POSTPARTUM MADNESS

It's March Madness season.. or should we say POSTPARTUM Madness! The girls return after a missing week of podcasting due to Ellie's stomach bug. To makeup for lost time, the girls have an extra long episode for you this week! They catch up on all their current binge-worthy tv shows, and discuss their recent dive into spring cleaning! After yap-dates, the girls read your listener submissions on your funny and relatable postpartum stories. 

Email: mnam.podcast@gmail.com

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, Mamas. I'm Emily. And I'm Ellie. And this is Mama Needs a Minute. We're back. Ellie's back. She's alive. I know you did because you're cool. Did you listen to Lil Wayne in like the early 2000s? Surely I did. So you'd know like that lighter flick that he does at the beginning of the I got ice in my veins. That's how I that's how I feel right now. I'm back from the war. I feel like I'm like the beginning of a little Wayne album. I'm like little Carter 30. Wow. After all that. You're like SpongeBob after it get he gets water back in his body. I truly feel like I went through an unsurvivable feat. And yet here I am, surviving amidst it all. And I need the mamas to know that Ellie was more upset about not recording than she was about throwing up. Like when she texted me, I was like, Oh my God, I'm so sorry that you're throwing up that sucks. And she was like, but we can't record. And Emily's like, and we're not going to. Yeah. I was like, no, I don't fuck with puke. So no, I was so sad. I hate missing it. I just feel like literally nobody cares. And I could have probably not even posted that we were skipping an episode. And there's probably the majority of people didn't even remember that we had a podcast. But for me, I'm like, no, if we're gonna do this, I have to do it professional. I have to do it right. I can't just do it willy-nilly. Like, oh hey guys, is it cool if like I'm like I'm sick? So I just like don't want to do it this week. No, I had to shit myself before I was like, Emily, yeah, I can't do it. I can't make it. But we're back, and it's been so long since we've seen each other. So it feels like so good to be back. I'm so happy to be back. And this was the first day that I truly felt like myself again. So the birds are chirping. I feel fresh. I feel back from the war. I mean, if you know, you know. Like if you have survived a puking in your household, it's so bad. It's so bad. I'd rather have flu than like norovirus. Oh, yeah. 100%. Yeah. Give me a kid with a 102-degree fever over a barfing one any day. Yeah. Any day. It's because one the puke, you puke, I'm puking. Yeah. I mean, you puke I'm puking on top of the puke. So, like my poor husband, I feel bad for him. Mostly he's got to deal with it all. But then, like, if I'm sick, like with a fever or something, I can still kind of manage the house. Yeah, you can still hang. But when you're puking, you know, your like head is so far in the toilet, you're like where the dead fish go. And then you hear, like, mommy, can I have a juice box? I just can't. Actually, that that exact thing literally did happen to my sister. Oh my god. She was throwing up one time into the toilet, and her kid came up and was like rubbing her back, and she's like, This is sweet. And he goes, Can I get a snack, mommy? So I'll also say Ellie is back. No, I'm so happy to be back. I really truly learned both last year when I got sick and this year. You know how they say God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers? If there's a God, he ain't giving me any battles because he knows I won't handle them. Okay. I'm dead. I'm dead. Okay. Fever of 104. Just take me. I mean this is my time. I can't. It reminds me of like those apocalyptic TV shows and movies you see where you're like, why are you doing all that? Survive. What are you surviving, honey? Actually, that's one thing we need to talk about. Yeah, it I thought about that because we watched the newest episode last night, and it was like my first thing that I watched after my plague. And I was thinking, yeah, no, take me. Like, I'm not surviving any battle. Battle's not for me, honey. Yeah. I mean, if they tell me zombies are coming, bite me. I'm done. Yeah, honestly, let's just get it over with. Like, seriously. I don't want to be lingering, but I have to tell you something. What? We gave up on paradise. Oh, you did? Yeah. I was so confused. What episode are you on? Are you on season two? We were on season two. And also, okay, first of all, if you don't know paradise, I don't know. It kind of sucks. We're gonna have to get it, give it away. Very first, I know. There's no way to not say it. It's the end of the world. Yeah. And you don't realize that until like what two episodes in? Is it the end of episode one, right? Yeah, you're right. You're right. Yeah. Because you think, and that's why when I tell people, because I really, we really like it. And um, I just got my friends to start watching and they text us last night that they're already like caught up. And I was like, whoa, that was so quick. But you don't, when I'm like, you need to watch the show, and someone says, What's it about? Well, it starts off as a murder mystery kind of who killed the president. That's only until the end of episode one. But the end of episode one is such a shocking twist because it's an end of the world kind of situation. Yeah. And so then most of season two now is more apocalyptic. Why are you confused? I don't know. And also they'll they, you know what really they lost me on? The little boys living in the boat. I said, no, these lost boys, what are we doing here? So you did make it like into season two. Yeah, but like I it was giving Peter Pan, and I was like, no, I'm out. And I and I was sitting there like, it's been like two years. So you're telling me these babies were like three and now they're like five or six, and they lived. How did they live? Yeah. Like they paddy trained themselves. Like I said, no, I'm out. Right. And I would I just couldn't remember everything from season one. And Mark when I were like, what's happening? I said, I'm gonna do a recap. Yeah. Do one of those YouTube recaps. Yeah. My friend and I were texting and I said, she said, I can't believe they had sex. I said, and one time, one time they got pregnant after one time. That's the most unrealistic thing about this whole show. Not even that there was an apocalypse. Because if you've ever tried to conceive, I know there's it happens for a lot of women really quickly, but most of the time, I think the statistics are like, there's like a 30% chance with each cycle that you that you're gonna get pregnant even. Like it's so low. And so then when you have like a teen on an apocalyptic show post-traumatic earth shattering event, and she's like, I had sex one time and I got pregnant. You're like, okay. Well, now you're now you're unbelievable. Now I don't believe anything you're saying. Not the end of the world stuff, but also I don't really like watching it. It gave me an icky feeling every episode because I was like, I feel like this would fucking happen. But yeah, it's scary when it's like if it's like an apocalypse like mummies or like zombies, yeah. You're like, okay, whatever. But when it's like a volcano erupts and it's like how the dinosaurs went, you're like, Well, it fucking happened before. Yeah, it's probably gonna happen again. This is too real. If they were like, what if they asked you, do you want to come live in this hole? Like that's what I'm saying. It's like, how far do we take this? Really? I'm like, he's like, we gotta go, we're gonna die right now. And I'm standing on the street, like, well, I mean, really, come on. Yeah. You and I in the hole. Yeah. What are we gonna do for the next three years? Yeah. I'm not gonna see the sunlight for three years. I'm gonna have to eat gravel. I don't know if it's for me. Like my kids, maybe they can decide later what they want, you know? Yeah. It's like getting your baby's ears pierced. It's like, well, either do it now or let them decide when they're old enough. I'm gonna shove them in the bunker. They can decide if they want to die later. Me, me, me, I'm on my way out. I'm gonna go meet who whatever maker created this mess. Uh I don't think I'm going in the hole. I don't think I'm going in the hole. Um kids, let's just say we had a good run. Yeah, because it's not like the Titanic where I'm like, fuck yeah, I'm getting on that lifeboat. It's like now you're stuck in this hole. Yeah. For God knows how long. Right. When they come out of it, what kind of life are we living? Yeah. I'm into it. I like paradise. I like post-apocalyptic shows like that. Yeah. I think I would have liked it. I was just so confused and I was like, I give up. Um, another thing I've been watching, which has also fueled my health anxiety bad, is the pit. And it is so good. We're completely caught up. Yeah. And I love it. But one is that you were texting me that night saying you didn't know if you wanted to watch the apocalyptic show because it was too scary and real. And I'm watching like horrible medical things happen that are so real life on the pit. And I'm like, nope, agreed. I don't think I want to watch this anymore. And I continued watching it. It's so good. But season one is very intense. So intense. Yeah. And so real. The way that everything is just, I mean, that's why they've won every Emmy they could win. Yeah. And baby Jane Dell. Are you caught up? I've seen Jane Dell. I've seen people give their best. Um, what's her name? Nurse. What's her name? I forget. Oh Dana Dana. Nurse Dana impressions. And it is so funny. Like, a baby Jane Zoe in the hot five and the two, three, and I got a one on triage. Where's Dr. Robbie? Um, I can't say that was a good impression, Ellie. That was really haywire. She's like, you need something, you need a snack, you need something. What's up, Dale, baby Jane Zoe? You need a thing, honey, you let me know. She's her, her, your accent was different. Hers is really good because she's doesn't have any accent. I've seen her in interviews. Is that how she talks? No, that's not how she talks. Oh. Yeah, so um, but I have a crush on Dr. Robbie, and I also have a crush on Dr. Langdon. I was supposed to say that. I have a crush on every doctor on the thing, honestly. Dr. McKay, any doctor. I mean, they are Dr. McKay. Yeah, with the bangs with the ankle bracelet. She gets on my nerves. You don't like her? No. I like how she talks to her patients. She's so sweet. But you're kind of doing it actually. You did her head nod thing right now. No, but I do like looking at Dr. Langdon. Dr. Langdon's funny because, as we know, he has a um addiction. And me watching the show, if it was like a non-likable character that was coming back from all that, I'd be like, you know what? Yeah, Dr. Robbie is right in being mad at him. You know, he betrayed his trust and they need to work this out together. And he's valid in his feelings, but because it's Dr. Langdon, I'm like, Robbie. Yeah, stop it. Give him a break. Yeah. Okay. He's so pretty and he's beautiful. So he's beautiful. And I need him here. Dr. Abbott. The one in the camo. Yes. I'm not good with names. Yes. Okay, yeah, yeah. He's like hot in like a, you know, you go to your friend's house and their dad's kind of hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just, you're caught up, you said? Yeah. We just watched the most recent episode, and Dr. Monham is sad because her diabetic patient went home without all the supplies she had gathered, and she finds Dr. Abbott in the one of the rooms, and he's like stitching his bullet hole up himself and he's shirtless. And he's like, yeah, doing his thing. And she's like, what's the hospital gonna pay for all this stuff to be Ubered? And he goes, I'll pay for it. And I was like, okay, I'm sweating. I'm sad. He's fat for you, Dr. Abbott. I kind of forgot about him. He is good. You know who really gets on my fucking nerves though is the Dr. What's her name? I don't know. That's rooming with Huckleberry. Yes. Calls him Huckleberry. She's so annoying. I I get so mad because I you feel things for her and you kind of learn her backstory in a roundabout way. I mean, like, you see, when she goes to the bathroom, she's obviously taken in like self-harm before. Did you catch that? No. When she went pee, um, in like the last episode, she pulled, went to pull up her pants and she had self-harm marks inside of her thighs. And then, like, all of her, she's obviously been abused before. And she kind of mentions that in a roundabout way to her patients that something has happened to her traumatically. And so then you're like, I just feel so bad for her, and I get why she is the way she is. She's gotta have a tough exterior, but like, God, you're such a bitch sometimes. Yeah. Honestly. And like, stop. And stop making your story other stories because she's always looking for drama. And like with the abusive dad. Yeah. She's being abused. Maybe she also has an issue. I kept telling Noah. She's probably got leukemia or something, and that's why she's like bruising so easily, and she's on the screen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She doesn't know when to take a step back. Yeah, that shows good. And did you finish Bridgerton? Yeah, I finished Bridgerton. And I think it was good. Yeah. It wasn't my favorite. No. I thought it was gonna be my favorite. And I just don't think after season two, anything's gonna be my favorite. Honestly, my favorite part of the episode was when Jonathan Bailey showed up again. I was like, where have you been? I like looking at Colin too. He's not my favorite either. No, he's I like him. Did you see where people were like, what? There was the sex scene with um Benedict and um Sophie. And yes, I do find him attractive. I think he's a cutesy little guy. Yeah. But he does have very tiny lips. They're not like something I would hone in on at all, you know, in the grand scheme of all he's got going on. But they did Netflix. They were like showing, like, you know, um Sophie all like hot and bothered, and she's like looking at Benedict, like, mmm, I want you. And he's just like biting her lip. And it's like zooming into his eyes and zooming into his hair, and then it zooms into his lips, and there's no tiny TikTok are like Netflix. If you ever freaking zoom in on that man's mouth again, I will cut you off. Yeah, he has a lot more like other other better features. Yeah, yeah. Stick to the eyes, like there. When he got to the lips, it was like he's a good man. Two little pieces of baloney. Like, I I like him as a person. Man, Susanna. He's a good man. I wanted to ask you, uh, as I'm watching The Pit though, I find myself enthralled with being an extra. Because did you know that Jesse, I think his name's Jesse, he's the tall, gray-haired nurse. Um, he was juggling in one of the episodes for the little girl who we thought might have been abused. You'll see him if you don't know who I am talking about, but he's a nurse in real life. He's a Pete's nurse. And then booked this gig. And they use a lot of real staff as their extras. Oh, that's cute. Which, if you were an extra on any show, what would you be an extra on? Would it be something medical or would it be something else? Bridgerton. Oh, yeah. That's what I thought you were saying that you wish you could be an extra on that. That would be so fun. Yeah, that would be so fun. I didn't think about that. Because you get to wear the dresses and learn the dances. Yeah, it's beautiful. It's a beautiful set. Yes. I'd be like, may I make a suggestion for the next classical? Yeah. A Millie by the learning. Absolutely would not pick the pit out of everything. I mean, like the pit, and I would like to get closer to Dr. Langdon. Yeah. I'd be like, actually, I'm having a heart attack that only he could fix. I was gonna say I would want to be like on a law and order SVU type of vibe. Law and Order SVU, the way that show had a chokehold on us, like in 2008. Yeah. Yeah. And and the um, what station was it on or what channel? They would have those marathons. When I tell you that we didn't leave the couch for like days, just in the criminal justice system. We were way too young to be watching that. Like actually, yeah, I would be an extra, but I would be like some girl that they like saw at the apartment. If I was gonna be an extra, I'd be like smoking a cigarette, like a one of those ladies outside that just knows everything and they're oh yeah. You see anything like Yeah song at 12 o'clock, what's it to you? You know? I'd be one of those. And that's the kind of extra I would be. Yeah, you do. I'll remember when I see him. Yeah, you will remember when you see him. Look it up. By the way, if you're listening to this episode, you probably think all we do is watch TV and I like watch TV. Nothing to do right now. Actually, I've been spring cleaning. That was another thing I wanted to talk about. I could also talk about that because I have been on a mission, LA. I have a list in my phone of every like tiny thing that needs gone through in my house. Like the desk, the cabinet in the mud room, the coat closet, our closet, the buffet in the dining room. And I put on there, do one to three things every day. Like one to three rooms, like coat closet and bathroom closet. Yeah, but things like the coat closet or like the linen closet upstairs, like each separate thing. But if I try to do too much in one day, then I open the linen closet. I'm like, no, this looks fine when really it doesn't. Yeah. So I'm like, I I only like do a certain amount. I have brought, I think, three trips to Goodwill. So much went in the trash bin. It feels like my house has taken a deep breath. What did you start with? Like, what'd you open up first that you were like, okay, yep, we're making a no tap? Were you is there something crazy that you're like, this must be done? No, I just feel like now overall you're yeah, the weather changed, and I was like, I feel claustrophobic. And our house is like not huge. It's fine. We love our house, but it's not like I have always said to Marco, we will outgrow this house sooner than we should if we let it let it take over the stuff take over. Yeah. Like we our attic is empty because I'm like, if we if it needs to go in the attic, we don't need it because it's just gonna go up there to die because we have storage in our basement. So um, it has felt so good. But like our closet alone probably took me two and a half hours, like just to go through your master bedroom closer or what? Okay, because I went through like each hanger and was like, okay, have I worn that in the last year? You know, is it something I would wear again? Like, no, because I I I'm so cheap that I'll keep clothes forever. Yeah, just to ward. Yeah, just because I'm like, oh, well, it's a shirt, like, whatever. But no, I have gone through everything and it's felt so good. We cleaned out the garage, we cleaned out the cars. My god, you started so early. I literally started like right before I started puking my guts up. And I was like, well, get to this when I get to it. Yeah, like one day. Yeah, we were, we were like, I was really on it. But yeah, it's felt so good. You know what I haven't gone through yet though, is like the storage in our basement. Are you just like cleaning out or are you like reorganizing? Cleaning out. Okay, you're just getting rid of shit. Yeah. Like our linen closet, for example, I had seven sheet sets for our bed alone. Yeah. You need like two. Yeah, one to put on while you're washing. Yeah. I just have nothing on while I'm washing. Or that. Honestly, yeah. Like there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah. Seven were excessive. One of them was pink flannel. And I was like, where did we even get these? A, I would never in my wildest dreams sleep on flannel. Because F, I would sweat to death. And I've never had like pink anything. I was like, this is ridiculous. So it was a gift to do. I get that way too. I think it's like a, and I know a lot of people get hoarded, they start hoarding because of this. It's like a poor person mentality that I get this way too from when I was poor when I was growing up. Cause then you're like, I am poor. Yeah, I never changed. But that's what for me, anyways. But my point is like when I was little and I was growing up, it was like, no, like we need this. Like, you never know when we're gonna need this because we might not get it again or whatever. And so now that I'm an adult, I'm like, I must save this. And I'm like, where am I gonna use this? Why am I gonna use it? Why do I still have this? I don't need it. But in my head, I'm like, well, what if something happens and I need it? I need that pink flannel bed sheet, and now I have to rebuy it. I'm not gonna have the money. So I I have to tell myself that too. Like, I don't need this. Truly, you don't need seven sets. And I can't do this every year because you'll have nothing left in your house. No, because um has to get to a bad point for me to be able like, okay, now I need to go through this and actually get rid of things. Um, so but yeah, it's felt really good. I only started with the kids. So I have kept, because we want to have another baby, I've kept all of Julian's clothes and all of Mila's clothes in totes because I don't know what we're gonna have next. And I didn't want to get rid of stuff. And so I've kept everything. And like Julie and I started out good in like actual totes, but Mila, somewhere along the way, I like I ran out of totes, I guess, or money for the totes. Why is a tote? So expensive. Yeah, it's a box, it's empty and hollow. I could make one if I had a 3D printer, but I don't. So I gotta buy it for$12.99. I don't think you could necessarily make one with a 3D printer. Anyway, continue. And so I just started using like old diaper um box, but it's not as organized and everything's kind of shoved in. And even with Julian, I was like, zero to three months isn't this tote and three to six isn't, and Mila's like, it hasn't sharpie on the outside, like maybe three months, maybe six months could be everything she's ever fitted in her life. Might be some burp cloths, and it's all just thrown in a box. So I started with Julian's, because obviously, but what I just said, that's the easiest. Yeah. And I went through everything starting from zero to three months and made sure everything was actually zero to three and made sure it was in a tote. I labeled the outside of the totes and I organized his whole entire closet because they're all shoved in his closet. And everything is stacked and organized. You could open the closet door now, and it's all labeled Julian. It's all titled. I even put, I even cut up cardboard from these old cardboard boxes I'm now not using because I bought totes and stuffed it like dividers. Wow. Like a divider, three T, a divider, four T, and then put all of that in one tote. Oh, nice. Yeah, and then I shit myself on the floor and I was like, all right, it's beyond. I'm done here. So he's like, mommy, are you you need a tampon? Yeah. You up my butthole, actually. You really pooped on the floor? Yeah, I really shit myself. Uh in your pants, but not on the floor. Like a dog? Sitting on the floor. Oh. Well, anyway. Okay, Ellie, because there are two people in the world. There are those who have shit their pants, and then there are liars. We have there is not a single soul, even including Jonathan Bailey, every single Single person has shit their pants. I agree. 100%. I'm welcome to the club. I mean, I'm sure I've done it before in my life, but here we are at 30. One of the top moments of 30 thus far, I must say. You don't want to see my garage though. That's next on the list. Oh, but that is so good, though. Like we like took the cars out and like leaf blowed it out. A rat. No, a mouse like skeleton. Actually, do you know cardboard is a um spiders are attracted to cardboard. And I have a lot of cardboard in my garage. Now I'm scared deep clean for that reason. I'm scared I'm gonna find like a bunch of spider skeletons. Ew! Like cardboard. Oh my gosh. Actually, that reminds me of a hilarious story. So, Nora, by the way, should we tell them we're doing one giant episode? Oh, yeah, let's let's do that. Since we missed last weekend, we were really sad. We decided to just do one really long episode this week to make up for it. Yeah. Um, anyways, so they're really focusing right now in kindergarten on like bug lessons. And so last week must have been a whole thing about worms because we were really into worms. And Nora was like, Oh, at recess today, we saw a lot of worms out. Um, you wait, you always know that when they've learned something at school when they come home and they're like, Did you know that a stop sign has this many inches? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So she was like, We were really worried though that the worms were gonna get cold. So um so and so put them in her pocket. Took them home of her coat. Well, they go from recess to lunch. And I was like, Did she take them out of her pocket before you guys went to lunch? And she goes, Nope. I immediately text her mom and I was like, Your checker pockets. I was like, Those worms are dry and crusty now. Yeah, but it is full on spring out there in the Midwest, anyways. I don't know what about you all. It was absolutely stunning today. Like, I almost got a sunburn. Yeah. Uh I probably did, honestly. I had to put out sunscreen on. But um, I yesterday I was like, oh my gosh, like it's supposed to be today, was today's Monday. And I was like, oh my god, it's gonna be 75 and sunny tomorrow. Like, Nora, like has barely missed kindergarten. I'm gonna let her play hooky. It's a personal day tomorrow. So I'm like, I'm gonna be the coolest mom ever. So I said, Nora, I have a really big surprise for you tomorrow. She's like, What? And I was like, maybe tomorrow you can play hooky. What's that mean? I was like, it just means that you stay home from school because I thought we could go to the zoo, maybe the park, maybe get ice cream, have a whole day outside. It's supposed to be so nice. Well, I would miss gym class, and gym's my favorite. Can we do this on Wednesday? I don't like media. I don't like me. Now she's bargaining. Yeah, I was like, no, no, no, no, no. This is like a one day take it or leave it. Oh, well, no, I'm not missing gym. For the zoo. Yeah. For the ice cream. She goes, You guys can go to the zoo without me, but don't get ice cream without me. Okay. I was like, wow, okay. She she went to school. She didn't go. Yeah. I asked her again this morning. I said, just one last time. I just offered it there. And she's like, no way. Funnest day of your life. Yeah. Or gym class. I was like, wow, what a first tag tomorrow. Can't miss. Yeah, that's so firstborn thing. Julian said that something very similar when I was sick. It was the night he had finally felt better. And I was like, okay, no, we like we'll send him to school tomorrow. Like he's better. He hasn't puked all day. He hasn't pooped all day. He has he's eaten. He's completely better. Um, and then that whole night I had the and I had told him that night that when he was going to bed, you're going to school tomorrow. And he didn't say really much about it. But that whole night, I was riddled with mom gill. I'm like, I feel so bad. This is gonna be his first day finally feeling better. What if he's not really better? What if he has another puke in his system? I'm shipping him off to school immediately. I haven't even like let him eat breakfast and make sure it goes down okay. Like the moment he stops puking, I gotta ship him off. I just felt so bad. No, he's like, then keep him. I mean it's preschool. Yeah, it's preschool. Just keep him home. Yeah. I'm like, you're right. What am I doing? So I kept him home. And I that ended up being the day that I was super sick. So I'm glad I didn't send him because even getting up to get him to school and back, like that would have been miserable. But um, we're we're laying there and he goes, it was like 9:30. And he goes, So am I not going to school today, mom? And I said, Oh no, like mommy decided to keep you home so you could just really feel better. And he goes, Oh, well, I mean, I did really want to see my friends and I was excited, but it's okay, mom. Hope you feel better. So now you feel guilty. Now I feel guilty again. We're keeping him home. Oh my gosh. It was like for like two hours at night. I'm like, uh, you know what, Noe? I'm just not gonna take. I feel horrible. Blah, blah, blah. He's like, Well, I mean, I did want to see my friends, but it's fine. Feel better. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Can't win. So he can't win no matter what. What else did I want to yap date before we start? I gotta make sure I said everything I wanted to say. Just two things. One, um, when I was sick, I did a test on Noe because we've been watching the pit and I've been very if you've watched, if you've been watching The Pit, then you know there's like three instances now where they've like went in to check on a patient and the patient's been like unresponsive. And it was like they were like walking, talking just fine, or they've been like, you know, they walk and they open the curtain. They're like, How are you, Mr. Johnson? Mr. Johnson, and then they're like sternal rubbing him. And so I'm like finally feeling better yesterday. I haven't puked all day. I'm literally sitting in a lawn chair outside. I still look comatose, but I'm able to sit up in this lawn chair now outside. He's like yapping, yapping, yapping. I'm literally trying not to die in this chair, feeling like still so sick, but like just trying to be alive. And I started thinking to myself, if I croak right now, is he gonna notice? Yeah, I mean, he's just sweeping. He doesn't have care in the world. I'm over here like fighting for my life, trying to like survive. And I go, I'm gonna do a little testy test. So I held my breath so that I wouldn't be like making a chest rise. And I like conked my head to the side and just like held my breath and I waited and to see if he would like notice that I was like not just like sleeping. And he looked over at me, he like says something to me and is talking to me and then stops because I think he thought I was just asleep and like goes back to sleeping. I have sunglasses on, goes back to sleeping, and I'm like, what the fuck? And I opened an eyeball and he's like back to not paying attention to me, doesn't even notice. I never stop breathing. So I do it again. I see he's about to turn. I hold my breath. He turns back. I'm Ellie, dead to see if he notices. Are you okay? Says something again, turns back around and doesn't do I go, what in the fuck? And he's like, wait, what? He like stops his vacuum. He's like, What's wrong, honey? I'm like, I was dead. I was dead, you did nothing. He's like, You're not dead. I'm like, yeah, but I could have been. The point is always I was like, the point is be on your toes, motherfucker. That's the point. And then my friend from work texted me that night, Christy, and asked me how I was feeling. And I said, Thank you. Because you know, I closed my eyes and I held my breath for like five minutes earlier, and nobody didn't notice a difference at all. And so I'm really glad someone cares. You're mentally unstable. Oh, that's insane. He literally took such good care of me. But I was just like, I wonder if he'll notice I'm dead. And he didn't. So no signal works from him. I think about it like, okay, I was at this school fundraiser recently, and I all of a sudden hit me that this corner that I was in was like an ER doctor, two other physicians, an NP. And I literally said out loud, wow, you guys. I think there was an RN in there somewhere. I said, if I just like choked on this brownie bite right now, I'd be in excellent care. Or if I just absolutely cardiac arrest collapse on this ground, you guys have got this under control. Yeah. Um now I don't know if we've have we said this before on this that if we're ever on a plane and they're like, is there anybody medical? Oh, I'm not saying anything. Yeah. I'm gonna give it three to four solid beats because there's gonna be someone on there who's looking for their hero moment. And I'm gonna tell you right now it ain't me. No. And I've literally said to Marco before, before getting on a plane, if they ask for a medical person, you you don't say a word. Yeah. Yeah. Because unless that person needs a bundle massage, unless their vagina is hemorrhaging, like I think I'm not unless they need help breastfeeding. Yeah. Is there somebody on is there a doctor on this plane? We've got a hungry baby. I'd be like, absolutely. Like, I know how to do that. But and if you work in healthcare, you know there is somebody that will raise their hand and it ain't gonna be us. Maybe it's you. Yeah, well, I think if you are that person you I don't know if you've clocked it with yourself yet. Maybe you do know if it's you. You know, yeah, you know you're doing that. Yeah, you're raising your hand, you're like, I am it. I'm the medical person. It's not me. It's not me. No, it's not me. Never gonna be me. Now, if they say, Does somebody know how to break out into dance? I'd be like, Me. I'm just kidding. I wonder if Dr. Robbie would raise his hand. Yeah, he would. He would. I think he'd reluctantly be like, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah. He's about to go on sabbatical, though, so I don't know. No, I I'm calling it now. He's getting in a motorcycle crash. Oh, for sure. That's how it's gonna end. Is they're all saving him. Uh-uh. That's how the season's gonna end. I'm calling it. That is smart. I knew it was gonna be some kind of motorcycle thing because they're really honing in on it. And he's like, I always wear my helmet. Bitch, we saw you. We wear no helmet. You know who's gonna like take over and like be super helpful? Huckleberry? Langdon. Oh. Yes, he's gonna save his life. Yeah. And it's gonna repair the bond. Yeah. Yeah. Although I do like the Huckleberry thing. I can't remember his real name. I hate calling him by his mean name, but I don't remember any of their names. Yeah. Um, I do feel like he's turned in, turning into such a great doctor. And I knew when he had a really shitty season one, he was gonna have some kind of good, you know, seasoned good. Like he's it was gonna make him a good doctor. Did you know he's like British in real life? Yes. Crazy. Yeah. I wonder how he says baby jang Zoo. The last thing I want to say is I did go to the eye doctor's today and I would like um some claps, some snaps from. Okay, Job, were you on time? I was on time only because No, we had an appointment right before me, and he's always on time. So I was kind of trying to. He was at the eye doctor too? Yeah. A day date. I always get it. What I was gonna say about the eye doctor is why do I always feel like I'm doing the eye doctor wrong? I don't know. Maybe it's the anxiety slash people pleasing in me, but I always feel like, have you been to the eye doctor? It's okay. Some people don't go regularly if they don't like need it. You wear glasses though. When they're like asking me questions and like doing things, I feel like there's a right answer and a wrong answer. And when they don't tell me like good job, when they don't pat my head and give me a treat, I feel like I'm doing it wrong. Like they're flipping the thing and they're like, is this better or this better? And I'm like, that one. And then they don't say anything for a long time. And I'm like, right? Was that the right answer, Doc? They're like, is this one or this one? And I'm like, oh, yep, that one. And then they don't say anything, and I'm like, or maybe it was the other one. I don't know. But there's not a right or wrong answer. It's just to get your prescription. I know, but in my head, there is. Or when they're like covering one eye and they're like, Can what line can you read? And I'm like, the second one, they don't say anything. I'm like, was I supposed to be able to read the first one? I don't know. I can't read any of them really. If you want me to be honest, I'm squinting. But you know, I just always feel like such anxiety for like such a people-pleasing way at the eye doctor. All I think about at the eye doctor is the eye doctor I went to growing up. He would, it was like this, like one little eye doctor in my little hometown, and he would go, little better or a little worse. Yeah, a little better or a little worse. Every single time he would switch the things. That's exactly how he would say it. So I would hear it like a hundred times every appointment. A little better or a little worse. Yeah. It was so funny. The girl, too. It's I haven't been to the eye doctor in like four or five years. I know. But there I went, I finally went. And I don't think you have to go every year. Yeah, I know. Yeah. I would definitely do, but she was not one for like small talk, like, so how many kids you got? And I need that to break the ice, or I feel already like uncomfortable. And she was very good, but she was just straight to the point, very like, let's get her done. This is what we need to do, and goodbye. Like that. She didn't say anything when I was making my little jokes. And I was like, oh, okay. Immediately I'm like stressed out. It was like one time I went for a CT scan, like a year or two ago. I was not trying to have a baby at the time. And um, we were walking back, and I was walking with the receptionist lady. No, I was walking with the girl who was gonna do it. And she goes, she's asking me all the questions, and she goes, and is there any chance you're pregnant? I'm like, Well, there's always a chance, huh? And I like keep walking and she had like stopped dead in her tracks because that probably screwed up everything. She was about to like, she was probably about to give me contrast and like all this stuff. And I'm like, Well, are like, don't we all have that? Ha ha ha ha. I'm like elbowing her and she's like, not there anymore. And I turned around and she's still back there. She's like, wait, are you pregnant? And I was like, oh no, no. And she's like, but you could be. And I was like, well, you know, can't we all be? I mean, well, and she's like, no, are you pregnant or no? And I was like, oh no, no, ma'am. Never mind. Oh my God. I know. Immediately I'm like, okay, I'm stressed now. So yeah, but I did it and I got some. Well, I didn't get the glasses. I got the prescription. They tried to sell me the expensive glasses. I stood my ground. I'm gonna go shopping, eyeglass shopping. Oh, I buy all my glasses on Xenny. Oh, perfect. I was gonna ask. So easy. Okay, Zenny? Yeah. Okay. And my glasses end up being like$40 instead of$400. Yeah. Okay, cool. And it's fun to get different pairs because you're like, I can get two for the price of one really expensive one at the eye doctor. You get five for the price of one at the And they were really hustling my boy my boy as in my husband, because they'd be like, he'd like try on ones that are on like the great value version, you know? Yeah. And I'd be like, oh, I really like those. And somebody from like across the room, one of the receptions would be like, no, I I really like those Ray Bans on you, Noe. What the fuck? Yeah. And I was like, it's my wallet, don't try to tramp. He looks good in great value. I didn't like that. Like you're buying a used car. Yes. Nice. Anything else? Did you get into Oh, yeah. We haven't talked about your birthday party. Yeah, because we talked about it, but we talked about it in like future past tense. Is it like the best time of your life? It was so fun. Ellie looked so hyped. Yay! I was purple. I loved it. Yeah, it was so fun. I never want the night to end. And it was just such a perfect little white 2K party. Yeah, it was. All my friends ended up coming. Yay. I really liked that we got those disposable film cameras. Yes, they turned out so cute. They did. And you know what Walmart does now? I got the camera, we turned in the cameras and we got the film back. It took like a week to get the pictures back. And they gave us all the pictures, just like in the 2000s when you would drop off your cameras and get them back. They gave us the actual physical copy. But what they do now, I didn't know that this was gonna happen until I got it, is they give you a USB card that has a copy of all the pictures. You can plug it into your computer and download all the pictures. You can have them on your phone. So that's how I was able to upload them. Because I kind of thought, like, okay, I'm gonna have these pictures, but like it's a social media world. How am I gonna get them onto my? I'm gonna have to scan all these in. Yeah. To be able to get them like on Facebook or Instagram or whatever. And no, they give you a little USB now. Oh cute. And it's it looked like, I mean, it was just such a vibe to be able to get those photos. Yeah. Like a house party in the 2000s. Yeah, it did. Yeah. Yours was really cute. The one of you leaning like this cheese in against, I think, like Mike and Jade were there. No, but then Marco was like had a uh half a pizza in his mouth. I know. I said you looked cute. Yeah, it was so cute. Actually, that we're going on a um out of town for spring break for a long weekend somewhere. You should get one. I should get one for Nora and her two cousins that we're meeting. Yeah. But I would just hopefully they understand like what's there's only like 30 pictures, you know, but it might be fun for them. Maybe you'd have to monitor and be like, hey, this would be a cute picture. Or if she like asked mommy, can we take a picture of this? You can like veto. That would be fun for them. Can we get a picture of this kitty cat, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be really fun. I need to start doing that more because I also liked the vibe of just it was just point and shoe. You didn't know how it was gonna turn out. You just took the picture and it was just so much more organic than like taking 10 and like let me see them the vibes. And like just the filter of the film camera itself is super cute. I almost didn't do that because I mean, it's not like they were in the 90s, they're not like five bucks for a camera. It was like, I mean, still not crazy expensive, but I think it was like you know 20 or$30 for the can one camera. What? Yeah, I want to say like 40 or 50 for both combined. Yeah. But like maybe the two-pack was like 40 bucks, so not bad for like what it probably held like 30 images each. Yeah, so it's definitely pricier than it used to be. But it was so fun. Did you have fun? I was so fun. Yeah, we loved it. I love uh game night and I love my friends. So that was a perfect birthday for me. I love that. I was not good at the game though, because I but I'm not good at mini-games. I'm not like a game player, but I still had fun with it. And it was so funny because the murder weapon ended up being a yo-yo. Yeah. And Marco was the yo-yo guy. We almost we read that and I was like, oh, okay, we'll get a yo-yo. We almost forgot. I was like, oh crap, we gotta bring a yo-yo. We kind of just brought it as like an aside. We didn't realize it was gonna be the murder weapon, so thank God we brought the yo-yo. I thought that was hilarious that he did that. But then the picture, because the picture that the detective had of the murder weapon was a red yo-yo. And then I'd start hearing people be like, no, it can't be him because he had a blue yo-yo. And I'm like, you guys, you brought that from home. That's from the Dollar Tree. That's not from this. This is not the point. Oh, wow. People start getting literal. I'm like, hear whispers like, no, because his yo-yo is blue. And I'm like, guys, no. That's hilarious. But I loved it. I love that everyone got into it. My biggest pet peeve is when people grow up. My biggest pet peeve is when people grow up and they don't remember how to have fun and they don't and they take things so seriously. Like you go to a party like this and nobody wants to dress up and nobody wants to actually like pretend they're that character because we're not little anymore. It's like, no, just have fucking fun. Yeah. One night. Yeah. Be that character. That's right. I feel like everybody did. No, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. Everybody did. I would have been so disappointed if I like threw something like which I would never have friends like that. So yeah. But I would have been sad if I threw something like this, and you, you know, nobody wants to like get into it. Get into it. Like it's like Halloween. Just do it. Yeah, just do it. Yeah. Nobody's gonna be like, oh my god, did you see her? She like, you know, brought a yo yo. Like that's stupid. Yeah, yeah. No, so it was fun. I liked it. I would definitely, I mean, that's my second murder mystery party. I would do many more. I love a murder mystery. You love it. It was really fun. I highly suggest a murder mystery. And they have, if you go on a what just type in murder mystery game and you'll like find the website. I can't remember what it was called, but they have so many different themes. I mean, they have every decade you could think of Western and Disco, and they have the most random Harry Potter themed murder mystery. They have the most random themes. Do they have Titanic? Oh, I'm sure of it. That was pretty good. That was good. Um sometimes they don't say like Titanic, they'll say like boat capsizing on with the igloo themes on April 14th, 1912. But it wasn't Titanic, it was a different one, the lesser known. Yeah. I think they even have like Christmas themed. Like they have it'd be fun. Yeah, holiday, uh work um bonding experience. Yeah. Fight over who's the murderer. Anyways, let's get into bombshit. Okay. Okay. So this week we're gonna talk postpartum madness. Get it? Because March Madness. No, okay. I hope somebody did. We're gonna talk things that was funny ton for. We're gonna take it to the core and we're gonna talk about what we did postpartum that was very embarrassing to us. I have mine. I have something embarrassing that happened to me. I probably have many, but I have one that sticks out. Okay, hit it. Okay. When I had just had Mila and it was like my second day home and from the hospital, and I was breastfeeding. And actually, this is none of my none of this is my fault, by the way. None of which I'm about to say. It's all my husband's fault. And he definitely owns this. And actually, when I text him and said, Hey, can you think of something really embarrassing that happened to me postpartum? I need it for the pod, he told me this story, and I was like, You're right. It is all your fault, and I will discuss it. We were home. I was sitting on the couch and you might have been one of the lucky few to have witnessed this, actually. I was sitting on the couch and I had um my boppy. If you don't know what a boppy is, um it's a breastfeeding pillow and it goes, it looks like a C and it goes around you, and you lay your baby on it, and it helps you be supportive while you're breastfeeding. And I had my boppy out. And now, something about me, if you know me now, I have much, much smaller booties than I have ever had in my life. I was born probably a D cup, progressed, progressed um shortly through time into an H and stuck around like an F or a G. I had big old booties, okay? And when I was pregnant with Mila and postpartum with Mila, I was at my highest weight ever, and most of it, probably 90% of it, was in my boobs. I had big boobs. There's a point to this. I'm not just bragging on my huge tits, okay? Don't worry, they're potato sacks now. Probably not even an A. They're like a teacup kettle. I could shove it inside a teacup kettle. That's how little they are now. But at the time they were big. And I had my bapia and I had Mila breastfeeding in a football position. If you don't know what a football position is, she's tucked down, like if you're running with a football. She's tucked down inside me. And I had, I was about to feed her. I was talking to my husband who was sitting across from me, like where you're sitting now. And my, I think my sister in law or someone was sitting like over here. And I had my whole tit out for display. And it was draped over this boppy because it could, because it could. I had sat on the boppy, the whole boob was just flopped up on the boppy, and it was just sitting there. And I had it out in the open and I was about To breastfeed, but I was talking or something. No he accidentally takes a picture of me or something. Or maybe he meant to take the picture, or maybe like just the nipple was covered, but the whole rest of it was out. I don't remember what he was doing. But he has a picture of me with my whole tit out, flopped up on the boppy, like an elephant trunk on a table. Okay. Picture that in full view because Mila hadn't yet latched on. And for some reason, he has a picture of it. All of a sudden, Erica, who was over, my sister-in-law, was like, uh, Ellie, did you mean to post that? And I was like, post what? What, my dear? We, I think on his or mine, had posted this picture that he took um on accident. He like butt posted it, but this picture of me postpartum in a postpartum get up, which is nothing, with the tit out, flopped out on the Bobby for all the world to see. I don't know how long it had been up before Erica logged on. I haven't taken a breath. I haven't taken a breath. I was like, post what? Yeah. And she they showed me and I was like, delete it. Immediately it was deleted. I really don't think that many people saw. And I'm probably being dramatic at the state of this because I'm just picturing my big old elephant titty flopped up on the boppy for all to see. But it also wasn't flattering pictures. I mean, can you imagine? I'm like two days postpartum. I mean, everything's covered in milk. I'm wearing a diaper, and here's this picture now on everything. Cross-posted, mind you. I hate this story. It's Instagram. This is insane. So that's the most embarrassing thing that happened to me. I think only a few people saw it before. I don't think it was up for very long. How do you know? How do you know? You can check your viewers. I don't remember truly. It could have been more. No, he could be lying to me. He could have been like only two people saw it, and it was your best, closest friends in the whole world. And it was probably like, you know. Your mother-in-law. My mother my mother-in-law's seen it too, but like my kindergarten teacher. That's that's mine. You got any? It's nothing compared to yours. Mine isn't even that embarrassing. It wasn't like anything in public. It's just like funny. It's embarrassing to share, but I'm gonna share it anyway because it's hilarious. After Caleb, Nora was she was just almost three. And my parents had just brought her back. She had just met her baby brother. Um, and they had left to go back to their house. And so it was like the first time when the four of us had been like, okay, we are a family of four. We are we're doing this. Yeah, yeah. We're we're here. And all of a sudden, everyone had to go to the bathroom. And so Nora, since she was little, she was like, still need help. So she was like, I have to go to the bathroom. So I was like, okay, I'll I'll help you. And then Marco was like, Oh, I think Caleb needs a diaper change, so I'll change his diaper while you're helping her. Perfect. So he, I had just taken Nora to the bathroom. And you know, when you're postpartum, you don't realize, oh my God, my bladder's really fucking full. And until you stand up and you're like, oh, I'm gonna pee. But I'm like, okay, let me take her first. I don't know why I thought that, but you know, so I take her to the bathroom and then she leaves the bathroom and she comes around the corner where Marco was changing Caleb's diaper, and Caleb like shits like um like a rocket. You know how like newborns do that? And it just went everywhere. And I see it from the other room, but Nora was like in the line of fire and she didn't get hit or anything, but she was like shh, her little tiny self. She goes, Oh god. I deer, she'll see it. And my bladder was full, and I just start dying laughing. Of course, pee yourself completely emptied, probably at least a thousand mls. It was a full liter. Diaper, catch it. Your diaper you're probably wearing. Soak it up, saturated, it didn't matter. I I mean it was like everything in me. And Nora goes, mommy, you're having an accident. An accident. And I was like, I know. And I'm just standing there just peeing. It's still coming and I can't do anything about it. I have no public floor right now. So I'm like, I know. And so um, I was like, I'm sorry, babe. I just pissed the carpet. And so Marco's like, okay. So he like cleaned it up as best he could, but my mom had to come over with the carpet cleaner because we don't have a carpet. We don't have carpet, we just have rugs, but I peed, of course, directly on the rug. Of course. So I was like, we're gonna need the carpet cleaners. I love when um Caleb's having his accident, and we're just like, Oh, dear, that's oh god. And you do it and she's like, Mommy! Yeah, an accident. She was looking and we joke now. We're like, she was like, I need Nana and Papa back here immediately. I'm done with these fools. Like it's been five minutes, and there is really things going on that shouldn't be going on. My mom's pissing on the carpet. Caleb shit across the room. Yeah, it's a very like funny memory now, but yeah, it's hilarious. Yeah. Let's read someone else. I don't know. Yours wins though so far, Ellie. Like no one warns you about how the first Sigsy time is gonna go postpartum. But let me tell you, spraying my husband with with milk was not on my bingo card.

SPEAKER_01 48:58

Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_00 48:59

Probably the most unattractive I've ever felt in that situation, but very thankful for a husband who I was able to laugh it off with. That's so bad. Yeah, especially because you're like getting all up in those areas, you know, like it's bound to happen. And you're already like kind of nervous. Like, is this gonna hurt? You know? Maybe it honestly worked out well because it kind of broke the ice on like a maybe kind of uncomfortable, yeah, awkward first get around. And then, like, if you squirt some milk out, it's like, oh, magically delicious. And then you can like laugh around it. And it sounds like you had a great supply. We love that for you. Yeah. Good job, mommy. My milk's in. You want to try? Okay. With my first, I had an induction and a vaginal delivery. My baby was pretty big, eight pounds, four ounces. And when she came through the canal, she had her arm up and tore into my left lateral wall. There was so much bleeding. I lost two liters, and within 10 minutes after she came out, they rushed me to the OR because they couldn't stop the bleeding. Oh, we're sorry, mommy. This sounds stressful. Yeah, I was just gonna get embarrassed. I don't know. I was in the OR for three hours to stop the bleeding. And once I went home, I was incontinent of urine and stool. Had no idea you could literally shit yourself after the baby is out. So while I was standing at my baby's two-day pediatrician visit, while the receptionist is asking me what felt like 750 questions, I could just feel that I was shitting my pants. Standing in the waiting room. It was horrible. But also a very humbling and funny story. Now, don't worry, I don't shit my pants anymore. Well, I wonder if they could wonder if they knew. I mean, she said how she was how many days? She probably still had a diaper on herself. Maybe it was catching it. Yeah, but you know when your kid shits their diaper across the room, you're like, somebody's dinky. Yeah, that's true. But you can blame it on the baby, like, oh my gosh, Johnny, did you poop again? As it's like leaking down your leg. It's okay. Wow, that sucks. So it was like right when she got there. Yeah. She's and they're asking them the all those questions they ask you. Yeah. Wow. That's really bad. That's funny. You know what that reminds me of though? Whenever I have babies, which has been twice now, um, and I've gone to that first pediatrician appointment. When they ask me, what and what's their birthday and what's their middle name, I'm completely blank. Both times, it's vivid in my memory. They're like, and what's her name? And I'm like, oh God, I forgot you were gonna ask me that. Mila. I don't know, I was hoping you would tell me. Yeah. And they're like, when's her birthday? And I was like, a few days ago. Gosh dang it, what was that? Just happened. It's not like, you know, bringed in your memory yet. Here's the thing, though, and I'm gonna say it again. There are two people in the world, those who have shit themselves and liars. So it's okay, ma'am. They've that receptionist has shit her pants. They should know, yeah. They deal with a lot of a lot of new mommies. Yeah. Let's see. That really started off rough for her. Honestly, if I went through everything she just went through and then that happened to me, I'd be like, yeah, okay. I would laugh out of the comedic timing of it all. Like, I just went through all of that, and this is what's tripping me out. I just shit myself. Like, of course. Well, my first thought was she got hemobate, but that wouldn't that would be done. Three hours three days later or whatever. Yeah. I was pumping in the office after going back to work, and the door in the little conference room doesn't lock and was only frosted in the middle portion of the door. So if you duck down, you can look through the glass. There was a sign on the door that said, do not disturb. I still had a man knock and then duck to look in, and he saw me pumping. So embarrassing. I hate him. That's a boy for you. Who the fuck is this guy? Like, do you know him? Yeah. I literally hate him. He's giving me creepy vibes. They need to put a sign on the door that says like pumping so that maybe people won't like duck under and look. But also, what are you trying to do? The door's locked. Yeah. Obviously, it's in use. The hook is actually like a law that they have to give you a space to pump. I'm pretty sure. Does that work? That must be their space. By the way, speaking of COVID times though, I remember like going back um to work after Nora. And I was, I gotten like a new job shortly after maternity leave. And so I was at this training place downtown. And I was like, oh, I have to pump. Is there a space to do that? And she was like, I don't know, like so much of this office building. Like we were in mass. It was like June of 20. And she was like, so much of this office space is like closed and locked because everybody's worked from home now. And so she found me this back hall where the lights were off. I was in a hallway and she I'm using the flashlight on my phone. And she goes, Here's an outlet.

unknown 53:38

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 53:41

Thank you, madam. This should work perfectly, actually. Oh my God. And I sat Could you light me a fire? Yeah, I sat on the floor in the dark. And I think I even remember like laughing to myself. Like, what the fuck is going on right now? Yeah, they need to be more specific about that rule because I think that happens in a lot of workplaces. They're like, we have to provide you a room. They didn't say what kind of room, you know? People probably get shit on a lot in that aspect. Yeah, but you know what? It is important to know though. Like, if you're not, and I'm not saying you need to go hide your boob, whatever, feed the nipple, do whatever you're comfortable with. Oh, yeah, girl, get your tits out. But I was never like that nursing mom. Also, because my babies didn't feed well if there was chaos around us. Like some people can just like whip their boob out and hold carry their baby throughout the zoo and breastfeed. And I love that for them. That was never like me. I had to be like sitting and quiet and whatever. So there, if you're that girl too, there is nursing rooms like absolutely everywhere. And you don't even realize it unless you're looking for them. Yeah. Um, also, I went to a wedding as a guest when I was newly postpartum. And I was like, damn, I'm gonna have to bring my pump and stuff. And I was like, I wonder where I can do that. And I was like, this is not the bride's problem. So I called the venue and was like, hey, is there a space where I can do this? Like, I just want to know ahead of time. So I'm not like, you know, awkward at this wedding. And so they were like, yeah, just find somebody who works there and they can let you into the bridesmaid's suite. Well, my dress, I had to get completely naked. Yeah. And I'm just sitting there in my underwear, just pumping. And I was like, if a bridesmaid walks in right now, they're gonna be like, what the fuck? They didn't. No. The wedding, yeah. Yeah. And I didn't tell some random ladies in their jacket in their dressing room. Yeah. Yeah. And if they had like never experienced like anything to do with anything postpartum, they would be like, oh my god. They'd be like, what? Yeah. Yeah. So crazy. I had a big oversupply supply with my first kiddo. I wore these milk collection cups mostly because I couldn't stand the feel of anything touching my nipples. If you know, you know. I wore them to Walmart and bent to pick something up, and the collection cups spilled all over my shirt in the middle of Walmart. Just soaks it. Hey, you're in Walmart. You're in a t-shirt. You're in Walmart. And also, absolutely no one in Walmart is able to judge you for any fucking thing in there. Like, it ain't looking any better. No. That's a safe place to share your pants, actually, is Walmart. One time I went to a um white trash bash. Like that was the theme. You would think like uh NASCAR, cut off shorts, you know, things like that. So I was dressed to the nines, just like cut off shorts. I drew Noe's name in a heart on my arm, big poofy bear. Think Gretchen Wilson. I know Red. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Boom. And that's what I was going for. I mean to the nines, like colorful eyeshadow and just like exuberant. Like I was diluting, like pack a day smoker, you know, yeah, raspy woman. I walk in and like a beer shirt, like a Miller-like cutoff. You were in Walmart. Like hot pink brawl. Yeah, I walk into Walmart before this party. You were safe. Because I needed to grab something. Yeah. And the first person I saw, this young girl, like our age, she goes, Oh my God. I don't know if anyone's ever told you this, but you're like really pretty. I've never been complimented in a Walmart in my life. And of course it was in this state of fashion. I thought that was hilarious. I was like, oh, I've done my job. Yeah. Yes, you nailed it. Nailed it. Yeah. She's like, where did you get this fit? Yes, literally. Here actually. Oh, we do love a complimenting queen. Yeah. She was cute. That's nice. She was that was so funny. Anyways, that is funny though. Soaked. I've done that to Noe before. Like have the cups on, those wearable cups in the middle of the night. And like I'm breastfeeding on the other side. And Julian's like twice kicked it when he was a baby and it just spilled all over sleeping Noe next to me. Like, what are you talking about? Wearable cups? You mean like a haka? Oh they make they make the haka and now they make wearable cups of ladybugs that look more like this. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Actually, I just found my haka in my spring cleaning. I threw it out, but I was like, I remember you, old friend. There's kind of I mean, there's the thing gets kind of gross. Of course I had to go, yeah. Yeah. I had heard a little about postpartum stank, where apparently sometimes you smell a little dot dot dot ripe. I had the worst B.O. for weeks and attributed it to that. But in actuality, I had accidentally bought deodorant without aluminum. Aluminum is the antiperspirant ingredient. I was just rubbing gel on my pits and sweating like a linebacker for weeks. I smelled so bad for weeks. Okay. But you're postpartum, so everyone probably agreed with you. They were like, oh yeah, she just got the postpartum BO. Yeah, sex for your baby though, because you were like holding him and in your armpit. I was like, God damn, Mom. You know what I need to talk about on here though? Is this magical crystal stone deodorant from Amazon? I'm secretly a little crunched. Okay. Me too. I had a I'll vibe with it. You give me enough uh evidence. Listen, this stick like stick thing really helps. And I started using it postpartum, and my friend, you know, you are told me about it. And you get it wet. Hold on. Let me find it. Yeah, because I'm intrigued. It's you have to put it on like right after the shower, and you get the stick wet, and you have to rub it like all over, like more square footage than you would um a like a normal deodorant. Hold on, let me just there's a circumference you've gotta execute. I'm picturing like a crystal. Fine. It is like a crystal, like crystal deodorant stick. Here it is. T H A I. 5.5 stars on air. Can I see what it looks like? Because I'm literally picturing a crystal, right? It feels like a gemstone. Yeah, like a stone that they've like smoothed the top of. Okay. Um, and so you it it helps so much with B.O. And I did start using it postpartum. So right after the shower, whenever you shower, I use it every time I get out. You just get the stone wet and you rub it all over your armpit. I still put on a little bit of deodorant, but a lot of people don't. So what do you do if you're not showering? Like, say you showered the night before and you did it, and then you wake up and you're about to go, or you come home from the gym. Then you can't use this deodorant. You splash some water in the pits and then use the stick. Well, if you went to the gym, you probably are gonna take a shower. Oh okay. Like you finished what would you don't go to the gym. You wake up from the day. You're like, I just showered last night, but I want to put deodorant on this morning. Yeah, then I still put a little bit of deodorant on, but you don't have to. Okay. Yeah. It just like it's the nice first layer. Uh-huh. Yeah. I've also heard, I want to try this because I've also heard hypochlorous acid. If you put it on when you get out of the shower, it was similar to what you're saying. Over time, your body just doesn't smell like that anymore. Your sweat just doesn't, I don't know, shit don't stink, I guess. Think about that. Like when I watch like uh something, like a movie or TV show and it's like a period piece, like Outlander, which came back. When they're like get it on, I'm like, yeah, you guys did not smell good. No, but they were just immune to it probably at the time. That's insane. I know.

unknown 1:01:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:18

Because then now can you imagine Claire from Outlander? She comes back and she's like with Jamie for the first time, and he's like, let's get it on. And she's probably like, I gotta tell you something. There's showers in the future, we bathe. Not really anything crazy or embarrassing, but I have a postpartum life hack. I feel as if I must share. Whenever people would come to visit the baby and maybe stay a little too long, I'd pretend to fall asleep and they would immediately leave. Girl, that has nothing to do with this situation. Thank you for the idea. When she had guests over, she would pretend to fall asleep. Yeah. If she was like they were staying too long, she would just I just tell them to leave. Yeah. I know you do. It's a lot easier. I think it's time for you to head out. Yeah, it's been so fun. Thanks for the lasagna. Can we restart your car for you? Thanks for the lasagna. Pretending on the sleep is insane. Yeah, that's funny. Well, what's the rest of the story? Okay, but also that was that's what I said. She said not really anything embarrassing. She just wanted a dish. Girlfriend, get out of here. This is the girl that got boobs for Christmas.

unknown 1:02:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:26

She's like, now I know I can say anything and they'll read it because they have nothing else. We don't screen these at all. That's hilarious. But honestly, in that situation, if if that was me, I'd be like, oh, okay, at least fucking faking being asleep right now, so I'll leave. Now I would have rather her just been like, hey, I'm tired. I would be like, you talk to her doctor about this. Like, I get that you're post-part I'm tired, but like, why are you falling asleep? Mid conversation. You're gonna have that one person though that's gonna be like, oh, she fell asleep, and they're gonna like cover you with a blanket and like turn on the TV. I'll see her when she wakes up. Or if it was you, you'd probably pretend to be dead. Yeah, I'd be like, wait, let me hold my breath now and see what see who breaks first. Have you ever done that to your dog? No, my dogs are pillows. I couldn't cry and see if they were like if they cared or not. I've like collapsed on the floor before just to see what they do. By the way, they don't care. No. They're sound stupid. They're probably like, what the fuck is she doing? Well, they can they have the smell of like a dog. Yeah, yeah, like a dog. Yeah, but they have like so they'd be like, she's faking it. I can tell when she's dead. If they can smell diabetes, they can smell death. It's getting out of hand. Good night. Anyways, that was fun. Should we say what's next? I suppose we should. I don't know. I need to know. So tell me. Sometimes I like a mystery. Sometimes I don't. Next week, in the spirit of spring break and spring vacation, we're gonna talk spring break nightmares and all your fun stories of travel with children. And now after that is always our monthly advice. Oh, good, good, good. So ask us anything and we'll answer to the best of our abilities and the worst. Since we're experts at everything. Okay, have a good weekend. Um, what's this weekend? It's St. Patrick's Day, right? Oh, yeah. Is it? Well, yeah, this weekend is probably when everybody's celebrating for St. Patty's. So stay safe, stay green, don't get pinched, don't get pregnant. Cheers. Don't get pinched, don't get pregnant. Cheers. Okay. See you in a minute.