The Beauty Files Podcast

Case #012

• The Beauty Files • Episode 12

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The poop episode.

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unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

What if I just like breathe like that?

SPEAKER_00

You sound like you're snoring almost.

SPEAKER_01

I went to a school in middle school and was a girl. I feel bad. I won't say her name. Anyway, she had a serious I don't even know. I don't know what the thing was. That's how she breathed. Like she'd be like we'd be taking a test and be real quiet and you'd hear. And I'm like, oh wow, what is that? In fact, now that I think about it, wasn't there a show Hey Arnold? Do you remember the show Hey Arnold? Yes. Okay. Do you remember when Helga would like, you know, be pining over? Oh yes, yes. And there was always that kid right behind her, and then she'd punch him in the face. That I I had a person that had that. What is that? Is that like a nasal, like she got the help she needed.

SPEAKER_00

I don't know. I just we had talked about Dr. Pimple Popper, we had brought that up a couple times. There was a girl and um in my school, and she had really bad skin too, just like I did, but I would use makeup and cover it up. She did not, and she was one of those people that would pop them. Oh she was at school. Oh wow, okay. That's that's revolting. And she would pick her nose and she would eat it, and like oh. You want to give her a shout-out? But it just kind of was like that one person that you were kind of like, oh that was in high school or middle school. Oh, that was high school.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, we were we were weird people back then.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, we're still weird. Yeah, apparently. I'm weird. I mean, the weird thing that I did was I would knell on pencils.

SPEAKER_01

I was a nail biter.

SPEAKER_00

Well, I would do that too, but then I if I didn't have nails, I would sit there and I'd like to.

SPEAKER_01

Well, if I didn't have nails, I would then do the skin around the nail. I remember using my pencil, my mechanical pencil, to like like get skin. Oh, it's disgusting. I can only imagine the somebody's probably on a podcast right now. Do you know Amy? She would she keep just picking at her nails. That girl has such crippling anxiety and she didn't even know it. Maybe. I don't know. I got help. I'm okay, everybody. I got really nice nails now. I got nails, seriously. The blow-up is real. Yeah. Uh welcome back to the beauty files. Um hi. How's everybody doing? I'm doing good. How are you? I'm I'm great. Yeah. I'm great now. I had a I had a real I had a real serious day yesterday. Yeah. Um I almost pooped my pants. Why? Well, we're going there. We're gonna open with the show with my story about my potential early evacuation. So I was at uh an event and there was a coffee stand there, and I asked, I'll tell you my order, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna, you're gonna guess what went wrong. If you had to guess. Okay, so I ordered an iced latte, and the flavor was caramel. Mm-hmm. And I asked for oat milk. Oh, I know exactly what went wrong. And I knew you were gonna ask for that too. So um driving is an hour away, and I'm about halfway through my journey. Uh, shout out to my friend. Um, she had no idea, but I was fine at the time. Everything was fine. I dropped her off, pull in her driveway, and I get that. Oh no. Oh no. There it is. There it is. That just hit you. That like that intense pressure. We're starting to sweat. Well, that's coming later. So I thought, okay. Now look, someone that can't have dairy, because I'm I'm for sure that's what happened. Um usually dairy affects just my skin and like slow, like little amounts. But when I have like dairy, okay, it is it is ugly. Um, the amount of times that I have been out in the wild and like almost haven't made it home. I mean, we're in like the 20s, 30s, it's a lot. But I haven't had it in a while. In fact, I actually was surprised at the stomach uh event because I had forgotten that that even happened to me. That's how long ago it has been. It's been at least six months until yesterday. So I'm like, okay, pull on her driveway, and she's like, You want to come in? I'm like, nope, nope, I'm good, I'm busy, gotta go. She's like, okay, and that was it. Okay. I'm driving. It's about 25 minutes. And I'm thinking, okay, usually, usually, if I have the first little stint of pain, I can go. Like, we're we're good. I'm gonna make it, everything's fine. This I had sweats. Yep. I I'm I'm I'm driving, okay. And I've I've talked about this before. I'm a very good driver. I vomited while driving. Like I've done a lot of things while driving, and I'm I'm good. This was like next level death. I am gripping the steering wheel five seven, okay? And I'm like, I'm like convulsing with it felt like um contractions, okay? Like that is like my whole body was like tensing and I'm like breathing, and I'm like, oh my god, I still have 12 minutes. Oh my god, I still have eight minutes. Oh my god, I still have five minutes. By the time I was about, I honestly I think I was like four minutes away from my house. I'm I'm already like, This is it. This is you are about to shit yourself in your car in your white seats with your air conditioned little like holes in the seat. Like this is done. You're gonna have to like put this car into like a body of water and let it sink. Like it's it's done. And everyone knows I drive a very expensive car, okay? Um so I've I've just I've made I've made peace, okay? And I don't I don't know what happened. I I got onto my street and I I'm starting to black out. Like I'm not even getting like I'm I got the sweats. My vision is like going, it's it's going. And I I remember passing this house that has chickens, and I'm like, there better not be any chickens in the road because I will be I will be killing them today. Like I I it was funny because my family wasn't home, and they said when they got home, the way I parked the car looked like I was literally about to just drive through my house. I made it. I did make it, and you have streaks in your pants. But actually, I was wearing light jeans, and that was the first thing I checked. And no, I didn't, but I did see I did remove everything and it was washed immediately. Knowing where you live, I probably would have just pulled over and just well, so this is an ongoing like joke in my in my immediate family, like husband and child, because like my child has been in the car with me, and I'm like, I'll say to her, if I don't make it home in like the next five minutes, like it that's it. Like she she it's always like oh mom's gonna poop her pants. But like I said, I have not had this issue in truly, I want to say, like, over six months. So this was this was wild. And it was I was like not okay after that. Like it took almost the whole day for me to recover from that. I have never I can't even put into words the amount of pain. I think I'd rather have contractions than like poop pain. What do we call that? Poop pains? Poop sweats?

SPEAKER_00

Well yeah, because I mean you get the sweats with it, you get every like Oh my god, I'm better than the if it got if it got that like I've been there, but to the point where I'm like, it's like if I I have to go into like a gas station or something because I just I pay so that's really funny.

SPEAKER_01

So on my journey, I passed Brown's, which is insert like joke laughter. Yeah. It's browns, you know. Brown. Um, but I know they have single bathrooms and it's a bunch of old people, and they're probably in there doing the same darn thing. They're gonna be a good thing. And then I'm gonna like be kneeling, and it's like um that up that the show Bridesmaids when she has the dress on. Yep. I always think of her because I'm like, oh, it's happening. Doing it right here in the middle of the street. Like that's yeah. My husband has looked into little portable potties for me. Like it is, I'm telling you, when I say it's just like a hilarious bit in our household.

SPEAKER_00

See, I would have just been like, listen, I have to use your bathroom. I apologize. Like I can't.

SPEAKER_01

I'm so we've talked about this, but not on this podcast of what's worse. Pooping your pants or like having a period bleed out. I don't know what's worse. I know we have we have had this debate. I'm sorry, this is really gross, everybody. Um You and I have had this debate. I think the period blowout is worse. You think shitting your pants, having a blowout is worse. Oh yeah. And the smell. I think it's worse for everyone else. The the the poop blowout. Everyone suffers. Yeah. With the with the period, it's it's a you thing, but it's more I mean, they're both mortifying. I don't know what I would prefer. I've had uh I've had both. They're not fun.

SPEAKER_00

But you can be like one you have control, one you do not. Most of the time.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know. I mean, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

Is that true? Here's the thing. Here's the thing. When you have to go to the bathroom, like you get that urge you're like, okay, I have to go to the bathroom. For your period, it's coming no matter what. No matter what, like you may not know, like you it could just happen. Like, we suffer in silence, you just don't even know. Like, we you could just get one and it could come early or it could come late and you're not prepared because all of a sudden it's not on cue with your normal. Right. So you're not prepared. So in that instance, there's really nothing that you could do unless you just put in, you know, like you know, prepare for a week in advance or something like that. Do you know what I mean? But but when you get the it's just like if you have to go pee or something like that. Unless you're you have y incontinence and you can't. Well, okay, hang on, there are those people too. There are those people, but usually they're wearing something on the bottom. Well, that's true, they know that that's going on with them. Um when you have to go to the bathroom, unless you're somebody who's that regular, which I have never been in my entire life, but unless you're somebody who's that regular and you know exactly when it's gonna come, for you it just hit.

SPEAKER_01

You know, I've decided if I um if I ever become a a model of some sort, I'm gonna model depends. I'm gonna show everybody that you can be you could be a young, good looking female and still wear, you know, still have some some oopsies. I've never actually pooped my pants to this day. I'm 30 I'm almost 38 years old. Um I've but I've had a lot of instances. I have a gift, I think. Yeah. I'm not sure what it is. But Kegel. Yeah. I mean, maybe I do have a fantastic pelvic floor. You're gonna go with it. Your pelvic floor is um on point. You can get pelvic floor training by no, I don't recommend resisting the urge to to release your your fluids and etc. But apparently that's the the ticket. So if you have I I I mean, what do you call that? Just dairy intolerance? Oh yeah. IBS. I would like to hear how your pelvic floor is, because I bet you it's as good as mine. That's the that's my takeaway. So that that was that was my day yesterday. Sorry if that was a lot, everyone. Um I survived. Um, but to answer your question in short, I'm great. I'm great. And that's that's where we went with that.

SPEAKER_00

Yes. So I have you know, IBS, so for me, I am always always on the verge when it hits. So if I have to go, I just stop. You know?

unknown

I can't.

SPEAKER_01

I can't I can't stop. I can't let anyone know my business.

SPEAKER_00

I don't care, especially if it's a gas station. They're never gonna see me again.

SPEAKER_01

That's true, and I just told everybody who follows us, well, you know, what are you gonna do? I'm more it's it's look, it's relatable. It's relat Rachel just finished her what I thought was her second cup of coffee. That is her third cup of coffee. Um unbelievable. I'm on my first.

SPEAKER_00

I have already done let's see, before I left the house this morning, three loads of laundry, put stuff away, cleaned stuff up, reorganized, tried to. I just, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

That's um that's good, except you came to my house at 9 30 in the morning. So what time did you wake up this morning?

SPEAKER_00

Um, I was up at 7. It wasn't really that big of a deal.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, you were just flying.

SPEAKER_00

I just like I'm like, I got things to do. Sounds good. Do you sleep? Eh.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

You know.

SPEAKER_01

We'll come back to that. We we discussed your you know your non-sleps last last episode.

SPEAKER_00

I feel like my list of things is piling, so you know, it just and then my son had a wonderful um little surprise for everyone yesterday. He uh, you know, decided to wreck his his bicycle and uh had to go get stitches. So that's a classic like 80s and 90s accident, though. Yeah. Like I support this. Yeah. I'm just glad it wasn't his face.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

He put his arms out, so we were we were real happy about that. So um that kind of added on to everything else, which he's fine, he's doing great, everything was good. Um I'm like, okay, well, we had our our one incident. There's always one. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You know, it's fine. I'm glad he's okay. That was a gnarly looking um wound though.

SPEAKER_00

It was, it was. I mean, to think that flying off your bicycle, hitting a curb, and like opening it up to the bone is on your elbow, like your arm. Yeah.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

He's tougher for it. He is tougher for it.

SPEAKER_01

He said he's fine, so so we uh speaking of males, we have like a handful of male listeners.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And um we did get some feedback from one recently that uh he was hoping we would cover some some male topics.

SPEAKER_00

Male topics, yes. These men want to.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, I just talked about poop for like five minutes. I mean, what more could they want? Anyway. Um so I don't know if we should do it this podcast or should we talk about it next week? Um, because we had some topics today. But just so you know, men, we we hear you and we're gonna we're gonna curate an episode just for you. All about men and uh men things. Yeah, little tips and tricks on how to get the ladies' eye and um what not to do. What what to do and what not to do. And no matter what you do, if you're bull blue collar, white-collar, like no matter what what you're doing. Yeah, we got broad spectrum. We got it for you. Yes. So tune in next week for that. Uh this week we we're gonna talk about we're gonna talk about the the word no. And we're gonna talk about some summer uh products, procedure. Not well, yeah, I guess procedures. Summer summer procedures, we'll we'll call it. Um but first uh we have to talk about them because we don't know when you guys are listening. Um Exquisite Men's Spa has an event. Oh, will that be will that be coming out today? Today. So this comes, oh well, I mean, this will come out in the morning. So if you're listening right now and it is it is today, it is May 3rd, head over to where's your event? Oh my gosh, Rachie, one job. Okay. I'll I'll we'll come back to that. May uh 15th. It's a Friday. Exquisite Med Spa is hosting their event. It's a huge spring event. We're calling it the Sip, Snatch, and Save. It's one day only. Um a lot of good stuff going on there. I'll be there too. Um, so if you guys uh want to come see, it's it's that day, that day only. And then the following Friday, May 22nd, um at another med spa in New York, Blossom Med Spa. They're hosting uh their 10-year anniversary.

SPEAKER_00

You'll be someone will be there. We'll be there for that too. What are you guys doing there? Um, so we're gonna be doing Botox and filler there as well. Nice. Okay. Will you be there? Yeah.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. I'll be there too. So May 3rd from noon to 4 at Peaceful Partners um Beauty Lounge. It's their spring fling. Um so we'll be there doing injectables as well. Um, and uh so you can come in and hang out with us and visit us there. We'll be doing that at Blossom. Um good.

SPEAKER_01

And then be on the lookout for I don't know if you have an event yet, but with um, is it foiled? Yeah, foiled foils.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, but we're gonna be doing something with them, and then there's another event that we're gonna be doing June 17th. Um events, everybody. Yes, events. So it's just um depending on where we are, some of them we're gonna do um permanent jewelry um along with the Botox and the fillers. Um if you're interested or you've never tried it, usually at events it's kind of like the best place to um, you know, just get a little taste because things will be a little bit discounted for just that event. And then, you know, if you like it.

SPEAKER_01

It's positive peer pressure. Yeah, because it's it's there and you don't have to make an appointment. You just show up and see what you can get.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Love it. Yeah. So um join us. Um, and if you have questions, you know, you can always uh shoot us a question and um I'll get back to you and pew pew. Yeah. It's true.

SPEAKER_01

Um, oh, and we're in the midst of a giveaway on my Instagram at An Afternoon with Amy, giving away two Saint palettes, um, each containing a quad of eyeshadows. Um, I think I had the post pinned on my page. You just need to like the post, tag someone, and then that person needs to like the post and follow my account. Uh and the winner will be announced on my birthday, May 11th, day after Mother's Day. It's big. Just so many big things going on. Like, what is this? It's very exciting. Just a lot of things, so many things. Anyway, but now if you feel like you have too many things, you need to say no.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And it's really hard to say no. As a people pleaser. I have suffered from my inability to say no too many times. How about you?

SPEAKER_00

Have you can you relate to this? Saying no or just having to feel like you're being the bad guy or letting somebody down, or you know what I mean? Just by saying no. And I again when you're a people pleaser, you want everybody to be happy. You want to um not scare people away or make people feel any sort of way. Um the word no is is a scary word. It's terrifying. It's scary. It's it's the worst. It is the worst. But you know, the funny thing is like we say that, and then I'll say to my son, you know, ask the question. I said the worst thing that can happen is they say no, and you're still in the same situation. Yeah, but that's different. No, it's not. And I say that to him all the time. And it's very hard. We've talked about this before. It's very it's very easy to give somebody else advice and very hard to be receptive of it and take your own advice. Yeah. Um, yeah, you know, because you do want to make people happy. People pleasing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

It is it is right there.

SPEAKER_00

But the word no is it's a it's a hard, it's a hard word.

SPEAKER_01

So so I have three real life examples. In case you're like, no, I don't know what you guys are talking about. I have no problem now. My child would say, Mom, you have no problem saying no. What are you? Talking about. So um here's like the classics, okay. And not all these are gonna be relatable to everyone, okay. But I tried to, you know, pick and choose. But you know, one is the I'll stay late again work situation, and you can uh basically it's just work situation, right? Um, that's a big one. Uh the friend who always needs something, so kind of along the lines of what I just said with the work, but it's you know, a friend who needs a ride, a favor, emotional support. Um when all you wanted to do was just put your pajamas on, curl up, watch TV, whatever. It's it's somebody saying, You're like, yeah, I've got you. I'm available. Call me with all your crap. Um, and then of course the classic, the event that you don't want to attend. So the fatigue comes from you say, you say yes to all these things, right? And there's two pathways of fatigue, okay? One is actually going through with it, and you have just drained yourself, you're you're building resentment, not only for them, but for yourself, because it's an ongoing thing that you're dealing with of why do I always do this? I always find myself in this situation. Uh, the other one is all the effort and the lie or the situation you have to build up in your head to make it worthy of canceling said thing. Hey, I know I said it, go to the thing. Um, my child's sick, I'm sick, uh, my car is uh just insert thing. Okay. The biggest nightmare though is when your lie is not good enough, and then they're like, Oh, that's no problem, I'll come get you, and you're like, fuck. Yeah. Because then you're really in it. I've had that happen to me. Yeah. Um, so it's like you don't want to be on any of those paths because they're both miserable. Correct. They both lead to resentment for, like I said, the person, yourself, what have you. Um, and just the amount of effort. Like, I'm somebody who I have that big social battery. I love talking to people. We talked about this last episode. But when it's time, I like you know it. Like, I have friends that now know, like, oh, okay, Amy's done. Like, she can't, we have to get her out of here immediately. Um, and I now realize now that I know that about myself, because I will say a lot of my people pleasing never saying no days, I didn't know that. I didn't know that I was more introverted. I didn't know that I needed a social battery. I thought it was normal when I'd get headaches, my face would hurt, like I would just like shut down. Yeah. I just thought that was normal. Um, so until I really became in tune with what is what how do I function? You know, now it's it is easier for me to say no, but there's there's still some outliers. Um, how about you?

SPEAKER_00

Uh I have such a hard time saying no.

SPEAKER_01

Um, and what are your biggest um occurrences of is it is it more work?

SPEAKER_00

Is it I would say it's not necessarily more work, um more events or like sometimes I love hanging out with my friends, but if I have a lot on my plate and my mind is just constantly going and I cannot shut it off, like going and being around people, even if I was already like, yeah, sure, I'll go, it can just be so draining.

SPEAKER_01

And so then I want to come up with and what and it's a disservice to you and the friends, because you can't be there mentally. Yeah. Like you're our like, I mean, sh that actually goes into our sex episode. Yeah. Of like if we have a to-do list that's an i a mile long, like we can't be present in the moment with your partner. So that's why we need men to do things for us. Um that's true. So, yes. And do you find are you a canceller?

SPEAKER_00

No, I hate and that's the other thing. So I will make myself do it.

SPEAKER_01

That's because your industry, you hate cancelers. I get that.

SPEAKER_00

I I hate when people cancel and they back out, unless I'm dying, literally dying, or it's my kids, or something like that. Um, and even if I'm dying, sometimes I'll still make myself go. Um, you know, if it's my kids, um, that's probably more what I'm going to to say. No, if like there's something wrong with them, or um, or something came up and I'm like, I'm so sorry. There are very few times where I overbook, and I have done that recently just because I have so many different things going on and I don't realize it. Um and the second that I do, I try to, you know, give ad as much advanced notice as possible or, you know, whatever I need to do. Um because again, I don't want to let people down.

SPEAKER_01

Of course. So all right, so we all know we know that we don't say no. Right. Um, but how can we practice saying it? Because, you know, that's hello, that's why we're here. Um a couple things that I have improved on would be my calendar. So I'm pretty much married to my calendar. I have a calendar and then I have a a daily to-do list. And I I study it, I look at it all the time because I find that if someone says something, that was kind of like my issue before. I would just be like, yeah, I'm free that day. And then I look and I'm like, oh, I'm not. Um, so it's not always about social battery. Sometimes it really is just poor planning. Like, oh shoot, I said I would go to this thing, and now I have this other thing. Even if the other thing is like, well, I don't have to go. Now you're canceling something. Yeah. Something has to go. So it's kind of like uh what's priority for for sure. Like, but but knowing what is actually going on in your own life, it's kind of helpful. Um, I've I've heard, and this is this is uncomfortable when you know what the person's trying to do and you're like, oh, you have an issue saying no to, is oh, well, let me I have to check with my spouse, have to check with my partner. Right. Uh let me ask so and so. And I like that in theory, but it's still you're it's good to practice, but at the end of the day, you're not really being the assertive one, saying no. You're just deflecting. Right. So I get that. We have to, we have to start somewhere. But um, you know, that's something you eventually want to graduate from. Because then it just sounds like you can't do anything unless you ask your spouse, and then someone's gonna be like, Oh, you have to ask them first, you know. You're gonna you're gonna come across that person. Right. Um, to which you reply, uh, yeah, I talked to my partner about everything, don't you? You know, you can you can put it back on them. Um but the one thing I would say don't do is don't practice saying no with your kids. One because well, I'm already really good at that. Um and two, they don't deserve to hear no that many times. Like, and to be honest, a lot of the times I say no, I have no reason other than that I just don't feel like doing the thing, and that's not fair. And then when if I do do it, I'm like, oh, this was nice. I never regret really saying yes to my child, unless it's like, Mom, can we go to Disney World today? And we don't live near there. And I'll be like, no. But Hershey Park? Yeah, okay, we can go. You know, there's there's obviously there's a difference. Um but I did discover it's really uncomfortable. Are you ready? Right. A way to practice saying no.

SPEAKER_00

What's that?

SPEAKER_01

Okay. It was Borders, then it was BAM. Now Second in Charles, I think is what it's called. It's the bookstore. It's in York. I mean, there's many of them. Have you ever shopped there?

SPEAKER_00

No, I haven't been into that one. I was in the lat when it was the last BAM. That's fine. Okay. Has it changed that much?

SPEAKER_01

Um, actually, I haven't been in that one. That's Second in Charles, but the I know they do this thing and it's we're we're getting there. Okay. So you're in there. You're you're getting some books, you're getting one book, okay? Whatever book, whatever. You you have the book in your hands and you're standing in line at the checkout. And they call you next. They go, ma'am, okay, I'm doing the little hand thing, or they're motioning you, and you're like, Oh, it's my turn. Yeah. And you go up. How are you doing today? I'm doing great. How are you? I'm doing great. So is this it, is this it today? Um, yep, that's it. Great. Which uh military or which which donation would you like to make today? What? Uh I here are your choices. Uh also, we are offering uh you can be part of our book club. And uh just so you know, you get a discount today. When you sign up, you get five dollars off, and we just need your email and your phone number, and oh, and also um which magazine subscription would you would you like to pick up all these? Are you dead? I'm sorry, what are you dying? Um that is how it is checking out at any of these establishments, and it is gnarly. I think of it when it was borders. I remember. Now, thankfully, this wasn't me. This is my husband. This is the best. He came home from the bookstore and he was like, I have three new magazine subscriptions, and I don't know what to do. This was like 2012, I will never forget it. He had to call all of those places one by one and cancel because he didn't say no at the checkout about it. He he just was like, okay, you know, because we were young and dumb and in our 20s, and okay, I guess I'm getting these magazines now. Um anyway, so they're still doing that, and they're getting really good at it because they don't say it's not a yes or no, it's a which one. So it's the best price, it's the best, okay. So what's the donation thing about? Um, so my husband just went to Second and Charles yesterday, which is so funny. Um and that's what he said. They they were like, which I I feel like it was something with the military. It was which branch of military would you like to donate to today? Um now my husband's amazing. He's like, he will walk up and he will now say, I don't want anything. My answer is no to everything. The only thing I'm leaving with today are these items right here. And they they will still ask. I almost wonder if they're even real people. I swear.

SPEAKER_00

Like the they're probably just trained like in their training, like you have to. It's kind of like when you go for a Chick-fil-A. Oh, yeah. Everybody says the same exact thing. They're expected to say my pleasure. Um, you know. But it's like talking to an AI assistant.

SPEAKER_01

Like, ah, gotcha. Uh uh, I'm still gonna ask you all these things. Even though you just told me no, I hear you loud and clear. But also, which one of these would you like? It is okay. So I went to this was BAM. Okay, so it was before second and charles. This was last year. I went, it was my husband's birthday, and it was uh my daughter's best friend's birthday, both March. So it's like a year ago. Um, I bought the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Okay. And it was like a decorative, it was expensive. And I'm at the I'm at the checkout, and then I get um my daughter's friend a bunch of stuff too. Our total was it was a lot. It was like 300 bucks. It was a lot. And I wasn't I've never left a place so angry. Like he was he was like asking me all the questions. I said no, I said no, I said no, and he announced to the store, like real loud, like, your total is $385, and you're not signing up for. I was like, dude. I I was so I wanted to burn the place down. I was so mad. I was so mad. I was like, are you trying to shame me in my purchase right now? I'm trying to buy these things and you're really you're making it very hard. Right. And and he gave me like an attitude the whole rest of the time. Like he was like throwing stuff in the bag. Anyway, they're not open anymore. Can you believe that?

SPEAKER_00

I can.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, that's yeah. It was wild. I have never anyway. So, long story short, I said no. So usually, um, I mean, it it is uncomfortable, but I do recommend going to those places and trying it out because they they will challenge you if you say no. They will ask you why. Well, why not? Well, that's none of your business. Exactly. Another thing you can do, by the way, is just play dumb. I don't know. That's a great question. I don't know what I'm doing March 11th. I have no idea. Right. Uh let me get back to you. That's another one. I guess the best thing you can practice doing is staying present in your body when someone is asking you a thing that you have to say no to and you you like you don't want to. You're physically uncomfortable. Um, I've heard and I've done this actually. It's the you s you plant your feet like you feel your heels on the floor, and you're standing, like you're you've but you're just like active. You touch like your the tips of your fingers to your thumbs. It's supposed to help you like stay in your body and not like check out and just say whatever you need to to get out of the situation. Um, everybody's got like a different what is it, fight, flight, freeze, and now there's fawn. I'm definitely a fawner or a freezer, um and which coincides with people pleasing. Right. Um, but those I've I found that getting in the uncomfortable is the only way through it. Yeah. So you have to get uncomfortable to say no, really. And also practice on the phone. Like hang out with the telemarketers. If somebody calls you, although they're scary now. Have you seen like some of the like AI stuff that they're doing? What do you mean? Like there is now a software that was just launched. I feel like it's China, and this is where everybody stops sending your color analysis to Chat GPT because um I think I think it's like they now have your face. So the software in China is it'll look like you're getting a FaceTime call, and it will be the face of the person you know, and in real time, voice lips are moving on the FaceTime, and it's on a real like translation at the same time. So their lips are moving, and it's someone on the other line saying whatever they want to say, and it makes it sound like it's me calling you asking for money, or like I that is one thing.

SPEAKER_00

Um, especially if somebody is directly calling and asking for cash, I don't have a problem saying no to that anymore because I've been in situations where I have done so for people and been shit on. Um, so I think when you have experienced a situation like that and it has turned bad for you or ended up negatively in any way, shape, or form, then it becomes easier to say no because of that situation.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, uh yes, I I agree. I can think of a couple people that that's happened. My issue is usually, and we actually touched on this last episode. We were saying, how is it that we keep repeating these things? And it's usually because it's a reset with each person, they all get a they get a pass. But um something else I'll say is I've been in situations where people have asked for money and I had to say no because I didn't have any. Yeah. Like that's the greatest. Just pretend that you have nothing. Like I I can't. I also found now this is personality based, okay, because not everybody you're talking to can handle the truth. It's like um Jack Nicholson. Um, I have flat out just said I don't I don't do things like that. I was invited to a concert, and it was like a concert from a genre that I listened to in high school, okay. And this was like two years ago. Okay. They they asked me, asked me several times the couple different events. The first one I lied, like real hard. And I was like, Oh, I can't, oh, we're busy that night. And and then well, okay, because that was my response. They're like, oh, well, she clearly wanted to go, so the next time they'll get one, I'll invite her again. Right. So that was my fault, right? I I pushed it, I kicked the can. Well, you're gonna catch up to that. So I I just said, Hey, you know what? I just I don't really enjoy doing things like that. I like listening to it, um, but I it's not for me.

SPEAKER_00

So let me ask you this. Are you somebody who just flat out doesn't like concerts, or was it more that style music? Or was it both?

SPEAKER_01

Um, it's both. And usually, and uh I don't mean this the wrong way, everybody, but like I don't like doing things without my husband. Like, I just don't. I don't I don't feel safe. I don't like going an hour or so away and it'd be me and a bunch of girls because I turn into the guy. Like I have to watch and be aware of everyone's it's str it's just too stressful for me. I can't I can't have a good time.

SPEAKER_00

So have you gone on bachelorette parties?

SPEAKER_01

No. Ever. Uh I was pregnant for one of them, so I didn't go. No, never. I don't have girlfriends. That was the other like big thing. But I wouldn't go anyway. Like I that's something that I'd be like, I'm not going to that. I would have no problem saying no to that. Mainly because I I have gone out to girls' night, all the things, but I I know what happens. Amy becomes the guy. I'm the one who's like checking, like I'm constantly looking for exits, looking who's coming in, monitoring how much people drink. I drive.

SPEAKER_00

Like it's why am I there? You sound like me. I'm that person. I'm the person who is DD. I'm the person who wants to look out because I know that I can't allow, I don't want anything bad to happen to anybody, and it doesn't bother me not to drink because I don't drink a lot, anyways.

SPEAKER_01

Um, yeah, I just um I've done it enough times to know I don't really want to do that. Yeah. Um, and actually I feel bad because there was an event a couple weeks ago. I said I was gonna go, and I meant it in the moment because another friend of mine was going, and then I found out she wasn't going. She got something mixed up with her calendar, and I waited until the day of. And it was a whole group of women. It was women I did not know. I only was going because I knew two of them, and I'm just like, you know what, I don't feel aligned with this. And I I admit I didn't feel good about canceling the day of. And I also didn't give any reason. I just said I'm not gonna be able to make it. And guess what? It was fine. It was fine. Can you believe it? It was fine. Um I feel I don't even feel bad. I just I wish I I wish I didn't wait until the day of. And what are you gonna do?

SPEAKER_00

I I think it's interesting because in the industry that we're in, showing up, showing our face, going out, hanging out with these people is what's best. Mm-hmm. But yeah, we're more introverted people in certain aspects, especially when it comes to like large events and like going out and things like that. And so in in a sense, like that also can make it hard when you're not like going out and showing your face and like getting everybody like I'd be on. Yeah, you want to be on all the time, and it's like there is in reality, normal people, the average person is not on all the time. You're not, and um that's okay.

SPEAKER_01

But yet Instagram tells me otherwise, correct.

SPEAKER_00

Um yeah, that's where you go.

SPEAKER_01

I was at an event yesterday, and I I didn't I don't want to say I didn't want to go, but I didn't want to go because I knew it was gonna be a lot, a lot of like meeting people. It just it's tiring. Yeah. Um, I went, and and then that's uh that's the other thing too. Sometimes you do need to do the thing. Oh, yeah. Because it is good for you. Yeah. So you have to discern like what's worth it, what's not. Um, in this case, it it was worth it. I made a lot of connections. It was really good to get my face out there because it was related to what I'm doing. But I I got I got in the car, and thankfully I was with a friend who understands me, and she's very similar to it. We just like sat in the car in silence for like a few minutes, and it was nice because my face was starting to hurt from like smiling, huh? I know. And you know, it was a thing where I know that all of those people also were had to be on. They were tied to their own booth. Like, so I wanted to give them not a show, but I was very interested in what they had to say. I wanted them to practice the motions of like, oh my God, I'm I'm doing my thing at my event. And it's tiring.

SPEAKER_00

It's really tiring. Events are very exhausting. They're stressful. They're tiring. It's like and I don't think a lot of people understand what goes into them. Um not just the physical part of like having everything there, but the mental toll that it can take to get to that point.

SPEAKER_01

It's the prep. It's the yeah. Like I have to psych myself up knowing that tomorrow's the day. Like I need to look a hundred percent put together. I need to have everything. I need to have my script ready. Like, what am I gonna say? I mean it's it's fun though. I I don't um I don't want people to think that people are just in a total stressed state of mind at these events.

SPEAKER_00

Like it is fun, but it is like I do well, and I think the more that you do them, it's probably easier. So for people that like do events on a regular basis and they go to things and you know, it's like the first couple that you do, or if you only do them like once a year or twice a year, you know, that's when it becomes um more stressful. And if it is like I think it's easier to go somewhere as opposed to like having it, because when you're the one putting it on, then you have to provide everything.

SPEAKER_01

You know, I love renting spaces for parties and yeah, because it's not or outsourcing, I should say.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, because then like you know, you don't have to have you're not responsible for all the food or you're not re like it's just it makes it easier on you. So then when you're going to a place and like let's say you're like a guest at the what the event or whatever, um you're not responsible for all the things. Right. Um you know, you're responsible for your part. That can make it easier. Um, but when you're responsible for all of it, yeah. It it's much more stressful. Yes.

SPEAKER_01

So that's where you need to learn how to delegate or saying no to certain things, right? That's where you really get into the nitty-gritty. Like, does your event need a flock of doves at the end? Like, do we really need that?

unknown

No.

SPEAKER_01

No, probably not. Probably not. Do we need um I don't know. Even party bags are exhausting. Like, I'm thinking of like kids' parties, especially oh my god, actually, that's a whole other avenue. The the stuff now that we're doing for these kids is just who is it for?

SPEAKER_00

Sometimes I wonder if we're just in contest with other parents or whatever, but it is if I do I haven't even scheduled Kirby, my daughter wants, you know, she was gonna be six, so her birthday's coming up in June and um wants to invite all these people. I always, you know, buy a bunch of things and have party bags ready, and I would do it for my son, and I would make really nice party bags, and I sit there and I think why? Like, why do and and I'm like I don't remember my mom doing it for me when I was little for like my friends, like leave with a gift. Um because reality is like the party's to celebrate your kids. So why do other kids get to go home with prizes too? Well right, so this is this is And this is to me, okay. So to me, the more I think about it, I relate it to everyone gets a trophy. Oh you don't want everybody to feel left out, everybody gets a prize.

SPEAKER_01

I don't go that way. My brain goes to this is the equivalent of a thank you note, but for a kid. Because at some point it changes. It's supposed to lead to thank you notes. It's supposed to, which that is also.

SPEAKER_00

Can't you just say thank you because I hate notes.

SPEAKER_01

But not to a child. Like a child, they don't they probably even get the gift. Do you know what I'm saying? It's the parent that got the gift, the kid's there, he's like, oh, what is all this?

SPEAKER_00

But the kids just but their gift is that they get to come and play and they get the cupcake and they get the you know what I mean like older party bags.

SPEAKER_01

I feel like I mean that's like when we were kids and beyond. So I feel like it's it predates that everybody gets a trophy, but I think the exorbitant like the party bags are like That's what I mean. They're they're now like swag bags. I mean, essentially. But that's what I mean. I'm guilty of that.

SPEAKER_00

And I am too, and I'm not doing it this year. I've decided because I did it last year. Mm-hmm. And this is gonna sound awful. Um She only ended up getting like three gifts from all the people that came and I had all these like it just it Well it well you the I don't want to say the reward, but the And she all of your efforts weren't Right, and she was upset about it. Like, why didn't my friend Like and she goes, but I gave them something. And it was like Oh yeah. So then it comes back to and I'm like, okay, what are we like what what is actually happening here?

SPEAKER_01

What is Well, I know why I do I do the party bags because not not even why I do them. I I love party bags. I I just think it's fun. We're gonna do party bags. Let's do something they're gonna be excited about. I've done like clip-in, like hair tinsel, I've done like cool sunglasses, I've done like a sticker pad, like just stuff.

SPEAKER_00

So my daughter's last one.

SPEAKER_01

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00

I did like glow sticks. Oh, see, that's a big one. Mm-hmm. Um, I also did fidget. I did slime. Mm-hmm. A pencil with a pad, um ring pops, bracelets. Um yeah, like accessories and what point it was like when I made a party, like they were not cheap party bags. They were nicer.

SPEAKER_01

And the bags. I did like reusable, like iridescent totes, essentially. I know. We're probably really the problem here.

SPEAKER_00

And so kids aren't asking for this. Again, I'm just like, okay, like that costs me fortune. Yeah. Then you're renting the space and you're getting the food. You're doing all the things.

SPEAKER_01

Like, what happened to just we're having a cookout and everyone be here at one o'clock, and there's a cake that I made, and it's just a free-for-all. Are people still doing that? Or are we like going to um insert trampoline park? I mean, it's I don't know. I don't the birthday thing, I you know what? You know what I think it is? I think it's a millennial thing. Yeah. Because that is what we grew up with, and we missed out on the commercials for like DZ's DZ Discovery Zone. Do you remember DZ? DZ Discovery Zone. Yeah. I went to one birthday party there. I remember just I couldn't even like handle like how cool it was. I'm like, there's places like this. That's why we do it. Because we're doing what we didn't get as kids.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But like Yeah, I That's what I'm thinking. But now that we've done it, we're burnt out. Like I was burnt out by my daughter's seventh birthday party is the last one I did. And yeah, now we just we go somewhere and she can take a couple friends, and that's it. And yeah, I don't know. I don't know what the answer is. But I know like we're not getting party bags now. Like they're supposed to be 14. We're not doing party bags at 14.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I I, you know, I still have one that's little, so I'm like, I just Oh, you're doing the party bags.

SPEAKER_01

You're in it. Yeah. No, I'm saying that. I'm gonna say that a kid's gonna come up to you and he's gonna go, where's the party bag? And you're gonna be like, I didn't make one. You're gonna say no.

SPEAKER_00

I'm gonna say no. I'm gonna say, I'm sorry, buddy. I really appreciate you coming. So does Kirby. Kirby's gonna say thank you, and we're gonna call it a day because here's the thing, like I I understand why people do thank you notes, and maybe some people like that really means a whole lot. I would rather you say thank you to my face than give me a note. You're well, how does that equate to Or or you can just text me?

SPEAKER_01

You text me and say thank you. Same, but I I do say I there is something really special about getting a little letter in the mail that says thank you. I don't know. Again, I think it just depends.

SPEAKER_00

Because I just throw everything away. I'm just like, oh.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I didn't say I keep it.

SPEAKER_00

Right, but like I just feel like I know that I get it and I read it, and I'm like, oh, that's nice, and then I just toss it in the trash.

SPEAKER_01

Isn't that a Seinfeld episode? He gets a Christmas card or something, and he he goes, Oh, that's nice. He puts it in the trash, and the girl comes over to visit and she's like, Why is this in the trash?

SPEAKER_00

And he's like, I'm done with it. And she was like really I and I think it's just because it it equates like it in my head, and like, okay, it's clutter.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Oh, it's it's yeah, it is. We're just complicated people. Did we really help you people say no? I think we did. We there's if you sift through all this conversation, there's some there's some highlights in there. Alright.

SPEAKER_00

So skincare. Oh, yeah. Let's touch on that um for a hot second. Yes. So summertime's coming up. Um, there are a lot of people that are outside constantly, they're doing things, they are going on vacations, family events, parties, you name it, in the pool, out on the beach, and all kinds of stuff. So getting heavy-duty treatments done to your face is usually not going to be something that majority of people are doing. Um, which, okay, we get it. I I understand it. And for s a lot of people, I would say no, anyways, because I know that their lifestyle does not fit this treatment. That treatment and would not be appropriate. So what I say to those people is there are other treatments that you can do to help you get through the summer to keep your skin glowing and youthful, like sfoliated, hydrated, and protected from the sun. Um and if you're somebody who's like, I just don't have time to come in office for treatments, um, then we're gonna talk about skincare. So skincare. Um in the summertime, doing um a basic facial hydration exfoliation. So hydrofacials are amazing for summertime. Um they're gonna help get off dead skin cells, any of the buildup that's on your skin. Um, if you're somebody who happens to go out in the sun and you get a little burn or something like that, and you're gonna have peeling or whatever, you're gonna you're gonna need to do something like that to get that off and rehydrate your skin and and and make it healthy again. Um so hydrofacial, and typically you could do those every month if you wanted. Um, they're very safe. Um, and we also offer and have traditional facials that are very safe that you can do all summer long. Um, again, most of the time people are coming in monthly. You would also want to add on derma plating.

SPEAKER_01

I will say the hydrofacial during the summer is a wonderful, especially like just do once just for those three summer months. Yeah. Just think about it. You are sweating a lot, yep. You're loading up one sunscreen, sometimes reapplying. We know you're probably not double cleansing. Um, think of all the buildup and even like self-tanners. Um I'm just trying to think of like even those, um, in fact, uh, this will be me, because we we have season passes to Hershey Park, okay? So I have like the spray glitter sunscreen. Oh god. I just love that. Um, but let me tell you what, like it is grimy. Like I could like literally rub my chest and then like it's brown. I'm like, oh wow, okay. Um so essentially the hydrofacial, which I know we were supposed to show, you know, I was doing it. It's like a vacuum cleaner for your face at first. It just takes everything out, and then while you're like I just imagine like being open on an operating table, but while you're everything's open and ready, then it like it I say it flips, and that it's then putting things back into your skin.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So and we it also asks, you know, will help with lymphatic, we can do lymphatic drainage and stuff like that, which is also great. Um especially during um the season of allergies and yeah, and just being puffy and hot. Oh my gosh. So it's it's great for that. Also, we do um the peel without the peel. So you can do that. I've done lots of those peels that aren't gonna make you peel but kind of refresh you um throughout the summer. Um, you know, again, we're always doing sunscreen. No matter what you're doing, you can always do sunscreen. Um, the other thing that people don't realize that you can do in the summertime is um microneodling. So microneodling can be safe in the summer because it's not taking layers off. Um, so it's not chemically altering your skin in any way, shape, or form. Um, so as long as you're wearing sunscreen on a regular basis and keeping yourself covered, you're you're pretty safe to do those things in the summertime. And again, I get that sometimes you just have so many things going on. So there are different lengths of time too. Like, we do have quick facials that you can do that are that are 30 minutes that you come in and they're pretty quick and they're not super, super expensive. Even if you wanted a quick derma planing to just kind of get you through.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I have to say oftentimes I think when people think of facials, they think it has to be this whole spa experience. Think of it more as like just a quick little procedure you're gonna go do. Like sometimes they don't have to be these, like, you know, get undressed, put a robe on, get under, there's soft music. I mean, look, we do love those as well. But sometimes, like how I drink coffee, it has to work for me. Yeah. Sometimes if I know I'm going because I'm gonna get this certain result, I prioritize it in a way of like, oh, I have to, I have to go get my hydrofacial today. Or I have to go get this certain kind of facial. It's just it's upkeep for for lack of a better word. It doesn't have to be like this frivolous thing. It's just this is what how taking care of your skin, that's how it looks. Right. Doesn't have to be this spa appointment.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Right? Um, for skincare products, the one thing I will say, if you are somebody who uses a lot of active ingredients um in your skincare routine, um, and you're somebody who's not great at sunscreen, um, I would encourage you to stop using your actives as often if you're not good with your sunscreen. Because what's gonna happen is you're gonna cause more skin damage because you're not putting the sunscreen on. Um, so if you're somebody who's like, oh, I always use my retinol, but you're not putting sunscreen on, you're doing yourself a disservice and it makes no sense. And I want to be as honest as I can with you, um, you're going to cause yourself burn, essentially, um, a chemical burn to your face because it, especially if you don't cleanse your retinol off every morning, because it's supposed to be something that's put on only at night, if you're not cleaning your face and applying sunscreen in the morning and you're using retinol, you're using a lot of salicylics and glycolic acid, you're you're asking yourself to have more sun exposure and cause more damage to your skin.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Um, so in the summertime, if you are that person who is like, I always use my retinols and blah blah blah, but I don't use sunscreen, I would caution you um to either A make sure you're putting on your sunscreen more regularly and reapplying it, or B, cut back on your active ingredients in the summertime if you're not great with your sunscreen. Because if your goal is to stay, you know, your skin looking as great as it can and not ruin all the treatments that you've done throughout the rest of the year, um, then then those are things that you need to do um in order to help um protect your skin throughout the summer while you're not doing services, um, so that when you come back and you start again, you're not starting from the beginning or took five steps back um and have to work again because you're gonna be upset and you're gonna be like, it didn't work. Well, it's not that it didn't work, it's just that if you're not continuing doing your at-home self-care, you're using your products at home, um then again, products and treatments that you get done to yourself while you're in office, it it's just not gonna work the way you wanted it to. Right.

SPEAKER_01

That's it's it's um it's like a seasonal adjustment, right? Like when it's winter, we're gonna have a whole other skin thing there because what you do in the summer is often different in the winter. And I think for summer, I just constantly think keeping my skin clean. Yeah, clean and hydrated.

SPEAKER_00

Clean, hydrate sunscreen. Yeah. Clean, hydrate sunscreen. Um, you know, again, you want to make sure because you are using a lot you or you should be using a lot more sunscreen. So, you know, you want to make sure your pores are are constantly being cleaned out. You don't want to keep your pores clogged. Um, you know, you're sweating a lot more, you're going to the beach, you're you maybe you're touching your face because you're sweating, like all the things um that you're doing a lot more of, or prepping yourself to the summer. So you're in the gym all the time and you're touching all the things and then you're touching your face, and it's just it's just a vicious cycle. Um so you know, keeping yourself clean and making sure that you exfoliate more, it especially if you're constantly putting on your sunscreen and stuff like that. So if you're not coming in, you're not getting facials, you're not doing treatments, you need to make sure that you're using really good um at-home exfoliating treatments. Like Neutrogeno's beads. Yeah, no. Yeah. Um, so you know, there's so many different products. Um we have we carry three main uh lines that would have um exfoliating products in them, um, whether it be a chemical or a physical exfoliant that you're doing, but you should be doing it a three times a week at least in the summertime. Um if you're somebody who's um more dry all year round, that's just your skin type, then you want to do more of a physical as opposed to a chemical. Um and what I mean by a chemical is it's gonna be like a, you know, uh whether you're putting it on topically, so a really high um glycolic or salicylic serum or something that you're using, or a peel pad that has that on it, um, or a higher retinol, um, because they're gonna be more drying to you. Um, and if you're having a lot of sun exposure and you're not protecting your skin, that's just gonna make it worse. Um, you know, you just made me think of something.

SPEAKER_01

Um, so next week we'll do the episode for the men. But the one after that, I think we're gonna do a skin scroll. Yeah. We're gonna have typical or mo or popular skin concerns, and I want you to match the ingredient that they should look for. Okay. Because I think I've done a a skin course, so like I understand what you're saying, but prior to that, I would not have understood why glycolic and salicylic acid are good. I mean, isn't that just acid? What am I putting acid on my face? You know. Um, and yeah, that's only for like you said, a certain skin concern. You really want to focus on that. Right. So we're gonna do that in a yeah, I would say that'll be the lineup.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I think that would be good. Yeah. Um, all right, we went over. We went over waiver, so but we it's a gift for you guys. It is a gift.

unknown

It's a gift.

SPEAKER_01

Um we already we already shouted out our events. That's done. Are you following the podcast? Are you liked and subscribed? Are you engaged in the podcast? Ask yourself that.

SPEAKER_00

Yes, do you? Do you want to see our faces? We can absolutely start doing more um selfies so you can uh Yeah, I guess it goes both ways.

SPEAKER_01

We have to do more online engagement. It's you know, it's just not enough. Um, I think I've decided I'm not getting bangs. Just, you know, because everyone's invested, obviously. Yeah. Um, because I was doing my skincare routine this morning, and I don't think I can stand hair sitting on my forehead. I think that would absolutely drive me bananas. So I've I've decided, everybody. Okay. Thank you for all of your well wishes and concerns, and um thank you, everyone. It was it was I'm glad I got to talk about it. I got to really get it out of my system and And that's why it's good to talk about things. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Definitely. It's very therapeutic. Let us know let us know the last time you said no. And how it made you feel.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

I just said no to bangs.

SPEAKER_01

This is how yeah, I feel pretty great. I feel empowered. Good. Um, yes, let us know when you said no, and it better not be to this podcast. You always say yes to this podcast, okay? Go follow us on Instagram. Um, guys, have a great week. And we'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_00

We'll see you next time. Case closed.