In the Garden- w/Bryce Winston

We had some technical difficulties, new problems leads to solutions. I’m glad we are learning! I had a great conversation with this brother. A lot was learned and gleaned. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Yo. Hey, brothers and sisters. Praying everyone is enjoying the fruits of Joy and Peace. Firstly, I just want to thank you for joining us on this episode of In the Garden. As usual, my name is Roman, and today I am here with my brother in Christ, my good friend, the bearded Broheen. Brian Winston.

SPEAKER_04 0:28

Yeah, I'm sharing myself on. Uh glad to be here. I've heard new things about the podcast. So it is an honor. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

Yes, thank you for agreeing to do it because you could know. And you know, told me to get mine. Yeah, I've used that before we had someone like yourself on here. Um, Bryce, how are you feeling? Tell us a bit about yourself, whatever you want.

SPEAKER_04 0:55

I am tired. I am good though. I'm good. Uh to tell you about myself. I'm a believer.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

How old are you?

SPEAKER_04 1:16

Uh 25. You married or single? I had to think about it. Uh married.

SPEAKER_00 1:22

How long have you been married for?

SPEAKER_04 1:23

I've been married for a couple years. A couple years. You know, you know the years are.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

God damn. You know, they just got putting together.

SPEAKER_04 1:38

Yeah, they just got blended. But anyway.

SPEAKER_01 1:41

It was recent though.

SPEAKER_04 1:42

Yeah, I'm I'm newly married uh since September 2023. So 2026 now. So um, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Um, so I'm gonna ask you a few questions, obviously. This is an interview. I want to get to know you a bit more. But also, like you said, you are a believer, so it's kind of share those stories. That's the whole goal of this podcast, is share the stories of faith and encouraging one another. So the first question, with that being said, will be what is your favorite video game and why? No. Okay. This is just one I want to, you know, I want to get to know you. So I feel like this is a really good question for you. So um help wake you up a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 2:25

Yeah, because you know, with certain questions like this, I uh will entertain fully. Yep. So um to answer that though, Destiny uh was one of my favorite video games of all time. The first one, particularly when the Taken King expansion came out. Uh, if you know, you know. Uh these days, though, my favorite video game is this uh first-person shooter called the finals, um, where in which you are in a game show, uh virtual reality game show, and you compete against uh two other teams, sometimes three other teams, everyone is in teams of three, and you have to put money into a box and you have to defend that box. Uh unless the young team, basically defenders of the young team to want to take the money away.

unknown 3:19

So that's a long story to be sure. But uh the finals I think is a wonderful game.

SPEAKER_04 3:24

And I always I'm always trying to get Roman to play with me. Uh but uh, you know, he he has an interesting relationship with video games, so I'll just kind of let him figure that out. One day, one day when he feels like he wants to, then I'll be there.

SPEAKER_02 3:40

Uh that's that's that's great.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

You know, I didn't realize it was a game show. I didn't the voice always threw me off. I'm like, why is this announcer?

SPEAKER_03 3:49

Like announcer like this.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

Yeah, yeah. And then the coins and everything, but that makes a lot of sense. Only like character little figurines makes so much more sense now. Yes. It's not a bad game. I just don't enjoy it as much as other battle games that I've played before. So it's kind of like I clicked this a lot trying to jump into that scene, and it's not like for other Apex. Yeah. Yes, though, in my opinion. The things that the things I like about Apex is not comparable in that regard. As a shooter game, it is comparable, but the things that I like about the game, I don't think is I don't think makes it comparable. Like the different characters in Apex and the different um perks and how they work together, and that I really like that aspect. Finals has builds. The heavy, the light, and then the the balanced, right? Right. And that's it. Right?

SPEAKER_04 4:50

Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:51

So yes, you can switch them with different weapons.

SPEAKER_04 4:54

Right, and those those weapons are almost not only do they have different weapons, but they have of those three classes, they have three to four different like subclasses.

SPEAKER_01 5:06

That's true. And so I think that makes it more like Call of Duty. Because there's so many weapons.

SPEAKER_04 5:14

No, no, no, no. You have three classes, and those three classes change the dynamic of how you play.

SPEAKER_01 5:22

Isn't it like a grappling gun or like the evade thing? Sure, right.

SPEAKER_04 5:25

So I'm saying that those are subclasses. Yes, okay. So those three classes change the dynamic how you play, but then the subclasses also change the dynamic of how you play as that class. And so, you know, I think it's I think it's layered. I do think. And I think they're all they're always adding things, they're always balancing things.

SPEAKER_01 5:42

I think I may like it a bit more.

SPEAKER_04 5:45

It was in a a season where it just it wasn't as it was just as it wasn't a game. It just wasn't a seasoned.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Yeah. And I played on PlayStation and I prefer Xbox because I'm more comfortable with that right now. I think if I had I played on Xbox, I would have been probably a little bit more, you know.

SPEAKER_03 6:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

Welling because it's always a thing with PlayStation because I haven't played it. I feel like looking at the buttons to make sure I'm pressing the right ones every once in a while.

SPEAKER_04 6:08

Yeah, but uh means triangle, you know, like it's the same stuff.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

No, but like I don't know that though. I don't know what the buttons are called. I just press the button I need to press. So if you see on the screen, you're like, ah, yeah, I'm like it calls me the good stuff. Wait, which one is why again, you know? So well oh well. Uh okay. So that was a fun little conversation. I don't think that um I think one day I'll play with you more consistently, but like you said, I have an interesting relationship with games right now. First question that you chose. Oh, this is an interesting question. I forgot about this one. Is why are you not your father's son or your mother's son? What's the difference? What's the biggest difference between you and them? Biologically, you are, obviously, you know, your mom's son and your dad's son, but typically relationally, we identify more with one or the other. Like, so, or I guess this question comes from like the whole like mama's boy thing, or your mama's boy, are you, you know, uh you know her daddy's boy, but are you, you know, like father, like son? That's kind of the premise of this question. I just have it wordy weird.

SPEAKER_04 7:34

Um, I think I have adapted some things from both of my parents, but mostly like my father. That's what my wife would say, and that's what my sisters would say. Uh as far as how analytical we can be and uh how we think if I picked up between the two, I would say it's now for my mother, uh like mannerisms too. So that's what I said. But for my mom, I think she has instilled in me uh pretty good like work ethic, but like more so than that, like how to be detailed and uh how to you know cross the t's, dot the i's with the work that I do.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

And then so the question was why are you not like them? So it's good to know you know what you are, but then like also like how are you different from your parents? You said you are more closely identified with your dad, more like him. Yeah. So then why are you not like him? Like what areas do you differ?

SPEAKER_04 9:00

So the question isn't who am I most not like? The question is uh of both parents, describe how I am not like them in some ways.

SPEAKER_01 9:14

Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. I just wonder the biggest difference between you and your parents. Like you are most you are most like your dad, right? Because of these things. So what makes you most not like your dad? Uh the biggest difference between you and your dad or you and your mom.

SPEAKER_04 9:37

I don't know. I I I don't know how much my dad takes his faith seriously. Uh no, I it's been a good thing. Is he a believer? Yeah.

unknown 9:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:02

So I think it's hard to that's uh that's uh nuanced topic. Uh so that's kind of great. Uh I would say that since I'm a can't believe her, I've been a believer since 2018. I've been I would say as when I was saying 2015, 2016. I recommend my life to Christ in 2018. Uh and since then, I feel like I've noticed differences in my parents. It's like it's like one of those things, well, if my child is like taking it seriously. I would imagine that you could felt yourself only like me, I need to take my relationship seriously. Um I couldn't tell you one thing. I feel like that's what's happening based off minority something over the years. But all that they say, I'm not sure how seriously takes his relationship, whereas with my relationship, the guy that's like everything. Uh the older I get.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

You can't really think of too many differences between you guys. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 11:31

Uh there are some there's like I don't really feel couple of same those things.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_04 11:40

Because uh maybe like the first things that come to mind are negative. Yeah, I don't want those first things.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

Gotcha. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:53

Because those are always the things I need to think of first, but more time to think about think of other things that we're thinking of, right?

SPEAKER_01 12:15

So my next less hard-hitting question was what's the best lesson One Piece has taught you? Because you're a One Piece stan. One Piece is the greatest, according to Bryce Winston.

SPEAKER_04 12:36

Sorry guys, I'm showing us a piece of. Um, that's a good question. And I would say that depending on your definition of stand, I may or may not be one uh to the listener. Oh uh a stan can some sometimes be that uh Beyoncé fan in the stands who has gone to four concerts uh in the same tour in different locations, right? Uh that that can be a version of what a stand is.

unknown 13:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:15

Okay, yeah, that is that is I forgot those people.

SPEAKER_04 13:18

When I think of stand. So I just want to clarify that. Also, people see the term fan.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

I agree with that, because I don't when I think of stands, I'm thinking of like people that have like a man cave, like for football, and everything in the man cave is like I know people like that. Yeah, but when I think about you don't have a lot of one piece stuff like sitting around, which is something I would expect you know from an actual stand. So now I think about it. I take that back. There was actually this one time for your birthday, I found a one-piece jersey on marketplace. It was gonna be so big in a birthday, so I could be both of that. I was gonna get that for you, yeah. But then I think it sold. And I was just like, Oh, and just you know, forgot about it. But it was also like it was like it was like an XL too, so it was low-key too big.

SPEAKER_04 14:07

That is too big. That is maybe back in the day when I was muscle brick.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

You know, maybe it encourages you, you know, you know.

SPEAKER_04 14:18

I had to put on a small small, maybe having more videos.

SPEAKER_01 14:24

It made me feel small. For those that don't know Bryce, Bryce used to be big. Bryce actually used me to bench more than me. Yeah, I don't bench a lot, but Bryce is not near my size, so the fact that he could bench more than me was very impressive. So but now, ever since he got married, he hasn't been working out as much. So his uh bountiful chest has not flattened out. It's not flattened. He's gonna bird chest now.

SPEAKER_04 14:51

Like he doesn't really chest. I know what a bird chest looks like. I don't have that. Actually, my chest might be one of the only remaining qualities physically on my body uh that I have. Um it's it's smaller, yes. But like I can still do the peck, the peck jump.

SPEAKER_02 15:07

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah. That is true. Uh they cannot do that.

SPEAKER_04 15:13

So, anyway, to answer your original question though, one of the greatest lessons that I've learned from One Piece was that no one was put on this earth to be alone. I think the creator of One Piece has a very fundamental understanding of that Christian and I. And uh that's an ongoing theme within the story of One Piece uh. So, yeah, that was uh something that has stuck with me.

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Do you think because that's also evident in Genesis with Adam, of course. Do you think that the One Piece creator is a believer? Or do you know?

unknown 15:54

I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

Oh genuinely do not know. I would say probably not. Do you see any other things you well I feel like it's this is hard to ask, but I feel like just based off of someone's work. Well, I just meant like, are there any other things in One Piece where you're like, oh, that's out the Bible?

SPEAKER_04 16:11

That's not the Bible?

SPEAKER_01 16:12

That's out the Bible.

SPEAKER_04 16:14

Oh, like that other like that's kind of hard to do. Actually, like direct references to the Bible. Oh, okay, okay. But like that's because doing that in fantasy is cool, right? Like that people in fantasy do that all the time. It's like, oh, well, this might give off like uh I don't know, it just makes you kind of awe and then be in and wonder like, what is this about? You know, and like when you don't have all the secrets answered to things, and you know, people's fantasies just do that. Uh so I wouldn't sp but I would say that he's a believer because of these things or because he understands that fundamental thing I said earlier.

SPEAKER_01 16:50

Uh yeah, well I hope, you know, I don't know what's happening, but I'll have to just stitch other stuff together. Not a big deal. Um next question is how can you help somebody that you can't physically help? Either they're too far away or just the current situation.

unknown 17:18

I think uh practical examples are out for you.

SPEAKER_01 17:22

Oh, you want an example from me? I think of one, but just somebody like that is in a different state currently.

unknown 17:30

Oh, okay, okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:31

You know, they're going through a situation, a hard time or something, and you know, you want to help them, you feel compassion, you feel empathy, but like how would you you really can't physically do something because either you're don't have funds right now to send them or you're not in the same state as them, that kind of thing.

SPEAKER_04 17:49

Um I would call them, I would talk to them. Uh probably try and everything just get nothing.

unknown 18:03

Cry.

SPEAKER_04 18:18

And uh depending on what your knees are. And if I can't even do that, then just talk to you, friend.

SPEAKER_01 19:03

This makes me think about another question we asked. This is kind of a sidebar, but we had this in our men's meeting the other day. Uh it was like, when do you when what kind of person or what kind of people or when are you least likely, or when are you most likely to hesitate when it comes to praying for somebody? My answer was strangers. I can pray for my family, pray for friends, people who I already know. But oftentimes I feel like I get prompted by the spirit with strangers, like absolute strangers, and I just be like, bruh, I'm like very hesitant at times because there's no previous relationship. So that's when I'm most hesitant. That's the question I'm wondering with you just to get to know if there is a time. Because I know we were driving around one time and there was an ambulance or something. You were like, we should stop and see if they need prayer. And I was like, okay, bro. Sheesh, bro. Did I say that? I don't know if you said that's how I remember you. I think I thought you like, I feel like I remember you looking back and being like, maybe we just prayed in the car, but it gave the vibe that if they needed prayer, you would have stopped the car or turned around and drove back to them, and we would have prayed with them. And I was like, yo, that's crazy. So many times, especially people need help inside the highway, we we just we and people just drive by them without even giving it a second thought. So that compassion was like really left impact on me. So I can't remember if exactly you said I'm oh, we should turn around, or it was just something that you just prayed, we just prayed in that moment.

SPEAKER_04 20:45

But yeah, um, I think to answer the question, uh strangers, yeah. I mean, I think that would be like say I'm welcome, like for your example. I'm walking in the store and I see people, or I see a person at my door telling me, hey, great person. Uh I would say I would say it's something you know, just something that I would be challenged and also I would just also be in his to do that. Uh I'm a pretty nice guy, but it's it's rare that it's rare that I uh just have people that don't like me for a real. Uh but they exist. So yeah, that's what I'm gonna think about. Uh Such a nice guy, just a chill guy, just a nice guy. Yeah, I just need to think about that experience of what I said to you. Like I think there are seasons where you which sometimes I can be very introspective. And uh but sometimes be too introspective to where I miss those around me. When I say miss those around me when I was getting earlier, it was like I'm so wrapped up in what's in my head that you know there's this person in me right in front of me. Right in front of you, yeah. And I'm but I'm I'm not seeing it.

SPEAKER_01 22:36

Bro, I see that all the time with the kids. Like I'm thinking about something or trying to plan something out, sitting at home, and the kids just like doing something. And oftentimes I don't notice it until they just do something weird. Like Tommy just out of nowhere, just like falls on purpose. And I'm just like for attention. Yes. And I'm like, oh, you want attention, and you you know, aren't getting it right now. Not because you don't need it or you're in trouble, it's just I'm busy doing something else, and you have nothing to do, so you want attention, or like with the other kids that come over, like they like not act out always, but they'll like get loud or get like I don't know, not combative, but it's just like it's clear that they want something else, and because you're not giving it like giving it to them, they do something else to get something else out of you. But yeah, I noticed that with the um with the kids that I'll be thinking what I'm doing is so important sometimes, and it's really not like I can just sit with them for a little bit. Sometimes they only need like five to ten minutes. Just hey, I see you, I hear you. I know that's tough. Like our niece earlier was showing us, she was watching a video of herself getting like fighting somebody. She was like, Yeah, this fight, man. It was like, we was talking, like, oh, this fight, man. I all my hits hit. Yeah, all connected. I'm like, we don't care.

SPEAKER_02 23:58

You want to take a job or something? She's like, yeah. I was like, okay, all right.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

So whatever, but yeah. Yeah. That's something that with I guess because kids are so young, this happens in adults, I'm friendly too, but we don't because we're all adults, we don't typically see it as quickly. But with kids, like they almost like are more blunt about their needs, but in like a roundabout way. They won't just say, hey, I need attention, but if they're a baby, they'll just cry and start screaming. So yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:31

I think with adults, like we get better at masking it. It's it's not good. Um yeah, I'll be super cool.

SPEAKER_01 24:42

Yep, we still good.

SPEAKER_04 24:44

Um, yeah, I think that's a lesson I learned, I think. That's that's still something I'm prone at. That was a lesson I learned at camp.

SPEAKER_02 24:55

There and um I had counselors that were crazy under me.

SPEAKER_04 25:07

And I had to just like I was so wrapped up in the tasks, I got so many things to do. But the Lord taught me, like, bro, you these tasks mean nothing. At the end of the day, uh, if you're not, you know, primarily focused on the soul.

SPEAKER_01 25:29

Yeah. Um that's actually where me and you really connect in was that camp. I'd have some stuff going on, and you'd ask me a question, but you actually listen. Most people are like, hey, how you doing? And I'm like, I'm not doing well, to be honest. This is bothering me and this is bothering me. Like, okay, well, you know, see you later. Hopefully things go well. I'm just like, what's the point of asking me a question? But Bryce, on the other hand, would ask me the question and then listen and be like, eh. Yeah, but that's tough. Like, I don't know what else to say, bro. That's just tough. Yeah. I feel you. I'm like, even though you didn't offer anything, the listening was enough. And I was like, this guy's good at listening. I like this guy.

SPEAKER_04 26:12

You know, back when I was at camp, not camp camp, camp wild when I was like in 10th grade.

SPEAKER_02 26:21

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_04 26:23

Um, maybe third grade, I don't know, something like that. And I, you know, they gave out awards at the end of the week or album over there. And I got the award, everybody got all these cool awards. Right. And I got the award for best listener. And I thought that was so lame. It's continuously showing up in my life as like a positive quality guy.

SPEAKER_01 26:52

I literally I I would not have been able to say it if it wasn't like so comparable to everybody else. Like that's like, it was just like, it's like I had been talking to people who weren't good listeners for so long. That when a good listener finally popped up, like, yo, this is different.

SPEAKER_03 27:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:11

Oh, wait. What is it about this? Oh, he's a he's good at listening. Like, I'm just talking, he just he was listening. Like, wow. So that was I I can see that. I can see how being a kid you would think it's not cool.

SPEAKER_02 27:26

Uh this kid got an award for best uh clipper, like in backflips and stuff, like best kidder. Oh yeah, best listener, like what? Anyways, that's important, bro.

SPEAKER_01 27:37

It is made a good listener. Um, all right, next question I wanted to ask you was what is the your favorite thing about your job?

SPEAKER_04 27:48

Hmm. At least one of the questions?

SPEAKER_01 27:50

No.

SPEAKER_04 27:51

Okay, just curious.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

This one was I chose only over here, just made it up.

SPEAKER_04 27:55

One of the favorite things about my job is building relationships with the kids and the staff, probably the kids before the staff, as far as like my favorite.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

So we were talking about um your favorite thing about your job, and you were talking about investing into the kids. Investing into the chairing. The chairman.

SPEAKER_04 28:23

Yeah, so I had the opportunity to essentially kind of walk alongside you, uh, mentor them.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

Where do you work?

SPEAKER_04 28:32

At the Boys and Girls Club in St. Charles County.

SPEAKER_02 28:36

Big BC.

SPEAKER_04 28:37

Yeah, and uh it's kind of the opportunity to mentor them and teach them. So I'm gonna be around specialists as my top. And what that looks like practically is me working with kids who have IPs, uh, we have disabilities uh that they say that we can work with, and uh just kind of meeting with them, uh being mentors, uh give them coding skills, uh, give them a space to break them space to talk, being addressed to them.

SPEAKER_01 29:09

Uh see you this is why being a good listener is so important for you.

SPEAKER_04 29:17

Uh but then also uh have the opportunity to uh that's tied up the resource, like a resource matches there too. So based off of the need that I find out mentoring what people end up telling me, I can therefore send them resources that are now kind of uh whatever they may look like. So that's nothing I do with the day investing youth wise. I also teach Xperia uh leadership groups or these kids who are ages 10 to 13. Uh one of them was called Torch Club, where essentially I teach them how to be uh new ships self, leadership others, and you should think community other. That's kind of the three things that Torch Club is telling me on. But then past that, me and someone else who I work with uh we essentially uh pick certain topics to teach that can apply to you should sell. That's the first thing to uh ethics. That was the first thing I taught decided because we just started this Twitch club, so I thought that would be a good thing to start them off in. Uh and then now we're planning to have communication. But that's just one half of the Twitch club is the other half is coming service. Uh the whole club is centered on community service. Uh that's their objective, that's their goal. And eventually down the line, a couple months from now, maybe a month from now, where they have the club right now. They will be operating without me. I guess I'll still be in lessons, but as far as planning and uh executing uh service, uh I will just be there as an advisor and they will actually run the club. Again, these are kids, ages 10 to 13, and I've been impressed with how they have been able to, what they've been able to do so far.

SPEAKER_02 31:33

What kind of things do they do?

SPEAKER_04 31:36

Um just so like our president, for example, he has to lead that section of the meeting. Hey, we had an officer meeting, officer, president, vice president, secretary, right? They have their own set of meetings that I kind of spirit, and eventually I'll just let them do that and I'll advise. And I think I've done a good job of giving the space to be vocal. Uh so they're very vocal too. But anyway, the president at Torch Club has to leave the meeting and tell, hey, this is what we talked about in our meeting. This is how we want to execute the things based off of our last meeting, our last Torch Club meeting. Um this is what we want to do before uh who's going to do next. So our president's gonna kind of do what that's right. Uh so I'll leave that, and also the journey of the year, long story short, too, very short, it's uh a motivation program where we should have to submit an essay, a speech, and uh they will be interviewed by judges based on the constants of their essays and speech.

SPEAKER_01 32:48

And um I wonder if these kids would say you're a good listener too. You work with kids a lot. I just thought about that. Obviously, K Life and Canvas stuff, but even this too is kind of like you like this program you're explaining, you work really closely with the kids explaining stuff to them, teaching them stuff. I just wonder what they would say and what they see. Yeah, that's good question. I'm gonna do two.

SPEAKER_04 33:12

Um but yeah, that and they they they basically are taught these things, and then there's a there's a culminating competition at the end of that.

SPEAKER_01 33:21

And in-house or with other boys and girls clubs?

SPEAKER_04 33:24

So in like so boys and girls clubs up St. Charles County, yeah. So there's three different clubs associated with it. The two clubs were in the competition. So uh, you know, we did in-house competitions, and then the top two from those in-house competitions competed against each other, and that's how we ended up with our games. And now we're shaping them up to be ready for the state competition. Um yeah, all of that, right? In the midst of me doing all of that, I'm building relationships with kids. And uh I think online, I'm just trying to be mindful just about being attention with them, uh, and being loving toward them, and uh being present with them, and uh not showing favor to them. You know, I think there's uh especially when you're working with some of the same kids over and over again. Uh I just trying to be very mindful of that, even with staff too that I am like spending time with, like, just making sure like I'm loving them well, I think. Uh but anyways, yes, that is what I have gotten out of that thing about my job.

SPEAKER_01 34:42

Glad to hear. That was a long answer. That's okay, because I really didn't know much about your job other than your behavioral um specialist. Um next question. What is a question you wish people asked you more often? This is one ones that you chose. Great question, by the way. Love this question.

SPEAKER_04 35:04

What is a question I feel like people I wish people asked me more often? Yep, be honest. Yeah, uh sounds as me thinking.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

I heard a bad joke the other day while he's thinking. I was at the gym and this guy was on the elliptical and he randomly said, Hey, well, hey young man, come over here. Came over. He said, I got this corny joke I tell people. I said, okay. He said, you wanna hear it? I said, sure. He said, what's the difference between snowmen and snow women?

SPEAKER_02 36:13

I said, I don't know. Um, let me think. And when I was thinking, he said, snowballs. I said, Oh, yeah. And he said, ladies love that one. I said, oh, thanks. The ladies love that one, huh? That's the good one. And they just walked away. It was so random. I was like, Lord, what is what was that? Why did you explain this, please? What was that, bro? You just want to connect with the youth like what are you? You're just so random. I'm just so confused, bro.

SPEAKER_01 37:02

Like, I didn't notice, man, we hadn't said hey or even anything. Yeah. Oh, bro, that was so weird. I went back to my workout. I was like, okay. Alright. Almost forgot about it. It's like, I feel like I've been thinking about life, and I feel like almost everything happens for a reason. But sometimes it'd be weird stuff like that where I'm just like, Lord, that didn't fit in at all.

SPEAKER_02 37:24

How does that make sense? Yeah, make it make sense. Please.

SPEAKER_04 37:27

Maybe you just maybe you want you to have some joy. You maybe you want to look, maybe you want you to look back on it and just laugh.

SPEAKER_02 37:34

Maybe.

SPEAKER_04 37:35

I don't know. Um, I don't really have an answer to this, bro. I kind of do. But I kinda don't. So I'm just gonna give you my thoughts.

SPEAKER_02 37:44

Kinda do, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:46

Um I think uh a helpful question would be Did you pray today? Did you get your word today? I think I pray often, but it's just like I can't really get your word today. Um I think that would be I feel like uh to answer your question, something I wish people asked me more often. The first one that came behind though was like, how are you? But like a genuine how are you?

SPEAKER_01 38:12

A genuine, like, no, like for real, how are you?

SPEAKER_04 38:14

Right. But then at the same time, I took it back because like that requires me to explain myself a lot.

SPEAKER_01 38:20

Low-key already do, from my understanding. Like, I don't know you super well, but I know we meet once a week and talk on the phone probably once or twice a week. And we talk about that often, so that's just me. I know you talk to everybody else too all the time.

SPEAKER_04 38:35

So well, like I well, I really don't actually. Uh that's why I said that at first. I don't know. Because like, you know, there are times where I wish people could check in more. Um, but I I don't want that actually.

SPEAKER_01 38:54

Yeah. I look you for the same way. Like, yeah, I do wish people would be more open and more like on me, how I like am on them, like just asking checking in regularly, but at the same time though, I feel like if it's the wrong person, like if it's like a new person or something, I would be like very bothered by that. Like if it's a person I don't want to be checking in, I'd be like, hold on, what is this? Yeah, because new relationships are a lot, especially when you feel like you already got your handful of people with Lord already has like put it in your in your circle.

SPEAKER_04 39:30

New relationships, I think, is one of the most like interesting things as uh as as new adults and uh with our own lives out of college, like you don't see them every day. Well, no, it's just it's just I think it's really hard to figure out how to navigate. I think there's a lot of wisdom discernment with that that maybe isn't taught, I don't think, as much. And uh, you know, the general thing is like, yeah, be loving, be kind, you gotta do that, right? But as far as like knowing your limits, knowing how much you can actually pour in. Like, I've learned a lot in the past five years of just like being mindful of who I take into my circle.

SPEAKER_01 40:18

Also being married, there's a throws a wrench in it, like right. Yeah, it does. When you're single, you really can just do a whole bunch of you know random stuff all the time. But when you're married, it's like I get home to my wife. Yeah, or uh I can't leave my wife. Yeah, yeah. Right, like I I can't leave, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 40:36

I can't leave my wife, right?

SPEAKER_01 40:37

I used to sit at the gym for four hours every day. Now there's not an option. Right. And I actually feel bad if I stay there for too long.

unknown 40:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:49

Friends say, hey, we want to go out of town, we're gonna go do this. I'm like, well, can't do that.

SPEAKER_04 40:55

Also, that's like that's a whole other thing I mean, Mary. Like, let's go out town go party. It's like just me?

SPEAKER_02 41:03

Like, it feels weird, man.

SPEAKER_04 41:06

It feels well, it feels weird not because it's just me. It feels weird because me and my wife should have like, I feel like me and my wife should be doing this. Or should have done this.

SPEAKER_01 41:18

The other half is gone.

SPEAKER_04 41:21

I don't know if you're here or either.

SPEAKER_01 41:23

Wait, what you said going to a party?

SPEAKER_04 41:25

I no, I mean sorry, I mean going like going on a trip. I think it's what you said.

SPEAKER_01 41:29

Gotcha, okay, yes.

SPEAKER_04 41:30

And I it's like I feel like me and my wife haven't gone on a trip in a long time. So it feels weird for me to just go.

SPEAKER_02 41:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:37

When like I know she would love to go on a trip with me. And so that's also interesting. Like, I don't think it's that big a deal, but it's definitely something mindful of.

SPEAKER_01 41:47

I think it would be interesting as we get over to see what that looks like. Because I know my wife and my sister did want like a girl's trip. I was I wasn't offended, but I'm just like, what? I don't even have my passport. You are going out the country. What's the country? Yeah, they went to Mexico. Oh, they're lit. Yeah, country way.

SPEAKER_04 42:07

That's the country.

SPEAKER_01 42:09

They went to LA first and then went to Mexico, and I just was like, I don't have a passport. What is this?

SPEAKER_03 42:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

Stay home with the kid, the dog. I'm just like, I don't know. It's a little funny. But then we went to the Bahamas together, and that was great.

unknown 42:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:25

I think me and Diamond talk about this. At one point, we want to do like a it don't have to be, but it would be a lot more fun, like friends. Friends like all the same age, all around the same age, just going to cruise together, just like you know, 10 to 20 of us. I feel like that would be lit. Cruises are so much fun. Yeah, only the the downside was that when the boat turned around to go back to our destination, like back to where we came from, it was like going faster or something. And low-key, everybody got sick for the first day. Oh, I see. Like that seasickness on the first day back, like going back to Florida. We all kind of were seasick. After a while, we kind of got used to it, but that first day it was kind of like we just all felt sick. Was it all you can eat? Oh, yeah. All you can drink. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. And there was a gym, there was a pool, there's a slide, there was I'm not getting a pool.

SPEAKER_04 43:20

I'm sorry. You kind of have to. No, but what I've learned.

SPEAKER_01 43:24

Oh, pools are gross.

SPEAKER_04 43:25

About pools.

SPEAKER_01 43:25

Yeah, I don't actually actually don't get in the pool. My wife was trying to go to some of the YMCA, and I've been like, I don't want to do that.

unknown 43:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:31

My hair public YMCA was so good.

SPEAKER_01 43:34

Because the ocean water. My hair. And also the water on the boat, I don't know how it is, but it's like filtered somehow. And it was great too. I see.

unknown 43:46

I see.

SPEAKER_01 43:47

No, my my hair was just doing its thing out there.

SPEAKER_04 43:50

I don't understand what when you were on a cruise boat, you mean your hair because of the ocean water? Yeah. Yeah. Like 'cause like the spray.

SPEAKER_01 43:57

Well we were in the ocean every day. You were in the ocean. Every day. Yeah, but the boat stops. Oh, I see. At a destination. I see. Yeah.

unknown 44:07

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 44:08

Anyways, a cruise with friends would be great.

SPEAKER_04 44:11

I agree. Uh that was a long tangent as now.

SPEAKER_01 44:14

It's not that expensive either.

SPEAKER_04 44:16

Uh yeah, that's what everybody says. It's not that bad. Yeah. But like, what is expensive? A couple hundred bucks. For per person? So it's actually not bad. But for all you eat and like you drink, that sounds like a cat. Sounds like a cat.

SPEAKER_01 44:31

No, no, no. The bigger the group is, the less you pay.

SPEAKER_04 44:34

I see.

SPEAKER_01 44:35

So if you go to a big group, you get a deal.

unknown 44:38

I see. Same less, same less.

SPEAKER_01 44:39

But if you go like just you and your lady at the right time, it is like 340 bucks a piece. Which again, all you can eat, you know, if you put the driving step upright with other people, it could be it could be great.

unknown 44:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:54

I want to go on one again at some point. Because my wife, low-key, like, was with my sister a lot. So I was kind of like, not by myself for real, but I wouldn't have like a a role buddy, you know, I could just go sport the boat with. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 45:06

Or go do stuff with. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:09

They also were sleeping a lot. They kept sleeping in just a little bit, and I was just like, I'm gonna go. I spent a lot of time in the gym. Which is kind of weird because you feel the boat moving while you're like working out, but it wasn't terrible.

unknown 45:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:21

How did we get on the sky? Uh friends tell about having that, being married. Oh yeah. Going on trips. Yeah. Yep. Alright.

SPEAKER_01 45:33

Going on trips. Alright, one of the last questions that I actually still have three more that you chose. Uh two more. Uh instead of what are you doing with your money? What are you doing with your time? So with our money, we spend our money, most of our money, into you know, food or investments or savings or stuff. So kind of like, what are you investing, what are you investing your time into? Uh most.

SPEAKER_04 46:03

My wife.

SPEAKER_01 46:11

You ever get worried about that, like as a husband? Like spending more time with your wife or doing uh you go you get what I'm asking? I do.

SPEAKER_04 46:21

Okay. And uh that's why I had some hesitants in him when I said it. But I I think ultimately, like, I trust God, bro. Make sure you go to him and get what you like, like, get fair, right? Get feel. Make sure you get that, and then love your wife. Like, you know. I don't know. It's like it's not like I don't think it's it's uh it can be more complicated than it really needs to be, you know.

SPEAKER_01 46:50

And it's simple, don't overcomplicate it. Exactly.

SPEAKER_04 46:53

Uh and so uh but I would say honestly these days, I'm just kind of trying to be intentional time-wise with my wife because uh I'm shifting from recently from just uh time-wise for community. Like that's what most of the time was investing, like community, like doing things for my church. Uh Thursday night when me and Julius are uh things like uh opposite my house. And there were just things that I had to like I had to cut out because I went out of a job, and you know, we just we ended up spinning like uh we found ourselves spending less time and we already don't have sex like ourselves because of just some some uh reproductive health like issues.

SPEAKER_01 47:49

Not every married couple has sex as often as you would think. Well no, not talking, you're just talking to them for function.

SPEAKER_04 47:57

I know are aware, and so that's stuff that we still have to work through and uh pray for healing, pray for hoping in Jesus' name. Um but because of that and now that she has up for hours, uh I just wanted to be intentional and waste my time with my wife uh more so and then also like finding joy there. Um like not just to do it, but like more time enacting your will by serving my life. There's joy there for me. And I think the person that comes on and tick top of that is John took the team talk about body uh that player talks about body and uh to the body is like his hands. Right, so to break that down, it's the hair God to love our hair, right? And at the end of that, Jesus says I have said these things to you so that your joy So that my joy may be within you, so that your joy may be within. And I think you know, learning to just kind of do in the mundane, doing the task that I'm doing that's for the household, for my life. I'm not perfect at it, I'm not, but uh but I am learning, and I think the Lord's leading to me like, yeah, like hey bro, you are in in alignment with my will.

SPEAKER_01 49:43

The yarn, the laundry. I've I see that again. I wanted to be a guy, never said this, but I wanted to be a guy who's just in the woods, me and my dog. You know, it's like how do you know how good your love is? Your love is if the only judge is your dog that can't speak. Yeah, and yeah, then the Lord was like, nah, I need you in community. Give me a wife, give me kids, give me a house, give me church family. I was like, whoa, this is different. And again, I thought I'd be you know, go wherever I want, preaching the gospel, like out there on the street corners talking about stuff, no real like responsibilities. And the Lord was like completely different, and that's something that was like low-key shocking to me because I was just like I thought I kind of fantasized or fetishized the idea of being a missionary, but like a monk, not having any, have not having like literally having to not deal with the world. I was at the podcast today that KB and Amin, Subside Rabbi, shout out. Um, they were talking about the cares of this world, how the Lord is aware that some of the cares of this world are necessary for us to worry about, but it should not be higher than God. You should pray about these things more than you worry about them. And just like the Lord knows that we're gonna do it. The same way he said, give me what is the Caesar to Caesar, give to God what is God. So that was something that I think there's a lot to learn there. And the longer we're in it, the more we have to be reminded to where's the joy of this Lord? Because again, as young men, we are you know used to doing young men things, and you get a kid, and then the kid wants a dog, and then you got a dog, and then you got a house, and then you got bills, and your wife gets pregnant, so she can't work, and all these little things start to add up, and you want a a career change, and a family member needs some help, and it's just like all you see, all these little things, and it's like, man, what would Jesus do in this manual? Like, what would he really do? Would he even be doing this? Low-key, I've been thinking about that verse where he says, You guys do greater works than me. Like, not saying take care of a family is greater than what Jesus did, but on some level, it is completely different, and we're called to take care of our family, so it's like not greater, but it is like at times I feel like still hard because the Lord is just being outside and sharing the gospel or whatever, you know. I think some people they are called to do it without needing that kind of training, and other people are called to that kind of training and sharing the gospel, and that like by living it out within a family, that's kind of how they do it.

SPEAKER_04 52:34

I gotta think there is uh a powerful, it is a powerful method to train up children in Jesus.

SPEAKER_02 52:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 52:48

Uh he had disciples for three years. Granted, he was Jesus, so he was big Jesus. He obviously can do a lot with that. But in the same way, we can do a lot with our kids. Um and that's years, right?

SPEAKER_01 53:06

That's years of showing them uh humanity. Consistency, right? It makes me think about Noah where he built the ark for 48,000 days, and it's like you gotta be with your kids for not even that long, but uh like days of consistency going out, building, going out, chopping the wood, go out, you know, carrying the boats, carrying the logs, and every day. Not like every day is like, oh, this sucks, but every day is like if you're consistent in this, the Lord will meet you just like he made Noah, you know, in that obedience. And it's kind of exciting. It couldn't be also daunting, but it's like low-key kind of exciting too.

SPEAKER_04 53:41

Yeah, it's that it's daunting when you uh get too introspective and you process analysis. You take it, you take all these things alone. That's what you're doing. Without the spirit, yeah. Right? But it's like it's like, oh god, when you're like Lord, how I'm gonna do what you called me to do.

SPEAKER_01 54:02

He's like, by doing what I called you to do, remembering that I called you to, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 54:08

Right. Like, just like you got it.

SPEAKER_04 54:11

It's okay.

SPEAKER_02 54:12

Yeah, trust me.

SPEAKER_04 54:13

And then and believing that and just saying, God, again, giving your day over, you know, to God, um, I think is a is what's helping me. Like, just like, Lord, I don't know how to do it, but I know you can. So here you go, here's my day because I have these things to do. And I right now, as I see myself, that sounds possible.

SPEAKER_01 54:41

So for me, it's been really encouraging because I didn't my wife, like I feel like, was a blessing from the Lord.

unknown 54:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:49

And I'm sure of that. If I wasn't sure of that, I don't know if I would be as comfortable in my marriage, like as like willing. If I was like, oh, this just came for me, like I probably would like willing to go through the hard times, willing to put up with certain things. Because I would think that it just came for me. If it wasn't for the Lord being like, this is your wife, yeah, love her like Christ loved the church, I'd be like, see, that's it's a bit too much, you know. This is I really, you know, not I didn't sign up for this, but I didn't envision it looking like this. This is low-key, too tough. But again, knowing having that like that faith and that knowing that this is something that he did give me and gifts me and you know, gave me to help grow me and all that stuff is just yeah, a blessing.

unknown 55:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 55:41

This kind of segues into the next question. Part of what you said earlier was it's the last question that you chose. Um, if you knew that six months Jesus was coming back, according to you know, how revelation says, what would your life change any anyway? Probably.

SPEAKER_04 56:05

I mean, that's a that's a common question.

SPEAKER_02 56:09

You chose it.

SPEAKER_04 56:10

I did choose it. Yeah. Wow. It would change, well, it's like yes and no, and no and yes, like I'm already doing all that I feel like I can do. Right. So I'm like, that's how I'd be feeling like Lord, and I know the Lord is meeting me there and just walking with me step by step, right? And so a lot of times I just feel like that. However, I do feel like I could be more intentional with uh my word. I could be maybe more intentional with the things that's hindering me. Uh I've tried to be, uh, but I probably could be more. And uh there's some areas in my life where I just kind of learned to have person myself. Not saying, not saying that it's uh okay, but like, as long as I'm working towards some capacity, I feel like more be. You know, and uh if I feel like I don't have a lot a lot to do. Um at the same time, the other part of me is like, well, maybe you should still still like challenge yourself, you know, because of who he is, to do more.

SPEAKER_01 57:32

And uh there's a that's tense. There's a lot of a lot of back and forth on that. I I feel like that. I feel like because it's not I that lives that Christ that lives in me now, I can do way more than I ever thought I could possibly do. So therefore I'm gonna I'm gonna push the meaner and constantly move the goalposts. But also there were some people who just like, yeah, but you know, it's undeserved favor, it's grace, and it's mercy. So we don't necessarily have to push it. We can kind of just, you know, go as he urges us.

SPEAKER_04 58:04

So and there's still and there's still growth, right? Like in that, I have grown, right? Um, and I think the Lord does discipline, right? So if there are areas where in which we need to grow more and grow harder, I think there are ways that where in which he feels that and says, uh, like if my wife says, hey, I feel like I need this from you. Because I feel like because I haven't been getting this. That hurts me. It's a necessary hurt, so that I can start doing that thing.

SPEAKER_01 58:34

Imagine if you didn't care. She told you that, you just like I wouldn't.

SPEAKER_03 58:41

We operate like that, bro.

SPEAKER_01 58:42

I'm just saying, I think like, even in that, like, because I was a kind of person that didn't have I wasn't in touch with those emotions, at one point folks told me stuff and I'm just like, okay, like that has nothing to do with me. And then like it literally did.

SPEAKER_02 58:54

Like, it was not everything to do with action.

SPEAKER_01 58:59

So I'm like, that's such a bust, even to be in touch with those of like, you know, being in touch with those emotions and be like, oh dang.

unknown 59:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:05

Be held accountable. Because some folks act like they can't. And low-key now, now think about it, they probably can't. Like when you just in darkness, you can't see nothing. You don't know if you were into this, you don't know the table, you just know you hit something.

unknown 59:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 59:18

And it and it and it hurt and it bothered you.

SPEAKER_04 59:21

Yeah, that's hard to deal with. Because I I think you could have conversations with people like that. And I think break it down in the most simplest way. I feel like I'm really good at breaking shit stuff down in the simplest way. And I uh and then at that point, they are left with uh themselves.

SPEAKER_02 59:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 59:44

You know, are you going to continue to act like how you're acting because of pride's sake? Or are you going to actually hear me out? Because again, it's a mix of both. Sometimes they just don't see, but sometimes they don't see due to ignorance, which is why I try to break things down. Because sometimes it's a refusal to see. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:06

Which is uh I just made it known to you that you are refusing. Like you you see that now.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:11

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:13

That's how I feel with my grandma, and that's why it's just like at this point, I'm just like, Yeah, because you know, you're too old for this. Yeah, uh that's interesting. I'm not I'm not completely cut off, obviously.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:28

You know, the lawyer that's like that's always been interesting. Like it's hard of how to go about relationships like that, particularly when they are your patriarch, matriarch figure. Like when the Lord says it goes down there, our parents, you know what I'm saying? Like that uh that's always been something that's been like I wonder sometimes, like how to do that.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:59

I think I used to put up with it a lot more and say less. Yeah. Until like my wife kind of gets into the picture now, and now it's just like she's making it known to me. Like, hey, this is like low-key intentional, and she intentionally does this. It's not just her being old and not knowing, like, no, she intentionally does that, and I'm like, oh, that's a good point. I thought it was just, you know, kind of like just naive, not really getting it, but uh I'm like, oh no, you're you intentionally do that on purpose. Yeah, like so you are aware enough to manipulate a you know gaslight, but not aware enough to be accountable when you mess up. So it's like that again, that could be some darkness, some of the enemy, but I think that in itself is like that makes things more clear.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:50

Like, I can't uh like obey you, listen to you, because you're in darkness. You know what I'm saying? I can't I can love you, but then again, again, what does love look like?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:08

Yeah. So um, alright. Those are all the questions that you chose. I didn't want to get three or four more questions real quick. Uh we'll just kind of try to kind of try to go fast. You mentioned earlier that you surrendered to Christ or you got saved in 2015, and then you recommitted in 2018.

unknown 1:02:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:27

So based on 2018, I guess, why did you recommit? I don't like that word as much as I like the word surrender. Sure. Yeah, so well I feel like they can both have the same conversation. True. I just like the word surrender more. Somebody asked me once, he didn't ask, hey, when did you get saved? He said, When were you born again? He said, When did you surrender to Christ? I'm like, that fits way better than the past folks. Like, hey, when did you get saved? And I'm like, I have no idea. I just knew Christ and knew the Holy Spirit, and then one day I met Jesus, and then we've been, you know, rocking ever since.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:11

Yeah, so the question essentially is uh what happened that made me be that.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:17

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:18

Um 2015, 2016 is when I got saved. Uh, but I felt like uh world were uh kind of engulfing me. Um and so it was very easy for me to slip back into the old habits that I had post camp. So I actually got saved at the cross America. Okay. And uh that's how I'm gonna come back and work for them. But uh I would be on fire, and then like a week or two later, that same summer, you start falling to the same stuff. And uh but like you know, but but moving forward, it was clear that I had conviction. It was clear that the spirit was within me, and I had conviction things. Um I think so. That's a good question. I I I I think so. Um it's been 10 years at this point, so and I I haven't thought about it in depth about how I where I can use whether I can reach before or after that. Yeah. I think so. Anyway, so with that, um high school though, my senior year, I got to a point where I was just tired of feeling bad, I think. Tired of feeling bad, and I was like, yeah, you know what? Um I won't win it. I'm you know working out strong, feeling better now. I had a vlog, you know, late the later years of high school. Uh I just want to pursue acting women. And I I'm tired of feeling bad about doing it, so that's how it. And uh, you know, I think that wasn't good for me.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:07

Of course.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:09

I found myself uh in depression uh feeling. Well pursuing women interesting after I made this this conscious average rejected woman. And uh and I I didn't connect those two until like two years later. Um but I you know I just got real depressed, got real sad, couldn't understand why it was like there was a hole in the heart, it was dark. That's all and uh you know, suicidal thoughts uh cycle war. You know, I didn't actually have an attempt. But it's like, you know, the one of the old lady who did the evaluation on me in the hospital, my mom just felt like she had nothing else to do. She didn't know what she wanted to do, how she could help her baby. Sends in the mercy room. Tight no line. Sent to the emergency room, yeah. And uh the old lady with her checkboard was like, yeah, he needs to be going to the to the side board. And uh for those of you listening, even if your child has suicidal thoughts, uh they've never had an attempt, uh be mindful of what uh cycle actually does and how that can actually contribute to uh contribute to worsen how your child might feel. Um that was a little tangent, but uh that's a lot of people, a lot of parents, they don't know what to do, and so they sit in there. It's a lot of times it's not the best solution. There is a middle ground.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:18

Cyborgs are definitely not for kids. I assume were you there with it, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:22

It was a children's cycle. Oh, cycle round. But it was still a sideboard. They were still doing sideboard things.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:30

Um, so that was a lot for me, and so me trying to appear as normal as possible for about three weeks or something like that. Yeah. So I was trying to appear like normal.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:43

Junior year?

SPEAKER_04 1:07:44

Senior year. I was trying to appear normal so that I could get out. Because like everybody around me was crazy. I'm like, I'm trying to convince them as best as I can that I am the same person. And because these people here uh will be kept here based on how they keep acting. Uh and you know, everybody's seen the movies, like I did not want to be that kid in the straitjacket that I was sitting crossing, you know? It's funny, I can laugh at it now. But I'm going somewhere with this people be patient. So after the whole experience, they just decided to put me on antidepressants, which for the love of God, I don't understand why people just be like in the first place. So then that's what I do, and they those help. Those help me. Um and uh uh I went to this gap year program at high school called Link Year, and the entire entire point of Link Year is to grow your relationship with God and uh have a firm relationship with the Lord before you have to go to college. So be able to defend your faith because college a lot of times when people fall away. But then also it was supposed to be a place where they help you find out what you want to do. And um there are some pros and cons about link here, but I recommitted there because um I don't know, I just was surrounded by a community of believers, the staff in particular, weren't um they weren't people who just talked, and that was different. They were people who were really genuinely genius. And so I was in that atmosphere, you know, for nine months or whatever, and early on, then those time, maybe a month in, I was like, you know what, God, this this is what I need. You are the answer, you are the answer. And uh I'm sorry I ran away from you. You are everything that I need, whatever.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:02

And do you the conversation that you had where you're like, you know what, I'm going to reject you. That was intentional, right? Very intentional, yes. So when you have this coming back to Jesus moment, did you remember that conversation?

SPEAKER_04 1:10:16

The first conversation?

SPEAKER_01 1:10:17

Yeah, like intentionally where you're like, I rejected you intentionally, and now only the opposite.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:24

Uh that's a good question. This was also seven years ago.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:28

So uh well, I was 18, so uh maybe more than that, but I because I had a similar thing, but it wasn't until later on that I had the Lord brought to memory a conversation I had with him. Or I was like, hey, I got it from here. Not reject, I reject him, but yeah, I kind of looked like, hey, I got this. Yeah, you go take care of them.

unknown 1:10:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:10:51

So I didn't mean to reject, I just still did, but he brought to memory that conversation that I had forgot about. So I'm just wondering, like, was yours a similar situation? No, it wasn't it wasn't something I forgot. I knew what I was doing. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:03

I knew what I was doing, I knew where I was at. I mean, because again, I was my senior up to my gap year. I was in eighth grade, so the gap year program was like the next year.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:12

And so I knew where I was at the guy. Like I had a relationship with the Lord too. Like I just I knew all that. I knew what was going on mentally. Um, but that link year program was just very intentional with the students that were in it as far as like pouring into them, yeah, how they set that up. And you know, the Lord knew that that's exactly what I needed. And they had like teachings and like just people who yeah, who were fundamentally walking through life with God and who had been doing it for a while, and that can uh you know, and also with Linkier, it's like you get as much out of it as you put in. And you know, I'm already like a Bible head because of the school levels. I went to a private Catholic high school, like you know, I went to a youth group every now and then. I that was the most interesting thing to talk about Bible stuff. Like, so I'd like to talk about that because it's just interesting. But then like, so like I'm already eating that stuff up, but as I'm eating that stuff up, it turned into practical, like it turned into like this is like this is the truth.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:19

Gotcha.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:21

Let transition is the next question. Um, what would you say is most different about you from before Christ to now?

SPEAKER_04 1:12:35

From before Christ to now, most different about me. I die to laziness. I died to that, and that is really difficult. Even now, like, again, I'm finding joy the things that I'm doing. Uh and I've grown in that tremendously from day one to where I'm at, right? Like, God is good actually. I'm trying to think about things where which I need to be thanking God for because it helps me. Especially in the seasons where I fucking need to wait on more. I don't know if you saw my little comment on the Bible plan that we're in, but I was talking to her that uh I was making a note to that. So I'm glad we're talking about that because yeah, I'm um I am not the same Winston or Bryce that I just didn't everything, well, yeah, things were just harder. Now, school, right, was where I got a lot of flack as far as like yeah. You're lazy, like you're a lazy boy. You know, like my parents would call me lazy also. And uh if I I try even if I were to school now, I still don't know how you would do? Yeah. Like what I'm doing now as a profession is motivating. I am investing into people. That is that is designed by God that we invest into people. I feel like I'm aligned with my profession. Yeah. With how God wants us to operate on earth. So that's motivating. Cam. It's even more motivating because not only am I doing that, I am pointing them towards Jesus. I'm also doing that at my job, do my stuff like that. And they know I'm a believer. Kids even know I'm a believer. Uh but you know, I can't be as direct as that. But um, but at school, it was just like, why am I doing this? This is difficult for me. And I think that still might even be a strong me now. Like just uh figuring that um because I I ended up dropping out of college. This is post-college war, right? I'm not perfect, right? Um I'm not the same me I was then even now, but I was committed for some years at that point, and you know, I had my ebbs and flows um with shame and stuff like that, but like I dropped out because I couldn't get the stuff done. Uh it was a struggle for me. I was wrestling with depression after I recommitted too. So when I recommitted, I didn't take anti-depressions anymore. I felt like I didn't need it. Did a hard stop, don't do that, you're not supposed to do that, but I did it. God, he had me and I didn't have any side effects. I did it a few times and he had me and I had no side effects. Um But I just I think I I I think I struggled with shame a lot. And I think that's that was a part of my depression. So after I kind of like figured out what that was about, um I was able to figure that out. Um and so maybe because I don't struggle with shame as much. Maybe if I started school, you know, I don't know, like because when you're depressed, you can't do a lot, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:03

You feel like you can't do a lot, and so um so now shouldn't we exactly this is so interesting hearing some of your background that I did not know is like almost ironic that now like what your job title is considering your experience with like mental health, it's kind of like with me, I'm a dad before I even had a kid, but I didn't have any dads uh growing up, so it's like everybody that you would choose to be a dad, you're not gonna choose a kid that got beat on because he doesn't know what it's like to have a good father, and all the you know guys you're gonna choose to be help kids with their mental health, you're not gonna choose a guy who struggled with mental health when he was younger, like no, that's cool. The Lord doesn't call the qualified, he qualifies the call. That's just cool. Like that, like the as soon as you mentioned that, I was like, wow, I'd never recognize that about you. So that's that's kind of cool. All right, last question is this last one? Favorite person from the Bible, not Jesus. Why? I said not Jesus, not Jesus. Not Jesus.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:23

Uh not Jesus. Going through the people in the bottle. Uh Jesus.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:50

One bottle there.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:52

Yeah, I have a lot of that's coming to my mind. I'm trying to be very honest with the answers. Thank you. Uh, you see your favorite? Joe. And that was because he he questioned me out, but he was still a favorite. Yeah. Yeah, but that was stories despite all that. And they got blessed. That was to me.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:24

You're saying not Job now?

SPEAKER_04 1:18:26

No. I'm not saying I'm saying, yeah, I'm not saying Joe. Okay. So who do we have? We got judges. There was somebody in there that backed me.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:38

Samson was a judge, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:18:40

He wasn't he wasn't one that act me. I don't know, maybe not one of the judges. We had Joshua, we had uh Moses.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:49

You know, Jacob.

SPEAKER_04 1:18:51

What's the thing about Jacob? Jacob's story is interesting.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:55

Um how he treated his brothers and his family after. It's kind of interesting.

SPEAKER_04 1:19:02

I mean after or in the beginning. I mean when he re-enacted with his brother. Yes, yes, that's normal. Yeah, wrestling with God and having a I think is like interesting. I think that's like how we should approach our relationship with the Lord, like wrestling with his truths, letting them define us. Yeah, like and through that wrestling, uh becoming someone new. You know.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:44

And you never really wrestled with it, then how can you judge it?

SPEAKER_04 1:19:48

One time.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:49

If you never really wrestled with it, how can you judge it? Like, how can you really say you know if you haven't experienced it?

SPEAKER_04 1:19:55

Yeah. Yeah. I man, that's a hard question, bro. Uh disciples. Who we got? We got Peter and John. John. John.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:07

Uh John's cool peoples. John is cool. I like James and Matthew. Not James. James is James, isn't it? But I love the book of James. Matthew probably was my favorite disciple, if I had a favorite. Oh yeah. But I feel like that's kind of influenced by the chosen when I watched it. Uh I felt connected to him, you know. I liked his like writing beforehand. But then when I saw like he like low-key like autistic, I was like, mmm, I connect with that.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:33

Matthew was like the first gospel I actually like did a deep dive study on while I was a counselor in camp actually. And uh I think fundamentally like uh like created some foundational principles in me in my life, yeah. Uh I don't know, man. Do I have to answer? Can I tell you something I like?

SPEAKER_00 1:21:00

Yeah, I guess if you don't have a favorite, you could uh gosh.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:05

I'm sorry. I just I wouldn't be honest with you. So you're you say you don't have a favorite? Like I haven't I haven't like sat down and thought about this answer.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:14

That's okay. You don't have to have the answer.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:17

Oh, okay. Thanks. Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:22

Holy Spirit? No. Holy Spirit. No.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:24

I say father.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:25

Who's my actual person? Like, I know the Holy Spirit's a person. I'm saying like human. Yeah, I I know you're saying that's true. Whatever. You you don't have one because you can't choose because they're all so great. Cool beans.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:39

Oh, uh David?

unknown 1:21:41

David?

SPEAKER_04 1:21:43

Oh, Solomon! Solomon was cool.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:46

Oh, he was the wisdom. Solomon. I thought Solomon was super cool and stopped realizing he had all the wisdom in the world and still couldn't be less.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:54

Which is crazy.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:55

I think he learned from it though. I think he learned from it.

SPEAKER_01 1:21:58

What did he learn?

SPEAKER_04 1:22:00

Like, Proverbs is literally him writing to his son. Yeah, no, but and in the in in a lot of Proverbs, it talks about morning as adults.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:11

Yeah, but didn't he still have like at the time of writing that he still had all these wives and concubines?

SPEAKER_04 1:22:15

I don't know the answer to that. But I guess I guess like that gives the implication that he learned from his failings. If he's still doing it, then yeah, okay, that sucks. Yeah, you're right.

SPEAKER_01 1:22:27

I never thought that after, you know, it never talked about Solomon not having any offer. It doesn't say he always has them either.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:33

So I guess that's in and often the theme of Proverbs is like, hey, bind these words and bind uh my teachings on your neck or on the talent of your heart, stuff like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:45

And meditate on them day and night.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:48

Meditate on day and night. And it's like, why be so fervent on these things if not like I don't know, like if he's saying that and saying that with such like zeal, to me that can indicate that he would have to be trying to practice that.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:11

Okay. You know, I guess there's no indication that he did or he didn't stop with them. Yeah, but it's fair to assume that maybe he didn't.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:18

You know, like I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:20

I just like you are so sharp against it, like I don't do this because of what I just think that he had all wisdom though. But he felt important to share that. He didn't really live it out. Sure. Like if it was important to emphasize all had this many wives, saw this many concubines, and then he like anymore. Then he committed to one wife, and you know, I don't really know. So even the wives, I feel like in their culture, having multiple wives kind of makes sense. But yeah, also at concubines, I'm just like, there's no need to have concubines, but who am I judged? Otherwise, um is it Solomon? Uh no. Okay, cool, whatever. All right, so last question is what is um uh verse that's helping you get through your recent season.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:25

I have one that came to mind that I'm not sharing that over a podcast.

unknown 1:24:28

That's intimate.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:29

That's uh that's that's one that all needs to be shared with.

SPEAKER_02 1:24:32

Oh sorry, sorry.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:33

Close people. Uh the other one, let's see.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:56

Um abide in me, can I knew?

SPEAKER_01 1:25:00

As we mentioned earlier. Interesting.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:02

Just as the words can have error for me. Uh myself neither can you. That's who abide in me. Um I think that's verse four, I think uh entirely short. Um and uh you know, let now Proverbs chapter 3. Let God says, as love and faithfulness forsake you. Uh by the right. And uh write them on the tablet of your heart. Alright, like the imagery of that, the picture of doing that, right? Uh so that you may find favor in the success of Santa. Try to focus on the piece. Like uh I instead of thinking that's like Yeah, I'm just trying to like write that into my soul to to just motivate me to keep going. You know, I I think uh sorry you gave me say one verse, but multiple versus weird pain stations.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:33

Trying to generosity, intolerance, fidelity, and self-control.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:38

Uh brain I supported, brain myself, and uh yeah, those those things, you know, the the crazy those are just like in my mind. Oh my god, it's great. Uh so uh new name as you said. Loving because he first loved us. Ooh, it gives me a bunch of that like sometimes I'm just trying to follow me like that.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:26

Like, Lord, what's the point of this?

SPEAKER_04 1:27:28

And then he says, because I'm first love you. So um, yeah, those are some verses that are on repeat.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:44

Thanks, bro. This has been good. Father God, just want to thank you for today. Thank you for this opportunity to talk with Brother Bryce Winston. Um I pray that everybody hearing. Um heard you. And heard you through it all. And that we all continue to have a good night and a good day wherever we're at. Thank you, Lord. I pray you use all the words to bless us and to grow us so that we continue to glorify your kingdom and encourage one another. Thank you, guys. And thank you again, Bryce. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen.