The Reality of Choice
Join us on our journey to uncover the truth about the challenges and consequences of women who have faced the difficult decision facing an unplanned pregnancy. Through their stories, we hope to clarify the reality of choice.
The Reality of Choice
Sexual Freedom - Juana's Story
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Freedom to express our sexuality is a natural and precious aspect of life. But does that right mean that it is healthy and without side effects that hinder what that freedom is supposed to provide? Can such liberties go too far?
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SPEAKER_01So let's get into it. Louise, what is freedom and how does the concept apply to the idea of sexual freedom? So, as defined by the Woodhall Foundation, and I quote, sexual freedom is the fundamental human right to experience, express, and define one's sexuality, pleasure, and relationships without shame, guilt, coercion, or state restriction. It promotes autonomy over one's body and rejects the rigid, social, moral, or gendered norms allowing individuals to dictate their own consensual sexual lives. End quote. So in this episode, we will explore the change in the conceptions of freedom in our society and what we see as the devastating consequences of this change on the lives of so many women.
SPEAKER_00Saying they need more and easier access, that it's imperative for women's health and wellness. But in our clinic, and in reality, we see the lifestyles, the decisions, and the expectations that the culture of sexual freedom and so-called reproductive health is diminishing women's health and flourishing, leaving them broken, physically and psychologically diminished, often alone and feeling betrayed. Is that the freedom you want?
SPEAKER_01And as an example of dozens of cases like hers, this is the story of Joanna. Welcome to the next episode of the Reality of Choice: Real Women, Real Stories, Real Facts. I am Thelma.
SPEAKER_00And I'm Louise, just two best friends setting out on an adventure to challenge, expose, and free women from false information and beliefs.
SPEAKER_01Our journey began several years ago in a medical pregnancy resource center for women facing unplanned pregnancies who need direction, support, and answers. We created this podcast to shed light through the real life stories we experienced and others experienced on the people and issues that are caught up in the debate about life and abortion. We have all heard the political side of the matter, but no one really wants to talk about the reality and effect on women. We are not lawmakers, activists, or lobbyists. We are just two women trying to share the truth.
SPEAKER_00The information we're going to be sharing with you is true and factual. However, the names of the women in our stories are changed to protect their identities.
SPEAKER_01She has a six-year-old son with another man in her home country, but they're no longer together, and she came with her son and her brother. Initially, she stated that the father of the baby, and we will call him Palo, is a married man with a child. She referred to the relationship as what we call friends with benefits. She told him that sex was okay, but that he needed to provide protection. And we have heard so many times that men say no, they don't like the feeling of it, and she agrees anyway. She took the plan B just in case. Like again, we've heard so many times she found out she was pregnant. He was pressuring her to abort as he does not want his wife to know. But she stated that she does not want to abort her baby. She acknowledged that she has overcome so many obstacles and is capable of taking care of this child. But it was then that she admitted that there is another man in the picture who she referred to as her boyfriend. He does want her to keep the baby, but he suspects that she is with other men and wants a paternity test. She then stated that she wants to know exactly how far along she is in order to know who the father is. She stated that regardless, she still does not want to have an abortion, but she is in a precarious place with no real support and no one to turn to who really has concern for her and her wishes. We also tested her for STIs, which came up positive, putting her health at risk.
SPEAKER_00And this is just one of hundreds of stories like this. It highlights a few patterns we see in the push for women to embrace what is called sexual freedom, which in reality causes them physical and emotional harm. We call it the myth of sexual freedom. This myth is that unlimited sexual experience is a good and a positive. Hey Thelma, do you know that there are sexual freedom summits? And there is actually a sexual freedom day September 23rd. And that organizations such as the Woodhall Foundation advocate for sexual freedom as a fundamental human right.
SPEAKER_01I mean, I'm sorry, Sexual Freedom Day and sexual summits. No, Louise, I have not heard of those. You know, I have heard of the Woodhall Foundation, obviously, because I quoted earlier, but can you please explain to me further who they actually are?
SPEAKER_00Sure, sure. The Woodhall Freedom Foundation, also known as the Woodhall Sexual Freedom Alliance, is an American nonprofit organization that was founded in 2003 that advocates for sexual freedom as a fundamental human right. It's basically all about your sexuality. It was named after a woman suffrage advocate, uh, and she was also an 1872 candidate for president. Her name was Victoria Woodhall. Victoria was born in 1830, 1830, somewhere in there. Her father was a con man and a thief. Her mother was illiterate and she was very much into spirituality. Victoria basically lived in squalor. She was beaten, she was malnourished, she was exploited by her dad, and possibly sexually abused. At 15, in order to escape her father's brutality, Victoria eloped with a 28-year-old alcoholic doctor who fathered a son and a daughter. After five years with him, she left him and struck out on her own, working as a medium and a clairvoyant. She was clearly intelligent and went from rags to riches twice, but it appears that her experience really radicalized her views on sexuality, relationships, and children, which eventually forced other defenders of the women's suffrage movement, such as Susan B. Anthony, to distance themselves from her. On the one hand, she testified that there were no laws to protect women from physical abuse at the hands of their husbands or fathers. Although, this is kind of odd, some states stipulated the size of the objects that might be used to inflict discipline upon a woman.
SPEAKER_01So bigger objects are worse than smaller objects?
SPEAKER_00Yes, the size of what they could hit you with. That's that's really crazy. So she had she had a good point there. Um women had no right to deny their husbands sexual access, and whereas men were allowed all means of sexual license, a woman who committed adultery was subject to a jail sentence. In 1868, Victoria Woodhall boldly instructed women to demand a single sexual standard, meaning one standard for all, and not to accept the view that sexual desire in females was quote unquote vulgar. Victoria preached a doctrine called free love that included the notion of marrying for love, as well as an easement of divorce laws.
SPEAKER_01So she she she's not afraid, is she? You know, I can agree with some of her calls for forms that would protect women and their equality and dignity, but I think she may have taken her stance way too far. I mean, she sounds radical even by today's standards.
SPEAKER_00And that's true. I mean, she I I like I yeah, I agree. She had a couple good points, but kept going too far. Like, listen to this quote from Woodhall. Sexual freedom means the abolition of prostitution both in and out of marriage. It means the emancipation of women and her coming into control of her own body. It means the end of pecuniary dependence on man, it means the abrogation of forced pregnancy, of antenatal murder of undesired children, and the birth of love children only.
SPEAKER_01Okay, wait a minute. I have a few questions on this. Because hearing that once is not enough for me to fully understand what she is trying to say. So just to clarify, she wanted to get rid of prostitution of any kind, including that sex in marriage is a form of prostitution because she is dependent on him. So does that mean that she thinks that a woman, married or not, should not exchange sex for financial security of any kind?
SPEAKER_00She basically said that sex in marriage is a form of prostitution because in those days, you know, most women didn't work. So they are actually trading food and shelter for for sex or sex for food and shelter.
SPEAKER_01So a woman uses sex for security.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. Okay.
SPEAKER_01And does she also say that a woman can now say who and when she can have sex with at her discretion and desire?
SPEAKER_00That's right. She was best definitely if you don't love him, you can leave him. I think she was married three times.
SPEAKER_01Oh, okay. And so just to go further, you cannot force a woman to get pregnant, and she can kill the baby post-birth if considered unwanted? This is the hardest one to take.
SPEAKER_00Yes. She said women deserve free sex, but then they also have the right to kill the child after birth if the child was undesired. Any child also that was not totally a product of what she described as sexual love.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so did she provide any insight on her definition of love? You know, what exactly is that to her on that?
SPEAKER_00I I don't know. I mean, it it's it is that that again, that's where she goes off the rails. Yeah. She's it goes too far. So anyway, today the Woodhall Foundation, like I said, it was created in 2003, promotes all forms of sexual activity as a fundamental human right in at any stage, with any person, with you know, it doesn't matter. Does that sound great?
SPEAKER_01No, not really. Because our experience with the reality of sexual freedom is that many women who come into our center are they're either unmarried, not in stable, monogamous relationships, they're not committed to the father and have a history of indiscriminate sexual activity.
SPEAKER_00And many have had prior abortions, which many regret. But they seem unaware of how they got into the situation in which they find themselves.
SPEAKER_01Because what we see is that the push to promote sexual freedom or sex with anyone and everyone, it hurts women. The push tells women that being sexually active is their right and does not have consequences. But you know what? We live in reality, and in reality, it does.
SPEAKER_00This idea of indiscriminate sexual freedom denies women real knowledge about the how their body works, the effects of their decisions that they're making, about their reproductive health. And I would even go so far as that by focusing so much on this sexual freedom and I am woman, it doesn't allow them to become the actual women they are meant to be. I mean, it really kind of thwarts a lot of their opportunities and their and their future choices.
SPEAKER_01That's a very good point. So let's just mention three of the patterns we see that frustrate us at times because we don't understand how we've gotten so far down this rabbit hole. And the first one is we see a lack of what we will call selectivity among women. And that's a lack of discrimination on who they choose to sleep with and an increase in hookup relationships and relationships based on convenience that end up hurting her.
SPEAKER_00We also see a huge misuse of plan B, the morning after pill, as it's called. And sometimes it can be the reason that women are pregnant, but we'll explain that in a bit.
SPEAKER_01Very much uh misunderstood. And we also see women carrying the consequences of promiscuity, because women are significantly more likely to end up with an unexpected pregnancy, obviously, than men are, and more likely to get an STI at a drastically higher percentage than men, and bear the long-term negative consequences of both of these. So let's start with selectivity. So, did you know, Louise, that the birth control pill has been proven to change women's taste in men? I didn't I didn't know that. Scientific American, the National Institute of Health, and other well-respected research outlets have reported several times, all the way back in 2008 to the present, on the impact of the birth control pill. It has to do with women's selectivity. Evolutionary biologist Sarah Hill reports on studies that show that estrogen increases women's preference for men whose faces, voices, and behaviors exhibit cues to the presence of relatively high levels of the male sex hormone testosterone. So we're talking square jaws, deep voices, and their swagger.
SPEAKER_00Well, first of all, I did read about this before. I have heard this. I had one of my nieces or someone was learn something about this in school. It's really fascinating. Yeah, it is. Um but the research also shows that estrogen lends or tends to heighten women's preferences for the scent of a man who possesses testosterone markers and whose faces and bodies are symmetrical. I didn't know you could smell testosterone. Yeah. The pill and other hormonal contraception keeps estrogen levels low, thereby suppressing those unconscious ways that we women choose suitable mates. Crazy to me. The research finds that women taking the pill reported less sexual attraction to their partners, less arousal than women not on the pill. And this is very important to me. It has been found that women who met their partners while on the pill and then they subsequently stopped taking it, reported less marital satisfaction. Obviously, this is not true for all women, but it has been statistically shown to have an effect.
SPEAKER_01Also, there are studies that have been done that show physical changes to the brain that occur when taking hormonal contraception, such as reduced inhibitions and lowered fear responses. In a June of 2022 article in The Frontiers in Neuroscience, a group of researchers used functional MRI technology to track the difference between brain function in a woman with a natural menstrual cycle versus a woman taking oral contraception. And they concluded that in addition to the well-documented physical side effects of hormonal contraception, you know, that women complain of, such as weight gain, risk of blood clots, increased mood irrability, and the decrease in libido, they saw visible differences in function in the prefrontal cortex and serotonin, the signaling areas in the brain, as well as other changes that they stated warrant further investigation. You know, and this is especially in the light of the widespread use of oral contraception in both adolescent and adult women.
SPEAKER_00So basically, the pill is statistically shown to change the way your brain, the way you think, the way you make decisions. And the way your decisions. Oh wow. So that comes that goes back to that how they select mates, how they select other the guys. Correct. Wow. This is not a good idea, ladies. We frequently hear from women who are taking oral contraception or had a patch, and then they stopped taking it because they don't like the side effects. That's very common. But their sexual behavior that they have learned over time did not change. The lifestyle patterns are harder to change, and they've already said yes to sex as a given, regardless of the state of their relationship and their openness to getting pregnant. That is how and why and when they end up hopefully coming to us, but more frequently finding themselves pregnant and feeling they have no choice but abortion.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so the second pattern we see on a consistent basis is the use or misuse of plan B. We will do an entire episode on this, but as just said, we hear women say that they stop taking hormonal contraceptives because they don't like the side effects, the moodiness, bleeding, etc. But then they continue the activity and they use plan B as their method of birth control. And what they don't understand is that the way the plan B emergency contraceptive work is to delay ovulation.
SPEAKER_00So basically, a woman can get pregnant if she uses the plan B because her ovulation schedule has been delayed but not stopped.
SPEAKER_01Correct. Because if the woman has already ovulated, it acts to deplete the lining of the uterus, which can inhibit implantation of the fertilized embryo, basically causing an abortion. But if she hasn't ovulated yet, it just delays it. So if she thinks she's in the safe zone, she could later get pregnant.
SPEAKER_00We definitely have seen that where someone came in and said, I took it two weeks ago, or I took it two weeks before, and but they're not pregnant. Yeah, she got pregnant because she just she she is now ovulating and she didn't know it. I'd like to add also that in 2022, the FDA changed the wording on their consumer information leaflet to say that there is no, this is a quote, no direct effect on post-ovulatory processes such as fertilization or implantation. Notice the words direct effect. It can have an indirect effect that ends up with the same outcome: an unwanted, unplanned pregnancy and often abortion. It also defines pregnancy as incurring after implantation in the uterine wall rather than at fertilization. They changed the wording.
SPEAKER_01So it's not a coincidence that this wording was changed in 2022 after the Dobbs decision returned the legality of abortion issue back to the states.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, they just wanted to keep the morning after pill legal in the states that were otherwise otherwise banning abortion.
SPEAKER_01So a woman who might even be tracking her cycle uses plan B, not knowing that it disrupts the cycle by delaying ovulation. To just say it again, she then has a sex a week or two later thinking she can't get pregnant at this time, and actually she is now ovulating. And it creates what it was trying to stop. We have seen this happen. You know, and they say uh we don't know, we don't know, understand how we got pregnant.
SPEAKER_00And this is not to mention the number of women who tell us that they use plan B as their primary birth control. This is not safe. Every article I could find on the subject recommends that the women not use plan B as birth control, but rarely do they go on to explain why. Plan B contains a dose of progestin that is ten times higher than the level in daily birth control. This huge dose of progestin causes more side effects such as headaches, menstrual changes, and it will significantly re-increase the risk of developing a blood clot in a vein in your body, which is basically deep venous thrombosis.
SPEAKER_01Women don't know this. They don't know this, and they're and they're what, buying them from like vending machines and bathrooms? Yeah. So what strikes me as crazy is all the concern you see online that about today about health and safety, you know, using organic products, the effects of GMOs, air quality, forever chemicals in our water, and on and on. But we are fine with ingesting huge levels of artificial hormones that disrupt our natural endocrine system. I mean, that is a huge disconnect we're seeing here.
SPEAKER_00Phelma, I totally agree. Anyway, the third area of disconnect that we see in this push for so-called sexual freedom is women are vastly more impacted by sexually transmitted infections, STIs, than are men. And they're more likely to become infected. Think about it, and this is a little bit of biology, but women have a much larger mucosal surface area, and sex can cause these little micro lesions, particularly if it's forced or rough. And the presence of more HIV and semen than in vaginal secretions all contribute to women's much greater vulnerability to STDs. We've already covered all the information and statistics on STIs, and if you missed it, please, you know, go on back and listen to our previous episode on this topic.
SPEAKER_01We are especially heartbroken when we see a client who is abortion-minded and has an STI. Because many STIs can be especially harmful to women during childbirth. You know, as we've mentioned, causing pelvic inflammatory diseases through vaginal transmission during delivery. The same is true during a surgical abortion. You know, I am thinking of a client who was planning on having an abortion, which was heartbreaking enough, but we could not get to come back for her chlamydia treatment. You know, women are being thrown to the curbside by a culture that says love is sex and sexual freedom is the highest goal.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. And this all culminates in the general recognition that among the many women we see, there is a tremendous disconnect between their knowledge of their bodies, how it works, and how beautiful and amazing they are. That disconnect and their actual behavior. The behavior is often very self destructive and puts the woman in more danger. Women are told that they have sexual freedom, and if you do get pregnant, abortion is your answer. No problem, move on, you know, rinse and repeat. But that is not the reality on the ground. Sexual freedom is not. Enhancing the lives of the women we see, not physically, not psychologically, not emotionally. It does not promote the true freedom that leads to a woman's flourishing in her uniqueness and in all aspects of her life.
SPEAKER_01You know, I think that's important to point out that the sexual freedom hurts her physically, psychologically, and emotionally. You know, all three that can be fully impacted. So, you know, that brings us back to Joanna, our woman, our mom for this week, and what decision she ultimately came to. Remember, she did not want to have an abortion, but she was in a situation where she felt she had no choice. Her choices until coming to see us, you know, giving a married man the benefit of her body with no commitment, no love, and giving the boyfriend who was more interested in the paternity than in her health, dealing with an SDI that, you know, who knows where that came from, she ultimately had an abortion. You know, it is a tragedy for her and her baby, you know, the baby that had no voice in the matter.
SPEAKER_00And this is the pattern we see all the time. I think I've said that a couple times at this point. We're told that we need abortion to free women and men, for that matter, from responsibility to help them achieve their goals. But in our population, we see women who are broken by this culture that says sexual freedom is right and empowering. It is far from empowering.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because what what Joanna wanted was for someone to say, We got this, we can handle this together. What she wanted originally was an actual relationship, actual love based on respect and trust.
SPEAKER_00Why can't we just go back to that? Why can't we teach women to empower women to say no? I'm gonna wait. We'll have sex when I know you are committed to me in marriage and to whatever outcome that might arise from our relationship. That means we're married, we're ready to face life together. That is empowering.
SPEAKER_01That's what's empowering. So this brings us back to what we asked earlier: what is freedom? So, really, Louise, please explain. What is true freedom?
SPEAKER_00Well, I'm no I'm no expert, but um I'm gonna go back to the work of the late Father Servas Pincairs. No, don't get me on that. Pincairs? Pink Pincairs. He uh OP, he was a Belgian Dominican friar, and he wrote after um the 1960s Second Vatican Council, during the time of the sexual revolution, he was writing descriptions of what he saw as the tale of two freedoms: the freedom for excellence versus freedom of indifference. So freedom for excellence is the classical view of freedom, which was that the main view of freedom since the time of people like Plato and Aristotle. It presupposes that man is actually ordered to choose the good, and to do so, he has the capacity to act with excellence as he wishes. In other words, this freedom indicates that ultimately we will want what we perceive as good and use our free will to pursue that good.
SPEAKER_01And so this freedom is present in children, as early as children, but needs to be honed and developed through education and practice, including the practice of virtues until it becomes second nature.
SPEAKER_00It unites one's actions into an ordered whole that is much more likely results in actual human flourishing, an authentic, long-lasting human joy.
SPEAKER_01So it's like to clarify, it's like the difference between a child freely banging on the piano and that same child receiving piano lessons and practicing so he or she can actually play a tune. Yeah, that's right.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. So by contrast, a relatively new idea is this idea of the freedom of indifference. And it posits that freedom is the ability to choose anything one wants without limit or reason. We are free from restrictions and free from responsibility. It is a freedom from and not a freedom for. It tells us that to be free is to be encumbered by discipline, by rules, by order. That is, under a law, is to be unfree and un and to be constrained.
SPEAKER_01So this sounds like a false conceptualization of the relationship of true freedom and just law. So it it places freedom apart from law. It basically turns the promise of Jesus on its head, and that promise of, you know, you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. So now they're saying something like, you will ignore the truth and ignorance will make you free.
SPEAKER_00That's basically right, yes. So another example, though, uh, of the difference between the two freedoms. So say I'm in college and I now have this tremendous freedom, I'm away from my parents, I am free to choose to stay out all night, to sleep with whoever I want, um, to take all kinds of unhealthy risks. This is the freedom of indifference.
SPEAKER_01Or, on the other hand, I am free to choose to get up, to go to class, work, meet people, form relationships, and challenge myself. This is using my freedom for excellence. So, which freedom do you think will lead to greater flourishing in the long run?
SPEAKER_00Obviously, freedom for excellence encourages the practice of virtues, things like self-discipline, patience, hard work, uh, delay in gratification, um, the practice of gratitude, etc. And it's there to attain higher goods and therefore authentic human flourishing. Freedom for excellence is a very Judeo-Christian concept, and I'm sure other faith they also embrace aspects of it, if not expressly calling it the same thing. It sees freedom as training ourselves to be able to make the choices that lead to greater and more lasting happiness.
SPEAKER_01So, using the call example, if I choose to study, get involved, and work hard, you open more doors to opportunity. And that is what we see in so many of the lives of the women we serve. Not because they are mean, evil people, you know, quite the opposite actually, but because they are raised and immersed in a culture that says anything goes, my body, my choice, and I can do whatever I want whenever I want it. But it doesn't give them the structured path for them to succeed and thrive in all aspects of life. It is not forward thinking, and it traps women in a cycle of bondage, and she is actually less free.
SPEAKER_00Honestly, you're right, Thelma. It does not work. It goes against the desires of our heart and soul to want the good. Actual good takes restraint, it takes virtue, patience, like I said before, and maybe some very hard decisions, but with an end goal of greater freedom to do the good, to attain positive goals, and to truly do the things that you are meant to do, that we are each uniquely meant for. It also protects women from being used by men who are practicing freedom of indifference, and that's a big deal. It decreases the chances that they let themselves be used and abused.
SPEAKER_01So, how do we turn this train around? How do we inform women that they are capable of a freedom for excellence, that they are strong and capable and worthy of the dignity of a real relationship, real commitment and real security. The promotion of sexual freedom has resulted in lesser relationships, less commitment, and less security for women. By removing the guardrails altogether, guarantees the train is going to go off the track.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we would love to hear your thoughts on how to steer it back on track for the benefit of women and basically really for all of society. We would love to hear from you. So please reach out to us through our website and we really hope to keep this conversation on the real the definitions of freedom and how to get our society back on track.
SPEAKER_01Yep, so that's it for this episode. Thanks for listening, and we hope you continue to ride along with us on our journey of the reality of choice. If you or someone you know is dealing with an unplanned pregnancy or any aspect of a pre-or post-pregnity decision, we want to hear your story. Please contact us through our website at www.the realityofchoice.com or text us at 660-454-0734.
SPEAKER_00That number is again 660 454 0734. Please share our podcast with others. Please like and follow us, and subscribe to our newsletter on our website to get news and updates. If you think this information is important, please leave us a five star review to help others find us as well.