BAD MOMS ANONYMOUS

Bad moms unite! This episode is for us! This week, the girls read listener submissions on your bad mom confessions. They also discuss their recent Spring break activities as well as their upcoming Easter plans. Emily dishes on her trip to the physical therapist and both girls update their feelings on the T.V show "The Pitt".

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, bad mamas. I'm Emily. And I'm Ellie. And this is Mama Needs a Minute. We need to tell them what we're doing right now. Pulling our hair out? Well, Ellie is. I'm I'm not because I haven't done jack shit to help in this, but we're huddled around one little microphone. You guys like picture a campfire with your close personal friend. You're roasting marshmallows. And the in the microphone is a campfire. We've had audio issues once again. So what's new? And so now we're down to one random mic. We've never used it before, actually, that my brother-in-law gave us. Shout out. And it lights up to him. It lights it up. It does light up. I light it. But we've done it. It took a long time. We're here. We're going to record these fucking episodes. And it was April Fool's Day. So it was maybe it was our April Fool's Day joke. Yeah, but it's real live. How are you, Ellie? Have you ever heard that sound? It's like, I'm alive and I'm dead. I'm alive and then I'm dead. Yeah, what's that from? I don't know what that's from, but I was thinking of that sound because the weather this week has been like 80 degrees and sunny and then 50 and rainy and then 76 and sunny and then 40 and rainy or 40 and snow. And I'm like, I'm happy as soon as it gets bright out, and then I'm dead. Yes. And then it's like, okay, today was a dead day. But yeah. No, we sent the kids to school in shorts because we thought it was warm out. We didn't know. And then we were like, we feel so bad. Yeah. Which they didn't go outside for recess or anything, but I was like, oops. And it's our spring break and we're not going anywhere because we're poorer. So this is our spring break. Like, welcome to the front yard kids. Yeah, yeah. Happy spring break. So when it's 80, it's like, yes, this spring break is so fun. And then when it's 40, we're like, this sucks. I wish we were at Disney World. Yeah. Now Disney World. The one I can't take my kids to Disney World because I fear I'm only going to be able to afford it once. Oh, so pressure. It has to be like when when the youngest one can have like core memory of the trip. So, like, what is that? Six? I think Julian would remember maybe now. I remember stuff from like kindergarten. Yeah, for sure. But then how old would Julian be? So that's the thing, because I want another baby. Say we have another baby this year or next year. That's at least six years from now, we're going to Disney. So the youngest kid's six, that puts Mila at nine, that puts Julian at 12. I mean, I went at 21 and had a good time. Oh, yeah, you can have a good time. He's not going to want like Mickey Mouse to say hello, but he might ride the ride of resistance or whatever and be into that. Yeah. Oh, because I mean it's just so expensive. How are you going to do that? Who knows? Maybe I'll get rich and famous and get not to worry about it. And I'll have new mics and I'll be at Disney World weekly. It's such a cute sweatshirt. Somebody actually asked if it was our merch. I was just about to say, I almost want to steal that for our merch. It's so cute. You know where I just the little mama in the corner is cute. I know. I wear this all the time. I've worn it multiple times in front of you. We're so close now. I'm noticing it. You guys, I need you to know we're like two feet. Yeah. Is that. That's why I noticed it. Yeah. How are my teeth? Great. How are mine? Do I need to plug my eyebrows? No, but I got this from Jane. Do you ever use that app? No. What? What is it? It went away for a while and then it came back. So I haven't gotten anything recently. I but I used to use it a long time ago when I got this sweatshirt. It's like boutiques and like little shops like that will take all of their leftover inventory and sell it through Jane for way cheaper. It's called Jane, like the name of a person. Yes. But I will say everything I've purchased, like the sizing hasn't been great. Always, I always have to size up. Because it's a boutique, and yes, boutiques are kind of for that. So keep that in mind because I don't think you can return. Okay. But they have like cute gifts and stuff on there. And yeah, it can be kind of addicting. It's kind of like, have you ever been to like a Target resale store? No. Yes. Okay. You need to go. Indianapolis in general, they have a bunch. I'll give you some names of some after because I've been to a few of them. But so I'm sure other states have them as well. But um, they have a few in the indie area. And these people that own these stores, they buy just like palettes of stuff from Target and Walmart. What? And they don't know what's in them. They just buy the whole palette of like leftover stock that didn't sell. And then they sell the stuff for really, really cheap. Like a lot of like lambs that were on clearance that never got sold. So they sold them picture frames, mirrors, furniture. Some stuff might have like a little nick or a dinge. And so that Target couldn't sell it. So they sold it to these people and they're selling it. And the stuff's really cheap. And it'll be like a lot of seasonal stuff too, because it'll be all the stuff that was from Christmas that didn't get sold. Yeah. So they give it to them and they just buy the whole palette. And yeah. So it reminds me of that, but like for a boutique. Yes. That's the same thing. And once they're gone, they're like sold out, they're sold out. Yeah, not getting more. So that's how it is. So then there's the pressure. Oh, I have to tell everybody where I went. Ellie just jumped. Shocking news. I went to my pelvic floor therapy. Oh, how was it? Did they fix your big old butle? My sore tailbone. If people didn't listen to the last episode, they're like, why does Emily have a big old bowl? I don't think away. I was sore tailbone. So if you know, you know, I was I I came fresh because I thought we were we were gonna take my panties off. No, girl, I was fully clothed the entire time. How do they fix your tailbone? So checking out that area. She was like, it is probably not actually from delivery, like from your deliveries. It's from which makes sense because I've only noticed this like a year and a half ago, maybe two. And that was way past my last delivery. She said that if you're not stretching your muscles, your tailbone starts to curl under. What? And so she said, because all of your muscles and tendons are attached to your tailbone. What? Yes. So she was like, so your tailbone is probably curling under a little bit. So I have that tape on my back right now, like lifting everything up, and that I have to do all these stretches and stuff. So anyway, wait, you have tape on your tailbone? On my back. Like, you know, that Kinesio tape. Okay. She like taped it onto the tailbone and up my back. Okay. She's like lifting because she wants all of that pressure lifted. Is that strong to help? Yeah. Yeah. So, anyways, it was very informative. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. And at the end of it, I said, Girl, I really thought you were gonna stick something up my booty hole. Yeah. She was like, Maybe do like squats with your finger in my butt. Yeah, she was like, That's far from what I would ever want to do. Wait. So what was I just about to ask about? Because if you don't know a lot of people who go postpartum, did you ever have to go? I never had to go like just for my big boobies. Oh, that's right. The boobies. But that was that wasn't pelvic foil. That was just there. I mean, I probably should have, but I didn't. Because like women have to go if they're having like painful sex or you know, peeing when they sneeze, and they ladies just so you know, because they don't really tell you. They get all up in there for that. Yes, for that, but not for my tailbone. Okay, the pants were on the whole time. It was so easy. Like, but I waxed. I'm just kidding. No, I don't. I was like, I was ready to go. Yeah. And then she was like massaging my booty, and I was like, oh, this actually feels so nice. Just like the tailbone area? No, like your boot, your booty muscles. And so apparently part of my homework is my husband has to start massaging my butt. I think win-win. Done and dusted day. No, I I was like, check, I'll do that anytime. I have no complaints about this pelvic floor. And I was kind of worried about it. Yeah. Because everybody else I'd met who had gone was like, yeah, it's invasive. Yeah. Yeah. You know, we're not too far off from our ancestors because you know how like a dog, when they're like sad or scared, they like put their tail between their legs. Here we are. When things get rough, our tailbone just it curves in between our legs. Yeah. I'm trying to like sit a different way too. She said I have to like kind of arch. Yeah. I don't know if it's that kind of party, but like, you know, your booties out a little bit. Okay. Yeah. Your shoulders back. So I was so excited to tell the girls. Yeah. I can't wait. So do you have to do a repeat? Yeah. I go, like, well, I'm not sure. But what is she gonna do? Just keep taping you every time? And like checking to see if and like one of my hips is it keeps popping. And so we're working on like that. And doing like ass massages. Yeah. So stretches. Have you ever been to a chiropractor? No, this is a hot time. It is. Okay, I'm scared. You don't know enough. I'm just scared. Yeah, but there are some people that are like headache, chiropractor. Yeah. Toenail hurts, chiropractor. I'm like, I will, that will be my last option ever in this life. Yeah. Um as hell not bringing my kids. No, that's scary. Yeah, not the newborn. You can do what you want with your baby, but my baby ain't going. People do that. I know. And they swear by it. I know they do. I have a lot of friends who are like, my newborn slept 10 hours after getting his neck kinked. I don't know. I'm just too nervous. I don't know enough about it. Me too. Yeah. I'm sure we probably pissed someone off in saying that, but. No, no. They to each their own. Yeah, yeah. I'm a scaredy cat. Yeah. My tailbone will stay curved if that's the option. Well, and people who go to the chiropractor are suddenly like, they they are like, I wish I could go every day. Yeah. Well. Maybe I just don't want to know how good you feel after. It's like the pipeline of like, you know, people that like crack their back and their knuckles. Are you a knuckle cracker? Oh, and you've heard my hips. And then you just can't not do that, can't you? I'm not a cracker. Don't touch my knuckles. Don't touch any kind of joint you're trying to crack. Really? Oh, I can't crack my knees like just if I sit on them. So you're just doing full body cracks every day. Yeah, but I I don't really do my back anymore. But yeah. Like my sister used to like walk on my back. Oh, we used to do that to my dad. Yeah. But see, I don't know how good it is because I've never cracked anything. So I feel it's the crack pipe. It's the crack pipe. Literally. The crack pipeline. It is the crack pipeline. Yeah. I'm sure chiropractors feel the same way. Once you get that neck cracked, once they twist your body in a 360, you're like, I can never go back. Yeah. They must do that forever. Yeah, I don't know. Well, fun, what a fun spring break for you. Yeah. Well, we did go on our trip. Yes. Where did you go? I mean, I know where you went. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You already know about it. So I'll keep it brief. But we went to Asheville. We had such a good time. The kids were very good in the car. Don't have any nightmare stories. Okay. So we threw up. Nobody pooped. Nothing like that. When we did get home, Caleb had croopy. Croup's is scary. I hate croup. Mila had croup one time. Yeah. Not scary. Has Nora ever had it? Yeah, she had it too, about like the same age as him, maybe a little younger. But she had a really high fever with it. Um, she was very sick. Caleb was just, he didn't have a fever, but we still ran the steroid. You know, I have in Mila's short two years of life taken her to the emergency room multiple times for things. I have never taken Julian to the emergency room. Why did you say that? Oh God. Yeah. Um, but I haven't. Why have you? He's never had to go. Well, she dislocated her elbow. She got that nursemaid. Yeah. And croup. Actually, that might be it. But that's two times too many for me. That's two ER bills for there. They know us daily. They know us my name now. No, I just haven't. Julian's never been like, yeah, knock on wood. Can you imagine like having a little toddler in a cast? Wouldn't that be such a nice? I've seen a couple recently. And I'm like, that would be so awful. Like bathtime, like trying to deal with all that. You know, I also had Julian was a COVID baby. I wonder if that made any kind of difference. I mean, I didn't take him out of the house for so long because he was just we're just in the house. So he didn't have a chance to. I mean, he got COVID. But even when he was out, he didn't meet an unmasked person for a while. No. I remember Nora was like at least a year and a half before she saw that it's at a grocery store. And she was like, What the hell? Is this Disney? Yeah. I mean, she was just warmer. It's crazy. Yeah. Wow. What a wild time. I know. Whenever COVID gets brought up, it's just like that could be a whole episode in a season. Yeah. Honestly. That's a good one. Yeah. Maybe we should do that around this time because it could be the anniversary of COVID. The sixth year. Is it sixth year then? Because Julian's 26th. Julianne wrote in his baby book. Um, because his baby book has a page that's like, who's the president? What's a good T like a famous TV show, you know, about that year that he was born. And it said world events. And I just put like an all capitals COVID with a frowny face. Yeah. And we were no other events. No, it was that was that was pretty big. Yeah. And he was like, What was COVID? And I was like, God, when I was your age. You know, I actually wish I would have journaled more during it. So that when they ask questions and you're just like, that was the craziest fucking time of my life. I I I mean it would be better to, you know what I found though? I I couldn't breathe. I was laughing so hard. Is that like we took the advice of like whatever they said on the news because what else did we have to do? So I was like, okay, I'm going on walks. I was very pregnant because Nora, she's almost six. So she was April of 20. So like March, when everything got real. You were eight months pregnant. Yeah. And I was like, okay, they say go on walks. So we were going on walks. And whenever we like came across a neighbor on the sidewalk, we'd like be like, hi, and we'd both like go separate ways. Yeah. It was so bizarre. Like, yeah, looking back, what did we think was gonna happen? It was gonna jump from that side of the street to your side of the street. Yes. So uh, anyways, I found in this notebook, I can't believe I'm admitting this. This is actually humiliating. It was like a daily schedule for me so that I wouldn't feel like I was losing my mind. That is so you. It's so me. And they suggested it on the news and I was like, great idea. Yeah. So it was like nine o'clock, wake up. Because I I got set home from work. I wasn't allowed to work because of COVID. Yeah. So it was like nine o'clock, wake up. 10 o'clock, meditate. Chick starty, dinner with my shelf. I can't cut on that again. You're like the Grinch. That shit, I'm not going to. I don't even remember doing this, but I know exactly what was happening. I know they must have said on the news, you should make yourself a daily schedule so you don't lose your mind. Yeah. And I was like, say you listen. Mine already lost. Let me make my schedule. I also have this memory of me and Marco playing the Wii. Oh. Because we were so bored, and I would be sitting. I mean, I was big as a whale. And I was just sitting on that exercise. Playing tennis. Playing tennis for Mario Kart. Yeah. That's what we were doing. I still was working. I was pregnant too, but I was working on postpartum. Yeah, it was scary. Wow, what a time. But it was a crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Which reminds me of the pit. Yes, did you finish? I'm all caught up. But we have one more episode or two more episodes. Well, when this comes out, the new episode would have would have already dropped. Oh yeah. So we've seen where it's like towards the end of their shift. And it's like fucking done with Robbie. Yeah. And you know what? I'm done with Robbie. Go. Get on your motorcycle and go. Why would you give her? She's like, you just keep her saying your bogging. She's like, What you want me to do, Robbie? Yeah. You want me to let him choke her? Yeah. I'm going, I'm gonna let that happen to my nurse and my ear. Yeah, okay. What are you doing? He was getting angry. I was getting angry. I was getting angry for her. Yeah. What did you want him to do? He was being a dick. I mean, what did she want her to do? But obviously she punched him in the face. My prediction stands though. Obviously, Robbie gets in a motorcycle accident, Langdon saves him, trala. But now, Dana, the last thing that she said to him was, This ER will be fine without you. Yeah. And? Yeah. That's it. What do you think? Oh, he's he's not gonna die. Oh, okay. I was like, what are you trying to say? That's the last thing she ever says to him. No, but he's gonna he's gonna, you know, flirt with the line of death a little bit. Is he pushing everyone away because he's trying to go? You know, people are concerned for his mental health. Are you going on the sabbatical to go on it? Or are you going for like, you're not gonna come back kind of thing? That's like a big theory right now. What is he gonna kill himself? Like it's kind of like a like I don't care what happens to me. I'm numb to maybe not specifically like I'm gonna steer this motorcycle off the cliff on purpose, but I'm not gonna wear my helmet. I'm gonna ride. And if it happens, it happens. Like people are really worried that it's his mental health that's like, you know, kind of doesn't care anymore. Yeah. So I'm wondering if he's pushing these people away just to be like, you know, like your dick. Don't stop caring about me and you know, go about your day. Yeah. You know? Yeah. No, I I do think um, I I don't think he like wants to off himself, but I don't think he cares anymore. But I think that he has to have this like come to Jesus of like, oh my gosh, like my life has new meaning now. Like with what a rebirth recovery store. Yeah. Yeah, it was really good. Yeah, it was. Anyways, what did I want to talk about? I don't know. I did want to talk about Easter. Do you have Easter plans? Yes. What are they? Well, I don't go crazy on Easter baskets. Like, oh, that reminded me. This influencer I follow, she posted the other day and was like, you guys, I have a great idea. She's dead serious, by the way. This was not satire at all. She gets on her Instagram stories. I have a great idea. Every year we're buying these Easter baskets, okay? And then we're what? Trying to like throw them away and then buy these new ones. And why don't we just buy one Easter basket? And it's the kids' Easter basket that they have every year for like their whole childhood. And we can just like hide it with like the Christmas stuff instead of like trying to, you know, figure out this new basket every single year. And we're wasting all these money, all this money on these fancy Easter baskets every year. Who's gonna tell her? Exactly. Exactly. Caleb's is mine. Oh, that's adorable. Yeah. Someone made it for me. Like it's a homemade Easter basket from when I was little. Like a wooden or what's it called? Wicker? Yeah, they um threaded it. I don't know, whatever. Yeah, it was like a family friend. Did somebody tell her? Oh, everybody told her. Yeah. They were like, this is you're being satire, right? Like this is you're being funny. And she was like, wait, what are you guys saying? And like all the comments were like, we use the same Easter basket every year. What are you talking about? Are you really out here buying a different Easter basket every single year? And you know, influencers are not buying like a Walmart basket. She's buying like a pottery barn in embroidered basket every year. She was like, I have this great idea. Let's just use one basket, guys. Can we all? She even said, I think in the story, can we all agree? Can we all do this and just use the same basket? Everyone's like, honey, mama, we already are. I'm always skeptical though. I'm like, no one's that dumb, right? So maybe she just did it so that we talk about her because we're talking about. Well, I'm talking about her. Yeah, we're talking about her. What an idiot. No, I have the same Easter baskets too every year, but I don't go crazy on it's only summer stuff. Chalk, bubbles, bubbles. I get a lot of their um stuff from Aldi. And I put a few things of candy in. They each get, they're getting a new pair of like springtime shoes that they needed anyway. Nora's getting some gel pens, Caleb's getting a little car, and that's it. Yeah, it's always like a chocolate bunny, yeah, chocolate coin, and like some bubbles. Yeah. I definitely don't go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I love Easter. When Julian was little, took him to those Easter egg hunts. Yeah. The park has them, churches have them, and I hated him. I mean, he's little. So they blow the whistle and all of the eggs are gone in two seconds. Yes. And my little poor toddler has gotten one Easter egg and then looks up and all of them are gone. And a couple years ago, I was like, I don't want to do this anymore because they're gone in a second. We did all this buildup. You know, you're there for like an hour, it feels like waiting for it to even start. Even when they do like groups, age groups, I feel like it still is over in a second. I started putting Easter eggs in the backyard the night before Easter, and we always put their Easter baskets out there too in the backyard. I don't know why, but now it's a tradition that they are just out there with all the eggs. So then my kids wake up and they just have their own Easter egg hunt. And I don't have to mess with, you know, pushing someone's eight-year-old over. We've never, we don't, we always do that. Oh, you do? Yeah. You don't go to the hunts. No, because I didn't grow up doing that. I also don't push the Easter bunny. Nora knows and Caleb will too. The Easter Bunny is a fun springtime character. Yeah. But we hide the eggs and we get the basket. Yeah. There's too much between the tooth theory and Santa, I'm not doing the bunny. Yeah, there's a lot of mythical happening here. It's hard. Yeah. And we won't get into it, but I also am just like, that's not really the point. Point. So I'm just like, it's a fun character and it's fun to just go along with. Yeah. You can read the books and like some people treat Santa like that too. Yeah. Um, but I can't too much. So yeah, exciting. We're doing the same thing. Just Easter bunny. And do you guys do a dinner? Yeah, we'll go to some family for lunch. Like a ham, no. Deviled eggs type of dinner? Deviled eggs, yes. Yeah. Nora loves doubled eggs. She has them doubled eggs. And she always likes begs my mom to make them. Can you make those doubled eggs? The last thing I wanted to say before we all talk about how horrible mom of moms we are. Yep. Is I just saw this online and I cried so hard when I saw this. I think I was also about to start my period. So I mean that checks. Maybe you've heard this before. I didn't know this fact. I just found this out. Did you know that when a mama flamingo, do you know where I'm going with this? Oh my god. Okay, don't spoil it. For the viewers who don't know. When a mama flamingo has babies and is taking care of her babies, she loses the pink color of her because of what she's just drained, I think, and she loses her. Girl saying she loses her pink, literally. Yeah. And she becomes white. And so if you ever see a white flamingo, that is a mama flamingo who's taking care of babies right now and she's lost her pink. And then when the babies are grown and they don't need the mommy anymore, she gets her pink back. That's lovely. I mean, sobbing. But I thought that was sobbing. I mean, that is so, I want a flamingo tattoo now because I just think that is the cutest. Yeah. That is so, I mean, that is every mom. You lose your pink for a little bit, and your kids get older and it gets easier and your pink comes back. And it reminds me of the girl in our last episode that asked, like, does it ever get easier? Do you ever feel like yourself again? And we were like, right. Now it doesn't feel like that. Someday your kids will be older and you'll get your pink back. Wow, should that be like a theme of Mama Needs a Minute? Should our merch have flamingos? I love that. Yeah, flamingos are like my favorite at the zoo, too. And remember, Nora was obsessed with flamingos. Yeah, she was a flamingo for her second Halloween. She had a flamingo birthday party. She was into the flamingos. That is so cute. Yes, I did know that. I didn't know that. It is beautiful. So it was it was a shocking, crushing revelation. I was like, they're just like us. What can you imagine if we if you could see on the outside everything we're going through on the inside? Like if we just like turned purple and everyone was like, oh mama, like she's a mama. No, we don't. And so nobody knows, and we're just carrying it all internally. I wonder if the other flamingos know. And they're like, oh, we need to help her. Or are they colorblind? Doesn't even matter. Can they see pink? Somebody asked the flamingos. I had a mom asked. Are they like mean to her? I worked last night and I had a mom ask if the uh baby's newborn rash was bothering them. And I said, I don't know. I asked him and he didn't answer. She laughed. Like, yeah, yeah. I wasn't like you got that rapport. I wasn't like you dumbass. You gotta see if you get the rapport first and then you can. Yeah. You know what else I want to talk about? I recently took care of a same-sex couple, the best. Honestly, they're always the best. Are they not? Two women or two males? Well, both are the best, but this was two women. Yeah. The way that like the partner anticipates the needs. Duh. Like, literally, it's just a completely different vibe. And I went in there because the non-birthing mama, I forgot to tell her like how to make up her bed on the couch and stuff. Cause usually, like, I, you know, at least say, Oh, you know, yeah, to the partner. This is like the couch and these are these sheets are here for you. And I came in and she had made up her bed. And I said, Oh, I see you figured that out. I'm sorry, I didn't I forgot to tell you that. She goes, Well, I mean, there were sheets and a bed, so I figured it was for me. And I was like, I literally said, You're used to stinky boys. Yeah. I was like, and this is what happens when there is not a straight man in the room. You just get figured out. Yeah. Like it's really fascinating. So she's like, I kind of put two and two together. I don't know. She literally looked at me like, okay, obviously, like I figured this out. I didn't think it was for yeah, the neighbor. Fascinating. I always, one of my bits in the hospital is when we're talking about like the newborn testing when I'm going over it on admission. If I'm missing the hearing screen and they ask me about it, I'll always like make a joke, like, well, you know, we could try to see if they'll raise their hand when they hear the beat, but it doesn't always work well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And usually I get lots of chuckles that's so funny. Because you know that's how we did it in elementary school. Yeah. But every once in a while they just kind of blink slowly at me and I'm like, okay, moving on. Wasn't funny at all. They're too tired. They're too tired. Yeah. Anyways, we can get into it. Okay. We spend an hour on the microphone. We're a little nervous to read these bad moms because we're like, how bad are you bad? Bad moan. Bamma. So if it's too bad, we can't read it. Like if it's like CPS worthy. I'd hope our listeners were not that crazy. We'll see. Yeah, that's true. Okay. My father-in-law bought my three-year-old a big bag of chocolate coins. Every morning he wakes up and asks for one. I'm not about that battle before my coffee. So he gets a chocolate at 7 a.m. My husband would not be happy if he knew, but he's never up with us. So girl, I think a little bit of chocolate in the morning is a-okay. That's your word. That's it. We're fine. Wait, that was feed him a Snickers. You eat you when you're hungry. Is like my lack of concern was Caleb's nutrition because I can't. I don't know. You can mental. Well, you can lead a horse to water. What am I supposed to do? Shove vegetables in his mouth? Right. Hook up some TPN. Yeah. Liter I've I mean, I've literally been like, how do we get nutrition in this kid? Yeah. I I worked so hard making these protein muffins that I found this recipe and I was like, oh, these are like packed with protein. This is so good. He literally didn't even take a bite. No, mommy, no, no. Will he eat the muffins like the ones in this package that little kids always like? Of course he will. But he won't eat those ones. No. He likes fully processed food. Yeah. Normally for dinner, we say that he has a bag of pirates foodie and a big deep breath. And sometimes um a little bit of water. I mean, but for break breakfast is our best bet. Lunch is maybe dinner. It's hit or miss, honestly. Really, that's how Mila is too. Breakfast is our best game. And then by dinner, it's like, please just eat one chicken nugget. Yeah. I mean, please. Please. This is just one. And I keep giving them these pouches. These are baby food pouches. And I'm like, I don't know, somewhere in the house. It's got fruit and vegetables, probably. Yeah. Who knows? This is good enough for a six-month-old. Yeah. So actually, mama who's giving her kid one piece of chops that is making me feel bad. Okay, I hope that there's something worse than that. Okay, here we go. My four-month-old will sit and watch this kind of intense true crime show. Sometimes when she's upset, I'll put it on for her. I hope her first word isn't murder or blood spatter. They're like, hey, your baby's crying. Does it want milk? She's like, no, he wants law and order. Oh my gosh. I know what you want. S B you. There is like a point where you have to pivot because you're like, oh, you're actually like taking this in. Yeah, now you're absorbing it. Instead. Yeah, but four months old, it's okay. Yeah. His first word's like crime scene. Yeah. That is so funny. But also, I think we've talked about this before on here is like the stuff we watched as like seven-year-olds, crazy. Yeah. Pretty woman, Titan. Right. One of our favorite shows, my cousin and my sister and I, when we were younger, was Riding in Cars with Boys by Drew Barrymore. I mean a wonderfully made. So good. He's literally like withdrawing from heroin on the movie. Literally were like six watching this. But it was so good. She's trying to like she gets not miscarry. Yes. Yes. By falling down the stairs. Yeah. My parents even know we were watching that. I have no idea. Crew man. Do you know how young I was watching that movie? It's so filthy. Charlie's Angels. We love Charlie's Angels. Yeah. No, my friend actually today just said to me, because Mila's obsessed with Cat in the Hat. And if you've seen Cat in the Hat, the live version, it's pretty crude. There's some humor in it that is like gonna go way over their heads, but we're gonna laugh. And she was like, I I don't know. Like, am I a bad mom for like letting them watch this stuff? They don't understand why it's like funny. They're not laughing. And I said, No, honey, we watched way worse. Yeah. They're okay. A hundred percent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. My confession is that I honestly hate playing with my toddler. I love that he plays, and I would give him any toy on the planet if I thought it would enrich his life. But I dread those moments where he's like, mommy, play with me. I can't wait until he's older and we can play board games. Rolling trucks around on the floor and building towers with blocks is just not my thing. I said that like two episodes ago, that honestly I'll do it, but it's not my favorite and I'm bored. Yeah. And I'm excited for that too. When they get older to be like Julian's kind of in that now, where I can be like, yes, finally we can play something other than like magnetiles for nine hours. I think there's different sweet spots. Like when Nora was like deep in make believe and like wanted to play that, I wasn't as good as that as Marco was. Like he would literally be a horse, like, nah. And I'm like, okay, I'm kind of over this. But I can sit and play like Barbies or Dollhouse because I'm like understanding the like I know what she's trying to do, and I'm like, oh, this is fun. I remember playing it like this. Yeah. I think there's just different times, like phases for you don't have to like all of them. No, you don't. But then I look back and I do kind of miss that make-believe stuff. Yeah. Like, so I get that. There's there's sweet spots where you're like, oh, this is fun. Yeah. And then there's other stuff that you're like. And some people might feel the opposite. Some people are probably like, I don't want to play basketball. Like I miss when I did tea parties. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I prop my baby's bottle up so he feeds himself. Oopsie. With the little I'm closing my eyes emoji. I can't say I'm I can't say I've not done that. Cannot say I've not. As long as you're watching him, it's fine. Okay. I told my six-year-old that when he lies, his tongue turns purple. Now I can always tell when he's lying by how he acts when I tell him to stick his tongue out. Ooh, that's so smart. You know, Ellie knows this. I when we were on vacation, we met my sister's family. And so all the cousins were in the bunk room together. And um, getting like kids to sleep in the same room who don't see each other often and who like hanging out with each other. They're wired up. Oh, and it's a different environment. And it's bunk beds, and there was a little play area in there. So we were all the adults were taking turns going up there, good cop, bad cop, you know, trying different things. And one of the last times I went up there, I was like, getting out of bed this often can start a fire. So if you guys keep getting out of this bed over and over, it will start a fire. The friction of your feet is going to spark a flame. The ones old enough to be like, the math ain't mathing on that. And I came back downstairs and I was like, I can't believe I just said that. Like, what even why did I say that? Did it work? I I think so. And also I heard Nora say it later to Caleb that something he was doing. She's like, Bubba's, that'll start a fire. Oh, that's so funny. They're gonna be adults themselves, like parents, and they're gonna say that. It's like, um, did your parents ever tell you that it was illegal to turn on the overhead to your car? Yeah. Yeah. Why? That's not illegal. Oh, because it's just annoying when you're driving. As an adult, now you're like, that's annoying. Also, I remember when I was desperately trying to learn how to whistle. My grandma told me that eating the crust off of the bread helps you learn how to whistle. And I swear to you, I was 15 before I realized that wasn't true. She just wanted you to eat the crust. But I was eating the crust. Yeah. I was like, okay, that'll teach me how to whistle. That'll strengthen my muscles and my mouth. I was far too old. And I was like, wait a minute. Yeah. The only um beneficial lie I've told my kids is that if Julian, if I can't tell if he's telling the truth or not, I'll say, you know, mommy has camera in here. Like we'll be like somewhere crazy. Like we're in the closet. You know, mommy has a camera in here. And then he'll be like, Yeah, you know, this happened or whatever. Oh, good boy. Because I say, I'll just play back to camera if you will. I don't know. I feel like Nora would be like, Where? Yeah. Julian will just be like, fine. I mean, we do have cameras, like we have a living room camera. We never check it, but we have one. Actually, we do check it, burglars. We check it every day. We're always on it. We have a paid security guard watching it. Um, and we so he probably just assumes I have some kind of camera, but like, yeah, I could probably be in Goodwill and be like, you know, I'll check the camera. And he'd be like, Yeah, that's checks out. Yeah. Okay. I feel so guilty saying this out loud or in an anonymous submission form. Sometimes I look forward to going to work. A lot of times work can feel more like a break than home is. I'm also a new mom, so it can get really lonely and boring at home with the baby sometimes. And I selfishly find myself counting down the time until I can go back to work and see my coworkers and have some adult interaction. Being a stay-at-home mom is probably the hardest job there is. Yeah. Like I could not do it. So I absolutely understand this. Yeah. And Ellie and I have it made with our jobs now. Like, you will never hear me complain about my schedule because I feel like I get the best of both worlds. But I mean, if I have a long stretch off, I get that where I'm like, it's not like I want to be away from my kids or away from my home or away from my husband. It's just like kind of nice to have a change of environment, get some like time with my friends. Yeah. Yeah. Um because if you have the right work environment, which it sounds like she does, you kind of feel like you're just hanging out with friends all night. Yeah, you have work, but you get to like be with people that you like and enjoy talking to. And when you're when she's not a stay-at-home mom, but when you're at home all day with your kids or all evening with your kids and there's no other adult interaction, it's lonely. It's lonely. It's nice to and if you've had a really hard day where your kids are just very, you know, you're overstimulated. Yeah, it might feel good to go be with like an adult who can do their own shit. And you're like, I don't have to worry about anybody but me for the next eight to twelve hours. Yeah. No, I feel that way. 100%. Yeah. I'll confess it. See, okay. When I need a few minutes to regroup, I tell my kid I have to go do a chore. She stays quiet and respectful for chores for some reason, with an occasional call out from mama. I always respond, but sometimes with I'm almost done, or I'm just getting started. I'll be a few minutes. I mean, I get that because have you ever like, I will clean the whole entire house. My kids play happily. They don't see me, I'm invisible. They don't even know I'm there. The minute I stop moving, they're uh, they're up, they're here. They're they realize they want me, they need me, they need 5,000 snacks, 2,000, you know, story times. But when you're like busy doing other stuff, it's like you're kind of invisible. So I get why she's like, I'm gonna go do a chore. They're probably like, uh, whatever. We don't need her then. Yeah, we don't we don't want to help. Yeah. Yeah. That might be. We'll stay clear. Yeah. Yeah. She might be making expectations of us. I don't want to do that. Yeah. Okay. I always skip a few pages of the bedtime story and they have yet to notice. Oh, I've definitely done that. I do that all the time. Some of those books are just long. Yes. Goldilocks and the three bears, we get it. You sat in one, it was too small. You sat in the other, it was too big. You sat in one, it was just fucking right. Move the fuck along. You're in a bear's house, bitch. Get out. How about those five-minute stories? They're not five minutes. No, never. That's a 30-minute adventure. For sure. And then they're gonna find the next one. So, oh yeah. Now, what what I really like is we've been reading chapter books with Julian now. So that's one chapter. And Magic Treehouse, one chapter is like three pages. Yes. Nine, nine, nine. Or if you like get upstairs a little earlier and then you kind of are hyper, you're like, okay, we have time tonight for two chapters. But I like chapter books too for that reason. Yeah, like the little train that could, I'm skipping a lot of those pages. I can recite the whole thing. That's Caleb's favorite book. We're gonna skip the young one, the old one, the mean one. We'll go right to the nice one at the end. He would know. Really? Yeah. Like he can. If I stop mid-sentence on any page in that book, he'll recite the rest of the sentence. Oh my god. It's his favorite. Almost our last one. I tell both my kids that the ice cream truck is the quote music truck. Its purpose is to drive around and cheer up all the sad people. With pictures of ice cream cones on the side. Yeah. Wasn't that happy? I mean, that's like we go to the zoo all the time because we have a membership. We've made it this long. They don't know what they don't know that there's a gift shop. And it's of course strategically placed just like every gift shop. Yes. And one time Nora saw somebody walking in there and she said, Wait, what's that? I said, it's for employees only. It's a toy store where employees. She didn't see it. She couldn't inside. And so she just saw someone go in there and I think was like, Oh, is there an animal in there? I said, No, it's for employees only. So smart. She was like, Oh, okay. Yeah, that's where they hang out. Because if okay, if you get an ice cream cone one time, now every time if you if we go in that gift shop one time at the zoo, it's every time they're gonna want something. Yeah, we're there weekly in the summer. I'm not doing that. It I feel so bad when it comes around. It's like they you get guilted because everyone else's parents on the street are running out to buy $20 ice cream cones. And I'm like, literally, we've got a freezer pop in the fridge, freezer. Like, I don't want to spend $20 on ice cream cone. I've never seen an ice cream truck in our city. Oh, really? They come they come through here a lot in the summertime. Really? Yeah, and everybody gets one. So then your kid's just what? Gonna be the only one out there with without a Spongebob ice cream cone. You know what I say you do? You you you stay ready so you don't have to get ready, and you get a big box of ice cream pops from Costco, and you park yourself right next to that ice cream man and you sell it for a dollar. Dollar less. You know what? That's a smart idea. In the summer, Noe and I always said that we need to at Julian's like soccer games and stuff, because they always have people um selling like snacks, kind of like a concession stand at his soccer games. We're like, I'm gonna post up for all the moms out here a coffee slash like Alani station and to sell like coffees and Alanis. Uh, I'd probably make bank. I always at an 8 a.m. soccer game and like I don't want a fucking bag of Doritos. Yeah. Give me a latte. We need to start doing that. It's brilliant. This last one is Miss Rachel is my co-parent more than my husband is sometimes. Step it up, dad. Come on, man. We never went through Miss Rachel. We went through coconut, but somebody told me later about Miss Rachel, and I was like, Oh yeah, we should give it a word. Because we're too old. Caleb was sitting there like, what the fuck? And this is lady. And then Nora goes, Finally, this was like maybe a year ago. She goes, Okay, this is getting a little weird. Nora said that. Yeah, and we turned it off. Um, my sister's daughter, she's two. The other day we were at the park and she was going up the stairs of the slide, and she was going, like, one, two, three. Her daughter was, and Cammy goes, She always does that. Like, is there something I need to be concerned about? She's always counting everything or like doing like out loud, like saying stuff like that. And I'm like, no, her favorite show is Miss Rachel, you said. She's literally mimicking Miss Rachel. Miss Rachel counts everything, talks out loud everything. She's just doing Miss Rachel. She should be Miss Rachel for Halloween. Oh, that would be cute. Yeah, that would be. Anyways, you're not that bad of mommies, guys. That was mildly inappropriate. So we're good. Yeah, none of those were CPS worthy. No. You very much. You didn't want to make her top super hard. Yeah. Although we would never know who it was. It's anonymous. We just have to know one of you is a bad, bad girl. She's a bad mam and mamma. Oh, I hope everyone has a good Easter. Mila's scared of the bunny. So it's honestly a terrifying time for us. I'm scared of the bunny. The bunny was at the gym the other day. I was like, my class starts in 60 seconds and she's having a meltdown. The eyes. Yeah, they're creepy. Yeah. Um, but I hope you can avoid that. Happy Easter. What are we doing next time? Next week, we're gonna clean out. We're doing a clean out of our lives. We're doing a clean out of our mental health. We're gonna talk about everything. We're cleaning out inside, outside, upside down. And we're gonna share some hacks and some cleaning habits for your insides, outsides, and upside downs. Weay! That sounds fun. Have a good weekend. See you in a minute.