Stress Resets: Hammocks, Growling, and Bins

In this episode, we talk about a deceptively simple question: when you’re stressed, what helps you come back to yourself, and how did you learn it? What starts with a few inner-monologue catchphrases quickly turns into a practical, honest conversation about stress relief, anxiety, and the everyday skills nobody really teaches us. 

We are joined by our usual Curious Co-Hosts, Colette and Sam, and our Curious Guests (and CK vets), Maureen (Mo) and Kevin.  (Surprise appearance by Morgan, one of the original CK founders).  Audio Wizardry by Bruce France Studios.  You can find out more about everyone by checking out our 'Contributors' page

We dig into the difference between being consumed by stress and creating distance from it, including how therapy, perspective shifts, and clear boundaries can stop someone else’s panic from becoming your emergency. We also explore how stress shows up in the body: tight jaws, shaky hands, chest tension, and that feeling of getting hijacked by your lizard brain. From walking and workouts to hammocks and standing desks, we keep coming back to one idea: movement and embodiment are not optional for many of us; they’re the fastest path back to clarity. 

Then we follow the thread into sound and emotion regulation. We talk about playlists that help you cry on purpose, binaural beats, ocean waves, and why singing bowls and sound baths can calm the nervous system so quickly.  If you’re looking for grounded coping mechanisms for stress, burnout, ADHD, anxiety, and grief, pull up a chair. Subscribe, share this with a friend who’s carrying a lot right now, and leave us a review with the one practice that reliably brings you back to yourself.

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Until then, Stay Curious!

Transcript

Welcome And The Curious Crew

Sam 0:06

Do you ever wish for a place where you can ask real questions without a fight? Do you ever want to sit with people who see the world differently than you and still feel connected? Do you ever crave a circle that listens more than it lectures and leaves you a little more human than when you arrived? If this is you, welcome to the Curious Crew Podcast. One honest question with many voices and with real connection. It's where we listen first and we practice curiosity with kindness and then become curious friends together. So without further ado, let's get curious. Welcome to the Curious Crew podcast, where we believe curiosity leads to connection. My name is Sam. That makes you you, and I am one of your curious co-hosts today. Each episode we pose one curious question voted on by the Curious Crew to our panel of curious people, and we get curious about their thoughts and their perspectives and grow into curious friends together.

Colette 1:14

My name is Colette. My pronouns are they and them. And I'm also your co-host for our time together, just like we do every month in person to get us warmed up. We kick off things by having folks who are sitting around the table share their name and their answer to the curious quickie. This month's is what's your inner monologue's catchphrase?

Sam 1:36

I love this question.

Colette 1:38

Well, then you go first.

Sam 1:39

Oh, my gosh. See, mine has a whole sound. I'm sure. Yeah, it's usually has some like and it's like that figures. That's that's what always is my inner monologue. Or like, really? Or like come on. It's always stuff like that. Rhetorical questions. Yeah. And usually some kind of soundtrack with it.

Colette 2:02

Okay. Trumbow noises, gotcha.

Sam 2:06

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I did I offend the clowns, the clown uh community with this one?

Colette 2:11

Sure.

Sam 2:12

Probably. Sorry to I apologize. It was insensitive of me. What do you guys think?

Maureen 2:22

So I guess I'll introduce myself. My name is Maureen. My pronouns are she, her, and my inner monologue lately has been into the bin. So there's this Australian TikTok influencer person. She wrote a book I read recently. And so, you know, they say bin instead of trash, trash can. So, like if something's terrible or a person's like somebody you need to write off, it's kind of like into the bin. All right. I like that.

Sam 2:53

That would be fun to how many times do you say that every day?

Maureen 2:56

I don't say it out loud. It's just something I think in your head per day.

Sam 3:00

How many?

Maureen 3:03

Like maybe a couple.

Colette 3:04

Okay. I feel like I would be like maybe once an hour, maybe more.

Kevin 3:14

Oh yeah. I should have thrown lots of people and been today. Uh my name is Kevin. My pronouns are he, him. And my latest catchphrase for the last couple months has been, are you effing kidding me? Back in my head. Yeah. Um, just because of some changes going on in life and frustrating career things that you can't really control. But it makes me feel better to go, oh, you effing kidding me.

Sam 3:39

That probably is the current planet's general unit of voice. I really think so, Sam. That is for sure.

Kevin 3:46

You're tapping into the inner uh the inner humanity site, guys.

Colette 3:50

Yeah. Yes.

Kevin 3:51

Maybe that will be our catchphrase for 2026. Like when, you know, MTV doesn't exist anymore. So I don't really know who looks back at that kind of stuff.

Colette 4:01

The YouTube Rewind.

Kevin 4:02

Oh, YouTube Rewind.

Sam 4:03

Okay. Don't they aren't they basically there's basically a whole I think on the web they're just replaying the whole catalog all the time.

Kevin 4:11

They are. There is a classic MTV like streaming service that is apparently going in order from like beginning to end of MTV's music video catalog of like when things were released. Somebody's gonna watch that. I've watched some of it because music videos are awesome.

Sam 4:30

They were back in the day. What about you? You I want to hear your inner monologue.

Colette 4:35

Um I don't, I don't know. It's pretty quiet, uh, except for I uh when I would say my inner monologue gets loud whenever I'm kind of frustrated. Uh and I just say lovey is something I'm always saying. And I had a mentor who always says, like, she's just so fatalistic to say I'm like, look, I'm just trying to surrender to whatever the fuck this life is. This is bullshit. Uh with agency. I just want to like let it go a little bit. Um, so yeah.

Sam 5:05

But yours is classy. I like a say lovy.

Colette 5:07

Say lovey, yeah. I like that. I don't I I could say it real redneck to piss off some of my immigrant friends who um I have a friend who really, really, really hates the way Americans pronounce any other language but English.

Sam 5:22

Oh, that's fair.

Colette 5:23

So every once in a while I'll mess with him and and say like his thing about bull bullion. I've a bullion. Oh. So in this in this case would be set set lovey. Oh just to mess with him.

Sam 5:39

Like coupe de gracie? Yeah, that's stuff like that. That's good. Um, how you guys feeling? Good? Yeah. Nice and warmed done.

The Stress Question And Ground Rules

Colette 5:47

Now we're nice and warmed up. Uh, we can move into our curious question for the episode. Uh, speaking of stress, when you're stressed, what helped you come back to yourself? And how did you learn that?

Sam 6:01

Hmm. Well, before we dive in, we have to do a quick overview of our curious code. Um, it's real easy. It's almost too obvious, but it's good to go over. Respect beats being right always. Uh, we listen up, there's no interruptions. We keep an open mind because it's how we grow. Um, this one is a big one. Respond with curiosity. We always want to try to ask questions before we make comments, after somebody's speaking. And last one is uh as ubiquitous everywhere, make this a safe space for everyone and every time. So now that we have our code, let's get curious about our question today. You ready when you're stressed? What helps you come back to yourself? And how did you learn that about yourself? Oh my. Who I I don't I'm gonna sit here for a minute. I'm not gonna answer this question. Somebody's gonna have to jump in.

Maureen 6:49

I'm here to steal answers. Oh, you're going for that technique. No, I mean like for the future for myself, not for tonight to answer. Yeah. No, I know what you meant. Okay.

Colette 7:03

Self-improvement. I feel that because I was looking at the question, I was like, I need new coping mechanisms. So I'm doing the same thing. I'm listening for some new strategies.

Creating Distance From Stress

Sam 7:15

I need to discover new things to do to relieve my stress.

Kevin 7:19

Well, my friends, um, fun fact about Kevin I have really incredibly high um adult ADHD and the anxiety that can come along with that. But I'm very fortunate in that I have had good health insurance for a long time. I have been able to have some very good therapists help me understand myself and even more importantly, how to approach stressful situations in my life. So this is not medical advice. I'm not a medical practitioner, therapist, or any other uh sort of professional. I have no professional licenses. I'm sorry. Um, but the biggest thing I've worked on is putting some distance between myself as in my inner monologue and what is stressing me out as a first step. Not like the only step, but the first step of like take a step back, look at the big picture. Uh and like 95% of the time, that does a really good job of letting me take a deep breath and understand that this is a little tiny thing, a little blip in my world out of everything else I have going on. And that's not even looking outside of myself with my relationships and with my community and our community globally.

Sam 8:47

So what do you like when do you have like a practice or a trigger that when that that happens? Like, what do you do to set that off?

Kevin 8:57

Um it usually unfortunately requires me feeling pretty stressed, like pretty under pressure before I go, okay, take a deep breath, think about this for a second. Okay. And um, I don't head to stress off like at the past, like cut it off from happening. Um but when it does happen, it takes me a couple minutes to be like, okay, let's think about this, let's find the best solution. Or if there's no solution, just kind of live in the muck of it, if need be. Um, but once I've identified that I am stressed, like to get back to being myself, uh depends on where I am and what I can physically do. I'd like to take a walk if I can. Be it, take the dogs for a walk around my neighborhood. Uh, if I'm working somewhere remotely, uh, as in not my normal home office, go outside and take another walk or go find a cup of coffee, whatever, something like that. Uh, I really like my hammock. I highly recommend everybody get a hammock for strikes relief, bird in your backyard, somewhere where you can see the clouds, uh, fire escape, roof. Doesn't really matter where. And this is medical advice you're giving people. This is 100% medical advice. And my code at Academy is yeah, and like laying stretching out on your hammock for a few minutes and staring at the sky, even if it's just a clear blue day, um kind of helps me find the perspective that this too can be will pass. Or if it's not gonna pass, I'll figure out how to accept it. Yeah.

Sam 10:34

That's the scary part. Distance, it's you have it it's it you you even your practices even are physically like creating distance.

Kevin 10:43

Right. That's kind of my way of getting out of it, of getting back to myself and getting away from yeah, the stress that I'm being put under. Um I used to work in the TV and film business, which a lot of people find really stressful. Um lot of neuro neurodivergent people that work on set and work on stages, I've learned, uh, who thrive on the chaos that happens with that. Um I I implement uh healthcare software now for healthcare systems and large hospitals, and that's also kind of chaotic uh profession to be in. Um I do well in that chaos. And I learned that when people are stressed that you're dealing with and they're projecting their stress onto you, it's basically they don't feel in control and they can't handle that. Yeah. And you really only have two choices as a human when dealing with someone who is stressing out and trying to pass it on to you and make it a community stress. You can either identify if you have the power, um, be they the physical powers to do something or the um emotional power to calm them down and make it better for them. Or you go, well, I'm sorry you're stressed, but I have to continue on my path because I cannot fix this for you right now, yeah, immediately. Or maybe even never. Yeah. And so, you know, you just have to like, it's not I'm kind of rambling a little bit, I'm sorry, but it's but it's almost as much about as distancing yourself from what's stressing you out, figuring out why that person is projecting stress onto you. Yeah. Because this is also another personal theory of mine, that stress is internal in us, obviously. It's an emotion, but it's one that we've learned, I think, interesting throughout our lives from when we were little tiny people on on up, um, from our our family members, from our friends, from relationships, because we don't we don't want to have to own to own and live into whatever negative reaction is coming from somebody.

Colette 13:19

Oh yeah.

Kevin 13:20

And so we we like, okay, I'm gonna be try to figure this out. What can I do about this? How can I how can I handle this? And you kind of have to embrace it. Sometimes you can't. And that you can't let it affect you at the same time. Um especially if you're doing something that is I mean, you know, you're doing a process that could be considered dangerous. Like you can't let people's stress get transferred to you. That's the the long and the short of it. So yeah. That's good distance, basically. That's all like that. And it's not like and it's not like I still get stressed all the time about weird things that probably shouldn't stress me out. Um what that's abnormal. That is abnormal. Nobody has that problem. And then there's saying then on the other side of the spectrum, as I was talking a little while ago, I have a leaking water heater at my house. And that doesn't really stress me out because it's solvable. Yeah. Not the way I want to solve it because I don't want to spend money on such a thing. Uh no, you had a good, you had a good, you know, it's solvable. It'll go outside.

Sam 14:26

It's all good. It's fine. Fine.

Colette 14:30

Uh is there any value from your perspective in like being stressed with someone?

Kevin 14:40

Oh. Ooh, you mean in a interpersonal relationship perspective? Possibly, but probably not. Which is a really terrible answer. I'm sorry, Colette. But it's to me, if you're stressed about someone as in like their behavior is causing you stress. Or you're just stressed about the reaction, like what's the No, I'm mostly just wondering about like if you're both stressed about the same thing.

Colette 15:21

But sure, it could be like an interpersonal thing that you're both like you're there, maybe there's a disconnection in the relationship that you're both stressed out about and you want to do something about it. But True.

Shared Stress And Boundaries

Kevin 15:32

Um I don't know if I would can I mean, yes, it's useful, but as in you can use that shared stress to find the distance to not let it affect you as much, or um work on the the issue that is causing it in the first place. I mean, you know, it's um like just about any other emotion that you can to me you can you can take the stress that you're sharing and you can use that energy in why are we stressed? How is this stressing us? How can we be less stressed about this thing? And unfortunately, there are things in life um that you can't de-stress, I think, you know? Like if you have a hundred dollars and you have a two hundred dollar bill due, you don't there's really no um not stressful way to to deal with that. Like that's a big deal. And at the same time though, if you express it to someone that's sharing it with you and you work through it together, and you like can own living in that mud and that muck and the mire of it. Um there's a lot of value in not being alone.

Sam 17:08

Is that where you're you were curious about from that standpoint? Like shared stress or like how do the what's the interplay? Like a scenario. What do you it was did you have a scenario in your head?

Colette 17:20

No, not really. Um it was kind of making me think of family systems theory. Oh like systems theory in general talks about the movement of anxiety. And um, I'll never forget when I was training my dog who is supposed to be a therapy dog. I told the like I have an anxiety disorder as well, and like told the trainer about it. And she was like, Well, now you have like two uh two entities um processing the anxiety, and so this like you're actually into processing less anxiety because you're doing it together. Because you're sharing all but I haven't always felt that to be true. Like there are some people processing the anxiety with them, just feels like they're thrusting it upon me.

Kevin 18:08

Oh yeah.

Colette 18:10

The which I think is what you were talking about.

Kevin 18:12

Yeah, which there are which happens.

Colette 18:14

Right. But there are other people that I don't necessarily feel that with. Um, but they're not they're not as uh common, I would think, as the other type. The person that kind of helps you know widen the loop of anxiety and and spread the anxiety love rather than yeah um feeling like you're doing a lot of emotional labor for them.

Sam 18:38

Oh, okay.

Kevin 18:41

That's a good question. Go ahead. I'm sorry. I definitely think of that as a family dynamic. Is that what you're kind of thinking of it? Yeah in that perspective, yeah.

Colette 18:54

Family dynamic and just like groups in general. Um I I think there are I I've been told that I'm a person that you know can be grounding for others. But like of course, like I grew up in a chaotic family and yeah, that was a big part of my role.

Sam 19:14

Right. Um survival skill.

Colette 19:18

Yeah, and a survival skill for sure, right? So um but I don't always feel like that person. Yeah, if that makes sense. Um But I think it's we also occupy roles in the rest of our life that are similar to our childhood. Yeah. We can reenact that same cycle with in the workplace in particular. I find myself reenacting that cycle a lot. Yeah. Anyway, I'm always wondering like, can I get somebody to help with this?

Kevin 19:50

Yeah. Yes.

Colette 19:52

Um, yeah. But to your point around isolation, I I think um there's a lot of value in that, but and um, but I'm always curious when people talk about isolation, it's like when when does that no longer work? Yeah. Like when do you ha is there a point of stress where you need somebody else?

Kevin 20:15

Yes. I mean yes. Um It is a leading qu question, but I like it. Uh yes, we definitely do. I mean if you leave stress bottled up in your own mind, it becomes a feedback loop and just gets louder and louder and it's becomes a cycle that can feel impossible to break, I think.

Sam 20:45

Yeah. Well, I think we your your uh your image of, you know, if two people come and share the load, you know, it is it does create its own distance and dis and dissipates the anxiety. So like, yeah, in a good system, that's it's almost supposed to be communal, you would think.

Colette 21:03

Right.

Sam 21:03

Yeah, because yeah, this this thing can only stretch so far as an individual. So it's almost you need to be able to do it communally. If it's hell if it's truly being shared.

Colette 21:14

Yeah, if it's truly being shared. I think about people who keep coming back for the same reasons and the same stress is like you haven't what if all right, is this all you're doing is you're just venting at people? Yeah. Like, are you actually doing anything to resolve this stress that you're enduring? Um that's usually when I feel like I put up boundaries with people because it's like if you keep coming around the same thing over and over, I'm like, hmm, I don't know, this is exhausting.

Sam 21:43

Take your own damn garbage out, basically. You're gonna throw out garbage, go take it yourself.

Maureen 21:48

Into the bin. Into the bin. Yeah, into the bin, oh.

Kevin 21:52

Do you know my former mother in law? Because I think that's exactly what you're describing. Um but it's I mean boundaries do help reduce dress. Yeah. Um you know the old adage. I suppose it's an old adage. Um your lack of planning is not my emergency.

Colette 22:16

All week left.

Kevin 22:19

All week. Mm-hmm. Mean that's pretty much how I feel like I've been living my life recently. And uh it's really free. Yeah. Um it's like almost like office space. Guys remember that movie? Oh god. When he gets when he gets hypnotized at the beginning and he just like suddenly doesn't care.

Sam 22:41

I do you love that line when he was in he was in like a review when there was people going through and they're they're basically trying to fire a lot of people to downsize the place. And so everybody's everybody knows it and they're so nervous. But then this guy, after he's been hypnotized to really not care about anything, he comes in and they go, uh, hey, you know, we've seen you've been missing a lot of work. He goes, Well, I wouldn't say I've been missing it. Does he and then you know what happens? You know what happens? He does all this stuff and they promote him. So it was a great movie, but highly recommend.

Kevin 23:18

Yep. And and curiously, um working in the corporate world at this point in my life, it's kind of true. It's true. Like when you're like, I did everything I could, and so many hours in the day and so much effort one can put into something before you uh you you have a drop-off in quality and sanity. Oh yeah.

Sam 23:40

Okay.

Kevin 23:41

I'm like, hmm. Okay then.

Maureen 23:45

Yeah.

Kevin 23:45

What are you guys feeling?

Maureen 23:48

Well, this is kind of a comment on what Colette said when she asked if you feel like you need another person to come into the picture at some point. My thought was it could you could answer it however you want, but like, were you thinking like a friend? A therapist? Like, there's different ways that could go.

Kevin 24:14

I think. Um like personally, my manager and I get along a little well. We're big we're big friends, and I'll be like, I will enter her sometimes about something that I'm like, this is causing a minute amount of stress, but I'll feel better when I tell somebody. She's like, okay, that's cool. Um but like the bigger stresses like big life changes and things like that. Therapist is really helpful for understanding oneself.

Movement As A Stress Outlet

Sam 24:44

And I was just real what's going on. Going back to that same image, like good therapy is nothing more than reflective energy, really. Yeah. You know, it's it's well, it's helping you pro just sharing the load a little bit enough for you to slow down and process it yourself. But what else is what what else is stressing people out? I because I can do mine. Mine's pretty similar to yours, uh, except uh a little bit different, Kevin. Uh I know um in a it took me I'll explain how I got there, but I never uh I uh I have to do something physical when I'm stressed. Like literally, I gotta walk, I gotta move, I gotta do push-ups, I gotta I used to be, I used to punch things, you know, like I had to do something. And I never understood why I did that, but I remember uh it was the first time I ever encountered um a psychologist because I had to get evaluated um mentally for a job I was taking. And um, you know, I did all the tests and I come in and we had a good conversation. And I don't know, I I I must have said something because he's like, Do you carry a lot of stress? And I'm like, Yeah, you know, sometimes, you know, and whatever, you know, I did the usual sometimes, yeah. Well, I mean time it's like 10,000 pounds. And um, and I'm uh and I don't know how he figured this out. Well, we just in a side of five seconds, he five minutes, he's like, whenever you feel stressed, why don't you go out and like do something? And he he did this whole thing about I, you know, your energy seems to be, you know, very you have a very embodied energy that but also it's physical. So you don't just think about you know doing something. In fact, you need to go do something that doesn't make you think. And um and I was like, what? There's no way. And I remember the first time I did it, I was feeling the stress. I was like, oh shit, let me just go outside real quick. And uh inside of like five minutes, I was like, oh, I feel like a normal person again, and I can think. But like I doing something physically has been the biggest thing that's helped me get like back into that state where I can at least get to uh what Kevin's talking about, where you can look at the situation with some kind of you know clarity, then then your lizard brain kicking in and getting ready to you know fight something or somebody.

Colette 27:10

Yeah. Do you does it have to just be anything or something related to the stress?

Sam 27:18

Oh, you mean like the physical activity?

Colette 27:21

Yeah.

Sam 27:22

Uh no, see, I think uh for me it's it well it does depend. I think getting out like walking is the best thing for me. So luckily, I I mostly uh have always had a job where I can be do something, like be somewhere and then go out and walk or do something physical like that. I mean, I do think that if it's really um like really pointed, like I have to do something like aggressive sometimes, you know, where uh you know I've done that before where I've um not so much punched something, but like kind of did those, you know, move because I used to fight uh and do combat sports when I was younger. And so like that kind of aggression helps some like for the for the really, really hot stuff. But that's when I sometimes I wish I had a punching bag sometimes. Because uh yeah, but then you know, I'd probably break my damn wrist now. So demo. But yeah, but yeah, I would say the to degree of the pointedness of the stress would require more more aggressive physical um expenditure.

Colette 28:38

My therapist that like recommended growling, like really uh and you like make your face crazy uh when you do it. Um and it it really does help a lot with like the aggression aggression energy to get it out. Yeah.

Sam 28:54

Things are gonna get weird, Morgan.

Colette 28:59

Um I find it it's helpful and it feels really good. Like I don't know about y'all, but whenever I'm particularly uh have like aggression related stress, I get really tight in my jaw because usually I'm trying to keep my mouth shut so I don't say something that's gonna get me in trouble. Um and so doing the growling kind of uh releases some of the tension in the job.

Sam 29:25

Interesting. I'm gonna try that now. Because I I will admit, you know, because I've done that technique every now and again where you just just scream.

Colette 29:33

Yeah, I primal scream, right?

Sam 29:34

Yeah, that's very helpful. I mean, that's for like DEF CON one situations.

Colette 29:40

Well weekly, at least.

Sam 29:42

I didn't say how often DEF CON went once daily or PRN as needed, you know. Yeah, PR. Oh, I know that statement. PRN is needed.

Maureen 29:55

Did anyone feel like the answer depends on the type of stress? Because I feel like it really depends on what is stressing me out and also my time constraints. So I might be stressed because I have a deadline coming up. So that means I don't have time to go on a walk because I have to focus on the thing that needs to get done. Yeah. So then the adrenaline kicks in and I'm just like, okay, I have to hyper focus and just get this done. Then maybe later I can go on the walk or veg out on the couch and watch TV. And also if it's like an interpersonal thing that's stressing me out, like a relationship, how I respond to that might not be the same as how I respond to like work stress or something. Yeah. It may depend. Like if my mind is racing about something, I might not be in the state where I could sit down and enjoy a TV show. Like I, but then in a different scenario, I might be like, I need to do nothing right now. So I can turn on the TV and zone out or whatever. Uh for me, the answer I think depends. So I was wondering if it depends for you all.

Sam 31:00

No, I didn't, because I thought about the same thing because I felt like, you know, after putting this question down and then thinking about it, I thought, oh my, but then you have to talk about the kinds of stress that you have. And then yeah, I thought about that in different scenarios too. Cause yeah, there's sometimes I didn't even talk about for me, there is a option of just clicking your brain off and I don't just staring at a TV and just letting it think for you for a minute. Yeah. That's that's a that's definitely something that I've utilized before in a given situation.

Maureen 31:35

When you talked about wanting to punch something, I was envisioning like axe throwing. I was like, maybe that would be a good thing, like, but not everybody will have an axe and a stump in the yard.

Sam 31:45

Somebody's gonna have an axe and stump by tomorrow now that you said that's a good idea.

Maureen 31:52

Or you go to one of those places game on and throw axes.

Sam 31:55

Oh, yeah, that's probably safer. Yes, I'm sorry.

Maureen 31:57

I know you have an axe.

Colette 31:58

You got one when we were digging that grave. Yeah.

Sam 32:01

Don't be talking about my business. I think yes, I do have an axe.

Colette 32:04

My cat's grave.

Morgan 32:05

Right, and then a person's grave. Like this got a little ominous. That grave. That grave. It wasn't my grave.

Kevin 32:15

You know, you say that, but that actually happened in New Orleans. Like, oh, I know. I used to live across the street from the Jewish cemeteries. There's a whole row of them in Gentilli on a legion filled avenue. Oh, really? If you're ever out that way and you're interested in the Jewish heritage of New Orleans and the people that lived here and died here, it's a good way to spend an hour. Um, but they're very narrow like spaces between the crypts and tombs. Um, and so they would dig the grave by hand. Yeah. And then the tradition is the family would fill the men of the family would then fill in the clothes. And so like you would have guys that took off their suit jackets and dress shirts and ties and everything, and were like, you know, filling in their loved ones' grave. Yeah. So like hearing that you had an axe and that you were digging your grave with it, I was like, were you at a at a Jewish funeral?

Sam 33:14

Uh the sad thing is, not that one was was she Jewish? Was she Jewish? I can't remember.

Colette 33:20

What my cat?

Sam 33:20

Yes. You should know this as the mom or as the parent.

Colette 33:24

No, Jenkin was was not uh no, he's not Jewish.

Sam 33:28

Are you sure?

Colette 33:29

I don't know.

Sam 33:30

Okay.

Colette 33:31

You didn't have like a little kid of yamaker.

Sam 33:33

So no, we did not have a Jewish cat funeral at that one, no. Okay. But uh this also wasn't the first grave I've dug, so we're just gonna leave that there. There isn't there's another level of stress relief that I haven't really talked about.

Maureen 33:44

I'm not connecting the dots why an axe and not a shovel. I'm like hard ground.

Colette 33:50

Yeah, the hard was the it was like clay and roots and everything. Yeah, that's why I like I couldn't do it by myself because it that was some.

Sam 33:58

Oh, it was yeah, it was tough. So we had to get a really good axe. And I've that was a very good stress reliever.

Colette 34:05

Me too. Like honestly, I could tell you were, but um, the stress of like you know, he was gonna die. I was gonna have him in in-home euthanasia uh the next day. And I was like, we gotta dig more grapes because it really did help me process the stress of the grief in a really like positive way.

Sam 34:25

Yeah.

Colette 34:26

Yeah.

Sam 34:27

Um didn't we kind of talk about that at some point? That that that uh there is a lot of cultures that what you're talking about, Kevin, that is that is normal.

Colette 34:35

Norm.

Sam 34:35

In fact, it's like part of the whole ritual, right? That the family is has a big hand in that.

Stress, Grief, And The Body

Colette 34:40

Yeah. I think it's uh like we've sanitized death so much, and I've worked in healthcare too for you know my entire adult life until recently. And like the sterilization of death, I think is is locking in some of the stress of it into our like bodies. Um because yeah, in a lot of cultures, there's not only like digging the grave, but washing the remains, um, preparing the body for burial. Like there's an intimacy with death that we don't necessarily honor. Um, and I think that's part of the reason why our grief can become so um, I don't like the word the use the word stuck, but it like it gets trapped inside of us because we're I I think we need some sort of physical something to like let the energy out. Oh yeah. Yeah. Cause like well, and ever when I was reading this, it's like stress, it's positive and negative, and it's also just like a neutral thing. Stress is just like neutral. Um it's just like increased energy. Like, how what do we do with it? Um I think it wasn't until I started clowning that I realized how physical I was as a person, how much I had so much uh uh stress like locked in my body. And uh in 21, when I started taking clown classes, it was like I would be in a really bad way before class, and I'd go and I'd you know, make me moving my body in all these weird ways. And um, and when I'd be done, I would feel so much lighter, like physically lighter and more um uh like not as tense in my muscles and all of that. Uh but I also found like I could emotionally explore what the stress was more as a result of clowning. Because it was like all the tension built up in my muscles. I was kind of like free um to explore like what what was going on underneath all of that. Yeah. Um, which is sad because like I've I I wish I'd have given myself permission to clown as long as I've always wanted to be a clown, which was when I was a kid. It's one of the things I've known the longest about myself is that I've wanted to be a clown. And I don't know why, like I don't know when that happened. I have no recollection of the first clown I ever saw or anything like that. I don't remember going to the circus as a child. I don't know where it came from, but I think there's something inside of me that just always knew like you've got to move in order to like be a human being. Um and from a young age. Yeah.

Sam 37:29

Really?

Colette 37:30

Um, and to feel like fully like myself. Yeah. I wouldn't need it to clown. Um, and it's not just the the laughter that comes with it. I was actually just reading before I came here about how when we see other people laughing, our bodies get like jealous of the other, like the reason laughter is so contagious is because our bodies get uh jealous of other people's bodies feeling good. I thought that was so funny way, a funny way to put it. But that's definitely been my experience. But also, like, um I've seen really good clown that provokes tears, yeah. Like in a cathartic way. And um, yeah, I think that exploration of emotion um is what always helps me come back to myself, but not in a in a heady kind of way. I I I've been in therapy for a long time, but I was in the kind that was like very in your in your head, very cerebral, very much like intellectualizing your emotions rather than experiencing them. And it wasn't until I got into clowning that I started experiencing my emotions more rather than just like compartmentalizing them into an insular little box and locking them away somewhere.

Sam 38:48

It's interesting that we don't we don't really get taught how to deal with stress at all, basically.

Colette 38:55

Only implicitly to Kevin's point.

Sam 38:56

Yeah. Yeah. So it's really not it's not getting trained at all. It's it's it's just like going, you know, you're just basically out swinging in the wind. Like formal training, you know, and I think I kind of remember some of that stuff growing up where they would be like, you know, get the wiggles out and stuff like that. But uh, but it um it would be or like you know, take a deep breath and you know, center yourself. I've I've seen the you know schools playing with that, but I wonder if we, you know, spent more time like exploring, especially the movement-based stuff.

Colette 39:28

Yeah.

Sam 39:29

Uh because yeah, we've I think in general it seems we've we've uh intellectualized stress, you know, and how we anxiety and how we process things. It's very intellectual.

Kevin 39:42

You you know you say that, and that is true, we do. Uh my daughter is seven years old in second grade, and she's not great at math. And we're not sure if it's a little she might have ADHD, you might have a little bit of a learning disability, or it's just not her mode of thinking. But her teacher discovered that she does a lot better on doing addition and subtraction, like quizzes, tests, worksheets, whatever we call them now, uh, if she's standing up. Oh. Than if she's sitting. That's a good catch. And it like lets her fidget a little bit as she does it. And a little bit of movement must really help her because she has a lot better at it. And so uh and she already had like some adjustable desk in her classroom. So when she's doing math and she now like stands. Great job for the teacher, catch. Imagine that, you know. And um yeah, it's really impressive that she she was like, Wait, you do really well standing up how to talk to you about this more than you do when you're sitting at a desk. Well, that teacher better get teacher of the year. That's I think you should too, for a multitude of reasons, but uh yeah, you know, it's like and the the and the thing that really uh uh interested me about it and talking to her um our teacher and seeing how she was doing with doing homework at home standing up in the same thing again is that that movement let her escape from being stressed about it.

Sam 41:22

Oh yeah.

Kevin 41:23

So there's a lot to that. That's confined, yeah. Last confined. And honestly, I have an adjustable desk, and if I'm doing something that is stressful, quote unquote, um I'll do it standing up and working rather than sitting down. Um I have a standing desk too. I mostly leave it at standing. I have to go back and forth. 45 minutes is my yeah, I found from a pack. But anyway, uh, so there's something to the movement and stress. Like it's a um maybe it's just some kind of innate biological marker that we have of well, if we're moving, we're working to mitigate whatever is called stress, like for sure. Probably a lizard brain.

Music And Sound To Regulate

Sam 42:16

You know, Mo, I was wondering, because you you hadn't uh kind of asked a question also talked about you know how you handle stress, but you know, we've been talking a lot about movement, but you were saying in some situations, you know, turning your brain off in if I heard you're right, that's a like what what situation is there a consistent situation where that is or a stress for stressor, I should say, is is is where you that's where you end up going to that?

Maureen 42:44

I don't know. I started to even make a list before I came here, like different ways I deal with stress. And as I made the list, I was like, well, in some cases, nope, no, I don't want to do that. And other cases, I'm like, yeah, that'll work. So like I put time, because for some things it's just gonna take time for me to not be stressed that some a little bit of time needs to pass. And for other cases, I put like gym, like I want to go like do the tricep press, do the leg curl, like just work out something and be physical, do something, and then I don't remember if there's another one. I mean, I didn't put this on the list, but I think also maybe even just take a nap. Sometimes you just need to take a nap. Yeah. Um, and then while you all were talking, I start thinking about I feel like there's a cliche answer of like, you need to meditate, you need to take up yoga, and like, oh my gosh, that like sends me into a rage when people suggest yoga. I cannot tell you how many times in my life people have suggested yoga to me. And I'm like, no, yoga makes me feel bad about myself. Just reminds me I'm not flexible. I can't do the stances, yeah. And then I just like don't want to do it. I'm just like if I I've turned on the YouTube and tried to watch a video where they're doing walking you through it. I'm like, screw this. I'm not doing this. This is not helping at all.

Sam 44:08

Just add stress. Yeah.

Colette 44:11

Last week my therapist was trying to recommend journaling to me, and I kept rolling my eyes at him. I feel that so much. Yeah, yoga in the chronic illness world. Like, just do yoga, he'll be fine. I'm like, get out of here with that shit. That bullshit in my life.

Sam 44:30

Let me twist you up in a pretzel.

Colette 44:33

I actually had a physical therapist tell me not to do yoga. She's like, you're hypermobile and you're too flexible. So this is a bad idea. You stop doing yoga.

Sam 44:43

Really?

Colette 44:44

So you could just if you want a Nick C is not to do yoga, you'd borrow mine.

Sam 44:50

Um sorry, I'm hypermobile. And so my doctor said that's good.

Maureen 44:56

Oh, another idea that crossed my mind as I was on my way here, because I was actually kind of stressed at the end of today, like, because I was trying to leave, and um, we have glass recycling that only happens once a month at the location I was at today. And I'm like, almost never at that location, but the other location is being repaired. So I was there. I had all my glass, and my boss had put her glass in the pile too. And normally you hear the sound of people downstairs dropping glass in the bin when they come. So you'll it'll be a cue, like, okay, take all the glass downstairs. I never heard the glass today. And I had just clocked out and I was like, oh my gosh, all this glass. I forgot about the glass. I never heard the glass. And then I asked people at the front desk and they were like, Oh, they're still here. So then I like ran office and I brought like all this glass downstairs. It took me two trips and I had to take the elevator. And so I was kind of stressed because I was like running late here. Yeah. And I'm like, but I have to get the glass, you know. So then anyway, long story short, music is what I thought about. Because then on the way here, I'm listening to the radio. And then I was like, okay, I think music is one of the things that I turn to when I'm stressed. You're right. Like depending on your mood, you know, you pick what genre or whatever. But yeah, I was like, yeah, that can easily put you in a better mood or whatever.

Sam 46:18

You ain't kidding. I I just literally read an article, and this is not new, but read an article about you know handling anxiety and about my binaural beats and stuff like that. And so I was like, get out of town, you know. It's like whatever. So I literally been using them for the last couple weeks while I'm working, and like they're for real. And and and I've been playing with music too, just with different like stress relief. You t I've totally you stole my I totally didn't think about that. I've been using that a ton recently. Thanks for reminding me.

Kevin 46:46

That's so good. I actually use ocean waves every night when I'm getting asleep from like white noise to make my brain be quiet-ish.

Maureen 46:57

Yeah. You tried brown noise. Yeah. What's brown noise? Not good. I think it's supposed to be better for certain people. And you said ADHD, and I thought that brown noise might be good for people with ADHD, but I think it was like brown noise too, but it's there's there's different frequencies, a little different than what it is.

Sam 47:16

And so imagine yeah, imagine like remember the old TV static.

Colette 47:21

Yeah.

Sam 47:21

It imagine that just at like higher or lower pitches. Yeah, brown noise is a little bit lower. Yeah, lower pink noise is like more high pitched, brighter and white noise.

Kevin 47:32

Brown noise, if you have something called subwover, it can like take you to weird places on the cycle.

Maureen 47:39

So I think green noise is supposed to be good for people with tetanitis or something.

Sam 47:45

Yeah. Fun fact like uh that one horror movie, hereditary. They behind you know I'm gonna Morgan knows I'm gonna say this because I say this, because they actually have a specific frequency they put in the soundtrack of the whole movie that uh elicits anxiety from people. So, like literally, you're watching this movie and it's a really good scary movie, but it's also like hitting your lizard brain going like something's gonna happen. I don't know what's gonna happen. But it's like and it it works. Yeah, it's cool.

Colette 48:17

Well, I think I've seen not blue bar real type, but videos where they change the soundtrack of a very serious movie and it turns very dirty.

Sam 48:28

Yeah, yes.

Colette 48:29

I've seen that tracks to me that yeah, we use music to kind of like manipulate people's emotions.

Kevin 48:37

Yeah. Sound is the uh the great manipulator that we don't think about. Oh yeah, because I mean in my uh former co professional Chatters of Life, uh I produced a whole bunch of St. Jude's children's hospital commercials. And the soundtrack that they use in those and the way that they add it to the beats of their very emotional soundtrack. It's very impressive. There's a reason that that St. Jude has more money than they know how to spend because like their their charity has a huge huge uh marketing and research arm.

Colette 49:17

So Hillsong got notorious for that too. This that big mega church in Australia or whatever. There's a whole Hillsong like music camp you can send people to. They teach people the like psychology of music. Yeah. And what people don't realize when they're experiencing like a worship moment is a it is a it like formula, formulaic um it's a manipulation. Manipulation to make you feel like you're having this like emotionally high experience that you're connecting with God. No, you just like live music, Dave.

Sam 49:51

Um well, but music, but I mean, think about it though, because I I thought about that too. I because you know, we've been to a lot of concerts, Morgan and I, and I notice sometimes you can see the same type of expressions in those concerts. And it's like it's the music really like the the the content of the music doesn't matter as much as just the music, just the general music of it that elicits these these connections out of people.

Colette 50:16

Like I'm I don't at I don't like any of the theology of Hillsong music, but there was a time in my life when I that was where I was at and the kind of churches that I was in. Um and sometimes I will revert back to listening to that music just for that yeah, for that experience, like just just to have that release because I know it works. It's like I'm just hitting the the button saying like relax.

Sam 50:44

Yeah, I know it's gonna happen and I'm fine with it.

Colette 50:46

Turn off the brain that says this is shit theology because it is, yeah. Um, and just like have a moment where this is enough to like relax your brain. Um and and for you to have a little bit of an emotional high when you're having an emotional low. Yeah. Um yeah, that's a good thing.

Morgan 51:04

This is me with all musicals, specifically singing Defying Gravity.

Sam 51:10

Oh my goodness.

Morgan 51:11

And I know that makes everyone emotional. So whatever they put in that song triggers me every time. Goosebumps cry. And I'm crying. So every time. Every time every time you have one without fail.

Sam 51:24

You have no idea.

Morgan 51:25

It's not great.

Sam 51:27

We could be watching all kinds of stuff, and it's like just tear fest over there. Okay. Then she's got me crying. Now she's it's it's contagious. This disease she has. The crying at the music. Sounds like it.

Maureen 51:40

Wow.

Sam 51:40

Sounds like it.

Maureen 51:42

No.

Colette 51:43

Sorry.

Maureen 51:43

What were you gonna say? Do one. I was gonna say, you know how like um the purr of a cat is supposed to help with like healing or something. So maybe with stress too, like maybe animals or certain things like that.

Sam 51:59

Well, I did, I mean, I know we mentioned meditation briefly, but I um I was never much of a you know a fan of it until I had the um oh my gosh, the bowls.

Colette 52:13

Singing bowls, yeah. The singing bowls.

Sam 52:15

Now that really does do you you sit in the same position, but that frequency and you focusing on that really does calm your nervous system so quickly. So quickly.

Colette 52:28

I had a student who did a sound bath during like a chapel in at Oshner. Well, it was just like 20 minutes, but holy moly, I felt great afterwards. I'm like, I need a sound bath every day. Um and then yeah, there's the she had these big like bowls made of crystal.

Sam 52:46

Oh wow. They were really cool. Have you ever done you know what we're talking about, Maureen? The sound.

Maureen 52:51

I don't think I've seen them. You've heard them. Bath per se, maybe like seen like when you say bath, I'm picturing huge. I don't know. Maybe I've seen it, just don't know the term the with the word bath.

Colette 53:03

Yeah. They call it a sound bath whenever they try to fill the room with as much sound as possible. Okay. So it feels like it's the sound is bathing over you. Because if you're if you pay attention enough, you can kind of feel the vibration throughout your entire skin. And it feels like kind of like a shower of sound.

Maureen 53:23

I knew that my first mental image was very wrong though. When you said it, like my first mental image was sitting the somebody's like in their bath and they're like playing with tuning forks or something. I don't know.

Sam 53:37

That's that's a that's what I meant. What do you mean? I mean, uh why not? Let's try it. Um I would have been so cool, like saying my witness. You your sound bad thing is not what you're saying it was.

Kevin 53:52

But you know the the the circle back a moment to music that can elicit joy or help you find peace from stress. Uh I'm one of those weirdos that finds that like classical um Christian organ on a big enough organ will elicit the same response out of me. Oh yeah. I my very first job out of college, um, not United Methodist nor particularly Christian, but I was a TV producer for United Methodist Church in Jackson, Mississippi. There you go. And they have an absolutely magnificent uh uh French-Canadian made organ. And um, like it's the kind of instrument that um you can feel the sound waves moving over you. It's kind of like an OG sound bath, honestly. Yeah, like really is like an OG sound bath. And it was designed for the specific sanctuary that it's in, and um voiced for the dimensions of the room and the resonance and everything else. And perfect. The organist is uh uh professor and the kind of uh kind of musician that um gets invited to go on tour and play organs at cathedrals in yeah, you know, Western Europe in the summer and things like that. So uh I didn't realize that about myself or that an organ that would have such a powerful effect. Um so you know, it's the whole idea of how long have we used music and sound to as humans to reduce stress, to elicit joy, to elicit fear in in God or fear in government or fear in some power out there that we don't know about. Like is that part of humanity that we don't really talk about? Yeah.

Sam 55:55

What what kind of music you go to?

Maureen 56:00

I like to listen to really upbeat music, maybe if I'm trying to feel better, but on the other hand, maybe if I wanna make myself cry because I feel like I need to cry, then I might deliberately put on something sad just because I feel like maybe that'll help get it out of my system.

Kevin 56:18

Yeah, yeah. Well, it qualifies as sad though.

Maureen 56:22

Like pictures of you, the cure or something. I don't know. Um, because I'm goth. I love the cure. But uh another thought I had was like really you could go through the whole list of senses and like I'm not a candle person, but like somebody might like candles. Oh, yeah. Or other things that smell good to like maybe lavender place them in a better place. I don't know, like transport you because it's you know connected to memory too. So maybe I don't know.

Knowing You’re Stressed And Closing

Sam 56:52

Well, you're totally you now did two things that I totally I totally just remembered. I was like, Yeah, I literally have a lavender thing in my bag that I use sometimes to calm down and I go to music all the time. Wow, totally forgot about those.

Colette 57:07

Well, like the question of what helps you come back to yourself. I don't know, it just makes me wonder how do you know you've you're not with yourself? How do you know when you're stressed? I don't always know. Uh it usually takes somebody asking me how I'm feeling for me to even check in. I can be a bit um results driven if I'm too like focused on a task of like fuck your feelings, just keep going. Yeah is like how I sometimes live. Not a great, not great, but very true. Um, so yeah, it's I don't know. I'm always yeah, I'm kind of wondering how do you even know whenever you've gotten to the point where you need one of some of these things.

Sam 57:50

I'm I think I'm lucky because mine always expresses itself physically.

Maureen 57:54

Yeah, yeah, I was thinking, do you not feel it's in your chest or something? I think I'm so dissociated. Okay, okay.

Sam 58:01

See, because I'll even okay. It'll even my hands will even shake. And if but when I when it gets to hand shaking level, it's like, okay, I gotta go hit a button. Because this is yeah.

Colette 58:11

Yeah, I don't get me wrong, like there are people who I think if I I I can have that sort of like the shakiness. Um but like run of the mill that and that's an extreme for me, but like run-of-the-mill everyday stress. I'm like Yeah.

Sam 58:27

I don't always know. You kind of have to get have somebody bring it to your attention.

Colette 58:31

Yeah. Yeah.

Sam 58:32

Well, what about what about you guys?

Kevin 58:36

I generally know when I'm stressed because I'm not normally a stress set out person. Uh huh. Um partially because that's the way I've created my life, partially because my prior experiences have forced me to embrace the home and be like Okay. Yeah, I'm just gonna be like, You're stressed, I'm not gonna be stressed, I'm not gonna let distress me. I mean, it's you know, but it's a I mean I'm not saying that I'm like some kind of Zen master or anything like that, but it's But you have you have developed a pretty effective coping technique. I I have, I really have. And in some cases, that disconnection I don't think is particularly good for me. But um it or uh but yeah, I um I always know I can feel that when I'm stressed about something, like in my chest and in my uh like almost a headache. Yeah, like not like a migraine, but like a little bit of like front of my head. Tension tension in the front of my head kind of headache. Um but it's it's real though, it's there and uh yoga is much better if you take a 10 milligram red gummy first, just or just as a comment to put out there. Um that is medical advice.

Colette 1:00:10

Listen, no, yes, did you try that?

Sam 1:00:13

Oh, yeah. You'd see that's where you have to be at a lot of curious crew to hear the good stories.

Maureen 1:00:20

And I was in so much physical pain, I had this back issue that like a friend of mine took me to a dispensary, and I was like, I guess I'll try like cookies. Like, I don't smoke, like, and then yeah, I don't know what I'm doing. I ate three cookies and I'll like that's that's too many cookies, but I don't know what the right number is. I don't think I like any of this.

Sam 1:00:40

So when you returned to Earth, what was it like for being gone for 25 years?

Maureen 1:00:45

I just the two times in my life that I've tried an edible, the cookies and the separate incident with gummies. I just feel like I feel like crap. Um, and or I feel drunk and I just want this feeling to go away and then I like make myself go to sleep. Yeah, I'm with you. I don't like it either. I don't know. I don't like having it. I don't know if I'm doing it wrong or it's just me, but I'm just like, how do people enjoy this?

Sam 1:01:10

This is well as somebody who does it very rightly, you know. It's it's uh it's not a problem.

Maureen 1:01:19

Mental note, I am not sending this podcast link to certain people.

Kevin 1:01:25

We could cut stuff out. We can get stuff out. I uh I mean I I like every weird thing I've ingested, and so I don't do it because I'm like, hmm.

Sam 1:01:36

Well, we we we definitely don't have time, but that's a whole other thing. Like what we know what we have or what society has done using substances to avoid stress, and and you know how there is there is therapeutic stuff that we could do some, but there is also very damaging things that we can do when we use you know, lean into that stuff to to relieve stress long term instead of doing these things that we've talked about, which are you know, if you're talking about basically stuff we've done since we were you know barely human with music and dance and it's sound, and that's how I think in community and clown and clown is a clown. Is there somewhere on a a cave somewhere that somebody drew a clown?

Colette 1:02:22

You think it's it's in every mythology, every culture. There's clown some sort of clown archetype as long as humans have existed.

Sam 1:02:30

See, now we're gonna have to do a whole you're gonna have to do a whole expose on clown. Yeah, for sure.

Colette 1:02:37

Twists my arm. Uh we'll take a second. But that's it for today's Curious Conversation. Uh, thank you to our Curious Conversation partners. You can find out more about them in our show notes or come and ask them yourself at the next Curious Crew Gathering.

Sam 1:02:52

Yes, yes, yes. So thank you for letting your curiosity get the better of you today. We'll be back around the table again real soon with another curious question. So until then, stay curious. That was fun. That was good. Thank you for taking the time to listen to this episode of the Curious Crew Podcast. If there's something or someone in this conversation that made you curious, we want to include you in this conversation, and there's a link for that in the show notes. If you want to pull up a chair in person, we'd love to see you at our monthly gatherings. The link with dates, details, and ways for you to RSJP are in the notes as well. Do you have questions or curious about starting a curious crew in your area? Shoot us an email, which is found in our show notes. Thank you for letting your curiosity get the better of you today. We'll be back around the table again soon with another curious question. Until then, stay curious.