Ep. 15 - Generational Struggles: Tools for Better Mental Health

Generational trauma is a quiet thief that robs families of emotional stability before the next generation even has a chance to start. While awareness is higher than ever, the systems meant to provide support often remain difficult to navigate, leaving parents and youth feeling isolated in their struggle. In this episode, Misty Ingalls and Lupita Perez Lopez return to discuss the practical realities of child advocacy and the environmental factors that shape mental wellness.

We sit down to explore the tactical side of emotional regulation and how targeted interventions can change a child's trajectory. The conversation covers the "Missing Middle" of mental health support, the implementation of media-based curriculums like Inside Out and Lilo and Stitch, and the specific challenges of cyberbullying in the digital age. Misty and Lupita share their unique philosophy on "strength-based" advocacy, moving away from clinical judgment to work alongside families as teammates.

The unglamorous truth is that mental health isn't just about a single "aha" moment; it involves navigating broken systems and addressing the stigma that still exists within specific cultural communities. You will walk away with a better understanding of how environmental factors like home life and support systems dictate wellness and why self-care is a non-negotiable requirement for those in leadership or caregiving roles.

If you care about youth advocacy, breaking generational cycles, and practical mental health tools, you’ll get a lot from this. Please subscribe to Youth Unmuted and share this episode with a parent or educator who needs to hear it. What is one small "green flag" you’ve started looking for in your own daily routine or relationships?

Transcript

Welcome Back And Mental Health

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back everyone. My name is Holden and I am your host for the Youth Unmuted Podcast. This is a team-led podcast with the Boys and Girls Club of Bitten County where we share unique stories that relate to today's youth. Let's get started. Alright, guys, welcome back to part two of Youth Unmuted, where we are still joined with our amazing guests, Misty and Lapita, and we're going to continue talking about mental health. So let's get right into it. Alright, guys, thank you again for joining us for part two. I'm excited to have you guys here. Let's just go ahead and jump into our first question.

What Shapes Youth Mental Health

SPEAKER_00 0:31

And that is, what are some of the biggest factors that impact your mental health?

SPEAKER_02 0:35

I think one of the most important is like environmental, like family, what your home life is like. I think a lot of teens and youth like cope with in different ways depending on like what's going on at home. I think the support systems affects like your mental health as well.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

Yeah, I think also systems around us affect our mental health and our access to good mental health support. So sometimes it's not always easy to access the support that we need. And so we need help doing that for social workers or advocates. So when you're having a hard time getting to the things that you need through those difficult systems, that can have a pretty profound impact on mental health as well.

Parents And Generational Patterns

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Yeah, uh, I do have a question, and that is do you think parents can have a big factor? I know a lot of what we've been talking about is how mental health is being talked a lot more about today than it was back when our parents were kids. And so maybe they didn't get the help that they needed. And I there's a term for it, I can't think it off the top of my head, but like when the parents, like because they didn't get the help that they needed, sometimes it can they can accidentally relay that onto the kids and stuff. And so if there's anything you guys want to talk about like that, like do you think that is an issue? And if so, like are there steps, you know, what do you do? Because it can be hard for a a kid or a teen to be like, well, I understand they didn't get the help they need, but maybe I'm too afraid to tell them that, you know, you're kind of like, you know what I'm saying? I don't exactly know how to get there, but yeah, you guys can get it.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

Sure. It's like a generational thing, right? Like uh when we look at physical health and we see um certain types of cancer that are passed down through families that can happen. Um, and in the same way, there are mental health struggles that can happen. So if a parent hasn't taken or hasn't had the tools or the skills to develop good mental health for themselves and to take care of themselves, then that definitely gets passed into, you know, down to our kids through the way that we handle them. Um, whether it be not able to be fully present to our kids when I'm saying our because I've been a mom, I've been there, and I've learned a lot along the way. I had to deal with my own mental health issues as my kids were aging so that I could help them with theirs. And parents are absolutely a huge player in the development of our children and how they are with their mental health. So definitely, if you're a parent and you're struggling, if not for yourself, at least for your kids, um, try to do what you can to get help and support for your own mental health.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

And I think that's the beauty of the approach we type try to take is like more of a strength-based one where, like, like Missy said, those systems sometimes make it harder for families to access things that they need. And so we try to take that port, like, let's work on this as a team alongside Tally. She's not here with us today, but um, she's in child advocate primarily at Bella Vista. And we're all also big on trying to like foster those relationships with the caregivers so that they know that we're not someone that they should fear. It's someone that we want to be on their team and work alongside them. So it's not from a place of judgment. We want to help equip them with the tools. I know I'm not perfect and I'm not a parent yet, so I can't imagine being a caregiver.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

Yeah. All right. Thank you guys. I love that. Definitely more clarity.

Designing A Perfect Mental Health Day

SPEAKER_00 4:05

Something that has um become more of a term now is a mental health date, you know, taking the day for yourself, especially as mental health is becoming more talked about. And so for our game today, I thought it would be cool to create your perfect mental health day. So, I mean, it does not have to be realistic at all. Like, if you're gonna be with some celebrity on this day, go ahead. But I'd love to hear your guys' perfect mental health day and like in just like a story form. So, like if you're traveling, if you're staying home, just whatever, but just make it as fun and just like as many details as you can give us. Who wants to do who wants to go first?

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Should go first. Okay. I will take good. Um, okay, so I think it would be I'm gonna speak in third person. See, that's not like silly. Once upon a time, there was a child advocate who needed a mental health day, needed some time to rest and to be with family. And she woke up and she was by the beach in Puerto Rico with in a big house with her six nieces and nephews, her older sisters, her mom. It was a busy and full house. Um, oh, we're on the beach. Who's there? Bad bunny. Oh my gosh, I love that. I love that bunny too. He's just there. And you know, we just say hi, they say don't meet your idols, but he's an idol I would like to meet. Um, and then we meet him, take a picture, and then go into uh San Juan and go for a delicious meal. Go play pickleball. They go play pickleball. Sorry, I lost the third person somewhere in there. We go play pickleball, uh, but not by the rules. Never by the rules. You just play kind of like ping pong. Um, and it's sunset is rising, you know, there's somebody get done bunny in the background, and like the warmth is on your skin. I can hear your mental health day. It feels great.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

And that is my mental health day. Oh, I that's unmatched, Lupita. Actually, I just had a mental health day thanks to Boys and Girls Club. They gave me a free mental health day, and I took, I took advantage of my mental health day. I just take drives by myself. So I'm driving down the road. And I have, I don't know, it's on like wild play on my stereo. It might be jazz for one song and the next might be Rod Stewart. Hey, I want to see Rod Stewart tonight. That's a great mental health day, right? So I'm driving, I don't have no kids in a car. I got Mr. Ingalls over there. Except there are days I love to have Mr. Ingalls with me. I'm just gonna say, but my mental health um vacation trip, my mental health story, I'm gonna be alone.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Fair, that's fair. That's fair.

SPEAKER_01 7:04

I'm gonna have my backpack, backpack in the back, and we're hitting a trail. I'm gonna be walking. I might even sweat a little bit. If I sweat a little bit, I feel like it is an extra point on my mental health day because I've done both the mental work of thinking about something. It might have got a wild story going on in my head while I'm focusing on the climb up the hill, hiking up in Devil's Den. And I've got that situation. I've told who I need to tell off in my head. I've told them off. Right? I've done it, but I've also sweat, so the physical has been worked into it. I've paid attention to my physical being, done that, made somebody else hear what I needed to tell them. And I'm just gonna sit out here on this rock in the sunshine, take off my shoes and my socks and spread open my toes and get some sunny sun. Fill up on all that wonderful vitamin D. And then I'm gonna fill it golden. That's golden. That's my golden mental health day.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

I love it. I love it. All right, let's see. I mean, that's gonna be tough to beat. Come on. But I'd say I'm gonna I'm gonna sleep in till about nine, which is good. It's hard for me to sleep in. I don't know. But nine's solid, you know. It's an hour, it's like an hour and a half extra. So I'll take it. I'm gonna get up, I'm gonna grab like three of my friends. We're gonna go to Severn Brew. Get a nice energy drink because it doesn't count as regular energy. That's my thing. I don't drink Red Bull because it's bad for you, but Seven Brew doesn't count.

SPEAKER_02 8:40

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:40

It's a it's a fact, so that's fine. And then we're gonna go get breakfast, probably at Homegrown. Okay. Homegrown's fire. All right, and then um I'm gonna have to say my friends Travis Kelsey, Adam Sandler, The Rock, they're gonna come and fly in the parking lot, pick us up, uh, take us out to LA. Um, we're gonna go chill, probably play some pickleball too, uh, pick up basketball, you know, just play sports because I like to have fun, get a little competitive. Um, let's see. Obviously, probably have lunch on a yacht because the rock said we could use his at the time. So I'm down with it. Uh probably we're gonna go fishing actually, catch catch some fancy uh fish I'd never heard of, grill it up, eat it with some hush puppies, you know. Maybe some chips and queso. Kind of different. But it's my mental health, so that's what's gonna happen, all right? And then we're gonna fly back to Arkansas, alright? It's gonna be a Razor Rack basketball game going on. And then um star player Darius Acuff is gonna twist his ankle and they're gonna be like, oh my goodness, I need someone in the crowd. Now I'm gonna have to raise my hands as a high school basketball player and hop out there and you know, probably drop 40 because it's my mental health thing. So I can have as many points as I want. And then, you know, I'll probably have to sign a contract. Um, my friends are all gonna be right there with me. I'm gonna be like, I need them joining the team, and because of how good I am, you're gonna let me. Yeah. All right, and so they do it. Me and my friends just take over the Razorback basketball team. And then we probably go pro and then the day's over and I'm back to school. But for that day, it was full of sports, famous people, and good food. So I'd say that was my mental health day.

SPEAKER_01 10:30

I feel left down to the pickleball thing.

SPEAKER_00 10:32

I didn't play pick phone. If you're not into pickleball, then you don't need to put it in there.

SPEAKER_01 10:35

I didn't play pickleball, but I had a pickle in my backpack. That's I I ate a pickle.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

That that counts. That counts. Okay, I felt back. There you go. You're you're in the loop. You're in the group. I'm in the group. The three of us.

SPEAKER_02 10:46

I love how you took care of yourself on many levels. Oh, yeah. Your mental health day. Mentally like taking the day off to rest.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

Like hanging with my friends. I'd definitely say have the most fun surrounded with friends and playing sports. Sounds like a great day. It might not be for everyone, but I'd say that sounds like a great day for me. I'm Missy might not like my game.

SPEAKER_01 11:08

I'm a little bit more of an introvert, believe it or not. I mean.

SPEAKER_00 11:12

That's okay. That's our chance. All right. Well, thank you guys for playing now. It's a lot of fun. Definitely get to learn a little bit more about you, that you like to hike a lot. We need to get you connected with Bad Bunny somehow. I don't have that connection, but I'll figure it out for you. And then we get you the day off so you can you can spend it with him.

SPEAKER_01 11:33

I mean, I would come. I don't mind.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

Yeah, yeah, of course. That's like a coworker, you know, for support. For support. I love that. All right. So

Real Self Care That Works

SPEAKER_00 11:41

getting back to the next question I have for you guys is what do you guys do specifically to take care of your mental health?

SPEAKER_01 11:47

Literally, what I just explained to you for our game. No, I do. I um I pay a lot of attention to my mental health. It is important to me as a mom. Um, so I do see a therapist every week, um, sometimes twice a week. I take medications. Um, I do spend a lot of time outdoors when I can. I'm just now I'm graduating with my master's degree.

SPEAKER_00 12:12

So congratulations.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

Thank you. I'm gonna get to have more of that outdoor time. So that's gonna be very helpful for me. Um, I do enjoy time with my kids and my husband. Um, those are all things that are really vital for my mental health. So I have a best friend that I hang with all the time. Um, well, not all the time, obviously, when I'm in the woods by myself, I don't really like her there, but yeah, those are the things that I do. I do definitely um pay a lot of attention to my mental health for sure.

SPEAKER_02 12:43

Yeah, I think I'm similar. I really like being outside, being in nature. I love the summer because I love the heat. Um, that's like my favorite part about summer. I really miss the humid summers, which you know, some people would never say, but I say it. Um uh I think also just spending time with my family. Like I became an aunt at 13, and so I've been an aunt for most of my life, and I think that's the biggest thing that fills my cup. The spending time with me when I took a mental health day, I actually went and had lunch with my niece, one of my nieces, um, at school. And I feel like that made my entire day is just getting to be there for them, like for the small moments.

SPEAKER_00 13:17

Yeah, that's awesome. I love that. I'd say for me, definitely, definitely um playing sports helps me feel good, even now that basketball season is over. I still like to get in the gym or play pickup. Try to keep it low-key and not get too competitive because then that's a whole other thing. But that's all right. Um, but yeah, hanging with friends and family is definitely, I feel like what's keeping me grounded. Me and my mom are very close, and so I like to talk to her and then hang out with my friends, go to church. I'm going there after this. So just a lot of things that I do to um keep my routine, you know, strong and the same. So that's good. Uh that actually kind of ties into our next question.

A Child Advocate Daily Routine

SPEAKER_00 13:52

And what is your daily routine as a child advocate?

SPEAKER_01 13:56

Um, I get up, help getting my kids going for school. They're all in school. Pretty well, my two youngest ones are still in school and they're right down the road from the club. So we get them off to school, and then I'm usually in the office by about 8:30 or nine, and I answer some emails, but then I start prepping um my interventions that I plan for the kids in the afternoon. I have certain kiddos who come see me regularly, um, and we have different interventions planned out for them. So that morning time space is spent uh planning those out, as well as other admin stuff like other meetings and things that are happening um around the club that we are a part of. So that's what mine looks like.

SPEAKER_02 14:39

Yeah, I think the first half is a lot more administrative. So doing more of like paperwork, like notes, things like that. Um, also something really we've been doing is reaching out to different boys and girls club across the country and their mental health teams to learn more about like their setup and then them learning about ours. So that's what we've been doing a lot of the times too during the day. And then in the afternoon, that's the fun part where you like you shut off the emails, you shut off the computer. I always turn off my computer. Um, and that's where we get to see the kids and we get to have like the comp center sessions. I like to go like wrong to each group to go check in on each like like leader and then just check in with the kids too, like making sure to spend that time while they're in their group is really helpful to like build rapport with them. Um, I run like programs. We also run programs that Misty created. Um, shout out to her because they're really incredible. Like inside out. I just started that at LOL, which is about um emotional regulation for ages like six to eight. Um, an anti-bullying group, Wonder, we do that in October. So we do a lot of like the programming during the hours that the our club members are there.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

Yeah. Uh you talked a little bit about how Misty created those. Do you want to talk a little bit about how those this like come to your mind? Or you know, like what makes those possible?

Turning Movies Into Mental Health Tools

SPEAKER_01 15:46

Um, I think that, you know, kids um they connect a lot with media. And so finding ways to connect kids to things they're familiar with. And at the time that Inside Out was developed, it was starting my undergrad internship at Boys and Girls Club. Um, and that was a big movie then that kids were aware of. This the new movie was coming out. So we developed that emotional regulation curriculum surrounding that movie. So I just I like to write, I I love it. Um, and thinking through how that can connect with kids is a big part of what I do. Um, so that's where that one came from. Wonder came from, you know, we have something in the club that needs to be addressed. Bullying is a is something that kids deal with a lot. So we developed that curriculum out of the movie Um Wonder. And um, we have a couple new ones fiction fixing to launch. One is Stitch, based on the movie Lilo and Stitch, and that is on um couldn't helping with big emotions, so anger and things like that, geared toward older kids. Um, and then we have another one called Elemental, which focuses a lot on identity, and that'll be geared more to our um tweens and early teens, um, just kind of figuring out who they are, coming into those, to themselves, finding out what they like, who they love, those types of things. So yeah, I I enjoy it. I enjoy writing, I enjoy trying to connect mental health um uh, you know, tidbits to whatever is going to draw the attention of teens and kids. So what it right now it might be movies, later it may be video gaming. Actually, we have a game that helps with emotional regulation called Mightier. It's a tablet game. Um, kids wear a heart rate monitor and interact with the games on there, and it teaches them how to regulate themselves when they get excited or upset. Um so I think just connecting with kids on their level, teens where they connect, um, instead of trying to make them form into us, you know. Like I might deal with my mental health stuff out on a trail. My kids do not. So just trying to be creative in that way and how we help um our teens and kids.

SPEAKER_00 18:04

Yeah, I love that. Definitely a lot of creativity there. I know I could not be able to think about that and plan that so kudos to you. That sounds really cool. Thanks. Um, one thing you did mention is that um kids relate a lot to media these

Social Media Help And Harm

SPEAKER_00 18:17

days. Um, that made me think a lot about social media and how its presence has had a lot of impact on mental health. So, do you want to talk a little bit about that and how social media um has impacted mental health? And maybe it's helped, but it's also um can be like a negative impact as well.

SPEAKER_02 18:32

Sure. I think what you said, it's like definitely helps, but it also creates like a space where like bullying can happen and like mental health can hurt in those areas. And one of the sense we've actually addressed like some social media things, like talking about like healthy relationships. So I know like green and red flags was like really popular for a while, like on trending. Um, and so I had like printed off green flags and then red flags, and each group would tell me, like, I would say a statement, like, is this a green flag or a red flag? And they they had a lot of fun with it. And then like on our bulletin board, we have like green flags of healthy relationships. Um, and I think it's just really important that we talk about it because it is like social media is a really cool thing and it helps us connect and build community. Um, but there's also dangers to it where like that just creates space to harm one another emotionally.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

Yeah, I think it's important to people like us and you know, our our safe people, our adults around us, that we're monitoring that as much as we can. Um, social media is not going anywhere. It's here. Um, and we can try to shut it out and boot it away, but it's here and our kids are interacting with it. And like Lupita said, it is a great source of connection for a lot of kids. Um, but we have seen some negative trends where, you know, there's a lot of bullying, cyberbullying, uh uh, there's a lot of predators online that pose as young, young people. Um, so there's definitely some dangers there. But um, as long as you've got some safety guards in place, um, some safe adults, people um training you how to interact with social media, then I think that it can be a positive for sure.

SPEAKER_00 20:08

Yeah, awesome. Thank you guys.

Misconceptions And Stigma Around Mental Health

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Um, as we start to wrap up, I do want to know, is there any misconceptions about mental health that you guys maybe like want to address? Is there anything that you've heard that you're like, well, I just don't necessarily believe that's true, or just something that's maybe preventing someone from getting the help they need?

SPEAKER_01 20:25

I think the main thing personally is that we all have um our mental health that we need to be aware of. Everybody struggles, everybody has um days or even seasons where they struggle with depression or anxiety or whatever that is. It's a normal part of life. Um, what I don't love to see happen is for someone to be penalized for that if you are having a down day or a season of depression and and you hear things like, well, they're always depressed or they're always sad, or, you know, just removing that stigma because we all have, we all have those days that are off. Or um, you know, we just need to make it safe, make it safe for people to express that we're all human. This is the human condition, it's part of living life. Um, and we're all dealing with it at some point in one way or another. Um, and we all deal with it differently.

SPEAKER_02 21:24

So I think in specifically for me, I think of like the misconceptions that exist in like Latino culture. So a lot of times it's like, oh, it's only for crazy people to like reach out for help. And so now that's starting to change, and I think I want it to continue to change in a positive way. Where as like a bilingual child advocate, I'm trying to have conversations with parents to equip them to like with the language, and also that it's normal and it's okay, and that it's not necessarily a reflection of their parenting. It's just like the circumstances. Like a parent can try to guard a kiddo as much as they can, but sometimes things happen, and so it's just trying to like be there and meet each parent. And each club kid where they are.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Yeah. And I would say one more thing. I think that um when we look at someone who is struggling, it's easy to make assumptions that um, oh, that person is dressed the way they are, or they're homeless, or they're um, you know, struggling with um, you know, um drug addiction or anything like that, and make these assumptions of if they would just stop, they would feel better. But what we want to move people to think more about are all of the systems that are at play. Um, none of issues don't just happen in a silo, not one thing causes somebody to just be unwell, even in our physical health. Sometimes it happens over a period of time. And so just being um the kind of people that build supportive communities and are um, you know, able to help in any way that we can for them to feel normalized in their struggles.

SPEAKER_00 22:57

Okay, yeah. This is something that's why you guys were talking, I thought would be cool

Final Encouragement And Closing

SPEAKER_00 23:02

to do. So um, last thing I have for you guys, is there like maybe one sentence or one statement that you want to leave the viewers with just maybe like encouraging something that they can just like if there's one thing you wanted them to come away from this podcast with, like if it's a sentence or a few, just like a positive ending statement for this podcast. I know I kind of put you guys on the spot. So I'm sorry about that. I know I'm trying to do it. I just thought it'd be, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:26

I think for me it would be it is important. So you're important and everything has a solution. The second part is like what my mom always told me growing up. Um, and so I just want to encourage other people who may feel um that you're important and there's a solution to everything.

SPEAKER_01 23:42

And mine was similar. It was you matter. Just you matter. Hang on.

SPEAKER_00 23:47

All right. Well, thank you guys so much for coming on and talking to us about mental health. Getting to play that game was a lot of fun. Uh, got along to learn a lot of insight about you guys, find out that we all enjoy pickleball slash pickles, which is fine. It's pretty much the same thing. Um, but also thank you guys for all tuning in and listening to another great episode of Youth Unmuted. Um, without you guys, you know, getting to have these amazing guests would not be possible. So we're all really appreciative of you guys for taking time to listen to this teen hosted podcast and just kind of finding out a little bit more about yourself and mental health and all the other amazing topics we get to talk about. So thank you guys for listening. Um, like and subscribe and make sure to join us next time. Bye. Thank you all for tuning in. Again, I am Holden, your host. Please like this video and subscribe to Youth Unmuted wherever you get your podcast. Until next time, peace.