The Gauntlet - Vanillainous

In a very special episode of Slop Culture, the podcast talks about its very first film featuring America's favorite morally-dubious, spiritually-lugubrious, gun-toting, chain-smoking, grizzled gizzard son of an onion, Clint Eastwood, in The Gauntlet, a film that is brave enough to tell you that you can solve at least some of your problems with a bus.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Sir, the engines are fired up, sir. They are ready for takeoff.

SPEAKER_02 0:05

Shovel more coal into the engine, sir.

SPEAKER_03 0:08

Jolly good, sir.

SPEAKER_02 0:09

Jolly good, sir. This will be the finest aircraft. This will be the finest Boeing to ever have braced the skies.

SPEAKER_03 0:16

Oh my god, sir, it's a goose!

SPEAKER_02 0:21

That goose was from Germany.

SPEAKER_03 0:24

A jerrygander.

SPEAKER_02 0:26

A jerry gander. Said from the Kaiser, no doubt. Old Fritz has learned some new tricks.

SPEAKER_03 0:34

That would be like a kind of maliciously amusing thing to do with time travel abilities, is go back to like a slightly more gullible era and just like try to convince the British public that like fouls were on the side of the Kaiser. And put out all sorts of like fun public addresses about like, do your part, citizens. Decapitate your nearest geese. Or else Jerry will come and fuck you in your butt.

SPEAKER_02 1:00

Flash forward to 2026, and like it's traditional for British people to carry a pistol at all times and just unload on a goose whenever they see it. And like for some reason we've all agreed to let them do this.

SPEAKER_03 1:13

Yeah, it's just a national it's one of those national things. You just kind of get back to it.

SPEAKER_02 1:17

It's one of those things where you change something in the in the past and it has dire ramifications.

SPEAKER_03 1:23

The butterfly effect. But in this case, it's you know, posh British people going around wasting ducks with a fucking handgun.

SPEAKER_02 1:33

Well, you know, um the British colonized China for a while, so you would think that they would actually like come away with an appreciation for duck. Because that's that's been a Chinese staple for for quite some time.

SPEAKER_03 1:46

True.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

Uh and yet, well, you know, I mean, we're I it feels mean to like point out that Britain did not really does is not really gonna invent ducks. Well, it feels mean to point out that Britain didn't invent ducks, you know how like they're always going on about how they've invented ducks and how ducks are a British invention and shit, and like we're all like, okay, okay, UK.

SPEAKER_03 2:09

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 2:10

Sure. Like, alright.

SPEAKER_03 2:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:13

Uh no, I was gonna say it it feels it feels bad to pick on the British for suggesting they don't have a lot of culinary prowess despite their global exploits.

SPEAKER_03 2:25

Global exploits is a hell of a way to spin zone that. How about I call it globe-trotting mischiefs? You know, Carmen San Diego? It's kind of like that.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

It's a little like that, except with way more strapping people to cannons. They did do that. They did that quite a bit.

SPEAKER_03 2:45

What a crazy way to fucking like that's such a mess, man.

SPEAKER_02 2:49

I'm gonna guess like they weren't that concerned about the mess. Yeah, they didn't have to fucking clean it. I I don't think it was a Gallagher type situation where like all the assembled nobility and uh officers like put on like raincoats and they're like, Hey! I got some, I got some.

SPEAKER_03 3:11

I say, Archibald, do look at this Irishman I've strapped to the front of this cannon. What a delightful contraption.

SPEAKER_02 3:17

What a delightful what do you do with it? It blows them to pieces. Cut that off like what I'm trying to get at is like I fucking it it's too easy. It's too easy, so we're just gonna let the UK go in peace and say that you know what? Uh I, for one, am glad our listeners in the UK, that you do have a reasonable uh relationship with geese because they are magical creatures. Yeah. Uh not a lot of them. Not well, like like some foul well, ducks are great. Ducks are great.

SPEAKER_03 3:56

That's an interesting stance.

SPEAKER_02 3:57

Given where do you stand on the duck versus goose thing?

SPEAKER_03 4:01

Well, ducks are the official goo like bird of fascism. What? No, I kid, I kid. That's geese because of the stepping. But I was gonna say, did Mussolini see a duck? He's like, I know what I must do with my life. Yeah, well, that's why the French hate them so much. That's why they do foie gras.

SPEAKER_02 4:19

I I th I think France just really early on in a reputation got a reputation for subversiveness and just ran with it.

SPEAKER_03 4:28

I guess when you think about it, like foie gras is kind of like the food equivalent of strapping an Irish guy to the front of a cannon.

SPEAKER_02 4:37

Everyone says that. That's the menu description on the that's the description on the menu. It's like the cue the culinary equivalent of strapping an Irish guy to a cannon and blowing him to pieces in front of a contingent of indentured laborers. Though I mean, you could say that there is kind of a culinary arrogance to the French. Like they they got really good at cooking, and then it was like a fucking they became all anime villains about it.

SPEAKER_03 5:09

They're like it's not announcing all their moves.

SPEAKER_02 5:11

Yeah, no, well, it's it's like it's like I have reached the limit of my power, but it's not enough. I must steam an infant bird.

SPEAKER_03 5:20

Yeah, right, and then eat it underneath a cloth so that even gods cannot see it.

SPEAKER_02 5:25

I may hide my gluttony from God, like that's anime villain shit.

SPEAKER_03 5:30

It really is.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

Like, like that's there's a whole trope of that. Like, we talked about that. The murder twink, you know, there's a fucking uh the French are, you know, without intending to come across as insensitive, and with respect to their long and storied culture, they are sort of like a a nation of fe culinary sadists.

SPEAKER_03 5:52

Sure. I mean I totally yeah Macron Macron.

SPEAKER_02 5:57

If you take exception to this, fucking come on the podcast.

SPEAKER_03 6:01

Defend yourself, bro. Defend yourself, you coward. In English, though, we don't speak fucking romance languages on this. No, I'm kidding. Shout out romance languages.

SPEAKER_02 6:09

I can shout out romance languages. Definitely one of my top five root linguistics. Linguistic roots, yeah. Alright, are you ready to start? Yes. Okay. Have you ever fallen for someone so hard that you were willing to drive an armored battle bus onto the steps of City Hall through a hail of gunfire as you are pursued by an army of corrupt policemen? And if you don't, doesn't that say something about you? Welcome to Slop Culture. Today we're talking The Gauntlet, starring Clint Eastwood and Sandra motherfucking lock. It's Slop Culture. Yes, welcome to Slop Culture, the happy hour podcast where we strive to see the beauty and stupidity. I am your host, Sam Sykes, and with me, as always, a man who fucked up his Kickstarter so bad that he accidentally founded and joined a paramilitary group known as the Sons of the Typhoon. It's Will Palmer, everybody.

SPEAKER_03 7:10

Now, what I'd really tried to get going there was a uh this uh really like mind-blowing new uh form of uh like a toilet bomb where you put it in and then you know you drop a fat dookie on it, flush that bad boy, foom, right? And I was trying to get it going as like a social media kind of thing where you know people would post pics of like you know like the results of their blown-up pictures. And um I was right, and I was trying to uh kick start like a typhoon tracker is what I called it, where um essentially it was uh an asshole mounted device that would obviously things went awry somewhere there. Um and um a bunch of guys from like I'm not sure, maybe Chechnya um got a hold of it. They got a hold of some other guys from Sri Lanka, and then next thing you know, I'm in the jungle fucking on the monkey bars. Someone's screaming at me, and I'm scared. They're probably scared too. Guys like 13 years old.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

Yeah, but you're all you're all kind of feeding off. Yeah, boy, he's scared. I should go easy on him. He's only 13. Yeah, I mean, fucking guy's got a kill count in the triple digits, but yeah, my fucking commanding officer is such a hard ass, but I should I should be better about it. He's only 13.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

Yeah, he likes it when I like cut the uh the edges off his sandwiches, you know. Comes back from some blood-soaked endeavor, like holding a sack full of human corpses, and I'm like, And you've got lunch and you've got lunch ready for him, and he's like, oh boy. Yeah, and make like uh like pizza rolls for him.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

Oh you like you you you give him his chicken noodle soup with Doritos crumbled up in it for like a special treat, and he's like, Wow!

SPEAKER_03 8:45

Yeah, he's making a necklace out of finger bones, and then I bring that over to him and he just lights up.

SPEAKER_02 8:50

Oh, Jesus Christ. I was gonna riff off something, but then you took it to a dark place. Actually, I do remember part of it.

SPEAKER_03 8:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:59

Uh what was like the uh the the logic behind uh the typhoon, the the poo typhoon?

SPEAKER_03 9:08

The type poo. The typo. Um I mean in my life I've seen a lot of toilet bowls, brother. And um there is just like a there's a certain uh je ne sais quoi to like a pristine white toilet bowl. That's like an impressive thing to have out. That's like having out like a pair of like dueling pistols, you know. It's a statement of intent.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

If you clog the toilet, be prepared. Yeah, really bad. It's like, wait, how how bad is how bad do you have to poo? Should we should we get your second? Yeah, if you fucking if you fucking clog the toilet, we're gonna duel.

SPEAKER_03 9:44

And you know, these these pistols actually belong to Moamar Gaddafi. Wow. Yeah. And they're like, really? And like, no, no, but they're scary.

SPEAKER_02 9:53

They are scary. They're incredibly scary, like, oh my god. Every time I shoot, every time I shoot one, I'm like, ah!

SPEAKER_03 10:03

Yeah, there's like a big skull, like a screaming skull that I've like lunchly welded onto the end of the barrel.

SPEAKER_02 10:09

There's like an aggressive stick-on tattoo of like the ninja turtles. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:16

It glows in the dark.

SPEAKER_02 10:18

Yeah, this is tough. I like that. I don't think I can go any further with that. Uh oh no, I do remember what I wanted to say. I I really liked that you made an effort, and I think you did this for me. Uh, I really like that you specified that your paramilitary group was multi-ethnic. I really liked that. Like how how like uh you know that it kind of reaches across the globe, and like, yeah, you know what? Like, dude, what if you created a very positive men's group out of a paramilitary?

SPEAKER_03 10:54

I mean, okay, okay, like uh, yeah. I mean, what what do you mean what do we mean by positive men's group? Are they going around doing like good deeds for the community or just like a self-affirmation thing?

SPEAKER_02 11:04

Well, like, what if they all show up and they're like, all right, is today's the day we're gonna overthrow the world governments, and you're like, all right, guys, but first, I got a ping pong table. Uh oh and they're all like, I I really do like ping pong, though. And like, you know, it's been a while since we've had ping pong.

SPEAKER_03 11:20

They discover a hidden talent, the underdog story.

SPEAKER_02 11:23

Yeah, yeah. And you're like, uh, and you're like, guy, and you're like, guys, like, you know, I which we played ping pong all day. We ran out of time to overthrow the governments, and like, ah, darn it. Well, we'll try again tomorrow, right, Mr. Palmer? Oh, yeah, oh yeah. Like, I'm picturing you as kind of like a a jovial like like like wise cracking like teacher for guide to these like lost souls.

SPEAKER_03 11:47

I mean, yeah, there are way worse things they could be doing, man.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

It's kind of like a welcome back cotter, except like you're you're providing guidance to like a bunch of child soldiers. I like well, like it's it's gonna be like a diverse range of ages in your parents' oh, that's fun. Yeah, and so like you got like an old guy, and maybe one episode is about like I can't storm places like I used to be able to. Like, you know what? We gotta find some purpose for old Elias over here.

SPEAKER_03 12:14

Right, well put him on comms duty.

SPEAKER_02 12:16

Alright, fuck. Uh that's as far as I can that this time I mean it. That's as far as I can go. Uh so uh we're talking about the gauntlet today. Yes. Which is very special because this will be our first Clint Eastwood movie. And I don't know if you can really put him on the Mount Rushmore of action movies, but I feel like you could make a good case for him.

SPEAKER_03 12:42

I would. I would certainly do it. I'd be scared that if I didn't, he would like run me over with, like, I don't know, like uh like a combine harvester.

SPEAKER_02 12:53

Just outside your apartment.

SPEAKER_03 12:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:55

He's got it rigged like some kind of fucking death trap video game where like you walk out your apartment and he's down at one end of the hallway, and like you have to outrun him while he's like slowly advancing towards you, and you gotta break down some gates that he's put up.

SPEAKER_03 13:10

Yeah, he's it's made like a whole little like uh steeplechase course for me while he's chasing you with arm equipment. He's just got this like uh demented grin on his face as he like mows through an entire hallway.

SPEAKER_02 13:22

That should be a national sport where Clint Eastwood is in a car or a vehicle of some sort. Sure. And you're and there's like a hundred guys in an arena with him. And like your goal is just to outlast Clint Eastwood, like he's just gonna be driving like fuck. It's like a demolition derby, except none of no one else has cars. It's only Clint Eastwood in his car.

SPEAKER_03 13:48

I could see Mr. Beast like facilitating something like that.

SPEAKER_01 13:51

I paid 100 guys to go into an arena and get run over by Clint Eastwood. Guys, let's go to the video.

SPEAKER_02 14:04

Get out of my neighborhood, punk.

SPEAKER_03 14:10

He's like beeping over some guy and it's like, uh fucking.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

You gotta you gotta you can't do that!

SPEAKER_02 14:21

You can't do oh my god, you're you've been given an Icarus like power now that you've discovered the bleep function, and you're you're you're spitting in the eye of God. You are Prometheus stealing vulgarity from the lips of gods.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

Prometheus was a pussy.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

Prometheus was a bitch. That's kind of that's that's that's a that's a big fuck you from like if a god like actively gives a bird a job specifically to eat you every fucking day.

SPEAKER_03 14:58

Like at least it was like a cool bird, it was like an eagle, I think. What if it was a lame bird? What if he just had a woodpecker?

SPEAKER_02 15:03

Yeah, what if there was like just a pigeon that had to like peck it? I bet you that'd be worse because like it's pooping while it's doing it and it's taking a long time.

SPEAKER_03 15:10

Yeah, and his life a liver was like a weird choice, too. Like, why not just like his dick? Like that's like that's worse, dude. I'd way rather have my liver get eaten by an eagle than have my fucking dick get ripped off with like a balance and a beak. I'm sure like someone on Olympus was like, rip his dick off. It's like Aries, we always rip his dick off.

SPEAKER_02 15:31

Like, Aries, I you gotta stop. Like we always have the is like you all you're always talking about how excluded you feel. But we've we've told you you just always bring up like like we these are supposed to be like fitting punishments, you know. That's why we turned that one that one weaver chick into a spider. But like, what is the lesson in in ripping dicks off, Aries?

SPEAKER_03 15:54

Like, where's the metaphor, Aries? Where's the metaphor?

SPEAKER_02 15:57

Aries just kind of looks at his fiend like I don't know. Um believe it or not, though, that's not our banter for today. Um the banter topic, I I admit I'm going to be I'm I'm I'm edging close to controversy here. Um but I wanted to ask you, have you ever had have you ever gotten like a little baked? Like, and I genuinely want like I genuinely want to know the the the punchline to this hypothetical is not ha ha weed. Okay. Like I just want to know, have you ever gotten baked and had a high idea that's so stupid that you like feel slightly ashamed of it for how stupid it is. Not offensive, not rude, not taboo. It's just like you think of something and then you're like, dude, that is the dumbest fucking thing. Like, I'm glad no one was here so I could ask them that.

SPEAKER_03 16:55

Yeah, it's like what if you had like thinner, softer shoes you wore inside your shoes, and then you're like, oh, that's socks. They made that already.

SPEAKER_02 17:02

See, I was I was specifically thinking, and like I'm being very brave by being open about this. Trust tree. Trust tree, but I had a thought earlier while I was while I was watching The Gauntlet. Um where in that scene in Matrix Revolutions, where Neo fights all the Agent Smiths.

SPEAKER_03 17:29

Yeah, and the in the big the rainy Yeah yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:33

What if he jerked them all off instead? And when and when they spunked, it all came out as that like green and black binary, yeah, like code. What if that? And then like immediately I thought like, oh my god, that's that's that's that's the dumbest thing I've ever thought.

SPEAKER_03 17:51

Yeah, you know, you look at that, you just see strings of code. You know what I see? Shredded, cut guy in a suit, strings of cum, eight ropes.

SPEAKER_01 18:02

Eight ropers!

SPEAKER_02 18:04

Some kind of fucking hydra.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

Some kind of fucking they're just busting thick ropey loads all over you, Neil.

SPEAKER_02 18:14

They busted fit ropey loads, Mr. Anderson. Erupting again, I see. Don't you think you should do that at home?

SPEAKER_01 18:36

I can show you things, Neo. Show you edging techniques you wouldn't believe. When you're ready to step to ascent, let me know. I feel like that got progressively goonier as I if you said Neo.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

So basically, I guess I I I don't feel good about that, but I did think it would be really funny.

SPEAKER_03 19:06

Would it have resolved like the core conflict? Do you think?

SPEAKER_02 19:09

I think yeah, I think only Neo would act like it's not fucking weird. And like even the machines would be watching, like, oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 19:22

Well, and Morpheus, like, he's beginning to believe. He's believe.

SPEAKER_02 19:27

Yeah, it's like that fucking scene at the end of the first matrix where he's like moving like he's anticipating.

SPEAKER_03 19:34

Only again, with a uh jobs, the flotilla of Agent Smith, so they're just like busting rapidly one at a time.

SPEAKER_02 19:42

Oh yeah, it's like a fucking anime where it's like where like Neo just like moves faster than the speed of eye uh the speed of the eye, and then like the Agent Smiths all like sway and then go still, and then there's like Baaaaah! Yeah. Alright, that is the banter. I kinda wish we had just I kinda wish we had just star kept with talking about Olympus, but now I'm thinking that like eight eight-headed cum is something that Zeus would curse you with if you pissed him off enough.

SPEAKER_03 20:19

Yeah, man. I mean, if let's be honest, if we were like minor Olympian gods, like we would have gotten up some like real like whimsical punishments for people.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

You know what? If we were Olympian gods, we'd be one of those fucking gods that like got hit by a rock because we fucking yelled at a tree or something. Like one of the and like the lesson is don't fucking don't talk shit to nature, yeah. Yeah, or something like that. Uh or I could have been a creature, you know, like a fucking uh Minotaur or something. Minotaurs are I could I could fucking I thought Minotaurs were very cool when I was young. I thought that was like one of the coolest fantasy creatures I'd ever seen.

SPEAKER_03 20:57

Yeah, I mean Asian Mythology, ever play that? That shit had a cool Minotaur in it.

SPEAKER_02 21:01

Ah no, but I I did love I did really like Greek mythology as a kid. Like that easily my favorite myth, myth, mythos, whatever. You know what I'm saying. Like, if only they had drag well, I don't know. Yeah, they had dragons, didn't they? They had like dragon adjacent critters, I'm sure. Yeah, well, they had the sleepless dragon, right? That was Jason and the Argonauts, or I might be well maybe. Yeah, that might I I don't act like I'll I'll be brave, I'll be brave again and admit I don't actually know if Jason and the Argonauts is like if I if that was a movie I saw. It will it probably was, uh but with uh fucking with fucking Ray Harryhaus and the fucking stop motion animation. Oh fuck, I wanna I wanna watch that. I wanna watch that.

SPEAKER_03 21:44

Yeah, we'll put it on the list.

SPEAKER_02 21:46

All right, um fuck. Do you wanna do you wanna do the two minute recap? Yes, of the gauntlet. The gauntlet nineteen seventy seven and sondra lock as Gus Malley. Uh I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to sound that way. Just I meant to say a hooker with additional stuff, but it just you you know what? Here's the two-minute drill. One, two, three, go.

SPEAKER_03 22:16

Alright, pussies. Um The Gauntlet, I can't do that for two minutes. The Gauntlet is a um 1977 film starring Clint Eastwood as the drunken, kind of boorish uh, I think it's a detective, uh, the police force, uh, Ben Shockley. And he is given the job of going to, I want to say LA, no, Vegas. He has to go to somewhere in Vegas and uh pick up a uh witness for a mob trial and uh deliver her to Phoenix safely. Turns out that uh the person's name is Gus, so you're set up to think it's a guy. No, it's uh Sandra Locke, who's a real delight in this movie. Um, you know, initially, like Eastwood and uh just treats her as just, you know, he treats her uh very sexistly. Um but like you come to realize her character is like very observant, clever, um, and she and Eastwood actually work together quite well because in a shocking twist, the mob doesn't want the witness to get to the courthouse. So uh the mob has been working with uh the play uh Shockley's uh corrupt uh police chief to kill him. And so the gauntlet um is both their overall journey to uh Phoenix and also specifically the end, when after having uh taken a constable hostage for a while and then uh riding a train, fighting some bikers, you know, and forming a uh kind of uh sweet romantic relationship with each other that I'm sure we'll get into, um, they end up basically building a killdozer out of a local bus that they steal, and driving the killdozer through just like thousands of like police officers lining the street. Like they don't drive it through the officers, but they just drive it down the street while just getting the shit shot out of this fucking bus. Um, to a cartoonish extent. Uh, but they do ultimately make it to the safety of the town hall or the courthouse, I forget, and uh outside the courthouse, uh, the cops just stop shooting. The police chief flips a shit and uh shoots the corrupt DA, who uh Clint Eastwood takes as like a human shield, and then Gus, Sandra Locke, um, picks up Eastwood's gun and blasts the police chief, and the rest of the cops are just like, well, I guess that fucking settles that.

SPEAKER_02 24:20

Yeah, I mean Yeah, that that that was quite abrupt, but uh a lot of this movie is quite abrupt. Um a lot of this movie, I want to be clear, is fucking great. Overall, I think I really loved this movie. Uh but this movie feels a little like and I don't know if this is everyone's experience, but having one friend or acquaintance who has a very interesting job and they know it. And so, like, for the first like 30 minutes you're talking to them, they're talking about their job, and it's very interesting.

SPEAKER_01 25:01

Yeah, I'm a gash inspector. Inspector inspector. That's fancy talk for a nurse's aide. I'm a nurse's aide, that's right. Clint Eastwood, male nurse. Take this bedpan and give it back.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

I notice it's kind of dry.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

That's a good dookie. That's a good dookie, Mr. Fontaine. We're gonna have you out of here before you know it.

SPEAKER_02 25:34

I love this. I love Glenn Eastwood male nurse. Um but yeah, it's a movie that is very interesting and knows it's very interesting. So sometimes it overindulges in a way that ultimately harms it. But it is the moments that are good are so good that they make the the prolonged moments, the bored boring moments, the tedious moments, of which there are a few. Yeah. Uh the character interactions, the dialogue, the chemistry, yeah, all of it is so good that it makes the tedium pretty easy to bear. Like it does it does bother the it does bother the movie. It does su it does make the movie a little more clunky. Yeah. But I do sincerely think uh it's like it it the good far outweighs the bad. Do you do you concur?

SPEAKER_03 26:40

Oh yeah, those are I would say there's a couple like speed bumps on the on the road that kind of throw off the pacing maybe a little bit, just because they we'll talk about it, but there's a couple scenes like just uh overstay their welcome, not in like an awful way, but just like get the fuck on with it.

SPEAKER_02 26:53

In a glaring way, in a glaring way. It's like it it's like I don't know, there's there is this uh there's this theory that you know uh something that like a beautiful object of art with one a single crack in it is more uh beautiful than the same object of art with no cracks in it because it now it has character. I think this is kind of the proof positive of the opposite theory, because like this movie is very close to being like just perfect, in my opinion, but it fucking overindulges in just some very peculiar places that makes it like uh like like I don't think I would want to see this movie again, you know, like really soon. I'd I'd watch I'll put it this way if this movie came out in theaters, I'd be very happy and I'd think very fondly of the night we went out and watched it. Yeah. And then the next night I would hope we just not in a hur I would not be in a hurry to see it again. Not like backrooms. That makes sense. Sorry. I love that one.

SPEAKER_03 28:05

Yeah, you know, I heard uh Kane Parsons uh was actually unborn that he was directing while still inside the womb.

SPEAKER_02 28:11

In fact, he was actually he had yet to be conceived. He was it was his dad that was typing it. From the testicles up. Like I'm sorry, that that's coarse, that's coarse. We're trying to keep it classy here. Uh but I want to say the chemistry in this movie is by far its best asset. The fucking word between uh fucking Will has gone to let his homie in. Uh I think people are too glib with the term homie. To me, a homie is like above a friend, right? Like, like that's someone you trust in your house. Like a homie, because that that hence the name, right?

SPEAKER_03 29:03

Oh, this is my boy Kiefer. Sam, this is Kiefer.

SPEAKER_02 29:06

Kiefer, what up, man? Uh so Kiefer is here. What's up, Kiefer? He's not gonna be contributing, so like think of him as sort of a ghost, a background ghost who is just like like imagine that you always have a ghost named Kiefer hanging out with you, and he's always hoping that you succeed. And like maybe he's a poltergeist and he can throw shit around, or maybe he's just there in spirit, like he can be whatever kind of ghost you want. But give yourself the gift of a Kiefer ghost. I'd want like a Dapper Victorian ghost, I think. A Kiefer could definitely be a Dapper Victorian ghost. Uh I just don't want one of the six sense ghosts, the kind that are like, you know, like brutally main. Oh, yeah, like I don't want brutal ghosts. Like he never meets any ghost that was just like, hey man, like, yeah, I was I was pretty old. Like we all saw it coming.

SPEAKER_03 29:59

Like, yeah. But I guess that's the point.

SPEAKER_02 30:02

I guess that's the point, right? Like the ghost is at peace, so it moved on.

SPEAKER_03 30:06

Yeah, whereas if it died in like a horrific industrial loom accident, then probably got some business they want finished.

SPEAKER_02 30:12

Yeah, you know, more people die by loom accidents than by hippopotamus attacks every year.

SPEAKER_03 30:18

I actually wouldn't be surprised if that was true.

SPEAKER_02 30:21

Yeah, I wouldn't either, but I can't back that up. But, anyways, uh I want to say the fucking chemistry between Sandra Locke and Clint Eastwood is fucking magical. These characters have such a journey together, and they grow and evolve with each other in ways that feel very true and very earned. And like it just it's just they they work so well together. And like uh Sondra Locke plays Gus Malley, a hooker who be who witnessed a some some crimes, yes, and also uh suffered at the hands of the Phoenix Police Department Commissioner.

SPEAKER_03 31:07

Villainous police chief guy, yeah. The vanilla villainous uh Blake Lock. Vanilla? The vanilla vanilla. Vanilla Ice actually stars as Blake Lock.

SPEAKER_02 31:19

That's like his his Super Saiyan form. When he ch channels enough energy, vanilla and ice vanilla ice becomes vanilla. And he gains like beam powers and sprouts like two wings, one bat wing and one bird wing.

SPEAKER_03 31:37

Oh, okay. That's kind of um that's an interesting vibe for our boy vanilla ice here. I was thinking you'd have more like uh the cold-based powers, obviously. He might have like a big, like a humongous uh fucking snowflake that he like flies around on. I mean, that sounds kind of like, but like what if it was also like a throwing star?

SPEAKER_02 32:00

That sounds a little like what if you could hit someone with your skateboard? I mean, yeah, that's pretty effective from what I've seen.

SPEAKER_03 32:09

Yeah, that's actually what it was invented for.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

Yeah, that's how it started is like a quick way to whack someone and then make it the end of one way.

SPEAKER_03 32:17

Yeah. You just sketch away next to your uh your limiting. Imagine like somebody does a drive-by shooting, but they're just on heelys across the street, slowly rolling by.

SPEAKER_02 32:34

Alright, is it funnier if it's in the modern age or if it's in like fucking 1930s Chicago and it's like a fucking uh like Cosa Nostra. Like rattle the moise, and there's healing by healing town with a Tommy gun, like nah. And then like, get out of here, guys! And then like they take off sprinting, and then healing. The cops are like out of breath, like, forget it.

SPEAKER_00 33:03

They got healing.

SPEAKER_02 33:04

We can't catch them. Then eventually, like, they spend the entire movie trying to figure out how to stop these guys until they eventually realize they can just shoot them. That ends it real quickly, and it's just an absolute blood like men wailing and begging for their lives.

SPEAKER_03 33:27

Just getting blown apart by like high caliber women. Yeah. Like uh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:37

All I wanted to talk about was how good Sandra Locke and Clint Eastwood were together.

SPEAKER_03 33:42

Imagine the end of this movie, but they're just like on heelys with riot shields instead of the bus.

SPEAKER_02 33:50

I was hoping he would say, like, because at the end, uh so the whole thing is fucking uh Clint Eastwood is trying to get Sandra Locke to Chicago to Phoenix, I'm sorry, uh to try to get her to testify. And to do this, they go on some shenanigans, but ultimately they end up hijacking a bus, and Clint Eastwood forces people at gunpoint to construct a shell for his bus. And then he drives that bus through a titular gauntlet of Phoenix policemen, all with shotguns aimed at him. He just drives a bus through it, and then for some reason he b drives it through another fucking gauntlet.

SPEAKER_04 34:32

Yes, a double gauntlet.

SPEAKER_02 34:34

There's two gauntlets, and then he finally drives it up to the to City Hall, and for some reason all the cops stop shooting. Like it literally is like, well, he fucking made it to City Hall. You know what that means.

SPEAKER_03 34:45

Like Yeah, it's like church rules back in like you know, the hunchback of Notre Dame times.

SPEAKER_02 34:50

Sanctuary!

SPEAKER_03 34:52

If Clint Eastwood drives a business.

SPEAKER_02 34:55

If a Clint Eastwood drives a bus into your front yard, you gotta give him a shelter.

SPEAKER_03 34:59

Yeah, it says so in the Bible.

SPEAKER_02 35:01

He's never paid rent throughout his entire life because of that. I just move from house to house. I go into it. It's a transient lifestyle. I eat everybody's snacks, and then I I refuse to chip in even a little money.

SPEAKER_03 35:18

I'm like a mean Santa Claus.

SPEAKER_02 35:20

I'm a reverse Santa Claus.

SPEAKER_01 35:22

I take things. I love taking.

SPEAKER_03 35:25

I'll shit in your kitchen and then wipe my ass with your dish towels.

SPEAKER_02 35:31

I feel like I was picturing him as kind of a whimsical Grinch-like creature. I feel like you pivoted hard towards like a serial killer. Maybe it's both. Maybe he does it's just he's like, I'm Clint Eastwood and I can't stand Christmas. Every night I go down and stab everyone in hopes of stopping it, but it never works.

SPEAKER_03 36:02

Right, no, of course he's like whimsically tiptoeing between bedrooms.

SPEAKER_02 36:06

It's just horrifying. He's like, but he's in his little Santa outfit. Oh, yeah, yeah. With bells on the toes. Just yeah. His dog's outside going, as he's fucking eating. Oh my god, chewing a human limb. Alright, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. This movie really was good, and I really wish uh we could go into uh but I think we've we've covered most of what's good about it. There's no getting around it. A lot of this movie was quite silly. Um this is like like I will acknowledge what I said earlier is true. Watching the chemistry of these people and hearing the the beautiful dialogue, and they were such grimy, broken characters. Uh fucking Clint Eastwood plays Ben Shockley, a fucking drunk, dirty ass cop, and I loved what they did with this character, and that they kind of present him as like, sure, he's a wreck, but he gets the job done. And then later they rug pull that, they reveal, actually, no, it's not that you get the job done, it's because you're a fucking drunk fuck up, and they wanted you to and they wanted you to be put on this fucking suicide mission.

SPEAKER_03 37:21

Yep, and then they pull the rug again because there was a secret rug disguised as the floor.

SPEAKER_01 37:26

And then he's like, I'll show them, I'll pull out my own rug, and I'll finally stop Christmas from coming.

SPEAKER_02 37:34

Uh and yeah, he he turns out to be a very capable character, and he's fucking he has this wonderful, bristling, aggressive chemistry with uh Sandra Locke, and she is this fucking unflappable, cool, and composed fucking streetwise lady who just like has fucking ice water in her veins.

SPEAKER_03 37:56

Yeah, she goes through some pretty like traumatizing and gnarly shit in this film.

SPEAKER_02 38:00

She goes through some gnarly shit, and there's there's a scene. You could say it's a gauntlet, it's an emotional gauntlet. Uh but there's a scene where uh Clint Eastwood has just escaped the Las Vegas Police Department because he's just realized he's been set up and framed, and he abducts a Las Vegas constable at gunpoint and forces him to drive him and uh Sondra Locke to the Arizona border. And while this is happening, this clean-cut constable just starts saying this horrible shit about uh Sondra Locke, uh Gus Miller observations. Just like the most vile, and like she's a hooker, and he's just he's giving her like endless fucking shit about it.

SPEAKER_03 38:51

Calls her a strumpet.

SPEAKER_02 38:53

Calls her a strumpet. He says some like legitimately uncomfortable holy shit things.

SPEAKER_03 38:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:59

And like to the point where you keep asking, you keep thinking, like, Clint, just fucking blow his head off, man. Like, this is horrible. Yeah. But then she just lights a cigarette and she fucking just calls him out and just says, Listen, fucker, like I I we both sell ourselves. You're a cop, like you take so many fucking kick packs. The difference is I sell my body, I take a bath, I come out as clean as the day I was born. She says, And you, there's not enough water on earth to make you clean again. And it's just like, oh fuck. Like, she just took his abuse and just shrugged it off, and then just retaliated, and she just she keeps up that energy this whole time. She is she it's it's it's actually marvelous because like she is a passive character in that she kind of has to go where Clint Eastwood tells her to. But later that becomes that becomes more of an active choice on her part.

SPEAKER_03 39:54

Where they choose to go together. And she's also uh a good example of the classic like character side character that you like because they're just very competent.

SPEAKER_02 40:03

Very competent, very confident, too. Like there's a there's a bit where they get shot up where uh she escapes through a secret tunnel uh under under Clint Eastwood's nose, and then the police show up and shoot out her their hiding spot.

SPEAKER_03 40:18

They're not her house, I think, and then the police are showing to kill the house.

SPEAKER_02 40:22

They kill the fucking house. Like we'll we'll get into that in a bit. Um but then Clint Eastwood escapes out a tunnel and finds her, and she's smoking a cigarette on the other side, and she's like, She's like, she's like, what happened back there? It sounded noisy, and it's just like, oh god, like so fucking cold-blooded. It was it's wonderful. I loved that character so much, and like I loved how grimy these characters were. I love that fucking they're both fuck-ups in some way, and like they're both too fucking tough to go down, and that's what they see in each other. That's lovely. That's and like that's in that definitely contributes to their chemistry together.

SPEAKER_03 41:01

Oh, sure.

SPEAKER_02 41:02

And like I I yeah, go ahead, go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 41:04

Uh and I mean in real life too, you know, the two of them were in like a domestic partnership of there was a very long, very long relationship between them.

SPEAKER_02 41:13

Very complicated, too. It's well worth well worth reading about.

SPEAKER_03 41:17

Yeah, but um, you can see like that, you know, feeling that chemistry, like it uh that does reflect, I think, that real life.

SPEAKER_02 41:25

Um it was it was genuine emotion, is what it was. Yes, yes, exactly. Genuine emotion. Genuine emotion, totally organic, so good. Uh and yes, I do believe that that chemistry justifies this movie.

SPEAKER_03 41:40

I would tend to agree.

SPEAKER_02 41:42

That doesn't mean that this movie did not have some extremely goofy shit, like for as much of a reputation as Clint Eastwood gets for being like, you know, this raw, rugged, visceral impact of a director. Some of this shit was just straight up fucking like a kid playing with toys. It was ridiculous.

SPEAKER_03 42:04

Like how many fucking squibs do you think we can fit on that bus?

SPEAKER_01 42:07

How many squibs do you think we can fit on that bus? How many times could you realistically shoot a bus and still have it work the movie? Is it a ship of these part where you get a big business where you get enough shot off and no it's no longer the same bus that it started out? Like how much of the bus needs to be made out of bullets for it to not be a bus anymore. This is a real classic man versus bus movie. And I only want to work with people, I only want to work with people who understand the gravity of that.

SPEAKER_02 42:38

There's a lot of goofiness in this movie, and like the first time it gets supremely goofy, it plays it fairly straight-laced, though in hindsight, literally our first introduction to uh to Ben Chockley, the character, is when he opens his his car door and a literal like handle of Jack Daniels falls out. A mostly drunk handle, uh yeah, a mostly drunk handle, but it's just it's there's something slightly cartoonish about that. I know it's like meant to be like he's a drunk and he's a fuck up, and they get that across, but that's still like very much.

SPEAKER_03 43:11

This goes hard, all right.

SPEAKER_02 43:13

Yeah, yeah, like okay. But then it doesn't get truly goofy until uh fucking uh uh Ben Shockley accompanies Gus Malley to her to her apartment where she turns straight and she gets changed, and then the pol Chicago PD Chicago P D.

SPEAKER_03 43:34

Police that show up from like 18 states away.

SPEAKER_02 43:36

Yeah, like fucking every police Beverly Hills police, my everyday police is here. But then they like Las Vegas police show up with like AK 47s and shotguns, and I think I saw one throw a grenade. Yeah, and they just opened fire on the house, and literally thousands upon thousands of rounds are punching through it like. It's Looney Tunes. It's fucking Looney Tunes shit.

SPEAKER_03 44:04

I'm not being hyperbolic. It is more than two minutes stuff. Just two minutes straight of them just lighting up a non-resisting house.

SPEAKER_02 44:11

I wrote in my notes, I wrote the phrase, are they still shooting? Twice? Like they just keep shooting. And at the end, if like a fucking cartoon, the roof caves in and the whole house falls down.

SPEAKER_03 44:22

The whole thing falls down because they they shot it so many fucking times.

SPEAKER_02 44:25

And I feel like other people might have been living there.

SPEAKER_03 44:28

Not anymore.

SPEAKER_02 44:29

I guess not anymore, but it's so fucking goofy. It's like, and then they're like, cease fire, ceasefire. It's like it's a cartoon. Like, there's no and like no one stops to reload. There's no strategy or tactics. It's just fucking like endless shotgunning. And you know, this it sort of keeps up that thing up until the end with the titular gauntlet where the entire Phoenix police department is trying to keep them from reaching City Hall.

SPEAKER_03 44:57

And they have guys like poking out of every single window in every single building. There's like guys lining both sides of the street, guys on every rooftop.

SPEAKER_02 45:05

If this movie had simply been about people in an armored bus trying to besiege Phoenix, it could have been a lot of fun because honestly, it got pretty fun towards the end.

SPEAKER_03 45:17

Because then we thought that the mag dumping in the house was over the top. This this bus suffers a great deal more than the house does.

SPEAKER_02 45:23

This bus never explodes either. It just breaks down, which I guess it's not.

SPEAKER_03 45:27

It breaks down when it gets like stuck on the stairs. I don't think it even like the engine even conks it.

SPEAKER_02 45:31

Yeah, yeah. Like, like, but this is the ridiculous part is like there's a corrupt politician trying to keep the witness from arriving. So he commands the entire Phoenix Police Department to stand lined up along the fucking streets with shotguns and just and like on buildings and in every conceivable nook and cranny and just come popping out of trash cans. Yeah, and he just opens fire on this bus, and it is like legitimately fucking goofy. Like you want us you could imagine like trapeze flying overhead and like cops leaping and shooting in midair as they tumbled around. Oh fucking like like fucking on horseback for all that I know like in a tank. Who gives a shit?

SPEAKER_03 46:13

There's biplanes soaring overhead.

SPEAKER_02 46:15

Yeah, there's like there's like a fucking B-2 bomber overhead, fucking dropping policemen flying, or like paratrooping down and unloading.

SPEAKER_03 46:27

Yeah, but like you see a bunch of red coats doing a bayonet charge on it.

SPEAKER_02 46:31

There's red coats, there's fucking Saxons with uh with like an archery, like there's like British yeomen, like there's like Italian mercenaries with crossbows and cannons.

SPEAKER_03 46:45

Yeah, Crow Magnans with slings.

SPEAKER_02 46:51

There's a fucking samurai for some reason. It's like Mongolians on horseback, it's like riding donuts around it.

SPEAKER_03 47:00

And a guy in a jetpack shows up with a rail gun.

SPEAKER_02 47:05

A fucking time portal opens, a murderous cyborg ports up, dude. It's like terminators open.

SPEAKER_03 47:13

Yeah, like mecha eastwood from the future arrives to like kill his past self.

SPEAKER_02 47:18

It's a terminator, but he's in Eastwood shape with like a fucking Grinch ass skull. And like, we are joking, but the reality is not that much.

SPEAKER_03 47:32

Not that far off.

SPEAKER_02 47:33

Not that not that less goofy, honestly. It's just all the cops lined up and they never chase the bus. They just stand there and shoot at the bus as it passes.

SPEAKER_03 47:42

And like those are the rules of engagement with buses. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:46

It literally reads like the the mare of Phoenix agrees. Like, all right, you can testify if you drive a bus up to City Hall without getting shot or it breaking down. You're on.

SPEAKER_03 48:04

Yeah. To make it fair, I'll make sure that they can't run after you, okay? There's gonna be a lot of guys that like more guys than you think.

SPEAKER_02 48:10

No tags, backseas. Okay, no taxis, back seas. They but I get more guys. All right, that's fine. More dudes, but they can't run.

SPEAKER_04 48:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 48:20

Like it does have that logic. It's really strange. And then once they land, they all like once they get off the bus, nobody shoots them. There's presumably still under orders to shoot these guys. Yeah, they're like indeed the corrupt politician comes out and shouts, shoot them, shoot them.

SPEAKER_03 48:39

Yep. And like, nobody does, so he takes out his own gun and then you know.

SPEAKER_02 48:43

Yeah, it's like the and then uh fucking the Phoenix PD stand there and watch as that corrupt politician kills another corrupt politician.

SPEAKER_03 48:53

Yeah, blasts the DA, shoots Eastwood.

SPEAKER_02 48:55

And then they sit there and and watch as Gus Malley takes a gun and fucking shoots him.

SPEAKER_03 49:02

Yeah, just fucking slimes the police commissioner.

SPEAKER_02 49:06

And then they fucking just sit there and watch as she goes, Don't you tell me, Penlock, shock me, blah blah blah. And then he goes, nag, nag, nag. Like he he that's that's his catchphrase, is she'll bust his balls for something, and he goes, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag. He'll never you know that's uh I don't like Christmas at all. I'm sorry. I couldn't figure out any way to link those. I was just I was still charmed by fucking the Grinchy Swood. But then they get up, and remember, this this woman is supposed to testify. Right. Uh and then they just get up and they're like, Alright, let's go get married. Like, ah yes, I always like and they just walk off together, and it's very sweet, but what?

SPEAKER_03 49:48

Like there's a lot of fucking there's a cheap sweater's worth of threads left dangling.

SPEAKER_02 49:52

Yeah, yeah. Yes, it is a Walmart sweater of of plot tolls. It's a mothy, not even a good Walmart, like one of the fucking uh Boonies Walmarts, you know, like fucking deep in the bayou. The fucking legendary Walmart where the moths grow big as pigs, and it's run by a mysterious old woman who doesn't accept cash. Only promises, only promises, but the good news is you get two Pepsi's for one promise, not Pepsi Max or Cherry Pepsi, but you're gonna pay for it later. Sorry, um yeah, like and and there are some other action sequences that all go on just a little too long, and so this movie kind of pivots from like this very tense, grimy, gritty character drama to like just goofy fucking 70s action shit. Like that said though, the bit where fucking Sondra Locke drives the killdozer bus.

SPEAKER_03 51:02

Yeah, that was tense.

SPEAKER_02 51:03

That was that was really adorable. Because like you see, you see through the little visor they've carved into the iron shell, and her eyes are just going wide, she's like, Oh my gosh! Like, I yeah, only for love would I do this. And that's I thought that was really cute.

SPEAKER_03 51:17

Yeah, and the police department's like, Woman driving, lighter up!

SPEAKER_02 51:20

Oh driving, lighter up. This is 1977! Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_03 51:27

Yeah, I feel like that's like actual like documentary footage of like never mind of oh my gosh, oh my gosh, are you just gonna I'm not picking a fight with I know what's going to happen. But like real talk though.

SPEAKER_02 51:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 51:44

I was gonna ask you um if you were gonna design like a gauntlet type bus, and like obviously you can't do the killdozer, that's that's been done, but yeah, yeah, what would you do for like a killdozer type design?

SPEAKER_02 51:56

Assuming that like before I answer that, can I just can I just drop a little knowledge on you? Alright, yeah, hit me with this. Uh because I do want to that's that's definitely a much more interesting thing, but I wanted to say that uh this movie was set kind of around the height of the mob's southwestern division. Oh, yeah. So you know that's yeah, not a lot of not a lot of people know this, but the mob actually had a sizable presence in Phoenix uh and a definite presence in Las Vegas. So I thought that was kind of cool. Uh like I I did think it was a cool uh choice of settings rather than like Los Angeles or something.

SPEAKER_03 52:30

Yeah. All right, but I was in the mob, I would not want to be in like the the Southwest, you know. I'd have like you gotta wear all the suits and stuff. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:39

No, it probably probably feels like shit. But then again, it was a the planet was cooler back then.

SPEAKER_03 52:44

Like I mean, everybody's got like a nickname in the mob, right? They probably call me like sweaty or something. I don't need that. They call you Pitsy. Hey, Pitsy. God, dude, yeah. That's like a Wikipedia page. It's like my mugshot and a picture of like my head blown off by the FBI in like a no-knock raid, and then it's like this was Pitsy Palmer.

SPEAKER_02 53:01

This was Pitsy Palmer. Here's 200, here's a gallery of 200 photos of him sweating. Yeah, and here's what the inside of his brain pan looked like. This is the inside of here's the sweat gland. Notice it was larger than everything else. This is what a sweaty guy. And they put him in Phoenix. How fucked is that? They put him in Phoenix. I guess they didn't like him. They should have put him in Alaska, but I guess the mob doesn't really do much out there. I guess press on some fish mongers, but for potential. Alaskan mafia freeze!

SPEAKER_03 53:34

Yeah, what are they doing? Like skimming off the top of like the crab industry?

SPEAKER_02 53:38

Yeah, the illegal crab trade.

SPEAKER_03 53:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:41

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 53:42

Just get their asses kicked by a bunch of like hardcore crabbers. But you did ask those guys don't fuck around. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:47

You did ask what kind of kill bus I would. Can I ask a question? Am I living in this thing or is it just for one siege?

SPEAKER_03 53:55

Well, I mean, you're living in it, in a way, but like uh am I I guess. You're not getting out.

SPEAKER_02 54:01

Is this is it so I'm not getting out. So it's it is basically for just the one siege.

SPEAKER_03 54:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:07

Alright.

SPEAKER_03 54:08

Um I think that allows for more creative options.

SPEAKER_02 54:11

I think Eastwood is correct to put the armor in the front.

SPEAKER_03 54:17

Inside the vehicle, as opposed to it.

SPEAKER_02 54:18

Inside the vehicle, as opposed to outside, yeah. And like like that, because I think where you're gonna get fucked with a bus is trying to defend the back end.

SPEAKER_03 54:27

A lot of possible entrances to that.

SPEAKER_02 54:29

A lot of possible entrances, and plus like you just can't if it's just me and like one other person keeping in contact. You got keeping in yeah, yeah, keeping in promise, or uh uh uh a rugged hooker with uh with whom I have uh some endearingly grimy chemistry.

SPEAKER_03 54:47

Okay, yeah, I'll allow a rugged hooker.

SPEAKER_02 54:49

Chemistry in a stained beaker glass, if you will.

SPEAKER_03 54:53

Oh all right.

SPEAKER_02 54:54

Chemistry in a off a chain off a chipped bunsen burner. Alright, I'm sorry. Uh so like if I had a crew, you know, I would try to armor the back as well, because then I could have people like gunning out.

SPEAKER_03 55:07

Yeah, like turret segments kind of.

SPEAKER_02 55:09

Yeah, yeah, but I think that's I think that's a fool's errand.

unknown 55:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:12

So I think mold the crew in it.

SPEAKER_02 55:14

Well, like, well, A, if I that would be only if I have a crew. If I don't have a crew, I don't think there's any sense. Like I can't just have one person manning it back there. Right. Yeah. So I think like I'm just stressing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I I think well plus, you know, if I'm running through a gauntlet of of of gunfire, they're just gonna get shot up. They're no good to me if they die, you know?

SPEAKER_03 55:35

Right.

SPEAKER_02 55:36

So I think what I would try to do is like maybe if I could rig up some incendiary devices or something that like that's always fun. That like I could roll out the back and like drop shit behind us. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 55:51

That makes it that makes it spawn traps.

SPEAKER_02 55:53

Yeah, yeah, that makes it like harder for them to track us or something. I think I would try to do that. Uh alternatively I would try to find some kind of blade, some kind of large sharp edge, uh-huh, and like strap it to the back of the bus. Interesting. And then I would just try to like weave back and forth and like hopefully serpent. Yeah, hopefully, like tail whack some people. Okay, I feel you. You know, like the the blade is just there for reach. Like, I'm really hoping for the impact to do most of the most of the damage there.

SPEAKER_03 56:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:34

But like I think that's how I stand the best chance of reaching a fucking uh reaching city hall and reaching sit reaching city hall and thus being able to wed my rugged hooker. Yes. And and move to northern Arizona as as we talked about.

SPEAKER_04 56:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:50

Settle down. Settle down near the canyon, because you can still get land out there. How about you? What would yours be? Uh Combine Harvester. I didn't know that was an option.

SPEAKER_03 57:01

Like, well, you gotta get creative with it.

SPEAKER_02 57:03

Or are you just are you just gonna say you're gonna rig up so that it's like a combine harvester?

SPEAKER_03 57:08

I would want like a cow catcher, but it's made out of like spinning blades.

SPEAKER_02 57:12

So, like basically, you want like a mobile saw dungeon. You want like a pop-up saw dungeon?

SPEAKER_03 57:18

There's not really any like riddles or lessons or anything. Uh it's not really a trap either, because you see it coming. It's it's pretty loud. It's like I feed it with coal, it's got like a big tin whistle.

SPEAKER_02 57:27

A big tin whistle, like woo-hoo! That rules. That rules. Yeah, um that's a little that's a little whimsical. Maybe it plays a little song like doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo.

SPEAKER_03 57:39

Yeah. Um like weapons-wise, I mean, I probably just want like pressurized like hoses that shot out like mayonnaise, like old mayonnaise. Because like I, you know, like I mean, I'm driving a fucking like whimsical combine harvester thing. Like, like I'm not actually gonna be like taking anybody out, so like all these mercenaries or whoever's going after me, like they're gonna get I'm gonna hit him with the splooge cannon.

SPEAKER_02 58:04

It's just kind of like an aggressive spring break party bus. You got hunks and babes in the back, like woo, and like blasting with cannons full of fluid, and all the cops going like, yeah!

SPEAKER_03 58:22

Yeah, and in the front, there's just like an armored fucking windscreen covered in gore.

SPEAKER_02 58:27

Covered in gore, they're just like none of them know what's going on as you're like just fucking mowing them down.

SPEAKER_03 58:33

Woo!

SPEAKER_02 58:34

Over here.

SPEAKER_03 58:35

Yeah, the headlights have human skulls on them.

SPEAKER_00 58:37

Who wants a t-shirt?

SPEAKER_03 58:40

A t-shirt canon, but he accidentally picks up the 12 gauge and just like blows off somebody's fucking head.

SPEAKER_02 58:47

Who wants a t-shirt? You just blow a hole in their chest. That's horrible. That's horrible. I can't believe you created the MTV murder bus.

SPEAKER_00 59:00

I mean, it's Summer 99, 1999, and we're on the murder bus. We're going up and down the Florida coast looking for the hottest guys and gals, and then we're gonna feed them into the incinerator.

SPEAKER_03 59:16

Oh no. I mean, that is how it attains its hellish power.

SPEAKER_00 59:19

Those that survive will be harder, stronger. They will have been forged in a furnace of flesh and steel. They will survive what is to come. And they're gonna do it with shots of Hornitos tequila! Woo! Shots, shots, yes, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_02 59:41

I'm sorry, I got very enchanted with the MTV murder murderbus party.

SPEAKER_00 59:47

Coming to a town near you! MTV Murderbus Tour 1998! We're in Cancun!

SPEAKER_02 59:54

Oh fuck. Is there anything else you want to say about the Gauntlet? I feel like this has gotten away from us.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:00

Um let's see. Outside of the prodigious use of Squibbs, which like we said, like did loop around to being silly. Um, I was I was still impressed with it. But um outside of the prodigious use of squibs, I thought the movie's tone was interesting, right? Because Yeah, because uh there are like some genuinely like kind of harrowing scenes, like one in particular, like pretty harrowing scenes in the moments of just like very funny, like kind of very simple comedy, right? And I I didn't really mind. I thought it kind of went between those without being too jarring.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:32

I thought it was c yeah, I thought it was kind of justified because both uh Mali and Shockley a big part of this is that they're fucking like rough, rugged, broken people, right? So like they've taken their licks and they're just keep going. So they like fucking they can get through it, you know? Like they they roll with it. Life has given them a lot of shit to handle in their lives, and so they've just learned how to handle it, you know? I kind of liked that. But I agree, some there were times when it felt very jarring, like when they're fucking getting when like they're getting menaced by bikers, and then fucking uh and then like a couple of minutes later they're like like nag nag nag like ah come on man, like but that said there were a little bit. Yeah, yeah. But there were some there were some very genuine moments too, like when they're both realize uh the only way to get through this is to drive to Phoenix, and that's just going to destroy them. Uh she calls her mom and tells and tells her she's getting married, and it's it's kind of like a lie. She's just gonna say, I'm marrying this guy just to make her mom happy before she dies. And I thought that was great. I loved that. But like the tone was kind of a kind of jarring in some places, but again, I don't think that would have been such a problem if the action hadn't like if the scenes that were jarring didn't last so long, you know? Like I think this movie could have been trimmed down by like twenty minutes or so. Well, maybe more like ten minutes, but yeah, ten minutes scene.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:06

I agree. If you had to add if you had to add one scene to this movie featuring the use of like tens of thousands of squibs, like what would it be? Like what would get destroyed with said.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:17

I want I want something totally fucking innocuous, like Okay. Like I I want to do that Simpsons gag where like where like uh they're fuck like uh they're in the motel room and they're like, what's that sound? And they look out the window and all these cops roll up and suddenly like just shoot up a motel and like you see inside the room those like people dying and like it's nightmarish, it's just horrible. It goes on for like five minutes, and then we cut back and it's the motel across the street.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:49

They're watching getting blown up, and like wow, yeah, that's not us. I think that I would add that. I would add that.

unknown 1:02:56

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:57

That's a solid one.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:58

I that or I would just have one guy get like fucking exploded to all hell, and just like just trying to get to like a phone to call for to call for help, and every time he moves, they empty another round and another magazine into him.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:18

Fuck. Um two more questions. One, um, yeah, this is a pretty interesting first movie for us to watch as a and talk about as a Clint Eastwood movie, right? I I like that we did though.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:30

This was this was this was not a classic. This was well, it is a classic, but it's not one of his better known ones.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:37

Yeah, I think we chose this one. I mean, I know I adore the poster, and I think that you uh quite like oh yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:44

The fucking hand painted posters of the 1970s, the fucking Star Wars posters, come on, man.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:50

Beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:51

Like I will always I will always be a sucker for that shit.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:54

Yeah. So shouts out to like that kind of classic. Uh, you know, I don't even know how to describe it. Just look it up. The the poster for the gauntlet is it's dope. Pulp. Pulp is I guess only other question is uh what do you want to watch next week?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:11

Do you think we can do Jason and the Argonauts, the fucking Ray Harryhausen version?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:16

Yeah, I mean, sure. I don't foresee any issues.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:19

Yeah, I don't I don't know, I don't know where you can find it, but that feels that feels like a classic. We found Ricky O, so yeah, we can probably so alright, join us for Jason and the Argonauts, uh, which is out from the fucking sixties, so this might be the oldest one we ever did.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:36

Uh until then, do you want to well, do you want to uh lead us out with some fucking uh housekeeping?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:41

Happy to. Uh Slop Culture is a podcast hosted by Sam Sykes, that's him, and Will Palmer, that's me. Uh please give us a five-star review on whatever platform you heard us on. Our cover art is by Andrew Sides, and our intro music is by Joe Roy. You can get in touch with the podcast at Slopculturepodcast at gmail.com, and you can find me on social media at palmskis or will underscore palmskis pretty much everywhere.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:03

You'll find me at Sam Sykes Swears pretty much everywhere. Uh this has been Slop Culture, the happy hour podcast where we strive to see the beauty and stupidity. Uh please join us next week for Jason and the Argonauts. And until then, stay sloppy.