Queen of Carrion - Book Report

Welcome back to Smut Syndicate, this week we are going back into the minds of Aiden Pierce & RK Pierce, continuing the Death Bound series with Queen of Carrion. 

Listen to Lord of Bones from last week to catch up. 

Spoilers Ahead

Live Laugh Mortal Trash

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:07

Yo gang, we are back at it again with the white band. I mean, uh, welcome to Smut Syndicate. We're your hosts, Charlie and Danielle. Okay. Uh, we are going back into the wonderful minds of Aiden Pierce and R.K. Pierce with book two of the Deathbound series. This is Queen of Carrion. Oh my God. I'm so excited. In case you missed it last week, don't worry. Go and listen. We've got an episode. We'll wait. Just goofin'. I'm just new boot goofing. Okay, quick recap. We have Raven, aka Danielle. She is a grave robber. She is a badass bone collector. Also, don't give a dick about no one. Uh, she messes with the wrong grave, and whoopsie doodle summons a literal demon, Lord of Limbo. Belial? Belial.

unknown 0:59

Belial.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

Um, he drags her back to his labyrinth, his mansion. He's gonna make her pay, but then he ends up falling in lovey-devey with her. She ends up giving herself to him a body and soul, and that is where we left off. As always, do not rob yourself the joy of reading these books. These are our brief overviews, and guys, these books are incredible. Both Aiden and RK are masters in their craft. They're the worlds that they build, the characters that they create, the spice delightful. All right. Enough of that. On to Queen of Carrion. Spoilers ahead.

SPEAKER_03 1:36

We start with Belial. So it's his perspective. Raven is in a sleep spell, and he's a little bit worried about the ball tonight because he has to tell her that he tricked her and that Belial and Lord of Wolms is actually one in the same. Which is like a really valid fear when you've been lying for a while about to tell the hot minute. Yeah, especially like that kind of truth. Yeah. So she wakes up, she's in Belial's bed, Holga, which is like our favorite little skeleton witch. She's there to get Raven ready for the masquerade ball, which honestly is my fucking dream. Like, I don't think I'll die happy until a dead servant dresses me for a ball with a king of the underworld, and I don't think I'm asking for too much.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

Well, thankfully, I have some time before your birthday. Uh you might just get a decorative pillow. We'll see. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:29

We'll see. I'll take what I get. Uh Raven is kind of panicking because she tried to summon Belial with a blade and he never came. So also valid. They're both kind of they got some shit to work through here. Yeah. Communication. Yeah. We get the masquerade ball scene of my dreams. This is exactly like the labyrinth, but better. And the FMC is an adult.

SPEAKER_01 2:53

Yeah. Sidebar, we should really go to a labyrinth ball. Why aren't there labyrinth balls? We have states.

SPEAKER_03 3:00

We have fantasy, but do they have labyrinth balls?

SPEAKER_01 3:05

They have fully labyrinth balls. There's a labyrinth museum in the States. I know. But is it the museum that's putting on the ball? Who's putting on the ball? Uh probably Gareth. I don't know. Gareth? Sorry. Oh my god. I'm sorry. The audacity.

unknown 3:27

My best.

SPEAKER_03 3:28

A fantasy ball for everything. Yeah. I've never seen a labyrinth ball.

SPEAKER_01 3:33

Stop them. They have them, and I've seen some of the photos. Okay, I don't know all the deets, but I've seen like af like photos after the ball. And man, the dresses that these girls wear. Ooh. Yeah, we're going. I know. I've I've like after reading this, I was like, why haven't we been putting effort into this? And super sidebar, if anybody has gone to this, please email us smut syndicate at gmail.com. We want to see your photos. We want to know if you know the deets, and we want to know if you're going. Yeah, tell us everything. We're down to clown. So we just we have a lot of questions.

SPEAKER_03 4:06

So she's finally like making her way through the crowd and she sees Belial. She wants answers. And he tells her it'll all make sense soon, but first we must dance.

SPEAKER_01 4:17

Dancing solves everything, guys. Like, come on. Footloose? It taught us this. Yeah. Like come on.

SPEAKER_03 4:22

Cue the montage, baby. So she's dancing with Belial, and he's finally had enough of her questioning, like, what the fuck is going on? And he goes, Look, why tell you when I can just show you? And then just changes his form into the Lord of Bones. Your girl is not happy. No. So she was falling in love with Belial, and the whole time he was lying to her, which is a valid reason to be upset. Liar, liar, pants, all right. And also, girl, look at him. He's seven feet tall. Yeah. Right? Like, he's seven feet tall.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

But also, like, you were kind of into the L O B, anyways. So now you get the best of both worlds. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 5:02

Exactly. It's like two boyfriends. Shut up. Shut up and accept your fate. So she like runs away and he sends a magic chain to literally drag her to his lap while he's sitting on his throne.

SPEAKER_01 5:16

Oh, it's so hot. Yeah, it is. I love it.

SPEAKER_03 5:20

So he's like literally dragging her to him. She is fighting him the whole way. Eventually he drags her through the river sticks, and now she is also covered in blood. And this is like peak movie line moment when we get the love me, fear me, obey me. That is all I ask of you, Jared moment.

SPEAKER_01 5:41

Like God now. Also, they're like doing all of this while everyone's just like dancing around them. Like it's totally that scene in the labyrinth.

SPEAKER_03 5:50

Oh, love it.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

It is.

SPEAKER_03 5:52

But they're consenting adults. Kind of consenting. She's being forced, but that's why. She's an older adult, okay? It's fine. Everything's gonna be fine. So we meet brother Asmodeus, who is park goat, buffalo, and demon. He's got three heads. Yeah. And he has arrived basically wearing like a gold leather harness, and that's it.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

Okay, this is my jam. I love when we not him. Not him. He is not my jam. Misunderstanding. I love when we meet all the different brothers. I want a book of all of these characters to just get me so jazzed up. Like I really want. Okay, so we discussed the caveman Billy, like his backstory. The first human. The first human. The fish out of water. Yeah, pretty much. I want that story, but also I would kill for more of a story about the brothers. Like they're just so interesting. And you'll see as we go on, like, but I really want to know like where all of them came from. And like, they're just sun, sun, son. They're such fun characters. Like, I just I don't know if fun is the word I would use for any of them.

SPEAKER_03 7:07

We're going with fun. And everybody listening is going to understand why shortly. They're gonna be like, wow, that's so fun. Oh my god, they're this is the opposite of fun. I'm having a horrible time. So a servant goes to warn Belial and Asmodeus punches him in the back of the head so hard that he punches right through to the front of his face. Yes. Which is literally the best Mortal Kombat finishing move I've ever read. Um, and then we meet Leviathan, who arrives next. He's he's chill. Like of all the brothers, I feel like he's the one that um Belial has like the least issues with. He's also like not as repulsive as the rest of them. Um Belthagore, he is a shape shifter, and he has shown up in a female form with brother Maman on his arm. Um, when Belial fills Raven in on the family incest drama, she's like, You guys are fucking sick.

SPEAKER_01 8:01

You got baggage. Right? Like, this is some wild shit. He's like, My brother shapeshifts into a woman and tricks our other brothers into sleeping with him. Like, demons are wild.

SPEAKER_03 8:15

Especially that one. But Charlie's having fun. Remember, I'm having fun, I'm having a lot of fun. Remember that she's having fun as we continue on here.

unknown 8:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 8:24

So much fun. So Raven Slow-Mo runs out of the ballroom and she's like glancing over her shoulder, and there's like a fan blowing her hair in her dress, and Belio like catches up to her in no time because slow motion running isn't very fast. These are facts. These are all facts. And he gives Raven a dagger, gets on his knees, and tells her to kill him. She can get her revenge, and doing so will send her back to the graveyard she was taken from, and she can go back about her normal human life. And the dagger's also telling her to do it because the soul of Catherine is in his dagger. So two birds, one vengeance kind of deal. Hell yeah. But she can't do it. She's in love. But she just has to be big mad for a little bit first because she was lied to. Yeah. But she's still in. By a demon.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

Yeah. What were you expecting? What were you expecting? Lord of the underworld. This was the best that you were gonna get. He ripped Mark's spine out of his body. He may have lied to you, but he ripped his spine out of his body. And then you had to wear it.

unknown 9:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

You got off pretty easy, girl.

SPEAKER_03 9:33

So Belial stands up and she's like, nah, bro, get back on your fucking knees and beg. Spice.

SPEAKER_01 9:42

And like the spice starts so quickly in this book. Yeah. It really does. I'm so here for it. And they write spice so good. Like I have read a few of their other books.

SPEAKER_03 9:54

Better than almost anyone? Because I think so.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

Their demon spice? Yeah. I don't know what they're putting in. Is this cayenne? It feels like it. It feels like Tabasco. Yeah. White lady spicy.

SPEAKER_03 10:13

It is spicy. They got some ghost peppers up there. How much black pepper did you crack in this book? Let's just say.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

There's a lot of black pepper. There's a lot of black pepper.

SPEAKER_03 10:28

Raven is very close to forgiving him after this chapter. Yeah. But after they finish up, Belial carves the third line into her heart into her arm, and that marks that her time is up, and she is his forever. So she grabs the Catherine dagger and she just runs the fuck out of there.

SPEAKER_01 10:47

This is like literal, like R plus B equals forever. Like it's real, girl. We're here.

SPEAKER_03 10:56

It is carved into your flesh real.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:58

So she's running and she gets cornered by Asmodius and Mamon.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

And again, the way that they are described, it is so good. Like, you know, I I'll say it 1700 times. Read the book because the descriptors that they add in, like, you know, he's got the hooves, he's got the three heads that all talk, and they even like, it's not just like, yo, he has like heads. They're like, this one's looking this way, this one's doing this. It's a goat! I would definitely be scared, but I would also fucking giggle.

SPEAKER_03 11:30

I would also like wouldn't be able to look at the human-ish one. I would only be like side-eyeing that fucking goat head.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Ugh.

unknown 11:40

Gross.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

And like, does the goat head speak English or does it speak? Just like screaming like goat screams at her. Again, this is why I need another book, because these are the hard-hitting questions that I have.

SPEAKER_03 11:55

Yeah, that's fair. They want a fucking slice of that pie. If it's gonna make the Lord of Bones mad, they're gonna do it.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

And they're like pissed because he's been hoarding all of these souls. Exactly. And they're also like pissed, like, yo, you got a human? What? I'm a goat, man. Like, I'm not living a great life. I got it. I had to have sex with my brother who was shape-shifted into a girl. And then realized it was him. Like, we're not having a great time. Yeah. But also, they're probably sitting around bored as hell, like sitting and waiting for souls to come down and like just waiting. Yeah. Just waiting for anything to happen. Like Raven being the track hella that she is.

SPEAKER_03 12:40

She's a runner. She's a track star. Thank you so much. Because that was in my head, and I didn't want to say it. So I'm glad you did. So she's running through the castle. She's running for her life. The brothers are chasing her, and when they catch her, they pin her to a desk and threaten to have their way with her. So while Belial was busy rubbing one out, thinking about whatever the fuck he was thinking about when Raven had him on his knees, his brothers kidnapped Raven. Um so the collar that she wears is a tracker, but when he tracks her to a study in the castle, it's just the collar on the ground, and it was removed by magic. So obviously the ball is over and he's blaming himself, as he should. Like, bro, what the tits did you think was gonna happen?

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Exactly. He invited all your angry brothers. They invited themselves over. People don't invite themselves over to have a nice, pleasant time. They're demons. One has a goat head. He's speaking to you in goat and dancing with his hooves. Bro, bro, get it together. Okay. But also get you picture. Do you think the goat head has to eat goat food? Yes. Yes, I do. I think that everything with the goat one is goat-like. Everything?

unknown 13:56

Everything.

SPEAKER_01 13:57

You think everything. Because it's all hairy. It wouldn't have human skin.

SPEAKER_03 14:03

It would have And the other one's a buffalo. So, like, you know how unbalanced that weight distribution is?

SPEAKER_01 14:09

Have you seen the size of a buffalo and the size of a goat? And then you just have like a regular man like head. He's just like, hey, I'm Carl. What's up?

SPEAKER_03 14:20

You can call him Carl. God. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

I love it so much, and I really want to see some fan art about this. So if anybody out there can draw, please, everything that I'm saying to you, draw this and then send it to me because I would just die.

SPEAKER_03 14:37

So Raven comes to, she's in a room that's filled with severed, rotting body parts, torture devices of all kinds. And Asmodeus just strolls in and forces her to her knees. The brothers can all communicate through mirrors, and Belial tells Asmodeus, You're dead. You're dead. I'm coming for you. You're dead. Um and then Asmodeus forces himself on Raven and she literally bites his dick right off. Which like girl.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

Man, one day I'm gonna be bacon strong and I'm gonna do this to someone. You're gonna bite a peener clean off?

SPEAKER_03 15:17

What do you do with it when it's off?

SPEAKER_01 15:19

I don't know. You spit it out on the ground. You don't keep but just think about it. Like, how much are you biting off? It said that she had to chew. Like she had to keep biting. It wasn't a one and done. She doesn't have Manon teeth. She had to like that, oh my god. She made the sound effects too. Girl, I eat like well done steak. I'm practicing. No, I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_03 15:50

He's been training for this year.

SPEAKER_01 15:52

Yes. I'm ready. Put something close to me that I don't want there. Let's see what happens. Let's see what happens. I'll butt your dick right off. It's so badass. And again, that's why like Raven is, she's not just a girl who talks a big talk. She walks a big walk. You know, like fucking. Like a lot of like FMCs are like, yeah, she's like hitting the punching bag, like, woo, like Rocky Mom. And then punch down to it, and they're like, and she's like, ah, I almost died. Someone has to save me. And Raven's like, his dick off. Multiple bites, girl. Yeah. Multiple. Like I took a bite and it went back for seconds.

SPEAKER_03 16:34

Like, ooh, yes. Go for her. Go for her. So again, she's getting it done. She's a runner. She's running out of this room. Old Dickless Asmodeus is left behind. And she heads to the throne room. She realizes that the River Sticks flows through it and she doesn't have a lot of time before he finds her. Um, his throne is literally made of women's corpses in various stages of decay. And he finds her, and he's like, you know what? The one I'm gonna tell you, one of my favorite things about her is that regardless of the situation that she finds herself in, she is always down to talk shit to a man. Hell yeah. And that is my fucking love language. My love language is also confrontation, and there is nothing I love more than making a man feel bad about himself. Yeah. And I feel like I speak for a lot of women ever, not all men. Not all men. I'm not gonna make all men feel bad about themselves, but a lot. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

Not all men, but always a man.

SPEAKER_03 17:27

Just always a man. So I respect it. She's got I respect the game. She um basically like spits fire at him. And the corpses are like, okay. All right. I like this. Um, because now they are all bowing to her. Like she's some kind of Queen of Carrion.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

It's literally like drugs. Every time the author does this, it's like drugs. Man, you could literally write a book called Queen of Carrion, and then the entire book could just say Queen of Carrion for 380 pages. And I would be like, fabulous book. Love the wheeling. For sure. Man, put it in there 19 times. Every time I'll be like, yes, get it in my veins. I don't, I don't know why I like it so much. It's so stupid.

SPEAKER_03 18:20

Clicking my heels together. Absolutely. It just brings me so much joy. So she fucking yeets herself into the river and hopes to hell that it takes her out of this layer of hell.

SPEAKER_01 18:31

Okay, straight up, I don't know why the river sticks is my favorite river, but it is my favorite river. And anytime it's in a book, I just turn feral. I just, for some reason, I like Hold on. Do you read a lot of books about rivers?

SPEAKER_03 18:48

Because how do you have a favorite river? Or is this uh I know I've said this before, but this one's my favorite kind of situation.

SPEAKER_01 19:00

Both, bitch. Okay. Okay, number one, there are other rivers in books. Number two, I'm also reading a lot of hellscape books. You talk about river autism, do you? I do like your favorite river. I also do encounter the river sticks a few times. This one is written the best, yes. Yes, this one is written the best, but also the river sticks personality. You know what? It's fun. There's bodies in it, there's souls in it. Do it.

SPEAKER_03 19:31

Here we go with that adjective again. Fun, she says. You know, it'd be so much fun right now. Fucking tossing myself into a blood river full of like decomposing bodies and limbs. Yes, fun. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. Fun. So she's she's upriver now in Leviathan's realm, and he scoops her up and puts her in a literal cage, naked. And he's just like lounging there on his bed, smoking a hookah, feeding her oysters through her cage. It's obviously he's a very nice, trustworthy, respectable kind of guy.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

You know what? I would let him babysit my pet turtle. Okay, it's just saying he seems trustworthy, you know? That's all I'm saying.

SPEAKER_03 20:13

Yeah, you know how much oysters cost, and he's just handing them out?

SPEAKER_01 20:16

Also, bro, I would rather starve. Like oh, that's the appropriate response. Are they cooked oysters? I don't think you cook oysters. Girl, I made you have those cooked oysters. Oh, remember the case so bad. Oh, they're so good. Are they that or are they no? They were oysters out the shell. Jiggly wiggly. No. Jigglywig. I don't want that. Uh-uh. But I'd be like, bro, let's cook them and dip them in some mayo. Come on, Max. Get some crackers up in here. It's so good. It's so good. No.

SPEAKER_03 20:48

You don't even know. I have an idea because I tried every way you suggested, and they were all shit.

SPEAKER_01 20:53

They're all good. All good.

SPEAKER_03 20:55

So he tells her, just rest. I just want to watch you sleep. Maybe I'll brush your hair. Maybe I'll put some lotion on your skin. Very normal. Normal. Everything about this is okay. Yeah. We jump back to Belial's POV. He's with Cecil and Holga. They are on the ferry, rolling up to Asmodius' lair. Holga's freaking out. Rightfully so. Because if you'll recall, Abelial sent her there years ago as punishment for trying to help Catherine escape. But they both insisted on helping bring Raven back because yeah, fuck yeah, Holga, you're my girl. Of course you're gonna come help.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Yeah, got to.

SPEAKER_03 21:33

Yeah. And then fucking old teeth clack an eye hole, Cecil and Holga are in love. So like he had to join. Uh Belio finds Asmodius on his throne crying over his missing ween. And once he learns that Raven left in the sticks, he impales his brother on an oar and then burns him alive. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:55

Which seems like a fitting punishment. It does. Bro, like Also, you knew I was gonna show up and be pissed.

SPEAKER_03 22:04

So, how big is this or that you can shish kebab a guy with three fucking heads? Are you going up through the peenhole and out like one of the mouths? Yeah. Again, if you're an artist, if you know a visual learner.

SPEAKER_01 22:16

But also if you know stuff about ores, we have a lot of ore questions. So if if you do ore business, we'd also like to know.

SPEAKER_03 22:26

If you were in the business of ores or impaling, hit me up.

SPEAKER_01 22:31

Hit me up some questions. Smet syndicate at gmail.com. We'd love to read about it.

SPEAKER_03 22:35

Exactly. So she's got a nice little magic fruit dream. She's dreaming of Belial. He promises to save her. I love that they can communicate through dreams. Yes. Um especially since he gave her fruit one time and it's just like a forever thing now. I love that. I would eat that fruit. Yeah. So in this dream he tells her though, like, since there's no longer a lord to rule over Ismodius' realm, it's yours now. Hell yeah. And then you know, they just keep their little their little dream date very PG.

SPEAKER_02 23:08

Um nothing really happens.

SPEAKER_03 23:13

Yeah. But she wakes up and your girl is thirsty. Like literally thirsty though. Uh Leviathan makes her deal. If she dances for him, he's gonna get her a drink. And she says some mean shit to him. So he starts magically dehydrating her to the point that she is going to shrivel up like a human raisin. That is some fucking wild magic. That is some Could you imagine just being like staring at someone? And like with your mind, you can dehydrate them. But also, you know what? The raisin, it started making me think of chocolate.

SPEAKER_01 23:46

I always hated it.

SPEAKER_03 23:48

That's a fish, but yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:51

She's all shriveled.

SPEAKER_03 23:53

Yeah, but she's not a raisin. But she's shriveled like a raisin. Okay. I thought of uh the California raisins. Do you remember those within? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:10

Of course I do. That's why I'm not sure. Why did they play musical instruments? I don't know. Like, what? I don't know. Yes. Well, okay. But it was shriveled like a raisin. Those aren't super shriveled. They're just like a regular raisin.

SPEAKER_03 24:24

But that, but the shape of a human.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Oh, yes. Okay. So again, back to mine. I was right. You're wrong.

SPEAKER_03 24:30

So she dances. And also, like, I don't know how he's into it now because she's shriveled like a raisin. And he's like, yes, dance for me still.

SPEAKER_01 24:39

Beautiful dancing.

SPEAKER_03 24:41

So he he gets off to her shrivel raisin body dancing. And then he makes her drink some dirty jizz water.

SPEAKER_01 24:50

Okay, girl, I can't even handle tap water. I definitely couldn't drink Jiz Water.

SPEAKER_03 24:58

What if you were raisined?

SPEAKER_01 25:00

I'd be like. If it was survival Jiz Water. If you'd be like, here's survival Jizz Water and Wiggly Jiggly Oysters, I'd be like, I'm out. Like, sorry. I'm out. It's been a slice. But also, I was like, You draw the line at Wiggly Jiggly Oysters and Jizzwater for survival. Yeah. Yeah. I draw the line way before that. Way before that. The line is like street meat, man. I don't even think I need street meat to survive. I think I'd be like You've thought about street meat. Don't bind yourself. Well, I've thought about it, but I'm scared. As you should be. Like, mm-mm. But also her dancing, again, every time that we like think of this, it's like, oh, she's doing like a seductive dance. What if she was doing like an interpretive dance?

SPEAKER_03 25:46

No, she's doing the fucking cotton-eye Joe a line dance. And she's like singing it while she dances and making like maintaining eye contact with him with like a big smile on her face. She's also naked and shriveled raisin. Yeah. Yes. That would do it for me too. Yeah, that's my shit right there. Yes. Yeah, this girl cannot catch a fucking break. It just l it solidifies my choice to never become a grave robber for sure. Crime does not pay. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

Crime does not pay.

SPEAKER_03 26:20

At least not at this time. When you think it couldn't get worse, uh, it does. But we're having fun. We're having a lot of people. He is in his true form, which is some kind of like fire bat demon. Love it. And his realm is known as the Forge. Badass. So Leviathan and Mamon, they have a little brotherly fight, and Mamon beats Leviathan with a hammer in the head, knocking his snake ass out cold. Dark Raven gets fucking dragged to a boat, chained up naked, and away they go. Next big adventure. They're going on a cool adventure and they don't know what to do.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

They're coming from the closet and they're heading out the door.

SPEAKER_03 27:01

Woo! Where we sang that. And it was like, oh, the slut whisperer. We went to yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_01 27:12

Yes, the slut whisperer. Yes, that was a great time. And we just sang that over and over to everyone. Just to let them know.

SPEAKER_03 27:20

So we're adults in an adult situation. Yeah. So back to Belial. He is collecting demon heads on his way to save Raven. He is literally just like one behind every time, though. Like fucking pick up your base, bro. And he just killed his brother, added his head to the scepter. Belial, the lord of fucking bad timing, gets to Leviathan's realm that shockingly Raven has already been taken. And Leviathan admits to Belial that the plan all along was to kidnap Raven so that he will return to his duties of passing souls through their realms. So like they were conspiring.

SPEAKER_01 27:51

Yeah. Obviously. Bro, it was like 7v1. Did you think that you were gonna win? Like, hello. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:00

Exactly. What were you thinking, idiot? Idiot. Stupid idiot. So Velial just decapitates that little viper and adds a new head to his collection. Hell yeah. Which feels appropriate. But does it or max? Is he squishing them down? Like when you make shishka bobs and you like start and you just like squishy.

SPEAKER_01 28:18

Well, I think after, I think it's just heads. I don't think he's like keeping the bodies.

SPEAKER_03 28:23

Yeah, but he's gotta like slide the last one down further to like get the next one on top.

SPEAKER_01 28:29

I think it's kind of like a totem pole.

SPEAKER_03 28:31

Yeah, okay. But with a stick in the middle.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

Yeah. Like that's that's what my brain says, but maybe I'm wrong. So B is hot on Mamon's trail.

SPEAKER_03 28:41

He can see the ship in the distance, but he can't row fast enough to go. Yeah, because he's got heads on his frickin' oar. But also.

SPEAKER_01 28:48

I just like picture him in like a a paddle boat, like what are those pedalboat? The one that you bicycle with the phones? Oh my god. Um, I know what you yeah, like a paddle boat, I think it's called. Is that it? Yeah, like paddle boats. Yeah. And he's like bicycling as fast as he can go. And he's got like the witch skeleton and the fucking clickety-clackety Cecil fucking eyes next to him. Like, go faster, guys! Like, yeah, yeah, with his like or yeah. Um, but straight up, if I ever win the lottery, remind me of this. I want to pay someone to create like a dark stop motion scene of this like part of the book. Like the way that it is described, it just does something to my brain. Like, yeah, it feels good. This it feels fun. This whole adventure feels fun.

SPEAKER_03 29:36

Yeah, yeah. It does. So he is screaming out for Raven, and Mamon hears him, and an iron gate comes down, blocking the from going any further. But like Cecil, the little librarian, creates a portal back to the library, and he's gonna go get help from an engineer because they cannot move this gate. They're fucking stuck there because like also, where's this gate coming down from? Like the sky? Can't you just like fucking climb it? I don't I don't know. It seems so we don't know the rules of hell, okay? You know what? That's fair. I've never been. So one day I'll go, you know. Yeah, not yet.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

One day, soon, maybe hopefully not to this realm.

SPEAKER_03 30:12

Um, they get there, they're at the forge. It's basically a volcano. There's lava. Oh, and the rest of the brothers are now there too. Love it. For the feast. Mm-hmm. Of course. Um, so that's nice. Belfagore has been tasked with making Raven Bathe before they feast, and they run a bath that's as hot as hell!

SPEAKER_01 30:40

That's good. That's good. What you did there? That's good.

SPEAKER_03 30:43

Yeah, you know? I like it. I'm not gonna quit my day job, but but I might consider it. But soon. So two little goblins come in, and what she thinks they have on them is soap. But upon further inspection, it's actually rosemary and salts and herbs to season the meat.

SPEAKER_01 31:01

When I go, cook me in a big pot for little goblins to feast on. Like also reading this really makes me want to reread some like high fantasy books. Like because we don't encounter like goblins a lot in romanticity. That's more like the high fantasy. And that's why this, like, this series duet, whatever, is so good. Because they really like this this covers everything. It's dark, paranormal, romance, but we're also getting these like elements of high fantasy, and we're getting like such crazy in-depth characters. Because even a lot of times when you read like a paranormal romance, it's like, oh, there's a demon, and oh, there's a human or something, and you're like, Oh, okay, cool. Like, I understand the rules. This one is like, yo, there's a whole cast. Like, we got a fam jam. Like, let me introduce you to everyone. We got this guy over here with us. Go all here. Like, yeah, it has everything. And because we have read other books where they go to purgatory to hell to whatever, and those are great in all their own right, but again, it's like almost very simple. This is in depth, which like they didn't have to go that hard, but I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02 32:12

It's like they've been there, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:15

Right? Like, it's it's wild, it is wild, so it's so good.

SPEAKER_03 32:20

So she's trying to find a quick way out of this situation she's got herself in, and Belfagore has had enough fucking around, and he shifts into Asmodeus and like basically just like PTSDs the fuck out of her. So he is scrubbing her skin so hard, she's just trying to like verbal judo him, and she lets it slip that Esmodius is actually dead. And Belfagore shackles her to the tub and starts like rubbing these herbs and spices into her skin. Gotta season that meat. Like she's the main event. Yeah. Um that's why we're all here, girl. Belfagor is like dragging her to the dais now, where the soup cauldron is boiling, and the whole way there, Raven is like throwing in little comments about how Belfagore always listens to Mamon. And isn't Balfagor also a lord of a realm? Like, why is he so whipped? It obviously works because when it's time to toss her into the soup, he doesn't. And finally defies Mamon, shifts again into like a white bat-like monster, and all fucking hell breaks loose. Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:23

The tongue is sharper than the sword, baby. Like, I love it. I love it. I because also like wit, man. I love like wit and intelligence, and like when they write a character like this, like, yeah, she is a mortal piece of trash, you know. So obviously, she's not gonna be as strong as these demons. She's only lived for this one life. They've been living for hundreds, thousands, whatever of years. I don't know because you haven't written the book yet. Tell me, tell me all the details. But um, you know, so for her stuff to still use like what skills she has to her, it's like, yes, girl.

SPEAKER_02 34:02

Yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:03

Get it, love it.

SPEAKER_03 34:04

So I I don't know why this was the right time for her to do this, but she slipped into like a little dream land with her magic demon man. Hell yeah. He's gonna rescue her, he's gonna kill all his brothers along the way, and then they're gonna go home and he's gonna crown hers as queen and teach her how to use magic. Which, like, that's all a girl wants.

SPEAKER_01 34:21

If you weren't busy jerking your dick, this whole situation wouldn't have been. None of this will have to happen. I think she went into the dream because he pulled her into the dream. Like, I don't think he realizes, like, yo, you got some shit going on. I think it was like, hey, just want to let you know, girl. Like, think about you. Yeah, hope you're gonna get a lot of people. Y'all was up my mind.

SPEAKER_03 34:38

Yeah, you're not about to become like human soup or anything, right? Right?

SPEAKER_01 34:42

Like, okay, cool. I smell something that smells real good coming from the other side of the gate. Like, just want to see that you guys aren't eating without me. I'll be there soon. Love you. Yeah, like it's yeah, which is like checking right on her.

SPEAKER_03 34:54

Which is a great segue into butt stuff. Um which inevitably is followed up with a confession of true love, because this is a fucking romance book.

unknown 35:03

Of course.

SPEAKER_03 35:04

So don't get it twisted. Okay, so they both tell each other that they love one another, and he proceeds to half drown her in the river sticks in her dream. Because romance. Romance! Yeah, romance.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

Romance. It ain't dead, it's just in hell.

SPEAKER_03 35:15

Yeah, romance. It's just in hell. Raven is worried about waking up from this dream, rightfully so, because Belfagore's gonna fuck her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Girl, I would be afraid. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, as you should be. Hello. So we're back with Belial on his little boat, on his little paddle boat. And the engineer finally cracked the code to get through this gate, which again, I feel like there's another solution to this, but like Cecil, portal, whatever. He do what you gotta do, man. Yeah, right? We don't know the rules. Yeah. They get the gate up. Belial is pedaling away. He is pedaling for his life. He gets to the forge, and all the goblins are like chit-chatting about holy shit, the Lord of Bones is here.

SPEAKER_01 35:59

Oh my god, you must hear this all the time, but like I am your biggest fan. Like, I just seen what you're doing in purgatory, and I just love it. Do you have time for a quick photo? Can we get a quick selfie? No, no, no, I won't post you in it. No, no, no, it's fine. I won't tag you. It's fine. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:17

Yeah. He never leaves his realm, so he must be here for the feast. His little goblin homie is like, nah, he just wants to fuck the meat. So that's gross, and I hate it.

SPEAKER_01 36:27

Um I love it. I'm having fun.

SPEAKER_03 36:29

But Charlie's having fun. And when he gets to the throne room, the remaining alive brothers are there, and clearly B was not invited, which is so rude. You're telling me that the whole family got together for dinner and you guys couldn't even send me a fucking invite.

unknown 36:44

Right?

SPEAKER_01 36:45

Okay, nothing hurts more than when peeps are having a party and you weren't invited. Like, honestly, I just feel for him. Like, I feel like if you're gonna die, this is why you're gonna die. Because he didn't get it, like, you didn't want to invite him, bro. You knew he was gonna come. You invited his girlfriend, but not him. Rude. Just rude. Okay, super rude. Just rude.

SPEAKER_03 37:07

It is. So again, she comes to you, finds herself strapped to a St. Andrew's cross. And honestly, I think that there's worse ways to live your life, but you'll be able to do it. Next to her, there's a familiar salon. Catherine. Yeah. Uh, they must have stolen the dagger her soul was in when they kidnapped Raven.

SPEAKER_01 37:30

Yes, I love that we get a chance to see her because you know, it's like she's just been this kind of like little letter opener knife that we've been like carrying around for two books. And so it's like, oh shit, like she actually has like a form that was her soul, but also she's still nutzo. She's again like, I told you to fucking kill yourself. Like, girl, like hello, I told you the way out, and now look at what happened. But also, you do this to yourself. Like, I kind of get it. Like, this girl's kind of been through it, so yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:05

Yeah, I see your side. I get it. Belfagore comes back in and he shifts into Biel this time. I don't like it. This is so not nice. But you know what, guys? Charlie's having fun because this is a good one. I'm having fun, I'm still having fun. Yeah. Um Belial's going along with this like ruse to get close enough to kill his three brothers in the throne room, and he lies to them and tells them, like, Raven is a distraction, like fucking good riddance. And then he like wham bam, Uno reverses them and fucking Mortal Kombat finishing moves all of them. Which, like, I'm leaving out a lot of detail in this description, but goddamn. He is so good at killing.

SPEAKER_01 38:43

I've been keeping a secret for me, but tell me. And I feel like now is as good as time as any. Um I have never played Uno. So I don't know what reverse means. I've just been pretending and like it fills me with great shame. It's not something like I don't know why I chose like this time in this platform to like admit it. If you don't want to be friends anymore, like I will understand.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

I think I'm gonna have to I think I'm gonna have to really process this and I'll I'll I'll give you a decision.

SPEAKER_01 39:16

Yeah, like maybe you could teach me. I don't know. Like I No This is too late for that. It's too late for that. Sorry, I didn't mean to lie. Okay. Like she forgave B. Can't you forgive me? I I'll think about it. Okay. I'll think about it. Okay. What do you mean? You've never played? I don't know. I don't know. I don't have it. I like I is this just a thing? Where do people play it? Where are you playing it? Street corners, back alleys? I don't know. Everywhere. Like at the playground? Like, where's everywhere? At the grocery store with the lady that's begging her groceries? Like, I don't know where the strip club. Everywhere. Okay, well, um, you know how he didn't get invited to the dinner party and everybody else got invited.

SPEAKER_03 40:04

They just have never been invited to the stripes.

SPEAKER_01 40:11

So like I kind of feel left out. I assume that's fair by the definition of the word reverse what it means, but I've never played, so I don't know. That's wild to me. I just I actually don't really have a lot of words for this.

SPEAKER_03 40:26

I play a lot of Yahoo.

SPEAKER_01 40:27

Like so much fun. What's fun? What?

SPEAKER_03 40:34

Belford Belial's form this journey rapes Catherine and makes Raven watch, even though she is begging for him to leave her alone. Are you still having fun? Yeah. Are you still having fun, Charlie? A little bit of fun. This is so fucking cruel. Like, I know they're literally demons, but goddamn, that is so mean. Forcing her to watch as the man, demon she's in love with does this so with his ex my jealousy.

SPEAKER_01 41:05

It's awful. This would warp my mind. Like it's it's just it watching that happen would already be horrible. It would double, like horrible sprinkled with extra horrible because he's in bees form. Like exactly. Still fun though.

SPEAKER_03 41:24

Balfigore turns his attention to Raven, though, and then decides, like, I just gotta store a knife real quick.

SPEAKER_01 41:31

Um Has anyone ever showed you knife storage? Let me show you. Interesting.

SPEAKER_03 41:39

Yeah, this model comes with knife storage. Um blows the fucking door off the hinges and finally is there to save her. Here's Johnny. And he just like busts in carrying his ore with all the dead brothers' heads. Like, that's why you've been so slow, man. You know how much that shit probably weighs? Put it down, run full speed.

SPEAKER_01 42:00

Right? Just leave it. Stop worrying about your wrath. Come back to that later. But also, like I literally pictured like when it's like busted in the door, it's like the shining, like where he's like, eh, hey, and he's like puts the heads in first, and then he's like, Jack sees the scene's clear, and then comes in herself. 100%.

unknown 42:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 42:24

It's good. Um, and like when he takes in the scene before him, he instantly feels guilty. Like, yeah, of course. But he's also like, if I had put Catherine's soul to rest, this wouldn't be happening. And if I had done things different with Raven, if I wasn't jerking it when I should have been chasing after her, we wouldn't be in this mess. But also, he's a demon, like I love it because like he's a demon lord. They're all demon lords, but he's a good demon lord.

SPEAKER_03 42:52

He's a good thing.

SPEAKER_01 42:53

He has a heart somewhere inside of his body because he feels guilt and he also like realized where he fucked up. And it's like, it takes a lot for a man to admit that he was wrong. So you know what? Love it. We do love that.

SPEAKER_03 43:05

Yeah. Love it. Uh Belfagore shape shifts into Raven now and tells Belial, if you give me control of the leaderless realms and fuck me, you can have your two washed-up pets back. Like, what kind of fucking deal is that?

SPEAKER_01 43:18

Like, I know they demons, but like they're twisting. It's just it's so gross. I think he might be the worst of them. The Belfagore brother? Like Belfagore.

SPEAKER_03 43:30

Because he's a shapeshifter and he's like not only like he's just so shifting. He's real shifting.

SPEAKER_01 43:37

But not only is he like physically torturing. Yeah. He's mentally, emotionally, like he just everything. You he checked all the boxes and the good ones. I don't super enjoy him. Like not as much as everyone else. No.

SPEAKER_03 43:51

Yeah. I thought Asmodeus was probably the worst until we got to this, and then I was like, okay, well, you've been dethroned. Yeah. My bad, bro. Belial tricks Belfgore into thinking he's gonna. Of like do the do with him. Um, but when it comes to him being like within touching range, he chokes him almost to death, but not fast enough though, because Belfagore manages to grab the Catherine blade and throws it at Raven, who is still strapped to the St. Andrew's Cross, watching this whole thing go down, and it stabs her right in the heart.

SPEAKER_01 44:23

In her human heart. In her human heart. She's just a girl looking at a boy asking him to love her. Like, what the fuck? It's a romance book.

unknown 44:36

Right.

SPEAKER_01 44:36

I just want to be happy. I'm trying to have a good time here. Yeah. But also, like, I love it. Like, I'd be like, yo, I literally just got stabbed by your ex-girlfriend. Okay, we're gonna be fucking talking about this tonight.

SPEAKER_03 44:51

We have to have words. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 44:53

I would definitely turn it back on him. Just saying.

SPEAKER_03 44:56

Yeah. So he is cradling her body as she slowly dies. He is the Lord of Bones, brother. He can fix her. I can fix this. When she dies. When she dies, he starts working towards bringing her back. But in his panic to bring her back, Belfagore, who just won't fucking die, is like, hey, remember me? Hi. So Raven's soul materializes behind Belly Boy, and she just fucking starts stabbing him and stabbing him and stabbing him until he's described as a heap of meat on the floor.

SPEAKER_01 45:36

Feminine rage. There's nothing like it. Nothing like it. It feels good.

SPEAKER_03 45:43

It feels good. It feels fun. Feels fun. So they get the hell out of there. It's now coronation day. Your girl's about to be the queen. But first, she has a very like super sweet, important task to accomplish. She wants to put Catherine to rest in her eternal paradise after all she's been through, which is like a full circle moment. And I just, she's a bigger person than I am. Me too. And I love that for her.

SPEAKER_01 46:09

Yeah, I love it. It's so cute.

SPEAKER_03 46:11

Um, so she is finally crowned with the spine of her ex. Basically, this is like the coolest shit I've ever read. And apparently, I've never been on live television before. And if you don't understand that reference, go on the internet for once.

SPEAKER_01 46:28

Okay, I'm sorry, my bad.

SPEAKER_03 46:30

Anyways, he boots everyone out of the Great Hall after he crowns her as queen, and then they get freaky, and the crown stays on. Yeah. It stays on. But would you, would you, would you? Would I? Yeah. Would you in nothing but your ex's spinal column crown?

SPEAKER_01 46:51

Is it juicy or is it? It's gonna be juicy. Oh, I don't love that as much. But also my hair is red, so I people would be like, Something's going on with your hair. I'd be like, it's fun. I've just been in the sun a lot lately, and they'd be like, What? Yes. Yeah. So for him? For the L O B. For him and for L O B? Yeah, of course I would. Literally anything. Of course I would. Yeah, anything. Like whatever you want. Your price. Yeah. Like there is no cost. Like, yeah, I'm down.

SPEAKER_03 47:21

It's just we had this giant adventure. Bad things were happening the whole time, but then we get to have like this nice little freaky freak out with the crown on. And they break in the throne room as king and queen, and they live happily ever after. It's so good.

SPEAKER_01 47:39

It's so fucking good. And that's the end. That's the end. Like Jesus. Like, wow. It's such a good book. Honestly, such a good series. It is. And like I know that we have said this a million times. Read these books. There is so much extra little treats that we breeze over. And like the descriptions and everything else, like the adventure. Oh my god, it's so good. It's so good. The best Christmas present ever we received this past Christmas. Look at that. Christmas. Chris Math. Wow. Christmath. That's Chris Math. Uh with Carol of the Hills. Oh. Which is the Christmas novella that came out. I was so fucking happy about this. And we like didn't even know that it was coming. We just like saw something. I was like, hey, yo, like, what you doing? Here's a book. And it was like, What? Why didn't you guys tell me? I needed time to prepare. Like, no, it was like it just happened to us. Do you remember when Guardians did the Christmas episode? And it was like when like the height of like Guardians of the Galaxy being like really good, and they did that Christmas episode.

SPEAKER_03 49:00

No, I don't know that this is a thing. There's a Christmas Guardians of the Galaxy. What? You've never seen it? You've never played Uno. Don't have this conversation with me. You've never played Uno.

SPEAKER_01 49:13

I'm too busy eating cooked oysters. Okay, I just got a lot of stuff on my plate. Okay, well, it reminded me, honestly, like when this came out, it was like how I felt when that Guardians of the Galaxy, or like when The Simpsons would do like a Halloween episode. Like it's just like a short, sweet little, it's there for like a short time, but a good time. And it just oh my god, it's so good. And you get them like back in hell. Like a Christmas.

SPEAKER_03 49:46

Don't give me anything Christmas themed. I it's not for me. It's not for me. This, this was for me.

SPEAKER_01 49:52

Yeah. Because it was it was Christmas.

SPEAKER_03 49:54

It was a Christmas book.

SPEAKER_01 49:56

For everyone. And it was like straight up a gift. Like they didn't they didn't do any like real marketing on it. Like it was like very hush hush. They were just like, yo, what's up, Hose? Merry Christmas. Here you go. Like gift from me to you. And like, warm my cold, dead heart, just saying. You know? Um, and honestly, check through both of these authors, like huge library of books. They are very different, but they're also so similar in their writings. Like, I've read a few from each, and honestly, every single one hits. Like, they they cover such a wide variety, but it's always like within the dark romance, like niche, but man, it's good. And thanks again for tuning in. As always, we really appreciate all the comments, the ratings that you guys are leaving, the reviews. It's literally the best gift. Like every single one means so much to us. It lets us know that we're on the right path, and it lets us know that there's other like weirdos out there like us just saying. We're not alone. We're not alone anymore. Yeah. Wanna fuss. Wanna fuss. Um, check us out on all the socials. We are super active on Insta. We're on everything, but on Insta is where we post most of our stuff. We've got so much coming up. We've got more cosplay photos. Check out the cosplay that Danielle did of Raven because they are literally the same human being. We have some signed book giveaways. Yeah. We've got author events that we're attending. We've got bookish brands that we're partnering with. We've got dark romance events that we're going to. This is a lot going on this year, honestly. We have got like, and it's only April. Like, there is a lot going on. Thanks again, guys. Live, laugh, laugh, mortal trash.