Point Break (1991) - They Crucify The Gorilla

The boys take a course in Early Keanu History with his action-filled role as FBI agent Johnny Utah, playing opposite the chillest sociopath you'll ever meet in Patrick Swayze. Thoughtful deep dives into the relationship between action and romance, lingering studies of high-stakes tension, discussions on the nature of sadism--all this and more are ruined by Sam bouncing his knee and making the microphone shake for, like, three minutes near the start. God, that's annoying.

Transcript

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Get out of here, Craig. Come out of your cage. Do you imagine do you mean now when you say come out of your cage, Craig, do you imagine Craig as being like kind of feral like a Jurassic Park? Or is it more of like a bring out the gimp situation? Porcano Los Dos. I would hate to be attacked by a gimp philosopher. A feral gimp? Yeah, dude. A gimp velociraptor. Squeaking as it runs through the jungle after you. Yeah, like that scene in fucking in fucking Jurassic Park where I'm like hiding in a kitchen and I'm like scared out of my mind. I just hear this like squeaking of latex as just the fucking sexiest philociraptor you've ever seen. It's got a zipper over its mouth. Yeah, it fucking unzips its mouth with like its little toe claw. Like, I know you're here. Like, ah. And then as I'm running away, I have to explain it's not because I frown on their lifestyle. It's just because they're a predatory. That's a really funny idea, is like just justifying yourself to the Velociraptor as you flee from it. Oh god. Alright, fuck. Alright, alright, alright. Enough. Let's fucking get started. Imagine if you were taken hostage and with a gun to your head, imagine someone made you go go-karting and deep sea diving and skydiving and playing skee ball, and really gave you one of the best, most fun days of your life, and insisted that you have fun or he'd never release you. What if that? Today we're talking about Point Break 1991, starring Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze. Welcome to Slop Culture. Yes, welcome to Slop Culture, the happy hour podcast where we strive to see the beauty and stupidity. I am your host, Sam Sykes, and with me as always, a man who claims to have inadvertently shaped the pop music industry after he was part of a secret government experiment that MKUltrad him into going into berserk and becoming a killing machine anytime he hears airplanes by B.O.B. It's Will Palmer, everybody. Well, you know, they initially wanted to go with the classic blackjack like trigger word, but um I like gambling a lot and they really didn't want that much blood on their hands. Yeah, yeah. Like you go you go to Vegas once, and that's gonna end up pretty bad. I feel like if I was hanging out with someone and they got MK Ultrad, like by hearing something like off the jukebox, I feel like I'd try to understand. Yeah. I'd try to understand. Like I'd yeah, go ahead, go ahead. Uh sometimes I'll like go on YouTube and pull up like eight-hour long like mixes of like 1980s Russian number station broadcasts. Oh, cool. I'll like play it off my phone speaker and I'll like hide it behind the couch cushions just to see if my parents like activate. Right. Dude, can we make this movie where it's like home alone, but it's that? And it's it's a kid finding out his parents have been MK Ultra'd by the Soviets. Yeah, I just go over to their place. It's weird. Every time I'm over there, it's just they this Russian alphanumeric codes getting repeated. God, it's yeah. God, my parents' taste in music is so fucking crazy. It's just this Russian guy saying numbers over and over. What do the numbers mean, Mason? What do the numbers mean? Now I'm just imagining Batman in like Call of Duty Black Ops. What would he be doing? Interrogating Alex Mason. Oh, okay. I I Where is the facility? Tell me. What if Batman do you think Batman would do well as like a docent at a museum or like a tour guide? What's a docent? It's a good guy. He's he's you oh hey learning something today. Slock culture audience, tune in because this is one uh one of Sam's jams, one of these little uh little tidbits of knowledge we drop throughout the the episode. You can learn something. A docent is one of those guys they sometimes wear red vests. They are these people, these attendants around museums that will explain the exhibits to you. You know, in uh you know, in in a lot of movies where like some guy will like go, he's like, you know, down on his luck, he's having a hard time at work or with women, and he just wanders into a museum and he sees a painting that like changes his life, and then there's always someone on hand to like lean over and say, like, that's Van Guls, uh the the the the gimp velociraptor. He painted it, he famously painted it in when he was in the throes of heartbreak. I don't know, maybe it means something. Like, you know, one of those guys in a museum who just kind of like pushes the plot along. Yeah, so like Batman has that. Batman has that is like it's like this piece is about the subjugation of the native people. This piece is about the suffering of indigenous peoples everywhere. Traditionally, the Greco-Roman people celebrated small penises. Someone in the in the gallery with a with a diet coke, like, where did you get that? Where'd you get that? Drinks have to remain in the cafeteria. Just like someone comes up to like is like looking at modern art, and they're like, Oh, that's stupid. Like, Batman comes up behind them, Arkham's, Arkham Asylum style, like puts them in a chokehold, and like all art is beautiful. Like, shh, sleep now. I mean, yeah, I fuck with it. I would honestly, I'd go to I like going to museums. I would go to them more if there was like a good chance of Batman. Now, if we're talking museums and like I'm sorry, we we do get quite nerdy on this podcast, but this is this is a new frontier for us. But I'm I'm just gonna share this. I really love museums. Like, my parents used to take me to museums a lot when I mean my sisters. I hated going to museums with my friends' parents, dude. Going to Going myself is fun or with friends, but going with my parents fucking sucks. I get that I get that. Like, you know, it does it does kind of depend on the company. Uh but like my mom took me to like the La Brea Tarpit Museum. But see, that's fucking cool. My parents would go to like the National Gallery of Art and like ponder fucking. Now I do love pondering. I do love pondering. Pondering's good, but I was like savvy. But yeah, pondering is an adult's luxury, you know. Like you gotta have a breadth of stuff to ponder. Yeah, I was like, Yeah, no, no, like my parents were were pretty savvy. They took us to like the Museum of Natural History where like you had the diorama. There was a bit where it said like where they had a sample of the tar and like a little lever attached to it. It's like try to pull this up, and this is how much it would this is how hard it would have been to escape tar. And like they had all these fossils, and I swear to god, this this museum was such a core memory for me that it single-handedly means I can't enjoy Jurassic Park as much as other people because I inherently think prehistoric mammals are cooler than dinosaurs. If you had like a fossil of like your choice, what what would it be of? Oh, so uh realistically, oh like I have a I'm sorry, my head immediately went to if you could bring back one of these creatures to life. Like, so uh just bones, I would do a megatherium, a ground sloth. And that's I love those things, they're just these giant beasts with like these huge claws, and you can see them and how they're put together, and like uh you can see how they tear would tear uh logs open, and it's like we maybe they maybe they look completely different, but this is what we think, and it's like ah, and we can figure that out based off like the logic of our of our own skeletal structures. Like, I don't know, dude. Like, I'm I I swear to god, I'll drop it after this, but like just you look at how your fucking forearm and your foot are roughly the same size, and you realize there is a logic to you, and there's been a logic to everything that's been created. Well, not created, not created, but you know, everything that's here, there's a logic to it, and you're like, well, that's fucking cool. That like it's that's awesome. That's awesome. Why don't we have prehensile toes though, or post-hensile? I don't know. Why don't we have like like eight to give it time? I feel like that would be fucking time. Think we're gonna re-evolve. We could, we could if if needs be. If needs be. Nobody knows what the future holds, but is it weird that like the first thing I thought was like that way you can set off two beyblades at once? There's a fucking orangutan that's the that's the fucking orangutan, sorry, uh, who's like the fucking Beyblade champion, and it's an orangutan, like dressed as a as a as a human child, but nobody can tell except like you. You keep trying to tell people and nobody believes. How does he do it? How does he keep setting off two pay blades at once? He's too fast. That actually rules two pay blades. I've got this marvel of evolution and I'm going to use it for the silliest fucking thing. I'm sorry, that was I can I just can I can I pause and reflect and just say that I really liked where this where where where this joke led us. Like it started with M it started with MK Ultra and which and then led to Docent Batman and then led to fucking why museums are cool. Well done, well done, uses like it's like it's like we are neither high culture nor low culture, but like at the same slop yeah, we are this is slop culture. Well done. Ah god, god, we're fucking mining gold today. Oh shit. Speaking of gold, specifically cinematic gold, uh, we're gonna be talking about point break today, starring Keanu Reeves, 1991. A movie I had never seen, and yet I knew the plot of because American Dad did a parody of it. I forgot the actually it is pretty word for word, but like I kind of I kind of hate myself for that because I think I would have really enjoyed the twist in this movie if I had been uninformed. Um I really like this movie, and we're gonna get into it, but uh as as as is tradition, I was wondering if you might uh indulge me in a little banter. A little banter, um, because I I hate to say it. Uh normally we try to be pretty neutral here, but I'm about to get political. I'm about to get really political. Alright. I listened to your assholes, audience. Buckle up, America. Strap yourself in and strap yourself on. It's the Will Palmer real shit minute, starring Sam Sykes. Pour out your bacon grease, America. It's the real shit minute. Time to get wet. Lather up that slip and slide, America, because you're about to go head first into a truth gate. Look how it's the real shit minute. Look up to the sky with fear and awe, because here comes the truth, Nuke. I was Well, what's the what's your politics? I was on YouTube, and you know what? I know that uh the algorithms, those darn algorithms, they're there to make you upset, because that's where the money is. Like, let's let's be real. We're we're fucking we're we're you and I are chumps for making a podcast about uh movies, silly movies, and doing stupid comedy bits like this. Like we're fools. The real money if we wanted real money, we'd be fucking like I don't know, like like like mining tragedy. Yeah, mining tragedy, or at least like coming up with new conspiracies, like like like uh Joe Biden has a cloak has a cloak and in fact has already has already laid an egg at which the new Joe Biden will be born and thus shall he live another hundred years. Um we do something like that. Uh because I I I admit I think I I think I got I think I got radicalized. That's all but uh not in the way you might think because I I was I I do like uh you know I I I look at uh Wendigoons stuff a lot. I like cons I like goofy true crime stuff. Yeah, cryptics spooky stuff in general. I have a real I have a real spook tooth, you might say. And uh in having this spook tooth, I got led to a true crime, and I'm not gonna name anybody, uh, but it was a it was a true crime podcast run by a British person. And I'm sorry, and he and he was main he was a British dude. I kid I love British. We love Britain. This isn't but this is well, this is I mean, I'm sorry, you can just you can just deal with this, but uh he was talking mostly about American true crime, and I felt like oddly nationalistic. I'm like, how dare you? That's our true crime. Right, that's our utterance. Coming in here and jerking off the cows on our farm. Come here, you jerk off my cow. Is this what we fought a revolution for? And the war of eighteen twelve? That's actually how the war of eighteen twelve started. Is there's a British guy? And while making eye contact with the American as he did it, is like eh. I mean, you gotta start some beef over that. There was the War of uh Johnson's pig, I think. Uh where yeah, like there was a pig uh and he like he would there was like I think a pig from an American farm wandered into British territory and was killed by a British hunter or the other way around. Uh but anyways, they couldn't decide whether it was a British pig or an American pig. And so they fought a small war. Well, just eat it. If it tastes like shit, it's British. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, Britain, you've just been slopped! But you're used to you're used to that anyway. You eat it for breakfast. Load the cannons because we're about to light the truth fuse. Go to the last stall on the left because you're you're about to go down the truth hole. That sounds fucking terrifying in whatever regarding. Imagine going to get a glory hole, but instead you learn about like the secrets of creation. Yeah, it's just somebody like whispering to you. Oh, like, but oh but still only if you put your dick through. Like if you just stare there, it does nothing. But like the second you put your dick through, you hear like and you just start screaming because blood leaks out your eyes. Yeah, light comes pouring out of your eyes, tentacles erupt from your chest. Like, like a new you comes crawling out of the old you, like naked and newborn, and like you you crawl out back onto the bar and you meet up with your friends, and you're like, and then you like just look at them, and like you have no hair, and all your skin is new and glistening, and you're like, guys, you gotta go in there. You gotta check out that left. Ah, we've dithered enough. I think we're here to talk about point break. 1991, not 2015. 2015? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Um starring guys who are not Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze. I'm sorry. This was, I believe, Will's recommendation. As Will has seen this movie before and I hadn't. So therefore, if I was excited to see what I I really enjoyed it. I I have, but I would say I have a very complicated relationship with this movie, and I'd be happy to explain it to you. Yeah, but uh, as is tradition, uh, we're gonna hit up uh hit up the two-minute drill since I recommended it. You'll be the one doing the recap. Two-minute drill, sponsored by the Will Palmer Real Shit Minute. Alright, but yes, I will try to artistically, accurately, and honestly recap what happened in Point Break 1991, starring Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze within two minutes. Alright, here we go. Three, two, one. Keanu Reeves is an ex-football player who became an FBI agent, and he goes to work for John C. McGinley, and John C. McGinley assigns him to work with Gary Busey and figure out who has been dressing up as various ex-presidents and robbing banks throughout Los Angeles. Eventually, they discover that it's probably surfers for some reason. And so, a Keanu Reeves decides to infiltrate the surfing community of LA. And he's met with initial resistance, where he attracts the attention of a scrappy young lady named Tyler, who he deceives with a terrible story that causes her to trauma bond with him and eventually fall in love with him. And in the course of all this happening, uh Keanu Reeves actually like gets attacked by surf Nazis. Like that is literally, they are Nazis who surf. They are surf Nazis. But he's saved by Patrick Swayze, who's a charismatic surfer that teaches Keanu Reeves how to live life and really get out of his shell as some kind of FBI corporate drone. And so a deadly cat and game uh cat and game um game of cat and mouse uh ensues as Keanu tries to keep his cover while going growing closer to the surfing community. And eventually uh he discovers that Patrick Swayze is the one robbing the banks, and they try to bust them, but it doesn't work because Patrick because he can't bring himself to bust Patrick Swayze. So Patrick Swayze says, Listen, I'm gonna kidnap your girlfriend, and then I'm gonna leave the country, and you got you better not come after me. But he does come after him, and he finds him at Australia and he says, Look, I know I killed people, but you have to let me surf one more wave. And Keon Reeves says, I'll fight you, but then I'm gonna let you do that. And he lets him do that. And at the end, uh Patrick Swayze serves himself to death. How do how am I doing? Perfect timing. Perfect timing. How do you think I did there? Was that accurate? I thought it I thought it was good. You covered like the main plot beats and everything. We'll unpack some of the more specific scenes, but uh, I think you really missed was Gary Busey being Gary Busy. Yeah, yeah. Well, that is Gary Busey. He's it's it's weird to remember that Gary Busey was like a legitimately good actor. Like before before his uh his brain injury, uh motorcycle accident. Like he was he was very excellent at what he did, in my opinion. Shout out to Gary Busey. Shout out to Gary Busey to see you at the crossroads. See you at the crossroads, hanging out at Dick Cheney's quiz nose. Dick Cheney's quiz nose. That is actually like not a terrible idea for what purgatory is. It's like a a quiz nose run by Dick Cheney. Oh, that that's that's his penance. That's his penance, dude, is for all for paninis for a channel. No, because like he has he that's his penance, so it has to end at some point, but he has to do like he has to do like two millennia of paninis to make to break the wheel of samsara. But this that but Dick Cheney was not in point break. He was not, nor was Anthony Hopkins, mind you. Uh although I remember last week you uh you mentioned that you thought Anthony Hopkins was in this film, uh, to which I thought was I thought that was fucking hilarious. But do you can you imagine him in this movie surfing? I was gonna say I would love it if Anthony Hopkins was in this movie. He's one of the ex-presidents, bankruptcy. I would love it if he had Patrick Swayze's role. He's Bodhi. I'm sorry, I I amuse myself too much and I took it off at the same time. Um, but sure. Well, like alright, so I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna float this idea because I do want to return to this. I don't think uh Patrick Swayze's Bodie, who is a surf, a thrill seeking server and the leader of a gang of depraved bank robbers. I don't think Yeah, the ex presidents, because they all wear masks, and one of them does actually an incredibly sick Richard Nixon impression. Like it has to be said his Yeah, during he's like I'm Yeah, but he's like saying the whole thing while he's doing it's like oh there's only twenties and fifties here. Like it's it's so good. He gets into character, it's so good, but um I think the character of Bodhi philosophically and in personality is not that different than the character of Hannibal Lecter. So like I do think Anthony Hopkins could have done this role. I just I can't picture Anthony Hopkins like in LA as Johnny Utah. I was gonna say like in LA, like shirtless and like surfing and saying, like, it's about taking life by the bulls, Johnny. There's no rush quite like this. But I'll tell you what, I bet you if Anthony Hopkins were to do a movie like that, it would be fucking uh Vin Diesel who convinced him to do it. Yeah, I mean he is good at getting those British actors. He's just he's got that power. He's got that power, man. Like Michael Kane coming out of a Honor the Ancient Oaks. The House Diesel. House of Diesel calls. Like Vin Diesel has a whistle around his neck, and like when he when he blows it, it it seems soundless, but it hits a frequency that only like elderly British thespians can hear. And like Olivia Coleman, somewhere in London, is like, what is that? The call. Vin Diesel needs to be a shit. What do you think that House Diesel's sigil looks like? They're heraldry. I'm thinking like a flexed bicep on like a black background. I think it's a guy jerking off. It's just a guy jacking off on a jerk. It's a guy jacking off on a shield. And I think Vin Diesel thinks it looks like something else. No, see, he's doing four arm curls. But like it he's jacking off. Like he's he's very clearly it's like that bit from fucking always sunny with the biceps. I I I think that. And I think he it isn't a shield, I think it's on a car door. Oh my gosh. Oh, here's another uh question for you, because I know I'm gonna forget later. Um, which uh ex-president would you have a mask of if you were in the bank robbing game? God, I really wish Bob Dole had won because I would I would have I would have loved to be Bob Dole. That's a niche choice, but I'm he was he was a niche kind of guy, and like I don't know, like like he had absolutely no hope of winning, but he ran anyways. And it was like exotic. Because I mean like I'm sure if he had one, I would be I'd have a different opinion, but looking back, there is sort of like a doomed romance to it. Because like Bill Clinton just fucking like ate him alive. Because I was gonna say I would be Bill Clinton. Bill yeah, see, I I I would take Bill Clinton, but I feel like uh hey there, sweetie. How about you uh how about you give me some of those 20s down behind the uh behind the desk there? Make sure you don't put any of those iPacks in there. My fingers are already wet. Oh god! I hate you. Oh my god, every all your fu you have you have a fucking your sense of humor is like a fucking Elmer Fudd shot movie. Okay where it just like where where like it just comes out of nowhere and like there's this blinding flash, and then like like I have a beak that's like spun on backwards after you after you pull the trigger. That is what I describe your sense of humor like and I but I I'm I mean this like like parentheses, congratulations, like laudatory. Like I just this this is my this is my gentleman's praise okay shit. Um and I don't want to do any of the ones that the that the actual experts they had like LBJ, Carter, Reagan, and Nixon. They had LBJ, Carter, Reagan, Nixon. Uh fuck. I'm not doing Obama. I'm not doing Biden. Can I be Truman? Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, Truman, like like from Oppenheimer, Truman? No, I never saw Oppenheimer. Uh, you gotta look up the scene where he fucking gives Oppenheimer a hanky. Sounds okay, interesting. Without context, that's interesting. Well, no, well, like Oppenheimer, like this this is loosely based on the same historical events. Oppenheimer goes to see Truman and like sits down and says, I feel I have blood on my tons. And Truman kind of Yeah, well, no, true, no, Truman just kind of looks at him like, what the fuck, and just like takes out his hanky and like offers it to him, and he goes, Do you think anyone in Hiroshima or Nagasaki gives a shit about who invented the bomb? They care about the man, the guy who dropped it. Me. And then it gets escorted out, and fucking Truman says, Don't let that crybaby back in here. Oh yeah. My God. That's fucking hardcore. He was a he was a that's he was a prick, but like, yeah, like fucking uh well yeah, like and the real Truman said that. He said he said, like, no, get that get this baby out of my face or something like that. Yeah, he was he was he was a prick. Come on, I do that's what's up scoreboard. Anyways, uh so yeah, I'm gonna do Truman. Truman's a good choice. I like that. Um speaking like kind of springboarding off of the like weirdly themed kind of like gangs that there were in this movie, what'd you think of the surf Nazis? Which are introduced in the film as like literally that I think they might use the the phrase like surfer Nazis, and like it's like what fucking that is a crazy crossover event. Yeah, so in the movie, uh Keanu Reeves, the FBI believes that it's a gang of surfers robbing banks, and Keanu Reeves believes it's these guys who are literally identified as Nazis. Warchild. Warchild. Uh I watched mine with subtitles, so one of the girlfriends was named Freight Train. Oh, dude, you don't want to fuck a chick named Freight Train. Well, maybe you do. I don't know. Like she was she she was she was fucking stabbing. So was that the one left and right? That was awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's like that's why she's freight training. Shout out to that. That was great. Shout out to fuck that was a great fucking shootout scene. And like, I'm I'm I'm gonna springboard into my main fucking beef with this movie in a minute, but like, yeah, they are identified as Nazis, and it turns out they're not the ones behind it, but yeah, they are they they're all white. Well, yeah, they're they're German. I'll say this. They're German and they deal meth, and so they do meet a number of Nazi qualifiers. So they they probably surf Nazis, and like I gotta be real, I did not expect those lifestyles to intersect. I I'm not saying they can't, I just didn't expect that. No, I mean they were interesting, like partial, you know, because it was a good way to get a shootout scene like early on in the movie where they raided a Nazi tied out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it was a good idea, it was a good way to have like a plausible opponent for an action scene. But uh, you know, I would not like what what are some subgroups that you would not also not expect to surf? Like because I would also, if someone introduced themselves as like a surf Marxist, I would also kind of be throwing a leg. That would be that would be strange. They just they just it's a very high-intensity sport because if they fall off, they immediately become so much fabric. Yeah. Oh my god, that's that's um oh juggalo surfers. Juggalo surfers, which again, like I don't know what makeup would come off, right? And then in the ocean. I I don't I'll be real, I don't know what goes into juggalo makeup. It could be made of some magical material that is that is what's shout out to juggalos. Hope you're enjoying yourselves. Uh I myself do not partake, but you seem to just be having a great time. For real, though. There was an episode there was an episode of Workaholics about your people. Gathering I really thought it was funny. Yeah, we should do an episode at the gathering of the juggalos. That's you know, that's that's that's I bet they got a movie they like. Not terrible. They definitely got a movie. How it's a thousand corpses. They probably love that. If you're a joke, if you're a juggalo, would you like would you mind telling us what kind of movies you like? Like if we can find if we can get a consensus of the juggalos' favorite action movies, I would absolutely talk about that. I would absolutely watch that. I think that would be great. Uh, can I tell you actually, can I can I ask you to bear with me as I describe something extremely weird that will kind of summarize my thoughts on this movie. So I want to picture you as yourself, uh, a young single man, promising future ahead of him, uh seen some seen some challenges, made some close friendships, doing alright. You meet a girl, okay? And this girl is a clown. Like professionally. Like I don't like professionally. Like she well, like you can't tell pr you can't tell professionally. You can't tell professionally. All you know is you meet her at the bar, and she is literally the clown makeup, the suit. Like she's got the clown makeup, the the nose, the nose, the rainbow-colored hair, big shoes. And like it's just a clown. And you meet a clown at a bar, and you guys are the only ones there. So you start so you start talking. Like, there's the bartender. The clown. What do you drink? What do you drink? McCallan 12 on the rocks. McCowl and 12 on the rocks. The clown is having a mojito because that's uh that's that sounds like a clown naze. Let's be real. It does it like mo here here's mojito juggling fucking chainsaws. Juggling chainsaws and limes. Uh so you start talking to this clown girl, and you actually like she's actually really interesting. And like you start to hit it off with the clown girl. Is she busty? And then and like Yeah, just really context. Just to help me paint the image in my own mind. Is she busty? Is this a busty clown? No, no, she's not a busty clown. She's more on she's more on the classic side of clown. There are there are four types of clowns. And she is she is more on the classic uh tramp clown, not tramp clown, um uh an August clown. A lot about clowns, but alright, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, I I I just remember that from an episode of Modern Family once. Uh and I actually did research the subject because I I legitimately wanted to know like what the different styles of clown are. You can actually understand. Because yeah. Yeah, because in my mind, I I this is what I was thinking at the time. I thought it would be really fun to do like a shonen manga of the city. Yeah, and like and like and like there's a there's a tournament of clowns, and like and like this our protagonist clown is trying to like avenge his his mentor clown who took him in when no one else would, and like raised him in the ways of the august tradition. But he's got a face like the mimes and the and the fucking tramp clowns and like the the fucking uh crying clowns and shit like that. So this is an Auguste clown. But this girl, this is an Auguste clown, she's got bright face paint and like twinkles around her eyes, the big red nose, uh, and you know, bright colors, but she's not necessarily cartoonish to she's not cartoonishly proportionated. Or is she just dressed as a clown? No, no, she is she is just dressed as a clown and she's talking perfectly normal. That's a bad thing. And like, and like you hit it off, and you guys decide to go back to her place for a nightcap. You're just really getting along, and as you do, she hops off the bar stool and her clown shoes make a squeak sound. Expected. And as you're walking with her, she's just making squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak. And it is actually like kind of hilarious. It's like so, like, by the time you reach her place, it's kind of weird. Like, it's like, all right, I just listened to hee ha like we couldn't talk because she kept going, he haw, hee-haw. Like, but you do get back to her place and you start talking again, and so now you're like in the intimacy of this trusted space. She feels totally cool with you. You feel totally cool with her. No, it's beautiful, it's like an artistic loft uh with a big skylight, like one of those, one of those uh apartments that like realistically an artist could never afford, but like they do have it in the clowning money. She's got that clown money, you know, and like there's there's big tasteful art all over like she doesn't even own a TV. That's how fucking wait no, she she does she does own a TV, but but it's got a screensaver that looks like a piece of art, and so when she turns on the TV, it fit it's like a really high-tech TV. It's a fu it's it's fucking cool. She's got an amazing space. So we're feeling each other. So you're feeling each other, and like things get good, the mood is really deep, and you lean in and the mood's just right, and you kiss, and your lips lock, and it's passionate, and then as you pull away, there's one of those like chain of scarves tied together, like stuck in your mouth, and like you just you just have to keep like pulling it out of your mouth, and then like and then it just pools at the floor, and like you're not even sure how that ended how much of that ended up in your mouth, but it and then she goes, ah, and like waves her big card to gloves. And so you're immediately like, oh, wow, okay, okay. But then she's like, Listen, Will, I think I think I feel something with you that I've never felt with anyone else. This feels right, and this feels like me. Please come to my bedroom. And you're with her, and things are getting really hot, and the mood is up again, and suddenly it's time for some intimacy. You know, yeah, yeah. It's time for some intimacy. And finally, I'm not gonna I'm I'm not gonna I'm not gonna be I'm not gonna be crude here, but she unzips you and she takes you in her big cartoon and she starts to jerk in her hand. Sure. And every time it does, it makes a hawk noise. Oh fucking god, yeah, that oh, that's tough. That's really tough. And then and then and then when you finally achieve release, you straighten it. Oh fuck! Will I I want you to think about this. This better be a really hot clown, man. I want you to bear with me because the story is over. I just want to say that is what this movie felt like. Okay. I can kind of see where you're gonna be. This movie, this movie felt like a clown hand job. I don't mean I don't mean that in a negative way. I don't mean that in a positive way. Well, that's the thing, is like you're always like, you know, Dave Vattel once once posed a question uh on one of his comedy stand-ups. He says, Do you do do you fuck them for the story? Clown hand job? Maybe you do. Maybe you do. Maybe you do. Maybe that's your thing. But anyways, this is what I mean. Explain this analogy here for the audience. This movie is amazing. I've gotta say, like, when I went into this movie, I was very interested in seeing early Keanu Reeves because I like him very much. I know him in The Matrix, I know him in John Wick, and I like post-Bill and Ted and pre-The Matrix. It was kind of an interesting era. Post Bill and Ted, pre-The Matrix, a very interesting time in Keanu Reeves's life because this was around the same time you had Speed, uh, which was also a young Reeves, and I love that movie, by the way. Like, that was a fucking Sandra Bullock classic. Like, I really wish she had I really wish she had done more thrillers because she really had a talent. Yeah, but like and I I I get it, like, it's it's kind of a shame, I think. It's kind of a shame that uh some actor, I think Matthew McConaughey also fits where they just had a less than stellar experience with their with an action movie and it kind of put them off. Like, that's a shame. But uh 1991, Keanu, right. Early Keanu Reeves, he's fucking great at the end. Donnie Utah, dude. Really effortless chemistry with everybody. He just has an instant connection. Yeah, Gary Busey, his partner with yeah, with uh fucking with fucking uh John C. McGinley. Like, real quick, shout out to John C. McGinley, shout out to Dr. Cox, he's fucking stellar in this. My god, like he's the police chief. And I fucking I fucking love a good police chief. Close enough. The FBI chief, but you but I mean still. And he's just fucking great in it, he's fucking tough talking, he's fast talking, he's fucking you can see where Dr. Cox comes in. 100%. He nails the classic archetype of the uh you know, just the pissed-off captain figure, like goddamn it, like by God, you get the job done, but I'm gonna make you turn in your badge. Yeah, turn in your badge and turn in your surfboard and yeah. Turn in your surfboard and trunk. My trunk, take them out. Uh John C. McGinley, great. I'm sorry. Um and here's a side question real quick. Is do you think that like being just a chill person in real life makes it easier for someone to have chemistry on screen like with other actors? I, you know, like I I obviously have never met Keanu Reeves. Everything I've heard about the guy is fucking incredible, though, you know. He see he like he he is he's going on the record as asking for leniency for the guy who stole eleven million dollars from Netflix right now. So I gotta imagine he does have some good vibes like that, and I gotta imagine that does make him easy to work with. Well, like fucking uh, you know, in uh fucking The Matrix, he bought every like the entire crew their own motorcycle, right? So like the dude clearly, you know, he he he I'd say he gets on with people, but I also just think let's be real, like Keanu Reeves has presents, he's uh he has a lot of gravitas, and just that gravitas comes in something that I think no other actor was really offering at the time. Because you know, like the you notice like uh we were kind of aging out of the beefcake uh actually. Right, these guys are more like shredded than yoked, yeah. Yeah, we were starting to see more like leaner, acrobatic type shit. Uh and Keanu Reeves kind of met the met the uh challenge where it was, yeah. The challenge. I would say that uh Keanu Reeves actually fulfills kind of a Stallone role where uh he fits where he brings this kind of dramatic uh presence to an action role, and I think it really works well. Uh so that's I mean, this is what I mean by clown hand job, though, is like he's fucking great. Patrick Swayze is great, and like I want I do want to talk about his character, but like I got I gotta get through this finish the metal. Patrick Swayze is great, Gary Busey is great, the dialogue is amazing, the pacing is quick, the relationships are great. Uh, I loved, I loved Keanu Reeves's chemistry with uh the the the actress who plays Tyler. I'm so sorry. Uh if you wouldn't mind looking that up, please. Uh Lori Petty. Lori Petty, you did fucking great as Tyler here. And I gotta be real, the fucking sexual stakes for this movie were off the chart. These were, and you know, again, we're using the definition of sexual stakes. We're we're talking more about attraction than actual sex, but there was plenty of both. Like they had a genuine fucking connection to point where like you actually I actually felt bad because he he gets close to Tyler by lying to her because he finds out her parents died in a in a plane crash, and he introduces himself and says his parents died in a car crash. Yeah, so he manipulates her because you know he's he's an FBI agent, he's both. But then he falls for her, and and things get complicated. And like I actually felt bad for them because I'm like, oh, they are working out so well. Oh, but this is all built on a lie. Oh no, like I did feel genuinely bad about that, and I loved that, and like this movie creates these incredible fucking moods, like because like the fucking gun fights are incredible, the chase scenes are incredible, the the action sequences are incredible, but every time this movie really starts going, it turns into a travel channel talking about it surfing or jumping out of planes, these ex about surfing, and there's just this extended sequence of Keanu Reeves surfing or skydiving, or hanging out, or hanging out with his bros, and he's having a great time, and the stakes instantly get come crashing down. The tension is just let out like a fucking punched balloon. The tension is let out like a fucking balloon, like like, and that's the sound your dick makes after the clown jerks you. You actually go spinning around the room like a like a this turned into body horror. Almost immediately. Yeah, go ahead. Um so I'm gonna finish the clown hand job idea. It's just once the surfing sequence is done uh once the surfing sequence is done, there is they they go they start building the mood again, and you know it becomes this amazing, uh amazingly tense mood where like they're they're fucking about to pounce on the surf Nazis thinking they're the ex-presidents, uh, but it goes wrong, and there's an amazing shootout. Yeah, the shootout, shout out to that uh second shootout that they had, because there were really only a couple shootouts in this movie, right? There was like the one against the Nazis. There were yeah, basically, basically two. There was the airport one, right? Airport one, yeah. No, uh like I said, the action sequences were great, but then as the action is getting going and the tension is building into another surfing sequence, and he's having a wonderful time, and the entire plot comes to a super. You gotta understand that sounded a little like that sounded a little like Kennedy. Like, it is uh about it surf Kennedy here, surf Kennedy here. We are attacking the Bay of Pigs to ensure that we have sick waves. These are our beaches holy locals only. These tourists don't understand the passion for the sport. Surf Kennedy, whatever fucking desperate for content animation studio is out there listening to the Surf Kennedy. Get in touch with us. Let's do Surf Kennedy. Hell yeah. But um the deflation of the stakes. Yeah, yeah. I mean my argument's a bit of a stretch. Yeah, like like I mean, this is the thing, is just it it just it keeps resetting the mood when this is a movie that could easily be tense the entire way through. Because everything is tense, like the the the lie that that is in the heart of his relationship with Tyler, that's tense. The fucking way Patrick Swayze's character is a complete psychopath, despite being a fucking chill server dude. That's tense. And like fucking rest in peace, Patrick Swayze. For real, dude. Absolutely my god, this was our this was the this was the first of your movies that we reviewed. It will not be the last. By God, what a generational talent. Like, like, um, I I feel like I've dwelt enough on the clown hand job. Would you like to talk about uh the character of Bodhi? I would love to talk about the character of Bodhi, who earlier you described to me as uh I think this is very accurate, as a chill joker, which is um he's a chill, he's a chill joker, and like specifically the he's ledger joker. Like like he he has this uh he and his surfer boys, they rob banks for the thrill. And uh the way he explains it, he's like, You gotta come in and start shooting up the place because if it's it's just dog mentality, bro. Like you get in there, you bare your teeth, everyone knows their place, nobody knows. But he's so self-assured the entire time. Yeah, like piece through and he yeah, he he just he's he speaks in the kind of voice that makes you think that like you've got the problem, even though you can like recognize that he's out of his life. Like, oh fuck, he's reading that like just for self-bet oh god damn it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's it's like he it it's like he feels like he feels like he understands something that you're gonna do. He's like sitting at the park reading Walden and like actually enjoying it, like, oh fuck. Like, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and then like you get close and like the pages are all and he's just like but uh his uh his role as the head of the surfers slash ex-presidents and also like the frenemy slash like kind of foil, I guess, to Keanu is just so well handled. Like the two of them, the kind of dance they go through throughout the movie is incompatible. Like yeah, yeah, like like I gotta be real, I love I love when the villain and the hero have a relationship, you know? Not they aren't just enemies, but they like actually think and feel things about each other. Like the famous scene where Patrick Swayze's running away from the bank robbery and he's climbing the fence, and then Keanu's got him at gunpoint, and then Swayze looks back. Has a chance to take him out, and Swayze meets eyes with him, and he can't he he can't kill him. Loves him too much. He's gotten too close. He loves him too much. That's such a difficult relationship to get right, but they do it. It's so cool. And like that's just more praise for this movie is like the relationships between every character are fucking rock still. Yeah, and Keanu's kind of the core of that, right? He has that relationship with uh Gary Busey, with even with Dr. Cox, with Tyler, with uh Bodie. Yeah, no, he has he has just fucking uh charisma out the ass. And like I remember back in the early 90s, Keanu Reeves had a reputation for being a bad actor. Like there were jokes about it on the critic, and yet, like, this time I don't I can't see it. Like, I thought he was great in this. Yeah, no, I mean he was. Like, um and Patrick Swayze, I mean, just makes such a good counterpart to him. Like the two characters just I mean, it's it's because Patrick Swayze does not play him villainous at all. Like he's like he just he's just never stopped to think about he's like he's depraved, yeah, but he's not like a prick about it. Like he's not like he's not like even though he kidnaps uh Tyler and holds her hostage so that uh Keanu Reeves won't fucking go to the cops. And like, by the way, I thought it was very fun. At the end, they all skydive out of a Keanu without a parachute. And sheanu without a parachute, and you know that's the other that's my only other beef is like this movie for a lot of surfing and a lot of gunplay, they never interacted until like the very end. Like, I would have loved to see like a gunfight on surfboard. I don't know how you'd do it. I don't know how you do it, but I'm not in the movies, am I? It's tricky to involve like other like like crossover stuff with surfing because I feel like that's kind of a full body experience, right? It'd be hard to balance while shooting. What about like what about like surf, I don't know, jousting. Oh shit. That sounds fun. What about what about sh what about like surf chariots? You're gonna pulled by like porpoises? Yeah, like or where you're like like slamming up against each other, Ben Burst style. And like one of you's got a whip and you're like shit. Yeah, aquamasala. Aquamasala. But yes, they did not bring the surfing in until the very end. Yeah, yeah. Nor is he sky diverse. But yeah, like uh yeah, but like fucking uh Keon uh Swayze just plays it totally. He releases Tyler after he's about to get away. He releases and I and I thought that was very funny because like she's been held hostage for like a day, and she's like in her she's like in the in a skimpy in her nighty, and she's being turned loose at the desert uh in the desert. And it's specifically because of her relationship to Keanu Reeves that she got kidnapped. So she comes sprinting up to him, she's like, Oh, I love you, and it's like I'm like, you know, that that's very big of her considering he probably just gave her PTSD, but like, but like I don't know. I don't know, maybe I don't know how she felt about that. I guess she got over it kind of quick. Yeah, I mean back in the 90s, you just got over you just got over captivity. You just like boom, that just happened. You had to come to the city. You you it was a different time. People were getting kidnapped left and right. Like you could you you'd sometimes go to the movies and you'd fucking get kidnapped and tied to a chair somewhere and like a fucking bundle of dynamite under the chair, and you're like, ah, how am I gonna get out of this? Like, um look at lethal weapon. We were kidnapped, they were fucking putting people on toilets, exploding toilets. Yo, if you were in an exploding toilet scenario, I would I would try to save you. I don't know if I'd be able to, you're like a lot taller than I am, but like I would try to tackle you into the bathtub. We'd have to use mobile. Yeah, running starting. We'd have to have a running start. And you'd have to like kind of hold your arms out so I could grab you real easy and just like Yeah, like because my upper body is still working. Oh yeah. So you can kind of tense up your legs a little bit too to kind of springboard off like as I'm so soaring through the air to make the tackle. I th I think I think what happens is we lock arms and then like drape the bomb blanket over us. Uh and then you put in some you put in just a little bit of spring and just get me tilted, and then we just we just let gravity do the rest. Okay. I th I feel like that's our best with the toilet bomb, sure. No, I mean that makes sense. I feel like now, and I and I don't want you to dwell too much on this. Uh and I'm not saying I'd do it. I would just reflect. If if you if we if our positions were reversed and you were on the bomb toilet, I would reflect that it would be kind of funny if like I started a par if I had a party and I'm stuck on the fucking bomb toilet. And you're and you're stuck on the bomb toilet. Or like I think it'd be funnier if I scheduled the party in advance before we knew the toilet was bomb rigged, and we couldn't. Yeah, I'm trying to shout for help, but it's drowned out by BOB's airplanes playing over the speaker, and then I get activated. Yeah, you survive the bomb last yeah, I stumble out like covered shrapnel and fire. Shrapnel and fucking leaking flame from your eyes, like and then we click to a different song and then you're like But yeah, that's like an I Love Lucy episode where it's just fucking like it's just like help help is like oh no, we we can't have you disrupt this dinner, you have to stay on the toilet. Don't move or you'll make the toilet blow up. We can't we listen, do you know how long it took us to get this dinner arranged? Don't fuck this up. I mean that is like because sometimes as like a thought exercise, I could consider various ways to make my bathroom like make people ask questions, right? So like that's why I have a sign on the inside of the door that like when you close the door and you sit down on the toilet, you can see the sign, it just says fear is the mind killer. I was gonna say, my parents, uh they have a guest bathroom, and they have this one creepy piece of art, it's a black and white photography, and it just shows a guy wearing like a domino mask, and he's dancing with a woman, and it's taken in such a way that he's giving this really intense stare at the camera over her shoulder, and he it's just one of these it's one of these pictures that makes direct eye contact with you, and they hang it over the toilet, and I always thought that was just to make people uncomfortable, encourage them to like move along, like you know, don't spend more time here than because someone's watching you because the the the the haunted photograph is like the like interior decorating equipment or equivalent of those anti-homeless benches, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like it's like anti-guest artwork. Yeah. Which, fair enough. Fair enough. Um, the only other good thing I could think of for a toilet really would be like a four-point racing harness, like attached to the tank. That'd be fun. I'm wondering how you could like Vin Diesel it up a little, like attach a NOS tank. You could put a gear shift on the toilet. Yeah, like when you flush it on the exhaust comes out of the tank. Dude, that is like, you know, we we constantly joke about becoming grifters, but like I bet you if we sold fucking gear sticks for toilets, we could we could make at least 20 bucks. Honestly, I'd have one. That sounds sick, dude. That sounds so fun. It's just like just like forgetting in the mindset is you're sitting down and you change it to like solid, and you're like, mm-hmm, nope. Just adjust it, put it in deep. Imagine this though, dude. Underglow for the toilet seat. Yeah, indeed. Yeah, exactly. It's like just neon lights up your entire bowl. It fucking plays an anime song. Like, there's this little like one of those fucking lucky cats that comes up and like ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. Like shit. Oh, we're spitting gold here. Now, another uh talk. Yeah, go ahead, go ahead. No, you know, no, lead lead, you lead from it. Oh, oh, all right. Command the floor. Well, yeah, the the podium is yours, sir. Tell me something you liked about this movie. Um, the dog thrill. Oh my god, I'm glad you remembered that. So when Keanu is chasing uh uh Patrick Swayze, Patrick Swayze is dressed as Ronald Reagan, complete with masks, and a suit, he's wearing a full suit, and he's wearing a full suit. And I I want to be real, I want to be real. Uh picture the Ferris Bueller scene as like a high-stakes chase scene, and you and you've got the right idea. Like, and like on a on a note on a note, that is a cool idea, and that did work really well, but like he's leading him through backyards and through houses and shit, and like they're chasing each other through the neighborhood, and then at one point Keanu Reeves comes busting out of the house, and fucking Patrick Swayze is holding a pit bull, and he just throws shoulder height, he just throws the pit bull at Keanu Reeves, and Keanu Reeves catches it and fucking dropkicks it. He dropkicks the fucking pitch, and it makes a I'm so glad you caught it. And it makes it makes a little squirt like I know it goes like oh my god, like and like just in the middle of the of the chase. The chase keeps. But what is like a genuinely fucking tense chase at that point? Because like this is a game of cat and mouse that has been building for the entire movie, but again, again, dude, clown hand job. Like and then it goes right back to the tension, and then it just goes right back to the tension, and it's just like okay, yeah, sure. Like, but that was fun, that was super fun, like, and I did like it. Like, this is the thing, is just I love I love this movie, I really like this movie. I'm just like, I I in a in a way, in a way, like, I do feel a little uh like I feel like I struggle with this in my own writing sometimes. Like the urge to undercut and I think I think so many modern movies, uh, you know, modern in quotes, uh have this issue where they will undercut their own tension. Because like you don't across Yeah, with a quip or with like a or with like a oh really? Oh he's right behind me, isn't it? You know, something like that. Like and like I I do feel like that's something that needs to be like I think I think that's that's interest this from a structural standpoint, this movie is very interesting in sort of in an experiment in like the maximum of mood killing, you know. Damn. Like does that make sense? It does, it does, and I guess, yeah, like uh I guess that just because of how much you enjoyed the other parts that does stick out more. Yeah, yeah, like uh, and you know, that's why it makes that's why it's so good, is because you can see the moods building, and you can see the chemistry bubbling, and it's beautiful, so that when the mood is killed, you can tell right away. You know? Yeah. Um, I had like another couple things I wanted to touch on. One, like just pretty basic. We like talking about impactful action scenes. How about that bank shootout? Loved it uh toward the end, loved it, loved it. That was so well done. Attention building up, which is a cop who's like, I'm an off-duty copy talking about it. Can we can we talk about how this guy who is on screen for maybe a minute total, how much fucking attention he commands and how fucking great it is? Because like at this point, uh Keanu Reeves is being forced to go along on a bank robbery because Bodhi doesn't Bodhi doesn't want to kill him, and Bodhi doesn't want to write him out. So Bodhi's gonna make him an accomplice, yeah, and then leave him to deal with that while he escapes. And so they all burst into the bank. Keanu does not get a mask, which I thought was lame. Yeah, Keanu does not. Well, you know, like maybe maybe they were out of presidence. But um, yeah, they bust the fuck in and they're doing the usual thing. And like everyone, everyone's on the floor, uh, and then there's this incredibly tense scene where this guy on the floor just looks at the security guy and says, Hey, I'm a cop. And you immediately think, like, oh fuck, oh fuck, because like there's it's a very tense situation, and like Yeah, all the ex-presidents, Keanu, I believe, does not have a gun. No, all the ex-presidents are tooled the fuck up. They are like and and and yeah, the cop pulls up his uh his his shirt and shows his gun, and he says, I'm a cop, and and the security guard sees what's happening, he's like, Oh god, please don't, please don't, please don't, please don't. It's just gonna make it worse. And the other guy's like, hey, you've got a gun in your in your ankle, right? Like, he's like, Yeah, I do, but like, don't, please don't, please don't. He's like, Whatever I do, and like the cop just won't listen. He's like, What I do, back me up, back me up. And the you can just see on the security guard face, he's like, Okay, fuck, yes, I have to. Like, and as this is happening, like uh Patrick Swayze is breaking his own rule of like 90 seconds only stuff from behind the counter. Yeah, yeah. And he just tells uh a couple of his guys to go in the vault, and they're just like, What? But then they end up going in the vault and they're taking too much time, and that's what gives the cop the time to uh kind of set this up, and then it just turns into a just vicious, brutal gunfight with just people taking loads to the chest and just exploding and going down and choking on their own blood. Squibs, like squizz getting shit everywhere, like fucking sky full of smoke, like oh, beautiful. Everybody like that's another thing I like in gunfights, is just like like everybody just blasting each other, like there's not really anybody who gets out unscathed. There's like one of the one of the ex-presidents I think gets away without getting shot. Uh Johnny Utah takes a couple rounds to the chest, he's wearing a vest, but it still fucks him up. And then Swayze gets shot in the chest, and then one of the ex-presidents gets fucking killed, another one gets injured, both the cop and the security guard get killed. It's a fucking mess. And it happens in like maybe 30, 45 seconds, but it's still very clearly shot. So you can f you catch the you understand the chaos and the viscerality of it, but you're still able to pick out, like, okay, that guy just shot that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's it's more about the impact than the than the action. It's sort of like the anti-matrix in that way, right? Like the matrix was all very precise, very deliberate, very this is just clumsy motherfuckers' blasts. And this is this is just panic and fucking fear and instinct. You know what it kind of reminded me of was the last shootout in Unforgiven. Oh, yeah. I fucking I love it. We'll do Unforgiven one day. My god, I love that fucking movie. But yeah, it's just chaos at the end. And like the first part of that movie is done in a POV of Keanu Reeves. So, like, this movie did a lot of POV shots, which really fucking worked. Really worked, yeah. The party scene where it's looking around at all the different attendees at the surf party. Yeah, yeah, and like also where he's like following them through the chase, it makes everything seem so claustrophobic and tense. But then clown hand job, and then you fucking watch uh an extended skydiving sequence. Now I'm imagining like a clown robbing a bank and like jerking off the manager in the middle of it. Like holding a gun to his head and jerking him off outside the vault. The gun's a balloon. Yeah, it's a balloon gun, but it fires real bullets and explodes. Yeah, he's already killed somebody. Like the clown has executed someone, and then like has like a slide whistle when like they say, like, we can't open the vault, like I don't know, you can yeah, but then jerking him off that's horrible. I'm like, yeah, I'm not picturing like the dark night bank robbing scene. Except one of them jerks off the mob boss. Instead of like putting the fucking gas like grenade in his mouth, they jack him off real quick before they get in the bus. You know, you know what? I I really like the I love the Dark Knight, and I promise I won't go on a tangent. I did think it's very funny how their getaway plan involves pulling a bus out of a fucking bank and just joining all of whom saw that bus join the convoy and all of them. And the bus is covered in rubble and dust. Yeah, like all the buses are just not bothered by this at all. It's like that's Gotham, boy. That's Gotham. Rush hour, right? Rush hour, am I rights? I can't believe she's joiking me off. Now imagine like how the Joker would react to another like super criminal clown going around, but like instead of doing like crazy demented plans, he's just jacking people off at some point. He's kind of stepping into my wheelhouse. Jacking people off makes me uncomfortable. I think the Joker was just I think that's what would make the Joker quit. It's just like he ruined clowns. They're weird. It's all about the jacking off now. Every time I would show up, they'd be like, oh God, don't jack me off. And I'm like, no, that's the other guy. I think that's what brings crime to an end in Gotham. Is the jerker. Like makes crime so fucking uncomfortable that no one wants to do it anymore. Yeah. Everybody's turning themselves in. Oh god. This is like giving up. They're like, ah, oh god. Like fucking killer croc finds Christ. Batman becomes an anti-gooner. Lagooner. Lagooner. That's just. So please take us off this. No, no, no. Go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah, uh, another thing I wanted to make sure we touched on was um not Keanu's performance as uh the character, but the character as like a concept in the film uh of Johnny Utah. Like what in the script, I guess, like without Keanu's application of it. What do you think of the uh the character of Johnny Utah like in a vacuum? I just think the name is absurd. I love I love the name. Johnny fucking Utah. Yeah. That Johnny Utah. To me, that sounds more like a preacher's name, but I mean that would have been a fucking well, fucking Johnny Utah, Joe Montana, it's it's the same fucking shit, right? Uh okay. Okay, shit. Wow, I'm totally, yeah, that was yeah, and you they were both football players. Okay. I take it back. Yeah, I take it back. Yeah, no, like, like that said, can can I be fucking real? Point break and the show Homeland are kind of the same show. Huh. That's what the Claire Danes and Yeah, it's it's about the FBI agent who gets captured and turned. Yeah. Like that's what happens. Like, Keanu Reeves kind of gets turned. Yeah, by like the he's seduced by the extreme lights. And like again, again, like going back to Anthony Hopkins, that's that's kind of like what Silence of the Lambs was about. This movie does not have nothing in common with Silence of the Lambs. But like just the can't the concept of a law-abiding person who gets persuaded, like an authority figure that gets persuaded by their by their antagonist. That's that's compelling. That's compelling. Oh, yeah. It's I don't know if you've ever seen uh New World. It's a Korean uh mob movie, but it follows a guy who, like a police officer, who sent like turbo deep cover to infiltrate the mob, and it is one of the best executions of like that concept that I've ever seen. It's called New World. Yeah. What's it on? Uh I have no idea. Alright, well, just go just go just Google it. Just fucking Google it. Just Google it. We're not here to fucking hook you up with new shows. Uh no, like I fucking I fucking love the concept, and like I love the character. Like, I I liked Johnny Utah. And I liked how like everything started falling apart for him when he uh fucking fell in love. That's awesome. I love that shit. That's very true. Um, I guess going off of that secondary question, and I guess be ranting a little bit, his relationship with Pappas played by uh Angelo Papas, played by Gary Beauty. Just the way they raged at each other but simultaneously had each other's backs when it counted was like the pitch perfect example. Yeah, see, that's that's the other thing is like this movie is a great fucking romance movie. This movie is a fucking great crime thriller movie, this movie is a great buddy cop movie. This movie is even a great fucking travel channel documentary. It's just all those things together don't quite work. It's like fucking making a chicken noodle soup and then like fucking dropping a bunch of slim gyms in there. Now, do you feel like the um the reason the uh extreme sports scenes were put in there was mostly just like out of a sense of obligation to like okay, like this movie is like a surf themed movie, like it's where marketing it is a surf thing movie, we gotta put surfing in it. Or do you think it was mostly just like fuck it, like we just figured out how to like do this? Because keep in mind, like all those stunts, I believe Patrick Swayze at least did all of his own stunts. Yeah, yeah. Um and um so like maybe it was just them stunting, just like check out what we figured out how to how to film. Right? Because that shit was impressive, you know, especially in 1991. That's fucking mind-blowing, like just the level of execution of that, the stunt itself. So so so like here's the thing, man, is like this was the era of ninja turtles, and so like the kids who would the kids who would one day become X-game players were already born. And so we were we were inching towards that. Like surfing was very considered very cool, because you know, like Ninja Turtles did it, and like that seemed like something that cool kids do, and everyone wanted to be fucking cool at the time. Surfs up, bro. Oh no, Donatello, and Donatello gets like taken by a riptide and drowns and gets fucking capped in a bank robbery, yeah, just shot the fucking head. Leo, oh my god, Leo! I don't have much time. Stay with me, stay with me! Oh fuck. But here's what's interesting about that is because I I kind of agree with your logic because we were trying to fit in a lot of cool guy cool kid shit into this stuff. Like we had a whole movie about we had a movie called Surf Ninjas. It was about ninjas who surfed. I I yep. There was one surf ninja. There was just one guy who liked to surf, and he discovered he was a ninja, and then he and all he he he he led uh he trained a small population of Pacific Islanders to become surf ninjas. Sure. So at the end, and Rob Schneider was in it. No way. And Leslie Nielsen was in it. Oh was he a ninja? No, he was a samurai dictator of like a Malaysian country. Sure. I mean, kind of crossing some streams and it's a good thing. Yeah, it was the nineties, it was the nineties. You could you could still you could like the age of exploration was long over, but the age of warlordism hadn't quite come to an end yet. Like like you could still buy that you could be a third world dictator somewhere. Sure. Yo, um do you think you'd be a good third world dictator? No. No, it depends on how you define good, right? I wouldn't be effective. I would have a short tenure, but it would be a lot of fun. And honestly, I don't think the body count would be very high. I mean, we know there would be one, they would for sure execute me publicly after like wasting the entire like country's treasury. What if you got executed by the population just because you're so fucking annoying? Like that would be a bummer. Like, what if you tweet like a Mussolini situation? What if you tweet too much and so they have you guillotined? Like, it's like you gotta stop with the philociraptor meme. You gotta like no it's just just so fucking obnoxious. I'm just doing like I can has cheeseburger memes like every five minutes. Still doing Dog memes, yeah. Like while I'm supposed to be like overseeing sessions of the fucking Politburo or whatever, and they're like, all right, this is enough. One day you you utter the words for the win on the national podium, and you just get fucking sniped. And everyone just starts clapping. Like nobody saw anything. Yeah. That would be my vibe, I think, as a third world dictator. I don't know. Well, well, let me be let me be real. Like if my if my nation has a resource, has a precious resource. Tons. Okay, in that case, like I I guess like just by virtue of wanting to still be alive, I have to be a third world dictator because I gotta fucking play ball. Like, otherwise they're just gonna assassinate me and put you in charge. And then like so like we know what happens then. So like I do have to play ball with uh the Americans and the French. Who else wants my resources? The Dutch? The greedy Dutch? The Belgians are always getting in the Belgians want my shit. Uh the Chinese absolutely want my shit. Uh the Japanese got a lot of a lot of fingers trying to get in your hole. A lot of fingers trying to get in my hole here. Uh because I I'm a swampy nation, so they're all trying to get in my swamp, buddy. Um But you think you'd be able to pull it off. Well, like, here's here's the thing is like the only way I'm staying alive is if I'm funneling much of the money to like the Omni conglomerate. So like obviously my people are not gonna be thrilled. Because that will should be going to them. Well, I mean they don't they don't necessarily have to know, right? I mean they're gonna figure it out, because you know, like eventually someone's gonna figure out eventually they're gonna be like, well, hang on, like we have these diamond mines, yet we live in shit. So like so like obviously I'm going like they're gonna they're gonna be gunning for me. Yeah, they're gonna come for you. Yeah. So like logically I guess you know what, you know what, and I know this is gonna get me some criticism, and I'll I'll live with that, but like I think the best bet is to just make it theatrical. Sure. So so that like when I do get deposed or assassinated, it's like they could they could foreseeably make a movie about it. And like that would that would get some money to my people, you know? So like so you do ultimately have their best interest at heart, interesting. Yeah, yeah, in a in a very like like to be honest, to be clear, like this is clearly fucked up. It's it's it's the dumbest idea ever. But I feel like I would go for like a very like horned emperor vibe, you know? Okay. Like I'd have a I'd have a I'd have a crown made of like bent nails or like railroad stakes or something. That's pretty badass. Or bullets bullets. I'd I'd have like I'd have I'd have like a a a crown of just like uh like those big fucking elephant killing slugs, and then like full jacketed ones, and then like I'm topped with like some with like some combat knife. Like a picklehouse. And all my and like I'm one of those dictators where you have to have my picture in your house. Oh yeah, of course. And like you have to have it in the bedroom, and it has to be looking at the bed at all times. And and it has to be in a place. And like we will we'll check. We'll check. We'll come by and check. Um but and then like I think in like but but also like but here's the thing is like you must have my picture, but like my picture would be badass. Like, I'd portray myself as like some sort of four-armed deity. Riding a stegosaurus, like yeah, like riding a stegosaurus, and like I've got the stegosaurus has a gas mask on. Yeah, the stegosaurus because it's like a a metaphor for capitalism or something. No, no, not a stegosaurus. Yeah. I I I I'm I'm riding in a tank. I'm riding in a tank, but instead of treads, the tank has like long bird legs. So it's kind of it's kind of it's kind of like a Baba Yaga tank. Yep, okay. And and like that's that's my portrait. So like, yes, it is oppressive, and it is a symbol of the oppressive, but also it that's kind of cool. That's kind of cool. Like, like yeah, you can see like Tim Burton kind of just like, oh, that's interesting. That's interesting, yeah. And like, and like he's like, there's the it has that vibe. And so like my people are like, well, you know, that is oppressive, but also you know, that that's kind of cool. That's kind of cool. That is kind of cool, and like each of my hands is holding a different weapon, so like uh and then like you know, I'd I'd have like uh guards with like very sexy uniforms. I was gonna say you gotta have like a giant squad of just babes. Oh, like well no, I'm I'm gonna I'm going to be across the board. I'm gonna be across the board. Like it's gonna be like if uh like hunks and babes, you if you are the more attractive you are, the more the more crimes you get away with. I guess I'd have a couple of like ugly dudes around and they'd stand right next to me so I'd look good. Well, to be to be clear, like I do want like a fucking huge guy named like Yeti or fucking uh Oh yeah, you want a heavy or like Rhino or like yeah, I want I want some big fucking rough dude. You want a dude who can crush a watermelon and water. Well, dude, like so long as I'm being a dictator, like I want like uh a fucking anime bad guy council, you know. Like I want like I want to you want a council, dude. They're gonna betray you. Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like again, we we're trying to make a cool story here, right? So like so like I do I want like the sadistic enormous guy who like wields a scythe and like he chooses and his like all his teeth are filed down to bones, and then like I want my like my sexy advisor who wears like a really slinky dress and she's got like a she breathes fire and she has like a razor fan and like she holy shit. I didn't know they got power. She got like a face like ice and like uh fucking. I want like this huge buff dude with like a gigantic hammer that he carries around. Got a yeah, like a bit ceremonial hammer. Yeah, yeah. And then like a I guess what's missing from that is like a small quick character. So like so like some chick with like Peter Dinklage. Yeah, but Peter Dinklage. You just invite him to join your class. Yeah. And he takes it. He takes it. He he's wanted to get back at people for so long. For so long. He's wanted to take his anger out on humanity for so long. Yeah, I'm trying to think about like what all or like who I'd put on my council. Um, I mean, I gotta put like a like a monkey of some sort on it, right? Do you want a monkey or do you want like a simian? I want a gorilla. That's cool. Sort of like a reverse plan. Is he a talking gorilla? No, he's but he's friendly. He's friendly. Is he like a sign language gorilla? Is he intelligent? Not really. He's just a gorilla. He's wearing like a generalissimo outfit. He's got all the fucking metals and bars on his uniform. Believe it or not, that actually that actually does exist. Uh DC General Easimo gorilla? Yeah, DC has a gorilla giggle. Oh yeah, gorilla grod, right. No, no, that's gorilla. Believe it or not, DC has several uh evil gorillas. What the fuck? Okay, maybe with the lore. He's the evil psychic gorilla. Uh then there is then there is Monsieur Mala, who is what you're talking about. French gorilla. Uh yes, but he is sort of dressed like a uh like an African like Fidel Castro. Yeah, well, he's got a beret on and he's got like a bandolier. And like I'd want my guy to my guy looks like Fidel like post-revolution. Okay, see, that's great. That's great. He's got like a hat and a cigar. He's got the hat and the cigar, tons of medals he didn't earn. Uh and then there's a gorilla, like he doesn't understand what's going on. And then then there's ultra humanite, who is an albino gorilla, and he has he has a lot of brains. And so he's like, what? Like as the smartest a dumb person. Well, see, the here's the thing is like here's what brings them together is Monsieur Mala is in a relationship with a brain, like an actual brain in a tank. What the fuck? So like I don't want to get into it too much, but like uh Fidel Castro gorilla, that's never been does he carry a gun or I mean I gave him one just because I thought it was funny. Yeah. It's loaded. Uh yeah. Gave him a gun and a bottle of rum, and just like that's that yeah, I don't know, see. And he's just rampaging in the background of my council meetings as we're discussing like weighty policies, just ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, gunshots. Yeah, I love everyone's like cringing and ducking. Everyone's like ducking it, but you're like completely unbothered, and you're like, hmm. Completely unbothered. Yeah, the gorilla and I are chilled. Yeah, and I'm like, what are you doing? We're we're bros. Yeah, the gorilla gets to go at like the front of all the parades. He gets a baton, right? They gotta lure him along with the room. I gotta say, I I do like your dictatorship. I do like like it feels like it'd be fun. Brief, but fun, you know? Like so much of the treasury, like of my ill-gotten gains uh from the diamond mines on the gorilla that people would rise up. They kill the gorilla even worse than me, dude. He's like the the emblem of all they hate. They crucify the gorilla. They make him carry a cross through the top. Oh my god. As they're belting him with rocks and tornadoes. They're calling him generally they like nail all his medals to his head as like a mockery. They fucking raise him up and then the clouds part. And he ascends. He ascends. And then everyone falls to their knees and like weeps and like their eyes turn to like molten gold in their sockets, and they're like, Punishment for having raised hands against the gorilla. Meanwhile, yeah, yeah. I I think we might be strapped for content here. Yeah, I only had one more big uh question. Please put it put us out of our misery. Yeah. Um, what are your top three scenes from this movie? We gotta it's gotta be the parachute scene. That's gotta be one. The when the par because they do two, right? So the first Yeah, so at one point Patrick Swayze and his crew have uh uh Keanu Reeves get on a plane with them, and Keanu Reeves know they know his cover, and so he suspects them of having tampered with their parachute because they're going skydiving. And he's like, Did you pack this? And he's like, Yeah, is like what, don't you trust me? He's like, Trust is earned. He's like, Well, we'll earn both of ours. And he switches uh switches parachutes with him. But then the other characters go like no no you don't want that one. Here, take this one, I pack this one. And like, no, you don't want that one, and so they switch it, and it's just it's so subtly menacing because it's like the guys letting him know that they know who he really is. And like that's him. It's almost like a mac macabre courtesy. So I love that one. Uh the shootout with the surf Nazis, fucking great. Like it took uh chick. Busty chick lots of good practical stabbing people. Yeah, there's a lawnmower involved. Plus the guy, uh one of the guys had like a shotgun with like a Tommy gun barrel attachment. That fucking looks so cool. I remember I don't know what it's actually called in real life, but that was like it reminded me of the striker shotgun from Resident Evil 4. It's like the fucking game. Yeah, no, just just of I I'm I am yeah, like be being real, I fucking I love cool looking guns. Like it is very easy to goof me with that shit. I saw him like gangster grip, like I think he like fired it one-handed at one point. Do you think you could pull that off? I think that would take your shoulder off. Like I have I have a shotgun that's just a standard 12 gauge, and that thing fucking kicks. Uh still great fucking shootout. Great shootout. I love that one. And I think it's it's gotta be. I think my favorite last scene is uh I'll tell you what it was. Uh it's when Tyler and Keanu are the last ones out in the water. And like they've all gone midnight surfing, and and uh Patrick Swayze says, Hey, leave the fire for them. So like that's already sweet. But then they're they're kind of it's just this moment of raw connection. And like Tyler does this thing where she kind of like paddles next to him and she says, like, oh, you've always got this scowl of concentration on your face. And then she reaches out and touches his face and says, But now you actually kind of look happy. Yeah. And then he reaches out and touches her, and then they they hook up and like, oh god, that felt I gotta say, like, that felt so fucking good to see actual fucking chemistry and like actually see some satisfying conclusion to that shit. Like, mmm. Piggy, I love it when they hook up. I love my sexual stakes. I love the sexual stakes. I love seeing him hang Dong. I heard he hung dong in this movie. I heard he hung dog. Don't believe it. The Democrats will tell you that he that he shows hog. My friends, I'm here to tell you that's not the case. He showed less hog than Ulysses S. Grant. It's a deep, deep cut for all you presidential historians out there. This has been this is what makes this podcast great. Is it's it's fucking like just it's it's some talk is serious, some talk is goofy, and this is a sprinkling of of knowledge on top. Like a fucking but what are your favorite three scenes? Oh, um let's see. Third? It's tricky to pick like an exact one, but probably the one where they're just like chilling and having like beers and like shooting the shit. Over and talking about like that guy's bare ass he flashed on the security camera. Yeah. That's how they're figuring out his surfers. Because that just uh I love those scenes that are. Yeah, go ahead. No, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. Um I thought that kind of uh subtle almost uh build-up of the kind of core relationship between Papas and uh Johnny Utah was really nice. Yeah. Like you don't need to have them like you know shouting at each other necessarily all the time, but like shooting the shit in the office, like the vibes. That was that was a lot of that was a lot of uh fucking um a lot of contextual storytelling right there, right? Like it was empty food cartons everywhere, empty beers, like these guys, you these guys have been going at it for a while. Like that fucking ruled. That I agree with you, that ruled. Uh the bank shootout. Bank shootout was fucking great. And subsec- I mean, I'm kind of cheating a little bit. Bank shootout and subsequent chase. There were just like two a couple legendary bits there. There's a tension we talked about earlier with uh, you know, the building up inside the bank. But then um, on top of that, right? Um, or maybe I'm confused. No, I feel like I'm confusing the uh the I'm I'm mashing them up now, but I'm gonna I'm gonna cheat anyway. The uh uh getaway scene from the earlier uh bank heist where uh Swayze uh uses the Schway where Swayze uses the fucking uh gas uh gas pump as a flamethrower. Yeah, yeah. That's a just an incredible shot right there. There are a couple of those. The action is great. Like literally, there is too there are too many great action sequences to talk about. And in fact, I don't Yeah, go ahead, go ahead. And some of the ways that those are shot, I think they just stick in my memory so so well. The biggest uh couple, um, there's the flamethrower gas pump, yeah, which is just you know, he's appearing like his Reagan mask looks like hellish through this haze as he's just hosing down like uh getaway cars. Some part of him clearly enjoys it. Yeah. Um and that's like the most chaotic we've seen Bodhi that entire movie. You know, he's always been like kind of in control, and then it's just holy shit, he's flamethrowering a gas pump. Yeah, well, he he turns on the gas pump and sprays a nearby dude. And then like get out of here, yeah. And then he holds up the lighter and says, Don't do it, man, it's not worth it. And just like, yeah, okay. Like, don't do what? You just did that to me. I was just here. What the fuck? That uh yeah, that was great, and then obviously the mag dump into the air. Oh, totally, totally. Made legendary by uh Hot Fuzz. Um, I don't know if you've seen Hot Fuzz with uh Simon Pegg and uh Nick Frost. It's incredible. We'll watch that and talk about that at some point. But at one point the characters are bonding by like one of them's never seen a bunch of action movies, and the other one's like, You haven't seen fucking point break. And then he shows in point break and like they're getting drunk together and watching it, and when they get to the part where he's mag dumping in the sky, they're both going like all right, yeah, we do have to see that. Um I hadn't seen point break when I saw that scene, so I was like, Holy fuck, I gotta see this. Now, my number one scene from this movie, and number one like moment from the movie is the final skydiving scene. Yeah, where they're fucking filling up. So much about that is yeah, so much about that is perfect. Like the setup of it, they're on the plane. There's a pilot that they got a gunpoint, but the only people there are Johnny Utah and uh Bodie. Yeah, and Bodhi's boy Roach. And Roach has rapidly bleeding out shot the fuck up uh by uh Gary Busey before Gary Busey was killed. Yeah. Um RIP to Papa's he's he's killed on the airstrip. Yeah um but um he managed to kill one of uh Bodhi's henchmen outright and then uh mortally wounded Roach. And so Roach is like bleeding to death in the plane as they're gaining altitude, and Patrick Swayze is like trying to kind of reassure him, and then um Roach is you know bleeding to death, like I'm cold, you know, etc. And then Johnny Utah rolls over and is like, hey, the reason you're feeling cold is because you're bleeding to death. Yeah, it's because you're all the blood is loot leaving your body, you're going to be dead soon. Yeah, hey, like if somebody shot you but you mortally wounded them first, I would talk some ice cold shit too, dude. Yeah, no, I would be relentless to that point. Yeah, I I would obviously I'm not gonna be nice about it. And then I really loved how you know they uh there's only two shoots in the plane, so Bodhi gets one and the rapidly exanguinating Roach gets one. Yeah. Bodhi says, like, hey man, like I'll see you on the ground. And I love the moment where Roach just like kind of smiles at him and is like, Yeah, man. And then he turns to Johnny Utah and just says, See you in hell, Johnny, and then rolls out of the fucking plane. Yeah. And that that a difference, I mean he knows he's dead, right? Yeah, but he plays along with what Bodhi wanted to do. Yeah, because Bodie Bodhi has like that very Charles Manson hold over them where like they'll they'll happily die for him. Oh man. And then obviously the peak, in my opinion, of the whole film is you know, Keanu just jumps out of a fucking plane without a parachute. Oh yeah, that's fucking that's what you come for Keanu for, is just chases down Bodhi in the air, and then the peak of this and the mountain, the peak of the mountain, the summit of this entire movie is uh where Keanu grabs a hold of Bodhi in the air, and then Bodhi's got the parachute, but Keanu's clinging on and pointing a gun at him, and Bodhi's like, hey, like you gotta get drop the fucking gun and pull the chute. Yeah, it's like I'm not pulling the chute. Yeah, yeah. I ain't pulling it. They just play chicken with like gravity and the planet. And then Keanu Reeves blinks. Yep, he blinks. He drops the gun. He drops the gun and pulls the chute. Fuck, dude. That is such an incredible scene. Just like, hey, like, what are you gonna do, Johnny? Yeah. Well, since that is the peak of the story, we have been going for quite some time. This is gonna be a big one. Uh fucking thank you for joining us. Uh, and please join us next week when we're talking Atomic Blonde, starring Charlize Theron. We talked about it in advance. It's gonna be great. Will, would you like to do a little housekeeping to see us out? I would be happy to. Uh Slop Culture is a podcast hosted by Sam Sykes, that's him, and Will Palmer, that's me. Please give us a five-star review out of five on whichever platform you heard us on. Our cover arts by Andrew Sides, and our intro music is by Joe Roy. If you want to get in touch with the podcast, uh you can email us at slopculturepodcast at gmail.com. And you can find me on social media at Palmskies or Will underscore Palmskies pretty much everywhere. You can find me at Sam Psych Swears pretty much everywhere. This has been Slop Out Slop Culture, the happy hour podcast, where we strive to see the beauty and stupidity. Thank you for joining us, and until next week, stay sloppy.