Bruce

Katie tells us about a very special girl named Bruce.

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Transcript

On this episode, Katie joins us to talk about a very special girl named Bruce.

Katie:
We got Bruce because my mom fosters. She works with a cat charity or whatever, and always fostered cats and kittens. And I came home from university one time and was like, "Oh, I really like these kittens." I already had a cat named Logan. And I was like, "Why not have another cat?" And we're like, "No, no." But then my birthday came around, and my mom just gifted me the cat, the kitten that I really liked. And we were like, "Great." And then we named her Bruce, because we thought that she was a boy.

Then one day, she started doing these weird little back steps with her back legs and making these weird sounds. And we were like, "What's going on with this cat?" We took her to the vet, and they're like, "Oh, your cat's in heat, because it's a girl." And we're like, "Oh."

So my cat, Logan, was a cat who I got in university from one of my classmates. Got this kitten, and then didn't realize that her roommate was allergic to cats. And so it was like, "Can you just take this cat till the end of the semester?" I was like, "Yeah, I'm keeping this cat forever." He was this most majestic gray cat. And then when I saw Bruce, she was this little fluffy gray cat. And I was like, "I'm just gonna collect gray cats." And so I think that's what it was. And she was just insane. And I just love that about her.

When we drove home, because we weren't expecting to get a cat, so we were outside of Toronto, we had to drive back to Windsor. And on the way, we didn't have a cat carrier, didn't have anything. So my boyfriend at the time was just holding her on his lap, and then she escaped, and then went into where you put your feet, and then up into the car. We had to pull over on the highway. I was like, "Oh my God, she's gonna die." So that was her vibe. She just did what she wanted.

So we got her and I was living with my boyfriend, who would later become my husband, who would later become my ex-husband, and my best friend, Shannon. And we were all living together in this house, and Logan was also with us. And then Bruce came, and then Bruce immediately became my little shadow, and just followed me around everywhere.

So at the time, I was taking a lot of photography, like self-portraits and stuff, because she would just follow me everywhere. I was taking these really creepy Halloween photos in the basement, and I have this picture of her, and she's lit by candles, and she's just so cute in this creepy-ass basement.

And also, because we traveled so much, and it was at a time when the internet was much different than it is now, but we would just be like, "Does anyone want to come stay and watch Bruce?" And so so many people have watched Bruce that they all have experience with her and stuff like that. I was looking through photos of all of my favorite photos on my phone are just of Bruce. And there's so many photos where it's just a hand on her belly, but they're never my hand. So it's like all everyone who ever met her just rubbed her belly. And it was not a trap. She lived for that. She demanded people.

So we couldn't leave her alone because—and not because she had separation anxiety or anything like that—she just required servants. And so, when I say she was a princess, fully, she was a princess. She was very, very chatty, and she wouldn't wake you up for food or anything like that. But she would just come and yell at you to follow her into a sunbeam so you could pet her while she's in the sunbeam. And that's all she wanted. Or she would get you to come and follow her, to pet her while she ate, because she really liked it when you would pet her while she ate. So she was a very demanding cat.

We always had to have someone come and stay with her. So that's why so many people had the full Bruce servant experience, where they were all just her little disciples in her little princess kingdom.

Logan was quite dumb, and he was just the sweetest boy in the entire world, and he didn't really care for Bruce so much. And Bruce didn't necessarily care for him too much, but they were nice to each other, and they would cuddle sometimes, and they liked to hang out with each other and stuff like that. But Logan was the first cat that I had that was my cat, you know.

And when he was 10 years old, he had a cancer in his stomach that we didn't catch for a long time, and then he died when he was 10, and it basically ruined me. And I think because I went through that experience with Logan, where my heart was just shattered—I found some writing that I had done a year after he died that was like, "I can't get over this. I do not know how to get over this heartbreak of losing this cat that was my entire heart."

And I think because I went through that experience, I was always ready for Bruce to die, if you know what I mean. And so once she got past 10, I was like, "Oh, this is bonus." And then she got past 15, and I was like, "This is amazing." And then I was like, "She's gonna live forever." And she was still so kitten-ish too. She was always very, very tiny. And you know when cats get old and they have that really bony spine, and they just sort of look like little decrepit old ladies? Like she never really had that. So I was convinced that she was going to live forever.

After Logan died, we did get another cat named Paul, who was also a very, very sweet boy. But then my husband and I divorced. He took Paul and I took Bruce. Then Bruce was like, "Excuse me, I could have been a single cat the entire time, and you've been holding out on me." She was like, "You are not getting another cat ever." And so we didn't, because she really loved to just be the number one queen of the household. She also cuddled a lot more, and her personality just blossomed.

And I'm reminded of when—so my grandmother lived to 102, and I know her husband died when she was in her 80s or something, and he was 93. And as soon as he died, and she didn't have to take care of him anymore, she just became this different person. And I feel like the same thing happened to Bruce. She just became a totally different cat, just came into her own. And she was like, "Life is so much better now, guys." So we were like, "Okay, we won't get another cat."

Elyse Wild (7:35):
So you got Bruce, you were still in university, and then you went through losing Logan, and then through a divorce. Did you move to Scotland with her?

Katie:
So that was the worst experience of my entire life. So I mentioned that she's a very chatty cat, right? So she screamed for 12 hours. I was crying the entire time. I thought she was dying. She just sounded in such distress.

When we were going through security, she pooped in her carrier. You have to take them out when they're going through security, so there's poop in the carrier. They're putting it through the thing. I'm like, "Oh my God." She's screaming. I'm trying to hold on to her, and then we get onto the plane, and she's just trying to escape. She's just so unhappy.

I take her into the bathroom on the plane, and the flight attendants were so kind. We stayed in that bathroom for probably three hours of the six-hour flight, and they're like, "I'm so sorry, this bathroom is out of order for anyone," because it was just me and my goddamn cat in there. I'm crying, she's crying. It was horrible. I hated it.

They were so nice. When I first got on the flight, they were like, "Oh, you have a cat." And I was like, "Yeah, she's a bit stressed." And they were like, "Oh, well, maybe you can take her out and carry her." And then someone got on the plane who had a severe cat allergy, and they're like, "She has to stay in her carrier the entire time." But we would go into the bathroom, and I could let her out of her carrier while we were in the bathroom.

We had to fly into Paris because you can't have an animal in the cabin into the UK. So we had to fly from Toronto to Paris, and then we stayed in Paris for a night, and then my boyfriend's dad came to pick us up in Paris and drive us back to London. And so she's been screaming for 12 hours in her carrier. We finally get to the hotel in Paris. She gets out of the carrier, and she's like, "Oh, I live here now." We're like, "No." And she's like, "Well, we could. It's fine. I'm fine." Was totally chill.

And to be fair, I moved with her probably 13 times in eight years. So she was very used to just being in a new place, being with new people. She was totally fine with that. She does not like traveling. So I thought that that was just how all cats travel. But no, when we brought Eddie and Agnes, our cats now, over back to Canada, they were fine. So yeah, it was just Bruce. She is a total drama queen.

So she would do this thing where, if you were eating potato chips, she would come and put her paws on you, and then tilt her head to the side, and then lift one paw and just open and close it. And she just stared at you while you were eating the chips, and she just wanted you to give one to her. So you'd give her a little chip, and she'd be so happy. But she just really liked salty things. So she always liked to just lick fries and stuff like that, or she liked the smell of bacon. But whenever you tried to give her some bacon, she was like, "Oh, actually, I don't like this." But yeah, she was very, very, very picky and very demanding cat.

I always kept trying to give her higher quality foods. And she was like, "No, I want cat McDonald's. It's Whiskas or nothing." So yeah, I tried my best, but she just wanted the crap.

She just loved being brushed. She loved having her belly rubbed. It was not a trap. If she rolled over onto her back, she demanded just hours of belly rubs. She was the softest cat I've ever experienced. And I know everyone thinks that their cat is the softest cat. No, I had other people be like, "No, you're right. I've pet several cats in my life, and Bruce is the softest." And I'm like, "Thank you. Thank you for the validation." So she was like a little fluffy cloud, and her belly was just—and she smelled like an angel. I guess everyone thinks that their cat smells like an angel, maybe, but truly she did.

I'm not one of those people who ever says no to my cat, so if she wants to sit on the table while we eat, no problem. If she wants to lay on my lap for the next four hours, well, that's it. I cannot move. That's fine. She was just so good and so cute. And she always—she had—she would give really dirty looks, so you would know when you were doing something she didn't like.

I have this great photo of her from when she went into heat, and then we had to get her—what is it? Is it spayed? Is that what happens? Yeah, she's wearing the little cone, but her ears are down, and she's giving me the dirtiest look. And I'm like, "Yeah, I'm so sorry."

She was just that cat that—I feel like so many of the people I know got a cat when they were in university, or the first time that they were allowed to get an animal. And then I remember around the time that Bruce died, everyone was losing their pet that they got in university, you know. And I think it was hitting all of us really hard, because these are the cats that kind of—we had been with us in our life through these huge, major changes, right? So, through university, through my marriage, through my divorce, through a move, through several different jobs. Yeah, she was just the constant, the only constant thing in my life, the most constant relationship in my life, the most constant companion in my life, there for me when people in my life weren't.

I think the consistency of that relationship, when nothing else in your life is consistent and nothing else can be counted on, and everything is changing, and then you have this little cat who just looks at you and loves you and is your entire heart—I know some people talk about pets as if they're your children or something like that. But I was thinking about it today, and I was like, I don't really feel like they're my children. They're more just—not even like a best friend, but just—I don't know, something different, something like—not a friend, not a child, just this relationship that was kind of the most important thing in my life.

I always used to joke that, "Oh yeah, well, sorry, husband, boyfriend, whomever, if you were drowning, I would save my cat first. They're number one." And everyone always knew that. Always my cat's number one, everyone else after the cat. But especially Bruce was like that.

Yeah. That's why a cat is really rewarding. Because they don't have to hang out with you, but they choose to, and I feel like you feel so special when they choose you, and they choose to spend time with you, they choose to sit on your lap. Bruce—I think my boyfriend, Jamie, he probably—we lived with Bruce with him for maybe two years before Bruce chose to come and sit on his lap. And the day that she did, he was like, "Oh my God," like the best day of his life.

Katie (15:51):
So she was sick and she was—so we knew for about a year or so that her kidneys were not doing well. And that's usually what happens to cats, right? They go into kidney failure. And so, but then she seemed to be okay, and so we're like, "Okay, fine. We'll just keep going, I guess." And then she wasn't fine, and she was throwing up a lot, and she wasn't eating and she wasn't drinking. And we're like, "Okay, this is probably it."

So we took her to the vet. They did all the tests, and they were like, "Yeah, she's in kidney failure." And we're like, "Okay." So we took her home, and we put on the wood-burning stove for her, because that was her favorite. And so we all just sat around the fire and we basically just stared at her.

And then the next day, I wanted to take photos of us together with her, because when Logan died, I have a photo of me in the vet's office before we had him put down, and it's sweet and stuff. But I was like, "I don't want it to be at the vet's office, but I want one more photo there." So they're really funny. They sort of look like Sears studio shots, but I think they're quite funny, which I think saved the moment from it being too sad. So we're holding her, and Jamie's next to me, and we're just holding her between us. They're really cute. And then I have just pictures of just me and her, because she was always my cat, very much my cat.

And then we took her to the vet, and they put her down. And because I'd done this before with Logan, so I knew that—once—this is my opinion. They say, "Oh well, we inject her with the stuff, and then you can spend some time with her." And I'm like, "Absolutely not. That's not my cat anymore." And I knew that from when Logan was put down. So they put her down. I started crying immediately.

And then I was—because we had the same vet for a long time—and so I was hugging the vet, being like, "Thank you so much." And then I just—then we just went home. And then going home sucks. Every time I came home it sucked because our house was all floor-to-ceiling windows, and then our door was all windows. And so you'd always be able to see Bruce wherever she was in the house, and she would usually be right at the front door. And to come home—and every time we came home, she wasn't there. I never wanted to come home.

And yeah, the days after just fucking sucked. But I also—I knew they were gonna suck, you know. I knew they were gonna be awful, and so they weren't as awful as when Logan died. Bruce was 17, and I felt like she had the greatest life ever. I gave her anything she wanted. She was—I knew she was so happy, and I knew she was living her best life.

With Logan, he was great too. He was very happy, but he was only 10. That's so young, in my opinion. And I think the big difference was that was kind of the first big loss I'd ever experienced in my life. I never had a family member die. I never had a friend die. It was sort of like Logan was the first person/animal that I cared about that I'd lost, and so I wasn't prepared for it. I didn't know how to grieve. I didn't know how to deal with any of that.

And then in the time between Logan passing and Bruce passing, I got better at grief, and I was also more prepared for it. And so when she died, it felt still really, really hard, but also easier. And when I think about Logan, I always kind of almost have a regret. And I think part of it too was we were quite poor when we had Logan, and so whenever we went to the vet, we didn't have enough money to do the tests and everything like that. And so I kind of have a regret and a guilt about, "Could I have saved him? Would he have lived longer if we would have spotted it earlier," and all that sort of stuff.

Whereas with Bruce—no, she got the best of the best of everything. We spared no expense. She had everything she ever wanted. And so I just—I don't have any of that guilt or regret or anything like that when I think of her. I just think of her as the world's most perfect cat, and she was here for 17 years, and I was so lucky to have her for those 17 years and to share my time with her for 17 years. That's a really long time.

Elyse Wild (21:35):
How have you memorialized Bruce?

Katie:
I was just looking at the post that I posted on Instagram when she died, and there's over 200 comments, and so many people are like, "Bruce is one of those cats on the internet who I've known for so long. And I feel like I know her, and she's one of those cats that is internet famous in my little circle," because she was so well known.

I have all of these artists who drew her, and so we have all these framed art pieces of Bruce all over our house. Yeah, it's amazing. I feel very lucky that we have that. And Jamie commissioned an artist, and it's me with a giant Bruce. And so that's really cute.

And then I also—I have giant tattoos on my legs of Bruce and Logan that I got done a really, really long time ago, and it just looks just like her.

So after she died, I felt like I needed a new cat immediately. Because I was like, "I have so much love, because Bruce took up so much space in my heart. And I was like, now I have all of this love, and I need to put it somewhere." And so I know some people are like, "No, it's too soon. It's too soon." I was like, "No, I need another cat right now." And so we went and we got—so Bruce died in March, and then we got Eddie and Agnes in August. And they were just the sweetest little baby cats. And then I was just like, "Ah, that's what I needed." And my heart just exploded.

When Logan died, and I wrote about it a year later, and I still had so much grief, but I also had Paul, and I also had Bruce. And so I wasn't stuck in that grief, and I wasn't focused on that grief. I was moving through it and as it was changing and everything like that. And I think that is best.

And I think once I got Eddie and Agnes, I told them about Bruce, and I was like, "There's a little ghost cat around here, and her name's Bruce, and you'll see her, and she's here to take care of you. So if you got any questions, you could ask her."

And sort of—the reason why I had written that thing a year after Logan died was because he had come to me and he just hangs out with me, and it's so nice. And Bruce does that too. She just comes and hangs out with me, and it's so nice because in my dream, I know that they're dead, but that they've just come to say hey.

Elyse Wild (24:17):
What did Bruce teach you about this life?

Katie:
Yeah, I don't know if I have an answer, because I feel like Logan taught me how to lose a pet, type of thing. And then Bruce taught me how to really—just because I knew it was coming—live with a pet in a way that I appreciated it a lot more, and didn't take anything for granted.

Elyse Wild (24:46):
If there does exist this Rainbow Bridge and afterlife, where we get to be reunited with our pets and you die and you get to go—everybody greets you, all your pets greet you, and you see Bruce—what would you say to Bruce? First thing you say to Bruce when you get to see her again.

Katie:
"Oh, Princess Bruce!" That's what I always called her. And then she would be like—and then she would absolutely demand belly rubs, and I would comply for the rest of time. So yeah, I'd have no problem with that, absolutely. And then Logan would come over, and then we would just do some of that. He would be making his weird, dumb little purr that he couldn't really do. And then Bruce would be like, "Um, excuse me, this was my time."

Elyse Wild (25:41):
Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please like and subscribe and share with your friends. If you have a dead pet that you'd like to share, please send an email to deadpetsofficial@gmail.com. Dead Pets is a Wild Media Industries production. It is written and hosted by me, Elyse Wild. "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened." —Anatole France.