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Safe to Love
We are on a mission to help the world believe in love again, and give you the courage to find it!
Safe to Love
Archetypes and Relationships, Practical Tools to See Ourselves and Each other - Christy Foster
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In this episode of Safe to Love, April and Chad sit down with Christy Foster to explore how the body carries our unspoken stories, how physical patterns often mirror emotional imprints, and what it really means to listen to the “subconscious language” of the body. Christy shares her framework for understanding the two-way communication between body and mind, and how cultivating this awareness can transform not only our physical and emotional health, but the way we connect to ourselves and to others.
Christy also opens up about her mission to empower individuals to decode the signals our bodies send us every day, signals that often go unnoticed but shape our lives in profound ways. Through her work as an educator, mentor, and healer, she teaches others how to create deeper alignment, self-awareness, and integration within their own mind body systems. Whether you’re a practitioner, someone on your own healing journey, or simply curious about how the body stores emotion and memory, this conversation will expand your understanding of what’s possible.
Christy Foster is a psychosomatic therapist, educator, and mentor with over 25 years of experience helping people understand the language of the body and psyche. Her work explores archetypes as living patterns that shape our everyday choices, relationships, and emotional responses, offering practical insight into how awareness creates change.
If you want to contact Christy or just learn more about here and her work you can find her on Facebook, Instagram, or through her website!
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I want to keep the peace. Okay, but what is that costing you? The prostitute archetype is about value, how we value ourselves in relationship. What is the price to keep the peace? We we pay a price for something. Well, I get insomnia, I have anxiety, I have depression, I have colitis, I have TMJ. So the cost is physically and psychically, emotionally very expensive.
SPEAKER_02Welcome to Save to Love. We are on a mission to help the world believe in love again and give you the courage to find it. I'm so excited to introduce the next guest who has been very big mentor, friend, soul sister. Um, when I first met Christy Foster, I went in with um thinking I just needed uh like a massage. I told, I was told she does amazing cranial sequel work. And I went in and she assessed my body and was just like, hmm, hmm, okay, sit down. And then she's like, Well, April, you present very well for someone who is holding so much. And it really caught me off guard because no one had ever told me that before. I had done landmark and Tony Robbins and coaching and plant medicine and all sorts of things. And she just like read my body and um, you know, kind of talked to me about this archetypal energy that I'd been holding of the child and really helped me to learn this different energy of holding the sovereign in my body. And um, welcome, Christy Foster.
SPEAKER_01Thank you. Thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, thank you. I would love for you to expand on the archetypes and the bodies and my assessment of whatever you know you feel called to.
SPEAKER_01Okay, thank you. Um, I do remember the first time you came in April, and my work really is involved around understanding how someone is holding their energy, for example, and how that presents physically, how it presents through the voice, how it presents energetically. And I remember when you first came in, I had spoken about the child archetype. And I feel like understanding the structure and the context of the archetypes would be helpful. Do you mind if I talk about that a little bit? Please. So when I use the word archetype, it's a pattern of energy. So when we say, oh my God, they're such a child, everyone understands what that means. That is a pattern of acting like a child. And it doesn't mean it's negative, it's only a pattern. And archetypes are neutral. So we'll go into more of the nuances. In my work that I've studied for years with Carolyn Mace, is we have a foundational structure. Think of it like four legs on a table. So we have the child, because every human being has been a child. Every human being has had a mother because that's how we grew. And we have another one called the victim. We have one called the prostitute, and one called the saboteur. So those four archetypes are core to understanding our system and how it can get really activated, how we can shut down, how we can become really controlling. Um, they're called shadow aspects. And the shadow only means parts of us that we can't access, parts of us that we're not aware of. So, like when someone says, Would you please grow up, for example, or you're being such a child, if if you're not aware, April, of I don't understand which part needs to grow up or what part of me is acting like a child, it's really difficult to change that. And in my work, the body shows the patterns in the structure of how we stand, how we speak within the archetypal structure because they they go together. And so my work is about helping you understand where you might be leaking energy within the child, for example, or the victim, and how to repair that, which is what we're going to talk about, is how do I understand that and what does it cost? What does it look like in relationships within that context? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And and even you just changing my stance. Um, I had been told I walk on my tippy toes, and I had, and um, I had this feeling of being ungrounded. You know, I was kind of just like moving really quickly, but it also was causing me a lot of back pain because I was leaning forward with my womb open, like over giving, right? Like I had the fawning people pleasing pattern really good. And so I was just like, here, you can just keep ticking from my womb. And the first thing you did was have me stand straight with my feet parallel. And for a couple months, I had to practice with a bed because I'd almost fall over, just changing my stance, like literally changing how I walk through the world. Like that simple thing of just changing my stance actually was like really helped me step into my more adult. Well, what are the adult archetypes? We went over the shadows of them, but what are the light ones?
SPEAKER_01So we're talking about so child to sovereign, prostitute to lover, okay, victim to warrior, and saboteur to magician. So those are the four that we'll stay together with. And coming back to your stance of uh walking on your tippy topes, for example, and you said fawning and people pleasing, that pattern in the body will show up as you're actually moving outside of yourself. And it's all about safety. It always comes back to safety. And the four archetypes are about safety. And we learn from a very young age how to stay safe. And so for you, the example of um walking on your tippy toes and pleasing and fawning is about safety. How do I meet your needs so I feel safe? And the body was showing me when I saw you that that was the pattern that you still held. Even though intellectually, like you said, you'd done all the classes and the coaching, the integration hadn't happened because you weren't aware that, oh, if my body literally is still moving so fast and I'm standing forward and my womb is open too far, I'm literally spilling all my energy out. And that is hemorrhaging energetically. And then you really are not quite sure where you're at. Yeah. Hence the body tells us where we're at.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And I love, we were talking like before we started about, you know, that book, Let Them, and just let it go. And it's kind of this like woo-woo thing that like I actually just had said so many times to so many people and to myself, like, just let it go. Just let it go. And um, I think what I really learned when I started working with you, and since then, the last five years of doing this deeper embodiment practice is you have to be present with the feeling. You can't just let it go in the mind because the body is still holding, right? The body's still patterning that way. So you have to presence the feeling in the body first to actually be able to let it go in the body, right?
SPEAKER_01And so many of the people that I see the the pattern and the I would call it the new age languaging of let it go. And it's a nice idea. What's happening underneath the why we can't let it go? And where does the conflict show up in your own body when you can't let it go? And sometimes we can have a persona of a face that everything's great and there's turmoil happening in the body, and or numbness happening in the body. The beautiful work of this is okay, where is it showing up? And how can I begin to shift it? And it brings awareness to the intelligence, which is our body. What is it trying to tell me about why I can't let it go yet? Why is it here again and again and again? And I'm a firm believer that as we understand the process of what our body is trying to communicate, then we can move to the next level, which is okay, I can choose to let it go as I'm aware of blank. That's a very different place than trying to mentally masturbate about how to let it go. Because if we could, we would. And let's slow down and okay, and be curious about what's what's maybe one of the threads of why I can't let it go. What do I keep coming back to? And that's where I believe the archetypes are really helpful. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Can you explain like how an archetype could keep you stuck of not being able to let it go?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. So let's talk about the victim. We as human beings all speak archetype. It is a language. Because we will language it as oh my god, they are such a victim. And everyone across cultures knows exactly what that means. And so a victim, one of the core sentences of a victim is, why does this always happen to me? That's a core sentence. So it's also this idea that it happens outside of us. Well, they made this happen. And there's a lot of blame in the victim language. So if you're blaming, if you have the the thought of why does this always happen to me, what I want you to ask yourself, okay, the the light side of the victim is the warrior to become victorious. What is it that I feel like is happening? I get taken advantage of. Okay, where in my life, because it always comes back to our childhood, where in my life did I feel taken advantage of that I didn't have a choice? Because the archetypes are about choice and power, our personal power, not power over another. How do I access my power? Well, first I have to know where I'm leaking from. Well, my dad always told me blank, and I'm never gonna be this. Okay, then let's start there. And then within that, it is held in the body, and the body will activate and become numb, sometimes tingly, sometimes heart palpitations, sometimes sweating within the area of the body that the archetype is activated in. And it's a map. I love maps because I can follow a map, and within that, it's very dynamic. We are not meant to just stay the same way. Yeah. And as we can dive into the idea that, oh, okay, so if I say I never had a choice with victim, now we can actually say, okay, well, how do I even know what that choice is? How do I pay attention when I feel victimized within my own system?
SPEAKER_00You know, that's something that I I really like the way you put it, because you know, one of the core values of our show is accountability. And I think accountability sometimes gets very misunderstood. Because it is, it is about like owning the actions that we've taken, owning the way that we've hurt people or owning the ways that we haven't shown up. But it's also about realizing that like it's shifting away from that victim place and realizing that when we take accountability for our life, we then can see the areas that we do have power over. We do have power over our life. And when we when we're um, for whatever reason wanting to avoid accountability, we're also avoiding, we we are putting ourselves in that victim. We are victimizing ourselves essentially, because then we we're powerless over the things that are just happening to me, and therefore I have no ability to make something different happen. And so that idea of um shifting from the victim, it really is to me like synonymous with accountability. And it's even less about what I have done and how I'm responsible or where the blame is, and it's more about like reminding me like I have power, I have choice over like the rest of my like the next path of my life is not something that's just happening to me. I I do have so much power over myself and my own life and my internal world and the way I show up that I want to give away when I'm feeling when I'm feeling in that victim mode.
SPEAKER_01Yes, we're talking about power again, aren't we? And it's inner power and access to that. And the archetype, so you're that the victim will weave into the child because the child, one of the core lane the core sentences of a child is this isn't fair. What about me? And I gently remind us as humans, you're right. What about you? What about you? That what need has not been met? What part of you needs to be witnessed from your childhood so we can hold that and then it's your job to hold that, not your partner's job to meet that need. And that's responsibility from child to sovereign, from victim to warrior. And we start to work the archetypes together. If you can understand the the language of the archetype, it's so much easier to let it go because we dance with them. We're always in movement with the archetypes till we're dead. There's no like pinnacle point of, oh, I got it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I'm now sovereign and my child is grown up forever. Because life happens. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Life happens and triggers happen. And and if in this sovereign way that we all want to be in, we do have to understand where those threads come from and notice them. Radical responsibility. My child really wants to say F you. And it's okay if you say that. So I need to figure out what that need in me that is not being met, and then move from there versus projecting that into relationship.
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_02Um, you we come together to heal our shadows with like we need that mirror in relationship, right? So certain things like for me, I know that I had a lot of issues with intimacy and I couldn't heal those without being in an intimate partnership because you need those mirrors. How do you find um like what challenges have you had of being a sovereign and being a me while being a we? And what does that look like for clients that you've worked with?
SPEAKER_01I'll speak about my own personal experience first because I think that's easier. So I was raised to be a good wife, a good daughter, a good everything. I I came from a very structured religious world of this is what a good wife does. So when I got married, my perception was I was a good wife by doing all of these things. And and then I had a kid, and then that like the overwhelm and the anxiety all started coming in. It started getting really confusing. Well, who am I? Who am I? And it's really hard to be a good wife when you don't have any sleep. And you know, it it became so confusing, and then I started getting panic attacks and anxiety, and um I remember one of my friends said, Christy, you know, you probably should go see this person. And so I went and saw someone that did similar work to me. And what I started to learn was, oh, it's not about him. Because I thought it was all about him, and that's why I had anxiety. But that was the mirror piece, really, why I was having anxiety, because I didn't know and I hadn't cultivated any healing in me about what was happening. And when I see people, and when I saw you, April, for the first time, there was a the the awareness wasn't there. Why is there so much chaos inside this psyche and body? So it was the work that I did on myself with some therapy and I realized that I had to come to a point that if I didn't make choices based on what was best for me, all of my power was given to the other. And when I kept giving power away, which is choice, it was so messy and chaotic. And what I find with clients and people that I teach is we as human beings are trying to learn where's our power, how do we access it? What does it look like? What does it sound like? And that can be really hard because once you start to learn it, the relationship changes, the dynamic changes. Which I think is okay if you give yourself permission to have it be messy. Because it is messy, because little children in us stomp our feet, slam the door, maybe come really rebellious, you can't make me do this. And that's why it's so important to understand how we work as human beings through the archetypal structure, I believe, because it they're neutral. If we understand what's coming in us and where we're feeling it, we can sit with it literally and sit with it, slow down our distractions and our addictions and go, oh, I just feel sad. And have a conversation about that versus a reaction from one of the archetypal pieces.
SPEAKER_02Was your is your husband into archetypes? Does he understand the language?
SPEAKER_01He lives with me, yes. One of my boys the other day came up. Well, especially when I first started learning about them in a different way, he said, Mom, you're in your prostitute. And I said, Thank you. Because I was, I was so worried about pleasing, because prostitute is about safety and security, and I'm willing to do anything to have safety and security. And it was a situation I was in, and I laughed. I thought, oh, thank God, my children are hearing of what archetypes are. And he recognized it based on my fawning and people pleasing patterns to have them like me.
SPEAKER_02So fawning and people pleasing is prostitute.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Because you're you're we do it for safety.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, can you actually maybe go into that one a little bit more? Because I feel like some of the other ones uh they're a little more intuitive to or kind of our common understanding of it. But you know, when I think to most of us, including me for childcare being a prostitute, I would have a very different understanding of that.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Yeah, the prostitute has a lot of charge with that word. And the prostitute archetype is about value, how we value ourselves. And when we sell ourselves out, we're not valuing ourselves. The prostitute, when we hear we all have a price, that is very true. And in relationship, what is the price to keep the peace? If you're in a relationship for, and I'm a woman, so I'll say that as well, I have a beautiful house, he provides for me. He's an asshole 20% of the time, but I can live with that or a hundred percent of the time, but I don't want to get a job and do it on my own and figure that out. That's prostitute. We we pay a price for something in in relationship, and I hear it all the time. I'm sure you do. Well, I just I want to keep the peace. Okay, but what is that costing you? That's prostitute. Well, I get insomnia, I have anxiety, I have depression, I have colitis, I have TMJ. So the cost is physically and psychically, emotionally very expensive. I don't dare say, I really want to explore myself and find out who I am because we know that might cost us our relationship. It might cost us financially, that's prostitute. And we all have it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, the price. Of owning our voice in a relationship often feels like the relationship. And so if we're afraid to lose the relationship, then we'll pay any price in our mind. And you know, I really love that context. I'm actually really excited to hear to learn more about that myself because a lot of the work that I do with people is just helping them see the price that they're paying, right? That there's a human tendency I've I've found very ubiquitous myself as well, that if I want something, I want to, I really want to minimize the price in my mind. And it's it's almost like kind of a silly analogy because it's like if I really want like a new TV, and then I'm like, oh, it's only $1,200, right? Where $1,200 is a lot of money. But if I really want something, then I my mind's tendency is to be like, oh, it's only this much. And I see the way that people will do that when they really don't, when they can't, especially if something feels like probably even a better example, is like medical care, right? It's like the ER, I gotta go to the ER because my leg's broke. I can't not do this. So I need to minimize the price in my mind. And that's sort of this way that like we might show up in a relationship. Like, I cannot um imagine not having this relationship. So whatever price I have to pay, whether it's my full self, my sense of sanity, my literal health, physical health, then not then I'll have to pay it. And what I often do with people is not tell them what they should do, but just get them to stop ignoring the price that they're paying for the actions they're taking. And they tend to start to realize themselves that the price they're paying is not worth what they're getting for it. Right. But it's when if we if we want to shrink the price, then we'll be paying these large prices for something, even if it's not something we want.
SPEAKER_01Yes. And I would add to that, if if you can get people to understand that that price costs us energetically, and energetically, over time, what happens if you ignore that is you become sick. The price is way too high long term. And it's about value prostitute and value. The value is the light of the prostitute. Can I value myself enough to blink? Because otherwise you will pay it eventually and it's not worth the price. I don't think.
SPEAKER_00I think we'll pay it with interest too.
SPEAKER_01Yes, because once the body is made in such a way that we have an energetic hit first. So, say for an example, in a relationship, a beginning relationship, you're dating, and um something happens where like it could be slight gaslighting or an insult in a way, and you go, Well, that didn't feel really good, but that's okay, because he didn't really know what he was doing. And we excuse that, and then say you marry that and and that hit starts to become a physical manifestation in the body, which becomes the price. And then when brought to awareness about that price, well, you're going to have to speak to him or her about this before that pain can ever go away. I can't do that. Then the price will be paid. And I have great compassion. Please understand when I say that, it sounds very simplistic and it isn't. It's weaved with a lot of trauma and experience. And so when you when you hear this, please understand that there's many nuances to what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_00Well, and even I think there's kind of an unspoken and sometimes spoken idea of like lock them down first, right? There's almost this sense that like uh, especially like those of us with abandonment wounds, it's like, it sounds silly to wait until you're married and then have a conversation about how you don't like the way you're treated, but there's a part of us that's like, but then I'll but then they can't, then I've got them locked into a contract, right? Then they can't leave, even though that doesn't actually work in practicality. It's, you know, when we when we're really kind of honest and we look at it, it's actually easy to see where those ideas come in and how those misconceptions come into the way we act. And you know what's what's funny, and it's not even about relationships, but one kind of example of this that comes to my mind that I think everybody can relate to is how often is the price of stress, the price of chronic stress, and how often, like if we go, like whenever I go too hard and I don't let myself rest energetically and physically, uh, my body will eventually like get sick. I I cannot remember the last time that I was sick that did not come at the tail end of me running, kind of pushing too hard and into burnout for too long. And the body will, the body will eventually be like, listen, you're gonna rest, or we're or I'm gonna take over and we're gonna rest for you. And that's kind of a similar thing that'll show up in relationships, right? Where like these we can ignore these symptoms for so long, we can kind of run with it, we can keep that external mask on, but eventually it we would it will start to manifest physically in our physical health and in our in every element of us. Like it will catch up with us.
SPEAKER_01Yep, it most definitely does. And just a key word that you said abandonment. If we we can all relate to the archetype of the abandoned child, and then our behaviors from the wound of being abandoned show up in our adulthood. It's so important to understand your own childhood, not get attached to the story and stay victim to it, because we've all had experiences, but if we can understand, oh my little abandoned child is feeling activated, and how does that show up, then you can meet the need of that child and not run from it and work 50 hours, 60 hours a week. If we bring it back to the structure of the archetypes, what is it in me that's making me work 90 hours a week or 100 hours a week? There's a part about perhaps being abandoned that if I don't work enough or do all these things, then blank. So I encourage you to be curious about what's underneath the drive, for example, to work so much, because I certainly have that in me. So would that be the shadow of the magician? I think it can be a few. Um I think the shadow magician definitely will sabotage so the saboteur, so someone that works 80, 90 hours a week sabotages relationships. That is what happens. Yeah. Well, you don't have time for me. And but what's underneath that is I what's driving the working is it that I won't have enough? Is it that my value prostitute lies in how I perform and what I do? That still comes back to childhood. Did your parents, if you don't perform and show up and be the most educated and make the most money, then blank. It it's so important to keep going underneath where is that coming from? And how can I um take better care of that part of me so I don't sabotage? And if you're in a relationship where, like my spouse the other day, I just joined a I'm in a new training program. He knows me well. He looked at me and he said, Well, we might have an issue. And I said, What's the issue? Your time because my one of my biggest life challenges is time because in our relationship, that's been the challenge, is because I tend to work a lot and education is like cocaine for me. I love that. But and he knows that, and he said it's going to be really important for you to start saying no. It's really important for you to make time for our family, and I'll support you in that. I'm like, Yeah, that's true. Because it's that's a shadow aspect of me that I'm so aware of. And I'm grateful that he could come in and go, Yeah, I want this for you with you. Well, we got to work together on this.
SPEAKER_00Yeah. I I I love that you brought up the prostitute in that because what keeps what keeps coming up for me is when we we're basically paying this price of ourselves, our health and our time and our longevity because um we don't have as much value for ourselves. And I and I I think that's something I've noticed that that becomes a harder thing to do as we move into later in life, right? As we move into our middle-aged years. Whereas when it was in our 20s, it was so easy to make that calculus and say this is worth the price. Like I'm gonna work myself into the ground, I'm going to sacrifice my health, I'm going to sacrifice my time because that like I didn't have a lot of value in me. And so I felt like I needed to do, I needed to pay any price to bring value because I didn't inherently have some. And so then when I look at it that way, the price is me, which is of small value, and the uh reward of that price is some other thing coming into me that might make me feel of value. And that's where, like the the more that I do value my time, I do value my health, I certainly value my uh sense of peace. And I also know that I have like I have enough skills, I like to learn new things too. But I also like I'm not doing it from this place of desperation of like I desperately need to learn new skills so that I'm worthwhile or valuable. That um, like I'm way more, like I'm way more conscious of that price. Like if I'm going to give my time to something, my time is very valuable and precious to me. It's time away from doing things I love, it's time away from my family, it's time away from my partner, it's time away from my all sorts of things. And so it I'm less willing to give my time to things that aren't worth it to me. I'm way more judicious. I'm way better at budgeting my time because it actually has value to me. But where I think about for a lot of my life, like I just didn't have enough value to me to even think twice before I spent me in pursuit of something else.
SPEAKER_01Very good point. And and in that, um what happens as you begin to value self is you come into sovereignty. Yeah, because it's it's it's choice. Sovereignty holds the four archetypes together. It's choice, and we must develop our sense of self and self-esteem to say, no, I can't do that. I love you, and I know you're gonna be pissed. This is important to me.
SPEAKER_00I love me too.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, choice, and that is sovereignty holding the four together because they always move together, they're not separate. I we teach them separate, but they all exist at the same time. So, what you're speaking about, as I come into my value and not my prostitute, as I don't abandon my child, I'm coming into sovereignty. And then I can access my magician because I have more time, I have um choice, I have belief in myself because I'm starting to create the structure and this the strength within self to hold my sovereignty and then the boundaries, the magician, yes, boundaries of time. Yep. That's when the magician begins to really get activated and work and create. What we when we get stuck, it's very hard to create.
SPEAKER_00I'm really glad that you brought that up, April, because that I think that conversation reminds me of my favorite quote about boundaries, right? It's how I love you and me at the same time. And that's being in that place of sovereignty, I think, is what we we all aspire to. Um but and and probably a lot of why, you know, many of us that have been single in our midlife have, you know. Um, I even saw we're watching Ted Lasso, and there's this part where Beard was like having this crisis, and he says, I when I look back at all my happiest memories are when I'm single, and I don't know what that what to what to think of, what that means, right? Because then when I'm it when I bring another person into it, when I bring a partner into it, suddenly sovereignty becomes a lot more challenging for me. Whereas I learned to find a sense of sovereignty when there wasn't a partner in my life, and how I can keep that sense of sovereignty in a partnership is such a challenge, is one of the great challenges, you know, that the the kind of the work I do and really we focus on the show is having having sustained long-term relationships and how we don't lose ourselves in them, how we don't lose our sense of sovereignty when there's another person that we have to consider, right? Because you're like, I won't, I as a sovereign woman want to take this course, but I also have a family that it will be affected by it. And how do I find that balance without feeling like I'm losing my sovereignty in that?
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And I would say that comes back to the four archetypes. If you don't understand where you're losing your power, you will continue to come up against again and again that hit of why does this always happen and why does this happen in relationships? I do so great without it. You're right, because there's a piece that hasn't been looked at or hasn't been healed in me that I could do it with a partner. And that's attachment style. That's a whole other podcast. That's attachment styles that we're talking about in that. But the it's we have to do our own work within relationship to understand who we are and how our wounds come up, what they sound like, what they move like, what they disassociate like. So the other partner can say, Hey, I see blank. And or you can say the abandoned part of me is coming up. I need to blink. Right? We're we're moving in that dynamic, it's a holograph holographic kind of thing. It's not one thing ever. That is the great paradox. Yeah. It's it's all the simplicity of what we're saying and the complexity of, well, my body's freaking out. I understand what you're saying, but I can't even hear a word you're saying. Welcome to the world is somatics. Yes.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. I mean, the body is the lens. We kind of talked about that earlier. That like so many people in our world revolve on their intellect. And their intellect might mean like their body might have a feeling. And like you kind of when we were talking earlier, like if I had trauma of something happened with someone wearing a certain cologne and a red sweater, my body's gonna signal that that person's not safe, even though that might be a safe person. And then because that feeling comes up, if I don't know how to identify that or presence it in my body, then I make meaning that person's unsafe and create a whole story around it, right? Whereas what you're saying is you love the mind, but it's not the first tool that the body is the lens, and then you presence it, feel it, and then you can come from a clear meaning or assign whatever meaning you want.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I would say that that goes into alignment of the the body, our our core level reactions, our heart being the balance point of the body and mind. So the alignment of the three is the work because we can get caught up in um and become victim to our body's sensations. I hear what you're saying, and we need to begin to notice it. And if we need to do some healing work on that, great. Because if you keep getting hijacked because your body shuts down, that's something you need to work on for sure. So noticing if you're starting to get hijacked, taking care of that, and then coming into the heart, checking in with the heart. How do I sense this? How do I feel this? And having that be more of your guide than the body. The body is part of it, and then we act from there. So we express what is in our heart from a aligned place. So we have the three the body, the heart, and the mind, and the alignment of them falls in with the archetypes. So, yes, the body is the intelligence, it is the most intelligent thing on the planet. So, can we begin to learn how to work with all of that together and lead with the heart and the mind?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, which is why compassion is one of our core values. And in the uh coaching program I took, that's she talks a lot about like first we have awareness and then we have acceptance and compassion, right? That's the heart. Bringing so like hearing what the body's saying, like, oh, and then loving that part of you that's feeling triggered, right? And then loving that part of you, comforting, coming back to safety and your power, and then acting from that place with the mind. With the mind.
SPEAKER_01Yes, and that's the alignment. That's the alignment of the three. And I believe as human beings, we're on this planet to grow. We're here to develop our souls. How do we do that? We need to be aware, make a different choice from compassion, and then we use our intellect, which we do need, to move forward. Yeah, good example. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00I kind of come want to come back real quick to this idea of sovereignty, and especially in how it shows up and can sabotage relationships, you know. And I I know from like my own experience, um, when I feel when when I'm feeling like I'm losing that sense of sovereignty and feeling that victim kind of mode come in, even if I'm not thinking about it that way, I just it just comes in as a sense of powerlessness, a sense of feeling um kind of at the mercy of someone else or some other force. And a lot of times without, like when we're not grounded in that sense of of our own sovereignty, um, we we we tend to direct the feelings that come up with that at our partner, right? Like if I don't feel like I have choice in my life, it's because you're controlling me or because you're not listening to me, or you're not respecting me. And I've seen that be it be something that, especially, you know, where we live, where a lot of people tend to get more so than normal, tend to get married very young and feel like they never found it, they never had a chance to kind of embody their sense of sovereignty. Um, I've literally had multiple people that I've worked with that have left long-term relationships because they says, I I need to go, I need to go learn how to be myself. I don't know how to be myself. And they don't know how to um have that sense of sovereignty within that that place of a relationship. Um and I know that's not like it's sometimes it like to people it feels like it's not possible, but because it is very challenging. But it is, I know I've also seen examples of people who shared stories of like having to had grown through that and had to learn how to find that me within the we. And, you know, you've worked with a lot of people, and I'm I'm assuming it's sometimes even couples or people that are in a couple, and that's a big part of the work that they've done. And you know, have you seen people be able to like reconnect that sense of sovereignty while still being in a partnership in in significant relationships?
SPEAKER_01Absolutely, yes. And um when someone begins to be aware that they don't know who they are, that's a beautiful moment. And you're also blowing up your world. It's also a scary moment internally and externally. Who am I? It comes back to the tribal base, the body, the base, belonging, loyalty. So when you've my brain thinks in archetype, so that's how I'm going to speak to you. I love it. When you tell me, yeah, I'm I'm leaving this culture, this belief system of every I did everything. I was supposed to do, got married really young, like what you said. And who am I? What what's actually happening is your base, your body, your legs, your feet, the lower part of the bowel is starting to get activated. Who am I? What a beautiful question. And I think we have to ask that to leave our tribe for a little while. And with that is scary because then belonging comes in and the child comes in. Well, how am I going to belong? It and all these threads within the four archetypes that we're talking about get activated. If you can understand what's being activated, key, I do believe that the relationship can work. I totally do. Both people need to be aware of what's happening. It's a conversation. It's bringing intelligence and information to, I don't know what's happening, but I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't know who I am. Thank you. What a beautiful question.
SPEAKER_00Well, let me flip flip that around for a sec because how as a partner um going through that on the other side, right? And I remember my first wife, um, she came out to me as a lesbian, which was not really a transition that I could kind of support her through, right, without the relationship ending. But I've also experienced so many different times of that when I've been with a partner and they have been like, I don't know who I am, I'm rediscovering myself. And it it is hard to stay grounded as the other partner and because it's very scary, it feels threatening. And even more than that, like we don't know what to do. So, what are maybe some ways that, you know, if you had a, if you say had a client whose partner was going through that kind of I like call it kind of an identity crisis or a rebirth or that, you know, that great moment where they're kind of re-questioning and rebuilding themselves, how would um how can, you know, what are some kind of advice that you would give a person to how they can show up in support of someone going through that?
SPEAKER_01I would say to I would be curious about what your resources are first. How can you resource yourself within that? And sometimes it doesn't work. How are you resourcing yourself as someone is going through an identity crisis? That's a good question. Because what is that? Do you need someone to talk to to be with to talk about what's happening? Is there an abandonment issue for you coming up that isn't addressed? What is it in you that might need to be addressed as they go through that identity crisis?
SPEAKER_00I love that. So so you're kind of saying if if I'm that person, the first the first step is I gotta take I gotta take in better care of myself.
SPEAKER_01Yep. Otherwise, you're gonna get tangled up in the chaos that just got blown up of who am I?
SPEAKER_00Which can be so counterintuitive because when some when our partner's going through something, uh, there's all these instincts to hyperfocus on them. And what they need the most is us to keep grounded in ourselves in our and what we in our own needs throughout that process.
SPEAKER_01Yes, and that's the core essence of sovereignty again. And that sounds simplistic and it isn't. Yes, because you're going to have a reaction to someone going through an identity crisis. If you can stay grounded and grounded is what's coming up for me, so I can resource that part of me and slow down your own activations in it. I think that's the only way to begin to work together through it because it might not work and it might work. But you come from a grounded space because you're resourced as best you know how to be.
SPEAKER_02Like with what your husband did, like, you know, that the you are going to take that class, and as your partner, here's what I need you to be aware of. Yes. To get my needs, here's what I need. And he knew that he needed that, right? Like he knew I know that you are going to be busier and that your pattern is to, you know, have a lot of less time for me and what I need as your partner. And that's like being able for him to ask for his needs, which means he is coming from a resource place to be able to say it neutral, not angry, not defensive, like, well, you always do this and you're not gonna spend time with me, and I'm just chop liver or whatever, you know. But he's like really understanding in a grounded way. Like, I need this from you for this to work, for me to support you in it. Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_00That's it in a lot of ways, it is simple, but not easy, right? Not even close to easy. Because I know uh this is something that's come up in conversations with us a lot, right? Like when uh when when one partner is like going through something heavy, like that's um that's the hardest time to have to have needs. It's the hardest time, like if partner's like I'm going through this really rough thing, uh, a lot of like instincts that we're taught is like, okay, well, my needs need to go on the shelf, but that decision is ultimately not like destructive to the relationship, not just not just destructive to ourselves, but destructive to the relationship and and the last and like not helpful ultimately to our partner that's going through whatever they're going through, whether it be whatever it is, right? Like, but it is, it's a it's a tough time to be like, hey, I'm going through, you know, when partner's like, I'm going through something really heavy. Like um, you know, great example is like my friend, I remember his his wife's mom died suddenly, and she's she was very close with her mom. And she, and it was one of the most challenging times of their relationship because he didn't know what to do with his emotional needs in that moment. And like a lot of training is to just sort of kind of put ourselves aside. Um, but it's not, it's kind of opposite of what you're saying is actually effective at supporting a partner through that. Is to be able to say, listen, I I I understand you're going through this and I want to support you. And I need to still be able to have the courage to communicate my needs through this through this time.
SPEAKER_01Yes, which brings us back to the archetype. I love your face to see that. It does, though. It's the child. Yeah. Right. Or the prostitute. I usually give all of myself to my partner when they're going through something. Yep. That's not the healthiest thing to do. You can still have a a healthy internal boundary and give a hundred percent of self.
unknownYep.
SPEAKER_00It's very easy to say that, by the way, here in the studio. It's a little hard, it's still a little harder for me. It is in the middle in the middle of a tense discussion.
SPEAKER_01But that's human.
SPEAKER_00But that's human, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And and the better you know yourself, the better you understand your own archetypal threads, the easier it will be to stay conscious within the dance of the shadow. If you're conscious of, oh my God, there's my abandoned child. I so hear you. Take care of that and then come back to this.
SPEAKER_00I I'm having a realization of how much in my life I show up as a prostitute, actually. That's that's uh that that's definitely been the everything you've talked about that's been the most illuminating for me because it does a lot of it does come back to prostitution, right? Like I'm selling part of myself. I'm selling myself to get something I want in return. And that um that transaction has never worked.
SPEAKER_01It doesn't, because it's shadow. And it also comes from trauma. So, right, I I say this carefully because people can get very intellectual about it, and it does come back to being resourced from your childhood experience. And and not make it it's a delicate dance. If you've had a traumatic childhood, please be gentle within that prostitute because that's how you learn to survive. That's why they're called survival archetypes. And how can I resource that part of me with compassion? With compassion, and then still be in relationship. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. So as we're talking about resourced and presence and the feelings of not just letting it go, but presencing that, what are some tools for our audience to help them like ground the archetypal, all the all the things we talked about, like to ground that into their body for them to be more resourced?
SPEAKER_01I think awareness is the first key. You have to be aware. So in relationships, say you get an activation, I would like you to begin to notice where the activation is. Going numb and feeling nothing is also something. I don't know, I don't feel anything great. I that's enough information to say, okay, let's settle in with that. Where is it happening in your body? Where is that feeling or no feeling? And for you to actually put your hand on that. So if it's happening in my gut, I'm gonna slow down, take some deep breaths, and close my eyes so I take out uh more stimulation, close your eyes, put one hand on that space and one hand on your heart, we come back to compassion. I would ask how old is that part of me that's being activated? And let that part know that you're aware. So if it's the abandoned child, if it's the um wounded child, I I I hear you and I see you and I feel you, and slow down in it. That is not easy to do when you're pissed or if you're triggered. And I so understand that, and the practice is to notice. So even if it's I I need to go pee, I'll come back. You go in the bathroom, you put your hand on that space, take some deep breaths, let your hips relax, let your tush relax, and then come back because you're resourcing the part of you that needs resource, you can come back as the adult and be present as the adult, not the activated child. The body will give you clues. So if you begin to notice that, we all are aware of our activations, slow down in it and just notice it. You don't have to process it in the moment, but notice it, slow down, take a breath, and then come back.
SPEAKER_00I think that presencing can be especially difficult for men. I know it's definitely something I I've struggled with even being aware of how disconnected we can be from our body. Um and you know, oftentimes that question could be a hard one for me to ask because it's always like, where do you feel that? And I'm like, inside, you know, or um stress or anxiety I can feel. I actually used to think my heart was right here, and then I realized it's actually up here, because this is where I always feel like tension. Um, and just and so much of my body can feel numb when those emotions are happening, and because I'm because I'm kind of in resistance to them, right? And so that that uh just that process of reconnecting with our body is it is especially as men, is something that's so important because otherwise we're running from this place of disconnection with ourselves.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And even the place that you pointed to is your power center. You pointed to your belly. That is our power source and our sense of identity, sense of self. And I work with a lot of men, and what I find is giving them enough space and time to access it is more of the key because I think um the tendency for men is to want to save and rescue and take care of and giving yourself the time and space to take care of you first is the practice, and that isn't simple. You're so correct. And a simple thing that you can do uh to notice and come back into your body, like you can tap either side of your shoulders, you can actually feel your hand tapping. That's one thing you could do. I often will have men actually just notice their feet on the floor or to go outside and notice their feet on the earth. The simplest things can be the most challenging things. I don't want to go outside and feel my feet on the floor. Okay, and I'm gonna ask you to do it anyway. That's an internal conversation, that's taking the hand of the child that's feeling unresourced, literally, and going outside away from all the chaos and taking a breath and just noticing where you're at. There again, it's it is a paradox of simplicity and complexity at the same time. But if the practices that you start to do as a man to take care of yourself if you're feeling activated and notice your body, where am I standing? What does my breath feel like? That is a place to begin from that is enough. And there's no magic in it. I wish there were. I think the magic comes with choice, the alchemization comes with choice, and doing it even when it's so hard because that's true.
SPEAKER_00And and honestly, keep doing it when it gets harder because um we disconnect it for a reason. Yeah. And so when we go through that process of reconnection, that means we gotta feel the feelings that we were running from. And I think that's you know, a lot of people are like, I tried that and it hurt.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00It's like I know keep doing it.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Yeah. It's like building a it's like building a muscle. You can't go to the gym once. You got to build the emotional capacity to hold more and more to like you said, we had all that emotional credit card debt. And so then when you do start feeling and doing it, like I I noticed, I remembered when I started like working with you and I was cutting hair and it was during COVID. And um, I just would have these like bursts of emotion come up in the middle of cutting hair, and I'd just be like, I'm not shoving my feelings down anymore, just a second. And I would just cry. And then I'd be like, Okay, I'm good. And they're like, what just happened? I'm like, oh, I'm just letting myself in my feelings. It's new. But I remember being like, is this ever gonna stop? Am I ever gonna stop crying? And then there's times where I just like resist it so much, and Chad will tell me, like, you're not tired from the processing, you're tired from resisting the processing. And when I actually just fully am present and just be like, okay, I'm gonna do this thing, you know, it is kind of like it builds up that emotional resilience. See, um, kind of like building the muscles.
SPEAKER_00So it's always a red flag to me. Uh it's scary, I should say, when somebody says, I'm tired of doing all the healing work. I'm tired, and I'm like, Are you though? Are you tired of fighting it? You know, because for me, that uh when I when it like come out the other side, like when I actually start to let those feelings flow again, when I reconnect with them, when I come back from that disassociation, the disconnection, whatever you want to call it, um, I oh like I always feel lighter afterward. You know, that heaviness comes from the come from the fight. Like I don't want to feel this. I don't want to feel that part of my body, I don't want to feel that emotion. And that's what is so exhausting.
SPEAKER_01That's the child. Yeah, and that's what makes us sick if we continue to resist. That's expensive long term.
SPEAKER_00It's very expensive.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So, Christy, um, if people want to get a hold of you or they're, you know, curious to work with you or learn more about what you do, you know, what's the what's the best way for them to do that?
SPEAKER_01I would reach out to me on Instagram. Okay. ChristyFoster.wellness. I also have a website, ChristyFoster.co. And you're welcome to reach out to me there. I am in a learning program right now for the next seven months. And so please contact me because I have a lot of really exciting things coming up for especially with the archetypes and the body archetypes. It's a whole type of learning to help people understand themselves better. So that is coming, and these maps that I'm talking about is really what I want to teach so people can access their own power. Because I believe that's in the world that we live in today, this isn't the internal work that we're doing. What is our sovereignty? What is our choice? And that's what my work is about.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. And you have your own podcast.
SPEAKER_01I do. Yes.
SPEAKER_02Tell us about that real quick.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's actually with a friend of mine that we do, it's called No One is Perfect. And we go through and talk a lot about the things that we've talked about here coming from different aspects of how to resource ourselves. We started the podcast because both of us have been in business for a long time and we wanted to share our resources, what we've learned with other people. That's truly why we have the podcast. Because had we had some of those when we first started, it'd be so much easier. And I get that everything's divinely orchestrated. So we're orchestrating something to contribute back. Oh, beautiful. Yeah. Awesome.
SPEAKER_02Well, we can't wait to listen. We'll link that show on the show notes. Thank you.
SPEAKER_00Definitely. And and you do do, you still are taking on individual clients, right, throughout this, throughout your learning process.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I do. And um, that can be done virtually or in person.
SPEAKER_00So that's that's probably what your husband was thinking. Not just that you're taking a class, but that you're also doing all these other things, and that's beautiful. Um, so yeah, we'll definitely make sure, because I'm sure a lot of people will definitely want to connect more with you after after hearing the show. Um and I do have one last question for you. We ask every guest, you know, what is what is one piece of advice that you'd leave our audience with to give them hope and love?
SPEAKER_01To give them hope and love. Learn about your own self and your archetypes so you can even understand what that is. Because if you don't know what it is, you're looking outside of yourself, and that's not where it's found.
SPEAKER_00I like that one. Well, that was the thing. We get a lot of really great answers to that question. Well, thank you so much for coming on the show today. And just want to uh say remember, everyone, to be brave because love is worth it.