Bonus Episode - Lexi's Story

We tell ourselves that a crisis pregnancy situation would never happen to us.  We are careful and would not be able to make that dreadful decision that terminates our right to motherhood.  But what if it does?  The situations and realities of our circumstances play a critical role in our ability to hold steadfast in our beliefs.  This bonus episode will provide a scenario that exemplifies the difference between what we want and what we may feel is “the right” thing to do.  Anyone is susceptible. Even you.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Have you ever heard someone describe a situation and think to yourself, I can't believe they did that. I would never do something like that. I think many people, including myself, have had that thought at various times and for various reasons.

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Yeah, and we tell ourselves that a crisis pregnancy situation would never happen to us. You know, we're careful and we would not be able to make that dreadful decision that terminates our right to motherhood. But what if it does? The situations and realities of our circumstances play a critical role in our ability to hold steadfast in our beliefs.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

So this bonus episode will provide a scenario that exemplifies the difference between what we want and what we may feel is the right thing to do in a specific circumstance. Anyone is susceptible, even you. As the saying goes, there but by the grace of God go I. This is the story of Lexi.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

Welcome to the next episode of the Reality of Choice. Real women, real stories, real facts. I am Thelma. And I'm Louise. Our journey began several years ago in a medical pregnancy resource center for women facing unplanned pregnancies who need direction, support, and answers. We created this podcast to shed light through the real life stories we experienced and others experienced on the people and issues that are caught up in the debate about life and abortion. We have all heard the political side of the matter, but no one really wants to talk about the reality and effect on women. We are not lawmakers, activists, or lobbyists. We are just two women trying to share the truth.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

The information we're going to be sharing with you is true and factual. However, the names of the women in our stories are changed to protect their identities.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

In this episode, we are going to tell you a story to give you insight on what a crisis pregnancy actually means. Because real-life scenarios play a huge role in a woman's ability to make a choice with regard to her future and the life of her child.

SPEAKER_01 2:04

We can sympathize with them as we can see how something so unexpected would extremely complicate what's already a stressful situation.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

But, you know, I also believe that only God creates life and he does not make mistakes. So an unexpected pregnancy is really only unexpected for her. That's really a good point.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

Something that appears to be so daunting to incorporate into her, you know, quote, plan or her existence may be the life-saving grace that these women direly need. They just don't know it.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

It is it is our job and what we do to help these women differentiate and evaluate what is in their heart versus what is in their head. You know, it's not a secret that women have a tendency to overthink things, which, you know, can many times override what we feel. You know, and these are two very different perspectives for those undecided and very vulnerable. Right.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

The challenges they face, most of the times, have solutions that we try to guide and support them to help them find them. The feelings and emotions of the heart cannot be compromised, or lifelong negative consequences will ultimately ensue.

SPEAKER_00 3:14

So on to the story. Lexi is one of those scenarios where pregnancy was not expected nor welcome at this time. So for a little background, she was one of eight daughters. She had a rough childhood as her parents were not great role models. So you can read into that. They were not around much when she was growing up, and this caused a very strange relationship and a very difficult home life. So when she was the young age of 17, you know, not yet an adult, she left her family to live on her own. She bounced around to various places and residents that she could manage, including, you know, New York, Florida, and eventually Texas, but all not where close to her hometown. So after some time, Lexi met the baby's father. You know, I'm not sure how. Um, then shortly after they got engaged. She finally had a stable arrangement, a good home, a successful partner with more than adequate finances. And they agreed on growing their family, and after much planning, their son was born.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

So it looks like everything was going well. Going well. Unfortunately, her good life did not last very long as he turned dark and his loving demeanor took a nosedive. You know, he became abusive, mostly verbally at first, but he got very angry very easily. And the hardest part for her was he would go out partying almost every night and was generally with other women. Try to imagine that screenplay for her. She thought she had escaped the chaos of her childhood. She had fought for herself and found a better place with a man she thought she had trusted. But it turned out that wasn't the case. She wondered what she had done to deserve these continued hardships. But she knew how to be strong and how to advocate for herself, as she had done that most of her life.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

So she finally realized that she'd had enough and told him that she would no longer put up with his behavior because she was concerned for herself and her son. And rightfully so, because as a result, he beat her to a pulp and sent her to the hospital. Oh my gosh. So unexpectedly, she then found out she was also pregnant. You know, he was arrested and is still currently incarcerated, and for how long is still to be determined. But at this point, while she was recovering, she was she was generally undecided about this pregnancy because she knew it would be hard with two children so close in age, and her living, job, and financial situations were uncertain. Her head told her that abortion would be a better option in her circumstances.

SPEAKER_01 5:49

Right. So not sure where to turn, she moved back to her hometown and was now living with one of her sisters. Her family, and by this I mean her siblings, knew of the pregnancy and they were encouraging her to keep the baby, even despite her difficulties. She learned that, and not surprisingly, her parents had split. Her mom was now homeless, as she was a drug addict and, as Lexi put it, parties in the street. So there was no healed relationship there and definitely no support. Her dad had started recently trying to be part of her life, but there was a lot of damage that had been done, and that road was going to be slow. She stated that she does not want to be involved with her husband anymore, which is understandable, but she believed that her children need a father and was hoping that he would be part of their lives if and when he got out of jail and was no longer a threat. Definitely a hopeful but very guarded aspiration.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

As she told her story, we helped her see that, even though her situation was untenable, she had overcome obstacles in the past, and a lot of them, and by talking out her situation and her strength, she slowly came to realize that she could do it again. In her heart, without considering her challenges, she wanted to keep the baby. But, you know, at this point she was scared and concerned about the pregnancy as well. Right.

SPEAKER_01 7:13

It seems like, as she explained it to us, her son was had been a premi, and she'd had an emergency C-section at 32 weeks, which is traumatic to begin with. He had he was only 18 inches long and only three pounds at birth, and had to fight hard for his life. Then she noted that she'd had two other pregnancies prior to this one and before her relationship had broken to pieces. One was a miscarriage and one ectopic. So she knew the pain of losing a child. For her, it was more than one.

SPEAKER_00 7:45

Yet all of this came pouring out as she felt for the first time that someone would listen. She was being heard and her concerns and emotions were validated. It gave her the space to admit her fears, but also see that someone cared and was genuinely there to help her. It is important for all of us to understand that her heart is where her decision needs to come from, because that is where her happiness or sadness stem from. And that is the decision between keeping the baby and abortion.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

And I would also point out that we a lot of times we see women, we hear their stories, and they often say that like this is the first time that anyone has ever said, you know, how can I help? or tell me your story, that where they felt like they were being listened to. It's amazing to me. But back to this. In our conversation, she stated that she did have a belief in God and understood that sometimes we're given unexpected challenges, not to test us, but to generally be just what we actually need. God does not give us what we can't handle. Sometimes the most difficult parts of our lives are also the most fulfilling.

SPEAKER_00 8:52

True that. You know, she was being the o she was being given the opportunity to again love something more than life itself. She realized that she was never again going to be alone. And through this discussion, she said, quote, Well, saying it like that just made my decision to keep this baby much easier. And at this point, you could see the weight lift off her shoulders, and she began to smile, and she realized that she had been given and granted another chance for the ultimate gift.

SPEAKER_01 9:21

We tell this story because it's important to understand the impact that personal situations can have on a woman's decision process. With her first three pregnancies, she had never thought about having an abortion. She wanted to be a mother and loves her children.

SPEAKER_00 9:36

But because her life significantly changed due to consequential misfortunes, she considered doing something that she never thought she would or could do. You know, it is true, and we have seen it many times, that women choose abortion based on fear and the struggles in their head and do not listen to their heart. You know, afterwards they often experience great sadness for the loss.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

Yes, post-abortion stress disorder is well documented, and we will be doing an episode on that in the future. And a point to make is that many times abortion is more difficult than a natural loss of a pregnancy because of the decision behind it that she caused it, which adds feelings of guilt and shame to something that's already traumatic. Recovery from this type of tragedy can take days, weeks, but most of the time years, and that pain is commonly suppressed and managed alone as it is too shameful to admit.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

So this is why it is imperative for an undecided woman to find the support to peel back the so-called layers of her onion in order for her to understand what is utmost best for her to weigh all of the pros and cons to determine what all of her options are for any challenges she is facing, so that she can make the decision that she will be happy with for the rest of her life.

SPEAKER_01 10:57

And for Lexi, after she decided to go ahead with the pregnancy, we were able to connect her with other resources that would support her throughout the pregnancy and beyond. She was grateful for the information and all the help we provided. She had the chance to finally open herself up and let her real thoughts and feelings be exposed.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

You know, we gave her, we gave her the opportunity to find her inner strength that empowers her to do the meaningful hard things that make life worthwhile. In the end, Lexi's stories demonstrates the meaning of the slogan save them both. Because her sick her decision to continue her pregnancy saved two lives, not just one. If you or someone you know is dealing with an unplanned pregnancy or any aspect of a pre-or post-pregnant decision, we want to hear your story. Please contact us through our website at www.the realityofchoice.com or text us at 660-454-0734.

SPEAKER_01 12:00

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