Case #008

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:20

You have noticed that women just can't stand to look at themselves. It's really hard because we we have so much doubt, so much like And you don't want to be vulnerable. Right. And the other one. You look at yourself and we s all we see are the flaws. Like we never see what other people truly see in us. Um we're just looking at us ourselves and picking ourselves apart. And so, you know, to do a color analysis, and it it can be it can be hard for somebody to have to do that. But the two women that were in my office, um, both breast cancer survivors, the one woman, super, super sweet, um, but so hard on herself. Um, she had a wig because her hair, you know, just never came back. And we were just, you know, talking about how you have to not be a victim to yourself. Don't be a victim. Don't be your own villain and a victim all in the same thing all at the same time. And she just kind of looked at me and I was like, you know, she's like, How did you come to realize that? And I was like, I've gone through a lot over the last couple years, and it's something that I see over and over and over again, is we are all victims, and we shouldn't be. We should not be victims and we should not be our own villain at the same time. Um, that's funny.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

I'd never heard it put like that before. Oh, uh hi, welcome back to the Beauty Files. You're just sitting down with a coffee chat with uh Rachel and myself, so just you know, stand by. Um I had never heard that, that you are your own victim because of you being a villain to yourself. Yeah. That is such a I like I hate that. I that's so funny. I just had a conversation yesterday um with someone along kind of the same lines, but it it wasn't that we were the own villain, but it was just victim mentality in general, and how no matter who you talk to, they all have a story, and you could just say that forever for everyone. Well, the reason why I was like this is because I was a kid, and then and and then that was my parent, and then you learn, well, your parent was treated this way, which is why they treat you that way. So you really need to look at the the your grandparents, and then you look at the so it's like in at what point do you just say, you know what, it's a new day, and I don't have to live like this and have these thoughts, and I can just get it just get over myself.

SPEAKER_01 3:06

Yeah, and well, that was you know, the funny thing is that I brought that up. Like a lot of times things that we carry with us is something that happened in our past, and a lot of times as children, and it's just something that either A, you did you buried deep, you just never dealt with it, or B, you just stayed in that mindset. You never you never were able to say, like, wait a minute. Yes, I was a kid, it was not my fault that this happened to me. I should have been protected, but now I'm an adult and I'm not a victim anymore. And I don't have to be that. Yeah. Um, I can be more than that, and we are all our own villains, and then we are all our own victims all at the same time, and that is something that I had said, I will not be that. I will not allow myself to be that, I will not allow my children to see that because you ultimately should always want to be better, do better, so that you don't create those patterns. So, what did they say? She just looked at me and she goes, I never really thought about it like that. Was she older? She was older. Both of them, both of them looked at me and they were like, This is the most amazing therapy session I have ever had. And they had both been in therapy for a long time.

SPEAKER_00 4:34

I'm telling you, like, if you want therapy, you can you can double time. Okay, you can get twice as much for your money by going and having just an actual service done or a treatment. Yeah. Because you can leave the office feeling beautiful and just like completely like drop your shoulders and just get it out of your system. Do you have a hard time hearing that of people? Do you carry that with you?

SPEAKER_01 5:02

Um, no, I don't carry it with me. I like hearing I I like hearing about people's struggles. Not that I want to hear it, but I like being able to, you know, help them or maybe talk them through it if I'm able to.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

Is it a nice escape from your own life or even I hate to say this, but even a comparison, like okay them too, or oh, I don't have that, but yeah, but you know, again, I I think that it does help.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

It helps if you've gone through something similar for one. Um but even if you haven't, having different perspectives, um, one of her her main things was body dysmorphia. Um, you know, she looked at herself and she just it was covering up constantly and was just talking and and we had similar similar things that happened um when we were and she just looked at me and she goes, I would have never guessed. And I said, That's just not something that I put out there. Um, it's not something that I talk about. I said, but the thing of it is that we are all our own worst critics, especially when it comes to our body shapes and our body type. And, you know, she was all covered up and she's like, I just hate this and I hate this and I'm always trying to do this, and I'm and I said, but I the simplest thing I asked her was, and I would ask you, what do you think people see when they first meet you? What do they see? And it took her a second to answer me, but it was never my my neck, my stomach, my it was never, you know, what she was feeling. And um then the next question I said is, well, what would you hope that they would see when they first met you? You know, and those things, you know, when she thought about it, she was like, I my heart, like, you know, just talking to me, just seeing that. And I said, Right, but that's not a that's not a physical, like you just have to ask part of your body.

SPEAKER_00 7:12

Ask the question differently so that they can see it.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

Yeah, yep. And so the next thing we talked about, it was like when when we have issues like that, I said, you know, I for whatever reason I have always felt like fat, and you know, that's a horrible thing to say, but I always wore big clothes, nothing that ever flattered me, nothing that would ever make me look better. And I said the one thing that I started doing more of, because I can't hide it, is I wore tight clothes. I started wearing tighter shirts, things that actually were snug on my body, and then I thought to myself, you know, these high school girls, like they're wearing these itty bitty little things. I'm like, if they can wear that, then I can wear this. And then I said to her, I said, you have to do something that makes you uncomfortable. I said, when you go home, I want you to walk around topless. And she looked at me and she went, What? And I was like, Well, I said, those are areas that you can't stand, right? I said, Who's it gonna hurt? Yeah. I said, make yourself uncomfortable. I wonder if she did it. You know, I just, you know, tried to resonate.

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Book unemployment with exquisite med spot, free therapy is included. Um, and I can I can vouch for that of like you go in there thinking you're gonna talk about one thing and then you leave and you're like, oh my god, I feel amazing. And and it's true. But that is interesting. So we well, we have so we're doing a double today. Um not that anyone will know that, but just from my own notes, I can always edit this if I need to. But we have a few topics that we want to talk about. Yeah. So we could continue down the the body size uh route and we can decide. You have a special topic that we can decide if it's this episode or the following one. We'll see, we'll see if it naturally comes in, or we'll just yank it in the direction. Yeah, we'll we'll drive the train in. So back to the the clothing, right? So it's interesting that you wore baggier clothes. So I I wore tight clothes, I think, until I was like 30. Maybe even 34 and a lot. And I've been all the weights in between then and and now. Um now I'm now I'm choosing to wear baggier clothes just because I like how it looks. And now I look back at the tighter clothes, are these really serving me, or was I just telling myself this? I was making myself appear smaller by wearing smaller clothes. Even though I probably looked bigger, but that was like my um When I wear baggier clothes, people don't realize how small I am.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

So like I wore this today, which is tighter, and everyone was like, You're so tiny. Did you lose? And I'm like, no, this is just You just always see me and You know, you always see me in something bigger, so you're not really getting like a clear image of what my body truly is.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

Um and it's just you know, I I scrubs a lot, so you know, depending on what kind they are and what I have on, you just And maybe and I'm just trying to think why I'm I'm I don't know the psychology of why I always wore tight clothes. I know why I never wore color. Colour I associated Large Large. Yeah. And so I always wore black. Like black was my and a lot of people. Um just that was the go-to. But for me, it was an even deeper recipe.

SPEAKER_01 10:59

It was it had to be something dark and tight and sexy and moody and the whole thing because you wanted people to look at you, yeah. Even though I was super self-conscious, though. Like I do, I think it's a weird Sometimes you don't realize that you want that attention. Well, no, I definitely did. You are right.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

I definitely I wanted to be noticed for my hard work, and I have two times in my life where I was really thin, okay? First time was when I was 30. I wanted my my dream body at 30. I was hit in the gym, doing fasting, eating nothing, eating very little, I'll say. Trying just all the just everything. And I went I I was trying to make it about um, no, what's that term? Biohacking. Okay, so it was it was that was the front face, but really what this was about was I wanted to be thin finally, finally. Um I mean, I ran myself literally to the ground. And I remember, and I'm sorry everyone if this is triggering, but like weight is different on everybody, so my number will mean not should mean nothing to you. But I remember stepping on the scale, I was not happy, even though I had lost like 25 pounds, and I was like beating myself up about it. But then at the same time, no one was making any comments whatsoever. No, oh my gosh, you've lost all this weight. Oh my gosh, you look great. Like the things I was ready to hear as validation, yeah. Um, but I stopped getting my period. Like that was hmm, that's curious. Um, that was my like, oh, something's not right. So that let me on this whole other path back to health, put back on 20 pounds, but it looked different because I was lifting weights, fueling my body, this, that, and the other. Um lost a bunch of weight again, but now I have muscle. So now when people say I'm thin, because I now I am getting comments, I don't like it. Like I don't want to hear that I'm thin. I want to hear I'm strong. There's a difference, especially because I've now been in a little weak body versus being in a little strong body, and I don't I don't want people to comment on it's it's comes back to the whole body dysmarfia body image.

SPEAKER_01 13:34

It comes back to the fact that it doesn't matter what size you are, you know, little comments for somebody who's tiny, you would, you know, somebody saying, Oh my gosh, you look so thin. Wow, did you lose even more or you're so skinny? And a lot of people, there are a lot of people that would say, Oh, well, that's a compliment. Like that, and then they would take that in a certain way. But it's or the people giving it, it's a it's meant to be a compliment. Yeah. But you don't know where that person has been, you don't know their journey, you don't know their backstory.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

Um, it can be triggering for that person, and then you just have to go because not everybody is going to the gym. Some people are choosing not to eat, some people just throw up their lunch, and then you give them that kind of fuel.

SPEAKER_01 14:26

Oh, I'm gonna keep doing it.

SPEAKER_02 14:28

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

So, again, you know, saying anything about like looking at them and being like, wow, you look really nice today. Yes, yes, that is appropriate, people. Like, hey, you look very refreshed, or that outfit looks amazing on you, or that color is great. Like, there are so many other ways that you can say things that will may still make somebody feel good. And you know, this probably comes down to many people have become very oversensitized.

SPEAKER_02 14:58

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 14:59

And it is true, it is true. Um, but since we know that, then we should assimilate, maybe.

SPEAKER_00 15:09

It's it's interesting because it's it's for I mean they're oh my god, like pick a pick a route, okay? The person who's giving the compliment wishes that often, I shouldn't say always, but usually it's because that's something they want. They want to do that. It's a jealousy thing. Yeah, it can be, yeah. Then you've got it's totally normalized in all of social media, even before social media, thinking of like ET, right? That's all we talked about was so-and-so's on this diet, they lost this much weight. It is so deeply ingrained and normalized to talk about weight, yeah. That it's like, oh, well, that's that's just something we talk about, right? Like, and no. And if you aren't thin and you're in a gaining season, um I don't think it's normal for people to say, gosh, you got bigger.

SPEAKER_01 16:01

Wow. Yeah. So so for me, I have experienced all the things, like, you know, being overweight, like all the diets, blah blah blah, being very, very, very unhealthy thin. Um, then, you know, up and down as an adult, and I got real tiny. And then you have people going, You need to eat a cheeseburger.

SPEAKER_00 16:25

Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:26

You you know, so And if you're stressed, and ever a lot of people are different, I gain weight when I'm stressed. You don't turn into You wither away. Yeah, I just I wither away if I'm stressed. So, you know, this is just something, and again, I've I'm seeing a lot more of it recently.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Um so Is it because do you think it's the rise of GLP ones and how it's it's back in Hollywood? It's like normal to be 90s crack skinny. Um I I assume a lot of it is projection. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:01

Like people just noticing because it's I don't know. It's it's weight is just something, and yeah, I think we talked about this before in another uh one of our other episodes. Again, it's sorry if we're coming back to it and it's annoying, but it's just so prevalent right now. It's everywhere. It literally is everywhere. People asking constantly, they'll talk to me about the the GLP ones and who they're good for, if they think they're good, if they think they're bad, um, all the different things. I have said this many a times. Um I think there is a place for them. And I do think that they have a lot of great benefits. Um as long as they're taken properly, as long as you're being responsible, as long as you have a medical professional who is watching over you, who is aware you're checking in, um, you're making sure that it's not depleting your muscle mass, it's not m messing with you psychologically, it's not causing any kind of adverse reactions to any other organs. There's so many side effects with every single medication that's out there. Um, but there's also so many positives that you can and have been proven to come from using a GLP1. Substance abuse is like one of the newest things.

SPEAKER_00 18:25

I think that's now in the reason they're they're currently studying it, right?

SPEAKER_01 18:29

It is. Well, they have been. They've found that. Oh, they did. Okay. Okay. Yes. So the study did come out that people with alcoholism, any kind of drug substance abuse, it helps because again, you have to think that this GLP1 is supposed to help with the food noise. Yeah. So what other noises is it actually helping with? Lots of addictions. So uh again, I do think that there's it's a good it there's a good place for it. And then they've also come to find that it helps with people with autoimmune because a lot of people with autoimmune have a lot of swelling and inflammation. So it helps to bring that down. It helps to decrease that. So different dosing. You can have somebody who's very thin, but maybe they need this to help with that because they've tried everything else and nothing else works. And that's where dosing would matter. That's where dosing would matter. That's why having to do it. Mine dosing always matters, but in that particular microdosing or whatever. And um, so I do think that there is a a place for it. I do think that it's a very useful medication and tool if it is paired the right well, watched and you're not just eating up you you have to have all the tools with it.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

Yeah, because if if not, all it really equates to if you're using it for weight loss is just not eating. Right. The difference is that it's quieting the hunger hormone, gremlin as well. So like it's easy starving. Right. Starving you can do.

SPEAKER_01 20:09

And I don't recommend it. And it it like again, i this this medication honestly doesn't help every single person. Gremlin. Gremlin? You said gremlin, but I liked it. It's okay. I did say gremlin.

SPEAKER_00 20:22

You know why? Because that's how I remember the hormone. Is it little gremlin in your Oh my goodness? What are you trying to say? It's the hunger hormone. Keep talking. I don't know, it just doesn't sound like I'm saying it right. Gremlin. The peptine hormone, often called the hunger hormone. Okay. I'm like, okay, sorry, please continue. It's gremlin, if anyone's curious. It's G-H R E L I N. And I remember it because I think of a little gremlin that lives in my stomach that tells me when I'm hungry.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

No, okay. See, I would never need that because I don't have that issue.

SPEAKER_00 21:02

You might well, you might have a lack of it. So you would need. Yeah, that's a good question. Is there something out there that um turns that on so that you eat? Like the opposite of a GLP one.

SPEAKER_01 21:18

Well, yeah, a lot of um like uh antidepressants have to be.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

Yeah, the SSRIs will cause you to I'm waiting for that study though, okay? Because I know okay, like anxiety, that's usually often all in our heads, right? You have those ruminating thoughts. Um, instead of getting on an SSRI where you're bound to have weight gain, what if it was combated with a GLP one? So you could at least stabilize weight.

SPEAKER_01 21:50

I mean, it that also comes down to the fact that unfortunately we we have a system where everything has to go to the FD. And the FDA has to approve it, but they have approved a lot of things that a majority of countries do not approve and do not allow in their food and in their makeup and any health, any beauty, you know, your shampoos, your and drug administration.

SPEAKER_00 22:17

They are working together. I'm sorry, conspiracy. I'm off of it. Go ahead. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 22:21

But we eat a lot of box, easy, quick, because we live again in such a fast pace, and that does not digest well. It does not, it's a lot filled with lots of carbs and sugars that are not. And we're stressed. And then our pancreas just cannot keep up. They were not, it was not built to keep up with.

SPEAKER_00 22:44

We are not doctors, but what we're saying is true for us. Yeah. This is our lived experience. Okay, go ahead. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

So body dysmorphia is a huge issue. I've been seeing a lot of it, hearing a lot of it, um, in my office. And I talk to people about it a lot. Uh I think to a certain extent, majority of people, uh, especially women, have dealt with that in some capacity or currently dealing with it. And guys, we're here for you. Um it's hard. And just know that it doesn't matter what size you are, as long as you're a good person, that's where it comes from. That's what matters most to everybody. Um people, if they look at you and that's their first thing or the first thing that comes out of your mouth, I just try to remind you that they're probably not happy about themselves. It probably has a lot more to do with them than you.

SPEAKER_00 23:39

That's where all the comments come from. Because as we said a hundred times now on this podcast, confidence looks like compliments and quiet. Yeah. They you don't talk unless you're prompted to and you need to, and usually it's a compliment and it's something positive. So oh my gosh, okay. This week, I don't know if it was just my hormones or do you ever have like in your cycle, you have like a span of days where you are just you are just ugly. Okay, girl. Like my skin gets paler. Like I I can visibly see I look different. I don't know how to describe it. Well, I was having one of those weeks last week, like I literally just felt so ugly, and I know that's stupid, and I I get it. All right, shut up, everybody. This is not about you, it's about me. I I'm telling you how I was feeling, and that's just the way it is. Um, I went to Starbucks and got coffee for my family, and I'm wearing my sunglasses, I have my eye patches on, like I'm just feeling like a troll. And and I pull up at some drive-thru because I'm not getting out of the car. That's ridiculous. Why would I do that? Yeah. You know, okay, I'm gonna finish my story. This is so funny. I was driving somewhere and it was a long drive, and I I just wanted to like get a breakfast sandwich and a coffee, like something. I passed two Starbucks, both of them did not have drive-throughs, and I did not stop. I went two hours without anything. I just did the car ride because I'm like, forget it. I can't, I can't could not be bothered. I don't know if it was lazy or if I was just you know, you just kind of like psych yourself up to go in to a place. Anyway, it was just I thought that was funny. Okay. Anyway, so I'm in the drive-thru and I pull up and I hand the barista um my card, and she's just has like a a little bit too long of eye contact. And I'm like, okay, like I'm already feeling, and I'm like, oh, it's probably the eye patches. I'm just like, oh my god. And she turns and she's handing my drinks, and she's like, I'm really sorry if I'm being weird. You're just so beautiful, and we're all talking about how beautiful you are, and we just you are goals. I wanted to come out of my body. I was like, if only you knew. So I fell right now. So you know what? I thought that was first of all, that was amazing because I need you need to hear that no matter what. Yeah. But for to say it to somebody is a whole new level of like con just I had so much respect for that person. So I said, I said, you know what, that is that is really kind. And I just said, but you know what? And I should I quoted our podcast. I just said, it's not really me, it's not what I look like. It has to do with who you are on the inside. That's what that's what's coming out. And I just told them that they just rock for just being for like going first and like saying a nice thing, even though like I did not believe it. But it was very nice in that moment, and I just was like, that's what it's about. It's about giving the compliment. Because honestly, we've all been there where you see we talked about this, a really good-looking person, and you do not want to give them a compliment. You were like, I bet they're bitches and nasty, and they're probably wonderful, but you don't you don't want to give them a compliment because you're feeling some sort of way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:28

That's the issue. But yeah. It is, and again, I think that's not ingrained in us to do it, unfortunately. So we have to make ourselves which feels harder. It feels like work, which is make yourself uncomfortable. Again, it's it's one of those like make yourself uncomfortable. Do something that makes you uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 27:47

Yeah, and that can look like just literally complimenting somebody, right? You know, um, I this is this is actually a good few years ago now. This is about three or four years ago. Um I was working out with a trainer. Her name's also Rachel. Hi, Rachel. I'm pretty sure she's listening. She um I was I was definitely feeling like large. Right. And she sensed it and she gave me a a practice. I had every day, I had to write down, it was it was three or five things I liked about myself. I really struggled with that. Like the first day, I was like, yeah, okay, I like my hair, I like my eyes, the and then it like I just sat there. Like, I remember like staring at my phone because it was in my notes, and it was one through I think it was five, five, five attributes or something about yourself, and I j I had nothing. Like Were you supposed to do something different every day? No, not necessarily different, but just the in that moment, what is something that you like about yourself? I mean, there were days where I really liked my nail color. I mean, it was so it was so revealing, yeah, that I in that season was like not feeling it. And I noticed it was only when I was thinking about the physical. Why when I really I like my personality, right? I like my smile, I like that I can listen to people, I like helping people like that. I could I could write any, you know, all day, any day. But when it came to me. Right and that um was very telling, and that really is what I would say that's what prompted me to really I don't want to say fix, but um prove to myself, like you are lovable. Yeah. So I challenge I challenge the audience to do that for like two weeks because it sounds so easy. It does sound easy, but I will tell you I've had to do that too before, and it's it's not, especially when your your mindset is just it's not there, and you're not feeling it, and like we've talked about, you could be the most confident person and you're stepping on blueberries and cleaning up cat throw-up, and you're just hating the day, and that's when it matters to choose the positive. Yep. So that's my story. I don't know where we're going from there. I feel like you were telling a story and I just completely hijacked the situation.

SPEAKER_01 30:21

No, I don't. Um, so when was the last time you went to a wedding?

SPEAKER_00 30:27

Oh, I just went to a w well, it's weird. I went to a wedding. And we we talked about it was kind of But it wasn't at the wedding, but it was. So yes. Um it's a yes, it's a long story, but I I have a large family, and I get it. My my cousin was the was the bride, and it was a kind of a choice of like invite one cousin or invite all the cousins. And I I get it, there's a lot of us. So they got married at a a really beautiful um venue, very small, and they had a restaurant as well. So I my family dined there, and then we kind of met up with the party after the ceremony, and then it was a thing. But I got I was kind of there, so yes, two weeks ago.

SPEAKER_01 31:09

Okay. Is that fair? Yeah, so we were recently invited to my boyfriend's uh nephew's wedding. Oh nice. Wow. I I've gotten a lot of I've been to a lot of weddings, I've been in a lot of weddings. I feel like if I could I could probably be close to that movie, like 21, 21 dresses or whatever, like people always want to be to be a bridesmaid, and I'm like, still not married, y'all. Like, always a bridesmaid still resonates, um still still current in my life. Anyways, so we get this invitation and didn't think anything of it. You have to go online because everything is online now. Um, so his his nephew is I think he's 23, 24, he's really young. Um his bride to be, I've only met her once. Um, anyways, this wedding is supposed to be at a winery. And no kids except if they're over 10. Oh, oh, so I'm uh okay. Even though on the invite it doesn't give you an option for that, but we found that out later. So my question is when was the most detailed description of what you could or could not wear to a wedding? Because there were Pinterest pictures of what was acceptable to wear, and I'm having an issue. I've been hearing this more and more. And um, yep. So I I'm sorry I'm probably being a little dramatic about this, but I don't even want to go because I'm not buying a specific dress for a wedding where I don't really know that many people. I'm gonna wear it for four hours, I'm gonna toss it away because it's supposed to be a floral dress and it's supposed to be floor length, and I do not look good in wallpaper.

SPEAKER_00 33:33

Florals. Yeah. We had a we talked about that.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

Yes. So it like re I the second I saw that and I saw the pictures, I was like, oh, what what does it specifically say? Does it say like looking for floor length evening floor? Florals, and it has to be ankle to floor length dresses specifically. Men must wear suits. Why don't you just wear a suit? That's what I thought about. I thought about that. But anyways, so then it specifically stated colors that were unacceptable to wear to this wedding. Okay. Wow. So I had a I had a floor-length dress and I was like, it's it was a light blue color. Uh-huh. And I was like, I could wear that. Yeah. Nope, can't wear light blue. Can't wear white, can't wear silver, can't wear light blue, can't wear black, can't wear. I think there was like a green or something like that. Can't wear that color. Okay? None of those colors. None of those colors are acceptable. It has to be, like I said, floor length. I don't know if it said anything about the the upper part of it, um, like your top half, like what it needed to look like or anything. Then it was into shoes. Can't wear stilettos, you can't wear like they didn't really want you wearing wedges. They want like then you can't wear black shoes, you can't wear white shoes, you can't wear silver shoes. I I mean, like it's literally written on this site that you can't wear any of these things, and and then it shows you pictures of this like one was like a yellow with flowers on it, and then another one was like pink with flowers on it, and I'm I'm over here like sweating the whole time. I'm looking at this, and I'm like, I will never wear something like this in my life. And then I thought to myself, can I wear a leopard print? Can I be that person? And then if they tell me it's unacceptable, where are they not gonna wear the win?

SPEAKER_00 35:32

Wait, let me let me put my eyeballs back in and put my my floor my chin off the floor.

SPEAKER_01 35:40

And and again, like I don't know that his like half of his family isn't going because of it. Half of his family is not going to go. Like his grandfather's not going because nobody wants to rent a suit for $200 or more for a wedding for a couple of hours.

SPEAKER_00 36:00

Yeah, I mean, okay, so that now they know that. Well, okay, so here's I have you you beat me to it. I was I had two two choices here. One, I have no respect for the nephew if he's letting this go on, and now his grandparents aren't gonna be at his own wedding. Problem number one. Maybe even a red flag, sir. Yeah. Um, and are they vetting out who they don't want there? I mean, as long as bride and groom are on the same wavelength and agreement, I mean, it's their union. And that's that's insane. I I have gone to one wedding where there was a strict dress code. Or I say strict, but it it was definitely like this is everyone's it's black tie. Like everybody's-and that I was excited because I'm like, you know what? Yeah. So my own wedding a hundred thousand years ago. I got married right before Pinterest. Uh so it's a blessing and a curse, right? Because I just I picked whatever was available and I missed out on so many cute things. But it's like, you know. But there's this one, my mom will like this story. There's this, there's this guy who attended our wedding, and I and he's some like distant relative of mine. I think they came in from Texas or Indiana or something. He's wearing a bright red polo with like white stripes, and he he's like Worzwaldo. He's in every picture. And I had a very like I my wedding was in May. I had like dusty rose, like it was just a very like soft spring wedding, and then you've got this bright, and I remember my mom was like, She went to the photographer like when we were going through all the photos, and she's like, delete this every time you see this man, I want him removed, or that or they changed a shirt. I don't remember what they did, but it was like it was a lot, and he sat he sat like third row center aisle, like he was in every single photo.

SPEAKER_02 38:14

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 38:14

My mom was dying. Anyway, so I I understand a loose dress code. The florals one, that's that's next level. Like that's that's insane.

SPEAKER_01 38:27

I but here's the thing, like I was gonna ask you, do you have something I can wear? Because I and then I think about it, I'm like, so I need to go out and buy something like that, but then I'm also gonna need it altered because I'm short.

SPEAKER_00 38:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:40

I'm not I don't want to spend that kind of money. So then here's my wild crazy thought. What if I buy something that's floor length and it's like deep V, yeah, and deep down the back?

SPEAKER_00 38:52

Yeah. Oh, yeah, because then you get the pattern away from your f I support this.

SPEAKER_01 38:56

And I'm like, I mean, maybe I could find something like that, but then would that be inappropriate?

SPEAKER_00 39:03

She should have thought of that. You have to beat these people at their own game if they're being if they're being ridiculous.

SPEAKER_01 39:09

I mean, I have never seen, and like I said, the the pictures of the dresses, I was like, oh, hail to the no.

SPEAKER_00 39:16

I honestly I would wear a suit. I'm I'm like not even kidding.

SPEAKER_01 39:19

But and here's the here's the best part. Like, I can't even really drink at this because there's not any hotels that are close by. Okay, and little local winery? Yeah, it's in PA, but it's it's a ways away. Okay, and the hotel, the closest hotel is like 25 minutes. So who's gonna Uber?

SPEAKER_00 39:43

Who planned this wedding? This is this is a this is what we call poor planning. I don't can't have your child, right?

SPEAKER_01 39:49

Which means you have to get night care. I'm gonna have to drive home. So I'm like, this wedding I'm gonna go to for like four hours. I can't drink. I have to be. No, I told him to go by himself. I said, You can you can go by yourself. There is an option. I or we can both just not go, and then I'm like, is that rude?

SPEAKER_00 40:07

Because I do like his nephew, but I'm just like, I yeah, I you're you're making a face that is warranted. Like it's a it's a I'm concerned. It's like a bulging-eyed, like wide-eyed, like what the you know what? But like floral, can you see me in floral? Oddly enough, I can, but it has to be the right floral, and I'm thinking like purple. Is purple an approved color?

SPEAKER_01 40:33

No, I think that was one of the ones on the list, too.

SPEAKER_00 40:36

May that makes me want to.

SPEAKER_01 40:39

I'm not even a bridesmaid. Okay. Can you imagine?

SPEAKER_00 40:41

Let's you know what? Let's take a moment of silence for the bridesmaids of this this this effect because I can only imagine. I mean, that that's that's pretty bad. That's honestly, like, I thought it was bad. Now I'm hearing that if you get married, now it's not bachelor at nights, it's like full-on weeks, even weekends.

SPEAKER_01 41:02

Weekends. What are we doing? Like, well, I mean, I would say, like, I think a lot of times like they do go for a couple of days. So the last one I went to was in Tennessee. It was a couple of days. For the bachelor's crazy destination.

SPEAKER_00 41:19

Um anything. My sisters was like that too. And then, and was it like this where they have like every night is themed? Mm-hmm. Who's making this kind of money where you can have costumes and dresses, and they're having ones where they're all dressed as as old ladies and it was just like shirts and like each day was planned. It's very Instagram-y, it's fun, I get it. And most girls that I meet who are in these situations, that's the first thing that they're complaining about is I don't know how I'm gonna afford this.

SPEAKER_01 41:53

I would rather be a guest at a wedding than in a wedding, because again, I've been in lots of them. Well, you may as well be in it now with this kind of strict dress code. I still think you should wear a suit. I was thinking about that, but I really would want to wear like a the suit, it said suit, right? Okay, but that's black, but you can't women can't wear a gray suit. I don't I don't think the suit had a specific color. I I would have to look at it again. Um but I still like okay, oh a suit for me, like what am I gonna wear underneath? Because I can't wear white and what am I gonna wear, like hot pink? Because I I I don't think that's not my wheelhouse with a floral tie.

SPEAKER_00 42:40

Oh my god. So I think it was Gilmore Girls. Did you ever watch Gilmore Girls? Yes, I did. Do you remember when I think her name was Emily and Richard, the grandparents, they got like they renewed their vows or something, and Rory was the best, best girl or something. I don't know. Anyway, it was adorable. She had a suit and she had this her hair was like back in such a way. I remember seeing that episode, and I was like, that is my style. I want to lock in on that. Like she had the cutest. This is when everyone, it was the episode I think when Logan came and he was like finally like sharing his feelings or something for her. And it was a big big episode. But then her outfit was the takeaway. It was a really cute suit, and it was fitted, and she was petite, and she had her hair and like a neat loose bun in the back and her little side bang. That would probably be more expensive than a dress. Probably, yeah. Yeah, that's true. And then when would I wear that again? I don't know. But it's just to fight the system. I don't know. Everyone's invested now. You have to go to this wedding. One, because show me a floral that doesn't have all of those colors in the month of May. Would love to see that. Um And I just need I need to know, I need to you have to provide pictures. I'll be I'm gonna make sure that. This is a slutty drone. I think you should. I think you should. I think you should make her regret having these kinds of parameters because you're like, well, this is the only thing that I could make work. I mean, you've got a nice upper top floor here. You could you could really show them off.

SPEAKER_01 44:17

I yeah, I just, and I'm sure that that's I probably sound like I'm being such a V-I-T-C-H about it, and it's somebody else's wedding, and I shouldn't. I just feel like if y'all knew how tall I was and how hard this um is going to be, and then the amount of money that I'm going to have to put out to find it.

SPEAKER_00 44:40

Look, anybody who would be in this situation would have these very same opinions. And you're allowed to just smile and nod the day of the wedding. And I'm so happy to be here.

SPEAKER_01 44:50

If I have to put out money like that, it needs to be something that I'm going to wear again. So that's why I'm like, okay, well, it needs to be.

SPEAKER_00 44:58

I'm looking up floral wedding guests, dresses.

SPEAKER_01 45:04

They have to be floor, like ankle to floor.

SPEAKER_00 45:08

But again, what kills me is the the color. Um, look at this one. It's not floral, but it's like that watercolor with my little gesture that I was doing last episode or whatever.

SPEAKER_01 45:20

Okay. Like that's not terrible, but I don't terrible.

SPEAKER_00 45:22

I don't know. Is that the dress code? Are you allowed to wear those colors?

SPEAKER_01 45:25

I it's a light blue.

SPEAKER_00 45:27

I'll link it, everybody. I only got two stars. Oh, well, that's probably because it's cute though. I like that. I'll I'll link it, everybody. Don't worry. Um In fact, I need to make a note. In fact, everybody go get that dress and then we'll all find out when the wedding is and we'll crash it. Yeah. We'll just be we'll just be visiting the winery.

SPEAKER_01 45:49

I would wear that, but again, I'm probably gonna need it altered by the time I get it. And maybe.

SPEAKER_00 45:54

I this I'm looking at Lulu's everybody's L-U-L-U-S. I we're the set the same height, and I always have luck with their dresses. Not always, not always, because you know now that I've said that, you will have an issue. No, I will have an issue. Um But I just really the entitlement of like, oh, that one's cute too, but you can't wear that. Why? Because it's uh it's pink and metallic. I'll link that one too, everybody. Don't worry.

SPEAKER_01 46:25

I mean, it's a look, I just don't know. I uh Is it is it too silvery? Because he can't have silver. I mean that's not I know it's not silver.

SPEAKER_00 46:34

It's not silver. Oh, wait, I take it back. This one's nice too. And this one's like it's green, but you're not allowed to wear green. I don't think I don't, yeah. This is so silly. I got everyone's invested now, so oh look, yellow. Oh, that's hideous. That's a bad yellow. That would not that would not sound like that. Oh that speaking of yellow. What do you think? I love them. Rachel is showing me her nails, and she has is that is that rose gold? We're like filming in the dark, but that's yellow with chrome. I see it now. Well, see, that's just the right amount of yellow. Right. I I I like you in yellow. I think it's a mute. That's exactly right.

SPEAKER_01 47:22

It needs to be it's not bright, y'all.

SPEAKER_00 47:25

It's it's just not it's but that's okay because your season is a soft season. That is your first attribute. So everything you get, that's what comes first. Soft. I think it was called like butter yellow or something like that. You know, like a very yeah. So when you get your nails done, do you go by like the season or a holiday? Or do you just go with like whatever?

SPEAKER_01 47:52

I just kind of think go with whatever I'm thinking, and then also time frame, like um how much how much time do I have to sit there? Because there I used to get tons of designs.

SPEAKER_00 48:04

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 48:05

And I just don't have time for that a lot lately. But my last one was a little, I had a couple designs, and I like that. That was uh like a baby blue. I liked that one. That was nice. Um, but I mean we have you know, Easter and then spring is here, so I guess but then again, I feel like those colors are kind of like in that palette, like Easter color, you know, like Yeah, I wouldn't look at your nails and say they're Easter Easter.

SPEAKER_00 48:35

And I didn't do it for that either. But I would look at your nails on Easter and I'd be like, oh, those are appropriate. I like that. Yeah, they're not like you don't have Easter eggs on your nails. And if you're getting Easter eggs on your nails, that's great.

SPEAKER_01 48:47

Yeah. Um like Christmas. Um I will sometimes do maybe like snowflakes or things like that, but I've done a reindeer. Um I've never done a snowman. Oh, I should do a snowman. I've never done a Santa. Oh, it seems a commitment on a nail. Um candy canes.

SPEAKER_00 49:08

Oh, well that's that's acceptable. You know. I um No, I don't think I've ever gotten any kind of I think I did like a black heart once for Valentine's Day, like two years ago. I don't I still struggle with color, like on my nails. Like um if in the winter time, if I have like Christmas time, if I have an event, I'll usually just match it to the outfit I'm wearing, which is usually a holiday color. But no, I don't un I I would say I go by season, but not holiday.

SPEAKER_01 49:44

I would say I probably go more by season than I do holiday unless it's around winter time, and then I might get a little bit festive. Festive. I think nails tell a lot about a person's personality. Yeah. I used to be very plain. I used to just do French.

SPEAKER_00 49:59

Oh, so this is this is branching out.

SPEAKER_01 50:01

Because this is like when I was younger. When I was younger, like in my you know, teens and tw and early twenty.

SPEAKER_00 50:08

Well everybody had a French then too.

SPEAKER_01 50:10

Like that's all I ever did was I just did a French. I didn't do anything outside of that. Um and I would say probably until right after I had my son, I that's when I started venturing into a little more, okay, let's see what's out there. Let's see what's out there, design stuff, but man, those designs. It's expensive, expensive.

SPEAKER_00 50:34

Yeah. I was a serious nail biter. Yes. Like most well, no, just all of my childhood. I was always so embarrassed. Um, when I was pregnant, I took the um multivitamin thing. Right. Prenatals. Had like nails for the first time in my life, and then that's when I decided. I'm like, moms have nails. Like, that's I'm a mom now. I'm gonna stop biting my nails. That's how I stopped. I just stopped cold turkey. I just decided. Back to owning your do you know what I did?

SPEAKER_01 51:13

What I I put nails on so I would stop biting my nails. It works.

SPEAKER_00 51:16

I mean, that works. Why not? That's my nail story. It's a really interesting one, I know. But now you know, and we're we're closer because of it. Absolutely. Um well this was a good this was good. This was this was a deep semi-judgmental, fun, serious. We were all over the place today. We were, yeah. And then we're gonna do another one. But you're not gonna know, the listener, because you have to wait. Ha ha. Um, so tune in next time. Right? That's all we got for you today. Yeah, and don't be shy. Um, I see that you all are listening, but give us um give us some feedback. Don't be scared. We can take it. Um, write us a review. Um, leave a comment, have a topic for us, let us know. Absolutely, we're here for it. We are at the beauty files pod on Instagram. I think I said that right. I always forget if we're the or not the okay. But email us, it's just beauty filespod at outlook, which is in the show notes. Um, I'm at in afternoon with Amy. I'm at Exquisite Med Spa. And um, stay tuned because next episode I think we're gonna share some some dates of events. Okay, yeah. And some other stuff. Obviously. Some other stuff, obviously, yeah. All right. So it's been real. Case close. Bye. Bye.