Red Dawn (1984) - You Tug, You Toss

This week, the boys treat themselves to an American classic which asks the question that every young American has ever asked themselves: "what if school got canceled because World War III broke out and Patrick Swayze was also there?" Also featured: Sam saw the Odyssey, Satanic nachos and do you think a demon in hell would call you fat or would that be too much?

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:01

You know who else thought they got across better on video?

SPEAKER_00 0:07

A number of people, I think. I actually I don't know. I don't think Hitler like uh did he specifically say I gotta come across real well on video or no, no, I don't think so.

SPEAKER_03 0:19

In fact, if anything, uh the opposite book he wrote.

SPEAKER_00 0:23

I feel like he was not that that I feel like nobody was like flattering him that much on video.

SPEAKER_03 0:29

I feel like a lot of people were flattering him, though. Like, oh, you look fabulous, and he looks like shit, just always looks like shit. He's got that fucking pasty ass haircut, he's just mad all the time.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

He's just like, oh, don't bullshit me. I know I look terrible.

SPEAKER_03 0:43

If you say yeah, then he fucking shoots you in the head or something.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Yeah, but like he's got he's got one catty German friend who he will let who goes like, mmm, you do look terrible.

SPEAKER_03 0:53

Like, oh for always being honest with me, Valf.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

And Rolf says, Oh, you look uh you look much like the maginol line.

SPEAKER_03 1:02

Very useless and fucking easily overrun?

SPEAKER_01 1:06

Useless and overrun. Like, oh, you're so harsh, but you're true. You're so true.

SPEAKER_03 1:13

That would be like an interesting fucking um like time travel twist, is like there's the classic go back in time and kill baby Hitler. But what if you go back in time, but your only way to hurt Hitler was by like really badly bullying him? And so you have to like bully him into not doing what he did in the bunker, but just earlier.

SPEAKER_00 1:29

I g I guess that's the next I guess that's the next uh logical step, right? To like would you kill baby Hitler? Is would you would you bully uh adolescent Hitler?

SPEAKER_03 1:41

Oh my god, yeah. I mean it would take a while, probably. Maybe not, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Like would you just constantly be like trying to do high fives with him and then when he reaches out, you fucking like hit him with too slow? Hit him with the too slow, or like fucking like do you hit him with the updog just relentlessly? Or like or like fuck or like when he's like or do you like fucking hit him with the Ligma jokes like when he becomes a teenager? Like yeah, all the other Germans laugh at him. Yeah, like he tries to become he tries to become a dictator and he gives his first speech and like look, it's the Ligma boy.

SPEAKER_03 2:20

He just runs away in tears.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

Hitler, where is the Zeligma River? Is it by Zit Danube?

SPEAKER_03 2:28

Danube.

SPEAKER_01 2:31

Danube? That was a long time ago. Hitler.

SPEAKER_03 2:35

We've all graduated school since then, guys. Hitler graduated the school of ignorance.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Did you Hitler? I'm not falling for that.

SPEAKER_02 2:48

Oh, too slow.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

Oh we we one of these days, one of these days, we're just gonna s we're just gonna say enough. No more fucking mining Hitler's ghost for for wealth.

SPEAKER_03 3:04

Let's put his ass to work in the comedy minds for a little further. I'd say he deserves that at least.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

I guess like there needs to be I I mean I I don't know if I want to put this energy out into the world, but like what wars and national tragedies can you joke about today? You know, like because it's not it's not just like ten years after per week.

SPEAKER_03 3:30

That's a good point. It's like the the context and content of it are right.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

Yeah, like the s like the American Civil War. That was a gnarly ass war.

SPEAKER_03 3:39

Yeah, I had to leave that one on the shelf for a while.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Yeah, yeah. I bet you they were not making civil war jokes about that uh for a while.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

Like Yeah, pretty touchy subject.

SPEAKER_00 3:48

Touchy subject. World War One, likewise, I don't think there's any fucking like French or or German dude just fucking like firing off at like night 1919 just like it. Yeah, just fucking like like like hashtag trench life. I don't think anyone's I don't think anyone's fucking doing that like for at least 20 years after World War One.

SPEAKER_03 4:09

Yeah, there's no like prankster channels running around like dropping chlorine gas in the supermarket as a prank.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Hello, I'm uh I'm Kaiser Filman. This is Jacas. No fucking like you remember you remember that fucking like uh video after Will Smith uh had the Oscar controversy?

SPEAKER_03 4:32

And like he slapped Chris Rock, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Yeah, where he slapped Chris Rock and he like tried to he tried like tried to make a joke about how embarrassed he was about it on TikTok later. Like, just imagining Wilhelm like making a joke about like it's like what's the like they make they make a TikTok like what's the what's your biggest regret?

SPEAKER_03 4:50

Stitch incoming, and then like cut to Kaiser Wilhelm who were like um welcome to Jack Us today were firing Steve Out of a bombard, or like cutting to Gavrillo Prince Ep and like who you can think of like Vana two things. There's really just uh this one main thing. I went for a sandwich. You know, I I was getting a sandwich.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

There's just this one I like to live my life without regrets, but there's just this one thing. It's just it's just it's just you only make this mistake once.

SPEAKER_03 5:26

Yeah. If I remember correctly, he like uh tried to take like a cyanide capsule right after that, but like there wasn't enough cyanide in it, so he just ended up like starting to puke on himself. So then he tried to jump in the nearest river to drown, but the river was only like a foot deep, so he just broke his legs. And so then he was just like puking on himself with broken legs while like a massive enraged crowd descended upon him and beat his ass.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

Well, see, that's what I'm saying. Like, like at the time I bet that wasn't funny, but like now. Oh both chopping. Come on, that's like a Tom and Barry. That's like a Tom and Jerry bit. You know, like that's fucking like take the side-eye capsule. Oh, it's too weak.

SPEAKER_03 6:02

Oh, just make me puke and yakity sack start, or like the curb your enthusiasm music.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

Yeah, like the rivet, like he breaks both his legs, so he gets up on his hands and like starts fucking like Scooby-dooing, Scooby-doing it, like fucking like doodle-doo-doo-like fucking like some 60s jazz music, like welcome to the Sunshine House. Like, fucking as this mad crowd is chasing after him, like we get like that fucking bit of him going going through the doors and shit, you know.

SPEAKER_03 6:32

Yeah, and then the camera pans out and it's just him sitting in like a support group in prison. He's like, yeah, so that's basically where it started for me.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

So that's basically where it started. Oh, so that's one crazy that's one crazy story.

SPEAKER_03 6:46

It's almost like you're hyperbolizing. Um you're trying to just distract us from the fact you murdered two people?

SPEAKER_00 6:53

So like we we can joke about I think any any uh pre- any BC war is fair game by now. Like we can joke about Zama. We can joke about Carthage. We can we can we can yeah, yeah, like right now you could go up to a Carthaginian I don't think there are any and say like and say like, hey man, you got any salt?

SPEAKER_03 7:21

Are there are there still Carthaginians? I might have just pissed off like a whole group of people by accident, which like my bad.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

What if there are what if you have specifically pissed off like the ancient Carthaginians, of which there are like still a few around?

SPEAKER_03 7:34

Okay, modern Tunisians and North African carry the ancestry of the Punic peoples, blending indigenous Berber, Greek, and Sicilian DNA. Okay, so like there you go.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

There you go. Like, well, but I'm saying, like, they're the the people of Tunisia are probably not gonna begrudge you that joke. We can joke about that. Yeah, uh, I think we can joke about the Civil War. I don't know though.

SPEAKER_03 7:55

Yeah, by now, especially because we're American. If it was like um like a Swedish person talking shit, oh I would not have a conversation. I would not be. We might have to have a conversation.

SPEAKER_00 8:03

That's our country, Sven.

SPEAKER_03 8:07

That was our great national tragedy. How dare you!

SPEAKER_00 8:10

How dare you! I regret ever I regret ever sharing my beans with you. Do you want to start the episode?

SPEAKER_03 8:19

Yeah, yeah, I'd be happy to.

SPEAKER_00 8:20

All right, all right, here we go. And five, four. If Nickelodeon Guts was all about child wait, wait, wait, hang on. Let me try that again.

SPEAKER_03 8:31

I'm just thinking of Nickelodeon Berserk, but word.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

Nickelodeon Berserk. Keep this in Nickelodeon. Nickelodeon, like the fucking four kids animation of Berserk. Fucking like guts, guts like only knocks people out with his sword.

SPEAKER_03 8:50

They like sloppily edit out the fucking blood.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

Yeah, the the whole thing's runtime is condensed to like three minutes. Alright, shit. For real this time. If Nickelodeon Guts was a competition between child soldiers, do you think the 90s would still be all about kid power? Welcome to Slop Culture Podcast. Today we're talking about Red Dawn. It's Slop Culture, everybody. Yes, welcome to Slot Culture, the Happy Hour podcast, where we strive to see the beauty and stupidity. I am your host, Sam Sykes, and with me, as always, a man who achieved infamy after he launched the first and last exorcism as an agnostic. It's Will Palmer, everybody.

SPEAKER_03 9:39

Well, you know, a lot of people had a problem with the how I defined exorcism. Like the the ghost came out of the guy. Right. But then but then it kind of hung around. Which is where the agnostic can play.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Because it's like, well, you know, like like you can't really reject you can't really rebuke the demon or the ghost in the name of Christ.

SPEAKER_03 10:00

I texted St. Peter, like, hey bro, I got a guy for you, and he he like left me on red, um, which is a little whack of him. You could have just said no. But um now there's this ghost guy following me around. I felt bad for leaving it with Rodolfo, um, the Exorcee, I guess. Um, so I volunteered to take him on. Um But yeah, no, I mean he hasn't told me his name yet. You know, usually it just sounds like a mixture of like a toilet backfiring and an eldrit scream. So I've been getting used to that.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

Well you know what though, you know what? Like you're the you you can't be mad at a demon for like be a little mad being a little being a little a little mysterious, you know. Like that that's kind of the social contract, right? Is like the demon is not gonna tell you its name. Like you got you gotta get to know it first.

SPEAKER_03 10:44

You know, like I can't even have condiments anymore because he just like takes them and draws pentagrams and inconvenient to reach locations.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

Oh, that's horrible.

SPEAKER_03 10:53

Always bust out the stepladder to get a salsa pentagram of like the ceiling corner.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

Now hold up, a salsa pentagram. I feel like we could make a nacho tray out of that. Like like like what if walk at one end and then you got to I'm thinking because like a pentagram has what like five triangles?

SPEAKER_03 11:13

I think so, yeah. It'd be a sexagram otherwise, right?

SPEAKER_00 11:16

Sexagram. I used to work at sexagram, actually. I the the the world's only erotica on delivery service.

SPEAKER_03 11:25

Morse code erotica.

SPEAKER_00 11:27

Morse code erotica. I was back then I was known as old power lines pencil. But uh um yeah, no, like uh the salsa pentagram slash guac pentagram.

SPEAKER_03 11:40

I mean, what are the other sour cream, I guess?

SPEAKER_00 11:42

Well, so if there's if there's three if there's five triangles plus that central part holding it together, right? Right.

SPEAKER_03 11:49

So I think that's where you put the chips, probably, right?

SPEAKER_00 11:51

Yeah, that makes a lot more sense. I figure like each like you you customize the various triangles to fit the other fillings you are like here's the mild salsa, here's the hot salsa, here's the guac, here's two guaks, uh, here's the queso dip. Uh and then like in between each uh because you know you gotta have the pentagram outline.

SPEAKER_03 12:13

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 12:14

Uh I think you s do that with like ultra hot sauce, you know? Nice, like a ribbon. So like Yeah, so that like because you never you never want like to just dunk a chip in really hot salsa.

SPEAKER_03 12:27

Yeah, you want to salsa of the damned.

SPEAKER_00 12:29

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you want to you want to like get a good a good scoop of like mild to medium salsa, and then like and then like put a couple of drops of really hot stuff on it. And like that's great. And I'm talking about like the hot the vinegar-based, like hot sauces here, you know? Uh but yeah, I think I think that's not a bad idea, dude. Like the fucking panagram salsa.

SPEAKER_02 12:54

Dude, that's damn your damn your NFL party. Damn your from the makers of Red Tech. The only sauce, the only dip that summons the devil. Queso con Diablo.

SPEAKER_03 13:13

That's fucking good, dude. That's clean. Maybe it could have like sound effects. I don't know. That might make it too expensive.

SPEAKER_00 13:19

That would make it very but what do you mean like lightning strikes? I do think I do think we should sell them with like uh the the there should be stickers, like food safety stickers, but they should have like biblical script on them.

SPEAKER_03 13:37

Sure.

SPEAKER_00 13:38

So that when you break them, you're you're to open up you're doing something profane. Dude, this is not bad. This is not fucking bad. Like, we wouldn't have.

SPEAKER_03 13:47

I think of several large groups that might have problems with it, but it would sell.

SPEAKER_00 13:51

Well, alright, fucking show me in the fucking Bible where it says we can't have a pentagram salsa party.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

Like I mean it probably says you can, but like some really good.

SPEAKER_00 14:02

I feel like I feel like that's roughly on the same level of offense as like the haunted mansion at fucking Disneyland. Like I can imagine I can imagine a couple of religious groups out there who like might have a problem with how things are portrayed in the fucking haunted mansion. Like I maybe that clashes with their view of the afterlife, but like nobody's fucking protesting the fucking the fucking dancing ghouls and ghosts. Like like the this is a s when it's when it's at least 60% whimsy, 40% uh coded coded villainy, that's a winning combination. A 60-40, a good 60-40, I'll allow an 80-20, uh, but a 60-40, that's that's where it's good, you know? So like a salsa pentagram, that's that's just slightly more whimsical, you know, because like the the the overall uh uh theme of it is whimsical, you know, like we're not fucking having chips to summon the devil.

SPEAKER_03 15:03

We're just gonna be that would be the trick part of it, is like hidden underneath all the sauces are like a bunch of dread phrases that if like revealed in a certain sequence will summon like a minor Prince of Hell.

SPEAKER_00 15:13

I was gonna say, like, if you use the salsa tray to like eat dead babies, then okay. Oh, don't do that. Don't do that, but like hey, don't do that.

SPEAKER_03 15:23

Yeah, this isn't a Super Bowl party at his house.

SPEAKER_01 15:26

Whoa! What?

SPEAKER_03 15:29

I'll beep that. We don't want to get killed by anybody else.

SPEAKER_00 15:32

I don't want to get whacked by the d I don't want to get whacked by the d They ain't gonna s me. Oh damn. Bleep that too. Bleep that too, because I genuinely I genuinely don't want to get killed by the d fuck, I'm gonna have to beep so much of this. Alright, but fucking um dude, like this is this is the great part about this fucking podcast is I was intending to have like a couple of like I was going for like a Seinfeld like situation where you're like maybe the the the ghost can come out of the possessed spirit or like maybe not, like I'm an i I'm agnostic, I don't know. I I'm not quite sure. Like yeah, but then we we took it into a nice place with a more concrete direction with fucking uh with fucking salsa pentagram, and now that's all I can think about. And now I think like we might just you might just fucking do that for a couple of foods, right?

SPEAKER_03 16:32

Like Okay.

SPEAKER_00 16:33

Like like what about what about like a what if what about like a a seafood thing? You know, like fried shrimp.

SPEAKER_03 16:40

Like that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

Fried shrimp and then like yeah, and like fish tenders and uh fucking fries in the center.

SPEAKER_03 16:47

Caviar. Gotta have caviar caviar. Scallops.

SPEAKER_00 16:51

Uh fucking fucking like some fried some some fried fish. I love me of fish and chips.

SPEAKER_03 16:57

Like a dead octopus on there.

SPEAKER_00 16:58

Maybe a dead octopus, maybe a live octopus.

SPEAKER_03 17:01

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Dude, a fucking sushi pentagram? That sounds great. That sounds great. Come on, like a big pool of soy sauce in the middle, and then just each triangle is a roll. Dude! Oh, I gotta start a catering company.

SPEAKER_03 17:15

Fucking a devil themed catering company.

SPEAKER_00 17:17

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like like we want to call it like the Seventh Gate. Okay. Seventh Gate.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

Take your party to hell. Take your party to hell. Act now for our Mammon package.

SPEAKER_03 17:35

Yeah, we bring fog machines and shit and set them up underneath the buffet tables.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

That owns. And like and like it's all it's all fucking goofy, but it's like just such a such a nice snack composition that like that's why it that's what makes it wicked, is because like these are just high quality snacks, you know?

SPEAKER_03 17:53

Yeah, ghoulishly good hors d'oeuvres.

SPEAKER_00 17:55

This this is not some fucking weak ass party where like they fucking just put out a bag of chips. No, and don't even put it in a bowl so that everyone can get like a couple to put on their plate.

SPEAKER_03 18:06

This shit is intense enough that like you wonder midway through if you made a mistake.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Yes, yes. Like, we definitely want to hit hit the point where like you feel like you've maybe turned your back on God by by like going for that one extra popcorn shrimp.

SPEAKER_03 18:23

Yeah. Well, I meant just by hiring us in general in our life.

SPEAKER_00 18:26

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:27

Like carnival of infernal debauchery.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

And like the carnival of infernal debauchery. There we go, man. Yeah, I mean, like this this business sells itself. What if we get approached by the devil? Oh big to help our struggling business, because it turns out most people won't do this.

SPEAKER_03 18:50

What kind of monkeys paw ass bullshit is he gonna pull on us, though? I'm I'm my instinct is to say no to a deal with the devil.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

I think there's like a whole would you do would you do would you would you do a would you do a game with the devil? Like, would you do a fucking uh uh League of Legends with the devil? Yeah, like would you play League of Legends against the devil for your soul?

SPEAKER_03 19:10

No, I've never played League of Legends. I just know it's like people get really angry.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

That's the worst part about Satan is he's such a toxic gamer. Yeah, he's he's been banned like dozens of times, but he keeps calling all the he keeps using these fucking awful slurs. Like you can't say that. He's like, I'm the devil, and like it'd be weird if I didn't.

SPEAKER_03 19:30

Like, yeah, all right, fair, fair.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

He's got me, he's got me there. He's got me there.

SPEAKER_03 19:35

Yeah, that's quite the conundrum, honestly, if you're Satan. What if he doesn't want to be a toxic gamer, but then like he feels this like you know, kind of like crushing upon him if he doesn't call something counter.

SPEAKER_00 19:46

I do think about this a lot because you know I was raised Catholic, so I I spent a not insignificant amount of time thinking about pentagram nachos?

SPEAKER_03 19:54

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 19:54

Well, I mean I've I I will spend a not insignificant amount of time uh thinking about pentagram nachos from now off. Right, thinking about hell and like are you like and like I was thinking like, well, you know, like you know, you typically think of torture, fire, demons like shoveling poop on you and stuff. But like it does make me think, like, what if like a demon, like as you were getting tortured, just called you fat.

SPEAKER_01 20:21

You're just like, oh damn, dude.

SPEAKER_00 20:23

The fucking call for that. But like you're already getting tortured and like flayed alive, and he's just like, Yeah, you like that fat ass, and I'm like, Hey.

SPEAKER_03 20:33

Whenever that demon comes by, he calls you like chunky or something. Yeah, yeah. You're gonna have to use the husky-sized tongs on this one.

SPEAKER_00 20:40

Dude, or like he asks you if you feel like a sandwich, and you're like, I guess, and then he like grabs you would your sides and goes like you feel more like a donut.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

Oh fuck.

SPEAKER_00 20:54

Like, you know, and compared to like getting leeches shoved up your urethra, yeah. That that's not a big deal, but like I've just wanted to be a little bit more.

SPEAKER_03 21:03

You know, my favorite book actually has a scenario like that in the first chapter. It's not like yeah, it's uh it's called Matterhorns, a memoir about Vietnam. But one of the main characters, like, what do you have? One of the guys in his like squad, they're like going through a swamp and like a leech crawls up a dude's urethra, and then like they're in the middle of a monsoon, so they can't like evacuate anywhere. The guy's bladder is gonna like explode inside his body unless they cut his dick open and take the leech out.

SPEAKER_00 21:26

Jesus.

SPEAKER_03 21:27

Yeah, and it just like escalates from there. It's an insanely good book. But like, if you can't handle that scene, you can't handle Matter offering.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

Nowhere in the Constitution does it say you gotta take a leech up the dick for Uncle Sam.

SPEAKER_03 21:39

No, dude.

SPEAKER_00 21:40

I mean, but but like but like you get what I'm you get what you get what I mean, though, right? Like it's it's like getting hot pokers shoved in your eyes, that's pretty bad. Yeah, but like they are demons, like theoretically, their evil knows no bounds. So would they just like add that at the end and be like, also you're fat, like oh while they're doing that, they just say you have a small dick. Yeah, like they fucking take. pictures and like oh they fly and they like Photoshop it onto like fucking like extra small yeah they make memes out of it and shit like like like how many layers of villa or or like do they just like stick with just the fucking uh like what if you're in a layer of hell where like your personal demon does not insult you and one of these days you're just like hey man I just want to say thanks like all the other demons are like fucking like calling everyone fat and ugly and shit and I know you got you don't do that you just fucking like tear my bones out and force me to live as a skeleton and he's just like oh yeah man oh that that's cool that's cool like that's just not my style that's just not my style you know like I have I have a I have a little brother and he's got he's he struggles with weight so I know I know and then and then like just as he does that like light opens up he's like oh damn it I empathized and like he immediately he immediately gets sucked up to heaven he's like all right well you're just sit tight your new your new demon will be there in a bit yeah and then St. Peter's like welcome uh Falzar the flare oh shit Falzar the flare it says here you you refrained from calling a guy fat he daps him up like good job man I know there's like yeah it turns out like a culture in hell it's kind of like you know negative toward body image a lot of the time he's like oh yeah no no no like like it will be really healthy to get away from that it's a bad environment I would I would love fucking therapy speak demon yeah a lot a lot of a lot of toxic influence down there yeah he joins a fucking support group in heaven yeah he's like you know what like uh it's like I told this guy I tortured back down in hell we are more than our bodies our bodies are important and we do take care of them but they're simply the vessel that contains the best parts of us is like thank you Falthazar no thank you no thank you he's got humongous horns he's draped in like human skins and yeah he's got like a screaming cloak of of thrown together faces and he's just like you guys you guys uh go ahead I'm gonna stick around and sit in on the next group oh my god he's such a nice guy like like you know like I I really think we made some breakthroughs here that I would love to share with Ted's group yeah there's donuts and coffee obviously in the lobby donuts and coffee guys hey great and hey shout out to Greg for refilling the coffee pot every time it goes empty without being asked that's great that's how the how did he end up in hell in the first place he's just such a good dude well maybe he like really was an awful person and then he gets to hell he's like geez this is a little excessive wow god it's like a serial killer goes to hell is like wow okay I've hurt some people haven't he's like oh wow wow is this is this is what's been going on jeez I made some mistakes Christ we haven't even bantered yet dude fucking hit me with the Bant we're talk we're talking about Red Dawn uh which I am 1984's Red Dawn 1984 the classic not the remake the classic uh and I guess we're gonna abbreviate some banter today because I don't want to give spoilers but I'm kind of running on fumes this this afternoon because I fucking went to the midnight showing of uh the Odyssey did you dress up as like Polyphemus? No no I didn't see anyone dressed up in fact like it's kind of lame well but like there's no I There's tons of characters you wear a cloak and some fucking armor and shit. Yeah but like bring your sword I'm sure they'd let you the costumes just don't look that cool dude like what if you just don't I'm dressed as the Joker I feel like I would make a lot of people uncomfortable because I feel like I feel like I would get Christopher Nolan it's Christopher Nolan remember me you want to know how I got these scars Odysseus I cut myself on a father my father was a swine herd and a bastard one day he comes up and says why hast thou such no I I hate this I hate this yeah I hate this but use uh your experience at the film though I I will I I want to do a sloppy seconds about this and I want you to see it so we can talk about this it's it's uh really interesting to see uh because you know on this on this uh podcast we don't just talk about uh oh this movie is good this movie is bad like we try to see where this movie fits you know yeah and the Odyssey is one of these very rare things where it's so beautifully shot and like you know it has really it has some great fucking acting talent behind it and Christopher Nolan is a really good director. Yeah and like the effects are literally some of the best I've seen in a while like I I really liked yeah I bet he's got a great crew working on those oh I bet and but it's not just the effects it's how he uses them you know like I feel like a very a very bog standard action movie way to use them is just to have like the monster constantly front and center.

SPEAKER_03 27:44

Whereas this time he doesn't always show you the monster he doesn't always show you all of the monster he uses both when Tom Holland's balls inflate to like 15 times their normal size and he's like staggering through the throne room of Ithaca knocking tables and chairs aside yeah no I I found it very weird that like at no point in the movie does anyone acknowledge that scene like that was that was the second most distracting part of the movie the first part of the movie was John Leguizamo.

SPEAKER_00 28:15

Oh yeah right he played he plays Eumaeus but he keeps breaking character and looking at the at the fucking at the camera and saying it's me john leguzavo how are you how are you liking the movie don't worry you can text me about it after the movie I did appreciate text me at J Leguizavo at he puts out his actual phone number he puts out his actual phone number flashes at the bottom of the screen he always answers yeah within minutes he's not sleeping he does not sleep he just he drops whatever he's doing and he will actually like talk to you about like a genuine like friendly he cares about your day yeah he just he's in the same group as Falthazar the Fly yeah they both learn from the same uh John like Guizamo breaks the case yeah John like Guizamo is just like it's just and he just keeps going like hey if you like this part you're gonna like this next part too and then like hey this next part is kind of boring if you want to go get some some more soda now's the time that it's just that they need some it's just fucking Tom Holland and his giant balls and like you've seen it before well you've seen it before you're gonna see it in Spider-Man I know you fucking nerds but uh it he's everyone's performance is great the effects are really cool the costumes suck to me to me I don't like the costumes uh enough man flesh I mean I do love some skin being shown uh but like I you know like some of the characters have some drip like Agamemnon and this isn't a spoiler because it's on the fucking promotional material he's got that fucking that black armor yeah that black dart armor with the spinal column at the at the back of his helmet like I didn't know he had a spinal column like that's fucking kind of uncomfortable having that yeah yeah well no like it's it's like a gilded spinal column oh I thought it was like just a man's spine just dangling no no no it's it's like some jewelry in the shape of Virgo it's pretty cool it's pretty cool that's nifty. And I like the framing story and everyone's acting was great and and yet and yet like it's just it it's just it's lacking something.

SPEAKER_03 30:42

It's lacking some kind of je ne sais quoi you know like I mean Christopher Nolan like a he's a fantastic uh director don't get me wrong but like he has like kind of a Zuckerbergian understanding of like human feeling I think go on like I I feel like he just like his movies again great movies but they feel like watching like in like a beautiful clockwork machine but it's a clockwork machine like there's no like cute little mouse guy running around inside of it like fixing all the problems.

SPEAKER_00 31:12

Yes yes and like there it there is something to that because like we had really emotional uh performances from almost everyone in this movie but the dialogue felt so restrained and clean that something about it just lacked like I think about this all the time with uh fucking Red Letter Media their reviews of uh of fucking uh the prequels how they talk about how everything looks very clean and sterile so like it lacks character that's kind of how things felt how the dialogue felt how the story felt like something about it was just like a little too clean I think.

SPEAKER_03 31:53

Right like Odysseus never has like an ingrown hair on his ball sack it's like giving him a tough time.

SPEAKER_00 31:57

Yeah yeah there's no there's no scene there's no seven minute scene of him like trying to trying to pop a zit on his scroat. Oh seven minutes that's a grueling one like he just he just that's your Oscar shot he just keeps trying to get it but it keeps like slipping out he's just like ah come on and like seawater everywhere one of his men is like dude just let me do it like we've got we've got to command the ship like no god that's gross fuck off I'm doing it myself I'm doing it myself it's fine I've done this before just just just you're not help you're not helping I'll say that you're not helping by talking about it. Okay okay we'll go back to it fine fine fine and then the next four minutes wrap up and he's like and then he just goes and then just goes like he's like oh god oh ooh oh boy and then like and then like and then like 10 minutes he's like ten minutes later he's like God I still feel it is that weird it's like it's a little like Phantom Limb syndrome weird no no but um I think it's worth seeing I do think it's worth seeing because and I'll tell you this uh I am a big believer in cinematic events and I think I think this was before your time but like I still remember as a kid going to Jurassic Park oh dude that must have been sick yeah and like I saw Jurassic Park like you know because I was a very young child so I saw it like ten times and like we didn't have the internet and movies were very cheap back then so it's just like it was just like if you had nothing to do during the day it was like hey you want to go see Jurassic Park again? Yeah absolutely but uh there was an event you know like you would see people around and like people you had seen at the movie theater you might see later at school you know and it was it it felt good that everyone was coming out and seeing this thing and like this movie counts. This is a very ambitious movie it's a fucking IMAX three hour long movie.

SPEAKER_03 33:59

Fuck I was gonna ask how long that motherfucker very fucking long but you know what tons of people came out to see it.

SPEAKER_00 34:05

I saw it with uh a big group of friends and you know it's a bonding experience it's a cultural bonding experience like everyone is going to have an opinion about the Odyssey and it doesn't suck to just have an opinion on it too well put like yeah so I I I think it's I think it's worth seeing I think it's worth seeing uh well shit do you want to talk about what else is fucking worth seeing brother is Red Dawn 1980 motherfucking four which you had not seen before which to my shock and chagrin we're gonna have to talk we're we'll have a talk about that off mic because like ooh buddy you gotta make some changes in your life from my from my to my shock my chagrin my frankly my disappointment my my well that doesn't start with shh does it so like you're gonna ruin the alliteration shock chagrin uh shame uh shame uh shab shabuti shabuti baba boot all right no yes no um you had not seen it with I had not seen it uh I absorbed the story through cultural osmosis you know like just having never seen it I still had heard enough people talk about it that I knew roughly what it was about uh but no I it had never it had never popped up as a priority to me until you suggested it and I think uh we're gonna start with me doing the two minute recap uh this this this uh time I used to say we are not in the business of doing recaps but that got really but yeah like obviously we do recaps now but now we just do it very very interpretively and we try our best and I'm gonna take a sip of this of this Suntory whiskey and then I'm going to give you a two minutes to describe one of the best pieces of Americana the 1980s produced. Alright ready three two one go in Calamay Colorado the Soviet army decides to invade and it's not quite clear why but they show up pretty quickly and they overrun the entire town mostly gunning people down and taking an especially aggressive stance towards the local high school for reasons that is are not completely clear either. The town is quickly occupied by Nicaraguan Cuban and Soviet soldiers who promptly round up the people and either execute them or put them in re-education camps but some kids escape and one of them is Patrick Swayze and another one is Charlie Sheen and they grab a bunch of guns and a bunch of food and they go out into the wilderness and they're forced to kill Soviets who come looking for them and they're like we're soldiers now and we're in occupied territory and they start a guerrilla campaign against the Soviet army and they name themselves the Wolverines after their local high school mascot and the Soviets are like what the hell is a Wolverine? Oh it's small and ferocious and it never backs down like ah that's that's very self-fulfilling. But then they find a crashed fighter pilot who tells them America is at war. We've been invaded Europe is uh not gonna help us this time we've been attacked by all the communist countries and for some reason the Chinese are on our side it's not quite clear how that works uh but but just don't question it and don't question the fact that the pilot says Chinaman it was a different time uh but then he dies and then the Wolverines kind of get picked off one by one until they're finally like listen we're gonna die here and there's the Soviets are closing in on us. So me and Charlie Sheen we're gonna go fucking uh also they kill one of their buddies for turning traitor in the meantime uh and they're like we're gonna go fucking shoot up uh our our old high school but but in a way that's acceptable now like are we gonna shoot up our shoot up our old town but like but oh shit all right and then they die and then the last two escape and world war three ends but we're not quite sure how yeah yeah that's I I got it I got it a really good fucking movie a really good fucking movie I'm super glad I got to see it um and it's uh it was very unlike what I thought it would be like okay let's go through that first what do you think you know like when people talk about Red Dawn they talk they it's almost always them saying like Wolverines you know like they're fucking uh they're fucking like talking up like uh the premise of the movie which is uniquely kind of silly like it's literally suggesting a the fucking all the world aligns in such a way that communism spreads across the globe and yeah geopolitically the backstory is kind of a mess but yeah that's what you have to do to get fucking commies in Colorado bro yeah yeah and then and then fucking Soviets paratroop down into Calame this tiny race the friendly uh history teacher shoot an RPG in the cafeteria yeah and they fucking just they bomb people and shoot them and firing squat them and it's fucking rough.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

Yeah dude they start doing reprisal attacks which historically always work.

SPEAKER_00 39:15

Always work that is why every occupying force has always done extremely well with no downsides whatsoever. Whatsoever and history is history is full of examples like this are like pretty lousy there's uh one good guy on the Russian side but we'll we'll get to him um when you went into this movie you probably just knew like the meme moments right Wolverine because we live here and like and like yeah the this this sort of zany uh jingoistic meme we're America we fucking rule and literally f a gang of five or six kids can be so American that they can annihilate uh half of the Soviet army on their own and like I got that I got that there were some very cool moments like the fucking the Wolverines which be is the squad uh they're fucking cool I loved watching the ambushes I loved watching the guerrilla warfare I loved the shootouts I loved how brief and messy they were but more on that later what I was not expecting was how fucking painful and raw and emotional this movie was and there are just there are these very cool action sequences but there's like no quipping there's no fucking smug put downs there's no fucking sarcastic like well what are we gonna do now like they fly now even like the the like more quotable lines are like entirely appropriate in context like sport. Yeah yeah like fucking like they all work and these kids are fucking losing themselves and like that's the fucking tragedy is even though they kick ass and they're very cool like the movie does not shy around how much they are losing by fighting this war and it's fucking really painful to watch and there's a lot of drama I was not expecting and a lot of that we owe to uh Patrick Swayze he's the lead he plays Jed the oldest of the crew Jed Eckert and his buddy is his brother is Matt Eckhart played by Charlie Sheen uh and I found out that uh fucking uh Erica is played by Tia Leone which I didn't know about that and Jennifer Gray plays Tony. Oh wow wonderful so we've we've had some Powers Booth of course uh plays uh Colonel Tanner yeah the uh the pilot who gets shot down it makes a very good use of his limited screen time I might add yeah no this whole movie is extremely impactful from scene to scene like not a shot feels wasted you know like there's a bit where one of the kids gets gunned down and then you expect there to be like this there's no like slow motion like oh oh uh where he like gets to have like some like grave like last words or anything yeah he slumps over and then the tank that he's on top of swivels around and it just brushes his corpse off and I just like that snow that's it RIP aardvark R.I.P.

SPEAKER_03 42:36

Aardvark and that fucking sucks and like that's that's just hard to watch dude and it's fucking he's like slumped over the tank cannon as it's pivoting just completely ignoring his dead body yeah yeah and and it sucks when fucking um uh one of the characters uh Daryl is kind of the the snob he votes to give hims he's the one that votes to give themselves up at the start the son of the town mayor who ends up being the biggest collaborator he's the student body president all that shit like he he lives a shameful life and he comes from shameful stock and and he uh he betrays them against his will but he still betrayed goes into town and then his own dad turns him in and then the Russians like they don't say exactly what they torture him super bad they torture him and they force and they force him to swallow a tracking device and the they follow that to the Wolverines. Which ends up just getting a shit ton of Russians killed it's like a super ineffective plan.

SPEAKER_00 43:32

Yeah yeah like the the kids like set an ambush for them and yeah but then they execute Daryl and it's a fucking rough scene because no one like you know one of the kids does not want to do it. They're like no no we're better than this and the other kid is like we have to do this but I can't and then you've just got this cold ass motherfucker Robert who's just like I'll do it and he fucking like guns this kid down and this and like that's what's so great about this movie is it never ever ever flinches from Him what this war is doing to these kids.

SPEAKER_03 44:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:03

And like I loved seeing that.

SPEAKER_03 44:05

Because like Robert's character starts off as like, you know, he's just like he's one of the boys. He's kind of like unsure about whether to like turn himself in when Daryl says we should do that. But like then, you know, he finds out that you know his parents have been killed by the Russians and he you know breaks down as pretty much everybody would.

SPEAKER_00 44:19

Yeah, he he has this he has this moment where he says I ain't got nobody, and then he fucking becomes a killing machine, and it's it's fucking tragic.

SPEAKER_03 44:28

Yes, yeah, even uh talks to him about it. It's like careful, like that, that'll burn you up. That hate will burn you up. And he says, like it'll it keeps me warm. It keeps warm carving like tally marks into the stock of his AK about how many people he's killed. At that point in the movie, because I mean I paused it and I counted the tally marks, it's either 37 or 38 kills. And that's only like halfway through the film.

SPEAKER_00 44:49

That's a lot of fucking kills. Yeah, the the film takes place over the course of like a couple of minutes.

SPEAKER_03 44:55

Yeah, maybe that's because they start off. Remember, like they they do a scene where like the the Eckert boys are like, hey, our dad took us up in these mountains and had us like eat deer hearts. Yeah. And Robert's like, I'll do it, and he tries it. I was like, that was okay. And I guess it's like a metaphor for like how he's gonna get into killing later on.

SPEAKER_00 45:10

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh well, yeah, he said he has a moment where he's just like, that wasn't so bad.

SPEAKER_03 45:15

Yeah, but they start off with them at winter time, and then the movie ends at winter time as well. So it's at least a year, right? Because it goes through like the entire spring and summer too, right?

SPEAKER_00 45:26

Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. Um yeah, uh this movie reminded me a lot of another movie about dying for communism. Uh-huh. Uh which we which we won't we won't get too into it, but uh out here the the English title is Ninth Company. In in Russian, it's called Nine Rota. And it's about some Soviet soldiers who get sent to Afghanistan for that fight.

SPEAKER_03 45:55

Notoriously not a good time.

SPEAKER_00 45:57

Notoriously not a good time, and it shows frequently how not a good time anyone is having. Oftentimes the Russians are like, I have just so you're aware, I'm not enjoying this. Uh but the it ends with this in with this crazy fucking shootout between uh the Russians, between the Russians, and just this endless encroaching tide of Muhadin. And the Russians eventually emerge, but most of them don't survive it. And the guy that does survive it is so fucking broken that he's not even a person anymore. And like that, you don't really see that a lot anymore. Like, even when a movie is about uh trauma, it's often about this very theatrical, like meaningful, like let life lesson depiction of trauma. And it's rarely just like, oh, here's the ugly fucking look. This is what this is what it fucking looks like, and it's fucking ugly. But this movie like was not afraid to let you see how fucking ugly it could get. And I loved it. I I admired the hell out of it. Like it I wrote in my notes, it gave I gave it the highest honor I possibly could, and then it made me stop taking notes. I was so into it.

SPEAKER_03 47:17

Yeah. Yeah, you also uh compared it to uh All Quiet on the Western Front, which I I think is also a good fucking I think so. I don't think these young people getting like disappointment and over the horror of war.

SPEAKER_00 47:30

Yeah, like obviously, I don't think they're quite the same because you know all quiet on the Western Front was about a war that actually happened and this is about a theoretical fictional war. But like fucking same concept, you know, like and like like in fucking All Quiet on the Western Front, those boys got fucking broken. There was they got slimed emotionally, mentally, mentally slimy.

SPEAKER_03 47:57

And they got and they got killed too. Even the main guy in the in the original.

SPEAKER_00 48:04

Yeah, no, like they all they all got fucking killed. They all got fucking well, a lot of them got killed, but um there's also a book um called A Long Way Gone. I've heard of that, I haven't read it. And another movie called Beasts of No Nation.

SPEAKER_03 48:22

I've heard about it. That has uh our boy Idris Elba in it, right?

SPEAKER_00 48:25

Idris Elba. He plays this fucking very charismatic warlord who assembles like a crew of of child and teenage soldiers.

SPEAKER_03 48:34

You have done well today. I will cut the crust off of your peanut butter and check.

SPEAKER_00 48:39

Well, he he does this incredibly fucking creepy scene where like his his child soldiers are all fucking like coked out of their minds, and he's like fucking doing some tribal ritual as he's leading them across a bridge as they're just getting shot at and they're fucking like just shooting at the enemies, and it's just like they're all shouting, but they're like and like it's meant to be this heroic chant, but it just comes off as like I don't fucking care if I die, and that's why I'm gonna win. Like, same vibe, same vibe. I highly recommend watching Ninth Company, Beasts of No Nation. Um same vibe. Uh slightly worse because again, based on real events, but yeah. Plus, they probably have fewer cool one-liners like because we live here, but even but even but even that line, because we live here, that comes right before he's forced to point up put a gun in his best friend's in his friend's face. Like a guy he's fucking fought with for months now.

SPEAKER_03 49:39

Like that's rough, bro.

SPEAKER_00 49:41

That's rough.

SPEAKER_03 49:42

I do like how Daryl um like Jed asks, I'm like, why the fuck did you like go to town? And Daryl just says very simply, like, because you told us we couldn't.

unknown 49:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:52

That was I thought kind of revealing, honestly, like in a kind of quiet way that's like realistic for a teenager, too, you know.

SPEAKER_00 49:58

Yeah, well, I mean, like, Daryl is frequently challenging uh Jed's authority.

SPEAKER_03 50:04

Yeah, and then Daryl, it's kind of sad too, especially in this. We won't talk about the more recent version of the film. Pretend it doesn't exist. Um Daryl's own dad fucking betrayed him, they tortured his ass, but still, dude. Can't be doing that shit. Can't be like I would have just tried to shit out the fucking tracker.

SPEAKER_00 50:19

Yeah, like or or fucking or fucking go back and say, listen, I fucked up. They made me swallow a tracker.

SPEAKER_03 50:26

I'm gonna Yeah, like I'm gonna just help lure them in like I don't need yeah, fuck.

SPEAKER_00 50:30

Yeah, like fucking fill him in just say like my bad. My bad.

SPEAKER_03 50:36

Yeah, but then Jed can't bring himself to shoot uh Daryl, so then our boy Robert just fucking casually ices him with an AK.

SPEAKER_00 50:43

Yeah, just says, I'll do it, and just fucking guns him down. It's rough, man. It's fucking rough. Like, and like even Robert's indifference, it's not played like oh Robert's a fucking badass.

SPEAKER_03 50:53

Even though what happened to this kid?

SPEAKER_00 50:55

It's just like, oh my god, this poor kid is a fucking maniac.

SPEAKER_03 50:59

Yeah, he's a machine nowadays.

SPEAKER_00 51:01

Oh my god, like yeah, that's that's that's one of those uh that that does come up. That's like a a conversation for a lot of masculine fantasies, is like you know, one of the greatest masculine fantasies, and you know, one of the greatest lies is that war is cool, right? Like fucking like we want to think it's fucking meanest tith, right? Where you're fucking attacking some giant olefins and like five, yeah, and like at the end everyone's like, Yay! And like nobody's talking about like, oh my god, I watched my friend get stomped on by an elephant.

SPEAKER_03 51:37

Yeah, I just saw a horse get ripped in half. I'm covering horse shit in intestines. Oh my god, it smells.

SPEAKER_00 51:43

Like, oh, I still smell it. Like, yeah. No, but like that's one of the great masculine fantasies, and you know, another great masculine fantasy is that your suffering means something. And that's what this movie is about, is fucking like we will gorilla fight our way, we will give up our lives. And they say it at the end, like you know, after World War III ends, they're like they mo some guerrilla fighters, mostly children, gave up their lives so that this nation needs to be not perish from the earth, right? May not perish from the earth. Yeah, like fucking awful, awful, but like that's that's that's what made it that's what made it such an interesting fucking movie, is because like I absorbed all of the meme moments and none of the child soldier moments. Yeah, yeah. Um yeah, yeah. Fucking fucking tell tell me something you wanted, uh bring up a topic you wanted to to touch on.

SPEAKER_03 52:38

Oh, there there's a few. Do you want to do like a more serious one or do you want to do a more fun one?

SPEAKER_00 52:42

Let's let's do a fun one. Let's put it.

SPEAKER_03 52:45

Um there are a few uh well, first, masculine impulse that we were talking about, or masculine fantasy. There's one last one in this movie, and you know what it is. It's dying slowly bleeding out in the fucking snow.

SPEAKER_00 52:56

Yep. Yep, fucking sharing your feelings at long last right before you check out.

SPEAKER_03 53:04

Yeah, I mean I just I'm thinking specifically bleeding to death in the snow, but yeah, that too.

SPEAKER_00 53:09

Yeah, yeah, but like, yeah, like but it's you know, it's it's both things. It's like that uh like that dramatic death bleeding out in someone's arms in the snow or in the mud somehow.

SPEAKER_03 53:20

Yeah, and like the snow, I think, works specifically well because it's like a peaceful kind of vibe. Like it's never like exploding around, it's always like very quiet, the snow's just falling, and there's this moment of peace as like if you want to get like really artsy fartsy about it, it's like you got the white snow, the red blood is going to show up very starkly, it's going to drive home the impact, and then there is this quiet peace about it, and it's like, ah, finally I can stop.

SPEAKER_00 53:50

And then, you know, there's something ultimately quite lonely about it as well, which is a feeling not unknown to a lot of men, which you know honors that lonely feeling, like, ah fuck, I'm going out, and I I because you know, a lot of times you don't know if your suffering meant anything. So it's like I'm going out like this and I just hope it meant something.

SPEAKER_03 54:13

Yeah. If you had to choose like a type of weather to bleed out in, like, what would you go with? Assume that you'd already succeeded in your heroic sacrifice to like buy time for your friends to escape.

SPEAKER_00 54:21

But you gotta stay behind to like I don't want it to be hail. Like, I don't want to be bleeding, I don't I don't want to be I don't want to be bleeding out and then also getting fucking pounded by gold-sized ice. That would be lousy. That would I don't want it to be a tornado where I'm like bleeding out, and I'm like, ah, and then I just I get sucked up likewise, I don't want it to be a hurricane where I just get like fucking washed whooshed away into a fucking waiting alligator's mouth.

SPEAKER_03 54:57

Yeah, that's pretty bad too.

SPEAKER_00 54:59

Um I think rain is probably the best. I've always liked rain.

SPEAKER_03 55:04

Nice light rain.

SPEAKER_00 55:05

Nice light rain. It's very poetic. Snow, I'll take that too. Gently falling snow.

SPEAKER_03 55:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 55:11

Uh I'll even take heavily falling snow, like disappear, you know. But then yeah, like I mean, I think everyone's thinking, like, oh, you know, falling snow, covered in snow, like a burial shroud, wonderful. I want to tell you something. Okay. I used to I used to live in Flagstaff, uh, and uh there it snows very heavily up there. And one year me and my friends were up there for New Year's and it snowed very hard. And somewhere, I can't remember where, they found a fox that was dead and frozen, frozen stiff. Its eyes were open, its mouth was open. It was shit. It was a no, it wasn't mid shit, but it was a morbid sight. And they fucking they fucking put it in the snow next to my house. What the fuck? And they put a cigarette in its mouth. That actually makes it much better. Yeah, yeah. And so when I walked out, I only just barely noticed it, and I'm like, what the fuck? But here's my thing is when I'm thinking about like, oh, you know, being buried under snow. Being buried under snow sounds great until the snow melts and like you're frozen in like a fucking sort of ghoulish prank. Yeah, it you're fucking frozen and looking like fucking ghastly and like your eyes are fucking like yeah, you're fucking preserved in ice, and it's just like it looks nightmarish. Like the complete fucking opposite of what you intended.

SPEAKER_03 56:37

I mean, hey, don't talk me out of a good time, man. I'm on record as like wanting to be taxidermied, like the Hall of Precedence.

SPEAKER_00 56:43

Do you want to be put in a in a would you would you consent to being made into an animatronic?

SPEAKER_03 56:50

Enthusiastically. Okay. Um as long as I wasn't like a dick sucking robot. That would be that would be pretty wicked if you turned into a dick-sucking robot.

SPEAKER_00 57:01

Why do they we don't know how the dick sucking robot technology works? All we know is it requires one taxidermized human. Uh do you want to be do you want to be let me ask you this. If you are an animatronic, do you want to be a restaurant animatronic like in Chuck E. Cheese, or do you want to be like a a theme park animatronic like in animatronics?

SPEAKER_03 57:20

Oh, I want to be a conversation piece at someone's home.

SPEAKER_00 57:23

So you want to you want to be a collector's item?

SPEAKER_03 57:26

Yeah, kind of. I I'd rather just be like a like a burden that a relative or friend has to carry. So we have like a vast collection of like miniatures or something. So do you do you go in my Warhammer loving friends, but with the condition that they have to like publicly display my animatronic corpse at all times.

SPEAKER_00 57:42

Do you do you go into uh a routine? Like does what what routine does your animatronic corpse do? Like, does it sing a song?

SPEAKER_03 57:50

Does it like play a guitar or um I'm like pre-programmable with a bunch of different like lighting effects and uh like hand motions and stuff?

SPEAKER_00 57:57

It's like I feel like pretty much I'll be honest. I'm I'm not sure how I feel about the idea of you like being a taxidermized corpse with gamer lights.

SPEAKER_03 58:10

Oh yeah, underglow and shit.

SPEAKER_00 58:12

Yeah, like with underglow, I feel like that would get very uncomfortable very quickly.

SPEAKER_03 58:18

I feel like I'd be fun for anyone else.

SPEAKER_00 58:20

It's just like I feel like I would not like that at all.

SPEAKER_03 58:25

The end game of this is just me having like one last snicker before I get pulled down to hell.

unknown 58:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:33

Uh all right.

SPEAKER_03 58:33

Well, if I uh would you get taxidermised, Sam? I'd keep you around, dude. I'd keep you on like my couch, we play games together. I'd have you at DD.

SPEAKER_00 58:42

I feel like I want to be separated into a bunch of different parts. Okay and preserved, and then like, you know, maybe just convince someone that like if you put me back together, something great happens. Yeah, yeah. But nothing happens, and I've just like completely wasted your time. Like, or like if I'm an animatronic in a way that all my limbs click back together, and then it's just like Woo! Yeah, and like I I like I I I start doing like that that fucking dancing Santa thing. Like, sell up good times. Come on. Like, I've just completely wasted the time of whatever eccentric weirdo tried to put me back together.

SPEAKER_03 59:26

Yeah, they went on a whole like years-long quest. Yeah, like would obviously I'd go around and I'd stash your body parts and like inconvenient to reflect.

SPEAKER_00 59:34

And like you'd you'd you'd you'd share uh uh Oblique riddles on like yeah, yeah, like suggesting that I have some power like that. Yeah, yeah. I would love I would love that.

SPEAKER_03 59:46

I would love to do that for you, bro. I count on me, bro.

SPEAKER_00 59:50

All right, well, you that was the more serious note. What was or was that the funny note? I can't remember.

SPEAKER_03 59:55

That was the more funny note. The more serious note is I think we both really enjoyed the character of Colonel Bella, who is uh Nikolin officer who accompanies. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:03

He's sort of he's sort of the face of the enemy in this in this movie. And they've they fucking uh give him some good personality. He actually has more personality than some of the main characters.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:14

The version of this that I watched didn't have for whatever reason subtitles, so the Russian or Spanish. So like I have no fucking idea what he was saying because I haven't watched this before. Oh, really? You I remember like generally speaking that he was like very sympathetic and like was reflecting on like how he's like kind of the thing he used to fight against.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:30

Yeah, no, you you like I I do think his performance comes across in such a way that like actually not knowing what he's saying might sound even cooler. Uh but what he says, there is a moment where uh he's describing how to fight the Wolverines to his uh Soviet uh superior.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:52

And he says, I should know I was a partisan, and then his superior scoffs and says, And now look at you. And then he just sort of says, And now I'm like you, a policeman. Like, yeah. Like there is this moment where he's like, Alright, well, I'm the fucking authority now. Like, like this was cool when it felt like fighting to free myself, but now I'm fighting to put other people in re-education camps. I he's like, What he's got this like, what the fuck are we doing here moment? Like that's that's a powerful moment, too. Like, fucking he looks tired. He looks so fucking tired, and at the end he catches uh the Eckert boys uh carrying Matt's like well, they're both mortally wounded at this time. They're both mortally wounded, they're both bleeding out, and like Kurtle Bella has the chance to fucking either hold them up at gunpoint and like capture them and restore them to life and torture them for information, or fucking gun them down right there. But he just kind of looks at them and he has this moment of just like lowering his hand and just like holding up a hand like I don't want to fucking do this. Yeah. And just and once they leave, he just fucking like looks at his gun and he just throws it away and he's like, God damn it, god damn it. And like that, that's side that's kind of the inverse of the masculine uh fantasy of like I hope your suffering means something. It's like it's also equally powerful, it's like, oh, my suffering meant nothing.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:14

Like wow, I should I should let their suffering mean something.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:18

Yeah, yeah, or like fuck, like my suffering did mean something, and now so does theirs. Like just that that moment, that moment. And like, you know, ever I think I think when people talk about empathy today, it's normally in a very charged way that is not actually real empathy. Like I feel like people mostly encourage others to have empathy as a shorthand way of saying, I need you to think like me because I believe that I am a good person.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:44

And yeah, the Colonel Bella like had empathy for these guys.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:47

He had empathy, he had walked in their shoes, and like there was a moment where I think I want to believe there was a moment where he looked at him, like, oh my god, they're fucking kids. Yeah, like because they don't know that they're kids up until that point. They're they only know them as the Wolverines, and they can't tell that like that that's the high school mascot. They think they're named after the tough creature.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:06

Yeah. And they know that they've just been killed, killing dozens and dozens of their guys.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:11

Then he just sees these like two fucking kids and like Yeah, and you know, there's there's even a moment I can't I can't remember if we mentioned it already. If we did just cut this part, but like where the fucking uh they're about to execute the Soviet soldier and he looks to Daryl, who's also about to get get executed, he says, Please call me friends so I don't die alone, and just like god damn.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:33

Yeah, and you mentioned in your notes the first um big shootout scene big well with the with the Wolverines and like the bow and arrow that shoot that Russian guy in the ass.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:41

And yeah, um the last Russian guy gets wounded and he gets back to the Jeep, but then Jed catches up to him, puts his gun to the guy's head, and the guy just kind of slowly turns away, and you can see well the guy looks they they meet, they meet each other's eyes, and there's this moment of like, oh my god, like I'm gonna have to shoot you, and it's like yeah, this really is happening, and the other guy is just like quietly makes his peace with like okay, so this is where I'm gonna die, and just looks away and then powerful.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:06

Yeah, and you don't see the shot, which I think is you hear it, which I think is handled perfectly. Very, very good to see the guy's brains get splashed.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:13

Excellent fucking artistic restraint. Like fucking the filmmaker, the director, all of them absolutely knew what they were doing, and it f the movie is so much stronger for it.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:24

Yeah, like there is like there are a lot of squibs exploding on people, and there's some like graphic stuff, but it's done in service of the the power of the and the impact of the violence and what's done to these characters. It's never just for like uh look at this gore kind of way.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:37

The the emotion leads the action. Yeah. And like that in most movies it's the other way around. And you know, I I guess to an extent it's gotta be a symbiotic circle, right? Because the action Well, you know, you know my whole thing is that consequence I mean no, wait, wait. Motivation informs conflict, conflict informs consequence, consequence informs motivation, and it just keeps going that way. But like they they they really upped the motivation in this one, and like everyone's emotions come across so raw, and like they act like fucking kids, they act like kids who have been killing people a long time, like they they're losing their social niceties, they're fucking forgetting how to be people, like oh, it's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:22

Yeah, it's rough. And there are like those occasional moments where of peace, you know, where they're like playing football with each other or uh showing some food. Uh they're nice in the moment but that you can't help but know, like, oh god, they're gonna have to go right back to killing it.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:35

It's all the more painful for knowing that they've they're going to fucking go right back to it, you know?

SPEAKER_03 1:05:42

Yeah. Yeah. Um one thing that I did notice that I thought was um interesting um was that like they are like very skilled at like you know doing their ambushes and the traps and shootouts and stuff, but the first time they go to like an actual like war zone, they kind of get fucked on.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:57

Yeah, like like you know, it makes sense that.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:00

Tanks there. What the fuck? I would be too much.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:03

They're great in guerrilla fighting, but when they get to like the actual massed artillery, it's like, oh fuck. Alright. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:08

This is not our scene.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:09

Yeah, like I'm starting to see the the the flaw in our plan here. Like, yeah. No, like that that part ruled, and like it didn't flinch at the violence there either. Like, no, this movie, like that's what makes this movie so great, is because the the premise is quite zany and the execution is quite fucking serious.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:30

Like yeah, dude, the all like the firing squad scene is like kind of haunting. Like the big firing squad, not the because we live here, which is kind of badass, too. Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:41

Yeah, no, there's a lot of Soviets like executing Colorado people en masse, and it's fucking it's rough. It's hard to watch.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:50

Yeah. Like they're just using like vehicle-mounted machine guns to just blast people, and they're all standing together and they're singing America the Beautiful, and then it just like singing cuts off with the machine gun fire, it's rough. And that's fucking dickhead the mayor is just standing there looking uncomfortable. Yeah, and he's like, I do like how like Colonel Bella and the Russian commander both just immediately pegged the mayor for like a worm and just treated him like one the whole time.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:14

Well, you know, like oh, I'm not gonna go to bat for the mayor specifically because I don't like him, but I'm uh if you've ever seen Ip Man starring Donnie Inn, you know, like it that takes place during the Japanese occupation of China.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:28

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:29

And, you know, there's a compelling character who is kind of the worm, like the the quisling.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:34

Yeah. Oh, yeah, you're right. Yeah, the translator.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:36

Yeah, yeah. And like that can be a valuable uh perspective. They didn't really do that with this guy, they just made him kind of a groveling worm.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:46

Yeah, he fucking turned his own son in to get tortured. That's so whack.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:48

Yeah, but he's been brainwashed, man. Like like he was just a pussy. Yeah, maybe he was just a dick.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:55

This movie had a low opinion of like civic government.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:58

But then fucking Daryl also kind of sucks.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:01

Like Daryl did suck. Like the movie set us up to not feel very sympathetic for Daryl getting away.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:06

Yeah, like he was he was a dick from day one. Like he wanted them to. So like maybe his dad was like, man, Daryl, you I've been waiting for this chance. I've been waiting for a chance to turn you in, you little prick. Yeah. You are so lame. Remember when you ratted me out for having weed?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:25

Your mom divorced me, you little bitch.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:27

Your mom divorced me, you little bitch. Was it worth it?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:31

As he's getting dragged away by the specs.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:33

As he's getting fucking like waterboarded. He's like, is weed still fucking uncool?

SPEAKER_03 1:08:39

Stubs out of joint on his fucking face.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:41

His pot still for losers.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:47

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:48

Alright, fuck.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:50

Um, one last um thing that I noticed that I thought was kind of interesting. Like toward the very end of the movie when Jed and uh Matt, uh Swayze and Sheen are like doing their big attack on the Russians in Calamay to buy time for their friends to escape. There's a bit where um Charlie Sheen is like pulling the pins on grenades and then tossing the live grenade to Swayze, who then throws it.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:12

That was funny.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:14

Yeah, I I thought that rode the line between being like colossally stupid and then also just demonstrating like the Yeah, I I I feel like that's not quite tactical, which But it demonstrated just the clockwork efficiency and like trust between these two characters. But they could do that.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:29

It was meant to indicate that like these two brothers work very well together.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:33

But like much love to you. I would not do that with you, dude. Like, I got to do that.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:36

No, I I would not I would not ask you to. I'm like, if you pulled the pin, let's just agree now that if we're ever in this situation, it's if you pull it, if you pull the pin, you throw the grenade.

unknown 1:09:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:46

You pull, you throw.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:47

Yes. I might toss you like a non-live grenade, but you gotta trust that the pin is gonna be in that motherfucker.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:51

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You tug, you toss. That's the rule.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:58

You tug, you I could put that on a t-shirt, dude.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:00

You tug, you toss. New merch coming out. You tug. Oh yeah. You toss if you had a trucker hat, this is just in you tug, you toss. That'd be fucking great. I'd wear that all the time.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:12

Imagine being like a tugboat captain. You're wearing that.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:14

No, fucking being a tugboat captain or a chronic masturbator.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:18

Poor K no Los Dos. No. Shout out tugboat captains. We love you guys.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:22

Shout out tugboat captains. Your reputation for being chronic masturbators. Totally unfair, even though, yes, if I did run a tugboat, I would probably be a chronic masturbator too.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:33

It just means you guys got a short refractory period, and I respect the hell out of that, brother.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:37

It just means you're all business, brother. Fucking. It means you know when to hold them and you know when to hold them.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:48

Oh, fuck. Fuck. All right. I feel I feel yeah, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:54

Last thing. Um, and uh I thought it could be cool to go over just a couple of the examples we liked of the I guess saying sloppiness of the gunfights implies that they weren't shot or presented well.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:05

That's a great thing to end on. Like in my head, and I feel like this is not necessarily fair of me, but I compared it to John Wick and how much like and I like John Wick. I like John Wick.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:17

John Wick.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:18

Uh John Wick. But John Wick stuff is just all highly choreographed, and the fights go on for a very long time.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:27

Oh yeah, people getting their asses fucking beat. There's hundreds and hundreds of henchmen.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:31

Hundreds of henchmen just getting fucking walloped. Uh whereas this one they I I really liked it because A, when the kids first start out, they they're skilled with guns. Like it's implied that this is a very outdoorsy community and everyone knows how to hunt. Uh but the fighting is still sloppy. The kids look worried and panicked, and and like when they kill someone for the first time, they're like they have they have a real issue over it. But then later they get better and better, but it never becomes like one of these fucking dramatic fight scenes, you know, like where fucking like uh Patrick Swayze like fucking Lego losses off some fucking fallen trees and does a 380 no scope. Like it's all fucking raw practical fighting. Like, not even like it's not efficient, it just looks fucking like a struggle, you know? Like, and that that works so well. I think my favorite example of that is I feel like it's gotta be the first fight. Because like that whole thing happens because Tony panics, and like the Soviets spot her because she bolts for it, and her screaming attracts the rest of the Wolverines, and they show up and like they just kill those guys by whatever means they can.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:53

Yeah, just blasting at them.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:55

Yeah, they just shoot him with a bow and arrow, and then they fucking run him down with a pistol, like and like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:01

Very closely like firing the AK up the slope, unable to handle the recoil.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:05

Yeah, yeah, and then like and then they're all like kind of freaked out, and then they just get better.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:11

Yeah. Like to the extent where like when they do that wintertime ambush of the guys following the tracker, like they just waste all of them, zero casualties on their end, and then Robert's just walking around, like blasting people in the head with a shotgun.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:23

Yeah, just executing them. It's fucking cold, man. Hey, real quick shout-out. This is something I do want to end on. The fashion was fucking cool. Like, I know that's so far from everyone's fucking mind, but like the adapt how they change to like fucking all white uh camouflage when it starts snowing, yeah, and like how they've got these fucking outdoorsy bullet belts and oh, so fucking cool. Bandoliers, sorry. Uh, it it just looks so rad, and fucking Patrick Swayze has this weird fucking like uh almost it almost looks like a chicks headdress.

SPEAKER_05 1:13:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:59

Like, but it looks fucking so cool. The the the pageantry fucking ruled on this, and you know, I bring that up because I felt like the Odyssey's pageantry could uh could use work. Okay, and like it's it was very fun for me to compare and contrast those two.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:17

Yeah. Um the final question is what we should do for next week. I have uh I wanted to give you a choice between two options. I'm still gonna make you do the two-minute drills. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:27

I've I've picked a few, so you're you're picking a few to balance the scales here. Uh give me uh hit me.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:32

Uh either uh smoking aces or rain of fire. Who's in smoking aces? Oh, a shit ton of people. Let me pull it up. Because we just did uh Ryan Reynolds, Ray Leota, Jeremy Piven, Ben Affleck, Chris Pine, Andy Garcia, Jason Bateman, Alicia Keys.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:51

I feel like smoking aces is gonna be worse. Like I know Rain of Fire is bad, but I feel like smoking aces I think. I feel like I want to draw out I let's do smoking aces. Let's save our McConaughey for another time.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:07

Don't worry, Chrissy Bale's also in that one.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:10

He's in Smoke and Aces?

SPEAKER_03 1:15:11

No, no, in Rain of Fire.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:12

In Rain of Fire, Chrissy Bale. Alright, yeah, let's save Rain of Fire because that's some talent. I'm just thinking, I just, and with all respect to the man and his craft, a Ryan Reynolds movie is gonna be like so excited.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:28

Audience, if you've seen Smoke and Aces, I'm not gonna tell Sam anything more about it.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:32

I'm gonna get I'm gonna be so upset. I'm gonna be funny for it. I know I'm gonna get so fucking upset.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:38

But anyways. Oh my god, you're gonna get so upset. I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:41

That that was our discussion of Red Dawn 1984. The OG don't accept any substitutions. The net the fucking remake has Chris Hemsworth. He's not even fucking American.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:54

He's not. He does get shot in the head very abruptly, very close to the end, which is interesting.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:58

For not being American.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:00

Well, I don't know, but maybe. I haven't seen it in a while. Audience, you don't need to see it either.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:06

You don't need to see it either, brother. Uh, if you're gonna take in a Hemsworth, let it be the Black Prince, Liam. Shout out Liam. Go watch, go watch Witcher season four.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:17

No, no, just watch Expendables 2 and like stop watching 15 minutes.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:21

Yeah, and then just and then just just tap out. Just tap out.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:25

He is the heart of the franchise.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:27

But that has been Slop Culture. I have been Sam Sykes. Will would you like to see us out with some fucking uh housekeeping?

SPEAKER_03 1:16:33

Yes, sir, I would love to. Uh Slop Culture is a podcast hosted by Sam Sykes, that's him, and Will Palmer, that's me. Please give us a five-star review out of five on whichever platform you heard us on. Our cover art is by Andrew Sides, and our intro music is by Joe Roy. Uh you can get in touch with the podcast at SlopculturePodcast at gmail.com, and you can find me on social media at Palmskis or Will underscore Palmskis pretty much everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:00

You can find me at Sam Psych Swears pretty much everywhere. This has been Slop Culture, the Happy Hour Podcast, where we strive to see the beauty and stupidity. Next time, join us for Smoke and Aces, starring Ryan Shakespeare Reynolds. And until then, stay sloppy.