FIRST TRIMESTER DIARIES

This week the girls are reminiscing on the not so pleasant moments of the first trimester! From not so fun trips to the bathroom to those weird pregnancy cravings, they read all your listener submissions plus share their own raw moments!

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hello, mamas. I'm Emily. And I'm Ellie. Mrs. Mama needs a minute. It's actually affordable Friday for me. It's my first of three in a row. Oh. I have to work Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night. I'll be there, two of them. Friday night, Saturday night? Yeah. And then our other friend's gonna be there Sunday night. Yay. And I already was messaging her, like, kill me now. I do not want to do three in a row. And she was like, we can order, it's payday Friday. We can order dinner Sunday. I said, blessed. Girl math. Another friend of ours said that like last week when I wanted to buy a pillow. She was like, it's payday Friday. Whatever you buy on payday, if you just buy it before you check your bank account, it doesn't count. You'll never miss that money. I was like, you're so right. I'm buying my whole Amazon card. That's really wild. I just ordered our family photo outfits from Amazon. When do you have family photos? Weeks, my friend's doing them. Oh, really? Yeah. You're not gonna wait for the leaves to change. Or maybe they will by then. Yeah, it'll be fine. Yeah. Or are these fall-esque? Fall esque. Yeah. Late summer. Yeah. Fall-esque. Yeah. I was thinking about family photos the other day with our newborn photos. I have done newborn photos now for both kids. And I don't think I'm gonna do them this year, right? When the baby comes. Because one, I never need, like, I just want like five good pictures of my baby as a newborn. Yeah. And it's so hard to find like a mini photo session where you can just get five to ten photos for like a smaller price when you're doing newborn. Most of the time it's like you have to do the full newborn session, which is a bazillion dollars. And now I have like literally 200 pictures of my baby swaddled up in a mini crib. Yes. I don't need all that. I need like five good ones. And so last time with Mila, I did like instead of a newborn session, I did a family session and was like, and just get a few of just Mila, because that's really all I needed. And more so than I could have more like lifestyle family. And the ones, it's so bad, but it's all I think about. My dad was also dying like around the time. So I probably just have trauma from this. But the photographer, the photos were beautiful. They were. But the ones of Mila, she's in like one of those. Um, you know when people put those like baskets on their dresser as a changing table? Yeah. And it's like it looks like a basket Moses would have floated down the river in. She was in like one of those, and she wasn't swaddled, and she had placed both her hands like in an X form on top of her chest. So she just looked like she was a baby in a casket. And oh and I can't see it. And so I don't have any of those on the wall or printed off because I'm like, I don't know if it's just because my dad was dying at that time, and so then I got these pictures back, and I was like, oh great. It just looks like it doesn't look good. But so I have the one printed off over there. It's just of like noy holding her. Well, you could do that, and I could do that exactly. That was exactly my point. I'm like, I'm just gonna skip newborn photos. The one, the one I really love of her, I took in the hospital. Yeah, so I'm like, I'm just gonna take my own of her, and then when the baby's like a year, then we can get like family photos, and they'll smile and they'll do shit. And yeah, and I don't have stitches in my cooch. Yeah, I'm trying to like smile for the camera. Yeah, you know, and I'm leaking. And yeah, I'm just gonna skip over that. You know what? We for Nora, it was like in the thick of COVID, so we just took some. Oh yeah, and we didn't have shit else to do. So all you have to do is feed them, and then you crank the space heater on in the room, like on high, and then they just do whatever you tell them to do. And there's so much like little tips and stuff that you can read about on. You're so right, and iPhones these days are such good quality. Like, yeah, I remember like reading. We're I was like, we're not gonna have anybody come into the house and like infect us. Yeah. So I was just reading about like how to do do photos that are nice at home, and it was like, do it by a window. So we did, and naturally, yeah, yeah. I think that's what I'm gonna do. Yeah, and it was kind of fun, plus one less expense when you're on maternity leave. Yeah, and you can spend like three hours doing it, yeah. Like you don't have to stress and be like, oh my gosh. I'm taking her time, or I'm not gonna get it all in this time frame that we paid for, or you don't have to go anywhere. Yeah, yeah, so smart. I agree. Yeah, I have news. Oh, you're pregnant.

unknown 4:24

Yeah, she's pregnant, you guys.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

That is exactly what we said to Noe's family. Yeah. When we called to tell them this news. I bought a van. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yay! I'm on the I'm in the minivan club. Yeah, I'm a van mommy. I'm so jelly. I'm so obsessed. I mean those sliding doors. Those sliding doors. Have you seen those bumper stickers that say never say never? No. About the minivan. Yeah. Because you always say, No, I never said that. I've never said that either. No. No, we were just talking about that a few podcast episodes ago. I am so obsessed with this minivan. Yes. I finally have, I mean, we needed something because we needed something to fit three car seats, which I think I've mentioned on here, that my old car didn't. I just had a two-row SUV. This is so amazing. It's Chef's Kiss. I love the minivan life. When we went to buy it though, I was so annoyed. If this car wasn't at this location, I probably would have gone elsewhere because the guy that sold us the car. I hate that I had to give him my like commission, made me so mad. This was him. We got there, and Noah had been, my husband had been talking to the guy and texting about the car. So I wasn't really like involved in that part of it. And then he set up the time to meet. We all got there. It was me, Noe, and then our kid, the kids came with us. We go up, he comes out to greet us. He's probably our age. He shakes Noe's hand. Mr. Plata, nice to meet you. Eye contact with Noe. How are you doing today? Thanks for coming in. Mind you, I'm right next to him. He says nothing to me. He doesn't even look my way. I hate him. I hate him immediately. And I'm pregnant, so I'm extra mad that he's not even acknowledging me. I'm standing there tapping my foot, holding my belly, waiting for him to look my way. He never does. He doesn't even give me a hey, how you doing? Doesn't shake my hand, doesn't ask me how I'm doing. Literally only talks to Noe, only looks at Noahy, and then was like, all right, I'm gonna go get the van pulled up for you, and then walks away. Never says anything to me. When he was like, had gone outside to grab the van, I go, I'm Ellie, the wife. Nice to meet you. I'm actually the one buying this car. Yeah. So you think my husband's the one buying a minivan? No, it's or that eight-month pregnant woman. It's me. Also, why are you only looking at him? What if I'm buying the car by myself? Yeah. Why are you looking at my husband? Thank you. Wow. So annoying. So he goes to get the van. We come out. He's still pretty much only talking to Noe. Doesn't really acknowledge me at all. So annoying. I'm so annoyed. We literally get in the car. I was like, I don't even want to buy this from him. Like, I'm so mad that it's him because what the hell? And then we go back inside and he's collecting like our information for financing. And he was like, Where do you work? I told him that I worked at the hospital. And he goes, Oh, okay, are you a nurse or an LPN? I said, What if I was the doctor? What do you say? He goes, he laughed and was like, Yeah, that's true. I guess you could be, you guess. He goes, Are you? I said, No, I'm a nurse. But now I'm mad and I wish I was the doctor. Yeah. Like, why are you assuming what my role is here? I hate. Yeah. Have you seen those things? It's like ways that I like subtly like keep men in their place. Have you seen these? It's like whenever I meet a man, I always ask them if they work outside the home. There's a few more that I really liked, but I really like that. I really need some of those in my back pocket. Yeah. Oh, I was so mad. Oh. But also, like, you think you'd want to like literally. Yeah. Very small. Very, very, very tiny. We're not gonna let him wreck the minivan. No, I love the minivan. I bought the minivan anyways. We bought a Honda Odyssey. I've never driven a minivan in like the winter, though, so I don't know how that's gonna go. Great. Do you think? It's gonna go great. Oh, okay. I didn't know if they were harder to I know so much about minivan. By the way, I've never had a van. It's coming though. Oh, yeah. We're gonna we're using minivan hard. Yes. Once we stop paying for all child care, then child care payments go into a car payment. Car payment. That's so smart. That's when everything's gonna change for us. Well, we just got back from Michigan. How was it? It was grand. You went Labor Day weekend. Yes. Okay. It was lovely. But we go every year. Okay, I was just about to say. And I was for your anniversary? Or for Labor Day? For Labor Day. For the long weekend. Okay. That's a nice way to like close out summer. Uh-huh. And then we come back and I'm like, my mind shifted. You're like, let's hang up the pumpkins. Yeah. Yeah, let's get up the pumpkins. Yeah. But Ellie saw these posts on my Instagram. I got kind of emo. Yeah. It makes me emo when we go to the same place every year. Because it's just like, like I saw this lady nursing on this bench on the beach, and I was like, I did that. Yeah. Yeah. Like everywhere we go, because we go there every year, I'm just like reminded of how much they changed and how fast they change. Because you go to the same place. And I mean, this year was still like a lot of work, you know, three and six. Yeah. But I feel like next summer, four and seven, you're going to be chilling in a chair. Yeah. Yeah. But I have to tell you what happened to me. So Ellie knows this that wherever I go, people tell me their life story. Yes. Like, I don't know if something is on my face that says please tell me. Trauma dump. Yes. Please trauma dump everything. When I tell you that, Mary Jo, Ellie, I know this entire woman's life story. Like. I don't even know how we got there. We went down for our last night. We went down to watch the sunset. And I damn near missed it because Mary Jo was showing me her son's wedding video at that point. I'm not talking the clips. Like the, oh, and this part was so cute. Girl, we watched the whole ceremony. She was like, okay, now this one, this is the bride's sister. She's from blah blah blah. I know, I know every family member's death in her life. I know that her sister is dealing with cancer right now and where she's getting treatment. I know everything. How do you even end it after this? Like, you don't just go your separate ways. We did. I said Mary Jo, perhaps we'll meet her again one day on this. And that was it. And that was it. I Marco was blown away. He was like, This is Was he sitting next to you? Well, the kids were like playing on the playground, but at one point I say, Okay, we gotta, we gotta stop. I'm here to watch the sunset. So we gotta watch it. Yeah, we're gonna miss it. Yeah. And she was like, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She wasn't like super old, but she just had a lot to say. Yeah. And but Marco was like, I can't believe the son's wedding video came out. I was listening to it. Do you just sit down and you're like, hey, how you doing? And they're like, good. Except for last year when I broke my elephant. I was sitting on this bench watching the kids play on the playground, watching the beach, enjoying my quiet. And Mary Jo was like, get this. Your poor husband's like, can we ever just sit down? And the problem is, is that like once somebody talks, I am interested. Yeah. You're like, that's the thing. Most people be like, all right, that's nice. Yeah. And look away. You're like, tell me more. Yes, I am interested in that. You feed into it. I will remember every detail that you tell me. I am active listening. Yes. But I was just like, not the sons. We were deep. We were in deep. Was she by herself? No, she had her her son, one of her sons. She has four. Oh one of her sons and her daughter-in-law, and then their four kids were there. And at one point I said, Mary Joe, your family's leaving. Did you drive with them? And she goes, Oh, they are? No, I didn't drive with them. And then she goes, Let me go say bye. I'll be back. Oh, she'll be back. Oh, yeah, we gotta go. You missed your calling, I think. I could have been a therapist. Yes. Or Oprah. I could have been Oprah. Or a talk show host. Yeah. You missed your calling for that for sure. It's not too late. But no, Michigan was really fun. I hate a lot of things right now. I'm in that part of pregnancy where you're like, throw the whole house away. Throw every single furniture piece I have away. The whole house needs painted. I was just telling them at work the other day, I was like, I'm not in the nesting phase where I'm like, oh, the baseboards are dirty. I need to clean them. I'm in the nesting phase where I'm like, the baseboards are white. They need repainted. And the whole house needs repainted. I hate everything about it. Wow. That's where I'm at. Okay. Yeah. Specifically, what I hate is that they try to make these days, these days. Like I was born in 1945. These days, they make these shit. But truly, like something that we had when we were younger will outlast something that we have brand new now. There's so many gimmicky things these days that you buy to try and make your life easier. And it's it's like advertised that it's gonna make your life easier, and then you spend all this money on it, and it actually makes your life so much worse. For example, a few years ago, it's probably been like five years, so it is kind of like an older vacuum, but we bought a vacuum. We bought a cordless vacuum because we were like, this is perfect. It was so expensive. They advertised it as like it's gonna clean up all the pet hair, it's cordless, it's gonna go everywhere with you. Like they have all of these like um pros to buying this. So we bought it. It sucks ass. It the vacuum is cordless, so it dies. Yeah. And then you have to charge. I'm like, oh well, I can't do the living room because I have to charge the vacuum. The basket is so tiny because it's portable, so it's like the tiniest in the world. Like it holds maybe one hairball, and then you've got to empty it out. It's just the suction sucks, literally, because it's cordless and it doesn't have enough power to even like, even though they like advertise it as this like all powerful vacuum. I wanna throw it away, this $500 vacuum, and buy a cheap $50 vacuum that plugs into the wall that will have 20 times more power than the one that I bought that's so gimmicky. And I feel that way about everything these days. Like nothing I buy ever works as good as you think it's gonna work. I would just like to say life comes at you real fast. One minute you're taking shots with your friends at 11 o'clock at night, and the next you're talking about the macular. I am very intrigued by this conversation. Like, I'm I'm like, this is crazy. I'm enraged. And it might just be because I am pregnant and I'm like, yes, I've heard that. You know what? We bought a dupe and it's fine. But we also don't have any carpet. Yeah. Which I wish we did in the bedrooms, but we don't have any carpet in my house. It's all wood, and we don't our dogs don't shed. And I'll run over the same crumb 10 times and I'll still see the damn crumb. Oh, you're kidding. On the ground. No, I feel that way about so many things. Like everything that's advertised, it's gonna like make your life easier. It actually sends me into a rage. But it's the same about like, I bought one of those robot vacuums one year, and it just kept getting stuck in the corner and being like, help me, I am stuck, you know. Whatever it said, yes, it was something like, I am stuck, find me. And you're like, now I'm hunting for a damn fucking robot. Somewhere it's under the couch now. It didn't even do half the living room before it got stuck. I don't like that it talks. I don't like that. Oh, it's not like you dumb bitch, come find me. It's just like it's got three phrases. I saw a robot mower the other day, but now that that would be nice. See, here we go again. See, here we go again. I'll buy the robot and it'll probably like take itself out for a drink, and then my card's not mowed. I'm just so over it. I want 1970s appliances back. Yeah, anyway. Yeah, I do. Okay, good. I'm so glad. Okay, one more thing. Next week's Spirit Week. It's my first spirit week for that you mean for us. Yeah. I was like, whatever do you mean? Are we next week? Are you gonna wear Mama needs a minute shirt? I wish we had some. No, next week's spirit week for school is my first spirit week for elementary school. Why is it so hard? I feel like all I do on this podcast these days is complain, but whatever happened to like pajama day. What are the days? Uh create messy hair day. Yeah. No. Tuesday's dot day. Dot. Dot D-O-T dot day. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that? No, what do you do? Do you think my six-year-old has anything in his closet that's dotted? That has a dot on it? Maybe you. Oh, I know. It's a dot day. Do little dots on his face. Great. Moving on. Uh Wednesday's monochromatic day. I hate it. Why? Why? What happened to Wacky Hair Day? You know what? What happened to Crazy Sock Day? I've got a crazy sock. Yeah. Why is it monochromatic? My kindergarten can't even say monochromatic. I had to Google what it was. I didn't even remember what monochromatic meant. Do you know? Yes, black and white. Oh, I thought it meant like everything one color. No. Oh shit. See? Mono messed up. Mono messed up. Well, maybe I'm wrong. And I don't know. I'm not trying to like hate on elementary school, but like, why couldn't it just be like wear your school colors day? Right. This is bull loaney. Monochromatic. I mean, come on. Oh, you're right. Look at that. All one color, right? Yes. I really understand now the memes where it's like, you really will be at your the the cliff's edge, ready to jump, and your school will be like, bring your pet fish to school day. And that's what they've been fucking doing to me. Anyways, moving on. This week, everybody sent in their first trimester confessions. Which I'm in my third, so it's hard to remember the first. It's all been a blur since then, but yeah. I got a I got a couple, I think back, but you probably remember your first two first trimesters better than this one. This one's just been like a blur. Yeah. What's yours? Well, oh wow. You know, the first trimester is one big sigh. I agree. It's a big sigh. All I remember, my pregnancies weren't that bad. I do remember like dealing with like nausea and stuff, but I never did you ever throw up? Yeah, that's my that's one of my stories, but okay. I was never, I never had like hypermises. I was never super nauseous. Yeah. It was always like with Mila, if I had like milk, I would feel sick, or like if I didn't eat. And this maybe it was like if I didn't eat. Julian, it was like if I smelt like meat for a couple weeks, I was like, oh, I'm gonna go puke. But I never threw up with him. I only threw up a couple times with Mila. And then this baby, maybe once I threw up, and that was just because my stomach was empty. And so I felt sick. No, but this was with this had to have been with Nora. I was like desperately wanted anything with like a mayonnaise base, like macaroni salad. I actually love mayonnaise. I love mayonnaise. Yeah. Macaroni salad. Honest, honest to God, I think I would have eaten a spoonful of mayonnaise if I would have been given the opportunity. Oh yeah. And I definitely did send Marco to the store. I said, it make sure that it says mayonnaise on the like potato salad or macaroni salad. It has to be mayonnaise. Mayonnaise based. But the one day I remember I went to Meyer after work and I bought the mint Oreos. Are you gonna dip them in mayonnaise? I'm scared. I'm laughing as you gasped. Because I had a picture of you dipping them in mayonnaise. No my god, but I ate an entire sleeve. I couldn't even wait. I could barely wait till I got the car. Just in the parking lot. I literally was shoveling them in. Yes. And then I was like, now I need some mayonnaise. Wait, now are you saying mayonnaise like true mayonnaise or salad dressing? No, like true mayonnaise. Because I prefer salad dressing. You know what I mean? No. Um, like miracle whip? Yes. Oh, you prefer miracle whip over mayonnaise. Not me. I like the tanginess of it better. So I didn't know if you were meaning actual. Now, did you like mayonnaise before? Yeah. This wasn't a new. No, but I really, really liked mayonnaise. Okay. Yeah. I thought you were gonna dip it in your Oreos. That's how much you liked it. That would be really crazy. But what did you crave? I never had anything weird. But with Julian, I didn't like pineapple before pregnancies, like growing up and whatever. I didn't like pineapple. And when I was pregnant with Julian, I was like, you know what I want really bad? Pineapple. And Noah was like, you don't like pineapple. And I was like, I want it, like right now. And I would eat like a pineapple of day. Like Noah was bringing home a full pineapple and cutting it up, and I was having the whole thing gone by the end of the day. And I like pineapple now. And not to like to that extent, but I will eat pineapple now and enjoy it. Where I didn't like it before, like my taste buds changed. They say they do. Yeah. I do like a pineapple. But I never was like, let me dip the pickle in a jar of mayonnaise and then in a mint Oreo afterwards. That would be really crazy. My crazy first trimester story was that when I was pregnant with Mila, I was working day shift at a hospital and I was in charge that day. And which means you're the boss of the day. You don't work it who's the boss. You're the boss of that. And I was feeling sick all day, but we were so busy. And I didn't have time to really like step away from the charge desk and puke. And so I was like holding it in and holding it in. And I finally was like, I gotta get away. So I asked to go to the bathroom. I went to the bathroom, I asked. I raised my hand. Well, you were the boss. I know. I mean, like I had to have somebody cover my shit. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I asked if somebody would, and I ran to the bathroom, barely made it because I had been holding it in, puked so hard. And I think it was because I was so busy and I hadn't eaten in a while and I was just already feeling sick that morning. Puked so hard that I peed myself fully and not just like a tinkle. Like I peed myself completely. And I just couldn't stop. Like it was just like with every puke, I was just peeing more and more. And it just had to be what it had to be because there was no stopping this now. I had held it in for too long. And so then I was like, fuck, what do I do? I just completely peed my pants. And I had to call somebody on labor because we work postpartum. If you work postpartum, you can wear normal scrubs, you know, normal pants and your assigned color shirt. When you work labor and delivery, they use surgical scrubs that they pull from a machine because it, you know, in case they have to go back for surgery to the OR. So I had to call labor and ask for them to give me a pair of those like surgical scrubs because I had full-blown peed myself. And they brought them over. And then I had to spend the whole rest of the day in surgical scrubs, and everyone kept asking me why I was in blue scrubs when that's not the colors that we normally wear. And I had to tell them that I puked and I peed myself. And then you had to clean up the bathroom. Yes. Most of it was just like all over my pants. Oh my God. And I was like, great, now I'm pee-pee pants for the rest of the day. And it's not like I can really leave. I'm in charge. Did everybody know you were pregnant? Yes. Oh, okay. At least they didn't. This was like, yeah, kind of the end of the first trimester where you like told people. Yeah, so yeah. I wasn't just like, guess what, guys? I puked and peed my pants. And they were like, wow, you need to go home. Okay. Yeah. No, they knew I was pregnant. Is it contagious? Yeah. I don't want the pukey pee pee episode you just had. That's probably the most embarrassing thing that happened to me. That's pretty bad in my first trimester. I didn't know about that. Yeah, you weren't there. I was day shift. Yeah. You were nice. What the heck were you doing on day? I know. Keeping your ass off, making less money. Literally. Peeing my pants. Peeing your pants. That's what I was doing. Sounds awful. They called me pee-pee pants the rest of the month. Wow. No, they didn't. Oh. I was like, that's so shitty. Day shift wood. No. Yeah. Because I came back from travel nursing and was like, I want to try day shift. And I was like, fuck this. This is for the birds and the bitches. I'm going back to nights. All the lights are on. Yeah. People are talking to me. What the hell? No, get me out of here. Anyways. We went to Italy on a baby moon of sorts, and on our way home in the Rome airport at 7 a.m., I needed protein. ASAP. I was at the end of my first trimester. I had eaten yogurt, fruit, croissants, but I needed something of substance or I was gonna barf. There was an airport food stand that was not even open yet, but they had two hot dogs from Shirley yesterday on one of those rotating heater things. The worker and I in our broken English slash Italian communicated that I was going to buy those hot dogs. I would have paid an egregious amount of money for them. She assured me that they didn't even have buns for these old ass hot dogs, and I didn't care. She handed them to me and I went to hand her the money, and she waved her hand at me with a disgusted look on her face and said, nah, for free. So I happily sat and gobbled up my two bunless hot dogs at 7 a.m. in the Rome airport. A week of incredible Italian food, and those two airport hot dogs are what I remember most because they saved my life. Wow. That's how I felt too. It was like if you didn't have your belly full, I was gonna barf. But I also felt the opposite of her because protein was the last thing I wanted with like all three of my pregnancies. But they say like that will change everything. The protein? Yeah. For your nausea and stuff. I bet, but like, yeah, no, I want a carb, yeah, a cracker. But you put a hot dog in my face, I'm gonna shove it down your own. I want to go on a baby moon to Italy. Yeah, that is so fun. Yeah, I love that. How um just like chic is that? It's like, oh my god, are you going on a baby moon? And you're like, yeah, and they're like, where, Texas? And you're like, no, Rome, actually. So chic. But the hot dog probably slapped, honestly, in that moment for her. I threw up driving home from work. Thank goodness I took emissus bags from work, but still really hard to watch the road and puke. Ugh. Um I feel like you've done that. Yes, I did throw up one time on the way home from work. And I did have an emissus bag, which is so smart to do if you work in healthcare. Keep one, even if you don't, I'm sure you can buy them on Amazon. Or you get you a friend who works in healthcare and they'll get you a big one. Get you an emissis bag. Get a Walmart bag, actually. Literally anything. One time though, my it this wasn't my first trimester, but it was like my third with Julian. I ate too much and I had to puke, and the only thing in my car was like an old McDonald's bag, puked right through it. Why did I make it in your car? I don't know that it was conveniently there. But as soon as I lifted it up, puke everywhere. That sucks. Yeah, you gotta keep a nemesis bag. Yeah. Can you imagine though getting in a like a car wreck and they're like, what happened? And you're like, I was puking. And I didn't like have you ever sneezed when you're driving? You're like, this is the end of me. This is where I go. Oh, really? I've sneezed when I'm driving, but I've never done it. You have to close your eyes when you sneeze. Not me. You just genuinely. I was like, you sneeze. That is like physically impossible. No wild sneeze with your eyes open. Isn't that wild? Like, what if what if I really did? Sneeze with your eyes open? Well, it's kind of like when they tell you when you're little, like if you sneeze with your eyes open, your eyes will pop out. What I never got told I did. But true, because you can't prove it. Horror story is this. It's like my high school health teacher told us that if you have a dream that you're falling and you always wake up before you land. Because if you do land, you die. What? Like, oh my god. Again, they were joking. Yeah, because they would never prove that. You'll never know. Yeah. But one of these days, tell me when you're gonna sneeze, and I'll just hold your eyes open. Yes.

unknown 27:58

No.

SPEAKER_00 27:58

I want to sneeze so bad now. Okay. Someone sneeze. Why me? Because you're back to yourself. I thought you'd be a willing participant, but I guess not. No. But, anyways, you've never like been driving and you go, you're like trying to hold in the sneeze because you're like, as soon as I do, I'm gonna die right off. I'm just gonna skirt over. No? It's just a sneeze. It's two seconds. But you kind of like your whole body can't get into it. Oh my god, are you okay? You know, you're like, hot jam. Oh my god. Has the side that never happened to you? No, I'm worried about you. I've swerved a couple times. Sneezing, honestly. Don't just stay clear of me. You know those those bumper stickers? Those bumper stickers. Well, yeah, Verelli in her band. She got me sneezing. You know those bumper stickers that say baby on board? Sneezer on board. I need one that says sneeze her on board. Be careful. I swear. She's about to sneeze. It's like I swear for squirrels. I swear for sneezes. Oh my god. Uh-huh. Anyways, okay. Well, I guess she was fine. She literally lived to tell the tale. Okay. The typical gag every time I brush my teeth symptom until it actually did cause me to throw up multiple times. Oh yeah. Brushing your teeth. Don't do that in the first trimester. Just take advice from us. We have great advice. Don't brush your teeth. Yeah. Don't do it. Don't sneeze. Don't brush your teeth. Just rot for the whole first trimester. You'll be better. You'll be back in a second. That's how my mom knew she was pregnant with me. She was brushing her teeth and she threw up. She gagged and she's like, oh shit. Oh God. Yeah. Here we go again. Here we go again. Okay. I was at work one day and I had a bad case of pregnancy constipation. Wow. I was on the toilet for about 20 minutes, and some coworkers started texting me asking where I was. She's just popping hemorrhoids out. None of your toilets. You're like, I'm two hemorrhoids deep, Brenda. That's where I'm at. Worry about yourself. And bring me, matter of fact, bring me some preparation, H. You won't be so nosy. Get your ass in here. I love how people like just like feel so comfortable because we really don't know who you are. Yeah. Like that could have been Ellie. Yeah. I would have anonymously written some raunchier shit. Yeah. Which you can do because it's anonymous. Please do. Okay. I took a taxi ride down a mountain in Barcelona. All right. Now come on now. Is this the same girl that went to Rome? Who are our listeners? Can you start sending us some money? Who is living these lavish lives in their first trimester? I'm honestly fine. Oh my god. We're like, I literally said hey, let's roll or sleeve of Oreos in Walmart parking lot. She says. One time in Barcelona. Damn. Yeah, she's like, oh, totally relatable. When I was in Rome. We love that for you though. No, I agree. Yeah, yeah. I took a taxi ride down a mountain in Barcelona with freshly pre while freshly pregnant, and it still sends a shiver up my spine when I think about how terrible it was. I think I've sworn off Spain because the thought of the country entirely makes me nauseous now. Oh, yeah, like going down a mountain. Doing twirls and twirls and twirls, like going down around a mountain. That sounds terrifying nauseous. And just nauseous. Did you know that kids have to be a certain age to go a certain like elevation? Oh, I think I did know that when we were living in Colorado. Yeah. They said that because of the like oxygen. I don't know. I knew someone who like got stopped going up a mountain and they didn't know. And they were like, Oh, you can't bring the baby up. Well, good thing they stopped. Probably just because of the perfusion, like their lack of oxygen or whatever. It'd be harder for them to perfuse. Which you'd think they're like a smaller body, that'd be easier for their body to like regulate versus like a seven foot tall man that's got a you know, not seven foot tall. I ain't a doctor. As my used car salesman, as my car salesman point out might like to point out. I'm not a doctor, I don't know. I was pregnant during peak COVID time and I worked as a caretaker. My morning sickness was absolutely horrible. I had a donut that morning, and while I was at work, I started getting nauseous. I was also working in a different location and I wasn't even familiar with the employee bathroom or where the employee bathroom was. I told my patient I would be right back because I knew that donut was coming up. I started running down the hall to find a bathroom and I didn't make it. And I went into the facility living room and puked inside my COVID mask, all over my hands from trying to not make a mess on the floor and in the sink. Oh no. Oh in the mask. Oh, just sitting in there. Those masks when you're pregnant are a nightmare. Awful. I could never take a deep breath. No. And you're just the smells. The mask smell. Even if you brush your teeth and chew gum and do all the things, there was a mask smell. There was a mask smell that you had to smell it. Yeah. No, that's rough. Wow. And like all these doing all these jobs, like that is the only time I think I've ever wished I was just like at a desk job, is like the first trimester where you're just like, if I'm nauseous, if I don't feel good, I'm by myself, I'm in this cubby. Yeah, I can avoid people. I don't have to talk to people. When you work in like healthcare or something, and it's your first trimester and you feel like shit, and you're like, I still have to go like take care of patients and stuff, so horrible. Yeah. And you just can't be like, you know, I feel like shit, Margaret. So here's your colece. Or like if you if you were like a first coacher or something. Exactly. Yeah. You can't be like, now we're gonna watch a movie today and all day, every day. Where's Bill Nye when we need him? Do you do they still watch Bill Nye in school? No, I don't think. I introduced him to Julian the other day because he's into like science experiments and stuff. Bill. Yeah. I was like, Bill Nye, the science guy. Bill, Bill, Bill. And I don't think they do that anymore. They probably have like an updated version of Bill. Yeah. You know, Richard. William. Richard Dan, the science man. Bill is sort of William. Not Richard. Where'd we get Dick from Richard? Where'd we get Bill from William? I don't know. William? Yes. That's the thing. People have been trying to help me with baby names lately. And they'll give me a name. And they'll be like, oh, but then you know they might nickname it this. Who's they? Yeah. Because I if I say that that's not the nickname, that ain't the nickname. What do you mean? They might who's then? We've had two people recently ask Nora if her name is short for something. What? No? I guess Nora short for. Like Eleanor. Yeah. Like my kids gonna come home from school one day and be like, they keep calling me Bill and I'm William. They get stuck. Who's they? Who is the they? If I say that's the name, that's the name. It doesn't matter. You don't need a girl name. Yeah, it's definitely gonna be boy. I think that's the reason we are having such a hard time finding a girl name, but we have a boy name is because it's a boy. I really think it's a boy. Destiny. But then how fucked would I be if it was a girl? And then I'm like, ah, this whole time I was like, eh, I don't have to worry about it. I have been thinking about this. What? What I'll do? No, names. Oh, for me? Yeah. You got a couple off camera? No. Maybe, maybe off. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay, what's next? Next week, we're gonna talk about the best and worst advice you got while pregnant or postpartum. Because you know everybody's got an opinion. Yeah, everybody's gotta give you their advice. They do. We're gonna talk about it. Okay, fine. So everyone have a great, great weekend. See you in a minute.