#69 Discipline of Pausing, Pt 5 | When "Should" Isn't Enough

A “must” isn’t about ambition or preference—it’s about responding to God-revealed urgency before something breaks.

In this episode of the Bible Leadership Podcast, Mark and Erica unpack the difference between good opportunities and true “musts”—the things that, if ignored, will cause real damage spiritually, relationally, or organizationally. They explore how urgency shows up through pain points, warning signs, and the gentle (sometimes stern) leading of the Holy Spirit. The conversation centers on slowing down, listening relationally to God, and discerning what truly cannot wait in the coming year.

📋 Key Takeaways
Opportunities are optional; musts are urgent  |  A must is something that, if left undone, causes loss, damage, or regression.

Musts usually reveal themselves through pain  |  Repeated bandaids, warning signs, burnout, financial strain, or relational tension are clues.

Listening to God requires slowness and relationship  |  Hearing God clearly flows from seeking His face, not just His instructions.

Too many “musts” create frantic leadership  |  True musts are few, focused, and sequential—not everything that feels important.

Grace covers imperfect obedience  |  God isn’t asking for flawless discernment, but dependent trust and willingness to act.

📖 Scripture Tie-Ins

Psalm 105:4 – “Seek the Lord and his strength; seek his face continually.”

John 13:23 – John leaning on Jesus’ chest (relational intimacy).

James 1:5 – God gives wisdom generously to those who ask.

Proverbs 3:5–6 – Trusting God when clarity isn’t complete.

🛠️ Next Steps for Listeners

Reflect & Journal:

• What am I currently bandaid-ing instead of fixing?
• Where do I feel ongoing tension, loss, or warning signs?
• If I did nothing about this for another year, what would break?

Spiritual Practice:

• Spend 10–15 minutes this week in relational prayer:
   read Scripture → pause → ask God questions → listen without rushing.

Practical Challenge:

• Identify one must for this year—not five.
• Block time on your calendar to address it first.

Resources Mentioned:

• Fierce's Series Planning Calendar:  https://bit.ly/45dXP3j
• Annual “Circle Calendar” exercise for big-picture clarity:  https://bit.ly/49TkFzT

Follow us on Socials: @bibleleaderpod

Check out our website: Bibleleadership.com

Sign up for our newsletter: http://bit.ly/3NmVmNM

Transcript

Mark Carter (00:06):

What's up guys? Welcome back to the Bible Leadership Podcast. My name is Carter and I love to connect your Bible to your leadership and your leadership to your Bible. We've been in this series on evaluating how we've done the year and how we want to change things in the coming year. We call it the discipline of pausing. And today the question we're asking among the other questions we ask in this discipline of pausing, we're asking the question, what are the things that must happen? So this is about, Hey, what is going to hurt me if I don't manage or do something about this soon? I think you're going to get a lot of value out of it. Let's go. Erica Adkins (00:39):

Hey y'all. Welcome back to the BLP. We're excited that you're joining us again, remember, we're in this series, the Discipline of Pausing. We're going through our eight questions today. We're in question number five. So what is a must for next year? Now in episode 68, we just talked about what are the greatest opportunities for the coming year, but this one's a little bit different. Mark, can you hash out what's the difference between opportunities and the musts? Mark Carter (01:03):

Yeah, so the opportunities are all the things we could do. The "musts" are, "if you don't do this, something gets broken, or something goes backward in the organization or the team." So whereas we talked about with the "opportunities," it's like: all the dinners, all the restaurants you could go to dinner to. The must is: there's a loose cable in the wall and it is sparking something is you have to do something About this.Erica Adkins (01:26):

Attention. Attention, yeah. Mark Carter (01:28):

So with this one, I would just hear the word danger. There's danger if you don't do something About this, Erica Adkins (01:33):

and that could be in your organization, but it could also be in your family, right? Yes. So give us some examples of that too. Mark Carter (01:42):

So I had a friend that found out 10 years in, that he had colon cancer. He was pretty young and he was so young that he didn't think to do that. And He was counseling the rest of us guys, you got to go do this. He was going to pass away and he had young kids and all that kind of stuff. And so that became a must for me. Like dude, now I'm freaked out. And it, it's a hassle to go get a colonoscopy. Just is dude, It's a day along with everything else, along with everything that precedes it. But when it happened, the doc found a polyp that he cut off and I was like, whoa, bro. Could that have been Catherine? He is like, it could have been, it's good that you got this out or it could have developed into that. So that's an example on a personal level of this is a must, this must happen.
(02:38)
There's been other organizational things where we had a ministry that a lot of people liked, but the truth is it cost us $55,000 a year and didn't do the thing it was designed to do. So what they wanted when they invented it to make it do it didn't do that. And so in other words, we're spending a lot of kingdom money on something that doesn't work. People just like it became clear, okay, could we have lived and still done that? A little longer, but we can't be, no organization could just be bleeding that much money. And so it became a danger, a must, whatever you think about this, you've got to put that money somewhere else. So that's an example. Erica Adkins (03:24):

Yeah, I think some other familial examples are: my kids graduating college, I need to make sure that I set out some days we got to do tha,t or my parents are having their 45th anniversary, 50th anniversary, whatever, something like that. It's a big thing. We got to make sure that we block that out in our calendar. Those are just some life milestones that have to be recognized and celebrated. Mark Carter (03:51):

I think that's good, and those are probably more important than most of the other ones. But I think another way to think about it is: sometimes there's culture changes that are a must. So when you've got a culture that is always racing, and everybody's confused, and everyone is strung out and burned out, you've got to create a culture where there's predictability in the year. So this is why we use the Series Planning Salendar. So everyone's synced on when are people really intensely under pressure and are we doing that in concert? And again, that's why you get up on the mountain, that's why you have the pause is to look at all that and when does that happen?
(04:33)
But I think there was a point we made a very intentional decision of: in the first few years of the church we were just doing, and then it became like, "dude, I'm just getting worn out." We've got to have more of a predictability so that everyone's on the same page and so that we can decide, "I'm not going to do that here. I'm going to do it here, or I'm not going to do it at all." But I do that not for the calendar's sake. I do it for the people's sake. The people can't handle all that, and it's a must because if you don't do that, you're just going to lose people. You're going to lose great folks who they're not just not going to do that forever. Erica Adkins (05:08):

So well, one resource you just mentioned is our Series Planning Calendar. I'll put a link to a blank one, but that just is, it's like all the different minds that our organization has and how our Sunday is affecting everything else and all the things that are coming. One of the things that we just did at our staff retreat also is Mark had given us all a circle of a calendar, essentially. January at the top, and every month kind of goes around in a pie and you put in your big things at the top of each of the circle months. And that just gives you an idea, oh look, we're like, we've got this ramp up for this event. Okay, we got some chill, we got this ramp up. But you put those big events, those big things in first so that you know where you have space for everything else. Mark Carter (05:56):

Yeah, totally. Erica Adkins (05:57):

It was really good. Mark Carter (05:58):

Another example that we're dealing with right now is we're really at a must with our Leadership Development machine in the church. We've had versions of this over the years that are better and worse. And in recent seasons, just everything we've been trying just doesn't really work. It's needed an overhaul for a few years and the urgency is in me now. This is a must. We've grown in areas that if we don't put leadership behind that it's just going to fall down and it's got to be trained leadership in the ways that we need 'em trained. And So That had to be reinvented.
(06:29)
And that's an example of you might say, well, I don't know if you need to do that. Well, I think you pretty much must do that or you're going to lose stuff? And that's what it means with this question. It's something is going to set on fire and burn stuff down if you don't do this. Erica Adkins (06:44):

And I think that's kind of answering my next question a little bit, but what separates a must from a should? Oh, you should do this. That's a good idea, but what's a must? Mark Carter (06:54):

Yeah, I could take "should" as more of like, "this will help push you forward. You should do this. This is a wise thing to do." It's a wise thing to put this amount of sugar in the cookie mix. It's a wise thing to do X, Y, or Z must is again, "you're in danger, you're on fire. If you don't do this, you're like, get out of the house." You what I'm saying? You got to move. Erica Adkins (07:18):

Yeah. Yeah. Mark, how do you begin to listen for God? Listen for the Lord in this question instead of just hearing your ambition. Mark Carter (07:29):

Yeah, I think it takes time. I think it takes slowness. I think it takes asking, "God, what am I not seeing God?" "What are areas that I keep bandaid-ing, but we don't fix?" You know what I'm saying? So it's been an issue. If it's really a must, you've already probably had some of the symptoms of it. You know what I'm saying? You're experiencing some pain points. You're Just trying to move on without fixing that. So I think probably the bandaid idea Is: You've tried to fix it a little, but now if you don't totally fix it, pain baby, more pain is coming. Erica Adkins (08:07):

Yeah. It's the squeaky brakes that are now grinding brakes. Your car's just going to stop. You got to do this now. Mark Carter (08:15):

Yeah. And I really do think you can't do this apart from listening to the Holy Spirit. He knows. No matter the clues you have, he knows the ones that are really must, and there might be musts that you just don't even have any connection to. You just don't know that's going on. And so being in touch with your people, listening to what they say, but also just, "God, what is more urgent that I think is not urgent that needs to happen?" Erica Adkins (08:45):

What might it look like if somebody has too many musts? Mark Carter (08:49):

I think it might look like they're either incorrect. They don't really have that many musts, and they need to redefine what they think a "must" is because that might be too broad and include stuff that they just want to do. "It's a must because I feel passionate and I must do it." Okay. But if you got eight of those, that's just not possible. Sorry, say the question again? Erica Adkins (09:16):

Yeah. What does it look like when somebody has too many musts? Mark Carter (09:21):

I think, again, it looks like frantic. You're just overextending yourself and you can only do that for so long. Mark Carter (09:30):

And I don't think you can have a lot of concert if you really have strong people, dude, just knock 'em out one at a time. You know what I'm saying? So maybe it's you have too many for right now, but if you just take 'em one at a time, your smart team: you guys can attack those and go. But again, this one that is eighth in line, that's probably not this year's must, Erica Adkins (09:51):

What's maybe one example of a must that seemed like, "okay, I think the Lord's talking to me over the last years, but God has now made clear to you, yes, go. This needs to happen now." Mark Carter (10:06):

Yeah. So one was when we started the church, that was a warning from the Lord That He'd been dealing with me about doing this. And I had excuses, really, it was just fear. I tried this before, it didn't really work. And so, "Lord, how do I know you're going to do this again?" And it was a stern, fatherly, "I'm telling you to do This, And if you don't do this, I'm going to give this to somebody else." And so the fear of God was enough that I said, well, even if it totally fails, at least I'll know I did it. I'd rather fail and have obeyed God than suffer the consequences of not. So that's an example of, this is truly a "must" and it was from God. Erica Adkins (10:52):

So you said that felt like a, oh, you have to do this now. What does that actually look like for you? Because I think you have a robust relationship with the Holy Spirit. So you see that. Some people may be from different spiritual backgrounds and that's not even a thing that they've experienced before. How do you even develop that with the Lord? Mark Carter (11:14):

Yeah, I think it takes a... great question, E... I think it takes, you've got to think about your relationship with God relationally. That means you're going to the Bible not just to know things. You're going to the Bible to hear from God.
(11:30)
So when you read the Bible, there's a setup. There's a, "Spirit of Jesus. I'm inviting you as a person to come talk to me and lay on my heart the things that you want to say." Not just through the word. So after I read that, I'm going to pause. I'm just going to, I'm going to imagine, "You here in the room. You really are here in the room," and I'm just going to open myself up. "God, is there anything else you want to talk about?" Or I'm thinking about this, and you really have to ask God questions. "What do you think about this? What do you say over this? How do you want me to approach this?"
(12:01)
And often I've got questions that I've been asking this week, and he hasn't given me anything yet. And so it's like, well, buck up buddy, because he ain't telling you yet. So you're going to have to use, just do what you know or keep waiting on God or both. So it just takes a heart that... I know some people might, well, that's just not their personality type. Okay, that's fair. But if you want what I'm talking about where you get stuff from God, which I think is the wisest thing in the universe, God's word says, "seek the Lord in his strength. Seek his face Daily. that's Psalm 105:4,
(12:43)
bro, the best thing in the universe is his face, which means that's relational time with him. That means he's sharing himself with you in addition to orders. And I've often found when I'm pursuing that he's way more likely to, "this isn't important right now. Just look at me." There's a glory and a fellowship that he wants to have with me instead of just assignments. And I think that's, people can approach the Bible too academically. I think ministry people can approach their relationship with God too much like It's a task, or we're being given a work order, "go do this." And that's important. But I think we've got to be careful that we're not just seeking his hand or seeking his instruction or his text. We're trying to seek his face, his face. Erica Adkins (13:28):

That's really good. Mark Carter (13:29):

And I think the reward of that is he tells you more. You're tuned into what he wants More.Erica Adkins (13:37):

There's a lady that I follow online. Her name is Phylicia Masonheimer. She's got an organization called Every Woman of Theologian. But she said, "You aren't hearing God's voice because you don't read the Bible unless you want something and you don't pray unless God gives you what you asked for a few times. Until you treat faith as a long-term intimacy, your spiritual disciplines will just be transactional." I think that it, it's that idea of I go to my boss and I get the things that I need to get done, and I do the things. That's one type of a relationship. It is a relationship, but there's no intimacy there. I'm literally pulling things off for that person versus: I sit with my Father. Maybe you don't have a great relationship with your father, but you sit with someone that you're close with, your spouse, your whatever, and you're exchanging life versus to-dos. There might be some to-dos in there, but mostly it's a, "I just want to know your heart. I want to get close to who you are." And that's the shift. Mark Carter (14:38):

I think that's an excellent example. I love that quote. Maybe another contrast that might give some meat to this. It may be the difference between someone like Nehemiah and the apostle John. Nehemiah, he's after it. He's like, "I can't come down. I'm doing great work." But there's definitely a sense he is talking to the Lord and the Lord is opening up doors and all that kind of stuff. But there's a sense of like, "I'm doing this for the Lord. I'm on assignment." John is leaning his head against the chest of Jesus, and it's way more about, he's an apostle dude, he's going to go do great things, but he's also, it's about his friend Jesus.
(15:16)
So there are times, and I'll literally do this, I'm kneeling down, I'm praying, and I'm trying to imagine, "Lord, I want you to hold me. I'm just going to put in my mind's eye, my head is on his chest. Jesus, I just think you're wonderful. And I just let go of all this stupid other stuff I'm thinking about because you're awesome." And that's the life transfer, I think that you're talking about. And that's where, in that context, I think you're just way more likely to hear when you ask a question, what should I do about this? There's a faster <ehh>, and sometimes that's all it is <ehh>. Or it's like a warm, love-gush of attraction, like the Lord's putting in you. "Yes, go do this." Erica Adkins (16:01):

Yeah, that's really good. Mark Carter (16:02):

Hard to put into words, man. Erica Adkins (16:03):

Yeah, no, that's good. I think it just helps to flesh some of that out, because I mean, not everybody comes from that kind of background. That might be like, "wait, I can put my head on Jesus's chest. I can lean into him like that. Wait, what?" But I think when we do that, when we hear his heartbeat, everything gets crystallized, everything becomes clearer. And only until we do that can we do things well. Mark Carter (16:31):

Amen. Erica Adkins (16:31):

That's good. Mark Carter (16:32):

Thank you, Lord. Erica Adkins (16:32):

Yeah. Alright, I think we're done with question number five. What is a must for this next year? Any other final thoughts before we go? Mark Carter (16:41):

I think there's maybe a thought of grace. We're talking a lot about like, yeah, just go get it from the Lord. But there's still a lot of shadow there. There's a lot of, we see in part. God speaks in dark riddles. So it's not that we have exact blueprints and there's grace to just get it wrong. There's grace to try stuff. I think it's the heart-set of dependency and trust in his grace If I get it wrong, that should just be a part of this whole conversation. Erica Adkins (17:10):

Yeah, that's really good. I think one of the things that I've learned under your leadership is: it's okay to get things wrong. It's okay to make mistakes. And it's okay as someone who is under you, to just trust the Holy Spirit speaking to you. And even if I don't see this as a "must" to come up under my leadership and go, "okay, maybe he's not hearing perfectly from the Lord. That is a must, but actually our whole organization will be blessed if I just say, yes sir," Mark Carter (17:42):

Come on, Erica is good.Erica Adkins (17:43):

And trust the Lord leads you and he leads you well. And even if you misheard him, when we have a heart that's earnestly seeking the Lord, it's just going to be blessed. Mark Carter (17:54):

Man, Erica Adkins (17:54):

Even if it doesn't go perfect. Mark Carter (17:56):

And I think again, that's awesome. And I know that's true of you and I love that, but the context is it's a relationship with a father. So yeah, you're going to be wrong sometimes, but he's your dad. He's not going to kick out of the house. You know what I'm saying? He's in control of everything. It's going to be fine. Just lean back on that. Take big chances and trust him when you jack it up. Erica Adkins (18:20):

Yep. That's good. That's good. So again, we're in our eight questions. We're asking that what is a must for next year? So maybe take some time over these next few weeks as we're beginning the new year, which as we're recording, this is January 2nd, we just started our new year. Slow down. Ask the Lord some of these questions and ask him, what do I need to do? Mark Carter (18:40):

Come on girl, Erica Adkins (18:41):

What do you have for me next? Mark Carter (18:42):

Thank you, Lord. Erica Adkins (18:42):

Yeah, that's it. Mark Carter (18:43):

Get 'em guys. Erica Adkins (18:44):

Got some more. Come back. Mark Carter (18:47): 

All right everybody, thank you so much for tuning in today. Hey, if this was helpful, would you consider liking and sharing, putting it places where other people who need this kind of content are going to find it? Also, you may know that we have a lot of other places you can find our stuff, TikTok, Instagram, all the things. So go ahead and check those out in places where you're going to be anyway. And don't forget to lead strong today.