Danny | Dad Compass |

Danny | Dad Compass | The Human Mask Podcast

Who are we beneath the roles we play?

In this episode of The Human Mask, Alex sits down with Danny from Dad Compass for an honest conversation exploring self-awareness, human behaviour, judgement, identity, purpose, and the challenges many men face but rarely talk about.

Known for encouraging men to lead with intention and authenticity, Danny has built Dad Compass around the idea that growth begins with taking responsibility, being willing to reflect, and showing up consistently for the people who matter most.

As always, this isn’t about telling people what to think. It’s about creating conversations that encourage you to think for yourself, question your own beliefs, and look a little deeper at the masks we all wear.

If you’re interested in psychology, self-awareness, human behaviour, men’s mindset, and honest conversations that challenge perspectives, this episode is for you.

Subscribe for more conversations designed to make you think.

#Podcast #SelfAwareness #HumanBehaviour #DadCompass #MensMentalHealth #Mindset #PersonalGrowth

Transcript

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SPEAKER_02 0:00

Today on the human mask, I've got Danny Birch, and we're leaving the intro at that. Welcome, Danny.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

I appreciate it. Thanks. Um I know you're into self-awareness, and I think it's a really good thing that you're doing. So I'm grateful that you reached out.

SPEAKER_02 0:14

Oh, thank you. That's good. Yeah, I love what you're doing as well. You sat there.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

Yeah, good. It's nice for someone to tap you on the shoulder every now and then and say, Oh, did you know you were self-aware?

SPEAKER_02 0:22

Or are you? We'll find out, then you oh I'm gonna get exposed.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

This is an exposure. Is this a hit piece?

SPEAKER_02 0:28

Yeah, it's a hit piece. I'm doing it for clicks.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

I can give you some clickbait if you want to.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

Um, right, so you probably are aware of the very first question. It's the only planned question. There's no structure to these interviews, um, but luckily they all go alright. So, Danny, my first question, the only planned question, it's one at the end actually. Who are you?

SPEAKER_00 0:51

Cool, yeah. I've seen you like side swipe people with this question, so I did I did kind of prepare for it. And I actually thought about it. I I am Daniel Birch. My Sunday name is Daniel, um, but it doesn't roll off the tongue as well as Danny Birch tattoo for Instagram, does it? So uh I'm a father first. Since you have kids, it kind of defines who you are. So I'm a father of two boys, and um I'm a seasoned tattooist of 18 years, self-taught, and I'm more recently uh a mentor to other dads. I have a community online where we uh share tools just to be more present. And other than that, I'd say I'm just a man who is trying to maximise my potential and existence on this planet. I hate wasting time, it's like the worst thing ever, wasting time because it's the only thing that we we don't have much of. And it's ticking every day. So yeah, I'm I'm a I'm a family man who is maximizing existence on this experience that we're all having. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:53

Yeah, I like that, and that's and and and your answer there is based on a current state and a current which shows you're um you're not attaching anything to past or future either. I don't know if you knew that or not. So the way you're speaking is quite current, which is a good mindset to be in when someone's uh present, I suppose. Um so unlike um so if you ever thought I don't know if you are spiritual or not, but how do you see that on a soul level? You know, do you look at it yourself on a soul level as well?

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Well, I'm faithful. I've got God in my life, which is recent, maybe six months. You got what? Sorry, I missed that. God in my life. Oh have, yeah. Yeah, yeah, of course. And um That was recent, is it, you say? Six months, yeah. And that that's taught me a lot. This podcast would have been very different six months ago. Really? I would have certainly have mentioned something from the past, which I felt like defined me, and I may have referenced something that the from the future uh my goals or something like that. Whereas now I'm very happy just sitting in the present, whether it be today, whether it be this hour or just this minute.

SPEAKER_02 2:50

That's that interesting. That's come and you think that God has helped you with that?

SPEAKER_00 2:54

Yeah, absolutely, yeah, because I realised that I never had control of any of it. I never had control of my past, so I shouldn't let it define me or uh complain about anything or attach things to it. I've certainly not control over the future. The only thing that I have got control of is what's happening right here with me and you now.

SPEAKER_02 3:10

That is amazing. Because I'll tell you why that's I think that's dead interesting as well, because um obviously people don't know, we'll go into your story in a second, because that's worth listening to, obviously. But you had to take control to create the life that you've now got. See what I mean? That's where I always struggle with like uh universe, let it flow, God's in charge. But then also sometimes we do need action to make that happen. Do you see what I mean? Yeah because you took let's so they know, go go a bit back for me. So I'm gonna just tell them. So I saw uh Danny's Instagram popped up uh on my Instagram, sorry, and I loved his message, your message to um dads about being aware, um present for children, being you know, being a good role model, all those things, and then you're moving your family to um a bit of land that you've now got in West Yorkshire, and I loved that all that side of it. And I'm really gonna get into asking you questions about the dad thing, and but just just so we've got some context to when I'm asking you questions, because obviously I know that a bit about you. If you just go go back, if you don't mind, to just before that decision was made, what created that decision, and then going through that process. Is that okay?

SPEAKER_00 4:23

Yeah, I've so I've always been blessed from God, as I realise now, with ambition and a desire to want more. I've always felt like I was destined for more than what I had. Not to say that anyone around me was less or anything like that, but I just always had this burning desire in my stomach that I could do better than this, I can do better than this, I think there's a better version of this. Even if that's going into a cafe and there's the menu, and I think I want something different. Excuse me, can you make me something? Can you make me something out of this, this, and this and this? I've always been that person, I've always wanted more. And you're right that it's not good to just go with the flow all the time and not not have a goal. It's good to have a North Star, but it's also good to you know not attach yourself to what your plans are for the future. So my North Star has always been countryside, land, freedom, shoes off, some kids, some dogs. I mean, that's got to be most people's goal, right? It can't just be me. The people I speak to are like that sounds amazing. And and I thought if that sounds amazing and I want it, then I'm gonna get it. Because what's stopping me? I I can't settle for just being mediocre and sitting there in a place or a situation that I don't want to be in when all the options are presented in front of me to take it, and I just need to figure out how to do it and go step by step until I've got it. And now I've got it.

SPEAKER_02 5:50

Because to go back then, so just before that decision was made, where was you living? What was your what did your life look like before you moved?

SPEAKER_00 5:56

So before I moved, I was living in a small deprived working class town on the outskirts of Manchester. With the m misses and I'd just separated with my first son's uh mum. How old is your son at the time? He's tw he's 12 now, I think he was five or six then.

SPEAKER_02 6:15

So he was aware then, wasn't he?

SPEAKER_00 6:16

Yeah, very aware, yeah. He was fine, he's resilient, kids are, and we did it amicably, so it was all good. So I was living in a in a nice house on a nice street, but in a deprived area where the energy just felt like it didn't match mine. I felt like there was more.

SPEAKER_02 6:30

And you're hearing the same things from the same people and the same, like it was all very samey.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

I grew up there.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

Yeah, as well.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

So I'd done 38 years there, and something needed to change. And I had actually changed everything by the environment. I'd done the personal development, I'd developed a skill, I'd had children, I'd bought a nice house, I'd travelled, I'd done everything I possibly wanted, scaled a business, a few businesses, but still hitting this ceiling. I thought the one thing that I have not changed is the environment.

SPEAKER_02 7:01

I do know what I think that's a massive message, you know. I'm gonna stop you there, because I think that is a message that you know what a lot of successful people I've seen have actually moved areas and and come away or had to do it within separate from people within their own area, which is even harder. It's kind of easy to move away from it, and that is a massive factor. So there's so you've done self- and then you were saying about self-development. What did that look like? You said you did self-development. So you're in everything's changed, but the area. So you as in like you've changed because you did self-development. What was that self-development? What did you do?

SPEAKER_00 7:30

I mean, the books, the podcasts, the YouTube, the courses. Any favourite books? The first one I ever read was How to Win Friends and I've been.

SPEAKER_02 7:40

I love that one, Del Carnegie. I love that one. Yeah, and I'm not much of a- As an old school book, that. And do you know what's weird? I knew you'd say that book. How weird's that. I swear. I knew you'd say that book.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

I'm so weird. I subconsciously use lessons that I learned from that book that I read 15 odd years ago. In fact, no, 20 years ago, I forget my age. 20 years ago on a beach in Australia when I was travelling, I used that subconsciously all day, every day. That's the one book that's like solidified itself in my mind. And it's the one that I quote all the time. And it was written in the 30s, is that right?

SPEAKER_02 8:15

Yeah, well, yeah, a long time ago.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

Some of the best self-help books are are from back then. Because the universal lessons are timeless, aren't they?

SPEAKER_02 8:23

Yeah, and if but it depends on the person, because like if you're an adaptable person, you can just take that lesson and just and move it to modern times. The mass of humans haven't really changed that much, have they? Oh, and and like the the one bit on that book that sticks in my mind, I have done some books, and there's only one bit I can really remember, and is he went to a dinner, and if you remember this one, he went to a dinner, and he um was with his high side lady, and he didn't say a word all night, she was just talking. And then the next day got feedback saying that he was the very best person she'd ever sat next to at a dinner. Basically, the lesson that he was trying to say in the book was people's most favourite subject is themselves, yeah, and and should let them talk and let them be. And it's it was dead. I love that book. I can't believe you mentioned that book.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Their name is the most important word in the English. Yeah, yeah. Crazy, innit? That's why you should remember someone's name. Yeah, which I'm rubber shot, but yeah. Never try to win an argument was another good one. Uh, it talks about people's uh need for significance and how they can weaponise that sometimes and basically how to win people into your way of thinking, which as a parent, as a business owner, as a partner, as a friend, what a skill that is.

SPEAKER_02 9:34

Yeah, it's it's unreal. And so you've so that's that's great. You've done the self-development, and I like the way you've done it. It's a it's in in that old school way, if you like, and you've you've done it. So then you're now you you you're in you're in Manchester, so you're you're single.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

Yeah, so at the time I've got my own house, mortgaged, first house that I've You're co-parenting with you. I'm co-parenting 50%.

SPEAKER_02 9:53

And is that when you went, I'm gonna I wanna be out of this area?

SPEAKER_00 9:57

Well, COVID happened then, and we were thrust into lots of uncertainty, weren't we? But towards the end of that, I met a new partner during COVID? Uh towards the end of it, yeah, yeah. It was really intense because nowhere was open, so she just came to my house a lot.

SPEAKER_01 10:12

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

It was like dating in my kitchen. No. I mean, it was it was it was really intense. But instantly fell in love with each other. Still together now, I've got a new baby, it's beautiful. And we decided, she was from a slightly nicer area, and we just decided like we want the best for our growing family. What does that look like? And she could tell that I wasn't happy with the environment, and because I kept saying it, complaining about I'm sick of it round here, I need to need to move. And I'm talking like you would leave for work in this high energy state. I've got my own business, I'm going serving somebody and tattooing, I'm ready for the day, I've been to the gym. And then when you leave the place, you see a smashed bus stop, or you see some vomit on the streets, or loads of litter, or some crackheads, and my energy just started to dip, and I thought, I need I don't deserve this, I need more.

SPEAKER_02 11:03

I don't want my kids around that either.

SPEAKER_00 11:05

I don't want my kids to see that either, because that'll become normal to them. And we'd gone for a walk. So I had a camper van at the time. I used to try and escape that town as much as possible in this camper van that I'd sunk all my savings into. So throughout the end of COVID, we were just going out, going out and out. I'd even got to the point where I would put food in the fridge, go to work, and I'd go and cook dinner in like a lookout in the countryside because I didn't want to go back there. And the house was mega, I'd made it perfect. And my son still says it's his favourite house because it was great. Used to ride dirt bikes through it, and also we had a load of fun in that house. It was a proper boy's house. But one day, me and Helen, uh, we were child-free at the time, we went to this particular village, and as we were there, people were out on the streets, it was in the countryside, it was a small place, all the shops were dressed in pink balloons, and all the tractors from the local farms came ploughing through the village with all pink tinsel and pink balloons, and I stopped some woman and said, What's going on? And we had a conversation. Yeah, she said a local girl was sick, and the whole community's come together to raise money for her so she can go to America. And first of all, I thought, How crazy is it that I'm actually talking to a stranger on the street? Because even that was alien to me. Because that wouldn't have happened in my old town. You stop and talk to someone, they go, Oh, what do you want? So I was like, Well, this this is that this is like feeding my soul speaking to this nice woman and a fella and the kids and stroking her dog. I like this. And then to see that there was a community element still alive in the UK, I was like, wow, because it was zero community where I was from. So you know, ticked a box. We then went on to go for a walk, and we found a huge forest, like a hundred-acre conifer forest with loads of um paths through it. And I just said to her, I said, I feel like I'm in a national park in America. And I just got this gut feeling. I said, We need to move it. I said, Would you would you be willing to do that with me? Like, we can move it. We just did that as you were there. As we were there. And it was the forest that was the final box to take. I just said, This is on this would be on our doorstep. We wouldn't have to drive 40 minutes to come here. This could be on our doorstep. So we just began the slow and very careful process of looking for properties to rent at first. I was gonna sell mine or rent mine out and then just go and rent to be very careful about it. I didn't burn the boats, which was I like that theory.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

I like the burn the boats theory. I think.

SPEAKER_00 13:28

It's a strategy that I've done in the past, but when you've got other people hanging on to you, like a missus who trust you, and you've got kids, you've got to be a little bit more careful, I think. Burning the boats is a very single single person's um strategy.

SPEAKER_02 13:39

But then it's not burning the boats either, is it? It doesn't really matter. No. See what I mean? That's why I think burning the boats is when you've got that. Because if you're single, you burn the boats. What boat are you burning? You just see what I mean. I wanted to be but it is a very, very, very tough thing to do burning the boats.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

I wanted to be careful because I was making decisions for other people.

SPEAKER_02 13:55

Yeah, no, yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_00 13:56

You've got to- and they trusted me and I didn't want to then end up letting them down. Yeah, yeah. So we did it really sensibly. We just rented a I mean, it was a nice place. Because I made some money out of selling my house, so I was like, I'm gonna treat us to two years in this expensive country house. It had a river in the garden, it had a sun terrace on the roof. It was fat because I wanted to be like, this is what we could have. We may have to take a step back at some point, but we'll end up back there. And we spent two years in that house and we were just sold. Even though I still had to commute 40 minutes back, I was like, that's a that's a worthy sacrifice to be able to then drive back here and have this be my home every day. And uh we've never looked back.

SPEAKER_02 14:33

So you did the two years there? Yeah, and then during that two year process, obviously it must be on the back of your mind, yeah. This is amazing, but it's coming to an end, it's coming to an end. So then you found somewhere to buy, have you then?

SPEAKER_00 14:41

Yeah, we conceived in that house, which was great, and then we started looking at houses in the area. Then we retreated back to someone uh a family member's house to save for the deposit. And then back in Manchester? Yeah, back over the hill. And then we went we moved house five times in two years. Joking. You've earned it then, ain't you? With then two kids and a dog.

SPEAKER_02 15:00

Um, fortunately, I had the camper van and a two kids that you've this is the the son and the new And the new baby, yeah. Yeah, the new baby like that.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

So we we have we've put the graft in, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 15:09

You have, ain't you? Yeah, and that goes back to what we were saying originally, isn't it, about God's plan going with the flow. But you clearly have made mo a lot of people would have just given up for do you know what? Yeah, this is that's effort what you've just done there.

SPEAKER_00 15:20

Going with a flow doesn't mean that there's not work involved. There has to be a ton of work involved because I believe in God, and I believe if if you have a goal and you're like, I want to go this way, he's gonna present opportunities. How bad do you want it? How bad do you want this? And that I think, from my experience, that the more you want it and the more of a level up that particular goal is, the harder it's gonna be. Isn't that a shame though? Why? Why can't it be easy?

SPEAKER_02 15:46

Do you know what I mean? That's why that's why I always go in my head. I think, why? I just come a little bit easier this time.

SPEAKER_00 15:51

I have prayed and thought, man, please just give me a break today. Listen, like think of it as like I don't know, a fighter. They want that belt and they want to go up three levels, they want to skip those three fighters, and we're going straight for that belt. That's gonna be a lot harder than just going up through the ranks.

SPEAKER_02 16:10

I like that one. That's a good one. Yeah. If you want to just go just to here, yeah, dead easy, mate, just go to there then. But you want to jump to there, yeah. That's like if we put it in the boxing term again, you are eating, training, sleeping, you are living and breathing it in tactics, watching videos, you're gonna live that. And it's gonna hurt, and it's gonna hurt, and then you can have that. Yeah. That's a good way of doing it, actually. So you're not looking at it in like a negative way, because we were half joking saying it was negative, weren't we? Saying, Fucking hell, why do we have to go through all that? But really, I suppose that that just matches the reflection of your goal. Yeah. That's what you're saying, aren't you? So if you're a reflection of your goals here, then yeah, you need to put more work in there.

SPEAKER_00 16:45

Why do we have to go through that? Because that's what's required. That's why. It's not supposed to be easy. Sitting in that town that I was from, which again, no judgment on anyone who lives there, it just wasn't for me, was more painful. Not fulfilling my potential there was more painful than all the work that I had to put in to get to where I am now.

SPEAKER_02 17:04

Yeah, that's mega. And you've done it. And I can't I cannot go back. No. And then and then well, just going back to what you said earlier, you say you said um how yeah, the satisfaction of having living where you live, you know, everything's just right. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Yeah. But we haven't had a pre-podcast because I don't, but speaking to you before and a little bit now, you've still got the God's giving you ambition. So you still want more, don't you?

SPEAKER_00 17:29

Yeah, of course I do.

SPEAKER_02 17:30

Yeah, and so so that's do you think you'll ever be satisfied then? Is was with a question that was popping into my head, thinking, well, he's got that then, he's got the nice, but you still want more.

SPEAKER_00 17:40

My ambition is not capped by material goals. A house with more land and a farm area and rescue dogs and all that stuff is an absolute goal of mine, and that's the next step, or maybe next two steps for me. With my father-in-law on there, and my mother on there, and my brother on there. I want everyone together in this commune on this farm to look after each other, and I'll go to work every day. That's what I want, right? But the material element of that is not where my ambition stops. I'll do something else, I'll just put it somewhere else. God gave me ambition, like flowing water. It's like, right, that's done. Check, I am actually now happy with that. I've got a car now that I am more than happy with. I could happily keep that thing for the rest of my life. I don't want a better one. But my ambition now has just moved. I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna create my dad's community instead or channel my ambition that way. Ambition is just to be channelled into different things, just to grow in all areas, not to achieve a material goal. Because a lot of the time, in the pursuit of a goal, you end up changing, and the goal moves anyway. But I do think that I might chase this farmhouse with my family on it, and then one or two of them might not want it. I'm not to I'm not here to tell them what they should do. I'd love to have them there and look after them all forever, but they might not want it. Or in the pursuit of that, it might not be possible and something in Spain comes up, and I end up in Spain, you just never know, do you? Which is why I I I try to have the North Star, but then focus on now, what's happening today, and be fluid on the on the way. Yeah, because I think if you put resistance up and force things, you end up in a place where you were never meant to be. And I've been there so many times, mate.

SPEAKER_02 19:26

Do you know what? Because I like to be honest with myself and honest with guests as well. Um, so I always um look at so self-awareness. I think I have a pre-judgment of people as well before they come on the podcast. But I just keep it in my head, even though I know it's a judgment. I go, I know that's a judgment, and that's not my sole judging, it's probably my programming or whatever. And um what I I like really love about you is my pre-judgment of you, um, being uh a tattooer, you've obviously done amazing what you've done, which I knew about, and and I'm gonna want to go into the dad community and the especially the taking him out of school a bit as well. But so my pre-judgment of you was um sounds really bad. It was like uh I could not a control freak, I can't think about any other way. It's based out of some of the text as he texts me and he said uh send me the dress, I want exact time to get there, right? So you were you were reinforcing my judgment of you, but really you're just super organised, which is fantastic. And and what and a lot of tattooists from people in that world that I've ever come across in my life, because people think they're so unique, and I and I've just dealt with humans all my life, and I and it's very easy for me to go, oh yeah, you're just like him, you're just like him, you think you're unique, you're not. And um, so my pre-judgment, just to be aware, was that that you know, control thing, and if it doesn't go your way, you'll have a wobble and you won't be able to control because you haven't got the control. So, what I love about what you've just said is that you actually you're the opposite of that, and you you you like things organized and you like to have things, but you're so fluid with it, which I think is amazing. That's a hard trait to have. It's a hard trait to be organised, be able to plan and want to be in control, because who doesn't, especially if you've got the skill set to do it, but then be fluid in it as well. So, not like you just said then. So I think that was that's an amazing trait to have, is what I want to say to you. It's a really good trait to have.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

Thanks, and that's what's that's what's great about this podcast and why people should watch, is because even though you've had that preconceived idea of me, you've not come in here and told me to just be that person, or you're not talking to me like that person. You said, I don't want you to come here and talk about what you do for a job or what you do, the community. You want to know deep you want to know the person. And there's a really, really amazing word that I've learnt recently, and I tattooed it on somebody. It's the word sonder. It's not in the English language. Spell it. S-O-R-S-O-N-D-E-R. Sonder, yeah. It's in a book called The Obscure Sorrows. I'd have to we'll link it because it's really, really important book.

SPEAKER_02 21:47

Oh my god, you've got you mentioned about a book I haven't I haven't read either.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

I think it's called Which is Dead Rare. The book of obscure sorrows. It's basically a dictionary that describes feelings and emotions that humans have these days that isn't there isn't not yet a word. For it. That's amazing. For example, there's one where you're on a plane and you look out the window and you're in the mountains, but there's a tiny village there. That moment where you think, I wonder what that village is. I wonder how you get there. I wonder how many people live there. They've created a word for that, yeah? No way. That is awesome. But Sonder is the understanding that every single passer-by in the street has a life and set of circumstances as vivid and as complex as your own. Love that.

SPEAKER_02 22:30

So what your And that's like on the motorway. Where's he going? What's his life? Or you see a car on the motorway, it's Sondra's similar thing, isn't it? I suppose.

SPEAKER_00 22:37

Exactly. And it's just it reminds you just be a little bit kinder to everyone because everyone's going through their own sort of thing. But that's what I like about this podcast is that you're actually deep deep diving into the vivid and complex circumstances that someone's got instead of defining them by the circumstances that you will have only ever seen on social media, which is never a true uh representation, is it?

SPEAKER_02 22:57

Never. And what what I love about what you've just recognised is what you also try and do, again, through kindness, so that self-awareness and being vulnerable and saying, Yeah, I got this wrong, look, I saw I judged him on this in my head and I was wrong. Um, I've done that a few times. Not but again, the judgment isn't negative, and it's not like some people judge in a bad way, and judgment's got a negative connotation to it, but it's not, it's natural for people to judge. Um is that you're um by what you just said then is that the listener, because I'm trying to create self-awareness in the listener through the guest. See what I mean? So as they're watching, and maybe some other guests especially, where they're judging, and then that judgment falls away, or they resonate with something you've said, and they think it's out of reach and it's not, and and that's what I love as well. They can learn so much if they want to. Because people some people aren't open to it, to learning, are they? Which is the the struggle. So in fact, that's brings up to a good point for a question for you, actually. Is it's a hard one to answer. And I asked this question, it's not fair, really, because I don't know the answer for myself, because I did it. What is it that what is the reason do you think that some people have that inside them where they go, I'm gonna pick up that book. I want to learn, I want to go into self-development, I want to know more, and that not that thirst for knowledge and that thirst for change. What makes that happen in somebody? So we were discussing Pete G before, weren't we? He's been mentioned a couple of times by podcast, hi Pete, because his was a trigger, he was in bed, he was on a proper downer, and he he he just flicked doom scroll in, he hadn't bathed for a day or two, he was on it and he looked on this YouTube come up, How Bad Do You Want It? Of motivational speech by an American guy, and something inside him just woke him up, and that was him then. Pete G's been created, if you like. So he can pinpoint it. But can you? Is there a do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 24:37

I can, and and unfortunately, usually it's in people it needs to be an emotional or traumatic trigger. Shame though, innit?

SPEAKER_02 24:44

Is it a shame because you're trying to assess your life while while covered in trauma and stress? Do you know what I mean? So you're gonna make the right decisions.

SPEAKER_00 24:51

You're familiar with a hero's journey?

SPEAKER_02 24:53

No, that's another one you've got me with.

SPEAKER_00 24:55

Right, listen, any Tom Cruise movie from the 80s, Top Gun, Days of Thumb. Yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah, guy's living his life, he's pretty good at what he does. Crashes and burns.

SPEAKER_02 25:04

Oh, Hero's Journey is I think we meant it's the actual film title. So every film does that bit. Yeah, sorry, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:09

In that valley of despair, learns a load of stuff, meets somebody or or a book these days, or a podcast, or a YouTube video, that reframes everything in his mind, and then he climbs that mountain again better than he was before. Yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

And that's what and that's what makes me when you're watching the film, you're going, yeah, and you and you think inside, you go, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:28

And the reason people love those films is because in their own lives, that's what it's had to take. I don't think anyone is sat back happy, content, and goes, I think I'm going to improve. It just doesn't work like that. Yeah. It doesn't work like that. You've got to hit, you know, rock bottom, or some trauma has to happen, or something has to trigger that.

SPEAKER_02 25:49

Um that's a great point.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

For me, I was in Australia travelling alone, and after three or four months.

SPEAKER_02 25:57

What age are you?

SPEAKER_00 25:58

22. I'd gone to escape my environment, even at 22. We've talked about that before, didn't we? I realised this environment doesn't serve me. A friend of mine had committed suicide because of trauma mixed with drink and drugs, and one night he'd had enough. But then the drink and drugs in the group of friends continued the same day. They all went out in his honour and did coke and drank. And I'd just got off the phone to his dad telling him his son's dead at 22. And I saw it for what it was and thought, I have to get out. This thing pulled me and said, You've got to get as far away from here as possible. And I literally did. I went to Australia, I didn't know anyone there. I was just like, I've got to go. I've just got to go, I've got to get out of here. I was working in a bar, I was painting kids' bedrooms, like characters on the wall and stuff like that. Just sold everything I owned, did a load, took another three or four jobs, and I was working 16 to 18 hours a day just to stack up as much money as I could, and then I just left. But then three or four months into that, I wasn't uh as outgoing as I am now. I was still in on myself, still very, very reserved, and I'm sat there three or four months in. I'd the money had dried up because it's expensive out there, and I was flat broke and I didn't know anybody. And I was like, oh this is what rock bottom feels like, and I remember this is a funny story. When I moved into this apartment, there was a can of cannellini beans that had been left. The only thing left in this apartment was this one can of cannellini beans. And I made a joke to myself thinking, Imagine if we ate that. I ate that fucking tin of beans. I was that broke. I ended up with hives. I woke up one day and my face was completely swollen. I had rashes. What was that from? Stress. It turned out to be stress. I had to go to a doctor's and what's going on. They were like, I don't know what's going on with your life. And blah blah blah. Could be stress. Try and go and not be stressed. I was like, fuck no. Go and try and not be stressed.

SPEAKER_02 27:56

Cheers, mate.

SPEAKER_00 27:56

I'll go and do that. In that in that period, I had my hood up and I'm like like a leper walking through the streets. I walked into a bookshop and there was just a bright red one on the shelf, and it caught my eye, and I grabbed it, and it was how to win friends and influence people.

SPEAKER_02 28:09

What a story. Fucking love that. What a story.

SPEAKER_00 28:11

Got it for a couple of dollars. It was used and went and sat on the beach by myself. Reading.

SPEAKER_02 28:15

I'm getting chilled. I get it a lot when I speak to guests, but my god, that is. What is the reason for it? And I can't ever find the reason. And the only reason I can possibly even half give it to is God. What makes people do that? What makes them put you in that situation at that time to see that book and do that? What is it? Is it a guardian angel? Of what is it? Absolutely God, mate. It's gotta be, hasn't it? I don't know how they could explain it.

SPEAKER_00 28:38

To say that it isn't. I've heard a similar thing from so many people. It's amazing. It would be so ungrateful for me to not attribute that to God now. And when I think back, having surrendered to God recently, I look back and go, oh, oh, then, then, then, then, then he's been there the whole time.

SPEAKER_02 28:54

We're a hero's journey. The whole time. I love that. That was amazing.

SPEAKER_00 28:57

The whole time I could tell you so many stories where there was a tap on the shoulder or a gut-wrenching feeling to just not do this thing or go in a certain direction. And I'm like, wow, you were there as well. You were there as well. So he was there in that moment when I hit rock bottom, which he also caused. I need you to hit rock bottom so you know what this feels like. Because then I had a burning desire to never feel like that again. And how can you have a burning desire to never hit rock bottom ever again unless you've hit rock bottom?

SPEAKER_02 29:28

Do you know what I love all that? And it's really helped me there, because not I'm I'm not where I'm at now or whatever, but help me with an explanation as such. Because when I when I'm speaking to different people, guests especially, uh, and you learn so much from them, obviously, if you're open to, you can never know, you never know everything, ever. And and it and it's finding that explanation, and I love the hero's journey thing, and and God feeding the life. And and what it is, isn't it a shame though that because I did a post once saying about the trauma league table. So I I've everyone's had trauma or whatever. And when I started doing this, I'm listening to people's trauma, thinking, fucking oh, mine's nothing compared to his. Oh my god, is that what he's been through? Is that what she's done? Oh my god, can't believe she went through that, and in my head, thinking shit, and you're fucking on about what you went through. And and and what that made me realise was that you shouldn't have you shouldn't compare your trauma to anybody else's trauma because it's traumatic to you, isn't it? See what I mean? And you being alone in Australia, your mate's just died, walking through there with hive, stressed to death, is your the hero's journey. That's yours, and that's unique and special to you. And everyone should own that and like that, shouldn't they?

SPEAKER_00 30:35

The worst thing that's ever happened to someone is the worst thing that's ever happened to someone.

SPEAKER_02 30:38

Yeah, and we shouldn't take that away never from ourselves or from other people. And do you know what someone's- But it's a great message again that you've dumb accidentally.

SPEAKER_00 30:46

I had to punish my 12-year-old recently for misbehaving at school, and I took his phone off him, and I was thinking of all these other reasons, all these other things that I could do to punish him, because I didn't feel like that was enough. And then I spoke to someone and they said, No, that's not enough for you. That is enough for him. You've you've rocked his world by removing his phone off him.

SPEAKER_02 31:07

Great point.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

Yeah, so the worst thing that's ever happened to him is the worst thing that's ever happened to him.

SPEAKER_02 31:12

Yeah, we're back in our day, it might have been a belt or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 31:15

Yeah, so I'd be like, right, you're having your phone, you're grounded, the devices are probably too much. And someone said, That's probably enough, you know. That's really hurting him. That um and onto the hero. What did he do?

SPEAKER_02 31:26

How bad was it?

SPEAKER_00 31:28

He he's gone into high school, he's readjusting, he's finding himself, he's pushing boundaries, he's misbehaving, just testosterone is kicking in now.

SPEAKER_02 31:36

Standard, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:36

He's he's the cool kid, so he's playing up, just standard, standard behaviour. Um, and then he's readjusted and he's he's he's behaving again now because he was punished. But the hero's journey, mate, is not just once. I must have had like ten. And sometimes it can happen in a day, and then you come out of it if you are self-aware enough.

SPEAKER_02 31:56

Sometimes it's spot signs, yeah. Because it's signs sometimes, isn't it? If you're aware aware of signs, then you can acknowledge the sign and you can adjust yourself to the sign you've been given. Yeah. I've got a very, very good friend, like family, Mike. Hi Mike, and he's uh he's just found God, and he um and he's he says to Alex, sign, can't hang on the sign, and and he's he's trying to do that as well. And if you so that's that and that's so but basically what I'm trying to say to you is I'm resonating with you what you're saying. Them heroes' journeys, you're right, they're like this, they're not always right down ears, but sometimes along the way, they can be little heroes' journeys as well, can't they?

SPEAKER_00 32:29

And it's self-awareness is required to notice them and go, ah, this is one of those things. Alright, I ought to get myself out of it. Because otherwise you could get caught up in that for weeks.

SPEAKER_02 32:39

Where does ego come in your mind?

SPEAKER_00 32:42

I've always had one, um, but I've recently realized that ego and pride is the number one tool that the enemy uses to destroy men and get rid of it right now. Pride. I'm driving a nice car at the moment. There's an element of pride there. I can't wait to get rid of it.

SPEAKER_02 33:03

Really?

SPEAKER_00 33:03

Yeah. I don't want pride in my life at all. I don't want designer clothes, I don't want anything to come from a an egotistical or pride uh place. I just want everything to just be purposeful.

SPEAKER_02 33:17

Are you going all or nothing there though? Is there not an in-between for you? Where you think, okay, it's a brand, but I like it. So I'm gonna buy it. It's Hugo Boss or whatever, I'm gonna buy it.

SPEAKER_00 33:24

What's your intention?

SPEAKER_02 33:26

Yeah, you I mean if you like it, you just like it. You like the quality, the feel, of the material. That's what I'm saying. The intention, you're right. So the intention isn't I'm wearing a Hugo Boss top or whatever. That if that intention is why you're wearing it, then yeah, that's wrong, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 33:38

Yeah. So it all comes down to intentional.

SPEAKER_02 33:41

I think you're dead right there. So you got to be self-aware enough to think, why do I want that Hugo Boss top? Yeah. Do I want it for other people, or do I want it because I like the way it looks and fits? Yeah. If that's the way you why the reason why you're buying it, really, without tricking yourself, then yeah, buy it.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

Yeah, but the deep dive on that. Go in, like, why am I buying this?

SPEAKER_02 33:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:59

So the the car that I'm in at the minute, I love it.

SPEAKER_02 34:02

It's a nice car, it's a beast, big.

SPEAKER_00 34:05

It's it's a bit of me. It's everything that I've ever wanted. My dad was a mechanic, so it's everything that I've ever wanted in a car. I love it, it's perfect. But when I go back to the moment that I I did buy it, which was before God and before a few other circumstances that have happened in my life, when my perspective was different, I definitely bought it from ego. Definitely. I was like, I want this as a personal brand car, was what I said. That's what I convinced myself. Because people will see it and they'll think, I'm cool, and they'll book a tattoo, or they'll do this, and they did all out of pride. And I cannot get that out of my head now that this was purchased with pride.

SPEAKER_02 34:41

Well, so you know you'd beating yourself up about it.

SPEAKER_00 34:43

No, I don't beat myself up.

SPEAKER_02 34:44

I learnt a lesson. That's good, yeah. Yeah, that's a great example, another great example.

SPEAKER_00 34:50

I also don't beat myself up for mistakes that I've made because I wouldn't have learnt that lesson about the pride and the car without actually going through it.

SPEAKER_02 34:57

Because some people, ego, some people argue that ego is sometimes needed because ego gives you a drive. There's different elements to ego. There's ego in what the mainstream think ego is, which is what what you're saying, like the displaying the peacock feathers and and having that lording it up or showing you success or whatever. But it sometimes ego isn't, there's other parts, there's other there's other layers to ego where you you do need ego because that's part of your drive as well. See what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 35:23

Yeah, it can be weapon certainly be weaponised, anything can.

SPEAKER_02 35:26

Positively, yeah. I mean, not always that way.

SPEAKER_00 35:29

I think for the most part, going back to intent again, I suppose, aren't we? Most part it's been weaponised to be a negative thing. Drop your ego, don't be egotistical because you make other people feel better or whatever. But maybe there's a there's another reframe you could use. Like, I don't do things for ego anymore, I do things because I'm just grateful every day. I use gratitude as a as a driving force. And a great example is how I now lift in the gin. Or how I um do some sparring every now and then, how I go into a fight. I used to go in aggressively, like with ego.

SPEAKER_02 36:04

I'm gonna beat I need to think that I'm gonna be.

SPEAKER_00 36:06

I'm gonna beat this person, I'm gonna lift this, I'm gonna run this in this amount of time, and it would be frowning, egotistical, let's fucking go. And I thought that was great because that fired me up when I started lifting, fighting, and running, praying throughout the whole exercise, the whole workout, how grateful I am that my knees are still going on this run. Because they could go at any minute, and that my lungs are still working on this run. I was sparring a load of guys last Sunday, and I was just in between every rest. I was like, thank you for just letting me be still on my feet after that, and thanks for you know me seeing that opportunity. No way, or when I lift something, I pray for strength, humility, and safety before every lift, because I could break my back or neck in this thing, and I never lift anything now with you. I do crossfit, so there's always a big lift at the beginning, never out of ego. The guy next to me might have five kilos extra on the air, and I'm like, good for you, mate. But I'm gonna do this with safety, strength, and humility. And I lift so calm now. Everything when I was boxing, everyone else was eh, and I'm just stood still, just like, I'm so grateful to be here.

SPEAKER_02 37:14

That is amazing. What a great, another little great lesson. So CrossFit's a nightmare, I've done CrossFit, and you you can't have ego and CrossFit because the guy you can't have body shape and body size either, can you never gonna beat him at squatting because of the way his body's shape is or whatever, so you can't really, it's hard, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 37:29

I think a lot of people get injured when they go into CrossFit with ego, and then CrossFit gets a bad rap for it. Whereas really it's ego, it's ego, yeah. I will never try and keep up with anybody, I'm only in competition with myself. And sometimes I was deadlifting last week, I felt a little burn. Little warning, 20 kilos off my PB, and I went, I'm happy with what I've done today. That's fine. Great, thank you, God, for just letting me at least get that far. Thank you. I love that, Danny. Thank you for giving me that sign there that there's actually something a bit tight, and maybe I'll go and get that scene too.

SPEAKER_02 37:58

That's amazing. That is amazing, Danny. What's some great you're gonna have some great lessons today, mate?

SPEAKER_00 38:03

This is um all come from self-awareness. I sit in it a lot. I've got quite a long commute to work, 40 minutes each way.

SPEAKER_02 38:10

Do you listen to stuff on the way, or silence, or what do you do?

SPEAKER_00 38:12

I'll either listen to like meditation music or or silence, or my son will be in the car because I do the school run, I'll just try and talk to him. Or I've been listening to a lot of sermons recently, obviously, since finding God, because that's what helped me get there. YouTube is an incredible resource for self-awareness and self-help. If you've got no mentor in your life, if you just need someone or some where to start, YouTube is incredible, mate. The amount of times that I've just gone to YouTube when I've just needed help with something, and then you find someone or a channel that you resonate with, which it should be the Human Mask Podcast. No, thank you. Thanks, Danny, and then go down that rabbit hole with that person. Peter G found Eric Thomas, which That's the name I was thinking of earlier, I can't think of the name. You'll be hard pushed not to get fired up by that guy.

SPEAKER_02 39:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:02

Um but for me, I found a pastor called Joby Martin, who's the leader of the fastest growing church in history in America.

SPEAKER_01 39:12

No right.

SPEAKER_00 39:13

And because he's he's just hit the masculine angle at the right time, he's full of humility, loves God, loves the word of God, and he just wants to help people.

SPEAKER_02 39:23

That's amazing. And that and obviously that's why, because his intent, again, going back to intent, yeah, is is clear, isn't it? Yeah. That's why. And it was YouTube that did that. They got the world at the fingerti we know we didn't have this, they got the world at the fingertips, haven't they? Yeah, there's always which I like is most of the time, somebody, some human somewhere has already trod the path that you want to tread. And and why not have that help? Just go and see how they did it, yeah. And just go basically along their path roughly. Yeah. There's help there, isn't there? Yeah, and you're right, yeah, you're dead right.

SPEAKER_00 39:52

You've just got to be careful because what God creates, the devil corrupts, so YouTube is full of shite as well. And it's very easy if you don't set an algorithm of this is what I like, show me more of this. It'll just show your dog shit and you'll just get caught up in it.

SPEAKER_02 40:06

And that's the same in real life, yeah. With the people you're mixing with, and exactly the same. Moncy Casso, hi Monty, she uh did a TEDx talk on it, and I interviewed her, and that's what her TEDx talk was about. You know what TEDx is, don't you? Yeah, she did a TEDx talk on that, basically, how the your algorithms are social and it matches your real and that sort of stuff. It was really interesting. Do you ever get a chance to watch that?

SPEAKER_00 40:23

And and if you don't take control of that, it's just gonna control you. Yeah. And man, who's in control of that? Who's control who's controlling the algorithm?

SPEAKER_02 40:31

Going back to that again though, like, are we in control or we're not in control?

SPEAKER_00 40:33

You are and you aren't, and it's just the way I'm in control of my algorithm is if rarely do we have a lot of people. No life, I mean, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:40

Because you are we just asked what we spoke about earlier, didn't we? We're not in control because we're thinking that God, if we're good, we're gonna label it as God for now.

SPEAKER_00 40:47

God is in control, but you are in control of that path, I suppose, like you said, because you can you can there's two paths, isn't there, like you were saying, then I suppose you can go down the darker path or the on that I take lessons from the book The Alchemist, which I love that book, which says once you have a a mission go towards it, and then God will present you with good and bad omens. Just take the good ones.

SPEAKER_02 41:11

And now we've we need to have a chat after, right? Because I bet you we've had the say dead similar books that we've which I'm sure a lot of people have, and but we'll have a chat after because I've I've done the books I've done are obviously gonna be similar to yours. But I tried to mix mine up. I did um have you heard of Wayne Dyer?

SPEAKER_00 41:26

No, I've I've not actually read many.

SPEAKER_02 41:28

No, I was doing audio, I had an I had I had a physical book, I booked at the bed, a book in the toilet, I had a book on my phone, I had an audio book, and I'd have them all on the go at the same time. I was a very intense person, and I was doing that a lot. So you I covered a lot of things, even simple ones like Duncan Ballantyne's biography was really good. When you're eclectically learning, you can pick up bits from everywhere, can't you? But Wayne Dyer was a spirit spiritual one, which is really good. Um and his um anyway I'm not gonna go into that actually, it's not right. Um I want to talk about I want to ask you about um because you confused me a little bit there when you said about him and being at school because I saw which I agreed with, you took your son, you wanted your son to do the um night at the museum, and the school said um no, not giving you and you you I wasn't asking permission, I was just letting you know I wasn't asking permission, I was letting you know what he was doing, and then you took him out of school. Do you mean for that or out of school altogether then? Because I I interpreted it as you took him out of school altogether.

SPEAKER_00 42:28

Yes, so the story was it was his sixth birthday. There's an event at the Natural History Museum of London called Dino Snores. You get to go there in your pajamas, sleep in the main hall, run around doing t-shirt making, learning about space and dinosaurs, and then all fall asleep underneath the giant blue whale skeleton. It's incredible.

SPEAKER_02 42:50

What a core memory to create.

SPEAKER_00 42:52

It was at 6 pm on a Friday, which means travelling from Manchester, I needed to set off at about 11. So I emailed the school and said, I'm taking him to this for his sixth birthday on the Friday. We're not gonna be in school that day. And they replied saying, We can't authorise this. So no, he can't go, because it's not exceptional circumstances, they said. To which my reply was, I wasn't asking you, I'm just being polite and letting you know he's not gonna be in. I will not be calling you and saying he's got tonsillitis this day because we don't lie in our house. Yeah, yeah. I'm telling you, he's not coming. So you can either authorize it and have an authorised absence on your school record for your offstead, or you can have it as an unauthorised, because I don't actually give a fuck about his attendance.

SPEAKER_02 43:40

You idiots. Why would you not want that? That reply should have been, wow, that would be awesome. Would you mind if you put some stuff together and talk tail as a class when he gets back? Yeah, but wouldn't that have been a really nice response to get back? And then the class can learn from what he's done. And wouldn't that have been a real way to do it? Yeah no, because it's government and it's common sense. Yeah, common sense, yeah. We actually call it rare sense. I've called it now. Okay, right. It's not common, is it? No, it's not fucking stuck.

SPEAKER_00 44:04

So what I did was that combined with their protocols for COVID lockdowns, which I didn't like, it was affecting my son's mental health. He developed a tick. That's awful. And I that is awful. So I presented the museum and the mental health issue. I said, this school's not serving my son anymore. And they said there's nothing we're going to do about it. It is what it is.

SPEAKER_02 44:26

What a big deal for him not to be at school then, was it? When they had to eat, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:28

Yeah, he just had six months off.

SPEAKER_02 44:30

Yeah. But that one day's really important.

SPEAKER_00 44:32

So I did remove him from that school the day after. The moment they said, the moment they said no, we're not going to do anything about it. I said, Well, he doesn't come back. He's not coming back here. And he didn't go back and explained to him, look, I'm sorry if you're not going to see your friends again in that class. And he was sad about it. He was really sad. In fact, I think he was welling up in the car. And I said, But that school is hurting you, and I'm not going to let them do it. So we never went back to that school. Now, what happened at the time was if you tell the government that you are actively looking for another one, they'll just kind of leave you alone. I went to Facebook, who's got a great school? And um this one kept popping up. So I went in, spoke to the head, said, got these two issues. Said, there's this one, the museum, and there's this one, the protocols for the Covid, blah blah blah. And she said, That's nonsense, and that's nonsense. Oh, it was good. I said, So if I want to take my son to a museum on a Wednesday, it's good. He went, Yeah, that sounds great.

SPEAKER_02 45:30

To learn. To learn. Yeah, I'm not going for a jolly.

SPEAKER_00 45:33

So I put him in there. I didn't remove him from the school system, but I removed him from the school that wasn't serving him. And it so happens that that school that I took him from, I'm pretty sure even all the teachers protested against the head. The head was a bit nuts.

SPEAKER_02 45:48

Power and ego.

SPEAKER_00 45:49

What a shame for all those kids that have had years worth of negative programming put in them. But I think as a parent, you've got to keep an eye on that. And this is one of the things in the dad community, if not the main thing, that I champion is presence. When you pick your kid up from school, ask them what they've learned. Ask them what the best part of the day was. What was the worst part? Did anything make you upset? Did you laugh today? What made you laugh? Because you're getting deep insight into what their day was like.

SPEAKER_02 46:17

As they get older though, they go, don't they bet?

SPEAKER_00 46:20

Well, that's because our question's too vague. They go, uh if I say to you at the end of today, how was your day? You'd go, uh uh, wait, especially you without fucking skipping out all over the place. How crazy. You'd be like, I'm gonna be able, how do I summarize my entire day and and and deliver it in one short sentence how my day was? And you just go, Yeah, it was alright.

SPEAKER_02 46:36

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:37

So you say to your kid, how was school? They go, Oh, like, yeah, it was alright. Whereas if you say, What made you happy today? What was your best part of school today? They answer those questions and then you start to build a picture of, and I've done this a few times where I've not been happy with what's happening in school, even the new school we put him in, because curriculum is not always aligned with my family values. The things they were teaching about LGBT when he was nine, I was like, I don't want you to do that. And you didn't ask for my permission, so I turned the car around and we went back in. And I said, You'll take him out of that class next time. And he went, Okay. So by asking those insightful questions, I got a deeper insight to who he is, who he is in school, who the school is to him, and therefore I I've got a really good picture of where he's at in life, man.

SPEAKER_02 47:23

How old is this? How old is your son now? He's 12 now. Because what I don't know if you found this, he's 12. So that my daughter's 12, and my son's 16. And because how self-aware I am, and the way I speak to them, and always spoke to them like adults, if you like, and said why I made that choice or whatever, and and chatter, now those things don't work because I know what I'm doing. So it's like and I'm like, no, no, I'm really interested. I want to know, I'm not playing games or whatever, and it's and it's it's good to see because then you're having a self-awareness banter almost. See what I mean? Because they become self so self-aware and so aware, and they think they know you know they think they know more than what they do, obviously, then, don't they? And then that kicks in.

SPEAKER_00 48:03

So with your son, is he is he aware that you're aware that I'm asking him so that I know.

SPEAKER_02 48:13

Yeah, as you're becoming too self-aware for you now to to manage, if you like, because they still need managing the kids, aren't they?

SPEAKER_00 48:19

Yeah, well I'll just kind of say it in a in a really relaxed way. Was school alright? Yeah, Sam? What was the best bit? And he just answers me. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't clock on. So while he's doing something or whatever. Well, I'll I will just say if I see him like rolling his eyes, I'll just say, no, I'm genuinely interested in what you did. I want to know where you're at. The only reason he rolls his eyes is because I keep pressuring him to be homeschooled and he doesn't want it.

SPEAKER_02 48:42

Alright.

SPEAKER_00 48:42

So I don't know whether he thinks I'm waiting.

SPEAKER_02 48:44

That's what I'm saying. So he's that's exactly what I mean. So that's what I'm saying. So he's that self-aware, he's thinking, yeah, you ask him that because of that, and and there's the teenager bits about to kick in in a minute properly, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 48:53

We're having to evolve just as quickly as they are. Yeah. Because I've never had a 12-year-old before.

SPEAKER_02 48:58

Yeah. And what I find with the school system, which is dead frustrating, is you are you're putting your child, let's say, with the values that you want for that child in that school. And this sounds really bad. There's there's gonna be dicks. I always say to the kids, you gotta just you gotta put up with these people, because you're gonna put up with them in life. And what to go deeper into it, what really they're putting up with is their parents, because their parents, that's who they're reflecting, I suppose, aren't they, a lot of the time.

unknown 49:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:26

And if they're rebellious, like my son is and was at school, that's come from me, because I'm rebellious, I am, and I don't like being told what to do. And yeah, I I I'll take that, I'll own it. And that's why he's not good there, because he doesn't he asks questions and he's not it doesn't suit him to be conformed and sit there, do that. So, but when they come across people that aren't very nice and cruel and just dicky in general, it comes from the parents. If all if parents in general were more self-aware, their children would be more self-aware, and school would be a nicer environment for everybody, wouldn't it? As well. So is there there's that side, there's a social side as well as what not not just the educational side of school as well, I suppose what I'm getting at. I think have you ever dealt with that and how do you deal with that?

SPEAKER_00 50:02

I think the social side of it's probably one of the biggest, most important things and the reason for them being there. To navigate. Navigate that because as much as we dream about everyone being self-aware, wouldn't that be awesome? They're not like you said, rare sense. Um 90% of people who are not self-aware.

SPEAKER_02 50:23

And they react, so they don't even know why they're saying that, and they're reacting like that, and the judgments and the programmings, and they don't even realise why they're they're doing it, and they're just causing aggro and draw drama in their own life.

SPEAKER_00 50:31

And the reason that I've pulled back on you know the homeschooling, I don't even mention it anymore, is because I'm happy for him to go and have this social experiment. And it's not just the kids, it's the teachers. The teachers are a reflection of their circumstances and their parents. My son is uh a deep thinker and he questions things and he asks provocative questions because I do. I ask him provocative questions, I encourage him to ask me provocative questions and deep thinking. And he's been in trouble recently for doing that. And the teacher, instead of uh being a an educator, just reported him and I got called in. And then and I'm sat there, I've taken a couple of hours off work, I'm self-employed, I'm like, what's the problem? Because he'd said he's been he said he'd been racist. I thought, this is confusing. I'm gonna make time and come in for this. And he just asked a question, they were discussing Black Lives Matter for some reason, and he'd asked a question about it, which was a perfectly logical. They were discussing in English Black Lives Matter and how black people have been oppressed in America in history. And my son asked the question if they didn't like how they were being treated in that place, why didn't they go somewhere else? What when there were slaves in America or No, black oppression, I guess, from about the 50s and 60s in America.

SPEAKER_02 51:55

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:56

Why didn't they go somewhere else? Why did this great question?

SPEAKER_02 51:59

Well, because they couldn't, they were too poor. There's just an answer to it, isn't there? Where's the answer?

SPEAKER_00 52:03

Because they couldn't, because there were no opportunities, they didn't have any money because they were being oppressed, whatever, there's loads of answers to it. And then he would have gone, oh okay. I understand that now, but instead she just shut him down, reported him to the head of year, and then we got called in.

SPEAKER_02 52:15

That is right. And I sat in this meeting and fear, she's done that out of fear.

SPEAKER_00 52:19

The first thing I said was I looked at him when I got told this, I said, You're not in trouble for this. I said, You are not a racist, and that's awful. I'm proud of you for asking that question.

SPEAKER_02 52:29

Good job, you got that in there, quick. Otherwise, he's running through his head.

SPEAKER_00 52:31

Yeah, that went straight to him.

SPEAKER_02 52:32

She could have caused him a load of problems in that area or in that school.

SPEAKER_00 52:35

Think about core memories that are built with the biggest. Yeah, that's right, yeah. Or I call them in my game tattoo mistakes. Love that. Because someone said something to you that is now permanently logged in your love that one. Tattoo mistakes. I love that. I'm a tattooist and a dad mentor. Yeah, that's good that. I do try and merge the two. Just so that I don't have to have two YouTubes. I can't be asking at all. But the first thing I did was he the head of year told me, and then I turned straight to him and explained to him, you are not in trouble, you are not a racist, and I'm proud of you for asking that question. And I want you to ask them again, even if you get into trouble. Because the worst thing that's gonna happen, and I said this in front of the head of year, the worst thing that's gonna happen to you is they ring me, and I'm here saying I'm on your side. So you can sit up tall now, because now I'm gonna give him some shit. And I said, Your teacher, fortunately, it's an academy, and I love the way these academies work. The guy's a manager of the year. He's not a teacher. And I learned this. I was like, in this lesson, I was like, Are you not a teacher? He's like, No, and I I I just manage this thing, and my my job is to make sure that your son is uh coping well and progressing well in this year. I said, Okay then, where's the problem, do you think? And he said, The teacher. I said, There you go, I don't even need to say it. Because as you were reading it, I could see in your face that you knew the teacher had let him down. I said, And you need to go and speak to her? I said, Because he's gonna ask that question again. And I said, and if he hasked a provocative question or the intent was clearly or a deep question about lava in geography, you you'd have praised him for it, but because she's been triggered, he's now being now I'm here, that's what would wind me up.

SPEAKER_02 54:13

I've I've cost him money, I've come through the traffic, I'm here for what?

SPEAKER_01 54:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 54:17

That's that I remember once school ringing me about something daft, and I said, uh, yeah, no problem, I'll see you Friday at six. Because I know they're not gonna stay, are they? They can't do it, can they? Just put the phone down on me. I go, Yeah, I can do Friday at six. It's not like if it's that important, I'll see you Friday at six. Phone went down. I'm like, yeah, no, because you're not, you're not, you know, the intention isn't there, is it? You just want me to you just want to be in control of me. It's not happening. But with my son, for example, which I which is again the self-awareness, he'll come in with a similar story and I'll say, Yeah, but your question's nothing wrong with your question. The point is then you've decided, why don't you do it because he was questioning something or other? I said, Yeah, but that's not appropriate to do it there, is it? If you were that bothered, you'd have waited until the end of the lesson and then gone to the teacher and gone, Can I just ask you this? So I'm teaching him both ways. So yeah, it's right to be free and ask questions, of course. But you didn't need to ask that particular question in that manner in the middle of that class at that time, did you? That makes it about you. And you're just getting that balance with them right, innit?

SPEAKER_00 55:05

That's exactly how I followed it up when I picked it, picked picked him up later.

SPEAKER_02 55:08

But that was relevant because that's happening in the class, that's what's being taught. So his his question was relevant. But for example, sometimes when they're self-aware and they question things, they can do it at the wrong time and it's teaching them that bit as well, isn't it? Yeah. Because then that then you find out the intent. Because if you were that bothered by that question, then you'd have stopped at the end of the class and you'd have gone to the teacher going, You got a minute, can I ask you about this? And you didn't, did you? So you so you did it in the middle of class because your intent wasn't right, because you did it to be to make him look stupid or something.

SPEAKER_00 55:35

You would not have known that the teacher was that sensitive.

SPEAKER_02 55:37

Oh no, but he hasn't done that wrong, he's done nothing wrong there at all. He's asked a question that's relevant to what they're being taught in that class at the moment. Yeah. But what I'm saying is as as that develops, because my son, as that develops, and he he knows his because what happens is becomes self-aware and realise, actually, these teachers aren't as clever as I've put them up here, but they're not, they're down here. Not that's really bad. I don't mean it like that. Whoa, whoa. Flocking on that click mate, I never get more. I didn't mean that. I don't I didn't mean it like that. But what I mean is when they because they have them in esteem, don't they hold them, you know, just a teacher and all this. But when they start showing themselves and they think flip an egg, and they and they've got parents that are self-aware and talk in a different way, and that and these are prickly and reactive and emotional and da da da, then they think and they lose the respect for them. And then they start poking them then and asking them questions that are gonna poke them because they know what they're doing, and it's getting that balance with them. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_00 56:27

My response in the car to him was, look, this is a social well, I didn't say this is a social experiment, but we said it was. And my response was, look, you're in a classroom with 30 people with 30 different perspectives, values, circumstances, personalities, and said, You're saying a logical thing, but that's gonna get received 30 different ways, 31 different ways, because there's a teacher. And I says, You've got to understand if you're gonna ask a question like that, because you care about it so much, expect that other people are not gonna take it the right way, but still ask it.

SPEAKER_02 57:03

And that's from programming, isn't it? That especially in England, you're not allowed to debate something that could be slightly sensitive. So you're not allowed to debate it, you can't talk about it. And that's where she's been programmed, if you like, from the news and things that you can't ever ask any questions, you're not allowed. And that and that's what's caused that, her fear from her programming, from watching the news and stuff, I suppose.

SPEAKER_00 57:21

But I'm raising a leader, yeah, and I want him to push the boundaries all the time. And if that means I have to go into school every Friday and defend him, I will.

SPEAKER_02 57:29

Yeah, and he needs to learn that he's got to own it as well, then that's what the responsibility comes with being a leader, doesn't it? And I love that, I think that's great. And I really like what I do like is that they do have philosophy classes, but what I've learned when he was because he hadn't been in school for nine months, my lad. I thought, oh this is ridiculous. Um it'll be alright. Um philosophy classes, which is really good for for and that wasn't there when I was a kid, is a good thing for minds, but again, it seems to be closed subjects when they start getting into the debate properly. And and you're right, it's not good, it's not a good environment.

SPEAKER_00 58:01

Well, it's because philosophy subjects is like we're gonna cover this, this, this, this, this, and we've got 45 minutes to do it. Oh no, don't stop us on question three, because I've got I've got eight to do. Yeah, it can't be free flowing too. Do you know what? Let me just say for I know you're slagging teachers off and you don't like it.

SPEAKER_02 58:15

Oh no, that's not fair. That's not fair. But the the Rich don't clip them.

SPEAKER_00 58:20

The the pinned comment on my museum post, which went crazy viral, by the way, that's yeah. The pinned comment was massive respect to underpaid and overworked teachers who are doing the best they can with what they got. I think people go into teaching and nursing, for example, with uh goodwill, and it's a noble profession, but your hands are tied by the government and curriculums.

SPEAKER_02 58:44

I I'd argue with that. My wife was a teacher when I met her. So I'd argue with that. I agree with that sentiment, but I'd argue I'd go back to what you said. If you're not happy in your job, change something. If you go into the job with what you said, oh my god, I'm so grateful to help these children in their future. I'm so grateful that I'm here and oh my nose a bit and I'm great, and they went in with that attitude. If they're if they're going in there as victims and tired and upset, and this is just too much, I can't do it, then don't do it then. Because you're there to serve these children, and if you're not if you can't do it properly, then don't do it. See what I mean? And that and and that's and then if there was a fall away of teachers, then the government would then have to change something.

SPEAKER_00 59:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 59:23

See what I mean? You can't just go in there putting up with every day and being um um what's the what's the word like martyrs? Oh, the teachers are martyrs. You can't have it like that. You you've chosen that job, go in there and be happy. If you don't like it, don't do it. That's my view, which is probably a bit different. Oh my god, have this lag enough teachers, Danny. What have you done?

SPEAKER_00 59:43

I totally totally get it. And something that I've instilled in my son his whole life is whatever you do, do it well. Just do it well, just do it to the best of your ability. Well, don't do it.

SPEAKER_02 59:49

Well, just don't do it, don't be don't put, don't take it out on kids. Don't take it out on if you're not happy, you're clearly not happy. So, what is it that's making you unhappy? Self-awareness. Get in there, what's making me unhappy? Is it because you know what is it? And then try and address it. If you can't change it, then you change something or because something can't be changed, can they? They can't teach you can't go in and just change the structure of the government. Well, they could try if they want, if they've got the will for it, but to change the government and the way they teach and the and obviously from the Victorian days, isn't it? It's it was there just to produce workers, get them used to time, slots, obedient workers. That's what school was created for originally, and there's not a lot changed, and with AI coming out, it's gonna be a lot of it's gonna be irrelevant. That the AI is that rapid in the way it's coming. I think these kids are not wasting their time, but does it really matter?

SPEAKER_00 1:00:35

Generation beta, are they calling them, I think. Is that true? Is that a thing? Yeah, there's some content that are coming out now at the minute telling us prepare your kids from an early age for this and not what has been, because it's gonna change so quickly. Um but we'll see, we've got to navigate it, haven't we? We're all we've got to figure it out.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:52

It'll be what it'll be. So I want to just navigate to um away from teachers, didn't you? Uh away from teachers to how did you come about wanting to help dads? How did that first start? Because that that's really interesting. Because I want to I want to ask you, I'm gonna dip into in a second in my head, just deciding now. Uh uh, like manus theory, dad manny things and kids and but just tell me first how it started.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:23

Yeah. This story is a great example of organic and purpose mission, right? Because my Instagram page, this isn't some sort of glorious story, this is like roots up, right? My Instagram page was dead, it had like 30 something thousand followers, it was all tattoo content. I'm putting three reels out a day, two posts a day, some stories.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:51

I'm graphic and your intent is for for customers. Tattoo.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:55

I was only tattooing at this point.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:57

Sorry, yeah. So I'm pumping. I mean that's your intent, I mean, for customers. You're doing advertisement for your business.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:02

My intent is to get tattoo customers through my social media. Because what else is it for? So I'm working on it non-stop. Sometimes I would have to take a day off tattooing just to create content for it to just go nowhere. I was losing four or five hundred followers per month. And at the point where I thought, I'm sick of this. I can't. It's literally I'm sat at home on my phone posting and scheduling and coming up with ideas, and it it was taking over my life. The content side of it, I thought, I'm sick of this. All I want to do is just do my job. I don't want to be a content creator as well. I want to be a good tattooist and I want to focus on it. I should be doing designs now, and I'm doing this. So I just gave up. I thought I'm not gonna do it anymore. Fuck it. I'm just not gonna do it. I'm gonna see what happens.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:44

What no more posts, that's it?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:45

No more posts, fuck it. I'll do the odd story post every now and then. And then someone uh I was joined a community called the Creator Club, uh, Louis Armstrong. Shout out to Louie, cool guy. And he said something on one of his calls. He said, go on your stories and speak to the camera as though you're on a FaceTime to a friend. Reframe what you're trying to do because people don't want to be sold to anymore. They don't want to be presented with how many appointments you've got left in July. They want to see you. They're buying into you. They want you. So give him you. So I was out with a baby.

SPEAKER_02 1:03:20

Did it click with you then did it then? Like something clicked.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:22

Not then. I thought I'm gonna try it at least. I'll try anything. I've joined communities to learn more about this content thing because it's not working for me. I've even stopped posting and I'm losing 500 followers a month. This is ridiculous. So I was out with the baby on my back, hiking after work one day, and the sun was kind of going down. I was in the countryside. I thought, God, it's nice here. And I told the story that was like. Where was you living now? I was in the countryside, yeah. Did you move to the? And I told the moved from a deprived town into the countryside story. It took about 40 seconds. I got in state, like an actor would or a fighter. I'm ringing a friend, I'm ringing a friend, I'm ringing a friend, and I just pressed go. And I went, yeah, so I moved out into this de uh this place because it was a deprived place, there wasn't even a coffee shop, and it was a lot of work actually, but it's paid off. Look at the scenery around here, it's great. Like, you know what? And I said, the UK is doomed if you live in areas that are doomed, or if you're looking on your phone or in the media, said, But look at this. It says it's beautiful, and to me, the UK is only getting better. Oh, I love that.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:23

And I just let it go. This is a a post or a story.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:25

It was a story post.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:27

That's where it goes goes away, it doesn't stay forever.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:29

24 hours you get.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:30

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:30

And I noticed that it got loads of love arts more than anything I've ever posted. I was like, wow, people really like that.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:37

And I thought he was right, that guy, wasn't he?

SPEAKER_00 1:04:38

Louis Louis Armstrong. And I thought, I wonder if I just posted that as a raw reel. Because it had the automatic caption on it, and it was so basic, mate. Really, no production value whatsoever, no mic, nothing. I thought I'm gonna post that as a reel because it's zero effort. I didn't put a cover on it, didn't put anything, just put the caption saying, you know, the UK's only getting better if you go to places where it is the best in the countryside, in my opinion. It got half a million views. No, maybe five, six thousand followers in 40 hours.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:11

It's like, oh. Ninja Ego kicked in then, like when oh not got the followers, got the dude.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:16

No, no, I don't care about followers. Good, yeah. Stop caring a long time ago about followers because half of them are fake anyway.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:21

I learned that. I I didn't know that. I people come uh and I said to Richard, oh look, this guy's got this many followers, have a look at his views, he goes, nah, they're all fake.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:29

Elon Musk bought Twitter and deleted something like 800 million fake accounts overnight. Wow. It's ridiculous how many all the hate you get, all your hate you're getting are fake accounts. No. They're all just bots, they're just bot farms to spread hate and make people feel like shit. No. Ridiculous, mate. So I don't pay any attention. Why why? There's a there's a little big agenda, I guess, to stop people from sticking their head up and becoming an inspiring people, I guess. That's it, gosh. Because the o the the only people who get hate are people who stick their head up. And try to inspire people. They're the ones who get hate. People who just too.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:03

Someone comment about my wrinkles every day. Look at the wrinkles on his head.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:06

Go on their profile.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:08

No, yeah, it was a no it was a no-profile-y person like no posts. I I just put back are you from a Botox company or somewhere like that? Yeah, because I've got wrinkles.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:16

I mean, it's always a good idea to just post a uh a comment that promote provokes them to then say something else because then that just triples the algorithm thing, yeah, yeah. So that really works. But anyway, this worked, and I thought I'm gonna do that again. So the next day I was genuinely out with the baby on a walk. Now, this one it was windy, I didn't have a mic, you could hardly hear what I was saying, and I just had a memory when I was on a walk and a moment where the baby was just quiet, of why I started walking out in nature. It was when I was in a restaurant with my two-year-old, because I didn't know what what else to do. Let's just go and eat out then. And I got sick of the sound of my own voice. Put that down, don't do that. And I thought, he doesn't even want to be here. Oh my god, that's such a great point, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:59

When you're in that yeah, and I don't want to be here. Yeah, and I'm just doing what I should be doing, taking something to eat.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:04

And as soon as the food comes, he shits himself, and I've got to go and change it and come back, and my food's cold, and that I'm spending money. I don't I was like, what am I doing? I'm sick of this.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:13

That's a great point, innit? People do it, they don't hero's journey.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:16

Here we go. So the next week, the the like the days following, we went out to it was Tatten Park in Cheshire. We took a picnic, I packed in a field bit, and I opened the door and I just let him go. We had a picnic, and there was no limitations on him, and I was like, this is such a better experience. And I told that story, 500,000 views, another 5,000 followers. Brilliant. But listen, I'm getting followers of real people who really resonate and relate to that authentic content, and that was the uh conception of I'm going to start talking about value that I've got as a dad, and I did it more and more. Some dip, some did it, whatever what they do, but I gained something like I don't know, 30,000 followers in three months. Real. People who wanted the dad comment. And the I think Pete G said this, he said the comments were I needed to hear this today. And I thought, I'm getting goosebumps now, thinking about I'm like, I'm helping people there.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:18

Yeah, it's so it's such a good feeling, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 1:08:20

When I post a picture of a test.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:21

I'm not on your toes level yet, but I'm just mine's starting to slowly happen. People are inboxing me, even though I've got big views or whatever of the seven platforms, but I'm starting to get them little bits, and it's a really amazing feeling, isn't it? It's hard to describe when you've know you've I needed to hear that and those sort of things. It is amazing.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:35

I needed to hear this today. Thank you for this. I love what you're doing, keep going. Whereas when I was just posting, look at my work, look at my work, look at me, no one cared. Well, people want people are crying out. Do you know Pete? You mentioned him a couple of times. No, but I've just listened to his podcast and really resonated with it. A lot of what he said. Well, intro you have to. Yeah, I'll speak to him, I'll go meet him, I'll go to church with him. Oh, buzzing. I've not been to church yet, I've not crossed that threshold, so have you not? Maybe I'll go to his. Yeah, buzzing. So people are crying out for authenticity, relatability, value, and they don't want to be fucking sold to. For God's sake, stop selling to me. I'm not interested. And I don't want to see any AI stuff. I just won't see real people. People are crying out for it.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:20

And something that have you you've you know this now because you're a proof of the proof of the pudding, sort of thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:27

It's organically happened, yeah. And people related and the algorithm or what which represents human behaviour, by the way, loved it. So human behaviour tells me that they loved what I was doing, so I just did more of it as you would. And that was then the birth of the dad compass, which I then developed and explored more. What could I do with it? Where do I channel this attention so I can help people who could- Did you launch it then? Like, how did you do it? It was like a three-month process where I tried to figure out what would be best. I tried different platforms, I tried what am I gonna do, and I'm a busy dad, I've got a business tattooing, and I'm gonna commuting and uh commuting, and I've got kids, and I'll keep getting called in and to school. So, what community can I build that? Dipping teachers.

unknown 1:10:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:10

What community can I build that is gonna be you know efficient for me to run as well? It's not gonna take over my life. So it's just a WhatsApp community. With a resource on the WAP app where I host PDF guides and stuff for people, audits, financial audits, screen time audits, anything that I've learned from a podcast guest or something, I'll just drop it in there. Brilliant. So they've got a resource that they can download. Is that free for people? No, it's 25 quid a month.

SPEAKER_02 1:10:35

Yeah. Because I was gonna say, I wasn't doing it in that way. I was saying if people don't pay, they've got to have some sort of um what's the word? If it's free, there's no effort been put in. Yeah. They've got to they've got and that's 25 quid.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:48

There has to be a barrier to entry, otherwise you'll flood it with low quality members. Yeah. And I've not built this to make money, I've built it because I genuinely have value to share. I've identified that I have, I'm grateful for the value I've got to share, and I want to give it to people. I do not want to flood this room with people who are low quality who are not listening.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:11

So the people that are going to whinge and and and and complain over. Complain, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:16

So the men that trust me enough to pay me 25 quid a month, I am now dedicated to them because they've earned my trust. Because they've got over that payment barrier, which is big for even £25 a month is big for some people. They're like, ah, they don't commit to that. So they do, so now I am all in on them. If this was full of low-quality people that were in just because it was free, how likely am I to sit there at 11 o'clock at night and start doing research into podcast guests? Because I'm like, it's free, I don't get anything out of it. The energy intensive, innit? Yeah. I need a good energy exchange. Everything in life is a value exchange, right? So I need a good energy exchange in the community. The energy exchange would be all one way if it was free.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:57

Do you commit to like what posting three times a week in there, or how's it work?

SPEAKER_00 1:12:01

We have a weekly compass topic.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:02

I'm not selling it, by the way, I'm just asking him.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:04

We have a weekly compass topic which I set every Monday. It's just a conversation starter for the week.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:09

And then they just the community just talks to itself, sort of thing almost.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:12

We call it a scaffolding community, so it props itself up. The members are such good quality men that they hold each other up. There's nothing I love seeing more than a man jump in the community and ask a question or present a challenge that he's having, and before I get there, all the other men do.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:28

Love that.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:29

How beautiful is that, mate.

SPEAKER_02 1:12:30

And then what do you and then by the time you do get there, you're like, well, yeah, he's right. I was gonna say what he said and he's already said it.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:36

I agree with this guy, this guy, this guy, and you've just got four different perspectives from four different men. And a lot of the time, this is this is what a lot of people need. They need reassurance, they don't necessarily need educating. These are already good men and good dads, but they're making decisions without maybe their dad's absent, or maybe they don't have another father figure, or maybe they've got some negative programming themselves from the childhood. They're making decisions in the family that they think is the best for their family and their kids, and they just like drop in the community and go, I've just done this. What do you think? Most of the time, the guys go, I had something similar, I've been through something similar years ago, and I'm now way past it, and I think the decision you made was the right one. Love that. And then he goes, Thanks. Just that pat on the back.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:22

Well, just sorry to switch this, my thoughts come to my head, which is not a good thing when you haven't got a planned podcast. Um, is um Wh where where's your dad in all this? What's your dad?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:31

W when I was like 17, my dad's had a lot of his own issues with his own mental health, his physical health.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:37

But was he about for the most of your life?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:38

I mean, like was he about great childhood, but from the age of when I was 17, I would say that he started to develop his own problems and then kind of took his eye off me to just deal with his own shit. He's still alive, he's had a very long battle with alcoholism, his health's not in a great place.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:56

And that started around when you were 17?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:57

When I was around 17, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:13:59

So it is that his kids are starting to grow up and then he's a bit lost and he's started to drink. Is that or is that something else?

SPEAKER_00 1:14:04

For for whatever reason, he life got the better of him and he turned to drink to fix it, and it's just destroyed him. Um, so I didn't have as a young man going into business, into manhood, into parenting, I never had someone to to turn to for come here, son, do this.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:22

Watch out for that and don't do that, and yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:24

Um I just bounced through business, bounced through manhood, and that's why I messed it up for so long. Same story as as PG again, like it just no one guiding you. So you just well, maybe it's this.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:37

You naively do it as well, don't you? You like naively go into something and you just find that along the way.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:41

Yeah, yeah. Or you just you you're an ongoing calculation of everyone you've ever met, and if you've got no guidance, you th you meet a friend who's doing life this way, you're like, well, maybe that's the way I should do it, then. Or you meet a father figure or a teacher or somebody who's living life this way, or maybe it's this way, unless you've got that solid person in your life to say, It's this way, it's this way, mate.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:04

And I know you, so I know this way's for you. Because that's the other thing. You give advice to people, or people take advice or do what you just said, and it's not they don't know that that's completely different to how you are. It's got to match you, hasn't it, as well? Yeah, there's no point if you've got that I don't know, very introverted personality and blah blah blah, and you say, Oh, I know what you should do. Should go on stage. Oh, that would suit you, go on stage. Well, you don't know me. Why would you tell me to go on stage? I'm very introverted, I don't want that, I don't like that. You've got to understand the person as well when you give advice. Do you know what I mean? So it matches a bit.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:33

And I think there's a I mean, fatherlessness is uh is an epidemic right now.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:37

100%. I my dad went about and uh he left when I was about eight or nine, and then he came back and I was 13 long story. Anyway, but I did what you did in a way, well not what you did, but what you said to accidentally throughout my life, I'm just picking out the positives of male role male role models, random male mod random male role models, and you take the positives out of them, so then your personalities develop from different people that you've met along the way because that you haven't been shaped by a consistent male figure in your life, I suppose.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:05

And these days, young men are being presented with personal brands on social media, manosphere stuff, manosphere it could be manosphere stuff, but any sort of personal brand, which is a dry cleaned, caffeinated sales-driven version of that person. But Tate is a great example. I'm sure if you met him in real life, he would be nothing like he is in the videos. But a lot of people might attach themselves to certain parts of what he's saying online, which is intentionally clickbait because he's great at marketing, and then become all that, and it's like, no, no, no, that's not what I want from this. That's not what you're supposed to be. But like I said, fatherlessness is an epidemic right now, and and men who've not had that, and their children uh all could really do with someone just reassuring them that they've made the right decision or maybe just guiding them into options that uh I think teaching them self-love and patience as well in young men.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:09

I teach I try and teach that to my lad, he can beat himself up and he's got a testosterone, he's got like my energy, and then if something's not rolling, he gets frustrated like just chill out, man. You're 16, you've got loads of time, just don't worry about it, it'll be fine. And just hearing that helps, doesn't it? Rather than beating themselves up and aggressively emotionally outbursting it in the wrong way on the streets or wherever.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:29

How good must it feel to know that someone who is responsible for you and who cares more than anyone else on this planet who you turn out to be is actually stood behind you with your hands on your shoulder going, I've got you, mate, I've got you. I'm not gonna tell you exactly what you're doing.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:43

But they don't know it, I'll see anything. And that's the bit with that, they don't know it.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:46

They don't realise until they're 35.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:47

Yeah, they don't know, do they? Which is fine. We don't need it, do we? We don't need that, we don't need to know, but but yeah, it's it'd be amazing to have had it, and it's amazing to give it.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:55

That's the lonely walk that we dads take. The lonely walk, yeah. We hold on to their shoulders. Full of these good ones, you are I am an ongoing calculation of everyone I've ever met, and I've tattooed over three and a half thousand people. I'm I'm I must have had more podcast interviews one-to-one with someone than anyone on on earth because I hold on to somebody and all the self-development you did as well, and the self-development, but a lot of the stuff that I read.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:20

That was a better that was a better answer to the who are you question at the start.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:22

Yeah. Yeah. An ongoing calculation of three and a half thousand people that I've ever met and held on to for a long period of time. So a lot of the stuff that I say, a lot of the value that I've got has come from them. Where else does it come from?

SPEAKER_02 1:18:36

And can I ask you another question? Because I've got a view, a particular view on um, because it's a very relevant space at the moment because sadly, the the biggest killer of men is suicide, isn't it? Which is just sad. It is just that sad, isn't it? And you think, God, and and we don't know each individual case and each individual person, and it's a massive movement at the moment with like Andy's man's men's club, I think it's called, isn't it? Have you heard of that one? Yeah. Yeah. But my view on it's good for men to talk, I don't know if it's controversial or not. I agree. It is good to talk. Talk. That is good. Talk to the right person is also important. Don't put it on. Shouldn't put it on too many other people without knowing that they might be going through their own thing as well, and you're just lumping them with your stuff and they've got their own stuff. You need to be aware. But it's talk, good to talk, but it's good to change. You can't just keep. You know, men sometimes I don't know if you've come across these people that will just keep repeatedly telling you their problems, and you're like, you need to do something about it, then don't you? You can't just keep going on about it either. See what I mean? There's that balance of saying it is good to talk and I'm here for you, and I'll help you. I don't mind helping you and giving you some advice. But if you don't start seeing any movement towards helping yourself, then there's a problem, isn't there? See what I mean? Do you get what I'm saying with that balance? With with men's good good for men to talk and but not keep going on about it as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:57

The Instagram the Instagram bio for the Dad Compass is this is not a therapy group, it's a brotherhood with tools.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:05

Oh, good, that's good.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:06

Because I don't want people coming in and just complaining. That's your free men's mental health Facebook group. Go and do that there if you want to just offload. Because something's triggered you, you have a win, and then you just go back to where it was. This is a brotherhood with tools because I want to see you change. You come to me, you pay me, and the men that are already in the group who are all learning together will help you with problems that you've got. And then we've also got room for wins because within a matter of days, I want to come and see, I want to see you report that win that you've took this and took it back there. So I do agree with you.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:40

Yeah, there's a lot of complaining, but beyond I've come across people in my inbox, and so like you say, it's nice and he's oh needed to hear that, I'm going through this or that, and I go, blah blah blah, and I'm talking to him. And he gets to his stage sometimes, I'm like, mm, this is above my pay grade. So I'll go, for example, I've sent uh Patsy, a fantastic guest I had. I don't know if you've seen Patsy from Manchester. Have you seen her? Yes, sorry. Go watch her podcast, it's unreal. Anyway, so Patsy, for example, I'll go, Look, I'm I'm sorry, just you're getting above my pay grade here. I'm gonna send you to Patsy. Or somebody else messaged me on WhatsApp and saying, I keep hearing the question, who are you? and I'm losing the plot about it, and we're chatting, it's going well, and I'm like, I'm gonna send you to this guy. Do you ever find that you come across people that are do you mean like you can't your ego can't get in the way here? You they need help, and it's above you do refer them.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:34

Absolutely. So within the community, I've got podcasts in there. Oh your podcast? Yeah, I've just launched it live.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:41

I was about to say, I didn't know you did a podcast.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:42

Well, I only launched it live last night on YouTube because I thought I'm I'm withholding some like really good information here. I need to make it live. You just you talking, or it's Zoom podcast, it's not as well produced as this, it's terribly produced, but I thought the information's really good and I need to get it out there. So we've got leaders and experts in certain fields. So a lot of the time, and I put them in the group as well when they when they've done a podcast with us. So a lot of the time, if something's above my pay grade, at least I'm the person in the middle that can say, refer back to that podcast we did, because that answers this, and the guy's numbers there as well. Oh, that's fantastic. Go to him. There's a lot of things, and self-awareness comes into it. I don't know the answer to this. But I'll pray for you. And there might be something that I could say to just make them feel a certain way about it, but in terms of answering your problem or fixing it, that's up to you, mate. But I do know someone that can help. Yeah. That's good. Going back to the suicide, I think beyond serious mental health issues, which are legit, and trauma, which has not been dealt with, I think the reason why a lot of men kill themselves is because they don't feel they've got any significance in this world.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:54

Purpose is so important for a man. I need a purpose.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:57

And I need to matter. I need to matter to s to some people. And conspiracy-minded maze coming out now. There seems to be an attack on masculinity right now. And they don't want men being strong. They don't. And you'll see weak men everywhere being put on pedestals.

SPEAKER_02 1:23:18

Yeah, they're like I've seen it in day-to-day life. You're like flipping at you, a little boy. You know, you might even even if they look big and strong, you think you're just a boy?

SPEAKER_00 1:23:26

You know, where's your from famous YouTube people to authors to the idiot dad in a sitcom? It just seems to be pushed everywhere, and anyone who kind of comes across as overly masculine just kind of gets held back. How weird is it that they made a manosphere documentary about the fucking the least masculine and fucking mature person on the planet. He was that it's like, no. Yeah. You could have made a man I'm in the manosphere, you're in the manosphere. You could have made a manosphere documentary about real men that are making real change and really helping.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:02

Yeah, because I I've I did a bit of a face-to-cam, like you were saying about in the in the countryside, a face-to-camery one, I do one every day. And I did one on the manosphere, and and the point, Osmick, was we're aligned in that way, luckily. Could have gone wrong, couldn't it? No, I think we should just keep talking about it. I like debate. I like to be able to do it. If you'd have gone, oh no, we just keep talking about it. I'd be like, Daniel, I don't agree with that. Anyway, we agree with that. But and I did this post, and basically the gist was I said about what you just said, men at the moment are over here, all the over here. I said, but a real man's in the middle. Like, yeah, cry if you want to cry, it's just energy moving, no problem. But you should know with the basics of how to fight, you should be fucking proud, you should have a purpose, you should be there's there's certain bits about being a man, and it's that's okay, be a man, but it's okay to because we're all made up of masculine and feminine energy, and sometimes you might have to lean into that softer side of you, and sometimes you might have to lean into that masculine side of you, and that's all okay, but don't be ever here pretending you're that and you're not, because you're not, and or going over the left side and being too far that way, either.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:57

And don't try and fix that one by going all the way over there, yeah. So there's a there's a I think it's an old Scottish proverb that I learned from Pastor Joby Martin. He said, for every mile of road, there's two miles of ditch. And that's exactly what you've just said. There's the soft feminine guy who's passive and being walked all over and is unhappy in his home, can't lead his home, his kids don't respect him, his wife don't respect him, she's cheating on him, there's alcohol involved, and he's the fucking suicide guy, and he's gonna let everybody down. But then there's two miles of ditch on the other side of that road is the red pill guy, as they say, who's like, you know, you stay in the kitchen, you clean for me, you do this, I'm gonna do this. No, we're not doing this. Doesn't let anyone else decide what happens in his life, and he's rigid on his values. No, I will not fucking cry today. Not none of those are good. What you just said is perfect, that you just want to be in the middle of the road, and sometimes you're gonna do a bit of this. And it's okay, and that's all right.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:54

And it's absolutely fine, it's absolutely fine, it's fine. Don't beat yourself up. Like and what you like what you were saying, you should have your North Star. Everyone should have a North Star, or I call it a mountain. And but what happens is people, maybe some men, say that guy you were talking about before who's just getting walked all over. What happened to me? You know, I used to go out and do some shanging and fighting, I was like this, and now I'm just what's the point in my life? I'm just whatever, I'm not fit, I'm this, I'm ever walking all over me. And you could say to him, right, so that's the goal. And then what happens is they get so consumed and overwhelmed by the size of their goal that they think, what's the point? And and it's having an off-star and a goal on a top of a mountain, but realising it's just it's just one step at a time towards it without getting overwhelmed by the goal as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:40

Well, the road that's got a ditch either side of it, she's got to have a direction, right? She's gotta be going that direction and then just let's see where the road takes us. Yeah, yeah. And try not to fall in any of the ditches. Yeah, and if you do, you do. And if you do, yeah, don't beat yourself up. Some of the one of the biggest issues I've had throughout my adult life is beating myself up for the mistakes I've made.

SPEAKER_02 1:26:58

In the past, past. Yeah. When you were younger, younger?

SPEAKER_00 1:27:01

Oh, maybe even just a couple of years ago. Because obviously I ran businesses. Um, I had to close my family tattoo studio recently because it just wasn't making any money. I had to make all my family redundant and pay everyone off, and I felt like I'd let everyone down. I'm beating myself up about it, and then um in the last year or two, I've just decided that no, that's just how it was. That was just the road that I was on. And I will not beat myself up, I will not apologise because I did the best with the circumstances that I had.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:29

Yeah, and I would say that you're what a character you are, because you're taking responsibility. But I bet it wasn't just your your fault and your responsibility, was it? You've decided to put it all on your shoulders and decide it was your fault. But I bet you if I dug into the details of that, I'd say, well, there's that, that, that, that, and that. And it's not, but what a great characteristic of a person to want to take that responsibility on.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:46

Yeah, it was a sinking ship for three years since COVID. COVID wrecked us.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:50

What do you think about Covid? What's your view on that?

SPEAKER_00 1:27:52

Uh I mean it's hard for me to say the disease was nonsense because I don't know. Who who knows? Nobody knows. Knows, but I certainly think he had the jab. No, I'm not gonna let I didn't it didn't make sense, it just didn't make sense, and if something doesn't make sense, I will not do it.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:12

Do you know what? I like with you with the 3,000 odd people you've spoken to, I'm similar background. So mine was car sales, for example. So since I was saying for how many years flipping it, yeah, you lose track, yeah, 20 odd years, and you think I've had in front of me, sat in front of me each month. I don't know, it's the numbers are just fucking phenomenal. How many human beings I've done like you've put the tattooing? Anyway, in my mind, I used to do little surveys in my head. So at the time, like the elections, I'd go, Who are you voting for? You voting for, you're voting for, you're voting for. And at the time, the majority, it was a local election thing, I think the majority was reformed. There's only one person said Labour, everybody said reform, but they didn't get in. I was like, Oh, that's interesting. Anyway, during COVID, everyone I asked, You getting the job? You getting the job. This was a hundred percent so when I whenever's going on in life, I'd just ask a question, I have little graphs in my head.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:28:57

Everyone. So this is a hundred percent record. I'd say, Why are you getting the job? And every single person said to go abroad. Everyone. And then when I said, So you're not doing it to protect yourself from a deadly disease, and I could see the cognitive dissidents trying to it was just it does malfunction in front of me. Wait, there's a deadly disease? I just thought you had to get this to go away. Yeah, your incentive to put this in your body that you shouldn't know much about is just to go abroad. Don't you think you just hang on a minute? Do you know what I mean? Hang on. Be self-aware. And then does this make sense? Yeah, because then obviously heart attacks have gone off, fingers have gone up, everything went through the roof. You know, the the the stats on the flu, there was no flu that year, but there was 300,000 deaths. It was just like you said, just didn't make sense. Each to their own, each to their own, as always.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:39

But no judgment on anyone on anyone that did, because I don't know the facts. All I know is it didn't make sense to me, so I didn't do it. And if they say you can't go abroad without this, I'll go, sweet. I quite like the British countryside, I'll just stay here. I'll just stay here until it eases because you can't keep me here forever.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:58

Just have some patience.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:59

Yeah. This comes down to passivity. I mentioned that before, and that's in the wrong, that's in the ditch. Now, the story of Adam and Eve, the reason that Adam ate the apple is because Eve at it, and she went, Do you want some of this? And he went, Oh, all right, love. He was passive. What did that cause? An eternity of sin. Passivity is also an epidemic. It's one of the, I think, one of the worst things you can do. You know, this happy wife, happy life bullshit. Happy wife, peaceful home, but torture in your own mind. No, no man who's passive can be truly happy.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:36

I guarantee you. 100% not. It's not it's not inbuilt in you. You're masculine and you're feminine. If she I said that same manosphere post I said at the very end of that post, and I thought, oh, it's gonna be bad. This is and I said at the very end, I said, Men, if you want to go out, I go, do not ask permission, she's not your mum. Do you know what I mean? She's not your mum. No, why'd you cheat you like your mum? It's weird. I think it's weird to treat your wife like your mum. It's not your mum, is it? You've got to ask her permission. Just be right. If you've got everything like getting pissed, then yeah, you're doing something wrong. But if you don't ever go out, I'd say to my wife, what's happening Friday? We've got anything on Friday? No, I'm going out.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:09

That's that's That's how you do it in a real That's how a relationship works, right? So I do the same. We've got children, we've got responsibilities together. So you have to add something presents.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:18

I'm not asking permission, but I'm saying what have we got on?

SPEAKER_00 1:31:20

I got invited to go up Ben Nevis next week. So the text was, Have we got anything planned Friday? I've been invited to go up Ben Nevis. I would like to go. What do I need to do to make it happen if there is some plans? Because we've got kids. And if she'd have said, we've actually got plans, I've got this that's already set in stone, blah blah blah. I was like, sweet, all right, I'm not going then. This is the middle of the road. Or I could have been this ditch. You're not telling you so then I could have gone in this ditch and said, Listen, I want to go up Ben Nevis, I'm going. What you what you've got planned doesn't matter. That's this ditch. Or could have gone, is it okay?

SPEAKER_02 1:31:59

It makes me do that when you do that. I'm gonna go in any ditch. We both did the same thing and doing that. Oh no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:04

If I'm going in and do that, if I have to be in a ditch, it's the red pill ditch. I'm not going in the passivity card because honestly.

SPEAKER_02 1:32:10

You're selling your soul. I feel like you're selling your soul a bit. God, it makes me sick. We both did the same thing, and it just makes you cringe, doesn't it? Yeah, it's not fair. But just by the way, we're not either disrespecting these men, just to make it clear, we're not. What we're saying is we you can change that. You can change that relationship. It is possible to change that relationship. If you want, if you want to change it, if you're happy, you're happy. But really, if you really dig deep, you can't be happy asking permission to live a life. So how can you be? But what we're saying is we're not we're not what we're not doing, you see, is is disrespecting them and saying you're wimp, you're this. We're not doing that. What we're saying is it's easy to fall into that trap, but there is a way out of it, is what we're saying. All right, you agree?

SPEAKER_00 1:32:48

I don't judge anybody. I don't judge anybody, anybody for anything. If that's what you want to do and that's what you like, good for you. I'm happy for you. But if there's something inside you that thinks you're not, but you feel like you're trapped. I would love to be the person and you love to be the person that just gives them a different way of thinking. You only can change this if you want. Well, how do I do it? I'll tell you, well, you just communicate with your missus then. Well, how do we do that? We do it like this. Yeah, that's right. And I tell you what, it takes more courage to sit in front of someone, your partner, and reframe the relationship and say, I want to go to this thing. Can we make that happen? That takes more courage than the cowardly way, which is what we'd normally do. We'd say, Oh, well, there's this work thing, and I need to go because you know, John's going and he can't go without me. It's like, stop being a pussy, mate. Just tell her the truth. Because you know what? She's crying out for the truth. And there may be conflict. There may be conflict in that moment. I want to go to this thing. What? You don't want to spend it with me and come to this one-year-old birthday with me. Not really. Not really. No. She might go, but you've got to sit there and own it. Like, I don't want to go. I don't want to go. I actually want to go and do this instead. That's what I want to do. Because if I tell you what, if you go and do the thing that you don't want to do, it's going to show on your face and she's going to say, What? You should never come. You should never have come here. Well, no, I didn't fucking want to.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:10

So you've got to- and sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. You have to you have to have that middle road with people and go, Yeah, I'll come. You have to sometimes, but there's balance. There's balance. That's what that's what it's all about, is balance.

unknown 1:34:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:34:20

But yeah, you're right to have that conversation. I I've when I've ever given advice to anybody that I know and stuff, I always say there's red lines. And I say, look, if you can put up with something that isn't because no marriage is perfect. It's just I've never known a perfect marriage or whatever. If you can you've got to give and take with each other. If you if you can put up with that that doesn't feel quite right and it's not really rocking your world, just put up with it then, it's fine. But you know which one it is, you yourself will know the red line, the one that really does fucking hurt you, the really does and whatever that's the one that needs sorting, that one, and that's the one they have a chat about. Because you're selling your soul and you're gonna make yourself ill. People don't realise how the body, if you if you keep things inside too long, it will do man manifest as illness in you in some way. You can't bottle things up too long. So the red line in that relationship needs addressing. And and and if it's a case of it's you split, you split them because what is health? It's death. It's death of your soul, it's death of who you are. So what's worse?

SPEAKER_00 1:35:15

We were never aligned.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:16

I'd rather be on the street.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:17

We were never aligned anyway, we were just lying to each other, and that is torture.

SPEAKER_02 1:35:21

That's what I'm saying, is that that inside the feeling is not right.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:25

There's something interesting that's happened, and uh, it's the reason I've stopped going to gigs. Alright, well, that's interesting, yeah. It's because I know where you're going with this. Whatever gig I went to, I can just name a couple. I went to watch Gabrielle in Harrogate, I went to watch Newton Faulkner in my village. Middle-aged women getting wasted and ruining it. No way. And I'm sat there overthinking everything. I'm like, why are they getting so wasted? Well, not actually looking in and getting entertained, not even looking forward, looking backwards, aren't they? I suppose on both occasions, security were removing these people. What are they doing? They were just too drunk, like just being wasted, just being learning, not even watching the thing and distracting everybody, and everyone's like this. And I thought they're getting wasted because they're escaping something, they're not happy. And then my mind's thinking, is it because their husbands are just not fulfilling their role? They're not happy, they're the the husband's being passive, which they think they want, and he's trying to keep them uh pleased when in fact no one's happy because everyone's just lying to each other. It's so much easier to just say what you want and say no. And I love the love the the quote that no is a complete sentence as well. Do you want to go to this thing? Nah. Why? Because I don't I don't know. Do I have to give you a reason? Well, yeah, you bet I don't want to go. I'd rather do something else. I don't know what, but I'll do something else, and you go to that if you want. Oh well, but the conflict usually resolves itself pretty quickly if you're honest. Because listen, there's nothing more attractive from a man to a woman or a woman to a man than just than being honest, even if it upsets him. And that's something that I've instilled in my son from an early age. It's like, tell me the truth, even if it hurts. You just gotta tell me the truth.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:12

Because burying it, it it compounds and it it just it can come out wrong as well, then. One day you could just go boom and just blow up, or it could come out and too aggressively, it could come out in many ways it can manifest itself in the wrong way.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:25

There's nothing more liberating than just being honest with yourself, self-aware, um, and and especially with your family, like no, I don't want to do that, or I'm concerned about this thing. Can we talk about it? Because I don't feel like I don't want to do it.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:38

Because it could be, it could just be that's where people can go, our ego could take over and then go far too much into it, where it's like, chill out, and you just feel in a bad mood that day, you're feeling grumpy. And and and you're self-identifying that as well, isn't it? See what I mean? It's a ditch thing, isn't it? It's a ditch thing. I like the ditch one, it's good to you.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:53

You either go to the one-year-old's birthday party.

SPEAKER_02 1:37:55

If you see me do a post on this ditch, you'd be like believing that.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:58

Take it, we're on growing calculation of everyone we've ever met. I I took it from someone else. So you're either in the I want, I don't want to go to this one-year-old's birthday party, but I'm gonna go anyway, and my face is gonna be thunder. So I'll tell you what, I'll just have a couple of whiskies while I'm there to switch off, whatever. And then when we get home, she'll go, What's up with you? And I'll be like, No, and she'll just go, You shouldn't ever have come. And then you're like, Well, I know I didn't want to come anyway. Terrible. Or you're like, Nah, fuck that, not going, don't want to go. Your time's not valuable enough, don't care about your friends. It's the ditch, in it. The middle is love. The last time we went to one of these parties, I got stuck with a load of blokes who I don't know. I didn't like it. And I've actually got this thing that I want to watch or this work that I need to do. That would be a better use of my time, do you mind if we just you go and I'll stay? This is a keep good communication, keep you in the middle of the road.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:45

Because then self-awareness then develops into why do you need me there? Why can't you just go? Why do you need me there? So it means you don't want to go either then, do you? You don't want to go either, let's just not go. Both of us don't go then. Let's fuck it off. Yeah, fuck it off.

SPEAKER_00 1:38:57

None of us want to go.

SPEAKER_02 1:38:59

You were saying before from COVID times, I think we said it before pre-podcast, actually. I think a lot of people have it created a lot of hermitness in the round. People are less because you were saying it was on the podcast you said this, wasn't it, about the was it the podcast or pre-podcast? Um the all the pink and the tractors, was that in the podcast, wasn't it? Because we didn't do a pre-podcast, did we? Um and that community thing has has been lost a lot in them towns, hasn't it? And people can't be bothered to go and mix with other people as much anymore. And I think there's a lot of fakery. I think a lot of people go and do these social events and go to do these social things, and they can't be bothered, they don't want to go.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:35

There's um if you think conspiracy hat on again, if you think the agenda is to divide people so they don't unite. Did COVID work? Yeah, what did it do? Divided people completely. Even divided families, it divided neighbours because they were grassing on each other. A neighbour that used to put your bins out won't do it anymore because you grassed on them. It's vile. It's absolutely vile behaviour, but these people were brainwashed and I feel bad for them that they were brainwashed because now communities, families, friends are all been torn apart. You know, irreversible damage done by that thing that could have very well been have you know intended. That could have been intended.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:18

Do you have one thing that really bugged me? Sorry to interrupt you. Um when the government broke their own rules, everyone went mad about breaking the rules. And I said to you, aren't you bothered that they've got all the information and they're not scared of this deadly disease? Don't that bother you more? You're really getting riled up that they've broke rules that they've created, but shouldn't you be more bothered to think, well, they're the ones with all the information and they're not scared of dying, are they? So maybe we'll be alright. Go. Do you know what I mean? There's I just didn't get the cognitive dissonance, it's just mental too.

SPEAKER_00 1:40:46

It's the surface level thing, which was the news that was delivered every day, and then there's the people who think beyond that. Unfortunately, a lot of people would just stay there.

SPEAKER_02 1:40:54

Do you imagine if they did every day on the news from tomorrow? Another three men died of suicide today, another four men died of suicide today, another thing, this happened, that happened. Because that's what they're doing every day, weren't they? Tennis of deaths every single day, weren't they? Imagine if they did that with another subject. People would probably go, Oh, I don't want to wear that.

SPEAKER_00 1:41:09

I don't want to hear that. Oh, that's grim, I don't want to wear that.

SPEAKER_02 1:41:12

But they played into everyone's drama, didn't they, with the COVID, I suppose. Yeah. People like drama.

unknown 1:41:16

They love it.

SPEAKER_02 1:41:17

It's unfortunate, isn't it? Yeah. Um I've got a I've all I've run over as always. Um we've run over. You can share that responsibility. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be good. Um, so I want to try and come to a close on the podcast. So there's there's another planned question, actually. Is one at the start? Who are you? Um, which you answered twice. One at the start and then then yeah. Do as you told, Danny. That triggers some in you then. You're gonna do as you told, Danny. Did you see me?

unknown 1:41:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:41:47

Um and the next question is again, I don't want this this the if you can I don't obviously have time to have a little reflection, but you might know. Um, is what do you want? Peace. What does that look like?

SPEAKER_00 1:42:05

It looks like me being in full control of the circumstances and of my family, where we live, and I'll tell you what, I'm gonna change it.

SPEAKER_02 1:42:26

Because I gotta just before you do though, so what what are you not in control of?

SPEAKER_00 1:42:30

I'm gonna change it. Okay. Can I change it? Yeah, of course you can do it, one. No, you just told it. I would like peace through uncertainty. Wow, that's a tough one. Everything is uncertain. I don't know what's gonna happen when I leave it.

SPEAKER_02 1:42:45

So it's being okay with the uncertainty, like Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:42:47

I don't know what's gonna happen with my goals. I don't know what's gonna happen with anything. I'm not in control of it, am I? But I would just like as much peace as possible through it because I've had a lot of stress. You've done a lot. I and I just don't like it anymore. I understand that it's required to achieve certain things. Um but I don't mind a challenge, but stress and challenges are different. Uh I I'll take a challenge head on and I'll be grateful for the challenge.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:17

But stress that nervous system flipping.

SPEAKER_00 1:43:20

That really bothers me. I just love peace through the uncertainty of the future.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:24

I love that one. I like that one, I'm gonna link that one as well. Um so if you if you I'm just gonna develop this question a bit more. So if ten million pounds drops into your bank tomorrow, this is just a brand new thing comes to me. So if ten million pounds has dropped into Danny's bank account tomorrow morning, what does Danny do uh in the weeks leading up after the the weeks leading after the you know what I mean? What would you what are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 1:43:48

The first thing I do is go and travel. With the with the family. We're going travelling for a bit.

SPEAKER_02 1:43:53

So you shut in the tattoo shop, yeah. Take a break. So you just temporary just temporary closed.

SPEAKER_00 1:43:58

I would take a break and go and give my family a great human experience that I couldn't have offered them before. We're gonna go and travel and do this, and we're all gonna learn loads of stuff about the world and about ourselves. And then what a year, two years? No plan.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:14

I need I knew you'd say that. I was I was actually teeing you up for that one, I think.

SPEAKER_00 1:44:17

I'm embracing the uncertainty.

SPEAKER_02 1:44:19

Because you can do that then, couldn't you? Because like you were saying, peace through uncertainty. That's what unfortunately in this 3D non-spiritual world you need. You need money, don't you? To do it.

SPEAKER_00 1:44:30

Yeah. I I would I would go travelling because I think it really broadens the mind, it it fills the soul up. But then I've actually asked myself a very similar question because uh I had cancer a few years ago and I actually asked myself this question, yeah. Oh, how have we got this for you? Part two, man. I asked myself the question when I was waiting for test results, like, what would I do if this was it? Like and if I was given, let's say, three months, what would I do? And I'd just keep doing exactly the same thing as I'm doing. I would continue I would continue to tattoo and I would continue the dad community until I couldn't do it anymore. Because I really feel like I've landed on my feet with what I'm supposed to be doing, and I'm really grateful for that. Wow. Imagine that. Imagine being where you're supposed to be, and I'm sat in that every day, and I'm really grateful for it, and I pray on it every day. Gratitude for it. And same little sort of thing, like you give me 10 million quid, yeah, I might go travelling for a bit, but this is where I'm supposed to be.

SPEAKER_02 1:45:30

So what would you do? So you'd you would put everything into helping dads, and then you'd I take it you'd get a bigger place to have whole people who want to come live with you and and that sort of thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:45:41

I would tattoo people, not because I have to, because I want to. Because I love the craft, I love meeting people, I love the value exchange, and I love implanting people's stories under their skin and making a difference to their life. I like that and I love it. I've done it for 18 years, and there's a reason I do it, it's because it's one of my purposes. I would continue to add value to dads, I'd just be able to amplify all of it. I'd have a better studio, I'd have a bigger platform, I'd have a fucking videographer and someone doing my social media, so I don't have to do it. I would just amplify everything that I currently do. But I think travel is one of the greatest things that you could ever do as a family or as solo. And I know this because I've done it by myself and I've took my family around the world for four months travelling. Did you? And you're giving these gems at the end, huh? My son was only my son was only three when I No way Before he entered the school. Drive round or or We did a bit of everything. We flew, we drove, we sailed, we just did a bit of everything.

SPEAKER_02 1:46:40

That's awesome. We walked. Did you we're ever all round everywhere?

SPEAKER_00 1:46:44

Australia, New Zealand, Dubai. Europe, much of Europe, see much of Europe? I'm not uh I've done a a bit in Europe, but mostly just like a lot of history in Europe, isn't there? That's why I think I quite like Europe. But this is what I would do. If you give me 10 million now, I would just get a massive motorhome and I'd just set off driving with no plan. I'll leave you with this, this is so cool. So when I finished the build on the camper van, put my whole life savings into this van, right? An adventure camper van. Boxing day, it was finished. I had my son for five days because it was my turn. We got in it, we packed it, I drove to the end of the street. On boxing day, it was snowing. I looked at him and said, left or right.

SPEAKER_02 1:47:22

No, that's so cool. That is cool.

SPEAKER_00 1:47:24

And he went, What? I said, Do you want to go left or right? He said, Do you not know where we're going? I said, No. And he went, Oh, left. That is so cool. So we went left and we got to the junction. No one on the road, it's boxing day. Left or right, and he went, Right. I kind of knew where I went to go. I was like, left might be better. Right's gonna take us back home. But I guided us into the and for five days we just made no plans.

SPEAKER_02 1:47:52

And we had the You had no destination though.

SPEAKER_00 1:47:54

No destination, no, because wherever we parked.

SPEAKER_02 1:47:56

Obviously, yeah, you can't pick himself to go back around to your own house. Yeah, so as long as he wasn't going back on yourself, you were letting him pick wherever it was.

SPEAKER_00 1:48:01

Wherever we parked, we could sleep because we were in a camper van, right? So we ended up in Derbyshire, going through all these places. It was COVID, it was boxing day, everything was shut, and it was just me and him in this van. Showering out minus two, having a shower out the back with Bob Atts on. We had the best time ever. That is so cool. Just that freedom element, I think that is something that everybody should. I don't like to tell people what to do, but if you don't go and enjoy some form of travelling with no plans, you're missing out. Because the money you go and spend on an all-inclusive five-star resort, although it feels like a nice getaway to drink all week and put your feet up.

SPEAKER_02 1:48:39

That's escapism again, isn't it? Do you come- You're escaping though, aren't you? Do you come back you're working all year to go and escape and do that and indulge to go back to what you were doing?

SPEAKER_00 1:48:46

Do you come back nourished or do you come back saying what I hear everybody say? I needed a holiday after the holiday.

SPEAKER_02 1:48:51

That's what I mean. Because they've gone to indulge. I've done it, I've been there. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:48:54

I'd I'd when me and Helen got together, the first thing we booked together was an expensive adults-only, all inclusive. I'd never been I always I was camped as a kid, we didn't have the money to go abroad, so I was like, fish out of water, really expensive, adults only, all inclusive. And on the Wednesday, like in the middle of the week, I'm like, can we just do it my way now? Just for one day, yeah. Scooter, let's go. And it was the best day of the whole week. And even she went at it, no plan. Found coves, jumped in, found seafood restaurants, came back, salty, covered in sun cream, full of sand. What a day! That was the best day. Yeah, that was the best day. So I would if I had 10 million in the bank, I would get myself a kick-ass motorhome and I'd just go and see the world and just try and add or accumulate value to be able to add to people when I come back to do what I always or I just tattoo on the road and my dad compass is remote, so and maybe just do it remotely.

SPEAKER_02 1:49:46

Yeah, I'm in your area this week. I'm doing it, I'm doing it. That'd be quite cool, wouldn't it? I've just I've just learnt this about you're gonna be interviewing that the random Australian that you or the random French guy that you're tattooing that day.

SPEAKER_00 1:49:56

And I'm we're staying with a a Greek family, and I've just learnt this about how they parent. So cool that is.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:03

Man, this is a that's just happened there, hasn't it? Yeah, you know that I saw that come to you at the same time then.

SPEAKER_00 1:50:07

Mate, part two is gonna be from Starlink. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:12

Um, I don't want it to I don't want it to end because I've got so many more questions and stuff, but I've got to end it because Rich will tell me off and so very quickly, right? Really, really quickly, because my mate Mike, I was saying about earlier, says, Alex, please stop guessing everyone's star signs. You keep getting it wrong and you rubbish on it. But I'm gonna do it again. Do you know what your star sign is? Are you into astrology?

SPEAKER_00 1:50:29

Not really, okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:50:30

Um all right, there's no point in a way. Because everyone's two star signs, your rising sign and your and your main sign. And your rising sign is what you display to the world. So if you don't know what your rising sign is, it might not match. But you have to look into it, find out um what your rising sign is. But I was gonna go with Aquarius in the head as a rising sign, but I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:50:48

What makes you say that?

SPEAKER_02 1:50:50

Because of your you want you'd be being seen out there, the rebellious nature and the need for freedom, um, which is a qu all Aquarius traits.

SPEAKER_00 1:51:00

It's right. I'm a I'm Aquarius, yeah. Get it. Feb.

SPEAKER_02 1:51:03

Get it. Well done.

SPEAKER_00 1:51:04

Thanks.

SPEAKER_02 1:51:05

Okay, that's it then we'll close it. That thank you so so much, and I've really enjoyed that genuinely.

SPEAKER_00 1:51:09

Me too, mate, I'm grateful.