Self Sabotage!

Loz and Rishi dive into the topic of self-sabotage in midlife—exploring procrastination, perfectionism, and the everyday poor choices that can quietly derail us. Join us for honest examples, candid confessions, and a deeper look at one of the key drivers behind the modern midlife crisis. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Yeah. Right, are we recording? Yes. Okay. Let's go. So, um it's been a little while since our last episode. Um so just life got in the way, I suppose. What are we on now? We're in March now.

SPEAKER_03 0:15

Oh, what episode? Five.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Um I thought it was only four. Is it five? I'm sure it's only four. Could be four. Oh whatever. Four or five. We've been doing it that long and for that we've lost count.

SPEAKER_02 0:33

It is you're right, it's four. We're doing November, December, January.

SPEAKER_03 0:37

And we haven't done February, have we? No.

SPEAKER_00 0:39

No.

SPEAKER_03 0:40

No. We missed a month.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

But like Lauren said, life has kind of got in the way a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 0:45

Yeah, just get busy doing things.

SPEAKER_00 0:49

Yeah.

unknown 0:51

Things.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

Obviously, you're baking a lot.

SPEAKER_00 0:54

It's quite a week this week, though. Is it? Yeah. Yeah. The er the cafe that I supply into, they've got a bit of a glut of bread because they had a bit of a slow week. Right. And is that a good thing?

SPEAKER_02 1:07

Do you feel like a bit of relief that you're not like having to get up at four every morning to do 50 loaves?

SPEAKER_00 1:13

Yeah, I did uh it was Thursday, Friday, Saturday last week. I was up at half four every day. I did uh 60 loaves over the three days, plus a load of baguettes and whatever else I wanted to eat. Yeah. So it was um to say I was bollocks on Saturday is an understatement. Um you got a train?

SPEAKER_02 1:33

I had to do it. You've got some coach slave driving you to do hours on the bike as well.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

Three hours today, three hours tomorrow. Uh yeah, to be fair, I was quite surprised at how well I went on Sunday. I felt good. Yeah. Uh considering it was all outside as well.

SPEAKER_03 1:49

Um it's that extra strength and conditioning that you've been doing as well, maybe. Yeah. Flexibility.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

Doing the splits yet? Uh not quite. Not quite, no. Give me give me a week or so. No, but yeah, life in general has just been quite busy, hasn't it? It has.

SPEAKER_03 2:08

Are you still hitting your KPIs? Still hitting my KPIs, yeah. So yeah, my target of 20 a week is still good.

SPEAKER_02 2:17

So I might have to increase that now that I've booked a ski holiday. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

Maybe up to well, you've 14,000 new customers at the Peel. Potentially, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

We'll see how that goes tomorrow. Um, yeah, so we have decided to do a topic today because I know that um from feedback that we've had, um, although people have enjoyed the organicness of our conversations and the easy listening, um, people wanted to kind of have a topic per podcast, for example, it whether that's related to a guest that we bring in um or the conversation that we have together. So um a little bit last minute, if I'm honest. I was kind of scrambling this morning.

SPEAKER_00 3:03

I think it will still be organic then.

SPEAKER_04 3:05

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

To a certain degree.

SPEAKER_02 3:07

Around the topic, the specific topic. So um so yeah, our topic today is going to be uh self-sabotage, specifically for people who are in their middle age. Um so we've had a little look on Google because that is as good a source of any for information.

SPEAKER_00 3:25

Doctor Google.

SPEAKER_02 3:26

Unless, yeah, unless you Doctor Google yourself, because then it generally says that you're gonna die. Yeah. So I try not to do that. Um but yeah, so we have we've looked on Google and we're gonna use the the page that came up on Google to segment the little topic that we can talk about today, and and what we're gonna try to do um organically is discuss um how each of those areas has potentially affected us and how we've either recognised it, not recognised it until it's been too late, or potentially been able to overcome those factors as well.

SPEAKER_03 4:04

Yeah. Yeah? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:07

So, do you want to start with the the first topic that we're gonna oh that's good.

SPEAKER_00 4:11

I suppose before we start on that, what what it would perhaps for the listeners have you ever experienced have you uh what what's your experience of self-sabotage in your in your own life, or what you what do you think?

SPEAKER_02 4:30

Where do I start? Well, I reckon pretty much on a daily basis, I'm aware of self-sabotage. Yeah. Um a good example would be uh something that happened this morning whilst you were setting up. Um, in that I've spoken to you before about how, like I said, I've got that sort of KPI target of 20 um hours a week in terms of hands-on treatment that I'm doing. Um, and what I do is I segment my diary to allow me to have availability for at least 20 hours a week. There's probably availability for about 35 hours within that time that I have free, and then around that, I block off my personal time. So the times that I'm gonna be able to eat, the times that I want to go to the gym, and then depending on what's happening week to week, um, different things like that may be going on with the kids' groups, etc., and things like that, pickups and things. Um, but a prime example, as as I said, um a client phoned up this morning to request an appointment, and uh my diary's full today, and he then said that potentially he could do Friday morning, of which my diary was full or as full as I wanted it to be, so that I could then go to the gym and then get back home, eat my dinner, etc. etc. Um, but I looked at my diary because he was on the phone, I've basically taken an hour out of my gym time to see the client. Um, so essentially I've sabotaged that session, yeah. But like you said, um some exciting news is that I've booked a family ski holiday, um, and that's not cheap. So my 20-hour target is probably gonna increase a little bit over the next few months to try and um make back the deficit of money spent on ski holiday. So actually doing that is gonna help me at the same time as potentially hinder me in terms of my my gym.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

But I think that's that's kind of life though, isn't it, right? Because things are not static and you've got to wear money to pay for all the things that you want to do. So this is true. Um it it's it's a bit of give and take off, I think. Yeah, you know, don't be too hard on yourself.

SPEAKER_02 6:52

Another example uh that I can definitely say is 100% self-tabustage is my social media.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

I was just thinking that. Not about yours, about mine, but I'm trying to choose the same thing.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

So we've obviously discussed our our ambitions to become influencers on social media and have talked about how we you know intend to sometimes intend to do more posting to see if that's working, those sort of things. Yeah, and I definitely self-sabotage by I'll record a video, for example, and I'll watch that video back and I'll go, no way I'm putting that into the public the public eye, and I'll delete it, and then I'll end up not doing a video about the thing that I wanted to post about, and then it just doesn't happen, basically.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Yeah, and I think that's one of the things, one of the common behaviours on here on on that Google has come up with which is procrastination, and I know I know, even though I like to think that I I don't, I know that I I do, yeah. And social media is a prime example of that because I sit there, I I block it out in my diary, I even block it out in my diary, and I put you know an hour on social media and I think about what I want to do, and then I don't do it because it's hard.

SPEAKER_02 8:17

Is it hard or is it that your perception of it is is that so one of the other topics here is what is it, perfectionism or something? Perfectionism is that you want it to look a certain way, and then when it doesn't look that way, you kind of like I can't put that out, it's not how I wanted it to be.

SPEAKER_00 8:33

Yes and yes and no. I think um I'm not as much of a perfectionist as I used to be. Okay, and I kinda I know that it's better to just to get it out there rather than sit there and editing a video for hours and I think. So I have been known just to record something and and put it out there, uh but I think it's part of it is getting into the habit of doing that.

SPEAKER_02 8:56

Yeah. On that basis, then, of recording record record recording, can't even talk, recording something and putting out there. When you get do you get feedback from that in terms of likes on the videos or comments on the videos? And is that is your perception of what comes back what you wanted, or sometimes you're like, uh maybe if I'd done it differently, I would have had a different response.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

No, because I I think I've I understand enough that particularly from a social media point of view, is you can't you can't hang on to the number of likes and what I I tend not to really look at the oh yes, it's nice getting 50 likes or a thousand views, like yeah, or or 25. So 25,000 views, it's your viral video, uh but then at the same time not really that bothered. Like yeah, it's nice to see lots of people liking your things, but I yeah, I I don't really look, if I'm honest.

SPEAKER_02 9:57

I think like this is quite a good one to to get a bit broader with, I think, with the social media, is that I definitely have um my parents have always said that I'm an introverted extrovert.

SPEAKER_00 10:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 10:13

And so that viral video that that we talked about, so I did a video a couple of weeks ago where basically my old ski boots had cracked and crumbled, and I'd ordered my new ones. My new ones came in the post. I did a bit of an unboxing of the things, and for some reason, I have no idea why, it's had over 20,000 views, yeah. Um which is completely abnormal for my page. I think the most views that I've had before that is somewhere close to maybe 2,000. Right. Um, so it's like obviously tenfold that. And and having done that, I think I messaged you and said I do like the fact that I feel a little bit famous, and it is quite a bizarre kind of feeling that 20,000 people have watched your video and and I got a lot of likes, it was like over a hundred likes, I think, on the video. And it kind of like, I didn't really do anything different on that video to what I've done in other videos. One of my question was like, Well, why has that all of a sudden like blown up? Like, what's the reason? What people watch shit literally exactly, and then it's then but then kind of like a frustration of well, why don't all my other videos do that? Like, why don't they get those views? And that and again, so I've sort of self-sabotaged off the back of that when I did that video, I posted straight away again the next day because I was like, this could be it, I could be on a roll here if the next one gets a load of views, and I posted the next one, it got about 600 views. I was like, I don't know, don't know what the the the model is to be getting all these views or what content I should be posting. I'll just like haven't bothered since. But obviously, it's it's a thing I think you've just got to keep going and going until you find what's you know what works. Yeah, and off the back of that, you know, I had more people follow me again, not comparable to the number of views, not as many as maybe like you'd think, oh, I'll follow that page. Yeah. So I think off the 20,000 views I got maybe 15 or 16 extra followers, something like that. But obviously, if you if you post and every now and again you get one page, one post that goes bigger and you can organically grow your following. I think that's it's definitely something that could happen. But again, we'll always find, or I certainly will always find a a reason why I don't post it because I think the video's shit, or I look like a knob or a sound crap, um, or two, I'll just be you know, a situation where I think, oh, this would make a really good video, I'll be too embarrassed to record it, like I wouldn't want to get my camera and tripod out in the gym, for example, yeah. Um, like some people do, yeah. And so then it's like kind of well, it's you're more sort of battling with yourself, is that I'd quite like to have more of a social media presence, but I'm not doing the things that I need to do to do it because I feel embarrassed about doing them. Yeah, do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 13:11

So you've got this goal to be an influencer, I just think it would be nice.

SPEAKER_02 13:18

It's it's almost the kind of case that we watch people who are influencers every day, everyone does on their phone, yeah, and for me, again, it's that kind of thing is like I don't feel that they're doing anything specifically different to what I do, like their daily life, but they just have the balls to record it and put it out there all the time.

SPEAKER_00 13:41

And but then is it the balls to do that, or is it just because so for me, and I think this is the same for you, into in terms of the purpose of social media. We get out there and it's serving a purpose to generate potentially a little bit more business, people get to know you, people get to know the podcast, um, people get to know what you do for your for your um sports therapy, people get to know about the bakery. So we know all these good things, and we know what we need to do to get out there because we've read the books, we've watched Gary Vaynerchuck and you know whoever yeah, X, Y, and Z on on so on social media. Yeah. But we don't do it. Or we do it for a period and then Yeah, yeah, it's very hit and miss. Yeah. Um and so I think, well certainly for me it's not that it's hard, but it's hard to get into the habit of doing it. Yeah. And then on top of that, later on top of that, um the fact that you want to be producing some good content or a good video or you don't like the way you look, it then you know that compounds the habit building, because it's another thing that you another barrier that you need to um break down or get over, another hurdle to get over to then post that video. Whereas if you thought about it less or if we thought about it less and we just sat down and did it, yeah. Because that's all it is, sitting down doing it, yeah. You could post, I could post 20 minutes.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

Well that's it. Like I find this a lot easier. I think again, because it's uh because there's someone else doing it with you, it's almost easier to do than like if I try to sit down and record my own podcast, yeah, I'd find it really difficult because you just gotta like it's you're just you and your own thoughts, whereas when it's a conversation, it's just a lot easier to do.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

Yeah. When I've done stuff on the YouTube channel, um it's not that I haven't I've I've had to prepare it quite a lot and almost have a conversation with myself. Okay, but I think the good thing about this is because we're doing it together, I almost feel a little bit of pressure. Like when I go home and lot have to um put it, you know, do the YouTube thing and then send you the audio, or I haven't done it for five days, and how's the audio coming on, yeah. You almost feel like because you're responsible for somebody else, yeah. Um uh so that you know that's that's a good thing. Whereas it's not it's not just you, yeah, and that whole procrastination thing, or that whole perfectionism thing, you kind of have to put that to one side a little bit, I I think. Yeah, definitely. But what I yeah, I I think you almost have to put that well, I put it to one side and a lot of the time, and it's just bish bosh bosh and try and get it out as quickly as possible. Yeah. Um because at the end of the day, we haven't got an audience of 25,000 people. I mean, we're getting there, yeah. We're getting there to you know we're but it doesn't at this early stage anyway, or when you're trying to build something, it doesn't need to be personally.

SPEAKER_02 16:53

Well, yeah, I was I can't remember who I was speaking to, someone in the the gym, and they were saying about how one of the guys now who's like in the top ten global podcasters in terms of views, he did something like 200 episodes before he started to get like a real big following. Fucking hell, it's gonna take a long time. We've got a bit of way to go if we do one a month, this is a few years. We might have to up the number of uh episodes we're doing.

SPEAKER_00 17:25

But yeah, well you look at these people that you know this they they say they were doing a video a week for so so many years. Uh but they're gr it's literally grinding away in yeah, but the number of views, the number of people, that you know, it's slowly ticking up because they're being consistent with it. Yeah. And I think that's social media, you need to you need to be consistent with it, or more consistent than we are with it. I so I've been doing a bit of um what's the word? Outreach canvassing for the bakery, trying to find some new bigger uh customers. Yeah. And uh so what I did was uh I used ChatGPGPT and uh got myself uh a couple of uh email um messages one introducing myself and then I'd uh include a picture of the loaves of bread that I've been baking as an example and uh so I'd sent it out to I don't know 50 or so um establishments and businesses and one guy emailed me back and said um it's it's not it wasn't gonna work out for him, but can I just give you a bit of advice? Um the picture that you sent me, the bread looks great, but I can see you're washing in the background, right? And it doesn't give off the right message. Yeah, yeah. When I got the picture together, and uh when I did the email, so I I was in the mar you know, I was in a bit of a flow, and this is what I'm I I said out something, this is what I'm gonna do. Gonna use Chat GPT, got the email together, gonna find a picture, got the picture together. It did cross my mind that you could see my washing in the background, but I thought, do you know what? I'm just gonna get it out. I'm just gonna get it out there. So that's what I did, and he sent me one back, and I kind of felt a little bit embarrassed if I'm honest, and I kind of thought, do you know what? He has got a point. But then I kind of thought, who gives a shit? Really, he's the only person, and perhaps other people have mentioned it, and yes, I have changed it because he's got a fair point, yeah. But I was pleased with myself because I still got those 50 emails out, and I got a couple of little nibbles from it that uh that I'm investigating. So, you know, yes, it might send the wrong message, but I'm not selling the washing in the background, I'm selling my loads of bread, yeah. Uh and that uh I think that's the whole point about perfectionism and procrastination. It doesn't need to be perfect, yeah. You just need to get out and do it. Um and that's with anything, really, yeah, in my opinion. But it is harder, it's easier to talk about it, yeah, a lot harder to do.

SPEAKER_02 20:13

And I think again, for obviously we've got listeners that are quite into their health and fitness and those sort of things, or potentially haven't been before, or are maybe looking to get healthier and and fitter, and that and that's definitely something that that from my own experience is something that you just have to do. Like if you if you're looking to try and get fitter, just just go and do it, and like you said, it doesn't have to be perfect, you know. Like the some people get really hung up on the couch to 5k thing because it like gives them a plan, and they're like, Okay, from week one, and that's great to have a plan in terms of where you want to get to, but then the problem with that is if people have got this idea of what it should look like on paper, yeah, miss a couple of sessions, they're like, ah, I failed, I can't do it, and they'll stop or they won't start again, and and so it's it's yeah, like you say, in that respect, it's kind of getting out there and just accept that you know what it looks like on paper 99% of the time is never going to be what it looks like in real life, yeah, because it just can't be. Yeah, um, but if you're kind of prepared to to deal with that and just do it as best you can, yeah, then as you say, doing something is always a hundred percent better than doing nothing.

SPEAKER_00 21:30

Yeah, yeah. Um and that's again how you can build those habits of and I think that you know that's the thing, it's a it's a habit that you've got to build, and you if you have one setback, if you miss a couple of sessions or whatever, the key is just to get back on it and and try again. Yeah. Um because um I think what people forget is that you spent you spent a lifetime you know, say say for we're we're in our forties now and we spent forty years doing nothing in terms of exercise. You can't then expect To you know run a marathon in the next 10 weeks, or you know, because you've just you're not your body's not conditioned to do that. You've got to get into the habit of training, yeah. Um and it's the same with weight loss, you know, you might spend 40 years getting up to 20 stone, you're not gonna lose 10 stone overnight. Um you know, it's gonna take a long time, a lot of hard work. Um, and so I think uh going through any sort of change at this point in life, whether it's changing the career, increasing your fitness, losing weight, the things that uh will take time. The point about self-sabotage, you know, procrastination, trying to make sure things are perfect, whether it's a perfect situation or the perfect time to do something, there never is the perfect time. And no matter how much you plan, something will always get in the way of that plan. Yeah. And the key is just to get back and and and try again. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:07

So I'll uh be posting a social media post today. Yeah, you and me both, I'll be on it a video, and it'll be out, and I'll like we'll do I've taken to be fair, I've taken a couple of pictures of our setup today because I've done nothing other than I set the page up for our social media for this podcast. I'll follow it too. We've got two followers, but we've done nothing with it, yeah, and and again it's just life gets in the way, it's a time thing, and you prioritise, don't you? And it's not a priority, but it is also something that in the background would be quite nice if it you know grew a little bit more. Um but we if we do nothing, then nothing's gonna happen.

SPEAKER_00 23:51

So um, so yeah, we'll definitely we'll get onto that and uh just uh I I'll give an example just because one of the one of the points on here is about substance abuse as being a a form of self-sabotage. I think people I would say we were we were of a drinking generation, alcohol is uh where whereas kids these days or perhaps the the generation just before, but like our kids and the bits in between, they definitely don't drink as much and they're a lot more health conscious uh than we are. And I've always said to you I'm not an alcoholic, but I struggle with habitual uh and addictive uh thoughts and tendencies, so I either don't drink or I drink a lot. Um I either don't train, which is it doesn't have, or I train a lot, yeah, and but the whole training thing I train a lot anyway, you know. Yeah and that that's become a habit. Um so for me at the minute I know that I'm in a particular over the years I was I drink I would drink at home and that kind of is normalized to me. Um I don't drink as much as I used to, but I still drink at home. So what I'm trying to do at the minute not that I I'll probably drink it more than I should, um but what I'm trying to break the habit of is having a drink in the house. Okay um because I know that I'd I'd I would just like to not drink in the house like it affects me and I can still find it.

SPEAKER_03 25:36

Would it be simple as because who does the shopping? Do it online.

SPEAKER_00 25:42

Okay. We don't buy it in the house. Okay, no, I don't buy it in the house. I don't because I'll for a long time I know I I've known if I've got beer in the house I would drink it.

SPEAKER_04 25:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:50

It's a bit weird because like if I've got wine in the house, I won't drink it. Right. Because I've always find it's a bit of a commitment because Gemma doesn't drink. It's like a big bottle in it. Which I could quite easily drink, but um Yeah, so I don't buy beer in the house and keep it in the house because I'll drink it. Okay. Um so that that was that was a good step. Yeah. Um now, like if I want to drink, I'll have to I'll have to drive to the shop, which is fine. But I s I still feel too I feel like I feel too comfortable drinking in the house, which means then I drink more. Okay. Whereas kinda I kind of think if I if we go back to how it was back in the day where you would go out and you would have a drink and not really drink in the house. Yeah, I'm trying to get back to that and see it more as a social a social thing, rather than a it's okay to drink in the house. And I think a lot of people I I I think a lot of people would relate to that. Because supermarkets so make it so cheap that you you know in fact I I went to the shop the other day and I all I wanted was four, maybe five cans. But it was cheaper, it would only cost me a quid extra to get ten cans. Yeah, and in my head I was thinking, well, I'm sure I can you know but no, I I drank all ten cans, not on the night, in one go, but over a period of two or three days, yeah, which that meant that my I wasn't hung over or anything, but the as I've got older you can tell the impact of that it has either on your training or your mood or whatever. Um and so you know it was an extra quid for in my accountant brain. I thought just pay the extra quid, you're gonna get 10 extra like four extra cans or whatever. Makes sense makes sense, right? Um but you know, that's my thing that said the little devil on the shoulder. I think that that is that is my self-sabotage, yeah. And you know, but then off the back of that when I drink I procrastinate more, okay. Um because I might be feeling less motivated the next day because I'm like a little bit groggy or whatever. So it's a vicious circle, I I think, yeah, and I think for people our age of a drinking generation, it's a it's it's a massive problem.

SPEAKER_04 28:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

I can relate to that, I mean I don't drink at home, but even I've been tempted just even in the last few weeks because well we had so we had quite a big sort of family gathering at Christmas, yeah, and we've got quite a bit of beer left over from Christmas. But basically, what I've done to stop me from drinking it is I've turned so it was in a fridge, yeah. So I've turned the fridge off because I don't like warm beer, yeah. So then it's like for the time that I think, oh I'd like a beer, if I if I had to turn the fridge on and wait for it to get cold, by that time, like I don't need it. Put it in the freezer's kind of gone. No, but that's it. So I've been thinking, oh, you know what I could really do with a beer, the fridge is turned off, it'll take too long. At the time I think, oh, it's gonna take however long for it to be cold, I know that I would have the thought of wanting a beer would have passed by then anyway. Um so that's like my little sort of thing that I've done is just make sure because if I if I went out there and I turned that fridge on now, I know that by the weekend I would have thought, I'd have a beer with dinner or something. And just because it's just convenient, it's there, why not? Um so there might I think there's little tricks that you can do to stop yourself. But you know, it might be a thing that when you think I'm gonna drive to the shop to get some beers, instead of buying beers, buy something else. Like make that your admission. So go right, I'm gonna I'm going out to buy beers. This is how much I'd spend on beers, and then walk around the shop and buy something else that's healthier for the same amount of money.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

I tried this, I thought I'm gonna get a cake instead. I don't want to eat a cake. Well, I do want to eat a cake. Yeah, but it's but then your head goes that's also not healthy. That's also not healthy. Um fruit to get more fruit for the floor. I went through a little fit I went through a little phase where I was doing exactly that, and uh it's okay, I'm not having a beer, so I'll eat a packet of biscuits or I'll eat like a whole cheesecake. So which is just as just as bad. Yeah. Well, you know, it perhaps not quite as bad, but the the health implications, you know, certainly things that I try to do in my life, it just doesn't fit with it.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

So what here's an interesting question. What do you think it is that drives you to wanna do that? Like knowing that it's self-sabotage to go out and buy those beers or even try to substitute it for a cake, what's the motivation for doing that? There must be something that makes you think I want to have a beer or I'm gonna have a cake instead of a beer because that's like a better option, but um I I honestly don't know.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

Yeah, uh I think it's a habitual thing, definitely from a hangover from like university time.

SPEAKER_02 31:12

Um, where so do you think because this will lead me on to my next little bit, do you think it that the motivation behind it is related to like an emotion, a form of feeling? Like I used to go out and get drunk, it was brilliant. I used to get pissed, like all my mates were there, we had a really good fun time. Maybe just by going to the shop and having a few beers, it will sort of I'll get that feeling back a little bit, a feeling a little bit tissed.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

Possibly I like the feeling of being drunk. Yeah, if not just a little bit. The loss of inhibition a little bit, yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. And I think and I won't I've you know experimented with a lot of things over my time, I'm just leaving it at that. And I think going it's interesting, it's a it's a fair point, you know. It's not that I missed I missed the feeling, and uh, it's not that I want to ever go back to that because I I don't, yeah. Um and perhaps uh yeah, perhaps he's just trying to recapture something, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:15

That I can relate to that definitely a hundred percent. As I've spoken to you about like me and my mates, we'll like from uni, we'll meet up generally once a year for a weekend, and even though we'll send messages before that weekend saying, Oh, should we keep it a bit more casual this like year? You know, we won't get hammered on Friday and Saturday night. And 100% of the time, every time we've met up, we'll get hammered on a Friday and Saturday night. And I think it is just that thing that you're back with your mates and you almost kind of regress, you just go, right, I'm back at 21 years old, let's just go get smashed and have a good time. Yeah, and I think that's but that's related to the emotions and the feelings that you've had in the past, and I think that's why that's certainly why I do it, is that I just like it takes me back, and I just think like when I look back, those were definitely like some of the best years of my life at UNE. Um and so you just kind of you get a little piece of that back for a little short period of time.

SPEAKER_00 33:17

Yeah, perhaps it is. I've never really thought about it if I'm honest. Not not that deep. I said to you when we were reading that, it's gonna get it's gonna get deep.

SPEAKER_02 33:26

But I don't think that I just think that's normal, like normal. And and the reason I said that that will kind of lead leaders on to the next thing in terms of self-sabotage is that although it's like so now obviously we're getting older, our bodies don't do as much as we would like them to do with as much ease as it used to used to be, let's say. Um, and I, as you know, I've started skiing again in the last three years. I've started playing hockey again, um, and both of those things are things that I've done or did at a younger age, and basically formed the sort of whole part of my childhood, really, in terms of like anything outside of school, was all sports related. Um, and so that me doing that again is definitely me kind of going, Oh, I miss that, and I want to get that feeling back again of like being with the lads on a on a Saturday night and you know having that sort of team feeling, and then with the skiing, it's that sort of the self uh I suppose self-satisfaction of having a really good run like on a slalom course and knowing that you kind of nailed everything and and did everything right or that you've progressed from the last time that you tried, yeah, and and but I am stuff like suffering for it physically not mentally, like it's great that I can still do it and I still enjoy it because I don't feel like I'm I've regressed massively to the point where I'm like I'm really shit at this, I don't want to do it anymore. I'm still I can still feel that I can perform at a high level, but it ruins me. Not ruins me completely, but like I can't remember the last time that haven't woken up and my back's been sore.

SPEAKER_01 35:19

Right.

SPEAKER_02 35:19

Um, you know, in the last two weeks I've pulled my Achilles and I've got an injury there, and all of the time I I just feel like I ache.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:28

And in my head, I'm like, I can justify that because I'm doing things that I still enjoy doing, but also at the same time, as we've talked about in terms of how I've not trained as aggressively for things like triathlon and and that sort of and marathons and those sort of things, is that my mindset is now that I want to do health and fitness to be healthy and fit, yeah, not overly broken through doing too much and not trying too hard to do something and that having an effect on me. And at the moment, I'm probably just about balancing things, yeah, but it's knowing where that's going to cross the line, and it's really pissed me off that I've not been able to play the last couple of games of hockey because I probably have pushed myself too hard, or I've not done the things that I know that I should do to make sure I can still do that, and I've just kind of thought that you know, or just forgotten the fact that I'm now 44, nearly 45, and gone to a training session, missed the warm-up and gone straight into sprint intervals, thinking, well, I can do this, and I did do it, but it's now had a massive adverse effect on me that I'm probably gonna miss the last four or five games of the season. Yeah, so that is definitely it's almost like a self-sabotage thing, but it's really hard to break that because my brain's like, I definitely want to still keep playing hockey, and I want to do the skiing, and I want to be able to go out and run, and I want to go to the gym every day and still lift weights, but something's gonna give potentially, but it's hard to know what or how to do it because my brain, the endorphins that you get from doing those things, make you keep going, it's almost addictive, isn't it? It makes you keep going back to do it, yeah, and so it is hard, and and I can 100% say that this you know, I should have at some point over the last year and a half either been to the doctors or got myself on some sort of waiting list for someone to have a look at my back, right? Okay, because I know that as much as I do, and I know from uh being a sports therapist, the mobility exercises, the stretching and things that I'm doing, it has an effect in that it allows me to keep going, but structurally, I'm pretty sure there's something that's not right, whether I might have a slightly bulging disc or something like that, which I can't physically tell either with my own, like understanding my own body without having a scan or an X-ray or something like that that's gonna say this is what's going on, but the reason I've not done that is because I don't want to know the answer until it almost gets to a point where it's gonna be too late, and then I it will just stop me from doing it. So, I mean, and this is a prime example of me self-sabotaging, is that I haven't made that step to say, you know, I've got a bad back and I need some help. Yeah, yeah. Maybe this is it, maybe this is why it's like a confession, yeah, a live confession.

SPEAKER_00 38:33

Next time you'll ask me an appointment to see the doctor about your back, and I'll be like, yes, I have because we uh used the the podcast on us to do it, and it's I think that's it's quite an interesting um point that you make because we hopefully at some point in the future we'll have a lady call on the on the podcast who has had some health issues. I think we get we all get to a certain point in our lives where we are are either too scared to deal with these things because what you think we don't want to know, or or you put it to the to the back, you know there's something perhaps not quite right, but you put it put it aside because life gets in the way and life is busy, but then it creeps up on you and all of a sudden it's too late and it impacts your life. Um and but you know, we perhaps we'll delve deeper into that at some stage, but it you know, it is a thing in the midlife, definitely. And the important thing is to listen to yourself and not procrastinate and put these things off because um you know, joking aside, they they could turn into something more serious and then uh you know impact your ability to ski or run or keep yourself fit um at all.

SPEAKER_02 39:59

True. Yeah. Just finding the workarounds at the moment.

SPEAKER_00 40:05

Just to get on your to-do list, as well as that social media post. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 40:12

We'll do that. Yeah. So should we just if we go back to the list and just see if there was I think we've covered most of it to be fair. Donald Trump. He wasn't on our list.

SPEAKER_02 40:23

He's definitely well, he's past midlife crisis. He's a crisis, isn't he? He's a one-man crisis. I don't know if we'd better put that out.

SPEAKER_00 40:32

We're getting shut down, shut down by the FBI. I think the I think the important thing really well the first step, sorry, we do anything, is to recognise it.

SPEAKER_04 40:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:48

And whether you like it or not, admit to yourself that you are doing these things. And that's I think before we started recording I said to you, oh I definitely know that I procrastinate. Although I think I'm quite good at not procrastinating, I definitely still do it. Um but there's that with me just saying that you're aware I'm one, I'm aware, but I'm also in a little bit of denial because by me thinking that I am quite good at not procrastinating, I'm probably just lying to myself. Uh because I I know that I I definitely catch myself doing it, whether it's scrolling on your phone or um at the minute I'm doing a Rubik's Cube. Okay. Henry's quick, he did it in two minutes the other day. Oh yeah. So it's me about four. But you know, I've got this Rubik's Cube on the side, and before I I'll just I'll just have a see if I can get a quicker time, you know. Yeah. Or you know, but whereas I you know, when I sh I should be posting something on social media or something like that. Um it's being self-aware, I think, is is important. And then trying to do things to try either break the habit or create new habits, but realising as well that it's not going to happen overnight. No, that is true. How long have we been going? I think we'll wrap it up. Yeah, I think we probably should. I think it's been good.

SPEAKER_02 42:24

Yeah, I think I know it was a bit last minute to kind of I sort of sprung it on you basically. You had no idea what we were gonna do, and I was like, I think we should do a topic because we haven't got a guest. I thought we were talking about the baking, to be fair. Right, okay, cool. So, yeah, hopefully next time we will have a guest. Yeah, um, but if not, again we will have a relevant topic for us middle-aged people in uh modern day crisis that we've done.

SPEAKER_00 42:49

I think you're going through a bit of a midlife crisis with your tash. Yeah, yeah. Although tashes are coming back into the world. But that's it.

SPEAKER_02 42:57

This would come from me being in the gym, and I see a lot of these young lads, they've all got the mustache. And the Olympics, did you watch any of the Winter Olympics? Um a lot of the male athletes with the tash, yeah. So I thought it must be in fashion. I'll give it a go. I can't grow a beard because it's all patchy when I grow a beard, but my tash is alright, so I've gone with that. And on that note, it's the video's cut out. Oh, there you go. No one can observe one of the tasks as I talk about it. People to be like having a squinting to see if it's any good. Done, cool, beautiful. See you later.