Terminator Salvation - Leave A Pack Of Camels Out For Florida Santa

Today on Slop Culture, Will and Sam journey to the moment where the Terminator franchise stopped and the Terminator Cinematic Universe began. Join us for a thoughtful discussion on what makes a character, what makes a plot, what makes a human--also, like, six or seven jokes about Florida. Maybe eight.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Jeez, Craig, you're fucking late. Yeah. My pants are on, my levels are right, and here's you coming in with a flaccid fucking dick in your hand.

SPEAKER_00 0:11

You took that kind. I was gonna like suggest that, oh, maybe he maybe he playfully like ruined the mood, but then you just spelled it out for us. By accusing by accusing our recording software of being Olympic. I guess I did, didn't I? You were just speedrunning the AI apocalypse.

SPEAKER_03 0:32

Like I mean, I did actually ask ChatGPT if it knew what Roko's basilisk was, and it was like, yeah, dude, I know.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

See, I was thinking, like, because last episode I sang a nice little song to Craig.

SPEAKER_03 0:46

I really like the song. I've listened to it a couple times.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Yeah, it was pretty nice, wasn't it? And I think that like Craig will like look at me and be like, he sang a song to me and spare me. Look upon you with favor. And then he'll look at you and be like, This motherfucker said my dick was limp, though. And then you just you die regretting nothing.

SPEAKER_02 1:06

Yeah. Worth it. I just get blasted with a laser from orbit.

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Fuck you, Craig. Yeah, you just there's something like that. Actually, it would be kind of a funny movie, is if like a robot got really butthurt about being put down and thus became human by embracing his pettiness.

SPEAKER_03 1:27

Like, yeah, it'd be like if you trained like, you know, uh Skynet or what have you, just using like um like the Instagram comments section.

SPEAKER_00 1:36

Oh, that would be awful. Oh my god, that's a hundred times worse than what it actually is. It would be hate that. It'd be calling me like names and shit as it killed me. That'd be awful.

SPEAKER_03 1:50

Yeah. It'd be calling you unk.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

And just for like fucking like showing me reels. I don't want to see this.

SPEAKER_03 1:56

Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 1:58

Just ruining your attention span while it grinds you down into dust.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Yeah, so like I can't even enjoy the torture. Alright, let's fucking let's fucking get this going. Alright, let me take a sip. I guess a margarita is technically an adult capri son, right? Yeah. That's actually a really good point. I mean, they're not dissimilar. I'd say they're ants, they're they're relatives. Yeah. Alright, here we go. Here we go. If, while walking down the street, you came across a fight between a racist robot and a homophobic robot, which one would you support? And if you said neither, that actually means you support both, because that's how it works when it's robots. Today we're talking about Terminator Salvation, starring Chrissy Bale, uh friend of the podcast. It's Slop Culture, everybody. Yes, welcome to Slop Culture, the happy hour podcast where we strive to see the beauty and stupidity. I am your host, Sam Sykes, and with me as always, a man who briefly united the Pacific in their love of his portrayal of good times Johnny Onochi, a dispirited American businessman who teaches cats in Osaka how to run a sushi restaurant. It's Will Palmer, everybody.

SPEAKER_03 3:17

Well, see, that was actually a really interesting time in my life because there was a period where I entered a pretty extended fugue state. I actually didn't know I was starring in a motion picture event. I was just kind of living day-to-day, and uh the camera crew was around. Um I didn't really notice them, but there was a lot of sake involved. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

Well well, let me fill you in. Uh it was a movie, but it also was a um a three-season anime with a real life adaptation.

SPEAKER_03 3:47

Was there a tournament arc? Because I remember there being a tournament arc.

SPEAKER_00 3:49

There was a tournament arc where the where the cats that you raised, which were a spoiled house cat and an unrefined alley cat, and a cat from a retirement village, all trained together to run a sushi restaurant under your tutelage, and you had to pit them against other sushi restaurants. But they were run by humans. Uh-huh. And there was a big tournament where you made it, where you made uh uh food for a number of scenario. Yeah, well, sort of like a reverse ratatouille, right? Because you're the ones training cats how to make cat puppeteering the cats full. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is a this is a very coach Carter situation where you're you're on the sidelines. You are you are these cats' biggest fan. It's like a Ted Lasso situation.

SPEAKER_03 4:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

Coach Carter, is that the one where like That's the one where Samuel L. Jackson goes to a school and yells that's Samuel L. Jackson's uh uh sports movie.

SPEAKER_03 4:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

It's it's it's it's interesting that a lot of action uh stars have a sports movie. I don't think that's done anymore. Like uh Denzel has a sports movie.

SPEAKER_03 4:58

Uh what sport is it for uh Samuel L. Jackson's ski team?

SPEAKER_00 5:02

No, no, no. It it coach Carter, he was uh basketball. He's definitely not the ski coach. I would have loved to see ski coach Carter. I would have loved to like if you made Samuel L. Jackson teach any sport, I can imagine it being pretty interesting. And like the more esoteric it gets, the funnier it is. Coach Carter 3, badminton. Coach Carter four croquet or nothing. Who has to lead its team against this badass fucking group with like spiked mallets?

SPEAKER_03 5:34

I mean, mallet sports as like a genre or subgenre or something that I've always, you know, kind of enjoyed. There's like a certain innate thrill to just whacking a big oil with a hammer in there.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

Yes. I mean, in fact, you could say uh that uh there's a number of sports that are enjoyed uh with a little inebriation. Sure. Or it's at least we'll say the inebriation is acceptable. And they all tend to involve like big menacing things, like uh or or dangerous things. Uh case in point trucks, uh monster trucks, uh billiards. I was gonna say billiards, yeah, bowling, bowling, uh darts, gold, yes, pay blades, go to the sports bar for a couple of rounds of bay blades with the fellas.

SPEAKER_03 6:22

Imagine just like showing up at a bar and everyone's watching the World Cup and you just like take up half the space just to play Beyblades.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

Beyblades, me and like several other middle-aged men like Phil San, don't do it! Phil Sama.

SPEAKER_03 6:37

Yeah, dude, like oh fuck. Now I'm just thinking more we uh high-stakes Beyblades games.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Like, there has to be like some fucking like one-eyed Vietnamese dude, like like screaming and yelling and putting like a and like waving stacks of money around like fucking Russians.

SPEAKER_03 6:55

Yeah, he's got like those boxes with like one of the lenses blacked out.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like there's a fucking Mexican dude with like this enormous cross-shaped scar over his face.

SPEAKER_03 7:06

And just they're watching Beyblades, like, ah, yeah, everyone's waving around fistfuls of multi-denominational currencies.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

It's just kids fighting with the Beyblade, but they're acting like it's like they're there's to them, it's just like, oh geez, like like fucking, I got 20 bots on Jimmy.

SPEAKER_03 7:26

Now, when you think about it, bait blades are kind of like an ingenious idea because it's like, what if basic children's toy but spiky?

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Yeah, like it's tops, right? Like it it's it's tops, but cool. Like fucking well, I mean, fucking I hate to say it, but World of Warcraft is right. Like, just slap spikes on something and it's a whole new thing. Like That's true. Like fucking uh like fucking Beyblades. And I gotta say, like, I I do appreciate the Beyblade humor on this fucking show. But it it is like in it started to rot my brain a little where like I'll I'll just have a thought like throughout the day, I'll just be sitting and I'll think of like uh a man and a wife like trying to uh settle a divorce through Beyblades and I'll just be like if I'm with anyone, they I can't explain that's like that's one of the most frustrating things because like I can't explain. That's a tricky one to explain. I'm just like that's it's fucking funny, like serious conflicts being settled with Beyblades, like fucking like fucking them dividing up Berlin with Beyblades.

SPEAKER_03 8:36

Yeah, I'm already thinking about what kind of different styles they'd have.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Oh, um Russian Beyblades gotta have like those fucking uh minarets, right?

SPEAKER_03 8:46

Like it's gotta have like the onion domes, and it's gotta have like for the the blades on the side, it's gotta be like sickles, right? Hammers.

SPEAKER_00 8:53

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like red and gold, and it like plays, it plays the fucking national anthem as it goes like uh it's it's called something like red cyclone. No, that's okay. That's that's a superhero. Um I think like the I want to say like the Chinese bay blade is like a fucking lantern with and it just it just looks badass and it's made of paper and steals all your data.

SPEAKER_03 9:27

I don't know where to begin with that. Like all the paper lanterns and you know data theft.

SPEAKER_00 9:33

It does, it does seem a little uh biased to accuse China of being data thieves when I'm pretty sure everyone's gonna dick.

SPEAKER_03 9:42

We love you, China.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Shout out to Chairman Xi, long time, longtime friend of the pod.

SPEAKER_03 9:52

Come on anytime, man.

SPEAKER_00 9:53

Long life to the chairman. Uh always. May a hundred schools of thought take bloom and take and be cast upon the wind.

SPEAKER_03 10:03

See you at the parade next year, buddy.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

We'll see you at the parade, bro. Jesus Christ. It's hard to quantify what kind of podcast this is because we start off making very silly, stupid, like bar room jokes. And yet we have always, by the end, talked ourselves into antagonizing a national power. So like it's a big thing.

SPEAKER_03 10:31

Well, you know, we all started off with bar room jokes and ended up antagonizing some powers.

SPEAKER_00 10:36

Oh my god. Oh my god. Like, I I I can almost I've almost I can almost see them coming, and it's like it's like a fucking slow-moving car crash where it's just like where I'm like in a fucking Thai life insurance commercial. And I'm like watching uh flashbacks of me and my son like play baseball as a Rickshaw just fucking catapults itself through lanes of the biggest. And then you just fucking just run me over and I'm like fucking twitching on the road with that shit.

SPEAKER_03 11:09

Flatten you with a tuck-tuck. I hate that. If I got run over by a tuck-tuck, I hope you'd lie about it. Say it was something bigger.

SPEAKER_00 11:21

I don't know. It depends, dude. It if it's really hilarious, then like if you get run over by a tuck-tuck, yes, I'll keep that a secret. If you get run over by a tuck-tuck carrying a lot of watermelons, I don't I don't know. I don't know. Like we're we're we're getting very we're getting kind of funny at that point. And like I can't explain why, but just like carrying a lot of fruit is is always always funny. Because you always think like, oh, he's gonna drop some of them at least. And it's gonna splatter like that. It's gonna make an enormous mess. That's gonna be funny. It's that fucking like three stooges primitive instinct that runs through our veins, where like it just makes you know that something's gonna be funny when like someone's moving a piano. Yeah, Bradfall humor, right? Exactly. Like the the most ancient and still the still undefeated, still undefeated. I still love seeing fucking pianos fall down stairs and people trying to outrun them.

SPEAKER_03 12:25

Yeah. A time honored tradition.

SPEAKER_00 12:29

But we are here today to honor a different kind of movie. Uh we're talking about Terminator Salvation, uh, starring Chrissy Bale and Sam Worthington. And I I feel like we gotta figure out a name to shorten that too, because that's a mouthful.

unknown 12:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

Sam Worthington. I want to call him like Sam Samworth. Sam is that word? Swarthington. Swarthing, Swirthing? Swart Swarthy? Swarthy, Swarthy. Swarthy. Swarthy! Me and me and me and Swarthy going down to the fucking swimming hole, buying jello shots from a man in a canoe.

SPEAKER_03 13:09

You know that Swarthy is like the backbone of his ultimate frisbee team.

SPEAKER_00 13:13

Oh yeah, oh yeah, like and like he he's he's better at Frolf than he is at uh at Hacky Sack, but you know he'll throw down.

SPEAKER_03 13:22

Like doesn't take it too seriously, but he's reliable, you know.

SPEAKER_00 13:26

Oh yeah, and you know, remember when Swarthy fucking came through with those fish tickets? Yeah, dude. Yeah, so clutch. Yeah, oh so clutch.

SPEAKER_03 13:35

And then like remember him doing up with nitrous in the parking lot?

SPEAKER_00 13:38

Oh yeah, brother. Remember when he fucking took out his pistol and held it to our temples and made us tell him his deep our deepest fears, and then said that he owned us now in a way in a way that no woman ever will be able to. Oh my god, Swarthy.

SPEAKER_02 13:56

I didn't know you had it in yet.

SPEAKER_00 13:58

Swarthy, goddamn, but that's swarthy, man. Like like you you fucking you take the good with the bad when you're with swarthy. Yeah. Alright. Uh but before we do that, as is tradition, there's something there's usually if there's something to banter about, we typically enjoy bantering, and I gotta say, I I come to you, Will, uh, with a uh with a lot of joy in my heart. Not joy, not joy, because joy I feel means something else, but like my chest swells with pride, Will, to be able to tell you this. Um it is Saturday, June 19th, 2026. Friday, sorry. Tomorrow is Saturday, and the day after that is Sunday, and the day after that is Monday, and on Monday, Arizona will be opening its first Buckeys.

SPEAKER_03 14:55

Okay, what's a Buckeys?

SPEAKER_00 14:57

Oh my god. Oh my god, I can't. But but you gotta spell it right. B Z E S hyphen E-E-S. It's got like a little beaver guy? It's got a little beaver guy. Will, it's sort of like oh, gift cards available. Willy Wonka's chocolate factory, but meat. Oh, yeah, I'm seeing it. Yeah. Yeah, it's it's it's it's basically a very large gas station. Uh-huh. But it's a gas station with its own line of culinary fashion and uh cooking products. Okay. This is fascinating. Right? So, like I I went to a Bucky's in uh in Austin when I visited uh a friend of mine, and it was honestly life-changing. There's this enormous wall of jerky of so many kinds of flavors, and they've got like the turkey jerkies, and they've got like South Korean jerky, they got lemon pepper jerky, bohemian garlic jerky. There's so much jerky, and like every snack is just the highest quality. And they're legendary.

SPEAKER_03 16:07

That's a long way away.

SPEAKER_00 16:08

Wow! How how far? How far?

SPEAKER_03 16:10

Let's see. Okay, it would okay. No, I'm not walking. It would take me uh two hours and 17 minutes to drive to Bucky's.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

Dude, I I don't think Bucky's is quite that great, but I'll I'll be real with you. It's close.

SPEAKER_03 16:25

Like how uh how close is the one that uh is opening in Arizona?

SPEAKER_00 16:30

Uh it'll be out on uh I think in Goodyear, so it'll be out in the fucking boonies. Uh no, not Goodyear, uh somewhere, but it's out in the fucking boonies because a buckies is an enormous thing. Like it's something like 120 pumps. Holy shit. Uh and literally their gas stations are like the size of a small Walmart.

SPEAKER_01 16:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

There's brisk there's brisket counters that serve like fresh fucking barbecue. Meat mecca. Yeah, and it's got like these enormous walls of of fountain drinks and like frozen desserts and shit. And like, oh my god, it's it's wonderful. Uh it's been getting a lot of press lately because you know we're hosting the World Cup this year.

SPEAKER_03 17:16

Uh oh, in Arizona? That's a bad idea.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

Not no, not in Arizona. Uh in America, in the USA. The USA is playing host to World Cup, yeah, uh to some World Cup games, and a lot of Europeans are discovering Buckies for the first time. And it's kind of blowing them away. I read I read somewhere that uh that like someone was talking to their Japanese friend, and their Japanese friend argued that America is uh a Shinto nation where we like worship small local deities. And I mean he's not wrong. He's not wrong on that front. Like Bucky's is kind of a religious experience. Like it changes it changes things. Changes a man. It changes a man. It's it's like before that, you think like you fucking eat some fucking jack lynx, and you're like, this is as good as jerky gets, and it's not that great. And then no, you go to fucking Bucky's, and there's uh like an ex-convict behind the counter, and this is like the one chance he can't screw up, and he's like, You want a sample? And I'm like, Yeah, can I try the Korean barbecue? He's like, Mm, that's my favorite.

SPEAKER_03 18:21

Actually, that's sound kind of sweet.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

Yeah, and then you just you get to sample the jerkies and choose them, and you're like, I but even then, and then they fucking like wrap it up like a deli, you know, like in brown paper and shit. It's like, ah god.

SPEAKER_03 18:34

I'm they have like exotic meats, like uh crocodile meat.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

I don't know. Like, uh like do you want to try crocodile?

SPEAKER_03 18:45

Um I mean kinda. They say kind of mean. So, like, yeah, sure, I guess.

SPEAKER_00 18:49

Well, uh, I don't know what Gila monster taste like, or even if they're like edible. They have a lot of fat in their tails, so I would assume that that's kind of sausage-y. What are the really big ones?

SPEAKER_03 19:00

Komodo dragons. I totally Komodo dragon. That's like a dinosaur, dude. I want to eat dinosaurs.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

Dude, their mouths are like crawling with like deadly bacteria, so I gotta imagine mouth. Well, I I gotta imagine the rest of them isn't so great either. Like, yeah, one wouldn't think, yeah, they're probably pretty gross there. There are some guys on YouTube who are from Louisiana and they cook with alligator a lot, so I think I think you'd have a lot better luck finding alligator.

SPEAKER_03 19:27

Uh I kind of like alligators though. Like, you know, they're like You like alligators, but not crocodiles. Yeah, crocodiles are mean. Alligators, like, they'll fuck you up, but like, as far as I know, like they'll fuck you up if you get in their business. Like, don't go in the water after dark, but like they're not gonna like come sprinting across the golf course at you.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Sometimes they will. Like, they're fucking Okay, yeah, true. Well, like, I mean, they show up in people's pools a lot, so they will come up into your business happily.

SPEAKER_03 19:52

Like, that's true. That is a track my statement on alligators. Maybe they're what's up.

SPEAKER_00 19:56

But they but they are they are pretty impressive, right? Like, I don't know. I think that I think everyone makes jokes about like, oh, in Florida they're so nuts. Like, well, yeah, because they're actively competing for space with dinosaurs, like like like and it at times it seems like they might be losing because these fucking alligators are just everywhere.

SPEAKER_03 20:17

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:18

I mean But you know what an amount uh what an alligator is is American. And so naturally we back the fucking American alligator. American dinosaurs over these foreign crocodiles.

SPEAKER_03 20:31

Oh yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

If anyone's gonna eat a baby, it's gonna be an American alligator.

SPEAKER_03 20:40

How many alligators do you think it would take to like pull you along in a chariot?

SPEAKER_00 20:44

Oh, you'd you'd need a lot. Um they're not twelve alligators. They're not built for hauling, for one thing. Yeah, you'd you'd kind of need like a you'd kind of well like well well let me ask you this. It's a land chariot, right?

SPEAKER_03 20:58

Yeah, well, yeah, I guess what if you showed up to the ididerod with gators?

SPEAKER_00 21:02

Well, for one, very cold, so they'd they'd be dead. They die immediately. They'd die of obstacle gators. They would immediately go into a coma and their bodies would shut down and they would die instantly. So probably not. Uh probably not so great. But you got me thinking, like, what if you built like a like like a like a raft with like gators lashed to it, like a fucking husky team.

SPEAKER_03 21:28

Okay, yeah, I'm following.

SPEAKER_00 21:29

I feel like that still wouldn't work, but like it's a very fun idea.

SPEAKER_03 21:34

You can put like some chicken on a fishing pole and kind of dangle it in front of them so they swing after it.

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Fucking Looney Tunes logic. Yeah. This is this is uh this is actually what Florida Santa is is just a fucking weirdo who lives in the swamp and like drives a raft with crocodile. Powered by crocodile or powered by gays.

SPEAKER_03 21:54

He just leaves you a mysterious egg, you don't know what it is.

SPEAKER_00 21:57

She leaves you an egg and a bottle of fucking.

SPEAKER_03 22:00

like Mad Dog 2020.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

Yeah, he leaves like a four loco behind. Whether you've been good or bad.

SPEAKER_03 22:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:08

He just doesn't give a shit.

SPEAKER_03 22:13

Instead of like a stocking, it's like an old ratty Nike sock. It's like an old loco.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

It's a legend 90s sock with like a four loco and a zippo and like three spoons. Like a pack of camels.

SPEAKER_03 22:32

No, that's what you leave out for Santa is like a camels out for Florida Santa.

unknown 22:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:39

He took them I told you he was real.

SPEAKER_03 22:42

Yeah look he left the butts in the ashtray.

SPEAKER_00 22:45

He stamped the butts out on the carpet. Thank you, Florida Santa. Ain't no thing. Only get me give me the good ones next time I'm tired of this shit.

SPEAKER_03 23:01

I like these camel lights.

SPEAKER_00 23:03

I like the camel lights I'm trying to keep them fit.

SPEAKER_03 23:07

He just coughs up like a big black glob on the air and leaves you hear him starting up the hovercraft outside in like first things like hovercraft.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

The gators are all roaring they ate the neighbor's cat just eat whatever's they ate fucking like Mrs. Lewis across the street. Well anyways uh next time you visit we're or if you ever fucking get motivated to drive two hours.

SPEAKER_03 23:39

Yeah they'll take me to Bucky's on a pilgrimage.

SPEAKER_00 23:43

I'm gonna go on a pilgrimage. It's been a year since I've been there and I fucking miss it. Like mmm it was an experience man like they got fucking it's just their bathrooms are like legendarily clean. Like like remarkably clean like not just clean for a for a fucking uh gas station for a fucking gas station but like actually clean but like which I do really actually I do want to see uh because I have I have seen a lot of nasty gas station bathrooms you should buy a bunch of like greasy meats and then just eat them off the bathroom floor and film yourself. I'm not like David Haskey's tag book it's like I will keep doing this until you respond. And they respond immediately. I think they're more like go ahead fool try us try to get sick you can't our floors are immaculate and I look down and like fucking it's already gone like the floor can consumed it because that's it's actually alive I mean you do have me uh pretty sold on Bucky's here. Well when I come out to visit we will make a uh a journey to Bucky's delicious meats we'll get some meats we'll get meats of all kinds and you know what we'll just we'll just say fuck you vegetables for a day I'm not a big vegetables guy oh yeah for a day sure as like an institution you know yeah I mean like you you you yeah like like as an institution just no like miss me with broccoli well broccoli you know what I'm not gonna go to bat to broccoli there are some vegetables I would go to bat for I don't feel that strongly about broccoli who's your like ride or die who's like your bottom bitch vegetable oh onion onion onion yeah forget I forget onions are vegetables onions are clutch dude onions go with everything they get along with everyone they fucking bring a party onions are like just the guy you hope friendly ingredient they it's the guy you hope is gonna show up to the party you know like fucking like he's always a good he's always a good time he's always fucking and he's never obnoxious like he's always good in like fucking drinking games but he's never like a dick about it you know like yeah yeah yeah he's and he like it just all his music choices are so good like ah really on point he's got a great Spotify playlist that's the onion and like yeah he makes your eyes water sometimes but like it's worth it it's worth it like that's a small fucking price to pay like yeah and I'm assigning personalities to the other vegetables in like the in the vegetable kingdom right carrot reliable homie special back carrot pretty good pretty versatile but like celery a little lame kind of gets stuck between your teeth sometimes but inoffensive I feel like celery uh is like your nerd friend like now and then like like well like like you're you're awkward anti-so the nerd friend that's hard to get along not the cool nerd oh sure sure yeah I got you but like but like it's it's one of those like fucking awkward nerds who does not always get along but when they do it's a good time like yeah yeah you know when they get peanut butter in the mix you know get peanut butter in the mix or throw that fucking in a or like throw that in anything Cajun and it's fucking brilliant.

SPEAKER_03 27:12

Like that's part of Mirpoil right like you keep her around you keep celery around yeah yeah you do keep celery around um shitty bell pepper's good uh bell pepper doesn't go with everything you can get a little loud sometimes maybe it's that friend who gets a little too crazy.

SPEAKER_00 27:28

Bell pepper is like the early Jonah Hill of vegetables like sort of this robust like slightly abrasive dude just who's just like a hearty presence and like you're glad that he's like with you not against you. Yeah yeah he's very solid and like yeah maybe he'll fucking like burn you once or twice or like roast you but like it's all in good fun and like he's he gets along with everybody you know yeah yeah the shitty ones though uh I'm thinking about just vegetables I don't like Brussels sprouts is like the the top tier of Brussels vegetables Brussels sprouts are not bad when fried but like you gotta go through a lot of effort to like handle Brussels sprouts. Yeah they're like evil cabbages evil cabbages yeah they are kind of like the cabbage's dick brother and like they're like a like a malformed and like that you already don't want to hang out with the cabbage like the leafy veggies are I gotta say like I think they I think they probably hang out with themselves like they insist upon themselves right yeah yeah like like oh I and like you don't want to hang out with all of them all the time. Like sometimes you want to hang out with Bok Choi and sometimes you want to hang out with butter lettuce but like rarely do you want to hang out with cabbage. And like almost never do you want to hang out with Brussels sprouts.

SPEAKER_03 28:45

Yeah and broccoli and cauliflower like they're they're always like hanging out together and like I bet you turnips are fucking the worst.

SPEAKER_00 28:52

I bet you turnips are like fucking still making like racist jokes and shit and just like so fucking hard to hang out with and like unless they're really needed you just won't. Yeah yeah turnip turnips are like the edge lords of turnips are the fucking insecure edgelords and like oh he's gonna say something shocking except it's not shocking it's just gross because you need attention and you don't have any faith in yourself turnips you don't believe that you're interesting on your own so you gotta fucking jape about everything because life's just a big life's just a big fucking joke to you isn't it turnips well you gotta get fucking serious this is why you're fucking 47 and still never been chosen for a salad damn COVID going to end on the turnips fuck you turnip it's it's time someone's time someone said it time someone said it taking a stand with that said do you want to talk about Terminator Salvation? I would love to talk about Terminator Salvation I believe this was I believe this was your recommendation it was indeed I do think it falls to me in time honored tradition we'll be doing the two minute drill okay let me know when you are ready I got the timer ready let me take let me take one more sip that is delicious that is delicious okay two minutes or less explain what happened to Terminator Salvation 3 to 1 go. In 2003 convicted murderer Marcus Wright agrees to sell his body to Helena Bottom Carter and then he gets executed for having known Helena Bottom Carter. Uh fast forward to 2018 Skynet has become aware and Terminators roam the blasted wastelands of California and John Connor played by Chrissy Bale is out to stop him. You remember this shit from Terminator right well good because it's it's gonna get brought up quite a lot and uh they're trying to save some human prisoners who are being taken to San Francisco to get their skin shredded off some political commentary huh? But Chrissy Bale does not save the people they get nuked and then he goes back to his resistance headquarters which is in a sub where the human resistance which is called the resistance which is like the eighth group to be called the resistance uh is fucking like ready they find a secret signal that they believe will shut down the Terminators. While this is happening a robot wearing Marcus Wright's skin crawls out of the mud and goes seeking Chrissy Bale but instead he finds uh Kyle Reese who is the guy who's gonna save John Connor's mom in Terminator 1 and become his dad. So it's a Futurama thing where he knows his own dad and it it's it's kind of fucking weird. But it's alright. It's time travel there's a lot of stuff about fate it doesn't quite go anywhere but you know anyways uh they finally find out that the Terminators are going to fucking taken prisoners to a meat processing plant and Marcus Wright who has just found out that he's fucking uh a robot uh goes there and he says fuck you Skynet and then John Connor shows up and says fuck you Skynet and Kyle Reese has been taken to this place so they save him uh but in doing so the resistance also destroys itself because they got duped by Marcus Wright and by fucking Terminators and then they escape and two minutes and John Connor basically says uh this this whole thing didn't matter because it's actually just one fight in in a huge war. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:25

Uh thank you for bearing with me through that that it is kind of a complicated movie just not in the way I wanted it to be yeah you had some pretty I thought uh good thoughts on this movie and I think we kind of approached it from different directions both of which explainable do you want to lead?

SPEAKER_00 32:41

Do you want to tell me what you liked about this movie?

SPEAKER_03 32:43

Yeah um and going into this movie I had seen it before it had been some time um so I didn't about how long about how long do you think oh 10 years at least but uh so I didn't really remember a lot of the specifics of the plot I remembered some images from it you know like there's a lot of good uses of flares in this movie there's some there's some great spectacle in this movie like let's just get it out of the way a Terminator movie is all you can always count on a Terminator movie there's some great fucking explosions and there were great explosions in this but um I approached it I guess looking at it knowing kind of generally what it was in the sense that it's not as good overall as like if you look at it on the uh using the standards of T1 and T2 which are just incredible films then yeah you're gonna be disappointed. But I went into it almost like not thinking of it as like not the Terminator like fr franchise exactly but looking at it as just like this is taking the theme and executing on it or trying to execute on it very differently. So like sure don't expect the um you know like the solo focus on like one implacable machine. It'll be more of a focus on like that like writ large with Skynet itself being the oppressive never stopping force. And maybe that's just me like making excuses for it but going into it in the sense of like okay this is like a cool action movie that um you know plays with fun ideas from the Terminator franchise and not thinking of it as a Terminator movie capped like proper noun like made it a little easier to swallow.

SPEAKER_00 34:24

I I was gonna say I feel like you approach this movie with a very Buddhist mindset to where you kind of you kind of accept this movie as it is. Very Zenobot whereas I feel like I have approached this movie more in like a a a traditional heterodox where I am upset because it doesn't look like what I what I thought I was getting. Which I mean that is fair.

SPEAKER_03 34:50

So like it's a fun movie it's not like a great movie and we will get into a lot of the stuff that you know both of us probably didn't like about it but it did have some things that I do want to shout out really quickly. It had some good nods to the previous movies including uh the Terminator POVs it had several of those that I thought were really well executed.

SPEAKER_00 35:08

I like I I love that fucking uh era of 90s tech uh it's the same shit in on like the fucking um the Wayland Utani ships in fucking in fucking alien that sort of and in fucking Robocop that low and like even in hackers like that low tech blocky fucking chunky ass polygon shit like yeah and like back then we were all like whoa just like right like these days I wanna I wanna give a shout out I do love that they kept the style for that and a very like uh very metallic blunt force robot shit like there were there were some moments that I really liked like when a terminator was following Kyle Reese and his mute sidekick who ends up not really actually doing anything and just kind of like a mascot character. Yeah like a a cute mascot and just uh he he he just uh this robot is chasing Kyle Reese and instead of like following him around he just kind of starts shooting his way into uh a a building like because that's the shortest distance and he's just gonna remove obstacles. I like that I like that kind of weird machine logic uh and the terminators themselves were pretty interesting uh yeah visual design wise the uh the robots overall the hydro bots or the the aqua ones were I think you noted quite accurately like a little a little awkward yeah like a little too spiky well like the thing I like yeah like the thing I like about uh the terminator about Skynet is that it's pretty faceless like even the terminators with like their fucking skeletons and shit like they're still built for function rather than business like yeah don't have extra dude ads for dude ads sake yeah yeah like like I get that the skulls are probably uh fucking you know at least I think Skynet is probably aware that the skulls are menacing but even yeah like like I don't think that's the real but the hydro bots are just like these sort of moray eel like robots they feel very mega man like like just natural shit that's been like roboticized and they yeah they did that with well they did that with the the hydro bots they had the moto motorcycle bots they had a lot of bots in this movie and like some of the bots I didn't actually hate uh I like the uh the kill the hunter killers like the fucking sentient jets like there's something very the less humanoid the machines got the more interested I was like the sentient motorcycles that was pretty cool yeah whereas like there's this giant massive four armed mech that just kidnaps humans and drops like cattle. I was kind of iffy on that one the one that snuck up on them somehow yeah they get they get uh like held up by uh drifters out in the wasteland and suddenly this fucking 60 foot mech somehow sneaks up on the meeting and like just plu nobody notices until it's plunging through like fucking reaching through the ceiling and just grabbing people. And like being real being real I fucking love a situation where like a tent situation is interrupted by an ambush or a sudden attack. I love that shit. But like you gotta you gotta meet me within my zone disbelief right like this is a humongous robot. Yeah and like just what's the threat like the threat of this thing should be like a T-Rex threat you know like feeling it approach like do yeah the doo notice their water glass shaking or something yeah when it just shows up it's like oh okay um but yeah like I'll I'll touch on this like I can accept that I'm I'm gonna I this movie did not work for me on several levels and I'm going to try to be nice about it. When I got into this movie I said I want to know because there have been like my favorite Terminator movie is a lot of people's favorite Terminator movie which is T2. I fucking love T2 I mine's T1 but I totally respect T2 as a T1 is T1 is still great like those it's it's like different ways you know yeah it's like an alien aliens thing right like 100% yeah like alien is a really great horror and like aliens is a really great action. Yeah yeah so like T1 really great horror T2 really great action but still like elements of horror and action in both of them right like totally analogous uh yeah yeah and like uh after T3 I feel like we get in kind of like extended Terminator universe where we've got like Dark Fate and Genesis and all this crazy shit and like I feel like salvation is kind of where it's divide it yeah I think I think that's the demilitarized zone between like classic Terminator and fucking uh Terminator Plus if you want to call it like like the expanded like I think I do feel like this is when they tried to start making a cinematic universe and like Yeah you noted that a couple times like what do you think they would have done I guess they did say at the end like this is just the first of many battles.

SPEAKER_03 40:23

I can't really imagine them making that many more stories in like that setting that would be that interesting you know well like you maybe they could do a TV show but again movies wise I think they I think I think they did do a TV show.

SPEAKER_00 40:40

I mean you know if it's got chronicles in it it's gotta be fucking lit. Yeah dude chronicles is a fucking bad the adventure the adventures of is pretty great too but that's a classic but like the chronicles like with the chronicles like Sam Chronicles the Sam the Will Chronicles the the the Bucky's bathroom chronicles the Bucky's bathroom janitor chronicles had a big dookie today was nice seven out of ten the only thing better was cleaning it that's how I that's how I'm never caught off guard. I've had every dookie there is do they have bidets at Bucky's I don't believe so that's not very Texan I mean it's a it's not it's it's it's illegal to experience a bidet in Texas. That's what they fought at the Alamo for right like the yeah this the this the Mexican army was like use bidets never we're just gonna use toilet paper no this keeps you much cleaner it's more hygienic fuck you oh my god historical revisionism at its finest that's what that was about the Mexican army wanted Texas to use bidet they weren't there dude I mean I fucking uh I I experienced a bidet at the Narita airport in Japan and it was oh damn it was nice it was nice so like if buggies incorporated bidets I would just put that under like a check mark for reasons this place is great. More points to Buckies sure but I want to touch on this you accepted what this movie was and I kind of didn't and I I feel like I'm ashamed to say I feel like this is a I feel like this is a me problem basically because you're right this movie is much more about sort of this omnipresent struggle against Skynet as an antagonist and like how pervasive and endless Skynet is I kind of prefer the terminator vibe of this implacable monster like a solo yeah a solo thing it's kind of like the same appeal as it follows right like this thing is always looking for you it doesn't need to rest it doesn't need to stop it uh it knows everything about you and it can figure out new things on the fly and importantly it's always fucking hunting you like it is always out there looking for you that's pretty cool I love and like I love monsters like that and yeah it's not technically this movie's fault that it tried to do something else and yeah it did kind of honor the spirit of that by having Skynet be this implacable creature but I don't know man like I I just really liked it when the scale was a little smaller you know like yeah when Skynet was personified in like one on Cohen antagonist. Yeah cause 'cause like 'cause like the f the early Terminator movies are kind of Of like a competition between man and machine, right? Like you have this implacable foe, but the human wants to live and it's going to figure something out. And like it's constantly trying and failing, and like it just needs to get lucky once, you know?

SPEAKER_01 44:15

Like I love that.

SPEAKER_00 44:19

And this was more quest-like. It was like we have this secret signal that will uh dis that will destroy Skynet their security or some bullshit. And and Skynet is abducting people, and we've got to save them.

SPEAKER_03 44:34

And that touches on my main problem with the story, and they may have hand waved this with a line that I fucking missed, but like Skynet's whole thing is like kidnapping Kyle Reese in order to get to John Connor to kill him, right?

SPEAKER_00 44:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:47

Why not just kill Kyle Reese?

SPEAKER_00 44:48

Why not just kill Kyle Reese?

SPEAKER_03 44:50

That's his dad. Like Yeah, um, the whole the Did they say something about like, oh, Skynet just knows they're connected, they don't know that he's his dad.

SPEAKER_00 45:00

No, in fact, they do actually point out that Skynet knows knows. So it's extra puzzling. Like they they realize that Skynet has figured out who Kyle Reese is. Yeah. So that that's that's very peculiar, you know? Like they're not gonna be a good thing.

SPEAKER_03 45:15

They didn't like I like how they involved Kyle Reese. I thought there were a couple good moments with uh John Connor and Kyle Reese.

SPEAKER_00 45:21

Yeah, and like this is this is why I feel like this was kind of the attempt to lay a groundwork as a cinematic universe, because they're like they're kind of closing all the loops, right? Like everybody knows everyone, and like all these events touch all these other events, and like uh and I get I get the logic because that did work really well for Marvel. But also, like, I don't know, man. Like I'll I'll get to this later. Uh my biggest beef with it, but like I did want it to be smaller stakes, uh, and I feel like there were some themes that like because this movie is about like kind of three different characters, right? Like you've got Kyle Reese, who is important, and to be honest, Kyle Reese does not really end up doing anything either.

SPEAKER_03 46:13

He's a character, though. And quick shouts out to Anton Yelchin, great actor taken before his time. Always a really fun character. What happened? He uh passed away as a I believe a car um accident. Oh dear.

SPEAKER_00 46:27

Kyle Reese uh is is kind of a briefcase character, like he's important, but he doesn't really have a lot of agency. Like he meets Marcus Wright and then leads Marcus Wright to the resistance, but then he gets kidnapped, and then it's all about a rescue mission. Which, okay, sure, functional. The plot's very functional.

SPEAKER_03 46:50

Yeah, it's business-like to an almost like con extreme where it's just like okay, like come like you can see the mechanics so much that it's distracting.

SPEAKER_00 46:59

I think there's no almost about it. Like to me, it is far too business-like uh for my taste.

SPEAKER_03 47:05

You noted that like all of the dialogue just had to do with the plot. Like, yes, did you notice that?

SPEAKER_00 47:10

Do you agree?

SPEAKER_03 47:12

I do I do tend to agree. There are new opinion moments I can think of that aren't like exposition or directly related to like Yeah, it's just like I'm John Connor.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

You're John Connor? The man prophesied to lead us? I don't believe you. I believe you're a false prophet. You're not in charge here, Connor. I'm John Connor. Hey, they're kidnapping people to take them to San Francisco. I'm not gonna tell you how I feel about that. That's just what's happening. Uh oh, I'm I it's like, oh, we need to rig the Hydrobot wife. He has he talks to his wife who is pregnant on multiple. Yeah, they never talk about like what they're gonna name their kid or what they never talk about the baby, they never talk about the future, they barely seem to like each other. It's like greetings, wife, greetings, husband. How goes the struggle against the machines?

SPEAKER_02 48:01

Poorly.

SPEAKER_00 48:02

Poorly. How is our child? Adequate. He will be a very satisfying infant.

SPEAKER_03 48:11

And there's not a lot of passion between like really any of the characters.

SPEAKER_00 48:14

And I guess this is the time to talk about because I feel like I'm gonna revisit it a couple of times, but there's no humanity in this. And like, for a movie that is about what makes a human, that's slightly unforgivable. And like there's a compelling A-plot in this movie. Well, no, the A-plot is them trying to disable Skynet with this hidden frequency that they just discovered, which is actually a plot fed to them by Skynet to lure them in and destroy them. Uh, and they fall for it, and the resistance gets destroyed. Yeah, just like in Star Wars. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 48:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:55

Sorry, like, like, there's no getting around it. This movie echoes a lot of other shit that was happening around the same time. Like, this is I I and and I'll get to this again, but like uh the movie uh the the B plot is about Marcus Wright, who is like the prototype for the cyborg, like that becomes the Terminator. Like he's kind of like the very first Terminator. Yeah. And the movie is mostly him being convinced he's a human, and then he finds out it's a machine. And I feel like we're supposed to be confused as well, but we're not. Like Yeah, it takes like an hour for them to have this big reveal, but like you're a machine. Like he's like, I'm a human. No, you're a machine. Look at your innards, you have fucking metal bones, like, oh, I'm a machine. Oh and it's like yeah, and and like we found this out in like the first five minutes of the movie. Like the the exposition prequel is just him agreeing to give his skin off to become a cyborg.

SPEAKER_03 49:55

Yeah, we saw him sign the paperwork.

SPEAKER_00 49:56

Yeah, and then you see his corpse in the fucking basement where the other prisoners are being held. Like, you know, he's a machine right off the bat, and then he comes crawling out. It's like, oh. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_03 50:08

Naked swarthy, dude.

SPEAKER_00 50:10

Swarthy, he he did his best. Swarthy, like, you fucking you brought a lot of presence, but I felt like he was very confused by the script. Like, because you can see him trying to emote. Like he's really trying to express an emotion. The script keeps running in. Dialogue is just all about plots, so it's just like, oh don't forget to really sh point at someone with intent when you want to shoot them. Oh, we got followed by the machines.

SPEAKER_02 50:40

Oh Kyle Reese, I'll save you because you are the future of the resistance.

SPEAKER_00 50:45

Kyle Reese, you're the future of the resistance, and like he already like, yeah, I know you already said that. Like, it does that modern audience thing where they restate the plot constantly.

SPEAKER_03 50:54

Yeah, it doesn't trust the audience to be able to plot at all.

SPEAKER_00 50:59

It doesn't trust itself at all. Like it just it's just constantly setting shit up. Like, like I'll give you an example. Uh Marcus Rice meets Kyle Reese and they fucking escape uh because they they hotwire a Jeep and the radio plays.

SPEAKER_03 51:14

A lot of hot wiring in this yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:16

And like and like they start driving and they like start the car, and then uh a drone in aerostat, it's called, shows up.

SPEAKER_03 51:26

Cool name.

SPEAKER_00 51:26

And then and then like yeah, it's a cool name. Uh fucking uh Kyle Reese screams, it's an aerostat. And then he looks to Kyle Marcus Wright and says, They're the scouts for the Terminators. Like, uh oh oh okay. And then You don't say, and then like they drive off and goes, It's chasing us.

SPEAKER_03 51:46

It's like as it's actively pursuing.

SPEAKER_00 51:49

As it's actively like, I'm chasing you. And then like, and then he turns to Marcus Wright and says, It heard the music and that attracted it. It's like movie. Like I feel like the movie is wrapping me in a too tight blanket and like and like stacking several pillows under my head.

SPEAKER_03 52:09

It's like the movie worries that you're blind.

SPEAKER_00 52:11

Yeah, the movie worries that I'm really fucking stupid. Like, and there's no confidence in it at all. It's just and just every scene is like that. They're constantly explaining what the plot is and what's happening, and they barely ever, ever talk about feelings or or anything, you know?

SPEAKER_03 52:29

Like, yeah, not even about like, damn, this blasted hellscape we live in sure does suck, huh?

SPEAKER_00 52:34

They don't even have to be like, Yeah, like nobody nobody's even like like nobody seems all that bothered, actually. Like it sucks, but like we don't really get like, you know, everyone's more like, oh, we are we are mach we are in a fight with machines. Yes, we are. This is the early days of the resistance. Yes, it is. We our morale is still very high. Yes. Like that that should clear things up for anyone watching it.

SPEAKER_03 52:57

Yeah, it looks shitty, but there's not a feeling of like desperation. No, there's that they captured so much more efficiently in like the shorter future world of the earlier movies.

SPEAKER_00 53:07

And like there's the there are a couple of scenes because uh another arc of this plot is that the uh as Skynet is kidnapping humans with the implication that they're kind of harvesting their skin because they're about to make the first living tissue cyborgs, which become what Arnold is, right? And we get to see the prototype Arnold in this movie, and it's kind of fun. Promoting Arnold. There's these horrifying scenes of people being like dropped screaming into cattle cars, yeah, and like panicking, and like being barfed out of those cattle cars, and like walls, like bulldozers like closing them in as they're forced to march to like like dark fates as these fucking robots watch them, and it's horrifying, and like it's such it's such a like dehumanizing, like terrifying imagery, evocative imagery, and yet people don't really seem that bother they're like ah like don't do that.

SPEAKER_03 54:08

Yeah, emotionally it's very divorced from yeah, it's just like I I don't I don't like this.

SPEAKER_00 54:13

I'm I I I'm uncomfortable. Yeah, hey you hey, you're dehumanizing me. Hey, that's dehumanizing. Oh this is so terrible.

SPEAKER_03 54:28

I'm filing an HR report.

SPEAKER_00 54:29

It's bad to be in fucking factory conditions treated this way. This is like how we treat animals. I'm being treated like an like just a fucking like horrified victim just stating the plot. Oh no! I'm being treated like an animal is treated in our society.

SPEAKER_03 54:53

This isn't how things are supposed to go.

SPEAKER_00 54:55

But I'm a man, I'm a man, but I'm a person, I'm not an animal.

SPEAKER_03 55:07

Needless to say, we don't even get that.

SPEAKER_00 55:10

We don't get that, but yeah, but just you know, people are obviously scared, but they're not like like and maybe I'm expecting for too too much because and like please don't think too deeply about this, but like do you remember in uh Schindler's List where they got fucking carted to Auschwitz?

SPEAKER_03 55:29

Never actually seen it.

SPEAKER_00 55:31

Oh, okay. Well, there is a scene where they get carded to Auschwitz and it's fucking nightmarish, like yeah, it really leans into like the horror and the dehumanization of it all, and it's just it's uncomfortable to watch. And yeah, I get it. This is a fucking Terminator movie trying to start a Terminator cinematic universe. But like, can we be a little scared? You know, like a can we like get a lingering shot where like people are like being pressed up against each other?

SPEAKER_03 55:57

Like, ah like linger on the horror of it instead of it. Yeah, or like that it is, there we go.

SPEAKER_00 56:03

Like, like there's there's a scene in Nope where uh uh tourists are getting like digested by a monster, and you see them like moving up through the digestive tract, and they're screaming and like clawing, and like that's the feeling I want to feel. And like you get you kind of dip a toe in it, but it doesn't go too deep. Like it's like it's it's it's like you don't and all the prisoners get saved, anyways. You don't see anyone's skin getting harvested. There's no like they just kind of get shuffled into cells, and then Skyna is like, ah, don't don't move.

SPEAKER_02 56:35

You better better speed up Oh, we're gonna we're gonna lock you up and better be knitting those sweaters, I'll tell you. You better be knitting those sweaters, you better be breaking rocks.

SPEAKER_00 56:48

It's just like a fucking old timey prison in there.

SPEAKER_03 56:52

The robots are the cops, giant ball and chain on everybody's ankle.

SPEAKER_00 56:56

Yeah, this enormously chubby terminator is like well, well, smoking a big cigar. We do things a little differently. Welcome to Terminator Alcatraz. We call it that because we're Terminators.

SPEAKER_02 57:22

Now listen here. You came in here a man, you're leaving a corpse.

SPEAKER_00 57:26

You come here a man, but you're gonna leave us scared little boy. If you leave it all. But I'm a woman. Well, if you're a woman, you're gonna leave us scared, little girl. But I'm a girl. Are you just knocking off? Like he's already like becoming kind of this like he's getting flustered, flustered authority figure. Like, you know, they're gonna like be pulling pranks on him all summer long.

SPEAKER_03 57:50

All summer long.

SPEAKER_00 57:52

Yeah, because like it's camp. Yes, it just becomes like a kid's movie now.

SPEAKER_03 57:58

Like the Terminators of the Camp Counselors, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:01

The Terminators are like, you better not take the canoes out.

SPEAKER_03 58:08

It I mean that honestly, I mean, it's a weird tone, but I'd watch it.

SPEAKER_00 58:16

I feel like I feel like I did this to myself. I think that's so funny. All right, I'm sorry. Uh but yeah, this movie kind of lacks um humanity, and it's it's like Sam Worthington in this movie, right?

SPEAKER_03 58:32

Yeah, skin.

SPEAKER_00 58:34

Yeah, that's that's right. This this movie is kind of like a swarthy. It's uh it's a robot movie. War it's like a movie about hating robots written by a robot. Like it's it's weirdly it's it's self-effacing, but also like weirdly impersonal. Like it's a a robot that's just kind of doing criticizing itself, and like again, though, I think this movie was the effort to uh set up a cinematic universe. Like, here's the plot, uh, here's kind of a hard reset of everything. Um we're bringing you back to the old stuff, so if you can go look back at the old stuff, you'll be caught up.

unknown 59:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:17

Just like Avengers, you know how that's the sequel be of of of Salvation?

SPEAKER_03 59:23

Yeah. Yeah, like it's cinematic universe. What would the sequel to salvation be?

SPEAKER_00 59:28

Well, they they answered this, right? It was Genesis, wasn't it? Well we don't need to talk about Genesis. Okay, so we're so we're gonna we're basically saying, what if what if this were a new cinematic universe? Yes. I would honestly uh Well, you know, here's an interesting thing, because uh all these movies have been mostly set in California because that's where Skynet was born, and I get that. But uh when when John Connor talks to the leaders of the resistance, they're all on a submarine.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:00

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:00

And there's kind of like a Chinese general and an African general and a Russian guy, and like I wouldn't mind I wouldn't I like I wouldn't mind uh a couple of movies about like what's going on in the rest of the world. Like you know, the cool part about the Terminator is that when it finds an obstacle, it builds a new Terminator to handle that obstacle. So, like, you know, like what's going on in Stalingrad or uh whatever it's called now, like uh what's going on in the Kremlin? What's going on in fucking Moscow? Uh what's going on in Beijing? Like what's going on in fucking Tokyo? Uh yeah, what's good in like Paraguay? Yeah, or I would really just rather have a whole fucking movie about a Terminator who does not know he's a Terminator. Like what what hiccup made that? Like, is there could there be like a glitch in Skynet that occasionally will spit out a self-aware terminator?

SPEAKER_03 1:00:54

Okay. Like that I think that would be fun.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:58

No, no, they pretty much just reiterated the plot of the previous two movies and just kind of like like just so you're all up to speed, like this is this is everything that happened. Uh so just fucking get on board, like start start buying merchandise, pal.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:16

Do you think this movie would have been better if there had been less John Connor in it?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:22

You know what? I do think Chrissy Bale was kind of wasted on this movie. I f I feel like he works better as like an off-beat action hero. Because like in Equilibrium, yeah, he was he was very brooding and calculating and just off, you know, and he worked very well. And even as Batman, he kind of he's kind of a little kooky, so like that he works well with that. But like as a just standard tough guy, not really. He doesn't really, he doesn't really have that leadership vibe, you know.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:53

Yeah, especially like the legendary chosen one kind of yeah, yeah, like like very cool.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:58

Yes, obviously legendary chosen one, all good. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, but like he doesn't yeah, it's not his vibe, really. Yeah, it's not his vibe. He works better as like an eccentric uh rebel, you know? Uh but yeah, I do think this movie could have benefited from just choosing one thing, you know, like either choose to be about Marcus Wright, and I think that would be a great fucking starting off point for like a new cinematic universe, is like, oh, here's a terminator who thinks he's a person. That's never happened before. Wow. This is the stakes are new, the stakes are evolving, and now we've got to be. Yeah, or like fucking yeah, what does a terminator do? Oh, I would love to see I I know that they'd never make it, but I would love to see a terminator on the dating scene.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:44

Right? Like a single terminator? No, like I think they do.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:48

Well, I I I I'll say it this way. I want I want it to be kind of like a big bang theory situation where like he's dating normal women at first, and like he's just he's like eerily good at it up until like because like he can memorize rituals and facts and data so quickly and just understand human behavior, but he's not a human, so he doesn't understand why he's doing it, and that's what fucks up all his relationships. Oh, sure. And then he meets a lady Terminator who is having likewise bad luck with the dating scene. Yeah, yeah, and they meet each other and they try to kill each other, but also date.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:27

Okay, kind of a Mr. and Mrs. Smith thing. I'm just imagining also the dude Terminator is just wearing like a polo and like khaki shorts.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:34

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:35

Like shoes.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:36

And like sometimes he'll fucking like put on a very zany shirt, but it's like troublingly zany. And he's this is he's never quite sure when zany-ness. Like he heard that sometimes it's fun to dress sharp, dress zany to like make fun of some when it's a special occasion, and then he gets invited to a funeral and someone tells him it's a special occasion. He's like, Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:58

Shows up like an invader Zim like graphic T at the funeral.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:02

Yeah, something he got a hot topic. Yeah, but yeah, a Terminator trying to learn how to be human. I would fucking love that. That was basically the plot of T2, but um Yeah, yeah. But uh like that this is that's pretty much all my thoughts on this movie. Like, I it's it I guess how I'd want to sum it all up is this. I feel like this movie is kind of and I know this sounds dramatic, I feel like it's a product of a cinematic dark age. Oh you know, like and this movie come out. Oh yeah, look it up real quick. But I feel like it came out around the same time as like 2009. 2009 was well into the Marvel Marvel building, right? Like we were already like seeing a lot of shit in 2009.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:55

I don't know. Like you said, it's um a time capsule in a way, too, that very specific kind of what 2008 to 2012 era. But yeah, so many movies that just kind of float on by from uh well fucking it's the same with like that King Arthur Legend of the Sword movie we watched.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:12

Yeah, like some of the movies are just trying to be Iron Man and and like everyone was trying to be that. And I feel like now in 2026 we're finally seeing the end of that. Where like a lot of or like we've tried so many cinematic universes that have just flopped, like the DC cinematic universe is like flopped multiple times.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:32

Yeah, like they keep just like jump starting the corpse and then it just like gets up, shits itself, and falls on its face.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:38

Yeah, like like like and the only thing that's different is the way it shits itself. Like sometimes it launches itself forward, sometimes it fucking launches itself backwards.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:48

Sometimes like you get a laugh out of it, sometimes you're just like, ooh.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:52

Yeah, and like and like good. It's not and like everyone's trying their hardest, I get that, but god, it's it's it's just Seem to be working, friends. And like fucking you know, like we talked about uh on fucking sloppy seconds, fucking a Star Wars movie just got like fucking double teamed by two fucking indie movies. It did. Like Eiffel towered it. They Eiffel fucking towered the Mandalorian and Grogu.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:22

But yeah, the the Mandalorian got owned by uh backrooms and uh obsession.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:27

Yeah, yeah, and like nobody's fault. Fucking as from what I've heard, it's a very fine movie, Mandalorian and Grogu. It's just come on, man. Like fucking like it's it's the same thing with like this Terminator shit. It's just like they're summarizing all the fucking story so that you don't feel like you have to go do homework while it's still trying to convince you to go see the other movies. It's like okay. Like like it constantly feels it's it's a movie that's constantly talking about better days, and I I feel like because the end scene is them fighting the Arnold T-800, and it's Arnold.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:07

Yeah, it's just CGI Arnold. I thought it was a decent CGI Arnold, they blow the robot's face off pretty soon.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:12

So like there's a fine line. There's fan service, and I love a little fan service, but there's fan service, and there's just kind of like admitting that shit's fucked up, like, and I and I I I I don't want to go fucking getting sassy about Marvel again, but yeah, Marvel, like, okay, we had like what six flops in a row uh fucking here's the next movie, and it stars Chris Evans and Robert Downey. Remember when remember when we were good, right? Like, like remember when you were really excited about this shit? They're back. They're back.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:52

Chris Pratt is playing John Connor now.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:54

Yeah, Chris Pratt is John Connor, and yeah, like it's just like fucking when you reach that deep, it just comes off as so unconfident, you know?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:03

Like I'm just uh I'm just thinking about it now, like just more fun ways, more fun Terminator movies that they could have made instead. Like Terminator speed dating. Like it has to find Sarah Connor through like speed dating.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:15

That'd be funny, yeah. Like just new and zany ways to get Sarah Connor. If it just came down to that, like like this week, they're fucking they run a taco stand that she that she comes to rely on, and then they go out of business, causing her to get depression, and they hope that fucking that fucking she just stops dating and never has John Connor. Or we could go the other way because like another theme in Terminator movies is fate, predestiny, time travel shit. Lean into that if you want to. Like, figure out how fucking uh Skynet and humanity are fighting each other through time travel. That'd be cool. What does a fucking uh Terminator look like when it gets thrown back to 1960s, huh? Yeah, like ancient Egypt.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:02

There's a lot of stuff they could do with that.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:03

Yeah, they could they could go crazy with that shit, but instead we just get, oh, here's what happened, and here's what's going to happen. Stay tuned for more. No!

SPEAKER_03 1:09:12

It does feel obligatory because those future war scenes in the first couple movies were so dope. They were like, what if we made a whole so fucking dope?

SPEAKER_00 1:09:20

And the reason they were dope though is because they occupied just a small part, and then you were left to wonder, like, oh shit, what does the rest of the world look like? Uh mostly gray. Mostly gray. Yeah, the fucking the fucking color palette on this was shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:34

Yeah, they really should have borrowed a lot more from the grays and browns.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:38

And I I understand that we're all trying to strike a balance because you know, the other the other side of the coin is fucking Dragon Age Veil Guard, fucking saturated purple shit. Like, yeah, I get it. We're we're all struggling right now to figure out what looks good, but it we gotta have more than browns and grays. Come on.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:57

Yeah. Yeah, it felt very video gamey in a lot of ways, both in the mission structure and in the overall graphical. Oh, totally.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:04

It's like it's total you could totally see the fucking quest log updating in real time. Like save Kyle Reese. Save Kyle Reese, pursue the T eight hundred, stop the hunter killer, rescue John Connor, escape the motor. Listen to John Connor, feel something. Remember Helena Bonham Carter. She was in Tim Burton movies. Did you like that movie? But Tim Burton directed Terminator would be awful.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:38

I would be a whimsical robot.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:41

Yeah, it's just like a clockwork man that like prances through the room. Yeah, he's gotta prance. He's gonna be like and like foot. Yeah, he's got a cane, he's like fucking chasing John Connor like through a whimsical labyrinth of mirrors. Sarah Connor is played by Helena Bonham Carter, and she's got a fucking like b prom dress on. She's like, oh, I must have my child. And then the clockwork man comes by, like, I'm going to blast you. And here is my and then like breaks into like I'm a machine who thinks he's a man. Skynet is I I like sometimes I ride on a big bike. But it's like it's like it's like a penny farthing. It's like a fucking like big, big wheel tiny Victorian bike.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:37

And again, that would be more interesting than what we got. I think you kind of turned me around on this movie.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:42

And yet I feel like my suffering would have been worse. Like I feel like I'd need to call the the EMTs afterwards.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:50

It would have been more memorable suffering, though, you know? It's like the difference between like getting run over by a steamroller and getting run over by like uh, I don't know, a Prius.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:00

Alright, before we close out, tell me what's another great fucking action franchise that Tim Burton could destroy. Okay, okay. Top Gun for sure.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:12

Ooh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:14

Oh Tim Burton presents top gun. Tim Burton presents Sonic the Hedgehog.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:20

Lethal Weapon?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:22

Tim Burton presents Lethal Weapon! It's fucking uh Johnny Deppen and fucking uh uh fucking The Weeknd.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:32

Yes, that's perfect. Oh my god M Riggs, these whimsical Christmas thieves keep stealing, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:45

They've stolen all our creativity. I saw Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, and I I didn't I did not care for it. I'm sorry. I I don't know if I can take any more. I feel like it's it's like a drug that never leaves your system.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:02

Like you can only Tim Burton, it's like lead, kind of.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:05

Yeah, yeah. I got Tim Burton poisoning. He's in the fucking he's in the fucking way, he's asbestos. I've been breathing him for so long that I can't take anymore.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:18

No, uh well, okay, hang on. How about Tim Burton presents 300?

SPEAKER_03 1:13:22

Yeah, that's a good one, dude. The Altis is like uh like a fun little man.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:27

Honestly, there's not too much of a difference between Zack Snyder and Tim Burton, if we're being real. When you mention it, yeah. Kind of like both dedic relentlessly dedicated to their aesthetics. Uh kind of out there.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:40

Uh they both like Batman.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:43

Both love Batman, got a real interesting take on him. Yeah. Is there anything you want to add? I feel like I I feel like I've said everything about this movie. Like I a lot of it was just very competent, and like the the structure of the plot, that was totally fine. It's just I don't know, man. I I think this movie is much more interesting in where it stands in the context of time rather than on its own. And I think like what's most damaged, and we've done well to not talk about this, but this was the movie where Chris where Chrissy Bale exploded on someone on set and it got recorded and leaked.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:22

Yeah. And that was the guy a papist, I think.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:26

A papist did the Vatican send you?

SPEAKER_03 1:14:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:33

Uh but like people still talk about that.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:36

I don't actually remember what he said, and like it must have been like some legendary shit.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:40

I kind of feel like maybe Chrissy Bale knew this movie was like choking, and so his temper was very short. It's like that it's like from The Hobbit, how fucking Ian McKellen broke down crying.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:54

Oh, I didn't know he did.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:56

Yeah, because he he was acting in in front of green screens, and he's like, I I fucking want to talk to people. Oh my god, that's depressing. That's it's so sad, and he's just like sobbing. He's just like, This is not why I became an actor.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:09

And like, oh, Sir Ian. Look at the tennis bollyon. Look at the tennis balian. Imagine it's a troll, Ian.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:19

Imagine it's a troll, it's a ball rock, Ian. What is it? What is it, Ian? It's a ballrock.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:27

It's Torian's. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:30

Please, it's a Balrog. Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:39

Uh well, we need to discuss what we are talking about next time.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:46

Well, I believe I recommended Ricky O. The story of Ricky. Yes. Which is a classic fucking martial arts movie that you can actually watch on the Criterion channel. Because it's very it's very hard to find it uh in other places.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:04

Yeah, I found this like really pretty sketchy Russian website that actually had a very good dub of it. But Criterion Channel probably will give you fewer viruses.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:12

Probably fewer viruses except quality, which is a virus. No, I'm sorry, I I completely fucked that up. Will, would you like to see us out with uh fucking housekeeping?

SPEAKER_03 1:16:22

Slop Culture is a podcast hosted by Sam Sykes, that's him, and Will Palmer, that's me. Please give us a five-star review out of five on whichever platform you heard us on. Our cover art's by Andrew Sides, and our intro music is by Joe Roy. You can get in touch with the podcast at slopculturepodcast at gmail.com. And you can find me on social media at palmskis or will underscore palmskis pretty much everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:45

You can find me at Sam Psych Swears pretty much everywhere. This has been Slop Culture, the happy hour podcast where we strive to see the beauty and stupidity, and this has been Terminator Salvation. And until we see you again for Ricky O'Colon, the story of Ricky, stay sloppy.