of the world did not know what memes were at the time, so they just looked psychotic. Oh, damn. That's too bad. I don't know. Was it like the classic like philosopher type shit? No, no, before even that, it was just like when it was like uh I don't know if you remember, it's like these bush babies, and like uh like that song like we love the moon. No, just a really goofy fuck, goofy uh like bush babies with like mutated Photoshop faces. Yeah, that's not a good move for for marketing at all. Yeah, no, I mean people being unnerved by that. Yeah, I was really like boosted lunch products. Yeah, when we're done here, just fucking like look it up on uh on YouTube, you'll see it, and you'll be like, Yeah, I I would not want to shop there. I went to Quisnos a grand total of one time, and the only reason I did was because a friend of mine was working there at the time, and he gave me like a steak and mushroom sub, and it was delicious. Yeah, I was gonna ask. Oh, it was nice. It was good though. It was pretty good. Pretty good. Pretty good. Um, they don't have stuff like that at Subway now. No, they don't, dude. I haven't been to a Subway fucking Subway. Subway is another fucking hilarious idea. Like when you get down to it, it's like, here's our fresh baked bread. What do you want on it? Oh, can I have some of the lunch meat that has been sitting out for yeah? Yeah. Some of that flaccid lettuce. Can I have some of that flaccid lettuce and uh some of that congealed dressing, please? Yeah, a couple of those like the bread is baked fresh. Like, whoa! Yeah, the like stoned dude behind the counter is just grabbing fistfuls of random shit. It's like you wanted olives, right? Like, nah, I'm putting them on there. Oh no. Yeah, because you're just as stoned. That's what we made. Exactly. Everyone in there is just ripped. Yeah, like subway is like is like a stoner's idea of what a healthy meal is. Yeah, you just roll in and just say, fuck me up, fam. And they're like, just fuck me up. Olives. Put on like a half pound of peppers. Yeah, ham, ham, and cucumber sounds like the worst possible fucking. I don't like even thinking about it. I don't like it either. Oh god. You're a bad person for coming up with that. Ham. Wait, I can do worse. Ham, cucumber, mustard butter, and pepperoni. So it's just like nothing works. Nothing works. No, yeah, that's like a bad little roll it up, I guess, with the cucumber in the middle. On the last uh on one of our previous podcasts, I pitched to you an idea for Spider-Man having food poisoning. Sure. Would you mind if I pitch to you just one more comic book idea and then we'll we'll talk about the movie? Love to hear it. Uh Batman managing a subway. Okay. And like he still encounters his rogues. Okay. But they but they come into order from him. Like before they go to a crime or after they're just getting back from a crime. Like the the like the world outside of Subway for purposes of this exercise does not exist. Like Batman's obsessive focus is just on running this Subway sandwich shop. Yeah, and he is he still geared up as Batman. He is, but he's wearing that little visor and like an apron. Yeah, definitely. But he's still in costume. And like the Joker comes in. And the Joker is like, oh, hello, Batman. Like, Joker, I have to serve you because you're a paying customer, but you better not try anything. And then Joker's like, oh, I wouldn't dream of trying Batman. And he's like, I've just come to order a sandwich. Here's my money. See. He's like, all right, Joker, what's your game? Oh, I'll just have. And then he just orders a completely like fucking nuts. I'll have 15 pounds of the peppers, please. I'll have, I'll have exactly one and three quarters olives. And it gets all the way to the end. He's like, you know what? I changed my mind. And like Batman's like freaking out under his guys like Joker's trying to try to twist my mind. He won't win. He won't win. He keeps making him make the same sandwich with different breads. And then he like pita. He asks for samples. Oh my god, he'd ask him for samples in some way. You know what? Actually, just put it all in a salad bowl. I'll have it on the go. And then like once he there, there's like a normal ass coworker that works there with him, but he's like, and he's like just totally oblivious. So he's like, he rings up. The cashier is normal. He just he just rings up the joker, and the joker completely like drops the bit when he's at the cashier. Like, thanks, man. Like, have a good week. He's like, he's like, that'll be uh 1449. Oh, oh yeah, cool. Hey, can I get a drink too? Yeah, absolutely. Oh, thanks, man. Like, see you later, Bat Boy. And then like because Batman is like having PTSD.

SPEAKER_00 25:55

He's like, Gary, Gary, did you see that? Gary, did you see that?

SPEAKER_02 26:00

That Batman ordered cucumbers on ham. What's his game? What's his game, Todd? What's his game? What's his game, Gary? I Mr. Batman, I don't know. Like, like I'm what are the other villains' like uh orders, right? Obviously, Two Face has like something true. Oh, Two Face, like Two Face like night needs two different kinds of bread. Like the top, the top one has like listen up, bat. This coin decides whether I'm getting extra parmesan or not. Like half of it is chicken bacon ranch on flatbread, and the other half is like a fucking meatball sub on like the whole wheat. Yeah, yeah. And he's like, This is part of my my current my dual, my dualism. Gary is like, whatever, man. I'm just gonna ring it up as two six inches. Is that fine? Yeah, okay. Like all the villains, all the villains are like very polite towards Gary. Like, thank you, Gary. I I I do appreciate that. Like, I know I know I can be a little difficult, Gary. Gary keeps winning employee of the month, but not Batman, and it's just infuriating Batman. They're the only employees, like Batman owns the place, but somehow Gary just keeps winning. Just a row of pictures of Gary with the same expression like behind the counter. Fucking uh like Catwoman comes in and like fucking orders the biggest, sloppiest fucking meatball sub and like eats it centually. And then like Batman's just like, what's your game, cat? Yeah, slopping marinara sauce all over her fucking leather gloves. It's like licking like giant globs of tomato off her face. It's not fucking sexy at all. Oh, it's a huge mess. It's horrible. It's it's getting all over the table, and she's just chewing with her mouth open. She's just chewing with her mouth open. Gary's like, geez, ma'am. It's like, don't, don't, Gary. You're only feeding into what she wants. Then she looks at Gary like, yeah. There's like food falling out of her mouth. Oh god. Do you want to talk about the Magnificent Seven? Sure, yeah, yeah. I would love to. So here's a fun here's a fun fact for you. You knew this was a remake. I did. But did you know it's a remake of a remake? I did. Yes, uh, this Magnificent 7. We're talking about the 2016 one, by the way. Don't fucking come here looking for like the classic one. Yeah, no, I will look up the year of the classic, but the classic one, but before that, it was a classic one. 1960. 1960. We're not talking about 1960s uh Magnificent 7. We are talking about 2016 Pratt fever is sweeping the nation. Uh but before that I'm sorry, I just belched. I fucking I vis I visited Batman's subway shop. My dog is my dog is driving me nuts, dude. He keeps I have I have his bed under my desk here because he likes to hang out and he just can't decide where he wants to be. So if you notice like me like fading in and out, that's because I'm moving my it's because I'm moving my chair around, so my dog slippers. Because I think they may read like pugs initially to be like like slippers for like Chinese emperors, not like worn, like literally they sat on your on their feet to keep them warm. Oh well shit. I don't know. He he can do that, he's done that before. So maybe he's maybe that's what he's trying to do. Well, I just don't want him sitting up and looking at something like fucking relax, man. Like yeah, I get I get tense when dogs are just like standing at attention for no reason. Like, yeah, like what do you know that I don't? Yeah, because like that's in my DNA too, right? Like I uh I have it in my DNA to recognize when a dog is fucking alarmed by something. But, anyways, that's that's not the Magnificent Seven. Before the 1960s version came The Seven Samurai by Akira Kurosawa, and so you know the premise just from the fucking uh from the fucking title. The seven guys there are seven dudes, they all rock in one way, and in fact, that's the underlying message that connects all three of these movies is that dudes rock. Dudes rock together. Whether they're eating dudes rock together. Oh my god, this is movie, it's just like the most beautiful circle jerk ever. Like the circle jerk parentheses non-derogatory, like yeah, it's the kind of circle jerk where like you might be getting a little soft in the middle, and then like you briefly make eye contact with your homie, and he's like, You got this, bro. You got this right, pros lifting each other up and jacking each other off. Yeah, it's like imagine like how Paul Walker would be in like a circle jerk, he'd be supportive. Yes, and then like Pause, dude. Pause what you thought about. Well, no, like under that. Yeah, no, I was just thinking, like, how can I put cars in that? And like, I was just thinking, maybe his dick like shoots exhaust flames, like God as you're stroking it, Revs, like we're not talking about Paul God damn Paul Walker and Jackinoff. That's also something we talk about too much. Uh Magnificent Seven, double remake. Double remake. This one is the same as the last one. Seven uh lawmen, well, no, one only one lawmen and various ne'er do wells from around the old west band together to defend an innocent little town full of bad ombres from some bad capitalist loving ombres. It's a fucking it did like and literally this one. I haven't we will watch the uh uh Seven Samurai and the previous Magnificent Seven at some point, but this one was very funny, very fun for a lot of reasons. Um, as is tradition, our other tradition that is not fucking talking about Paul Walker's ghost fucking jerking jerking everyone off on a pedal bar. Our long tradition is I liked what you called it the last time, the two-minute drill. Like, like that's I I'm sad that it took us this long to think about that, but I'm just gonna lean it to think of that name, but I'm gonna lean into it. I'm also gonna open my Celsius peach vibe. And I don't expect you to understand, but I do just expect you to accept that this vibe is peach flavored. Sure. Crush the vibe, bro. I fucking crushed that vibe. Um that that tastes peach. That tastes peach and vibe. All right, fucking, I'm gonna put the the timer on. You ready? Um yeah, I guess yeah, it's on me this week, isn't it? I think so, yeah, because I recommended it. Alright, you ready? Okay. Will, in two minutes, please tell me what the fuck happened. Okay, um So we opened pretty hardcore with um our protagonist, uh Bartholomew Bogue rolling into a um a town full of uh some uh some real douchebags. They're uh they're not uh they're standing in the way of uh some good old-fashioned capitalism. And Mr. Bogue's trying to create jobs, see. Um but this villainous preacher and uh some townsfolk are trying to rally everyone up against him. So Mr. Bogue and uh his associates um have an altercation with some of the townsfolk that take it very poorly. And uh they hire a group of uh seven uh narrative wells, um, as you said, led by uh Denzel Washington, but also uh with Chris Pratt, Ethan Hawk, Vincent D'Onofrio, Lee Bianhun, Manuel Garcia Rulfo, I think. I'm just reading off the fucking IMDB. It's a diverse crew of guys we'll talk about. Those guys go and they defend the town from Bogue, who's obviously a fucking villain. Um and that is most of the movie. They gather the crew, they get the crew to the town, they do a little setup for defending the town, and then there's just like a whole bunch of violence that happens. Um and it's kind of a classic, like multiple increasing waves of enemies coming in at this uh crew. Yeah, like they bring in a Gatling gun, there's shit exploding, and I'm kind of sounding dismissive about it, and I don't mean to, because this movie is a ton of fun. Um, and it celebrates a lot of the tropes that we so enjoy. But by the end of the movie, four of the seven are dead. The town is shot the fuck up, but Bogue and all of his uh henchmen have been dispatched. How much time have I got? You got 25 minutes seconds left. Do you want to say what else? Um let's see. Yeah, I mean, all the different characters have their own little unique backstories uh to them. I think both of our favorites were Ethan Hawk and Lee Byoung Hun's uh their vibe of uh the friends goodnight roba show and Billy Rock's. Yes. Um everybody has their own little vibe to them, but those two had like a particularly fun, like uh, I guess, relationship and banter to them. Yeah, yeah. All right, you are you are good. That's I I thought that was very accurate. I do I just I realized part way through, just like there's no way I can handle seven backstories and also yeah, yeah. But I do like how you said um I do like how you fired off the Korean dude's name like with no hesitation, and then you like stumbled slightly over Vincent D'Nofrio's name. Where you're like Vincent D'Nofrio. Look, I like I he makes me nervous, right? Like, I don't want him charging through my wall like a Kool-Aid man. He's like Bloody Mary, you know. You say his name in the mirror three times and he comes out and acts at you. He's like, I'd like you to try some some Kool-Aid. You just wake up in the night and he's crouched in the corner, like nude, glistening, covered in lube, breathing real heavy. Why is he covered in lube? Is that how he got in? Like, did he Yeah, he slithered through the ducts. I was gonna say, through the he crawls out of the fucking air conditioning duct. Like he's like it's like T1000 where he like pools on the bar and then like rises out of it, crouching. Yeah. And like he just you're like, it's like sleep paralysis. Yeah, you're sleep paralysis. You're watching him, you're watching him like ooze up and he like he perches on your chest, and he's like, I'd like to talk to you about the first two seasons of Law and Order Criminal Intent. Like, well, I thought this is gonna be worse. I'm sorry, I I'm gonna stop myself because I'm just repeating the Matthew McConaughey joke. It's just something something very funny about the idea of actors having like horrifying powers but still being insecure and wanting to talk about themselves. That sounds very funny to me. Uh, but yeah, Vincent D'Nafrio plays a simple prairie frontiersman uh who Bible quotes a lot and is is kind of a psychopath. Uh uh Billy Rox. Would you would you mind reminding me of the actor's name again? Uh Libyeung hun. Lee Byeung Hung plays Billy Rox, who is a uh he's allegedly a Chinese pit fighter who knows how to throw knives. And he fucking does it grab people and he does he does all the cool knife shit. He does people too, but he is he is the he is like the I would say like the third most important character. Um because uh he's buddies with Ethan Hawk, who is playing Goodnight Roboshow, who is hell of a fucking name that was Night Roboshow, fuck dude. Any name that has a silent X at the end, like so good. Like nobody I was about to say, nobody's blaming nobody's accusing the Confederates of having terrible names. I mean, to be fair, yeah. I mean like that's that's not been anyone's grievance. Yeah, yeah, he he's a former Confederate sharpshooter who has PTSD. Uh Denzel Washington plays Chisholm, who is the lawman, bonded uh warrant officer, played by Denzel Washington. Who is just a hard, hard motherfucker with a heart of good motherfucker out there to avenge the the good people doing well for everyone. Uh at no turns out he has backstory of the villainous Mr. Bogue. He does, and that that's what provides him his motivation. Uh and then Chris Pratt plays Faraday, the sort of bantery, lucky, lucky, happy go lucky, happy-go-lucky, ne'er do well, gambling, like that that smooth. Well, fucking um uh Doc Holiday. He's doing he's doing fucking Val Kilmer. He's the Val in this movie. Uh and then there's fucking Vasquez, who is played by Manuel Garcia Rufo. Manuel Garcia Rufo doesn't get a lot to do. I I'm sorry. He he's he's kind he's a really cool character. The character's fun and he does a great job like acting it. Like you'd like his character, but yeah, no, he's backstory a lot about it. He's this very like sort of rough around the edges uh uh dude who like has sort of a kind of like the most morbid, like accepting relationship with everything. Like he's always joking about death and and and like busting everyone's ball. He's a good guy, and he's it does a great one. And then the final one of the Magnificent Seven is Red Harvest, played by uh Martin Sensmeyer. Martin Sensmeyer, who plays a Comanche warrior named Red Harvest, who does not get a lot of backstory, but it fucks. I think. Uh Deer Hearts. Deer Hearts. Yeah, I I just want to I just want to say like the whole thrust of this movie is basically what Will says. A uh widow whose husband was shot and killed by the ruthless capitalist uh Bartholomew Bogue goes to town to recruit uh Chisholm to her side, and he agrees, and then they collect, they kind of collect their crew as they're going out to fucking defend this tiny town from an army of Blackstone private detectives. Like an army, army, like 200 motherfuckers. Legitimate army. This movie had one of my favorite things, which is just like bad guys running places, like running bad charging specifically, like charging across a field, like that fucking when the fucking Urukai charged. I fucking loved it. Like I I love seeing a good charge like that. Uh but uh on their way back, they meet Red Harvest, and Denzel's Washington character can uh Chisholm, he can speak Comanche. So he basically says to Red Harvest, uh, hey man, we're gonna go and obviously in more like we're gonna paraphrase a lot. The dialogue in this movie actually is very clever. Like the the conversations are a joy. We're gonna paraphrase a lot because this is a fucking happy hour podcast. It's not meant to be actually watch the movie, you know. Watch the movie. Absolutely appreciate the movie. But uh fucking uh Chisholm recruits this guy. He comes up and says, Listen, we're all about to go to this town to fight an army. We're probably all gonna die, but this girl asked us to do it, so we're gonna do it. Do you want to join us? And then Red Harvest, obviously, like with better dialogue, he cuts the heart out of a deer he just killed and junior style and hands it to uh fucking uh Denzel, like basically like, okay, I'll do it, but first eat this deer heart. This raw deer heart that gets these parasites in you. Yeah, Denzel bites into it and goes, hmm, and then Red Harvest goes like, okay, I'll join you. And like this is gonna segue into something I want to talk about. This movie is a lot of very fun masculine tropes. We often talk about masculine fantasies, the itches they scratch. We're gonna do a lot of that in this episode. And this scene is kind of the whole thing. It's one guy coming up and saying, like, hey man, on the off chance that it might make this girl like us, we're all gonna go die. Yeah. Do you want to? But we're all doing it. Do you want to come? It could be fun. Like total strangers, like, yeah, fuck it. And and this total stranger's like, okay, I'll come, but first, eat this heart. Like, okay. Um, ah, gross, I can't believe you did that. Yeah. You're fucking crazy, man. You're fucking crazy. Yeah, let's let's go. Let's go, man. Like this guy's nuts. This guy's fucking this guy. Fucking just hang out with that dude, and like, you don't even know his name yet, and you've just don't know each other's names for like three days. Yeah, like by the way, my name's Chisholm. Oh shit. Yeah, I'm Red Harvest. Like, all right. I've been calling you Derek in my head. I used to know I used to know a Derek that looked like you. But masculine fantasies, like many of them combined together, like a assembling crew fighting against overwhelming odds. Badass last stands. Mm-hmm. And uh fucking making the the ultimate male fantasy. The ultimate male fantasy is the idea that your suffering will mean something. That your pain will mean something. You're happy to experience pain so long as it gets something done. You know, spoiler alert pretty much everyone dies. Uh Chisholm doesn't die, uh, Red Harvest does not die, and Vasquez makes it out. Chris Pratt dies, and he dies fucking badass too. Like they give him, they give him a great fucking he's trying to take out this giant fucking Gatling gun. I'm gonna grab another drink, but tell the audience I'll tell the audience. Like towards the end, uh there the the Magnificent Seven are holding their own, but of course the bad guys have to have something that pushes the odds in their favor, and it's fucking deceitful and treacherous, and it's a fucking big ass Gatling gun. And Chris Pratt's like, I gotta go, someone's gotta go do something about that. And he fucking rides up to the Gatling gun and he gets gunned down by his guards. And he's trying to light a cigar, a cigarillo, sorry, because he's been smoking them all throughout the all throughout the uh movie. And the bad guy, he can't get a light going, and finally the bad guy reaches down and lights the cigarillo. And Chris Pratt keels over. The bad guy light we'll pause we'll just got back. The bad guy lights the cigarillo for him, and Chris Pratt keels over, and everyone's like, Alright, he's dead, let's get out of here, guys. And then Chris Pratt's like, eh, guess what? And he turns out he has a stick of dynamite and he lit it with his cigarillo, and he blows himself and the Gatling gun up with this humongous explosion. In this humongous explosion, and it fucking rules, and he goes out like a total boss, like and he's he's just like and like he's fucking laughing when he does it. He's like, ha, get it! Like I always had a something with I always had good luck with one-eyed jacks, and he like winks at the fucking guy with the eye patch and then throws the dynamite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just it's so good. Like, and you know, that's so good. That's the belief, and like uh Billy Rocks and Goodnight Robo. This is how you can tell we liked the movie so much is that we remember the characters' names and we're referring to them by that. We never do that. Very rarely, very rarely. Like Denzel is Denzel is Denzel. Right. Yeah. Here he's chisholm because I like this movie. Um but it had like the fucking the like you wrote in your notes, you watched this a day before I did. You wrote that this movie is just this movie is two hours for one, and one of those hours is just putting a crew together, and you said I'd love it, and I fucking did because what you know putting a crew together, that's also another masculine fantasy, just having a having a bunch of dudes to fucking talk about to fucking roll into the boxing gym or like fucking welding shop, or whatever like kind of hardcore place, and you look at somebody and your boat is like you son of a bitch, you son of a bitch, maybe like the predator grip, yeah, yeah. The hedgehog. You son of a bitch.

SPEAKER_00 46:25

You son of a bitch. How's your wife and family? Oh I I'm I'm sorry to hear that. I accidentally you say, Oh, that's all that that tragic, tragic. I'm sorry, I called you a son of a bitch. I I that was tasteless of me. Come in, let's talk about this. You had some weird alien shit. You wanted me to look into the jungle. You wanted me to go to the jungle. Let's like change the subject. I feel weird now. I feel weird now. You know what? Let's get out of here. Let's go to the chili's.

SPEAKER_02 47:01

I'm sorry, I'm gonna try. I have not mentioned ghosts yet.

SPEAKER_00 47:05

Yeah, they have this little Thai zesty thing. I hope it's like Asian Zing. That is my favorite.

SPEAKER_02 47:16

Dylan's the first thing he says, like, oh, I like the Asian Zing one. So I want to say something though. This movie does tropes very well. Yeah, it does masculine tropes very well, and it does Western tropes very well. And I gotta say, as far as crews go, very little, very few crews are as satisfying as the Western crew.

SPEAKER_01 47:42

You know?

SPEAKER_02 47:43

Because like everyone's got something. There's here's the here's the sharpshooter with one fucking gun. Here's the fucking crazy dude with two guns. Here's the knife guy, here's the dude. Here's the knife guy, here's shotgun guy, here's explosive. Here's lasso guy. Like, it's almost like different classes. Yeah, dude. It's well, it's fucking uh it's fucking ninja turtles, it's the ninja turtles. Each of you are doing something slightly different, but you still fucking get along. Yeah, yeah. You each have your own kind of area of strength. And I guess that's part of the crew fantasy, right? Is that everybody is able to maximally contribute with their own specialty? Everyone gets everyone gets a chance to pitch in. You know, that's great. Men love that. Men love being able to except for that Donatello with his stick. You know what? I'm gonna beep that part. I learned how to beep. You learned how to bleep, and you're just you're just going to town with it. You're fucking you're fucking making deals with Makana Hay here. You know, everything everything comes with a price, buddy. No, you don't pay it now. You gotta let it accrue. You gotta let it accrue. No, I don't I don't make deals, I make investments. Oh my god, dude, that's haunting. That is pretty crazy. Fucking Matthew McConaughey said that to you. You'd leave. You'd you'd leave. You'd leave. Yeah, I would be fucking terrified. Uh so like we agreed. Typically, typically, uh, we usually find one actor to glaze throughout a movie. Like, we've glazed Carl Urban before. There are kind of too many actors to glaze here because they all do such a fucking great job, and there's so many of them. Uh and they all play off each other so fucking well. Like Chisholm is like the most uptight and soft spoken of them. Chris, and it that plays so well with uh goodnight roba shows, fucking like outward jovial charisma, which plays very well with like fucking Chris Pratt being a bantering asshole, which pays really well with Billy Rox being a fucking uh you know badass. Like it all goes so well. So like we can't really single out any actor to glaze. Uh at least not efficiently, not efficiently, no, and we're all about efficiency on this fucking podcast. Yeah, we got this fucking podcast where we fucking talked about Batman managing a subway for Clayface comes in. It's like he just wants a cookie, he wants a cookie, like you can't have any cookies, Clayface. Don't give him any cookies, Gary. I just want one cookie. I want to feel like a man again. Don't do it, Gary. That's a bottomless home hole that will never be filled. Mr. Batman, uh Mr. Batman, I've got to. He's a paying customer, he's a paying customer. Like, what's your game, Clayface? Clayface.

SPEAKER_00 50:50

Mr. Freeze comes in. I'd like to have a frozen treat. I'd like to have a frozen treat. You son of a bitch, how's your life and family? Oh how the turntables.

SPEAKER_02 51:03

How the turntables, dude, dude, we got we gotta stop. This this episode has become recursive. This a Mobius loop of shittery. This episode is a Mobius loop with Arnold on one end and Matthew McConaughey on the other. And only madness in between. And only madness. Um This movie. Yes. This movie does so many fucking great tropes that way. Like uh I'm gonna say the nerdiest thing I can possibly fucking say. And I've said some nerdy shit, and just to get it out of the way, in one episode I use the term from soft writing, and that's basically just shorthand for like implied contextual storytelling rather than just laying shit out, you know?

SPEAKER_01 52:00

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 52:00

Uh and this movie does that very well. Like everyone's got a tragic backstory, but it never gets elucidated upon or I don't I don't know if I'm using that correctly. Illuminated, you know what I'm saying. I think it sounds right. Yeah, just and we'll just keep using it that way until it catches on, and that becomes like the new way to say it. Um so this is something even nerdier, if you can believe it. Okay. I described this movie as ideal gas storytelling. This movie does not subvert any of its tropes. The the soft spoken stoic lawman remains the soft spoken stoic lawman. The wise cracking badass remains the wise cracking badass. But what this movie does is it expands uh to fill those tropes very well and make them feel fleshed out and whole. Yeah, it celebrates those tropes. It celebrates those tropes. You have Billy Rox, who is the mysterious foreigner with a rare skill. He throws he's a ninja. He's a ninja. Let's just fucking he is though. Yeah, let's just throw a knives at the end of the street. He's throwing knives at stabbing dudes and he's leaping, he wears a fucking cool ass mask at one point. He's a ninja. And we gotta we gotta be real. Cowboys and ninjas do go together. That's crossover. They're not enemies like pilot. They're not mutually exclusive. No, no, cowboy ninjas. Fuck that's that's gotta have been done before. And if it has been but not much, not much, no. Um actually Sukiyaki Django is about cowboy ninjas, and sounds like yeah, that was uh that was a Japanese movie with Quentin Tarantino, uh uh not directing but producing, I think. He has a cameo in it, it's it's pretty good. Yeah, yeah. He he yells at a Japanese woman in it. But this movie just fills those tropes. Chris Pratt is a wisecracking, devil may care guy with a tragic past, and he stays that, but he's fucking good at it. He's unapologetic. That's the great thing, is like he's not trying to grow as a character, and there's kind of a beautiful tragedy in that, you know, where these guys are like because at the end, uh it's kind of insinuated that all these guys have very violent pasts, right? Like uh Billy Rox was a pitfighter. Vincent D'Anofrio like burns people with an axe while quoting the Bible. Yeah, like they when they meet uh Vincent D'Nafrio's character, he's fucking like out of his mind. Like he's killed well over 300 people uh in like in like the Indian Wars. Uh yeah, and it's fucking terrible. Uh and like these guys all have very violent pasts, and at the end, you know, Vasquez is a wanted man when they collect him. Uh Red Harvest is eating deer hearts, so that's great. Yeah, yeah. Well, Red Harvest also also mentions that he's been exiled from his uh from his tribe. He was too real for the Comanches, too. The Comanches were like pretty violent. You are real if you are too fucking real for the Comanche, like brother, you got something going on. It's just like, come on, man. Fuck. You're taking it way too far. Yeah, what kind of whack shit were you doing? It's like don't tell me it's just like Red Harvest. We we we've been talking. Um, we think it's great. We think it's so fucking great that you're so into this. Like, like we we said the energy is infectious sometimes, didn't we? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. The thing is, the thing is, with all the heart eating of people are getting uncomfortable. Like, we've all done it as a bit, we've all done it as a dare. Like, yeah, but there's parasites, you know, you're gonna get sick. You're gonna get sick. That's unsanitary, you're gonna get sick. Starring, starring Jerry Seinfeld as like swooping hawk. I tell them all the time, you're gonna get sick. Don't eat the hearts, or at least cook them real well if you do. Yeah. I mean, use every part of the buffalo, but cook it. All right, that's the other thing is we keep inserting because now I'm just thinking of Western Seinfeld. The magnificent, the magnificent Seinfeld. That's pretty good. Who does he duel at the end? Newman. Okay, yeah. Oh fuck. We we can't afford we can't afford to get it. We can't afford that. Just it's it's out there right now. Whoever wants to make dances with Seinfeld, fucking now. Uh one other trope I did dances with Seinfeld. The West is shrinking, I guess. It's the end of an era. It's the end of an era, everyone's saying. And I'm like, what? What kind of an era is this? They said to go out west. What? Uh but but there was one trope in particular that I wanted uh that this movie celebrates that I also wanted to discuss. And that was um just how much of a just piece of shit villain. Uh this a bad guy. This this movie has a yeah, would you would you like to say a little bit about uh you bogue? He rolls in pretty hot, like with a bunch of like gunmen, rolls into the church in this town, like absolutely like mogs the priest. Um like uses like a young child as a prop for some like ominous fucking allegories about like capitalism being god. Then he has his men uh burn down the church and also beat up the priest. Then he shoots a guy in the face, or no, he shoots a guy in the chest for like talking shit to him, and then his men just like cut loose and massacred a bunch of the townsfolk, where he's like, All right, fair, fair enough. This is within the first like eight minutes of the movie. It's like within the first fucking five, like before we met any of the magnificent seven. The movie starts so fucking mean, like it opens up on like this beautiful pastoral western town where it's like all these baby animals being born and like hardworking men and like yeah, hardworking women, and we're all like, Oh, we're raising families, we're doing well out here, like sure they're all in the church, and like, preacher, we gotta fight for our land. We can't let bogue roll us off, and then bogue just rolls in and he makes a menacing fucking speech, and he says, Out here, capitalism is god. Like literally he says, Capitalism is God, and you must die for capitalism, and then yeah, and he's then he holds up a jar of dirt and says, This is your god. It's fucking crazy. It's fucking crazy, and then like a good-hearted farmer stands up, like, we won't let you do this to us, and he shoots him in the fucking chest, he just murders him in the street, and then like they just drag the priest out and beat the shit out of him, yeah. And then, like, he fucking his lieutenant like throws an axe into a lady, like they set fire to the church, and then he like spits on everyone, and he's like, I'll give you twenty dollars an acre for your for your land, or I expect to see it in three weeks. Three weeks, you're gonna fucking he's like you expect this dude to fucking like take a kitten and roll it up in like the Bible and smoke it's like he doesn't even like nicotine, he doesn't like nicotine, doesn't even like the taste of kitten, he just does it. He doesn't even dislike kittens, he just knows it's whack. He's like a fucking streamer, is what he is. He's doing he's doing shit to get reactions. Yeah, it's like hey chat, should I shoot this guy? Should we burn down the church? Chat, what do you think? Like someone's begging for their lives, like chat. What does this mean? Is this real chat? Yeah, chat's like killing. Oh chat, I don't know. Chat, chat. Again, gets the little subscription, like sorry, that's a super yeah, they gifted me like 10 subs, man. They gifted me 10 subs, so bog being a streamer is actually very yeah. I mean, he's constantly just hamming it the fuck up in the best way possible. Oh no, like no redeeming qualities. This movie the shittiest shithead since the plague from hackers. There there are some Western movies that try to be more grounded, like True Grit is one of them. And like that's a great movie. Uh both of them are really great movies, uh, because that's also a remake. It is. Uh, but this one does not try to keep it grounded. I pointed this out, like the farmer who gets killed at the very beginning. He is he's he's very clean, he's his clothes are nice, his hair is nice and gelled back. It's like and he's like, I'm not gonna take this. I'm racing a fan of heroic leading. Yeah, like like like this is this is very much it we've talked about hairless fantasy, you know, like like this is the classic yeah. This is not a dirty place, this is not a gross place, like this lightly dusty sometimes. This is this is this is the this is done sincerely the town from blazing saddles. Like, yeah, this is that innocent little farm town. It's like yeah, there are they're like you start every day like, oh, it's great to live in peaceful farm town. I sure hope I don't get like I sure hope we don't get gun down. And there is this moment because like at the end, when they bust out the Gatling gun, people die by the score. It's fucking brutal. Welcome to the era of industrialized warfare, motherfuckers. Yeah, yeah. It's like this it's like five minutes of just the most cold-blooded violence you've ever seen. And then Vogue comes back in, he's like, ah like, yeah, you shouldn't have done that, see. You shouldn't have blown up my gun wagon, see? You shouldn't have blown up my gun wagon, she know I'm gonna gun you down. Yeah, bang, bang, bang, bang. Um yeah, the Gatling gun was great. Bogue just uh that that is another like trope, I guess, is like the super weapon type thing. Yeah, I guess. Well, specifically um the super weapon heralding the end of an era. Because we'll do this one someday too, but uh you saw the last samurai, right? Oh yeah, yeah. You remember at the end where they bust out the Gatling gun and all these fucking brave warriors with like with like lineages of loyalty warrior, they just get fucking dumpstered by a peasant turning a crank.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:45

Yeah. It's like it's like the fucking game has changed, bro. Like fucking the future is now, old man. Like it kind of had that. It's like they got the Gatling gun, like, oh fuck it. Like up until that point, they're fucking doing great with fucking like ninja moves and like fucking bows and arrows and shit, and like fucking boom boom traps, and then it's like, oh no. Yep, because like shit gets real. Like, oh no, oh no. Like, we were having such a good time before this. Yeah, oh god. I'm just imagining like we're in like the psalm in like 1914, and we're like rapidly discovering that like machine guns are a thing. It's like why are we still wearing red trousers? Why are we doing this? Play the bugle, play the bugle, lift our spirits. I mean, like I gotta be honest, I don't know if that would have helped me personally. I don't know if the bugle really would have done it for me. Like, you know what? I I see what you're doing there. I appreciate I I appreciate it. I appre as I'm fucking like as you're like fucking bisected by machine gun fire. Like, you know what? I I see what's a good effort. I see what you're doing, I do appreciate the effort. I do appreciate that you're into this. Like if there's any takeaway here, I want you to know I appreciate what you're doing. You're like intestines or unspooling in a shell crater and you're giving them a thumbs up. It's like I you keep it up. Like a crow is trying to pull your eye out. It's just like uh maybe I I don't know, but you're like still encouraging, like I don't know, maybe, maybe, maybe you know, just just jazz, have fun with it. Have fun with it. Freestyle a little bit, you know? Just have fun with it, you know, like loosen up. When else, if not now, you know, tangled up on barbed wire. Like skin reddening, and you're like bleeding out of your eyes because of mustard gas. It's so good. It's so good. You got a real talent. It's like, hey, don't worry about what people think. Live in the now. It's a gift. That's why it's called the present. And the bugle guys like just trying to hide from snipers, like, dude, shut the fuck up. All right, I gotta say, encouraging world war one, optimistic world war one casual casualty is a bit I don't think anyone has ever done. Yeah, we keep it original in this house. Oh yeah. Like, what's up? Hey, what's up, man? This is Pete what's up, guys. This is Pierre, trench influencer. Yeah. Uh today we're gonna uh 14th day of the psalm. 14th day of the psalm. Today we're gonna take uh a fucking desperate bolt across no man's land. Let's see what happens. Yeah, uh, check out Raid Shadow Legends. Check it out. By the way, I don't like oh, this bullet wound reminds me, I don't see the doc doctor as much as I should. This stream is brought to you by Zoc Doc. He's just plugging shit based on the World War I as he's fucking like getting shot. Like, oh um so I just want to say like this movie is fucking great. I love this movie so much. Like I loved almost every part of it. Uh this is what I said when I was talking about criticism. It's almost an embarrassment of riches because all of these characters are so fun. You kind of wish you could spend more time with them. But like it's already kind of bloated as is, you know. So it's in the it's it's the feeling of being super full, but the food is so good that you still want more, you know?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:53

And like I would have loved to see more, but I I do think it was just good where it like my notes on this are kind you can actually track in my notes the point where I realized that they were all going to that most of them were gonna die. Like I was actually freaking out because for some reason, even though I knew this was a remake, I didn't I thought they were gonna like MCU it and be like, oh, I only got grazed through the kidney. That's nope, that's that's not lethal. Yeah, can decapitated. Oh, I got grazed. Um just a flesh wound. But like uh here's here's I think this is what I because I I fucking gassed myself out, man. Like I've I have fucking gone too fucking nuts. I think I think optimistic world war one casualty did be in. Hey man, just like just gotta grind it out. You just gotta grind it out, you mmm day by day, it's every it's every day, bro. Dude fucking that Ashton Hall influencer in World War II. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah, like doing his early morning wake-up. Yeah, he wakes up in like the trenches and he takes off his like nasal strip and like takes off his mouth in a bunch of Saratoga water. There's a fucking there's a corpse floating by. Yeah, he's like swimming in shell craters and like doing crunches. He's doing crunches and like everyone's like in a in like the fucking infirmary, everyone's dying around. Oh, World War I. We can laugh about it now. We can laugh about World War I think. You know, well, we lost a generation of young men, but you know what? That's that's all in the past. Yeah. Um I'm sorry, this has been what what what what really interests me about our episode is that this movie actually has like some fairly non-PC terminology, and yet I think it's more offensive that we're talking about the lighter side of World War One. I'll say this it's easier to laugh about World War One than World War II. Yeah, for sure. A hundred percent. I love how you were like, wait a minute, wait a minute. You can see the gears turning in my head. Yeah, yeah. Like, Vincent didn't offend him in World War One. So, this is what I want to say about this movie, and I think this is the highest praise I can offer it. It did not subvert any of its tropes. And I made mention when a movie does not subvert its tropes, it can't really surprise you. You know, there's this bit where Goodnight Robo show leaves the night before the big fight. Right, and I was just like, oh no, I wonder if he's gonna come back. Oh, oh, this this is so tense, we're a man down. Oh, this is tense. Yeah, and then oh, he came back. Oh wow, oh jeez. Shocker, right? Shocker. But when you do a trope sincerely, it still gets emotional value even when you see it coming. Yeah, because like when it became clear that Chris Pratt was gonna die, like I knew what the rest was gonna happen, and I'm like, and it still hit me. I'm like, ah fuck, I did like these guys, like I really like them, and I it does and like I knew they were gonna die, and it still bothers me. Still stings, yeah. Like that's because they executed those strokes well, and they executed it with good characters, with sincerity, too. Like, like you can tell Antoine Fouquet like actually likes the stuff he's doing here. Like, like this is what a talent. I I was I was what a talent. Like, very quick shout out to Antoine Fouquet. Fucking did the equalizer, training day, uh Tears of the Sun. Yeah, I think he did that too. Great movie, and the magnificent seven, and he did a stinker, at least one stinker with King Arthur starring Kira Knightley, which is another very trashy movie that we'll watch. That's right up our alley, though. Yeah, that's right up our alley, right? But it but it is fucking trashy. But that's just the that's a diverse that's a diverse director, man. Like, I do not want a director with only bangers, like yeah, you gotta have a little fucking gotta have some skeletons in the closet. A couple of stinkers build character. Like that's just that just makes it a more filled out ouvre. Yeah. Who else had a filled out oeuvre? Go on. Tell me. Tell me. Well, yeah, like uh France, right? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, they did, they did have a filled out oo. This crouching tiger hidden dragoning that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're just you're you're crafty, but I'm gonna get you one of these days. Uh, do you have anything you would like to say? Because I feel like I have fucking I feel like I'm going insane. Like I really remember. I feel like I I loved this movie. I really hope people watch it. Uh it came out in 2016, which was kind of a turbulent year for America. So I see why it glided under the I always feel like I always feel like the past tense of glide should not be glided. It should be glowed. GLOD glid. Yeah. Glued glued when you yeah, glued like fucking uh Woody Harrelson at the factory. It's a great sacrifice you make, Woody. Conk!

unknown 1:12:12

Conk.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:15

Hey, just watch Sahara, it's not as bad as you remember. Ted Danson's just fingers steepled watching them above. He's like, he's watching Sahara. He's like, yeah, yeah. It is actually pretty good, not bad. He's like, I just want to fly it. I'm sorry. We in fact, um, you might want to cut you actually, do you wanna you might want to cut this, but do you want to do Sahara, uh rewatch of Sahara for next week? Sure. Yeah, let's do that. Uh yeah, let's do a rewatch of Sahara for next week. Yeah, I I don't like the old uh episode we did. We learned so much since then. Yeah. Um, it'll be interesting to see if you have changed your mind on it will be. I feel like I've I've come to Jesus on on so few things. So excellent. Um, all right, Al! Woo! All right, Al. It's me. Like, hey, it's me, Matthew McConaughey. Matthew McCosmique, eh? Matthew McCosmiche! Yeah. Just the shadow on your mind here. Come hang out and stare into eternity. Hey, y'all ever been to Innsmouth? I got some uh some some good good folk around there. Good folks around good seafood. Good people, good seafood. Only problem is it asks you to worship it. Strangest long John Silvers I ever did visit. You're kind of drifting into Bill Clinton territory. I am aren't I? That's even better.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:46

Bill Clinton goes to Hensmouth.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:47

Bill Clinton goes to Hensmouth. They got some crazy people here, I'll tell you what. Well, yeah, they're all American. Who'd you vote for? You got you're a bunch of dole voters, aren't you? That's all right. That's all right. I represent all Americans. That's all right. That's all right. Fish people. Still my good.

unknown 1:14:08

Even fish people.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:09

Fish Americans. I'll tell you I reduced the deficit. You know, Sahara isn't that bad a movie. Oh no. Okay. I mean, we're getting we're getting recursive. We're getting recursive. We're doing Sahara next week, so we're doing Steve's on and Penelope Cruz. Yes, please join us watching Sahara. Uh, would you like to do a little housekeeping? Assuming you probably have anything else to add. I think we've lost control. I think so. Um Slop Culture is a podcast hosted by Sam Sykes, that's him, and Will Palmer, that's me. Please give us a five-star review on whatever platform you heard us on. That's five stars out of five, ideally. Um, our cover art's by Andrew Sides, and our intro music is by Joe Roy. You can get in touch with the podcast at slopculturepodcast at gmail.com. And you can find me on social media at uh Palmskies or Will underscore Palmskis pretty much everywhere. And you can find me at Sam Psych Swears pretty much everywhere. This has been Slop Culture Discussing the Magnificent Seven. Remember to be like a World War One casualty and look on the bright side of things. At least you are not inhaling mustard gas at this moment, with all apologies. At least I hope you're not. With turn off the podcast, go somewhere else. Yeah, yeah, like this is really on you at this point. Like, yeah, I mean, if you want to keep the podcast on, sure, but go somewhere else if there's mustard gas. Yeah, like all right, with one exception, if you are like trapped in a saw dungeon and like your your your tormentor is making you either listen to this podcast or inhale must mustard gas, I can see how this part would come off a little obnoxious, but uh yeah, again, that's just not our intention. We don't know your situation. Uh, hope you get free soon. Like, I thanks for listening. I hope whatever twisted lesson he's trying to teach you, you figure out. Uh yes, this has been Slop Culture, the happy hour podcast, where we strive to see the beauty and stupidity. And until next week, stay sloppy.