The Uncanny Valley
Regular discussion of horror media. Movies, shows, books - we'll cover it all. Pack a bag, put on some shoes you don't mind getting messy, and join us in The Uncanny Valley.
The Uncanny Valley
UV 34 - Dolls (1986)
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Get lost in nondescript rural America with Chris and Charlie. We have a killer dream sequence, evil dolls, and the original King Ralph.
Yeah. As we walk through the the Ginger E Oshort uh greased. Uh I don't know. I'm sure the fact that we're what we're discussing, and if you had seen it, you would know what I'm talking about.
SPEAKER_01No, I guess I haven't then. I know that.
SPEAKER_00So the girl, she's got like the oily brother that bullies her, and he starts growing more and more zits, and then he starts squeezing his face onto, and like his face just melts of pus.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god, I'm looking at that picture right now. Holy shit.
SPEAKER_03Jesus. Probably one of those grossest ones. Oh, icky.
SPEAKER_00Those passing good as hell, it must be the penguill.
SPEAKER_01I've maybe only read Spiral and whatever the story is with that one image with the guy who has a hole in the in the cliff face.
SPEAKER_00Oh, there's a big for everybody. That's either a bonus story on Tomye Yo or Uzanaki. It's one or the other.
SPEAKER_03Oh okay, okay.
SPEAKER_00Because I've got it somewhere. I've got most of his books, but all these new ones. I don't know, it just doesn't hit the same.
SPEAKER_02Do you think he's just gone through all of the really gross stuff? It's not even it.
SPEAKER_00I think he's gone because his whole thing is he doesn't like white pages with black ink on it. He likes black pages with white spacing. But he does it to a point now that I look at half his panels and I'm like, I just don't even know what the fuck I'm supposed to be looking at. There was one that was like like rocks were growing out of people and like spiral things by like a well or some shit, and it was a big page review. And I was like, what the fuck is that? I'd go like three more pages, Scott. That's a person. Oh I do love Junji Eito, he's a very wholesome little man.
SPEAKER_01You think if he if he tried to vary his art style a little more, he could achieve more?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I think it's the because he writes from his well, he draws from his bed. So I think he's just maybe gotten a wee bit sleepy with it.
SPEAKER_03Interesting.
SPEAKER_01The images are evocative, but I can see how they would get muddy.
SPEAKER_03When's that fucking Gingito um Netflix show out? There's been like three trailers in this year.
SPEAKER_00Hopefully this will be the one that we don't fuck in the ass, because I don't know how we fuck it up so many times.
SPEAKER_01Oh, it's a live action one we're getting this year?
SPEAKER_00Live action and it's like a I don't know if it's anthology, but it's kinda like a culmination of all these books, just weird shit happening to people.
SPEAKER_01It's airing in Tokyo right now. So there's like three episodes out.
SPEAKER_00That's good to know if I lived in Tokyo. But unfortunately, I do not.
SPEAKER_01Alright, that's the information I have for you.
SPEAKER_00Japanese or Chinese. Well, there's subtitles. Would you be airing it with English subtitles in Tokyo?
SPEAKER_01No, but people do that. You someone will upload it maybe eventually.
SPEAKER_00Mahamsa's side running his wheel by himself, he's like using his hands. Strange. Um, I've never seen him do that.
SPEAKER_02He's not like in it, he's just making it go.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, talk. Yeah, no, he's just making it move.
SPEAKER_02Weird.
SPEAKER_00But Tokyo, like, Japan's famous for not liking foreigners. I highly doubt we're gonna do anything to their own broadcast to appeal to any form of foreigner.
SPEAKER_01Well, fair. I don't know then. It'll probably be a few months before it comes here.
SPEAKER_00I think that's the thing, like, the entirety of Japan is based around a marketing push to seem good to foreigners, but also they're racist as fuck to any foreigner.
SPEAKER_02I wasn't entirely aware of that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, the whole thing of like Japan, why it's like a big tourism hotspot, is because they were like after World War II. Uh people don't like us and we don't have money. So we need to we need to become a wonderland for all these sad little 16-year-olds that really want to fuck a 14-year-old cartoon girl.
SPEAKER_03You mulling that one over. Yeah. Don't mind. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh no. The one guy. We actually have had a listen from Japan a couple of times.
SPEAKER_00Or women.
SPEAKER_03We cannot we cannot assume. Oh. They cancelled the first episode because the lead actor was accused of abuse.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they it was adapting Mansion of Phantom Paint. I don't know if you know that.
SPEAKER_00Oh, I think that might be the one that's told in like incremental stories that kind of build up into one narrative. That's a sick read. That's a cool read. I like that one.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that sucks then. Sounds like we may never see it. Nah, we'll see.
SPEAKER_00Some someone will upload it on Internet Archive with our own scuffed subtitles.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Uh yeah, I can't find any information. I might just stop looking. I don't think there's any information yet about when it's coming to us.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, the show was fucked because like I was like, oh shit, there's a new Junji Hill show coming out and it looks cool. Netflix owns it. That should be like a semi-cast. I don't see why it wouldn't. And then no news came out about it. And then I the trailer came up on my Reddit one day. Someone had posted it, going, Oh, they released the trailer. And it wasn't on YouTube. And it wasn't on their website. And it was like, oh yeah, they released it somewhere in Japan. And I was like, how what is this marketing team? Is he the most famous manga horror artist ever? Aside from like maybe Katsu Amisu. And then they're like, Yeah, how about we only show that to one country and fuck everyone else?
SPEAKER_03Uh yeah, it's just really weird.
SPEAKER_01And I'm trying to find Is Bloody Smart a different series? That's 10%.
SPEAKER_00The Bloody Smart is the series.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's the same one, okay.
SPEAKER_00Are you getting. Do we have it? Are they allowed? Are they allowing us to look at the streets?
SPEAKER_01No, I'm still just finding. The July 28th will be available to stream on platforms like Netflix, Taiwan, and Catch Play Plus. If you use a VPN, maybe.
SPEAKER_00I've always been a Taiwanese citizen. I don't know what to tell you. It's a good day for me. Anyone checking us? Don't check my my Sur Shark history. I had a brief stunt in New York and then I've been Albanian for a small time. But I feel like exploring the world.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so if you're thinking about going home, just go home to Taiwan or on next Tuesday and you'll be able to see it.
SPEAKER_00Hell yeah. I've already I'm booking the flights as we speak. I'll be there right before it. Don't even need to worry about it. Surely someone that's not Surfshark is getting part of my signal that says, oh yeah, this signal lives in a different country, and they're just accepting it. Like we can't be the only middlemen.
SPEAKER_01No, you know, I imagine that there's actually like platforms like Netflix might be able to access information like that, but they probably recognize that they will just lose money if they actually create some sort of you know brick wall on the back end.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because it's not like they could charge you for viewing that anyway.
SPEAKER_01Right. And it's just a subscriber they lose at that point. It's not you're not stealing anything. You're watching stuff that they have made available.
SPEAKER_00But you could I but I could see like a higher up in Netflix getting a licensing agreement to be stunted across the world so that way we can hold on to it for a certain amount of time and also say, Oh, we have new content coming.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I can see that, yeah. Yeah, well, I mean, I see I do see a possible future where these companies crack down on VPNs, where there's a guy as a security guard at the movie theater inspecting your fucking bag so that you don't bring in snacks so you have to buy their food there.
SPEAKER_02Like, I can see that world happening. We're moving towards it slowly.
SPEAKER_00See the thing is CV started doing that, I just wouldn't go to them. Oh, me neither. Yeah, already having issues with um customer retention. So I don't see them ever trying to pull that bullshit because you know motherfuckers are not showing up.
SPEAKER_01I it depends. When they get desperate enough, I wonder if they'll just really try to make all the money possible out of the people who do show up, you know.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but like how many people are going to do it? They'll all just move every single person that was going to go to that cinema will just move to the other one that has not done it yet.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, let's go to a Regal or whatever.
SPEAKER_00And it always makes me wonder why competitive businesses don't have a friendly relationship in terms of pulling bullshit. Because PlayStation with the killing physical media, that's bad PR for them. But Xbox is definitely also going to do it at some point, and it will be bad PR for them. But I feel like it would be less individually if they both announced it at the exact same time.
SPEAKER_01You're not wrong. I I I'm not sure where it is because it can't just be the same people aren't running the companies that were running them when PlayStation capitalized on the Xbox One's failure. Right? It can't just be like being upset about that and being panting.
SPEAKER_00Well, there's some higher up guy at Sony that says he doesn't even give a fuck about PlayStation, and his entire goal is just to buy eBay. So I don't know, it's there's some bullshit going on over PlayStation. But that's a that's a whole discussion that I will get mad about. I don't even play for PlayStation Plus anymore. The fact that I stopped paying for it the month that happens, hopefully other people join in.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, good call.
SPEAKER_00Because aside from like an exclusive gear, what's what's PlayStation really offering at this point? Aside from maybe a convenient way to play games over PC, because PC's a fucking nightmare just to get shit working. Not also much.
SPEAKER_01PS Plus used to give you a lot more free stuff than it does now.
SPEAKER_00Well no, they give you trash every month that I always go, oh, there's that one game in this lineup that I will maybe want to play at some point, and then I forget it exists.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_01And it it used to be like one good game per platform that they would give you, and now it's just one game, and then the rest are bullshit.
SPEAKER_00Do you see Xbox coming back? I think Xbox have a good chance of smoking it next generation.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it really I I feel like no one's gonna be able to predict quite how everything goes with the component crisis.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but everyone's with a component crisis.
SPEAKER_03So it's like you it's you're not gonna be able to do that. But are people just gonna start playing games on their phone?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but phones will be getting more expensive as well.
SPEAKER_01But everyone's gonna have one is the thing. You still need a phone. You're people might just stop. One of the things that these companies are getting so worried about is that newer generations aren't turning to video games and consoles as a way to spend their time and their money. So maybe people just stop caring about them as a culture.
SPEAKER_00I don't think it would ever go that way. It's still like the most lucrative entertainment um media in the world. They're still making billions upon billions. The way I see it, if the component crisis stays this way and it never properly gets resolved, I'm seeing us go to a future where a lot of the processing is on the Xbox or PlayStation server side, and it's more like a half streaming, half hardware device that we release.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, well, that's definitely where all this is going. You know, they're taking away physical media because these companies want to own everything. They want to rent out access to a computer to play video games to you. They don't want you to own anything. Because that's not as lucrative. And the the thing that concerns me about the gaming industry is that the people who are siphoning all the money they possibly can, and they're not like the economy of the industry is fucked. It's not going back in properly, it's not being circulated well.
SPEAKER_00I mean, I think that's a good thing. You fuckers are not making any money, and we're giving you so much money, and we're just bleeding money because no one's managed this place in like nine years.
SPEAKER_01Whatever the fuck Xbox has been doing is mind-boggling for the past few years. Why did they buy Call of Duty? That was a bad business decision. Bobby Kodak made off like a fucking bandit in the night off that deal, but that was only good for him.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but did you ever see the Phil Spencer leaked emails?
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_00That he sent out to Malfa. He was he was a nut job. His entire goal was just to try and buy everything in the entire so people were forced to come to Xbox. He's been harassing Nintendo to try and buy Nintendo for years for some reason. So if that would ever happen in any way, shape, or form. That's a laughable concept.
SPEAKER_01That's so I'm at least aware about how like Japanese game companies operate. That that's crazy to think that you could get in like that.
SPEAKER_00Like even if a higher-ups and Nintendo wanted it were so much bureaucracy in Japan that it would just never happen.
SPEAKER_01That's yeah, you'd be selling Mario. Like all these cultural icons.
SPEAKER_00I'd be like if Warner Brothers came out and went, Joe, we'll just buy Disney and then we'll make all of the Disney money.
SPEAKER_03Right. That doesn't make sense.
SPEAKER_00Well, I have faith in Asher. Also, this is this is all gonna have to get because it's nowhere near relevant.
SPEAKER_01No, it's not. You're yeah. This could be thrown in at the end, maybe. Uh fuck it. Yeah, here welcome to the Uncanny Valley. We're here talking today about dolls from 1987.
SPEAKER_00It's the most depressed sounding we've ever gotten it. This movie fucking sucks.
SPEAKER_01This movie's so boring.
SPEAKER_00What? No, the movie I told you the movie's bad, but it's straight vibes. This is a vibe movie.
SPEAKER_01I still enjoyed watching it. It there's a lot of like I love you can tell Stuart Gordon was really into the idea of creepy dolls, and that's fun. There's alright, one scene in this movie that fucking rules, which is the bear, but it's pretty close to the start.
SPEAKER_00See, there was multiple scenes in this that I was like, this movie sucks ass, but these scenes are so fucking sick that it pushes me forward.
SPEAKER_01Oh, there's one more. There's one more we'll get to that is top tier, actually. I'm remembering now.
SPEAKER_00But see, this will be a movie that I will struggle to go plot for plot because the plot.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Little girl gets her abusive parents, we get stuck in a rainstorm, and then we go, hey, check this spooky house. We should break into this spooky house where we meet two spooky people, and that's that's the plot. That's the plot going forward.
SPEAKER_01It's not even that tight. The the the way the plot unfolds is hey, this is bad on the highway. Maybe we should walk somewhere, and then they just get out of the car, and then the dad looks and he goes, Whoa, there's a house we could walk to. And then they go to it.
SPEAKER_00No, the dad's a nut job because it's like it specified he set up this holiday for his daughter and his new wife. I think. I don't think it's ever said if it's wife or girlfriend, but she mentioned her money at some point. So I assume this is a a marriage situation, and I think it's also implied that this is so he can keep uh partial custodial care over her, like he has to watch over her for a certain amount of time. So already you're like, okay, these motherfuckers need to die. Like this is it's just waiting for these cunts to eat shit.
SPEAKER_01There's what's talk about him having to pay more child support, so I assume he's watching her over the summers, so he doesn't have to pay more money.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's probably some some setup with the courtways like, hey, if I watch her for a certain amount of a year and look after her, then I don't have to pay the mother because she's looking after the other half and it splits its way equally. And then he can disguise it. We went on a happy holiday in the middle of butt fuck nowhere and what looks like the American South.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I don't know why.
SPEAKER_00Probably the South.
SPEAKER_01There's not even a notion of where they wanted to go or where they were trying to get, right?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and there's no notion of okay, so we're on the road and we pass two hitchhiker English punk girls, and we also don't know where the fuck they're going or how they got in the middle of this endless like landscape.
SPEAKER_03But okay. Yeah, it doesn't so the storm has been.
SPEAKER_01How did he convince her to get in this car and go on this trip? His mistress.
SPEAKER_00Which I don't know if a snooty, seemingly kind of rich guy, wants a holiday in the middle of the American countryside.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, this is so it's like he's gonna be visiting a brewery or something. That's it feels like the trip they're on.
SPEAKER_00Okay, but the trip is mostly unimportant because the storm literally doesn't matter.
SPEAKER_01It's just why they're here.
SPEAKER_00Storm hits, and they're like, fuck, we're stuck, got nowhere to go, the car's jammed, which I find it very funny. He's trying to push the car out of the mud pit, and then he says to his wife, who is driving, hey, I need you to help me. Motherfucker, who's driving the car then to get out of the pit? What do you mean?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and also when he says help me, and she hits the gas and the wheel sprays mud on him, and he acts like he didn't expect that.
SPEAKER_00He also puts no effort into pushing the car, he pushes it for half a second, goes, I'm done. That's we're stuck.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's that's done.
SPEAKER_00Now that luckily, there's this conveniently um Urlock's manor across the road from us, so go down there.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, this like Scooby-Doo house over here.
SPEAKER_00And as they're making their way, this is the scene that you said you thought fucking ruled.
SPEAKER_01Yes, this was when I was really hoping I was getting into this movie where uh Rosemary throws Teddy into the woods and then Teddy comes back for vengeance. He starts scraping people up, lifting people, he crushes the dad's skull in with the backhand.
SPEAKER_00One bug in a hell of a suit as well. That thing's like eight foot tall.
SPEAKER_01It looks so good, genuinely. It's crazy that they I assume made it. For this. Maybe it's a prop from something else.
SPEAKER_00I could see being like a Play Store promotion for like Christmas, maybe. A big bear set.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that they just modified with some teeth and stuff and nails.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because they've frame the big bear as being scary. Also, can w this opening scene where they're in the grass and the big bear goes to come out. I love that they went for the very classic horror, super exaggerated red and greens and big bright lightning flashes. The colours in this movie are very, very, very nice.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's I wish the script was anything. Because I feel like you can feel Stuart Gordon. Even the there's a shot of the dad in the background, silhouetted while Rosemary is throwing the teddy bear. Looks amazing. But I wonder well as well. He's putting a lot of juice into a like one milliliter bottle. It's all spilling up.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but I feel like this is maybe supposed to be his sort of like homage to like the kind of bad 50s and 60s horror movie where everything was low budget with nix and no plot, and it was just like here's some spooky shit we've got.
SPEAKER_04It feels like that.
SPEAKER_00It's vibes and no budget. But Chris, this bear is fucking adorable. They frame it like it's scary. That bear's so fucking cute.
SPEAKER_01I think.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's like got an American werewolf in London sort of like stretch effects as the mouth comes out of its mouth. And it's not even like it's like a big pedibell.
SPEAKER_01It rips her arm off. I forgot that. That's great.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I see you're watching it at the same time as me. And it's revealed, okay, that this is the little girl's um imagination. She's just daydreaming that this is happening. What a sociopath of a little girl. Yeah. Seven years old, and she's having realistic flashes of a giant wolf bear mauling her parents.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I love that Teddy shrugs. That's so funny.
SPEAKER_00She goes, Teddy.
SPEAKER_02And he goes, it's a living.
SPEAKER_00What was he supposed to do?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01The fact that she's talking to her parent and stepparent uh about an abduction that happened in the house, and they're going, You're always imagining abductions and murders. We're not gonna take that seriously. That's so good.
SPEAKER_00There's times in this movie where dialogue, like the father is abusive, but the dialogue is framed like he does not give a shit about his child's fears, but also from what it seems like, from the information we get in this movie, she actually is just a nutcase. And this is a regular occurrence that she conjures up monsters to be scared of.
SPEAKER_01I think genuinely, if you had a psychologist examine her after the events of this movie, like over time she would start imagining other things that seem just as real to her as what happened, and then the psychiatrist would not be able to prove any of this happened to her.
SPEAKER_00It'd be a good season.
SPEAKER_01It would just sound like another story.
SPEAKER_00Of her being an adult and just like trapping balls and seeing big spooky dolls and bear people.
SPEAKER_01Open it like Hellraiser 2, she's in a psychiatric ward.
SPEAKER_00I thought Hellraiser 2 was the Kink Club, or am I thinking Hellraiser 3?
SPEAKER_01Uh I think it's 2, but I've only seen like 20 minutes of two.
SPEAKER_00It's the best one, I'd say. But okay, whilst we're on uh Little Judy, what do you think of her? Because you were a big fan of Andy last week.
SPEAKER_01I like her. She's not like a good kid actor. She's not, you know, killing the performance, but she has good energy and she holds her place. I feel like if everyone else in the movie was giving it a little more, she would fit right there. I I think she fits in fine. I think she's kind of the best actor element of the movie.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's what I was thinking about because it's like she's not given a great performance, but it's definitely possible for being seven if the movie is accurate to her age. Which I would say she's about a year older than Andy makes sense.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's like a five or six out of ten kid performance, but that's really good for a kid.
SPEAKER_00And also, she's got like great charisma in her community. Timing's kind of on point throughout the film.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, definitely. She does she has good energy. I like watching her on screen.
SPEAKER_00But despite being a sociopath, she is the only one that seems um advertent to breaking in to a random American's house in the middle of the night.
SPEAKER_01Well, Rosemary doesn't want to, but then it starts raining, so she just goes inside. I would probably be in the car until the rain stops, I'll be honest.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but I feel like this is asking to be shot.
SPEAKER_01It is. Absolutely. You're it's locked. The door is locked. It's the middle of the night, it's a big house, they might just not hear you knocking. And also when you're in the middle of the guy does come in with a shotgun, he might have shot both of them if they didn't have a kid with them.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but also are you checking to see who's in your basement if you hear someone breaking into your basement?
SPEAKER_02Especially if you're an old couple. I'm opening fire.
SPEAKER_00Just anytime like a uh raccoon or something breaks into your house, just the basement's full of bullet holes.
SPEAKER_01My first story floor is covered in holes because I don't even go downstairs, I just shoot my Tommy gun.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, anytime someone buzzies your like your door, you just start shooting out the window. Yeah, like scarfing. So they they break in and then this this dapper old man with his big old shotgun comes out and he's like, he's got some decent like David Lynchy hair.
SPEAKER_01It's not as nearly as good, but it's cool.
SPEAKER_00I could see the David. I like both him and the wife strip. They get a very excibidoo cartoon balance.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they have so they have such good energy. That they're killing it with like the 50s style performance. I love there's a moment we'll get to soon where they're all eating, and Rosemary asks, and what kind of work do you do? Witchcraft? And they both laugh and look at each other in a way that I would leave immediately if I saw someone do that.
SPEAKER_00It does give me very um what's that Ty West movie that I think is really bad?
SPEAKER_03The Innkeepers?
SPEAKER_00No, it's the one that's like a satanic kind of ghost one where she's looking after she's like caring for a man in a house.
SPEAKER_01Oh, oh, House of the Devil.
SPEAKER_00House of the Devil. See the people that live in the house, they give very sort of like same cookie energy as those people.
SPEAKER_01But like even when Jury has.
SPEAKER_00But one thing I'll say about the script is Judy does get the best lines. Because when we leave to go up to the dinner, and the old man spots Judy sitting in the basement, and he goes, Oh, are you scared of the dark? And she goes, No, I'm scared of the things that are in the dark.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00That's a good little spooky kiddly.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And also, get also scared of the dark in this fucking creepy ass house. What do you mean?
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Great set. Great set for the house. The house is fucking sick looking.
SPEAKER_01It is. It's what's it is what's weird about this movie, is it's like really meandering and unstructured, but like you said, the vibes are pretty immaculate. It it constructs itself. The framework of the I don't even want to say the narrative, just you know, the world that they're trying to present is pretty solid.
SPEAKER_00It gives off a strong. Did you ever watch the Eddie Murphy Haunted Mansion?
SPEAKER_01I did, I liked that as a kid.
SPEAKER_00It feels it's like on par with this put like it's strange because it's such like a childish horror. But it's also 18-rated for gore. I don't know, maybe Stuart Gordon was just like, I have this house and I want to fuck about with some stop motion, so we'll do some fun shit for like a week and film it.
SPEAKER_01That makes the most sense. It does feel like an excuse to play around with effects.
SPEAKER_00Because the effects in this they're good, they're not on par with like from beyond or like the conceptual stories of his other movies, like even something like Dagon, are miles above what this is trying to be.
SPEAKER_01I did not know Dagon was him, also. That's the thing, is I've seen other Stuart Gordon movies that just are better than this overall, but that's not those expectations aren't entirely fair to place on this one.
SPEAKER_00Okay, side note about these people. Okay, they're they're in, they're eating dinner at the table with him because they invited him in. Surely the first sign that there's something a little bit wrong with these people is they lay out the blue and white china plates, and then they go to give Judy a bowl of soup and they place a China white and blue bowl on top of the plate. Who's doubling up food? What's what's what's the term I'm looking for here? Food platters? Ain't nobody not the thing China?
SPEAKER_01That's pretty that's pretty standard, especially if you're like putting uh maybe like a piece of a soup.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, especially because what are you talking about?
SPEAKER_01Well, she it's a s it's a hot soup, so they're also probably trying to keep it off of the wood of the table.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but that's what the plate is for.
SPEAKER_01Oh wait, I'm missing what you said then. I thought we were complaining about this bowl being on top of the plate.
SPEAKER_00The bowl is on top of the plate, but that's what but the like you don't need the extra late the entire point of the plate or the bowl is to stop the food from being on the table. That is the purpose of it.
SPEAKER_01Maybe this is like a delicate, you know, certain treated wood table warp if it gets too hot. I don't know.
SPEAKER_00So you're inviting the six-year-old girl to have some pea soup on top of it?
SPEAKER_01Well, it's a dining table. This is it's also just a thing that people do.
SPEAKER_00They set places Well's not a thing that people do. See if someone was like, Do you want soup? and then they gave me a plate that was empty and then went, Oh, here's your bowl. I'd be like, Why have you just given me a plate?
SPEAKER_01It's that's like what the set is for. That plate is probably designed for that bowl to be on top of it. I don't know.
SPEAKER_00I do not know.
SPEAKER_01I've seen that before. That's not so evident.
SPEAKER_00No, no, no. You've seen that from psychopaths before. You don't need to double it up. I'd be like, if you had a nice spoon, and then you went, Oh, I don't want you to damage a spoon, so I'm gonna put a spoon on top of your spoon so you could pick up the food with that.
SPEAKER_01You never used a spoon condom?
SPEAKER_00I've never used a spoon condom.
SPEAKER_01That's not that's not a real thing. I want to point out these two punks, we need to talk a lot about these people. They just came into this home and they immediately slurp out of the soup. They deserve to die. You can't do that.
SPEAKER_00Oh no, we're assholes. We're complete cunts.
SPEAKER_01I give for they have the worst British accents I've heard in my entire life.
SPEAKER_00And also, it's Stuart Gordon, okay, cult horror filmmaker. He doesn't know how alternative women dress.
unknownNo.
SPEAKER_00What's his vibe they've got? Like, surely you've seen enough of them.
SPEAKER_01They one of them looks like a circus ringleader, and one of them looks like a doll turned into a person.
SPEAKER_00Oh, but do you think that's intentional? Maybe.
SPEAKER_01Maybe. I don't know. It's very weird though. And I love uh it feels like Stuart Gordon doesn't respect alternative people, also, because the they have the matriarch of the home saying, you can remove that paint from your faces.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but I didn't see that as a uh egg against old people. I saw that more as uh this is an an old, an old valued woman. And she doesn't understand the the rock and roll ways of these two punks.
SPEAKER_01That's fair. It feels like the movie is presenting it as the correct perspective, but that's just my opinion.
SPEAKER_00You you jumped past one very, very important detail of that scene, Chris. Can you can you tell can you tell me who or what you jumped over?
SPEAKER_02Ralph.
SPEAKER_00My goat Ralph. What just a lovely, sweet, silly guy. It's just he makes him see if he wasn't in this movie, I would not give it a good rating. But I look Ralph is one of like my favourite characters of anything we've covered. Because he's just a guy, and he gets so much shit throughout this movie. He gets hassled by these girls who he tried to give a ride to. And then they want to steal his car. Want to steal his car, he gets attacked by little doll people, he gets called a pedophile, he gets called a murderer. My boy Ralph's done nothing wrong this entire time.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he's just hanging out.
SPEAKER_00He's just vibing. He likes playing. He he see the thing is it's fucked up. Okay, these dolls go after Ralph at one point. He was he he had one in his bed. He was talking to him as he went to sleep.
SPEAKER_03Very true.
SPEAKER_00Lovely.
SPEAKER_03That's why they were nicer to him.
SPEAKER_00But everyone's being escorted to their bed because the the the little witch woman that's trying very hard uh to almost convinces people that she's definitely a witch. She puts no effort into hiding that. Okay, you're all going to bed, but we're separating. What do you think about like the old people separating the little girl from the parents? Do you think their plan was this entire time just to kill them and it was for her protection?
SPEAKER_01Uh yeah. I think that's pretty because the dolls are like alive, just locked in a cupboard, you know, when everyone's there. It it feels like shit's just waiting to kick off. So definitely. But it's also creepy. Yeah. Old man isolates child from parents, brings her to basement.
unknownDon't be.
SPEAKER_00Strange about that, they don't call this old man a nonce. But they do call Ralph.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Ralph, let me say, Ralph has a decent fit too. I like Ralph's outfit.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, as far as fingers, when he came in, I was like, Joe, that's a nice, that's a nice jacket. That man's rocking.
SPEAKER_01Jack and he's got some cool pants.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he's like he's styled half decently for a man in the middle of buttfuck nowhere.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think like his clothes could fit slightly better, but besides that, looks great.
SPEAKER_00We're just complimenting this guy now. This will be the the round show. You know what? To be fair, see, Jude. Her fits fire as well. See those little dungries.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, yeah. She's very movie kid. She feels like she fits in as like a movie kit actor.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's fun. Because I was looking at her um acting credits, and she's only in this and in the Porter Guys 2, and nothing else. And I'm like, but you seem like I've seen you in so many things.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00The personality or like the the get up, it's her face. Her face looks so much like kids in movies from this era. I don't know how to she does.
SPEAKER_01It's like the same like expensive face where it she has like an adult's face, basically. You know, like she moves all of the puzzles. Yeah, kinda very precocious kid energy, but not in a negative way.
SPEAKER_00So but it seems okay, everyone's been sent to their beds, aside from Judy and Ralph, who's hanging out with the old guy, and the old guy's like, no, you seem to like our little dolls, and he's like, Yeah, but like Macron ass man, I can't I can't be and he's like, Come on, you like these little guys? He's like, Yeah, he got me.
SPEAKER_01He gets them away from the girls, and then he feels comfortable saying he likes toys.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, see again, it makes me feel bad for him because he just gets bullied his entire thing, and the one time someone's kind of nice to him, he's like, Do you know what? I'm having a fun time, guys.
SPEAKER_01And he's still kind of fucking with them. Like the old man says, elves live wherever they like, and Ralph starts laughing and then stops and looks perturbed.
SPEAKER_00And yeah, yeah, even when they're calling him a pedo, he's like he's not taking too much offense to that. He's just like, Oh, not me, guys. Come on.
SPEAKER_01He just wants to be okay and make sure he's genuinely concerned when he sees that there's blood on Judy's slippers.
SPEAKER_00Great shot, but okay. Well, I guess we'll we'll get to that when we get so throughout the house. We keep getting little shots of like the little doll faces moving about. I think the dolls look fairly fucking creepy, man.
SPEAKER_01They do, I like them a lot. Especially one the directing and the stop motion and all the effects are what really pulled this movie out.
SPEAKER_00Oh, we'll get to the stop motion, but the stop motion's like fuck it. See, for a low budget film, holy shit.
SPEAKER_02But yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna skip forward the movie a little bit so I can keep following. But everyone's kind of in their bed, and the two punk girls are like, you know what, we're gonna rob these fuckers. Because these dolls are probably worth some money. No, we're not. Well, she made them.
SPEAKER_01First, they're like trashing the room. They're putting bumbox, they throw a bunch of dolls on the floor. Uh the lady comes in and vaguely threatens them.
SPEAKER_03And then they're talking about vaguely threatens them.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and then I love the one girl doesn't get it. She uh what's the main girl asks if they can leave the music on and looks really excited because it'll cover their top. And then she goes, Did you hear that? And her friend goes, Yeah, we can dance a little, we can leave the music on for a bit.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and you know, she's also adverse to stealing from them because she's like, Hey, you she could be like a she seems like not too bad of a person, it's more just her friend that's an utter cunt.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah. I thought she was gonna live through the movie because of the remorse she was showing.
SPEAKER_00Do you think this is the rare horror movie where this moral of it is more just just being nice?
SPEAKER_03Yeah. I don't like though that it's just being a nice person.
SPEAKER_01The women die first, regardless of anything. Like it's like all the women die and then the rest of the characters fall as they may.
SPEAKER_00Okay, but I suppose you have the like the what the there's two nice people in it, and the man survives.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's what it is.
SPEAKER_00Maybe Short Gordon wasn't thinking about that. Maybe he was just like, hey, like this Ralphie guy.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I don't think he was. I think it's just sort of a a side effect of the time it was made. But I think more honestly, more than that girl should have lived, I think Rosemary should have made it towards the end of the movie. I think she would have been a good foil rather than the dad running around crazy. Rosemary would have been creepier. The dad isn't very threatening, he's getting stepped over the whole start of the movie.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but is that not more of the the point of it? That he's like, he's just a fucking loser.
SPEAKER_01So you it is, but that's why I think he should die, and then Judy doesn't have someone who is even legally protecting her. Rosemary hates her. You know, maybe Rosemary goes crazy and tries to kill Judy. I don't know. I just feel like Rosemary could have played more of a role in the movie for how criminal she was.
SPEAKER_00But there is a shot that involves her already being dead that is fucking a Sunday shot. I was watching that, I was like, I was fucking sick. Is that when she's gonna done that? Yeah, but okay, we'll get to it. Lowell Lol Judy, she's in bed with the punch doll from Judy and Punch, which I guess is supposed to be like a parallel to domestic abuse.
SPEAKER_03Oh I wasn't thinking about that.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because I was thinking through the entire I was like, why punch and Judy? I was thinking that so it's two people that beat the shit out of each other. Interesting. Yeah, it does. Punk girl number one, she's out searching for the good. She's she's on a loot hunt. Whilst her friend is just kinda chilling because she's like I'm not I'm not taking any part of this. This is when we get our first death, Chris. Is this when you checked out?
SPEAKER_03Uh no, I This was pretty decent.
SPEAKER_01This death she's like getting her teeth smashed in on the wall. Pretty good.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but I thought maybe the human battering ram might have especially with one hit the cut to her face and she just fucking vacillated.
SPEAKER_01No, no, I liked it. That's that specifically more so than the plotting of the movie is something I just go like, oh that's just how the physics work in this world. You know, that's just how the movie is. Yeah, like that that doesn't bother me so much.
SPEAKER_00It's strange because there's some scenes in this where the dolls are they behave as an alive doll would be. Like they're little ceramic people and they don't have too much power. And then there's some scenes in this that is like these dolls are fucking superpowers.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. They're like master toys.
SPEAKER_00Um robbing and thieving. We get the close-up to the little doll, and she has like the bloodshot eyes and the little teeth. Or so because it's so cheap looking, but there's something about it that makes it look so much worse.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, uh the dolls I hate. They all look good. Like I hate in a positive way. I think the way they're shot is very creepy. And it's just I wouldn't want to be here. I wouldn't go to this place.
SPEAKER_00But see, that's why you would die though. You would be like, these dolls are fucking creepy, and I want to leave, and I would go and go, yo, these dolls are all fucking sick, man. And they would like an Etsy shop. I can buy one of these little guys.
SPEAKER_01That's I wanted to bring that up. Where are these things going? Is he selling them? Does he just make more and more and more and they just stay here?
SPEAKER_00I think maybe it's where does he get the materials? I think all the little dolls are people that this witch couple have turned into dolls.
SPEAKER_01Oh, you're totally right. Yeah, they imply that in the movie. I was overthinking it. Yeah, okay, okay.
SPEAKER_00Which makes you wonder how that process works. Because we see it with one person, which is like a magic spell, but I don't think it would work for all of them. Aside from well, to no okay. We're going back to the first um punk woman. Do you want to see the first punk woman? Her fit, if it wasn't for that weird makeup and hair and far too many chains, would be would be a great fit. I've seen people in cathouse like this. Cathouse Glasgow Golf Club.
SPEAKER_01I don't even necessarily hate what the makeup's going for. It's just too much.
SPEAKER_00And just the thing that fucks up, it's like someone on set knows their clothing because that the body piece with like the latex pants and then that belt buckle goes, it all looks spectacular. And then the jacket and the gloves match the belt buckle. It's a good it's a good look. And then it's just the hair and the big bow and all the chains, it's too extra. Someone her earrings aren't good either. No, it's a bit the joke. It's a thing that you rarely see in horror movies. But I appreciate when it sounds bad when I'm gonna say this, but see when a female character can actually get fucked up and it's not just hey, I'm still pretty, but with a cut on my face.
SPEAKER_01No, you're not wrong, because that's a big thing recently, especially with stuff like Ready or Not, where there will be a female character covered in blood, absolutely caked, but she's still done up pretty decently.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like it's the most we do to Samara weaving in those movies is I think is when she loses her fingers. But like, I'm if I'm single, I'm not passing up on Samara Weaving because she has three fingers on one hand.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, no. I bit of a wardrobe malfunction while the dolls are killing this first punk.
SPEAKER_00How do you mean?
SPEAKER_01Whoops. Uh the the Brazier slips down a little bit more than they intended to.
SPEAKER_00It's Stuart Gordon. Have you seen this other man's movies? He saw that in the shot. Yeah, that's fair. This is the shot. This is the shot everyone that got it.
SPEAKER_01You're not wrong, but I don't think that was intentional either.
SPEAKER_00I'll look up and see if she's been in anything that could suggest that she's like this, she doesn't mind those sort of roles. I'll go on her letterbox. But this is Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_02I mean, I hope she didn't mind.
SPEAKER_01She looks fucked up though, with her teeth missing. Like, I like the shot of her right before she gets pulled away.
SPEAKER_00Ponty Bailey, one of the other movies she's in, has a poster that has two women in bikinis on it. So I think this I think like that's sort of a vibe. I don't think she's going for anything. Especially if you you sign up for a Stuart Gordon movie. That's scene and from beyond. You know, you know the man's vibe.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, yeah, he's he's one of them. He's one of them.
SPEAKER_00He's a little hung up guy and reanimator. The reanimator, the horned up scenes were some bad shit behind the scenes with that, so we'll move on quickly.
SPEAKER_03Oh, uh.
SPEAKER_00But uh Judy Judy's, she's up and she's like, Hey, mama that I just saw. She keeps calling the dolls little people, and I think that very funny from her conversation of last week. She's gonna solve the little people. You drag her away, and they're like, We're okay, we're sick of the bullshit, you need to go back to bed. And to be to to be fair to this girl, she gives a great act. She shows her acting jobs in this one scene or being seven. She's out acting both her mum and her dad.
SPEAKER_03Oh, definitely, yeah. They're both so soap operating.
SPEAKER_01The dad, especially. I feel like Rosemary is at least like going for an archetype that she's sort of achieving, but the dad is just nothing.
SPEAKER_00From looking at his I his IMDb, his letterbox the dad is mostly in Stuart Gordon movies, so it's a kind of camp, I suppose.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It is when Judy runs to my goat Ralph, who he's just trying to have a nap. He's he's all tucked in his bed, he's got his pajamas, he's got some silk pajamas. I wonder if he brought them. Or if the old man was like, you know, you're you're you're nice. I'll give you, I'll give you the good shit.
SPEAKER_01Did you notice, by the way, that there's a new Dolls movie?
SPEAKER_00There's a new Dolls movie?
SPEAKER_01Not I don't think it's related, but there's a movie called Dolls from 2019.
SPEAKER_00My movie streaming app also came up like three porn movies with dolls as the title. I don't know if you're wanting to cover them at any point.
SPEAKER_01Why not? Sure, let's do a dolls month.
SPEAKER_00We could do we could do pornographic horror as a month, but I feel like you'd be a bit tired by the end of it.
SPEAKER_01Probably. Yeah, that's fine though. That's a genre. We're gonna have to go through a lot of different stuff.
SPEAKER_00I own one on Blu-ray, and then people were like, drop, this one's actually pretty good. And see when it's like an hour and 20 minute movie, and like 60 minutes of it is just not appealing porn. You're like, Yeah, that's gonna be even I feel like the most horned up perv would get a little bit tired of it. But we'll I'll do research into the Pinko genre, we'll maybe circle back.
SPEAKER_01Okay. I wanted to mention before we get too far away from this main punk girl, uh, she's asking about antiques. And she goes, Are there antiquews?
SPEAKER_00Instead of fancy if she's English, she would know the term antique.
SPEAKER_02Right. It's it's just such a funny portrayal.
SPEAKER_00And it's like, does he realize that people that like punk aren't just British people?
SPEAKER_02Like again, aren't just British idiots. Somehow in Wyoming.
SPEAKER_00Again, I feel like Stuart Gordon must be tapped into like a punk scene if he's making cult classic horror. That's gotta be a crossover.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but maybe more after the fact. So he did make this after I think after Reanimator and before From Beyond, but this got released after From Beyond.
SPEAKER_00I was gonna say, but Reanimator is kind of like the thing. Like people know from Reanimator.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So Solo Jud, she goes up to Ralph and she's like, Hey, I just saw these little people kill kill one of the girls, and he's like, Oh nice, we can check it in the morning as he goes back to bed.
SPEAKER_01She asks him if he believes children.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's a nice scene as well, where she's like, Well, do you believe kids? And he goes, Yeah, I do. And she's like, So do you trust what they tell you? Yeah, I guess it's just a nice bonding, which I get we'll get back to it at the end of the movie. But he's like, Okay, we'll just we'll leave it and we'll check it out in the morning. But he sees her little dog slippers just caked in blood and see these. Absolutely tsunami in blood, and it's a nice because of how fucking bright white we slippers are and then just the crimson red. So much blood. So he goes, and I like that he doesn't his first thought isn't okay, let's go find some help. His first thought is okay, I'll get a candelabra and I'll walk about this spooky house with you in the middle of the night. And the weird thing is for him being mid-30s, her being seven, they feel like they're on like equal playing grounds when they're walking about this house.
SPEAKER_03They do, yeah. They feel equally meshed.
SPEAKER_00Good chemistry with them. We have a look, no blood. We come back, ocean of blood on the floor. I get uh crazy like the shining level of just soak I get uh don't know, maybe he just had a big, a big blood budget and was like fuck it. Everywhere. Is another little interaction I like with him when it's they had an extra goat on the set? Yeah, or uh they hired a goat, but they got a cow, and they're like, well, we have to make do.
SPEAKER_01Well, we still have to kill the kill the thing, let's also make some steaks.
SPEAKER_00But see, that's that's the staff's lunch, so that's getting us getting taken out one way or the other, lads. So they we see the blood going up into the attic, and again, it's just there's a little dialogues between Judy and Ralph that I like where he goes, Okay, you stay down here, and I'll go up first. And she goes, Why? I've been in an attic before. He goes, Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, that's a good one.
SPEAKER_00Like again, he's written almost as if he is like just a child of her age.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, child at heart.
SPEAKER_00They they go up into this basement, and okay, this is another scene that I'm like, this is fucking this is awesome. You go up and there's a rack up there, like the medieval rack that you put your head in. He's like, Oh, this is a bit strange to be having up here, and see the lightning flash revealing the punk girl half doll in the back that's trying to muffle for such a fucking good shot, it's so creepy looking. It's the fucking eyes, man. The eyes are so fucking freaky looking.
SPEAKER_03They are yeah, and it's scary that she's moving.
SPEAKER_00It's scary, Jim Hood, but it's also scary that you don't notice she's in that shot, and then when the light flashes, you're like, oh, you can fucking see her. You can see her legs.
SPEAKER_03Definitely.
SPEAKER_00Again, that's what I mean. It's like this is the the movie is a bad movie, but it's directed so well and has vibes that carry it. And I wonder at what point was lost it for you, because I feel like it gets better as it goes along.
SPEAKER_01Uh it's just there's not enough in between the punctuated moments. It meanders way too much. And I think around now is when it just starts falling apart a little bit more.
SPEAKER_00It never was fully together, but No, I wasn't I wasn't on board until this part here where he's running down, he's like, Oh, oh, help. And then the dad comes out and he's like, What are you doing with my girl? Yeah, away from it. He's like, No, no, no, no, no, no. It's like this girl's dead. And her friend comes out and she's like, You killed her. I know you're no, no help. A poor guy's stuck between a rock. And Joe, I don't get why doesn't he try and find the owner? Because the owner likes him, and I feel like he'd be willing to have a conversation with him.
SPEAKER_01That's the thing. It feels this whole This whole sequence of them arguing and talking to each other feels like nothing happens whatsoever. And like it's just a ball bouncing between brick walls.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but it's Ralph that's bouncing between brick walls. I'm like, no, it's my boy. It's not you, leave him alone.
SPEAKER_02I'm not as into Ralph as you are.
SPEAKER_00How can you not be into Ralph?
SPEAKER_02He's fine.
SPEAKER_00He's not fine. He's like one of the best characters we've covered so far. He's just a nice day.
SPEAKER_01No, I see the kind of character I like in a movie more is a rosemary. I want to see someone fuck shit up and make the plot more interesting. I don't want level and grounded.
SPEAKER_00Well, if it shit is fucked up, what do you mean they're stuck in a house with little with little people killing them? Yeah, but it's just ready and they're fucked.
SPEAKER_01He's just scared the whole time.
SPEAKER_00Would you not be?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I would be. That's why they shouldn't make a movie about me in a dollhouse. Because I would just sit in a corner and lock the door.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but Ralph's not doing that. Ralph is taking action because he knows Judy needs help and it's endearing.
SPEAKER_03But he's so passive about it.
SPEAKER_00He's the one that went up into the attic. He's the one that's like, okay, I'll come help you find the blood.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but then when he's trying to convince people that something's going on, they ignore him and he goes, Oh god. Oh no. He's not.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because he understands what it looks like when this random stranger is found with a seven-year-old girl and a lot of blood on his hands.
SPEAKER_01Okay. What you're saying isn't wrong. I'm just telling you, I don't find it entertaining.
SPEAKER_00You would not like the coffee table. Do not watch the coffee table because that's the best part of the coffee table.
SPEAKER_02I won't. I don't even know what that is.
SPEAKER_00That's the the movie that's an hour and a half of um a man trying to cover up that he killed his baby, and it's like a dark comedy. It's a really, really grim, black comedy.
SPEAKER_03That sounds good.
SPEAKER_00You think it's good until you get to like um the baby smashing its head off a table, and you're like, oh, this this doesn't this doesn't feel good actually.
SPEAKER_02Okay, fair.
SPEAKER_00And do you know what the fuck thing is? Okay, small small side, they're remaking it shot for shot for turkey, and they're calling it the Turkish coffee table. It's like, what had to be translated?
SPEAKER_01That's funny. It's a different table. It's like a circular table.
SPEAKER_00It's just in the shape of turkey.
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00This is this is when they all run away because Judy goes, fuck this. You're calling my mate a nonce. I'm not having any of this. So she dips. The dad's like, oh no, you come back here. No, no, no, you've just been nonced, so I'm giving you in trouble, as it tends to go, unfortunately. Ralph's like, Alright, then I guess I'll guess them by myself. He finds the owner of the house, and he's like, the blood? Oh no, don't worry, that was my paint. My paint that I spilled. I just accidentally poured it up the attic and into my rack that I own.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, Ralph's too much of an idiot. He's too gullible. That's why I don't like watching him.
SPEAKER_00He clearly doesn't believe him.
SPEAKER_01He does for a second.
SPEAKER_00He definitely does. See if you caught your friend soaked in blood and he went, oh, it was um cherryed. Would you not for a second go, huh? What are you talking about?
SPEAKER_01He's just too golly g Willacrews about it all. That's all. I don't find it an entertaining thing to watch. I'm not telling you it's bad or wrong. I'm just telling you why I don't like him as much as you.
SPEAKER_00This is a whimsical movie. I don't think you're meeting it at the level of whimsy it's asking for you.
SPEAKER_01No, I want it to be wig ringer than it is.
SPEAKER_00You you want a little girl to die, and Ralph has to cover her up for an hour and a half.
SPEAKER_03Sure.
SPEAKER_00Okay, so Ralph Judy, we we reconnect. He's turns out he got stabbed in the leg at some point, and he's like, damn, I thought it was a fucking snake or some shit. They got me good.
SPEAKER_01They spelled paint on me.
SPEAKER_00It's like, damn, it's a fucking he was fixing his dolls or something. He must have smeared as I was walking up. I don't know, having a bad time. Also, he's up to the bottom.
SPEAKER_03And it's such a great Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's what I was just gonna give a little fit check. He upgraded from just the silk pajamas to some little little loafers and a tartan dressing gown. Also, still looks pretty good. My mom rocks.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it is an upgrade. Uh I love his wound, it's so 80s movie wound where it's just a plain ankle covered with red pants, and he's wiping the side that's not facing the camera clean.
SPEAKER_00Also, it's been bleeding that much since he's been walking down the stairs. He's nicked an artery or some shit. He needs to go to hospital.
SPEAKER_02He's gonna die, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Maybe see, that's why he's he's a bit you know, happy go lucky.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they don't pan down enough to his bleeding ankle through them.
SPEAKER_00You don't you don't know the lead that's in that paint that's in his leg right now.
SPEAKER_02I guess not.
SPEAKER_00But as Enid searching for her friend, this is when we get Rosemary's um her very, very, very fun scene. She's in bed, and the bed starts wriggling, and she pulls up for all these little dull people, and they're biting and they're stabbing. Great, great gore effect on the bite on the hand.
SPEAKER_02Oh, yeah, really, really good.
SPEAKER_00This is when we see that Rosemary is in fact a ginger, one of your kind, Chris. I hope you relate to her.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they they take off her uh her head rag and they expose her shame.
SPEAKER_00That's why she jumps out the window in a moment.
SPEAKER_01She's like, the the one doll with the hammer is so crazy.
SPEAKER_00You see, but this is what I mean. You were like, oh, there was like one or two scenes. This is awesome. For all the little slot motion guys running away, one gets her in the back pretty good. Grizzly effect on the bone saw to the leg.
SPEAKER_03Oh. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Not not too many times a horror movie injury made me go, ooh, that was a oh, it's the sound design. See if they kind of as they're going back and forth.
SPEAKER_01Grim. It's funny that she's able to kick one of them with that foot right after. She doesn't seem too impaired.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but that's about see if these okay, hypothetically, you're stuck in this house with these dolls. You probably would be able to put up a fairly half-decent fight.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, some adrenaline going, I think.
SPEAKER_00Get some adrenaline, get a sledgehammer like the dad later, and go to town, you could probably take out a fair. The problem is he's trying to make sure you got all the little fuckers.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I think you get something like 20 pounds, attach it to a string, just keep swinging it around.
SPEAKER_00See, Ralph couldn't do it, he'd knock himself out.
SPEAKER_01They would. Rosemary does a great jump, by the way.
SPEAKER_00But but I feel also maybe a little bit of an overreaction. If you can jump that good, jump the dolls.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah, and run down the stairs into a different room.
SPEAKER_00But again, we follow up with another certified banger of a scene, and this is what I mean. You're like there's meandering. It's not Enid, she's going about the house, she sees the little creepy witch lady.
SPEAKER_01It they're literally you just said she's going about the house. They're literally meandering, and it's just cutting the brand.
SPEAKER_00She's looking and she sees the little creepy witch lady with like a little pram or some shit, and she's like fucking creepy, I'm hiding. Stuff's happening. We maybe get like a little tease as to maybe what's going on with this little witch one.
SPEAKER_01There's no connective tissue between the things that are happening. They just happen one after the other.
SPEAKER_03You're saying this to someone who likes House of the Devil? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Well, let's talk about House of the Devil on the podcast then.
SPEAKER_00High West's best movie isn't even his movie, it's a mere goth movie. And then his second best movie is just Tropes, and then his third best movie is Captain Fever 2, but people won't admit that.
SPEAKER_01I really like In a Valley of Violence.
SPEAKER_00I haven't seen it. I'll give you that. Maybe that's up there.
SPEAKER_01It's a Western though. It's not trying to a horror movie.
SPEAKER_00Well, of his horror movies, Innkeepers, Dog Shit. House of the Devil, Dog Shit. X.
SPEAKER_01Innkeepers, I would compare to this, and I would say Innkeepers has like one or two really good moments in a really boring movie. So this has more than the Innkeepers going for it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, this is infinitely better than the Innkeepers. I would watch this ten times than watch the Innkeepers twice.
SPEAKER_01What I'll say, there's a scene in the Innkeepers that I feel like if you are able to keep yourself engaged through the whole movie somehow, it's a really good scare, but it's not worth it.
SPEAKER_00I can go to sleep right now, and then it plays a loud fucking noise.
SPEAKER_01Well, there's the bed and then there's the staircase, also.
SPEAKER_00Nah, the bed's infinitely better. And even NS.
SPEAKER_01The bed is infinitely better, but the staircase is a good surprise. You know, spoilers for this movie that you probably won't watch, listener, but you know, skip ahead 20 seconds if you don't want to find out.
SPEAKER_00Stereotypical Ghost movie. It has some jump scares.
SPEAKER_01Right at the end of the movie, and the last jump scare kills the main character, which I did not expect. I thought that was a good that was good. I didn't expect her to not be safe at that point in the movie.
SPEAKER_00So were you thinking of our little punk girls um plastic surgery?
SPEAKER_01Looks fucking creepy, her eyes fall out, and she's reaching for the eyes. Cool. Uh it's really because it's magic. I like that they put her makeup on the doll. Uh I guess so. It seems like she can.
SPEAKER_00Because she seems to look up to see her friend, but this is when Lil Woody, Lil' Woody streaks.
SPEAKER_02Oh fuck, yeah. Lil' Woody gets set on fire.
SPEAKER_00See, but I love all the little dolls, have personalities. We're all little silly guys.
SPEAKER_01It's not as good as like Puppet Master, though, where they are like they are characters, folky.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but there's too many of them to get going. But you know in the scene, she gives up a good fight, she tortures those motherfuckers.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, she's stepping on them. You can see that they have like withered corpses inside some of them.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's what I was just about to bring up to you. It's like there's like there is little people inside these dolls.
SPEAKER_01Like shrunken people, it's really weird.
SPEAKER_00Almost have you ever seen um House of Wax or Tourist Trap? They do kind of similar things. But yeah, all that sea that's whipping the shit out of these dolls, and like their faces start exploding, and smoke comes out, and it's little low skeleton guys.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's great. But then there's I don't like her running away and then being caught by the gun. Like, it's cool that she gets shot by toys, but the it doesn't feel like she's a person there. She's just like swinging her belt and then she stops to watch them shoot her. She's she stops fighting the toys for no reason other than she has to die now.
SPEAKER_00Doing a 21 gun salute that happened to be real guns somehow.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, wouldn't you still try to kill them because other dolls have been trying to kill you, and you gotta assume they're gonna kill you? I like that you can see the wires on them, by the way. I'm noticing that now.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but would you not assume that those guns don't work because we're little wooden men?
SPEAKER_01I'm saying it doesn't matter. I'm not saying I would think they're about to shoot me. I'm saying I would go and hit them right away because I see the dolls that are trying to kill me. Or I would just run and just keep going.
SPEAKER_00I don't know. I think the uh the joke of the scene warrants it for me. Because it's more look how silly this is That's fair.
SPEAKER_03I just don't think it's edited well.
SPEAKER_01The the pace of it isn't good for me.
SPEAKER_00No, but I like the pace of it because she sees the little guy with a trumpet and she's like, what the fuck's this? And then you see the little guys with guns and you're like, that's silly, and you go, but they've got guns, are they gonna can they shoot the guns? And then they shoot the gun. And the gunshot effects.
SPEAKER_01The gunshot effects are gonna it's a good kill. I just don't like how it is presented in the movie structurally, which is most of my problems with this movie.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but I think at this point you have to accept that it isn't really a structure, it's just some shit's happening.
SPEAKER_01Charlie, I have accepted it, but I can keep complaining about it because I don't like it.
SPEAKER_00You have to meet it on its level, Chris. We mean it on its level. But yeah, this is again, followed up, good scene. The dad goes back into bed, and it seems like Rosemary has gone for a little nap, and the blood starts leaking over her head in the face of the sheets.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, the house the house is bright and loud, okay? She's camping up.
SPEAKER_01It's weird to me that he doesn't take the blanket off her head or something. Like she's so dead to the world.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but if she's asleep, you wouldn't want to wake her, would you?
SPEAKER_01But if my partner was asleep and I tried to say something to them, as the people I've been with, they would stir somehow in their sleep. They would make it obvious that their brain is functioning still.
SPEAKER_00You ain't dating no deep sleepers, ma.
SPEAKER_01I guess not, which is ironic because I am one.
SPEAKER_00The most with my current girlfriend, I won't say since we're on the recording name. But the amount of times I have desperately tried to wake her up. Either because she told me to wake her up, or because I was like, Oh, you need to wake up for this thing, and I have gotten nothing, and I have stripped them, and I've gotten nothing, and then occasionally I will get a uh and then some nonsense that clearly came from a dream, and then back asleep.
SPEAKER_01Fair. There was one time in college I really freaked my roommate out because I have been a sleepwalker in the past, and it comes back sometimes. I just sat up in the middle of my sleep, middle of the night, said something unintelligible, and I went right back to sleep.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I'll get that sometimes from the wifey too. That's funny. There's a strange thing I used to get, and I think it was a stress thing. Because I don't seem to do it anymore, and I didn't do it before, and it was uh it was a not a great time in life. I used to sleep, but I would in my sleep start to like sit up in the bed, and then I would cross my legs and then sleep with my legs crossed.
SPEAKER_03Interesting.
SPEAKER_00Like I was like just kind of chilling.
SPEAKER_01When I was a kid, I used to need to sleep like Mario jumping. Like I would have to have one leg outstretched and one leg like sort of in a s in a box shape. Uh up. I don't know why.
SPEAKER_00And then when I was see your position, what usually position you hit?
SPEAKER_01Stomach, usually, stomach or side.
SPEAKER_00Yo, I can't do it. I'm the I'm fetus. I'm fetus position. See the smaller I can be, the comfier I am.
SPEAKER_01Interesting. Uh I like being like comfy. I should get a weighted blanket or something. But when I was like in middle school, I had such trouble sleeping because I was on so many different medications. The thing for some reason that helped me was closing my eyes and imagining that for ghosts came in through my window, picked up the corners of my bed, and started flying me through the city. And they were gonna take me somewhere secret, and if I opened my eyes, I wouldn't get there. That's how I got to sleep.
SPEAKER_00But were you never scared you would open your eyes and you were actually flying and you're like, oh fuck.
SPEAKER_01That was part of it. That was part of why I didn't open my eyes. I was like, oh fuck, they're gonna kill me. I'm not safe.
SPEAKER_02Where are they bringing me?
SPEAKER_00So that's not just a me thing. See if you close your eyes and you think this bed is moving, you can feel the bed moving somewhat.
SPEAKER_01Sort of, yeah. If I'm really I used to play a lot, I used to pull my sheets all the way over my head and pretend my bed was an escape pod being jettisoned from a ship.
SPEAKER_00See, I can I can I can't breathe properly under sheets. I don't know if it's like an autistic thing, but my breathing freaks me the fuck out if I'm under sheets. I always have to be able to do that.
SPEAKER_01You're not doing it right. That's because it's a hostile atmosphere that you've just fallen into in your escape pod. Now you only have a limited amount of time to figure out something.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, or I could have a panic attack because I feel like I'm not you, and I definitely won't sleep.
SPEAKER_03Sorry.
SPEAKER_00But my thing used to be I would pretend that like my boat was in the ocean and like just kind of bobbing in the waves. Oh, I like that. That was that was peak vibes, and it's strange because I'm philosophobic. So the deep ocean is very, very, very scary to me.
SPEAKER_03Interesting.
SPEAKER_00And it's also like you ever fell into a pool and inhaled far too much water, and your brain kind of goes hump and you're just kind of floating.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00One time that happened to me in a pool, my brain instantly just went, Do you know what? Drowning wouldn't be too bad, and I kind of just lay in the water until someone grabbed me.
SPEAKER_03That's terrifying. I don't like that.
SPEAKER_00I feel like it's straight. I'm so scared of the ocean, but I feel like it is it is like just too peaceful.
SPEAKER_03Yes. Oh, I love sailing so much.
SPEAKER_00Like I could never do the ocean. Like if I drowned if I started to drown in the ocean, I would rather shoot myself than allow myself to slowly drown. But see if I was in like a medium-sized lake, I don't think I'd mind drowning as a way to go.
SPEAKER_01That's scarier to me. I wouldn't want to be like I'd rather drift into the dark blackness of the ocean than like fall into algae.
SPEAKER_00Chris, that's what the big that's what the big scary things are, Chris.
SPEAKER_01Imagine you get to see one before you die.
SPEAKER_00No.
SPEAKER_01That's worse than the that's worse than the if someone could just like if I get a terminal diagnosis and I know I'm gonna die in a week, I would love to either just be sent in a little pod into space or like a pressure capsule. I have food for a week, they just drop me into the Mariana trench. I see what's up down there.
SPEAKER_00See the the stars, that's different. See if I knew I was going to die soon, and they're like, we can let you just float into the abyss. That that seems very idealistic to me. But I think the comfort comes from at any point I could depressurize my suit and just end it instantly.
SPEAKER_01Fair. Well, I don't want to be in a suit, I want like a little pod, like a little like a self-driving car-sized space space for me to live.
SPEAKER_00I don't want to be in a container, I want to be the thing floating.
SPEAKER_03No, no, no, I want to see how far I can get.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, why not say how far you can get floating?
SPEAKER_01Because I could probably get further if I have like a little propulsion system, and also like part of the fun is I could get sucked into an atmosphere, and I'd want to experience getting burned up in the atmosphere a little bit more than if I was just a guy.
SPEAKER_00No, because that's dry heat, Chris. Think about it, you're in a metal tin. That's dry, sticky heat that's burning into you.
SPEAKER_01But yeah, but then I could I'll be like a pinbacker from Sunshine.
SPEAKER_00See, is this just because you like sunshine?
SPEAKER_03Maybe.
SPEAKER_01I just I think the idea of just at the end of time there will be one man.
SPEAKER_00See your thing is because I really, really like a Starship movie. Mine's is like weightless embrace of nothingness would be serenity.
SPEAKER_01Well, for both, for me, it's the possibility. For space and for the ocean, it's the unknown. That's what interests me. It's that there's scary but also wonderful things to be discovered.
SPEAKER_00No, because if I got picked up by an alien, I wouldn't be anywhere near as see if I was in, you put me in a submarine, okay, and someone's like, there's something big coming and we don't know what it is, I would much rather be shot to death in that moment than the eye.
SPEAKER_01There's something big coming, we're real life subnautica right now.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that'd be so good.
SPEAKER_00Even if we're like, oh, it might be a big wheel. At that point I'm like, no, I don't give a fuck. Kill me, kill me right now, or I will open this pond and kill us all.
SPEAKER_01You get like crunched by something, and then water starts coming in, and then the propulsion breaks on the submarine, so you start falling too far into the ocean where the pressure is too too much, and the submarine starts like warping around you.
SPEAKER_00That doesn't sound like no no no no no no, you misunderstand. See if I was grabbed by something and then the teeth started to come in. At least at that point, I'm like, okay, I'm in the mouth of a thing, but I won't ever have to look at because I'm inside it. That doesn't affect me.
SPEAKER_03No, I want to see the thing though.
SPEAKER_00I wouldn't laugh to see see those Lovecraft um characters that start to have visions of the big things in the ocean. I would kill myself that night.
SPEAKER_02That's what I want. I want to be that guy who saw Dagon.
SPEAKER_00So see, see if I'm the mountains of madness guy and it's like I saw a big a big city or a big monster, that's fine and dandy. I'll be telling every kind about it. See if it's like I had a dream I was drafting into the ocean and I heard a rumbling, I would wake up instantly and I would find the nearest sharp object and take myself out.
SPEAKER_01Just shove your face into it.
SPEAKER_00Just the knowledge of that existing, not having it at all. So the worst thing for me.
SPEAKER_01Have you played control?
SPEAKER_00I have played control.
SPEAKER_01What about if like the what is it fucking called? The company or whatever the the triangle thing is. What if you had dreams of that?
SPEAKER_00That's fine, it's a triangle.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Even if it's like a a living creature infecting things, you're not too scared of a triangle.
SPEAKER_00I don't give a fuck, no. But see if I'm I'm awake and I'm dreaming about falling into that lake, and that lake not being right. No.
SPEAKER_01That see, that's scarier to me.
SPEAKER_03Lakes are way scarier than the ocean to me. Lakes feel more cursed. No, because you can dra you can drain a lake. Yeah, but what are you gonna find in there? Usually nothing. Usually. But sometimes you find Perry's ceramic vector.
SPEAKER_00No, you don't you you don't you don't get the wavelength I'm on. You're not on it. No, I don't.
SPEAKER_01Uh I'm watching Dad turn into punch right now.
SPEAKER_00Huh?
SPEAKER_01I'm watching Dad turn into punch right now.
SPEAKER_00Also we've we we'll have to circle back. But that's I think that's why Lovecraft appeals so much to me, because I will read about some shit being see when I'm reading about Cafula coming up, I'm like, that is the scariest possible fucking thing to ever happen.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I want that to happen to me.
SPEAKER_00See even those videos of like see the old YouTube fake videos where it's like Cafula spotted and someone's edited like something coming out of the water and then only seeing a silhouette in the clouds. I'm like, no, that was I I can't even watch that.
SPEAKER_01If I die witnessing something unnatural, I will have more belief in an afterlife, and that will comfort me.
SPEAKER_00Well, if you see an elder god, then you know you're part of fucking Azov's wet dream. So you don't exist anyway.
SPEAKER_01Well, I just don't know what that means is the thing. Maybe it means everything's real. Who the fucking knows?
SPEAKER_00So you think God created right now if they went, I'm gonna make a big fuck off squad thing, by the way.
SPEAKER_01Well, no, the Christian god is not what exists in any case. But right now, I believe nothing. I believe we are dust. If if I see an eldritch creature, then all of that gets thrown away, and I can die with some mystery in my perception of the universe.
SPEAKER_00No, to me that's confirmation that we are nothingness. We are so insignificant that genuinely nothing would ever matter.
SPEAKER_01That's that's what I like though, is knowing that there is something significant. Because as far as I'm aware right now, we are both insignificant and the most important thing. Which is sad. If I see that there's an order to the universe, even if I'm not a part of it and never will be, that's comforting to me.
SPEAKER_00Nah, if I come going through bird box and I'm smashing like the nearest car I can find into a wall. I guess maybe why I like bird box so much when people don't like it that much, because I'm like, yeah, that's me. So if someone was peeling my eyes and I'm like, look at this fucking abomination, I'd be like, no, I'm going to die.
SPEAKER_01Birdbox, I just hated the structure of. I wish it just was a uh linear narrative.
SPEAKER_00See, I don't even remember that. I just remember the cool HP Lovecraft doodlings and it being like, oh yeah, you literally just can't see it because you will go insane, and actually making a movie work out of that. I'm like, Dre, go on. Fair fucks to you.
SPEAKER_01That stuff was all good. It's just that they there was a segmented, like, there's a plot of her and all the people in the house, but they cut to that after they've already shown that she and the kids survive it, but probably nobody else does. So you know that everyone in that house is gonna die soon. Which you can infer anyway, because it's a horror movie, but it just doesn't. I don't like the focus of the movie. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So you would much prefer it if he'd pulled a 28 weeks later and just had it in the house.
SPEAKER_03Uh yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, just start in the house and then have the plot progress from there, and it can go wherever it goes, but yeah, keep it locked down and don't don't suggest a further point to this narrative before you've even shown me what's happening. It works sometimes, but I don't think I worked for Bird Box.
SPEAKER_00Deepest fears aside, where the fuck were we in this movie, man?
SPEAKER_01Fuck it. The the dad is like trying to kill Ralph. He's calling him a pedo.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, daddy's daddy's not happy. Daddy's coming after the pedo. He's he's shouting, he's bawling. Ralph finds the little girl, and he's like, fuck are you in this creepy room with all these dolls? Yeah, but this is this is before the truss, remember? Because she has a he has a little truss with him. Where he's like, these dolls are alive, I'm killing these fuckers to get you out. And she's like, No, no, I talked to them, I talked to them with friends. Chill, man, chill. And then the dolls have a little conference. And they're like, you know what? You are chill. We we noticed your fit, we saw your vibe. You're you're one of the homies.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, the council of little people deems him worthy.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, exactly. So if the little people are are are like Ralph Scotted, who are you to say he's not?
SPEAKER_03You know what, fair. That's not it's not for me to say.
SPEAKER_00But Big Daddy's angry. He's he saw his wife's mutilated corpse. Good good good mutilated corpse. Thumbs up toe who ever did that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Although it's funny that she like rolls on top of him.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that was that was a little goofy because he's like, Why are you still holding on to her but screaming she's on you? She's dead when you're not. And then he he meets Big Ralphie boy and he's I'm gonna fucking kill you, you pedal. Or killing my wife for some reason. He's having a big ball. Ralph motherfucker almost dies. He's knocked the fuck out. I think the little girl gets knocked out at some point, but we don't really see we just see the dolls dragging her body away. Okay. But this is when we get the reveal that the little girl was right. She was in fact a witch and pulls some spooky shit that is unexplained.
unknownGreat.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he gets turned into punch in a great bloody horror scene. It doesn't make any sense because we've seen two different people get turned into toys two different ways. One of them is still life size, and the toys that we see people kill are like tiny people encased in dolls, but this guy just gets turned into a doll. It doesn't have to make sense.
SPEAKER_00It's not really trying to, but maybe the flesh rots after a while, but the the the skeletal remains stay, and we just touch it up.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, maybe there's just something in there, still, I don't know. But it makes you honest. Excuse me.
SPEAKER_00Sleepy boys.
SPEAKER_01Uh yeah. It makes more sense that the way they kill the punk girl is what they did to all the other dolls, and then somehow shrink her because she's inside whatever they built around her, you know.
SPEAKER_00But they seem to be a family, so do you think maybe she as a witch has the power to make people into dolls, and then the other dolls were just trying to copy her in some way? Like, oh, we got this one, we'll make a doll. Because her doll is um drastically less impressive than the dad doll.
SPEAKER_01That's true, and it seems like they the two old people have different ways of turning people into dolls.
SPEAKER_00And also he he makes reference earlier as like, oh, don't tell the wife I was touching up the doll, she'll be mad. So maybe there's like some weird favoritism, or maybe he's got his own method and she has her method. Also, maybe that's interesting. Great um practical fact, the big hands are a little goofy. When he looks down, these hands are all swole. That's a little silly.
SPEAKER_01It's I like it though. His alcoholism hands.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it reminds me of uh one of my teachers in high school talked about how they had uh an allergy to something in the air, and that's why their hands were so big, and then his shoulders and we're like, holy fuck, you're huge, man. Oh fuck. Guy just had ginormous hands, and you can't take any hers and say, There's no point. It's the fucking air.
SPEAKER_01I think that's why it worked for me is because that's like uh hand like that, you fucking one second.
SPEAKER_03I don't know why my mic is going in and out so much.
SPEAKER_01Hands like that, those are indicative of a health problem. So you have like issue pumping blood in your body, or you have a deadly allergy, like like a peanut allergy, or you know, hands that are that big are a problem. You're gonna die soon if you have that. I think that's why it worked for me.
SPEAKER_00I always find allergies so funny. Because it's what what do you mean? Like us as a human being, sometimes our bodies will just go, actually, I don't like that thing, and it could kill us, even though there's no reason to not jive with a thing.
SPEAKER_01It's it is so funny. It's like your body having an irrational fear of something.
SPEAKER_00See, I get hay fever. The fuck you mean I'm allergic to the summer? That's a quarter of the fucking year.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, the same.
SPEAKER_00That's existence.
SPEAKER_01I'm also allergic to dust mites, so I'm allergic to outside and inside.
SPEAKER_00I think to be forever teacher having an issue with something in the air, at that point, that's natural selection telling you you need to fucking go, man. Yeah, you're intolerant to oxygen.
SPEAKER_01You were not meant to be.
SPEAKER_00See, you know, I tell people human beings are terrible creatures, not in terms of how we act, but in terms of what we are. As babies, we are shit and useless and will die without constant attention. As adults, we get depressed over everything and can sometimes just die of our own accord. Like normal normal animals have as many issues as human beings do, yet we just refuse to fucking die as creatures.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, like why do we have a pancreas? You know, there's stuff in our body that just doesn't appendix.
SPEAKER_00It doesn't do anything, and it's trying to blow up. How do you get that shit? I think that's what I meant.
SPEAKER_01The pancreas might actually have a use.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, the pancreas does have a use.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. I'm not a big medical guy, but yeah, that's what I meant is the appendix. That just exists to be a bob.
SPEAKER_00Pancrises.
SPEAKER_03Pancry, pancreai.
SPEAKER_00Pancree. But yeah, appendix are shit. It's like, oh yeah, we once used them to eat nuts. Well fuck, I still eat nuts. What do you mean? Mine was still trying to kill me.
SPEAKER_01We use them to eat nuts, it's crazy.
SPEAKER_00Oh, so why did we need them to eat? I can eat nuts without it. I'm not gonna die because I had my appendix removed.
SPEAKER_03That's so weird.
SPEAKER_00Good excuse to get like two weeks out of doing something, bro, being in hospital for your internal organs a bit of bull. Oh, blue. It's getting from it.
SPEAKER_01Doesn't seem worth it.
SPEAKER_00No, I don't mind being in the hospital. I think it's gonna chill.
SPEAKER_01No, I hate hospital vibes. I like being sick at home and like checking out from the world, but I don't like being in a hospital.
SPEAKER_00No, because my problem is even post-surgery in the house, see if I'm sick, I will just get really frustrated that I can't do basic things. In a hospital, I don't gotta do shit. I live there, I get my forgiven to me. I'm just gonna sit and watch some fucking YouTube.
SPEAKER_01Oh, I settle in so easy when I'm sick. I just put a podcast on, put a fan on my face and lay there for hours.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but see, if I get sick, I get sick, sick. Like I don't get a little sexy when I'm sick, I'm dying.
SPEAKER_01Oh, yeah, that's that sounds rough. And that's the thing, is now as adults, unless you're dying, dying, you're not sick, you can't afford to be sick anyway. So fuck it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's so strange that as children, you can be sick all the time. And then as an adult, you're sick like once every two years. But it's like you could die of this, maybe keep an eye on it.
SPEAKER_01It still didn't work for me because I used to lie about being sick a lot to avoid school, so then I just had to go to school when I was sick.
SPEAKER_00See, I could, as a child, I could make myself throw up just by thinking about it a lot.
SPEAKER_01Just by thinking about it. That's crazy.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, see if I would just think I'm really sick, I'm really and I would focus on having a sore stomach, I could make myself sick.
SPEAKER_01That's gen that's genuinely like the power in uh is it neighbors where Dave and Co kind just pop a boner by thinking about it.
SPEAKER_00You think he can do that IRL?
SPEAKER_01No, I don't, and that's why yours is more impressive.
SPEAKER_00Do you want to know an impressive one? I heard a fun fact uh the other day, through Instagram. It was an interview with Anya Taylor Joy and a scene in the Emma movie where she has a nosebleed. She could do that on command.
SPEAKER_01Wow.
SPEAKER_00She just wanted to have a nosebleed and it happened for the scene.
SPEAKER_01That's crazy. That's a good special effect.
SPEAKER_00It's a great special effect, but also it's like what level of control over your own bloodstream do you have as a human being? That's kind of scary.
SPEAKER_02It is, yeah.
SPEAKER_00I'm just gonna swell the blood vessels in my nose until they pop. Hold on.
SPEAKER_03Oh, I don't like.
SPEAKER_01I'm looking at movies that are suggested to me as similar to dolls. There's this one movie, Panga, and the the description is a curse befalls an American nurse and her sugar cane farming family when she unwittingly interferes with a traditional African sacrifice ritual. I think she probably deserved whatever happened to her in this movie.
SPEAKER_00It could be a questionable plot. You'd have to look up who write who write it. Oh, it's too late, ladies.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I don't want to watch this ever. Although Christopher Lee is in it. Interesting. He was woke up a lot. I think so. I don't know. But woke for that time could be a lot of things. Oh, I love Emerald Beauregards movies.
SPEAKER_00But yeah, there's spooky spell dad becomes the new punch. That's why I was like, oh, yes, it probably is a domestic abuse thing, and not just look at this famous doll.
SPEAKER_01That makes a lot of sense. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So this is a weird ending, but I kind of like it. The old couple set up Richie as the dad for Judy. That's not his name, is it Richie?
SPEAKER_03Uh, I don't remember, I'll be honest.
SPEAKER_00It's 3M. If anyone is listening at this point, give me cut me some slack. But he sets up, he's like, Oh, don't worry. Your parents definitely didn't die. We've just abandoned you here.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, it's actually pretty chill what happened.
SPEAKER_00And they're like, Oh, well, he can he can take care of you for a good while. And he's like, I don't, I don't have the money. He's like, Don't worry. They also gave you money. And he's like, Oh, well, I need to catch a flight to this place. He's like, Don't worry, they also paid for your flight. Everything's good. And it seems like Gabriel loves the guy's name. Yeah, they frame it like this is a happy ending, okay? And they're like, Well, he can be your new dad because they have this chemistry, have this bond, and he clearly cares for her. But also, her parents are missing. She has a mother.
SPEAKER_03He can't just have a mother there.
SPEAKER_01Oh, she suggests that Ralph is just gonna become her stepfather, also, which is so funny.
SPEAKER_00Which I mean, if the mother is nice, Joe, I don't see why my man couldn't.
SPEAKER_01But also if she wants that, you know, like don't promise things to this guy, this poor guy. Also, on Ralph R.I.P., I'm sorry to tell you this, Charlie, but uh, Stephen Lee died at 58 years old.
SPEAKER_00When was he when this came out? Uh, what age was he?
SPEAKER_01He was about 30, 33.
SPEAKER_00Did he have a good run of it?
SPEAKER_01Uh it seems alright. He was in war games, he was in a lot of single episodes of television shows, but that to me is a good career.
SPEAKER_00He was in burlesque.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, he he seemed like a pretty prolific small small time actor. Prolific small time actor. I don't think that whole thing got caught up.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, it didn't. But it kind of pieced itself together in the end. Don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I'm gonna have a couple cuts to make, but I probably won't catch them all. I don't know what my mic's doing. I think the fan's messing with it.
SPEAKER_00But yeah, dolls. Um my man Ralph is definitely getting arrested for being a pedophile. There's no way he's not.
SPEAKER_02Fucking hell.
SPEAKER_00Just kidnapping.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, he just has this child now.
SPEAKER_00But he's like, oh yeah, these old people just give me her.
SPEAKER_02Give me her.
SPEAKER_00And also, is Vark's car would be leaving? He's got a fucking splashy car.
SPEAKER_01It's a nice car. It sucks that that's the car he had in the rain. I hope he had a hood.
SPEAKER_00I'm sure a witch could fix it, like, whole situation for them.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, the upholstery won't be getting moldy. They have a special.
SPEAKER_00So nice twist. Um the the evil uh witch people that turn random human beings into dolls are actually just really nice.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_00They just want to set up a happy life for these people.
SPEAKER_01They just have their habits they gotta upkeep.
SPEAKER_00Seems like they're a big fan of Legitish. And she leaves them the little teddy bear, which must it must be magic, because that little teddy bear is perfectly clean.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, how? I was gonna say. That would be so disgusting after being left in the rain all night.
SPEAKER_00Do you think the witch would have the power to make the big teddy bear come out of it if she wanted to?
SPEAKER_01Hmm, you know what? I think no, and I think Judy would have that power if the witch taught her.
SPEAKER_00Oh, you think she's got like some kind of ability?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, maybe it's like tied to your imagination.
SPEAKER_00I could see that with the whole childhood theme. These people trying to keep like the idea of like youthfulness alive with our dolls.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that'd be that's the coolest answer to me.
SPEAKER_00We get a little a little end, a little end moment as the credits start to roll, another car breaks down outside of their house.
SPEAKER_01This is cool. It's a good little ending moment.
SPEAKER_00It's a good ending, but also not that threatening because like okay, if they're assholes are becoming dulls, but if they're just nice people, we'll probably go, yeah, we'll help you.
SPEAKER_02I guess that's true.
SPEAKER_00Like if any other villain do get, like these old people, they're just they're just people. Like, there's not if anything, they're the hero of the story, because we just fucked over some assholes.
SPEAKER_01Maybe, yeah. Just incidentally. Well, the the one thing is that one punk girl who's just kind of going along with it.
SPEAKER_00But from their perspective, she was also trying to steal their shit.
SPEAKER_03You're not wrong.
SPEAKER_00Dolls. I thought that I thought you would have liked more. You I always thought, see, when I try and gauge movies for you, I always go, oh, you would like the movies that are maybe not the best but have good energy.
SPEAKER_01You're not wrong. Like, I watched it. But I'm just, you know, commenting on it, there's a lot that I felt wanting. That's all. Uh I I enjoyed watching it enough. I wasn't engrossed in it. But I am very much I love a plot. I love like a structure that you can follow. And so when a movie loses that, I definitely have a harder time with it.
SPEAKER_00I mean, at the end of our oh my god, what's that director's name? The guy that made the stuff, and uh yeah.
SPEAKER_01I'm I'm remembering Michael Moriarty before I'm remembering the director.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Is it's not Michael Moriarty. Uh God told me to ended up being a favorite. Larry Cohen's mostly Larry Cohen, that's it.
SPEAKER_01I guess what God told me to, there's more of a like what the fuck is about to happen because it's like out in the world. If it's I love a contained setting story, but I love them because they usually have more propulsive stories and plots.
SPEAKER_03So dolls.
SPEAKER_00I first thought this was bad, and I'm circling back to good. I take it you're you're sticking with the this is probably kind of bad.
SPEAKER_01Kinda bad though. I'm not saying outright bad. Like, there's a lot more worthwhile stuff in this movie than other movies that I've seen.
SPEAKER_00There's plenty of trash doll movies we could have watched that are not this.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, this was on the higher end of the doll movies, the doll horror movies. Even this is better than but the first puppet master, I would say.
SPEAKER_00You know what we missed out on for doll horror? Fucking dead silence.
SPEAKER_01Oh fuck, you're right. That's a I like that movie a lot.
SPEAKER_00And I feel like people I like that movie a lot. This is a good movie.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Good James One movie.
SPEAKER_00We could do James One at one point. What would you do? You would go Dead Silence saw insidious conjuring.
SPEAKER_01No, because then you're James Wednesdays, James Wand's days.
SPEAKER_00James One's days. I'm not Death Sentence isn't horror enough. That's just that's just like an action thriller. But but would you swap would you swap out insidious for malignant? I feel like you would have to, because malignant's a banger.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, malignant's a better one to talk about.
SPEAKER_03And insidious, it's alright, but it's I feel like the conjuring is better than insidious.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but see the thing is for me, again, I've made it clear. See if you just do it's a ghost story, you lose my interest so quick. You say it's a two-hour ghost story, I'm fucking gone, man.
SPEAKER_01Well, the conjuring movies all have bad third acts.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but conjuring 2's got more fun things. For me, I can't play conjuring 2.
SPEAKER_02Okay.
SPEAKER_00Insidious wins me over because I like the kind of sci-fi element to it. Oh, with the further yeah, with the like there's another realm in the dreamland that you can reach, and that's where spirits that's like the this kind of like limbo. I think that's fucking.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that is cool.
SPEAKER_00It was a little Darthmald demony boy. He's iconic.
SPEAKER_01He's good. He's good. I had seen that image way before I saw the movie, though, unfortunately.
SPEAKER_00Oh, tough shit. I saw it on TV and I was like, the fuck's this movie called Insidious? I'll watch it at like 10 p.m. on channel 4. I came out of the city. Oh, that's pretty rare. That was an old-time banger when I was a teenager. I'll go back to it and probably be like, yeah, it's it was alright.
SPEAKER_02It's pretty good. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I feel like James Warren movies probably had a lot better if you're a teenager, and I don't know why. See, just conjuring insidious dead silence. I feel like they're made for a teenager audience.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean, I watched Dead Silence in high school. That feels right.
SPEAKER_00I watched Dead Silence when Netflix was sending DVDs out. That's how it looked like that.
SPEAKER_01That's insane. That's crazy. Look, man, if you want to reach us, you can follow us at the Uncanny Valley Podcast on Instagram. My brain is gone. And you can email us at theuncannyvalleypod at gmail.com. Thank you for listening. Hope you enjoyed this.