NEW SEASON, NEW FRIENDSHIPS

Need a friend? You're in the right place! This week, our certified yapper hosts discuss making new friendships as moms and the challenges that go along with them. They also read your submissions on how YOU all make mom friends! 

Email: mnam.podcast@gmail.com

https://www.instagram.com/_mamaneedsaminute/?igsh=c3V5NXJlOWprdnRy#

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Hello, Mamas. I'm Emily. And I'm Ellie. And this is Mama Needs Minutes. Um happy spring. Spring is sprung. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going with it. Stamp of approval. No more frost. I kind of think spring is my favorite. Spring is my favorite. I used to think it was fall, which is a close second, but I love spring. I feel like fall is nice when you're because of the holidays and the vibes and the season, the excitement of all of like the upcoming festivities. But spring is its own like fun because you've just been depressed for the last few months over like the winter, and then everything starts to defrost and you can get outside again. It's like an awakening, more so than just like, okay, everything's kind of shutting down. Let's get pumpkin spice, you know? Yes. And the birds are quite literally tweeting and the flowers are blooming. It smells so good. Yes. I told Noe, we I went out in the garage the other day and I said, it smells so nice out here. I can't explain it. And he was like, no, I know exactly what you mean. Like spring. Yes. Yes. It's just like grass. It smells like grass out here. And I love it. It smells like I need a surte. But yesterday we we rushed over to Caleb's soccer practice and we got there and it like immediately started raining. But that spring rain smell. I like it. That's a good one.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:24

I didn't tell you this last time I we talked, and I really wanted to talk about this. Actually, we were talking about it at work, and I had to wait until you left the room because I kept wanting to like talk about it. Did we talk about on the podcast the movie Eternity? No, I've never heard of it. Okay. When's the last time you cried over a movie? Marley and me. Marley and me? Yeah. Like literally, I can watch movies about people dying, but whatever monster made that movie, that that's it's too much. Yeah. It's it's have you seen it? Oh, yeah, bald. It's horrible. Yeah. Yeah, that one will get me and uh stepmom. What's stepmom? Oh my god, with Susan Sarandon and Julia Roberts. No, but it sounds sad. So Susan Sarandon is the mom of these two kids. And the girl's like 13 and the kid the little boy's like stepmom or mom? Stepmom. She's the mom, but the movie's called stepmom. She's their mom. Okay. Julia Roberts is the new um stepmom step mom. And she's married like their dad. And Julia Roberts and the dad and Susan Sarandon, they're all very nice, but like obviously Susan Sarandon and the kids like hate Julia Roberts at the start of the day. Yeah, because she's a stepmom. Yeah. Well, then Susan Sarandon gets diagnosed with cancer and she's like not giving given much time to live. So anyway, she then is like realizing, okay, this is who they're gonna be left with. So she forms this like friendship which Julie Roberts has to torch. Yeah. So they're at dinner this one night, and Susan Sarandon is like, or Julie Roberts is like, my biggest fear is it's gonna be her wedding day. And all she's gonna be thinking is, I wish my mom was here. And Susan Sarandon says, and my biggest fear is that she won't. Oh wow. Oh my god. That's probably the last movie I've cried at. My problem in life is that I am an empath. So I put myself in any situation. I'm seeing it through my, I'm in that person's body. I do it at work. If a mom is crying over some kind of situation, I've put myself in her shoes and now I'm crying because I'm picturing myself having the same circumstance. It's kind of a horrible trait to have for my mental health. And I watched this movie, and when I tell you, I sobbed from the beginning of the movie to the end. Sobbed. It's called Eternity. I believe we watched it on HBO Max, and it's got Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's sister. What's her name? The Scarlet Witch. It has her in it. I didn't even know they had a sister. Yeah, she's a big actor now. Elizabeth Olson. That's her name. She's younger. She's her younger sister. Okay. Yeah. So it has Elizabeth Olson and it has that guy from the new Top Gun. What's his name? Oh my God. Okay, anyways. I've seen it. He's hot. Yeah. And it has another guy who's really hot too. Okay. Two hot guys and Elizabeth Olsen. And the extra Olson. And the extra Olson. The Olson Swix scissor. Um, so in the movie, the movie's called Eternity. In the movie, um, there's this guy named Larry, and he is married to the woman. Um, they're like 80 years old. They've lived a long life. They've been married for 60 something years. Okay. And this isn't ruining anything by telling you that what I'm telling you, by the way. It's kind of all in the synopsis of the movie. In the like front first, whatever. They have been married for like 65 years at a birthday party, and he dies. At the birthday party. Yeah. The husband dies, Larry. How old is the person celebrating your birthday? Well, I don't know. Young. Not the point. Like a grandkid? Yeah, probably. I know, traumatic for them, but not the point. So he goes um to eternity. Well, in this movie, the way that eternity is set up is you go to this little town. You're in this kind of like waiting town. And in this little town, you spend the next week deciding what eternity you're going to go to. And it's kind of comical. It's kind of got a humor mixed into it. So in this movie, eternity is kind of whatever you want it to be. There's an eternity for everyone. And they've got these salespeople that are like pitching their eternities, kind of like if you went to um one of those travel shows or one of those conference shows and you're like going around all the booths. So all these booths are set up, and they've got a mountain eternity, a beach eternity, an eternity for nudists, an eternity for smokers, an eternity for people who like to like argue like lawyers. There's a simple life eternity where it's literally just like a suburban. There's an eternity for anything. You think it, there's an attorney. But um catch is once you pick an eternity, you can't ever switch. So you get this seven days to pick which eternity you want to spend the rest of eternity in. And then that's it. Once you go there, you can't leave. That's the eternity. So that's why they give you kind of like that week. So Larry gets to his the waiting town. Do you find out who else is in the eternity? Um, in the little town before you. Um, I don't know. I don't think they mentioned being like, hey, is Oprah in this eternity? Not that Oprah's dead. That's not a spoiler. She's alive, guys. But you know, I don't think you can be like, yeah, where's Michael Jackson? They didn't mention. Well, I meant like, where's my wife? Well, I'm getting there. Okay. So he goes to this little waiting town, and there are people in this town who haven't picked an attorney yet who then work there because they haven't decided where they want to go after seven days. If you haven't picked where you want to go, then you need to like step up and do your job here until you figure it out. So he's there, he's like, I'm gonna um figure this out, and then I'm gonna leave a letter. And then when my wife gets here, whenever she dies, um, because she had cancer. So she was kind of reaching her end. I'll we can be together in our eternity. Okay. A little backstory to the wife. She had married once before to a very handsome man who died very shortly after they got married in the war. They never started a family together. They literally got married. He left for the Korean War, I think. And then that was it, and he died. So she dies, like a little a few days later, whatever. She goes to this eternity waiting room and she sees Larry. She's like, Oh my god, Larry, my husband of 63 years. Yay, I found you. Wonderful. And then she realizes that her husband, her first husband, who died in the war, has been waiting 63 years in this little town for her. And he they reunite. Is he old? No. In this in this movie, you go back to your happiest self. So they all went back young. Okay. Yeah. Um, so now she's got this impossible decision. Does she go to eternity with her husband of 63 years, who she had children with, had a family with, lived a life with Larry, or does she go to an eternity with her first love who she never got to have a life with, who was her first love, who she married and waited for her for 60 plus years in this eternity? So does she pick? Well, I'm not telling you because uh you need to watch the movie. But does she pick? She does at the end. And um, oh my gosh, I immediately am bawling. I'm a I'm bawling at the circumstance because I'm like, my God, Noah, what if this happens to us? What if I die, you remarry, and then this is really it? What are which eternity would you pick? Then I'm you know, then there's a part where I'm mad. I'm like, you'd pick the other woman, wouldn't you? You'd go with your first love or you'd go with your second love. And then I'm like sad again. And I'm like, my God, what would we do? This is impossible. She, this is an impossible choice for her. And you're, I'm just like bawling my eyes out the whole entire movie. And then at the end, I've decided, okay, Noe, the only solution is if I die right now, you're gonna only be able to marry another widow. Because then when you guys both die, she's gonna want to go to her first love and you're gonna want to come to your love of your whole entire world in existence. Me. So just know now, if you die, join widowsonly.com because that's the only option you get. Wow, that's wild. It's so good. You should watch it. What an interesting way to think of it. I know. So did they call a town purgatory?

unknown 9:17

I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Because that's the in-between. They did I don't know if they did call it a town. They just made they never really like to. I think to my Catholic, maybe I should preface that. I think that's like the in-between. They never really went too deep into it. Like they were like, Larry said, like, so am I gonna get to meet the big man? And she was just like, oh, Ted, like he's our boss. And he was like, No, no, no, like the bigger man. And they she was like, Oh, Ben, you know? And he was like, Okay, whatever. They kind of just like didn't really, they made it very basic. It was so good. And I feel like I only ever, not I only ever cry, but though the movies that make me sob are always those like impossible decision type movies like this. Did you watch Coachella? No. Oh that's it. All I want to say about it. Would you ever go to Coachella? No, because it's like $9,000 for the average person just to stay there, let alone take it, everything else. I saw like the prices for like the food. Yeah. It was like a cheeseburger was like $45 for one cheeseburger. At this point, Coachella is for the influencers that get paid to be there. It is not for the average person. No, they're selling their kidney to be there. Yeah. But I did watch it, live streamed it on YouTube. And Sabrina, honey, I love you. She had in a chef's kiss performance. Amazing. Amazing, top tier. Okay. Justin Bieber, honey, I love you too. I'm a believer for life. He got paid the highest paid performance ever in the history of Coachella. More than Beyonce? More than Beyonce. He got paid 10 million for his performance. Sabrina Carpenter got paid half of what Justin Bieber got paid. Her performance was A plus plus. I mean, the theatrics, the set design, the dancing, everything about her set was a plus top-tier performance. He went out there, just him, he pulled up all of his old songs on YouTube in the background on a screen and sang along to himself. Like if you like singing karaoke. What? That was all of his set, basically. He did a couple songs of his new album where he performed those full out without the computer, but then for the rest of the time, he had a computer, pulled up, yeah, his songs and just played. And I am a believer. I love Justin Bieber. I understand he's had a tough go of things in his life thus far, being a celebrity. He's really gone through the ringer. I'll give him some slack for that. But can you imagine if Sabrina Carpenter, a woman, came out with a computer? No. No set design at all, and just pulled up her old songs on YouTube and sang along to them. No. No. She would never headline anywhere ever again. Right. But because it's him and he's a man, he can do that. That didn't sit right with me. And also, those people, maybe not the influencers who were paid, but the people like us who paid $9 billion to be there, that's kind of crazy. Yeah, that's so embarrassing. Yes. I agree. I agree. Come at me if you will. A lot of people are like, he had a hard life. Okay. Yeah. You'll pay $10 billion. Ten million dollars. At least like play the karaoke version in the background so I can hear your voice and not like your 15-year-old voice. That's all I will say about that. He is performing again next weekend for Coachella weekend number two. I would absolutely love to see how that plays out. Will I be watching on YouTube? Yes. I have to for research. Crazy. Yay. Anyways. This week we're talking about friendships. Okay, fun. No, I think this is a perfect topic because it's spring. Everyone's getting out of the house now. We're going back to the parks. We're deshedding from our winter cocoon. We're turning into butterflies. And you need a friend. And Emily and I, I will say, I don't like to brag on myself a lot. I actually never do, but I do excel at making friends, and I feel like you do too. So we love making friends. We can come with a lot of knowledge. You know what? I like making friends and I like to build community. Yeah, I was gonna say we build friendships differently too. So that's a good yin and yin for that. Because Emily will make a friend with anybody. I'm a little bit slower, but I do know how to make friends. So yes. Did you get good at making you were in the same high school, elementary school your whole life, right? Yeah, but you know what? You have a lot of friends still from your high school. Yeah. I don't. Okay. Not for like any reason. It's not like I burn bridges. It's just like I we moved on. I have like people I keep up with on like social media and stuff, but no. As I was like good friends of mine from high school, no. Hmm. Okay. So all your friends are adult friends. So you've had to make them as a mom now. Yeah. Okay. Well, mine are mostly friends that I've kind of forced to be my friends along the way. So But you still have a lot of friends from high school, and that really speaks to like your loyalty. I think too, we had a small high school, a really small high school. I don't know if that makes a difference in like the way people can't keep touch with each other outside of high school because there was just like 50 of us or whatever, 70 of us. In your graduating class? No, we I think had like 54. I had like 71 in my graduating high school class. Yeah. I think I had like 400. Yeah. So I feel like bigger schools sometimes too, you're kind of just like, all right, see ya. Peace out. When you're smaller like that, I don't know, you're closer. You're in every single class together because that's the only class there is. You're in every sport together. You just kind of like. They say if you're friends for what is it, 10 years, then you'll be friends forever. I can say I've proven that wrong. But I mean, like I said, it's not like I burnt bridges. It's just like you've moved on. Literally, physically moved. Yeah. So like So how did you get so good at making friends? Like I feel like, for example, I moved around a lot. I went to like six different schools throughout my elementary high school career. I kind of had to put myself out there to make friends, or I wasn't gonna have any. Cause I, I mean, I was walking into somewhere where these kids have known each other their whole lives and I was the oddball out. So I had to kind of just throw myself into a situation and learn how to, you know, get people to like me. But you've gone to the same school your whole time, kind of already had that. So how are you so good at I don't know. It's just your personality. Amazing. No, I don't know. I just think like never like afraid to talk to somebody because I'm like, they're just human. So I like never overthink anything. I'm just like, I don't know. Do you have an embarrassment bone in your body, or do things not embarrass you? No. Sometimes I feel like that's why it's so hard to make friends because people are like, I'm a 30-year-old woman going to try to like be like, do you want to play together? And it they it can feel embarrassing. Well, I literally basically all but asked that. Here's the thing I very rarely feel like people are like turned off by that. Loneliness is a pandemic, and I feel like people are lonely. And people are like, oh my gosh, like somebody is reaching out to me, you know? Yeah. No, I will say there was one time when um I went a little too hard in the paint, and I know I scared this girl and she totally ghosted me. Um about this, maybe. But I was so excited. It was like right after COVID. And during COVID, like Marco and I felt lonely. We were we were lonely. We had a baby, and I think like two, once your kids start getting involved in things, they start going to school, you meet a lot of people. So we had this baby and we're stuck inside. So we finally get out of the fucking house and we're on a walk in our neighborhood. And, you know, at this point, Nora was maybe like a year old, and we see this other nice looking couple with their dog and their baby. And I was like, I'm Emily, this is Margo, Nora. Oh my gosh, I didn't know. And also at this point, we had only met people in our neighborhood who were older, whose kids were like gonna babysit Nora. Like they were older. It wasn't like people our age. So I was so excited. And um I I think that this girl was like, You're really excited to make a friend. And we met up one time, and then after that, she like totally ghosted me. Where did you meet up? We went on a walk. Okay. Yeah, I said, here's my number. Let's go on a walk sometime and get to know each other. Yeah. Um, and she was like, Okay. And so anyway, I don't know, whatever. It's kind of like dating. Yes. Sometimes you work out and sometimes you don't. Yeah. And I was like, I think I was too much for her. And that is true. Sometimes I'm too much for people. So, okay, pretend that I don't know you. Okay. I'm just a mom at the mark. How are you gonna like you are you scouting? Are you like, okay, that girl looks like somebody I would want to be friends with? Or are you just the whoever is next to me on the swing is who you're gonna strike up a conversation with? I do a lot at the park anymore because now we're in school. So I like meet a lot of the parents. Okay. So it's usually through your kid. Your kid. Yeah, like for you. Oh, this is Johnny. Oh my gosh, I hear a lot about Johnny. Okay, like that. Yeah. So I would say things like, I'm not good, I will say, at making friends forcibly like that. Cause I one, I already have my established friends, so I don't really feel the need to like branch out. But even if I want to, I sometimes do feel like awkward about it like that. Like I would get to that point. Oh my God, there's Shawnee. I hear a lot about Johnny. And then the parent would be like, oh my God, yep, he's a nutcase. Um date sometime. Let's get your number. Oh, wow, just write to it. Yeah. You wouldn't even like no. And I've had parents do that to me too. In fact, I've had one mom one time who goes, if we don't do this right now, I'm gonna walk away and we're gonna forget about it. So can I get your number? I mean, you're in the class together. It's not like I wouldn't do that to someone at the park. Okay. But like in a classroom, yeah. Okay. And I've had people do that to me and I think nothing of it. I think that's a struggle. Like for us, there is a lot of like built-in like social structures with, you know, Julian's in preschool, Nora's in kindergarten, you're in soccer, you have those opportunities to meet people. I'm thinking like new moms who aren't in any of that so hard. What do you do? I actually went They're at the park pushing their baby on a swing. How do they approach like that person next to them pushing a baby the same age who has similar style or looks nice or is like, oh my gosh, that looks like somebody I would want to connect with. How do I not look awkward? I ask people a lot of personal questions because people like to talk to them about themselves. So you're just like, oh, she is so cute. How old is she? What's her name? Or I'll say, like, oh, where do you where did you deliver? Maybe I rocked her in the nursery, you know, like a conversation like that. Or like, oh, do you guys live nearby? Because in like in our neighborhood, they would give you the intersection of wherever they live, and we'd be like, Oh, we're right around the corner. Um, so I don't know. I mean, you can read the situation if the mom's kind of like, then okay. But and the mom's like, oh my God, finally a person, because like when your baby is a baby, you can be really lonely. Like you're not involved in anything. You might have like decreased your hours at work, or maybe you're a stay-at-home mom. And that is so hard. And I remember this one time at work, I was talking to an older and I was like, I feel this is when Nora was really little, and I was like, I just feel like I wish we had like more friends. And she said, just wait. She was like, When when your kids get involved, they're doing soccer, they're doing this, they're doing that, you're gonna meet a lot of friends like that. And that was so true. So, but yeah, when they're babies, I don't think there's anything wrong with just let's get into it. Yeah, hey, let's be real. You got a baby, I got a baby, I'm fucked up, you're fucked up. You want to get coffee? She'd probably be like, Yeah, you're totally right. And it doesn't have to be like, do you want to come to our house? Because that could be like weird to some people. Okay, yeah. First few meetups at the same park where you met them. Right. How when do you guys come here? Because some people would be like, we come here every Tuesday at 11 o'clock. It's like our routine, you know, or when it's like, okay, well, text me next time you're gonna come to this park. We'd love to meet up. The kids are playing so nicely together. Yeah, you know, because I had when I had Julian, I already had, I didn't have to make new friends, I already had a set group of friends. But what I didn't have was mom friends. I was the first to have a kid in my friend group. And that's hard in itself when everybody that you are friends with are at different stages in life. Like you get really into motherhood trenches and your friend just doesn't understand, no fault to her own, but she's still going to clubs or partying or staying up late or sleeping in. They don't understand why, like, you know, 11 a.m. brunch doesn't work anymore. Yeah. Because that's nap time. They don't get it. They haven't planned their life around somebody else yet. And that's excellating in itself because I'm like, okay, well, I have this group of friends. I don't necessarily need more friends. I just need one of them to get knocked up. Yeah. Please join me. I never I never was good at making like baby mom friends. It wasn't until I got my kids in social structures like preschool that I started making or like work. And for stay-at-home moms, that's hard too. A lot of my friends are are my coworkers that have kids. When you don't have that and you have a new baby, it's very isolating. And you don't have to like make a connection immediately with someone. Like if you see them at the park or the library the first time, you're probably gonna see them again. Just be like, remind me his name again. Right. Like, Simon, that's right. Oh my gosh, yeah, we saw you guys here last time. You know, yeah. You know, like yeah, I think at that stage, that's a perfect answer. And another example of that is like those, like we have it in Indianapolis, these little playgrounds for kids, like indoor playgrounds for kids. Sometimes they do classes for kids. The library has like baby story time. Even if you're not making like best friends with somebody, yes, getting out of the house and being surrounded by moms and kids that are your kids' age. Cause sometimes it's hard to, I mean, we're yappers. So it's easy for us to, if we need to make a new friend, all right, let's go to the park. But if you're really shy and you're like, I'm not about to like make a friend that I want to like text later, but I don't want to be by myself in the house all day. Yeah. Finding places like that where there's kids' classes or baby and me yoga, stupid shit like that. They're like, this is fucking stupid. My baby can't even like blink yet. Um, but you're surrounded by people. Yeah, you're in an environment where everybody feels the same as you. Everybody has like spit up on their shirt and they're in their greasy hair, and it's day three and they need a shower. Y'all smell. Yeah. You're in the same environment. Especially baby and me story time. Yes. Like we we did that a lot where they have to be like under 24 months. Yes. Because yeah, that's when you're like especially lonely. Yeah. So it's nice to like go and be like, oh, you're in, you know, in the same phase as me. And yeah. Um, yeah. Yeah. It's not for the baby, it's for you. Also, story time is free. Yeah. Like, I I will take my kids to anything if it's free. Because like, what, okay, if we're there for 10 minutes, okay, well, didn't work. So we'll try something else. But we got out of the house. Yep. Yeah. Got dressed, got out of the house. Yeah. Have you ever met a friend in whether it's like in Nora's class or like at the park or something? And then you found out that they had very different like structure than you, like different political beliefs, different religious beliefs, like something, different parenting styles. And you have to kind of like walk yourself back. Cause that I feel like scares people too a lot, is like when you meet somebody at the park and you think it's gonna go well, and now you're in this situation where like they've got your phone number, but they like, you know, do something drastically different than you. No, that's never happened to me. Really? No. You've always read the room well. No, that's never happened to me. I've been on a playdate before where it can be difficult because maybe they're letting their kid do something that I wouldn't let my kid do. Yeah. You know, like uh this is an example. This has never happened to me. But for example, if their kid was like picking up mulch on the playground and throwing it at another kid, or this did happen to me where the other kid told the mom to shut up. I mean, that we'd be done. I'd be like, I'll text you later, girl, we're out of here. And we'd be going home immediately. And she's like, Really? It's not very nice. And I was like, huh? Uh-huh. He was like five. I'm like, oh no, he knows better than to say shut up to mom. So disrespectful. Yeah. So that's kind of like, I don't know if we'd meet up with you again because that makes it really difficult. If my kids are hearing your kids say shut up to their mom, yeah, like that would never fly. And as much as you like want to hang out with the mom, you're like, well, if we're always going to be hanging out with our kids, we kind of got to be on the same page here. Yeah. Or you get or this is hairy. This is kind of unrelated, but have you ever gone to like like the movies or like a baseball game or something? And you're like, we're at the game, we're not buying all this extra shit. And the other family's like, buy souvenirs and dipping dots and cotton candy. And I'm like, well, fuck. Now I gotta spend 50 extra dollars. It's like we were talking about it, I think a couple weeks ago, when the ice cream truck rolls around and all the parents are buying their kid an ice cream cone. You're like, well, now I gotta buy a SpongeBob happy phase ice cream cone when we've got popsicles in the fridge. No, like when I meet somebody at the museum and they're like, we're not going in the food court, I'm like, thank God. Like, I did not want to buy that popcorn. Um, yeah. Okay, what did other people say? Let's get into it. We do love making friends. Most of my friends, too, are my opposite personality. Like, I don't make friends with myself because I I would annoy myself. People like me drive me nuts. A lot of my friends are more introverted or quieter. Do I drive you nuts? But we're not truly like super similar. Like, no, we're not. But you know what? This is what I also was gonna say though. Today I went and picked up Caleb from school and I was yep, yep, yapping to somebody, to another mom friend on the way out. And he's like, Mama, I won't go home. And he's like peeling my arm. Said, Oh, poor baby, mommy's a yapper. But I said to this mom, I said, but this is good for him to see how to talk to people, like build a friendship. And so that's another thing. If you're like kind of shy or whatever, like think about how you want your kids to be when they go to kindergarten. You want them to be like, Hi, I'm Johnny. What's your name? You know, yeah. Seeing you get out of your comfort zone will make them realize, okay, my mommy's like really quiet, but yeah, you know, she's including everyone, she's making friends. Yeah. Okay. I make myself get out of the house with my kiddo to meet up with friends and have play dates, whether it's getting coffee, going to the library, meeting at a friend's house, or going to the park. Getting outside of your bubble of your home, especially postpartum, was so beneficial for my mental health and my friendships. Exactly what we said. Yeah, you gotta get out of the house. You gotta just get dressed and get out of the bubble. The anxiety is so real when they're little, but if you can just And also I think it's nice to get out and meet somewhere, like a park or the library, because then you come home and you do lunch and then they can go lay down for a nap and nobody's house got destroyed. Yeah. You know, like you can go to the park and they can make a mess of the park because who cares? And the best thing about mom friends with that situation is we all agree like this is gonna be a two-hour max, and then you go home to nap time. Exactly. The other thing I pride myself in, which reminds me of that for some reason, is you were reminding me of that because you said you love to build a community. I also love to build a community of girls in womanhood and girlhood. I love bringing all of my different friends together to make friends themselves. Yes, you are good at that. And I feel like if you have one friend, like if you have a me or an Emily, just being with them and going to their things, you'll make more friends through them, through association. And then you're building your own community yourself. And you don't necessarily have to do it yourself if you're really shy. Just go with them, meet their friends, and then from then on, you know, you'll build your own connections. Okay. This says I had to get over the fear of being the one to initiate. Started inviting a mom for simple things like coffee or a walk, and she's my best friend. Oh, I like that. You just have to be brave and say hello. Yeah, because the worst thing they're gonna say is they're not even gonna be like, no, I don't want to do that. They're just gonna be like, oh yeah, we totally should, and they never will, and you'll know. Yeah. Okay, they didn't really want to. Yeah. Or they wouldn't have, or they would have reached out again. It's just like dating. Yeah. Yeah. We should do this again sometime. It's not you, it's me. Yeah. It'll just be like dating. Exactly. Um, and you might have someone ghost you like I did, and that's okay. Daycare pickup chats turned into friendships for me. It started with quick highs and eventually turned into texting and weekend plans. Similarly, someone said finding friends at work because then they're forced to be around you for many hours a day. That's true. That is true about daycare pickup. One time I even Nora kept coming home from daycare and she was little and she kept talking about the same friend. And I never saw the parent. We picked up at different times. So I screened it with the daycare teacher. I was like, How is child's names parents? And they're like, Oh, she's dear, they're such nice people. So I wrote a note that said, Hi, I'm Emily. I'm Nora's mom. She talks a lot about your kid. If you ever want to meet up for a play date, here's my phone number. And we just we met at a park. She texted me later and was like, Oh, I got your note in um in her cubby. And yeah, because I was like, I never see that. See her face. They drop off and pick up at totally different times. So yeah, that's always an option too. Yeah, you gotta scout the people close to you for friendships. Okay. This says joining local mob groups and making myself show up. Uh someone else said showing up at different mob groups from Facebook groups, messaging people who post about looking for friends if they are new to the area and seem like we would vibe. Yeah, our town has a town name, moms, Facebook group. It just says like our town name and then moms. So if you type in like, yeah, Indianapolis moms or whatever, there's probably a Facebook group. You know what? That actually intimidates me more than saying, hi, I'm Emily. Posting on Facebook. Oh my god, never would I message someone. I would be like, okay, now they're gonna click on my profile and they're gonna stalk deep and they're gonna see what I look like in high school, and they're gonna be like, I don't want to be with her anymore. You know what? And this is why my husband and I met at a bar and not online. Yeah. This could never be me. I just connect with people in person, not online like that. I could never like message somebody blind. Yeah. And be like, lol, we should hang out. Never. If somebody did that to me, I'd be like, okay, you know, like I I don't think I would think that was weird, but I could not be the person to do that. But on the on the opposite end of that, if you're someone that's nervous about, like I said earlier, what if we don't have the same kind of views or parenting style or something? You could do a nice little stocky stalk and be like, okay, she looks like someone I'd vibe with. Let's, you know, message her. Versus meeting at the park and then realizing, you know, she's like, hi, are you so and so? I'm trying to meet you at the park. No, it's not me. Yeah, no, yeah. Nope. Me? No, no. Unfortunately. No. Okay. Finally made some mom friends just by being a little more honest. Instead of small talk, I started saying things like, Oh, I'm exhausted today, or this stage is really hard. And it opened the door for real conversations. Turns out everyone is feeling the exact same. That's so true. Sometimes people don't want, like, I don't want to make a friend with somebody who's only gonna show me the best parts of their life. It's like, okay, I could have just seen that on Instagram. You're only showing the best parts of your life. I want someone who's gonna show up and be like, oh my God, she threw a meltdown on the floor on the way out this morning. Yeah. And I've got poop on my shoe, and you know, yeah. Not my life is perfect. Yeah. Because yeah, who's gonna want to hang out with someone whose life is always perfect like that? And nobody wants to get I don't have any friends like that. Well, that's why. That's why. Like case a boy. Yeah. Okay. Uh this girl said, What? I overshare and overthink, and whoever matches my freak is getting a text for a play date. Period. Period, mama. I definitely overshare. Me too. Yeah. And if you can't handle that, you knew it from the jump, you know. You can never overshare for me. Yeah, no. You can only undershare for me. Yeah. Like, I want to know everything. I mean, from the jump. I do you think though that's part of being like a night shift nurse? I do. Yeah, it's a type, it's a personality type for sure. Yeah. I was just saying this to somebody. I was like, I could pen some of my friends' sex lives. Like I could put it to pen. Yeah. And they were like, oh wow. And I was like, is that not normal? It's because we I'm just kidding, not really.

unknown 33:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

I don't know. They love doggy style and have a whip. No, no, no, no, no. I didn't hear about that at all. And I was telling, I think it was you that I was telling, like, guys don't do that. And you're like, really? Yeah. No. No. That is not a guy thing. No, they're probably like, like, we think they're oversharing, but the most they would do is probably like, oh yeah, was good. Yeah. Like they're not gonna be like, and then get this. I put a pillow under my pelvis. Wait for it. I do not, I I think that's rare. I don't think that everybody's gonna share quite like that. But I'm I am exactly this girl. I want you to match my free. Yeah, and I want you to overshare. Yeah. Yeah. And then we can just overshare together. Oh, okay. Last one. Last one. Honestly, I hate to say it, but it's consistency. I kept showing up at the same park at the same time every week. That's what I said. Yes. And eventually you start recognizing the same moms and naturally turns into conversation. Exactly. It is true because people have routines. Maybe they have every every Wednesday off. So they go to the library and then at 10 and then at 11, they go to the park. Yep. And there it's always going to be the same people that show up. You know, um, I know you work out in your house, but the gym that is a good place to make friends. Is a great place to make friends, especially if it has a daycare in it. Yeah. Even if you're not a gym girly, like go walk the treadmill and you'll probably meet a mom next to you walking the treadmill too that has a kidney card. Julian has actually made a lot of friends in the gym daycare who then I've like talked to their moms. Yes. From just like seeing them at the gym daycare. Yeah. Yeah. You could even be like, Julian loves playing with him. What time do you normally come work out? Yeah. And it's the kids could play together. While you work out together, now you have a workout, buddy. Exactly. Perfect. Look, we've solved it for you, everybody. Go out and make a friend. Don't be lonely. Don't be lonely this season. This is a new season. Time for new friendships. If you gotta get rid of a couple, bad friendship. Bye. Yeah. Toss them to the trash. Yeah. And then go make some new ones that are good. I believe in you. Next week's our advice episode. So once again, we're gonna give it to you straight. Huzzah! I hope you guys have a really great spring weekend. Go out to the park and go make some friends. See you in a minute.