I Swear I Was Smarter Than This

I don’t feel like myself lately — and I can’t tell if it’s burnout, ADHD, hormones… or all of the above.

I used to be on top of everything. Now I forget why I walked into a room, start things I don’t finish, and feel behind even when I technically have time. It’s not just being tired — it feels like my brain just isn’t working the way it used to.

In this episode, I’m talking through what this actually feels like, why so many moms are experiencing it, and how burnout, undiagnosed ADHD, and perimenopause can all show up in really similar ways.

This isn’t a “here’s how to fix it” episode — it’s an honest conversation about that in-between stage where you’re functioning… but not quite like yourself.

If you’ve been thinking “what is wrong with me lately?” — you’re not the only one.

Transcript

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So obviously, I do what every millennial mom does, and I start diagnosing myself on the internet. I've landed on three options. One, just straight up mom burnout. Two, undiagnosed ADHD, or three, perimenopause. And honestly, none of them feel wrong, which is comforting, but also really, really unhelpful. Welcome to This Is Common, Life Beyond the Baby. The podcast for moms who've outgrown diaper bags and milestone charts, but still wake up feeling like they've lost themselves somewhere between the carpool and the kitchen sink. I'm Jamie, your host, founder of Common Moms, and this space is for the women asking, What now? You're raising bigger kids with bigger emotions all while navigating your own. This isn't a parenting podcast. It's a permission slip to say the hard stuff, to take up space, to stop trying to be who you were before the baby, and start figuring out who you are now. You're not too much, and you're not alone. You're just a mom in the middle, and that's more than enough. This is common. So let's talk about it. Okay, moms, I've got this one for you. And tell me if this is just me, but I truly think this is kind of happening to all of us at the same time. I swear I used to be like sharp, organized, on top of things, a quick thinker, and I could juggle a million things and still function. I could remember everything: babies' names, mom's names, I could multitask, I could follow through on things without it feeling like a full mental event. But now I walk into a room and forget why I'm there. I have to reread the same text four times. I open my phone and then just stare at it like I've never seen it before. I start something and then I just abandon it halfway through, like it never existed. And I keep thinking to myself to myself, what the heck is wrong with me lately? And before anyone says, Oh, you're just tired. No, this is not newborn tired. This isn't, I didn't sleep last night tired. This is like my brain is constantly buffering, like all the time. Even when things are calm, I feel behind. Even when I technically have time, I can't focus. I'll sit down to do one thing, and somehow, 20 minutes later, I've done five random things and not the one that I actually needed to do. And it's not just forgetfulness, it's like mental overload to the point that just nothing sticks anymore. It's also this constant noise in my head, like a running list that never shuts off, that fan that's constantly going in the background, what needs to be done, who needs what? What did I forget? What am I about to forget? And even when I try to relax, I'm not actually relaxing. I'm just kind of sitting there thinking about everything. Like my body might be still, but my brain is absolutely not. So obviously, I do what every millennial mom does, and I start diagnosing myself on the internet at 11:30 at night because I can't sleep. And I've landed on three options. One, just straight up mom burnout, two, undiagnosed ADHD, or three, perimenopause. And honestly, none of them feel right, but also none of them feel wrong, which is comforting, but also like incredibly unhelpful. So let's start with burnout. Cause I feel like this one is the most obvious, but also the easiest one to just dismiss. We're so used to functioning like this that we just don't even question it anymore. You're running an entire household. You are the memory for everybody, the planner, the schedule, the emotional support system, and not just for me, for everybody. I'm thinking about school stuff, birthday parties, activities, appointments, groceries, moods, logistics, and somehow also trying to have a career, be a good wife, be a good friend. Of course, my brain is fried. There's no space left. Then I start reading about ADHD in women. And I was like, wait a second. After learning about ADHD, ADHD through the diagnosis of my boys, understanding how what helps them be successful, and maybe areas where they might need a little bit more support. I start thinking that, huh, maybe I fall into this category too, because it can look like overwhelm, distraction, starting things and not finishing them, constantly feeling like you're behind, and having to work twice as hard just to stay on top of a normal life. And I had this moment of like, has this always been me? And I just knew how to handle things better before kids, or is this just something that it is is not and completely different? And then that one friend says, huh. Maybe it's perimenopause. And no one really fully knows. I think everybody kind of has a symptom of something and they can just chalk it up to perimenopause from itchy ears to dry eyes to waking up at 3 a.m. I don't know. But it can start earlier than we think. And then the symptoms also look like brain fog, forgetfulness, mood shifts, anxiety, trouble focusing. And I'm like, okay, so now what? Because, like I said, all of these feel right, but all of them feel wrong. So here's kind of where I've landed with this. I don't actually think it's just one thing. I think it's a combination. I think it's being completely burnt out. I think it's living in a constant state of overstimulation, maybe with some underlying ADHD that was always there. And obviously, my hormones are starting to shift. So, of course, I'm going to feel off. There's no version of this where everything feels easy and clear all the time. But what actually gets to me isn't even the forgetfulness. It's just a feeling of not being myself. Like, I know how capable I am. I know who I used to be. And I have these days where I can't even finish a basic task without getting distracted or overwhelmed. So it makes me question myself that gap between like who I was and how I feel now. That's the hard part. Like, what is happening? So, for this one, I don't really have a clear answer. I don't have a how to fix it or a five steps or just drink more water and go for a walk. Because honestly, I think a lot of us are just in this place right now where we're trying to keep up, we're trying to figure it out, and we're trying to feel like ourselves again. So if you just haven't been feeling like yourself, same. It's not just you. And if nothing else, at least now you have a few things that you can blame instead of just thinking that you're losing it all the time. That's it for today's episode of This Is Common, Life Beyond the Baby. If today's episode hit home, or had you ugly crying in the car, or laughing so hard you had to cross your legs, I hope you'll hit subscribe, leave a review, and share this episode with the group chat. Because this mess, this stage of life, it's common. And it's exactly why we're talking about it here. If it feels like a lot, it's because it is a lot. But you don't have to do it alone. I'll see you in the next episode.