Episode 8: Alot on My Mind: A Mother's Day Reflection

In this episode of The Holy Unraveling, Silvia explores the hidden cost of always being “the strong one.”

The one who holds everything together.
 The one everyone relies on.
 The one who doesn’t fall apart… even when she needs to.

But when strength becomes identity, it often leads to exhaustion, over-functioning, and disconnection from your own needs.

Blending psychology and faith, this episode gently unpacks why this pattern forms — and how to begin stepping out of it without losing yourself. In This Episode:

•  Why being “strong” becomes an identity 
•  The anxiety behind over-functioning 
•  Why asking for help feels so hard 
•  How your nervous system learned this pattern 
•  What it looks like to receive support 

Let's honor mothers all over the world. Share this episode with them .

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Transcript

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Welcome to the Holy Unraveling, where we stop pretending we're fine and start inviting God into the messy middle. I'm Sylvia Farrag, Therapist Wife Mother. Here we talk about what no one else wants to: the pain, the fears, the unraveling. Because I believe that God often begins the deepest transformation right where things fall apart. Today's episode 8: A Lot on My Mind, a Mother's Day Reflection. There's a very specific moment, and if you know, you know. You walk into the bathroom and the toilet paper roll is empty. But it's not fully empty because someone, we won't name names, has taken a new roll and just placed it on top of the empty one. Not changed it, not replaced it, just sort of rested it there. Like this should handle itself. And you stand there for a second thinking, how is this even a thing? How do we all agree this counts as done? And the thing is, it's not really about the toilet paper. It's about what happens next. Because without a word, you're the one who notices it, fixes it, checks the cabinet, adds buy more to your mental list, and keeps it moving. No one asked, no one assigned it, and no one even noticed it needed to be done, clearly. So you just handled it. And that's the thing. It's never just the task. It's the remembering, the tracking, the anticipating, the quiet responsibility of making sure life runs without anything falling apart. Today, as we approach Mother's Day, I want to sit in something that we don't always name. Not just what women do, but what we carry, the mental load. Because that moment, that small, almost ridiculous moment in the bathroom, that's the whole pattern. Not what you do, but what you hold. When I think about the mental load, I don't go into theory first. I go to my mother, the queen, as we call her. Not in the loud, visible way the world celebrates strength, but in the quiet way a woman holds everything together. Growing up, I didn't see it. I just lived inside of it. Everything was done, everything was handled. There was a rhythm to life that just worked. The house ran, the details were covered, the emotional tone steady most of the time. And I don't remember her announcing it ever. I don't remember her ever saying, look at everything I'm carrying. She just carried it silently and faithfully. And it's only now being older, sitting with women, living inside of my own responsibilities, that I see it differently. Because that kind of holding, it costs something. What looks like strength on the outside often feels like pressure on the inside. Because the mental load is not the task. It's the responsibility of remembering the task. It's anticipating needs, tracking details, managing emotions, yours and everyone else's. It's about being five steps ahead of life for everybody. And here's what makes it more complicated. A lot of women are really good at it. So good that it becomes invisible. From a clinical perspective, this is the cognitive load combined with emotional labor. Your brain is holding multiple open loops at once, things that are unfinished but still require attention. And neurologically, your brain doesn't fully distinguish between something you're physically doing and something something you're mentally holding. So even when you're sitting still, your nervous system isn't. It's activated. It's scanning, it's tracking, it's holding. And spiritually, this is where something subtle begins to happen. You stop just living your life and you start managing it, controlling it, holding it all together, holding it tight enough that nothing falls through the cracks, but also tight enough that you don't rest. So now you're not just doing more, you're carrying more awareness. You walk into the room and immediately register what needs to be done, what some something might someone might need, what hasn't been handled yet, what could possibly go wrong. It really is like having 27 tabs open in your brain and none of them fully closed, just like on my laptop as we talk. And this is where it starts to show up. Not in all the obvious ways. Sometimes it looks like irritability, feeling overwhelmed, even though nothing's really wrong, resentment that you can't fully explain, difficulty relaxing, even when you finally have time to relax. Here's the deeper layer. It impacts your relationships because internally there's this quiet narrative. Let me say this very clearly. This is not about blame. It's about awareness. Because you can love your life and still be overwhelmed by what you're carrying in your mind. So what do we do with this? Not perfectly, not all at once, but intentionally. One, we name the load. Not just I'm busy, but specifically, what am I holding in my mind right now? Get out get it out of your head and write it down. You know I love to write things down. When you externalize it, your brain doesn't have to hold it the same way. Two, close just one open loop. Not everything, just one. Your brain is wired for completion. Even one closed loop creates relief. And then the three, the three-sentence rule. Instead of silently carrying everything, practice clarity. This is what I'm managing. This is what I need. Can you take this piece? Not overexplaining, not shutting down, just be clear. This Mother's Day, I'm gonna keep back coming back to this thought. We celebrate mothers for what they do, but we rarely stop to see what they carry. And maybe that's the invitation to look again and to recognize the invisible, to say thank you not just for the actions, but for the awareness that they held that made life feel seamless. And if you're the one carrying all of this, this is your reminder. Just because you've always been the one who holds everything doesn't mean you are meant to hold it alone. If this made you think of your mother, send it to her. If it made you feel see her differently, tell her. And if you're the one carrying all of this, just remember you're allowed to be supported too. Follow the holy unraveling so you don't miss what's coming next. And if this resonated with you, leave a review. It helps more women find the message. Till we meet again.