From Fear to Freedom

Amy Vigil Percherski shares a deeply personal story of survival, resilience, and ultimately—freedom.

At just 14 years old, Amy found herself trapped in a relationship marked by control, fear, and isolation. What began as young love quickly turned into years of emotional and psychological abuse, manipulation, and trauma.

In this courageous conversation, Amy opens up about the reality of what she endured—and how she found the strength to break free. She speaks candidly about reclaiming her voice, rebuilding her sense of self, and letting go of the insecurity and worthlessness that had been placed on her.

This is a story not just of survival… but of transformation. 

Domestic Violence Website - (link)

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She Fights is a podcast about resilience, recovery, and the strength it takes to rebuild after adversity. 

Jackson Wink Gym (website)

Smart Girl Self Defense (website)

Disclaimer:
This episode is shared for educational and storytelling purposes only and is not intended to replace professional therapy, counseling, or medical care. Heather Winkeljohn is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional. The views and experiences shared by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Heather Winkeljohn or She Fights or UnstoppableVoicesMedia.com. If you are struggling, we encourage you to seek support from a qualified professional.

If you are in crisis or thinking about self-harm, contact your local emergency services or, in the U.S., call/text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — available 24/7, free and confidential.

New Life Ministries (website), a Christian counseling and support ministry providing faith-based care and resources to those in need.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Every scar has a story. Every woman a fight worth telling.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Welcome to Chief Fights with Heather Will Put, the podcast where we bring you long, powerful, and inspiring stories of women who have faith beyond imaginable and survive. Some conversations explore heavy, emotional life experiences. Please take care of what it feels right for you. From battles for illness, abuse, and injustice to triumphs of resilience, courage, and hope. These are the voices that refuse to be silent. Real women, real stories, breakable spirit. This is She Fights.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

My guest today is Amy Pachersky. And Amy was raised in Santa Fe, New Mexico. She's a survivor of a physically and emotionally abusive relationship when she was a teenager. It was an experience that deeply shaped her perspective and her inner strength. When her abuser was sent to a boys' ranch after violating probation, Amy found the space to begin healing. Through resilience and self-reflection, she reclaimed her confidence, rediscovered her voice, and began the journey of rebuilding her life with purpose and power. First, Amy, I just want to thank you for being here and being willing to share your story because I know this kind of stuff is difficult to talk about. I just want to say, too, at this gym at Smart Girl Substance, we've had hundreds of girls and women come through here for a training who have been in some kind of abusive relationship. And I had no idea that this was something you personally had dealt with. It really drives home the whole premise of this podcast that it's the women who walk among us that have these captivating life stories. Sadly, we're all destined to experience crisis, but it's what we do with that crisis or adversity that breaks us or builds us. Maybe it even breaks us before it builds us. So anyway, I want to thank you for taking your time to share your story. Of course.

SPEAKER_02 2:17

Yeah, thanks for having me. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

Let's start with take us back to the time in your life when you first met this boyfriend.

SPEAKER_02 2:26

What was going on? Well, I met this guy at the time. He was my friend's brother, who she had just met because they were half brother and sister and they didn't grow up together. So we started hanging out with him and his friends. Then he started to like me and he was like, You're not like the other girls. So we ended up becoming boyfriend and girlfriend, having a relationship. And um, I met him probably when I was like 13 years old, as right before I turned 14. Wow, you were young. Yes, yes, I was very young. So, what did the relationship look like at first? At first, he was he was really nice. He was in high school, he was a year older than me. He started to work at Montgomery Wards, he wore a suit with a tie, and then it all turned around when his grandpa bought him a truck. So he had more flexibility to do whatever he wanted.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

Yeah so how old was he? He was a year older than me. Oh wow, okay. So he's still pretty young for himself too.

SPEAKER_02 3:42

Yeah, I felt like at my age, I was very like immature and he was a lot more mature than me and definitely street smart. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

Looking back, were there any early warning signs that something wasn't right?

SPEAKER_02 4:00

I don't really think so. Like he would like give me flowers in the beginning. He was just he was very like a normal, more like a normal boyfriend, but he was definitely more, you know, uh mature than me. He just started hanging out with the wrong people and he got into drugs, and that's what turned his life around into like a bad negative life.

SPEAKER_01 4:24

Yeah. How did the abuse start to show up in your relationship?

SPEAKER_02 4:29

Well, he was very controlling. I remember the first time it happened. I was in in high school in one of my classes in a cooking class, and he had already dropped out of school. And so him and his friend went into school, and I don't know why the security guards let him in. So he went to my class and he was like, something happened. He just didn't look right. And he's like, I need you to come with me. I need you to come with me. And I was like, I can't. I'm in class, I'm in class. And he's like, No, something I need to talk to you, something happened. And I was like, no. So I kept telling him no, no, and then he was just peer pressuring me. So I ended up leaving class and going with him to his car in the parking lot. And he really wouldn't tell me what exactly happened. He was just like punching the steering wheel, he was just outraged, and it was it was scary. And then so that's the first time that he he actually hit me in the car, and he ended up taking me off of the campus to his house.

SPEAKER_01 5:35

Wow. What were you feeling that moment he hit you? What was going through your mind? I was in shock.

SPEAKER_02 5:41

I was just like, why did you do that? I was just in complete shock, and I was just like afraid, and I didn't really know what to do.

SPEAKER_01 5:52

Had anyone ever hit you before like that? Or was this like a first time? So you're probably trying to process why is this happening and what does it all mean, if I had to guess, right? Right, yes. So he took you to his house and was he living with parents, or where was he living at the time?

SPEAKER_02 6:13

He lived with his grandma. His grandma and grandpa were separated, so it was just his grandma. His mom was in his life, but I don't think she really raised him. I think it was more his grandma that raised him. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

So he takes you to his house, and then what happens there?

SPEAKER_02 6:32

I would always try, you know, to calm him down because I didn't want this uh situation to escalate. So he ended up taking me back to school, and you know, I got my car and and from there I went home. But from there, he just turned very controlling, controlled what I wore, who I hung out with. One time he pointed a gun to my head and his head and said he was gonna kill both of us, and I had to, you know, talk him down. Like, no, you don't want to do this, like you don't know, you know, what where you're gonna go. And so I just would always talk him down.

SPEAKER_01 7:11

And these episodes of anger and rage, when you would have to calm down, were they just triggered by various things, the same thing, or was it stuff that he claimed you were doing? What were these triggers related to?

SPEAKER_02 7:25

I guess sometimes maybe it could have been something I was doing, but I don't think that often. I think it was more just whatever he was thinking because he would just go off for no reason sometimes. But I know uh one time we did go to the mall in Albuquerque with his friend, and we're walking around, and there was of course, you know, kids our age, and I think I one guy said hi and I said hi to him, and he got mad at that, and he actually left me at the mall.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 7:58

Yes, thankfully I have family that live there in Albuquerque, so I had to call my cousin to pick me up.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

Wow, and so what were your parents and and family?

SPEAKER_02 8:08

Were they even aware that this stuff was going on with you? They knew like very little. I mean, they did know about the mall situation, and I think I just tried to make excuses for him as well. Like, oh, you know, he didn't mean it, like maybe he couldn't find me. Like, I don't know. They really didn't know anything. I just like completely shut down. He would try to blackmail me. He would say, if I were to tell my parents anything, he would tell them that I did this and that, which really wasn't like a big deal. And then he said that he would pour gasoline around my house and light my house on fire with my family in it. Oh my gosh. He would follow me. Like when I was at school, he would we were able to go off campus. So he would park at the car wash and he would wait for me to pass by, and then he would follow me to school and make me leave with him.

SPEAKER_01 9:04

So what were your friends thinking at this time? Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off.

SPEAKER_02 9:10

It's okay. They uh a lot of them honestly like they would go ditching or they wouldn't really pay attention. So a couple of my friends did know and they did not like him at all. But there was really not a whole lot they could do. He wasn't afraid of the cops. He basically said nobody could stop him.

SPEAKER_01 9:31

Wow, to be so young and to be that emboldened, you know, or he's threatening people and your family, and that's it's incredible that that guy was so young but had that capacity.

SPEAKER_02 9:44

Yeah, I had a lot of anxiety at the time. I just felt like my body was always like vibrating, and I felt like I couldn't tell anybody, like nobody would believe me, and I felt afraid to tell my parents. But I looking back now, I I wish I would have made better decisions. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:04

How long was this relationship for? How long did this last? It kind of culminated in a big event, which you had shared with me. But how long was this relationship?

SPEAKER_02 10:14

It was about two and a half, three years off and on.

SPEAKER_01 10:18

So okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:20

Yeah. So he would go disappear for a while, and then he'd come back. I'd feel like this sigh of relief, but then he'd like come back. Or, you know, he would cheat on me and then he'd be like, Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. And I'd forgive him because he was my first boyfriend. I felt like even though he was abusive, like he was like the only one. He'd tell me, Who else are you gonna find? You're not gonna find anybody better than me.

SPEAKER_01 10:45

Yeah, you know, we see this in so many abusive relationships where the the person, the perpetrator, wants to isolate the woman or the girl. They want to isolate them away from friends and family. I'm everything you need. They begin pulling them away from any support system they could possibly have in an effort to control them. It sounded like that's exactly what was going on with you, the slow process of isolating you, instilling fear and trying to control you.

SPEAKER_02 11:18

Yeah, and he just totally broke down my confidence.

SPEAKER_01 11:22

So, what was the final event where this all kind of came to a head? I think you had mentioned to me he kidnapped you. He did.

SPEAKER_02 11:32

So I just wanted to back up a little bit. So his truck that his grandpa bought him, he ended up wrecking, and he had told me that somebody was chasing him. And I don't know who, but he was definitely selling drugs. I don't know if he was hanging out with a cartel, like I have no idea. Like, so it just seemed like some bad people were trying to chase him and he had to hide from them. I think his truck got totaled, so he didn't have a vehicle. So he ended up making his friend sell him his Camaro. So right, and his friend was left without a vehicle. This is how manipulative he is.

SPEAKER_01 12:12

Wow, so he manipulated the car out of his buddy.

SPEAKER_02 12:15

Yes, it was right before Halloween. It was like a Halloween weekend. I went out with my friends. One of his friends was hanging out with us, and at the time we didn't have cell phones. We stopped at a McDonald's, and his friend called him and said, Oh, Amy's with us. And so he wanted to talk to me. So I talked to him and he's like, You need to come to my house or else. And I said, or else what? And he's like, or else you're you know what? And I was like, No, I'm not going to your house. So I didn't. I hung out with my friends, you know, I had a good time. And the next morning I had to work at my job, which was Sears in the shoe department. And it was a Sunday, and we had to go one hour early to set up the sales. So um that morning, my dad he was at work because he worked at the fire department. My mom was in the shower and he kept calling, and I would answer the phone. I'd be like, I don't want to talk to you. And he'd be like, You need to come to my house. I'm like, no, I don't, you know, I have to work. And he's like, No, you're not gonna work. You need to come to my house. And I'm like, no, I have to go to work. So I'd hang up and he'd call and hang up. And my mom was in the shower, and so she didn't really know what was going on. He went to my house, he was knocking on the door, we wouldn't answer, so he'd leave. And then my mom got of the shower and he continued to call. And I told her I don't want to talk to him. And so she was like, She doesn't want to talk to you. And he was like, Well, I'm gonna keep calling unless you let me talk to her. So she's like, What's going on? You know, just talk to him and tell him you don't want to talk to him anymore. So I got on the phone and I'm like, you know, leave me alone. My mom took me to work and he was following us, and she could see that he was following us. So she's like, Oh my goodness, this is so, you know, strange. So she's like, I'm gonna drop you off and then I'm gonna check on you in 10 minutes. So she dropped me off. I walked in, and there was nobody around. There was no other sales associates, there was a cash register. I'm in the the women's department across. There was no cashier there. I was like, where is everybody? Where's security? Yeah, so he walked in yelling, and he's like, Let's go. And he grabbed me and he threw me across the room, and I felt like a cartoon where my legs were behind my body. So I fell on the floor, and then we had to walk by the customer service area because the big glass um sliding doors were locked, of course, because we're still closed. And I did see another coworker, but he he just looked really scared because my boyfriend looked really scary. And then I did see another coworker walk in that was actually working with me, and my boyfriend was like, Is that your boyfriend? And he starts like yelling at him, and he got really scared and just walked by. So we walked outside, and again he grabs me and he throws me across the parking lot. I fall chest down, head down. I didn't know what hit my head, but I just feel my head going forward, and I remember just trying to turn my head. Well, what he did is he grabbed my head with his hand and he slammed it into the pavement. And um, yeah, and so I got a broken nose, and I got up and you know, my nose is bleeding, and he threw me in the cart, and I was like, please God, please God, let the keys be in the ignition. And so I locked the doors and they weren't in there, and he was like banging on the windows, and he's like, let me in, or else. And I was like, Oh goodness, I was like, what if he breaks the windows and like cuts me with a glass or something? I was just like, or what is he? What if he has a knife? Like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

And so none of the co-workers I see this guy who's apparently angry, uh, escorting you out of work. I mean, none of them thought, Hey, maybe we should intervene, or maybe we should call the police.

SPEAKER_02 16:06

And they just no, wow, they look they looked to they looked really scared. Um, they should have called police. That's incredible. Yeah, I know they should have, or the security. I I don't I don't I don't know what they were thinking. Like, why didn't it help? So he ended up taking me to his house, and my mom went to go check on me, and I wasn't at work, so she called the police. They went to his house, and he had a pit bull, so they had to call animal control to get the pit bull. And then once they got the pit bull, they were knocking on the door, he wouldn't answer. And I'm like, you need to let them in, or you need to go out because they're gonna come and see your drugs. Because I was like, I didn't want him to like get his gun out and like kill us both. And so he was like, Yeah, he was he told me to go out first. So I walked out first and I just wanted to like crawl under a rock, and I was just so embarrassed and so ashamed, and I just walked out like nothing happened, it was just a horrible situation, just very, very embarrassing. So my mom was there, you know. The cops asked me what had happened, and then finally they they did get him out of the house, so he did go to jail. There was a trial. Wow because he had no prior record or criminal history. He did get out on parole. I remember the jurors, a lot of them didn't believe me that he kidnapped me. I think it was just because I was emotionless. Like I said, I was just very embarrassed. Like I just wanted everything and everybody to go away. Yeah. And you're so young when this is so getting there was one juror that said, I do believe you, but there was not enough for to get him on kidnapping charges. So he did get off on parole. And then, of course, he told me he was sorry. And then when he would do stuff like that, then he would buy me flowers and pretend that he changed and this is never gonna happen again. And so it continued to happen. He was still controlling, he still would hit me. And at that point, I did tell one of my friends, and I'm like, this is awful. But I would pray to God that he would die, that God would just take him because he was torturing me and my family. Like they did, it was really hard on them, also. So my friend did tell my mom how I felt, and there was a police officer that lived up the road from us, and so my parents talked to him and they said, if you ever see this vehicle, follow him and arrest him because he has a warrant out for his arrests. So one night he did drop me off, and the police officer was going home, and my boyfriend is leaving the neighborhood, and so he turned around, followed him, and called other police officers. And there was a chase for a while, for a mile or two. And then finally he got out of his car and he tried to run. And he was pretty fast because I would I would try to run away from him too. But they did catch him and he ended up going to a boys' ranch in Springer for maybe almost a year. I was really relieved, but you know, scared, like what's gonna happen when he got out. So he ended up calling me through a friend. It was a three-way call from the boys' ranch. Yes, and I remember those. Yes, and I and I was just like, no. This time I was like, no way, no, you know, I don't, this is not happening. Like, leave me alone. I told my parents, so they called the authorities, and then he got in trouble for that, and then he never called me again.

SPEAKER_01 19:47

Wow. So would you say that when he was gone for that year, that you had a chance to, I guess, feel like uh you you had healed enough to a point where you weren't gonna tolerate it anymore?

SPEAKER_02 20:05

Yeah, I had time to reflect and you know, I felt safe and supported probably because now your parents are aware, the police are aware, right?

SPEAKER_01 20:17

Right, yes, yes, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:20

Looking back, he did tell me to like lie for him and he wanted me to do, you know, bad stuff. And sometimes the cops were looking for him when he was on the run, and the cops, you know, would come and ask me where he was, and I'd be like, I don't know. Like I would lie for him because I was scared, but that whole nine months, like he wasn't around to control me and tell me what to do or what to wear, and so I felt safe. Yeah, I ended up dating another guy who was like five years older than me, and he was hanging out with the gangster. So I was like, Well, I knew he wouldn't mess with me if I was with this new boyfriend and he was afraid of the gangster guys, so good and bad, right? Good and bad, yes. Every relationship got better, but I just needed some kind of protection because we did have restraining orders, and the restraining orders they just didn't help.

SPEAKER_01 21:19

And we know that we hear that all the time. It didn't help, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:24

The restraining orders didn't help. He just was not afraid. He told me that he would read the Black Bible, that he would drink goat's blood, and it was just very evil. This guy was dark, he was like you could see in his eyes, like he was scary, really, really scary. So I survived and I got out of that. Oh my gosh, yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

Would you say that it was the the fact that your parents were finally made aware, the fact that everyone kind of began To protect you, the police? Was that what you needed? Is that what everyone needs? Every woman or girl that's in these situations? Is it transparency that kind of opens people's eyes and says, hey, let's help her, let's support her, let's bring awareness, shed light on it? Would you say that's what most of these girls and women need that might be in a similar situation?

SPEAKER_02 22:25

I definitely think you need to tell people, no matter how embarrassed you are, and you do need a good support system. And you just gotta remember, do you want to be with this person for the rest of your life? You're just gonna torture yourself. Is this person uplifting you? Is this person making you a better person? Are you making them a better person?

SPEAKER_01 22:52

You just kind of said it. What do you wish young people understood about abusive relationships? Is it the shame? Like, don't let that shame restrain you. Don't let it stop you. Would you agree with that?

SPEAKER_02 23:04

Yes, yes. You know, no matter what they tell you, you're not good enough. You're never gonna find anybody better than me. You know, you're better by yourself than in a relationship that is abusive physically and mentally. Absolutely. But you there is always somebody out there for you. You just have to be patient. Don't let anybody treat you like that. Hang out with people who are good people who are gonna uplift you. And absolutely. And if you need to, if your family is not the best protective family that can help you, there are shelters. You can move, you can move probably to another state and get away.

SPEAKER_01 23:50

Yeah, that's good advice. What does it look like for you now? I mean, I'm sure this has still caused some scars in some way, right? And how do you deal with that? Or what does healing look like for you? What brings you joy? And how do you deal with all that past trauma?

SPEAKER_02 24:07

Yeah, it's a a really deep, deep cut. I couldn't talk about this for years. I would just shut down and it was like a deer in the headlights. I would just start to tremble and shake. Thankfully, I could talk about it now. And I ended up with an amazing husband who uplifts me. He's not jealous, he pushes me to do stuff that I'm afraid to do.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

And that's how we grow, right? That's how we grow.

SPEAKER_02 24:35

Yes. Yeah, and we have um three beautiful kids now. So just you know, within time, it does heal. It you will heal, it does take a while. And I think the best thing is don't push it down into your subconscious, talk about it. The sooner you can talk about it, the sooner you can heal. Right. Find someone you can talk to.

SPEAKER_01 24:59

Yeah. Well, Amy, thank you so much. I I know that's not easy stuff to talk about, and I had no idea that you had dealt with this kind of stuff because you train at my gym and you're strong and motivated. You work super hard in here. So I'm so glad to see that you've made that transition over the years. So you're a strong person. And I have a feeling no one would ever treat you like that again. Or they'd end up with their lives knocked out. But you know, I commend you for all the healing and the work you've done. And thank you so much for coming on.

SPEAKER_02 25:35

Thank you. And oh, one thing I would recommend if you're in a relationship like that, go to Smart Girl Self-Defense, you know, if you're in the Albuquerque area, or find a martial arts program that you can be in. They're gonna help you, they're gonna support you, they're gonna be there for you.

SPEAKER_01 25:52

So many women come to martial arts, self-defense, MMA from that background. Yeah, they can be so life-changing. I agree. Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you, Amy, and I'm I'm sure I'll be seeing you in the gym soon. So you take care. You know, she fights.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

Thanks for joining us on She Fights, where women's voices rise and strength takes center stage. If today's story moved you, share it. Someone out there might need to hear it. Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and follow us on social media at Smart Girl Self-Defense. And if you're interested in powerful stories of women in sport, not only the pioneers in shape history, but the women competing, coaching, and changing the game today, we invite you to listen to Unstoppable Podcast. Unstoppable versus storytelling and powerful interviews, exploring the moments of movements, and people continue to redefine what's possible for women in sport. You can find Unstoppable Podcast wherever you listen to the podcast. Until next time, keep fighting, keep rising, and never forget the power of your voice.