Stormy

Emily tells us about a very special boy named Stormy.

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Transcript

Welcome to Dead Pets, the podcast that celebrates the lives of the creatures who have changed ours. This is our ninth episode, and if you've been listening along, thank you so so much. This podcast has been really meaningful to me, and we've gotten a lot of really amazing feedback from people who have listened to the show and people who have been on.

(pause)

ELYSE:  If you have a dead pet that you'd like to share, please send me an email at deadpetsofficial@gmail.com. In the spirit of creating more spaces to talk about pet grief, Dead Pets is now on Reddit, and we will be launching a Facebook group very soon. In both of these spaces, you can discuss episodes, talk about your grief, support others, and, of course, tell stories about the fur babies that you miss.

ELYSE:  If you haven't already, follow Dead Pets on TikTok. We post pictures and videos of the pets from each episode, and we have great content coming up where I review books on pet grief and explore different ways you can memorialize your pet.

ELYSE:  Finally, please sign up for our newsletter at deadpetspodcast.com. We will be launching merch later this year, and newsletter subscribers will get 30% off. Our ultimate goal is to be able to donate portions of revenue from merch to animal shelters and rescues. And you can help us get there by signing up for the newsletter.

ELYSE:  On today's episode, you might be able to hear the guest's dogs playing in the background, but since this is a podcast about pets and their presence in our lives, we decided to keep it in. Without further ado, on today's episode, Emily tells us about a very special boy named Stormy.

— INTERVIEW BEGINS —

EMILY:  His name's Stormy. Storm Ball. Storm Norman. Or we always called him the big, lovable asshole. He was a German Shepherd, Lab, Great Dane mix, so he ended up being about 120 pounds. He kind of looked like a stockier, shorter version of a Great Dane, but with a little bit more of a Lab base.

EMILY:  Literally growing up, I was obsessed with dogs. 101 Dalmatians was my favorite movie. We had five Cocker Spaniels — at the time, I didn't realize my parents were, what would be now, like backyard breeders. I would dress them up in dog clothes, play Puppy Restaurant, set up cardboard boxes, use frisbees as plates, serve them — everything was about the dogs. And I would hide the puppies whenever people came to take them. I'd make a compromise with my parents: 'I'll give you this black one if I can keep the black and white one.'

EMILY:  I always knew I wanted a really big dog. I was about to close on my house around 2009 — back when they'd give a loan to anyone that was living and breathing. I was looking at Great Danes and randomly saw a Craigslist ad from a couple that was getting divorced and needed to rehome their dog. He was seven or eight months old. His name was Tanker — one of those names for a big dog. We renamed him Stormy.

EMILY:  He was not potty trained. Knew nothing. I was 19. I'd already had a dog — Wilbur — who was like an angel. I never had to put any work into him. So I thought getting a second dog would be super easy. For 12 and a half years, I realized that getting a second dog is not very easy.

EMILY:  He was just so excited to be around people. I think he'd mostly been kept in his kennel because he was getting to that age where he was really big and playing with toddlers was probably harder. He had lived with kids and he really just loved being around people. He was just a big, goofy, lovable dog — and I was excited to have a dog that would be like a body pillow.

EMILY:  Stormy did get along with other dogs at first. I wanted to live close to the dog park — I was 19, totally naive to the fact that dog parks are not always the best idea. He slowly became what I'd call fear aggressive. He wasn't looking to start anything — it was always bark and retreat, bark and retreat. But at 120 pounds, it was scary. And it wasn't just dogs. It was people too.

EMILY:  I had roommates and charged really cheap rent because I knew this dog was a big obstacle. If someone was coming over, I had to put a muzzle on him. You couldn't knock on the door. I would bring him outside, he'd sniff you and meet you, and then there was a whole procedure: ignore him, don't be too quiet, don't be too loud. For 12 and a half years, everything changed — from travel to having people over. I couldn't throw a party because I couldn't trust that people would respect the procedure to make sure Stormy didn't bite them.

EMILY:  There were a few times he did bite. A roommate's guest said, 'No, dogs love me,' as I was trying to put him away, reached his hand out, and Stormy got scared and bit him. And then there was an incident where neighbor kids were throwing rocks at my dogs through the fence, and one of them stuck his hand through — and not all of it came back. The parents actually got in more trouble because they were 11 and 12 years old, unsupervised, antagonizing an animal.

EMILY:  It was scary. It just highlights that he was a very big dog and a liability. But I loved him. In the moment, it never felt like too much. Looking back, I'm like, holy shit, there was so much in my life I couldn't do because of this dog. And I don't feel resentful about it at all. I would 100% do it all over again.

EMILY:  Once you got into his bubble and he liked you, you didn't have to knock. He would never hurt you. If anything, he would protect you. If you sat on the couch watching a movie, he'd paw you over and over until you just held his big dry paw for the whole movie. And he had no concept of his own size — I have this video of him trying to curl up in a tiny dining room chair.

(On Stormy's health)

EMILY:  He was probably about four years old when he started limping one day, just walking in the back door. I had a few people over and he just cried. We brought him to the vet. Because he was so big, they recommended going to a specialist. They said we could send him to MSU. And I'm thinking — I'm in my early 20s, I don't have this kind of money.

EMILY:  Eventually we found a vet willing to do it. He'd torn his PCL. He ended up needing surgery. I put yoga mats all over the downstairs so he could walk on them. He was drugged up. Whenever he got anesthesia, both times he had knee surgery, he'd come out super aggressive. He didn't want to be touched, and he was confined. It was a lot for him.

EMILY:  I had a garage sale. My friends donated a bunch of stuff, and people would come and I'd say, 'This is for this dog that I love — pay what you can.' People were donating $20 for something that should cost $5 at a garage sale because they could see in my voice and my face how desperate I was. I sold my whole punk record collection. It wasn't 'Can I pay for the surgery?' It was 'What do I need to sell?' Because this is my baby. Each surgery was nearly five grand. In your early 20s, that's a lot of money.

EMILY:  The recovery was tough. He loved sleeping upstairs, so we had to guard the stairs because if we didn't, he'd try to run up and lie in bed. Carrying a giant drugged-up dog down the stairs is not easy. I was doing it solo at that point. I remember just crying out of frustration — what the fuck am I gonna do? This giant dog is lying in my living room, peeing himself because he's drugged up. It sucked so much. And I'd do it all over again.

(On Wilbur's passing and the arrival of Jalapeño)

EMILY:  In 2019, Wilbur passed away. After he was gone, Stormy just cried. He mourned. He would just whine and whine and whine. Even though he never seemed like he liked other dogs, he loved the company of another dog. So shortly after, we got Jalapeño. They just coexisted, and that was it. He stopped whining. He was just lonely.

(On meeting Mitch)

EMILY:  When I met my husband, Stormy was probably about nine years old. And that bond — it was just really special. Mitch is the most patient man in the world, and I know that because he's married to me — and because he fell in love with this dog that required so much patience and love and kindness. He never complained.

EMILY:  Stormy became Mitch's dog. If Mitch was there, Stormy was there. We'd drive out to the beach so Stormy could smell the fresh air, and Stormy would sit in the front seat while I sat in the back. We went to North Carolina and got this Airbnb with a babbling brook because Stormy loved water. We took him up to the Blue Ridge Highway and let him hike by the mountains. He'd never seen mountains before.

EMILY:  When he was done walking, he would just lie down dead weight — that was it. I remember being at the vet once, parked in the driveway, and he just laid down right there. Two cars were waiting behind me. What do you do with a 120-pound dog who's decided he's not moving?

EMILY:  When Stormy got older and couldn't sleep on the bed, Mitch would sleep with his hand off the side of the bed so he could just touch Stormy while he slept. There was never an ounce of anger from Mitch. It was always empathy and love. What can I do to help Stormy have the best life? And I'm so glad Stormy got to feel that kind of love from someone else too.

EMILY:  Stormy went through everything with me. A divorce. Breakups. He hated most men — absolutely hated most men. And then here comes Mitch, and from day one, Stormy loved him. That really sealed the deal for me. I thought I'd find someone who could maybe tolerate Stormy. But to love him so hard — years after Stormy passed, Mitch would see a Great Dane and his eyes would tear up.

(On the end)

EMILY:  When he got older, he developed cancer. Tumors. It spread to his jaw. They said we could look into removing part of his jaw, but at nearly 12 and a half years old, for a Great Dane mix — that's not going to give him much more of a life. And knowing how poorly he reacted to anesthesia, how traumatic it was for him, we decided we would just make the most of the time we had.

EMILY:  I really wanted to take him on a camping trip. Mitch found a campground with a stream. We took a risk and went. He just seemed so happy. We put out a towel and he laid by the fire. I have a video of him skipping through the water. On the way home he just had his head out the window, totally relaxed. I was so happy he got to experience that.

EMILY:  I had a good friend, Raul, who does dog photography. Stormy had met him, knew him. He came over and took photos — mostly of him and Mitch. I got them printed and made a book for Mitch. The photos were just so beautiful. You could see how much they loved each other. Two peas in a pod.

EMILY:  We knew it was coming. It was August 2020, full COVID times. You weren't allowed to go into the vet. I just couldn't let him walk in and die alone. Our vet made an exception — come at the last appointment of the day, everyone masked up, bring a blanket, we'll go outside. We knew we weren't going to leave with him. It was a really pretty day. We just sat outside on that blanket. She said, 'You can sit with him as long as you want.'

EMILY:  You could hear the traffic going by. We just sat there with him. And it was hard to want to leave because we knew — once we leave, this is done. Mitch and I just cried so much.

EMILY:  Coming home was not the same. I didn't want to vacuum because I didn't want all his fur to be gone. Everything about him — gone. He had been there for so long. We had made so many compromises in our life for him. And it was okay, because we loved him and it was worth it.

EMILY:  It was this weird, bittersweet thing — suddenly we could do all these things we'd wanted to do. We could travel. We could have people over. And none of that made us happy. I would rather have the whole procedure of letting people in, not being able to take as many vacations, just to have more time with him.

EMILY:  We waited a few years before even entertaining getting another dog. He was just such a big part of our life. He would go to the top of the stairs and bark when he was ready for bed. We'd be like, 'Okay, Stormy says it's time for bed.' He ruled a big part of our life together.

(Elyse asks what she thinks of when she thinks of him now)

ELYSE:  When you think of him now, what do you think of?

EMILY:  I think of how I wish I could just have those big dry paws pawing me again when I'm trying to watch a movie. Him leaving a little drool spot on the counter because I'm cooking something and his jowls are just up on the counter. Feeling that stickiness and being like — ugh. But I miss all that. All those little annoying things are the things that remind me of him.

ELYSE:  Where does he live on around you? What memorials do you have for him?

EMILY:  I have his ashes. I have a picture my friend Jenny drew of us together. My husband has a pretty large tattoo of him. We have pictures around the house and that album from his last photo shoot.

EMILY:  He'll always be a part of our life. He taught us a lot. He's a big inspiration for why I want to be more involved in dog rescue — because I know how hard it can be to deal with a reactive dog, but I also know how rewarding it can be. People just have to understand that with the right adjustments, you can make it work. And it's worth it.

ELYSE:  What else did he teach you?

EMILY:  Patience. Empathy. He taught me that it's okay to be damaged. He was such a weird dog with so many random issues. You couldn't touch his collar, couldn't be too loud, couldn't be too quiet. But he just taught me that it's okay to be totally, completely difficult and still be yourself — and still be loved. He was spoiled because we made it work.

ELYSE:  If there is an afterlife and you get to see him again, what would you say to him?

EMILY:  I think it's more than words. I'd grab those giant jowls and just flop them and make him smile. He was a very physical touch dog. There wasn't a lot to be said with him — it was just being there, being touched, having a presence. It would just be holding his paw one more time. Flopping his big old jowls one more time.

EMILY:  I know he knows he was loved. I don't have to tell him that. I know he knows.

— OUTRO —

ELYSE:  Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please like and subscribe, and share with your friends. If you have a dead pet you'd like to share, please send an email to deadpetsofficial@gmail.com. Dead Pets is a Wild Media Industries production. It is written and hosted by me, Elyse Wild.

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened."

— Anatole France