My therapy interventions are not helping! Now what?

In this episode, we’re talking about that moment every therapist, parent, partner, or human hits eventually. When the intervention just ain’t intervening. You’ve tried the skills, you’ve pulled out the strategies, you’ve run the whole playbook… and still? Crickets.

Dequan and Darnesha break down why interventions sometimes fall flat, how to know when it’s time to pivot, and what to do when your usual tools stop toolin’. We dive into real-life examples, mindset shifts, and practical ways to remix your approach without burning yourself out.

Whether you’re a clinician, a caregiver, or just trying to keep your own life in order, this episode will help you stop forcing what isn’t working and start choosing what actually moves the needle.

Transcript

SPEAKER_04 0:00

I try to go to the gym like I typically do to feel good to work out. I did that today. Maybe not.

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Feeling isn't always linear. Sometimes the tools that we worked on in one season of life might not work in another.

SPEAKER_04 0:15

One, two, three, and one, two, three. I said, that's too many count. I'm good.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

So what I hear you saying is you should have do the you should do the cha-cha- slide instead of the Tamia hustle, because that's more small and manageable for you to do. Or do we need to do the hokey pokey where you put it all together and you turn yourself around?

SPEAKER_04 0:37

No, I'm not that low.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

Hey, hey, hey, welcome to the trigger happy option. We take shots of the truth, straight with no chase.

SPEAKER_04 0:45

It's the host that do the most of the quantity on this. And get ready as we dive deep, laugh loud, and heck trigger, you can dive in. But it's always real.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

Hey y'all, it's your girl Darnisha, licensed mental health counselor, mommy F2. I like to give it to you straight with no chase, but sometimes I gotta put a little sugar on the rim to ease it up. But either way it goes, y'all already know. I'm gonna give it to y'all 100 proof true.

SPEAKER_04 1:14

What's going on? I'm your boy, Daquan. I'm here for all the weather, bringing you the wind, the sun, the rain, and the storm, baby. But mostly I just like to sprinkle a little sunshine to help you get through the day.

SPEAKER_01 1:25

All right, y'all. So today we're talking about something that many people experience, but don't always talk about openly. And that is what do you do when the interventions just ain't working? The skills you got ain't skilling. The walks ain't walking. Well, before we get started, we like to give a disclaimer. This is not a substitution for therapy, y'all. We are just a sounding board. If for any reason you start to feel overwhelmed or triggered, please step away and take a deep breath. Or if you need professional help, please seek professional counseling. You can go to psychology today. You can call 988, or you can simply do a Google search.

SPEAKER_04 2:06

All right. So today's icebreaker. We're going back to doing a movie quote that best describes your day. Do you got something?

SPEAKER_01 2:15

I do. I got something. I want to know if y'all can guess this movie quote. I need that money, honey. I need that money. First of the month just passed. The bills are due. The bills be billing. First of the month about to come around again. How about that? So listen. I need that money.

SPEAKER_04 2:38

This is chess, not checkers. People who are bitter often try to manipulate. No, I'm sorry. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Wait, because time out. You didn't guess my quote. Where my quote comes from?

SPEAKER_04 2:49

Girl, we're gonna go back to set it off.

SPEAKER_01 2:52

Set it off in this month.

SPEAKER_04 2:55

Alright, so that movie quote is gonna be from the hip movie. Set it off. My girl TT.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Mm-hmm. Hey, TT.

SPEAKER_04 3:04

But we all need that money, because baby, even though the first just passed, the first is about to come again. And okay, and that's crazy. All right. So guess this one. This is chess, not checkers.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

That's it.

SPEAKER_04 3:22

It's from a famous black actor that everybody was in love with.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

Denzel Washington.

SPEAKER_04 3:30

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 3:32

This is chess. What is that? Training day?

SPEAKER_04 3:34

There you go.

SPEAKER_01 3:35

Oh, I got it. So you couldn't give me the obvious quote like Team Kong ain't got hit on me. You couldn't give me that one.

SPEAKER_04 3:42

Okay. No, I ain't gonna give you that one because that was too easy.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Right on, right on. Okay, well, I got it right. We we one for one, we good. All right, so as we mentioned, today's topic is what do you do when the interventions for your mental health just don't seem to be working?

SPEAKER_04 4:02

So I promise you, every time I hear what would you do? this song coming my head, what would you do when your son is at um crying alone, not in the bedroom, flow, when he's hungry. And the only way to feed him is to see, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:16

See, you know, you gotta hum when you don't know the words. I ain't know the words why I can't go.

SPEAKER_04 4:20

That was that neurodiet kicking in on my end, because baby, every time it came in, what would you do when your son? That's that's the only thing. But back to the topic. Like Darnisha said, when those innovations are not working, maybe you try therapy, maybe journaling, meditation, or different coping skills, and you're still feeling stuck, overwhelmed, and emotionally drained. And that can be really frustrating. Trust me, I know it can be really frustrating. I'm going through it right now because you're putting in effort, you expect to see progress.

SPEAKER_01 4:56

Right. And you don't always see immediate results. But let's start here, y'all. If your mental health strategies aren't working right now, that don't mean that you're failing. And that don't mean that they won't work eventually. Healing isn't always linear. Sometimes the tools that we worked on in one season of life might not work in another, and that's okay. You just keep trying something new each time. But if what you're doing is not working right now, that's fine. You just gotta find something else to substitute that.

SPEAKER_04 5:27

Exactly. And sometimes the issue isn't that the innovation is wrong, it may just need to be adjusted or approached differently. Mental health isn't one size fit all. Everyone experiences trauma, stressors, and support systems are different because not everybody's support system is going to be the same, and not everybody's trauma is the same. And baby, our stresses are definitely not the strengths, the same. But the intervention is there for a reason, but it may not seem like it's working at that moment, but it just probably just needs to be adjusted or approach it, or approached differently.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

Yeah, just need a little tune-up, a little fine-tune. You know, Daquan, can you think of a time where, because I especially being in this field, a lot of people have this misconception that we just have the answers. And sometimes the stuff just ain't working for us. So can you think of a time where you literally went through every single checklist of what you could do and it just was not working?

SPEAKER_04 6:32

Yeah, babe, right now I can say that. Uh, like stresses are getting to me without even realizing it, that it's it's getting to me. I try to go to the gym like I typically do, feel good to work out. I did that today. Maybe nothing. I still feel like F them people, you know? Baby, real hard, real hard. Those negative thoughts that I I'm having. And I thought I put a lot of those to rest, but baby, they just seem to resurface.

SPEAKER_01 7:09

They creaking back up.

SPEAKER_04 7:10

Real bad. Real, real bad. Hence why today I did some fine-tuning and I set up an appointment for my psychiatrist to get back into the rhythm and get back on my medication. Or maybe I just need to up the dose on my medication. And there's nothing wrong with that. I just realized: well, if this is happening right now, that means I need an adjustment period at this point.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

Yeah, definitely. My anxiety was on 10 this weekend. And normally I can put on some meditation music. I like to listen to piano sounds, calming classical music. So the high strings from violins, they make me more anxious. But it just was not working in that moment. 54321 tried doing that. That just was not working in that moment. So I after that, I just started doing behavioral activation. So I just went into cleaning mode and I started cleaning the house. And that did help because it took my mind off of what I was anxious and worried about. And now I'm focused on, and I ain't gonna lie, I got tired. So I ain't had time to be worried and thinking about stuff because I had got tired from all that walking up and down the stairs and all that other stuff. So I wore myself out, and then my daughter wanted to go to the park. So I took her to the park. And I didn't feel like it, because by that time it's like six o'clock in the evening. But I knew that I would continue that worry if I just didn't activate my body to do something. So yeah, sometimes that stuff you know would just don't work, and you just gotta try something else.

SPEAKER_04 8:45

So, you know, I'm gonna start this a little dig in, but you know what else could have helped walking and doing all that stuff? Exercise.

SPEAKER_01 8:53

It showed cutter. It showed cutter. And while I was cleaning, I dusted that treadmill off too. You know what I'm saying? I show dusted it and I and I looked right at it and walked on past it.

SPEAKER_04 9:09

You get on my nerve all on my.

SPEAKER_01 9:11

No, but that would have been a good idea to cause it was nice outside. The weather kind of broke here this uh in Indy this weekend. So I could have gone for a nice little walk around the neighborhood. I'm gonna try that. I'm gonna try that next time because that was that would have been a great idea.

SPEAKER_04 9:24

And you see, for the past two days, well, three days actually, it has been very gloomy. So that also plays a role into people's mental health. And people don't understand how much weather can affect your mental health, those gloomy days. That rainy day is just those rainy days, baby. They can they they can really, really affect your mood. And I didn't think about it until my sister mentioned it yesterday. Well, you know, we spent time with each other and things like that. Shout out to my sister.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Hey, sis.

SPEAKER_04 9:59

And she was just telling me for her, it's been a gloomy day. Now, she wanted me to do some crawfish. I made some crawfish and stuff like that. And she didn't eat nothing. And that, and I said, Well, sis, I need you to eat. She says it's gloomy and all that. So I dug on that definitely does play a role into mental health as well.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

So then when it's raining, a lot of people like to, you know, do the do the little, you know, get a little fast, and you know, when it's raining outside.

SPEAKER_03 10:33

Do do do.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

But yeah, that rain, it just it just take you through that, take you through that.

SPEAKER_04 10:44

Hey, hey, hey, hey, take me through that, take me through that. We are crazy.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

Oh, so we're gonna re-evaluate like what's actually happening during that time where it's like it's just it just ain't working.

SPEAKER_04 10:59

Yes, it's not working. Yes. And one important step is to pause and re-evaluate what's going on. Ask questions like Am I consistent with the strategies I'm using? Am I expecting immediate results? Let's be honest. Let's be honest. Let's think, think, think, knock the hammer on the nail. We do instantly want that instant gratification. And we also talked about it in the previous episode as far as social media, there's instant gratification that we seek. And it's let's be realistic. Things take time.

SPEAKER_01 11:41

Yeah, they do. That instant gratification. It's like, I want to feel better now. And nah, it don't work like that. So sometimes we focus on managing the symptoms without exploring the root of what's actually causing the distress. Like, why am I even feeling like this? And that's where those deeper conversations come into play, or those therapy adjustments, or those new approaches may be necessary. Because once we figure that out, where is this even coming from? Then I maybe today, 54321 just ain't gonna cut it. Because what I'm worried about or what I'm anxious about isn't something that I can just let go of instantaneously.

SPEAKER_04 12:22

So we have to also consider different approaches, as you stated. Another thing to remember is that mental health support can look different for everyone. It doesn't look the same. Because, again, as I stated earlier, what may work for me may not work for you. Like my stresses may be different from yours. And so different approaches is for different people. That's why you have the CBT, the gestalt therapy, the existential therapy, because not one therapy fit all.

SPEAKER_01 12:59

And maybe that traditional talk therapy isn't just the right fit for everybody. Some people might benefit from group therapy. Sometimes just sitting and listening to other people tell their stories, and you're like, dang, I resonate with that. I feel where they're coming from because I'm going through the same thing. And now you're more open to exploring what you're going through because you can see, oh, we all got something in common. And then some people might need trauma-focused therapy, lifestyle changes. That's a huge one. Because sometimes we feel like crap because our bodies are like crap. What we're putting to our bodies are crappy. We're not working out. We're not using that treadmill in the living room collecting dust. We're not just doing the things that we're supposed to do to make us better. We're not eating right. Or how about even building stronger support networks? And I know me, I literally just said this to my daughter's speech therapist today because she was asking me about where I was at with my daughter's after school care. And I was just like, I have been utilizing supports from my neighbors. But sometimes my pride gets in the way of me even saying, Hey, would y'all mind getting denim off the bus on Tuesday? So now I'm creating more stress on myself because I'm trying to hurry up and get home to get her off the bus when I can alleviate some of that stress by tapping into my support.

SPEAKER_04 14:18

Tap into your village, girl. It takes a village.

SPEAKER_01 14:22

It definitely does.

SPEAKER_04 14:24

We can't stray away from that because unfortunately, that's what we have strayed away from. So if you have that support, utilize the support instead of putting all that stress on you.

SPEAKER_02 14:34

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 14:35

And then, like, even with that, when we're talking about interventions, interventions is the skills that we're using to help us, right? But sometimes it don't match where you are emotionally. And they need to match where you are emotionally. For example, if somebody is overwhelmed, complicated strategies might feel impossible. If I'm overwhelmed, I don't want to use an intervention that has me doing steps one through eight. I'm overwhelmed. Why am I gonna add something else to my list?

SPEAKER_04 15:06

Yeah, baby, that's that's me too. Because when I feel overwhelmed, baby, you want me to do what? That's why I don't dance. I didn't try to learn those line dances, especially that Tamiya song. It's too many eight counts. You go over this and that, and it's too much. Like when I tried to look it up, I would never forget. Me and my coworker Jay, when we used to work overnight, we was like, all right, let's try to do the Tamiya dance, you know, learn that, right? Baby, we went on there and looked at the little video, and it was like, all right, one, two, three, and one, two, three. I said, that's too many counts. I'm good. I don't want to do this. I don't want to take the time. You know, I'll just sit in my chair and be like, hey.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

You be doing it in your head, don't you?

SPEAKER_04 15:56

Baby, yes. The fan dance, only thing I like to do is that whack, whack. Come on, boost on the ground.

unknown 16:05

No.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

So you just wait for this pop.

SPEAKER_04 16:07

Whack, whack, whack. I know the first two steps, and that's it. But get somebody else to do it. Get somebody else to do it. But going back to the topic, in those moments, focusing on small, manageable steps can be more effective than those complicated steps. Leave it on the case.

SPEAKER_01 16:31

So what I hear you saying is you should have do the, you should do the cha-cha slide instead of the Tamia hustle, because that's more small and manageable for you to do.

SPEAKER_03 16:40

Correct.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

Or do we need to do the hokey pokey where you put it all together and you turn yourself around?

SPEAKER_04 16:47

No, I'm not that slow. Hey, girl. I can do, I can do the cha-cha, I'll because if I start going back out more, going out does cheer me up when I go out with my friends and hang out and, you know, do the things, drink and have my hookah, because I'm good for a hookah. If I'm going anywhere, they got a hookah. Okay, let's let's go. Yeah. So that's definitely I'm sorry. That just COVID. No, I'm getting over upper respiratory infection. Thank you. I went to the doctor. I knew you was gonna make that up. No, I actually did, because the my doctor, I went on Friday, gave me some medication and a nasal spray. And it's a six-day thing that I gotta take. And too many pills to take, but I gotta do to get this stuff out. Because it's been, I've been having it for three weeks now, so I'm slowly but surely coming out.

SPEAKER_01 17:47

I got bronchitis. Ain't nobody got time for that.

SPEAKER_04 17:50

You get on my nerve. Again, you just stepping on that last nerve, and it's very annoying.

SPEAKER_03 18:01

That's what I'm here for. Baby, my face was just like stepping on it.

SPEAKER_04 18:10

Like you you got to you Hey, well, I'm stumping on it.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Nah, these moops was made for stomping. Okay, I'm stepping, I'm stumping on it. I'm stumping the yard.

SPEAKER_04 18:21

Girl, it's not stomp the yard. Okay. You know what? Let's go on to the next segment and segment, and that's gonna start talking about give yourself permission to what? Rest.

SPEAKER_01 18:34

Something people don't talk about enough is the emotional exhaustion that comes from constantly trying to fix how you feel. Sometimes what you actually need isn't another intervention. You might just need to rest compassion for yourself and space to breathe. You don't always have to have things figured out. It's okay. I was just talking to one of my clients earlier, and I'm like, because even in therapy, people feel like when you ask them a question, they have to give you an immediate, immediate response. No, take the time and just think about it. And that's what you need to do with yourself. When your body is feeling overwhelmed, sometimes you know what, let me just sit down and let me just breathe. Let me just clear my mind as best as I can and just rest.

SPEAKER_04 19:24

Yes, because mental health work can be heavy. Okay? Like when you go into therapy and you have that long therapy session or that draining therapy, again, let's not get misconstrued. Therapy is not gonna make me make you go feel better because they gotta tap into those emotional triggers that you've been packing down, packing and packing and packing. Baby, now you gotta bury that stuff up. And that's why a lot of people do not want to go to therapy because, oh, I'm over it, I'm good. No, baby, you're not over it, you're not good. You just packed it down. You packed it down so that way you can try to either self-medicate or just distract yourself from things that has been very uh like that's been very detrimental to you, but you refuse to acknowledge it. You think if you don't have to acknowledge it, then you'll be fine. One baby, again, when you pack it down, that pot is about to boil over. Okay. Now, again, mental health work can be heavy. It's okay to slow down and not pressure yourself to have everything figured out immediately because you're not perfect and it's okay. It is okay, you're not perfect, and you don't have to be perfect. Stop putting that on you, okay? You can figure it out, it's not gonna come instant, but take your time and figure yourself out and put you first because showing showing yourself grace during those difficult moments is part of healing too.

SPEAKER_01 21:14

Yes, like Daquan said, you're not perfect. So being kind to yourself. What uh oh boy say on sin is being kind to one another. Be kind be kind to yourself, and it's okay to to just take that break, to get that rest, and to not be perfect, not to have everything figured out, not to have all I's dotted and not all T's crossed. It's okay to have a few little squiggly lines going on, you alright?

SPEAKER_04 21:44

Mm-hmm. Not not you don't have to have a straight line. It don't gotta be straight and narrow, baby. He's gonna have some curves, some zigzags, some zigzags, you know. Some colons, some loop-de-loops.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Shut up. But hold on, cause why I tried to put some fake lashes on before because my cousin told me I needed some lashes. And I got the glue on, but I couldn't get the lash on, so my eye keep getting like closed shut. And I'm over here like trying to struggle to keep it open, but that's neither here nor there.

SPEAKER_04 22:23

Please, baby, don't get blind. Please. Please. We don't need you to get blind in here now. You come over here like we're going to have.

SPEAKER_01 22:34

Shut up, looking like Fatty Wap.

SPEAKER_04 22:37

Baby, you're going to come in there with a patch on, and I'm going to say Patchy girl. Hey, Patch.

SPEAKER_01 22:42

Cabbage Patch. You remember that cabbage patch? Dyes remembered. I didn't think he was going to remember.

SPEAKER_04 22:47

Why wouldn't I remember a cabbage patch, girl? That was in my early.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

Wait, you were born late 80s or early 90s?

SPEAKER_04 22:54

Early 90s. I'm a 90s. 90s, baby. Cabbage patch was still a thing in the 90s. Probably in 95, it went away. But you know, where do you think brat stars came from?

SPEAKER_01 23:08

Not cabbage patches.

SPEAKER_04 23:10

Well, I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 23:12

Right. They still have nothing to do with the other apples and oranges. It's a doll. You thought you ate with that, didn't you?

SPEAKER_04 23:19

And I did because it's a doll.

SPEAKER_01 23:23

Thomas, I'm where you think the brat dolls came from. Not from cabbage patches.

SPEAKER_04 23:28

I did think I ate dog.

SPEAKER_01 23:29

I can guarantee you that because cabbage patches had yawn hair, baby. Yawn. See, y'all remember the baby dolls with the yawn hair, do you?

SPEAKER_04 23:39

I do cabbage patch.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

Nope.

SPEAKER_04 23:42

And I didn't play with dogs. Well, let me stop lying. I did play with dogs a little bit. That's okay, boo. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. They didn't. Just a little bit. Just a little bit.

SPEAKER_01 23:55

Just a little tired. G.I. Joe's just wasn't doing it for you, wasn't it? Toys.

SPEAKER_04 24:02

If they didn't give me no cars, I didn't want it, okay? Grandparents would tell you all the time, when I want people to play with me, I used to give them the broke toys, like the broke cars, and have them play with me where I had my good cars.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

I wouldn't have wanted to come over your house and play with you.

SPEAKER_04 24:20

I don't care. Especially if I had the adults. I had the adults sit down and play with me. When I was at my great-grandmother's job, I'd be right there at the back. I would have them come out there and play with me and give them the broke toys.

SPEAKER_01 24:35

Hey, you sit over here and you try to put this together.

SPEAKER_04 24:37

Just roll it. You can roll. It still rolls. It may be a Right.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

It do something one wheel.

SPEAKER_04 24:42

Okay. Listen.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

All right. So now we're going to go into that step five, which is asking for additional support. We touched on this a little bit, but can you give us more on that?

SPEAKER_04 24:55

Yes. Another important step is not isolating yourself when things feel like they're aren't working. When things are not, when they feel like they're not working, you don't have to isolate. Do not self-isolate because that's when you're going to sit and really be in your head. Those negative thoughts are going to ruminate in the head and it's going to keep going over and over and over. You're going to drive yourself crazy and thinking that something is one thing when it's actually not. You know? I did that this weekend.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

Was reading my love mine. I was just about to call you out, but actually I was going to mention today. Cause sometimes me and Daquan will have an episode in mind and we'll be getting ready to record, and then something will come up and we'll be like, let's, what about this? What about this? And Daquan mentioned that he was feeling depressed today. So I'm like, you know what? Let us try something else. You know, so I'm trying to just get his mind from being in that mode, or he said it's gloomy there in Texas today, or been gloomy for the past couple of days. So sometimes you just gotta, okay, so this intervention, us doing this podcast, this wasn't on the list of interventions for him to do to get out of his mode.

SPEAKER_03 26:16

It wasn't.

SPEAKER_01 26:17

You know what I'm saying? So sometimes you just gotta remix it and do something a little different and change the routine up a little bit. That's all we're saying.

SPEAKER_04 26:24

Look at it now. From the beginning of the segment to where I'm at right now, I'm definitely in a different headspace. I'm feeling a little bit better. I'm out of the negative thought process of where I'm at now. And again, for us, and we've mentioned this before, this is therapy for us as well. So y'all getting gems, and we're, and baby, we're getting gems for ourselves because this is helping us day by day.

SPEAKER_01 26:55

Yeah. And and like he mentioned, not isolating yourself. Reach out to trusted people in your life. Talk to your therapist about what's not helping. I'm heavy on that. If if we've been meeting for months and you still coming in with the same issue, I'm literally like, what how can I help you? Let's let's stop doing this and let's start trying something else. Or, you know, because that's insanity when you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So talk to your people. Sometimes professionals need feedback too, though, to adjust the treatment plan. So if you talk to your therapist and you say, hey, you know what, this ain't working, then let them know feedback is crucial. Feedback to your friends is crucial. So if it ain't helping, then do something else. But definitely, decline can't call me and be like, I know he didn't think he was just about to be like, I'm having a bad day, and I was gonna be like, okay, well, let's let's get let's get to work. Nah, we finna figure this thing out. But I'm a trusted person for him. So everybody needs that. Stop going through life thinking that you don't need nobody because that and I've had a moment in my life where I felt like that. I'm like, man, I don't need, you know, but you do. Everybody needs somebody.

SPEAKER_04 28:09

Maybe I already know because I already know, you already know you're a trusted person for me because we've already had our connection, we've already had our discussions, and baby, we was we was linked without even knowing that we was linked. So shout out to you. I appreciate you uh wholeheartedly, right? And going back to the topic, sometimes progress happens through connection, i.e., me and you, we see each other. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

We see each other.

SPEAKER_04 28:42

Having why color purple just parked in my mind when you said how you said we see each other. I don't know him either.

SPEAKER_03 28:53

I don't know.

SPEAKER_04 28:53

Oprah said, I don't know either. Because you know why? Oprah then had that special connection with that person. No, not Oprah. It wasn't Oprah, it was Miss Lily, the person she was. It was Miss Lily who she was working for. I don't know him either.

SPEAKER_01 29:09

Because she was trying to get somebody else to drive her home. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:12

So she can spend time with her family. But I know we all watched that moment. It was like, girl, you can let somebody else drive you home. But it was a connection. She felt scared. Um, Oprah was there to, that was her confidant. She was confident.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

Sophia.

SPEAKER_04 29:32

Yes, and Sophia was her confidant, right? So having someone who listens and supports you can make a real, real big difference.

SPEAKER_01 29:46

Mm-hmm. And somebody that gets on your nerves.

SPEAKER_04 29:49

My last nerve.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

We don't care because we be getting on each other's nerves. But it was my turn to get on his today. And then not mine. And so normally, typically, I'm gonna tell on you. Normally it's Daquine with the technical difficulties, especially when we first started. Oh my God, I used to be over here.

SPEAKER_04 30:06

Sure was. It sure was.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

It was me. And I had to call my son, the enforcer, to come in here and try to help me with my with my speakers and such. And Daquine over there, you can, you know the cartoon where you can see the steam coming through the ears? Because he already agitated, and I know, because I know what agitated DaQan looked like. And then hold on. So I got my son to come in here and fix it. And then I looked at Daquan, I said, My bad, that was me. He's like, you think?

SPEAKER_04 30:33

Yeah. Baby, I gave her that mean title. I was over here.

SPEAKER_01 30:38

He was agitated. We was already late getting on. He was agitated, honey. But you got it and by and FYI, you look cute today. You look real handsome.

SPEAKER_04 30:48

I think, you know, I got the, I shaved off the beard, because last year, I by this time last year, I shaved it off. I said, coming towards my birthday, that's when I'll grow it back and things like that. I have a phase when I when I do that. Refresh, try something new. Especially Friday, I was very agitated. So I said, let me just shave this off. Let me just and shave it off. Went to the barber and did, you know, because I needed it lined up and things. But thank you, girl. You know.

SPEAKER_01 31:21

Yeah, but that works too. If you look good, you feel good.

SPEAKER_04 31:25

You feel good.

SPEAKER_03 31:26

Huh? You feel good. I look good. And that's why we friends.

SPEAKER_01 31:40

And that's why that's why we friends.

SPEAKER_04 31:42

That's why.

SPEAKER_01 31:44

All right, y'all. We know we threw a lot at y'all as per usual. So we're gonna give a little recap over everything that we went through today. What we talk about, DeQline.

SPEAKER_04 31:55

All right. So we first talked about the interventions for mental health that don't seem to be working sometimes. We do know that it may not work in that moment, but the interventions just probably just need to be adjusted. As I stated today, I got to, you know, signed up with my therapy, my psychiatrist to maybe talk to him about adjusting my medication. So that was an intervention that I needed to try. Then you also have to re-evaluate what's happening, what's actually happening, because sometimes we don't realize what space and moment that we're in. So we have to re-evaluate so we can readjust.

SPEAKER_01 32:41

Right. And then we want to consider different approaches. Okay, this ain't work. Let me try something else because it's not a one-size-fit-all. What worked for you might not work for me. So, like, it's just like being a therapist. Every client ain't the same. You have to cater their treatment plan specifically for them and what it is that they're they're dealing with. And then we also talked about giving yourself grace, giving yourself permission to rest, knowing that, okay, let me let me just sit down, let me just take a breath and having compassion for yourself.

SPEAKER_04 33:13

Yes. We also talk about something Darnisha kind of struggles with, and I do too. And that's ask for additional support. Sometimes we do need to ask that for additional support. If we had the support system, utilize your village because that's what they are there for. You don't make friends for no reason, right? Especially if they are a trusted person. Ask for additional support because we all need support. And I just want to say thank you for being a friend.

SPEAKER_01 33:47

Boom, boom, boom, boom.

SPEAKER_04 33:49

Travel down the road and back again. That is, mom. If I can sing, I would be like, ooh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:59

But that's how we do, y'all. So y'all already know how we get down. It is time for the QA. Let's get it.

SPEAKER_00 34:10

It's time for the QA. It's time for the QA. It's time for the QA. It's time for the QA. It's time for the QA.

SPEAKER_01 34:20

All right, all right, all right. Decline, what is today's QA question? And who is it coming from?

SPEAKER_04 34:27

All right. Today's QA question comes from Morgan from Atmore. Shout out, Atmore. Y'all finally on the top. Y'all on the board and stuff like that. That's my little hometown, you know, and stuff and stuff. Hey, hey, y'all.

SPEAKER_01 34:43

What's the nickname for Morgan? I know you want to say it so bad.

SPEAKER_04 34:47

I don't got one. I don't have a uh I don't have a nickname. I never have one.

SPEAKER_01 34:51

No Morgie Morg. No Morgi. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 34:55

I know I'm a nickname type of person, but Morgan just enough, Morgan.

SPEAKER_03 35:01

Okay, Morgan.

SPEAKER_04 35:04

So get on my nerve. Anyway, Morgan wants to know how do you handle a family member with a mental illness?

SPEAKER_01 35:20

I I can I can I can tackle that first. Okay. I will say, being in this field, it's much more easier for me to deal with strangers than it is people really close to me. Because when when they're close to you, you just want people to just snap out of it. You want them to just, hey, man, you depressed? Come on, let's do something. And then you upset when they just don't snap out of it. Or somebody with a substance abuse issue, it's just not as easy as them choosing their family over the drugs or choosing you over alcohol. Like an addiction is an illness. It's a serious illness. And so the best thing that you can do when you just don't know what to do. Well, I'm gonna first pray, first and foremost, right? But when you just don't know what to do, when you and you gave it to God, is to just be a support for for that person because they don't need judgment. They don't need you drilling them, they don't need you telling them what they need to do with all that. They just need support sometimes.

SPEAKER_03 36:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:22

So that's and then also radical acceptance, which is I might not like what's going on. And acceptance don't mean respecting it, and it don't mean that you like it. But just accepting the fact that look, this is the situation right now, this is what this person is going through, and simply ask them. That that's the key thing right there. Because we assume what the other person may want or need. Ask them, what do you need from me? I think that's the best thing you can do for somebody that's struggling with a mental illness is to be a supporter and to ask them how you could help them.

SPEAKER_04 37:01

You know, I think you said all that very well, very elegant, very demure.

unknown 37:07

You know.

SPEAKER_01 37:07

Very demure.

SPEAKER_04 37:09

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 37:10

Because this I'm not ratchet like these other girls. You see, very cutesy, very demure, very sophisticated, very articulate.

SPEAKER_04 37:22

That's all you girl, with a little ratchet, but we ain't gonna get into that.

SPEAKER_03 37:28

Oh with a tongue out.

SPEAKER_04 37:35

You stupid. To piggyback off of what you're saying, you said everything well because it is just like like you said, it is kind of harder to deal with somebody that you're close with that's depressed, or as you stated, you know, dealing with a substance abuse problem, right? Like instantly. I have my best friend. I love my best friend, shout out to them. It was, I would say it all the time when I used to go to DC and visit, right? I said, when I walked in to the house, I said, friend, your depression is showing. Just because how cluttered and messy it was. And it just every time I, you know, I didn't go back to visit a lot, but I did notice that it got worse progressive. And I understand that you just don't have it in you to clean up. And I was telling him, friend, I understand because I allowed my house to get a certain type of way, but until I actually started to clean up, I I started to feel better. And it was one time I looked at my apartment, I said, Man, my depression is showing real bad. But you instantly want them to get better, knowing that you can't instantly want your clients to get better. So why do you expect your friends or family to get better just because you said, Man, you need to do this, you need to do that, and da-da-da-da. They don't need a therapist. They just need somebody, they need you as support. They don't need their, they don't need you to be their therapist, they just need you to be their support. And I think being in this field, it is hard for us to kind of separate the two because sometimes naturally I go into therapist mode. And it don't be on purpose. It really don't. When I'm just sitting there just want to talk to them, then my will start turning. It's like, hmm. So why do you feel like that? What makes you feel like that? They don't need all that. And I I had to talk to somebody who I call my nephew. Me and him was on the outs for almost two years, right? Until probably like two weeks ago, talked to him. I said, so you know, where we stand? And then he told me, look, I I didn't need you to be my therapist. I just needed you to be there for me to support me. And it took me a while to actually embrace that and hear them. I said, You're right. I hear everything that you're saying. And I do apologize if you don't feel like I was being there as a support. I apologize for initially trying to be your therapist, which I wasn't trying to be. So I had to put on my big wood draws and I had to apologize and take accountability because they just need support. They don't need a therapist, especially if they already got one. They don't need another one. And it's not intentional. I promise you, I don't do this intentionally because guess what? I don't want to be on therapist mode 24-7 a day. Okay, I just want to be regular O, Lequan, just chilling. Not want to be at work because I listen to people all day. I don't want to continue to be in that shoe all day because then I'm gonna get burnt out. So, but thank you, Morgan, for that question. That was a good question, gorilla.

SPEAKER_01 41:26

It was, thank you. And so now we are going to tap into our affirmation and action of the day. Daquine, what do you have for us?

SPEAKER_04 41:38

So we're gonna give you a little, little something. And this is coming from a place of motivation, in a sense, right? You are allowed to walk away from relationships.

SPEAKER_01 41:53

Oh, hold on, Daquine. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_04 41:55

Oh, okay. Let me go back. Rewind. All right. So you are allowed to walk away from any relationships that's dangerous to your mental health, no matter how long you've known them or how much you loved them. That one an R. That love.

SPEAKER_01 42:18

That did. Oof. Just took the breath out my body. Just like a what a siren. Don't the sirens steal your breath. You heard of that?

SPEAKER_04 42:27

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 42:28

Steal your breath or something?

SPEAKER_04 42:29

Yeah, yes. Those sirens. All right. Let me say that one more time because that was a that was a gem. Y'all missed it. It was. You are allowed to walk away from any relationship that's dangerous to your mental health, no matter how long you've known them or how much you've loved them.

SPEAKER_03 42:52

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 42:54

Yeah, that's good.

SPEAKER_04 42:57

That came right on time.

SPEAKER_01 42:59

That yeah, that really did. That really was good. You did your homework today. Come on, decline with the affirmation and action of the day. Come on now. That's what I'm talking about.

SPEAKER_04 43:12

You know that person that shook their head like that if I had a vibe.

SPEAKER_01 43:19

And this little ugh, this is irritating my soul, this little string of hair right here. But all right, so we uh as always.

SPEAKER_04 43:26

It gets on my nerves too. I have to put it behind my ear too.

SPEAKER_01 43:29

That little dandruff down somewhere with that?

SPEAKER_04 43:32

Baby, I oiled this. I shaved, I reshaved it on before I got on here. And I put my little oil.

SPEAKER_01 43:43

So I see what your muscles are, and you got the button button to the top. You hear me? You got two buttons buttoned to the top, baby.

SPEAKER_04 43:51

You know, I I I'm modest.

SPEAKER_01 43:53

That's sophistication right there.

SPEAKER_04 43:54

I'm modest.

SPEAKER_01 43:55

He said I got all the buttons. He ain't leaving no peekaboo in a chest of nut. You know, he said, I got these buttons all the way to the top.

SPEAKER_04 44:05

Oh, to the top. You know, I'll pop out maybe the summer.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

Pop out and show.

SPEAKER_04 44:13

Oh, you gotta pop out and show me.

SPEAKER_01 44:18

Man, I'm done with you. Bye, y'all. We done. Bye.

SPEAKER_04 44:21

And that's a wrap for this round of trick a happy hour, where we take shots of the truth with no chaser. Just broad conversations where the shots are sharp and it takes a sharper. And nothing gets off the table. If you like what you heard, hit that follow button, leave a review, and tell someone who can handle the heat. Pull up a bar student next week for more real talk. You can find us on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok. Until then, stay bold, stay loud, and don't water it down.

SPEAKER_03 44:47

Cheers.