32. What if I'm not a writer?

In this episode of For Women Who Write, Mikaela challenges one of the most common beliefs aspiring authors hold: “I’m not a writer.”

If you've ever felt like you aren't creative enough, talented enough, or qualified enough to write a book, this conversation is for you. Mikaela explores how limiting beliefs formed through past experiences, criticism, and self-doubt can keep women from pursuing the book that's been on their hearts for years.

Through personal stories and powerful examples, she reveals why writing isn't about fitting a certain mold or possessing natural talent. Instead, it's about showing up consistently, developing your skills, and embracing the identity of someone who has something meaningful to share.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why the belief “I’m not a writer” may be the biggest obstacle standing between you and your book
• How past experiences can shape your identity—and how to rewrite that narrative
• The difference between being a writer and feeling like a writer
• Why consistency and practice matter more than perfection
• How to redefine “good writing” as creating transformation for your readers
• Practical mindset shifts to help you start writing with more confidence and less fear

If you've been waiting for permission to write your book, this episode is your reminder that writers are simply people who write. Your story matters, your message has value, and the book you dream of writing may be much closer than you think.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to For Women Who Write Podcast. I'm Michaela, a certified writing coach, editor, and self-publishing expert with over a decade of experience helping women turn their ideas into powerful, best summoning books. If you felt the call to write, share your story, share your experiences, how you can help other people, then you are in the right place. Here we talk about the real conscience of writing and publishing. From finding a voice to structuring a book, from overcoming resistance and imposter syndrome to launching it into the world with confidence. My mission is to show you that become a published and best-selling author if it is possible. It's absolutely within reach. Your story matters, and chances are you're closer to holding your finished book in your hands than you think. Hello and welcome to another episode of For Women Who Write. On today's episode, we are going to talk about something that I hear all of the time. In fact, I'm recording this after I had a couple of conversations with women in one day about their books and writing, and every single one of them said some variation of what we're going to talk about today. They all said something along the lines of, I'm not a writer. I'm not super creative. I don't do well with words. I'm not a words person. Something along those lines was something that they all said in those conversations. And I want to talk about that today in this episode. If you're listening, maybe you can relate a lot to this sentiment. Maybe you have said something along those lines before and you have allowed that to prevent you from actually writing a book. Or you feel like it's almost this like special club that you're not really like allowed to be a part of because of whatever reason, because you're quote unquote not a writer. And we're gonna talk all about that today. And I'm gonna flip that on its head for you because the reality is that is not true at all. You are telling yourself a story that is dictating your actions, and you have a lot of control over the story that you tell yourself. And if you continue to tell yourself, I'm not a writer, I'm not a writer, then you're never going to write. So we're going to flip that on its head today and go way more in depth of what does that actually mean and what should you be thinking instead of I am not a writer. So let me start off with a story. We moved into the home we're in right now about a year ago. And the house that we were in before this one had these giant, beautiful oak trees in the backyard. We loved them. When we first bought that previous house, we were so excited to have them. It was a big backyard and we had these two big oak trees. Well, we were very naive because although they were beautiful trees, they were so difficult to maintain. And they also killed all of the grass underneath the trees. And so we never had any grass in our backyard. It was usually just a pretty big, muddy mess because of these oak trees. So when we moved into our new build house, unfortunately, there are no large trees. Fortunately, unfortunately or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, but there are no large trees in our backyard. We have like one little baby tree in the backyard. But on the positive side, we have a lot of grass. Now, I'm just not used to having grass in my backyard, honestly, and I kind of forgot how grass works. And so one day I was out in the backyard and cleaning up after a storm that had rolled through a couple of days before, and a lot of the kids' toys had like been kind of tossed around in the backyard. And so I went over to go pick up a tractor that my boys have, and it had been like pushed over on its side. It's one of those like petal tractors. And so I picked up the tractor, and when I looked underneath it, I saw the grass was starting to die in the exact shape of the tractor. So instead of it being green, it was like this yellowish color. And the grass was slowly starting to die. And the reason for that was because the tractor was on top of the grass. It was blocking the grass from the sun. And now the grass couldn't grow. Now, obviously, that's like grass 101, right? Like grass needs the sun in order to grow. And as soon as I moved the tractor out of the way, within the next couple of days, the grass came right back to being green. No problem. It didn't die. But the reason why it could not grow, the reason why it could not be green and thrive is because it had something blocking it from the sun. And I think that these thoughts we have of like, I'm not a writer, I'm not creative, I did terrible in English class, these types of thoughts are like the tractor laying on top of the grass. It really blocks you from doing the things that you really want to do. And I know a lot of you, if you're listening to this podcast, every single one of you I know if you're listening to this podcast, you want to write a book. You have this deep desire to write a book, but you are allowing these thoughts to block you from that desire. So the desire just gets suppressed, it gets pushed down, it can die eventually if you don't give it the sun and the water that it needs to grow, to be this green, thriving grass and plant. So what I'm hoping to do in this episode is to essentially pick up the tractor, pick up that thought that you have and move it out of the way. And instead, we have different thoughts that help you move forward. And we're going to do this by really analyzing why are you believing this in the first place? What is it that has made you think that you are not a writer? Because you have likely had this belief for years. A teacher might have told you that you're not a good writer. Maybe you didn't do super well in English class, maybe you didn't really like to read growing up, maybe you like kind of hate classical literature. I think sometimes there's this belief that, like, if you are a writer, then like you read classical literature and you're downtime. Whatever it is has caused you to have this belief. And so identifying what that belief is first and where it came from will really help you uproot it and bring it out. Likely, this is for a lot of people, something happened while you were forming your identity that made you believe you couldn't do this, that made you believe that this desire would just always go unfulfilled because this is just who you are. This is your identity. But really, when people believe this or say that they're not a writer, what they're actually saying is I don't fit the mold of what I think a writer is. Or I haven't had success in this area before. So although they're claiming it's an identity issue, I'm not a writer, what they're actually saying is I've created this mold of what a writer looks like and I don't fit that one. Or I have tried this in the past and I was not successful. Therefore, I am not a writer. Therefore, my identity is not that. I get this completely. I have said on multiple occasions, I am not a numbers girl. Okay. On the opposite side of things, I have long believed and held, I just hate math. I'm not a numbers girl. Like I have said that so many times. And I'm trying to flip that from myself because as an entrepreneur, numbers are incredibly important. And so I have started to learn that numbers are my friend, that we get along, that I have a good relationship with them, but it takes time. Because what I'm really actually saying is that I've had experiences before that I failed in math or I failed in my budgeting and my finances. And that makes me uncomfortable and anxious. Those were experiences I had that then I allowed to dictate my identity. But they don't have to. They just simply can be experiences. They don't have to dictate who I am. When I say I'm not a numbers girl or I'm terrible with numbers, that is not helpful. It is not productive. It is me allowing this belief and this experience to dictate who I am and can prevent me from doing the really awesome things that I have a desire to do. And it's the same with you with this belief that I am not a writer. So when you say I am not a writer, you might be able to recall some situations where maybe you failed at something word-related in the past. Or maybe a teacher said something really hurtful to you about your writing. Or I can resonate this with this a lot because this happened to me. I poured my heart out into a poem or short story contest, and it didn't place at all. Nobody really cared. It didn't resonate with people the way that my heart like poured out into it. But again, that's all about an experience. It's not about who you are. And when you have this desire, which is good and God-given, to write a book, it should be listened to. It needs to be nurtured and allowed to grow. So when we move that block, when we move what's getting in the way, we change our beliefs that we have around writing and being a writer. And that is when you can start stepping into the consistency that you need in order to write, the courage that you need to start writing chapter one. When those beliefs about your identity shift, that is when the success starts coming for the desire that you really want. So that's what we're going to do a lot in this episode because there's just this misconception and romanticism around the word writer that has driven people really in the wrong direction. We've romanticized writing into this quaint cabin in the woods. And it's only for people way smarter, way more experienced than we are. They're writing their magnum opus, this great masterpiece. That is what writing is. And we've just really romanticized this concept. But books never, ever, ever, or very rarely, actually get written in this like tizzy of inspiration. They often come down to discipline and to clear thinking. Those are usually the key ingredients to making a book happen. And those come when you sit down and you make it work. Those come when you do the identity work of understanding who you are. And we really have to strip down this romanticism to see what writing actually is. So let's actually define the word writer. When we define it, without a lot of these cultural expectations or past experiences, we can see the definition is actually incredibly simple. A writer is one who writes. And to write is to form or produce written letters, words, or sentences. So I can guarantee you that you've done that. I know you've written Instagram captions, journal entries, blog posts, emails, chapters of books before. You have written. So when you say I'm not a writer, what you're really saying is I don't fit into this mold. There's some type of a person that I am pretending a writer is, and I'm not that type of a person. But the reality is at base value, you are a writer because you are one who writes. You put together sentences to help other people. So by definition, you are already a writer. But the angst you're probably feeling right now is that you are not at the level you would like to be. So really, when you say, I'm not a writer, I don't fit this mold, my writing, quote unquote, isn't good. And so there's some level of excellence or of reception that you want people to have towards your writing, and that's not happening right now. If that's you, I like I love that. I love that because it shows that you care about quality and excellence. You don't want to put out AI garbage and have it attached to your name. You care about writing something beautiful, something meaningful, something that you are so proud of. And that feeling of reading your work and not being super impressed by it is actually a really good thing. It's actually part of the process. There is this quote floating around the internet that's super popular. So maybe you've heard of it, but it's from Ira Glass. Ira Glass is a producer of this American Life. It's a weekly radio show. And he has produced a lot of radio work. But he has this great quote that I think can help us if we're in this spot of being like, hey, I see where my work is, but it's not exactly the level I want it to be. And he says, nobody tells this to people who are beginners. I wish someone told me, all of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste, but there's this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it's just not that good. It's trying to be good. It has potential, but it's not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase. They quit. Most people I know who do interesting creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn't have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you've got to know it's normal. And the most important thing you can do is to do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap. And your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I've ever met. It's gonna take a while. It's normal to take a while. You've just got to fight your way through. I love this quote so much because he is saying that it's not you sit down and all of a sudden you produce this incredible work. And if you sit down and you don't produce an incredible work, that doesn't mean you stop. That doesn't mean you're not a writer. That doesn't mean you're not a creative. It just means you have to develop that skill. It just means you have to sit down and keep working on it and keep working on it and keep working on it. This quote also reminds me of a story in Atomic Habits, where James Clear, the author, is talking about a photography professor and he divided his class up into two groups. One group was a quality group, the other group was a quantity group. And essentially, the professor said, Hey, for those of you in the quality group, I'm going to grade you based on one image. And so you just submit to me one perfect image, and that is going to be the entirety of your grade. For the quantity group, he was going to grade them on the number of photos produced. So the idea was just take a ton of photos. And the more photos you've taken, then the better your grade will be. And what was fascinating is that by the end of the semester, the quantity group, the ones who just had to produce a ton of photos, actually had a better work than those that just had to focus in so much on one really good photo. And I think this is what happens to a lot of writers is they think that they are submitting one perfect book when it comes to their book, like one perfect piece for their book. But the reality is, if you are not consistently working, if you are not constantly writing, you are not going to produce one high quality book. You need to be more in the quantity group of writing, writing, writing. And writing your book can be part of that. I think so many people get caught in this trap of thinking that they are producing their magnum opus. This is going to be the book that they will forever be known by. They will like die with this book with them and that people will only remember them because of this book. But it's the writers who see a book as part of their overall work that end up making more progress. Definitely if you're more in the entrepreneur speaker category. This book is part of your work. It's not the entirety of your work. So when you let go of this desire or this need to create one incredible work that you will be known for for the rest of your life, and instead just create something really good, but also something that is fun, something that is helpful for people, something that you enjoyed writing, you are not only going to write, but I think that you're going to write a better book in the long run. I also think of Malcolm Gladwell, who we've all heard of. He's written so many huge books, but he actually doesn't view his books as like the end-all on a subject or a topic. He actually often uses like criticism that he's received about his books, or if he starts to think differently about an idea, he will create new chapters, create new books, or like podcast episodes to refine his arguments over time. So he honestly sees them as like thought experiments instead of this one like book that will forever stand the test of time. So when you start to see your writing and your books as thought experiments, it frees you up so much more to just play, to just have fun, to experiment with different ideas and thoughts to help people and to grow your business as well. And to step out of all of this fear and angst that we have of being a quote unquote writer. What if you just saw it as thought experiments, that you are just guiding people through some ideas that will help them think differently and spark conversations? But I think part of this overall conversation as well is that we need to address this definition of quote unquote good, because you may be thinking, well, okay, sure, I am a writer, but I'm not a good writer. And if you're thinking that, then let's talk about that word good, because that holds a lot of weight and it's actually an incredibly abstract word. My definition of good is going to be different than your definition of good. It doesn't really mean anything unless you give it a context. So let's start giving this word a context. I think a lot of us, especially when we're stepping into something really scary and vulnerable and public, like writing and publishing a book, we want outside validation that our content is good. But there have been so many times that I have read and edited a writer's work and told them that I think it was really good, because it was, but then they still sit on it and they don't do anything with it. They thought that they needed outside validation from an editor, that their work was good to move forward, but it doesn't actually move them forward because that's not what actually makes them feel better. What they really want when they say, I just want my writing to be good, what they're usually saying is that they want to guarantee that they will be successful, that they'll sell a ton of books, they'll become bestseller, that they'll only and exclusively get four and five-star reviews, that nobody will not like their work, and that they will ultimately feel proud of their book. And they want outside validation from an editor or from readers, like beta readers, to tell them this is good, you have a guarantee that you are going to be successful. That just really doesn't come when you have that outside validation. When you have exclusively people telling you, hey, this work is really good, it's great, that doesn't necessarily guarantee you the level of success that you want. Now, I will absolutely say that you should still shoot for excellence. Shoot for excellence forever and always, I will say, shoot for excellence. But when you try to create this abstract idea of quote unquote good writing, and you just want someone to say, hey, it's good, you're not actually ever going to reach the excellence that you want. I think that we should redefine that word instead, because your work actually shouldn't really be quote unquote good. It should be transformative. It should aim to transfer someone's situation. It should be there to make them feel something. People remember you not for what you said, but for how you make them feel. And that applies to your book too. You make people feel something when you help them change something in their life that's been causing them pain or confusion or overwhelm. When you give them Hope that they can make their life or their situation or their business or their relationships or their parenting better. That is something that they remember. That is quote unquote good writing. Oftentimes we have definitions of like, well, maybe I've got these really great stories, and maybe I just have like really flowery language, and that's good writing. And that can be helpful, but those are just decorations. They're not what's most important. When you can transform someone, when you can have them think differently about something, that is what sells books. That is what gets you on bestsellers. That is what gives you four and five-star reviews and has people raving about your book and telling their friends about it. So being a writer isn't so much about all these definitions that you've given it. Being a writer is helping people, it's serving people, it's helping them feel hopeful again, feel encouraged again, feel challenged on something. So when you say things like, I am not a writer, I'm not good with words, we're gonna flip that on its head, right? We're going to say something else. You can say, I'm really good at encouraging people, I'm really good at helping women think differently about their money. I'm really good about hiring the right people to help me accomplish this task and explaining that. I'm a really good teacher. That is way more productive and honestly way more true than thinking I'm not a writer. Because if you can help people, if you can bring the best out of them, if you can make them feel something, that is good writing. And that is what makes you, quote unquote, a good writer. So if this is helping you pick up that proverbial tractor off of the grass so that you can start to bring this desire to the surface, so you can start allowing it to thrive and to grow. I have a really helpful next step for you. It's just a freebie. So it's called my bestseller mapping method, and it helps you brain dump a lot of ideas on the page so you can start to get some clarity on your idea. So if you've had a couple of ideas, you've been swirling around and you think maybe this is the book, maybe it's not, I don't know. The bestseller mapping method will help you. It's a mapping method that I use with some of my clients to help them get all of their ideas out on the page so we can see, hey, this is definitely a book, maybe this is just a chapter and help to start the structuring of the book. So if you want that, you can visit my website, MichaelaMatthews.com backslash mapping-method. And it will also be in the show notes because I know my name is a little tricky to spell. So you can also find those in the show notes. So I hope this is really, really helpful for you to start shifting your mindset on what it means to write a book and what it means to actually be a writer and to see that you are a writer, that you are very capable of writing an incredibly excellent book that helps you build your business, build your brand, and bring in the right people that you want to work with. So cannot wait to see you on my email list once you grab that mapping method and to see all that you create.