SPRING BREAK GONE WRONG

This week, the girls catch up on online conspiracy theories, their "grandma era" and the struggles of daylight savings time. They then read listener submissions on the craziest spring break stories with kids. 

Email: mnam.podcast@gmail.com

https://www.instagram.com/_mamaneedsaminute/?igsh=c3V5NXJlOWprdnRy#

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, mommies. I'm Emily. And I'm Ellie. And this is Mama Needs a Minute. Top of the morning to you. Hi, Ellie. That was mine. Are you being baby Jane Doe? No, I was being Irish. Because we just had St. Measure today. Oh. Top of the morning to you. Wow. I can't do an Irish accent and neither can you. It turns out. No, he just sent me this thing the other day that said something about like the dad was like, my wife's thing is like the bedtime stories. Like she likes to be the characters. And I do that. Like I, when Noe reads and like love him, but he's just like reading the book like you nothing. Like he's reading like he'd read a pamphlet of instruction booklet. I'm reading, like I make everybody have a different voice. Oh wow. I really get into it. Yeah. I don't do that. You don't? No. So then he was making fun of me because we have one book that has a leprechaun in it that we pull out around this time. Yeah. And then I have to do that Irish accent that you just saw. You just heard me do. Give her another world. Okay. Like, you found my pots of gold. Yeah. Wait, but my kids don't know the difference. It's not like they love it. A lot of Irish people.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

They love it.

SPEAKER_00 1:17

They're gonna grow up and hear somebody that's truly Irish and be like, no, that guy's faking it. My mom. My mom did an Irish accent growing up and they're wrong. She's right. Is there any like accent that you can really nail? Me, maybe not really nail. What about you? I mean, I love I love to do an accent, but I will never really nail it. I feel like I could do British, but I can't do Australian. And they're very similar, but why is Australian so much harder? Australian, let's see.

SPEAKER_01 1:45

G'day.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Yeah, g'day. No, that's not it. No, I'm not a good one. Yeah. Let me see. I could probably do British. Oh, yes. Yes. Of course. I think my Russian is pretty good. Oh yeah. Yeah. Let me get into it. Let me get into it. Okay. Okay, hold on.

SPEAKER_01 1:59

You want my vodka, yes or no? Out here in Russia. This is what we do. Okay. We drink the vodka and we talk these shit.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Yeah. You sound like Ilya.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

Ilya.

SPEAKER_00 2:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:11

And we fuck. Hollanda.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

Hollanda. Come here and kiss me. Yeah. Hollanda. Yeah. Anyways. If we're not singing, we're doing accents. Yeah. We do love an accent. I like to break out in a random accent here and there. But you know what? Are you ever around somebody with an accent and then you start doing it back to them? I do it every time. Accidentally, yeah. Accent. Accidentally. Accidentally. Like when I have patients who are like British, I'm like, oh no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, do you have a can I have another diaper? You're like, sha thing. No, I know. I usually like address it. I'm like, if I start doing the accent back to you, I am very, very sorry. Yeah. Actually, my husband's Hispanic, and I can't even do like a good Spanish like accent. Even when I'm trying to speak Spanish, like I can't roll my R's. How's that going? You were gonna learn Spanish. I'm still trying. No, he's still been speaking to the kids. Sometimes he slips up, but for the most part, he speaks to the kids pretty much like the whole afternoon in Spanish. Julian still loves it, and Julian will call him out. He'll be like, Daddy, you're not speaking Spanish. Um, I don't think I mentioned that on the pod, but we have been trying to learn Spanish, both me and my kids, because my husband's Hispanic, and it's really about time. I mean, Julian's six, he's almost past the window where it's just like gone now. Now he's like got the wrong brain for it. Yeah, and like you said to me, you have the resource right there in your home. Literally. So Noe's been speaking Spanish to everybody. We've been putting cartoons in Spanish. Mila is pissed. She's like, Daddy, what are you saying? I don't know what you're saying. But Julian's like really into it, except he only knows like como estás that he can say back. So, like if Noe's talking to him, or my mother-in-law, who speaks primarily Spanish, is talking to him, Julian will just be like, Como está? When I say it like that, that means I don't know. It's like he's using it for everything. Yeah. No, it's been going okay. And Noah's been speaking a lot of stuff to me. And I bought this book. Actually, I have it with me that I haven't even cracked open yet because Oh, do you just carry it in your bag? I do. And I bring Madrigal's Magic Key to Spanish sponsor us. A creative improvement approach. Everyone online said this is a really good book to learn Spanish. Madrigal's Magic Key to Spanish. I haven't really opened it quite yet, but I want to. Yeah. And I downloaded a couple apps that people recommended. Oh, yeah. And a lot of people recommended. It's called, I believe, Coffee Break Spanish. And it's a podcast. And I think it's a short, like 20-minute podcast that you're if you listen to it like every day. It's just like short little lessons on speaking Spanish. So I I want to start listening to that too. But the problem is the most, most of the time when I'm listening to podcasts, I'm listening to them like on the way home from work or to work. And then I feel like that one will make me kind of sleepy. And like leaving work after a 12-hour night shift. Yeah. And then listening to a educational podcast. It's probably not a good idea for the people on the road. Yeah. But that was when I'm that's a big regret of mine in high school. I really paid no attention in Spanish. I know. I was like, when am I ever gonna use this? And now we get Spanish patients, and I'm like, damn, this is when I would have used this. Like, so stupid. Yeah, tell me about it. Yeah. Has been speaks a language. Yeah. But um, and I don't think any of his family besides my one sister-in-law listens to this podcast. So I can say this. I really want to get fluent in Spanish, but not like tell them. And then one day just pull like the ultimate plot twist. One day we're like all sitting around the table and everyone's speaking in Spanish, and I just jump in like fluent accent, everything, and I just speak Spanish, and they're just like mind blown. And I just think that would be the funniest prank. Well, what happens now at the dinner table? You're just like dum-de-dum-de- I I understand what they're talking about, but I don't join in because I don't speak Spanish. So you can understand it. I know what they're yeah, I know what the conversation is about after because I've been with Noe since we were 15. So however many years that is. Yeah. 15 years, because I'm 30 now. Yeah. So we've been together for 15 years. So I can pick up on what they're talking about. It's the conjugation that's really hard. And if you've ever learned Spanish or know any kind of Spanish at all, you know that's like the hardest part. You're like, okay, they're talking about going to the mall and seeing their friend. Or maybe they're talking about their friend went to the mall and saw a friend. Or maybe they're talking about they went to the mall or they're still gonna go to the mall or they haven't gone to the mall yet, but they want to go to the mall. You don't know is it Preston's, Presentance, who they're talking about, if you don't know the conjugation. Anyways, this is what I really want to talk to you about. And it's Gerald the Dolphin. And have you heard of him? I really hope you haven't so I can tell you. No, okay. Is this like the monkey, the sad monkey? No, what's that monkey's name? That is a sad situation. It's like punch. Punchy. Yeah, punch. Yeah. No, okay. I'm so happy you haven't heard this. Gerald from TikTok. Because you're gonna die. Because it's like a conspiracy theory. And I know we all know you love those. Okay. Listen to this, listen to this insane. No, I know. I was being sarcastic. I just don't normally get into them, but I like to listen. Entertain this one. Okay. This is what I'm saying. I am not a conspiracy theorist, but if you give me enough evidence, I'll be like, okay, I'm entertaining it. Okay, but if you're gonna tell me that like somebody became Gerald the Dolphin, like okay, go on. Give your best guess at what I'm about to tell you about Gerald the Dolphin. I'm gonna say um that you're gonna say, like, the m-the-who's the mom from um Shits Creek that just died? Oh, um, is it Moira? Yeah, but her real name. Oh. May she rest in peace. I can't think of it right now. Yeah. I'm gonna say that like she died and then became Gerald the Dolphin. No, that's a good guess, but no. Okay, so the other day in Florida, on the beach, on a beach, I don't remember which one. Okay, look it up yourself after if you're curious. On a beach in Florida just a few days ago, there was a man that was found on the beach, kind of disoriented, like speaking to himself and stuff. And he was drawing blueprints, like building blueprints in the sand. And, you know, people were concerned. They were like, what's up with this guy? So they called whoever, and someone took him to the hospital, and they were like, this guy's losing it. They were like, you know, what's wrong? You know, he he was well nourished. CT scans showed no brain injury. Um, and all mental health checks thus far have come back in perfect shape.

SPEAKER_02 8:26

And he's sober.

SPEAKER_00 8:27

And he was sober. No drug abuse, no alcohol in his system, no head injury, no mental illness. He's coming back sane as can be. Okay. They were like, What's up? What what were you doing? He's a dolphin. No. And he he became a human and landed on the beach and got right to work. And they're like, I've seen Little Mermaid. Okay. No, no, no, listen to me.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:48

Apparently, oh, and he is a like engineer. He's a smart guy. He's got like a constructional construction engineering degree or some kind of mechanical engineering. This is a smart guy, okay? He's well educated. Where's his people? They're not on the beach. No, he's by himself. Okay. He said he uh c he claims that he was abducted from the beach by some dolphins and taken deep into the underwater, like deep into the ocean, and was instructed to build a city for these dolphins. This is news. Okay, this was on the news. The news. Listen, was it on the news or was it on TikTok? It was on the news that I saw on TikTok. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. He claims he was to build like duplexes and I think like um maybe a city hub. I can't remember exactly what else. I'm like, if this is on the news, they're really stopping at nothing to distract us, are they? Listen, yeah. Um, everyone's like, so we forgot about those Epstein files already, huh? And also people were like, so what's gonna happen in the news in the next few days? But anyway, so he claims the dolphins took him underwater. He was instructed by there is a ringleader dolphin, his name's Gerald. They communicated with him, I don't know, I don't remember how, in clicks, and told yes, told him to build this underwater city for them. And then they released him, and then he was found on the beach trying to, I think, recreate these blueprints. Here's the thing. Okay, okay, because people you're obviously gonna be like, you're freaking crazy, right? Yeah. That's a crazy story. Yeah, a lot of time in the sun. Just wait. Okay. But they found no, there was no heat stroke signs or symptoms, nothing like that. What they did find on his like CT scan was he had like like sediment, he had stuff like ocean water and like things like back like microbes or whatever. They found shit that you would find at the bottom of the ocean in his lungs with no, there'd be no evidence, there'd be no reason for that to be in his lungs. He would have had to be in deep water for like a long period of time. And also, if that was in his lungs like that, that would have meant like some kind of water injury or drowning or anything like that. And he wasn't. Doctors are baffled at why he's got that stuff in his lungs. And also, did you know this? This is what really makes people be like, okay, this is weird. Did you know that it is a law, it is illegal to commute try to communicate with dolphins? It is a law. I didn't know that. I do know that you're like not allowed to touch a manatee. Uh what's the difference between a manatee and a dolphin? Manatee is you know what a manatee is. Like a Darwell. No, you know the manatees in the Everglades. They're like, look it up. Okay, look it up. You got a smartphone, look it up. Manatee. You know what a manatee is. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If they made a noise, that would be the noise. And they just nope no past your boat in the Everglades and you're not allowed to pet it. It's why? I don't know. It can like damage their skin. It's a big deal. Anyways, people are going ham on this Gerald the dolphin story. I mean, they're like, it is illegal to communicate with dolphins. I believe this man 100%. Why is it illegal to communicate with dolphins? What are they hiding? You know, and they say aliens, scientists have said, I get it. I get it. Like there must be a reason. But you can't, and that's because they can communicate back. And people have said, like, the scientists are scientists have theories that there are aliens at the very bottom of our ocean, and that's why like it's not been explored. You know how they say like NASA used to explore the ocean and they stopped and they never like can like NASA had a whole uh whole ocean program at one point in time where they were researching the ocean and all the parts of it, and then all of a sudden, for no reason that was explained, we stopped researching the ocean and started researching space instead. So Yeah. And some people are like, I mean that is an idea. I mean, the internet is going crazy with this. The internet is a crazy place. Isn't that hilarious? It is wild. Um, are you are you actually believing any part of that? I mean, no, I'm sure it's fake. Um, or he's yeah, honestly crazy. But so what they found some sand in his lungs. Okay, well, we all probably have a little bit of sand in our lungs when we It's just an interesting theory, you know? The fact that you can't communicate with dolphins. This guy claims he was taken, and he's like, people are like, he is a like well-educated, no signs of mental illness. Like, guy, like this is just so weird. That everyone's on his side. Everyone's on his side. Anyways, that was my first piece of news for you. Not really anything I did. I just really wanted to get your opinion on that. What else did I want to tell you? Oh, I have been really into my thrifting slash antiquing era right now. She's a thrifting girl. Yeah, well, I always kind of have been, which I've mentioned before, but I've been really into it lately. And I've really switched my mentality to going into places with intention rather than just like going to Goodwill and like perusing and just buying a bunch of shit I don't need or like not having a plan. I've made like a Pinterest board of things that I specifically want to find. Like, for example, I really wanted one of these bowls, like a glass bowl that you can put like your lipsticks in that I've been seeing on Pinterest that I think is really pretty. Just like a glass, almost looks like a goblet, you know, but it's glass. Um, and you put all your lippies in it and it just makes it look girly and cute. And I went to this antique store with Mila the other day, actually. It was a nightmare because I took a two-year-old into the antique store, but that's besides the point. And I went with like my Pinterest board in my hand and I found a couple really cute things. I just wanted to say that. I've been I've been curating a Pinterest board full of specific antique things that I want. That way I can go in with like a thought process in mind. I really want to do a plate wall. I've been seeing a lot in Pinterest. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Just kind of put like cutesy. They're coming back. Yes. And I think it'd be cute to switch it up like around Christmas, put Christmas plates up on this plate wall, and I have the perfect little part of my wall in my dining room. So I could put them. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. I love that. I really want to learn. I'm getting into my grandma core, I guess you could say. Yeah, I feel like everybody is is there. They're doing like grandma crafts and hobbies. Yes. So what are you picking up? Well, I really want to make, I feel like if I start now on this project too, then it'll be done by Christmas. I want to make stockings for us, family stockings. And I want to make them out of a pattern with pretty fabrics that I handpicked. And then I want to do that like embroidering that people do with like the yarn, like that you put on people put them on t-shirts and stuff or sweaters. Do you know how to use a sewing machine? Do you have a sewing machine? I know how to use a sewing machine. Oh, wow. Cutamis Collins in my seventh grade fax class. She just seems a sewing machine. I mean, I know the concept and the basics. Yeah. I haven't done it in years. And I know how to sew, like basic needle and thread. Like I just need to find like the pattern, I guess. And then also I don't have a sewing machine, but I want to do that. And then when I'm old and dead and gone, my kids will have these stockings that I can then give them or whatever. And they can be like, my mom made me this stocking. Yeah. When I was little, I've had it my whole life. Like, and it's something that they can have. I'm looking for more intentional things in my home, I guess. And I think that would be cute. Okay. Well, now, next time you go to Goodwill, you gotta get a sewing machine. Yeah, I know. I haven't seen one at my Goodwill, but you're right. I bet someone has one. Oh, yeah, for sure. Or like on Facebook Marketplace or something because Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's what I went to. Yeah. What about you? Well, I would say that Daylight Savings Time kind of caught up with all of us. We had just been off this week, I feel like. Although you will not catch me complaining about daylight savings time. No, I I like the spring forward too. I don't like fall back, but I love a spring forward. Okay, this has annoyed me since before even I was a parent. And everybody was like, oh, guess you wait. And I was like, okay, but like the people who freak out and bitch so much about daylight savings time, I'm like, you realize that we've known all year that this is coming. Like, I get that it's kind of a rough adjustment for everybody for grown-ups, bees, it's whatever. But it's like, guys, you literally knew this was coming. So if you're if it's gonna upset you that much, just slowly move their bedtime. Yeah, but it's like the night before they're like, oh my god, not at daylight savings. I'm like, we literally knew this was coming. Like, so when my kids were little, I did like two weeks before, I would slowly start moving their bedtime. They're older now, so it's not that big of a deal. But when they were babies, yes. I would like slowly like 15 minutes earlier for a couple nights, and when they had a stricter bedtime. Yeah. But my God, I've been tired this week. Does everybody in the world take part in daylight savings time, or is that like a Midwest thing for the farmers? Because I know it's originated for farmers. I think in the country, not in the world. Yeah, I guess that's what I was asking. Oh, okay. Like, does someone in California partake? I don't know. They don't have seasons. Let us know. Why do they do that one girl? Because it was to give Yeah. Because wasn't it to give farmers like an extra hour of sunlight for work? Farmers? Yeah, and I think that's how daylight savings was originated. It's probably how the government officials portrayed it, but really What do they need it for? I'm serious. Another hour to golf. Daylight savings time was primarily initiated to conserve energy and fuel during World War I, actually. By advancing clocks one hour in the spring, governments aimed to maximize evening daylight, reducing the need for artificial lighting, which conserved fuel for war efforts. Germany was the first to adopt it in 1916. We are full of education today. This is an educational podcast. Okay, but why are we still doing it? Can't we just like bring it back if World War III happens and like get rid of it for now? I just vote keep it whatever makes it lighter out at nighttime. Like just keep it that. Yeah. I don't like in the winter when we fall back soon, we're like, now I'm sad. And depressed, extra depressed. Yeah. Yeah, extra. What else have you been doing? Oh, well, we've also started um where so Nora and Caleb still take baths together. Yeah. But, you know, she's getting a little too to be taking baths. It's time for six. Yeah. I said it's like when Wendy gets kicked out of the nursery on Peter Pan. Like, this is your last night in the nest. Oh, we've gone back to the accents. So we're like, you know what, you you should probably start taking showers now. And so she was like, no, no, no, because she likes taking baths. They're fun to take, it's fun to take baths. They play, whatever. Yeah. Showers so away when you become an adult. Yeah, yeah, it's true. Yeah, it's not as much fun. But they were getting out of hand. Like there was just water everywhere. Yeah. When there's two of them in there, it's too much. So nobody really talks about how hard it is to teach, like, especially the little girls. Like, she has long hair. Teach her how to wash her own hair. And it is kind of a whole ordeal. Like, it's hard for her to get to understand this. Like, make sure that you get shampoo all over your hair and you know, like how to tell when the shampoo is out of your hair. She understands, like kids that age understand like how to wash their body. That she does herself, anyways. Even in the bathtub, she does that. But the hair. Yeah. How do you like? I can't even understand how I would approach the concept of like scrubbing and making sure it was all rinsed out. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. And I don't remember this when I was little, but it was just me and my sister. So even when we were a little older, like Nora's age, and we were taking showers, we got in together. Yes. You could like help help each other about shampooing your hair. Yeah. And are you teaching like just the basics? Or are you teaching like, I don't know how you wash your hair, but like I only put conditioner on the bottom. That's when I had to tell her. Yes. And now they're like putting conditioner on the top and shampoo on the bottom. Yeah. You're going to be fucked up. Yeah. And she, like, you know, doesn't get it. So she rinses her hair out for like two seconds is like, okay, now it's time for conditioner. And it's like, well, no, you have a lot of shampoo in your hair. Yeah. So I think what we're going to have to do is. And like the ratio. How are you teaching them like a little bit of pumps? Goes a long way. Oh, yeah. Yeah, like two pumps of shampoo because they're like pumps, pump bottles. So I think probably what we're just going to have to do is um like just check it. You know, like she gets to get done and then we, yeah, before she gets out, we just help her with the rinsing part. Cause too, like, it's hard to understand. Okay, how do I even hold this nozzle so the shampoo doesn't get in my eyes? Yeah. And are you still using like tear-free shampoo? No. And now you're going full shampoo. She I haven't used that on her for a long time because like her hair was getting so tangly. I was like, we're done with this baby shampoo. Like, you need nice shampoo. Yeah. So I have to tell my story that I think I've already told you. But when I was younger, I was, I had just learned how to shower myself. And, you know, my mom taught me shampoo, conditioner, whatever. And I started thinking as I was in the shower, okay, the shampoo isn't doing shit for me. Like, I still have knots in my hair. My hair still sucks. But when I put conditioner in my hair, it's smooth and it's silky and it like my hair feels so good. I am totally on to something here. As like a I was like seven. I'm like, I'm gonna just stop using shampoo. And then I did that. And then I guess my Mom wasn't checking because for weeks I did this just conditioner only. And my hair was a freaking grease ball, it was slimy. And one day my mom was like, What the fudge is going on right now? Like your hair is disgusting. And I was like, Actually, mom, I had this great idea a couple weeks ago. You're gonna love it. No more shampoo. She was like, You're fucking stupid. Because you're probably like, it feels smooth and it smells good, so it must be clean. But the shampoo, you finish it and your hair still feels gritty and stuff. So like I'm like, that does nothing for my hair, and it's wasting time. Yeah. Precious time. You need to go out and play Bratstalls. Yeah. Like, this has gotta go. I'm cutting this out. My mom's gonna think I'm a genius. Yeah. And then I have greasy ass hair. It's a whole thing to learn. Yeah, no. I remember though in the summertime, my mom would be like, You need to wash your hair because it would be so greasy, but I didn't understand at all like the concept of my hair looks greasy. And I would be like, Really? It's only been like a week. I went swimming yesterday. Doesn't that count? Yeah, the chlorine solved it. I remember learning to shave my legs for the first time too. Oh gosh. And I remember begging my mom to shave my legs, and she was like, I promise you, you do not want to do that right now. Cause once you like open those floodgates, you know, there's no going back. It'll start growing in, like, you know how it used to be like soft and fine. Yeah. It'll start like growing back. She was like, I promise you don't want to do that. And I begged her, like, please, all my friends have razors. And then I did. And I was like, fuck, what did I do? Yeah, yeah. Like, that's like people in high school who used to shave their arm hairs. Yeah. For like swimming and stuff? Is that what you're talking about? No, just like for looks. Oh, yeah. But you know what we did? This was so stupid. We would bleach our arm hairs. In high school? Yeah. Why? Because you didn't like the look of it? I guess. You're blonde. We thought that's what I'm saying. It wasn't necessary. Yeah. But we're like, this will really help because then people won't see our arm hairs. Yeah. Everyone has arm hairs. What the fuck was wrong with us? Like, then the guys will really love us. Oh me it. This will be what gets us our dates. Like, what? Yeah. I distinctly remember. And we would like put it on our arms and then we would have to sit there for like 15 minutes and let it soak in. You should have just put some like sun in on your arms and then went out in the sun. You remember dad would like bleach your eye? I mean, it was like the same exact thing. Yeah. Wow, sun in. It was the same when I asked, I begged my mom to dye my hair for the first time. I wish I never would have done that. And she told me, don't want to do that. And I was like, Yeah, I do. I want firecracker red hair. And then that's what you did. I think I went subtle at first. And then I, yeah, I got like every hair color in the book. I didn't know you had firecracker red pictures, or it didn't happen. I need to see it. It was like sixth grade too. Oh wow. I think that was my what my sixth grade yearbook picture was like red hair. What about? Did you ever know anybody who was like, I'm not gonna grow my bangs out? I'm just gonna shave them off. What? I feel like there was a few in my middle school. Yeah. And my mom was like, girls, sit down. We are under no circumstances shaving off our bangs. Yes. I will buy you the claw headbands. We are not shaving our bangs. Yeah. That was bad. No bangs were still in. The red hair, I had a poster of Haley Williams from Paramour on my wall, and she had firecracker red hair, and I wanted it so bad. Yeah. She was so cool. Yeah. Yeah. So you're like, I'll do it. Nostalgic. Anyways, today, should we get into today? Yeah, let's do it. Okay. Yeah, we're gonna discuss spring break nightmares. So people wrote in stories of shitty things that happened on vacation with kids. Because let's be real. Is it a vacation with kids? Nah, it's parenting in a different location for sure. It's a trip. Yeah. It's not a vacation, but you do it because memories and shit. Yeah, yeah. It can be fun. Yeah. There's always a mishap. Yeah, but I do think it's fun. Then I get sad if, like, I mean, Marco and I have only gone on like one trip without them. And I was like, oh, they don't really like it. Yeah, I know. I get I get FOMO for them. Yeah. They would love this place. Yeah. Okay, share your nightmare. Okay. But it's not with kids because I really, we really honestly haven't traveled that much with kids. But when we did the most of our travel, the majority of the time was was when I was travel nursing. And this story is just a nightmare that I I had to have, I happened to have had a child at the time. It's not really anything to do with the kids, but it is my travel nightmare. And so I must tell it. So we were traveling to our first travel assignment. It was in Maryland. And so we were traveling from Indiana to Maryland. And we had when I travel nursed, we I travel nursed with the whole family. I travel nursed with my husband came. He was like a stay-at-home dad for that time period. And Julian, I just had Julian at the time, and he was two or about to be two. And then we trapped, we brought our dogs and our cat. We have two golden retrievers and I have a cat. And we brought the whole fam on our. It was like we weren't packing lightly by any means. But we were on our way to Maryland. And it was like 2 a.m. We had been driving for like, you know, five hours or whatever, and we needed to stop to like let the dogs out to go potty. And we had to go to the bathroom, get gas, all that good stuff. So we pull into this gas station in the middle of nowhere. I mean, it's just one of those gas stations you just like pull off on the exit. You have no idea what state you're in, what what even city this is. You just driving like a U-Haul? We had a U-Haul. We had a trailer U-Haul. Okay. And then we had my equinox. And we pull over, we get out. Noe takes the dogs out, blah, blah, blah. We do everything, yada yada. We get back in the car. Nobody's like, okay, you know, we do we have everybody? Everybody's good. And I'm like, yeah, no, dogs, Julian, where's Bonnie? Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. Kevin's not here. And Bonnie is her cat, by the way. Bonnie is my cat. And she's a bitch. To everyone else but me and Noah. Um, so Noah's like, where's Bonnie? And I was like, I don't know. Where is Bonnie? And we look everywhere in the car. Bonnie's not in the car. And remember, we're five hours out. We still have like five hours to go. We have no idea even what city we're in. We and we can't find Bonnie at this random gas station at like two in the morning. So we get out of the car, we're looking around the pumps, we're looking around the gas station. Noe's like on foot around the gas station, looking around, asking people if they watched a cat come out. He like goes inside, asks if the guy has any like video, like you know, we can see the video to see if the cat like went somewhere. I'm driving around the gas station and we're crying, obviously, because we like lost our cat that we've had for years. I mean, she's 10 now, so she was like eight and can't find her. Can't find her anywhere. And it's dark. So now Noah's like walking the. What's Julian doing? Probably like freaking crying or eating an Oreo. We just kept shoving snacks back there on the road trip every time. He's crying. I don't know. He was up because you know, we're all awake now. Yeah. No he's like walking the road, going in the ditch across the street from the gas station. We looked for probably maybe two hours. I mean, we were there for a long time looking for Bonnie. Finally, I'm like, No, we have to go. Like, I mean, we're crying. Obviously, this is so sad because we're realizing that what are we supposed to do? Yes, stay here for a week and put up wanted, wanted signs. Yeah. Uh, we're leaving. Like, we're we're not even at the place we're gonna end up at. It's not like we can continue to look for her. We're done. But if you leave, you're basically like our cat's dead. Yes. Abandoning Bonnie, and we know that we're never, it's not like we're gonna come back here in a few months and see her perusing around. Like if we leave, we leave her. So now we're feeling very upset. We have to leave our cat that just didn't know what was happening, and she just happened to get out. And now she thinks we just like chucked her out because we didn't want her anymore. And you know, she's never been an alley cat. She doesn't know that life. She's like Duchess on AristaCad. She's gonna be like, What is going on? Exactly. I am so sad. Noe's even sadder. This was Noah didn't have pets growing up. His mom was like a no pets household. This was Bonnie was his first animal, like pet, true pet. And he's distraught. We're both distraught, but he's very upset. And I'm like, Noe, we have to go. I mean, I cannot. We've already been here two hours. We gotta go. I mean, Julian's in the back, high on Oreos. We gotta get him back to sleep. He's like, okay. And I'm like, let me just check around the car one more time before we leave. And I look under Julian's car seat in the car, where like, you know, underneath the seat where you can kind of put stuff underneath. No. And just like under under a passenger, under a the back seat of the equinox, and you can like stick your hand down there and there's all no. I look under there and I see two BD eyes. She was in there the whole time. She was in the car the entire time. She must have been turned the other way, and so I couldn't see her eyes when we looked at first, or she was in another spot we didn't see, and then went to that spot when we looked. I mean, we had searched the car, but there she was, hidden underneath the car seat. What if you guys would have been like sobbing and she just would have like pounced up to the front seat? Yeah. And I mean, it was a miraculous moment, but we had just spent two hours sobbing looking for our cat in this random city. I don't even remember what city it was. No, he's in the ditch on the side of the road, like asking random people if they've seen a cat. We're like asking the guy at the gas station. We're gonna pull up security footage, and she was in the car the entire time. This is like I I've met Bonnie. Bonnie and I have had many run-ins, and this is such a Bonnie move. Yeah. This is give this is Bonnie energy. It truly is. It gives cat energy as a whole. Cat move. From then on, she traveled in a crate. Yeah. Like a little cat carrier. But she, I mean, she was like a fine traveler. So I just like have her on my lap and she was perfect. But then after that, we were like, no, we need your whereabouts at all times. Yeah, we're not doing that again. And that's my nightmare travel story. That's really bad. Yeah, it was sad. Yeah. Anyway, sorry to hear that. Everyone's heard mine. And if you haven't, then go back to episode two. Yeah. About when Caleb shit his um car seat in the saw bathroom. I had to change my sweet angel. He was little, little, little, little, like three months, maybe on a tiny little pad on a nasty ass gas station bathroom floor. I am so sad about it still. It was so bad. When he's 16, he's gonna be like, I have trauma, I just can't remember why. I I mean also another road trip story, which we weren't far from home, but far enough, where we went out to visit a friend for the like, we were kind of making a few stops um around like the Chicago area. And we were staying at a hotel, and then the one day we were gonna go visit a friend who like lives in Chicago, Chicago. So we were on our way from this suburb of Chicago to go into the city for the day to see them. Um, Nora barfs everything in her car seat, and we have to, I said, next exit. I don't mean I was very, very early pregnant. So I'm like, trying to puke not to puke yourself. Yeah. And she just kept puking. You're like, oh my God, there's more. And so I said, just pull off in the next exit. So we are in the hood. I have I have a strong threshold for hood. This was the hood. There was no like McDonald's or nothing. We were in the streets, and I was like, just pull over in the next parking lot. It was like this gravel lot behind this like hole-in-the-wall restaurant. There's Nora, like, I think I had her down to a diaper in her bow because she was just covered. And we're nowhere close to home. And so it's not like we can't, and we need the car seat, so we have to like clean it out as best we can. We have to go back to the hotel, clean it out as best we can. And we're like, okay, so now what do we leave now? Like, what would we do? Yeah. She didn't barf anymore. Car sick or just like sick. I think it was because there's a little bit of a time change. And we the she was awake, but the breakfast, the free breakfast wasn't open yet. So we just kept giving her goldfish. Oh, and she was like, This is the best breakfast of my life. So she just kept eating goldfish. And then she threw up a lot of goldfish. Yeah. That was pretty bad. I mean, washing the car seat in like the hotel. Yeah. At least it wasn't like noravirus or something where you then were like, Oh, now the whole rest of the ride, she's just gonna be puking. No, well, she barfed two more times on the way back to the hotel, but in the hotel, like she didn't throw up anymore. So I think it was the goldfish. Yeah, kids are so quick to barf. I know the slightest inconvenience. So I'm up to it's like a dog. Yeah. Like literally at one little mishap, and the dog's like, yeah, sometime I puke. That is so true. Dogs and kids love to throw up. Okay, let's do it. Have you seen that thing circling around that says, like, uh, like something like when you have your most the most stressful parenting day ever, just know the dog's gonna puke. A hundred percent. Literally. Yeah, and and then the warm-up to it. Yeah, I have seen the thing that's like my alarm clock should be like the noise my dog makes when they're about to throw up. Because it wakes you out, it could wake me out of a coma. Yeah. Literally, if I'm ever in a coma, just like dogs puking. Yes, yes, print. So true. I've gotten my dog over the toilet before. Just so he could puke? Yeah, like because I hear him and I'm like, let's just puke over the toilet. Yeah. So I'm over the toilet. When I was sick last week, like at the end of my sickness, Leo started shitting himself, my dog. And I was like, What? Are you do you have norovirus too? Like, are you freaking kidding me? No, that happens. Can dogs really get it? Yes, that happened to us. He 100% had it. Yeah. The one time we had norovirus, but yeah. And I looked it up and I was like, oh my God. Yeah. Let's read some other people's. Yeah. The devil was busy the day he made norovirus. So true. Are you going anywhere for a spring break? Yeah, we are. That's why I'm like, I shouldn't have said we don't really have any nightmares necessarily because we're driving to our um, we're going with my sister and her family, we're going to Asheville, North Carolina. So we're very excited. Ooh, I've never been. Me neither. And so I think it'll be really fun. And we're splitting the drive up. And um, so according to Nora, the best part of the entire trip is that we're stopping at a hotel on the way down there. Um kids love a hotel. They love a hotel. And if it's got a pool, yeah, that's it. Honestly, you honestly could just take your kid to like your town's hotel for the night. And they would think it's like freaking Florida. I actually know somebody who their New Year's Eve tradition with their kids is they they go to a hotel. Oh, that's cute. Yeah, like just like a staycation. It's just like we go to the pool, we order pizza. Like, because otherwise, what do you do on New Year's Eve with your kids? That's a core memory for them, too. They're core memory. But no, so we're road tripping. So I got the got the Tony charge, the tablet charged. Really, you just need a lot of snacks. Oh, I have a couple road trip hacks though. Oh, yeah. Do tell. Okay. The first one that um I just shared at Book Club and I thought everybody knew this already, but they were like, What? Is that we've had for a long time on our Spotify a playlist for Nora in the car. Yeah, I have a playlist for the kids too. That they can control. I don't know how they do that. I just hand it to her. Like you hand her your phone? Yeah. Okay. Because I got sick of playing DJ like while I was trying to drive. I was like, this is really dangerous. My God, that's so smart. So I just add on there her favorite songs, and then she like I think has learned like what pictures go with what song. Yeah, mine have too. Julian will see it pop up on my screen and be like, Yeah. Yeah, that's that. So then I just hand her my phone with her playlist. And if she hears a song she likes, like in the car sometimes, she'll be like, Oh, can you put that on my playlist? Um, or like her song she listens to at dance class and stuff. So that way she has them all on there. I do the playlist already, but I'd never thought of giving it to my kids. And that would be nice because I hear the same, mommy, can you play this? And then mommy, can you play that? And then mommy, can you play this? It was too much. Maybe if I'm the driver, but like if I'm a passenger princess, I want my phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't always give it to her. But if I'm driving, it's safer if she just has it. Yes, that's so smart. And I have thought before, I'm like, what if I like got in an accident and they checked my like phone usage? Like if it was my bar. You were texting and driving. You were on Spotify, and I'd be like, no, I wasn't my five-year-old. And they're like, sure, lady. My kids' playlist for my kids is called Kids Bops. Get it? Yeah. Because Kids Bop. Mine's called Kids in the Car. And recently Julian's been asking me, they're really obsessed with Alvin and the Chipmunks right now. So that's kind of annoying because I have to hear Alvin and the Chipmunks songs on repeat. But Julian is into Bad Bunny. So he'll go, Mom, can you play that Bad Bunny song? Which is like if you've if you speak Spanish or if you even know Bad Bunny, his lyrics, he doesn't rap about like sunshine and roses. I mean, he's rapping about some dirty shit. But Julian doesn't know because he doesn't speak Spanish yet. So he's back there vibing to the craziest lyrics. Okay, well, I'm not going anywhere for spring break. I have another hack. Oh, you do? Yeah, we've been on lots of road trips. Okay. So my other favorite hack on a long road trip is I will look like small towns that are gonna be like stops along the way, especially at breakfast time. Cause sometimes we'll leave on a road trip at like five in the morning and then like we'll just stop somewhere for breakfast. And so I'll look, okay, like two hours in, what small town are we near? And I'll find like a little coffee shop there because there's never a wait. And coffee shops are like chill, and most of them I found have like little kid play areas. Cute. And you're gonna get a way better breakfast for way better prices than like if you stop at Starbucks. Yeah. And the kids can actually like walk around and play for a little bit. You can chill with your really good coffee. Yeah. And yeah. That's cute. Yeah. It's anyone gets to experience something different than just like a Starbucks or you know, cracker barrel. Yeah. And they have like the bathrooms are always really clean and nice. So that's my other favorite hack is on long road trips. We'll stop at like a local coffee shop at a time. You want to do that? Yeah. I don't have a lot of hacks for um traveling because we haven't done a lot of road trips for kids. But the one hack I learned from somebody else that we did and we were travel nursing with Julian is I would go to the Dollar Tree or just like five and below, and I would get like 10 little knick-knack type of toys, you know, those ones you hate. And anytime he would start to get fussy, I would give him a new toy and he'd be like obsessed with it because it's like a new fun. And then when he'd get tired of that one and start fussing again, I'd be like, Look, I have another one. And then by the time we get there, he's had 10 new toys that I'm probably gonna throw away. Yeah. But it gave us road trip time. Let's read everyone's stories. We were finally relaxing at the hotel pool when a lifeguard suddenly blew the whistle and yelled everyone out. Turns out my four-year-old had quietly pooped in the pool and no one noticed until it floated past another family. The entire pool had to be closed for hours and we were mortified. Julian has pooped in the pool before. Yeah. And it's like it was during his swim classes because we did ISR with Julian, which is infant swim rescue, you know, like babies and they get thrown in the pool and they're closed. I know crazy, but story for another time. And he had a swim diaper on and he had eaten blackberries and shit the blackberries, and it went through the swim diaper, little blackberries all over the pool. I felt horrible. Wow, that's bad. Yeah. It's something about the water, it just brings it out of them. It is. Oh, yeah. It's like a like a soap set enema in the hospital. You just put them in the water and it gets them the urged. Yeah, it really does. So, wow, that's bad. What do they do? They don't empty it. I think they have to clean it and maybe shock it or something. Shock? You know when you shock a pool like clear? Like, yeah. The pool is tacky. We've lost the non-medical people. They're like, what? Yeah. No, um, they have to shock a pool is like you put a shit ton of chlorine in it, basically, to like reset the I don't know. I don't know anything about pools. Don't ask me. I'm sure that's what they did. Ellie's like, uh, my best guess is that they just shove a bunch of chlorine in. When I was little, I I puked in the public pool and everyone had to get out. Yeah. That's so. It was a big public pool with like a water slide and shit. And I puked so bad. They had to everybody it was like that situation. Lifeguard, everybody out. I was so embarrassed. I was at a public pool last summer, and uh, I think somebody almost drowned. They like got him out in time, but yeah, we all had to get out, and the pool was closed, and the fire department came. And yeah, it was it was an adult too. Oh, I thought we were gonna say it was a kid. No, it was an adult. I don't know what the hell were they doing? I don't know. I mean As an adult, you should know your limits. I was trying to get the scoop, but I was across the pool and yeah. But they were okay when we left. Okay, next one. This is my hubby story. He took our then three-year-old. I feel like that means it's gonna be like really embarrassing. And she's like, just so you guys know, I wasn't even here. I wasn't even there. So again, this is her hubby story. He took our then three-year-old on a solo trip and didn't keep a close enough eye on the travel constipation situation. Apparently, our daughter was acting strange on the plane ride home, just clearly uncomfortable, asking for mama. He picked her up and put her on his lap, only for her to pee and poop all over him. He rushed her to the teeny plane bathroom to clean her up and got poop all over the place. Oh my god. Eventually he got her in the bathroom all cleaned up, but you better believe he didn't have a change of pants for himself. And he had poop on himself. He also now takes me more seriously when I talk about carving out time when we travel to make sure they poop regularly. The kids, yeah. I have a feeling these are all gonna be either poop related or puke related. Yeah. Wow. I've when I was traveling on a plane for the first time with my kids and I was like looking up, you know, hacks and stuff, like every single one was like, make sure you have a change of clothes for like everybody in the family for like that specific reason.

SPEAKER_02 43:13

What?

SPEAKER_00 43:13

Yes, so many people were like, you must have a change of clothes. If you do not bring a change of clothes, you're stupid idiot. Oh my god. I guess poop shit. A lot of poop shit happens on planes. Wow. I wouldn't know. Julie's only flown like once. Oh my. And she said that when she now she said, and now he takes me seriously. Yeah. She's like, would never could never be mean. Definitely parenting in a different place. That's what we said. When my oldest was six months old, we decided to drive to Florida to visit family. The kid cried for the entire 18 hour drive. I don't even know what to say. Check me into a mental facility as soon as I get into Florida. I know break. So awful. And like, what do you do? Like you've already made these plans. It's not like you can be like, fuck it, let's just go get on a plane. Like, you know. It's not like you get to like, Kentucky on the way to Florida, and you're like, all right, he's crying, so let's just pull over and get on the airplane. You can't go back. It's either finish or don't. And then the dreading of the ride home. Oh my God. Because you're like, well, he did it on the way here. He's going to do it on the way. Yeah, I would have flown home. Yeah. I'd have been like, you have to drive home and I'm going to fly with him. That's true. At that point, it's like, what else do you do? I don't mind a road trip sometimes. I mean, I grew up with an RV. I think we've talked about this before on the podcast. So I don't mind driving, and my kids are, thank God, good in the car. But there's a limit. I have a limit. It's like an hour limit? 10 hours. Okay. Is your max? Yeah. That's the max. We did like 11 one time coming home from Florida. And that, I mean, I was just like, I don't care if they're watching screens the entire time. I don't care if they eat 15 bags of pirate booty. I don't care as long as they're not screaming. So I can't even imagine. And he was a baby. So like what else were you supposed to do? No, it's not like you can really like feed it. Toddler, yeah, toddler, you can bribe them with literally anything. Like, I'll give you candy, I'll give you your iPad. Oh, yeah. Please just stop crying. Yeah. But them, yeah. My kids right now are very bribable with things like that. And they're pretty good at in a car ride. Fighting, though. They're in their fighting age. So then they're just bickering. And my car's not big enough that even them, like on either side of the car, they can still reach each other to like smack each other around. So they're called and Mila's a pesterer. So she'll like put her foot on Julian's car seat. And then he's like, Mommy, your foot's on me. And she just won't move it. Or she's one of those, I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you. Kind of girlies. Yeah. Oh no. So we're into the fighting stage. Yeah. My three-year-old decided that they hated wet swimsuits and stripped completely naked on the beach. He then ran down the shoreline laughing while my husband chased him around holding a tiny paw patrol towel. Naked on the beach. Three-year-olds are unlike any other. Yeah. Invincible to literally anything. Yeah. It's like that scary age where you have to watch them so they don't like jump off a cliff just because they thought it would look funny. You know, you're like, no. Yeah. Yeah. You always have to keep an eye on him. Yeah. Absolutely. They don't understand danger or embarrassment or public nudity, apparently. Advice whole kid running down the beach naked and his dad following behind with a ball patrol towel. I would be like, Yeah, because he's probably pretty fast. Like Caleb's fast. So yeah. He's probably like, I'm free. Yeah. He probably felt great. And they the fact that they don't understand that public nudity is like something to be like embarrassed about or anything. We'll whip it out in the craziest places. Remember when we were at a baseball game together? And it was your family and my family. We'd met up at this baseball game in this set last summer. And I look over, and a little boy, probably about three years old, had pulled down his pants and was just peeing right there on the lawn where everybody was sitting there. You don't remember that? Yes, I it was when we went. And his dad like looks over and the kid is full on peeing, like like in front of everybody. And he ran over there and like tried to cover him with his body. Cause at this point, he's like, Well, he's gotta finish. Like, I can't just like make him stop midstream. So he's just like trying to cover the little boy with his body. Oh my gosh. No, that's insane. Anyways, that's it. Those were good ones. Yeah, those were good. Next week's our advice episode. Hopefully, I don't come back with more actual. Oh my god. I know. I actually hope you do. Good pod. Make for good. Anytime now that anything inconvenient happens in my life, I'm like, well, it'll be a good story for the podcast, I guess. That's true. Silver lining. Silver line into that. Well, I hope you have a fun vacation. Yeah, me too. I hope everyone who's going on spring break this week has no poop accidents, no puke accidents, no naked toddlers. Cheers. And no missing cats. That is hilarious. Classic Bonnie. So I hope you have a great spring break. And I'll see you next time. See you in a minute.