If You Don't Protect Your Creativity, No One Else Will

Season 3, Episode 4

In this episode, I'm breaking down the four types of boundaries that every creative person needs: mental, emotional, relational, and time. 

Because most people don't lose their creativity due to a lack of talent; they lose it when everything else takes priority. 

If you've been feeling scattered, drained, or pulled in too many directions, this episode will help you reclaim your focus and your energy so you can keep pursuing your most creative life. 

Transcript

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Welcome back to your next chapter, the podcast for women who read, write, and live creatively. And after today, the podcast for women who set boundaries for themselves. I'm your host, Rebecca Hasselak, and yes, today we are talking about boundaries. It is so important in life, in relationships, and also just creatively to protect yourself, protect your energy, protect your heart. And boundaries are one of the best ways to do this. I am very passionate about it. So let's dig in. The idea here is that if you don't protect your creativity, nobody else will. Your creative life is not self-protecting. You have to have boundaries in order to prevent everything else from crowding it out. And also in order to just keep your vision and your intuition strong. Most people don't lose their creativity because they lack talent. They lose it because everything else ends up taking priority. So I'm going to talk to you about four, actually, yeah, four separate types of boundaries and how you can set them and how this is going to impact you and your creative life. Number one, mental boundaries. Your attention is your most valuable resource. This is why so many different forms of entertainment are competing for your attention, because attention is finite. There are only so many people on the planet. Each of them only has so much of an attention span. And unfortunately, it is shrinking and shrinking every day that we live on this planet. But that's another story for another day. But the point is that attention is a rare, rare thing. And we each only have so much attention to give. So how are you allocating your attention? It is a very valuable resource. The things that break it are things that we encounter every day. Our attention is broken by constant input. That looks like notifications on your phone, social media, dings and pings, I don't know, notifications there. You guys, podcasts can even break your attention. But don't stop listening because you need to hear what else. But truly, all of the things that we listen to, the news or that we watch, anything on our phone, on our TVs, anything in our ears, that can all break our attention. And that's okay when you do it in careful ways. But if you are letting those things intrude on your time that you're spending creating, that is obviously going to be a very big problem and get in the way of your creativity. Another thing that breaks your attention is a comparison loop. And we all fall into this from time to time. If you are trying to write a musical score or write a screenplay or design some jewelry, but in your head, all you're thinking about is that other person who wrote a musical score or wrote a screenplay or designed some jewelry and who got so much further than you, who got an award, who has made millions, who was on the cover of a magazine, right? If we are comparing, we are not creating. Ooh, I like that. I don't know. That could be an existing quote, but I don't know about it. So I'm gonna go on record and say I just created that. If we are comparing, we are not creating by Rebecca Haslack. Feel free to take it. Anyway, that is the truth though. So as long as you're in a comparison loop, same thing as a shame spiral, these are all very good visuals for us to think about, you are not going to be able to give your attention to what you're working on. And the next thing is something that I talked about a couple episodes ago about resources. If you are consuming too many resources, getting too many conflicting pieces of advice, and just kind of overcrowding your brain with tips, tools, even if they're good ones, if you are overconsuming in those ways, right? And you are doing it more than you are creating, you are hurting yourself and you're you are taking your attention away from your actual creative process. So you need to set mental boundaries. How can you do that? What protects your attention is having quiet time, truly quiet time. I know I've talked about this before, but have time where there is literally no input. Like no one's talking to you. You're not listening to anything, you are ideally out amongst nature, and you are just being. You need to have thinking space. That is so important. And also limiting your input before your output. So again, go back to that resources episode. That will really kind of help you to understand in terms of the educating and consumption piece, a different way to view that in a healthier way. But the the point of this one is that you can't create clearly if your mind is constantly full. So you need to give your mind some space. Also, meditation is great. Meditation is a way to learn to calm your mind, to learn to give yourself that mental space that is so desperately needed for proper creating. And I will say one more thing on this. When I talked about the input from digital sources and the distractions of digital sources, the next episode is actually going to be all about technology boundaries. So I'm not going to dive too deep there right now, but know that next time we will talk about very specific, very actionable ways that you can protect your creativity by setting tech boundaries. So if you're wondering why I didn't mention any solutions for that, that's why. That's coming soon to a podcast near you. So mental boundaries, got that. Number two, emotional boundaries. Oh my gosh, you guys, I'm gonna be referring you to other episodes because some of these really tie in well. Not every opinion deserves access to your work. Not every opinion someone has is valid. And emotional boundaries are super important to set because the more you let other people and their opinions and their feedback, especially of the negative variety, but the more you let their opinions in, the less you are going to be able to just freely create. You are going to instead be focusing on what this person said. How can I not make that mistake again? How can I appeal more to this person? It's just trying to please too many people means you're not going to end up pleasing yourself or end up creating something that you're really proud of because you just have all these voices in your head. So emotional boundaries are critical. Go back to the episode from I believe it was January and season one, and it was about feedback and how to handle feedback during the creative process. That is a big one, and that helps you really know how to set emotional boundaries. But here are a couple of things that break your emotional boundaries: oversharing too early, seeking validation before something is formed, and letting feedback override instinct. I've made these mistakes plenty of times. Sometimes I'll ask for feedback, and then when I actually get feedback, I'm sort of like, ugh, well, that's depressing, you know? And even if it was largely positive, it's like our brains just want to focus on the little part that maybe wasn't great. And then when I actually step back and look at that, I'm like, dude, I was asking for feedback and they gave me feedback. I need to learn how to take this a little better or just not ask in the first place, right? And feedback is so important, but it's important when you're at the right stage. Don't ask for feedback when you're actively creating. I beg of you, don't do it. What can protect you in terms of emotional boundaries? Discernment, being very discerning about who gets to see what and when. It's perfectly fair and within your rights to not let anybody into your creative process, even if they ask. You know, I've had people ask me to read my work and I'm not ready for it. And I've had to say no, and sometimes they get upset about it. And I'm like, I'm sorry, but this is my choice. This is my work, and this is how I'm choosing to handle it. Also, what protects it is trusting your own taste. It's important to stay in tune with what you know to be true, with your vision, and with everything that you picture for your creative life. Trust your taste. And also, like I mentioned, finish your project before you ask for feedback. And if you do need feedback that's more of a developmental type along the way, be very careful about who you seek that feedback from. It should be someone who is experienced, who understands your industry, and who ideally can deliver feedback with some warmth instead of making you feel bad about yourself. Protect your early stages. That's where things are the most fragile. And then once you get to a point where you're ready to share and you're ready to let people in, be prepared to get some feedback that isn't going to be all positive. That's okay. You know, again, go back to the episode about subjectivity, right? The arts are so subjective. Just remind yourself of that. It's okay. There are people who are brilliant and not everybody likes their work. That's fine. So we've covered emotional boundaries. We've covered mental boundaries. How about relational boundaries? This can tie in to the emotional boundaries, of course, because we are relational creatures and a lot of our emotions are tied up with other people, but it's a little bit separate. And this kind of comes from being in a relationship with people who don't really understand your creative ambitions. They might not understand the industry, they might not understand why you're creative at all, might think it's a waste of time. They might, I don't know. There's any number of things. Not everyone is going to understand your priorities. And again, that's okay. Not everybody has to. I don't understand everything that everybody else that I know cares about, right? Like someone could be super committed to their dodgeball league. And I'm like, I don't get it. Dodgeball sounds terrifying. And yet they love it. And so that's cool. They can have their thing, but I'm also not going to be trying to weigh in on whether or not they should spend their time paying dodgeball. You know what I mean? Okay, kind of getting off track. I feel like my coffee is kicking in and I'm going into hyperdrive. So bear with me here. What breaks your relational boundaries? Overcommitting. That is a huge one, which usually stems from saying yes to everything. We want to be helpful. It's important to care about others. It's important to take action to care about others. It's important to be a good friend, to be a good spouse or partner, parent, child, sibling, colleague, whatever else, you know, we we fill so many roles and you need to give of yourself and care in order to have a relationship. At the same time, you cannot constantly prioritize others' needs above yours. And it can be tricky with creative work because it can feel like a luxury or an indulgence. And if you say, no, I'm sorry, I can't help drive your child to this activity, and you know that the reason is because you're planning to record some music that day, you might feel kind of selfish. You might be like, my gosh, I really could help this friend out. And instead I'm saying, no, I'm gonna be making music. Like, what am I doing here? But if that is time that you've carved out to create, or that is time that you don't usually get and you've made a commitment to yourself, it's okay to hold to that. It's okay to set that relational boundary and you can help that friend out another time. Or you can decide, yeah, I can help them out and I'll shuffle some things around and have my time later. But don't abandon your own commitments and your own goals just to help somebody else out. At least don't do it all the time. So, what protects your relational boundaries? Clear communication. This is huge, you guys. Clarity can go such a long way, and so many of us don't do it. And I think it's just because we fear that people will think we are selfish, self-involved, uncaring. We fear what they're going to think. And so we're a little vague, we're a little wishy-washy, but when you're clear, it really cuts down on the need for a lot of back and forth, which can save your relationship in the long run. Also, practice saying no. And no doesn't always have to be no forever. No can just be a not right now. Like, I would love to do that for you. Right now I can't, but ask me next week and I can do it, you know, or giving a future date. Like, I'm so sorry, I can't do it this time, but I can do it this time. You need to carve out some non-negotiable time for what you're working on and for your projects. Because if everything matters and if everything gets a piece of you, your creativity won't. So make it a priority. That is part of setting a boundary. So we've covered mental boundaries, emotional boundaries, relational boundaries. How about time boundaries? This is a big one. And we did talk about time. Yes, another episode. Shocking. But there was an entire episode that I did about time as a creative constraint. So I encourage you to go back to that. That was in April. That was the entire constraint series. I talk a lot about different ways to approach time, the lack of time, what you can do about it. But time just doesn't show up. It's claimed. And if you don't make a plan for your time, it's gonna come and go. And you'll just kind of watch it slip out the window and you won't be able to do anything about it. So, what breaks your time boundaries are having reactive days or filling every single gap with something so you never have time for transition between things. What protects your time is setting the small protected blocks that work with your schedule, being consistent rather than being intense, and honoring your own time, seeing it as valuable. Even if someone else doesn't think that spending time playing an instrument, writing a scene, filming something in nature is valuable. You know that it is. I know that it is. It's not your job to justify how you spend your time. If it's important to you, if it matters to you, then it matters. Period. So you don't have to explain it to other people. Your no can be no, your yes can be yes, you can block out their time according to what works best for you, and you can protect it and you should. So those are some of the boundaries that we need to set for ourselves creatively. But there's an important thing to note about boundaries is often when you set them, you will experience resistance. A lot of people, especially if they are not quite as emotionally evolved as you are, or if they are used to getting their own way, or if they are just a certain personality type, they will have a hard time with you setting boundaries and they might push back and they might accuse you of being rigid, of being self-centered, of being a variety of things that aren't very nice. And you need to prepare yourself for that and also remind yourself that boundaries aren't a punishment. You're not punishing anybody by sending setting boundaries. You are taking care of yourself and you are taking care of your creative energy, your process, your vision, and ultimately your output. And that is so important. If you want to deeper dive on boundaries, I'm going to recommend the book, very simply called Boundaries, which was written quite a long time ago, but I believe that it has been updated. Yes, this version that I'm looking at on Amazon has been updated. It's by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. And I remember I read it a very long time ago. And they talk about setting boundaries, but there are other books out there too. But know that boundaries are healthy, know that they're important, and know that you do not need permission to set boundaries for yourself. That is your prerogative as a human, as a creative, and as someone who knows that what they are doing matters. So remember this identity shift. You're not someone who fits creativity in, you're someone who protects it. No one else is going to guard your time, your focus, or your energy. That is your role. So start doing it and don't apologize for it. You don't need to. And I will leave you with a quick quote from Anna Taylor, which says, love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious, and you get to decide how to use them. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won't accept. So on that note, you guys, go set some boundaries today. Be firm about them. You can be firm and loving at the same time. Take care of yourself, take care of your creativity, and most of all, keep creating and keep turning the page.