The Champagne Series - Rachel Mailer - Female Founder and Dating Expert

In this third episode of The Champagne Series sponsored by Everflyht Vineyard 🥂 Rachel Mailer – Female Founder and Dating Expert joined me on the #BrightIAM podcast couch. 

@rachelmailercoaching shared how she started her career and business from a series of failed dates and lessons learnt along the way. A really bright and bubbly conversation with a woman who has so many stories to share. You'll love the happily ever after ending on this one.

Pour a glass, sit back and enjoy a conversation between Lucy Black @lucyblack_official and dating expert Rachel Mailer.

This is 🎙️BrightIAM - The Champagne Series 🥂 

The Champagne Series is a bold, unfiltered podcast where powerful women
come to tell the truth and share their stories - not the polished versions, the
real ones.

Set in a beautiful, high-energy space, each conversation blends
honesty, humour, and depth as we uncover the stories behind the success, the
struggles no one saw, and the moments that changed everything.

It’s a celebration of self-expression, resilience, and women who chose to do life on their own terms - with a glass of champagne (or non-alcoholic alternative) in hand and nothing held back.

Filmed at The Podcast Room Brighton

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:06

Hello and welcome back to the Champagne series. I'm Lucy and I'm here today with a beautiful lady, Rachel Mailer, and she was actually the winner of our giveaway competition. So welcome, Rachel. It's so nice to have you here.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

Thank you. It's so good to be here.

SPEAKER_02 0:22

It's so lovely because we put out with the wonderful boys, sorry, from the podcaster in Brighton, a giveaway to say who is this powerhouse woman that we need to get here on the couch to join us on the champagne series. And you had 16 votes. Okay. Now it's astonishing. It's amazing. And like so I'm thinking to myself, people in Brighton who are on the Oni in Brighton channel and are following around on socials, they know you, they love you, they value you and respect you. So maybe just as to start off, who are you here in Brighton?

SPEAKER_00 0:59

What is it you do? So I'm Rachel, hey, and I'm a dating expert. Ah, the dating expert.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

Okay. So some of the people who had put um recommendations across then to get you here, are they clients of yours, friends of yours?

SPEAKER_00 1:16

Friends, met them at networking events, you know, different business like retreats and things like that. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:26

Okay, good. Now I love it that you're a dating expert because I don't think we've got anybody else in that niche who's coming onto the show. And let's face it, dating in general is a complex area of life. We're talking business, we're talking entrepreneurship, we're talking life. I've been talking a lot about hormones of other guests and all the things that come into our lives as women. But actually, dating, here we go. That's a whole nother kettle of fish. So, what's your story and how did you get into your current role and your business?

SPEAKER_00 1:59

Yeah, so I accidentally really started a business. Um, wasn't my intention, it was all for me. I back in you know, 2014 to 2019, single pringle, wanting to find my true love, hopeless romantic, and I just knew that online dating was the only way forward for me. Yeah, yep. It, you know, was a new thing, it was not cool, it was not popular, and I got a lot of, I don't know why you're doing this. Why would you not want to spend time with your friends and family and rather go and meet a random person from the internet? Okay. Um, which is a fair shout, you know, it's was a new thing and stuff, but I just knew that because of my role at the time in teaching, that I wasn't gonna meet uh a guy any other way, really.

SPEAKER_02 3:02

Okay, so at the time, and we're talking back in 2014, 15, 16, so actually, yeah, it wasn't as prolific internet dating as it was then. And you were a teacher in a school? Uh in a nursery. Ah, no, you're not gonna meet many men in a nursery setting. Yeah, okay, so I see that. So good for you, first of all, for putting yourself out there, going against the grain, and actually following your heart. Good. So what happened? You started exploring the dating scene.

SPEAKER_00 3:29

Yeah, I started, you know, with the with the ones that were out at the time, Tinder, then Hinge came, then tried the other ones, and then, you know, a new one came out, I would give it a go. You know, you're hearing different things of oh, a success here, so you try that. And then I realized that there are some that I just kind of preferred. Yeah, I would always go back to those original ones that, you know, been on there for a while, knew how it worked, it was free. So I was like, right, I think that's I don't want to get too overwhelmed by it all.

SPEAKER_02 4:03

Yeah, because surely if you're and I mean I'm talking, I'm a single woman myself, so this is very interesting to me, right? And I've been on several different dating sites, some you have to pay for, some of that I have never paid for because I just don't think that we want to as women. But if you've got a profile on, say, Hinge, and then you've got one on Bumble, you've got two lots of admin to do that. You've got to check into both of them. It's quite a time-consuming job. It definitely can be.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Yeah, okay. And it definitely started out like a second job. Yes, yeah, and that's not something you want to do, I learn over time. It's just very exhausting. I kind of got the exhausting swipe before that was a thing. Okay. And, you know, went on many dates, most of them were quite horrific. Yeah. To be fair.

SPEAKER_02 4:50

Honey, I know, I know.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

Got stood up the first time I got stood up.

SPEAKER_02 4:55

Oh, that's awful. Yeah. And actually, as women, and I'm again, it's coming from a place of experience, it takes a canny while to put this all on and get yourself together. Um, you've got to get a taxi down, or you've got even if you've got children, you've got to get a babysitter. Like to turn up even for a date is a lot. It's a lot. And then to be stood up, messed around.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

Yeah, and that's when I decided, because I I did the fatal flaw of being in the premise, inside the premise. Oh, right. Okay. So you someone kept coming over and be like, Do you want a drink? And I'm like, No, I'm okay. Right, okay. So I thought to myself at that point, I'm never ever going to come into a venue by myself. He can wait for me.

SPEAKER_02 5:41

Okay, fine, good. So you want him there first, or you're meeting him outside? Yes. Okay, so it sounds to me, Rachel, that what you started to do is you went into this new zone, this new industry of internet dating. You're giving yourself, putting yourself out there and you're taking, you're learning as you go and you're collating and collecting that knowledge.

SPEAKER_00 6:00

I definitely want. So I I was doing that naturally anyway. And then 2019 hit, yeah, and I turned 30. Right. And I was like, oh my god, that that like boom of a clock was just in my head. Everyone's asking me, you've been doing that dating stuff for a while now. When are you gonna meet your person? And I was like, Do you know what? I feel that he is just maybe not in the country at this present time. Okay. And that's why I haven't met him for all these years. I felt like I was plucking answers out of the universe, yeah, um, but in a more kind of logical way, because that's how my brain works. And they were like, okay, but you know, you don't want to do long, long distance. And I was like, that is very true. So he must be, in that case, traveling or on holiday when I'm all the times I'm on these apps. And I think especially at the moment.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Yeah, you're going on and you're going off because this is the pattern, because it's full on, and then you think enough. And then there's these breaks.

SPEAKER_00 7:05

Or you get stood up and you're like, I don't want this anymore, delete them all, and then you go back on. Right. And then I actually, you know, had this conversation, and that's what I thought. And I was like, I need to stay on these, that's why I keep coming back, because I know deep down I am gonna meet someone on this. I just need to figure it out. Yeah. And there wasn't anyone like me.

unknown 7:29

God, I wish there was.

SPEAKER_00 7:31

Um, that's right. There's isn't that really doing this. Um, so and yeah, there was, you know, you could try and find some kind of answer on the internet, but it never quite fit, it never worked.

SPEAKER_02 7:45

So, what question were you asking there? How do you mean? So you were trying to find somebody who could give you some advice of actually how is this gonna work out, this internet dating scenario?

SPEAKER_00 7:54

Like, how do how do I find my person or is he there? Where are where would they be? Okay. Um, but that answer, you know, if I'm in Brighton, where would they be? Okay, they could literally be anywhere. So I was like, that's not the right question to ask. And I realised that actually, who do I want to be with? And why do I want to be in a relationship?

SPEAKER_02 8:20

Okay, so now it's gone, the introspections come in, isn't it? So actually, rather than wanting to go on a date and having a boyfriend, it's actually who is this man that I want? Where the bloody hell is he? And actually, why do I even want to be with someone? Yeah. And that's opened up this whole career, this whole entrepreneurial journey. So tell us what happens next. This is great.

SPEAKER_00 8:41

Yeah, so after that, I really sat down and this whole kind of revelation happened because I went on another horrific day, so much so that it wasn't, you know, particularly a bad conversation. Honestly, to this day, I don't remember the conversation, but I felt it in my gut that you're not my person. So why am I wasting my time? Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:05

So I just knew I had to leave and I made up an excuse, like work or something early, or something came up. And I was like, he was trying to be a gentleman, like, can I walk you to the bus stop? And I was like, Oh, you don't need to, there's my bus. Um, so I jumped on, took about five minutes to realize that I was on the wrong bus in the wrong direction. Sure, you yeah, but you'd got away from that bus. So I was like, like, ding, um, let's let's try and get home now. And then it came a real, it was like the universe telling me I was like, yeah, I am. I'm literally going in the wrong direction. I'm going away from my husband and I want to go towards him. So something needs to change. And we're told by like romantic films and things, like, it's not you, it's me. But at this point, I was like, it must be me. Okay. Because I keep on making some kind of decision down the line that results in me attracting these people.

SPEAKER_01 9:58

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:59

So what is it? And that's when I dived really deep and I used my attachment theory background, my teacher background, and really try to reflect on what conversations I was having, what questions I was asking, because like what I have on my profile. That's the first thing they see. Yeah. Who are you attracting to am I attracting? Exactly. And if I change stuff, like, does that make a difference? Ah, so now you've gone into full investigator mode. Yeah, I was like full science mode. I was like, I was the experiment.

SPEAKER_02 10:34

Good for you. Do you know why? So proactive, Rachel, and I love it, because you're right. Oh, it's them, it's not me, it's this, it's that. But actually, what am I doing that's giving me the results that are in my life affecting me every day? And what can I do about it?

SPEAKER_00 10:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 10:49

How fantastic.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

Yeah, and you like we hear the saying all the time like if you keep on doing the same action, you're gonna get the same results.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

So I knew if I changed an action and maybe a couple of actions that I was doing, then uh in theory, I would get a different result.

SPEAKER_02 11:08

Okay, so what I really like about this is that you are doing inner work and you're putting it into your outer world to get results that are going to propel you forward in a direction that you want to go in. And at this stage, the direction you wanted to go in is to meet your man. You wanted to meet your husband, you want to meet your love. Yes. Oh, okay. I I just love it. I really love it. Okay, so what happens next? We all want to know.

SPEAKER_00 11:32

So, what happens next was I I did that. I created what are now my strategies that I use with my clients. But they didn't have a name back then. They were just, I was just doing it because I figured out, you know, that strategy works. You know, being really clear on what I call your non-negotiables. So those are why am I in the relationship I want to look for? To me, it was to get married. Yes, I want children, but I was adamant that I want to be married first.

SPEAKER_02 12:03

And that was you wouldn't get with somebody who is doesn't believe in marriage. No. Okay, so really laying out those firms.

SPEAKER_00 12:11

And that would filter out lots of people. You know, you could that's a conversation that you can have in the DMs if you haven't figured it out from their profile.

SPEAKER_02 12:20

Okay, great. So you're not going to be wasting your time with somebody whose values aren't aligned in that very particular important part of what you want. Exactly. Okay, that's really good. I mean, it just sounds so simple, but it takes so long to see this and to implement it and to realize it. Okay, good.

SPEAKER_00 12:37

Yeah, and then, you know, the next one was to have children. I mean, at the time I still worked in nurseries, so that conversation would come up quite easily. Sure. Um, just being around kids all the time, you know, it's a natural conversation. Or if they didn't, I'll be like, Oh, do you have any like siblings, niece, nephews? Bring it up that way, you know, you're not just jumping it in after the first couple of lines because that's that's weird.

SPEAKER_02 13:03

Um and I suppose there is, and I've felt this in dates, um, first date sometimes. It can sometimes feel a little bit like an interview process, and that can be uncomfortable. So, yeah, I suppose you get to a point after you've done a few, you become a master, or particularly, I should imagine, you help people in your role as a dating coach, dating expert to get them to get the answers without that direct interview process.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

Exactly. You're you're being direct, but you're doing it in a more personal way.

SPEAKER_03 13:32

Right.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

So it's not an interview, it's just a conversation. And they're conversations that naturally lead to other conversations. And at the end of the day, you know, if you want to know something about someone, that's why you're going on a date with them. Yes. Like you should be intentionally going on these dates. Yeah, you're trying, you know, you're trying to bond and whatnot, but that's gonna happen naturally when you spend time with someone. Like, you don't need to worry about building the connection, it's gonna happen anyway. Yeah, but first what do you want to know about them on this date? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

And when you um move from that DM in and that just looking at pictures or maybe voice notes to that in-person mate, I think there's always a lot of um chemistry, if it's there or not, as the case often is. So you've got enough of that to deal with. And actually, you're right, you're going in, and there's certain points you need to know before you even bother wasting your time or breath carrying for it.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

And to me, that was the marriage and then the kids.

SPEAKER_02 14:32

Okay, that's so great. So I you put that out to the world and you started implementing it.

SPEAKER_00 14:37

Yep. And I, you know, at first I would implement the marriage question because it does carry some weight, especially for, you know, it's quite a tradition. Um, and that was deep rooted within me. You know, I'm not when I make up my mind, everyone knows that's that's my mind made up. Okay. So I was like, that's not gonna change at all. Um, it has to be in that order. And so sometimes I would put it forward, and then it would be a reaction of, oh, you know, maybe I'll change my mind.

unknown 15:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

And I'm like, well, you might change your mind, and that's fine, but I don't need to carry on this date anymore.

SPEAKER_02 15:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Because I'm not going into uncertainty.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

Oh, I love that, Rachel.

SPEAKER_00 15:28

Like, why bother waste my time? I don't even like you yet. You know?

SPEAKER_02 15:33

You've not even passed stage one.

SPEAKER_00 15:35

Yeah, I'm not even like in the I can maybe feel a connection, but I'm trying to keep level-headed because when it's actually really interesting, and the whole kind of psychology of when we tell ourselves we like someone, kind of logic goes out the window. Yes, yeah. Um, so I was trying to keep myself quite, you know, level-headed in that sense, and say, I probably won't immediately fancy someone after one date. Um, there will be a connection and you can kind of feel it in your gut, whether it's those kind of fun butterflies rather than okay, crap, I need to get out of here.

SPEAKER_03 16:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:15

So you can tell the difference there. So I was really like making sure I was listening to what my body was saying as well. Oh, that's so good.

SPEAKER_02 16:23

Do you know what? I have a strategy for so many things in my life and my world in business. I do not have a strategy for dating.

SPEAKER_00 16:31

This is absolutely eye-opening for me. Yeah, and it blows my mind that loads of people don't because I always say it's quite like business, and you hear it in business that it's like dating. Yes. Like a lot, but at it's also like business. You start a business, and I mean, mine happen more naturally, but you know, most of the time you want to start a business and you have a plan. And then you have an end goal of that business, like selling a product or whatever it is, and then you make the steps to sell that product, like marketing, da da da. Um, so why don't you have that in dating?

SPEAKER_02 17:07

That is so interesting. And I'm just trying to flip it in my head because the last thing I want is another wedding. So we're in different places, you and I had a couple already, Rachel. Um, but what would I want and what am I going in with? And actually, what would I be putting forward? And am I being truthful to the person that I'm on a date with? Are you being truthful to you? Yeah, do I even know? Or am I just turning up because I like their profile picture? I know, isn't it interesting? Good for you. Wow, how funny that it was this whole looking inside, working it out, growing, and then your business blooms. And did it bloom once you met your man? Yes, it did.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

Yes, oh, I love it. You said we should make a movie of this. So I, as I said, you know, I kind of started to figure all this machine out from 2019. By 2022, I felt like I got it down. I knew exactly what I was doing. I felt, you know, ready, you know. Um, the statistics around dating is there is a 10 times increase in the amount of people on dating apps in January and February.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

Oh, that's funny. Okay, so there's more people in the early part of the year.

SPEAKER_00 18:20

You know, like new year, new me type things coming into Valentine's Day. It would really be loved to be with some on this Valentine's Day, that type of um genre. As well, you know, I was getting older, so I was like 32 at this point.

SPEAKER_02 18:38

Okay, and you'd been doing online dating since about 2014. So you'd been in on this and learning on the go and growing and deciding for eight years. Yes. Okay, brilliant. Sounds much longer when you say out loud. I know, but we had COVID in between. They don't count those. Yeah, that's true. They don't count those.

SPEAKER_00 18:56

But I did do some Zoom dates and they were really bad. Did you zoom dates? Wow. Oh, I bet they were terrible. They were they alarmed red flags. Yeah, okay. But it was fine because I didn't put makeup on, I wasn't drinking wine, I drunk diluted squash. Okay. Um, and yeah, and then when it got weird, I just shut my laptop.

SPEAKER_02 19:23

Much easier. When it got weird, I just shut my laptop. I was like, okay, bye!

unknown 19:29

Oh, that's brilliant.

SPEAKER_02 19:30

That's absolutely a lot of time. Oh, I love it. So now you're in 2022. Yeah. COVID's gone, and you're putting yourself out there. And tell us about the man that you meet or the man that you met.

SPEAKER_00 19:43

Yeah, so I was talking to a few people um maybe beginning of January. Um, as you do, go back on it, you get quite a lot of interest as a woman. Um, but my filters broke that down very quickly. And then I had a date scheduled for the beginning of February, and I remember being at work still in um in nurseries, and I remember feeling like another day, you know, because after a time you do you get worn down from all of the rejections. And I'm quite a positive person, but you know, I'm still human. It wears you down. You're thinking, you know, what's gonna and I've never not gone on a date. This is the thing. I've always gone on one. So I knew I was gonna go on this date. Um, and you know, you have your friends around you saying, you know, what if this is the one? And I'm like, yeah, but you've also said that all the other times. Um, doubt creeping in.

SPEAKER_02 20:48

Um and actually you've been doing it for a long time. So really, you know, you've got your evidence there that you keep doing these dates and he keeps not turning up. So I feel I can feel it for you. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

Yeah, I could feel the wear, definitely. And I just thought to myself, just get out of your work clothes. You've had a long day, it's been a bit stressful. You know, stop thinking about what might happen. Um, you know, you can coach yourself out of this, get into the right mindset, put on some good music, get into what you're wearing. I always feel better when I'm in, you know, clothes I like to wear. Oh, you dress up to show up. Absolutely good for you, good. Yeah. Put on some music, you know, those positive songs. Um, and yeah, and then I felt better and I was like, yeah, do you know what? I'm pumped for this. I'm gonna go, whatever it is was meant to be, all of that vibes. And one of my actually a bit funny, one of my um strategies, as I said, is the male is waiting outside the venue. And I make sure that my ladies are purposely five minutes late.

SPEAKER_02 21:59

Okay, fine.

SPEAKER_00 22:00

So that you know exactly who you are meeting, because they're usually probably the only one waiting outside for you. Yeah, okay, that's good. And if you happen to turn up early, you know, just wait across the road, there's no embarrassment. Pick a place that you know. I mean, he should plan the date, but you can pick the place. Okay, that's it. Like you feel comfortable. It's quite nice. And these are all safety nets, Rachel. And I think we need these. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Just all safety nets around there. And but I was generally late. Okay. Five minutes or ten, are we talking 15, yeah? Um, yeah, I I shut down from work and I was definitely I was definitely like running down the hill. Okay, so you're turning up a bit flustered now. Well, no. I stopped before I got to the corner. Right, you know, slowed down, spread, spritzed myself, made me feel all good, and then just casually walked up.

SPEAKER_02 22:56

Good for you.

SPEAKER_00 22:58

Um, yeah, and then just chatted. You know, I made sure I talked about kids, wanted kids, really, really wanted children. I then on the first day asked about marriage because it was like, Do you want kids? And I said, Yeah, I do want kids, but first I want to get married. Good.

SPEAKER_02 23:16

And you know, good. And that is what you want.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

And all you are doing is being truthful with yourself. Being honest on day one. It's actually beautiful, Rachel. I think a lot of us can learn a lot from that because we don't even know what we want. I'm talking about myself here. I'm saying the we, the universal we, it's I, isn't it? Don't know what I want. So I can't properly put it out to the world. And if I say something, then I might not even mean it. So you're being really honest with yourself and him. Yeah. And what did he want then?

SPEAKER_00 23:47

Yeah, he was like, Yeah, I want that too. And I was like, okay, yeah, got that little oh I got it again, like that little butterfly. So this was on the 4th of February 2022.

SPEAKER_02 23:58

4th of February 22, okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:00

And I didn't know it at the time, but that was my last first date.

SPEAKER_02 24:04

Oh, that is so beautiful. That is so beautiful. And you are married now. I am married now. We're gonna cheers to that. Cheers. I love that. Good. And when did you get married, Rachel?

SPEAKER_00 24:19

We got married on the 21st of October 2025. Oh, so recently?

SPEAKER_02 24:24

Yeah, recently. So I thought looking through I'd seen some beautiful pictures of you as a wonderful bride. Good. That's amazing. So your story of searching for what you really wanted, love, has led you into a role working within the world of love. So once you've found your man and you're sussed out how to do it and learnt so much en route, which I think we all do in business, as especially as women entrepreneurs, you kind of find out what you're good at, what you learn, and then you can impart that knowledge to make the shortcuts for everyone else, right? Exactly. Okay, so how did you come up with being the dating coach? How did it all come about from that point?

SPEAKER_00 25:03

Yeah, so throughout my journey to learn more about me and also how people interact with each other. Of course, I had their teacher background, um, my degrees um in early years development and like psychology and attachment theory and things like that. But I really wanted to know strategies on how to implement this in my life. So I did a life coaching certification. Perfect. Good for you. Just for me, so I could figure out this whole dating thing. Yeah, yeah. Um, didn't mean to start business, was literally just that. And as I said, I'm quite a positive person, so people are attracted to that. I was posting online, you know, early days of Instagram and and Facebook and things. Um, and then people just started to work with me for life coaching. I then shared, you know, they were following my love story. I'm very open within my sessions about, you know, how it's going and things, different friend recommendations. And yeah, they then did those steps that I did for myself, bearing in mind I had no knowledge that it was going to work for them. But I was like, yeah, let's give it a go. This strategy worked for me. Let's implement it, see what happens. So you did like a little test study here. So then it went out to the next test studies. The next test, yeah, exactly. And then they attracted their person. Okay. And they're they're still with them now.

SPEAKER_02 26:36

That's absolutely botty.

SPEAKER_00 26:38

I love it so much. I was like, hmm, maybe this is my onto something.

SPEAKER_02 26:45

And actually, there's a really unique blend that um I'm picking up from you actually as a person. So we've only met for the first time today. Um, is that you are very open and you're very sweet, you're lovely and sweet, you're very attractive, you're very friendly, you're very warm. And actually, mixing that with your background in teaching, with that psychology, and I know the power of psychology, and life experience, Rachel. Experience of doing something through the hardships, the ups and downs, the buses going the wrong way, and the god knows what else, those laptops that are to keep closing during COVID. You learn and you grow, and then you have something very unique you can pass on to others. And I get a feeling you're the type of person who really likes helping others.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

I really do. Yeah, good. I will I will share, maybe overshare. Yeah. Um, because yeah, I just want to help people.

SPEAKER_02 27:38

Yeah, good. But do you know what that's what it's about, isn't it, in this world? And if there's purpose in it, wonderful. If you can do something that's going to help somebody genuinely on their path to find their purpose, then why would you do anything else?

SPEAKER_01 27:49

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 27:50

So, how did you build then, I suppose, just getting back onto the whole kind of woman entrepreneur kind of side? You've then got your case studies, your test subjects, or whatever you want to call them, and they're coming back and they're saying, Oh, your strategy worked here, ding, ding, ding, it's all going on. So, how did you build the model around the business of what you were going to offer? How did you look into like pricing that up, getting clients? Talk us through that.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

Yeah, so I did my research. I am my father's daughter, after all. Okay. He's a researcher, is he? No, he just loves researching things. Good. Lots of detail, find out what's best, you know, for you. Um, and yeah, maybe that's why I went down the route of right, I can figure this out. Problem solving. You know, I've been doing this my whole life. Find a problem, I'm dyslexic, so I'm like, I can't do it that way. I'll figure it out.

SPEAKER_02 28:43

Okay, that's really positive. That's really positive. And actually, thank you for sharing that you've got a neurodiversity of dyslexia here. Because what I'm finding on this couch is everybody has. Yes. And I think that we're a lot of entrepreneurs that are honey, we're extraordinary. I mean, I'm undiagnosed, but I would say I'm I'm definitely a bit ADHD. I definitely am. I need to get into and get it tested. But what I am finding is that these people who can think out of the box and can solve these problems have got this slightly different wiring that makes it all possible. It's beautiful. It is. And you had that um stoic figure of your father who was into researching, getting the proof, working it all out so you could emulate him. And so you did that, you went out. And was there anybody here in Brighton doing what you were doing already?

SPEAKER_00 29:29

Not for dating. Okay. Um, but obviously there's different businesses and things, and I knew from you know, life experience and things, I knew that I wasn't an expert in business. Yeah. So I was like, I need to go find somebody that matches my energy, um, that understands what I'm trying to do and build out that business that way. So I hired myself a business coach.

SPEAKER_02 29:56

Listen, again, it's a really sensible move. Yeah, we cannot do it all and we can't be good at it all. But you've concentrated on what you are good at, and then you've filled in the void there. That's really smart, Rachel. This at the end of the day, people who are listening to this, you don't realize how much further on you are to people. This is the other thing. I think when we're on our path, we don't often stop and look back and think, oh wow, I'd have loved to have been here two years ago. But what you're explaining in those processes are things that people just don't know. And you've discovered them. So even by you sharing that here, it's going to inspire someone else to look and do the same. So you've got yourself your business coach, you've done your research, you've got your results and your case studies, and then I suppose it was getting clients.

SPEAKER_00 30:42

Yeah, getting clients, and that's just, you know, it's just been word of mouth at the moment. Um coming into 2026 again, I got myself a speaker coach because I want to get on more stages, go on podcasts. Good. Um, get that up and just be able to articulate what I do and who I am in a confident way.

SPEAKER_02 31:06

Yeah. And part of that, and um your speaking coach is Laura Badeau. Yes. Yes. She got another surname as well. Collins. Collins. Laura Badeau Collins. You can look her up on Insta. She is fabulous. Um, being able to say what it is you do is actually really hard. It is really hard. When you've kind of made it up, because I'm again from talking from experience. Oh, Lucy, what do you do? Well, I mean, I can't even put it into a sentence. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 31:33

It definitely took a while, and it takes a lot of um just writing down and voice noting into my phone and just trying to have a natural conversation. Yes, yeah. Rather than, you know, there's uh all the I help statements out there, and that's a good baseline if you don't know where to start.

SPEAKER_01 31:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 31:53

Um, but then it it becomes deeper than that. Um, and there's different elements that you obviously support people with. Yeah. Um, so it's really important to also get those points across as well. Because one thing that I find with my clients is that yeah, they're successful business women or you know, high in their career. Um they usually lead with that more masculine energy. Oh, love this. I was talking about masculine energy with Geraldine on Monday. It doesn't, surprisingly, it doesn't attract a masculine man.

SPEAKER_02 32:35

Oh, hold on a minute. This is gonna be this is so good. Like I'm learning on the job here today, Rachel. Little bit too much masculine energy coming on over here. So if I'm going into a date or a boardroom or a whatever I'm doing with my masculine energy, that's not gonna attract a really masculine man. No.

unknown 32:56

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 32:57

Think of it as like two really masculine guys coming into a room like what normally happens. They're gonna headbutt each other. Yeah. I do feel that happens to me quite a lot, and then they'll say things politely like, Oh, I love a strong woman. And I'm like, No, you like an independent woman, and that is different.

SPEAKER_02 33:18

Oh, wow, this is so interesting.

SPEAKER_00 33:20

So you're actually working with your they just don't have the language or they don't want to offend you.

SPEAKER_02 33:26

Okay, so you're working with them to even understand what energy they're bringing into this space.

SPEAKER_00 33:32

That's really important because we know, especially from um recent science, that you can feel people's frequencies, their energies as they walk into a room. Oh, yes, we've all experienced it. Some will walk in and you'll just turn your head, and you're like, Oh, wow, like I want to get to know them. Yeah, I want to compliment them on their like what they're wearing. Um, you're like, you just have to be around them and you don't know why. Yeah, yeah. And it's because of their energy that they're projecting.

SPEAKER_02 34:00

Wow, there is so much more to this. And how interesting that that's the case. I'm actually gonna drive home after this podcast. I'm gonna start analysing myself in this arena. It's not an area I can give myself much time to think and do it. And I suppose actually, what you're offering women, successful women, entrepreneurial women, or women who are employed, self-employed, or whatever it is, you're actually offering them a lot of support and help to bypass the long time frame of finding the right person and actually giving them the cheat codes, if you like, to hop over the bollard. Exactly. Rachel, I'm gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 34:39

You don't need to go on those dates that take you a bus in the wrong direction. You don't need to get stood up anymore.

SPEAKER_02 34:46

Yeah, yeah. Good. Oh my goodness. So you've built this wonderful business, and it's how many years has it been actually operating as a dating coaching business?

SPEAKER_00 35:00

2023? Okay, good.

SPEAKER_02 35:03

Good. Yeah, and that's your sole job. Yes. Amazing. Okay, so this is so good. So I'm really excited for you because what I like with this series, the champagne series, is to have a real mix of all different people. So my own business, 12 months old. Okay, so that's you know, disclaimer from me. I've not been in this year's, but 12 months my business, Bright Cause, has been running. And then we've got people who are joining. I mean, we've got a Maxine Laceby joining in a few weeks' time. So she's the owner founder of Absolute Collagen. Now, she started her business aged 49 in her dining room. She's 60 now, she's fabulous. She's turned over 34 million. So there's all these people at different stages of their journey, and I think that really is inspiring because everyone's got to start somewhere. Yeah. And those who are afraid to start and put it off are going to be even later down the line if they don't get cracking. Okay, so listen, it's blown my mind. I need some more information. I think we need to talk, actually. I think we do. I think you need to sort me and my dating life out. Um, what I would like to do, if it's okay with you, so of the 16 people who voted for you to come and join us here. And I'm so pleased they did. And I thought, oh, I saw this um fuss about this lovely Rachel Mayler. Everyone keeps saying, I thought, was she a celebrity? And now you're here. I've written all their names down on these little pieces of paper here. Um, because part of what we did with the giveaway with the podcaster in Brighton and the lovely boys Dan and George was to say that we'll give a bottle of the Everflight Vineyard wine. Which I shall bring into shot here. Beautiful vineyard in Ditchling, um, for the person who selects the winner. But obviously, I was thinking one person might put someone forward, but we've got 16 here, so you're gonna do the lucky dear. And choose who it is. So I'm gonna give him a little zhuzh up like that. And then what we'll do is we'll record a little skit after here um when we're finished recording, and we'll do a little announcement to put out on social. So that'll be really fun. But I'm gonna do it upside down, zhuzh it around, right? So you get to choose. Go go for your energy. Who are you gonna go for?

unknown 37:17

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_02 37:21

So you can read it out into the mic. Who we got? Who's the winner?

SPEAKER_00 37:26

Oh my gosh. This is so funny. Uh, life with Rachel. Life with Rachel.

SPEAKER_02 37:32

Okay, so life with Rachel, who is she? And she's actually one of my best friends. Go on, that's women like that is so weird. Okay, well, listen, that's mine. Completely random. Completely random. Good. So, and does she like drinking bubbles? Does she like English sparkling wine? Perfect. So she is the one who's gonna be having that. And is she local lady? Yes. Okay, so what we'll do then, this is what I've decided because I've not brought another bottle with me, I've got them at home, is I'll meet you for a coffee. You can talk all about dating, and I can talk all about podcasts and everything I do, and then we'll hook up with Rachel and we'll give her the bottle and we'll do another little recording. So another Rachel, Double. Rachel, yes. But she's Rachel R A E L. Yes. Yes, because I had to handwrite that earlier. I was like, it's spell different. Gotta stay in the zone. Yeah, in our in our friendship group, we just call each other by our last names. Do you it's easier that way, isn't it? That is good. Oh, how lovely. So just you and your life and where you are now. You've launched your business, you had a beautiful wedding. Where did you get married, can I ask? Ravenswood. Ravenswood, okay, beautiful. It looks so nice in the picture. Stunning. Stunning venue. Highly recommend it. And was it everything that you had had and held in your mind?

SPEAKER_00 38:43

Yeah, so um there was little things that I kind of took over the years from different people's weddings. Sure. And you know the film 27 Dresses? I always felt like that woman, always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Right, yes. Um, and it didn't hit me until my friends gave me um a picture of all of us standing there, and it was like someone had drawn it. And um, it was all my bridesmaids, and I started to read the the names at the bottom, and I was like, Bridesmaid, bridesmaids, bridesmaid. And I was like, Rachel, and then I saw the spelling, and I was like, Oh, that's me. And then I looked up and I was like, I'm the bride. And I was like, oh my god, I'm the bride, and just started crying, and and everyone's like, Yeah, you're the bride, and I was like, I think it just hit me. And even though you know my hair's done, and and my makeup was just about to get done, and things like that, um, and the my uh makeup stylist, um, Demi, um, she's like ports, no, not portslade, the other way, Peacehaven area. Um yeah, she she was like, let's do the presents now just in case you cry. So it doesn't ruin the makeup. And I was like, good thing, you know, emotional. Yeah, so emotional. And it was just such a beautiful day. Like my mum helped me get my dress on. Good. Um, and I had six bridesmaids because you know, it's your day, you can have as many as you want. Um so lovely. My nieces were my little flower girls. Oh, it's so cute. Um yeah, just like having seen the two-year-old on the dance floor, like oh yeah, that's always a classic, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 40:33

It really is. I think the weddings are the best of the little ones who get to have a proper party.

SPEAKER_00 40:37

So cute. Yeah, and just like having all the family there and friendships, and um, and then on the speeches, like I made a speech, and I know that's not traditional, but I really wanted to kind of all that, those memories and pent up, and I gave a little nod to um my parents. Good. Um, in their God, I'm gonna get this wrong now. Like 40, I want to say 46 years of marriage.

SPEAKER_02 41:05

Wow. Okay, so I see where this marriage, there's you know, because people feel differently about marriage, as I'm sure you've worked out on all these dates and your the reactions. So, depending on what you grow up around, I think that does actually sculpt how you see marriage. So if you grow up in a family that's maybe a little bit more dysfunctional and marriage didn't work out and it was happier afterwards, then you wouldn't hold such value.

SPEAKER_00 41:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:29

But your mum and dad have been married for over 40 years. Are they still very happy and very much in love? Yes. Okay, then that makes real sense to me. It's beautiful, Rachel.

SPEAKER_00 41:39

Good. Yeah, so I gave a little nod to them, and apparently their table just started crying.

SPEAKER_01 41:44

Oh, yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_00 41:45

And and yeah, and I was, I didn't realise how emotional I would get on the start of my speech, and I hadn't written it, bearing in mind. Okay, until about five minutes before we took a little speech break. And I thought to myself, I don't know how emotional I'm gonna get. Maybe I should write this down. Okay. So I got my phone out and just started, and I started weeping as I was typing it, and my new husband was like, What are you doing? Are you okay? And I was like, I'm just writing my speech. And he's like, You're not even saying it yet. Are you gonna be okay? And I was like, I don't think so. So I literally said the first line and then started bawling my eyes out. I love that film. Yeah, it just my all my bridesmaids and some of my friends were on the table opposite. Um, obviously that was intentional. And yeah, I just was looking at them and they were all bawling up because it just meant so much. Like all of those dates, all of the times that I thought it was, but there was like a missing piece, like it was all worth it. So where was he then? What was he doing messing around? Where was he? So you know, earlier. You know, earlier I uh said I plucked some stuff from the universe. Oh right. Yeah, in um in 2019. Yeah. So I actually it took me about six months to ask him um after I knew like we were officially dating and everything, what he was doing back in 2019 and COVID time, because we never spoke about that. I think I was scared of what his answer would be. That he was in love with someone or something like that, or no, like where he was, because I said, I mean, I'm you know, I take a lot of energy and I know I just plucked an answer out of the universe, and it probably doesn't mean anything. But I was like, Well, what if it's the same? Or what if it's not the same? Does that mean that we're not meant to be together? Okay. So my mind was going crazy, so I just put it to one side. Sure. But then it came to a point where I was like, I have to know the answer. I'm sick. Here telling people they have to get their answers that they have a question to, and I'm someone that walks the talk. So I have to I have to do the same thing, even if it's really scary, and I'm scared of the answer. Okay. I have to know. I have to know in my gut. Um, so I we were like watching a movie. I plucked up the courage, and I asked him what was he doing in 2019, and he told me that he was traveling and working in New Zealand. Oh wow. Okay, cool. And I I felt like I couldn't really hear, so I asked him again, probably thought, well, woman's not listening. And I was like, sorry, what were you doing? And I he said it again, and I was like, okay. And I remember my brain just being like, Blink, pretend like you're a human.

SPEAKER_01 44:53

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:54

Like, react, smile, you know, and like try and try and have some sense. And I just sat back afterwards and thought, oh my gosh. Yeah, those random thoughts I had were true.

SPEAKER_02 45:08

You were trying to find him, but he wasn't in the country, honey.

SPEAKER_00 45:10

Yeah, weren't you?

SPEAKER_02 45:11

And you weren't going over to New Zealand.

SPEAKER_00 45:12

No, and I said to my family back then, they were like, Oh, how are you gonna meet this person if he's all the way over there? I said, something will happen that he has to come back. Oh. And I was like, Why did you come back? He goes, Because lockdown happened there and I have to come home. Oh, wow.

SPEAKER_02 45:32

So lockdown, so COVID actually meant he came to you.

SPEAKER_00 45:37

He came to me. Wow. Hove, born and raised. I'm Brighton, born and raised. Wow. And are you similar ages? Yeah, so he's two years younger than me. Okay, so great. So you probably would have crossed over paths at some point. Yeah. Yeah. The most crazy things, and that's this is why I always say, like, your person is out there, look, they're looking for you as well, and they're probably closer than you think. He, as I said, grew up in in Hove. Um there's, you know, like the the new area, like where the foundry is and stuff like that. Yeah, he like grew up near there, near the pub. My best friends lived on that road, and I would constantly be going in that area. We never bumped into each other. It wasn't your time. Exactly. It wasn't meant to be yet. And I always had the sense of, you know, it if it's meant to be, it will happen. Yeah. If it's meant to be, it happened, trust the process. And they're the types of things I would say before going on a date. You know, you would listen to the good songs, but you would be like, trust the process, it'll all work out fine. If it doesn't work out, they're just not your person, and that's okay. Yeah, how interesting.

SPEAKER_02 46:48

So I suppose it'd be quite good for people who are listening who maybe are single, who have been single for a while or are new to the dating scene. So I know when I left my marriage a few years ago, I hadn't done any internet dating because I'd been in a marriage for years. So it was very new and it was actually quite scary to start with. Like, what is all this? How does this all work? What m what one piece of advice would you offer them if they were single and they were looking to get themselves out there and to find love? Just as a little overarching piece of advice.

SPEAKER_00 47:17

I would uh sit down with yourself and think about why you want to be in that relationship and go back to your non-negotiables. What are they? Pick like two to three. You know, what is the most important to you? You know, yes, we all want someone caring and loving and supportive. Don't put that on your profile. Hopefully, they're gonna be all those things. Why would you get in a relationship if they weren't?

SPEAKER_01 47:44

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:45

So think about deeper, like not surface level, but go deeper into like what are your true desires of the world.

SPEAKER_02 47:52

Like really, like really tall, dark, and handsome. No, no, no, no, no. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Like, okay, sorry, I'm terrified. So you're saying like somebody who is aligned with being married again or is family oriented, because actually you've got kids this time.

SPEAKER_00 48:07

So real important parts. Like things that are really important, like, and if you do have children, do you want someone to you know um be supportive of that but not take over the father role?

SPEAKER_02 48:20

Yes, okay.

SPEAKER_00 48:21

Like that that dimension, you know, what does it look like to have that person in your inserted into your family dynamics?

SPEAKER_02 48:29

So, really, what you're saying is do the work on yourself before you do the work on your face to go out on the date.

SPEAKER_00 48:36

What is it you want? What is it you want? Because you need to know that before going into that first date. What is it that you want? And especially in the first couple of dates, that person, like you, has spent time getting ready or not, and is putting their best foot forward. Yes, if a red flag comes up, listen to it.

SPEAKER_02 48:59

Okay, so this is them on their best behavior. Okay, this is very interesting. Do you know what? We I could do a whole podcast series on dates, bad dates, interesting dates, funny dates. I've definitely been on them all. Have you? I feel like I've been on a canny few. I think we should do one. Yeah, we should actually do that. We should go for the funniest stories. Must tell you about Brian. That was hilarious.

SPEAKER_00 49:18

Some post that I put up afterwards, my friends were like, Did this actually happen to you? And I was like, Yes. And I didn't tell you at the time because I was embarrassed. Yeah, and a bit shocked.

SPEAKER_02 49:27

Yeah. And that's really interesting because we do have that. We're putting ourselves out in these situations with these different people and these things, these crazy things. And it must be like this. Why is this not working? Constant feedback is saying this isn't any good. I'm so pleased that you've turned this around. Now, I know we're probably getting short on time. I can never see the clock. Yeah, this is perfect. So I need to ask you three questions. They're not very, very serious. We've really enjoyed, I say we, the universal we again. I've really enjoyed listening to your story and how you've created this business. One thing before I move on to these three, you said your trainers had something to do with your story, and I love these trainers, they've got blings all over them.

SPEAKER_00 50:09

Camera somehow.

SPEAKER_02 50:10

We we'll put a little picture on the on the Ujma flip. Tell me about how they are fitted into your story.

SPEAKER_00 50:16

Yes, so I they're sparkly just like me. Like a bit of sparkle. They're white because I surprised my husband. I knew that even though he was dressed up to the nines, you know, he uh would prefer to be in trainers. He joked about it, and I was like, no. And then I was like, oh, do you know what would be a cute idea? And I don't think he would think I would do it. He's also obsessed with Nikes. Um, so I bought him some swanky Nikes. I went on their website, you know, designed them myself so they're nice and black, you know, they're they're a bit more classy. Um and then I wrote with a white pen our date that we got married. Yeah. So this is this is what I surprised him with. So I also surprised everyone with a change of dress. So from my wedding dress to something a bit more cocktail dressed, but still wedding-like, because I knew I was gonna want to change my shoes. I mean, I was just wearing kitten heels, but ugh, yeah, spending like 10 hours in them pushering about. No, I'm gonna feel more comfortable if I can like walk and jump in these um and have a nice time, you know. So I bought these for myself and they have what side is it? So they have Mrs. Jackson. They have that on that side and then what have we got on the other side? And then the day we got married.

SPEAKER_02 51:50

Oh, and they are actually lush because they are not just rhinestones, they are um pearls as well. Tell you what, you're gonna have to get it into the camera. You can show it, you're gonna have to. But can you take one? Take one off and hold it up because they are actually exceptionally gorgeous.

SPEAKER_00 52:05

And you've designed these on the Nike website, not these ones, these ones I got on Etsy, due to the kids' wines that were a bit more plain. Yeah, look at them. There you go.

SPEAKER_02 52:14

Yeah, absolutely beautiful. Look at them.

SPEAKER_00 52:17

I don't want to get it. And it went all the way round as well, because it was important. Some of them didn't have this, right? And I was like, no, and some of them didn't have the front bit, they had it up here. Yeah, and I was like, if I'm wearing a long dress, because I was thinking, what if I don't change? Yeah, I wanted the option, but I wasn't sure if I was gonna change because I always imagined staying in my dress the whole time. Um, my long wedding dress. So I was like, I want the sparkle to be on the front because that's really the only bit that people see of your shoe. Yes, it actually is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:52

Oh, I love that. Good for you. I'm so pleased I asked with them. You've inspired me. I'm gonna go and have a little look later.

SPEAKER_00 52:58

And they're so comfortable.

SPEAKER_02 53:00

It's trainers are what I live in. I love it. But then when you're going out and you're ending things, you've got to have your heels on, and it hurts your feet, doesn't it? But you're right, on a day like your wedding day, it's the last thing you want is blisters and sore feet all day. So moving on to my three questions that aren't about weddings or trainers, but they're very important questions all the same. Can you share with us a truth about your life? So your whole life, that most people would never guess.

SPEAKER_00 53:28

I would say to believe in yourself.

SPEAKER_02 53:34

Okay, okay. And it's something you've discovered through your life, it's a truth you found in your life.

SPEAKER_00 53:39

Yes. I would say ignore the noise and believe in yourself.

SPEAKER_02 53:44

Okay, that's really nice. That's really powerful, Rachel. And where did you abandon yourself in your life at any point? And how did you come back from that?

SPEAKER_00 53:55

I would say I probably abandoned myself a bit when I was 19 and I got into a toxic relationship, but I didn't know it at the time because I didn't know what red flags were. Because your mum and dad are in a happy marriage. Because my mum and dad are in a happy marriage, um, been surrounded by, you know, this is what love looks like, grown up on rom-coms um and Disney films.

SPEAKER_02 54:26

And so lush. So lush.

SPEAKER_00 54:31

And um I I think because I was so naive as well, I wanted to always see the good in people and see the positive side of things.

SPEAKER_01 54:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 54:40

That I kind of mistook someone giving me presents when they did something a bit shady as love.

SPEAKER_02 54:49

Yeah, well, that's the old classic love bomb I've had a few years.

SPEAKER_00 54:52

Yeah. And they didn't have a name back then. So I was like in college and stuff, and um, you know, fancy car and trying to flash the stuff, and it just got worse. And I think I over time it was manipulation. Yes, um, 100%. It was, you know, emotional toll, you know, not very nice words said to me. And it actually took me going to university and getting away for me to see like maybe it's not me. Okay, yeah. Like everyone seems to really like my personality. Like, I did things that I thought at the time were scary, like taking off my makeup for the first time in front of people, okay. Um, and really hurt my self-confidence. And I was kind of like bullied through high school, which is why I said the believe in yourself and ignore the noise. Um, but also, you know, I knew at that time because I was thinking of my future, I thought to myself, I don't want you to be the father of my kids. Yeah, he wasn't, he was, it didn't make you feel good. Didn't make me feel good. And I was doing it for them. That's why I was so adamant that I want to get married first when I eventually went into dating with intention. Because I'm like, I'm doing it for them. I want, I'm going into wanting like what I've seen my whole life. And I knew that this person, I was like, no, you don't make me feel good. I don't want to be around you, but I can't get out.

SPEAKER_02 56:26

Yeah, okay. So you had a very felt trapped.

SPEAKER_00 56:29

Yeah. But I knew that I had a friend that kind of knew what I was going through. Uh, we would spend hours in the bathroom chatting, and people were like, Why did you spend hours in the bathroom, you know, chatting, breaking down, whatnot. And I was like, Because boys aren't allowed in the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a safe space.

SPEAKER_02 56:48

Yeah, girls' chats in bathrooms brilliant, aren't they? They really are.

SPEAKER_00 56:52

Yeah, that's just so good. Um, so very therapeutic. And yeah, I learned, I learned a lot. Obviously, I realized what red flags were. Yeah, being able to be apart from that person because of school, because I had to be there. I realized that, you know, it's not me, I'm stronger than this. And then it actually got to a point where um he was just really miserable. It was like literally the polar opposite of me. Okay. I'm like enjoyable and want to be around people. And I think we're at like my friend's event who was kind of had been through something similar, so could see the signs, and you know, people like that try and segregate from you, from your family.

SPEAKER_02 57:34

They do, they try to move you away, and I suspect they probably would have tried to put you off to go into university. I wasn't had so much control there.

SPEAKER_00 57:41

Yeah, I did actually um do a gap year and change university. Did you? Yeah, so a one that I was gonna, I didn't go there, but you know, I still had a great uni place, but I did always wonder like, what if? Yeah. And I kind of from that whole experience, I was like, no one's gonna tell me what to do.

SPEAKER_02 58:02

No, no, good, good, no means no, yeah, and actually having that early experience of a toxic relationship, and it sounds to me like the support with friends and family around you to grow and to remove yourself from it has been really beneficial in your story and search for love.

SPEAKER_00 58:17

It definitely really has because it made me go into then dating as if I don't want to do something, I'm not gonna do it.

SPEAKER_01 58:24

Yeah, and that's how it should be.

SPEAKER_00 58:26

If I want to wear this, I'm gonna wear it.

SPEAKER_01 58:27

Yes, and that's how it should be.

SPEAKER_00 58:29

Yeah, and that's how it should be, exactly. Um red flags from a mile away, you know, if they're being too overly at the time, you know, if it's too much. And explaining it away. Um if they want your even if they want your number straight away. Yeah, yeah. No.

SPEAKER_02 58:46

Yeah, like absolutely not.

SPEAKER_00 58:47

I actually got to give my partner, who's now my husband, my number because we were texting over the apps.

SPEAKER_01 58:55

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:55

It took him reminding me when, like, I think two months in when he was meeting my parents to be like, Can I have your number now? And I was like, Oh shit, did I not give it to you? That's actually really good.

SPEAKER_02 59:09

I was like, oops. I'm like, sure. Oh, I love that. So you felt that you had abandoned yourself in a time when you're in a toxic relationship, but actually I actually found myself and at the end of the metaphor with that support system and that guidance, which interestingly enough, Rachel, you now give an offer to so many women in the Brighton area and beyond. So that's lovely, full circle. And just finally, because I can't believe how quickly time goes. I just can't believe it. It's just goes flies by. If there's a woman who's watching this and she's feeling stuck where you once were, what does she need to hear? Not what sounds nice, but what does she need to hear?

SPEAKER_00 59:50

I would say, and I'm gonna say it to the camera.

SPEAKER_01 59:52

Go on, tell it.

SPEAKER_00 59:53

I would say that I a hundred percent understand where you are, what you're doing. You feel like you just keep doing the same thing. People are asking you questions like why are you still single? And you're like, I don't know, I'm a really lovely person. And you start questioning like who you are and what you're doing and your life choices, and just think like you're not alone. Like, I've literally been there. I know what you're going through, I know how horrific it is, and yes, it is a minefield of people, but if you have like the right strategy, then you can literally do anything. You have a different strategy for business, you know, you have one for you have a kind of routine of how you have your life. Um, and yeah, just like believe in yourself and know like you are the best person like ever. And I'm here to help support you, build up your confidence, and I'm literally can be in your pocket for advice if you need to. Like, I'm I'm here, and I just want to share my experience and the the like love, um, because yeah, that's all we really want is to share our life with someone, and you can 100% do that. You just gotta figure out like what you actually want first, and you're the person to help with that, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:28

And ultimately, you know, you said it yourself earlier, Rachel. You were going into business, you didn't know about business, you got a business coach. You're going into dating. Trust me, girls, we don't know about dating. I've only just discovered that myself, 42 at FYI. Get yourself a dating coach. So, Rachel, if people wanted to reach out, what's your Instagram handle? Uh it is Rachel Mailer Coaching. Perfect. And we'll be sharing clips and bits and pieces. And you can Google Rachel, she's Brighton Bay, she's absolutely wonderful, and she's been a lovely guest here today. So thank you so much. Let's have a little cheers. Again, this um series is sponsored by Everflight Vineyard and Ditchlin, and we're so thankful because we can drink bubbles and talk about dating and all sorts of lovely, wonderful things here. So great. Thank you so much for coming, Rachel. It's been lovely, and join us again next time. Thanks for listening.