22. I gotta stop asking questions

As I get older, I have to do my best to avoid ‘grumpy old man syndrome’. There are many things that annoy the hell out of me. My number one is bad manners ! My grown-up children will tell you I drilled into them ‘manners maketh man’. They are both very polite. Second on my list are overused politically correct phrases like ‘lived experience’, ‘invalidate’, ‘gaslighting’, ‘marginalised’, ‘systemic’, ‘microaggression’, ‘deadnaming’, ‘do the work’, and ‘believe survivors’ – crikey not sure I know what all these  mean !

Top of the list is women referring to their partners, their ex-partners and their husbands as narcissists  A lady I met recently suggested that all three of her ex-husbands were narcissists. I’m not sure they or for that matter me, really know what it means. For the record it's someone who is self centred (I am a bit !), lacks empathy (yes and no ), craves constant admiration ( no ) and looks down on others ( no). The phrase comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus, a young man who fell in love with own reflection. Famous people accused of these heinous crimes include Kanye West, Donald Trump ( gulp !), Alex Baldwin, Ellen DeGeneres and Charlie Sheen- all very rich by the way !. I don’t know anyone like ‘The Donald ‘ do you ? Maybe an ex-girlfriend ?

The male singer in this song is not in a good place He sings ‘Single, in debt, living in one room. In a kind of, cruise control. Facing, impending doom. Causing the split. In a hole’ Then he questions his very existence, ‘What am I, is the question. Can I hide bad memories. Will I be safe, in heaven. Will I find, new pleasures’ .Even reaching the point of thinking about his death ( he is only 35) , ‘Am I alone, in my universe. Is death final. The end. Is there more. If I’m religious. Do I even know, my own mind’ He doesn’t know his own mind but it sound more to me , like he is losing his mind. Then  the chorus comes in, where is starts to think that he’s an ok guy, that he has made mistakes but he is willing to learn ( i.e. a normal human ). Check out ‘ I gotta stop, asking questions. I'm still warm on the inside. I think, I can see my reflection. Lessons gotta be learned. You decide’ The key message is ‘I gotta stop asking questions – i.e. Am I a narcissist ? – no you're not I cried ! – you just messed up, like the rest of us from time to time. But he keeps on asking questions ( I’m getting annoyed)’ He sings ‘Could I have, recognised moments. Turning points. What I had become’ and then ‘Do other guys, bounce back, Go back to the drawing board’- yes yes- to quote Billy Ocean ‘ When the going gets tough ! Finally, he fronts up and states without any debate ,’ Why, so self-obsessed. Could've made, light of darkness. Why did I, exploit my status. Replace harmless, with heartless.’ He is even prepared to let others decide what's wrong and what needs to be done about his personality i.e. ‘I gotta stop, asking questions. Lessons gotta be learned. You decide’ For me I like the guy’s honesty, that he is prepared to write a song about it and sing it ( allowing for poetic license). He needs to stop asking too many questions and get on with