Ep. 14 - Mental Health: Breaking the Silence

Suffering in silence is a quiet profit killer for a child's potential, often disguised as "just being a teenager" or "acting out." In a world that is louder and more connected than ever, the stakes for youth mental health have never been higher because the internal noise can become deafening without the right support systems. We sit down with Misty Ingalls and Lupita Perez Lopez, two dedicated child advocates from the Boys and Girls Club of Benton County, to discuss how we can better protect the mental well-being of the next generation.

We get into the tactical ways that organizations can bridge the gap between school and home through trauma-informed care. Our conversation covers the implementation of onsite calm centers, the "iceberg method" of identifying underlying needs, and the importance of establishing holistic wellness routines for teens. Misty and Lupita share their "secret sauce" for building trust, which involves moving past the initial behavior to address the core human need for safety and regulation.

The unglamorous truth is that mental health support is not a one-time fix but a consistent, often difficult commitment to breaking generational cycles and taboos. You will walk away with a deeper understanding of the subtle warning signs of isolation and practical grounding techniques that any young person can use when they feel overwhelmed. This episode serves as a vital reminder that while professional resources are essential, the simple act of a trusted adult listening without judgment remains one of the most powerful tools in our kit.

Transcript

Welcome And Meet The Advocates

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back everyone. My name is Holden and I am your host for the Youth Unmuted Podcast. This is a team-led podcast with the Boys and Girls Club of Benton County where we share unique stories that relate to today's youth. Let's get started.

SPEAKER_01 0:14

What is up, guys? Welcome back to another episode of Youth Unmuted. Today I am joined by Misty and Lapita, two of our child advocates at the Boys and Girls Club of Benton County. And we are so grateful to have you guys. So let's just go ahead and hop in. Can you tell us a little bit about yourselves?

SPEAKER_03 0:30

Well, I'm Misty. I am a mom to five amazing boys. I've got a couple grandkids and a husband of like 20, oh god, 20-something years, like 27, something like that. But I've been with Boys and Girls Club for about three years now.

SPEAKER_01 0:46

Awesome.

SPEAKER_03 0:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:48

Hi, I'm Mupita. I'm a child advocate. I just started with a club last summer at the end of the two weeks, the last two weeks of summer. Um, I'm an auntie of six nieces and nephews. That's like one of my biggest titles, my favorite titles to be. Um, I'm originally from NWA, super small town. Um, and I've traveled a little bit, but I'm back in the area and I'm really excited to be back in the area.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Yeah, awesome. Well, we're glad to have both of you

Why They Became Social Workers

SPEAKER_01 1:12

guys. And I'll just get us started with our first question, which is um, what made you guys want to become a social worker?

SPEAKER_03 1:18

Uh, for me, I just had a lot of experience with the system as a kid. And then um my husband and I were um foster parents for quite some time. Um, about 2010 to 2015-ish. And um had a lot of interaction with social workers throughout my life. So it's just something I felt really passionate about. Love to work with kids, want to help them in any way that I can. So that's kind of my fooling force, pushing force to be a social worker for sure. Awesome. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:52

Yeah. For me, it's pretty similar. I think as a teen, I had a lot of mental health needs and I really needed somebody. And so I aspire to be that person that my the teen version of me needed. And just to like try to understand and like come from an understanding place of like no judgment. That's what it's put.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Yeah, I love that. You said that there are a lot of things that you needed that you might not have gotten back in the day. And I feel like now so many more um like availabilities and like therapies and just people to talk to have become available compared to when some of you guys were kids. So can

Mental Health Stigma Is Evolving

SPEAKER_01 2:24

you talk about maybe how that has changed and what opportunities you see and that have opened up now?

SPEAKER_03 2:29

I think definitely um we're just talking more about mental health now than we were when, say, I was a kid. Um, so I'm in my 40s and it's been a while. So definitely um talking more, just talking more. There's more conversation around mental health, and um, I think that's great. We're headed in a good direction with that. There still needs to be more conversations. There's still a lot of stigma attached to that, but I think we're heading in a good direction for conversations surrounding mental health.

SPEAKER_02 3:03

Yeah, I would definitely agree. And I think growing up like Latinx, it was definitely like taboo, and there was like an extra added layer of stigma, but now that's definitely changing. We're talking about it. Um, at least I am in my family. So I'm trying to change those like different cycles for my nieces and nephews.

SPEAKER_01 3:19

Yeah, I love that a lot that you're trying to break that cycle for your family. That's awesome.

Simple Ways To Define Mental Health

SPEAKER_01 3:24

Um, so how would you guys explain mental health to someone that is our age or just teenagers in general?

SPEAKER_02 3:31

Yeah, for me, it's really just I just start at the basic level that it's everything. It's like your physical health, your emotional health. And I always like to frame it by like, do you have supportive people in your life? If you do, like, do you feel comfortable going to them? I think it's all about making sure that you have those folks in your life. Otherwise, then you feel alone. And that's where the mental health like cycles can kind of repeat themselves.

SPEAKER_03 3:52

Yeah. Um, I think for explaining mental health is just how you're feeling on the inside, like what you're thinking about. What are you, what does your mind turn to when you're by yourself? Um, does it turn to things that drive you forward or um kind of propel you in a way that um uh helps you feel successful in your day or in your career or for your life? Or are there things that kind of keep you stuck? Um, do you feel like you can move forward or do you feel like you're taking steps backwards? So when I approach teens or or even younger kiddos um to talk about what mental health really is, it's those internal factors that I try to help them connect with. Um and it does inevitably affect our whole health as well, like our physical health and our relationships and things like that. So I think that's kind of the approach that I take talking to kiddos and teens about it. So yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:53

And

Body Signals And Warning Signs

SPEAKER_01 4:54

you talked a little bit about how it can affect like our other, like our physical health and things like that. Can you talk about why necessarily that is?

SPEAKER_03 5:01

Sure. So if you're um really struggling in mental health, we can see people fall into depressive episodes where um maybe they're not eating properly, they're not um taking care of their physical body through exercise or even um good hygiene, sleeping a lot, um, maybe withdrawing and isolating from loved ones, friends, family. Um, and that can have a pretty profound effect on your mental health or on your physical health when you start to see someone pulling back from those areas. They're not walking like they used to, or interacting with their friends, going out for fun. They're just laying in bed or not eating or overeating. We see that in both areas. So there's a lot of ways it can affect your physical health for sure. Yeah. Is there anything you add?

SPEAKER_02 5:54

Yeah, I always like explain it in like the iceberg method, like there's something that you see, which is like a behavior or like a presenting symptom. And then there's like a need underneath that. And so as child advocates, I think we try to see like what's underlying, like where's what's in need that needs to be met. And that's how it affects like all the different layers. Like, for example, sometimes someone can just be angry and you think like, oh, they're just acting out because of this reason, but there's something underneath that. And so that's why it affects like everything.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

Yeah, awesome. I love that. Um, what are some warning signs that someone, uh, a teen or anyone might be struggling?

SPEAKER_02 6:29

For me, um, I think I think of myself again as a teen. I was really happy and I was really involved in a lot of things. And I think oftentimes we have like the image, like, oh, it's someone who is isolated, which yes, yes. And I think I try to check on the kids that try to stay busy, that are like doing all these things, amazing things. And I want to just make sure that they're taking care of themselves as well. Cause sometimes it's like, oh, we just need to check on the kids that like are pres like have presenting like issues, but it's always important to me to like there's not, there does not always big red flag.

SPEAKER_03 6:59

Yeah. Yeah, it really comes down to what your relationship is with that person um to notice the subtle differences. So if you're thinking like in a club environment where we work, um, say with teenagers, um, that unit director's relationship with the kids is going to be key for them noticing when we have a kiddo who is either isolating or becoming maybe more um more outgoing or doing the things that make themselves busy so that they're not still not able to sit and concentrate on maybe the things that they really need to to work through those um harder issues they're facing. They may be masking hard, hard issues with their busyness um or doing the isolation. So I think when you start talking about kids and teens in particular, it you have to be aware um of the relationship with you that you have with them to be able to speak to those moments or even recognize them.

SPEAKER_01 8:00

So yeah, of course. Um,

Why Talking Breaks The Silence

SPEAKER_01 8:03

so as you know, this episode is mainly about mental health. You know, we want to get out there, we want people thinking about it, just knowing that it's okay to have those feelings and talk about it. So, why is talking about mental health important?

SPEAKER_03 8:15

I think just bringing it out of the shadows, um, the more that we're talking about it, the more awareness is raised about mental health issues. Um, and you know, some people just are um not aware, not aware they're raised to power through, raised to press through. Um, and some people are they struggle and it just needs to be brought out, talked more about so that, you know, we can all be aware of what some of the signs of struggle are and um how to get people in touch with the right professionals that can get them help. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:51

Yeah. And I think the beauty and like talking about it also helps build the community too. It makes like all ages, but especially teens, I think, feel less lonely whenever they see a lot of people talking about it, they're like, oh, maybe I can go to this person for this to talk about that part of it. And I feel like it just really brings it out like out of the shadows.

SPEAKER_03 9:08

I like it normalizes it even, normalizes that we all struggle.

SPEAKER_01 9:12

So yeah, trying to make it more inclusive for everyone so no one feels included or like it's something that's not normal. Okay. Yeah, I love that.

Stress Relief That Works For You

SPEAKER_01 9:20

Um, what are good stress relievers for someone who may be struggling with anxiety or can who it can can get overwhelmed?

SPEAKER_03 9:26

We think it can be very individual. So for me, a good stress relief is I love a some alone, some alone time, like listening to music, or um I like to write music and play music. Um, being in nature for me is a huge stress reliever. So it really comes down to the person and what their likes are, what really helps relieve the pressure from the day or the week. So I think the things that help me may not necessarily help Lupita. She might not like to, you know, sit down and play the piano or write music, um, whatever it is. But yeah, that's for me though.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

So I think for teens, I know a lot of like youth like really enjoy listening to music. So I always recommend like making a playlist that you can listen to whenever like maybe you're feeling down. Not not to be like overly positive, but like just to have something that like kind of echoes the opposite of maybe what's going on in their mind.

SPEAKER_01 10:23

Yeah, I love that. I'd say for me, I like to play sports. Um, I play basketball and track for my school team, but outside of school, like I just love to play pickleball, volleyball, just like all the sports. It's just like fun to be competitive and stuff, and it makes me kind of like forget about everything that's going on and just like enjoy, especially when you get to play with friends.

SPEAKER_03 10:42

So, like physical activity is good for you. That's a good release for you, Bossum.

First Steps Toward Real Support

SPEAKER_01 10:47

Yeah, that um next question I have is what is the first step to take for someone that is struggling with mental health?

SPEAKER_03 10:53

I think speaking up, um, asking for help. And that can be really scary. That can be really hard. Um, but if you are struggling and you have somebody that you can trust, um just asking and voicing that that you need help and that you're struggling is is a good step. It's a good first step.

SPEAKER_02 11:14

So yeah, I think one of the first activities I do with kiddos when we're in the calm center is create like a support system network. Like who are the people in your life that you can talk to if you ever need someone? So I think definitely making sure that you have someone. And if not, like thinking broader like, is it the someone at the club? Is it someone at school? Um, is it someone in my family? I think that's the first step.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

Yeah. Uh

Calm Center And Club Programs

SPEAKER_01 11:36

you brought up the calm center. Can you explain what that is for maybe some um of the viewers that don't know?

SPEAKER_02 11:41

Yeah. So at the Boys and Girls Club, all of our traditional sites, we have a calm center and we all kind of divide up in different locations. I'm predominantly at Rogers and Lowell. Um, and so the Calm Center is just a space where kids can have a sensory break. A lot of what I do is like conflict resolution. So if like kids are having conflict within their group, I'll bring them in, we'll talk it out, do more of like a restorative approach to it. Um, but really it's just an amazing space that we've been like granted to like just have a safe space for the the club members.

SPEAKER_03 12:10

Yeah, if you wanted to add to that. Yeah, we do like some de-escalation. We help kids regulate their own emotions. So when they get really upset or they're having a meltdown, crying, um, we can take them in there and run through like some breathing exercises or find some other sensory-friendly um activities for them to help get their mind off of whatever it was that dysregulated them for a moment so that they can calm down, get to a place where they can actually talk about what's happening. So that's primarily what we do with those spaces when um students are on campus.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

So yeah, I've been inside the one at the Bentonville uh club, and it's definitely very calming and lots of things to do to kind of take your focus off and just relax. And so yeah, I agree with that. And that is definitely gonna be um one answer to the next question. Um, but what is the boys and girls club doing to address mental health?

SPEAKER_03 13:06

Um, well, we're doing a lot. I don't super decided that you asked. But um, you know, one of the first things we did was establishing our calm centers at our clubs uh to help with the day-to-day kind of dysregulation with kids coming into an overstimulating environment. Um, but we also have some initiatives starting up with our teenagers. Lupita's gonna talk a little bit about that. Um, we're doing that. We're reaching out to parents, we're having conferences with parents talking about how we can support their families and their kids who may be struggling. Um, we stay in contact with schools, reach out to them to try to close some of the um gaps that there are in communication when supporting kids. Uh, we also have launched the NWA Wellness Cohort, which is a bunch of local organizations who focus on um not only mental health, but also physical health and other services, providing services for families and needs. So um, those are a few things that we have, if so much, but um, those are some of the major things that we have in play right now to help support the mental health of not even just our club members, but their families as well. And tell them some of the teens have loopy left. I'm like, that's important.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

Yeah, I recently started Wellness Wednesdays at the teen center and it's about like holistic wellness. So it's like physical health. Like we've made um sugar scrubs one week, and then we've also done like a lot of stuff around self-esteem. Um, so it's just like something, an approach where it's like holistic and trying to take the feedback from the teens of like what they want to talk about related to mental health and wellness. Because sometimes I think while we are talking about mental health and like this taboo is going away, sometimes there's like an extra layer where like kids don't want to talk about it because it's like, oh, like that's lame, or like it's kind of like a joke. And so I think when you get the input from the teens, that like really makes it takes it to a whole different level.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

Yeah, I agree. I my time at the boys and girls club, I feel like mental health has really like surged like these last few years, and it's just getting talked about more and more. And I've been with the club for over 13 years now, and so I can still remember going back to when I started and like almost none of this was being talked about. There weren't calming corners at the boys and girls club. But now, like as I've gotten older and uh more things have starting to become implemented and more people are taking those initiatives, you can really see the well-being of the kids like just improve and also just that the club is an open and safe haven for them to be able to come and talk about their problems just because maybe they don't feel comfortable at school when there's one counselor that, you know, has to deal with uh several hundred kids, you know, and it's just like their teachers might not let them, they got to do schoolwork, but they can come to the club and they have that safe space and doesn't just have to be a child out kid, but there's the staff who are trained, you know, to go over that with those kids. And sometimes they just have those close relationships. And so it's awesome to kind of see the Boys and Girls Club taking those initiatives and having staff members like you guys just be able to step up.

SPEAKER_03 16:10

Absolutely. You mentioned

Trauma Informed Culture At The Club

SPEAKER_03 16:12

our staff. And one thing I do want to say is that all of our staff now are trauma-informed trained. So they all go through some sort of training that kind of brings um, you know, to the forefront of their mind trauma issues and behaviors that they can see coming from kids who maybe have experienced trauma. So they get extra training now as well. And um, that makes them just a, you know, a little more prepared, hopefully, to help kids, you know, in those moments that are really difficult.

SPEAKER_02 16:41

So yeah, and BGCA really places an emphasis on like being trauma informed and helping like all of the staff from top up to just because it really begins to like reflect on the staff, like you said, like the unit director can like approach a situation. It's not just child ad because it's like everyone. But I think that's the really great thing about it.

unknown 17:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:00

Yeah, of course. And then something that I've started to notice as I do work with BGCA and other teens all across the country is the teens care a lot too, and they also want to make a difference. Um, over the years, I've got to go to our Keystone conferences and then our national TLC programs in DC. And there are so many teens who talk about mental health and wanting to provide that support for the younger kids just because they've gone through it, or maybe they uh they didn't get the help they needed, and now they want to be that help for someone else. So I feel like there's just so many levels, but like the club is fostering a community full of that support that it's not only the staff, but it's the kids who who just want to do it out of the kindness of their heart. And you can really see that when you I get to work with so many kids throughout the country, especially those in like areas that are less fortunate, you know, they want to step up, they see mental health um crises more often, and you know, they are making that direct change. And so it's really something that everyone at the boys and girls school movement, whether you work there, you're a kid, a teen, that they are wanting to take initiative on that. And it's really making a difference.

SPEAKER_03 18:06

Wow. Thanks for sharing your perspective, especially as a club kid who's been in the environment and hearing that is super encouraging, honestly.

unknown 18:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:13

That's great to hear.

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Absolutely, no problem. It's definitely, it's definitely been a good way to see just like everyone coming together and it means a lot.

SPEAKER_03 18:19

Creative.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

Yes, cool. Um, the next thing I have for you guys are what are some ways to improve your mental health?

SPEAKER_03 18:26

Uh, again, I think it's very personalized. Each person can do that. I think those some really general things are um identifying those people that you feel safe with, that you feel relaxed with, calm with, that you can have regular check-ins with. You're going to dinner, you're doing the things you love together. Um, it's okay to have a therapist as well. Um, someone that you are going to see regularly that can help you with some of those harder issues that you're working through. Um, those are a few things that come to my mind, you know.

SPEAKER_02 19:00

Um Yeah, I think making sure you're taking care taking care of yourself physically. So making sure you have good sleep hygiene. Yeah. Um, that you're taking care of yourself, like resting, and that you're also moving your body because that's such an important part of it. Um, I try to practice a lot of mindfulness, like meditation, trying to be more intuitive and like in my body, like grounding. I think that really helps like the busy mind that I have. It helps me slow down. Um, so I think those are some good tips, to yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_01 19:28

But like you said, it's just different for everyone. There's a lot of things that you can do to get help and just coming to someone that you can trust is what's really important.

Hotlines And Help When Alone

SPEAKER_01 19:36

Um, one thing I do have is for those that, you know, do feel isolated and are struggling with mental health, maybe they don't know if there is an adult they can trust, or maybe like they're just scared to reach out to their family because it's not something I just talk about. What advice would you give to that person?

SPEAKER_03 19:52

Ooh, that's a good one. That that is hard and that happens, right? Um, there is there are like local com like local organizations that you should be aware of. Hotline, uh, there's uh suicide hotline that's available um for people. We can make that number available. Um, but there are uh a couple of different avenues that we should make available for your viewers that could call. They can walk up to an organization and let them know they're struggling and get the help that they need through those avenues as well.

SPEAKER_02 20:27

What is another suicide, the crisis hotness the Trevor project? The Trevor project. LGBTQ mental health. They do a lot of great mishaps around that. Yeah. Um, I would also just start like in a basic level. Like I know it's so cheesy, but just like letting them know that they're not alone. Yeah. And it may feel like it. Um, but so many people care about them and so many people think they're important. And right now it might be a really tough moment. And I want to validate that. I never want to be like, oh, like sometimes I try to like be aware of like be too overly positive. Um, but just letting them know that like they are so important and they're gonna do amazing things and just like the cheesy part of it, like right.

SPEAKER_03 21:06

Yeah. Right. And you know that they're struggling with that, especially with if if they're isolated and they feel like they have no one. It's, you know, once they reach out to those avenues, there are so many people that don't know you that still really care about you. They care about your worth and the value that you carry as a human being. And um, yeah, I think that's a good move forward is reaching out to one of those organizations or hotlines or something like that.

SPEAKER_01 21:33

Yeah, for sure. I feel like for people listening, that is definitely something that they can remember. And we can also definitely make sure to put that out for them so that they can feel um safe and you know, just like there are uh uh other avenues to choose if they don't feel like they are comfortable speaking with someone. So thank you guys for

Final Reflections And Part Two

SPEAKER_01 21:50

that. Um, I do want to know after you've been at the club, I know um you said you've been here for around three years, and that for you it's it hasn't been too long, but um Since you've been working with the Boys and Girls Club, has your perspective on anything changed? Like maybe mental health, teens, just like anything specifically that the club has kind of opened up for you?

SPEAKER_02 22:12

I don't know. I think I'm just so surprised about how trauma-informed BGCBC is. I think I originally I just moved from Colorado. That's where I went to grad school. And I think I was a little nervous moving back, but I'm just so surprised about the importance and the emphasis like the whole entire team places on it, that it's not just something that we say. We also try to live by it and also like put action behind it. I think that's been the most surprising part for me. And also having the freedom to do programming. So getting to do all those fun things with the teens has been like really easy.

SPEAKER_03 22:46

I guess I could say that, you know, since I did, I was like one of the first interns in the undergrad program to help with the mental health program. So I've got to watch the growth of the staff at BGCA and Benton in Benton County as they've grown to be more trauma informed and more aware of mental health issues and the things that, you know, our kids find important as well. So that that has been incredible to watch that growth and to be a part of that as well.

SPEAKER_01 23:14

So yeah, awesome. I love that. I'm glad to hear that Benton County seems to really be doing their part and being inclusive. That's what I like to hear. And I can definitely like see that, you know, as a club kid who's grown up going to the Bellabissa and Bittenville Club. They're definitely doing their part. And I love that. Um, but yeah, that is all I have for us for part one. Thank you guys so much for joining us. Um, for you guys listening, thank you for tuning in. Mental health can be um a subject that is kind of hard to talk about, but it's definitely a subject that needs to be talked about. And so I appreciate you guys tuning in. Um, please make sure to join us for part two. We're gonna talk more with Misty and Lapita about mental health, but also, you know, get to play a fun little game like we always do, talk about mental health days and just continue to talk about mental health and why it's important. So thank you guys for coming and thank you guys all for listening.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

Thank you all for tuning in again. I am Holden, your host. Please like this video and subscribe to Youth Unmuted wherever you get your podcast. Until next time, peace.