From Cocaine Addiction to Spiritual Awakening | Human Mask Podcast

In this powerful episode of the Human Mask Podcast, Richy Thrower sits down with James, a former British Army soldier who opens up about his battle with a serious cocaine addiction during his time in service.

Behind the discipline and structure of military life, James was fighting a silent war. Addiction, pressure, and inner struggles nearly cost him everything…until a turning point changed his life forever.

In this raw and honest conversation, James shares how discovering Ayahuasca (often referred to as “Iwaska”) became a life-altering moment in his journey, helping him confront his past, heal deeply, and find a new path through spirituality. Alongside the unwavering support of his incredible wife, he’s rebuilt his life with purpose, clarity, and strength.

This episode dives into:

* The hidden reality of addiction in the military
* Hitting rock bottom and the wake-up call that followed
* The role of plant medicine in healing trauma
* How spirituality reshaped his mindset and life
* The importance of having the right people around you

This isn’t just a story about addiction, it’s about transformation, redemption, and finding your true self.

If you’re struggling, or know someone who is, this conversation could change everything.

Subscribe for more real, unfiltered conversations that uncover the truth behind the mask.

#HumanMaskPodcast #AddictionRecovery #BritishArmy #SpiritualAwakening #MentalHealth #Veterans #RecoveryJourney

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Today on the human mask, I've got James Hunt, veteran, turned social entrepreneur. Welcome, James. Yeah, thanks for thanks for having me. No problem. I know it was a bit of a last-minute podcast, this really, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But no, no, no. Yeah, thanks for having me here, mate. And the to start the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

Yeah. Okay. Because you don't know, because this I'm just going to help James out a bit here, because it is a last-minute edition, if you like. Uh, we both know Richie Thrower. Uh, we met at Richie Thrower's premiere and we were getting on famously and having a chat, and then something happened. I think I don't know what happened, but anyway, we we didn't get to continue the chat. Um, so I don't know James properly, which is good. Um so I'm gonna start the I only asked one question. There's only one thing that's planned on my podcast, which is this first question. Everything else is just completely unplanned and unscripted, okay? So the first question is, and you can tell by the way, I'm I'm hard helping you because it's not I don't want a straight answer, yeah, if you like. Is um who are you? Who are you?

SPEAKER_01 1:01

Who am I? It's it's a really good question, actually, and it's uh it's something that I've was asking myself for a very, very long time. Um, and I was extremely lost. And to be honest here, this is this whole podcast is actually gonna be about who I've become, I suppose. Um so in a nutshell, um I um am a rec in recovery from a very long cocaine and and alcohol addiction. Um and as you said, you know, I'm uh I've I've I've now found myself through uh giving back community um and um yeah that you know so I I'd I'd I'd consider myself a social entrepreneur um and uh I'm a husband, father, um a grandfather. Yeah, yeah. So um yeah, who am I? That's uh it's it's hard to put in a in in a phrase. It's really hard it's a really hard to put in a phrase.

SPEAKER_02 2:02

Um because obviously most people would and straight away go to their job title, yeah, yeah, or like you say, father, that those sort of things. But who you are as a core, um I I touch on it a few times in in posts and stuff, is like when you were in the womb, for example, before you were called James, before you had your parents' influence on you or the culture or whatever happened to you in trauma, whatever it was, is like who are you at your core?

SPEAKER_01 2:26

Because I'm a spiritual being, yeah. You know, I and I and and I you know I listened to uh Alan Watts a lot and he he touched on this uh a lot, you know, before we were given our name, before the social conditioning.

SPEAKER_02 2:38

Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_01 2:39

Um, you know, we were uh essentially perfect. Um and you know, as uh as your life goes on, you uh you get what you're given and it turns you into um yeah, turns you into whatever you whatever mask you're wearing, I suppose. Yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

Yeah. Uh because Alan, I love Alan Watts, by the way. But um where was I going with that? You everyone's got a different, like, I don't know, somebody just taken to music or this or that. So as time goes on, hopefully people get to discover who they are, I suppose, and what they their interests are and what vibes with them, what their frequency is. So I'm not putting words in your mouth, but from just having a brief chat with you before, which I love and I think it's really important, is having a serving, a serving energy. If you want to serve, then the the the universe rewards that it feels good and and it just rolls from there, doesn't it? So so sorry, go on.

SPEAKER_01 3:39

Yeah, no, no, I absolutely and it's it's actually something like I say, you know, when um I've never met someone who has helped someone and said, fucking hell, that felt bad. So true, you know, it meant every single person that helped, you know, when you help someone, it feels good. So that that's a sign, you know, like that that that that to me is the essence of why we're here, you know, to to help, to give back, and uh yeah, you know absolutely, you know.

SPEAKER_02 4:06

Intent's really important. People don't understand intent properly. So that could be as simple as you're in a group of blokes and someone takes a piss out of you, and you think, hmm, you that wasn't that wasn't a joke. You're being you can just suss the intent out behind it. So you know you're being a dick or whatever. Yeah, and that's the same sometimes with people who give. You can think they're not giving with that right intent and they're doing it because they think there's a difference between helping someone um and then helping someone and sticking it straight on Instagram, you know, there's there's a there's a big difference, you know.

SPEAKER_01 4:38

Yeah, 100%.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

Yeah, um, yeah, so so we'll well that question I suppose has has got half developed into itself, and you'll probably think about it all week, like, who am I? Um but I suppose uh uh James currently is somebody who is serving because what you do, so do you wanna so tell me tell me what it is you do at the moment for for work and how you give back?

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Yeah, so I mean at the moment I'm I've got a non-profit uh plumbing heating company called CAF Gas. So CAF stands for uh community action force. Um and basically we uh operate like a for-profit company in that we charge our customers to install, service, and repair the boiler. Um the difference with us is that we're a community interest company, so uh we have to give back. Um I say have to like it's a chore, but we give back, you know, we we we give back to the community uh through various different initiatives that that that are run. Uh one being um the uh help for heating, which is free boiler repairs for for veterans. Um through our one localized area or UK? Um it's one localised area at the moment. We're we're only a small a small company. Um where? Sorry, yeah. So in in we're based in North Wales. North Wales. Um yeah, so we're right on the borderline of um of of of of uh England and Wales, so we're right next to Chester. Um so we cover we're we're based in the D-side area, Flintshire. Um another thing that I do is I have a community organization called Nanny Biscuit, uh named after my nan, because she used to sneak everyone biscuits. Um so we have uh food pantries um where it's heavily subsidised uh food. Um yeah um, excuse me. Um yeah, along with uh another initiative that I'm growing at the moment called the Grand Week in Wales, which I'll I'll go into depth in a bit because it's a it's a mammoth, that one.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

Okay, yeah, don't have me forget that one then. What was it called?

SPEAKER_01 6:40

A Grand Week in Wales. A Grand Week in Wales, okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:42

And and like you ski you skip to which I've noticed with as a common thread with people that give back. Because on the surface, oh yeah, do this and do that, but they don't understand because you're not because you wouldn't do that, because you're not that type, is to all that effort underneath that it takes the paperwork, the managing people, the organising it, it's it's a it's a big job, isn't it? It's not just oh, I've just done that and done that. It's not that easy.

SPEAKER_01 7:06

It is a big job. Um, but I'm very fortunate to have an amazing group of volunteers um that that take care of the pantries. Uh, you know, they're they're they're amazing, absolutely amazing. So gr so grateful to them. Um my wife, she's uh she's involved in in the company. Um so yeah, because the paperwork side of it, that's that's not that's not my thing. That's not my thing at all. That's not who you are. No, definitely definitely not.

SPEAKER_02 7:32

So going back back on your life then, because you said, because you've just telling telling these. Um I was saying ex-veteran, so I was I was um Rich and James corrected me. How can you be an ex-veteran? I was like, oh yeah, you're a veteran, or you're not. So you were in the forces, yeah. Uh and you you were saying how you were a drug addict as well. Yeah, yeah. So was that in the forces before, after? What's it? Give me a give me a brief timeline with James.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, of course. I'll I'll I'll I'll start at the beginning. So, I mean, uh my early childhood up to 10 was you know, good, uh really good. Um in where in Flint Sure? No, no, sister's dad. I was born in Reading. Reading. Um so uh yeah, you know, and um I've got amazing mum and dad, um, sister and brother. Um and my parents moved to Tenerife when uh I was ten, and that's where my life started to to take a completely different turn. Um Why Tenerife? Why did they go to Tenerife? Because they they bought a bar over there. Um so my dad was following his dreams, you know, um, which is you know, um, yeah, and um Which is what, okay. Put him which is okay. Absolutely, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it's uh my dad's my dad's drive and um entrepreneurial spirit is is what's you know has is has helped me massively. Um and um but things took a turn really because uh we went to a Spanish school and uh you know obviously I mean I went there, I didn't speak a word of Spanish, so you don't it didn't fit in. That must have been really hard. Uh yeah, yeah, yeah. The first day. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:07

Were you brother and sister with you then at the time? Yeah, yeah. So Were you the oldest or you?

SPEAKER_01 9:10

Yeah, I was the eldest. Um and yeah, so we we got you know, but it's amazing how quickly you you pick a language up. Um but you know, I was different in I was different in there. Uh it was completely different to you know, different culture, different, different um uh language. Um, and you know, not fitting in, I this is where I really I first got into drugs, really. And it was um I smoked a bit of weed with with a few of the lads. I was old are you now? At some 11 when when this happens, um, and they became my friends. Um and uh that I kind of repeated that pattern that uh making friends through drugs my whole life, really. Um and then when I was 12, uh one of my friends over there, his his dad uh was a dealer, and um I went into the house and they were all asleep and I saw a huge rock of coke. I didn't know what it was. I think I might have seen it in a film, I knew it was naughty. Um and I just picked a bit out and run to my friend, he he knew what it was, and um, you know, did a did a did a line of coke. Uh and that same age at 11. Yeah. 12 years old, yeah. And from that, really, it just um it completely r um removed my fear of taking drugs. You know, I'd done a class A drug. Um, you know, it doesn't get much higher than Coke. Um and um, you know, like in in the space of sort of from going there at 10 years old, I was a completely normal, innocent child. And then within three years I was smoking, drinking, smoking weed, um, having sex and sniffing coke. Um coke wasn't a regular thing, it was uh it was just a once there, but like I say, it it it it it put me on my path. So when we moved back, we moved back in um I think it was '93. And my old friends in Reading had changed that much, like that they just didn't, you know, we we just didn't reconnect. Um I was kind of ostracized from that from that group and just made friends with people that take drugs. That was that was my that was my tribe. Um and then we moved up to uh North Wales. Um I think that was '93 still.

SPEAKER_02 11:25

What following the pub dream again or following your dad's game?

SPEAKER_01 11:27

My dad just wanted a new start away from away from Reading. So we moved to a place called Harden. Um and um, yeah, you know, my my drug taking just can continued and um, you know, smoked weed and you know, met met, you know, lads that are still friends with now, really good lads. Um and that was our that was our thing, you know. We it was uh you know weed straight away and then get to 15 and it was speed on the weekends. Um and then start taking pills and that smashed them for you know for a couple of years. Um and then when we got into the pubs, like couldn't take pills in the pubs because you know you're a fucking mess, uh sweaty mess. But uh so it was drinking, and then that's that's where I I connected back with Coke. And um yeah, I'd I'd probably say within six months I was addicted to it. And um, I'm just one of those people as well. I like when I when I do something, I go all in. How was you earning to fund it? Uh so I mean I I was my dad was a gas engineer, so I I I learned the trade through him, and um I went self-employed quite early on, and you know, there's a lot of cash down cash down back there. Um and yeah, you know, got into my 20s and it went from being a weekend thing to then having a cheeky one on a Wednesday night, and then it just slowly crept into the point that it got Daily? Yeah, as soon as I woke up. Uh I mean about 25 years old, I was yeah, it was as soon as I woke up, just licking the you know the bag, whatever whatever I did. Just a key, not a line, because it's morning. And as soon as it wears off, you know, like you, you know. You're ringing for one and yeah, exactly, and uh and then you're getting in and at night wired, so you're just drinking as much as you can and then getting more, and it was just this endless cycle. Um I mean the only way I can describe it is is a live in hell, you know, like it was uh it it took control of me. Um and I did, you know, I mean I was a fucking nightmare, you know. Like I I'm very, very lucky. Like I've got an amazing wife. Um we've we had a child uh with each other. Um how old are you when this is happening? Sorry, just to go this is 20.

SPEAKER_02 13:42

Yeah, so like um Did you meet her when you were like this? Is what I was getting out of school?

SPEAKER_01 13:45

Yeah, so uh no. So me and my wife, we met each other when we were in school. Um and then we had a baby with each other, like we were only I was only 18. Um and um I wasn't with her for the for the first four years, um, and I just went fucking wild. Uh I mean I was still wild when when she got back, when I got back with her, but m I kept my addiction secret. Um yeah, yeah, from everyone. Um, you know, I started to notice that it was only me taking it in the week. Did you go into debt with it? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:16

Was it all on tick and yeah, tick.

SPEAKER_01 14:19

Um I stole, um, stole off my parents. Um I was in I was in it deep, you know, really, really deep. And um what I found what I I think you I mean there's levels to addictions, you know, there's there's people that are like like binge drinking and full-on alcoholics, and you know, I become an alcoholic through it as well, because uh, you know, you got I I can't I can't sniff without having a drink, and I can't drink without sniffing, so they both go hand in hand. Um and yeah, got to a point where I was doing an eight for day. Um and uh yeah, yeah. That is mega. Oh yeah, yeah, it was it was and to fund that, take some funding, that is. Yeah, and then what what I found when I got to about 24 or 25 is like I was making so many bad decisions in my life. Because of that, yeah, that it got to the point that I was taking coke to escape. So as soon, like as soon as I'd wake up in the morning, I'd be like, oh fuck, my life's a mess. And then I'd just sniff to to to escape that hell. But then like paranoia, I used to like have drug-induced psycho psychosis where I'd think people were following me. I used to think helicopters were following me. I thought an elderly woman was following me around a supermarket once. I nearly approached her to tell her to stop, you know. It was I've ripped skirting boards off the wall thinking there's cameras behind it, window twitching. Uh it was fucking awful. It's literally a living hell. Um and it's uh yeah, and that's that's what made me really make the decision. You know, I wanted to join the army when I was when I was younger. I had my my first child and my dad said to me, Look, if you join the army now, you're not gonna see your child grow up. Uh you've got a good job, just do that. Um and then yeah, I got to sort of 27 and you know, my life was a mess. Uh I was like I say, I was making terrible decisions every single day, and it was uh just living and burying all the shame and guilt through coke and alcohol. So I I then started to look at joining the TA. Um we're like we were in Afghan at that time, and I I wanted to do you know, something in me really wanted to go and do a tour. Um, so I then I just thought, right, now if I'm gonna do it, I want to do it properly, I'm gonna join to join the army, and plus that's gonna get me away from from here. Um so got to 30 and they upped the uh the joining age 230. So I said to my wife, I was like, right, it's it's now or never, yeah, you know, you know I did do it, do it, or I'm not I'm not gonna be able to do it.

SPEAKER_02 17:00

She's still not there at this point.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Oh yeah, oh no, no. So yeah, I mean it all it all came out in in 20 sorry, 2007.

SPEAKER_02 17:10

What age are you?

SPEAKER_01 17:11

Uh 20 about 27. Um, like every basically everything caught up with me. You know, I went bankrupt and um yeah, you know, everything everything came down.

SPEAKER_02 17:23

What did that look like? Is that just like a full crying fit, just blubbering what is going on, help me, help me. Or was it a case of running away and people saying, Where's he gone? How did it look?

SPEAKER_01 17:31

Suicidal thoughts, um yeah, absolutely not wanting to be here. Um and just just despair, just absolute despair. Um, and I I I saw the army as as as a way out, really.

SPEAKER_02 17:46

Going back to 27 when you yeah when it came to a head, did it something inside you just say I need to stop this? Did you stop at 27? Or did it just come to a head at 27?

SPEAKER_01 17:56

It came to a head, um, but I was still taking it, so I just knew that I had to get away from where from where I was.

SPEAKER_02 18:02

So it comes ahead at 27. You everyone knows now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your wife and everyone knows, you're in everything.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

Yeah, and uh um so but I I carried on secretly taking it.

SPEAKER_02 18:10

But not as much.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

Uh no, no, that's still simple. Still still in it, yeah. Still in it.

SPEAKER_02 18:14

Weren't they on you? Weren't everybody weren't everybody on you?

SPEAKER_01 18:17

Oh yeah, that that's the how did you manage to do it with everybody like I think everyone just got so used to me being on Coke that that's what you were exactly that, exactly that.

SPEAKER_02 18:26

So they couldn't tell the difference, yeah, yeah. Um yeah, so someone helped to get you out of debt then and stuff, or huh?

SPEAKER_01 18:32

Yeah, my dad, my dad paid off dealers for me. No way. Um and uh yeah, so I just knew that I knew that I had to get away. So uh in 2010, joined the army. Did you feel fit then somehow? No, no, no, no, no, no, not at all. Uh no, no, as a as a you know, as a mess, really, compared to the other lads joining the army. I mean, I I just passed the fitness test um to get into training.

SPEAKER_02 18:59

You're with like 16-year-olds then?

SPEAKER_01 19:01

Yeah. Because you got it at 30 with any of the 30-year-olds.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

No, no.

SPEAKER_01 19:04

You were the only one? Yeah, the only one, yeah. So you like the father figure. I was older than the sergeant. Were you? Yeah, yeah. So, but it's strange because as soon as I got into training, for the first time in my life then, I had structure. I knew exactly where I was gonna be and what I had to do, and didn't have one crave like in training, not one single craving at all, like like a a switch had gone off.

SPEAKER_02 19:27

Um that's a in a human behaviour, you think that's a purpose thing then? You had like a real purpose. Uh I think it's because you fell into the engineering side and you were surrounded by people, but was this felt like more of a purpose then?

SPEAKER_01 19:37

Yeah, well, purpose and you know, I obviously the wheel to get off it. Um and uh you know, I've got ADHD, so I was just gonna ask you that question. I was just gonna ask you. So, like the the you know, being in the army, like the the training, training was amazing, you know, like it just doing loads of cool shit, you know, going out and I'd I'd you know I I just loved doing all that. Uh I was very, very unfit. So I struggled, I struggled with that. Um but uh what about resilience?

SPEAKER_02 20:05

Um was your resilience naturally there? Because obviously in the army you'd need resilience, you'd get up at this time because you've got to get up early, haven't you, and do these things. How was you with that? Well, it's because you're 30, aren't you? Not 16 right now.

SPEAKER_01 20:17

So my you know, I was I wouldn't say I was very mature, um, but uh I yeah, you know, I like I I just didn't fuck about in there, you know.

SPEAKER_02 20:25

Like I I I I something inside you said is this is it, like my last chance to lose.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

Yeah, yeah. So um like the only thing I struggled with in in the art in in training was um uh was my fitness um and getting injured, which I'll go I which I'll get into in a minute because I was injured a lot. Um yeah. So like I passed out in 2011, um, but I took an injury to the unit with me. Um and I mean at the end of the day, like I've I've just told you my past, so I didn't look after myself for a long time. So obviously then getting into that just constantly injured. And uh yeah, so I arrived in Germany, um, and yeah, I bought an injury to there. And like the other the main bulk of the of of of uh of the unit was actually in Afghan at the time. Um so I got there and uh they wanted volunteers for uh uh the officers' mess. Um so I got put into that, which is just a really shit roll. It was because you're injured, you mean? Well, yeah, yeah, because I was injured, they put me into that, and I then started to really really struggle as well. So that when all the lads come back, I was injured. So like in the army, if you if you're injured, you know, like you're not treated well, you know, like and I and I I get I get it, you know, like that you're if you're injured, you're you you bring, you know, you're you're bringing people down with you, you know, if you if you're if you're in Afghan or anything like that. Um and it's just it's just the culture now, you know. If uh and I think a lot of people thought that I was faking my injuries um But I had a torn house ring, you know, so and I I would go back too quickly and it would just re rehappen.

SPEAKER_02 22:06

So Yeah, because you were getting shit off the other lads. Yeah, yeah. And you're provided, all right. Come on, man.

SPEAKER_01 22:11

Exactly. And um, yeah, just that not fitting in and being, you know, not being part of it, feeling part like part of the group, that started to affect my mental health. Yeah, but it did. That hurt a bit, didn't it? Yeah, it did, it did, it did. And uh, you know, uh drinking, snu snuck back in, and then you know, sort of coke. Um, not nowhere near to the level of before I joined. Um, and I managed to shake my injury and uh just past the fitness test to get to Afghan. Got to Afghan. I was doing well for five weeks and then got another injury. Um sustained a back injury, and that actually went on to be life-changing. I've uh I've still still carry that injury now.

SPEAKER_02 22:52

Um and uh the five weeks you were there, did that kind of reset the relationship with the other lads at least? Pudding? Did the five weeks that kind of reset the relationship like oh he is here, looking he is doing it?

SPEAKER_01 23:02

And and I and I was doing well. Uh this is like fun right there. And t tell a lie, sorry, it wasn't it wasn't five weeks, it was it was uh it was it was uh it was two and a half months that I was there. Um and then I had to go to I had to get I got put to uh Camp Bastion because I was uh stood in in uh in a dinner hall and I thought someone was pouring hot coffee down my back and I looked there and there's no one there, and it was my nerves. So I'd I damaged my back. And uh my ner um so they sent me to Bastion and I'd popped my disc basically. And um yeah, you know, just uh they they tried to rehab me. I was in Camp Bastion for five weeks, and then I got sent back to the sent back to the front line and then it reoccurred, and then I got Casivat back, back home. And yeah, from from there Yeah, just you know, I didn't feel part of it anymore. And um uh yeah, you know, p people made their made it, you know, made their thoughts known that they thought I was taking a piss and and stuff like that, despite all the medical evidence that I had. Um and then we uh free mercy and disbanded and we went back to Bulford and um I was uh on long-term sick there um and I was medically discharged um in 2016. Um but during the like the last year of my of my service um I um I was I was I was mishandled really. I was I should have been put into a long-term sick unit to recover, but my medical officer wasn't wasn't there. So I was passed from to different doctors in the med in the medical centre, and all they did was kept on giving me a a chit saying you're off for two weeks. But the chits that they give you, it's a it's a sickness chit. And I got seen by someone from a unit, and he's like, You shouldn't be out, you should be in your house because you're on this you're not on this chit. So I just took it that I had to stay in my house, so for you know, nine months, I was basically confined to my house, and I just completely spiralled and you know went very, very deep. You by yourself, you're like, Yeah, with my wife, but she's in work for a lot of the time. Um and I just uh yeah, I just spiralled and uh you know my uh uh everything came back and uh I was I I was uh medically discharged in in 2016. Um but before, yeah, so but I was I was this is where my life started to actually turn around. So I I went back into that invisible prison again.

SPEAKER_02 25:36

And where are you now physically this?

SPEAKER_01 25:38

So we're we're in Bullford. Where's that Bullford? Uh it's uh Salisbury Way.

SPEAKER_02 25:42

Oh yeah, yeah. So So now you you're out of the army now at this point. Um but still in Bullford.

SPEAKER_01 25:47

Well, no, no, no. I'm I'm still in the army and we're I'm waiting to be discharged. Um and uh but this is really where my my life takes a different turn. So um I met my brother, my brother had been had been travelling, um, and he told me that he'd he'd been into uh the Amazon jungle and he'd drunk this uh a potion uh called ayahuasca. So and it was it was weird. So as soon as he said I'd never even heard of of of ayahuasca before, and um as soon as he said the word ayahuasca, the only way I can describe it is my whole body just filled full of this. It's happening right now. It's happening right now to me. Yeah, it's happened to me. Yeah, it's just filled full of this massive energy, and I was like, what like all like yeah, yeah, all my hair stood up on edge. I can see you got the. I know something happening right now as you were saying it, as you said it happened to me.

SPEAKER_02 26:42

Yeah, it was so weird.

SPEAKER_01 26:43

Um and I was just like, what the fuck was that? And uh, you know.

SPEAKER_02 26:48

I'm just I'm gonna stop you at this point. This is this is like a section of stories, and yeah, yeah. So have you had any sort of uh you've no, you haven't put your foot into any sort of do you dip your toe into any sort of spirituality at this point at all? No, no, no. So at this point here, it's just what you've said.

SPEAKER_01 27:03

I was spiritually dead at that point.

SPEAKER_02 27:06

I've never heard that one before. No, I've gonna make that one. Yeah, spiritually dead. I was like, It sounds to me like you were there's like a I don't know what you if you've looked into yourself at this point before the brother. Let's use the brother as a as a like a uh bookmark. It's like an identity crisis almost, isn't it? Because you've gone to Spain, I'm I'm in Spain now, my English and Spanish, what's going on here? Then you've gone back, you're not fitting with them mates in Reading. Now you're in Flintshire, then I'm I'm I'm I gas engineer like my dad. Now I'm in the army because that's what I think I want, but my body's so full of stress that I'm getting injured, because that's a real reason. Because your internal, it was your internal identity that was causing the injuries, really. It wasn't probably the army of the exercise.

SPEAKER_01 27:44

Yeah, you're you're you're absolutely right.

SPEAKER_02 27:46

And then I'm just guessing. Yeah, yeah. I'm I'm not but I don't put words in your mouth either.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

No, no, no, no, no. I mean you're right.

SPEAKER_02 27:51

It's an identity, and that's what's causing the stress in your body, yeah. That's what's causing the injuries that you had, I'm assuming. Yeah, I've got to be able to do that. Have you looked into before we go forward for from your brother? Have you analyzed your life from 10 to speaking to brother? That's what I'm asking you, I suppose.

SPEAKER_01 28:06

I mean, I've I've I mean I I have looked back, and you're absolutely right. So, I mean, I've I've had I've looked at where my life changed when I was, you know, uh being very, very happy as a as a child to then completely uprooted and having to, you know, I completely change and and it has been and like a searching for who I am. I I I feel like you know, so yeah, yeah, no, I I totally totally agree with you there.

SPEAKER_02 28:35

And like when the coke comes in, it it it masks it's an escape because you don't know who you are, you don't know what to do about that feeling, and you just go into the coke.

SPEAKER_01 28:45

What coke is amazing. You're running away, aren't you? Yeah, what coke is amazing at doing. I mean, everyone knows you know, it makes your your mouth numb, but it doesn't just numb your mouth, it numb you emotionally. I mean, I don't know, uh, but well, you know, like uh you've only got to look listen to a group of lads laughing when they're on coke, and you can just tell they're on coke because it's it's not an authentic laugh. It's like you know, uh it it just it just it just numbs you.

SPEAKER_02 29:09

That's great. I've never heard that anyone do that one either before. Because you're right, and there's a a different vibe and frequency and energy to that. Definitely when that's fake, is yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:16

It's completely fake. There's no chill, there's nothing. No, no, no, no, it's uh it's completely fake and it's edgy, exactly. And I'd my I'd made my life so bad that you know coke was the only thing that would could release dopamine. And when you take coke for a long, long time like I did, you're so what happens with your natural dopamine level, uh your baseline completely drops. So you're giving yourself this spike of dopamine, very, very short-lived, and then it drops again, and you're you're you're just constantly in a state of not being happy.

SPEAKER_02 29:48

And also just the thought of of that next bag spikes a little bit of dopamine, don't it? So that's why you're chasing it.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

And uh like and you know, even the you know, the horrible paranoia I used to get with it. Um, like just that was better than being I was so uncomfortable with with who I was. The psychosis, the constant paranoia was better than being me. You know, it was just pure escapism.

SPEAKER_02 30:14

Um okay, so go back to now. So your brother's been travelling, he said ayahuasca. We both got the same feeling when you said that.

SPEAKER_01 30:21

Yeah, so so what I'm also gonna do as well, I'm also gonna put a disclaimer here because I um I'm psychedelics are not for everyone, you know, and these are very, very powerful psychedelics, and I'm gonna I'm gonna talk about two that have that have helped change my life, and I am by no means telling people if they're suffering with this to go and do it, you know, like um it was it was my path. Um, so my disclaimer.

SPEAKER_02 30:46

Yeah, well, I've got just funny gonna say some similar reviving here, aren't we? Um, because I was gonna say that is a cold, hard plunge into cold water of of spirituality, yeah. Yeah, you know, it's not a gradual, oh, I'm gonna do a bit of meditation, I'm gonna need to mindfulness, and you gradually look get to the empty mushrooms or ayahuasca, you've gone bosh. Yeah, I'm assuming you haven't told that bit of the story yet.

SPEAKER_01 31:09

Yeah, I just I just knew like something in me knew that that's what I had to do and I and I went and did it. But at the same time, you know, it can cause issues for people. So, you know if you're not prepared already, yeah, yeah. Or you know, like i i if it if they're not mentally ill, um then you know if they're sorry, if they're mentally ill, it can it can make things worse. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:29

So your brother's gone, they go back because it's my fault I've interrupted you. So you your brothers then said, I've been on traveling, yeah, ayahuasca, you've got the chosen, and you've gone and you've asked, I assume you then started to ask lots of questions about it.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

Yeah, so I just obsessed about it. I could I I just could not stop thinking about it. And I know now that this is like part of manifestation. Um, the universe just I had an unexpected amount of money. My wife was pregnant with twins, but she wasn't too pregnant that I couldn't I could that I couldn't leave her. And there was a gap just before we moved back home where because as soon as I moved back home, she would have been too too pregnant to leave her. It just opened up perfectly, like just perfect timing. So I went to I went to uh well I went to study Amazon, went to a Kitos in in Peru. By yourself, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:18

On your brother's recommendation, the same people.

SPEAKER_01 32:19

No, no, no. Just uh I just I just uh researched it and f found a place that I wanted to go and um that you vibed with. Yeah, yeah. So uh you flew out there, that's it. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:29

You've never done any spirituality before.

SPEAKER_01 32:30

No, no, no. That is mad. So um, yeah, so that is a cra that's crazy that's one of the craziest stories you've told so far. Oh you wait until you get to get to Africa.

SPEAKER_00 32:40

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you wait. Um right, okay.

SPEAKER_01 32:44

Yeah, so yeah, so that's where I found ayahuasca. So for everyone that doesn't know what ayahuasca is, ayahuasca is a a potion that's been drunk in the Amazon by indigenous people over there for thousands of years. Um, and it's a mixture of two plants. It's a mixture of the ayahuasca vine, um, and that is brewed um with another plant. Um, usually uh in in in the Amazon it'd be shikuna, and that can contains uh DMT, and they bowl that up for hours and um you drink it and it takes you into a psychedelic experience, which can be good or bad. Um but it what it what it does is help you release buried trauma. Um so yeah, so like and what you do is you know shaman serves it up for you, and then you sit in like a like a round, it's called a maloka, which is a big uh big round tent, if you like, but it's a really big one. And you drink it, and um yeah, you know, it can bring on visions, it can take you into your past to show you, you know, your your buried trauma, like you're sick on it, you you know, a lot. Um with other people, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:56

Like an organised trip. Yeah, so how much was it if you don't mean asking?

SPEAKER_01 33:59

Uh it's a couple of grand.

SPEAKER_02 34:00

Which was back when? When what year is this?

SPEAKER_01 34:01

Yeah, it's 2016. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:04

Um with these people? Yeah. And you're experiencing at the same time. Are you all drinking at the same time? Yeah, yeah. There's someone looking after you all, obviously. And what did you see if you don't mean is that too personal or yeah, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 34:14

So I mean, on the very first dose, um I drunk it and uh I opened up my eyes. I sort of sat there and you you start to see um sort of um uh just like all these different kinds of shapes, and um it's quite beautiful. And then I opened up my eyes and there was this outline of this uh of this woman and she was uh like just sort of doing this kind of around me, and I could feel her she'd touching me, and she was doing something with a brush, and it felt like water was coming onto me. I was like, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_02 34:47

You can actually feel it, yeah. So you're seeing it and you're feeling it.

SPEAKER_01 34:50

Um and then like for the first night, the the first couple really it just cleans your body, like ayahuasca. So you're just really, really sick. Um, and there was no real big insights coming up um apart from the first day, like on the first day.

SPEAKER_02 35:07

You had the first bit, you've seen this lady, yeah, you've been sick, yeah. And what time what time frame is it? An hour, two hours, ten hours?

SPEAKER_01 35:13

So the whole the whole uh the whole ceremony is about four hours.

SPEAKER_02 35:17

So this is the first ceremony, this is this is the first ceremony, yeah. Sorry, go on.

SPEAKER_01 35:20

Um, and then on the second one, um so there were six ceremonies. Um I can't really remember the the well, I'm I do remember one of them. So the the middle one was just horrific. Um the only way I could describe it was that I completely dissolved away. I was just in it was just pitch black. And every single negative emotion that you can imagine, along with noises like just horrible, terrifying noises, and like that seemed like to me, it went on for about eight hours. And when I when I started to sort of when I come back into my body, I mean I was shaking, I was like terrified.

SPEAKER_02 35:58

When is it actually happening? Them noises and that sort of thing. It's in my head.

SPEAKER_01 36:01

So I I actually thought it was me. Oh well, I mean, I I to be honest, yeah, I I wasn't thinking anywhere, I was just terrified, and it was just it was just every single negative emotion that you can imagine. What anger, sadness, oh yeah, just dis absolute despair. Um, and as I come out of it crying or you oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And as I as I come out of it, it it speaks to you, not like a voice, but you you it just speaks to you, you you just know that this this is knowledge coming from someone, and it was just telling me that is what that's my suffering inside. So that that was a representation of how bad I was suffering. Um and then um on the on the last day, the la the last day was fucking amazing. Um so I'll I'll I'll I'll tell you this one because it's it's it's a story, it's a story worth uh worth telling. So on the last day, I mean I'd had an amazing experience the whole time. I was uh had lots of insights in what what I had to do moving forward. Um and on the last day, the shaman said, he's like, Don't be surprised if she says goodbye to you. I was like, right, okay.

SPEAKER_02 37:09

The the dancing lady.

SPEAKER_01 37:10

Well, no, no, just ayahuasca in general. Oh, right, okay. Because mate, I tell you what, it's mad. Like, so there was like during one of them, there was um I could hear a panther behind me, like breathing down my neck, walking past. And then at the end of it, the person opposite said, I kept on seeing a panther walking around you. I was like, what the f yeah, you know, like it's it's it you know, it puts you in the spirit world, you know. And I didn't believe any of that when I was there.

SPEAKER_02 37:34

You really have gone in, haven't you?

SPEAKER_01 37:36

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no warm-up there, is there? So on the last one, you've gone into a spiritual marathon without any prep. Yeah. Um so on the last one, I I've drunk it and I've opened my eyes again, and there's three beings, two of them are sat beside me. Um shapes or no, no, like it was you could see through them, but I could see, they're like almost like a shadow, shadows, if you like. Um, and I now know that they're my guides, but I didn't know that at the time. They're just like like just beings. And one of them was in front of me and it was trying to get my attention, and I was just like, ignore it, yeah, go away. And it just kept on, kept on. So then I went, what? And it went and it pointed to the floor. So I was like, what you want me to get down? And it was like, yeah, yeah. So I put my face and I was like, further, further. So I got right close to the floor. And the only way I can describe it is an explosion and a tiger jumped out full, fully, like as real as what I'm seeing you now. A tiger jumped and I could feel it on top of me. And it was just every single animal that you can imagine pouring out of the floor, polar bears, birds, uh, everything. And then like they're all flying around. Like, I was like Ace Ventura, you know, when he's uh when all the animals are like, I was like, what the f and this is mate, as as real as what they're not real, you know, only I can see them, but I mean I could I can feel stuff landing on me, and like it was just it was amazing it was absolutely amazing. And then this uh huge, um this huge praying mantis head just appeared to the side and it started to talk to me telepathically, and it told me to lay down. So I laid down and it said, get your clothes off. So look when you're in the middle of the jungle and a large praying mantis tells you get your clothes off, you you get your clothes off. So I just got completely naked and I laid down, and as I'm looking up, I'm inside this tent, but I can see clouds, these two huge hands go into the clouds, pull the clouds, and this face just comes down and looks at me. And the praying mantis head turns round and its tongue goes into my stomach, and I can see it's extracting like light from me, and then it just started off like a little shake like that, and then within 30 seconds, my whole body is just like violently shaking, but it felt amazing. I could I knew that it was it was good. It literally felt like I was being levitated off the floor, um, and this other being, you know, and like these two beings were were looking down at me, and I was just like in my head, just saying thank you so much, you know. Yeah, um, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And it was it was just like, you know, like in my head, I was just uh yeah, just just absolute gratitude. A natural gratitude feeling. I've got the feelings again. What was the face?

SPEAKER_02 40:36

What was the face look like?

SPEAKER_01 40:37

Just a godly type of figure. Um yeah, it was an incredible story, I think. It was it was amazing. And so was it love you felt? Oh so that actually happened in one of the ceremonies.

SPEAKER_02 40:48

So did we not save at all? No, never. Not once. Never, not not once, no. Did they because then people that are watching you do they think shit he's shaking or they just know the scene all?

SPEAKER_01 40:58

Yeah, yeah. I mean, like I yeah, I I don't really know. And you're quite far away from him, you know. It's a huge, it's a huge round tent. Um and I think the shaman came and saw me like as he comes round and does all sorts of stuff while you're lying down, and I'm just saying naked, bloody gringos on the floor. Um so uh yeah, so and then after that, you know, uh I went there an atheist and I left there just knowing that we are spirits. I just knew, and that that that then started to pique my interest in in spirituality. And I was uh I managed to say clean for six months. Wait, go back. That story's too interesting just to just leave it there.

SPEAKER_02 41:36

I'm not no chance go back. So you no way that is a that is an amazing story, and thank you for sharing that. So you so you you can vote and that's having done a yeah then when you come round from that bit, yeah. You might talk about your bitch. Yeah, so you can't you can't have a kid on that, it just it just needs you moving. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 41:53

So it's quite funny actually because ayahuasca, so I've I've gone on to do ayahuasca a lot since I left there. Have you done it again since? Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:00

That was one of my questions, but don't just it's so interesting. If I want to just reward me. I want to make love to your story. I want to jack it up because just totally done. Yeah, of course. So then you so you've that's happened and you and you're shaking it up and then the the the light and and then you woke up. Is it the last ceremony?

SPEAKER_01 42:18

No, so I I'm wide awake.

SPEAKER_02 42:19

Is this the last ceremony?

SPEAKER_01 42:20

Yeah, this is the this is the last ceremony. How many days is it over? Fucking hell, so it's it's what it's every day for two weeks. No, no, so I uh six ceremonies is you do six ayahuasca ceremonies over what length of time? Uh over the two weeks. So you do one the first night and the second night, and then you leave it for three days and do another one. Um you're dreading that, that gap. No, no, no, I I loved every second of it.

SPEAKER_02 42:43

Like um chasing that knowledge and that knowing.

SPEAKER_01 42:45

Yeah, and because it talks you because you're on a special diet when you're over there as well. Um and you lose weight. Um, yeah, yeah. I did lost a bit of weight over there. Um, but it's funny, like ayahuasca. So I'm a I'm a Star Wars nerd, okay? And after that experience with uh with the animals and stuff, it was like I'd gone through put me it just rewarded me with Star Wars, like so. I had TIE fighters flying around and all like little Darth Vaders coming up to me. No just uh just treats me to Star Wars just uh you know cheer me up. I think it's it's it's it's uh it's amazing stuff.

SPEAKER_02 43:20

Um you woke up to your final ceremony, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:24

So you like and I mean I'm fully awake, I'm uh I'm as lucid now as what we are, like eyes open um because a lot of the visions you get are when you shut your eyes. But this was eyes open and stuff landed on me.

SPEAKER_02 43:36

And you can see all the other people as well. Yeah, yeah. So it's like holograms almost, but can you see through them all?

SPEAKER_01 43:40

Um yeah, sort of, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Um, but it's very vivid. Um yeah, and um yeah, during one of those ceremonies it I first experienced what actual real love felt because I've been so numb, you know, so numb for for so long. It opened up my heart chakra and I just felt love for the first time. And that was that was you know a moment I just cried. Uh it's just like this is what love feels like. Um yeah. Um and you know, the afterglow of that was amazing. You know, I I I come back and I was sober for six months, you know, and that's the first time I'd done that in you know, since training.

SPEAKER_02 44:23

What did your wife say when you come back? Um she's the difference.

SPEAKER_01 44:26

Yeah, well, yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Um did you explain all that to her? Yeah, yeah. But it's like I've just learned really that it's it's difficult to tell people about it because every people are like, what the fuck? That sounds terrifying. But it's uh it's you know, I I just I think with me I just trusted it instantly, and that's that's one of the big one of the biggest things when you take it is is actually having the trust just to let go and say, you know, have your way with me, basically. Um and then um so my wife, my wife's pregnant, um and um I'm clean for six months, and then my wife nearly dies uh during childbirth. She lost six pints of blood. So I mean, you know, if they wouldn't if it wouldn't have been the fit of staff, she's how much in her body? Eight. Eight, yeah. So that they would run in. So like the first baby come out naturally, and fine, the second one got stuck. So they have to do an emergency um C-section on it, on her, it cut that out.

SPEAKER_03 45:25

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:26

It's alright, we know, we know what you need.

SPEAKER_01 45:28

Um and I and uh so I'm holding the the baby and I've looked around and my wife is lying there, she's grey, and there's just fucking shitloads of blood on the floor, and they're like, you've got to get out. And what went from being the best day of my life turned into the worst, you know. I was just like, you know, yeah, staring around the barrel of losing my wife. And uh, you know, for an hour they were just people running to get, you know, like to get to to put the blood back inside her. Um and I that night I relapsed because I couldn't process it, couldn't deal with it. Just like I I left there and I just I just couldn't deal with it. And I went out and I had it, got drunk, had coke, that was that was my default way of dealing with stuff. And I was like, right, okay, you've done it. Don't do it. Yeah, yeah. But then I did it again two months later on, and a month after that, and then before I knew it, I was exactly all behind everyone's back, I was back in that prison. And yeah, it was that was probably the both babies okay. Yeah, both babies are fine, yeah. Both babies and mum are absolutely fine. Um you dip back in.

SPEAKER_02 46:43

Yeah, which is some I know and from years of my years of experience, when you do have a spiritual experience that is like what you've had, the the it's because it's you've gone in like oh get that. Because it's not built slowly and properly, yeah, yeah. Which is why you've relapsed, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that the reason?

SPEAKER_01 46:59

Yeah, well I I didn't I didn't integrate really. I just thought, okay, that's it. That's good, you know. Yeah, exact exactly. And and once so once as soon as I sniffed that coke And you add it to one-off and a blowout, yeah. Yeah, but like it's I mean, for me it it almost feels like a possession, like it's that powerful, and you know, every time I'd I'd go to get it, the only way I can describe it would be like blinkers come up where I would not it's almost impossible to think of any other outcome except for getting that. And as soon as I take it, I'm like, fucking, how do I forget the you know the paranoia and you know, and then the shame of it. And then just and and then straight back in straight, you know, it just turned back into that everyday thing again. Um, and then I found a place in the UK that does it. Um ayahuasca. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:57

But you you're back on it proper. Pardon? You're back on it proper at this point.

SPEAKER_01 48:00

Oh yeah, yeah, exactly where exactly where I was. And at this point, you know, again, it was like Nobody knows. No, my my wife would find the occasional bag and I'd just lie, you know, say, oh, it's just one, you know, blah, blah, blah. Um and then uh yeah, so I found a place in in the UK, um, because I hadn't, I still hadn't dealt with I mean, being an addict for that long, it is fucking traumatic. You know, like doing stuff that you don't that you can't stop yourself from doing, and people that aren't don't have addiction, they don't understand it, you know. So a lot of you know a lot, a lot of your family, a lot of your friends, they just think, you know, because they when they see me in my mom from the head, I'm like, ey, you know, acting like that, they think that I'm just doing it to have a good time, and it's not, it's I'm doing it because I fucking hate myself and I want to escape that pain. Um, and I hadn't dealt with my you know with with with the trauma properly. And you know, and and after that relapse, I knew then that I would never be able to drink again. Um I just I I just can't do it. I can't drink and and not sniff, it's it's impossible.

SPEAKER_02 49:06

Um so get the taste, sunny day. Go on, get us one in. Yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_01 49:10

So I so I found a place in in um in the UK that did it, and I went there. Where was that? Um up in Scotland. Um and I went there every month for um for a year pretty much. Well how in ayahuasca? Yeah. Every month. Every month, yeah, for a year. Um it wasn't it wasn't just because of that as well, it's but the the community that you're in. Oh right, yeah. So you know you're getting the support that you need. And not just that, I mean like you have so the medicine is part of the healing, but like the share circles, being able to share with people and to be held with no judgment was a major, major part of of of uh of helping me. But I just still something was still there that I I couldn't get clean. Um you still thinking about yeah, well, I still I was still just dipping in and out of it and still still in that fight, and it just got to the point where I wronged my brother, I was like, fucking, I just wouldn't care if a bus wipes me out. Like I'm just sick the torture of yeah, just sick to fucking death of it. Um and then I found out about another psychedelic plant medicine uh called Aboga. Yeah, so that's a that's an African one. And I mean this one's you know, it's a it's a real serious one. This one, it's like um so not like ayahuasca. Yeah, well, this this is I mean, you know, people do die on aboga. Yeah, yeah. So um uh so I I I went over to Who told you about that then?

SPEAKER_02 50:42

How'd you hear about it?

SPEAKER_01 50:43

Um you're just in I'm just in those circles now, plant of plant medicine circles. Um so I find a place I did it in in Glastonbury and Aboga. Yeah, and uh I went down there and did it. So ayahuasca had always shown me on and it's like look, you need to change your ways, look, look who you're hurting, type of thing, you know. Like it would bring that up and you and you know, give me them insights. The aboga flipped the script and it actually put me inside my wife's body, and I felt the pain that I was doing to her, and fuck it, now I was screaming, absolutely screaming. That's horrible, yeah. Like just the misery that I was causing my wife. Um, and uh yeah, it it well, yeah, it was a very, very unpleasant experience, but it was a massive kick in the ass. And crying for a long time. Oh my god, screaming is absolutely screaming. Wailing like screaming. What is what is a boga? So a boga is a so the boga plant, it's the root of that plant. So where smoke so uh you eat it, so you have to eat wood, basically.

SPEAKER_02 51:51

It's uh um and again, it's uh then you go oh yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:55

So they they're they're they're completely different. So ayahuasca really helps um it's a physical and spiritual cleanse. Yeah, yeah, and it you know, and it helps bring up store trauma. Uh like so does a boger, but a boger also works on your brain chemistry as well. Um, so it's it's amazing for addiction. So in in America, there's like um so people can go to a boger clinic in America with uh heroin uh addiction and they leave without any withdrawals. So it is really good for opioids just good for addiction. Is it illegal in England? No, no, no, no, none of it's legal.

SPEAKER_02 52:31

Um well Ashka is that illegal?

SPEAKER_01 52:34

No, it's uh a bit of a grey area. Oh is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:37

Um so you've had you've gone to the paper list.

SPEAKER_01 52:41

Yeah, so and then you know, um I again I was it was clean for six months, and but while I was there, I I'd I'd heard the um some of the people that are at the aboga retreat telling me about um going to Africa and getting initiated into a tribe where they have a lot of aboga. And um I was uh I mean I was I was I was I was I was I was uh still under the influence of it and I was look they wanted they had the was this like African statue. I don't know if it was me telling myself in an African accent, it was like you have to go to Africa, but I was like, right, no, I'm going to Africa.

SPEAKER_02 53:18

You had that experience at Glastonbury, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:20

So so like the the same at the time when I put me in my in my wife's body. So I thought, right, okay, this is this this again, it was just a call-in, you know. I knew I had to go there. Um and so this is this is this is quite quite a cool story.

SPEAKER_02 53:35

So it can't be can't be that you can't be that tigers, and you can't be it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 53:42

Before I went to before I went to before I go, I've I've got Africa booked, before I go there, Wan's very supportive, then isn't she?

SPEAKER_02 53:48

You go in Scotland every month, you're going there, you're doing this, you do it. She's amazing. She's got twins at home.

SPEAKER_01 53:51

Yeah, yeah, she's amazing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's her name? Kerry. Yeah, like without my wife, I'd be dead. And that's not that's not words, it's fucking serious, you know. Like I'd either have physically died or I'd kill myself. There's there's no doubt about it. Um, yeah, I owe that woman my life. Um I'm doing like a I'm learning energy healing. Um at the at the and I've I go away to uh she is amazing, she go away for a a week here and there as well to learn like diff different types of energy healing. And I have this crazy fucking dream. So I dream that I'm the timeline. So we're like one uh oh no, I can't ruin it. That's what I'm saying we're gusting at the moment. You've had the to go to Africa. Yeah, so so I've I've booked the trip to go to Africa, and but at this time, um every other month I'm on an energy healing course. Scotland again, or no, no, this is down in in Pembrokeshire.

SPEAKER_02 54:51

And where are you living now?

SPEAKER_01 54:52

Um this is I live in North Wales. This is where you this is where you live in this time, yeah. So every other month I'm going down to Pembrokeshire, and um for two years, um I was is it two years? Yeah, two years. Uh stay away for a week and uh have you heard of like Reiki stuff like that?

SPEAKER_02 55:06

Yeah, I can I give it to myself.

SPEAKER_01 55:08

Okay, so so this is a different type. It's uh uh so it's uh like it's called the hands of light academy. It's more like a shamanic, so you learn different types of um how to access your different layers of your energy field. And I have this crazy dream while I'm down there that I get put inside a cave and it's my shadow self. I can see my shadow self, like I know it's the bad version of me. The door seals itself, and this voice says, fight. Whoever, whoever, whoever wins can leave. And he defeats me. This black chain gets onto my hand, goes into the ground, and this voice says, You'll be free in 51 days. So I wake up, I'm like, fuck, what the fuck is that? So we're we're in a class, we're doing qigong, and I'm just like free, like free in 50, and I'm doing all these movements, and I'm like, free in 51 days, it's so specific. So I go down to my phone, look at my phone, and it's exactly 51 days until I go to Gabon. Fucking hell. I'm like, holy fucking shit. Like this this is this is happening.

SPEAKER_02 56:10

So yeah, I think any guest has given me, right? I get him. I don't know. I might have to talk to a psychic once and she called him, she was all the cool I call him, she says confirmation showers. So in my head now, he's like a you know, that feeling you get like I think I've never had it so much from one guest. I get it when I'm speaking, but you're like just it's just constant, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 56:28

So so I knew it was on, and what was really interesting was in that dream my shadow self escaped, and after that, from being sober for six months again, I could it was like my shadow self took control and I fucking manipulated my wife into letting me have it. Um just until I got jumped, yeah, yeah, exactly. All that every single trick that I could fucking play, I did to get back on it, yeah, yeah. But what was really interesting was because my wife knew that I was doing it, I wasn't paranoid, and but I was able to clearly see that I fucking hated it. Like I had no paranoia, it was just like this is fucking shit, and I but I kept on doing it, and I was just like, you know, so I just got sick of it. Like, you know, I was just like, this is fucking wank. Like apologies for swearing, and but you know, and it's it was all part of the plan. It was all part of the plan before I went there, just to really show me without any paranoia, that I absolutely hate that stuff, and I hate the person it makes me, you know. Um, so we get to Africa, and this is yeah, so it's initiation basically. So you go there and by yourself again. Um no, no. So I'm in a group of there's two other people. I mean that you don't know anybody, I mean, like no, I don't I I knew one person. We had like one of the lads from Glastonbury come, um, and then there's you know, you've got Tatayo, so in really interesting fella. So he's a he's a white guy, and he well used to be a lorry driver, and he kept on you know, he used to drive through Africa, and he'd see these tribes and see how happy they were, and he's and he and like with nothing. So he just he asked him, you know, just kept on asking him, and they told him it was this a bog of the plant, but white people aren't allowed to be initiated. So one day he climbed up this tree, and this tree has got razor fucking edges on it, and like he climbs to the top, and he literally impales himself on the tree. So this tribe are out trying to work out how to get him down, and the storm comes in, it blows a tree, and it lays him at the feet of the tribe, and they were like, It's a sign we're initiating him. So he's the work first white person to get initiated. So it's a true story, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So because of that, because of him, like I was able to actually get onto this as well. So you go there, and um, so the first thing they do is they take you into the jungle and you you're walking there barefoot, and they take you to this um, they've got the sacred tree and this pond, and um they you kneel in front of the tree, they light candles, and they call your ancestors in, and he has these uh shells. So he bites his shell, so you've got two shells, and then he asks questions to the spirit, throws it down, and the shells have to either land like that or like that. If they land like that, he has to ask another question, but there's only so many questions he can ask, and then it isn't you can't do it. I get onto the last one, so I'm like, I'm sure. Yeah, yeah, and I'm like, oh fucking hell, man. I've come all the way here. So as it as he's doing it, the the witch doctor behind me starts to say this prayer. Little butterfly comes, lands right by the shells. As he finishes his prayer, the butterfly flies off, he f he chucks them down, they both land like that. And then that is means give him as much as they take. And I knew that, so I was like, fucking yes. So, and then they give you they give you a spoon, and then they take you into this pond, and they they strip you naked, and then they go into the pond, and they wash you, they would completely wash your body, and then they put the you they you come out, they put this like kind of like a nappy on you, really, and they cover your bot your body in this white chalk with a red line coming down, and then you have like a it's like a crown of sacred herbs and and like plants, and every day they would wash you three times a day, do that. Um and you have different types of ceremonies. So, one of the ceremonies, a vomit ceremony, is exactly what it sounds like. You know, you have this drink and you just throw up. Um uh yeah, I I was just like I was just all in. I was just like, well, I just knew that like this is what I was come to do. So I was making them laugh, so I wasn't wasn't scared of anything. I was like, fucking give it a bang. Whoa, whoa. Um, and then you do you do a smoke ceremony, so they dig a little hole in the ground, put sacred herbs and spot uh and stuff in there, and you stand over it, and with a with a big like uh blanket with holes through, and the smoke starts coming out, and I swear to god, I like I could feel stuff crawling up me. I was like, what the fuck? I kept on looking, I could feel stuff crawling up and then falling down. I was like, what the fuck's on me? Like I was thinking it was bugs and stuff, and they were like that, it's entities, your entities are coming off. I was like, fucking hell. I can you know really I could really, really feel it. No way. Um literally's falling off you, falling off me, but there's nothing there. Um and so on the first night it starts to work, and uh I fall asleep that night, and my in my dream, I was in Colombia, and I was uh meeting um the the top, the top cocaine guy, you know, the the top car cartel guy. And then in my dream I look down and I'm in this nappy that they that that they've they've put on me. Um it's quite a funny story, it's like my dick's hanging out the side of it, and there's some some women in a hot tub, and they see me, point at me, and start laughing. And I'm like, oh fuck. This guy's gun, like the the top guy gun, how dare you disrespect me in front you know, in front of my my women. He pulls a gun out, I take the gun off him, and his men come down and I line every single one of them up and I fucking execute every single one of them. And I I wake up and I'm like, what the fuck? And it starts telling me, right, we've executed the boss in your head. We've executed the cocaine boss in your head. Like that's that's gone.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:28

No.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:28

And I'm like, fuck. You feel the real? Pardon? Oh fucking 100%, yeah, yeah, yeah. I woke up and I thought I'd done it. No. Um really, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, and then so for the so you got a few days until the the main ceremony, and like I found uh an aboga tree, an aboga tree there, and I went over and I buried my hand hands into the ground and I found the roots because the roots what you eat. And I'm for hours I was just uh fucking praying. Yeah, just praying. That's just energy moving. It has to come out, it has to come out, don't bury it. Just just praying to to fucking set me free. And um I just they told you to do that, or you just no no I just did it, and I got I got fucking eaten alive. You know, you're in Africa, and like I got eaten alive, sat there. It was almost like a blood sacrifice, like folks. Yeah, yeah, I just didn't move. I just I was just like, fuck it, eat me. You know, like it's my gift to you, just fucking help me. Um and then I you know you know, without being dramatic, I literally watered that plant with my tears, you know, just at as at the end of of that. Um so you then do um the death ceremony. So the death ceremony is you basically go there for your old self to die. Um so you have well, I had an extremely large dose, I had 20 doses, so they they sit you down. So this tattoo actually represents what happened. So you've got the skeleton that represents a death. That's the bowl of a boger, and that's me sat next to the tree that was there. That's one of the tribesmen. You got an actual picture of it. Yeah, yeah, that's actually one of them, yeah. And then you've got that's one of their deities, and then that lady there, the lady. So she you get assigned a mother uh during the ceremony, because it's you know, like it's fucking it's really, really strong this stuff. Um and you know, you you struggle to move when you're on it. Um like paralyzes you, yeah, yeah, you can do, yeah. Physically just yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, yeah, so I had give you this spoon, just spoon it into you. It's like 20 days, it tastes disgusting. Um and then uh yeah, so and then it starts getting dark, and uh they're dancing around you all in like tribal wear, fire coming around you, and it's like it's and you can't move, you're like uh well. I mean, at this time I'm sat up wait waiting to come up on it, and they come and they put a mirror in front of me. Um, and like my askings for for there was um you know, obviously to get clean of uh of uh cocaine. Uh that was uh the one, but also to open me up spiritually as well, wanted to see more. Um so they um they they put this uh mirror in front of you. So I'm just looking into the mirror, and funny enough, you know, the question I was asking what you were saying earlier, is like, who am I? You know, show me who show me who I am. And is that what really got you? Yeah, yeah, you know, and I'm looking in the mirror and then suddenly I turn black. So I was like, oh shit. I was like, nah, do it, just watch. So I sort of start to look at myself and then I I turn into an African tribesman and it starts to tell me that this is my my first ever human form. And then my face starts to change, you know, and it starts to show me all the previous bodies that I've that I've been in, and then I start. to turn white and I uh at one point I was a king and then at one point it shows me with a crown of thorns to show me that I'd that I'd actually been like crucified. Um all these different all these different bodies like then I get to obviously current day I laid down uh because it's really starting to kick in now and uh this like little stream come out of my head and it was like the a roadmap of my life it just started to show me all these different things that had happened in my life as to why and what you know what what I'd done or why I was like I was what was what was it? Um well just certain traumatic experiences and um like what? Puddham like what? Well just uh well particularly like isolation uh um trying to fit in um it's lonely innit yeah and then it also it it would show me like uh you know some of the social conditioning that's happened it showed me like uh a picture of a good Spider-Man and a bad Spider-Man and it said when I was four years old I learnt that violence was okay as long as it's for the good guys by watching Spider-Man you know I was like oh my god yeah that's mad in it is mad yeah yeah you know you don't you don't think do you violence on cartoons because there's no it's not gory because they're the good guys it's okay you know yeah so all all these all these types of you know insights are coming in and then um without any conscious thought of it at all my body just bolted upright and uh I'm not in control of my hands and my hands are just waving around like that and it it was like a spray was coming out of my hands and I manifested this like beautiful golden palace as real as what we're in now as I'm in I'm in this golden palace and I'm just like what the fuck is it was so beautiful and then there was this uh parrot in there and the parrot turned round it was like a beautiful parrot but as it turned round half of it was dead so it was like beautiful one side and then bones the other and as it's as it's come round it's just gone ah as it does that the the golden palace disappears and I'm in the spirit world and like I've just got all these uh spirits of children that are died locally coming up to me and just seeing all these different types of beings and spirits all all around me um and there was a a skeleton it was it was like a there's a real palm tree but there's a skeleton and his leg was tick tocking like that and it was just telling me that's death and that's your time and one day it will run out and it's just like oh oh shit you know just show me all these different things and uh and then I look up and uh uh Jesus was on a cross right above me and I'm I'm not religious at all at this point um and he's above me and I just felt the power of of Jesus um and I but at the same time I was like why why am I seeing Jesus I'm not you know I'm not a Christian um but I didn't know but they actually the the tribe worship Jesus so it was just weird and then this huge angel came down and she put her hands out and uh this golden energy this golden light came from her hands and it's like I I could feel it basically cleanse every single cell in my body and like it was quite a violent reaction and I felt this pain in my heart and it just it told me like we've we've restarted your heart this is your new life and uh the only way I can describe it is like my soul was crying like just because we're free. It was uh yeah just unbelievable you know and um yeah I've never touched alcohol or cocaine since I honestly I just I don't know what to sound very very often speechless but I have never had ever you know the the the what we were talking about the chills whatever you want to call them so relentlessly talking to somebody my God what a story yeah and both of them yeah and I'd say it's something funny actually that before the death ceremony I um I I had a word with uh so Buti is uh is is is their religion and I I I I so I I'm praying for salvation and then I was like Liverpool were losing uh 3-0 to Barcelona and we we were playing Barcelona at night and I was like look I know this is nothing to do religiously I was like but do me a favour I was like please like Liverpool playing because they they their colours red Liverpool play in your colour I was like please let us win and I had that weird feeling again come through and I was like okay I didn't think much of it and then the next day after all that happened I find out Liverpool beat Barcelona 4-3 I was like I did that no way that is crazy in it quite funny um yeah so so you know you you go through that and then I'm still like I'm still there in that vision with you and uh it's crazy it's amazing explained it so well so what year is this so this is 2019 2019 yeah yeah but if for next then you've you've got clean and then COVID is it yeah so he's still where what you work is he gone back home now and what you're doing for work so at this time um so I started Nanny Biscuit um in 2018 so my nan died in 2017 and um I started Nanny Biscuit in 2018. So we did a Christmas dinner for seven people that didn't have anyone to have Christmas with. Wow so all ages or yeah yeah well yeah it was it was a mix actually yeah so like we got I got a did it mum and dad's house got a professional chef got a little singer in but from the October to the December that I did it after it was done I was like do you know what I wasn't involved in my own bullshit for that whole time you know like uh wasn't thinking yeah and it just made me feel so good I was like okay this is this is interesting you know like this is probably this is my medicine if you like you know it's uh so I I I then started to you know do stuff in the community um I mean I was still struggling with my addiction but really still after Africa no no no this is so Africa's 2019 oh yeah sorry you got so yeah yeah sorry so um and when when I was in Africa I walked around the temple for about an hour and a half and I was just repeating the the mantra over and over again it's like help me find a way to be financially secure so I can help my community and the community of Gabon because I promised them that I'm gonna help them when I can when I can when when I can afford and I have helped them so far. But I want to raise money from during the pandemic. Yeah so they won't because obviously the toys exactly yeah so um and I'm I'm I will be doing more when I can afford it.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:59

And what do they what do they need money for? What's a village?

SPEAKER_01 1:13:02

So they they they they don't live like so they're in a compound. They're in they're in Gabon they're not actually I mean you know they had the land taken off them years ago um you know yeah so that they need money to survive basically um yeah so it's not it's not like a it's not a village it's just a group of people inside a compound um um I've lost myself a little bit what were we talking about yeah yeah yeah it's what I'm doing yeah so and yeah so I I just kept on asking saying the same thing you know over and over again help me find this way help me find this way and then when I when I come back I just started to get the ideas of how I could do that. So that's where Cafgas was born you know I just had that realization I was like okay if there's two companies offering you the same product same reputation but one of them's helping the community who who would you use so I was like fucking no-brainer uh so I I I created I incorporated Cafgas in 2019 uh with a view to launch it on May the 4th because I'm a Star Wars geek oh yeah um and then obviously we get into 2020 and then you know the news of the pandemic's coming over and uh I just said to my wife I was like nothing's being done it's coming here like you know it wasn't in Britain at that time I was like no one's doing anything here um I was like I think we should I was like and then and then when it did get to Britain um I said to my wife I was like no one's gonna care about Kafkas I was like I was like and I'd I'd I'd had a you know I I was financially secure enough to say to my wife then I was like look I think we postpone the launch of Kafkas and actually let's just help the community so um I put a call to action out on um I say like my army training kicked in really it was just like you know I could see there was a danger and I just knew that I had to do something about it and um I was put a call to action out and um saying look we want to create a an organization that um can supply food to people that are shielding uh along with all different types of other support and I was very very lucky to cite the most amazing people come into my life and uh we went on to deliver you know significant um uh support so we basically uh we started to do shopping for people that were um that were that were locked up yeah yeah but it was like some of them it's like they're on cundine with me you know like they go have some saffron some bubble baths like it's not emergency stuff that is it's so I was like no this isn't gonna work yeah some pastors open yeah yeah so so what we did was um we commandeered the local community centre and I actually turned that into uh our own food warehouse so we got a load of deep freezers stuff like that and we'd then become a our food distribution centre and um you know at that time um people that were going to the supermarkets were just picking food up putting it back and I was like you know we we're gonna become a delivery service for it um so we did we could control the environment um in in the place and we went on to deliver you know like hundreds of emergency food parcels we made a partnership with Money Supermarket so they cooked their their chef was still in so they cooked a hundred meals every day and we delivered them out we ended up delivering I think 40 46000 meals yeah so to uh homeless people and struggling uh people uh we did it took some organizing doing that didn't it yeah we w we went from two to seven 70 volunteers in two in two weeks wow um and like and like um yeah so it I mean don't get me wrong the first week I did it I was like what the fuck have I done yeah I know this is overwhelming yeah um but like I say the people that I had uh were were just amazing you know there's people that you know bit of business leaders and IT experts so we like we set up you know really good digital infrastructure to organise the teams um and uh we did uh my favourite thing was the Covade concerts so like because we uh what I started to do was quite like COVID yeah I got in touch with the local community um local um uh care homes because I knew that they they'd uh had obviously they couldn't have visitors I was like right send us everyone's birthdays and we'll bring in birthday gifts here so when we were doing that I was like oh shit you know they've you know really seen that they were struggling they've had no interaction I was like right let's do a let's do a car park concert so we basically got musicians and we played music outside the care home to to them inside so we did oh that's brilliant yeah we did four of them uh we set up phone lines for people that were were lonely so anyone that that you know um so we had a team doing that yeah emergency food parcels um yeah and then um we as we went come out the the first year and went into the second year we were going into the second lockdown so obviously I had my ear close to the ground so to speak and I was just and it was just it wasn't people vulnerable that I fell up it was everybody I was like no one can do anything I was like let's come up with an event that people can get part of safely um inverted commas uh yeah yeah yeah yeah no no um and uh uh so after a little bit of research I found out that Wales was a thousand miles in circumference so a thousand a grand okay grand week in Wales that gave us our name for the event all right so what we did then was like right we want to get people out moving we want to want to uh do health and fitness environment homeless people at that time it was uh helping key workers uh a thousand line poem because we wanted children to be involved so we made a website with all the different challenges so the idea was like for the fitness one whether you're in a wheelchair whether you're a professional athlete if you're going out walking you come back you log your miles and the ticket moves up and the idea is that we get a thousand and people feel like they're part of something so like we had people doing fancy dress going around and we like managed to get it all around Wales. That's fantastic we yeah we fed a thousand homeless people um so all of like the the miles we pissed at we got like four thousand miles I think in about four or five days and then on the last day they they we'd only done one but unbeknownst to me schools has actually like started to get involved so on the like the last three hours they all come in except for except for musical performances like we got 36 of them that sat tanked but it just made me think I was like you know what I think we've got an event outside of the pandemic I think this is this is really really cool um so the following year uh so I've gone on to do another two of them so um we've like we it's a multi-charity event now so um we've got um so we're doing another one this year um we've got Woody's Lodge today veteran support so calf gas and Ellie Biscuit so fall and fuel and food poverty we've got uh keep whales tidy um we mind the gap which helps children fall out of education back into meaningful employment um we've got um greenpour so another environmental charity um and our local authority have got involved so we've got loads of schools getting involved now um so the I you know like our ambition with it is to create a like a Welsh red nose day if you like um so uh that is awesome yeah the RAF are getting involved Navy getting involved um we've got businesses so and then people can make their own 1000 challenge so we've had football clubs to a thousand penalties um I want we were we're gonna have uh an athletic club to a thousand somersaults anyone can do you know so the possibilities with it are in this and it you know it's a fundraising event on the Friday we're doing high five Friday so high five is going to start at the border of England and then so we're we've got a business that are going to do it and then that's gonna go to someone on a bike that guy on a bike then will take it to a school they're all high five each other go to another school and the idea is that we get this high five going you know just spread a bit of positivity around the Saturday we're looking at doing a um sporting like a sports day so to to help raise money and then on the Sunday have you ever seen those um Indian Holly festivals where they chuck colour in the air yeah yeah so we're doing one of them it's like a family festival so it's gonna be like a tug of war you know like Family Olympics we're calling it that's brilliant children's entertainment and then Holly Festival and and and live music so and when Wednesdays so that's starts on the 22nd of June it goes on for a week so I'll be travelling around Wales going to all the different events and then it ends locally to me for the Thursday sorry the Friday Saturday and Sunday come down mate as well as right as well Richie's gonna come down so great to have you there.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:52

Absolutely amazing that you're doing that because there's nothing better to warm someone's heart than the when community does come together properly. Exactly it's amazing exactly so what what we're you want to get wrecking football club get involved when you got the with the Hollywood army is that's the goal that is that is the goal.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:06

So like we we haven't done it for the last two years. Come on Deadpool yeah I haven't done it for the last two years because the trouble is ADHD are hyper focus and it really takes me away from my business but I'm fortunate enough that I can spare the time to to get this going I mean but it's uh you know it's it's a it's a big ambition but you know we we we I'm convinced we're on something here you know like every school that we speak to they just want to be involved straight away um I think there's so much divisiveness especially in the country at the moment exactly and if it can because everyone's like that manosphere programme that's just come just been launched so you know the roughly when this is recorded now everybody um and everything's either all over there all there. Why can't there just be a little middle ground and if there's somebody there or there that's just that's this is the trouble with society is like I think people just concentrate on the extremes and like we we forget that actually we've all we're all more like got more in common with each other than the top one percent.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:05

You know what I mean like we're we're we are all you know it's uh if there's someone within your community whatever race or religion you are and they're being extreme then you're kicking out for the greater good of the rest of the thing. If they're not doing that then there is a problem with that community because the community identifies something extreme that isn't right. Yeah community likes what they do in Africa don't they have seen that thing where they all if someone's being bad they all dance around them don't they and give them positive vibes and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:29

Yeah it's cool yeah that's absolutely but uh yeah so you know the idea is that it just brings people together to do meaningful tasks in the community raise money for charities and like I say it just brings people together. So that's that's that's the goal of it and you know um and it will happen for you.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:44

Yeah you know I've yeah it's uh sounds like you've got good people around you the community wants it yeah the world needs it yeah and I I don't know if you're into astrology at all I I don't know much about it but you're coming into the age of Aquarius which is all about so you bang on trend with astrology. Right. So it's all about like say community and and the people it's all about the people and not that top one percent. It's all about so that's good.

SPEAKER_01 1:24:07

What what it will be good and what I want to do I want to I want to get the framework for Wales and then there's no reason then what once we've got the framework and we understand we can franchise it basically that's what we want to do get it it's like okay this can work in England. This can you know like franchising positivity yeah exactly yeah yeah yeah that's what you're doing and who knows you know like if we can make it a success in England Wales and Scotland why not a worldwide 1000 that that that why not you know I mean why not yeah so that is unbelievable so that that's you know the I mean I mean don't get me wrong I mean I say that in jest uh the the Wales and England one I definitely want you know that um and and Scotland um you know I can just uh yeah I can I can just see it you know even if if it starts off with just expat so English people abroad do it and then grow that way we had people in in New Zealand do it last time like a choir they got involved well exactly what you said the the the uh ex-pat so I've gone to their groups and trying to get them involved. Oh brilliant so um and then we we're you know there's a there's a I don't want to name them on here um but there's a really good Welsh company that we're we're trying to sponsor it um because if we can get if we can get the traction with it and we can get it into schools, sports clubs, the public, armed forces becomes a you know highly sponsorable event that we know that and it would just and companies that genuinely try to give back to their communities will but I was at the very start of the interview talked about intent.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:30

Yeah. Companies because I've I've got a belief that if businesses gave back with the right intent all communities would lift. Absolutely but businesses do it as a PR exercise and it's so disappointing. It's so obviously a PR exercise exactly just do it because you just just use them at good. Yeah you know like showing that you've donated one percent of your profit like like to me it's just like you know tax deductibles exactly exactly that that's what it is do it properly yeah exactly and yeah absolutely that is exactly my belief as well you know if if more companies actually got involved in the community um you know and it's not they would benefit you can like like you say you can tell a tick box exercise a mile off a mile off yeah a mile off um so what's unfortunate is I think from the from people's perspective sometimes the public who who don't understand what it's like to run a business I've always said it I said it because I've interviewed the Chamber of Commerce um Paul Coleman South Cheshire of Commerce um and I was saying to him that unfortunately like say if McDonald's tomorrow said probably a bad example but right we're gonna give away a a uh a burger a week the the public's perception of a business oh is that it yeah and and unfortunately if if they both work with each other a bit and McDonald's no we're just gonna give you a burger.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:41

Yeah free burger one one franchise give one free burger away a week the public response to that is always oh is that it whatever a business does it seem to be oh is that it and and I think if they just went oh brilliant a burger thanks yeah and then that'll roll oh let's do two burgers and they'd see the response was correct and but is it is it is a it's a it's a funny thing with the public because that makes sense if you if you've been in business you don't yeah yeah yeah it it does it's a funny thing with public because you know like you're giving away the what you do for your uh the the boilers I I always get people that you've got to buy a boiler do it go for it say it all your time all your effort and someone might go oh is that it one boiler probably hopefully probably won't be more circumstances but what I find is people are cynical that's you know that they're very very cynical and they they don't without knowing my story like I think this is why I always say that I would not change my past at all because it's given me a very very unique lens on how I view life and I know that during the pandemic it was community that kept me sober you know like I had that purpose you know like it was I was just so in the flow and like you know um and that that purpose for me has just solidified into like I I want to help you know like and getting to see you know firsthand the the um food poverty for the first time I would remember we did a we did a uh a food drop and a guy had no food like literally no food and he's like this is the first time I've eaten in three days. Joking um probably in his 40s, 50s. Veteran or just No, no, just just a member of the public. And I was just like, Oh my god, this is on our doorstep. But I I had no idea that food food poverty was a thing. Um and obviously it's it's become very prevalent now, and you know, and uh uh one of our volunteers had the idea of setting the pantries up and they've gone up, you know, they're they they've gone on to be unfortunately successful because they're so needed. Um but yeah, it's you know, it's yeah, I just think if if I can make my company a success, not if when my company is successful, um, you know, I think hopefully it could be an inspiration to other people um to set up companies as well that just give back more, give more than you take.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:55

It's honestly it's what a story. And when I at the very start I asked you who you are, and I think as you spoke, who you are has become more because your intent, everything you to want to serve and give back, because you're not even probably thinking about it, you haven't mentioned it once, but I'm thinking, oh, um James is gonna create a real legacy for himself, you know. And when you pass, you know, you what I and you're not even doing it for that's an ego thing, obviously, but it's still a lovely thing, the legacy that you will create.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:23

Yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong, I I do think about stuff like that, but for me, I think But's not driving you, because it's not enough. No, no, no. It wouldn't be enough for it. It's definitely not enough. But uh if anything, no, I really want to show drug addicts that your life can change, you know. Um if you'd have if you'd have told me, you know, just you know, seven years ago, um I wouldn't have believed that my life could change so much. I wouldn't believe that I would I'm the person I am today with you know I don't I don't like using a pillar of the community, but you know, the the stuff that I do that I do really really helps. I've got volunteers that believe in me, and you know it's possible you just have you just have to believe in yourself.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:06

Pointing to the youth, because obviously it's it can our communities start with the children, don't they? Because they are the next generation. Yeah. Teaching those 12 to 17 year olds.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:16

This is exactly why I'm doing the Grand Week in Wales. This is one of the driving forces why I want schools involved. Because you put you need to plant seeds at an early age. And like for me, you do that by having fun in the community. So, like with the litter picking, what we're gonna be doing for the thousand uh bags this year is hiding a golden bottle. So, you know, like try and make it fun so they find a garden bottle and then there's gonna be a prize involved. Um, but you just you know, like because litter pick is boring, you know, especially for a kid. So if you can make it fun, um, and you know, just involve it, like like children need to be involved in community, otherwise they get to a certain age and like what's community? You know, like this is where we go wrong, you know. Like when I was in Africa, um you know, I we we would drive past like whole communities having an amazing night, you know, um, and young, old, all together, elders are revered over there, you know, they're not over here, you know.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:14

Um it's what is it about England that's like that? Because in in Italy, I'm off Italian, and it's that's the same. All the families are out, elders are are held up the same probably in Spain, Greece.

SPEAKER_01 1:31:22

There's there's a there's a real disconnection, and that's that's one of the things that we're doing on the Grand Week in Wales is exchanging a thousand letters between elderly and young. So we we we we did one, so we did one. So I mean for the kids, it could just be a picture. Like elderly people love just anything from children, and we had then a thousand bits of generational advice from elderly people last time, you know, that that we then gave to to children. So we're getting schools to to draw all that, and then we're gonna deliver that to care homes as we as we travel around Wales. Um, but yeah, you know, it's we've just we've just lost connection, you know. We really have as as a society, um, you know, and uh I I think television's got a lot to answer for that, you know. Like social media. We're we're entertained now in the confines of our own home, you know, and that never used to be the case. We'd have to socialise and and be a community to to to to have that type of uh entertainment, and it's been taken away. Well, not hasn't been taken away, we just something news come in and that that takes us away. You've seen what it's like, you know, I'm guilty of it on my phone, you know, going into that trance.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:26

I've just interviewed a guest, not she's not live yet, but she she did a TEDx talk about um how social media fully reflects your you create your own realities, that sort of general subject, and and social media you're creating reality every time you watch a bit more violence or a bit more negativity, and it's amazing. I'm trying to do, I'm trying to create self-awareness in the listener through the guest, and that's a positive thing, and it doesn't get as much where I could post something negative and it might go viral and might you know that sort of thing. And it's a shame that people don't seek out the positive as much. But what you're doing is a literally amazing, and it will be successful. I was trying to think of my head. What's a thousand um what's a thousand minutes in real world? Like is that a day, two days, what's a thousand minutes? I don't know, but uh because I think I could I could live podcast it for you. I'll do it.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:14

Yeah, well, if you if you did it if you did it over a week, it'd be 147 minutes a day. 147 minutes. That's a thousand, that's a thousand uh minutes in there. No, no, no. Um I did a thousand press-ups and a thousand sit-ups and a thousand squats over a week, so I know it's 147, I'm still aching two years ago.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:35

You're I was thinking about how I could help or get involved in anyway, that's all.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:38

I was just mate, yeah, do it. I'd love to have you in the back.

SPEAKER_02 1:33:40

But you've been interviewing the community different community each day for 147 minutes and you do rapid interviews or something. Yeah, yeah. So I've got 147 minutes, break that into a five-minute interview, and I've just got just doing I'm just just chatting. I don't know. I don't just try to think.

SPEAKER_01 1:33:52

But I've got I'm speaking to Rich, because uh like I want to do one in England. I mean, England is a is a completely different beast, it's it's a lot bigger, a lot more densely populated. But um, you know, if we like why not? Why can't we?

SPEAKER_02 1:34:06

You know, like uh kids are quarter Welsh, so I'm all right I can do that. Excellent, yeah. So I can be involved, it's okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:14

So yeah, so that's uh you know, that's kind of um yeah, it's my story, you know. Uh I knew we'd run over.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:22

Um supposed to be an hour. Um James, I just I don't know where to start with that story. It was just unreal. Um gotta close it. There's two ways two ways I'm gonna close it. You're not into astrology, but I like I've just started trying to guess people's star signs. Do you know what your star sign is don't tell you? Do you know what your star sign is? Okay, do you know what your rising sign is? No, no, no, no one really does. Um and before I do that though, there's a closing question which I kind of now know the answer to, but I've just started asking this closing question as well. So the open question is who are you?

SPEAKER_00 1:34:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:53

Which wow. Um so the the closing question is but I think I know, but you told me, what do you want? Which is equally a harder question to who are you? What do you want? What does James want?

SPEAKER_01 1:35:07

To uh to bring people together. Um yeah, to bring people together and to from from a personal point of view, it's to bring people together. From a business point of view, I want to show people there's a different way of business. Um I want to be a disruptor and in that we yeah, we we basically show people there is a different way of, you know, there can be a different way of doing business. Um it has to be less greedy.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:41

Do you know what you you don't know this? I did a full post of what you just said. I said that if each business gave a bit back, however they could, it would raise the vibration and positivity of every community in the in the world. Yeah. Because even if the business doesn't think oh, it's you know, you've got to be a business owner to understand the business owner. But so even if they gave back a skill set, so even if they didn't have anything financially to give to the community, they could say, right, on a Saturday morning, um, Dave, we give up your time, one of the staff members, or I'll give and Saturday morning we're gonna uh teach the community how to check the car over if they're a mechanic's garage or do basic and just give something back. It hasn't got to be financial all the time, has it? No, definitely not. Just give something back. If every business gave something back, the whole community would live, wouldn't it?

SPEAKER_01 1:36:25

Yeah, definitely, 100%.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:26

So yeah, I'm yeah, I if I can help it anyway. I'm not just saying this on you know on camera. Thank you very much. You know, I genuinely mean it. Brilliant. And you start sign. I'm gonna guess. I'm gonna go with cancer. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:36:42

You know what? Get it.

SPEAKER_00 1:36:45

Yeah, yeah, I'm cancer, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:36:46

Yeah, no, I should have to find out what your rising sign is. I've been hit and miss. Does any I've got most people's, and the last guest I didn't get at all, but the other ones I've got their either their sign or their rising sign. Yeah. So you have to find out what your rising sign is, go on to a chat GBT and just put in uh is your uh place of birth, time of birth, obviously date of birth, and it'll give you what your rising sign is if you get into astrology because numerology and astrology are mad how accurate they can be. Um so for example, I'm Pisces, but I'm a uh an Aquarius rising.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:14

Right.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:15

So um that Aquarius Rising uh is probably who I am to the world.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:21

So which is community based, disrupting, thinking differently. So you might be in Aquarius Rising, is what I'm getting at. Yeah, yeah. So have a look. Yeah, well, yeah. Let me know. Yeah, yeah, so thank you so much. No worries, mate. What a guy. Thank you, James. Thank you very much for having me.