21. Great to hear you again

Why do people talk to their dead friends and lovers ? Is it because they believe they are ‘still alive ‘ in heaven ?. Its worth bearing in mind that about 100 billion people have lived and died, so the size of heaven would have to be a city about the size the of the USA and India combined or say Europe , assuming everyone is crammed in.  Women are 2.5 times more likely to  widowed than men. There are nearly 4m people widowed in the UK currently i.e. previously in a marriage, when one partner dies.

It’s thought that the real reasons people talk to dead lovers are 1.People are wired to talk to their partners and find it difficult to stop, i.e. they are running on automatic 2) People feel their partner is still alive, even when they know they are not e.g. a bit like a phantom lost limb c). It’s a coping mechanism to manage grief and maintain a bond d) They are seeking comfort, guidance and closure and finally they are either still in denial or have a strong religious belief. I some cases this can take over and become all consuming and I suppose a measure of how much you loved someone in the first place. I guess we all have to learn to live without people at some point. 

In the first year of loss, up to 70% of people talk to their dead partners, dropping to 40% after many years . That means 1.6m to 2.8m talkers. Which perhaps suggests they are more normal rather than crazy 

Writing this song was difficult because I had to decide which of the emotions above were in play, not an easy task. For my part I have dead relatives and friends, but I don’t talk to any of them, nor will I ever ,so I guess I just don’t understand why anybody would do this.

The singer in my song ,is the wife of someone who has died. She starts the song with complete normality, ‘Great to hear you again .I regret not saying goodbye. Nothing's really changed .Are you still up there in the sky? – I think that’s the first thing I would ask, i.e. are you still there ?

Then I would like to know ,what's it like up there, 'is it all fast cars and drinking or is there a dark truth, we don’t see’. In short are you having a great time and missing me, or are you miserable. I would also go on to ask ‘Can you talk to dead people. Is something on your mind’. Most of the bigger religions do believe that people can communicate with each other in heaven i.e. it’s a perfect community, where everyone is reunited. With 100 billion up there chatting, you would have thought by now that one two would made contact with us down here, maybe they have ?

Our female singer goes on to say, again in a mundane way, ‘Just like the old times 

I’m feeling sorry for myself. You’ve missed some storylines. Might wanna prepare yourself’  In short, I’m still a bit of a pain but there has been some changes.

Then she loses the plot a bit and pleads , ‘Come back we need you. I've unlocked the door. You touched the lives of so many. We've got your back, were ready’. i guess if you believe they are all up their chatting, its not much of a stretch to believe they could pop back down for a weekend break ? In the end she confesses to missing her partner , suggesting she really knows he is dead and gone for ever. She sings ‘One more thing .I share your pain .It happened so quickly. I long to speak, beyond the grave ’

What could you possibly say to someone in this situation, to offer them comfort ?