The Beauty Files Podcast

Case #017

• The Beauty Files • Episode 17

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 1:06:05

Welcome to The Beauty Files Podcast! Thanks for listening- please subscribe and leave a 5 star review! 

E-mail us with questions and topics:  beautyfilespod@outlook.com

Instagram:

@Thebeautyfilespod

@Noldonaesthetics 

@AnafternoonwithAmy

@xquisitemedspa

Shop SEINT with Amy: https://beautybyamy44.seintofficial.com/en/shop/retail/category/107

Book a service with Xquisite Med Spa: https://xquisite.co/

Amy's Collagen - Get 10% off with code AMYB: https://greatlakeswellness.com/AMYB

Book a personal analysis appointment with Amy - Website in the works: DM on Instagram for now. 

SPEAKER_01

We are recording. Recording is in session. Good morning, everyone. Happy day. I want to gavel or something. I just said recording is now in session, and it just made me think of a court of law.

SPEAKER_00

Have you ever been on jury duty? Um, I have gotten uh notifications for jury duty when I was younger and I got out of it. Lucky. Um, I got out of it a couple of times, so yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I did it last yeah, it was last August. I remember I missed my daughter's first day of school because I was missed professional law person, took it very seriously, was was called, like had to do a whole case and everything, and then it was super boring because at the end they settled.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I remember you telling me that. Do you know, you know, speaking of again, this is not on topic of what we were going to discuss today.

SPEAKER_01

But we are, we are discussing it.

SPEAKER_00

Um The Murdahl. Do you the Murdoch case? Did you ever watch, guys, if you have not seen this or watched like the there's a Netflix like documentary of it? Um I love like law stuff and like medical stuff. Like I truly, it just it hits. Like it just I just think it's so much fun. Yeah. Um, I enjoy watching it, like the the mystery of it and like wondering, like, okay, if you were in their head, like, did they really do it? Like, but truly and honestly, like this man did this. He did. And it's a technicality as to why the case got thrown out and now they have to retry it. Um, but fortunately, he had other charges, so he doesn't get out right of jail. Right. But did you see it?

SPEAKER_01

No. I mean, I've I know roughly about it, but not I I'm not like you. I can't handle those things.

SPEAKER_00

No? No.

SPEAKER_01

They give me high anxiety, and then I'm up, and then I'm ruminating about it, and it like calms me. I don't know. It's the same.

SPEAKER_00

It just, I'm like, and I think it's just because it like takes my mind somewhere else. It's like somebody else's issue, somebody else's but it's but it's like a mystery, it's like a puzzle. Like you have to put it together, and I like puzzles.

SPEAKER_01

I don't like anything that's negative energy.

SPEAKER_00

I don't see, I don't look at it as negative energy. To me, it's like something like that's life-giving.

SPEAKER_01

This is this is I I understand. It's like it's like why I like the rain, right? A lot of people would think that's negative energy. Yeah, it's not for me.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And just like your crime stuff is not for me. It is for a lot of people. Yeah. Uh you are not a an anomaly. Like it's you know that's why there's a whole genre.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. So we talk about like both of you and I, like, we find politics, things like that, we find it very interesting. Things that are going on in the world, like news and things like that. We are interested in those kinds of things as well. Again, we are interested in a lot of different, you know, all the beauty stuff, all of the working out and the fitness and the clothes and the fatness fashion. Um fatness. And the fatness. We're here for the fatness. Um guys, we are a very complex human being, we are sparked by numerous different things. Um, I think that makes you human. So, but yeah. Um, just, you know, speaking of a gavel, that just kind of brought me to that. And I uh that it's very prevalent, and I've heard a lot of people talking about it, and again, I just there's the fact that it how it got overturned, um, and the fact that they have to redo it is just mind-blowing. Wow. So Do you feel like it's just a waste of resources? You guys are taxpayer dollars. I don't think anybody realizes how much money goes into stupid, first of all, really stupid cases that there's no reason anybody should sit in jail. There's no reason we should pay a money for um a prosecutor or a DA to even like waste uh a second. Um but we do, and um the same thing is happening with this case. You're wasting all the DA money, um, taxpayer dollars that are going to this when it's so clear that this person and that you're just again, it's wasteful.

SPEAKER_01

Like it makes you wonder why certain cases get the attention they do, and then the timing. Ugh. We we we talked about a lot of this. It has this distraction. Distraction. It's just distraction. Yes. Um again, if you guys want us to talk in a whole episode about either conspiracies, podcasts, we we're not doing it unless you tell us to.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, if you tell us to, we are are here for it. So, you know, give us send us some insight on that, on whether you want to email us or give us a a message on Insta.

SPEAKER_01

All of our info is in the show notes, and it would be it would be fun.

SPEAKER_00

It would be fun. And if you have like specific things, like if there's something very specific that you are interested in, or if it's just generic, like we can we're here for it.

SPEAKER_01

It is funny how politics don't really set me off like in the negative spiral, like how true crime does, which is no different depending on you know what avenue you're going down.

SPEAKER_00

Correct. Well, it's just like for me, Instagram can but if I see politics, it doesn't really I'm like, huh. I know. It is we are like you said, we are complex individuals.

SPEAKER_01

Individuals and uh well speaking of complexities, let's talk social norms. Oh, goodness. And why we have a problem with them because it really some of them really is is just like throwing in the towel. It's like this um programming of we're setting you up so that you never amount to anything in this world. It keeps you keeps you down and they're limiting, right? I feel like. And they are nobody wants to be normal, and yet that's it's like you have to what's that picture? It's like a all black and white photo, and then there's like one flower that's in color, and it's like be the one that stands out, right? But then it's like no, you need to fit in with everyone else, don't be abnormal, don't be different. It's it's whifflash. It is you have to stand out just enough, just enough to be recognized, but not too much, but not too much, because then that's different, and you're being ostracized and pushed down, and yeah, what do they call that? The tall poppy syndrome, or not syndrome, tall, tall poppy something, or it's like you can't get too tall, otherwise they'll they'll take you out. So I went negative really fast. Anyway, so norms. So social norms, um, these are I feel like most of some of them are more female leaning, if you will. But the first one's not. And that is that fathers babysit their own children. And I've heard this so many times. It's like, well, I have to go get my hair done. Do you mind babysitting your I'm sorry, you mean hanging out with your child?

SPEAKER_00

You mean watching your kid?

SPEAKER_01

And I don't I don't even think this is a man issue. I think women are using this term and normalizing it.

SPEAKER_00

I have never once said, can you babysit unless it is somebody that is not a biological parent of the child? Even the word watch is a little I mean I've said watch. Yeah, I mean, can you can you grab the kids? Can you watch the kids? Um, can you hang out with them?

SPEAKER_01

Like watch has like a the child's young and you need to monitor them to make sure they don't do something. Watch the watch the kids like, hey, I need you to like keep eyes on when I'm not there.

SPEAKER_00

But I mean, if depending on their age, I feel like that's appropriate. Yes. But no, like mine are young while my one is young. So one is young, they get a watch. They get a watch. You don't necessarily have to stare at them the whole time.

SPEAKER_01

But literally watching. That's like babysitting, it's not literally sitting on your baby. Right. That's funny. That's like um, what's that book, Amelia Bedelia, where she takes everything literally. Love that. Yeah. Um, but yes, I have heard too many times, honestly, about the man babysitting your own their own child.

SPEAKER_00

And that I've heard them reference that they're babysitting their own child, and I'm like it's again, it's a norm, and it's a norm that needs to be broken.

SPEAKER_01

At least just pay attention to what you're saying, because that sounds that's ridiculous. I want to babysit my kid. Are you getting paid to babysit your child? Um, it's called spending time hanging out, quality time, uh, being with is is even, I'll accept that. Um bonding. Gosh, let's keep going. That's like a Rolodex of words. Uh but regardless, remove babysitting from your vernacular or whatever, your vocab. Um, because it's it's also like a total turn off.

SPEAKER_00

It is to both the the man and the woman, because there's there's like meaning beneath it, which is like you're never gonna hear a man say to a woman, are you gonna babysit the kids? Like I don't know that you hear I've never necessarily heard a man say to his significant other or you know, the baby mama, whatever you want to call him. Right, hey, can you babysit the kids for me? Because I'm gonna go do this.

SPEAKER_01

And it's like Yeah, if it's not making sense one way, it also probably doesn't the other way. Doesn't make it my other favorite of that is um this is adjacent to, but you know, when a woman goes back into the workforce, oftentimes they'll say, Oh, do you have a nanny? Are you asking the dad when he goes back to work? Like, and I look, I I don't think I've said it on this podcast, but I'm not super enthused that it's a normal thing for women to be in the workplace, um to it to the degree that we are now. Obviously, it's nuanced. My answer is nuanced. Um, but I'm not going down that that rabbit hole. I just don't like that it's a norm that women have to work. I don't like that. Um, but regardless, that is a norm now. Women are going to work, and yet that's a problem for a lot of people. Well, where do you have a nanny? Well, what you must have health. Well, are you saying that to the dad? Because it's normal for him to go to work. Right. And now you're telling me it's normal that the mom goes to work, but dads aren't asking dads, well, what what where'd you get your nanny? Where'd you get your au pair?

SPEAKER_00

Like, they're not talking about that. Which guys, I don't know if you realize this, um, but au pairs are actually very affordable. Yeah. Yeah. I way more affordable than a nice sounds expensive. It sounds expensive, but it's it's way more affordable than a nanny is. It's way more affordable than a babysitter than a daycare. And that sounds crazy, but it is very true. And a lot of them are bilingual.

SPEAKER_01

So if, you know, that's something that That's another norm that I just thought of is nannies and a pairs lead to um affairs. Yes, I don't know. They do. And I Yes, I'm sh yeah, well, when we're saying all these norms, we're not saying it doesn't happen, okay? But to say it's normal is a problem.

SPEAKER_00

So it does happen. I will say I was a nanny. Yes, I knew that. I was waiting for you to I've never I would never put myself in that situation.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_00

Um, you do definitely get I remember there was one family, and I think, you know, mom mom was postpartum and not feeling great, and I was very young. I I don't know the dynamic. Um she said that she really liked me but felt uncomfortable because of her husband.

SPEAKER_01

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_00

And he was home working. Oh like from home. Right. And I we weren't even in the same room, like nothing. Um, I was only there twice. Oh wow. You know, because it was through an agency. Yeah. And they they the agency apologized to me because they felt really bad. Um well, post-motherhood is tough. It is tough.

SPEAKER_01

And I've seen pictures, you were a little haughty, and you still are. So I mean, if you were my family's nanny, I'd be like, uh-uh. I need like Griselda, and she needs to be 400 pounds, and that's the only person that's allowed in my house.

SPEAKER_00

And so, I mean, that was the only instance where that that happened, and they were like, yeah, and thank God, because that would have been very um like crush, soul crushing, because I was like, I'm just here to play with the kids. Like, I just want to take care of them.

SPEAKER_01

It is a very um, especially when you're young, like that's when you realize, like, oh, I'm like living with I'm among adults. Like, there are real adult problems out there. And even if you didn't do anything to think that you would cause in a way, in a weird way, there was a riff.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

A riff of of this girl's too pretty to be here.

SPEAKER_00

So I wasn't the only one that that happened to you with this family, though. It actually, I was the second person. Oh, that's so I'm sad for the mom. Yeah, and I think they ended up sending somebody who was like 60 pounds.

SPEAKER_01

Griselda, who's 400 pounds. Because they learned like it just Well, they're noticing a pattern now. Yeah. It wasn't, yeah. So, but you know, think about how many movies, books that are written where the Nanny or the Au pair is is this well, in this case, you were some hot, hot blonde. But but anyway, like I said, to say that it happens, yes, it happens, but is it normal?

SPEAKER_00

Because normal is acceptable. There can be. Yeah, normal is acceptable. This is unacceptable. And I would not say that this is the norm. The norm because again, I was a nanny for several different families, and um most of the time, honestly, the mom was home more than the dad was. It wasn't um a big deal, but on my my role, like I was chauffeuring them. I was like helping like schoolwork and cleaning and getting them together and potty training and like all of those things, not necessarily. I mean, there was no time for anything else.

SPEAKER_01

Isn't that interesting? So that's that's the other where when are we finding time? Yeah. That's that'll be a different podcast. Okay. We'll have someone write in. Here's how I found the time. Um, okay. Next one is Mother-in-laws are evil. And I'm thinking of how many uh what's the the J-Lo movie?

SPEAKER_00

Monsters Monster-in-law. Monster in law.

SPEAKER_01

I feel like that is such a this also coincides with like stepmoms. Yeah. Stepmoms are evil, mother-in-law. I know, I know there are those out there. You're probably yelling, Amy and Rachel, shut up. That is my situation. Right. I'm sure.

SPEAKER_00

If it is, we're sorry.

SPEAKER_01

We are sorry. And I and I understand where that might be normal for you, but it is not normal. Yeah. I hope you guys are seeing a trend here. I how many times do I have to say normal like that? But um it's not ass it should not be assumed that just because your man has a mother that she's gonna be this evil tyrant who's out to get you. Um you're not that important, you're not that special. Um hi, mother-in-law. I like you. She's um in town visiting. I think we see her tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00

I've never really had any issues with any of my past relationships, moms that I can think of. Um I guess if I did, I would try to go to them and talk to them. Um you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_01

And what do you do if you do have one?

SPEAKER_00

I think it would depend on how toxic. We'll use the word toxic. I guess it would it would depend on how how toxic or how willing you thought that that person would be to having a conversation and figuring out why do you not like me and what is the dynamic here? Like, what's the reasoning behind it? Um Yeah, remember it always always start with you.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Right? Like, okay, what was my expectation for this relationship? Where is it not meeting that expectation, and whose fault is it really? And by fault, I just mean can the situation even be helped? Is it is it an outlandish expectation you had in the first place? Are you making it difficult for that expectation to be met? Or is it true that she just is a train wreck and she's derailing your entire house and life? Because there is that. There are, and usually it's the husband's fault. Um, they were a mama's boy or she just babied them forever and just can't let go. At that point, it I do think it is the husband's responsibility to set that straight. You really shouldn't have to get involved if you don't have to.

SPEAKER_00

So I, you know, I think that uh the men, especially if they're like mommy's boys, that that can be I think that's where it most commonly occurs. I think it's more with like I think it ends up being a man who only relies on their mom for everything. Then they get in a relationship and mom feels like they're kind of being replaced. Yes. And that's when the the dynamic of the the power there's where the lines are crossed. So I do think that it comes down to okay, it's great to see a man that has a great relationship, but if they're still relying on their mom for the relationship red flag. Right. If they're relying on their mom, like they're let me talk to my mom about it first. Let me see what her input is, let me see what she thinks. Or, oh, um, I'm still in my mom's cell phone plan. Or my mom normally schedules my appointments for me. Um let me ask my mom what's for dinner tonight, or I'm gonna go to my I'm gonna I go to my mom, so um, she's making dinner, I'll see what you know, all of these kinds of things um which I have heard people, you know, talk like these are true things. These are these are real real life examples of you know a situation, and that's when I think the whole quote unquote crazy mean monster in law comes from is situations where you know and and maybe it's an only child or you know that that bonds there I I don't I don't really know.

SPEAKER_01

And you know, it's interesting this actually kind of falls into mother-daughter because it's also a red flag for the daughter to have to ask her mom everything. Like when you get married and you have a woman, you want her to run the household. You want to know she's competent and can do it and isn't like calling her mom every five seconds. Like there's there's space for that, like but your mom's not part of your relationship on either yeah, on either party in in that relationship. Moms and dads, but moms should not have a say of what goes on in your roof of your house.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, I think like asking an opinion, just like you would for a friend or like but that doesn't necessarily mean that you need to take that opinion and run with it. And that's the only opinion.

SPEAKER_01

And let's be, you know, ladies, I I under I understand men are men. I I get it. We have our our grievances, but don't bash your spouse in front of mom because mom's automatically gonna side with you, and then he's gonna have a target on him forever. And if you guys reconcile and it's the best relationship ever, mom doesn't forget, and then she's gonna remind you, and then you're gonna be stuck in that cesspool of negativity, and you're never gonna get out of it. Not saying you can't go to mom when you're having a bad day, these are all things, but you gotta do it in a tactful way that you're gonna complain. Yeah. Like you and you should. I'm sorry, but you should have if you're in a union, it's just the two of you. You and then any any outsider you let in, you better represent who you're in the union with to the best that you can, even when it's real ugly, just because in the case that it gets better, everyone's only gonna remember the misery, and then they're not gonna be so excited for you to go back. Yeah, not saying they're obviously again nuance, there are some situations you really shouldn't go back. Not the ones I'm talking about. Have discernment, make sure you're safe. Obviously, those are like I'm talking like stupid stuff, like he won't pick up the laundry. Okay.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, if it I mean, and if here's the thing, guys, I I know that back in the day, um, you know, you were supposed to not live with somebody before you got married, and you don't sleep with somebody before you get married, and you know, those kinds of things. Um for me, I am of the opinion that first of all, those things are important because if you don't jive, um, especially in the bedroom, um, if that's just not hitting it for you, unfortunately, those are situations where a lot of times it things may not work out because it's just not, you know, what is that called? The song. Coitus. No, not coitus. It was the same. It's like um the we used like it's just not fitting. Like it just what's that saying? Like the screw with the I'm I'm not helping you on purpose because this is funny.

SPEAKER_01

Because you're you're like, you're trying. There's a saying and I can't um Oh, a square peg and a round ball.

SPEAKER_00

There we go. I'm like, help me. I am not sorry guys. I mean the mechanics aren't mechanicking. Mechanicking. And then the other thing is you don't really know somebody until you live with them. Like you just you might think that you do because you hang even if you're hanging out there and you might stay for the weekend or you stay a couple days, you're not living there full if you're not living there full time, like a lot of times you don't really know until you live with somebody.

SPEAKER_01

And then if there's a funny saying, it's like you don't know someone until the internet's slow. And that's true. I have rage, raged at slow internet. Like it is, I come undone. Yeah. It's it's not pretty. But no, you're absolutely right, and it is a touchy topic because in a lot of religious, not even religious, faith-filled relationships, that those are like the two top of the list things you do not do.

SPEAKER_00

I guess the the other part of that is you don't know what you don't know.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, that's fair. So do you know you know what? Yes, it's harder when you have someone that has a crazy past and the other one doesn't, and then meet in bed for the first time.

SPEAKER_00

But if neither of you know True. So you're finding out together. See, that's cute and innocent and exciting. If you don't know what you don't know, like it it can be fine. But in the other instance, like you said, if one does and one does not, um, you know, again, that can be a little controversial and possibly, you know, cause issues.

SPEAKER_01

So And while we're at it, we'll stay with the next norm, which was, and this one's interesting, because at least right now this is the norm, and that's to get married by 30. Well, I did not fit that one. Well, for those that are waiting till marriage, I let's I hope you're getting married at 19. Okay. Like, don't wait till you're 30 and practice being a virgin up until then. Like, that's that's tough.

SPEAKER_00

And look at the this case they were 25. So yeah. Wow, that's that's wild.

SPEAKER_01

Um, I have noticed an uptick of people getting married earlier. Um, but for a a minute there, especially with people our age, it's it's their second marriage. Well, that too.

SPEAKER_00

Actually, because they got married when they're you're right, and now it's their second.

SPEAKER_01

You're right, and well, that happens too. But I I do think giving yourself and let's just remove 30 from from the equation. It's giving yourself any kind of deadline can be really destructive for yourself. Yeah. For yourself, for the I don't know, if you're just if you're literally, if you're saying, okay, I have to be married by 25, and that just means whoever you're with is who you're picking. And that's that can be destructive. That can be destructive and not not smart. And if you waited another year, you probably would have actually met the person. You know, like you can't if you're not happy, don't force it. No, don't force that square peg into the round hole, literally and figuratively, because it's the sign that it's just not it's not supposed to happen like this.

SPEAKER_00

And also you don't have to get married, like you can be in a solid relationship without being married. So also don't feel like that is what you have to do. Um, you know, again, growing up, it was always like, oh, you get married, and then you get the house, and you have the kids, and that's all the norm. Yeah, yes, let's talk about it. Another norm. This is a norm, you know, that Cinderella, like this is how it happens. Um I thought I would be that person. Yeah. I thought I'd be at home with the city. Because you were sold that. That's oh that just looks like such a luxury and such wonderfulness. But it's not the norm. There's very few that I have found that like fit in that quote unquote what we thought was the norm. And again, I think this is something that has changed over the years. While it used to be, it no longer is.

SPEAKER_01

And just because the norm happened to them doesn't mean they're happy. Correct. That's an that's like another norm, is just because you've been together a long time or whatever means that you're happy. It's it's so obviously I've said it a hundred times, it's situational, it's nuanced. But yeah, I the whole honestly, just putting a deadline on anything, even having kids buy, even like freezing your eggs is really in right now. Um that's been in for a while, but true, yes.

SPEAKER_00

But that I guess it's now a norm. Well, I'm gonna freeze my eggs when I turn 30.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_00

First of all, guys, that's not cheap. It's not an easy endeavor to go through. Um, and uh if an insurance company is not going to pay for that for you, you better have a lot of money.

SPEAKER_01

The um woman I just saw at the event, she she said she froze her eggs at 30 because she didn't know and she wasn't in a relationship or anything. Um, a month later, she met the man of her dreams, got pregnant right away, and was more so faced with all the she okay, so she's like freezing your eggs. It sounded so simple. Yes, I'm gonna do that. Now she's facing questions of like, what do I do with them? Do I donate them? They're gonna have my genetic genetics.

SPEAKER_00

Do I kill them? Like so they're not fertilized. So, you know, here's the thing it's completely different than if you were to you have actual embryos. Right.

SPEAKER_01

It's still, I guess it's still the idea. Part of the recipe to create life. Like she was like, I wish I didn't, because now I don't there's like questions she doesn't read. Well, and she was she's a person of from what I gathered, a person of of real faith, doesn't believe in stem cells, like all that. So it was it was really interesting. It's like one of those things where it's like you say a thing and without seeing like what's beneath the thing. And it's just the more you can do your research on big life choices like that, that's like saying, Yes, I want to have a wedding, and you're not even taking into account who you're marrying. I mean, that I'm honestly that is kind of the norm right now. The wedding is everything, and nobody's investing in the relationship, which is why we still have a freaking 50% plus marriage failure rate.

SPEAKER_00

These at weddings, too, like uh, you know, people are the amount of money that's goes into a wedding. And I had somebody ask me at the wedding that I had been at, like, when are you getting married?

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I was like that's another norm of asking that.

SPEAKER_00

I was like, I honestly looked at them and I said, never.

SPEAKER_01

I love that. Just shock value. Well then sh shame on her. Because first of all, you don't ask the the woman when are you getting married.

SPEAKER_00

And I said, We've been together a long time. Does that not does that mean that I have to have a wedding? I said, It's very expensive. I said, I'd rather spend my money on something else. And she goes, Alright then. She's like, Well, if you ever decide that you want to, I'm sure it will be a great party. And I said, I don't need I don't need a wedding for a great party.

SPEAKER_01

I like I mean, look, if you're gonna say the thing, don't be surprised if there's not backlash, but like don't be surprised you're gonna get someone's real opinion.

SPEAKER_00

Like I I get asked that all the time, and again, it comes down to I mean, how is that affecting you?

SPEAKER_01

Well, it's not exactly. It you know, marriage is is one of those it's a norm. Again, yeah. Yeah, and it really it just depends on what you value. Honestly, the best example would be uh gay marriage, because for the longest time, obviously we all know it was illegal. That's not even the right word.

SPEAKER_00

What am I It was it was just not a thing. It was not a thing, it was just not a thing.

SPEAKER_01

It wasn't like Then the government was like, yep, that's fine. However, religion it was only with the state. Right. It was not like churches weren't recognizing it.

SPEAKER_00

So it's it's like, where do you But I still think that to this day churches don't recognize it unless I mean unless it's like one of the office? I don't, you know what, I don't know. Because there are some churches There's also some states that I still don't think allow gay marriage, I'm pretty sure. Probably right. And I'm not sure what states they are. I've never looked into that, so don't like it. I haven't needed to from being um so please don't like that's not the end all be all. I'm not sure, but I do believe that there are some states that it's still not quote unquote legal to have gay marriage.

SPEAKER_01

So, like at that point, because obviously you have gays that are ha of faith, right? So it's like, well, if and maybe we need a a gay expert because I would like to know then what is marriage to them. Because a lot of them are like, well, we're not getting married unless it's recognized by the church. Because was to them, marriage was the union under God. A lot of people, it's union for tax purposes.

SPEAKER_00

I was gonna say, I feel like marriage more than anything these days, guys. Um, health insurance, business transaction, taxes. Yeah. Yeah, it's more is be unless you are truly, truly religious and like it's a big thing for your family and for you and God, um, I feel like it is more of a business transaction.

SPEAKER_01

Um, you know, you do it to help your credit score and to, you know, help your taxes and uh Yeah, it it really does depend on how you as the individual look at what is marriage.

SPEAKER_00

And and if you think that, okay, you're very religious, so like that is you'll be frowned upon if you are not. Um I absolutely get that. Um I get I get all the reasons behind it.

SPEAKER_01

I get all the reasons for it and against it on a whole front. And that's that's how it should apply to everything in life. Like you said earlier, it doesn't affect them what you do. No. Not not really, not in this case. So is it like, are you just bad at making conversation?

SPEAKER_00

Like, is that what we have to talk about? So an another person at the wedding had brought up the fact that there's so much planning, this is all consuming for five hours of fun.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and it's not even fun, not for everybody.

SPEAKER_00

Five hours of fun. Okay, to me, I'm sorry, that just blows my mind. And when you say I'm gonna spend fifty thousand dollars on five to six hours of fun.

SPEAKER_01

I've thrown some really fun Halloween parties for like two grand, and they've gone like seven hours, and they've been the most fun I've ever had.

SPEAKER_00

That's to me makes me want to vomit.

SPEAKER_01

Everything in the wedding industry is is ballooned like 120%. It's it's oh, it's for a wedding. Oh, just kidding, this is my price. I had a DJ do that. He once he heard it was for a wedding, the price changed. The service didn't change. Right. That's curious. Um, he wasn't very good either. Um but he ruined my wedding.

SPEAKER_00

No, I'm yeah, I so again, I think um we come back to norms like everybody looks at it. Um I think that's why a lot more people um choose to do more of a destination wedding where it's a combination of a party, a honeymoon, uh it it's something that if you're gonna spend fifty grand, at least you have a week. Right. Of fun, as opposed to a day or five hours. Five hours, six hours of fun. I I yeah. And I I truly think that if that were ever to be um a a wedding would ever be in my future, it would be a destination where everybody was there, everybody was having fun, um, that money felt like it was not wasted.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Because I'm sorry, but to me it would feel very wasted.

SPEAKER_01

I I wish more people would just yes, like you can have your party, but like just go crazy on the honeymoon. Yeah. Because then it is for a week plus, or at least for hopefully for for most it can be. But like that's where you're celebrating you're married, go be married, like like stress-free for a week.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, wouldn't that be nice? Or hey, we'll just go to a courthouse, or we'll have somebody take us to a little pond. You can have a couple people there, and then you can say, Hey, we're going on a honeymoon. Do you want to come?

SPEAKER_01

If you want them there. I mean how like how well do we like these people?

SPEAKER_00

I mean, that's I mean, that's totally up to you, but like if you want to have that, it's kind of like the Bachelorette, Bachelor, you know. Um, I know a couple that chose to do it together and they rented like a big house and did an Airbnb, and like they're gonna celebrate with their friends, but they're gonna do it together. I mean personally, I love that. Yeah. Not everybody loves to, as opposed to, okay, let's separate and like oh, it's my last norm. Freedom. Okay, here we go with the norms. I'm sorry, what? Okay, first of all, it's not freedom, you're in a relationship. And last I last I checked, you are choosing to be in the relationship. You're choosing to be in that relationship. It is a free will, I would hope. I would hope. Um if you need to have a bachelor or bachelor party to go to a strip club because that's what you really want to do, maybe you need to question your relationship because if you feel like that's the only time that you can do that and that's the only time it's okay, um, then clearly there's Or you'd rather be doing that than being with your wife or your future wife. Yeah. Um if it's not something that you could do together or it's not something that they would approve of you doing regardless, then maybe there's something more you need to look into. Um It's true. Besides, because I uh to me it just I have to laugh. I'm like, okay, if you feel like that's the only time that you can go and do that, and like it's it's my last night of freedom. I'm sorry, first of all, you're in a relationship. You're gonna you're you've chosen to be there, you've chosen to do this. It's not like if you feel like, oh, it's my night that I can go out and I can make out with random people, no, no, that's not what it's meant for. That is that is then not if you feel like it's oh it's the last time I can go hang out with my girlfriends, have a big party and celebrate, like, no, no, like that's not okay either.

SPEAKER_01

You're supposed to celebrate too at your wedding, but yeah, um, another uh thing that's right there is having kids. Yeah. Oh, my life is gonna end. Baby moons, this is our last time to do something. Are you out of your mind? I did a self-edit there. I want to just no, that's wrong. I'd be punching pregnant people. Hold on. I want to pull your hair if I hear you say that I want to be I'm gonna my hoops are coming off and I'm I'm going for your hair. I absolutely despise that mentality that your life is ending because you're having kids. And do do all the traveling now, because you'll never you just we talked about this off air. You get a little co-pilot, they come with you. Yeah. Um, kids are great. I I don't know why like there's such a a negativity about being a mom in this day and age of who's the biggest offender? Chelsea Hanler, I think she went viral for some post she did where it was like, I can wake up and get high and I can get high whenever I want.

SPEAKER_00

And it's like, does anyone are we not checking of how empty this person is? Like here's the thing. Do I think that if you choose not to have children, um, your life can be simpler, but you can do things that um people with children can't necessarily do? Yes, those are very true things. Um, do I think that sometimes, and you guys, again, i this is personal, uh like a personal opinion of mine. Um, do I think that sometimes people that don't have kids and aren't in relationships aren't are happier? Yes, but can the opposite be true? Yes. So again, there are what we think are norms and what we don't think are norms. Um there shouldn't even be norms. That's probably the issue. Yeah, there shouldn't be norms or accepted.

SPEAKER_01

Norms, if you're not doing them, lead to shame. Correct. And that goes in both instances. It's another, it's room for more comparison. Oh, I should be married, oh I should get engaged.

SPEAKER_00

I mean, it it's in all aspects. It's in it's in your personal, your business, kit, like work, all of it. All of it.

SPEAKER_01

Um I should be making X amount of dollars by now.

SPEAKER_00

I should be here, I should be.

SPEAKER_01

It's you're honestly, it's just I think we said at the beginning of the episode, it's it's another way to frame yourself that you're a failure. You're in a negative like bubble of like the shoulds and the shouldn'ts. And I do think norms are created to keep us tethered or shrapped down, caged, whatever, so that you're not in a negative space. In a negative space, so you're not actually feeling like you are living your best life. Yeah. And it's sad. Yeah. Even weight, I should be X amount of pounds. I should I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

Like it's just And I used to think like, okay, you know, uh you go to weight, like numbers that number. It's like, no, because you can look even better at a higher number when you're fit. It's it's like, um, you know, so again, norms. So uh let's say on the weight game. Or no, do you have something else with kids? Uh no, I was just gonna say, we we talked about again, like how old should you be? Oh, yeah. Yes. That's the other norms. Uh, you know, it used to be normal to have them younger, and now it's more normal to have them older. This comes back to if you travel, like oh, you get married, you travel, wait to have kids. Yep. Um What are you prioritizing? What is most important to you? I had a kid in my twenties, I've had a kid in my 30s. Personally, again, this is my personal opinion, my personal experience. You first of all, you don't become less stressful as you get older. You don't gain more patience as you get older. Things don't necessarily get easier as you get older. Um, my personal opinion, I feel like having my son when I was younger, um, I didn't have as many responsibilities. Um, I wasn't as worried about oh my gosh, if I don't get to A, B, C, D by the time I'm this age or I don't have. This much money set aside or whatever it may be, um I'm I'm not making in life. Um so it was much easier. I feel like I had more patience, I feel like I was more present when my son was little. Um even though I worked I still worked really hard and and had started my business and everything when he was a a baby. I um it was still an easier time for me than it was when I had my daughter in my 30s. Right. Um so you know uh I feel like a young mom and then an old mom at the same time, um, depending on which kid I'm with. So the norm now is waiting until you're older. I personally would not want to have another child right now. Yeah. Um, you know, if it happened um and that was what was meant to be. Different story. It's a different story. You in the chair at the moment.

SPEAKER_01

You don't in my present state, like you're not you're not um thinking about it.

SPEAKER_00

No. I I love babies and infancy like infants that's my favorite time. It really is my favorite time. I would say until they're two. Like be infant to two years old is like the my favorite. Um do I miss that? I do. Um but now I'm like, you know what? I would love to just love on everybody else's babies and give them back. Yep. And that's where I am, and that's okay too. Um it's all okay. If you're choosing to have a baby at 38, 39, 40, early 40s, that's on you.

SPEAKER_01

That's on you.

SPEAKER_00

That's on you. That's on you. That's not on me. And I will love your babies and I will cuddle them and do all the things. But I I like that.

SPEAKER_01

I I think a lot of people think having kids later, because then you quote unquote know yourself. I I I just think that I'm sorry, I just think that's really dumb logic. So my child's old enough now that we can go do the thing. Like if I did all my traveling in my twenties, yes, you have all these experiences, but you don't have it with your child. My child has been on all of our vacation, anything we've ever done. And now I can be like, hey, remember when we went, instead of, oh yeah, oh I did all that before you were born. That has a very I don't like that.

SPEAKER_00

Uh we do like little trips. Um, and I love little trips. I try to do little things. Um, I wish that I had the ability to be off more and um financially be able to travel more. Um, and hopefully one day I will, because I do think that's a great experience for your kids. And to be able to do that with them and watch, it's it's like to me that's like Christmas, like seeing their faces and seeing the joy and the excitement um that it brings to them is more of a warm, fuzzy gift to me um than you know, me just experiencing it.

SPEAKER_01

I I love to do it. This is this goes back to gift giving. We're better at giving gifts than receiving. Same same concept. And it's funny, we we also only do little day tri or not well, sometimes we'll do weekends, but my husband cannot relax. And then I learned I can't either, in all honesty. Um, so it is funny, like when we go places it has to be we have to be doing things. Like it's it's probably bad. We need to model like relaxing more. Um but that being said, another um another one that's interesting is at least what I'm seeing now, is going gray really early.

SPEAKER_00

Um like 40. I mean I've seen it earlier. I've noticed younger people going gray and letting it happen.

SPEAKER_01

Look, that's not something I do think there is a psy-op, which I don't know if we've talked about on this podcast, but is a psychological operation. Okay. It is part of the conspiracy home front, so welcome. This is Conspiracy Corner at the Beauty Files. Um, I do think that the increase of pricing of everything is a psy-op so that women stop taking care of themselves or they start doing things at home, which then hurts small businesses.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I have seen it time and time again. I've talked about it before, maybe not on the podcast, but uh do-it-yourself lashes, uh anything do it yourself, pay attention to when that's coming out and it's during times of inflation. Gas prices, war, um anytime COVID, COVID, I mean, if that if that's not the biggest do everything at home, do it yourself, nail stuff. I mean, everything, everything to take out the small business. Yeah. And thankfully, people came back in a in a a surge. Yeah. Um, but I have noticed that a lot of the complaints is well, hair color is expensive, it's expensive to go to a salon, it's time consuming. So I'm just gonna go gray because it's easy.

SPEAKER_00

And there is a okay, I will say there is a difference between Linda Plain, go ahead and take me down. Some gray hairs and gray hairs. So the difference is is if you are not at least fifty to sixty or more gray. Percent, you mean? Percent. Okay. There's no excuse. Like, if you are not that gray and you are 40, there is no excuse for you to let it go. To just let it go. If you are 50 to 60 percent gray and you are 40 or younger, I can understand because of how frequent you would have to go and cover that up because your hair growth cycle is much quicker.

SPEAKER_01

I grow, or I grow, well, yeah. I go every four weeks. So I'm not saying But you're not 50% gray. No, but I'm still spending it like I am.

SPEAKER_00

Hair dye is one price. Correct. So I understand going um that frequently. Um, especially if you have dark look hairs.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I understand. And I'm right, and I'm not there. I don't think I'm gonna change my tune. I just feel like there's too many products now that you can add to the the hairline. I just there's powders that there's all kinds of stuff, and it's only gonna get better.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, here's the thing. I have gray in mine, but mine is more easily because of being blonde. And in even though I do like the shadow root, like you can still see it, but I feel like because I'm mainly blonde and um it it blends better. Um so I don't have to worry about going. I will tell you, if I had a dark hair and my grays were shining through, I would I would be getting it done. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what.

SPEAKER_01

Here's what here's what we're gonna do. Because I've thought about this. Yeah. Because of the color of my hair, right? It's maybe maybe there will come a time. I I don't know. But I thought about reverse ombre. Okay. Where I will always have some sort of hair color in my hair. Even if my gray comes in and I don't like the color, I'm gonna tone that shit. Yeah. It we're gonna make it work for me. Yeah. I am not about the salt and pepper. Like, if you're seeing that you're going, you need to start toning it or or start like coming up with a plan.

SPEAKER_00

The problem with salt and pepper is there can be very pretty salt and pepper, and there can be very not pretty hair. Right. And really, I'm talking about the not pretty.

SPEAKER_01

Or or if you're gonna go gray, at least straighten your hair. Style your hair. I've seen too many people go gray and then they forget they even have hair. Look, how you do things, show up in the world, you're out, your your whole appearance tells a story. It does. And if you want people to not pay attention to you, treat you like crap, or just forget that you're there, then yeah, go ahead. Like, just forget that you exist. Don't put lipstick on. Like, I've seen women go gray and they have a full face of makeup, their hair is done, and I'm like, yes, I see you. You look beautiful. I I get it. This is very judgmental. I'm sorry if you're being challenged right now, but I I just it's the same thing with cutting your hair. That's another norm. Cutting your hair when you're like 60. Well, I'm gonna go short because I'm 60 now. What? Listen. Have you seen, oh my god, have you seen the um the golden girls? Yes. Okay. There's a there's a side by side of gold the golden girls then and then what they would be now. And then with just long hair, that those golden girls look like they were like pushing 80, 90 years old and they were like in their forties. Something really, really stark.

SPEAKER_00

Like I you have some that have short hair. I do think like depending on what kind of hair you have, also plays a role into okay, well, let's say there's anyone that has had long hair, it's normal to turn a certain age and just get it chopped. Yeah. Like I mean, I don't agree with that. I don't agree with that either. I think that, you know, if you have really thin hair, um, you know, uh a shorter style may be more appropriate because it it just doesn't look good.

SPEAKER_01

So cutting it short for a reason like that is acceptable. Yeah. It's when you have the norm of well, I'm of a certain age, so I think I need to cut it. It's not appropriate for me to dress in a certain manner because I'm this age. Like I don't No, I don't agree. If you got the body If you got the body for it, wear it. Even the just confidence in general. I have seen I have seen some sights when we go to Miami, and it it's just hysterical because it's like, wow, if I was that size, I probably would not wear that string bikini. I'm telling you, confidence is the most sexy thing about a person.

SPEAKER_00

I'm gonna bring up something because a client brought it up to me, and I have to laugh. When you think of a cruise, what do you think of?

SPEAKER_01

I think of overweight people at the buffet.

SPEAKER_00

Okay. Thank you. Sorry, guys, if you are a cruiser. I if I if cruises didn't make me so ill, I would probably do them more often. And the reason I say that is because you get to travel to different places and get off and do excursions, get back to the city. They are the best way to see multiple things. See multiple things. Um so I would agree with that. Um, but I also understand that a lot of people like them because it's it's a never-ending food. It's like a buffet. You get what you're doing. 24-7. You're getting a deal.

SPEAKER_01

And same with the drink packages and all that.

SPEAKER_00

Right. Like it's it's buffet 24-7. Gluttony out there. Glutton me out the ass. Ass along with literally, along with um, you know, drinking and gambling. Like that's what you're gonna see. Um and so this client went on a cruise and she was like appalled at the fact that there were so many heavy people and especially these people wearing itty bitty things at the pool, and she's like, it made her feel a certain way, and um, she did not like it, and she's like, Yeah, I was like, that's what cruises are. Yeah, it's and it's closed quarters, too. Yeah, it's closed quarters, and she's like, but seriously, and I the it was just the the tone how she said it, and just she was naive to that, the fact that that was what you expected. Um so her shock and all, and I'm like, this comes down to the norm, like it is a norm, you know, that that is what you're going to see.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, she missed the the boat on that one. Or she got or she got on the boat and didn't know that. I mean, that blows my mind.

SPEAKER_00

And so she's like, Yeah, she's like, I just don't know that I could sit and do that again ever. Because and I'm like, well, I mean, you think about it when you go to the beach, like you're gonna see she goes, no, like this.

SPEAKER_01

And I was like, Well, this is like it's like this is like the they congregate to that. Like even in Miami, it was a one-off. Yeah. Like that you would see that. Yeah, that's it, it is um that might be a norm that's true, though. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00

It is a norm. But it's a it's a very uh it's a true norm. It's not of an It's a very Wally. Remember WALL-E.

SPEAKER_01

It's kind of like that, because I was also on a ship. Yeah. And it was like a cruise, and yeah, it's depressing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

So um but I mean I just wanted to uh throw that. I just think that that is um i it's a very true norm, and um I feel like it's something that most people know, and I kind of had to chuckle a little that that was she's like, you didn't tell me. I didn't think I needed to tell you.

SPEAKER_01

Well, this this links up to the next one, actually, and we only have two more, but um that weight gain is normal at middle age. And once again, it's like, well, I may as well throw on the towel, don't need to do the workouts now because menopause is coming in, and I'm just gonna have that spare tire as they call it. But um it's guys, it's a choice. It is a choice. I'm sorry, it's a choice. Fight it or you can embrace it. Yeah, and then you can go on a cruise. But and and look, I understand weight is a is a whole other thing, right? It's it's deeper than than all the things. I am truly talking about in this particular case, I am talking about the person who is saying, eh, I'm 60, I'm not gonna work out, I'm not gonna eat well, I'm gonna die soon anyway. It's that mentality that is what's norm. It's not you who's behind the scenes struggling trying to get your hormones worked out, and that's that's not you. You're not the norm in this situation. The norm is the person who is choosing to embrace this middle-aged. I mean, we all see them. It's the ladies with the toothpick legs, and they have a huge midsection, and they're drinking wine.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I mean, and and again, it's like you hit a certain age and it's like you just want to kind of give up. It's fine.

SPEAKER_01

It's and you think, well, all my girlfriends, we all look the same. Guys, you can also all go to the gym together. You don't have to meet at um the winery every weekend and get your steps in on Saturday morning. And I I just it's a choice. I it is a choice that's crucial you take care of yourself.

SPEAKER_00

It's crucial that you're taking care of yourself and you're doing the best that you can for yourself. And we are finding that that pre-menopausal um weight gain in women. Um that's why we have a lot of the HRT, you know, the hormone replacement therapies and the blood work and stuff. And a lot of times if you can regulate that, that whole weight gain thing can not exist anymore. It can be monitored, it can be taken care of. Um, so yes, I think there are options, and that it doesn't need to be a quote unquote norm. Um don't give in to the norms. Yes.

SPEAKER_01

Um, last one, only because this one's funny, because I think it pertains to you and my husband. Um, quiet people are rude or unfriendly. And I love this one because I feel like this has been a this has been a constant in my husband's life, and I think it's been a constant with you of people. Oh, oh, you're not what I thought. You're not this mean bitch. Oh, you're not, and I'm like, what? People would ask me, what's up with your husband? Like, does he not like us? I'm like, oh wow. I'm like, it's really not about you. Like, yeah, don't make it about you. It's it's not. Um, and he probably doesn't, to be honest. He probably doesn't like you. So you know what? Don't if you have to ask, that means he doesn't like you. But yeah, I I find that especially in this case I'll I'll say women, but any woman who's not bubbly, that doesn't mean they're a bitch, you guys. Like, sorry, but just because they're not fake and coming up to you and smiling and asking, like, hi, how are you? They're usually the bitches. Um, the ones that are like calm, quiet, introspective, they usually have a lot going on in their mind, and that doesn't mean that it normally has nothing to do with you. Yeah, often. Often.

SPEAKER_00

Majority of the time, it has nothing to do with you.

SPEAKER_01

But that is kind of the norm. If you're same with being introverted and shy. We really need to eliminate those two. I am a hundred percent, I've been just time and time again, I'm learning I'm just so introverted, it's not even funny. Um, I'm super outgoing. Yeah. So that's not the same thing. And I really think people need to like stop the nonsense with that. If they're not linked, right? It happens, but it's not the norm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00

And you know, a lot of times me, I'll walk into a room and I might be quiet and it takes me a little bit, and then if I start talking to people and I feel a little more okay, all right, like I just start to get out of the way.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, then you come out and you're out. Yes.

SPEAKER_00

So it doesn't mean that I don't like you. It doesn't mean that I'm meaning-cause you need to warm up. Yeah. And especially if it, you know, it's not that I don't like large crowds. You just don't know who the people are around you. You don't know them. You don't know um you don't know where to start the conversation.

SPEAKER_01

You don't know which I don't want to say which we're not schizophrenic, but you don't know which version of you is appropriate or the one to bring out.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Then you read the room. You need to read the room.

SPEAKER_00

You have to sometimes, and I think like quiet people are just they're reading the room. They're trying to figure out, okay, well, is this a a group of people where I can be outgoing and you know, friendly, or is this a group of people more reserved portion or of yourself? Like w who is the person that is going to be most appreciated and respected in this situation? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Um or they're preserving their energy.

SPEAKER_00

That's a big one. And and sometimes, guys, there are situations where you're just looking around and you're just like, I don't want to be here. I I don't want to be here. And you just part of you like You don't want to partake. You just don't want to partake because you know that those people are gonna have something to say about you no matter what. And so the less that you give them to speak about you, the better. And if it's just because you're quiet and you're not saying anything and that's the worst they can say, okay. That's great, it's great. Like it just sometimes you can tell, and it's just better to sit back and be quiet and let whatever is gonna happen happen and know that okay, they're probably gonna say something about you, but they really don't have much, and what they do say is probably gonna be from somebody else or something that they made up, and that's okay too.

SPEAKER_01

It's and it's just because they felt insecure because they it's almost like someone being like, Oh, they know they know something about me, and that's why they're not talking to me. It's usually, I mean, honestly, it's like the who smelt it dealt it, right? It's classic. It it applies to so many things. Yeah. You're gonna be the first one to talk shit about somebody when they leave the room. That is a tell on that person, not the one who just left the room. Um I feel like that's really good advice, and we're gonna leave it there. Yeah. Every crazy rumor you ever heard about yourself that you're like, wow, okay, that's like not true at all.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that I had a nose job.

SPEAKER_01

You have a very nice nose. We've talked about this. Which is funny because you don't like your nose job. I don't like the nose.

SPEAKER_00

And I'm always like, I wish I did. I wish I could come out and tell you. I'm like, no, I had a boob job. Right. Not a nose job. You have a very nice nose.

SPEAKER_01

I like your rumor. That's a good one. Anyway. All right. This has been the Beauty Files. This was a long one. You're welcome. I feel like our previous ones have been a little shorter, but um still don't do drugs. Don't do drugs. Read the room. Don't be the norm. Is that it?

SPEAKER_00

Uh, if you want to hear us talk about something specifically, uh please reach out, let us know. Um, we are here for it. Uh we're the beauty files, so we're gonna talk about a wide variety of uh fashion, beauty, workout, daily life, mom, all of it. Uh but if you specifically want to hear about some conspiracy theories, if you're into politics and you have questions and you want us to to do a deep dive, uh let us know. We care. We're here to um help you out. So uh because it's good for us.

SPEAKER_01

It is good for us.

SPEAKER_00

It's very therapeutic. We enjoy it. So all right, peace out. Case closed.