Jubilee | Dead Pets

Natalie tells us about a very special girl named Jubilee. 

Dead Pets is a podcast about pet grief that celebrates the lives of the creatures that have changed ours.

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You can learn more about Jubilee on her socials, @Jubilee the Blind Dog on Facebook, TikTok and Instagram

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pet grief, pet stories, pet loss 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:05

Welcome to Dead Pets, the podcast about pet grief that celebrates the lives of the creatures who have changed ours. To everyone who has been listening and sharing Dead Pets with your friends, thank you so so much. We are growing, and it's really exciting for me to see this project that is so so special to me is resonating with other people in the way that I hoped it would. We have a brand new website up at www.deadpetspodcast.com. It's looking really good, and there you can find our episode archives, more information about the podcast, and you can sign up for the upcoming Dead Pets newsletter, which is a place where I will be sharing thoughts and reflections and revelations from all the conversations I get to have with people about their beloved pets, about their lives, and about their deaths. I will also be sharing my own grief journey mourning the loss of my 19-year-old cat Dodge, who died a month ago. If you sign up for the Dead Pets newsletter, you'll get access to all of this. You will also get 30% off at Dead Pets merch, which will be coming later this year. If you haven't already, don't forget to follow Dead Pets on TikTok. There you can find videos of some of the pets that we have featured and working on other content like ways that you can memorialize your pet, information on the stages of grief, and reviews on books about pet grief. Jubilee the blind dog had quite a following on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok, and she was loved by many. And today, Natalie joins us to tell us about a very, very special girl named Jubilee.

SPEAKER_02 1:48

I was friends with a woman who showed Australian Shepherds, and I told her, My husband and I are looking for an Australian Shepherd, we want a female, we want a black tricoloring. A couple days later, she sent me a text. She's like, I think I found your dog. And I was like, Great. She sent me some photos, and I immediately fell in love. She had the sweetest brown eyes and just the biggest smile in every single photo. She was just so happy. So we went to go check her out because we didn't want to buy a dog that we hadn't met. And as we pulled into the driveway, we had the money and I gave it to my husband, and I said, You have to be the one to make this call. I know myself well enough that I'm just going to say yes. I've already said yes in my heart. So we get out and we the door the person answers the door and she's immediately there. She's wiggling, she's happy. She starts to lick us, she licks our legs because it was the summer, and then you know, you get in their face and she's just kissing you all over. I commented to the to the owner, I said, I love the name Jubilee. How did you get it? And she says, Well, I really wanted this dog from the slitter, and my mom helped me purchase her, and her one condition was I had to give her a biblical name. And I picked Jubilee, and I was like, Well, there's some worst biblical names you could give a dog. We started just to hang out with her. Uh we sat down on the couch and continued our conversation, and Jubilee like jumped right into our laps, was all over us, and just so loving. Like, Jubilee is in the Bible, it's a Jubilee year is when slaves are released, the earth is laid flow fallow. It's a celebration year, it's a start of new beginnings. You know, that's where we get jubilant from is just this celebration, this joy, this renewal. After we agreed that we would buy her, she went through a full vet examination, she got spayed, got the rest of her shots. My husband picked her up. I was house-inning at someone else's house, which was good because our original dog, Oliver, he can be a little touchy with other dogs. So we didn't know how it was gonna go. We tried to set him up for success by meeting at a place that was very neutral, there weren't other dogs there, it was a new environment for both of them. And I get to the park with Ollie and I just let him run around and get some energy out. He's a hurting dog, it's pretty high energy. My husband pulls up with Jubilee and he lets her out, and they go up to each other, they sniff each other, and then they just start doing laps together, running around the park, and it was the most wholesome thing. There is a funny photo. We go back to the house that I was house sitting at, and there's a moment you can see in Ollie's eyes where he's like, Oh, she's not leaving, is she? She's gonna be around here for a while. Another memory of that day is I went to go take a shower and she followed me into the bathroom. And I think that was the first time she saw herself in a mirror because she just like walked past the mirror, looked at it, and then just started barking like she saw another dog. My husband and I had been living with a bunch of friends, and there was another dog there that Ollie was super close with. We were moving into our first apartment together. We wanted to make sure Oliver had a friend while we go to work, and um, he had such a great dynamic with Emmy. We wanted to make sure we could continue that on. We were moving from Colorado Springs to Denver, getting our first apartment together, and our goal was just to get Ollie a friend. They were best friends. So whenever you add in an animal, your life has to change. She was a bit less housebroken than we thought she was going to be. We had to work on that. Other than that, like it was nice to have someone always with me. She had such a good temperament that at the time I was teaching dance and she would come to the studio with me, and she would run around with all the kids. You know, if there was a day I didn't bring her for whatever reason, they'd be like, Where's Jubilee? Where's Jubilee? And throughout her life she always went to work with me. Like she had such a great temperament. I've never met a dog with as good of a temperament as her and as sweet as she was. That was incredible just to be around her. She was very affectionate. She would always rub up against you. She had that intuition of when you were sad or when a kid was sad. She knew when to be pushy with affection and when not to be pushy with her affection. Like if someone wasn't the biggest fan of dogs, which is crazy that those people exist, but they do, um, she would kind of just lean up against them. And if someone was really enthusiastic about dogs or crying really hard, she would get into your lap and just lick the tears from your face. She didn't have a mean bone in her body. Every person she met, she loved. Before she went blind, every dog she met, she was so friendly with just a total love bug. About a month into our marriage, we noticed that she got really sensitive to light. She would cover her eyes or hide them in a pillow, and she started bumping into things. So we took her to an optometrist, which I learned existed for dogs. I learned a lot of medical specialties exist just for dogs, which is cool that they exist. Science has gone so far in keeping them safe and providing health care for them. It's it's incredible. And that was kind of a journey. We would put her on steroid drops, and the pressure in her eyes would go down, the glaucoma would go away, and we think we would be in a good spot, so we'd take her off that and it would flare right back up. We went through about a year of this. I didn't like our optometrist, so I switched to optometrist. And it was a young woman, and she took one look at Jubilee, did a full examination, as you do when you take on a new patient. She came back and told us, I know what this is, it's not going to be lethal, but she will lose her eyes. I just had this mixed feeling of repeating to myself, it's not lethal, it's not lethal, and then just trying to imagine what her life would look like without being able to see and without having eyes. The most important part was it wasn't going to be lethal. She diagnosed her with what's called uveodermatologic syndrome. UVO meaning eyes, derm, like dermatology, your skin. It affects those two things. It causes dogs, I think humans can get it too. It starts by attacking the melanin in her eyes, and that leads to glaucoma and retina detachment, leading to blindness. At some point the retinas can't reattach themselves, and the glaucoma gets so bad that the kindest thing to do is to remove their eyes. We fought the disease trying to keep her vision. Like I said at the beginning, I was so in love with her eyes that I wish that we would have done the surgery sooner because I know she wouldn't have been in as much pain. That can be hard to reckon with, is just knowing that you should have done something sooner to stop pain or stop suffering. She was on steroids to try and keep her vision, and she ended up getting an infection in her legs, and she spent a week in the ICU of her despite this leg infection. Because she was on her steroid, her body couldn't heal properly. So they told us that they would have to do surgery, and at that point we were like, let's remove her eyes, take her out of pain, try to do the right thing. Leading up to this, she was really lethargic, she was really sad, and she didn't want to do anything, and she was really food-driven and barely wanted to eat. Three days after her surgery, she did a full rebound to her jubilant self. We had to like constrain her so she wouldn't run around because she still had stitches on her face. That's why I regret doing it so late, but I'm so glad we did it and she got this new lease on life. Since she didn't have eyes anymore, we could take her off from medication and her fur turned from black to white or brown to white, depending on where it was on her body. And it didn't hurt her, it's just like when you and I, as we age, we go gray. For us, it only hurts because we can see it in the mirror. So she fought that and adapted being blind really, really well. There's a really great charity called Second Chance for Blind Dogs, and they sponsored what's called a Halo for us. It's this harness that goes on them and then it kind of has a basketball hoop in the front of it. They're super beneficial. Like there's times she didn't like to wear it, I think she found it clunky, but when we were in new environments, I feel like gave her more confidence. So if they're walking towards a table or a wall, the hoop will hit the wall or the obstacle first, and it'll give them feedback to say, okay, don't go this way anymore, reroute. Another cool thing about blind dogs is they make mental maps of their house or whatever spaces they're in. She knew exactly where the couch was at home and when she would go into work with me. She knew exactly where her food bowl was, which I'm sure she could smell, but it's still incredible. It was a bit of an adjustment to get used to it. Because as I mentioned, like her eyes were beautiful. To not have that anymore was just this adjustment, but you know, the vet said she would turn into a teddy bear with no eyes, and she absolutely did. I loved how sweet she was. With her blindness and her adversion to medical facilities, we could never go full with uh go forward with like a full therapy dog training. But we called her a therapy dog when I had a bad day, or I work for a church now, so a parishioner would come into my office and have a bad day. She would just be with them, she would give them kisses, she would rub up against them, and let them pet her wherever they needed to, and just provide that comfort. And that was such a gift that she had. Just going on walks with her, it was funny. We called them sniffaris, and she would just sniff her way around, and we would joke that she would smell every single blade of grass because every house she would have to stop and smell. Now that she's passed, my walks have gotten about ten minutes faster. Just because with Ollie, it's he's a man on a mission. And would you believe she took time to stop and smell the flowers? We love to garden together. She would sit next to me while I was in the garden and just kind of paw at me until I gave her something to eat. And then she would eat it and then start pawing me again. It was super cute. She loved to play in water. The first day we saw her, my husband and her just played in a bucket of water. And then as I gardened, I would water and she would hear where the water was and jump into it and jump around it. She would find the stream, even while blind, and bite it, and bark and play in it. One of her other funny things is whenever we would open the back door. She was good about the front door, but the back door where it's fenced in, she would bolt out and just start barking her head off. And I don't know how true this is or if it's in my mind, but was she using echolocation to find out where the fence was? And um But I also think her mental map was pretty good. Like she would run around in the snow and play. She just brought so much joy to everyone she met and to especially me. We bought our house for the dogs. It was COVID and you know they were getting five walks a day because we're stuck at home and we're like, we really want to get a yard for them. I'm tired of living in an apartment and putting on a harness and taking them out when it's a blizzard outside because Colorado. She was with me through a big career change. I was teaching dance, and then I went to working in a church full-time, which is two very different worlds, but she was literally right there with me. I remember asking in my interview for my current position, I was like, is it okay if I bring my dog? And the church I work for is very dog friendly, so they were like, Yeah. She was smelling flowers all the time, and I would like post pictures from my iPhone on her story. A photographer reached out to me and was like, Hey, do you want to do a photo shoot? And maybe we can go to a field of flowers. And I was like, Yeah. That sounds like fun. It's this locally owned flower farm in Boulder, and it's a beautiful, beautiful property because there's flowers everywhere, and there's like pigs over there, and you know, like your quintessential farm. And she just looked so happy the whole time. She was on a long leash, so I could kind of still guide her. But she would just stop and smell, and then you can see on the photos, like she is beaming with light. She is so, so happy. That was really special. We had to change camping habits because an open fire would kind of scare her with the crackling. So we got a propane-powered, portable campfire, which is probably good with all the wildfires we have anyway. Once we changed over the fire, she would just sit by it, and she just loved being outside and getting dirty. Before she lost her sight, she was so good at finding mud. Like, so good at it. So we went to a dog park and I let her out, take her off-leash, because it was an off-leash park. And before I can catch her, she beelines straight to the creek, which had dried up. I was just covered in mud. I ended up having to call my husband to come bring me some towels because I was like, there's no way you can get into my car. And we were still in our apartment. So we had to like fill up containers with water and like get her somewhat clean before we could carry her up for her bath. She was just a goofy girl. We loved nature. In 2024, you know, she started drinking a lot of water. And I thought, like, okay, she has a UTI, let me take her to a vet, let me get her into abiotics. Um we take her, they do some panels, the vet tech like rushes out, and I was like, you need to schedule an appointment with internal medicine now. And I was like, Okay. Understood. So I called the same clinic that had done her eyes and done her leg because they I knew they had internal medicine. And so I called them and they got us in the very next day. We took her in and they did some blood work and they're like, we want to do an ultrasound. And I was like, okay. So they do an ultrasound and they find a mass on her kidney. The vet told us this and our options were either to let her go or to remove her kidney. And which was a much more risky surgery than the eyes. Like um, when I talked to the vet, they were like, the eyes it's easy to do. You know, you're talking about a vital organ here. Not that eyes aren't organs, but you know. We had her social media and that was really helpful because I never relied on the money that we got from social media, it was all just put into savings. And her fans supported her and we were able to afford her surgery. And it was it was really scary because you knew how big of a risk it was, and um you know, I they texted me the whole time, they're like, Okay, we're getting ready for surgery, okay, we're going into surgery. Okay, we just finished surgery, she's doing okay. And just this the vet was just so helpful throughout this whole process um and so compassionate and thoughtful. She had a long recovery, it was about six weeks. During that time, they sent out the tumor for biopsy, and it came back that it was a mast cell tumor. And those are normally found on the skin. And when our vet researched it, she found that she was Jubilee was the second dog recorded to have this type of tumor on her kidney. There was just one paper out there of this has been observed in this dog, and there's no prognosis on the tumor, nothing. So we were flying blind. For the next year, we went in every three months just for an ultrasound to check in on her other kidney, make sure nothing's going on. And then same month the following year, we go in for a regular ultrasound. The vet texts me, like, okay, she's ready for pickup. Will you come in? And I was like, Oh great. If you want to talk to me, that's not good. Usually when it becomes a routine procedure like this, it's just drop them off, they do the ultrasound, looks good, send them home. The vet came back and Jubilee spent so much time at this vet, like she was loved, loved, loved by them. The vet was very upset and she's she told us like they found a tumor on her kidney and a tumor on her liver. She was like, you know, we can't know for sure until we do a biopsy of what it is, but you know, surgery's not an option. We can look at other options. We did the biopsy and it came back that the tumor on her liver was just a fatty tumor that dogs get as they age. The one on her remaining kidney was unfortunately another mast cell tumor. I cried the whole way home. Like I got on the phone with my sister and I just cried. And, you know, bless her for dealing with my sobs. From there, we could kind of take two paths, we could do a gene test on the tumor to figure out what the DNA is inside of it, and that select a treatment that was targeted towards that, or we could do a generalized one. Where we were, we had the support where we could. Do the more expensive treatment. There was a little bit of trial and error at the beginning of figuring out how much does she need, like, you know, dosage and all that, and it's hard with an animal because they can't tell you this hurts. You have to go off body length, you have to watch them very carefully. So that took her a month or so. Her ultrasound, the first one, it looked like it was shrinking. And then we did another one and it looked like it was staying about the same. And that was in December of 2025. I'm a big believer of there's a time and place for both holistic and Western medicine. So we did kind of a blend of both. Like we did the treatment, but we also switched up her diet to be a more holistic diet that a lot of dog parents with mast cell tumors use. It's nutritionally balanced, it's not gonna hurt her, and worst case, it gives us some more time. We got till about February of this year of 2026, and her energy just dipped. We had a vet appointment coming up, and her energy was just getting lower and lower. And she came to work with me one day, and like three people commented on her energy and how lethargic she looked and how sad she looked. And I was like, this isn't good. She had some gabapentin because she had, you know, understandably some anxiety at the bed at this point. Like they took her, they took her eyes, they took her kidney. I'm constantly taking stuff from her. So she had some gabapentin kinda to crap, and I was like, oh, it's just a gabapentin, she's just sleepy. And so I could play that off, but I knew like your mama bear instinct to kick off, like something's seriously wrong. It was getting to the point where there was day there was good days and there was bad days. Um for about the first six months of her treatment, there were no bad days. And then they started coming, and you know, she was tired, she wouldn't want to go to w like I would ask her, like, do you want to go to work? And she would run to the door. And then, you know, there were days she would just kind of lift up her head and then put it back down. Her vet appointment came and I had texted the vet earlier in the day and was like, Can we do an ultrasound? Something's wrong. And they said, Of course, talking with the vet, they did her kidney panels and some blood tests are like her red blood cell count is part than it should be. And in December, her red blood cell count had gone up too. And we did a phlebotomy where they remove some of the blood and replace it with fluid, and it kind of just gets rid of the extra red blood cells. That had worked for a bit. She hated the vet so much, I was like, my husband and I were talking, and it's like, it's not fair to her to keep putting her through phlebotomies if it's only gonna work for a little bit. So they do the ultrasound, and the vet recommended that we leave the clinic, just go get a coffee and then come back. And my husband and I had that very difficult conversation at that moment of are we doing all this for her for us? One of the hard things as a pet parent is having to make that decision. We didn't know if if it was a UTI because that was a possibility why her red blood cells and her values were looking funky, or it was a possibility of the cancer spreading, and those were the options. And at this point, like she wasn't taking her medicine, she didn't want it, and there's this product called buddy butter, and she would love it, and then I would have to like force her to take her pills. There's a point, I think, with humans too, where you know it's time. We go back to the vet, and they tell us that the cancer had spread all over her intestines. The vet was very frank with us. She was like, you know, we can try another treatment, but this tumor is going to be lethal. We decided at that point, like the greatest gift we could give her was one amazing weekend, and then send her across to Rainbow Bridge. The vet kind of went back to go get her and she told the staff, I don't know how many were on staff that day, but a whole group of people came out and they just loved on her and they said goodbye to her. The vet gave us some resources. We had just heard a few weeks ago that you could do in-home euthanasia, which I hadn't heard of growing up. The next day I call this clinic, and they're so compassionate, and they're like, if she rallies and you get more time, just call us and we'll cancel the appointment. It's okay. We made the appointment for Monday. I made a call on a Friday. Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. We just gave her the best days we could. We went on lots of car rides because she loved that. We went on very long walks and we gave her all her favorite treats. We did a craft where you put non-poxic paint on their paws and have them like run across a canvas where you have their paw prints forever. We did one final photo shoot and the photographer like bought a bunch of fresh flowers so she could kind of just lay and be with the flowers. I didn't really sleep. I just waited up at night, um, she wasn't jumping on the bed anymore. So we I like slept on the floor next to her and just cried and pet her. The hard thing is you I wanted to feel strong for her and for her to know that everything was gonna be okay. I think the hard thing in that situation is for them, you want them to think it's gonna be okay and you know it's not. You know, the day we brought her home from the bed, she was a little sedated, and I just held her in my lap, and it was just like trying to memorize how big her paw was in my hand, how soft her ears were. It's like when you're leaving a home or moving career, those big life changes. When you know it's coming, you you take it in more. Just the little things about her, like how her breath smells. Just these little things. You just don't want to let go of them. Because you love that animal so much, and you want them to be a part of you always. That morning we got um, we went to go get a pup gun because she loved car rides and she loved a sweet treat, which what girl doesn't? Everywhere we went, all commented about how beautiful Jubilee was because she was such a unique looking dog because of her autoimmune disease. There was literally not another dog like her. The people in the line at the coffee shop were just talking about her. And it was so hard not just to burst into tears, knowing that this is the last time. We got home, made her a steak breakfast all weekend, we gave her steak and chicken and whatever. And then we went on a long walk and we ran into our neighbor who who followed us online and so kind of knew what was going on, and we had shared with her a bit more than what we shared online because of the version you carried of yourself online is different than what's going on in person. I wasn't so open with it after the vet visit just because I knew my heart couldn't handle all the messages that were gonna come in. We run into our neighbor and she starts talking about the death of her cat and kind of the whole process, takes us through every detail. And my husband and I are just like bursting into tears. Like the walk was literally the last thing we did before we waited for the vet to come. When we got home, we gave her some prosciutto and we just hung out outside. I wish she could have made it to the summer so she could have smelt flowers and be in her garden, but that's not what cards we were dealt. But we let her outside and just watched her and listened to her bark because she barked a lot. And then the vet came. This clinic only does euthanasia and hospice care. The vet was very compassionate, very professional. She walked us through everything. I had been there for quite a few pet euthanasias. Growing up, my godmother owned a vet clinic, and so we got so we got all the animals that people would dump there. And so we would give them a good few years, and when it was time for them to pass, they would pass. You know, there was a few dogs who I really bonded to and it hurt. I kind of knew what to expect, and it was new for my husband. So she walked us through every step of it. We had to put Ollie away because he doesn't do well with new people. But our cat stayed with us the whole time. He just sat next to her. There was a quilt that was given to me that had like dog bones all over it. It was beautiful, and I brought it in to work with me, um, and she would always lay on it. And so I brought it home when I knew it was time. And so we just kinda all laid down on the quilt together. And we helped her pass into the next stage of existence. And she passed with her head in my lap. And what was interesting about it is she was just so ready to go. I I know it's common that people regret saying goodbye too soon, but for her it was absolutely her time. Some animals that we've had, as their heart begins to stop, their breathing gets heavier. And for her, it was just this peaceful decline. She was ready, and I'm glad we could give her that gift, but man, it ripped my heart out.

SPEAKER_00 32:22

What was it like to live without her at first?

SPEAKER_02 32:26

I think the first real hard thing is just the transition from two dogs to one dog. I remember going to feed Ollie for dinner, and I picked up her bowl, and I just like ran to my husband crying, like, what do I do? There were moments where I swear she was still there, and like when we went to bed that night, like I woke up crying. And I swear I felt her by my feet where she always used to sleep. But all the furs are so hard the first time I went back into work and everyone was very understanding and they all loved her so much. There was care for me as well, and I really appreciate that. She was so known by the church. My uh rector had me send off a letter just explaining the situation, and I received so many cards from parishioners I barely even talked to of just sympathy. I felt very supported. There's still things I leave out of hers, like her food and water bowl on the floor in my office. At one point we took a picture of her and hung it on the wall and titled it Employee of the Month. And just left it up there every month. That's still there. But I didn't expect just changing your entire language and vocabulary from I'm going to take the dogs on a walk to I'm going to take the dog, or let me let the dog in from the animals to the boys, because our dog and cat are both boys. You know, I'm still doing those little slip-ups.

SPEAKER_00 34:09

Where does she live on around you?

SPEAKER_02 34:12

Well, we have her ashes, and a company sent us an urn, which was very, very nice of them. It's like this hand-thrown piece of pottery that has the urn in the bottom, and then the top is a flower vase, and that was just so perfect for her. I hired a local jeweler. She took some of Jubilee's ashes and turned it into this ring. The white bits are her ashes, and then the purple is amethyst, which is her birthstone. So now I can have her on me at all times.

SPEAKER_00 34:47

What did Jubilee teach you about this life?

SPEAKER_02 34:51

With Jubilee, with her being blind, one of the things we always said to her about her was that she saw with her heart. The church I work for currently does a lot of outreach to unhoused people. The church also has a huge diversity in socioeconomical status. And she wouldn't care if you were a millionaire or if you had nothing. She would love you just the same. Before getting her in reflection, I can I feel I'm pretty confident to say I was pretty judgmental and pretty quick to judge people or situations. And she really taught me to take a step back and say, what where is the humanity in this and where can I see love in this? And she taught me about being strong, like to fight an autoimmune disease, to fight cancer twice. You have to be strong to do that. And she did that with a smile on her face and the most gracious attitude. She's taught me resiliency in that way.

SPEAKER_00 35:58

When you think of Jubilee now, what do you think of?

SPEAKER_02 36:04

I mean, the first thing that comes up to mind is how much I miss her. I have a portrait of her in my office, and I just like in preparation of talking to you today, I just stared at it for like five minutes. And just acknowledge the fact that this happened. There's a before Jubilee, a life with Jubilee, and a life beyond Jubilee. I've got drinks with a couple friends last night, and this was the first time I had seen them since Jubilee passed, and one of them described grief as a ball inside a box. And at the beginning the ball is massive, the box is small. It's hitting every corner. Um hitting every edge. And it's all you can think about. And in time the box expands as your heart begins to heal. The grief is still there inside the box. The ball is not going away. But your ability to love and your ability to grow also grows and it's not as intense.

SPEAKER_00 37:18

If there is an afterlife where we are reunited with our pets, what will you say to Jubilee when you first see her again?

SPEAKER_02 37:29

I love you, and I hope I did right by you.

SPEAKER_01 37:44

Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please like and subscribe and share with your friends. If you have a dead pet that you'd like to share, please send an email to deadpetsofficial at gmail.com. Dead Pets is a wild media industries production. It is written and hosted by me, Elise Wilde. Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. Anatola Front