She Knew How to Fight - But Not This

Aylin Villalobos knew how to fight.

As a former MMA fighter and coach, she trained to protect herself—and others. But at 18, she entered a relationship that would slowly take control of her life.

In this episode of She Fights with Heather Winkeljohn, Aylin shares how a relationship with an older fighter and coach became emotionally controlling and deeply damaging—despite everything she knew about strength, discipline, and self-defense.

Now 26, Aylin reflects on her path forward: the impact on her identity, her confidence, and her ability to return to the cage—and the work it takes to rebuild.

This is not just a story about fighting.

It’s about recognizing red flags, reclaiming your voice, and understanding that strength doesn’t always look the way we expect. 

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If you or someone you know may be in a controlling or abusive relationship, you’re not alone. You can reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

• Services are free and confidential.
• They can assist with safety planning, resources, and emotional support.
• If immediate danger exists, call 911 first. 

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She Fights is a podcast about resilience, recovery, and the strength it takes to rebuild after adversity. 

Jackson Wink Gym (website)

Smart Girl Self Defense (website)

Disclaimer:
This episode is shared for educational and storytelling purposes only and is not intended to replace professional therapy, counseling, or medical care. Heather Winkeljohn is not a licensed therapist or mental health professional. The views and experiences shared by guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views of Heather Winkeljohn or She Fights or UnstoppableVoicesMedia.com. If you are struggling, we encourage you to seek support from a qualified professional.

If you are in crisis or thinking about self-harm, contact your local emergency services or, in the U.S., call/text the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline — available 24/7, free and confidential.

New Life Ministries (website), a Christian counseling and support ministry providing faith-based care and resources to those in need.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Every star has a story. Every woman a fight with telling.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Fight with heavy podcasts right for you. And injustice. Triumph of resilience, courage, and hope. These are the voices that refuse to be silent. Real women. Real stories. Breakable spirit. This is Chief Fight.

SPEAKER_02 0:54

My guest today is Eileen Bialobo. And Eileen is a 26-year-old former MMA fighter from our own Jackson Wink Academy here in Albuquerque. She's also uh was a coach for the incredible adaptive MMA program that we had for several years, a phenomenal adaptive coach at that. And she also coached for us here at Smart Girl Self-Defense. It was a little over a year ago that Eileen had to leave New Mexico due to an abusive and controlling boyfriend. And I personally remember receiving a phone call from Eileen. I had known this other person, this boyfriend, for a number of years as well. And I had no idea that this was happening. This experience forever changed you, Eileen. And I know it's deeply affected your ability to even progress in your fighting career. So I want to talk about that in a moment. But I want to commend you now, you're doing great. And you will talk about some of the things you're doing now in your new environment. But let's jump in and talk about some of the early signals, I guess, or signs in your relationship with this person as you look back. And what were some of the signs that he was becoming controlling or even abusive?

SPEAKER_01 2:18

At the time I didn't see it, but like obviously there was like that huge age gap, which I didn't think nothing of it. You know, like I was 18, that that other person was like 39. And I didn't really like think nothing of it. I'm like, okay, like, you know, like I was like feeding this person information because I looked at them as a mentor, as a superior, you know, like them, like teaching me new things that I didn't have. And then I confided in them, like, hey, this is what's going on. And they're like, oh, okay, well, no, this isn't right, you know, and to an extent, getting groomed after talking to my therapist. Like, she's like, no, that's not right. And actually, like understanding that.

SPEAKER_02 2:57

Right.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

I guess like the early signs were like just him like popping off on people at the gym, like going off on people. Like, I know like there was a lot of that, and other coaches had to get involved. I remember this like one incident where like he just went off on someone. I remember another coach from the gym, like, had to grab him and like pull him to the side because this another teammate was gonna like um hit him as well. And it like just like little things that would escalate. And one of the other staff at the gym, I remember seeing this individual. We were on the freeway, this individual getting out, and then just like just punching someone else's window. And I actually have that on that on video. Um so he was involved in a road rage, basically, and he knocked out somebody's window, not knocked it out, but like punched out. Yeah, like but it didn't break. And I just remember like he would get caught in mouth, and then like he would just come back in and be like, okay, like now let's go to the gym. And like, this is not normal. There was like that little fear, and I just remember like arguments that we would get in and him either punching the steering wheel, punching the window, and like I think like the main one that I was like, This is like, why can't I train with other people at the gym? And I remember another coach like mentioning something to him, and he's like, Well, they're not gonna like show her the things that she needs, like they're not at her level, or this and that, and like me kind of believing that, but I'm like, like, you're actually a lot bigger than me, and I'm not benefiting from this, you know. So it was like either back takes or doing like any other move, and it would be like, No, you have to be my partner.

SPEAKER_02 4:39

So he started controlling who you trained with, yes, and I can provide everything for you, I know what you need to do, that kind of mentality.

SPEAKER_01 4:49

Yeah, and I was like, Okay, well, you know what? He is the coach, so like who am I? Like, and it was like I'm a very friendly person, and like coming back from a Mexican background, like my parents are always instilled in me. Like, you step into the room, you say hi. You don't like that person, you still say, hi, good morning, how are you? Okay, you walk away. That person's like, Why are you saying hi to them? I like shut myself off, enclosed myself, and like changed because I'm like, oh my god, like I can't say hi to this person because if if they say something next time I see them and like this person is here, like it's gonna become into an issue, right? So other guys basically, yeah, men, yeah, yeah, at the gym, you know, like they're my they're my partners, or sometimes they were like my co-workers there, and it was like, Well, why are they saying that? Hmm, what was that about? And it was just like um me not being able to dye my hair. Um, that was a big thing because of their their culture. Like, we don't do that, like you don't need to do that. So it was like I didn't dye my hair. So, like the first thing that I did once I left, I dyed my hair.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

It looks great, by the way.

SPEAKER_01 5:56

Yeah, like I dyed my hair and I was like, you know what, like I'm gonna dye my hair. Cause like that was like a sense of me getting myself back, dyeing my hair, because I couldn't dye my hair. That person didn't really enjoy me wearing makeup, so like I see myself wearing a lot more makeup now. And I think that person put a big stop in my MMA career because I remember like my last fight. Wake up physically, that was the best fight camp I've ever had. Best fight camp. We cut weight. Um, I ended up passing out cutting weight because I couldn't cut four ounces and we don't know what we did wrong to not cut those four ounces. It was for a championship belt. Everything was just going wrong from the wake up. We thought we read the contract right, it was supposed to be a three-round, three-minute fight. That's the contract we signed. The contract that the other person signed was a five-round, three-minute contract. So I remember after the third round, like I had the adrenaline dump and the significant other was why is she sitting? And like I remember looking at him and I'm like, why is she sitting down? And then like he's arguing with the commissioner or the DI, and I'm like looking at her and I'm like, okay, like I have like I'm trying to get bailed dip back up. I kind of crossed that bridge because I got put in a rear naked choke, and I crossed that bridge of like me just passing out. That was the first time it's ever happened to me in a fight, so I didn't know like what claims afterwards. I remember like the doctor saying you need to go to the back, and then I remember this individual coming to the back and telling me, like, you bee, like, why did you like leave me over there? Like, this is so disrespectful. My integrity at the gym, like, my all my credibility just went out the entrained. You don't understand like what my name meant at that gym. I threw everything on the line for you. Like, what? So I was like, dude, I just they they told me to come, they told me to come up with it.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

Wow. So he was was he your manager at the time?

SPEAKER_01 7:58

Did he he so because uh I was just curious if he had read your contract and and he he was the one that read my contract, and we looked at it together, and like it was a three-minute, three round, and then the promoter afterwards was like, Well, let's meet up so I can give you guys some money. Yeah, we took the L, like it's fine, but then like what came afterwards was like how he reacted. Like, I'm like, damn, like like it's your fault.

SPEAKER_02 8:27

Your loss affected his reputation. Is that what you're trying to do?

SPEAKER_01 8:31

Like, nobody's gonna ever want to like train with me at the gym. Like, people are gonna like look at me like less, like, and I remember him like this is two fights in a row that you've lost. The past two fights, I probably shouldn't have thought my third fight. I came in at 125. The girl came in at 135, the promoter got the weights wrong. Another coach was there with us, and another teammate, and we were just like, Well, we're already here. And it was like during COVID, it was like right when it was gonna shut down. Yeah, um, I had just gone through an ectopic pregnancy, then I had my wisdom tea taken out, then I had a COVID. I was walking around like 120 max. Wow, and I was like, you know what, we'll just take the fight. Like, I don't know when I will fight again, we'll just keep it going. And then everything just came out. I had my last fight, and I remember going back to the hotel room, and like I'm just like crying because I'm like, I don't know where he went, and then having to drive back, and like I remember him, like he was just so mad, and I put in my headphones in, and then he's like, Oh, you think you're that beat, but you like last night you lost, and like he was just going in on me, and I was just like, I don't know what to tell you. Like, I'm like, I lost. I'm like, I don't know what to tell you. Like, I knew I was gonna hear it from my dad. What could you have done different and stuff? And then, like, I was hearing it from him going back and like feeling that way. Like, I remember like that individual and I would go to the gym and train, and I'd have to like repeat to myself and kind of like placebo myself, saying, like, this is just for fun, this is just for fun. Like, I'm not training too for a fight. Cause like, even now, like it puts me into like a an anxiety mode.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

Oh, sure, I can imagine. I mean, this person's controlling all aspects of your life at that time, and then hammering you when you lose, and plays a big role in the fact that you lost, it sounds like, but that's incredible. At what point did things start to turn more physical?

SPEAKER_01 10:17

There was one time at his mom's house, and it was like a I think it was like an hour and a half away from Albuquerque. We'd go to his mom's house. I don't know what we were arguing about, but he made me believe that I slipped on his mom's sheets. Because I remember just like hitting the ground and my head hurt. Like he like grabbed me and he's like, No, you just slipped on the sheets, and I'm like, no, like I fell. And like I like I didn't want to overreact because I'm like, who am I gonna call that's gonna drive an hour and a half or two hours over here? It's in the middle of nowhere. I hardly get reception, there's no Wi-Fi, and I just remember hitting my head and the on the ground and like having a tremendous headache, and then like him, like, you're good. Like he just we just kind of brushed it off because and I didn't want to make a bigger deal, but that's where it started. Then it started with like shoving, and then there was this one time I was working at Elite OSM, and I I was driving from the farther location to JW, and then we had met up, and I don't know what we're arguing about. I actually do have the recording, and we were arguing, and it was when one of the coaches was telling me, hey, like your relationship is kind of toxic. And I didn't want, like, I was like, you know what, it kind of is, and like I wanted to leave, but there was just like that invisible wall that I couldn't leave. And then I remember bringing it up to him. He's like, Oh, now you have other people at the gym, like you're telling other people at the gym, how is that gonna make me look? And I remember being at the gas station by JW, and then he said, He's like, You're just as stupid as your mother and dad. Oh, and I was like, I wanna go home. He's like, You can walk your ass home. So I remember getting out and then him pulling me back in, and like I just remember bawling and like him pulling me, like that wasn't like super significant, but it was like the manipulation inside my head, if that makes sense. Yes, like I think the worst one was probably in Vegas. We went to go see Valentina Shoshenko versus Alexa Grosso fight, and I remember spilling a drink on him on his feet, and I was like, I'm so sorry. I went to get a napkin, and then he grabbed my wrist and I did the one of our defense techniques, yeah. And I was like, Let me go throw this away. So I went to go throw it away, and then there's like things that happen that you just remember. So when someone like grabs you by the neck at Hakasson Club and has you like this, you remember that. Like you remember that, and I remember it being like on my neck, and then like him saying something, but at me being in shock. He left and then he forgot there was no re-entry, so I didn't want to leave the club.

SPEAKER_02 13:09

And this was he grabbed you by the throat because he was upset you spilled your drink on his shoes. Is that that's what's that's what caught wow, and then this individual said, like, see, this is why I don't like drinking, but we hadn't even drank that much.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

And then I remember him like grabbing my neck and then just like holding me, and then going back to the hotel room, and I remember him like we're arguing, like he threw our stuff into the room, all of our stuff, our key cards, everything is in the room now, locked. So we go back downstairs, and I remember typing out my notes, like, please help me to the attendant, but then I'm like, I wonder how he's gonna react. So I remember like like just shaking and like deleting it and rewriting it again. And then security came, we went back to the room, we're arguing, and he threw me back on the ground. And I remember him like punching on the side of me.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 14:08

Then he started crying. I remember looking at flights and he started packing stuff, and I'm like, okay, he's gonna leave, and he ended up staying. And then we came back to New Mexico, and that's when like it kind of escalated in a way, like things were good for a while because he cut his hair because of like his culture. He cut his hair, he's like, That part of me has died. And I said, Okay, he's like, if I ever put hands on you again, like you're okay to leave. Like, I needed permission to leave, you know. And then it happened at my mom's house, and like nobody knew none of this was happening.

SPEAKER_02 14:43

I had no idea. I mean, I've known you guys for years, and you hear all the stuff we teach, you taught self-defense, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:53

And it's like that one thing, like I always said, why don't people walk away from it? Like, not knowing like I was actively going through it. And having this conversation with this individual, like, hey, like how can we do better to help this community while I'm going through it? It's like when all this happened, like I finally decided to like this is it. I felt so two-faced because I'm like, I'm telling people this and I can't do it myself, but then I didn't even know I was going through it myself. Because I remember it happening at my mom's house, him ripping my chain, like pushing me, scuffing me up a little bit, covering up like the little black guys. He's like, I didn't like hit you, you just ran into the hand when I pushed you. Oh my god and like me believing that, you know, like I was like, you know what? Maybe yeah, okay. Like me having to log into my parents' security system to like delete a video because he was pissed off and came to the door and like basically kind of knocked the door off. Like, so I was trying to fix it. Him almost beating up my best friend because he thought someone else was in the house. And I remember us playing video games and like me hearing the door because like, you know, you know your house. And then I'm like, he's here, and she's like, Who? Who's here? And I'm like, he's here, he's here, and like me like freaking out, and him like ruining girls' night when I have several friends over him coming to the house and be like, we need to talk right now, or I'm gonna make a scene, and blah blah blah blah. So me not being able to like have girls' night with my friends at my house when we were planning just to eat my parents' food truck and watch a movie and just play video games or play board games, you know. It was just like always something, and like, you know, like when I was going to Santa Fe and then this individual was doing work up there as well. Like sometimes he'd take me, and there was like situations when I was working at the fitness center that the people saw where like we would get in an argument, I was getting off the truck, and he would take off while half of my body was still in the truck, and like having to come into work, face your co-workers, like, hey, is everything okay? Yeah, everything's fine. Because I remember like had like asking certain people where I was working at to write statements to support like the case, the Rico case that I call it the Rico case that I was doing against him, and then like them saying incidents that I forgot happened. Wow, yeah. And it came to the point where like he picked me up from my house, and it was oh, like so we could save gas, like because I can just pick you up on the way back from work because I'm gonna be working up there today. I'm like, okay, cool. And then like that individual staying until like 1 a.m. at my house and then leaving, and then like there was like no like time for me to recuperate or anything, which was like at the time, I was like, Oh my god, this is so sweet, right?

SPEAKER_02 17:43

And that's that element of control, right? It's a that privacy and control, their attempt to get you cut off from your family, from your friends, from your co-workers, so they can control everything. It's almost like a textbook, right? Yes, and like it's just crazy, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

And then, like, I've seen him do things to like fight, like I've seen him beat people up outside the gym, and then like him be like, So, what would you like to eat?

SPEAKER_02 18:10

Oh my gosh, like a switch just flips, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

And then I keep seeing that he's like, I just have a switch, like if I go off on someone, I can be good with you. And I'm like, that's not normal, but okay.

SPEAKER_02 18:19

Yeah, and I remember you calling me one night, and you were terrified. I was terrified for you. I I really was. I was like, oh my god, I had no idea. And and I remember at the time you saying, you know, what do I do? How do I how do I get out of this? And then ultimately for your own safety, you felt you had to leave the state. Because this person told you at one point that he would take you out where no one would ever find you. You're body.

SPEAKER_01 18:53

If I find out who you're talking to, I'm gonna kill them and I'm gonna kill you, and I'm gonna take you guys to the rest because that's where you take things you don't want them to be found.

SPEAKER_02 19:00

Yeah, and I remember you telling me that, and I was like, No, you gotta get out of there. You gotta just get out of the state because you always hear people, you know, they file the restraining orders, the women do this, they they make a you know, they document everything, and not enough gets done, in my opinion. So you left the state and started over basically, but you had to leave a lot behind. And we were talking about this earlier, you and I, how hard that was to start over in a place that you didn't really know anybody or many people, and find new friends, find new, I'm sure you have the same interests, but that's that's painful and that's traumatic. What do you think would have ultimately happened to you if you'd stayed with this person?

SPEAKER_01 19:46

The situationship that we were having towards the end was like, hey, like you're not my boyfriend anymore. Don't act like my boyfriend. That's like when the altercation happened, like in the cafeteria with the girls, the volleyball girls watching this, me getting hit. Um that was a big, a big event.

SPEAKER_02 20:04

That's that was like the moment, right? When it because it was a public thing in front of girls you were mentoring and coaching.

SPEAKER_01 20:10

Yes, am I right? Mind me, like we weren't we hadn't been together at that point anymore, but we were keeping it cordial because we had a volleyball team together that I had brought him in to help me coach these women and young ladies because he had like the footwork that I needed, but I knew about volleyball. I knew how to make a team and I knew what to do with it. I just needed the foot movement that I was lacking on. You know how some people can wear a mask for so long and it just falls off? Yeah, I think I was seeing more of it coming off. And I think what the cops told me if they've said it, they've done it. If they've said it, they've thought about it and they will do it. Something would have happened. I don't know what, but like something would have happened to a higher extent. I mean, he still has a warrant out for his arrest in Colorado. Yeah, and as you said, like a lot of things don't get done. Like, I mean, he left Colorado right away when that incident happened because he knew like when a police get called on scene to a domestic disturbance, someone has to get arrested. Yeah, and I mean, if he does get charged, he won't be able to coach the sports that he's coaching for a high school or club. And in my head, I'm like, who's gonna be the next victim? Because I was a victim at 18. He's like coaching like these young women that are in high school. Is he giving them the same attention that he was giving me because they're lower income? Like they have like those, like those needs that as a human they're not getting met. And then having him there with them, like, is that even a good thing? Like, I wrote to the school, they didn't do anything. Like, they might have addressed it with him, and they probably brushed it off. Ultimately, who's gonna be the next victim?

SPEAKER_02 21:54

Yeah, that's frightening. And you're absolutely right, because I'm sure sure there's somebody else.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

And it it really sucks because he is living my life. Ultimately he is. And I remember we we were going to the same school and I had to bring the restraining order to the college, but they couldn't kick him off campus because he was a student. So I ended up working remote. And then this individual went to my director and told him, like, oh, I'm not gonna hurt her. I just want the best for her. So why did you even hit me several times? Like, why would would you put me through this? Like, why would you put me through that? I did lose a lot of friendships.

SPEAKER_02 22:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:32

Some that I wasn't able to rebuild because it did they didn't want to see me in that situation anymore.

SPEAKER_02 22:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:38

And I remember my parents telling me, okay, like this isn't good for you. And like me going off on my parents, you don't know, like, you don't know what's right. Like, you know, don't know this, you don't know that. And my mom and dad having to come to peace with it, that we're gonna have to accept this situation so we can keep our daughter close. When everything was good, everything was amazing. When nothing was good, like everything was horrible. And I think that's what kept me in. Cause I'm like, oh well, this bad thing, but look at all these great things we've accomplished. But it's only happened a few times, like it can't get that bad until it got public. And then after us not in a relationship, it him like hitting me in front of other people, choking me out in Vegas, yeah, like him hitting me in front of like the girls, us not even being in a relationship anymore, right? And then like him emailing me after, like saying, like, this is not how two people that love each other treat each other. And I remember if I tell my mom and dad that this is the point of no return. You were my first call. You were, and I was like, I don't know what to do. I was like, I know you help people a lot, like I don't I don't know what to do. And I remember like calling me and he didn't answer it. So I called you, and you you were like, Yeah, we're in Vegas, and I was like, Oh no, I'm so sorry, I don't want to crash your guys' hands. And then my second call was my parents, yeah. Then the police got involved, and then I remember this person was going out of town to film, so that was the week that I left.

SPEAKER_02 24:06

I remember. And you've done a lot with yourself since you've been out of that situation. You're going to school right now, you're in college, you're coaching MMA and volleyball, rebuilding that. And and I know you were telling me earlier that you felt like it this has impacted your ability to get back in and fight again. And I hope that that changes for you. And I hope you can find that love of fighting and get back in the cage again because you do have so much talent. Thank you. What do you think women need to know most importantly? I guess what's one big thing you could tell women who might be facing a similar situation?

SPEAKER_01 24:51

If he's a lot older than you and he's single, it's for a reason. It's not because you're more mature for your age, it's not because you make him feel some type of way, it's because women his age see the true person he is and they don't want him.

SPEAKER_02 25:10

That's excellent. Yeah, there's a reason why this old much older person is looking for a younger girl, and they have that history of not being in a stable relationship, and yeah, that's good advice. Yeah, that's a red flag. Well, we're out of time, but I just want to say thank you. I know this is not easy stuff to talk about, and I'm so grateful for the fact that you're safe and that you're doing well, and I know you still have a battle ahead of you in terms of fighting again, and I hope that you are able to do that. And I wish you all the best.

SPEAKER_01 25:46

Thank you, Heather. I I just appreciate your guys' support. And uh, you guys always hold like this like high standard in my head and in my heart. And um, you guys are like who I look up to be. You are who I look up to be because you're always there for everybody when anybody needs them.

SPEAKER_02 26:03

Oh, thank you. No, she fights.

SPEAKER_00 26:10

Thanks for joining us on She Fights, where women's voices rise and strength takes center stage. If today's story moved you, share it. Someone out there might need to hear it. Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and follow us on social media at smartgirls. If you're interested in the powerful stories of women and sport, not only the pioneers of industry, but the women of coaching and changing the game today. We invite you to unstoppable podcast. Unstoppable storytelling and stoppable interviews, exploring the moment. We need to find what's possible for women and sports. We can find unstoppable podcasts wherever you listen to the podcast. Until next time, keep fighting, keep fighting, and never forget the power of your voice.