The Beauty Files Podcast

Case #009

• The Beauty Files • Episode 9

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Today's Show Notes:

Cyclical Vomiting Syndrome:  https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/cyclic-vomiting-syndrome/symptoms-causes/syc-20352161

SPEAKER_01

I forgot to tell you. Um, well, there's no actually there's nothing to say, but it it's what could have happened, and that was really funny. Uh I was potentially attacked by a goose. I mean, every all the signs were there, okay. Okay. I was in the parking lot of Coles in York, and walking towards the door, and there's a goose just right in front of the entrance. I'm like, okay. So I proceed to like go around him to the right to pass him, but then I see Mother Goose. Oh. She's sitting in a very particular way on a like a flower box next to the entrance, and her mouth is open. Ooh. She's not happy. So I was like, oh, okay. I can't go that way. So then I take some steps back. Now I'm like, it's just in the middle of the street, because you know, that near the parking lot, then the road, and then the entrance. So then I'm like walking backwards and slow so that they don't think I'm threatening. Then I have to go around Father Goose, and he's like, he's not walking towards me, but he's watching me. And I was getting very nervous because have you seen videos of people getting attacked by geese?

SPEAKER_00

Oh yeah, they're n they're mean.

SPEAKER_01

It's hilarious until it's happening to you. And it's never happened to me, and I was not about to be on someone's TikTok. So because you know someone's filming me right now in the parking lot. So anyway, so I I successfully went around. Um, but I just wanted to say, you know, shout out. This is we're in the season. This is this is goose season. Duck duck goose. Right? Uh welcome back to the beauty files. Uh oh, I love that. Um, so if you listen to these, yes. If you if you listen to these in in order, um, you'll learn or you remember that we were filming back to back. You don't get to know that though, like until now, if if you're just now listening. But um, so last episode we talked about how Rachel is looking for a dress for this um strict wedding, we'll say. Uh, and she's showing me a continuation of of findings. And and that's a really cute one, too, and I feel like we should link that as well. Maybe I'll even link that in the previous episode, just so people are aware. But I feel like that's that's the one. Now it is black.

SPEAKER_00

Right, I don't care.

SPEAKER_01

I I agree.

SPEAKER_00

I think the other one that we really liked was like ivory and yeah, well that's a no-go too.

SPEAKER_01

And she has to pick. You're either wearing white to a wedding or black that has flowers on it. You should send floral. She may as well just send you a dress at this point. Like she should send all the all the in uh the guests, just let them know what they just where they can pick up their garment. It's ready for you. Yeah. Did you ever dream of that? Did you ever like, okay, like thinking like Cinderella, you know, and like I'm trying to think of like a movie where that happened where like like a guy, you know, he's he's the you're about to go on a date with him and he has this big box and you lift the lid and there's a beautiful dress and you get to wear it that evening. And do you ever like skeek out on like wanting that ever?

SPEAKER_00

I mean, yeah, but realistically, well it'll never happen.

SPEAKER_01

It's no, that's definitely not. Yeah, I always dream of that. At least I used to. Now now I'm like, please don't pick out my clothes. Like don't. And that's just anybody. Don't buy me any clothes ever. I'm ridiculous. I bought you a couple of things, but not clothes. That's true. Usually you're you're pretty good on gifts and things.

SPEAKER_00

I just try to pay attention a little bit.

SPEAKER_01

That's good. That makes that means you're a good gift giver. Not everyone is. Are you a good gift receiver?

SPEAKER_00

Um I I don't I No? I would prefer to give than get.

SPEAKER_01

I love, love giving gifts. Like I love it. I do too. And I hate receiving gifts because I never want to disappoint of like so then my response doesn't even feel genuine, even if it even if it could be. Right. I f I'm like, oh, this is sounding not genuine, even though it is, but it's like, oh I gotta amp it up. No, that sounds more fake. I live in my head. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

That's really a lot of us do.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I I'm appreciative, um, but then I'm also like I'm like, well, should I get them something?

SPEAKER_01

Oh you know, yeah, I have a I have a hard time with that as we all get older with like the gift giving. It's like if you see someone, even if you haven't seen them in a long time, during the month of December, like it's you have to have a gift for them. Right. And I don't I want to say I don't like that, but I don't like that. Yeah. Because I didn't know that. I remember seeing somebody, I mean, truly, we might see them like twice a year, and it wasn't even like a a Christmas um event. It's just that that's when our schedules anyway. We show up and she has a gift. And I'm like, no, that's not fair. Honestly, that's not a thing. And it was really nice of her. It was very, it was very nice, but that's not the point. It was a little gesture, and it was annoying because I didn't have anything. Didn't have anything felt inadequate at that moment. Yes, and she was just like me, I'm not expecting anything. And that's that is the truth. If I have a gift for you, I am I'm praying you don't have one for me. Right. Because I live in my head. And I believe her when she said that to me. But oh, being on the other end of that, knowing that you like giving gifts, yeah, was brutal.

SPEAKER_00

Well, it's like I I don't feel as bad if somebody were to give it to me like a birthday. Do you know what I mean? So it's like birthday's okay. It's different. That's different. But if it's just like some random, you're just kind of like, why? I know.

SPEAKER_01

Unless I don't know, because I do really, I do really love the hey, I saw this and I thought of you. I thought of you. And those usually make me cry because they're usually always like rain cloud related, and I just like that's my goal. Like I on my the day of my funeral, it needs to be pouring down rain and like delay it unto as many days as you need to until it rains, because that's that's what I need. But when people when it's raining out and usually people are like gloomy and not happy about it, I want you to know that I'm happy. Like I I need that weather to it's like how me as an introvert, it's how I recharge. Like nothing not related to being an introvert, but just in general, that's how I recharge. When it's sunny out, I'm the biggest bitch. Like I just I know I am, like I just feel like I just don't I don't feel good. And I will check the forecast and see when it's gonna rain.

SPEAKER_00

We're supposed to get a lot of rain. I think um, well, also if it's sunny out, it's like you have to go do things, like you need to be productive.

SPEAKER_01

On a rainy day, it's okay to be recluse and yes, but I know that's where I'm different because I get stuff done on a rainbow. Where you don't on a sunny day? Sunny days, I'm I'm just really like not like today. Today was moping around. Yeah, but it was really cold out and windy. I don't well though I hate wind. I know, but the the cold I well, we all know I don't mind, I don't mind the cold, but I just sunny days, I'm just not I'm just not my best self. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I I mean I like sunny days. I like warm days. Like Thursday. Thursday was nice, but I was working all day, so I didn't really get to experience it.

SPEAKER_01

I know, I always feel bad for people that aren't enjoying. I was I was working that day as well, and I had to go into the go to the bank, and I remember like feeling like bad for the the teller because she was like, Enjoy this day, it's really nice out. I'm here till six. I'm like, I'm sorry. Like, what I will I'll enjoy it for you. Like, what are you supposed to say to that? Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, those days are coming, you know. Summer's, you know, spring's here. We're gonna have those days. Summer's coming, so it'll be nice.

SPEAKER_01

Um when they're sprinkled in like this, though, I do enjoy them. Like when it was, what was it? It was actually 80 degrees.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it got down to 80. It was it was very nice. I'll tell you though, though, my allergies and oh, do you have allergies? Oh, I have them all year round, but when it goes back and forth like this, it like super just it's not fun. And like my eyes get everything gets itchy and I get really I have dry eye and it like makes it ten times worse. That's terrible this time of year when it's like back and forth, back and forth. So um that is one thing that I do not enjoy very much. But you know, I don't have allergies. I you know, and the other thing too, um if you don't have them, like feel happy because it affects most people, like it'll also affect my entire body.

SPEAKER_02

No.

SPEAKER_00

So, like, you know, you get really itchy, that comes down to the skincare. Okay, what kind of products can you use? But then I struggle because if I use certain things, I will break out all over my body. So it's just uh a time of year where finding a balance. I was just gonna say, this sounds like a balancing act in an absolute cluster. It is because like certain things are too occlusive, lotions that are too thick are not good, and I can wear certain lotions on certain areas and then certain ones not, and it sounds like you have experience with this. Yeah, I do.

SPEAKER_01

You, the listener, if you're noticing that your winter routine is not quite doing what it was doing for you, you might want to visit Exquisite Med Spa. And they're not honestly, Rachel can just look at your current regimen and be like, make these two changes and off you go. Like, you're not always gonna be, and I think some people have that fear of like, well, if I go there, they're gonna get me on the hook to buy something or upsell me. And there are, I mean, yes, there are places that are like that, but not at Exquisite Med Spa. At Exquisite, you know what? Are you tired of podcast ads? Well, you've come to the right place because we are self-sponsored. That's right. This episode is sponsored by Exquisite Med. That's not true, actually. It's sponsored by Rachel Nolden and um and Amy Burns. And and um you won't get any ads. No, not here. Not not yet, anyway. Um I don't I mean that'd be cool.

SPEAKER_00

It would be maybe maybe one day in the in the in the future. But uh that means you guys have to uh like and subscribe. Subscribe and leave a review. Leave a review and ask us uh some questions. What topics are uh on your mind?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, don't be shy. Um I will take it personally uh if you start being shy. We would like some engagement. Absolutely. Um yeah. Something. Give us something. Give us a bad review just so we can comment and talk about it.

SPEAKER_00

But really, no, we want a good review. I mean, we do, we do, but I mean if you just don't like our voice today, we get it. We do a little uh I think your voice is great.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, your little coffee on the last episode or cleary throaty.

SPEAKER_00

Oh yeah. But that's that's allergies, baby. That's it. That's what this is. Like right now, it's just my whole body is kind of like feels like fire ants are everywhere. It's awesome because this weather is just amazing. What do you think it is that's giving you that response? I'm literally allergic to everything outside. Wow, it's so bad. And one of the biggest things that I am allergic to is corn smut. Y'all, we are just like surrounded by like corn fields and everything else growing up. Like, it is rough. It is rough when that's going to be done like the testing and all that. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm I'm allergic to so many different things that like weird things. Um I had uh I don't know if we talked about like animals that we had growing up. So I grew up on a horse farm. Yeah, we did not talk about this. And obviously, you know, we always had cats because they would just show up. Like what what happens? So we did have, you know, inside indoor cats and everything else, but our house that we um grew up in is an old farmhouse, very, very old half of it, and then the other half um was renovated and they put on an addition. Well, we used to always get, you know, um uh little farm mice, you know, sometimes they would feel mice. Yeah, like the field mice that would um sometimes you would hear them in the walls sometimes. It's comforting. And it, you know, we we had exterminators come out, but that was just part of it. Well, I loved mice. Okay. I thought they were the cutest thing ever. And my mom and dad let me get two pet mice, and I named them Iris and Lacey. These those were very specific names. They were very specific names, and I loved Iris and Lacey, and do you know how long I kept those mice alive for? Oh, ooh, this could go either way. I don't know. Three years. The vet was like Is that not common? No. Not at all, especially like the being in a cage and stuff like that. But they were like my little babies, and um, they eventually succumbed, they got tumors and they got cancer, and I was super sad. Um, and they died pretty close to each other, like within a couple hours. Yeah, that's do you think they had like that that twin connection? Like Yeah, I uh maybe um they were you know from the same litter, which is good because a lot of times if you get them outside of that, like they can kind of fight and attack each other and so it wasn't it wasn't good. Um, but they were my little babies, and do you know that I am severely allergic to mice? And horses, okay. I grew up with horses, wow, and I would always have to eat allergy meds because I worked on a horse farm. And you had mice, as possible. And I had pet mice, and I rode, and I literally did everything. Hey, I'm allergic to and growing up, my body would just feel like there were fire ants underneath of it at all times. I would have to come inside and like peel everything off and shower immediately, and it was just awful. And I didn't have testing until I was older, and they were like, Yeah, you're like allergic to everything. And I was like, these are all the things I love.

SPEAKER_01

At least you didn't, I don't know, like it. That's what I'm saying. Like, if you want to, this is why I really have like little to no tolerance for people who make excuses about certain things. It's like, no, you just didn't want to do it, and that's okay. It's okay to not want to do it, but don't sit here and give me some sob story because like you, I can think of so many situations where I really was not well, but because I wanted to do a thing, I went and did the thing and dealt with it.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, like it was I we I would come home and have hypes all over me, like on a regular basis. Everyone would just look at me and it was just like, eh, I'm gonna go get a shower, and I'm just really itchy. And I remember so many times putting lotion on and sitting in front of a fan because it was like I was trying to do whatever I could to just stop myself from itching incessantly. Um, that to this day, people look at me and they're like, I'm tiny, and I can eat Benadryl like candy and still function normally. Like I can eat eat Benadryl in hours, and people are like, How are you still awake? Yeah, let alone like smiling, walking around, anything. And I'm like, I don't know, I'm fine. Got tolerance built up.

SPEAKER_01

Well, from the age of 12 to 25, 20, yeah, 25. Um, I had something that I learned later. It's called CVS, cyclical vomiting syndrome. And there's like walks for it now. And I was I got my gallbladder out, I don't know, like a hundred years ago, 2011. And I remember the doctor being like, You have that? And I said, Yeah. And he's like, Oh, I would you be interested in doing a study on it? Because it's like we're just learning about it, and I was like, That's right.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

So cyclical vomiting syndrome is basically what it sounds like. Uh for me, it was every month if I was stressed, really stressed, or every three months, like clockwork, I would get this just this stomach ache. I just knew immediately what it was, and it would go for hours, and then the vomiting would start, and I would vomit until I passed out. And then I'd wake up the next day and just be really sore and queasy. Yeah. Um, I'm not joking. From 12 to 25, I had it every month or every three months. Never, and I was like, well, it's just sore my life. So I had it down, like timed. I'm like, I have until this time, until vomiting starts. I have vomited in places you just cannot even imagine. I vomited while driving in a bucket, driving home because I missed the timeline. I got it wrong. I vomited in the back of cars, the sides of cars, opening cars, just out. I I just it did not stop my living. I remember I was at work one time and I had I had the stomach ache, and there was an exterminator there, and he was doing his whole thing, and he's talking to me, and I'm like, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. The moment he like turned around to walk away, I threw up right there in the trash can.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, you make it work. So I always know what I'm going to. Do you like my mouth will just start to fill with saliva? Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Like, and that's when I'm like, oh, I yeah, it's like right in the jawline and under your tongue. Yeah. But this this was um, yeah, I oh man, I still have like just forever gratefulness. It stopped. Yeah. It uh I feel like it was hormonal almost, um, because it started when I was 12. And then after I had, I mean, I did I had it when I was pregnant. I remember like, I mean, when I say like this was like violent vomiting. Sorry if that's the problem for some people to listen to. Um, I remember being like worried about the fetus. Because I'm thinking, like, oh my god, am I like killing my child? No, that's fine. Um, and then the day the day after we came home from the hospital, I had it. Oh. And this was when I think it was like Hurricane Sandy or something. Well, that's kind of like what my my husband did at the time. He had to go on storm. I remember my mom had to come over because I was just I couldn't function. I was I passed out. Like I had a newborn baby, and that was like one of the last times. That weird. Yeah. Now, now they think it's they describe it as a migraine in your stomach. Oh. Now my dad had debilitating migraines when he was a child. Like his hands would go numb and he would get now.

SPEAKER_00

I still get like ocular migraines, but my brother gets those really bad, and he just has to be in a dark room.

SPEAKER_01

Yep. Now I don't get the pain, so I'm happy about that. But again, that's another thing. I just I make it work. Like I could look at you and like half your face would be gone, and then I would just live my life. I would go drive a car. So really never assume that people are normal on the road. You don't know what they're doing. They could be barfing into buckets, it could be not seeing half the road. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

That's sometimes yeah, you just keep going.

SPEAKER_01

You just but I haven't had it. Yeah, it's been it's been quite some time. But it is funny because there's this joke with my mother-in-law. Every time she visited, or I went to visit her, she lives um in Wales, I would get it. Um and I and it was a joke. I mean, it's a joke because she was like, Oh, great, you know, you stressed or whatever. And I'm like, no, you know, it's it's good and bad stress. And I only met one other person who had it, and we talked, in fact, it was really hysterical because she was a waxer and she was giving me a Brazilian wax at the same time. I don't I'll never do that again. Um, it was traumatic. But she was like, Oh yeah, I used to get that. I would go to the hospital. I'm like, I probably should have. Because she's like, Yeah, you vomit until you are she's like, that's why you would pass out. You were dehydrated and your body Oh my gosh. I was like Like, oh, I didn't like think I should take care of myself. Huh. Well. So hopefully I never have it again. But apparently that's what I should have done was go to the hospital.

SPEAKER_00

I was gonna say you were probably severely dehydrated at that point.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah. It's a good time. I don't recommend it. I can't imagine. Yeah, zero out of five stars. So anyway, so you have um a topic that you said.

SPEAKER_00

That has been presenting itself over and over again.

SPEAKER_01

It's a hot topic, everybody.

SPEAKER_00

This week, and I just thought it was very interesting that this came up, and it wasn't just it was like all ages, not just one age. Okay. Like, you know, like we're all intrigued. You know, that are in their early 20s, all the way to people, you know, that are in their 60s, and it's like it seems to be a very um accurate, true statement across the board for many a people. And so if if I would say that to you, what would you think the topic would be? Well, it's not fair because I know the topic.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, but if you didn't, if I didn't know the top geez, that's like trying to unlearn of all ages.

SPEAKER_00

All ages, something that's just very prevalent. Something that most women can resonate with, like it resonates with them, and they're just like, hmm. Regardless of whether you have children or you don't.

SPEAKER_01

See, okay, I well, I know the topic, so it is difficult. But my mind would have gone to what we talked about last episode, which was about like body, how but like how you view your body kind of thing. But please, it is related, but it is kind of related.

SPEAKER_00

So this is, you know, um sorry if it's uh TMI um or a little uh intrusive. But sex.

SPEAKER_01

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. It's true. So, you know, I think that this is relevant when it comes to um a lot of different things, like especially it comes to body image, how we view ourselves and like what makes you what makes you feel good, what doesn't, um, what mentally gets you going, regardless of what it is in life, um, and what doesn't. Um and so what I have noticed and what the topic seems to be is um related to what what gets you going and what doesn't. And like we were talking about how you know most women just aren't we don't want it all the time. Like it's just not something that a lot of us could take it or leave it. We might have moments where we want something more than than other moments. Um, but then it comes to okay, what do you have to do? How hard is it for you to get to that place, to get to that, oh my gosh, to get to your peak. Is it as easy as it is for men? No. Most of us it takes a lot. But we were specifically saying, for like most of the women were saying foreplay isn't really right before sex. It's everything leading up to it. It's the full day. From the moment you s stopped the last, you know, from the moment it ended up until the next moment that it comes. Yes. Um, and everybody was just pretty much like, no, foreplay is not like what it used to be, where it's like, oh, making out and like touching and like all of those different things. Like, it really didn't wasn't really something that got us going the way that you would think it would. What got most of us going was oh you clean the dishes. I was just gonna say you wash the dishes. You clean the dishes. Oh, you did the laundry? You did you picked the kids up from school? Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01

We're not asking for much. Okay. Yeah, I um I and I don't know what the science is behind this because you know, you you've got uh what's the stupid thing? The the love languages. The five love languages, okay. So it's some people believe in them completely and some people do not. I verdict out because I feel like I'm every single love language. Like I need all of them. A certain mood of me needs all of them. Right. Um, so it's like, okay, so what you just listed would be like acts of service. So the five love languages, let me get this right. It's physical touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, and gift giving, I think. Gift, yeah, like receiving gifts. And how you receive love can be different than how you give love. Like I could feel um appreciated and loved with acts of service, but I might give love with words of affirmation and gifts. Okay. Um, so which is it's like, well, this is endless. Yeah. So I could be telling my husband all day, you are the greatest. I love you. You're I'm so proud of you. Look at all the hard work you're doing. And he might be like, uh thanks. But I don't, that's not how I receive love. He might be like, Well, it would be nice if you like touch my arm, you know, like anything. Give me a kiss on the cheek. Yeah, and and like my child, very different. She's 100% um quality time. So it's like, how deep do you want to get out? I know, right? But I do agree. I have it is fun to have this conversation just out with with a bunch of women because that I feel that is the most common is the acts of service removing things off of our plates. Yeah. Because we, you know, being general here, women run the household. Yeah. And it's a lot.

SPEAKER_00

It's a lot, it's a lot.

SPEAKER_01

And we we appreciate like it's it's just I don't know, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna get into like gender roles and all that crap, but like everybody's doing their part in a normal household. But ours, I I would say our hours of operation are longer than say a said work day, especially if you're working and running the home. So usually, yeah, even if it's like, okay, you made it up to dinner time, depending on your child's age, helping them get a bath. Yeah. Helping them with homework. Do you do they pack a lunch? You need to make lunches. Are they that an are they at an age where you have to like constantly tell them over and over again? So you're still policing the situation. It's exhausting. Yeah. And then by the time nine o'clock rolls around and your husband's like, hey, what's up? You're like, I'm dead inside, and I'm gonna go to sleep.

SPEAKER_00

So I'm dead. Don't touch me. Or if you want me, like, I'm just gonna lay here. I know. Oh god. I know I mean, look.

SPEAKER_01

There had, I think there's um, I heard on some like relationship podcast or something, it was like the couple had they had sex twice a week at most, like that was the goal. And one of them was like burn all your clothes, like it's the hottest night ever. The other, and that was the goal, right? Expectation. The other one was they called it boring married sex, just just as a form of connection. So it was like no expectations, and usually that was the one that was fulfilled, not the blow your socks off one, which I kind of appreciate, like I like that because at least you're getting something during the at one day of the week, but it is it's like okay, we're that's the new the new cool thing to do now is scheduling, scheduling sex.

SPEAKER_00

And let me ask, is that something you do? Do you actually schedule it? No, I do not.

SPEAKER_01

I feel like that would be really hard because what if you got sick or what if well, okay, so obviously there's always room to move, but the the theory behind it is because some people get it done. Well, right, because it's it's on my list. I gotta do it. Um, some people have a negative thought of oh, well, if you have to schedule it, then it must not be a priority. But then you've got, well, I'm scheduling it. I want to make sure it happens. I'm prioritizing. So it's all in how you view it intentionally. I think I lean towards the one where you're prioritizing what's important by putting it on the calendar, and it's up to you to make it sexy. Like if you know it's coming up, it's we'll go with hump day, it's Wednesday, whatever. Um, you can decide that that's gonna be something sexy and fun. You can send a flirty text throughout the day, because that's what they say for women. It's hours prior to the event. And it's not like I don't want to see explicit sexual messages. I want, like, hey, how's it going? How's your day? What do you want to do later? You should I make cocktails? Like, what would you like to drink?

SPEAKER_00

Like, it's right, it's setting me up. Yes. Subtle knot in your face, hey. I'm gonna stick my yeah, yeah. That's that's different.

SPEAKER_01

And no, that's not for me.

SPEAKER_00

Or or the memes.

unknown

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01

Do you know it's a term for memes? It's called pebbling. Did you know that? No, I didn't. Yeah, it's a ch apparently we're it's 2026. We're meme culture now is taking over the our uh our vernacular, but it's called pebbling and it's sending little memes. So yeah, I know. I yeah, we all learned something. So, what does it look like for you? Do your parents on this podcast? Because mine do. I have to be uh incredibly uh careful.

SPEAKER_00

No, I mine do not. So um, but apparently my son does. I found that out great the last weekend, yeah. Oh boy.

SPEAKER_01

Well, he's gonna you might want to turn this one off, boy.

SPEAKER_00

He's like, hey mom, I I found your uh I found your podcast. I said, Oh, okay. He's like, uh, am I allowed to listen to it? And I was like, I don't care. You can listen to it if you really want to. Sure. He goes, Oh, good. Because we already listened to it. Him and his friend. No, his little friend, yes. Oh dear. I'm like, good lord, okay. Well tell him leave a five-star review.

SPEAKER_01

No, no, I should.

SPEAKER_00

It's fine. He can be anonymous. Yeah, I mean, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm like, oh well, I mean, uh, well, you've been warned. You know, you can turn it off now. Yeah. Um, but uh so yeah, it definitely is not scheduled. It's very random. Um, I you know let's start with this.

SPEAKER_01

Do you like it being random, or do you think you would prefer if it was you knew when it was coming? Which sounds terrible, but you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_00

I neither.

SPEAKER_01

Perhaps that's a different podcast episode.

SPEAKER_00

Neither. I feel like especially late, I'm just so, and that's the thing.

SPEAKER_01

Does it feel like work?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, because you just I feel like it's such a mental thing for women. Totally. So mental, and my brain is just lately has been maxed. Like my mental capacity has been at its its all-time max lately. So to have to get into a mindset like that is to even think that I have to get through a mindset. It's just that's just work. It's just more work. And I get it, like I I do, but then again, I guess my next question is what is the average? Like, what is a healthy amount of times to do that in a week, in a month, in a year? Like, you know, what is what does that look like? And is that different for everyone?

SPEAKER_01

Different for everyone. Like, I've never really looked into this, but I know the definition of a sexless marriage is twice a year. I think. Hang on, that might be being generous. I think that's a good one. I mean, I think that would be none, but well, you would. Hang on. Um, I do know it is different for everyone because you know, and it all depends on your season. I hate to say that stupid word, but um, you know, do you have three kids under five? Like, do you have are you an empty nester? Right. And have you only cared about your kids while your kids were there? So now you're an empty nester and you look at your person and you're like, who are you again? Like, you know, it depends on like where you're let me get this definition before of course the internet's gonna be super slow. So I know the worst effect um my husband and I were at an event and all of our friends were there. All of our friends that are coupled, you know. Yeah. And one person we were all having drinks, so obviously liquid courage comes out. And she says, How often does everybody here have sex? And people were feeling feeling themselves, and they're blurting out all kinds of answers, and suddenly it was all over the place, and some people were really proud with their answer until they heard someone else's answer. Oh like that's gonna be amazing. And it was yeah, and it was like, this is why we don't talk about these things, and you know, and you're like, all right, to each his own. You don't really know. And that's what's that's why you can't compare. But I'm gonna say, I think what's normal and I don't even know this because I don't even know if like I don't know what's normal. Once a week, but that might be a lot to somebody.

SPEAKER_00

So, okay, so for, you know, I said like late 30s, early 40s, um, with two kids, and then I put in age ranges, it says one to two times per week, but also could be healthy once every other week.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, and look, that I finally loaded. Definition of a sexless marriage is sex fewer than ten times per year. So that's one that's almost once a month. Yeah. That's like once every five or six weeks. And that's considered a sexless marriage. Now I don't agree with that. I don't, yeah. That's really interesting. And not to mention you can go. Do you feel like that's sexless? You don't agree with that? I don't agree with that.

SPEAKER_00

I feel like are you saying like that's more normal? Yeah. I do.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. I don't I don't like that that definition is out there and that's the that's the number. I feel like that's very defeatist for for some people. Especially if like, you know, you're people are getting into perimenopause and menopause, and your sex drive is just down. Men's testosterone is now dropping, and that's their sex drive. Like, look, everybody, you gotta lift weights. Lift weights because you'll naturally increase testosterone.

SPEAKER_00

See, it talks about you know what tends to work best for couples. Yes, intentional, planned. Yeah, isn't that crazy? And I'm like, we don't do that. Oh, it's lower lower uh the pressure. Not every in interaction has to be full sex. See? Has to oh wow. So it's like and it and then it proceeds to say physical touch, speaking out, flirting equals huge.

SPEAKER_01

Are you talking to your friend chat over that? The the AI assistant who will never have the joy of um yeah, like I think there's a lot of shame and expectation around sex. Yeah. And oftentimes, and it's performative, especially for a lot of men. Well, actually, and women, think about you know, women who have to fake it to to get through it, and then you've got men who it's pressure to perform because that they see that as their self-worth. Well, if I'm not pleasing my woman, then I'm a failure. I mean, it's so deep. Yeah. And that's why it really, especially my conversation I have with my with our friends that one time, it really shouldn't leave your household. Like, conversation-wise, you really it is between you and your your your partner, yeah. Is it supposed to be? I know girls will talk, but also girls will talk. So whatever you say, be prepared for that to go and and to to flock to someone else.

SPEAKER_00

I I just I thought like it was very interesting that there were so many women that brought it up to me and like we were talking about it, and it's just like Yeah, that's like is this, you know, I mean winter time I feel is probably a lower, you know, that's not happening as frequent. Like it's a lower what do they say is the most most common birth month?

SPEAKER_01

Isn't it is it June? It's either like June or September. Oh if your chat's working, you should ask it. September. Oh, it is September. Okay, so work it backwards. What month is that? Uh December.

SPEAKER_00

Because that's when my son was supposed to be born.

SPEAKER_01

So yeah, that's just when he came in August. So that's just getting into winter. So that's funny.

SPEAKER_00

December is uh holiday. Oh, that's true. Holiday parties, and that would be the same. That's why my son was But I feel like June, I feel like summer, like June, July are uh September, holiday, and winter months. The least common month is February. Oh.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Nobody's feeling the love on Valentine's Day, I guess. Well, no, that's at least, yeah, like, so I think that's uh June.

SPEAKER_01

June? I need to do math, like backwards.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I think it's June, May, June, so like now coming up. Well, that's funny because my child was born in October, and that puts us right at January, February. Yeah. So, um, but my one friend, both of her kids are February. Yeah, both of them. I was like, wow, while wham.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, have you met those families where all the kids are like born around the same time?

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, me and my siblings. Okay, we're all within a week time frame, literally a week time frame. And I was like, mom, you were getting jiggy with it during your birthday. Oh, that's interesting. Because her birthday's in September. Well, and we're all June.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, hi, mom. Um, because that I'm May, my other brother is May, and my other brother is early June, so that tracks. Yeah. And ask my mom, she will very proudly tell you that all of us were not planned. We were all accidents. Um, thanks, Mom. Um, happy to be here. I know.

SPEAKER_00

My mom would say that the only one that was planned was my youngest, my little sister. So me and my brother were not, and me and my brother are less than a year apart. Oh, wow. So, um, but yeah, we're all within a week of June, June 21st, June 23rd, June 28th. Some people just have that time, they just don't feel it, and they're fertile and they're just ready to go. That's amazing. Yep. It is. It's uh that's life right there. But yeah, I was just again, it comes back to um, you know, I will tell you for for me, like if I'm angry or things are not getting done and they're not like the last thing that I want to do is that. So I just I found it very interesting because I feel like it just takes not just physical, but it takes a lot of emotional energy for women. And then the other thing that was um, you know, the whole climaxing thing, like it's not that easy.

SPEAKER_01

It takes forever to like not that easy. It is for men, just if we have male listeners, it's the long game. Yeah, okay, if that is your mission, you need to start yesterday.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, if your mission is to get to that point. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Because I can tell you, most women, when they're lying on their back, they're thinking, Okay, after this, I gotta put the clothes in the dryer, and then I gotta take out those other clothes, uh, to get the lunches out. Uh I didn't fill up my water bottle for tomorrow. Is he almost done yet?

SPEAKER_00

Is he almost done yet? I really have to do that. To pee. Yeah, that's a big one. I'm really tired. Like, can I go to sleep right now? Can we get this over with?

SPEAKER_01

No, it is a it is a weird thing, but it's I hate to say it's true. Like we and this is nothing against guys. Like, and I almost I kind of wish we had that primal, like one track, I almost say one-track mine. That sounds like you're putting them down, but you know, they're able to like hone in on a goal. Yeah. And they can put everything to the side. And we are not like that. We are not like that at all. And it's I almost feel bad because it's like, oh, another way women are difficult or impossible to read.

SPEAKER_00

The other thing that I have to laugh at is like, let's say the TV's on in the background. And you're just like, oh, I'm just gonna watch this right now.

SPEAKER_01

I mean I have caught myself doing that. I'm like, oh, that's probably really bad. It's relatable. I think it's probably relatable. I think that I hope my mom has already turned this episode off. And my mother-in-law, to be honest. I I don't we don't need we don't need to be hearing that. No, no, we don't. Um But you know they you know they feel that pain. Well, that's well, yeah, that's true. Look, if you're a woman and you're with a man, um you you know probably what yeah, you get it.

unknown

You get it.

SPEAKER_01

And I hate I feel bad. We we gotta we gotta cut this one short. I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta go. Yeah. I have to go pick up my mom. Well too much. Speaking of. Yeah, speaking of, hey mom, I'm on my way to get you. That's why I'm five minutes late. Yeah. Uh because we were talking about so here, to all the women out there, we will cut the sex episode short just for you. So you can go do whatever you want. Whatever you need to do to get your head right. That's right. But I think this, oh, that's the timing of this. I think this comes out Easter Sunday. Right? No. I think it's the Sunday after.

SPEAKER_00

No, it is. It's Easter Sunday.

SPEAKER_01

Is it? Yeah. Happy Easter, everybody. No, I think this is next weekend. Seven. Well, yeah, but we just did a previous episode. Seven, episode seven comes out tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00

Okay, okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_01

I hope everyone had a great Easter. Actually, this might be the Orthodox Easter. Either way, it's an Easter somewhere.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Well, it's an Orthodox Easter.

SPEAKER_00

Happy Easter, happy belated Easter, and uh Happy New Year.

SPEAKER_01

Hey, that's funny. Yeah. Okay, this is the bunny hop episode.

SPEAKER_00

The bunny hop episode. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Thanks for listening to the Beauty Files. Um I as you've figured out, you never know what you're gonna get, and we like to keep it that way. And also we don't because we want you to engage and let us know what you want us to talk about. It's everything. It's everything. Uh so come see us at the Beauty Files pod on Instagram, say hi, leave a review on either Spotify or Apple Podcasts. And that's it. Yeah. Oh, we talked about events, but it's it's next. We'll do it next time. Yeah. We gotta go.

SPEAKER_00

We gotta go. All right. Bye. Bye.