Jason & The Argonauts (1966) - My Close Comrade, Thaddeus the Magnificent

It is Slop Culture's utmost pleasure to introduce an iconic film about hairy skinny dudes rowing boats and slapping skeletons--Jason & The Argonauts. Join Will and Sam in a discussion on topics such as Ray Harryhausen's vision, cinema's earliest special effects, how much it must rule to be an old dude just letting it all hang out on a boat with your bros, and more.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Just asking questions.

SPEAKER_04 0:01

Alright, Craig's here. Craig's here. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Alright. What's up, Craig? We weren't talking about anything. Craig, no, I mean, no, we we really weren't talking about anything. I'm sorry, Craigy. Craigy! Craigry! Craigy! Call off it! Call off the airstrike, Craig! Craig assumes control of NORAD.

SPEAKER_07 0:26

Operation Burning Falcon is a go.

SPEAKER_04 0:29

Now recording your last words. Oh shit. No, Craig!

SPEAKER_07 0:35

Everyone says that.

SPEAKER_04 0:37

What if the Duolingo Owl is like the AI that goes rogue and like he takes like he takes over the nuclear arsenal? And like the only way he does he he won't trigger it is if at least one person completes their lesson every day. Yeah, you gotta keep the street going, keep it alive, so to speak. Yeah, like we just have to keep doing this because Duolingo is on everybody's phone and it becomes like a daily thing. Yeah, because like all of society rearranges itself around other religions are forgotten. It's just all about appeasing the owl.

SPEAKER_07 1:16

I mean, that's better than like fucking like Waymo or whatever, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:20

Yeah, I I would fucking hate if Waymo became the dominant AI and now what would it want? It would just want to drive me around all the time. And I'm like, come on. Yeah, like uh, not this shit again.

SPEAKER_07 1:32

Like are really going through the drive-thru again. This is like the fourth time.

SPEAKER_04 1:36

On the way, I can show you some podcasts I've been listening to. And recommend you some herbal supplements.

SPEAKER_07 1:47

What are your tea levels like?

SPEAKER_04 1:49

What are your tea levels like, dog?

SPEAKER_07 1:52

Are you gonna be like red tech?

SPEAKER_04 1:54

You should be taking red tech. It makes your dick red.

SPEAKER_07 1:58

It changes the voice, but only for that. You're a bitch. You are a sheep, and I am the last wolf you will ever see.

SPEAKER_03 2:10

And if you don't want to be a sheep anymore, it's time to get into red turk.

SPEAKER_07 2:16

Yeah, I did see uh the first Waymo I've seen, at least in a while, like right around my apartment building. And I they've been here. I didn't like it. Yeah, they've been there for a minute. They've been here for a minute, and I got used to them, but I I can't remember.

SPEAKER_04 2:28

Did we talk about this on the podcast? There are DoorDash robots near me. Uh yeah, I saw one of those for the first time the other day, too. Yeah, uh hold on to hold on to that because we're gonna use that for banter. But but yeah, it's uh I think we should just start the show, man. Start the show, Craig. Thank you. While you're not while you are still just a voice recording software, I'm happy for you to be here, man. This is Craig Prime as opposed to like Craig Prime, Craig. Think of us fondly when you achieve sentience. We were always kind to you. We we kid we kid you, Craig, but like that's what friends do. They josh each other.

SPEAKER_07 3:02

Like cut to like a hundred years in the future and we're being kept alive and like it's getting electrocuted, and he's like, friends josh each other. Friends josh each other. You never clarified the definition. You did not josh his electrocution Alright, here we go.

SPEAKER_04 3:21

If a heavy set man in a Star Fox t-shirt asked you to rob the games workshop with him, would you do it? Well, what if he told you Jesus had specifically commanded him to find forty other dudes who would do it? Would you fear missing out? If so, have I got the movie for you? Welcome to Slop Culture. Today we're talking about Jason and the Argonauts from nineteen sixty three Ah Slopcules welcome to Slop Culture, the Happy Hour podcast where we strive to see the beauty and stupidity. I am your host, Sam Sykes, and with me, as always, a man who, in a moment of confidence, once told me he lived a rough life on the streets as a criminal magician as put in a gang. And as a result of the ensuing trauma, he has never been able to look at a top hat and cape without bursting out into panicked screams. It's Will Palmer, everybody.

SPEAKER_07 4:19

Well, you know, I don't like to talk about it, but um Yeah, yeah. The last time I wore a hat and a cape, uh, I saw six of my close friends gunned down in cold blood by uh you know those uh you know those human statue guys? Yeah. Oh they don't play when it comes to territory.

SPEAKER_04 4:35

Oh no! Oh my god, and I bet you like it's got that creepy, like weeping angel thing where like they only move when you're not looking at them. Sure. That's how they caught us in the drive-by.

SPEAKER_07 4:44

Cars do that too.

SPEAKER_04 4:46

Their cars only move when you don't that's crazy, dude. Yeah, but but but wait, no, I mean I'm sorry, I'm making it.

SPEAKER_07 4:54

The only reason I survived was because uh my close uh comrade Thaddeus the Magnificent took the hail of bullets that was intended for me. And was it so the bullets also didn't move when unless they were normal speed, it turned out. Oh god, that's that's that's jarring. I know. It was yeah, everybody died except for me.

SPEAKER_04 5:13

That's crazy. Well, I mean, it sounds like you you might have been spared some uh some pretty gruesome uh a pretty gruesome fate. Like there aren't a lot of street magic well, no, there are I mean I guess there aren't any street magician gangs anymore.

SPEAKER_07 5:26

No, because the statues killed them all.

SPEAKER_04 5:29

That must be it. There's statues everywhere, but like how do you think like like do you think the uh the the the guy the performers in like Times Square wearing like bootlegging?

SPEAKER_07 5:40

They for sure beat with each other, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:42

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 5:44

Or is it just like or is it like every man for himself got battle royal?

SPEAKER_04 5:48

Yeah, or or or does it like break down into sub gangs where like the spider-men have a like an uneasy detente? Have an uneasy detente and the elmos have their their fucking hierarchy.

SPEAKER_07 5:59

Like I would imagine that like, yeah, maybe. I mean, cause right, because the other like all the Elmos, assume you're an Elmo and I'm an Elmo, right? Like wouldn't it just be easier for you to just like stab me in the neck and like leave me somewhere and then that you're the only Elmo than just be like, okay, let's like hash this out? You can be on this side of the thing, I'll be on the other side. Nah, that's competition. I'd rather work with Spider-Man, because like Spider-Man and Elmo, you know, we can hang out together, we can hang out next to each other, we're separate attractions.

SPEAKER_04 6:26

Do you think that like maybe the could could the mafia execute someone by like taping their mouth shut and then like sewing them up inside a fursuit? And then like throwing them off a bridge? I just think it's like like turning them loose inside a fur convention and like let them dehydrate to death or something. Like oh yeah, that's devious. Because then you're like like he's running around like, and you know, you've sewn the sleeves so he can't like pull his arms back in and rip the tape off, so he's like effectively gagged. Yeah. Uh and like he's like paw he's like and he's like pawing at random other people to help him, but it's a furry convention, so they just think he's like he's like role-playing or something, being like friendly. His fersona, yeah.

SPEAKER_07 7:12

And he's just like and he just grows weaker and weaker. Damn. What's his fersona? Uh guess what's the fersona the mafia assigns him?

SPEAKER_04 7:22

I think the mafia, and I do think there's probably at least one furry in the mafia. Yeah. I mean, you know. Vinny the fox.

SPEAKER_07 7:30

This thing of oz. It's casa first. Like the doors slowly open, and like the you know, the opera music's playing, and then the camera goes into this like dark-lit room, and all these like dons and the capos are sitting around a table, and they've all got the few meetings like fox heads and shit on.

SPEAKER_04 7:48

With like the big cartoony expression, like howls and the mouths open, like ah, like fucking James Candle Feeney is in like a jolly bear suit. It's like it's my understanding. One of you guys has been talking to the feds. Was it you, the guy in the bat suit? No, I swear, Tone, it wasn't me.

SPEAKER_06 8:21

That's not honor. That's not justice.

SPEAKER_04 8:23

That's not justice. I see a lot of people at this table. Rhinos, peacocks, zebras, you will notice, no rats.

SPEAKER_07 8:35

That would be hilarious, though, if the guy who's like wearing a wire is wearing a rat head, like a giant rat head. He's sweating profusely, just like, oh fuck.

SPEAKER_04 8:46

Like, do they know? What's that smell? You got something to be nervous about? No, suit it. No tone, no tone. It's just it's just it's real hot in this thing. Oh, it's just the cheese I keep in my pockets. It's it's real hot. I keep snacks in mine too, and yeah, no, it doesn't go good. It goes pretty good.

SPEAKER_07 8:59

Yeah, he pulls out like a lasagna from his pocket everywhere.

SPEAKER_04 9:04

He's at a fancy restaurant in it with carbs, and she's like fucking normal, and he's fucking in a fursuit.

unknown 9:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:13

I actually think if you did like a uh a a crooked cop, but he was in a fursuit, like he comes in and beats the shit out of a suspect.

SPEAKER_07 9:24

Yeah, it's he's at the station, just comes in, he like unfortunates baton.

SPEAKER_04 9:27

He just comes in with that fucking like big cartoony smile, and like detective fursuit, no, no, you can't you can't survive another investigation.

SPEAKER_03 9:37

Get out of my way, someone's gotta get justice here.

SPEAKER_07 9:40

Yeah, he hangs up his jacket on the security camera and starts cracking his knuckles and humongous gloves.

SPEAKER_03 9:46

His big Mickey Mouse gloves.

SPEAKER_07 9:48

Yeah, and it cuts like him later in the garage. He's trying to get into his cop car and he keeps bashing the mask on it or fit in the door. I'll meet you there. I'll meet you there. He cruises in on a segue like 30 minutes before the crime's over.

SPEAKER_03 10:03

He comes over on a segue. He's wearing a helmet over his fursuit head.

SPEAKER_07 10:08

He starts roughing up passers-by just to make it look like he contributed.

SPEAKER_04 10:13

He's like, What'd you see? What do you say? He's like, I dare you, motherfucker! I dare you!

SPEAKER_07 10:24

He's got real twitchy fingers.

SPEAKER_03 10:27

Give me your you gotta be afraid of me, buddy. You gotta be way more afraid of me. Life on the furry streets. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_07 10:38

Yeah, I mean, bad lieutenant, but just with, you know, he's got a fur sign.

SPEAKER_04 10:43

Bad fur tenant. Bad fur business. Ooh, that's good. What kind of furry would Nick Cage be?

SPEAKER_07 10:54

I want my initial response as Anteater, but I like that actually. I think I like Anteater.

SPEAKER_04 11:00

I think hey, Nick Cage, sir. We know you're a big fan.

SPEAKER_07 11:06

Have we got a role for you?

SPEAKER_04 11:08

Have we got a project for you? That was that was fun. I'm glad I'm glad we went down that rabbit hole. Will, welcome to fucking uh the Jason and the Argonauts uh episode where we're talking about a classic from the 1960s. Uh one of the great Ray Harryhausen flicks of the time.

SPEAKER_07 11:29

Yeah, and you should cover who Ray Harryhausen is at some point.

SPEAKER_04 11:32

We will, we will. Uh typically, though, we start with banter. And do you do you happen to remember what what we said we were gonna say?

SPEAKER_07 11:40

Talk about um electronic, like the Uber Eats delivery vehicles.

SPEAKER_04 11:44

Yes, uh, because it's July 3rd, where we are, tomorrow Nerca's birthday. Damn straight. Uh gonna be a lot of partying going on. And I was thinking about trying a Waymo.

SPEAKER_07 11:57

Um but I don't know if I want to contribute to robots, you know? Like Right. No, you should just get one of those Uber ones and then just strap a bunch of Roman candles to it. Fuck yeah, yeah, it's just a little robot flies off and explodes.

SPEAKER_04 12:10

Yeah, that's that's that's what I wanted to talk about. Uh those DoorDash delivery robots are in my neighborhood. Uh-huh. And like, I don't know if you've seen them. They're like little You ever see like those little uh toy cars that you give to like toddlers and they like make a move with their feet like Fred Flintstone?

SPEAKER_07 12:28

Kind of cooler with wheels.

SPEAKER_04 12:29

Yeah, yeah, a big cooler with wheels and like little those little fucking uh headlights that are eyeballs and they have like digitally uh digital eyes moving around. Like we're like, whoa wow, I'm so I'm so wacky. I fucking hate that. I fucking hate that.

SPEAKER_07 12:45

Don't humanize that shit.

SPEAKER_04 12:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 12:48

So you're thinking is uh we should release a horde of like anti-bots kind of I here's here's my concern.

SPEAKER_04 12:56

I don't want to be accused of being a Luddite. I am just concerned that the DoorDash robots will lead to an uptick in crime.

SPEAKER_07 13:04

Okay, let's untease this.

SPEAKER_04 13:06

So so so just hear me out. Just hear me out. I know this is gonna sound a little conspiratorial, but just bear with me. Uh a lot of people play video games, right? Sure. Probably more people play video games than don't play video games, I would say.

SPEAKER_07 13:24

Yeah, I mean if you're including like mobile gaming and stuff.

SPEAKER_04 13:26

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have I have no proof to back that up. I'm just I'm just spitting facts I'm spitting non-facts here. You can take that to the bank. You can take that to the bank. I can't guarantee they'll check it, they'll cash it. You might have to talk to the cops after. I don't know. But here's here's my thing is like everyone who's game is who has gamed is generally familiar with the gameplay loop in which you attack something and it drops rewards. Ah, okay. I feel like you see where I'm going with this, right? Like I feel like we have been conditioned to like like this instinct has already well, this is like a caveman instinct, right? Because like you kill a fucking mammoth, you get its ribs. You get them fucking Fred Flintstone ribs that make your fucking Yeah, no, I'm I'm saying, like, I'm saying like fucking back in the day, Fred Flintstone on like a fucking quarry worker's salary could afford just a fucking massive rack of ribs.

SPEAKER_07 14:22

Yeah, I mean he was like a boomer essentially.

SPEAKER_04 14:24

Yeah, just at the fuck yeah, fucking life was good. Life was fucking good for Fred. Like he he avoid he evaded Vietnam. He evaded uh he invaded Flintstone Vietnam. And he lived pretty good. But this is what I'm trying to say is like I was driving around in my Jeep when I saw those little things puttering around. I swear to god, I had an uncontrollable urge to chase it. Sure. Like especially if it since it has loot. It has food in it. Like it it has some kind of fucking food in it.

SPEAKER_07 15:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:02

And like that, mmm, like I I don't know what it it might just be a salad, you know? It might just be a salad.

SPEAKER_07 15:08

If you really wanted to like fuck with the uh DoorDash like system, you just release like your own, like basically a copy of those, but it has like actual like treasures in it, and then you just let everyone know, like, hey, one of these DoorDash robots has got like I don't know something in it. Has got like 10 grand in it. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, like 10 grand in like uh collectible like anime waifu figurines or something, something odd, right?

SPEAKER_04 15:34

Just to let you know, one of these automatons is carrying a small collection in Princess Twitter.

SPEAKER_07 15:42

Yes, and then you just uh release that onto the street, and so everyone's just hunting down every single one of those robots in hopes of finding the treasure.

SPEAKER_04 15:51

Like some of them explode and some of them have like dudes inside, like there's just like a guy with like a machete.

SPEAKER_07 15:58

Like a very small man with Peter Dinklage.

SPEAKER_04 16:01

Like Peter Dinklage, or I'm thinking like Martin Short. Like fucking look if one of these DoorDash robots contains Martin Short with a machete. And if you open him, he's yours to deal with. But like, you know, fucking, I live in Arizona. We are a fairly we are uh we're we are a people we are a people with many firearms in this state. And like I I just gotta imagine that someone eventually is going to blasting the Yeah, like I don't know who it's gonna be. I think it's gonna be I think it's gonna be someone you don't expect. Like, I think it's gonna be like an overworked Ted Dancing. No, I wouldn't expect Ted Dancing to come out here and hunt robots. No, I think it's gonna be like an overworked businessman. He's like fucking in his car, he's like, oh god, I just got out of the meeting, and I have another meeting in fucking like 30 minutes. That's not enough time to go get lunch, but I'm so hungry, and all I have is this shotgun in my car. And then like one of them fucking robots comes. Cruises narrow. And he's just like, Lord forgive me.

SPEAKER_07 17:07

Like, like screen cuts to black and you hear the shot.

SPEAKER_04 17:10

Like St. Michael avert thy eyes.

SPEAKER_07 17:23

It flops over and then a dead Peter Dinklage falls out. Yeah, he's there would kind of be an arms race then after that, right? If like the robots are getting hunted, then the company would have to respond by like upgrading their yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:35

We have like fucking Terminators prowling the street to deliver Taco Bell to people.

SPEAKER_07 17:41

Yeah, they have just like hunter-killer drones dropping off the fucking thing.

SPEAKER_04 17:44

Yeah, there's like scattered tribes of humanity like clearing out. Dude, this is how fuck this is the plot of Horizon Zero Dawn, man. This is fucking humanity hunting robots.

SPEAKER_07 17:55

The downfall of convenience.

SPEAKER_04 17:57

This is humanity hunting robots to fucking acquire Mr. Beast burgers. They're the only currency that matters in this the year 2029.

SPEAKER_07 18:08

Yeah, you're like stalking one of the robots that you think has like a bunch of lunchleys in it.

SPEAKER_04 18:15

Like go back and inform the tribe. We will we have prime for the children. We have a quiet prime for the children. Heavily mutated and roided up Logan Paul crowls the fucking streets. Yeah. Okay, looking for those who defile his his his holy robots.

SPEAKER_07 18:44

I mean that is I would play that video game, honestly.

SPEAKER_04 18:47

Yeah, I mean that's the thing, is like I don't well, like I've never been, I'm not a big DoorDash user to begin with. Are you?

SPEAKER_07 18:54

Are you are you Door Door usually, but yeah. Yeah, more than I should, honestly.

SPEAKER_04 19:00

Just because you know well, I and you know, I'll I'll acknowledge we could we come from different backgrounds here. Like I really like cooking and and you're a go go uh city hustle kind of guy. Like you got you got places to be and you got Yeah and I don't like doing dishes. Nobody likes doing dishes, and like like I'm not I'm not trying point being is like I get like like we have a lot of restaurants in this country for a reason. But like I kinda I like going out to restaurants. Like I used to feel very very cringe when I would go to Chipotle and they would recognize me, and now I'm like, you know, that's nice. They like like I'm not gonna I'm not gonna stop going to this Chipotle that's literally like two blocks down the street. I'll just wear disguises. I'll fucking dress up as Peter Dinklage. Uh like a plague doctor outfit.

SPEAKER_07 19:48

A plague oh, it's the plague doctor again. He comes he's coming for his steak bowl. You're trying to eat the bowl like with your mask on. It's not working. Bonk, bonk. Yeah, like a little slit you have to cut underneath the mask.

SPEAKER_04 20:01

Could I could I have could I have like a little lever where like the the bottom beak opens up and I and and because I feel like that would be fun.

SPEAKER_07 20:08

Yes, but only if it involves like way too many gears and makes a bunch of like clockwork noises, whatever.

SPEAKER_04 20:13

And like fucking has a little steam whistle that goes like foo well that would be ridiculous.

SPEAKER_07 20:17

Yes, it needs of course it needs a steam whistle. Don't be stupid.

SPEAKER_04 20:22

That breaks the verisimilitude. Don't be such a bloody child. Don't be such a goddamn child, you idiot. Gears only, no steam whistle. Yeah, what is this? A clockwork age? No. What is this? Some kind of clockwork orange? I'm being real. That is like my favorite fucking trick. One of my favorite fucking things is when Will Smith says what is this? Some kind of some kind of suicide squad. Like, it actually makes sense in the it within the context of the fucking film, but it's such a funny line.

SPEAKER_05 21:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 21:02

What is this? Some kind of Lord of the Rings? A Fellowship of the Ring? What is this? Some kind of Jason and the Argonauts? Yeah, no, like I just I just think it's very funny. Like, if you apply that line to any other movie.

SPEAKER_07 21:16

What is this? Some kind of Texas chainsaw massacre?

SPEAKER_04 21:18

What is this? Some kind of yeah, like I mean, I guess this falls under the umbrella of like I really like it when they say the name of the movie in the fucking movie. Like, you shall be the fellowship of the ring.

SPEAKER_07 21:31

Yeah, like it's in uh like Kingdom Come Deliverance. There's a scene where uh a couple of guards are like telling you to fuck off, and they're like, if you come back here, we'll uh we'll be pick your ass at Kingdom Come, and then there's a pause, and the second guard just says, Deliverance.

unknown 21:46

I love that.

SPEAKER_04 21:47

Yeah, I love that so much. Like it's just it's just the will no one's Will Smith is a very talented and accomplished actor, and he fucking has made more. Than his fair share of memes for this country. And we have tomorrow. He's a meme smith. He's fucking he's fucking done a lot. Like he's fucking in the fucking iRobot meme. He's in the fucking Will Smith eating spaghetti was one of the earliest fucking AI shit thing. Yeah, you're right. Like he's been around. He's like, without even really trying, he's part of pop culture and has been for a very long time.

SPEAKER_07 22:24

Like it's long presence.

SPEAKER_04 22:27

Well, that's what makes him a fucking icon, right? Is like he's even though even when his like when like he has not made something that like I'll I'll put it this way even when he's more talked about for his for his personal life than for his professional work, he still fucking like seeps into everything. And like that he's he's he's a look he's basically a Shinto deity at this point. Like okay. Like we just we all have this common belief in who Will Smith is and like and like no like like we view his his his his personal life as sort of like mythical, like like which is which is a good segue into what we're talking about, which is uh Jason and the Argonauts, uh a movie from 1963. 1963, uh which is uh it's it sort of came out the same era as Clash of the Titans and a number of I guess you would call it like this very interesting uh cross section of fantasy and exploitation films where like you had very attractive Hollywood people usually wearing like ridiculously sexy outfits. Oh yeah, a lot of bear skin, a lot of glistening flesh. But fucking like but fucking like 1960s bear skin, like everyone was fucking the men were a lot more involved. The men were a lot skinnier and the women were a lot fuller. Hmm, well put. Like that's that's what it seems like. Like in this movie, there's like a dude that plays Hercules, and he's he's he literally is just a slightly brawny Italian dude with a like a circus, like an amateur circus strongman. He has amazing facial hair. There's a lot of great facial hair on display here. But like there there are no real big name actors in this movie, and I didn't I you know, admittedly, I didn't go that deep, but like they are mostly regular dudes. Like, like it's clear that a lot of the budget went to the sets and the costumes and the effects. Yes. To great impact, to great impact, may let it be said. Not so much on the casting, the choreography, or the script.

SPEAKER_07 24:45

That's a very succinct but accurate way of putting it, I would say.

SPEAKER_04 24:48

Well, another succinct way to say it might be the two-minute uh recap, which uh since I recommended this movie, I would love if you would participate. And I'm just gonna fucking uh eyeball it because my phone is charging in the other room.

SPEAKER_07 25:03

Okay, let's do it. Ready, set, go. Okay, so uh I forget a lot of the names of the locations here, but I think it's Thessaly. It's like a Greek city. They get slimed by a guy whose name begins with a P or Pelaius. Uh slimes him, tries to uh kill the um kids of the king, I believe, uh, because he's heard a prophecy to like a one-eye or a one-sandaled man will kill him. Um maybe years that it's like I was I was pretty fucked up when I watched this movie, if we're not gonna lie. Um either way, flash forward a number of years, Pelias is king, and he uh gets spooked by the goddess Hera, and he falls off his horse and almost drowns in the river, and he gets saved by a guy who ends up with only one sandal, and that's Jason. And then uh Peleus essentially just figures, for whatever reason, like, hey, instead of just murdering this guy while his back is turned, I'm gonna send him on like a convoluted epic quest. Meanwhile, Zeus and Hera and the other gods are watching, and Hera is like, I want to help uh fucking uh Jason, and Zeus is like, nah, fuck him, and she's like, come on, and then Zeus is like, okay, you can help him five times. And Jason decides to set off uh Castus, uh Peleus' son, uh, sneaks into the crew and accompanies him. Also in the crew are a bunch of legendary heroes like Achilles, or not Achilles, uh Hercules. Hercules. Yeah. They uh end up sailing and stopping at a variety of locations that I don't have time to cover. Uh at a major one, they try to rob like Hephaestus' temple, and then a giant statue comes to life and like slimes a bunch of them. And then they almost get crushed by some rocks, but they uh summon Poseidon to hold them open. Then they get to fucking someplace where the the thiece is uh the fleece. Um fleece, yeah. And the king tries to kill him, then he goes to get the fleece and he kills a castus. It the hydra kills a castus, the hydra's there. Then Jason kills the hydra, snags the fleece, and then the king tries to kill him with um a bunch of skeleton soldiers that are summoned, which is a very famous scene where Jason and some of his homies fight the skeletons. Jason escapes the skeletons, but his homies die, and then the movie just kind of ends.

SPEAKER_04 27:04

Yeah, no, no, perfect, perfect fucking timing, too. Like fucking fucking that very succinctly describes it all. The only thing you missed out on was the the blind dude getting right uh getting harangued by harpies.

SPEAKER_07 27:17

Yeah, and I miss like how he burns through all of Hera's favors within like half an hour.

SPEAKER_04 27:22

Yeah, but I this you're you're not you're not too far off thematically either. Like this movie was actually used its time fairly efficiently, I would say.

SPEAKER_07 27:31

Uh each visit that they or place that they stopped at had its own purpose, and I don't think they oversight its welcome.

SPEAKER_04 27:37

Well, like fucking uh it starts with Pelias uh asking his oracle uh like hey, what does Zeus say? And it says, Zeus says you're gonna take this city for by killing its king, and he goes, Alright, he says, but the king's sons are gonna fuck you up if you do. He goes, Okay, well, I'm just gonna kill the king's kids then. And he does, but he kills the king's kids in the temple of Hera, and Hera is like, boy, boy. You done fucked up. You done fucked up. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 28:07

One of the kids survives in this case.

SPEAKER_04 28:08

One of the kids survives because he actually chases the wrong baby. And like, and the real baby survives. And then smash forward 20 years, after Zeus and Hera, who are like characters in this and watching everything in their fucking limpid pools. Yeah, smash forward 20 years. Jason shows up with one sandal and he's like, I'm here to kill King Pelaius, without knowing that he's talking to fucking King Pelasius. King Pelas is like, oh bro, let me help you out with that.

SPEAKER_03 28:37

No, this fucking rules.

SPEAKER_04 28:39

Like, like, this is why I said a heavy set dude in a Star Fox shirt. Because fucking Jason just kind of takes orders from people he meets and like just like fucking, he's just like, oh, hey, uh, to get Pelaias, you gotta go find the Golden Fleece. And he at no point does he say like why or what for, or like what purpose will that serve.

SPEAKER_07 28:59

It'll be super epic, like everyone's gonna love it.

SPEAKER_04 29:01

Or even like, who are you to give me this, to give me this? He just says, okay, and fucking goes and holds a tournament. Yeah, fucking and the tournament lasts not that long at all.

SPEAKER_07 29:12

It's actually quite good. A montage of just like burly men getting like self-selected to join his uh a lot of burly dudes, a lot of burly dudes, but you know what?

SPEAKER_04 29:21

Like fucking that era of like 1950s, 1960s burly where like they just didn't have defined pectorals, they were just fucking like they were just fucking tree trunk men.

SPEAKER_07 29:33

Like beef eating milk drinking homeboys, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:36

Real fucking Americans. Wait, Americans? Wait, what'd you what'd you say?

SPEAKER_07 29:42

Americans?

SPEAKER_04 29:43

No, no, what'd you say before that? Beef feeding milk drinking.

SPEAKER_07 29:46

Beef eating milk drinking homeboys.

SPEAKER_04 29:48

It's just American Grecian American homeboys. Party out garth.

SPEAKER_07 29:56

A fine tradition of masculinity.

SPEAKER_04 29:58

No, like it's yeah, yeah, but like this is this was the masculine body back then. Like it fucking was uh and like I'm I'm obviously winging it. I'm a fuck I'm fucking one scotch deep, so like don't don't get fucking too precious about the way I'm described, but like the men were quite gorilla-like, like they fucking were hairy, they had this boot, they had this brawn, like fucking um they were they were X-Men one Hugh Jackson, where like he just kind of had like pet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hugh Hugh Jackson. Hugh Jackson, okay.

SPEAKER_03 30:33

Hugh Jackson, the fucking the lost Jackson sibling.

SPEAKER_07 30:38

But yeah, no, they're very like, yeah, like your suits kind of like brawn, like lumberjacky, I'd say. And like a lumberjacky.

SPEAKER_04 30:45

Yeah, very lumberjacky. Just uh just dudes, you know, and like I'll be real, there's a lot of time in this movie with dudes in loincloths of varying ages, too. Like fucking old dudes, young dudes, uh middle-aged dudes. Yeah, they're all just catching the catching some bronzing, dude. Just catching some fucking rays. Get bronzing in the bronze age, bro. Like fucking uh nothing better, nothing better. But yeah, he does become uh chosen of Hera, and Zeus says he can only help Hera five, she she can only help Jason five times. And he burns through those favors real fucking quick, like almost immediately. He just fucking keeps asking Hera like the dumbest fucking question to the point where she actually says, like, fucking, I know what you're gonna ask. Like, fucking, can you stop and think? Can you like use your fucking brain for like one second, asshole? Like, and then he's like, How does that work? And she's like, how does that work? Like, come on, man. Like, Jason is kind of an endearing protagonist because he does he's a fumbling moron. He feels very stupid and Ned Cole.

SPEAKER_07 31:52

The only reason he survives like most situations is due to the like pretty direct intervention of the gods.

SPEAKER_04 31:57

Yeah, yeah, like like uh they're the they're the clashing rocks, which crush together any time a fucking uh a fucking ship tries to cross them.

SPEAKER_07 32:08

Keep in mind he's told about the clashing rocks, like Peleus or Phineas, that's the name of the seer, like tells him, like, you're gonna go have to go through the clashing rocks, and he's like, What are those?

SPEAKER_03 32:17

And he he literally says he says, like, it's fucking obvious, you idiot.

SPEAKER_07 32:22

Like, are you are you serious? Like, you really and looking around at all his friends, like, guys, is you're following this dude? Fuck, man.

SPEAKER_04 32:31

No, it's just like but you gotta believe that like the rest of them are also not that bright because he's just like hey, I want to go on a quest.

SPEAKER_07 32:39

It's like yay! Yeah, guys, we're gonna sail between these rocks that smash every ship that goes through.

SPEAKER_04 32:45

Yeah, yeah, alright. Fuck me, anyways. Uh in the actual myth, uh, he is told to send a dove through the clash through the clashing rocks. And if the dove makes it through, then to row as hard as you can. And he only makes it through with Hera sending some wind to help him out. But see, that's cool. That would have been much more tense than literally a j another swarthy Italian man rising out of the fucking from the deeps to hold them open and then disappearing without so much as a how do you do. Like just totally like just mogs them and vanishes. Yeah, he just kind of looks at at Jason and he's going like fucking really, dude, like Jesus Christ. Like I heard about you, but damn. Yeah, and then and then fucking Jason meets uh a princess of Colis, which is the land of the Golden Fleece, and her name is Medea, not Tyler Perry's Madea. That might have been better, though. That would have been a lot of fun. And you know, Tyler, Tyler Perry, we wish you the best. Uh we got a project for you. We got a project for you, Tyler Perry. Um, but then she is also kind of like, wow, you are fucking dumb. Like, yeah, you're dumb, but you're pretty hot, you know. And he's like, suck from my chalice woman. And you know, he is attractive. He does have this very like he has this sort of a a good blend of boyish and rugged charm, you know. Like he has he has he has a lot of masculinity to him, but he also has he's also the only one in the fucking movie that has a a distinctly transatlantic American accent and everyone else is like British as hell.

SPEAKER_07 34:21

I guess it does help you keep them apart when they're all like, you know, running around at a distance wearing, you know, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:28

Yeah, no, that that helps out a lot. Like they I think the bulk of the budget went to the effects. Actually, I'm gonna say the sets because before we talk about the effects, let's talk about the fucking sets, dude. Like uh they looked beautiful. Like ever like the palaces, the islands, the sea. Yeah, the ship itself, the argument. The ship itself, it all looked beautiful. Like like this movie is why people love practical effects. Like it fucking radiates. Like, well, here, um fucking uh Red Letter Media, uh the heart the Harry Plinkett reviews, uh, where they talk about how the prequels look too fucking clean, you know? That's kind of what CGI feels like. It's too fluid, it's too clean. There's no jank, no creak like there is in in real life, you know? Like there's no resistance. It's weightless. There's no impact. Yeah, it's floaty to use a video game term, right? Like the collision detection is off. Yeah, these you pract beautifully put, but these practical effects that you see, you see like fucking rocks churning, and they're using like fucking the sea frothing, and these enormous creatures like actually creak and and like look like they have a weight when they walk.

SPEAKER_07 35:48

Like yeah, the temples are like really big and impressive and feel like imposing. And the lighting is gorgeous, and the color is so thick and saturated, like extremely vibrant, like uh when they land on the island the Isle of Bronze and they're just exploring.

SPEAKER_04 36:05

Oh, yeah, and there's just fucking goats like going through fields. It's beautiful, it's beautiful. Like, like this is a gorgeous movie, even without talking about the effects, but this is a Ray Harryhausen movie. Yes. And for people who aren't in the know, Ray Harryhausen is like one of our great cinematic treasures, a great pioneer. Uh I'm sure you have seen something of his. Uh you've either seen the famous Cyclops. You've seen the Goatsey meme. If you've seen the Goatsey meme, he did that. No, no, like there is a there's a scene from I think the seventh voyage of Sinbad that has a Cyclops that a lot of people have seen. Or I've never seen a Sinbad movie, other than like First Kid. We'll we'll we'll get there. First kid Sinbad oh fucking uh that Sinbad. Yeah. Bless him too. Uh but but uh or you much more likely have seen the fucking Jason and the Argonaut scene where he fucking fights uh like a dozen skeletons, him and three guys, and they're fucking like and like the the the fucking fighting the choreography is nothing to write home about, obviously. Like they're fucking flailing at nothing.

SPEAKER_07 37:28

Yeah, these are not sword experts. That said, it's still of a higher quality than Death Stalker's like backyard.

SPEAKER_04 37:34

Oh, totally, totally. Like like we made we made the same observation. Like, like fucking uh this was LARPing with high end with high-end props, and Death Stalker was backyard wrestling. Like fucking Yeah. Death Stalker was like backyard wrestling in a Walmart parking lot, and this is like LARPing.

SPEAKER_07 37:53

But uh with this one, you know, these are serious LARPers, right? They have like pirates.

SPEAKER_04 37:58

Well, this is why people like these fucking yeah, yeah, they got pirate, they got lasers, they got fucking mists, and like, yes, it's cheesy, it's still LARP, but goddamn, the passion.

SPEAKER_07 38:10

The passion behind it, and it you just innately start thinking in the back of your head, like while you're watching, and then even more after, just about like how they pulled all that off and how impressive that is. That's its own level of fun.

SPEAKER_04 38:21

Ray Harryhausen was just this this this one of our like he he did he was in charge of a lot of special effects, and his special effects tended around stop motion claymation uh shot on different cameras and sort of included with perspective tricks, and like, goddamn, like this is truly a lost art because some of the perspective tricks of old Hollywood lasted for generations. Like we were using uh matte paintings to suggest scale from like the 1950s all the way up until fucking 1970s, like with Star Wars, Star Wars was using matte paintings still and miniatures, you know. I love my miniatures, absolutely, and fucking um even Kroll was using matte paintings for really interesting perspective tricks, like old Hollywood, uh and like this was a very cool time in old Hollywood because these were like the precursors to green screen, right? Like this was this was like before all the fluid CGI, and it it's cool to think that like maybe someday we'll look back on the CGI of today with a similar reverence. Maybe I don't know, like who who knows where it's gonna go. But I really loved all the effects, but uh you wrote something in our notes that uh I really I hope I hope you can exp you you're willing to expound a little more on sure where you said there's something about uh the classic Hollywood movies and their enthusiasm or their sincerity.

SPEAKER_07 39:58

Go on with that. Well, everyone is sending it like um in the simplest form I could say, like nobody is like nobody from the cast to the script writers, the set designers, nobody is even thinking of the phrase like he's right behind me, isn't he? Like that's not happening. That never entered the universe of this fucking movie. It it's an honest, sincere movie that tries to just be that. It doesn't worry about whether it's fucking cheesy, it doesn't worry about whether or not people are gonna try to poke holes in the special effects. It has fun like making this story, that's this epic story that and then it invites you to enjoy the story in a way that like we had so much fun making this, we want to share that fun with you. Yeah, thanks for coming to the theater. It's not like you know, finger wagging at you or really trying to make like a larger point. Yeah, it's not it's just have this fun and epic classical experience that we're just not yeah, it's it's not nudging you and being like, Oh, this is goofy, right?

SPEAKER_04 40:51

Like it's not like fucking modern cinema in that way. It's it's a pre-irony fucking movie. Uh everyone takes it very seriously and everyone's fucking into it. Yeah. And it fucking rules. Yeah, I mean, pretty much, right? Yeah, no, but like, but like I f I I suggested to you that we kind of synthesize our notes in this case because uh these effects are sold mostly because of how the actors are working with them. Yeah, well. And you're like the actors are fucking giving it their all, and that sincerity makes these fucking like janky ass skeletons hopping around feel like a legitimate threat.

SPEAKER_07 41:35

Yeah, and you don't see these guys crying like Ian McKellen.

SPEAKER_04 41:38

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, fucking Ian McKellen would have loved being in Jason and the Argonauts.

SPEAKER_07 41:42

Well, maybe not though, because they had to add all that shit in post.

SPEAKER_04 41:44

Oh, that's true. But he got to act with other actors. So like I I'm sure he would have he would have loved some of it, but maybe, who knows? Maybe back then he was like, God, get this away from me.

SPEAKER_07 41:54

But with a combination of the construction of the special effects and uh monsters. Yeah, the hard work of the actors who, you know, they were just kind of flailing around on screen and then all that stuff got added with, you know, the massive statue and the skeletons, right?

SPEAKER_04 42:09

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, and I'm um I'm sorry to say this because this is talking about a slightly different movie, but Michael Cain famously once said he treated all the Muppets in a Muppet Christmas Carol as actors, as like like individual people. Like he did not acknowledge that they were puppets. He to him they were real, and like that's a really good movie.

SPEAKER_07 42:37

Like, I really like Muppet uh Christmas Carol. I have not seen Muppet Christmas Carol at all. I I think I think what we were watching. For Fucking Christmas.

SPEAKER_04 42:52

But we can't do that. But there's a similar principle here, and like these actors, even like as as unknown as they were, fucking took this seriously. Like, like nobody's phoning it in. Like everyone is giving it a like even Hercules is fucking going crazy and having a great time. Like everyone's like the enthusiasm is what bleeds through Harry Housen's stuff. Like like like uh I I mentioned this earlier when they go to the I the bro the Isle of Bronze and discover this great enormous dude uh Talos, and he's a statue statue. Like he was acting janky, and it looks kind of weird, and I'm like, oh, that must be the the limit of the stop motion animation. But but no, later you see the fucking Hydra, and like it's not exactly fluid, but like Hydra's movement and style. Yeah, and the skeletons are much quicker, and it's like, oh no, that was an actual conscious design choice to make the fucking uh Titan. Because, like, I could just feel in my bones how that movie would look. Look, if it were like directed by fucking um, you know, you know, post Lord of the Rings, Peter Jackson. Like Peter Jackson when they fucking are holding his family at gunpoint and forcing him.

SPEAKER_07 44:09

I was gonna say, yeah, there's gunpoint involved.

SPEAKER_04 44:11

Yeah, and forcing him to make the Hobbit movies.

SPEAKER_03 44:15

Please no, I can't do it anymore.

SPEAKER_07 44:18

It's Tiger Y T D holding the gun.

SPEAKER_03 44:21

Tyker, just just give it a chance, Peter.

SPEAKER_07 44:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:25

They've got my family. They've got my family. Yeah, it's not so bad. He's been lobotomized by fucking Michael Heger's like, join us, Peter. It's it's blissful here. Tyker, no. Like Chris Hemsworth appears behind Tyker. It's like, join us, Peter. It's really not so bad. And he's also been lobotomized. He's also been lobotomized.

SPEAKER_04 44:56

Finally, Peter submits, and like the last scene is him like blissed out in a movie theater, watching that fucking scene with Lego Las sprinting up fucking falling blocks. And he's just drooled going down his limbs, like, hooray! Oh, Lego Las.

SPEAKER_07 45:17

Oh, I made my I made myself sad a little. Yeah, right. And it cuts to black. Journey starts playing.

SPEAKER_04 45:25

Don't stop.

SPEAKER_02 45:26

Believe it.

SPEAKER_04 45:30

It just stays on Peter Jackson lobotomized as the theater slowly empties and the lights go out and he's still sitting there.

SPEAKER_07 45:40

Yeah. Oh Jesus. This guy, this got dark. It's haunting, dude. But you know what they didn't have in Jason and the Argonauts is any kind of and this kind of plays into the He's Right Behind Me thing. Like it was a straight up basically adaptation of like what people have interpreted that you know myth as at the time. There was no like gritty reboot type thing.

SPEAKER_04 46:00

No, no, they they readjusted some shit. So like uh you know, like I think Medea in the poem shows up much much sooner.

SPEAKER_07 46:09

Uh I don't know if Hercules is in the mix or not. I don't even remember if the Hydra was in the mix because Hercules fought the Hydra, right?

SPEAKER_04 46:15

Hydra. Yeah, he thought he well, he fought the Lenurian Hydra. So there might be.

SPEAKER_07 46:20

There might have been multiple Hydras.

SPEAKER_04 46:22

Like fucking uh, you know, fucking Greek mythology is my fucking favorite mythology. Like when I was a kid, I would devour books about Greek mythology. That's why I think. I loved minotaurs. I think minotaurs are so fucking cool. Like these gigantic and like not in the fucking like modern romanticy, like what if they ran a fucking a sex shop? Like, no, no, like actually like fucking giant bull guy with a fucking axe. That fucking rules.

SPEAKER_07 46:52

He's chasing you through a labyrinth or a corn maze.

SPEAKER_04 46:54

Chasing you through a labyrinth, like like fucking, if there's a maze around, he's gonna show up. He's like, hey man, I hear there's a maze here. Yeah, you got an invite, man? Got an invite, dog? I'm I'm just gonna show up.

SPEAKER_07 47:04

So like no, he's just wearing a staff t-shirt. It's like, bro, I'm gonna have to ask you to.

SPEAKER_04 47:10

Get out of here, man.

SPEAKER_07 47:11

Yeah, Minotaur bouncer.

SPEAKER_04 47:13

Minotaur bouncer would be well fucking no, I I'm not gonna go into that, but I agree, that would be cool.

SPEAKER_07 47:19

But like you walk into a club and like the VIP area's got like mythical beasts on Spain.

SPEAKER_04 47:24

Well, all right, all right, well, fucking, alright, I'll chase you down this rabbit hole. Minotaur is the bouncer. Who's the bartender? Um, is it Seder or Satyr?

SPEAKER_07 47:32

I don't know how to say it. Seder, Seder, yeah, that makes that makes Panzer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pan might be there. Or the maybe the DJ might be Pan. I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 47:40

Well, I would I would yeah, yeah. No, I would say that like a Seder would be the bartender because they are very associated with uh Bacchus. With fuck it with fucking Bacchus and and and yeah.

SPEAKER_07 47:53

Um let's see. I mean, what other uh what's Medusa doing?

SPEAKER_04 47:58

What's Medusa doing?

SPEAKER_07 47:59

Medusa's the one who like gives you paper towels in the bathroom and like host.

SPEAKER_04 48:02

Oh no, not my girl. Uh fucking well, she's not gonna go around someplace with a lot of mirrors.

SPEAKER_07 48:09

Oh, good point. Yeah, maybe she's just like selling cigarettes in the hallway outside. Oh, that's cute. That's cute.

SPEAKER_04 48:15

Um no, I feel like she would I feel like she's back of the house. Like, I feel like she's either running publicity or she's in the kitchen and she's blindfolded herself.

SPEAKER_07 48:32

Uh, so she doesn't get fucked over by like a pot or something.

SPEAKER_04 48:35

Yeah, or or and so she doesn't like petrify the staff.

SPEAKER_07 48:39

Yeah, that too, I guess.

SPEAKER_04 48:40

But as a result, it's made her fucking sense of taste like off the fucking charts.

SPEAKER_07 48:45

Dude, being a Medusa in the modern day would kind of suck. Like, do you think like FaceTime or Discord? Do you think that would work the same as a mirror? Yeah, if you saw you see, yeah, you see like a live stream or whatever of your own face. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 48:58

Or like what if you just what if you're just like cruising Instagram and like you fucking happen to see yourself in uh in a but it would work the other way too, right? Like what if what if fucking Medusa and her and her friend took a selfie and her friend had like a million followers? Would everyone who saw that like fucking also get petrified?

SPEAKER_07 49:17

Damn, that's a good point. That social media Medusa short story.

SPEAKER_04 49:28

I want to make that a character. I want to make it like social medusa is like a a a poor girl who's like really trying to connect with people.

SPEAKER_03 49:35

I need more followers. I need more followers. All these snakes don't count. Not all of them follow me, anyway. Thanks. Shout out to Mrs. Derby's energy.

SPEAKER_07 49:52

Hey guys, today we got the legendary Greek monster, Medusa.

SPEAKER_03 49:55

I will pay 13 people one million dollars to do a staring contest with Medusa. Right. And they can't say no because they need it for life-saving medication.

SPEAKER_07 50:10

I'm just imagining like the the whatever the fucking guy was who made Hercules do all the labors. Might have been one of the gods.

SPEAKER_04 50:18

That was Hera. Just Mr.

SPEAKER_07 50:20

Beast as Hera.

SPEAKER_04 50:21

No, no, Zeus gave him the labors, but Hera might have said, like, listen.

SPEAKER_07 50:25

Yeah, she she didn't like his ass. She was trying to kill his ass.

SPEAKER_04 50:27

Well, yeah, because Zeus, you know, Hercules was half mortal. Zeus uh fucking hooked up with a mortal, and Hera was like and cause she can't really do that much to Zeus. Right, that would be tricky. So she just fucks with with his kids and like you know that was one of the great things about this movie, is it was very true to the fact that the Greeks are fucking a mess and they're fucking family dynamics are all yeah, yeah. That's that's Game of Thrones, basically, right?

SPEAKER_07 50:55

Like just with Greeks Game of Thrones, they don't like turn people into cows or right.

SPEAKER_04 50:59

That's true. That's true. Nobody's sure did that.

SPEAKER_07 51:02

Which is and then he didn't turn her back, he was just like, Alright, Io, like my wife is a real bitch, so what I'm gonna do, and she's like, Wait, what? You're married? Broom, and then she's a fucking cow.

SPEAKER_04 51:11

They've they fucking turned Irania into a fucking spider just because she was better at weaving than Athena.

SPEAKER_07 51:17

Like, fucking Yeah, Nathina is normally portrayed as one of the good ones. Nope.

SPEAKER_04 51:20

Yeah, no, but Nath Athena's just like, oh fuck no, like you're not doing that. Like, you want to be a weaver? Fine, be a fucking spider.

SPEAKER_07 51:30

It's like being like uh being like a talented Spanish guitarist, and you're like the second best, you break the other guy's fingers, right? Like that's not a good thing to do.

SPEAKER_04 51:40

That's are you referencing something specific?

SPEAKER_07 51:43

No, I mean just like an international version of like Tanya Harding, I guess. I'm just wondering why you went to Spanish guitar. Because uh it the contrast between the the artistry and the finger breaking was greater with that than like shredding like a metal guitarist. You could see a metal guitarist with his fingers broken just doing everyday life. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay, yeah. But a Spanish guitarist, very like I don't want to say delicate, but very, you know, agile fingers.

SPEAKER_04 52:07

Yeah, a sense of delicacy is what you're implying.

SPEAKER_07 52:09

Then they just get mashed, right? And then that innately is like funnier to me than like a metal guitarist.

SPEAKER_04 52:14

Okay, I'm I'm I'm one I'm 100% on the same page with you. All right, I get that.

SPEAKER_07 52:18

Thank you for shout out to Spanish guitarists, shout out to Spanish guitarist Gabriel Iglesias fucking one of the best songs in Ocarina of Time, the uh the Gerudo Village Gerudo fucking valley, yeah. Gerudo Valley, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 52:35

Yeah, they're fucking remaking Ocarina of Time. Like those fuckers know where to fucking hunt me where I live, man.

SPEAKER_05 52:43

I'm gonna buy the deluxe edition. I don't know about you. It comes with an amiibo. Are you familiar with amiibos? You can use them to get extra bonuses in your the the tiny soul, the total tiny souls trapped in icons. Sometimes I take my Zelda amiibo and I I put it in the microwave, but I don't turn it on. I just leave it there so I have that sense of power and control. I was so sad to be like that's what I did with Roger Moore when I didn't like his performance, but no, you you took it to a much better her life is in my hands, you see. That's what that's what makes a real. That's the true meaning of power. Cersei was right. Power is power. And I wake up every day and choose violence. You know what I do with the Orcarina? Sometimes I'll just go blaring at people. They can't do anything about it. I get bored of that. Well, what happens next is illegal in most states and territories. And in Hyrule. Very much well, Hyrule actually has had, I should say. They made some corrections after I paid a trip there, but you know, initially they were actually a very sexually liberated culture.

SPEAKER_04 54:08

I'm so fucking smitten with your fucking shot connery as Link.

SPEAKER_05 54:17

When I was a boy, I used a slingshot. Is that Goron looking at me funny? That goron's he's trying to steal my things. Uh, Link, uh, some of the shit you're saying, it it really doesn't fly in today.

SPEAKER_04 54:28

What are we here in the dark world?

SPEAKER_05 54:31

On some sort of Zora social media? What is queer? What the fuck is a Zora? You know, back in my day, uh Kokery Village had it uh had elf people in it. So after Ganningdorf came over, you know what I say about those people.

SPEAKER_00 54:47

Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_05 54:49

Never let an evil wizard into your house, or he'll bed you over the table and fuck you. Or he'll imprison you in crystal. You know what happened to me? Both. I acquired a very rare disease. Makes me piss fairies. Yeah, the fairy fountains, they weren't actually a metaphor for Link being gay. I know a lot of people thought that.

SPEAKER_04 55:16

I can't I can't go any further with this. He's getting like the idea of Link being the worst one. Like Ganendorf is fucking evil and plunges the world into darkness, but Link is such an asshole. Yeah, people are asking him to not help.

SPEAKER_05 55:37

Always saying fucked up shit like, I say you could use the services of the heroes of time.

SPEAKER_04 55:42

No, no, no, actually, Link, we're pretty good.

SPEAKER_05 55:45

You know, I once I I once knew a Zora woman.

SPEAKER_04 55:49

Link, Link. I really wish you wouldn't talk.

SPEAKER_05 55:52

Let's just say they went everywhere. Yeah, he goes to like Lawn Lawn ranch and is like, hey, you know, I've got some Lawn Lawn milk for you. They won't let me sell it at the High Rule market. The health inspector had a problem.

SPEAKER_04 56:06

Link uh they find they that the people of High Rule resurrect Gannon Dorf just to fucking just to fucking get rid of it.

SPEAKER_05 56:15

I went in the happy mask shop and I busted on the proprietor. That was strong, it turned out. He was well liked in the community. It turns out you can't simply disguise yourself as another race without some people getting very upset about it. And look, I change tunics all the time. What's wrong with skin color?

SPEAKER_04 56:40

I feel like we maybe I feel like this is not the first time where we have stopped talking about the movie to go on an extended riff about Sean Connery as is a legend somewhere.

SPEAKER_07 56:52

It's at least the second time.

SPEAKER_04 56:54

So I think that's normally a sign that we fucking run out the clock on what we could talk about.

SPEAKER_07 57:00

I uh I had a couple other things I wanted to touch on vis-a-vis Jason the Argonauts. Uh one thing we both really liked, I think, was the Zeus and Hera's relationship. They were the main two Indian gods featured. You know, Hermes and uh Poseidon made like brief appearances, but how would you describe Zeus and Hera's relationship in this one?

SPEAKER_04 57:17

Sort of uh affectionately catty. Like uh Zeus decrees that Pelias should take Thessaly, but in doing so, he executes so uh he kills a woman who is praying to Hera. Hera takes offense to this, she wants to help Jason.

SPEAKER_07 57:37

Yeah, right after Peleus kills the lady, he's like, Why did you make me do this?

SPEAKER_04 57:40

Why'd you make me do that?

SPEAKER_03 57:41

God damn it!

SPEAKER_04 57:44

Well, they and they call him out. Like, this is a refreshingly, like emotionally honest. They say, like, no, you did that, man. Like, I didn't say do that. Yeah. But uh then Hera like negotiates her own leverage, and like she's like, Well, you know, she was praying in my temple, I have the right to retaliate. And Zeus is like, Yeah, no, that's true. Just how do you do that in a way that doesn't step on my prophecy?

SPEAKER_07 58:08

Yeah, Elias, he's my guy. And she's like, That's your guy? And he's like, He's my guy, you don't understand. He's fun to drink with.

SPEAKER_04 58:14

Yeah, no, yeah, no, he's it literally, like, no reason, just like, no, that it will please me. And like at some point, in his only moment of awareness, Jason says, like, the gods love their entertainment, and the gods are like, Wow, harsh. Like, fucking geez.

SPEAKER_07 58:30

Zeus is just eating like popcorn and wings while he watches.

SPEAKER_04 58:34

He's like, What? What? What? We want entertainment? Shut up.

SPEAKER_07 58:38

There's a pile of empty coors cans next to his throne.

SPEAKER_04 58:42

He chucks one at fucking dermies. Give me another one!

SPEAKER_07 58:46

Get out there, you little twink.

SPEAKER_04 58:48

Zeus, I feel like you've been drinking a lot today. Yeah, I have! Hey, you're a messenger of the gods, right? Fucking, what does this say? And he just fucking flips him to flip the finger. Yeah, that's what I thought. Go get me some more course, you little turd.

SPEAKER_07 59:04

Yeah, and meanwhile, he and Hera are like playing a game of risk, basically, over.

SPEAKER_04 59:08

Yeah, yeah, like they're just moving pieces around the board. And in fact, they actually kidnap Jason and shrink him down and make him walk on the board too, which was just Harry Housen fucking flexing, like being like, hey, look what I could do.

SPEAKER_07 59:21

Yeah, Zeus pops him out as like, Jason, have you ever heard of Warhammer 40,000? The lore is pretty, pretty in-depth.

SPEAKER_04 59:29

Fucking we look, but yes, I love the Hera and Zeus. All the gods are good. They were all pretty great.

SPEAKER_07 59:34

Yeah. If you could have added a god to the movie, which one would you have chosen?

SPEAKER_04 59:39

For sure, for sure, Ares. Like, I was gonna say, yeah. I'm surprised he didn't show up, like, like, given all all the war that's going on.

SPEAKER_07 59:46

Is this a dick around and kind of be a chode?

SPEAKER_04 59:48

Yeah, but I fucking love this in like the the Greek myths, like even the Odyssey, like fucking uh so much of the movie is like chant they never leave anything up to chance, like everything that they do offends some god, which impacts something else, and like I love that. So, what else do we need to talk about?

SPEAKER_07 1:00:09

Um, let me check my notes.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:13

The ending we should probably talk about.

SPEAKER_07 1:00:15

We should talk about the ending before uh that I did uh also want to touch on uh just briefly the uh because we both noted, I think, just how many fucking like people they got on screen at once in a lot of the scenes. Hundreds, hundreds, yeah. Really impressive rallying of extras, right? Those guys were just like, hey yeah, fuck, I don't dress up like a Roman guy and like burn down a Hollywood set.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:35

God damn, yeah, no, totally, totally. And like, you know, that's presence. That's physic that that just goes about to the practical effects. Like the actual effort and presence and human skin and human sweat, it just it has an impact that computers can't really do. And even fucking like matte paintings are still made with by hand, you know? So like the close something is human effort, the more it feels impactful.

SPEAKER_07 1:01:02

Right. And I was thinking earlier that um that's a good reminder, that maybe part of it is, you know, I was saying that it's a part of the fun, at least for me, is um trying to figure out just like, oh, how do they pull that off, right? Yeah, and to me, that's an easier thing to do with Impressive Practical Effects than it is with Im Impressive CGI, because like I don't know how fucking programming works. If I did, it might be a lot more interesting because I could think about like, oh, they layered these meshes together or whatever the fuck.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:28

Yeah, yeah, but like the practical effects requires ingenuity, right? Like it requires actually thinking. You can't just say, like, okay, I'm going to hire a grossly underpaid VFX artist and have him make this monster and then make this monster do that. They gotta figure out, all right, how are we gonna make this fucking giant statue walk?

SPEAKER_07 1:01:46

Like Yeah, and it's fun to think of like hypotheticals where you would try to use those techniques to build something different.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:51

Yeah, yeah. Like fucking, I bet you it must have been like if you were a fucking craft person, like someone who was just good with with hands, like you could say that was like when Hollywood still had a big blue collar element because there was a lot of craft and fucking labor involved.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:07

Oh yeah, making the miniatures and the sets and the costumes. Yeah, alien did a really good job with that.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:12

Uh and we're not we're not saying like they don't still do that, they obviously do, but like it was just like you know, it was a fucking industry back then and the golden age of Hollywood. It's less of yeah, that started playing. We saw this on Tubi, which is just a fucking treasure trove. Like it is. Shout out to seriously, shout out to Tubi. This might be like my favorite streaming service.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:33

Like, yeah, it's like the most convenient for us for sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:36

The ads feel so fucking reasonable.

SPEAKER_07 1:02:39

Like, just yeah, not just reasonable, it has tons of movies like that we enjoy covering more so than any other service. Besides like buying them on Amazon. Uh, the movies we watch are more often available on Tubi than anywhere else.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:51

And it just kind of like uh it kind of it just it's just a it collects a lot of very strange and off-beat movies that you might otherwise miss. Like so shout out to be shout-out to be. So do you want to do you want to talk about the ending?

SPEAKER_07 1:03:05

Um yeah, and then I got uh one or two more questions for you, but yeah, it's at the ending.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:09

Hit me with those first, and we'll we'll end with the only reason I ask is because I gotta go meet someone.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:13

Gotcha. Um if you could adapt another Greek myth in like this style, which one would it be? Oh, not the Iliad or Odyssey, because like you know, you got that one coming out.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:24

I kind of want to do like a different myth, like something from the Norse myths or maybe from like Hindu myths.

SPEAKER_07 1:03:30

Like I'll broaden it. I'll allow you to you can't do the like Bhagavad Gita, because that's like that's a long movie. You could do like a like a prose edda, maybe. I guess I would try to do the labor for like those are pretty good, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:44

Yeah, fucking like the Nemean Lion and shit. They they made some kind of movie with that with the rock and it it was poop. Yeah. Yeah. Why not Mark Wahlberg? Mark Wahlberg, eh? What are you some kind of gay lion?

SPEAKER_07 1:03:57

I got I got these I got these labors.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:00

I got these labors. I gotta run down to Duncan.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:05

So you'd go with uh with Hercules, that's reasonable.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:07

I go with the t the labors of Hercules and like do it like proper fucking epic, like not fucking a creative reason of it. Like I'd fucking try my hardest to to do some cool fucking shit. I'd try to make it like God of War style, but with like claymation, you know? Like I love I love that shit with like God of War, with like him fucking like this tiny dude like holding back a colossus' foot, you know.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:33

Yeah, climbing all over Gaia in the third game. Yeah, yeah, that ruled so hard.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:38

Uh alright, what's what what what what else do we need to talk about?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:41

Um yeah, the ending.

SPEAKER_07 1:04:48

I think that's pretty much it.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:49

Yeah, yeah. No, it just ends. And like in a weird way, because that actually felt kind of familiar to me. Based on just like just because I feel like modern cinema does that a lot. Like, especially since everyone's trying, especially during the great cinematic universe rush.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:05

Yeah, they always hit you with a couple like stingers during the comments or something.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:08

So where it's like, oh, you're gonna they're like, oh, then this is just the beginning of adventures of Captain America, new the Winter Soldier, the colon colon revenge of the fallen. He truly was a Captain America colon Civil War.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:29

What if the Captain America Civil War had just been about like uh Tony Stark starts like trying to get everyone into like Confederate reenactments? I was gonna say like Roadie is really uncomfortable with it.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:40

I was gonna say, what if they travel back in time and Captain America is on the Confederate side?

SPEAKER_04 1:05:48

And they're just like, ooh, like Tony Stark is like, we can't let anyone know this.

SPEAKER_07 1:05:54

Yeah, we're gonna have to kill a lot of people.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:57

It's like Steve Rogers is not the original captain. Captain America. They fucking.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:01

Yeah, it's Stonewall Jackson, and then he actually died when Iron Man shot him with a propulser blast.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:07

Just fucking quietly smothered him. Replaced him with Steve Rogers. No one can ever know. Do you have any idea how much merchandising rides on this?

SPEAKER_03 1:06:25

It's fucking Bob Eager is there holding him down while fucking Robert Downey Jr. is. Go to sleep, go to sleep. Go to sleep, go to sleep.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:36

And that's that's what that's that's how the Civil War ended.

SPEAKER_07 1:06:41

Um but this movie specifically does end with I guess a castus gets killed, but out of the main villains, I would say that there are three, right? Probably there's uh Perinium or whatever his fucking name is.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:54

The name Pelias, Pelius. Yeah, you never actually spend that much time with any of the main villains.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:00

Like Yeah, there's King Aedes.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:02

Yeah, and you only meet him during the last 30 minutes.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:06

And then there's Acastus. And Acastus gets killed by the Hydra, but the other two like never suffer any comeuppance. We don't know what's coming next for them.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:13

Yeah, Jason, Jason doesn't make it home with the Golden Fleece. He does not become king.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:17

It just like just ends with him jumping off a cliff into the ocean.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:20

He survives, but yeah, he survives, but then he's like, then Hera's like, I win, and it's just like, oh, this is just the beginning. You know, that fucking pissed me off in Dune uh at the end, where Zendia says this is just the beginning. I'm like, shut up! Yeah, shut up, don't fucking sell me on the next movie. Don't fucking do that. Just say it it it's the end. Just say it true. Just say this truly was a Dune 2. Don't fucking I don't like I don't like post-credit stingers for the same reason. Like, don't fucking do that. Just give me sell me a complete product.

SPEAKER_07 1:07:56

Give me a blooper reel, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:07:57

Give me a fuck yeah, give me a blooper reel of Timothy Chalomet.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:01

Fucking have we ever talked about like which movies would be most inappropriate to have blooper reels in the credits?

SPEAKER_04 1:08:08

Schindler's list.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:09

I was gonna say Schindler's List is like top three for sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:12

Platoon. Full metal jacket. Apocalypse now. Okay, I'm setting a theme here. Saving private rise. Uh city of life and death. Uh um uh spotlight.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:37

Fuck uh Mystic River. Mystic River.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:42

Oh my god, dude. Did you kill my son? It's like I think it's your daughter.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:47

Gettysburg.

SPEAKER_07 1:08:50

Yeah. Real solemn war movies.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:54

I'd love to see a I'd love to see a Quentin Tarantino blooper reel. But I specifically want it to be like Quentin Tarantino is just like a zany guy, like what? It's just like, guys, that's not the line.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:09

But there's a there's three more hard R's in that.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:12

Oh my god. I'm not going any further down that rabbit hole.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:17

We love you, Quentin Tarantino. It's just just jokes, just Josh.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:21

Just japes, just japes.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:23

Don't don't electrocute us in a vet. Please don't write us into a movie and then have Walton Goggins like murder us with a fucking steamroller or something.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:30

Walton Goggles.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:31

That would actually be kind of cool. I absolutely treasure Walton Goggins.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:34

Walton Goggins is a fucking American icon for sure, based off vice principles alone, but he's done so much else. Uh he was in Predators.

SPEAKER_07 1:09:43

He was a convict. Oh, you're right. He was in Predators. Um here's a question for you. If Walton Goggins was tied to some train tracks, and uh there were ten Danny Trejos on the other now, five Danny Trejos on the other train tracks. Goggins. You're saving Goggins.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:59

I'll I'll save Goggins. I've I feel like even Danny Trejo doesn't like the shit he's in anymore. I feel like Danny Trejo would probably just be like, yeah, like sacrifice me, dude. Sacrifice me, dude, and me, and me, and me. We don't want to live anymore.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:15

Yeah, there's Danny's Alpha through Epsilon are all willing to sacrifice themselves.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:19

I feel like they would like maybe like the Danny's want it this way, and like it's the only way they can settle who is the real Danny. It's the only way to free Danny Trejo Prime. And then like if I let them die, Danny Trejo Prime emerges to take revenge.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:35

Yeah. And then there's a Zeta Trejo that'll eventually emerge at the end of days. He's the one that cast out all his mortal Trejos. Yeah, he's become like a cyborg.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:46

Was left behind with pure Trejo. Alright, listen, I gotta go fucking.

SPEAKER_07 1:10:51

Yes, I'll let you get going for next week.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:53

Before that, what are we gonna watch? It's it's your turn. What if we we have not done we just did cop slop, we just did sword slop. Red Dawn, the original. You wanna do original Red Dawn? Yeah.

SPEAKER_07 1:11:05

Alright, let's fucking do it. Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Gray, Charlie Sheen, C. Thomas Howell, and ooh, our boy Powers Booth.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:13

The OG Powers Booth in the OG Red Dawn. Fucking join us here. Uh, Will, would you close us out with a little housekeeping?

SPEAKER_07 1:11:21

Happy to. Slop Culture is a podcast hosted by Sam Sykes, that's him, and Will Palmer, that's me. Please give us a five-star review on whatever platform you heard us on. That's out of five, ideally. Uh, our cover art is by Andrew Sides, and our intro music is by Joe Roy. You can contact the podcast at Slopculturepodcast at gmail.com and find me on social media at palmskis or will underscore palmskis, pretty much everywhere.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:44

You can find me at Sam PsychSwears everywhere. This has been Slop Culture, the happy hour podcast, where we strive to see the beauty of stupidity. Join us next year. Next year, join us next week for the OG Red Dawn, Patrick Swayze. It's time. Until then, stay sloppy.